it's so significant to me that do you believe in miracles paralleled all hell breaks loose specifically. because ahbl is the first time dean violates sam's autonomy to bring him back to life. it shows the extreme lengths that dean will go to protect sam, and despite all the other times dean has ignored sam's personhood in his pursuit to keep him alive, this is the moment in the show that fully exemplifies just how codependent these two really are, because there's an entire season dedicated to the consequences of that codependency.

so for dybim to take that imagery and scenario and reverse the roles means that this is supposed to be just as indicative of their codependence. it's a threshold that will have major consequences because sam crossed over the point of no return. there's no going back from choosing unhealthy codependency with your brother, the show is signaling. dean is sam's ultimate decision—he doesn't choose himself, he doesn't choose independence, he chooses dean, and all that that entails. he probably only realizes that all of his posturing about autonomy was a lie at the very moment he says it out loud, but once he's finally honest with himself it's a done deal. just like dean can never go back from his deal for sam's life, sam can never return to any point before this moment. he's in this relationship for good, and he wants to be codependent with dean; that's his decision.

and this is why soul survivor hurts so bad. because dean, like sam in season 9, declares that they're not family, not brothers. the role reversal continues, and sam is now suffering all of the pains he unwittingly put dean through by trying to maintain boundaries between them. now that he's realized he can't handle having those boundaries, any distance between him and dean is too much. here sam is, violating dean's autonomy and saving him against his will, just like dean has done to him so many times before. here he is, listening to dean reject him over and over again, like a parody of all sam's attempts to extricate himself from dean. he's on the other side now, staring down his brother and seeing his past self within him.

9.23 to 10.03 is just a speedrun of the previous 8 seasons but in reverse, with sam enduring the suffering of being in dean's position. and how tragic is it for sam to finally commit to his codependent relationship with dean, only for dean to leave him the moment it happens? how must that feel, for him to finally return his brother's feelings in all their toxic and fucked up glory, only to lose him in the worst way? to have all of his own words shouted back at him with the cruel intent to hurt—jesus christ. how am i supposed to cope with this in any normal way?

let's talk abt hua cheng and the way his entire *almost* existence relates back to xie lian cuz it's been my current roman empire, his name having the word 'hua' which means 'flower' can be seen as relating to xie lian's god name (the flower crowned martial god), also he's called crimson rain sought flower cuz he was shielding a lone white flower (also represents xie lian) from the blood rain (he can be the said 'flower' in that rain too actually), that red coral pearl on his hair braid ? it belongs to xie lian, that red string tied around his finger, xie lian tied strands of his hair around that finger which represents marriage and ofc the red-string-of-fate soulmate trope, he has xie lian's name tattooed on him in his terrible writing, made an entire city just so his love can come there and rest and build a temple there so he can worship him and remained his only devotee when xl lost everything (that thing abt gods being in existence as long as there is someone to worship them) he gave up on becoming a god cuz then who will be worshipping his god ?? isn't afraid to show his true form to xl which he never did to anyone, destroyed those thirty three gods cuz they ridiculed his gege, took lqq along with him to qi rong's den so he can clear the false accusations even if xl didn't want him to CUZ YOU WILL NAWT BE HATING HIS DIANXIA OVER THINGS HE NEVER DID i mean his entire existence is because xie lian said 'if you can't find any reason to live, make me your reason to live' and oh isn't that level of devotion and love so devastating ?

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

dumping some thoughts in the tags

i drew this because i want those converses and i decided to use that valentine's day is coming up as an excuse for the pink and heart theme lol

Hey Sparks, thanks for letting me crash on top of you last night. You're a pretty comfortable pillow, heh, haven't had a good rest like that in ages. Sorry for leaving the bed a mess, but half of that was your fault anyway.

I'm taking a break from patrol for a bit to message you. There's this new cafe I'm looking at right now that I think we should go to. I'll send you a picture of it in a moment. There's a cat in the window. If I'm being honest, adopting one has been on the forefront of my mind lately. What d'you think? A little bratty fuzzball to keep you company when I'm away for longer missions?

- H. Shinso

Okay, first of all, you kick WAY more than me AND you're always hogging the blankets, so I don't see why you have any room to complain. If anything, I should be the one complaining.

Second, while I would absolutely love a kitty, I don't know if we have the money right now. But how about in the meantime, you collar me instead? 😘 Meow.

XOX Sparky 💜💜💜💜💜

bro, how do you even come up with these aus?? like it's wild! but seriously i'd love to read more about 1800s cowboy bakugou and reader one day when/if you post more!! 😘 hope you're staying safe and healthy and life is treating you well <33

dude. i wish i could tell you LOL i have no idea where they come from, they just plague me always akjflaj it's a good thing i have an outlet here because i have had 24-25ish years of keeping my creative brain to myself and now i'm FREEEEEEE. so you all have to suffer from it 🤗✨

but !! thank you !! i'm glad they have so far been appealing LOL i just want grumpy cowboy bakugou 😭 that wants to be respectful to his late mentor 😭 but finds his widowed wife so sweet and kind and can't help but want for that, too 😭 WAAAHHH i should write more of it, but here are some bits i have right now he he

+

so does anyone else here sleep with their books or is that just me

okay today was like the first time since surgery that i've been able to exist as a human outside my house!! and i had a great time even though i am PAYING FOR IT. HEAVILY 💀

nothing like waking up and immediately having horrible migraine aura followed by a horrible fckn migraine to just completely derail all the plans you had 😖

eating... going to sleep... taking a shower < booping

i accomplished nothing today !! my bf let me fall asleep and take a 3 hour nap after work earlier, and then i had some things to do out of the house, then i got distracted with another my hero watch through with a friend, and then catching up on discord messages, and then —

disco:

countrywestern

.

ALSO speaking of AUs it’s halloween weekend so i’m contractually obligated to think about night in the woods idek how niche this is but i’m writing it out anyway bc i’m suddenly obsessed okay

NitW au where Nancy is Mae and Robin is Bea

Nancy finally gets out of Hawkins and goes to college, where she quickly finds out that she can’t for the life of her move on from her trauma

Nancy, who is haunted by what happened to Barb. everyone knows she was there the night Barb died. there are whispers that she did it. the only reason no one says anything is because her family is nice, and it’s a small town. people don’t say those kinds of things to your face

Nancy who is angry, and hurt, and lonely, and scared, and so, so, so lost. And she can’t keep it together anymore. She has a breakdown at school. She drops out and drives all the way back to Hawkins, alone

Meanwhile, Robin has always wanted to get the hell out of Hawkins. She did everything right: good grades, extracurriculars, worked as much as possible to save up money. But then her mom died, and her dad is no help at all, and she gets stuck working a dead end job in a dead end town for the rest of her dead end life

Robin who tries to be polite when she sees Nancy again, but mostly she’s just tired. She looks at Nancy and all she sees is the girl who had everything she ever dreamed of, then just threw it all away

Nancy trying to adjust to life back home. What has changed and what never will. the guy who owned the diner died. there’s a new grocery store out by the highway. a few people have moved. most of them have stayed.

She learns that Jonathan and his little brother disappeared one night, finally running away like they always said they would. Neither of them have been in contact with anyone since.

cue weird shit starting to happen in Hawkins. kids go missing. Nancy sees something she’s not supposed to on Halloween. 

she starts investigating, and she drags her friends into it, too--Steve volunteering, Eddie going where Steve goes, and Robin tagging along because she has nothing else to do in this shitty town

the kids are there too! Max as Lori, just a lost, lonely, vaguely angry teenager who clings to Nancy the instant Nancy turns out to be nice to her

Dustin as Germ, just a weird, lovable guy who’s been hanging out around Steve and Eddie lately. somehow the only vaguely well-adjusted person in town

something-something the Upside Down instead of a weird cult, and no one in town is listening to them as they keep investigating

Nancy having horrible nightmares and gradually deteriorating as she gets closer and closer to uncovering the truth

Reconnecting with Steve, the only one who seems genuinely excited to see her. Building a friendship with Eddie.

Slowly breaking through Robin’s walls after Robin seems to effortlessly knock down hers. Between getting trashed at a party in the woods and sitting quietly together in a graveyard, they’re reminded of all the reasons why they fell apart, and all the reasons why it’s so easy to come back together again

(idk man, the ‘is this just proximity?’ conversation lives rent free in my mind. and give me messed up Nancy, traumatized Nancy, sometimes completely unhinged Nancy next to a world-weary Robin who eventually learns to bask in all the love and care and passion--good and bad--that Nancy puts into the world)

Robin running away from a party in the city. Nancy sprinting through the rain, panicked, trying to find her again.

Robin losing her mind when Nancy gets hurt; Robin becoming clingy and tender and not letting Nancy out of her sight after that

i’m gonna go replay nitw and think about this now, byeee

I love my brothheeerrr!