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becca-e-barnes · 10 months

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I’m literally drooling over the thought of sensitive Bucky whimpering and whining while fucking your tits and thighs he’s so pathetic and needy all he wants is to make you feel good and to fill you with his cum even if it overstimulates him

Okay, tit fucking is great and all but thigh fucking is SO underrated in my humble opinion. Could just be the fact I've got a small chest though lmao

It's so fun when you're already really into it and the insides of your thighs are all slick. I feel like Bucky would lose it, getting to see your face and look in your eyes and enjoy your body.

It's a nice one to do while laid on your side, facing each other. Although the angle isn't quite right for him to slip inside you, it's fun to explore the other ways your bodies can steal pleasure from one another.

"This isn't going to work, sweetheart." You can't help but laugh, having already tried everything you can think of to make the height difference work. There's no way to keep this romantic and intimate in that position because there's just no chance of aligning your bodies properly to allow him to press inside you.

"Maybe not. But it feels nice anyway." His eyes flutter shut, gliding his dick over the smooth, soft, warm insides of your thighs, encouraged by how slick and easy your arousal makes the movement.

You adjust yourself to bring your other thigh on top of his length, closing him in on both sides.

You're wet enough that friction doesn't impede his movement too much and there's something oddly romantic about it. Maybe it's his hand smoothing the back of your head or his other hand up your back, pulling your body closer to his.

It's so intimate, watching his face as he whines your name, rutting senselessly against your thighs. The little flush to his cheeks is beautiful and you can't resist kissing the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead. The thick duvet on top of you both, coupled with your combined body heat means the room is far hotter than you'd planned.

You take a second to reach between your bodies, spreading your wet folds and readjusting his length, letting him drag his cock against your neglected clit with each stroke and oh, that's pretty mind-blowing.

"O-oh my God." He whines, desperately fucking himself against your wet cunt, rather than into it. It's a different kind of pleasure to being inside you and while they're not comparable sensations, it doesn't stop this from feeling fantastic.

"Fuck, that's good." You groan, rolling your hips to meet his. Your fingers dip between you once more, gathering some of your slick arousal, using it to glide your fingertips over the underside of his shaft and over his balls.

"Holy shit, that's - fuck." Bucky's hardly got a coherent thought left in his head. He's closed in on both sides by your wet, soft thighs and now your fingers are giving him a different sensation underneath while pressing him against your soaked sex.

"I know, baby. Feels good, doesn't it?" Your fingertips trail lightly back and forth over the underside of his shaft, focusing on the inch or so beneath the tip.

"I can't... I need to cum." He groans, thrusting frantically, clinging to your body to keep you close. Within a few seconds, you feel his dick pulse under your fingertips, his cum coating the inside of your thighs in hot, thick, messy spurts.

He doesn't waste a second, kissing your forehead before kissing your neck and whispering "Good girl. Now let me watch you get yourself off with my cum on your fingertips."

#asks answered <3 #becca writes spice #anon #needy!bucky #Bucky Barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes smut #sub!bucky #was this one something I've been fortunate enough to try? Absolutely.#and has it bounced around in my head ever since?? yep #I've got so many 💦sports asks #and I've been really hesitant to answer them bc I have people I know irl on here now #but honestly if my interests so far haven't freaked you out #those probably won't either #I made the best overnight oats last night I've been thinking about them all day #white chocolate chunks with raspberries and peanut butter #with oat milk #and I'm using that to distract me from the fact I'm locked out of my work emails and I can't do my Sunday evening email clear up #it's freaking me out that I can't get into them #that'll mean I have so much to do tomorrow morning #I'll probably lose my hour home on the train tomorrow trying to catch up #I love my hour to work and my hour home from work on the train #that's my me time #where I read my silly little book and chill

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hekateinhell · 29 days

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OH you rb'ed the ship ask thing too omg PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW #2 HOW LOUMAND'S LOVE LETTERS LOOK LIKE i know we already talked about it but pretty please can I get an example of what Armand might write to him 🥺

Anything for you! 🥹

If I calculated right LOL it's been over a year now since I opened my mouth and said Armand and Louis's love letters would 100% be of the James Joyce variety--depraved and filthy in a way that's almost wholesome in their extreme intimacy. And I stand by that. And I absolutely looked up James Joyce's love letters to his wife to serve as inspiration for this, because this level of florid is beyond my natural limits.

Without further ado, from Armand's hand...

My darling beloved: your last letter has made a beast of me. You have me so tightly wound--for three nights in a row, I have ended up prowling the docks the docks for any dark-haired, light-eyed young man I could find. And how I take them, Louis! Violently against the pier, my fangs in their veins, their hard cocks pressing into my stomach while I take all they have to give. And I imagine it is you. Your blood on my lips, your cum desecrating my silk shirt. How I envy Lestat in that he was fortunate enough to experience your mortal spill, even if it were just the once! I would have had it burning from the source or licked cold off the ground like a starving creature. Just to carry your aching wretchedness inside of me. I would have you too, my greedy whorish love! I would have your glorious essence in my mouth, my body, staining the core of me for all eternity.

Well, that was a creative exercise lmao. Always remember: Armand may look like an angel, but he talks like a thug. ♥️ (I took liberties with Lestat getting Louis off before he turned him just for you and Reb, babe 🫶🏼).

#i hope you like it babe lmao even if it makes you laugh like if you're mortified imagine how i feel #whorish was a bit too far but ykw i also stand by it #i'll try and catch up on the rest tomorrow my loves <33333 #you ask and hekate answers #armand/louis #vc

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b4kuch1n · 1 year

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pre-holiday leave crumbs

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it #anyways. tomorrow I Travel #The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed #three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn #anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours #until I gotta get up for car time #kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct #20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it #I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it #oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop #in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here #hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that #literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however #anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo #have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again #eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day

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doodleodds · 2 years

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Wow, what a prince~!

Late Shuake week 2022 Day 1 - Flowers

#shuakeweek2022 #akechi goro #kurusu akira #p5 #'theres no shuake in there sophia' yes there is. squint harder #listen ok. listen to me. they are pining. all i am capable of drawing is these two idiots pining.#akira is asking about whether he likes flowers because he doesn't wanna get him a gift he doesn't like ok!!!!#i KNOW its flimsy akeshu i'm sorry lmao. i'll do better in the coming days but i got this idea in my head & couldn't get it out so. there #i know it's not necessarily original but. it just grabbed me by the throat ok #'ooh why did he cut his hand while he's wearing gloves' suspend your disbelief :((( let me make a coloring mistake occasionally ok #and to clear up any remaining doubts NO akira did NOT get akechi knife flowers. i just think akechi should have crazy stalker fans #as a treat.#also lmao can you tell i found a new comic book dots brush today???? i bet u cant because i used it so sparingly and for emphasis (lie)#ANYWAY it's 2 am and i have work in the morning so. i gotta go to bed ^^; hope you guys have been well!#hopefully see you tomorrow for another post....or another two if i can draw fast and catch up lol

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rotworld · 7 months

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20: Drive-Thru

(previous)

you will have to go home again soon, but first you'll have to survive everything falling apart.

->contains gore.

The meeting is held in an abandoned theater. The damp, soggy scents of moss and mold are thick in the air. Tree roots split the floorboards and climbing ivy creeps up the walls. Only a handful of the seats in the front row are occupied, feral-eyed, sharp-toothed strangers lounging on the ripped, red upholstery. You know a couple of them; the Stag’s inner circle, their gazes hungry and lingering despite the somber mood. There are fewer of them than you remember. Others are strangers, no less intimidating.

To your surprise, Glenn is here, too. He greets you with a tense, mournful embrace, burying his face in your neck and inhaling your scent. He looks between you and Jamie with a knowing smile.

“There’s a plague in Verlinda,” one of the Stag’s men says. “Fever and chills, vomiting, and painful, pus-filled sores. Extremely contagious. Hitting some places worse than others, but we’re dropping like flies.” He scoffs at the look on your face. “You can relax, courier. Humans can’t catch it. Not even your kind, unless you’re our kin.”

“We sent you to the University with a tissue sample. We have a contact at the clinic who’s helped us before,” Garvan explains. “We need a cure. Treatment options. Anything.”

“We’re past that now,” another growls, raking his claws through the armrest of his chair. “We know who did this to us. The law is vengeance. Idleness dishonors his memory.”

Who did this to us, he said. They think it’s a bioweapon. Jamie doesn’t even seem surprised. “Anchor has a small army for private security. You won’t even get through the gate,” they insist. “We’re going to the University. They might be able to get clearance—”

The man snarls at Jamie like a rabid dog. “You’d deny us what we’re owed, outsider? You want to do things the human way with pretty words and a slap on the wrist, maybe a fine that won’t mean anything to them?”

“I’m not denying you anything. I’m telling you you’re going to get massacred and you’ll never get your vengeance if you rush in there without a plan. We stand a better chance in greater numbers.”

You still don’t have a plan—no real idea of what you’ll actually do once you reach the University—but an alliance is coming together. The Verlindans trust you, and by extension, Jamie. They’re willing to hold off their attack, but not for long. The idea of returning to Anchor makes you sick to your stomach. You don’t feel ready to face that place again, not after knowing everything they’ve done to the Drift. And for what? Why banish cities? Why set a plague loose in Verlinda? The God of Nelton tries to calm your racing thoughts but you feel so overwhelmed.

“Courier?” Glenn says quietly.

The meeting comes to a screeching halt, the theater falling silent. You wipe your tears with your sleeve. You’re fine. You don’t have time to lose your nerve. But Jamie asks the others if they mind the two of you stepping out for some air and their gazes are understanding.

“Not much more to say now, is there? We should all rest, eat. Get ready to leave…”

Their voices fade into a murmur as Jamie leads you outside. “You okay?” they ask. “God, nevermind. Stupid question. Let’s get some food, alright? Then we’ll check back in, you can properly introduce me to the guy who was looking at us both like a fresh steak.”

“Which one?” you ask dryly.

Jamie laughs and kisses your cheek. But once you’re back in the car, they stop you just before you pull out of the parking lot. “I’m not making you go back there,” they say quietly. “We could just stay at my place until this whole thing blows over, you know?”

You shake your head. You don’t want to go back, but you need to. Something in you will never rest until you do.

“Then I’ll be right there with you. Okay? You’re going to have your homecoming, courier, and I’m going to be there to see it happen.” Jamie takes your hand in theirs and squeezes reassuringly. When they smile at you like that, when they hold you and you can feel their warmth, you almost believe it’s possible.

[NOW PLAYING ON THE RADIO: MOON BY ART SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND]

For a little while, you just drive. You take a dirt path through a desolate stretch of Verlinda all the way to the highway, and then back across town again. You and Jamie spend the time talking about all the things you haven’t said before and try not to think about the suffocating sense of urgency in the air, like this is your last chance to get these things off your chest.

You tell Jamie everything you know about the Road Ripper, which isn’t much. They tell you they met Elisile while studying mimics during undergrad; that he visited often, the closest thing they had to a mentor. “He means well in his own way. But there are some things we could never understand about each other,” Jamie says. “Still, we stayed in touch. He has a soft spot for children of the road, even if he thinks we should all just leave, like glass mimics do. I wonder if he saw something he recognized in me, or just thought he did.”

You can feel another conversation happening like overhearing mutters in the next room, indistinct sound and sensation in the back of your mind. The God of Nelton has been quiet today, speaking more to Jamie’s fluke than to you directly. You’re not worried—you would feel any tension—but you wonder what they’re saying. The corner of Jamie’s lip twitches into a smile involuntarily and seemingly without their notice. Their hand settles on your thigh.

“Courier. About earlier, with Elisile…I’m sorry for frightening you. I meant what I said; I fear for you. I wish you would be more selfish. But I regret making you doubt me for even a moment.”

“To be fair, I’ve given you plenty of reasons to worry about my safety,” you admit.

“You have. I’d tell you to cut it out, but…this is the Drift.”

Their gaze is drawn out the window to Verlinda’s verdant landscape, watching cracked concrete and mossy roofs pass by. You’ve noticed they often look at houses. This part of Verlinda must have been suburbs once because there’s no shortage of them; quaint cottages with overgrown stone paths, bungalows with spacious porches and crumbling overhangs, two-story Victorian style houses rotting quietly deep in the woods. You wonder what home really means to them now.

“I wonder what the Drift would be like if Anchor cared about anyone but themselves,” they murmur. “Maybe there wouldn’t be much of a change. Anchorware has its limitations, even when it isn’t being sabotaged. It just seems like this place is crueler than it needs to be.”

You’re both hungry and there’s a line of neon signs dotting the highway. Most of the lobbies are closed, likely to avoid further spread of sickness. Jamie insists that they’ll pay and also insists that you get more than a basket of fried eggs.

“So,” Jamie says casually, “what’s his name?”

“Whose name?”

“The guy who was eyefucking us at the meeting. Short, red hair, nice thighs?”

Your face heats up. “That’s Glenn.”

“Go on.”

“Wh—what do you wanna know, exactly?”

Jamie laughs, giving you a gentle nudge. “You can relax, courier, I’m not jealous over something that happened before we met. You have good taste, he’s cute. If he lets us stay the night, I might even be willing to share you.”

The idea of Jamie and Glenn ganging up on you is undeniably dangerous and appealing. Maybe Halvard wouldn’t just watch this time. Maybe the God of Nelton says something, or maybe you look as flustered as you feel, but Jamie giggles and gives you a peck on the cheek.

You pull up to the drive-thru window and Jamie hands you their card. You get drinks, greasy fries to share, a couple comfort food sandwiches. But just as the cashier reaches out to hand you the food, you hear a sharp, brittle crack. It sounds like a bone breaking or a massive tree branch snapping off the trunk. The air crackles. Verlinda sways like a mirage. You feel like you’re moving, hurtling through space, and completely paralyzed at the same time.

There’s a brick in the restaurant’s foundation that isn’t like the others—shiny and metallic, colors rolling across its iridescent surface. You recognize it; you’ve seen industrial anchorware before. But it’s not supposed to be shimmering like that, you think. It’s not supposed to make the ground shake in time with its pulsing flashes. Instinct sets your heart racing. You know on a base, animal level that what’s happening is wrong and dangerous but there’s no time to react. You’re right next to the anchorware when it flashes and sputters and finally winks out like an extinguished candle.

Reality comes apart in a rush like a wave breaking over a sand castle. You fall straight through the bottom of the car, through the pavement, through oblivion. The drive-thru follows you down like a plunging stone, a smear of garish color and neon light. Form contorts and meaning shrivels. The drive-thru sign becomes porous, magma-spurting stone. The window tries to grow eggs, small plastic whorls forming along the frame.

You see the cashier trying to hold onto something but the worst of the malfunction is inside, viciously warring physics colliding. They’re liquefying before your eyes, red, misty slush spattering across the walls. And there is no cohesion, nothing that dictates a start or end to the carnage, nothing to delineate living from non-living, organic from inorganic, so the restaurant dies with them. Panels of checkerboard floor peel away and drift into the dark, leaving oozing, architectural scabs behind. Glass doesn’t shatter but bruises and bleeds. Putrid brick bloats and blackens like necrotic flesh.

Your fall slows but the carcass of the drive-thru keeps going, past you, far below you, neon flickering out and fading. You see shadows moving in the waning light just before it all goes dark; enormous scavengers drifting soundlessly through the void. You feel the air stir in their wake. You can hear them ripping the bloodied building apart, shrieking territorially over steel-marrow.

Something you can’t see brushes against your legs. Light, azure and emerald, sparkles in serpentine ribbons. The dark moon you see in your nightmares opens like the end of an eclipse, beholding you.

“Here you are again. Dreaming when you should not.”

The eye moves as the thing in the dark glides around you, stirring auroras and falling stars in its wake. Fingers—tendrils? Slender, flexible things—curl across your shoulders as it goes, squeezing playfully at your throat. “What do you want from me?” you say.

“More than you can give, as you are now. But I am patient.”

You smell blood with such sharp, visceral clarity that you can taste it. Slick, sour copper. Rancid blood. Shift-rotted. You’re no bottom-feeder. You won’t touch prey like that. You’re startled at your own thoughts, the realization; that you can tell so much from the smell. That you have this intuition, a bone-deep knowing. The fleshy, pseudo-organic slurry that used to be the drive-thru is far away but you can still smell it, can feel the air shift and things move all around you. Part of you knows this darkness. It’s at ease here.

“I need help,” you admit. You don’t know why you’re telling the thing, why you feel you can trust it with your worries. “Everything’s going wrong. The Drift is falling apart. I don’t know what to do.”

A rumble like distant thunder; the thing laughs. “I told you. I am not a dream. I am no oracle, no inner voice of yours. I cannot tell the future. But…” It comes closer in graceful, swaying motions, the eye bobbing like a buoy on the tide. “You are coming home. I know this, because you have no choice. You feel the end coming without knowing it is the end. I want to tell you not to go, but I am selfish. Maybe you will see me then. Maybe you will truly see me.”

You feel it near you. Some part of it, smooth and undulating, rippling with colorful light, wraps around you. It doesn’t constrict. It doesn’t choke you or cause you pain. It passes like wind and your heart aches for it as soon as it’s gone.

“Wake,” the thing says. “Come home. Come to me. Do you feel it now? You have always known how to breathe.”

You gasp and open your eyes. You are cold, sprawled out in the grass. You don’t see the car, or Jamie, or the drive-thru. You don’t even see Verlinda. This is the road, foggy and endless, and you are all alone. You climb to your feet and find yourself sore, dizzy, not badly injured except for a tender, bleeding spot on your scalp. You have no idea what the anchorware malfunction did—how much of what you just saw was a dream. You don’t know where you are but home is north now and far, far away.

“Jamie?” You don’t see them, but you call out anyway. You hope they’re alright. There’s no blood or debris. You were in the driver’s seat, closer to the anchorware when it failed. You hope that means Jamie escaped unscathed. It’s still night. The road goes east and west. You glance back and forth, unsure of what to do, where to go. A cold wind makes you shiver and wrap your arms around yourself.

A single snowflake flutters down and melts on your cheek.

(next)

#rotpeach writes #goretober #the drift #i got a lot of asks but im a little worn out tonight so i'll try and catch up on those tomorrow!

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practically-an-x-man · 1 month

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just got back from seeing Fall Out Boy!! Saw them back in 2019 for the Hella Mega Tour and I have to say, they've only gotten better with time

#yes it is late now and yes i do need to be in the studio tomorrow but i'm too hyped up from the concert to sleep yet #so i'll catch up on a few asks and tag games to wind down for a couple minutes

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seariii · 4 months

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Hi ilu I’m giving you all the hugs rn <3 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂��🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Hi my beloved Rose, I love you a lot.... So so much... Thank you, I'll be happy to receive the hugs heh

#since you sent tanjiro im on my right to use nezuko and ask for headpats too #tomorrow I'll try to catch up with everything... ngl im a little scared... it's that feeling of #i went away so i cant come back... sigh ... but its okay... its okay... tomorrow will be better #i love you rose so so much #seari answers

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wilchur · 7 months

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My brother stole my charger and my iPad is dead so I can't fucking draw my Baldur's Gate 3 blorbos. I think I'm going to fucking explode.

#it's been 3 days #he's coming back tomorrow but then i'll have to catch up on the work i couldn't do all week #this is hell #no he did not ask he just assumed i did not need it #because why would i need to be able to charge my main wirk tool lmao so silly #i think i'm going to flay him when he comes back #or stuff him in the oven #have not decided yet #rambles

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permanentreverie · 1 year

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The way that first love: hatsukoi is just hurting and pain but so good

#I really wish I binged it in one day like this show is phenomenal #so well written #depending on how I feel tomorrow I'll either go into work or finish this #but oh my word!!!!!#the pacing is incredible too like they're handling both timelines so well #and like the parralels!!! him saying at his sisters wedding he always wants to be the one to protect the ones he loves #then in the next scene he catches yae on the stairs #setting it up that yae learned sign language then later in the episode it comes back to her!!!!#but also like this show is SO painful oh my word I just my heart BREAKS for these two #but it's all so beautiful!!!! they were each other's first loves!!!#AND THEY KEEP FINDING EACH OTHER!!#happenstance!#she is falling for him again! she can't help it! EVEN WHEN SHE DOESNT REMEMBER HIM!!#they meet at the observatory and she avoids his building at work but ENDS UP THERE ANYWAYS #ahhhhhggg!!!!!!#10/10 if you ask me #and I think this drama is a happy ending too #if it was sad or bittersweet idk what I would have done #lindsay speaks #first love hatsukoi

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mrcspectr · 2 years

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Ya’ll ever think about how desperate Steven was to find his place in the world and Marc was so unconditionally ready to give him his own?

#no?#fine then guess i'll die #oof i have so many asks to answer ily guys #really can't even catch up for the life of me #also to that one anon that was like episode 5 (sorry)#fuck you and i'll see you tomorrow with WORDS

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touhoutivations · 4 months

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"Muahaha, foolish human...allow me to show you the true nature of misfortune...was that scary enough?"

"Some people think fortune is just based on chance, which has some truth- but I tend to notice that misfortune is something that can pile up, because of a 'positive feedback loop'." "As an example- you're exhausted, you can't exercise or eat or do anything! But because you haven't eaten properly or exercised, you get even more tired- even more unable to eat, and so on. Your misfortune just keeps piling up! So what do you do?"

"The festival humans do for me is special not just because you have all these adorable dolls, but the very act of having a festival to float your misfortune away is something that's getting you out and breaking the cycle. The mentality of 'I have no misfortune now!' is just as crucial to helping yourself as it is to giving me faith that makes me help more! ...H-Huh?! No, I'm not just a placebo God, how impudent!"

"Now I'm not saying 'it's a mindset' thing or that it's your fault, rather I want you to examine yourself and if you're contributing or stuck in a cycle, and how you can take yourself out of that cycle. Having food by your bedside, or trying to do passive stretches, or setting boundaries from toxic relationships. Self-care isn't all bubble baths and treats, it's about doing things that are good for you, even or especially if you don't feel like doing them."

"Buuut, if you do want to try something good that feels nice, would you like to spin around and dance with me?"

#hina touhou #hina kagiyama #hina kagiyama touhou #touhoutivations #mod yuyu #trying to catch up bc i ended up with a stomach bug orz #we're figuring out what's wrong w me but i also have been neglecting basic needs like food so this is a callout for me specifically ahaha #hina's one of my favourite characters conceptually- she never fails to cheer me up and i would absolutely hang out with her!!!#tomorrow i'll get a lot more posting done >:) i need to catch up but i also want to give each post esp the asks the attention they deserve #i adore both her themes esp the jazz covers xi-ons fortune line never fails to give me the good stimmies with that vibraphone solo

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lynxalon · 11 months

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me when i'm tired and hurting and scared and angry and no one is coming to help me and i don't say that to be negative or guilt anyone who might see this vent i say it as a fact because no one is going to help i have to help myself and i don't want to i don't want to help myself i want to lean on someone for once without being taken advantage of and i want to talk about my anger and express it and get it out in a healthy manner and i want to talk about how scared i am how my health terrifies me and i don't really know what's going on and i know my body to the best extent i can i and i have worked endlessly trying to conserve energy so i can do basic tasks like dishes and bathing myself and i have been working so fucking hard to fight the internalized ableism in me that screams that everything shouldn't be this hard and i should just Be Able to do these things and i don't have anything to actually fight these thoughts! because i don't actually know what's wrong and i have tried for the past three years. three fucking years. to make this one appointment. just one. to talk to a different professional and tell them i need help i and living less than half my life and i can't take it most days i can't take this cycle of deteriorating physical health into deteriorating mental health and round and round. i'm exhausted. i can't do the things i enjoy. i work so hard to try to do them occasionally. and i work hard to try and appreciate and enjoy it. and it's just hard.

i just want to vent tonight. i'm stressed. we've been having small bug problems lately. and then there's the waterlogged part of the carpet where we don't know where the water is coming from. and tonight i saw what might have been a roach and. i grew up between my mom and aunts place, and my aunts was beyond covered with bugs. at night it was horrifying and finding a place to sleep sucked ass. so it just. fucking triggered me, and i'm so tired and hurting but i pulled out appliances and things and sprayed down bugs and spots i've seen them in and. so i sat down and i was already overwhelmed and i couldn't find the remote so i could put something on and relax. and i did find it. but i just had to sit and work on breathing and cry a bit. i'm home all the time and i constantly am thinking about this. i'm so stressed about it. OH and it was made sooooo much worse because for the first time i saw one in our room. and. that nearly sent me into a panic attack. we have been so strict with having no food or anything like that in the bedroom. and it didn't do anything. there was still a bug. where there's one, there's so many more. i am. going to try and fucking relax.

#lynx speaks #personal vent #we have apartment checks tomorrow and i don't want to interact with anyone but i wanna make sure someone sees these things #we've called about having someone take a look and they looked at the leaks #i think one of them was fixed #but now theres this and i'm. like comeon can we catch a fucking break.#it could be worse but also these are licherally fixable things #butyeah. i'm still up cause i can't sleep. i'm in pain. dizzy and nauseous. my head has hurt almost every day for maybe a month or so #i'm fucking scared all the time. honestly i try and ignore it cause i don't like bein scared and i don't think i'm on deaths door so #maybe even if i leave it be i'll be sorta okay #thats. a bad mindset but fuck dude. i know it is. and i've asked for help. and when i was a minor i sorta got help #why does it feel so damn difficult as an adult?#and it really sucks cause my irl support system is one person (who i don't want to burden with all of this bullshit like i'll vent some)#and my family (tentative help at best because they have been dismissive and think i'm a hypochondriac)#which. being a hypochondriac wouldn't be a bad thing i feel like thats a bit ableist #but whether i were or not these syptoms still exist. the pain isn't gone because they called me a hypochondriac. i'm still exhausted.#sorry for the wall of text

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sunflowerwemadeit · 9 months

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did you finish watching good omens season 2 yet

No I haven't I've been v busy with the start of my last year at uni and sjsjdjjxxnxnd it's soooo much work when it's literally only been a week 😭😭😭

#which includes making plans w friends and catching up because we haven't met in two months but that just means i cant even rest #during the weekend😭#I've been up since 8 #and will again be up at 7 tomorrow #ON A SUNDAY #I HATE MORNINGS #ahem #anyway yes #i haven't gotten the time yet :(#and bc i know I'll binge it im trying to find one free day 😭#I'll do it tho #anything for your mental health 💕#aksjdjdjd #bub💙#thesilverstreets #ask #answered

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the-kipsabian · 10 months

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oh btw my birthday is in exactly three months :)

#amazon wishlist release in like two months lol #i just gotta make it to october #i got some points in between that im trying to stay alive for so. its a work in progress #august is next month. its london time #september im trying to get to a local show since they have some international names announced i have to see #probably gonna ask that as my birthday present idk #video games and a lot of cool musing coming out in october. birthday month #november idk. and then its december #trying to trust the process. we'll see where life takes me after wembley. im thinking i gotta make it that far at least to see kip again #im sure seeing him and talking to him (hopefully) will help me carry on so.. yeah #anyways. borf in three months that was the point of this post sorry ramble hours im very tired #probably not gonna stay awake to watch rampage. i'll catch up tomorrow #night is an absolute mess on main

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mysticalgalaxysstuff · 1 year

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bestie which midnights song do you associate with ethan & marissa i need to know for research purposes 🔬

Mal bestie I swear to god you come up with the most amazing asks ever like babes the talent here?!?! I love your brilliant and galaxy brain so much 💘💘💘

Also bestie, it's Lavender Haze that I associate with Ethan and Marissa 😁💕

Now let me provide you with the reason why

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia

This is quintessentially so Ethan and Marissa! Just them in a perfect comfortable silence, lost in their own thoughts. Ethan is a man of few words so of course he doesn't say too much, instead thinking about something else and so they bask in this comfortable silence.

I've been under scrutiny

You handle it beautifully

All this shit is new to me

Now I feel when they go public with their relationship, of course some hospital gossipers will talk shit about them and spread rumors about how Marissa might have gotten her place in the Diagnostics team. And I just know if Ethan ever came across gossips like this he would handle the situation putting that person in their place... which ofc Marissa finds it hot asjhsjk

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

This is just Marissa wanting to stay in the love bubble she is surrounded with Ethan. She herself is slowly learning to not give much thought over jelaous and petty gossips and rumors.

I find it dizzying

They're bringing up my history

But you aren't even listening

But still it is is difficult to completely ignore them because now they bring out her history (Mrs. Martinez malpractice suit) but Ethan doesn't give a shit! He knows that she is one of the best doctors and in the end, when she realises it doesn't change his mind about her, nothing bothers her anymore. (Goodbye Imposter syndrome 👋)

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

Again, some people talking wack about their relationship and Marissa learning to just focus on herself and her relationship with Ethan! Get it off your chest gives off those people venting their garbage nonsense out whereas the desk (symbolises Marissa's desk when she is the head of the Diagnostics team) those rumors are just not present there on the table when she is solving cases and saving lives!

Thank you so much, Mal for sending this question and indulging me! I love you so much ❤️❤️❤️

#also i answered this at midnight lol #goodnight y'all my mind is foggy and my eyes are drooping close I'll catch up with remaining backlog tomorrow :)#mal 💞#asks #ethan x marissa #ethan ramsey x mc #q.

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