#i'm weaponizing the part of my brain that makes me learn everything I can about the history of radios at 4 in the morning
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I'm currently watching Caelan Conrad's video series on the "g*nder cr*tical" movement, and it's made me realize that I'd like to properly look into that movement myself at some point. Whatever I do would not be nearly as labor-intensive or time-consuming to make (or as pretty and theatrical) as their videos, since I am neither a journalist nor a youtuber, but rather just some rando. however. through the pandemic I've come to realize that I have a deep-seated interest in learning how conspiracy and hate groups work (the two tend to go hand in hand), and how they radicalize people. It would also be solely online, using publicly available stuff, since I don't really want to spy on people (not even these kinds).
My goal is to eventually have a solid, step-by-step illustration of the radicalization pipeline, using several different bigoted groups as examples, for the purpose of educating other leftists (and other people in general) about what these pipelines look like and how people are pulled down them. I would also like to understand their group psychology, and the emotional core of their movements. It would be limited by the fact that I can only do my "research" over the internet, but I think it's a good place to start.
The groups I'm currently thinking of looking into are
T*RFs
Incels/"blackpilled" people
Anti-vaxxers
Regular white nationalists
Zionists (I consider them to be closely related to white nationalists)
Whatever's left of the QAnon people
probably others???
My main interests lie in conspiracy logic, where misinformation comes from, how propaganda spreads, emotional and cognitive biases, rhetorical and argumentative tactics, group psychology, and the effects radicalization has on people (in terms of how they act and live).
Whatever I do, it's not going to start until at least a year from now, when I am (hopefully) more stable and (hopefully) have part of an education under my belt. I also wouldn't be looking into any of these groups at the same time. But whatever I find, whenever I do this, I'd put my results and conclusions here. maybe just as a post, maybe as a more formal essay, almost certainly not as a video though
#saturn speaks#i'm weaponizing the part of my brain that makes me learn everything I can about the history of radios at 4 in the morning#but for. good? evil? who knows#the actual final boss of this project will be me taking on the entire alternative medicine movement. That one might kill me though#my interest in conspiracy groups started before the pandemic i should say. covid just put a lot of things into sharp relief i guess#ive been making observations about these kinds of people for years but it was never really anything formalized#not that this would be. it's not like im writing a paper on them. but i think it'd be good to have a semipublic record of my observations#so that i could get feedback or whatever and so it feels less like i'm doing this alone in a dark tunnel lol#this is a tonal shift from the stuff i usually put on this blog but i need somewhere to put this so i dont forget about it
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Request: smooth as butter Steve flirting with Eddie while the CC boys watch in shock as their ruthless Eddie turns red(?) and gets all blushy bc he doesn't know how to deal with this STEVE???? making it better:it happens during DND the one time Eddie gets Steve to play & the entire time Steve's human bard character flirting hardcore with Eddie via his NPC's (the kids aren't involved in this one just Steddie & Corroded Coffin boys)
MY LOVEEEEEEE!!!! Okay I have never played. I know. Hush, I know. My best friend wants me to so bad she bought me dice. And like, I probably will, but like Steve, my brain is trying to not only deal with math, but also just how involved it all is. I like games that take about half a brain cell. I'm also super bad at the flirting thing, in real life and when writing. I just cannot do it my friends. But I did my best here and I hope it isn't the worst😂 - Mickala ❤️
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He was doing this for Dustin.
He made a character sheet with Lucas, went over the basics, learned that maybe the math part wouldn’t be so bad.
And then he convinced Eddie to let him do a one shot with the Corroded Coffin guys so he could get a feel for it all without Dustin knowing.
He didn’t get that creative with his character according to Lucas, but he was also supportive and understanding that Steve wasn’t doing this as a regular thing.
Eddie explained to the guys that they needed to be patient, that Steve was genuinely trying to learn.
“Everyone was new once, so I don’t wanna hear anything from any of you about how annoying it is to have to take it so slow and explain everything. He’s trying to do a nice thing for Henderson and we’re going to be nice.”
Everyone groaned, but nodded in agreement.
“Are we talking about your crush on him yet, or is that still off the table?” Gareth had the gall to ask.
“There’s no crush to even have on the table,” Eddie said.
“Sure, dude.”
—--------------
Things were not going well.
Well, okay, they weren’t going bad.
It’s just that Lucas apparently explained to Steve that being in character was very important and Steve failed to mention that his character’s charisma was the highest possible option.
He shouldn’t be surprised by that.
Maybe he’s just surprised with all the blatant flirting.
The guys keep shooting him looks like they know that he’s struggling, that they can see that he is barely able to hold onto the power the DM usually has.
“The guard stops you, but he recognizes you. ‘You’re the one who stole the sword!’ he yells, catching the attention of the other guards. You panic because your party is still hiding in the bush with strict instructions not to be seen unless they draw their weapons on you. How will you respond?”
Steve smirked.
Not good. Run away. Get out, Munson, you’re fucked.
But he couldn’t leave.
He was the DM, and they were barely halfway done with what he had planned.
He had to see this through and he had to give Steve the best possible introduction to this game.
It was for Dustin.
“I’d probably have to insist that it wasn’t me he saw, but that I sure wish I’d seen him before. Maybe wink at him,” Steve said. “Actually, definitely wink at him.”
Steve looked at everyone else, smile silently asking for approval.
Everyone smirked at Eddie before giving him a thumbs up.
Traitors.
He’d be saying something later for sure.
“The guard is still suspicious, but waves the other guards off. He looks you over, circles you, decides to take your only weapon.”
“Not my only weapon. I still have plenty of time to distract him.”
Eddie squints at him, just as suspicious as the guard in their game.
“Roll for-”
“Persuasion, right?” Steve interrupted.
“Sure. Roll for persuasion, Stevie,” Eddie pretended not to be flustered at Steve remembering aspects of the game.
“18!” Steve yelled. “Plus the 13. So that’s…” he held his hand up while he thought about it. “31!”
Everyone at the table cheered except for Eddie.
He knew what was coming.
“I offer to let the guard check me for weapons in private if he’s still suspicious. I tell him it’s better to take all my clothes off where he can do something about it.”
Eddie hated what was happening.
He hated that he could feel how red his face was, and how much Steve was thriving off of putting Eddie off of his own game.
He hated the way the guys were all watching, literally holding their breath for Eddie’s reaction.
“The guard decides to lead you past the gate, but instead of taking you to the entrance to the castle, he leads you down a side road. It leads to a small cottage, and you start to worry that your party won’t find you.”
Steve doesn’t even hesitate.
“I let him lead me where he wants. I can take it.”
Eddie is going to die. Right here.
Steve knows what he’s doing, what he’s saying.
He knows what he is doing to Eddie.
And, okay, maybe they haven’t talked about it, maybe they’ve both been avoiding the very obvious tension between them for months. Maybe Eddie could have taken a chance any of the times they’ve been alone lately to finally talk about it.
Or maybe Steve would just keep flirting with him through this stupid game until Eddie couldn’t even do what he needed to do.
And everyone around them would just get to watch it unfold.
Jeff, his only friend at the moment, cleared his throat and decided to speak up.
“I think the rest of the party should follow. Just in case he needs backup. Guys?”
Thank God for Jeff.
It continues, the rest of the party finds a way to get past the guards, and Eddie admits to himself that he’s making it easier on purpose.
He wants, no, needs this game to end.
And he gets his wish ten minutes later when the phone rings and it’s Dustin, begging for a ride.
Eddie ignores the fact that he called his trailer knowing Steve would be here already, but the rest of the group doesn’t.
While Steve is on the phone, they all quietly tease Eddie.
“If I knew Steve would fluster you this much, I think we would have invited him a long time ago,” Grant said.
“Yeah, we probably would’ve had much easier campaigns if he joined in high school,” Gareth added.
“Yeah? Next time you all get to die, how about that? Terrible, bloody deaths. Gareth gets tortured.”
Before any of them could answer, Steve came into the room, looking a bit sad.
“Sorry about this guys. I couldn’t really come up with a reason that I couldn’t go without giving it away what I was doing. We could pause and come back to it later?”
Eddie knew the guys would be fine with just calling it here; They’d managed to get far enough along that they knew it would have been a good win for them.
“Nah, you did good. Maybe you can join us for real after Dustin’s birthday campaign,” Jeff said.
Steve beamed back at him.
“Maybe, yeah. If you guys are cool with it.”
Was he…shy?
He was just flirting up a storm! Absolutely taking the lead in a game he’d never played before! And now he was being shy?
“Hell yeah!” They all agreed.
Great, Steve was making friends with his friends.
“Alright!” Steve clapped his hands together. “I’m off to get the kid. Thanks guys!”
He started to leave, but stopped by Eddie.
Then his lips were on the top of Eddie’s head.
“Bye guys!” He said as he continued to walk out.
Eddie’s eyes were wide, unblinking. The guys were all staring at him with the same wide, unblinking eyes.
The front door to the trailer closed.
“Uh,” Eddie said.
“Did he-”
“He just-”
“On your head.”
“Uh.”
The front door opened.
Steve was standing in the doorway to the kitchen area, eyes wide, unblinking.
“Did I-”
“Uh huh,” Eddie answered.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Is that…okay?”
He was looking nervously between the guys and Eddie, like he expected someone to punch him.
“Oh! Yeah. No, they’re good. Um. Did you want to kiss me?”
“Yeah. I kinda…always do?”
“Always?”
“Yes. It’s kind of all I think about.”
Eddie took it all back; This was the best and he had never been happier that Steve wanted to play D&D.
He didn’t even care about the guys watching as he stood from his chair and walked to Steve in the doorway.
“Me too.”
He pulled Steve against him, ignoring the whistles and cheers from the table, and kissed him.
The kiss left them both breathless, despite being barely more than a peck.
“Um, I should go get Dustin,” Steve whispered.
“Yeah. Come back after?”
“Will everyone still be here?” Steve asked nervously.
“Nope, just you and me, sweetheart,” Eddie replied.
“Good. I’ll be back soon, then.”
When Steve left, Eddie turned back to the group, lovestruck grin on his face.
“So it’s off the table now, right?” Gareth asked, smirking.
“Shut up.”
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I'm starting to get the impression that people don't actually know what a trauma trigger is or how to identify them.
It is not feeling uncomfortable or disgusted with a concept or subject.
It is an activation of your sympathetic nervous system (activates fight or flight) over things your brain has associated strongly with a traumatic event.
The things your brain associates with the traumatic event don't always have to make sense: it can be as innocuous as a certain song/ringtone or notes from a cologne/perfume, or as direct and obvious as the sight of a weapon.
The important thing here is that it's a moderate to severe body experience in response to something that is not immediately dangerous to you and reminds you of a traumatic experience you have had in some way.
When you know and understand this, you can start to catch the physiological signs of the activation of your sympathetic nervous system. It's helpful to recognize both to calm your body down when you're not in immediate danger, and to recognize how this activation can affect other areas of your life.
I say that last part because it shuts down a lot of cognition, makes you stop thinking clearly, because it serves the purpose of trying to get you immediately out of danger.
My therapist still does a kind of explicit mirroring with me a lot, where rather than focusing on the thoughts and the fear that's on the surface, she brings my attention to my body: tightness in muscles, narrowing of vision, increased awareness of sounds/smells, constriction of the chest.
I bring this up because, first of all, it seems like some people use "trigger" to by synonymous with feeling uncomfortable or disgusted, to ride on your concern for their wellbeing in order to control your behavior. I don't like that.
Second of all, it also seems like other people are focusing on the occurrence of a trigger as a hallmark of something being harmful. Like once you're triggered, you're hurt and damaged yet again, and there's no coming back from that.
This is both untrue and disingenuous. I don't think it's particularly useful for trauma survivors. It's important to recognize that triggers are the residual effects of the things that harmed us that we couldn't do anything about. Triggers are manageable and they are not an indication that you're being harmed again. They are the body's memory of the harm, and its commitment to preventing you from being harmed again by latching onto a pattern it thinks will help you be safe if there's a next time.
You HAVE to learn to rationalize this if you want to feel safer, more comfortable, and in control of your world. You deserve that.
You don't deserve to sit inside of the intense fear and lack of understanding that comes with not investigating your own experience, or the way it can box you in to see danger and harm and abuse all around you.
And if you don't learn that, you're going to end up believing the only thing that can keep you safe is the elimination of everything that reminds you of what you went through... which is harmful to other people.
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I love the "ARK siblings" concept and I love cute lighthearted fanart of them being siblings but I feel like a lot of people forget that they literally canonically share a soul and that her death is, in my opinion, I think supposed to represent a part of one's self dying and that they're supposed to be, symbolically, a lot more than siblings.
I always saw Shadow's story as a symbolic way to express the way your inner child and innocence is sacrificed in order to survive complex childhood trauma. Maria's color scheme and the way she's written is, I think, clear to all of us how she's meant to represent innocence and youth. I mean, she doesn't really function very well as a stand-alone character or realistic depiction of a child, shes always been more of an.. idea.
I'm not sure if it was purposeful, but the moon's "Maria" are craters that formed from the moon repeatedly taking the hits of asteroids at it's points of gravity. These points of gravity attract asteroids and draws then away from the Earth. The craters are mostly on the side of the moon we see, so the dark side of the moon, or "shadowed" side is better protected because of that. I feel like this is an extension of Shadow and Maria's symbolism. She took the bullet for him, protecting him, the same way Maria takes the comets, and the same way your brain will sacrifice your inner child (or freeze/rush your mental development) in order to survive intense childhood abuse. I know it all sounds extreme lmao but at the end of the day characters and storytelling are used to explore and express hard emotions and I don't think this randomly tragic character sprung out of nowhere for the Sonic games, which, before that point, always had very lighthearted positive characters (except for the echidna extinction in the game right before Shadow's). Having a character that was easy to approach, yet could represent scarier concepts as a child-friendly stand-in, felt like a very important tool to me growing up. I just hope that that writing can be appreciated in his character, with an understanding of how messy production can be and how a character can get pulled between many different people and ideas. I do think this symbolism was intentional to some degree, especially when it gets to the blatant soul-sharing and how characters insist that Shadow can't be a weapon because Maria's soul (his inner child and true morals despite the damage done to him) makes him "good hearted."
There's other things that uphold this symbolism of Maria dying as representing his inner child being killed, like the rushed/suspended mental development in the face of trauma being illustrated by the fact that Shadow was forced into a dormant cyro slumber right after Maria's death, symbolizing the way he had to basically skip childhood or hit pause on development until he could escape the people controlling him. Much like how victims will have to pause everything and go on autopilot with only a goal of survival until they can escape their situation; only after they feel safe can they begin growing as a person and find their identity. In the Japanese language, there are different types of pronouns people can refer to themselves with instead of just "I" or "myself." In the Japanese dub of SA2, Shadow's creator said in an interview that he had been very insistent on Shadow using the pronouns reserved for young boys, despite Shadow's menacing villain role in the game, because he felt it was important to show Shadow's purity and his lack of experience in life so far. That "live and learn" theme.
And then in his self titled game, Shadow is searching for a way to reconnect with his past and to find the truth about this Maria person he keeps seeing in flashbacks, but in the end he throws away her picture and accepts himself as he is now, forever changed and stained by his past, but more than just a product of his situation. He is "all of him," including the negative impact he never asked for, and including the parts of himself he lost, but also the parts of himself he chose to become. Your environment and childhood shapes you even if you didn't want it to, but that doesnt mean you cant have control in your identity and recover your inherent nature once you've escaped the negative influence (nature vs nurture theme). He will never be the person he used to be, or could have been, (represented by Maria as a pure and untouched youth), but he still has a say in what that grows into.
I just feel like a lot of Shadow's identity issues and inner conflict stem from this whole soul sharing situation with Maria and that his character ends up inevitably being misunderstood if you water them down to just siblings. Especially considering that it was never answered if Shadow actually even ever met Maria or if they're just memories planted by Gerald or caused by the shared soul. In Sonic Battle, it's also said in Gerald's diary that not only do Maria and Shadow share identical souls, but that Gerald literally modeled Shadow after Maria out of his love for her. I'm not sure to what degree or in what ways, but Shadow is supposed to share purposeful similarities with Maria, likely through the content of her character and her morals. That's what makes them so much deeper than just psuedo siblings, he's not only made for her, but designed after her too. It can't really be compared to, for example, Sonic and Tails.
I also think its what makes Shadow's character so substantial and meaningful. His self titled game's entire theme was purity, morals, what is good and bad. This question of purity and morality spreads into his appearances in other stories too- This question that, if you were badly hurt in your youth and shaped by evil- does that leave you impure? Stained? Destined to continue that cycle of harm and cruelty? I think these insecurities feel very real and relatable, and that it's even more realistic that despite these insecurities, that hurt and damage is actually what fuels him to protect others. Just as he said in Sonic Battle, "There's no need to repeat past tragedies! Nobody else ever needs to go through the things that I have!"
Statistically (despite media portrayal) abuse victims RARELY become abusers, because they understand the pain on a deeper level and can't bring themselves to force someone else into experiencing that same pain, knowing the permanent damage it causes. However, childhood abuse leaves people socially stunted and conditioned to harshness, which causes them to accidentally hurt others without meaning to. Or they end up hurting people out of desperation if they feel endangered (like Shadow's "means to an end" approach where he'll prioritize violence if it means reducing the end-impact). Also, they are more susceptible to being abused again after escaping the first abuser, because they are so susceptible to manipulation- Just like how whenever Shadow does switch sides, its usually because someone manipulated him into it or literally brainwashed him. I think Shadow conveys all of this so well, and that Maria's true role is an integral part of it all that can't be ignored or misunderstood, or else Shadow ends up reading as unnecessarily violent or overly obsessed with her when you interpret her as just a sister-figure that he knew for... who knows how few years.
I think this symbolism runs deep with his writing. Just like Maria's meant to be that inherent purity and inner child, I think the black arms DNA is that stain that abuse or trauma can leave on you, that causes you to act out or feel like you're always holding back and trying to keep control over some darker part of yourself that was left behind in the damage done. Especially since they literally have a mind link with Shadow. In the Sonic Universe comic, they succeed in brainwashing Shadow and turn him against his friends. These mind-links, soul-sharing, and brain-washing from both Gerald and the black arms... To disregard the fact that he's deeply connected to these people on a metaphysical, identity altering level is to water down his character and leave it feeling as though his motives are too weak to justify his harsh actions. I've seen people poke fun at his amnesia or insecurity in his identity, as though his confusion isn't justified, and I think it's because people don't realize he has these... literal fragments of other people inside of him, that that's pretty much what he's made of, kind of franken-steined together between a little girl's hopes and morals, an alien race's hivemind greed, a weapon-hungry government and a revenge maddened scientist's painful grief, and even the chaos emeralds which we all know are spiritually whacky and potentially connected to another alien race's memories and energies (the ancients from sonic frontiers). With all of that going on, plus some amnesia mixed in and his memories having been altered by Gerald- I mean.. you'd be searching for the "truth" of your identity too, who you really are. And of course, prone to frustration and aggression, or even a "wish-washy inconsistency." I think there's always a constant tug of war inside of him and that his whole development was a game of tug of war between Gerald, G.U.N and the black arms too. "Am I a cure, am I a death-bringer, am I earth's protector, am I it's destroyer," etc etc
Idk I just think a lot of problems people have with Shadow's writing stems from not realizing how deep things go and what they symbolize. Not to say that something like his boom characterization is of good quality or anything, but I think it's unfair to call him inconsistent when a confusion in his own identity and purpose/goals is kind of the point. And I think people not realizing Maria's deeper, physiological connection to him and influence might be part of the problem.
#major mumbles#shadow the hedgehog#ark siblings#maria robotnik#gerald robotnik#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shth#sonic adventure 2#shadow the hedgehog headcanon#sonic headcanon#sonic analysis
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Hello ! How are you doing ?
Thank you so much for sharing your work. Reading your writings has been so therapeutic for me, you have no idea how grateful I am about this. I’m going through a really rough part of my life, and I’m surrounded by sources of high stress that prevent me from relaxing even though I’m supposed to be on vacation with my mom. It makes me really sad and my anxiety is being a nightmare ; but it’s been so nice to run away through it all by reading your works. I’ve been binge-reading your blog ever since I discovered you a few days ago, and I’m in love. Thank you again.
Also ! I just got an idea.
What about PriZe, for Price’s demon’s name ? It’s close to his own name, but not the same ? Gathering intel, torturing their targets and easily claiming their « prized » info ? I don’t really know if it makes sense, I’m really bad at explaining things. But the idea just popped in my head while re-reading this and I just… felt the need to share it ? I really hope it’s okay.
What if the demon has the ability to just… literally dig through their victim’s brain to get any information they want, but it’s a very demanding power that requires them to be in full shape for them to use it properly, like after a good meal ? I imagine some targets are tough nuts to crack, even for a demon, so this method is used on them, albeit very sparingly, because our demon is always exhausted after using it. I see them acting like everything’s fine despite their entire body shaking like a leaf stuck in a storm, only allowing themselves to collapse in Price’s arms when the two of them are alone. Maybe Price gets a little soft, seeing how worn down their are, almost limp from the fatigue they’re trying to fight, and pampers them to get them to sleep ?
(I’m a sucker for powerful abilities with extreme drawbacks.)
Lots of love on you, Friend !
I like Prize, but I don't know if it quite fits what they do. At least in my mind. Price's name comes from the literal cost of acquiring information: they can see everything a target has seen for the price of that target's eyes, can hear for their ears, so on and so forth. Price can do just about anything "for a price". Something I think Capt. Price learned has to come from one of them early on.
That said I'm a sucker for the soft, you know me, so let's drain the demon's battery.
It's been a long 72 hours, and you're starving. You're also pinned down. A slab of cement separating you and your captain from the hail of bullets being rained onto you. Price is yelling into his radio for position information, for backup, for anything really. You're busy trying to improvise a decent explosive to try and buy both of you time. You burn a little more of you reserves to find an extra wire in the rubble and arm the device.
Your shadows lash at the enemy soldier that tries to flank, slashing his throat before spearing through him and into the one behind him. "Christ you are a wonder today," Price breathes, watching the men fall as your shadow retracts.
"Doin' my best," You tell him through grit teeth, popping out of cover just long enough to throw your shitty bomb.
"How much more you got in you?" He asks watching you crouch again. You grimace, doing some quick maths on your hunger levels versus your magic.
"Not as much as we want," You shake your head, "What do you need?"
"Got a helo incoming, need to get to the roof." Easier said than done as always. You tap your fingers against the cement, try to think of your best options, the best use of your remaining resources.
"I'll cover you, just try not to get shot." You both nod to each other and take a breath.
Then Price moves and all hell breaks loose. You expend a considerable amount of magic making every gun jam, and lashing away the already flying bullets. More magic slashing and spearing the combatants that charge Price with a knife or improvised weapon. He's just as quick to fire off shots; grabbing a soldier by the neck and shooting him first in the stomach, then between the eyes, before swiping the semi-automatic he'd been toting.
You throw thick shadowy shields up to catch a knife before it can slash your captain. You're getting slower, the radius of your senses creeping smaller and smaller. Price fires over your head as he back tracks up the nearest set of stairs. If you had even a second to eat...
A bullet grazes Price's arm, tears through his shirt with a streak of blood. You steal a few drops for an unlocked door as you both crash through the metal door leading to the roof. It's blissfully uninhabited but it won't be for long. You drop into Price's shadow, too tired to keep physical form while he runs to the edge of the roof and jumps to the next one.
"Awning on the left," You whisper, stretching to feel the best path to point.
"Stay with me sweetheart, can rest in the helo," Price presses his back to a wall and switches mags.
"Who said anything about resting, I'm working overtime," You grumble, watching him fire around the corner. You tweak a few bullets to hit their targets. You just need to get your charge to safety. That's what you keep telling yourself at least.
Price looks overhead, tracking the helicopter as it flies over the war torn city. Only a moment to breath before he's moving again. You direct him towards the humming metal, tossing him spare mags and spearing the unlucky few that aren't granted a bullet riddled death. When you finally spot the helo it's because the bullets are suddenly flying at it not you.
The door slides open and you hear Price laugh a little, watching Gaz shoot the men running after him from the door. He's quick to pick up the pace, grabbing Gaz's outstretched arm as soon as he's able for the assist climbing in.
"Get us out of here!" Gaz yells to the pilot, hauling Price into the helo with a tight grip. The engine whirs and over it you hear Gaz tell your captain, "Thought we'd lost you when we got separated, you're one lucky bastard."
Not luck, but close enough to it. Price hums, presses a steadying hand to the wall of the helicopter. You choose to take that as a dismissal, letting the darkness shelter you as you drift.
"Price." Your name drags you out of your hibernation. You pull yourself from the shadows in Price's tent just enough to stare at him. He's sat on his cot staring down at you. You try not to look as tired as you feel. He pats the space next to him. "Haven't had you pull anything from me in a while," He tells you, watching you extract yourself from the shadows to climb onto his cot.
"Haven't needed to," You stretch out across the standard issue bed, it's about as comfortable as you expected it to be, "you keep me well fed most of the time."
"I know, an' 'm sorry," He shakes his head, "don't like drainin' you like that."
"Not your fault," you sigh, "There wasn't time to eat, I'm just glad we got outta there in one piece."
"You want somethin' to eat now?" Price turns to settle a hand on your stomach. You hum, thinking over the offer. You're both fairly well trained to each other, but you're honestly too tired for sex after your forced shutdown.
"Maybe after a nap." You earn a smile for your honesty, Price's hand leaves your stomach to nudge you towards the edge of the cot. Just enough room for him to lay down. You figure it must be pretty late in the night if the captain is going to bed. You don't waste time trying to guess the hour, rolling to rest on his chest as Price slips an arm around you.
"Good, I'm exhausted," He sighs, and tugs his hat down over his eyes.
You cuddle closer enjoying the way his hand slides across your back, comforting and gentle. You think he must've been worried about you. You can still remember the first time you overstretched yourself. How hard he'd tried to hide his concern, and the mumbled admission that he didn't like how quiet everything was, how light his shoulders were during your sleep.
You rub your hand against his chest, the soft military issue tee catching under your fingers. Yeah, you miss him too when you're out of commission. You both certainly sleep better when you're corporeal if Price's snores are anything to go off of.
#cod x reader#x reader#demon!darlings au#john price x reader#captain john price#john price#captain price x oc#captain price x reader#john price x oc#x oc#oc: Price#they're sweet on each other#but I think they're both pretending not to be#for appearances sake
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I read vision of the future (hand of thrawn book 2 aka Who Scams the Scammers)
(spoilers) and once again it turned into a liveblog, apologies
Hold up are we doing Warrior Cats? Is this Warrior Cats Planet??
What base is “arm around your waist to serve as a psychic translator conduit”
Omigod I WISH my Warrior Cat name were “Jaded of Mara”
Everything I know about Soontir Fel I learned from x wing but I would not have guessed his primary motivation to be "dirt"
@ luke and mara: the girls are talkingggggg
North Barris Spaceport has me twitching
Ghent not remembering who the president is and just assuming it’s probably Leia. I mean fair
What base is "holding hands to brace yourselves over a swarm of flesh eating insects"
So we’re finally asking why Mara ISN’T actually dark side and the answer is… shrug emoji?
Man Zahn really is stuck on “character bonding hike” as a device huh. But consider I eat that shit up
Oh No Lando is racist
LMAO at “so oblivious you need a child pterodactyl to tell you to just kiss already” to “besides I don’t want my life to be like spiderman three I hated that movie” to “kissing with dubious consent” ALL ON THE SAME PAGE like Zahn finally realized he really needed to get this show on the road
LMAO at Ghent getting a free pass from Pellaeon to hack the empire. Like you’re just going to get the thing you need and not steal all of our military and political secrets right? Riiiight? Even more LMAO at the fact that that would probably not even occur to Ghent
When everyone assumes they're the protagonist so finding this one macguffin is their job personally. Like guys I like the energy but maybe we've got enough different plans to do the same thing (the exception, hilariously, being Luke) (and Oh No it turns out Luke is the one to find the macguffin because You Have to Follow Your Heart and Let the MacGuffin Come to You. I eat that shit up also)
Mara’s just... So great.
Not to make everything about my blorbo but absolutely to make everything about my blorbo I do wonder to what extent Ahsoka’s characterization post-Rebels doesn’t click for me is because a lot of the more obvious directions for Oldsoka overlap with Mara, and the powers that be didn’t want to reinvent the Mara Jade wheel. Not to say they have similar characterization – Mara has terminal sam coded dean girl syndrome – but idk, in dynamic range maybe? Calling out bullshit, weaponizing her own abrasiveness, covering insecurity with humor, being Kind of a Lot with a side of trust issues at any given moment – there are modes Mara and Youngsoka share that didn’t pass to Oldsoka apparently. Idk possibly all this is just me wanting them to TALK
Establishing that you can do evil things for selfless reasons without necessarily being in any danger of falling to the dark side is... Philosophically interesting
We interrupt this tale of political espionage to bring you Jedi Relationship Counseling (spoiler alert: communication is key)
"That part of her life [Mara’s time with Palpatine] had died unmourned" I mean mourned a little bit. Mourned for at least a book and a half
I've been willing to suspend my disbelief on everything in this book until "both Luke and Mara forget that ysalamiri exist"
I will never not be a sucker for The Movements and Transferred Ownership of Emotionally Significant Weapons
Oh No thrawn made a second foundation
The Aing-Tii seem OP but whatever
Oh No the second foundation forgot to close the garage doors
(Re: The Jade’s Fire) I know Mara’s having a Moment, and I promise I’m taking it seriously, but when the warrior cat asked “What is it you want, Mara Jade” my WHOLE BRAIN responded with "I want Hermione Granger! And a rocket ship!"
Moranda has real Kevin from home alone energy and I'm living for it
Is it bad that I’m actually kinda happy the Imperials’ Bothawui shield plan worked? Like, they had a really interesting plan and I’m happy for them. They earned it
WAIT IS MORANDA DEAD FR?
What base is “full mind meld while you’re fighting for your lives”
Who would win: ~1.5 Jedi, 2 sentinel droids droidekas, or Artoo with a sauntering gun
If I had a nickel for every time this duology explicitly established Jedi can’t go completely without oxygen, even when in a trance, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but which makes me feel like the Ahsoka show had a weirdly specific axe to grind with the source material
Luke’s proposal to Mara is Just. The. Funniest. Thing. That’s some Anakin-level cringe and the prequels aren’t even out yet. He truly is his father’s son.
I mean POV there’s this guy and for a couple years you want to kill him, and then you realize that’s more of a You Problem, so then you’re friendquaitances for a decade mostly because you don’t approve of the shit he’s getting into, and then you have one (1) honest conversation and get caught in a death trap and he’s like “so I think the next step for us is marriage”
LEIAAAAAA! Full Jedi Knight Leia is both terrifying and hot. I would run.
“So it is treason” – Some random guy
Lando needs to be on the New Republic payroll simply for being willing to speak to any of the other characters and also he needs a raise. This poor guy getting called on to command the entire New Republic fleet mid-battle and he’s like “I’ve been a civilian for 15 years and also I knew you would pull some horse piss like this steve”
Mara Jade, Imperial protege. Skills include: Identifying load-bearing walls. (Now all I want is Property Brothers: Sith Edition)
Mara please. Luke please. These absolute idiots. This is some pear scene shit. I hope nothing bad happens to them ever
The whole back half of this book has been an emotional rollercoaster for me specifically because I wanted Flim to be Thrawn FR soooooo baddddd. And now I’m sad. His name literally means scam don’t do this to me Zahn
I’ve been amused by all the Star Wars universe idioms but I gotta take a moment to specifically showcase “burned your sky-arches.” Karrde is a delight to have in class
Having an independent intelligence agency that’s supposed to work for both the New Republic and the Empire seems absolutely unhinged but go off I guess
When the New Republic and Empire sign peace accords and Luke can’t even be bothered to show up
Mara is great and her arc is fuckin hilarious to me. The narrative has identified her as The Damaged One and I’m like???? She came to terms with her troubled past, drew her own boundaries regarding the Dark Side, recognized that there are people who care about her instead of pre-emptively pushing them away, and resolved to form deeper emotional connections. Smash cut to ROTS Anakin whose physical and psychic damage has literally turned his brain into oatmeal
Again I know this was before the prequels Mad points for explicitly saying Mara needed to form attachments to become a Jedi. Zahn being pretty gangsta there
OH NO THEMB
#long post#hand of thrawn#vision of the future#star wars legends#mara jade#ghent#timothy zahn#ahsoka tano#because ahsoka just sneaks into all my mental processes sorry
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Hi, i was fighting a boss in elden ring today and my brain short-circuited to your gabriel when i saw the 2nd phase
(https://youtu.be/60F3uPIplxg?t=88 from 1:28)
The overall heavy grace and fighting style is a slight mismatch imo but i blasted my friend's ears anyway when i saw the wings and the tail :)
OMGHHFG....and when i've just started to think about how he might use his tail in battle, as well as hone his wings for short bursts (while he's able to) ;o; also it means so much to me that you'd think of him while playing elden ring because the souls games are such a major inspiration for me - i know i'm stylistically far out from them, but world and character designs are some of my absolute favorites :]
i think of gabriel as being defined by his role as a warrior, and fighting is the very core of his being as god made him – everything about him gives away that nature, from how he moves in fluid but guarded flight, how he carries his weapons with him even in heaven and is encased in armor as a matter of course, and even his gracious nature is that of a knight to the people he protects. he was made singularly for this and it is his whole purpose, he can be nothing else, and so fighting is an integral part of how he defines himself, how he identifies who he is in the host of heaven. for me, gabriel can only feel fully himself when he’s engaged, and his rapture in god is found on the battlefield. it’s one of the reasons why i picture him covered in scars, he fights not just for god but to feel the divine fire in himself, and part of that is the physical pain he experiences in war. all of it comes together to make gabriel, it creates a whole of his constituent parts – to strategize, to show the skill he’s honed for millennia, to be struck and bear wounds yet still triumph. that is who he is intrinsically.
in this gabriel is absolutely a courteous fighter, he wishes to fight fairly because then his technique is fully on display. his radiance shines here, a merciless warrior once engaged but always giving his enemies a chance to bow out before they begin, facing them fully up front and respecting his opponent outwardly (though he rarely does so in his mind) even if he is tasked with killing them, he still maintains his chivalrous manner and confronts them in the way he believes is necessary – he doesn’t do anything to warrant overkill, using only the strength and arsenal he finds appropriate for his current enemy both because he finds it distasteful otherwise and because well...something in him enjoys his own superiority, to know that he’s using only a fraction of his strength and dexterity. plus it draws out a battle, and his praises are full then, his connection to god’s love flooding into him as he performs his purpose. it’s one of the reasons gabriel gives everything he has into fighting, to feel himself and feel god in him too, how he is praised in return and how he is held in esteem for his work. he is a full vessel only then, and so he does anything asked of him with fervor.
when he falls, he initially holds fast to his decorum as it is all he knows, yet the pain in his body has intensified and he can no longer rely on his wings to carry him. sometimes frustration begins to show, the cracks in his once knightly attitude giving way to brutality because while he is still gracious, he is proud. and to not fight as he once did, to feel some stuttering movements as he relearns the steps and to have lost the divine connection that so defined him, causes a viciousness new to his fighting, a cruelty that maybe he learns in part from v1’s ruthless tactics. i think he eventually strikes a balance, knowing he goes much too far at some point in the anguish of his transformation, but never fully returning either to the righteous angelic technique he once bore. there is grace in his movements and there is lightness in his steps but they now deliver a harshness, unforgiving as the hell he now inhabits that doesn’t allow him the luxury he once had. most importantly, however, is that he recognizes how this is now fully his own – not an empty vessel but one creating his very own rapture
given how important battle is to him, gabriel can find opponents he respects, but it is much more difficult to find an equal – naturally tied to music as he is, fighting for him is like a dance and an equal would be his partner. he wants someone that moves in time with him, someone that matches him blow for blow and someone that treats battle with the reverence and near worship he does – a part of themself and foundational, inherent. that’s why v1 becomes his equal – it survives on battle, it engages it as an art form, and its entire mind and body are given over to it. and like i mentioned about v1 with the ferryman, it tailors its strategy for its opponent, it creates a custom dance just for the two of them and gabriel feels how they move together as one yet on opposing sides. and so his equal can only be someone made in the mold he is, that finds battle so core to who they are that they are not fully themselves outside of it. which is a bit odd, as i think he could face an opponent that could best him and yet still not consider them his equal (if that makes sense!!)
i’m sorry this is so long, but this truly is the central facet of gabriel’s character that i’ve wanted to fully talk about. and while wielding weapons is difficult for some time, he is eventually able to at least use the broken forms of his swords and control hell energy in a similar manner as his light constructs in gluttony. as an angel, he of course favored his swords, but i like the idea too that his favorite ranged weapon is a bow (i really do want to design one similar to his true swords). as a fallen his tastes change, wanting to keep in close to his opponents and so scrapping much use for anything long-range (which he mostly relies on hell energy for) his swords maintain their place in his heart, but i’m also interested in giving him something like gauntlets that can work with his claws rather than always having to file them down if he wants to use a weapon. that being said, gabriel knows how to wield almost any weapon and he finds charm in all of them, even highly interested in learning to use guns from v1. it’s a singular joy for him to find out what makes them effective, how he must move with them and respond to their particular forms to make them shine in battle. it’s truly a huge point of pride for him that he gives care to every weapon held in his hands.
#i hope it's ok i put these together since i already had the first drafted!#but this made me so happy thank you#also i think gabriel's attitude fighting is very different against machines#he finds them so far beneath him that he's a bit irritated he was called to fight them#plus since god is gone at that point he doesn't feel the same love as he once did#it's all just the council handing down jobs to him he hates and getting no praise in return#so he's more than a little out of sorts by the time he faces v1#cake answers#fallen gabriel
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pt 1
Okay i'm rereading the webtoon so. thoughts. (if you notice any spelling mistakes please ignore them im on an energy drink and time is weird)
"Several years in the future" (abt the apocalypse). the usage of "several years" makes me think its like. 4-5 years AT MOST. because i dont think we call anything more than 5 several?
"players". sjs says "about 2 years from now" except we have a 1 year timeskip. so that means in sometime around 12 months players are going to start getting chosen?? which is shorter than i thought tbh
"That's how Dawon Guild became one of the top guilds" okay. listen. we know this probably doesn't happen in a day or two, right? it should have taken at least months. and since sjs says he put time into learning all abt weapons, we can further speculate abt the exact time everything started going to shit.
so there was enough time since the guildleader was chosen for him to both raise their guild to the top and let sjs invest in weapon learning? that takes at least sometime from a couple months to maybe a year or two. (there were still people knowledgeable about weapons alive)
so this would put the apocalypse. i am thinking roughly around 2-4 years from current time? the players need time to get acquainted with their skills and have enough time to grow to face the apocalypse.
okay time to theorize more. went back to reread and sjs says the difference in weapon creation is the amount of mana.
Sjs also says he's creating the weapons with little mana? and he's already a D-ranker. what happens when a rank A or B creator gets that knowledge? they can put more mana into the weapons, so they could potentially be stronger than sjs' ones?
yth also makes a comment about the sword. "higher than b rank". why is this a surprise? how do creators work? when a rank B creator standard-generates a sword, is it rank B? Or is it the same as a rank C or D creator's sword??? god i love worldbuilding
Are creators a rarity? surely his old guildmaster could have found another creator? potentially C class, since his whole guild is C class except sjs, so why does he settle on D class sjs? i dont think its abt money since he could probably hire a class C creator and still spend less money than on all the daggers he'll need to keep buying
speaking of which
"do you know how much money we spend on weapons?"
weapons are important in this world!! weapons are very very important so its obvious they'll be expensive. this leads to my question: why are they expensive?
I think it's probably due to a lack of supply.
good weapons are hard to come by and even cheap weapons are expensive. there's so many different classes in rpgs, there's bound to be one that has less people in than others. there are so many we can see in this.
i think, at this point in time, there just hasn't been a way for creators to make indefinite weapons, which means people had to rely on blacksmiths, but there's only so many blacksmiths in the world.
lack of supply + high demand = high prices
obviously this gets solved in the future (either due to players getting weapons from the system or creators just figuring it out due to gaining knowledge)
but this makes me wonder!! why only in the future? surely, somewhere out there, there's gonna be at least one creator who got invested into weapon making, right? this is just swirling around in my brain i had more things to say but it vanished so
yth says "most creators", but he only lists sjs as the exception. "it was as if the limitations didn't apply to him at all". so pretty much this means no creator ever decided they wanted to know more about weapons and i think this is sad.
anyways!!!!
...this is getting too long im making a separate post abt the rest of my thoughts
next part ->
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ACVI is probably the widest disconnect between the degree to which I feel good at the game and the degree to which I like the overall feel of the game I've ever experienced, with Ultrakill as a runner-up.
I've only just gotten to the end of Chapter 1. I got bopped for getting greedy in CH2M1 and going for combat logs on those Tetrapods while being too scared to take resupplies out of fear that I'd get locked into that room before finding everything, and haven't really attempted that one since because frankly I'm gonna need to devise a build with more ammo first, while also just buying out half the shop in general so I don't get stuck without an easy way to overwhelm a boss again. ("oh look at me i beat Balteus with shotguns you don't need pulse weapons to do it" well i didn't have those either, genius)
Now factor in my job, the fact I'm going for a trip this weekend, and my sheer executive dysfunction, and I don't anticipate to get anywhere close to the end for a few months.
It makes me think about why I tend to shy away from games I know to be hard, you know? One definite factor is that beating something hard is just not satisfying to me. The way people describe the feeling of a boss being a pain in the ass enhancing the feeling of winning is alien to me. I feel bad during the attempts and I almost feel worse when I beat it. I get mad and cuss it out as it goes down, far from the usual reaction you see from people who like that sort of thing.
On top of that I'm never sure if I got good or if I got lucky. I don't think I'd suddenly be able to do what I did again- and I swear I straight-up glitched Balteus because while it brought the flamethrowers out at 50% HP the winning run didn't see it pop assault armor until it was at like 25%, and I two-cycled the thing. Ultrakill, Claire de Soliel on Violent, my approach essentially got patched out with the harder weapon freshness rules now. Marauder, all that time ago, yeah I ate too many hits, with only a few successful attempts at sidestepping as I stood at optimal range with the SSG out- would not have flown on any higher difficulty. At least ACVI doesn't make me have to wrap my brain around constant weapon switching, though, but the fact that I tend to play all at once without taking breaks until I'm done, out of fear that I'll forget tricks I do pick up, probably also isn't helping my performance or my mood. I stayed up for like three hours on Balteus, it just wasn't fun.
After the AH12 I felt great, that was like three attempts. Juggernaut went down in two, that optional Tetrapod was like three, and I was shredding every conventional AC I found. I kinda joined into the meme of "the Souls fans don't know how to comprehend a vertical axis." That, I feel, is kind of true. Flight is an adjustment that came naturally to me because it's just part of the games I play the most. I felt vindicated that a group I saw as acclimated to hard games was hitting a rut when they encountered a challenge I dealt with on the regular. But from everything I hear, it's almost like having an easy time with the Helo and Juggernaut, and even Sulla, who I chewed up and spat out in a matter of seconds, is almost an indicator of how bad you're gonna do on Balteus.
It's here that it all caught up to me. I can flaunt how the movement fits me like a glove, but anyone who's just used to hard games in general has a lot that I don't. Reaction times, adaptability, planning, tilt-resistance, and, of course, fucking mindset- the ability to enjoy the gauntlet, or at least to walk away and come back refreshed.
I don't have these, and I don't think I can learn them.
This is kind of where the shitty difficulty discourse we've been in for ten years breaks apart. Souls games initially seemed like a mix of just not looking like my type of game on a functional level, and too hard for me to approach, and with what looked like little reward for a lot of struggling, I simply didn't. With how popular they are, it eventually hit me that they actually do look really fun when they're not pushing your nose into the dirt. I wanna play them in some context where I can be kept from getting mad, streaming them with friends or something (unfortunate that the one that looks the most appealing to me is also currently the least accessible).
Here comes ACVI, which I knew was gonna be hard but, hey, at least it closes the other side of that equation, maybe I'll have fun losing or even "git gud" and have some talent to show for it. Then Balteus made me feel fucking ill and I just don't know anymore. I kinda just want to go back to drawing for the last few hours of this weekend, but I'm afraid I'll never finish it if I do. Maybe a more functional version of me would see that break as exactly what she needs to come back and crush it but with the brain I have here and now that's not happening and this is at serious risk of becoming a second Signalis situation.
#armored core#armored core 6#ac6#fires of rubicon#rant post#am i putting too much of my self worth on a fucking video game? i might be. iunno.
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For the fic writer asks, how about ❤️, 💕, 💭, 💛, and 🦋?
❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?
“Solus,” he directed her eyes to look into his, “you are as much a Mando’ade as anyone else. Having lightsabers or using the Force doesn’t make you a Jedi. The same as wearing beskar’gam and some half-heartedly attempts to follow orders doesn’t make you Mando’ade. Every battle you’ve fought in this war has been fought as one of us.”
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💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?
Okay, I have next to now published fics meaning there's none I can actually link for this. It's probably a fic that got dubbed "Secret Sharing" in the google doc to give it a name.
The fic is set in an AU where Solus got pregnant before she left the Order; it's the same twins, Jila and Tarre, just arriving two-ish years sooner with no planning. But, it's her on Krownest and actually having to talk to Pre as her Manda'lor and leader but also the father of her children. Solus, someone toting impressive amounts of PTSD (many sources), anxiety, and sheer exhaustion, wanted to keep it quiet as long as possible. Her plan was to be ahead of the narrative but that collapsed. Then to the shock only her everything is more than okay.
It's just a feelsy piece for me where Solus gets to made to feel at home again. Internally she expected there to still be strings attached when she showed up. Like, she could join Death Watch but she would still be an Other due to her past. Then what happens isn't the past repeating itself. She has a completely positive interaction with her superior, Pre, unlike most of her interactions with the High Jedi Council. There's also this assurance that he doesn't doubt her strength or capability in doing this on her own. But, she doesn't have to be alone.
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💭 What inspires you and your writing?
There's no measurable rhyme or reason for my inspiration. Sometimes it's a song or a writing prompt or a trope I want to explore. Other times, I have an idea pop into my brain that demands attention right that moment.
Something I do try to include for though is Arc Questions. It gives me a goal to write and develop my characters toward. For example, with my major fic I'm working on with Solus it's a question about Identity. There's the comparison made in the series of "Your lightsaber is your life." (It's probably one of my favorite lines in Star Wars because of the endless possibilities.) She wields two as two individual weapons but never combined as a staff. When one is broken on Concordia the question for her, someone with two separate, conflicting identities, is now, "Which part of you died: the Jedi or the Mandalorian?" Then the story and her growth works in part to answer that.
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💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?
Honestly, that improvements aren't linear or predictable nor does everything have to follow the exact plan. I'm a little bit of a control freak about my own life in terms of I have a schedule and plans and immensely dislike deviation with out advanced notice. But, my best writing is done when I let go of the control. Things evolve and bloom in unexpected ways that frankly turn out better in the end.
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🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?
This is so difficult because there's so many characters I adore writing. From canon characters, it's probably tie between Pre Vizsla and Jill Valentine. Carlos Oliveira and Bo-Katan Kryze are close seconds because I am a simple person. I see a character that becomes my all time favorite (preferably with Fun Trauma) then I write them, possibly getting more trauma or having soft times. Then from my OCs, it's Solus Ve'tra followed by Jila Ve'tra and Nico Bright.
Fanfic Writer Ask Game
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Hi, newbie writer here.
How do you get passed the embarrassment of writing smut? Hell, I’m struggling to get over the embarrassment of writing, period (I’m a mega perfectionist and hate everything I do 😅)
Any advice?
I'm going to answer both (writing in general and writing smut in particular) at kind of the same time, because a lot of the principles for getting around self-consciousness and embarrassment with writing applies to ALL writing, smut or otherwise. I will add a few things toward the end about erotica specifically though.
the short, boring, oversimplified (but correct) answer: Practice, practice, practice.
the expanded version:
Seriously, get into the habit of writing A LOT and CONSISTENTLY and SHIT-ILY until you wear down the part of your brain that's worried about getting it perfect on the first, second or 12th try.
This isn't just necessary for mining good work out of raw material, its essential to getting past self-consciousness and having fun with the process. Because once you start having fun with it, you'll stop holding yourself back. Which leads to writing more, which leads to better writing, on and on; it's an upward spiral, a virtuous cycle.
I have a notebook that I handwrite my ideas and rough passages and stuff in, and I write in pen. I do that for a specific reason: It puts me in the habit of crossing and scratching things out and not being able to take back what I say in the form of erasing with a pencil or a blinking cursor in a word doc.
That really, really helped me get over my own perfectionism because once I learned to stop expecting so much from myself in the drafting and pre-writing stage, the rest of the creative process really opened up for me. Once I let my writing be "ugly", imperfect, stream-of-consciousness chicken scratch, it felt more like play than work. That's the key.
Also: write for YOURSELF first, then worry about making it fit for others. You're going to be your first reader, your first fan, and its YOUR life, subconscious, interests and desires that are going to shape what you make. I'm so serious about this. No one - and I mean, NO ONE - reads and rereads my own work more than I do and that's because I write the kind of things I wish I could see more of and I enjoy giving myself exactly what I want.
Plus on a practical level, you're going revise and edit and rewrite a lot (depending on how you define your work's "readiness" for others to see it), so its essential to enjoy what you're making because you're going to be spending SO much time with it. No one but you is entitled to ever see your first drafts, so don't be afraid to get weird with it.
These are some books I highly recommend that not only go into the creative process, but also the mentality and emotional parts of being a writer: embarrassment, perfectionism, society's influence on us, how we struggle with the creative process because it differs so wildly from how we're taught to behave normally, the reasons WHY we write, etc, etc.
(And I'm only going to recommend these two, not because they're best, be-all end-all books on the subject, but because if I recommended everything I wanted to, we'd be here all damn day)
Immediate Fiction by Jerry Cleaver
The Courage to Write by Ralph Keyes
Writing smut: This one's a little trickier.
I'm a very sexual person, have been for as long as I can remember, so I've gravitated towards erotic fiction (even before I should have been looking at that). And I tend to befriend others who feel the same way, so I'm used to not only writing about wild shit, I talk about it constantly as well. All that has given me an advantage because I'm pretty shameless.
Having said that, I was raised in a quasi-religious (don't ask) household, in the deep South as a closeted person so I'm no stranger to shame, guilt and self-disgust, as well as the self consciousness that comes with it. The cheat code for this is to eroticize the pain, turn it into a weapon for you instead of against you. It's hard to explain, but I wrote about it ... somewhere (can't find the damn link on my blog, I'll get back to you on this one)
Apart from all the advice above, I would say immerse yourself in erotic fiction and associate with others who do too. Get to know your likes and wants, seek out that kind of material and get a feel for how different writers describe and phrase things. This, in addition to writing more in general, should help you find your voice.
ALSO, ONE LAST THING (god this ask is a mess, I hope you got something from this)
As far as hating everything you do, that's totally part of the process. It sucks, but don't make it suck more by feeling guilty about it; it's natural. I know for me personally, I get to a point in my editing process where I hate everything I'm looking at, I feel like a fraud and I've tricked everyone into thinking I'm a real writer and I should just trash it all.
Aaaaand that's when I know its almost ready to post! Everything's going according to plan!
(... writing is a very weird process, if you take nothing else from all this word vomit, at least take that to heart)
Good luck and godspeed
- M.
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By this point I'm convinced that my brain just doesn't comprehend the passage of time before 9PM.
Prompt List
12th Feb - 💞"Just a few of my favorite things...": What are some things you love about your F/O? What are some things they love about you? Gushing and rambling encouraged!💞
Keigo
I love Keigo's smile. And I'm not talking the smug flirtatious one he puts on for the public, I mean his real, genuine smile. The one he does when he thinks no one is looking. The soft, content one when he's relaxed and just enjoying life.
I love Keigo's humor. He never fails to be able to make me smile. It doesn't matter if I'm feeling down or he's just in a playful mood I'm always guaranteed to laugh at least once when he's around.
I love Keigo's wings. For as strong and powerful as they are, they are also very delicate. Each feather is capable of being a deadly weapon and yet when he wraps them around me they are as soft and gentle as silk.
I love Keigo's drive. His work ethic can be, troubling at times the way in which he throws himself into it, but I would never fault him for his desire to be a good Hero. His wants and needs to make the world safer for those in it make me admire him all the more.
I love Keigo's eyes. One could argue that the most expressive part of Keigo is his wings but I beg to differ. It's his eyes. He can hide behind a solid mask of indifference all he likes but one look in his eyes I know exactly what he's feeling at any time. The way in which they light up with he's happy, sparkle when excited, and waver when sad. They can be dark as midnight or as bright as the sun, but either way they are beautiful.
I could sit here and list thousands of things and still never run out of things that I love about him. Because, to put it simply? I love all of him, equally. There's not a single thing about him I like more than the rest because all of these seperate things make a whole him. And I love all of Keigo.
Dabi
I love Dabi's voice. Warm and inviting, deep and soothing. He might be rough with his wording, but the smooth timbre in which he speaks is enough to make me melt.
I love Dabi's hands. Rough and yet smooth, hard and yet gentle. When he holds my hands in his, I'm reminded of all things he's had to do, all the things he's been through. I'm reminded of the hardships he's faced and the fact that he made it out the other side. Maybe not entirely unscathed, but whole.
I love Dabi's attitude. Witty and crass, sarcastic and wholy unamused. Dabi's biting tongue is enough to drive most people away but it just draws me in that much more. Playful banter is more fun with someone who fights back and fight back Dabi does.
I love Dabi's strength. And not just his physical strength, though that is nice too. Dabi has been through so much and had to put up with even more. It's no wonder he's a Villain, but even so, he's never really let that break him. Not completely. He uses that as the driving force that pushes him forward and I admire that about him.
Like with Keigo the list of things I love about Dabi are near endless, but seeing as I've not been with him as long as I have Keigo I'm still learning new things to love about him everyday. And like with Keigo, I could list every little thing I love, but it's easier to just say I love all of them. I love everything about him because I love him. And that's enough.
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Hi! This is really random but I just wanted to let you know how much I LOVE break the curse, break my heart. It’s just one of those fics that has been FUSED INTO MY BRAIN. I just randomly remember it and have the urge to reread it - I must’ve read it upwards of 10 times now. I’ve lost it a couple times and just remembered the main beats of the story and spent HOURS trying to find it. All this to say, thank you SO MUCH for writing the fic!! It’s honestly so good!! One thing I’ve always wondered is how the boys would figure out something was wrong, how they would react, how they got Mingyu and the MC out of there etc - did you have any thoughts on this when writing the fic or have you ever considered doing a follow up? Thanks!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANON I'M GIVING U THE BIGGEST FOREHEAD SMOOCH WITH CONSENT SLDKJFLSKJDFL
when i first got the notif for this i smiled so hard my face hurt and then had to just. lie facedown on the floor sldkjflsdkjf this fic ended up becoming so special to me like, i had to stop myself from creating an entire dnd-esque character sheet for mingyu when originally it was just supposed to be a little drabble prompt fill lmao
it makes me so so happy to hear that you love this fic too <333333
[putting my answer to your question under the cut bc it got just a lil long oops. and for anyone curious, you can read the fic we're talking about here!]
and now for your questions!!! let me start this off and say that i have def considered expanding this universe in some way before, mostly because i just love the universe but also bc someone a while ago asked about how mingyu and reader got together, i think? (it's been awhile, so i don't remember what the exact question/'what if' was oops) but basically that made me think it would be fun to write something about their training days or something similar.
having said that, though, you asking about how the other boys would react and how they'd get MC/Mingyu out has me REALLY tempted to write a follow-up for that... like. i now really really want to write it and will most likely work on it between other wip obligations slkjdflk
also bc i feel bad not giving you any real answers, as for the how they figured out something was wrong, it has to do with the magic in their weapons!
so in this universe, a lot of the magic is done through runework and enchanted items. their weapons specifically are crafted for fighting magical creatures as well as channeling/detecting magic through the runes embedded in them. the weapons are also magically connected via runes to what would be considered the guild headquarters.
without going too in-depth about everything, the part we see in the story is when the glow goes from teal to red. you can think of the different glowing colors as kinda like a magical geiger counter, where different colors mean different things, and in this instance we learn that red means the presence of a curse.
since curses are a Big Fucking Deal and Very Bad, the moment a guild weapon detects a curse, an alert is sent to the guild headquarters. this is why mingyu and mc are able to get helped in time, bc their weapons basically sent out a distress signal via magical means lol. as for how the rest of the boys specifically found out, whoever was on duty at the time would have gotten the alert, and the rest would have been told by the others at some point.
i hope this is a satisfactory answer for now and know that when another fic in this universe is posted (bc it is a when now, not an if lol) you will be a big part in having made it happen <3333
out of curiosity, is there a specific member you'd like to see in this au? like, is there anyone's POV that you'd really want to read?
#savv answers#fic comments#anon ily and hope your week is full of happiness and good things#also if u wanna hear more about the magic lemme know and i can actually go more in-depth on it slkdjflksdj
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#JakeReviewsItch
Airships: Conquer the Skies
by Zarkonnen
Price (US): $24.99
Included In: Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality
Genre: Strategy, Simulation
Pitch: Build airships. Build cities. Conquer the world.
My expectations: Despite its slightly underwhelming art style, my first impression is very positive. It looks almost like my beloved SimTower, except the tower is a floating war machine bent on world domination. I can tell you right now that if I can name the pilot, she's going to be Wendy O. Koopa.
My big worry is not with the game, but with me. I am currently being weaned off of one prescription and replacing it with another. My brain is mush. I'm look at screenshots covered in tiny text and numerous numbers. I don't know if I can handle anything too complicated today.
Review:
My fear that Airships: Conquer the Skies would be too complicated for my feeble brain was unfounded. Thanks to smart layout and clear indications of what issues require attention, it only took a few minutes for me to find my bearings.
That’s when the trouble began.
The trouble: I’m committed to reviewing a new game every day. I don’t have space in my life for a new addiction.
The tutorial focuses on combat. Learn to fly a ship. Learn to fly a ship within range of an enemy, and let the crew fire away until your target drops. Learn to modify a ship. Build a ship from scratch—engines, fuel, crew quarters, safety features, reinforced hulls, and every weapon in your budget—and see how it does.
Got all that? Now let’s talk tanks.
An hour-long tutorial is usually enough to drive me away from any game, but most of that time is spent playing, and it’s a blast.
I started the main game, expecting more of the same, with a little connective tissue between battles. I was wrong.
Combat and ship-building are only slivers of this grand strategy game. Research! Diplomacy! Town development! And it’s all shockingly intuitive.
+ As dense as it is massive, and yet it's the most intuitive, approachable grand strategy game I've ever played.
+ Researching new parts and building for a purpose within a budget is RollerCoaster Tycoon-level addictive.
+ Randomly generated scenarios (that can be tailored with a million options), 100-ish different starting perks (I lost count), scenario editors, importing and exporting designs, mod support, and multiplayer that's as cooperative or competitive as you want it to be—this game is infinite.
+ Memorable music. The right level of bombast for a friendly game of world domination.
– Even with the UI bumped up to the largest setting, the text is a little too small, especially with the difficult typeface. Still, props for including UI scaling and a dyslexia-friendly font.
– The default keyboard shortcuts are... They're all over the place. You can remap them, but there are so many. WASD moves the view, which makes sense. I wish they'd stuck the most useful commands on nearby buttons, but instead, it was up to me to figure out that swapping M and E makes life easier.
– Hotkeys aren't necessary. The whole game can be played with mouse (although hotkey shortcuts are listed beside everything that can be clicked, making text even harder to read). Action scenes can be paused, so quick action isn't required, but the in-game mouse speed is slower than my Windows setting. Maybe I could dig into a config file and change it, but y'know, I'm used to my mouse moving the way I like. Why change it?
– Even playing at double speed, idly waiting for money to accumulate and vehicles to be built can drag on for a bit too long.
🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍
Bottom Line: If Airships: Conquer the Skis has been an overlooked part of your Itch library since you got the Bundle for Racial Equality and Justice in mid-2020, download it right now, even this isn't your genre. I think you'll be surprised. I know I was.
I can't give that kind of blanket recommendation at full price, but for the right person, we're talking about hundreds of hours of quality entertainment for $25.
#JakeReviewsTwitch is a series of daily game reviews. You can learn more here. You can also browse past reviews...
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#JakeReviewsItch#Computer Games#Video Games#Itch.io#Review#Indie Games#Zarkonnen#Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality#Strategy Games#grand strategy#War#Diplomacy#Airships#Steampunk#Tanks#City Builder#Civilization#Civilisation#Airships: Conquer the Skies
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I SPOTTED YOUR TAGS IN THE RB RELATED TO D&D
TELL ME EVERYTHING TOU KNOW AND ALL THE BUILDS YOU HAVE IN MIND GRGRHENABABSKRBAKRL
Ok I'd like to preface this with I have No Fucking Clue what I'm doing the last time I DID anything with DnD was like. Half a decade ago. I was a small child I remember fuck all.
We're doing a oneshot for a friends birthday soon so I needed to set up my character, now, the party Did Not have any characters that can Hit Things Good, hence the choice of a fighter class character. My friend is running through subclasses and I hear the words "Eldritch" and "Knight" right next to each other.
Now, I'm not sure if you know this but I have been SWAMPED with a Magnus Archives hyperfixation for the last six months. I have two things on the brain and it's The Magnus Archives and Jonny Sims's band the Mechanisms. Eldritch horror is essentially the only thing I think about these days.
Now, going into this, I 100% had plans for this guy to be a COMPLETE fucken himbo. This man was not supposed to have any lights on upstairs. I've been described as the nicest cuddliest fridge you will ever meet, thats this guy but even more so and dumb as balls. And then I heard the words 'Eldritch Knight' so that plan went out the window a little bit.
Now, don't get me wrong, he's still is a bit of a himbo, but because I wanted to play whatever the fuck an eldritch knight is, he can't actually be stupid? Because he rolls with intelligence for his spells, so I'm turning his wisdom down to fuckall once I start actually rolling for the character stats and shit, but he knowingly acts like a himbo.
He knows exactly what he's doing. He knows he looks like a himbo so he's making the choice to act like a himbo. This man Does Not stop smiling it's a little bit eerie actually. He wants the emotional damage from hitting him to hurt worse than the ass kicking he will give you (or at least attempt to give you)
He's a dragonborn of the gold colouring, which is going to cause So Many Problems because there is a wizard in the party. The wizard can move and manipulate fire to his will. I can breathe fire. This is going to cause So Many Problems and I Cannot Wait.
Now. To the best part about this, I felt like giving him an actual weapon would make him too cool? And I learned that I can bind up to 2 weapons to himself, and teleport them to his location at any given moment as long as they're in the same fucking dimension. So I went "what if he just has a metal baseball bat?". So now he has a metal baseball bat. My DnD nerd of a friend is in the VC with me helping me figure out what the hell I'm doing, and we're both silly motherfuckers.
So my friend goes "what if you made the bat sentient?"
Cue my begging to the DM for him to let me have a sentient baseball bat that hates the fact its used for violence. My friend is going to voice the bat. It sounds very posh and very displeased with everything that my character does. So now this secretly knowledgeable himbo lookin ass dragonborn has a talking baseball bat with a similar attitude to Jack the Sword from the Magnus Chase series.
Now, as for what the hell the oneshot is about which is about to make things infinitely funnier, or at least it did for me, is this sunshine and rainbows guy is in jail. This takes place in a prison. Why is he in jail? He kept tracking down and breaking the knees of people who harassed his siblings or committed other heinous crimes.
And now, for the final remarks. I chose this guys name before I figured out his race. Now this was an awful idea but it was also one of the funniest things I think I've ever done.
Before that though, I feel like it's worth mentioning the sword has been named 'Sir Astren of the Cosmos' no I haven't figured out why that's its name it came to me in a vision.
Anyways mr not-actually-a-himbo dragonborn over here is named Tomothy Reiden. No, that's not a typo.
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can I just ask something?
i feel like really dumb for this but the host has been following morg on our other blog and has seen their side and everything and believes them but has been getting really distressed with everything going on but I feel like morg is weaponizing the hate and harassment he gets to manipulate people to stay on his side, the way that he is encouraging harassment and everything is really distressing to the host but the host believes everything that morg is saying but I want the full story so that if morg actually is the one in the wrong about things I can protect our host
I don't know whats actually happening from both sides
what happened with vaspider and him and the cripplepunk movement and transgetlemanluke and him and with you and him? why does he think he is justified with harassment? from what he has said he is justified with anger but not harassment ever
can you explain it like im a child? im afraid the host is being manipulated/gaslit by morg into belieivng morg is innocent and its causing a lot of distress especially when morg gets suicidal
so like do you have an account of everything that has happened?
im really sorry if this seems dumb
Don't feel dumb, okay? I've talked more at length here, but I'm going to try and make this a short, sweet, simple version to the best of my ability.
Basically, Morg gets a lot of hate and derailment because of his personality. It's abrasive and outspoken and unapologetic, so it draws as much anger as it does positivity. Some of this anger towards him came when people with mental illness started derailing his posts about physical illness. I was following him until he went from attacking people who attacked him to attacking all people with mental disabilities.
I made a post that was untagged that got picked up. I ended up blocking Morg for my mental health. I was sidetracked personally into the cripplepunk debate because of the idea that cripple is a slur only used against the physically disabled. It's not, though it's most common.
The cripplepunk stuff is a mess, but Spider's part in it is that Morg has more or less erased Spider's own physical disabilities and mobility issues in order to spin the narrative that Spider is profiting off the movement. People are believing him because they don't like Spider talking about how the brain is part of the body and therefor mental illness is also physical illness and they can and do affect each other. So in this case in particular, Morg is absolutely lying.
Morg sent some people asks telling them that he was going to kill himself, so they won. He's also been lying about this. The night (for me) that it was happening, he was going back and forth about no one being able to affect him that much to blaming people like Spider for his current ideation.
I made a post talking about his behavior, and he reblogged a screenshot of it with a bottle of pills. After I learned he had survived and had gone offline for his mental health, I made a video talking about my experiences and how what he was doing wasn't right and unhealthy for him.
Recently, he has found the video and is upset I made it. So from what I can tell, he's mixing genuine pain with anger and lies. He has purposefully told people to send me hatemail. I do not encourage and in fact have berated anons coming into my askbox previously crowing about his self harm.
I have made mistakes. I included his url in the video. I accidentally misgendered him, which I then corrected as soon as it was pointed out. I poked the bear a bit when he was block, unblock, reblog, blocking me. But I do believe that Morg is the one being harmful here, to himself and others.
I hope this helps. And even if your host still sides with him, it's okay. It may be best, and you can try to talk to them about this, to try and temporarily unfollow for a week or two. It'll die down soon.
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