OMFG I'M DRAWING A SMALL DETAIL AND I ZOOM OUT AND I'M LIKE 'HOLY SHIT, THAT'S THE DEATH KANJI, JAKE ENGLISH IS DEATH' I'M CRYING LMAO I HAVE TO LEAVE THAT NOW THE VISUAL SIMILARITY WHEN I ZOOM OUT IS HILARIOUS IT'S GONNA LOOK LIKE DIRK IS WEARING SOME JAPANESE METAL BAND GUITAR PICKS ON HIS NECKLACE, BUT IT'S JUST HIS BOYFRIEND'S INITIALS

roman is free in the sense that he is free from waystar, but he is not free in the sense that he has 'escaped the cycle.' roman realized everything is bullshit and left, but that's not what actual meaningful freedom would be for roman. what rome needs is for business and family to finally make a clean separation, for him to be allowed to love his family without molding himself into an image of logan that he isn't. waystar has always been the only way the roys know how to interact with one another, and it still is. in that sense, nothing has changed. roman's declaration about the nothingness of waystar is not actually a change, because he still marries waystar to family, and thus believes family is nothingness as well -- functionally, there's little difference between that and the opposite belief that both waystar and family have meaning and are 'real.' what the roys need is to realize waystar is bullshit and family is real, but roman went from thinking both have meaning (family has meaning thus waystar has meaning) to thinking neither do (waystar is bullshit thus family is bullshit). nothing changes, the cycle keeps on cycling. finally family has been severed from waystar (what he's needed all along -- he's never really cared about the business, only his family, and the business was the only way he could be with his family, so he tried and failed time and time again to mold himself into the businessman his dad wanted him to be), and while this is a good thing, it's coupled with his realization of the hollowness of the family itself. in hindsight, this was inevitable, i think -- if waystar royco was the beating heart of the roy family (which it was), there's no conceivable severing of the two that would allow the family to maintain functionally intact.

i do think that roman will have relationships with his family after the finale (shiv is definite, con is likely, kendall is also likely because roman is incapable of not being around his family and can't imagine a world in which they don't return to each other somehow), but he's aware for the first time of the nothingness of their bonds, something that everyone has already known except for him -- something, i think, that isn't even entirely fair. they do love each other. there is something there. and now that waystar is no longer part of the equation, maybe there's hope for real relationships beyond transaction, beyond business, beyond logan. but none of them believe that to be possible. roman always used to, but for the first time, i think he's not sure. he's free of waystar, but the roys never managed to functionally healthily uncouple family and business, so being free of waystar also means being free of family -- it has to mean that. he's convincing himself it's all nothing and he doesn't care, and that won't last. but, in my opinion, neither will the distance between the siblings. i think it'll take time, but they'll come back together, albeit in varying degrees (i doubt shiv and ken will ever have quite the same relationship again, for instance). roman is free of waystar but not because he realized it's not necessary for family -- because he 'realized' family is not necessary, that family is nothing too, that everything is nothing. it's an empty sort of happiness, unsustainable and hollow. but i do think there is hope. i think it'll be okay for rome in the long run (family-wise, at least). i just don't think nihilism is a salve capable of healing deep cuts, only a bandage allowing them to stay hidden for a little while longer.

in life and in death, waystar royco and the roy family are eternal partners, inextricable from each other -- and so long as the two remain conceptually married, it'll be hard for roman to find legitimate happiness: if one is dead, then the other must be too. he ends the series the same as he started it, believing fully in logan's conception of family as a business unit (meaning now that both are bullshit), people as economic units (meaning now that both are bullshit), and roman himself as the son who couldn't be the heir and thus was never much of a son at all. logan dominates his worldview just as much as it always has. sure, roman acknowledges that everything is bullshit now, but that's even more logan than his previous viewpoint which was a naive sort of belief in family. now, it's all just bullshit. everything's bullshit. it's logan with nihilism as the dominant frame (rather than capitalism), but regardless of roman's thoughts on the meaning of things, the structure of the world is the same one that logan taught him. he is free from waystar, but he is haunted by its ghost and always will be.

guys would it be okay if I posted my poyt fanart?

invent love (invent the river)

Neil is the sort to go looking for his friends, and, by proxy, Todd. Neil is the sort to go looking for Todd.  It’s a strange realization, being looked for. Being wanted around. 

Five different moments spent at the bridge.

Inspired by this scene.

Apparently the thing I’ve learned about Hunger Games fanfiction is that typically it’s less of a study of the universe and the characters that inhabit it and more a study in people’s reactions to the universe and/or people’s assumptions about like. Life in general. Idk I just have so many questions for these ppl. What do these people think living in poverty is like? Do they really think Katniss’s one room home on the outskirts of the country’s poorest region has a wall thermostat? How do they think that thermostat operates, in a region that regularly goes long stretches of time without electricity? How do they think glow in the dark stars are manufactured? What about plastic pee on a stick pregnancy tests, how do they think those are made? Why do siblings or family members never share beds, especially when it’s literally mentioned in the book? Why do they think that Katniss and Peeta, whose relationship has been subjected to endless government scrutiny and who live in a region known for it’s lack of government oversight, would ever want or need to get legally married? Why do they think that Katniss would ever change her last name, which is in many ways one of her last connections to her dead father and her dead sister? Where do they think lactose free milk comes from? Why does Katniss have a dishwasher? Why does Katniss. Have a dishwasher.

taking canto vocab lessons and oh... nobody talks like this bruv </3

Cried over an English test but hey I'm alive

the way that akis death too is just…….. in the group of names being listed for the deaths from gun devil is such a different kind of pain…. it’s just so. unrecognized. unimportant….. he’s just another name killed by the gun devil (just like his family). i can’t stop thinking about him………

tw pvrging

i hate that i have the urge to throw this up even if i dont feel bad about eating it

i didnt mind eating this and having these calories bc it tasted good and it was warm and comforting and i really dont wanna throw up today because my throat needs a break from the past couple days so why is my body fighting me on this

Bruh I've known for years that I have visual processing issues (separate from my actual vision problems) but I never really looked into the specifics of how it works before. I know sometimes, especially when my brain is tired, I have trouble making sense of shapes and separating the foreground of images from the background. So I can see the image perfectly fine but I can't make out what it is, even if it's something that should be very obvious like a singer crouching at the edge of a stage (actual example). Those moments are a lot like auditory processing issues, where you can technically hear what someone is saying just fine but your brain can't parse it into words. And when I'm having a lot of trouble with this sort of thing, image descriptions are helpful for me. I figured that was just what visual processing disorder was right?

Well now I'm reading more about it and it turns out that there are 8 different types of visual processing skills and VPD can affect any of them. The issues I just described would fall primarily under visual foreground issues bc it stems mainly from not being able to distinguish the foreground (singer) from the background (stage and audience). But it probably also involves some visual closure issues bc I have trouble figuring out what the full shape is if part of it is cut off (like if the singer is kneeling in such a way that not all of their limbs are fully visible), as well as form constancy issues bc I have trouble recognizing familiar shapes if they're in an unexpected position/context (singer kneeling close to the audience instead of standing on stage)

Reading more about form constancy has got me really mind blown actually. I have a lot of quirks that I always just attributed to autism/ADHD. I can't find objects in plain sight, for one thing, especially if they're in a different location than normal. I can set something down on a table right out in the open and almost immediately lose it if there's other objects nearby for it to "blend into." If I'm looking for something in a cabinet or the fridge or even just on a slightly crowded counter I have to ask my gf to remind me what color it is so I can just pick out the color, bc otherwise I can look forever and not find it. Even if I make a conscious effort to check each individual item, I can look right at it multiple times and still not process that it's the object I'm looking for. I have to make it a habit to always put things back in the exact same spot bc otherwise I can't see them. The other day I went to get a new roll of toilet paper from our toiletry shelf and I thought "damn, we're almost out, I better order some more." I didn't realize until I bought a new box and went to stack it on the shelf that there was already an entire new box right there, just slightly to the left. And this isn't even "tired brain" processing, this is my everyday normal

And apparently... that's all described as symptoms of form constancy issues? Like, some of the things optometrists warn parents to watch out for when determining if their child has VPD are "difficulty finding missing items quickly even if they are in plain sight" and "difficulty recognizing objects when placed in a new location"

Another issue I have is a ridiculous inability to orient myself, know my way around familiar places, or understand where I am in relation to other places. I still have to use GPS to get to shops near my home that I've been going to for years and I have no idea what direction anything is in. My gf and I once had some fun playing a game where we stood in our living room and she asked me to point in the directions of things like "the store across the street" and "the entrance to our apartment complex" and "the mailboxes" and "the dumpster by our building" and I was unable to get any of them correct. Part of it is bc even if I DO manage to memorize my way around somewhere it's just a single-line map telling me when to turn to get from point A to point B and it falls apart if I try to come at it from any other angle, and part of it is due to an inability to judge distances (I have taken the extreme long way around on multiple occasions bc I couldn't tell that "just around the corner of that side of the building" was a shorter distance than going around the opposite side of the building, circling around the back, and then coming in from the other direction)

...Turns out that another aspect of form constancy issues is "difficulty judging distances" and "difficulty picturing objects at different angles." Aaaand during this research I happened to stumble across a site with little baby games to help young kids with visual processing issues practice to improve their form constancy skills and uh. It's kinda kicking my ass 😭

I learned some FUN things about myself tonight lads

i think i may have bitten off more than i can chew

no feeling worse than hearing there might be another group chat that you're not in

yo I like really just don’t think I wanna be a part of society

i have to know what is penis music😭😭😭😭ive been following since ihatebnha and its always lived in the back of my mind but ive gathered the courage to ask what is penis music 🤔🤔

i need t have a good journal session where im not just horribly mean to myself in writing and also need to come up w some doable manageable goals for the near future that will start to fulfill some of my overall long tern goals w health and wellness and such .

not doing very well 🤩