#i’m still getting thru my other sketchbook
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i got a little sketchbook so know i can draw studies and things wherever i go :D
#sketch#art#my art#i didn’t know i could draw dogs ngl#i’m still getting thru my other sketchbook#i’m not hoarding them i swear i am using my sketchbooks
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hello, i was wondering if i could get a creepypasta matchup? Sorry for sending another when you’ve already got a few, so you don’t have to answer this.
I use he and it pronouns, I stim openly a lot and think I might have haphephobia.
I tend to be pretty distant or in-my-own-head in everyday life. I’ll often get really attached to specific people or things. my interests jump around a lot, but generally, I always like writing and video games, particularly slightly old RPGs. including, the Persona series, especially persona 3 as of now, plus citizen sleeper. I like reading comics and manga (I’m a bit of a kid in personality honestly), doodle, and listen to music a lot. I have fun with flashy characters, theatrical themes and I could ramble for a long time about some of mine.
I don’t like certain tastes, like orange, I’m kinda picky. I can get big mood swings and feel really shitty and force myself to find an outlet, like drawing on my arms, and then feel super hopeful later in the day. Like I said, I get really fixated on stuff quickly, so I’ll get really stuck on one person sometimes. Ironically, my love languages are physical touch (i get really clingy on some occasions) and secondarily gift giving.
I can accidentally say or show people really extreme things, as I can tell they're severe, just not what kind of effect saying that will have. so, people who I have to tone down what I say to in that regard, I guess, I don't get on well with. (sorry if that's weird to say...)
and…that’s all I can think of. thanks if you do do it
Sorry for the late answer Anon, but I would love to answer any asks you send in!! Speaking of asks I have chosen a matchup for you!!!
Liu/Sully
Friendship
Since Liu and Sully share the same body, you kinda get one with the other soooo
Being friends with Liu and Sully is a wild ride from start to finish, Liu is shy unlike his younger brother Jeff. But Sully is a force to be reckoned with
You and Sully could be hanging out and all of a sudden you're at a McDonald's drive thru wearing Halloween wigs and more than likely three redbulls deep
Sully is the epitome of a wild and sarcastic college guy that for some reason never lays a hand on his friends
He becomes like a mean older brother to his friends but always respects boundaries. If you say you don't like him doing something to you he'll never do it again
If you like having debates over video games and characters Sully is the best one to talk to, he absolutely loves just sitting and talking. Makes him happy to be listened to and having responses back
Liu on the other hand is very recluse and quiet, it takes a bit to warm up to him versus Sully. He'll come off as cold very easily but is a sweetheart once
I headcanon Liu being in cheer/theater during high school, so if you play any music with a good beat he'll probably dance with you and make tiktok dances if you ask him
If you like drawing on yourself please draw on him too, he absolutely loves it when he's covered in colors and doodles. Probably would do that one thing where you share a sketchbook between friends
Dude has insomnia bad, so being friends with him means lots of late nights with music and playing videogames/ watching movies. Like his room has different posters of movies and Broadway shows Hamilton fan unironically
Liu is also very touchy and doesn't like being touched without asking, he's very much the opposite of Sully in that way. Even if you've been friends for a while you'll be lucky to get a hug from him
Relationship
Sully in a relationship means he has someone to protect other than Liu, so he becomes very attentive to your needs. You know that meme "He asked for no pickles"? Yeah, he's like that
He'll become very cuddly while you're dating, just having you nearby makes both him and Liu happier than anyone could make them. You give him a little smooch? Mans a puddle on the floor
Constant check ins from him, although he gives off a cocky attitude he's still scared that his attitude will scare you off. You could be together for years and he'll still ask before giving you a smooch or hug
Please PLEASE doodle on him! He knows that you don't like being touched so he's not going to leave hickeys on you (even though he wants to) so if you draw on him he'll be constantly flaunting it
He'll love to show you things he's done and found just like you like showing him extreme stuff. It takes a lot to scare this man...
Liu is way more open when you two start dating, he'll constantly want to stay by your side and unlike Sully would actually want to draw on you a bit.
Liu isn't as affectionate as Sully but is much more talkative when in a relationship. His love language is just letting you speak about whatever you want and gifts
Lots of gifts, he'll give you his sweaters and buy you your favorite snacks and movies. You look twice at something when shopping with him it's going in the cart. No questions
He'll play a lot more music around you and PLEASE watch some of his favorite musicals with him!! This man literally knows all of Hamilton and like 90% of the dances
Such a musical guy, he'll burn CDs of your favorite video game music and buy you a CD player so you can listen to music together, he has a secret Walkman that he still uses and will share it with you!!
#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta matchup#homicidal liu#sully creepypasta#I need to make more headcanons for them#Also I promise I'm back#Working on the inbox right now I PROMISE
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This Little Angel
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201565
Tagged: @chocolate1721 @tiny-goddess-of-chaos
Ok, so my Discord buddies caused this one, great idea. Just had to do it. Hope you guys enjoy it! Especially you Choco n AAAAAAAAAAAH.
Harley heard the crying first. When she looked over and saw the man standing over a couple with the child between them sobbing out. She couldn’t have been older than 3. The mugger ran as soon as he saw her. She ran over and kneeled down next to the little girl and placed a hand on her shoulder. The girl sobbed as she dove into Harley, burying her face into Harley’s shoulder.
“Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry,” she mumbled looking at her parent’s bodies before looking where the mugger had left. It seems he was content to leave her to die alone. “Come on, sweetie, I’ll give you a good home.” she picked up the little girl, holding her close as she balanced the girl on her hip and walked back to her and Joker’s place. “Puddin! We have a child now!” she called and Joker looked over at her, his usual grin falling in confusion.
“What? What do you mean, sweetheart?” he asked looking at her and the little girl in her arms.
“Well, Puddin, this little cutie’s parents were mugged and killed. The mugger left her for dead when he saw me,” she explained sitting down and bouncing her legs hoping to get the girl to laugh.
“Well, that is unfortunate,” he said and Harley gave him a big smile.
“But I figure we could raise her n give her a happy home!” she explained and Joker started nodding and smile grew on his face.
“Sounds good, Doll Face.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~
No one knew Joker and Harley were raising a child. Well, that’s not totally true. Harley’s friends Ivy and Selina knew. But they weren’t ones to snitch to others. So it was a big surprise when Joker brought along a 6-year-old child with him the child was wearing a mix of red and blue inspired Harley dress with a deep purple tux jacket over it. Harley still wasn’t active which was confusing but they couldn’t question it. “Lookey here Batsy! I have one too!” Joker cackled happily and the little girl beamed in her arms.
“Hello, there mister Bats! Would you like to smell my flower?” she asked and Joker pouted turning the dangling little girl to him.
“Mari darling, that’s not the script,” he said gently and Mari tilted her head.
“I just want him to smell my flower,” she said softly, pulling the flower out of her jacket’s pocket and Joker placed her on the ground and patted her head.
“Batsy, please smell her flower and compliment it,” he said and Batman and his companions just looked very confused.
“Please?” she asked with a pout and Joker leveled a look behind them. Nightwing nodded and leaned over to smell the flower to not risk Joker’s wrath.
“Smells lovely,” he said and Mari beamed at him.
“He likes my flower, daddy!” she beamed and Joker smiled.
“He’d be an idiot not too, Mari darling,” he replied with a nod.
“I’m not smelling the flower. What are you planning, Joker?” Batman asked with a glare. Joker frowned and pulled the plastic flower from his jacket and pointed it at Batman. Batman started reacting only to stop when he felt liquid hitting him.
“You’re a meanie, mister Bats!” she said pouting.
“You’re lucky its only water,” Joker said picking up the little girl.
“Daddy, can I please remake your suit now? It’s bad and Riddler shares the same color green,” she said and Joker had an offended look on his face.
“I will not share a color with that dimwit. We’re heading to the fabric and craft stores,” he said walking away and the bats were able to hear another part of their talking.
“And pay for them. I’m not using stolen goods,” Mari said with a frown, and Joker groaned.
“Ok, Mari darling. I’ll pay for the items,” he agreed. Batman and Robin(Tim) followed after Joker and Mari. Meanwhile Nightwing and Red Hood went to the base to get answers from Harley.
“Harley! You didn’t say you were pregnant!” Nightwing shouted as they entered to see Harley cooking while humming.
“That’s easy, it’s because I wasn’t pregnant,” she replied turning to them and the two looked at her confused.
“Then where did the child come from?” Red Hood asked and Harley looked down at the pan sadly.
“You see, I came across her when I was heading back after hanging with Ivy and Selina 3 years ago. Her parents were killed in a mugging, the mugger ran as soon as he saw me, leaving her to be killed or something. So I took her home and Puddin n I decided to raise her. She’s doing so well, is she not? She’s even making Puddin act better!” she said beaming at the last part.
“That is good, we’ve been seeing the improvement,” Nightwing said and Red Hood had to nod agreement. Joker stopped targeting kids and teens, well excluding Robin and anyone helping Batsy, and his Joker Venom was only used if he did a big attack. Hell, he even apologized for how horrendously he killed Hood. That had Hood frozen in shock at hearing it. Granted Joker wouldn’t stop trying to hurt or even killing them, he just said he wouldn’t be as disturbing at it. Cause he can admit that that was a disturbing way to kill a kid. This wasn’t even the first time he’s heard of the flower now just spitting water! That little girl was an Angel sent from heaven, the two, well three counting Harley, were sure of it.
Meanwhile over with Batman and Robin, they were shocked to watch as Joker and Mari entered the fabric store. Everyone dove to the ground and the employees were shaking. But they did nothing but browse before taking it to the counter to get cut then heading to the front to pay for it, the needles, threads, scissors, sewing machine, and pattern for a new suit.
Mari was happily holding the bag of bought goods as they went to the craft store to get some other things such as a sketchbook, pencils, colored pencils, buttons, and the like. It was the same there as well. The customers fell to the ground and the employees were scared. Thou one employee didn’t look scared which confused the bats. Until they realized that the employee, a high school girl, was fighting to stay awake. After paying and leaving Joker was laughing at how the girl didn’t even blink as she fought to stay awake. When they glanced back, another employee was talking to the girl but the girl just leaned against the counter and fell asleep and the other employee looked terrified and got on the phone.
The two then went home and Nightwing and Red Hood caught up to Batman and Robin and told them what they knew and Batman sighed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three Years Later
Mari wasn’t happy when she earned her daddy hurt a kid. Someone a year or so older than her. But she also knew it was an accident, and accidents happened. The boy was trying to get to safety and someone else was the main problem hurting the boy. It was just cause Joker was attacking that the boy was running. She had brought the two sisters of the boy some sweets when she learned he went missing.
After doing that, with all of her other deeds, earned her the name of Gotham’s Sunshine Angel. Purely from how bright of an outlook she has when talking with people, brightening their days, and helping people out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Year Later
Mari had been excited when she met the new boy in her class. A 10-year-old boy named Damian had just arrived in Gotham to live with his father Bruce Wayne. When he arrived he was very closed off to everyone. He thought of himself as better which was ridiculous in her mind.
But slowly, ever so slowly, she got him to open up and become friends with him. It took over half a year to do that and she was proud of doing that. He was opening up slowly and actually acting like a child instead of an adult trapped in a child’s body. He was excited to introduce her to his family which she was excited too. She wanted to introduce him to her daddy and mommy!
She waved happily tot he shocked family. Tho from their faces she inched back nervous. “What’s the matter, father? Why are you acting like that to my friend?” Damian demanded, glaring at his family as Mari hid behind him slightly.
“Do you know who she is, Damian?” Bruce asked softly and Damian looked between him and Mari, confused.
“What do you mean?”
“She’s Joker’s daughter, adopted, but daughter nonetheless,” he said slowly and Damian whipped around to glare at her. A whimper left her as she backed away from her friend.
“You’re Joker’s child? And you didn’t think to tell me?” he demanded and Mari bit her lip, holding back a scream when her back hit the door as Damian and his family looked at her. His family was shocked still, but Damian?
Oh.
He looked furious.
“I-I thought you knew,” she stammered out, shrinking under his gaze. “E-everyone knows it since I was 6.”
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” he demanded.
“She’s telling the truth, Damian. Joker and Harley adopted her after finding her crying. It was a mugging gone wrong,” Bruce explained and Damian turned to him with narrowed eyes before turning back to Mari once more.
“How do I know she doesn’t have some evil plan? She’s the child of Joker,” he spat and Mari couldn’t hold back the tears. With a cry, she pulled the door open and rushed out of the manor.
What she didn’t see as she ran thru the rain and foggy street back to the city, Damian being glared at by his family.
What she did see tho?
It was too late.
A van screeched to a halt in front of her and a couple of men leaped out and grabbed her. She screamed out in fright, hoping someone would hear and help, but alas, it wouldn’t matter. They got her into the van and duct-taped her mouth.
When they got to the warehouse they got her changed into clothes all the other kids inside wore. Within a few hours, she and the others were on a supply plane toward Paris, France, sold to a sleazy orphanage.
Joker and Harley were in a frenzy that night. The Bats did what they could to calm them but it was difficult.
You shouldn’t mess with the Joker’s daughter.
That’s how they learned that she never made it home. The sweet angel would never do something like that to her parents. If she had a problem like a fight that happened, she would talk to her mommy and get advice. They didn’t learn until it was too late thou.
They were told she would be staying a few hours with her friend Damian. After those few hours, she was gone, already on a plane, leaving behind devastated parents and a guilt-ridden friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~(⋟﹏⋞)~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mari was jostled awake by one of the women running the orphanages. “Name?” she demanded and Mari opened and closed her mouth a few times trying to think, her face screwing up as she did.
“I-I think my name is Marinette,” she said after a bit and the woman’s face softened a bit.
“You think?” she asked and Mari nodded.
“I-I can’t remember anything,” she said and the woman nodded understanding.
“Well, it sounds like you have amnesia, Marinette. You’ll be lucky if it returns soon,” she replied writing some things down. “Get up, we need to get you cleaned up, some lovely people are coming by to see if there are any children they would like to adopt.”
Mari nodded and got up slowly, following behind the woman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~(⋟﹏⋞)~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mari was tired. She’s been with Tom and Sabine Dupain-Cheng for five years now. They were fine. They treated her well, but worked her hard. They had her helping in the bakery a lot. When that wasn’t happening, they talked to her only when eating together. When not doing either of those, she was sewing, but only sewing things her classmates, used to be friends, wanted. And when she wasn’t doing that, she was doing her Class Rep duties.
But oh.
On top of all that!
She was Ladybug, the hero of Paris.
Ya, she was tired. Her partner Chat was useless. He flirted constantly and didn’t know how to take no as an answer. Then there was also, Lila, a super liar who got her class to turn against her. Ya. she’s not having a good time in Paris.
She also wanted to remember her past. She keeps remember fuzzy figures that bring comfort, but she just can’t remember.
And it’s driving her nuts.
She slumped at her desk looking at her teacher who once more overlooked her. But then glared at her once Lila claimed something. Chloe sat down next to her and patted her back in comfort. She was glad to have made a friend with Chloe. She had been prepared to deal with Chloe, but she didn’t know how she was prepared for it. Just that she was.
“Have you head from WE?” Chloe asked and Mari shook her head.
“Not yet. Any day now,” she replied and Chloe nodded.
“And your parents?”
“Couldn’t care less. They only care that I won’t be able to help them out,” she answered with a sigh and Chloe shook her head.
“Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” she said with a flip of her hair.
“Class, I have a special announcement!” Bustier called and the class looked up at the teacher. “Our class is going to Gotham for a week to tour Wayne Enterprises!” she said happily and the class started cheering.
“Oh, I just knew my Damiboo would come thru for me!” Lila said and that had the class looking at her.
“Really girl!? Tell me the deets!” Alya said and Lila beamed as the rest of the class agreed.
“You see, I’m dating Damian Wayne, heir to Wayne Enterprises. When he heard that m-our class was fighting to win the chance to go, he promised to pull some strings and he pulled thru!” she said happily to the camera Alya whipped out and Alya started talking to it but the two girls in the back ignored it all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mari squealed next to Chloe as the exited the plane.
Alas, she should have known.
Nothing good ever stays.
She had to walk to the school they were visiting since her class left her behind. As soon as she got there, gasps rang out. A tall teen with tanned skin, black slicked-back hair, and the most intense emerald gaze walked over to her. Whispers rang around the halls about the Ice Prince, wondering what he was doing. The whispering got worse when he placed his hands on her shoulders and you could see him holding back tears.
She looked at him confused, she recognized him but couldn’t place it for the life of her.
And it pained her not being able to.
The teen pulled her into a bone-crushing hug with a soft gasp. “I’m so sorry, Angel,” he whispered. That brought tears to her eyes. He pulled back to look her in the eyes and looked concerned about the sad expression in her eyes.
“I-I’m sorry, I….I don’t remember you,” she whispered and his expression turned pained as they heard a shout and a blonde teen ran into Mari giving her a hug and looking at him sadly.
“I’m sorry. If you’re from her past, she doesn’t remember anything from before 6 years ago when she was adopted,” she said and the boy nodded understanding. “Chloe Bourgeois,” she introduced and the teen shook her hand.
“Damian Wayne. Thank you for telling me,” he said and she nodded. “If you allow it, may I accompany you and tell you how we first met years ago?” he asked and Mari gave a slow nod.
“Yeah, I’d like that,” she answered and Damian gave the barest smiles and the three headed off to classes, just in time to hear Lila boast about ‘Damiboo’.
Oh, she’s going to regret that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~
The week consisted of Damian and his friends Jon and Xander, hung with her and Chloe telling them about the year she disappeared, the year she and Damian met and became close friends. He didn’t go into too many details about the fight, just staying they had a horrible fight because he was an idiot and how sorry he was about it. He wanted to make sure she knew he was sorry.
And it did help, she could remember a bit more but still had trouble.
But it was progress.
And Mari is happy about it.
When it was time to leave, Damian was there to see her off, but they were both surprised to see Bruce walking up to her with Joker and Harley with Commissioner Gordon helping watch them.
The whole airport froze at the sight of them, remembering the terror they brought years ago when their daughter disappeared. Damian went over to Bruce, the question clear on his face.
“I got Mari’s class this trip because I recognized her. I thought her parents would appreciate seeing her,” he whispered and Damian gave a soft smile as he watched Joker and Harley freezing up when they saw Mari.
“Mari darling,” Joker whispered and they watched as tears gathered in her eyes as a recognition went over her. She knew them, she wasn’t sure how, but she knew them. Chloe was looking at the three with wide eyes.
“H-how do you-?” she started and cut herself off but the two knew what she was asking.
“Because, you’re our daughter, pumpkin,” Harley whispered and a ragged breath left her as she held back a sob.
“D-daddy? M-mommy?” she whispered and the two nodded. “I’m so sorry!” she sobbed, remembering everything, out running to them and the two pulled her close and started crying themselves.
“It’s ok, Mari darling. We know you didn’t mean it. We’re just glad your safe now,” Joker whispered as they collapsed onto their knees to the ground.
“S-still, I should-I should have called for you and-and waited!” she sobbed out and the two gently shushed her.
“It’s ok, pumpkin. We don’t need to dwell on the past. You’re here now,” Harley whispered and Mari nodded into their shoulders.
“I’m glad I found you again,” she whispered and they nodded themselves. They slowly pulled back when Mari heard Chloe cough. “I-I’m sorry, I have to go back now,” she whispered and the two looked sad at that.
“Uh, You’ll get longer actually,” Chloe said annoyed and that had everyone in the airport confused. “They left without us,” she scoffed jerking a hand back to the empty gate and terminal.
“What!?” Gordon shouted and Chloe nodded as the man ran to the gate’s desk and spoke to the pilot angrily.
“Marinette,” Bruce began and Mari turned to him and tilted her head.
“Yes?”
“Would you like to come back and live in joint custody of Joker and Harley?” he asked and Mari started nodding before stopping.
“Joint?” she asked looking between the two.
“We, split after you disappeared, pumpkin. We couldn’t stop arguing, but don’t worry, we aren’t arguing anymore, and won’t ever if you stay with us,” Harley said and Mari nodded slowly.
“And, Mari darling, don’t blame yourself. Ok? We’re both happy with where we are, your mommy is in a great relationship with Ivy now and is very happy. And I am enjoying the bachelor life!” Joker said happily and Mari beamed at that.
“I’m glad you’re happy now, daddy, mommy,” she whispered and the two nodded back with smiles.
“We are too, Mari darling.”
“I can speak to the officials in France about this as you were taken from your parents,” Bruce said and Mari smiled at that.
“Thank you, Mr. Wayne,” Mari whispered.
“The plane is too far away for them to turn around. But once they land, you’re teacher will be in trouble and investigated for leaving two students in Gotham,” Gordon said walking over to them after finishing the radio call.
“You should also have her adopted parents investigated,” Chloe said thru a scoff and that had the small group looking over at her while Mari shrunk.
“What do you mean?” Gordon asked confused.
“They neglect her daily and force her to work in the bakery or make things for her ‘friends’ even though they know she doesn’t think of them as such,” she explained and Gordon slowly nodded at that.
“I’ll tell them that,” he said walking away.
“While that is figured out, why don’t you two stay at Wayne Manor until it’s all done,” Bruce suggested and the two teens nodded agreement.
“I’ll take your bag,” Damian said and Mari smiled at that as she stood up and her parents squished her between them.
Yeah, she’s happy to finally be home.
Ok, I hope you guys enjoyed this!! This was pretty fun to write. If enough people ask, there MAY be a second part. But we’ll see. Anyways! Hope you enjoyed this long fic! Until Next Time!! -Love Willa<3<3<3
#fanfic#A Little Angel#ALA#my wriing#good joker#joker is a dad#ml x dc#maribat#daminette#amnesea#remembering#long fic
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I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊
Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3
Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂
Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.
Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓
Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.
So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)
(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)
I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)
Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)
So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr
#rovermcfly#signed sealed delivered#THANK U SM I HOPE U ENJOY KY RAMBLING :)#id love to ramble more if theres anything else u’d like to hear about my art journey :) bc i know this is all over the place lmfao#i will say some periods of life were a bit more inspired than others and thats bc i like will not draw if im too stressed#bc likely if im too stressed im too tired. see: a few weeks ago when that job was draining my life force
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do u have any advice for forcing past 50 layers of self loathing in order to work on practicing art? i know i gotta Just Do It to get better and i've gotten a lot better in the past few months thru consistent practice!! but some days i sit down to do it and immediately get hit with a feeling of You Will Never Be Good Enough And That Makes You A Bad Person that i really struggle to get past :/ i rly resonate w your posts about mental illness/health so i thought i'd ask! hope you have a good week!
it’s hard! it’s fucking hard. it takes constant daily practice -- not just at art but practice at being kind to yourself -- and it takes a long time, at least in my experience.
the first and most important thing, which you’ve probably already heard a billion times and are sick of hearing bc it’s so much easier said than done, is to try your best to stop comparing yourself to others. constantly holding yourself up to artists who are more technically adept/more polished than yourself will poison ur heart and brain and make it so, so much harder for u to focus on ur own craft. if you really, REALLY can’t turn that comparison/jealousy/stress into inspiration rn, it may mean you just have to actually limit the amount of time u spend looking at work that creates that ache in you, yknow? and so the flip side of this advice is another piece of advice i’ve given before, which is that u should surround yourself w people who are kind of roughly in the same “stage” of their creative journey as u. connect w other artists who are struggling w their confidence, other artists who don’t have much of an audience, other artists who are still trying to get their technical level to where they want it -- people who are going through stuff you relate to personally, instead of just following artists who you feel are already “way better” than u so all u feel when u look at their stuff is “my stuff will never look like that.” if u already do, that’s fantastic! lean into your interactions w them, learn from each other, and remind yourself constantly that FAR more people are in your boat (where we all have stuff artwise that we’re insecure about and we’re all trying really hard to get better and get our stuff out there) vs like, the amount of artists who are just “Good Enough!” and have settled there and are just chillin is comparatively very very small. MOST people feel exactly the way you do.
i also have a thread i wrote on twitter about how to deal with and work around the discouragement of not being technically skilled enough to draw what’s in your head. tldr: while you are in stages where you’re not happy with your skill level (which are feelings that will fade, and then come back, over and over again, for as long as you draw), instead of giving up, try to be realistic AND proactive and change the internal monologue from “i’m not good enough to draw this :(” to “okay. i’ll just frustrate myself if i keep trying to draw plan A. what’s a plan B that’s more realistic with my skill level?”
another thing it took me forever to learn is that everything doesn’t have to be posted. a lot of times a piece i was in the middle of wouldn’t actually be AWFUL, but it wouldn’t be “good enough to post,” so i’d convince myself i hated it. i spent ages thinking of every single drawing i ever made in terms of “is this polished enough to post, if i post this will anyone like/retweet/reblog this, will this make me look like i’m shitty at drawing if i post it,” blah blah blah blah blah, and finally realizing that u can just. MAKE drawings that aren’t that good, and nobody EVER has to see them if u don’t want them to and that doesn’t mean the drawing was a waste of time, was a revelation for me tbh. and i still struggle w feeling like any drawing that i don’t post and get validation on is a “waste” or like, pointless, but i’m training myself out of that and it helps a lot. sort of connected to this, try your BEST not to scrap drawings halfway through when you don’t like how they’re coming out. really really try to push through and finish crappy drawings. nobody has to know, and you’ll progress faster by making yourself finish things instead of giving up on a string of a dozen half-drawn heads.
aaaaaand finally: when drawing stops being fun and starts being something you’re torturing yourself with, maybe it’s time to go do something else for a while. like, i think utilizing this advice effectively requires having a really honest and realistic self-dialogue, bc literally the last thing i said before this was “make yourself do things you don’t want to do” and i don’t want this advice to turn into “well every single time i get frustrated that means it’s time to give up on practice for the day,” obviously. but i mean there IS a line between gritting your teeth and pushing through dull/embarrassing/just not super fun practice for the greater good, vs torturing yourself banging your head against a wall for hours at something that’s not making you happy. sometimes if you hit a plateau or you just can’t find any joy or contentment in trying that just means you’re creatively depleted. you need to rest and go soak in some inspiration and just get away from your tablet/sketchbook for a while and that’s so normal. besides, you’re already doing fine: from the way you phrase this, you HAVE been consistently practicing, and it’s just that some days you’re tired and fed up and you can’t do it. there’s nothing weird about that! that’s how everyone is! so, you know: work hard, play hard, but be nice to yourself and cut yourself a little more slack. you’ll get there and it’s not a race.
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When was the last time you baked something for someone?
I’m not a baker, so never. Like, I make stuff like those easy Pillsbury sugar cookies or cupcakes from the box once in awhile, but I’m not baking stuff from scratch or for other people. I don’t make anything great.
Do you ever spend the night at random people’s houses?
No.
What did you eat for dinner tonight? Was it any good at all?
I haven’t had dinner, yet, it’s only 4 in the morning.
Would you be mad if your mom showed your boyfriend your baby pictures?
I like my baby pictures haha I don’t know why people get embarrassed about that. Just don’t whip out my middle school photos or any random ones after that. It’d have to be approved by me first, ha.
Would you say you’re someone who has good manners?
I believe so.
When was the last time you went to an amusement park? Which one?
I went to Disneyland last February. Almost a year ago, wow.
Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips?
Lips.
Do you completely trust the person you’re dating?
I’m single.
Has someone ever called you heartless before? Why is that?
No.
What color was the shirt you wore yesterday?
It was a dark blue sweatshirt.
Have you ever completely given up on someone any time in life?
Myself.
What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week?
I have my monthly doctor appointment coming up. Blah.
Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday?
Yesss. I love Christmas. I’m sad it’s over and we’re in for another long year ahead. Not to mention, we’re not even a week in the new year and madness has already ensued.
Would you rather give someone presents or receive them?
I love getting presents for my loved ones.
How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them?
I give a lot of chances.
Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born?
I’m actually not sure.
Are any of your really close friends pregnant right now?
No friends, but as far as I know no one I know is pregnant.
Are you for or against inter-racial relationships?
Uh, for of course.
Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist?
I’m very much a pessimist.
Do you know what your true typing speed is? What is it?
I do not.
What would you say is the longest survey you’ve ever taken?
The 5,000 questions survey. I’m like really close to being done with it I think. I’ve taken many long breaks, but eventually I’ll finish it.
Do you get bored by things really easily, or not so much?
No, not usually.
Do you hate it when people pronounce ‘potatoes’ as ‘taters?’
No. I say that sometimes.
Do you wear a lot of make-up on a daily basis?
I haven’t worn any makeup in over 3 years now and back when I did I kept it simple with just mascara and eyeliner.
Who makes the best desserts in your entire family?
My parents and brother each have their own specialties.
When was the last time your received a hug? Who was this hug from?
On Christmas from my family.
Do you have good dreams or nightmares more?
I have very random and weird dreams most of the time.
Would you rather color pictures with markers or crayons?
How about colored pencils.
Do people come to you for advice a lot of the time?
I used to be that person, but not anymore. No one should be asking me for advice, I’m a mess.
Look at your display picture. Where was it taken and when was it taken?
Just a few days ago in my room.
When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies?
Yep, all month long.
When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult?
I don’t recall.
Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much?
I think I’m nice, but I’m not overly friendly.
Have you ever/do you ever recycle?
We recycle plastic bottles and cans.
When was the last time you ate something from Burger King?
It’s been quite awhile, actually.... I don’t remember.
When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it?
Not necessarily.
Do you usually talk more than you should about things?
How much is more than you should, like what’s the appropriate amount? And about what things? I have questions.
Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways?
My doggo actually takes that title haha. She’s very inquisitive. She has to know what everyone is doing and what’s going on.
When did you last talk to one of your teachers?
Not since I was in school still, so sometime back in 2015.
How many class periods does your school have? What are the classes?
I’m not in school anymore.
Would you say you’re a faster or slow learner?
Depends on the subject.
Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas?
Yeah. I’m not obsessed, but I like it.
Do you fully understand the concept of ‘love?’
I don’t know.
What’s your second favorite color?
Pastels, rose gold, mint green, coral, and yellow.
Do you ever wish you lived in a different country?
No.
Do you have a credit card with a picture on the front?
Nope.
Have you ever gone car shopping?
No.
Have you ever bought the car yourself?
What movie have you watched most recently?
I watched The Santa Clause movies, Home Alone 1 & 2, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation many times last month.
Have you ever given someone the rejection hotline number?
No.
Do you know what dog treats taste like?
No, I’ve never wanted to try one. I imagine they’re very dry and gross.
Who’s the last person you “pounded” fists with?
I don’t recall the last time I did that.
Do you think you could defend our country?
No. I couldn’t anyway, I’m physically disabled.
If you leave the TV on at night, do you set the sleep timer?
No, it just stays on.
When’s the last time you drove farther than 2 hours away?
Two years ago. I didn’t drive, but yeah.
Will you pass all your classes this semester?
Have you ever been involved in an affair?
No.
Ever won a spelling bee?
I was never in one.
How many times a week do you speak to your boss?
I don’t have a job.
When’s the last time you exercised?
Uhhhh.
What’s the last movie you saw at the drive thru?
I think it was the Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Our drive-ins closed a long time ago. I really feel like they should make a comeback given our current situation, especially, but they were also just fun. I know they’re still around, but they’re pretty scarce. Nowhere near me, at least.
Are you a parent?
Nooo.
What about an uncle or an aunt?
Nope.
How many jobs have you had?
Zero.
Who did you last smile at?
My mom.
Who was your last voicemail from?
Probably an appointment reminder from my doctor.
Do you know how to spell well?
Pretty well, I think.
Have you ever worn a leotard in public?
No. Or ever.
Are you currently writing a term paper?
Nopeee. Those days are over for me.
On average how many texts do you send a day?
I don’t text a lot at all, it’s not a daily thing. When I text, it’s just a few quick ones. I don’t have long ongoing conversations with anyone.
How many times have you been so drunk you didn’t remember the night before?
There’s only one time where parts of the night are splotchy.
How often do you watch Lifetime?
Very, very rarely. It’s been quite awhile.
What do you want for your birthday?
I don’t know, man, we just had Christmas and my birthday is still months away.
What’s your favorite flavor of tea?
Peppermint and chamomile.
What’s your favorite fall drink?
Hot coffee, but that’s really my favorite year round. It is especially nice when the weather is cold, though.
What’re you going to be for Halloween?
I don’t dress up for Halloween anymore.
Do you think you’ve learned a lot and grown a lot in the past year?
No. :/ That’s the problem. The past few years have come and gone and I haven’t made any positive changes or started to move in the right direction like I should be.
Are you satisfied with how you’ve spent your year?
^^^ I’m afraid this year will be more of the same.
What’s something you’ve learned lately?
Hmm.
Do you have a lot of friends?
I don’t have any friends.
Do you own a yellow scarf?
I don’t have any scarves, either.
Do you own brown shoes?
I have a pair of brown boots.
Do you own anything leopard print?
No.
Will you buy a cake for your next birthday?
Haven’t thought about it.
Are you counting down the days until your birthday right now?
Nooo.
Are you excited for something currently?
No.
If you could change just one thing about your life right now, what would it be?
My health.
Have you ever been to a school dance?
Yeah, I went to a few in middle school and I went to winter formal and prom my senior year.
Do you make a list of goals at the beginning of each week?
Ha, no. I’m not that put together. I don’t have the motivation or energy for that.
Are you artistic?
No.
When was that last time you drew a picture in a sketchbook?
I don’t draw.
Is there a tree right outside your bedroom window?
There is, actually.
Is it windy right now where you are?
I don’t think so.
Is it raining?
Nope.
What’s something about you that makes you different from everyone else?
*shrug*
Do you dress the same way as your peers?
I don’t know how many 31 year olds live in leggings and oversized graphic tees like I do. I feel like it’s not many.
Do you talk the same way as your peers?
I think so?
Do you have the same life goals as your friends?
I should have some goals to begin with... :/
Are you having a good day?
It’s only 5:53AM.
Is your hair red?
I dye it red.
Do you like brownies?
I love brownies. My brother just baked some recently and I quite enjoyed them.
Have you ever dressed up as a witch on Halloween?
Yeah, that was a common costume for me as a kid.
What’s one color that you never wear because it doesn’t look good on you?
I don’t feel I look good in any color. Most of my clothes are black, though. I feel most comfortable in black.
Have you ever been to a masquerade?
Nope.
Do you eat vegetables?
I eat spinach, green onions, and potatoes pretty often. Not nearly enough veggies, I know.
Do you wear leggings?
Like I said, I live in leggings.
Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40?
Alexander Skarsgard.
Who is the most inappropriate person you know?
I don’t know any inappropriate people.
Did anything bad happen to you in August?
It was just a long, hot month.
Who in your phone has a heart after their name?
My mom does.
Anything you’re avoiding?
Yes.
If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
To feel better.
If your parents searched your room, would they be angry at what they’d find?
No, but also I’m 31 years old so there’s no reason for them to be doing that. They wouldn’t do that either.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Not romantic feelings, no.
After breaking up, what’s the worst?
The heartbreak and moving on.
Do you think your last ex deserves to die?
No, absolutely not. I don’t wish that on anyone and he certainly didn’t do anything to warrant that.
Do any girls like the last guy you kissed?
Probably?
Are you happier now than you were three months ago?
I wasn’t happy then and I’m still not, so.
Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
I certainly didn’t plan these past few years to be the way they have and continue to be that’s for sure.
Have you done anything sexual today?
No.
Do you have a second mom?
No.
Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
Nooo, I love my brother.
Describe your most recent purchase:
Food, of course.
Did you enjoy the last movie you watched in theatres?
Yeah. Man, I miss going to the movies.
If you make surveys, where’s the last place you saw a survey made by you on another person’s site?
I don't make them.
Do you take the subway train often (if your city has one)?
We don’t have a subway train here.
What shoes did you wear today?
I haven’t worn any shoes so far and won’t be wearing any later because I’m not going anywhere.
Who was the last person to leave you a comment on Facebook?
I think it was my aunt.
Does your sibling have a significant other?
Neither of them do.
When and why is the last time you cried (or at least, shed tears)?
Like an hour ago.
Have you ever cried at a real wedding?
No. Also, what do you mean by “real” wedding?
How would you feel if a girl asked your boyfriend out for a drink?
Uh, I’d have an issue with that.
Do you use Skype?
No.
What do your flip-flops look like?
I don’t wear flip flops or sandals or any open-toed shoes.
Describe a poster on your wall.
One is a giraffe painting. I actually have 3.
Are there any gadgets of yours that need charging right now?
My phone is charging.
What do you use to remove makeup?
I just used water and a cotton pad. I just wore eyeliner and mascara, so.
Tilt your head up and look straight ahead. Describe what you see.
My bookshelf.
Which awards show would you wanna go to the most (e.g Oscars, Grammys etc.)?
One of the music ones.
Any idea what time you’ll be going to bed tonight?
Well, it’s 6:06AM and here we are.
Do you think George Clooney is hot?
I’ve never personally found him attractive.
Have you ever participated in local magazine cover girl searches?
No.
Have you ever bought a lottery ticket (and even better: won)?
Yes. I’ve won small amounts, but not the big prizes. I wishhh.
What colour is your keyboard?
Black with white letters.
Do you keep the plastic/paper/whatever bags after you buy stuff?
We reuse plastic bags for like the little garbage cans and stuff.
Do you own any high waisted pants?
No.
What’s the craziest thing you’ll ever do to your hair?
Bleaching and dyeing my hair the first time was a big change for me. It’s so normal now, though.
Do you know anyone who has two different coloured eyes?
No.
Does your significant other like the same colour as you do?
No significant other.
Do you wanna be a pirate or an elf?
I’d rather be an elf.
Have you ever purchased anything online?
Numerous things over the years. I’ve done a lot of online shopping especially these past few years.
What’s your favourite classic Disney movie (no, Camp Rock doesn’t count)?
Alice in Wonderland.
Gold or silver accessories?
I like both.
Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress?
No.
Name all your friends whose name starts with the 4th letter of your first name.
What websites do you absolutely have to visit daily (or at least, every time you get to go online)?
I always go on Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook.
Have you ever ridden an elephant?
No.
Are you a fan of acrylic nails?
I’ve never had them. I don’t get or do my nails. I don’t have any nails to do, for one. Also just not my thing.
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Ok generally I can fall asleep when I want but I have lots of friends who can’t so here goes! Also I’m on mobile so... sorry for not reaching out in chat my phone doesn’t let me oops! 1. If u are laying in bed for more than thirty minutes and still aren’t sleeping, get out of bed and go do something else. Ur supposed to associate ur bed w sleep, not w NOT sleeping. 2. Take melatonin like 30 mins before bed, ive been told it rlly helps.
3. Practice meditation! Do it during daylight hours to start but I + others have found that meditation helps u clear ur mind and have u gently focus on ur breathing and that shit gets boring REAL fast so it’s easy to conk out from a certain point meditating. I can ask friends for tips but like this is all I got on me rn oops. I hope it proves helpful to u and like... wow I’ve been following u since 2017. Weird
its fine, idm ppl reaching out to me thru inbox. and holy shit you’ve been following me since 2017? that’s insane. i would’ve thought lots of people started unfollowing right after i stopped posting the usual kl art back in 2018, glad you’re still around though
i use an app called youper that gives meditation and breathing exercises, i usually try those when i’m unable to fall asleep, but lately it hasn’t been working for me at all B^( another friend suggested taking melatonin but i haven’t tried that yet since i wasn’t sure what exactly with melatonin could help me. i’m not that fond of taking meds or pills since i’ve had shit experience with things like tylenol, and all that really did was give me nose bleeds. someone commented to try melatonin gummies, so i’ll think i’ll try those and go buy some.
i will try to actually do what you suggested first, since what i end up doing is keep laying in bed until sleep takes me away. other times, when i know im unable to sleep, i try to draw a bit in my sketchbook, but even up to 4am when i’m doing that i’m still unable to sleep. i feel like it would be really hard to figure out what i could do once im out of bed when im unable to sleep after 30 min
i feel like another thing thats also a reason why i can’t fall asleep is my mind being unable to shut up about various things. i would feel my face tense up while my eyes are closed, i would try to pay attention to something like environment noises from outside to calm my mind or at least let the thoughts stop, but my mind usually resumes back to a state of “hey im gonna keep you up with all these vague, random thoughts that won’t let you sleep B^).” i’d try to do things like listen to white noise or music too but neither would work on actually having my mind shut up
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FREELANCE GUiDANCE: A 10 Part Series - #3 Setting Up Work Parameters
One of the benefits of Freelancing is the FREEDOM but sometimes too much freedom leads to disorganization and chaos. Possibly the biggest challenger a Freelancer faces is the ability to be his own boss-- with no one constantly over your shoulder, no fear of a walk thru by the uppity mucks there's plenty of opportunity to slack off, and that will kill your career.
1. ESTABLISH YOUR WORK HOURS - This should be a "general" guide because as I've already covered sometimes creativity cannot be caged. Sometimes that great idea or inspiration comes at 2 in the morning rather than at 9. Everyone is different and this is a find your way kind of rule. During a week of working freelance take occasion to jot down notes of the time and productivity-- you'll likely see a pattern emerge. In my own case I like to get an early start but seldom do. But after years of study I've discovered my peak productivity blocks in the day- 5am-8am and 2pm to 10pm. We'll get into this a bit further below.
2. ESTABLISH A WORK AREA - This is the BIGGEST key for me. I don't allow my work to spread out all over the house. I work ONLY in my studio space. The entire third floor of my house is my office area. It houses my computers, drawing tables, easels, supplies and reference material. I DON'T spend ANY time in there NOT working. You wouldn't drive to your corporate office job so you can search eBay would you? I treat my work area with the same respect.
3. KNOW WHEN A JOB IS NOT THE RIGHT FIT - It’s hard when you're just starting out to turn down a job, but sometimes (especially early on) things come along that are not right for you. I can't draw cute. I can't. Bunnies might start KIND OF cute but eventually they're going to look depraved. It's not in my makeup. Early in my career I would have taken that gig and kept at it killing myself and doing four times the work to make it right for the client. Now I know better. You turn down the WRONG job so you're available when the RIGHT job comes along.
4. DEADLINES TRUMP EVERYTHING - My kids from an early age knew the phrase "Dad's on a deadline" -- which meant I'm a phantom that might pop up out of my studio 2-3 times a week. The Deadline is the thing. I don't miss deadlines. This should not be your every week routine— you need to have a life, but those deadline crunch times are special circumstances.
5. SET UP PRODUCTIVITY - Da Vinci used a similar schedule and I've found this works; 45-90 minute working sessions with breaks in between makes me MUCH more productive.
LET'S GET A LITTLE FURTHER IN-DEPTH to my talking points
1- Establishing Your Work Hours-- I would suggest you even buy yourself an OPEN/CLOSED sign that you can put outside your workroom door. It doesn't have to be a fancy neon one, it can be a simple cardboard one. In my studio I use to blowmold ghosts that sit at the edge of my desk-- when they're on I'm working. It not only lets other people know you're "at work" it gets yourself into the right frame of mind.
Share your working hours with significant others. Let them know you're going to be struggling to "work from home" and you'll need their help. They wouldn't walk into your office on Park Avenue with your co-workers all around and your boss down the hall clutching the light bill and saying we need to talk about that neon beer sign you must have on 24 hours a day-- they would wait until you're home from work, and just because work is now home there should be no difference.
They need to understand that work from home does NOT mean you don't work. It does not mean every elderly relative can expect you to shuttle them around to doctor appointments, it doesn't mean you're instantly the chaperone at juniors Zoo trip. YOU ARE STILL WORKING just AT HOME.
You’ll need to decide if you are going to follow a standard Monday-Friday work week or will you take Mondays and Tuesdays off? Resist the urge to not take days off because money is coming in. I strongly advocate days off for your own mental health. It's easy to swing the opposite direction in Freelance and work 24/7.
One of the first things I wanted when I went Freelance was weekends off. After years of working in retail I never got to enjoy them. In retail I had every Sunday and Wednesday off. SPLIT days-- and I was looking forward to two together. It seemed like a dream to me.
The downside to being off weekends is so is everyone else. So those Wednesday trips to the bank or the post office I used to make were a breeze compared to trying to go on Saturday morning.
Now, I schedule days off (and to be honest A Day Off) the week I'm working. It allows me to better balance projects. And being completely honest, I LOVE working freelance, sometimes taking a day off is like punishment. But even on the weeks I don't take a day off I take a morning off, or an afternoon, or an evening-- that works for me. Starting out-- I'd give yourself at least one day off each week as you're figuring out what works for you.
How About Holidays? That seems like a no-brainer until you're on that big project and it's due Dec 27th and using the Organizational skills I set up for you in Session 1 you realize you're behind. Suddenly you have a virtual scale in front of you held by Santa Claus with family and friends on one side and the client on the other.
Deciding up front that it's a hard and fast rule that you won't work CERTAIN holidays is a concession I made right away. I don't work on Christmas-- in fact I don't work two days BEFORE Christmas and I don't work the week FOLLOWING Christmas up through to Jan 2nd. I don't. Nope, not gonna do it.
Why? I like Christmas and it's a holiday I look forward to. I work extremely hard up to Dec 22nd but truth be told Christmas is VERY Slow in Freelance because most clients aren't thinking about projects either. So a studio shut down is perfectly acceptable.
But the OTHER 99 holidays on the calendar? They are all up for grabs. I don't work the night of my wife's Birthday and I keep the schedule light during the day-- but other than Xmas, New Years and my Wife's Birthday I will work any other holiday even at the drop of a hat.
Knowing this helps me keep the stress level down. My family knowing this keeps them from asking me why I'm not coming to the Memorial Day cookout, or the Patriots Day party.
2. Establish a Work Area - My wife has her own studio on another floor of the house. We meet daily for Breakfast and Lunch which is a nice break. Her studio is very zen. Very few things, a handful of books, some sparse furniture and warm inviting lights with some inspirational artwork hanging prominently around the room. Mine is the polar opposite of Zen. It's loaded like a High School locker. There is not an inch of space on my walls or shelves that is not filled with comics, posters, original art, toys, action figures, vintage japanese vinyl toys, a lifesize Frankenstein, an Adam West Batman Cowl, a Nicholas Hammond Spider-Man Mask a Tony the Tiger display head, Darth Vader mask, more toys, more art more action figures and did I mention Books? Libraries come to me to borrow things. There are THOUSANDS of books.
I love the kinetic cluttered energy it gives off. At Christmas time I decorate Frankenstein with colored lights. The rest of the year Halloween Lights hang in my studio. It's my own personal Batcave-- all I'm missing is a British Butler walking in with coffee and scones every forty five minutes.
But that space works for me. It gets me juiced up and ready to work.
That's how you need to set YOUR space. When you're just starting out you may have to incorporate a drawing or work area in another room because of space restraints. When I was first starting out in a one bedroom studio my bed was three feet from my drawing table. It made for some tough nights sleeping because it was hard to "turn off" working mode in the same room.
Regardless of space, make some for yourself. I have a good friend whose first studio space was a medium sized closet. It was actually kind of cool-- you had to climb in like a race car but once you were encased in the environment like a man piloting a lunar shuttle to the moon you were ready to work.
The point is to make this space YOUR work inspiration-- so make it a place you WANT to spend time in.
3. Know when a Job is NOT the Right Fit - Easy to say when you're established. You're going to take pretty much any job that comes along at first, and that's okay. Sometimes you don't even know the job isn't right for you until you're doing it.
When we get to PART 5: GETTING PAID SON we'll look at how to budget for these types of jobs so at least you're getting paid well for something that isn't a fit.
Let's assume that despite your portfolio of Goth Animals someone comes to you thinking you'd be perfect for that highly detailed photo accurate oil painting of Grandma. That's not a good fit for you, you know it, they don't. But the light bill is due and there's not a lot else coming in right now so you're thinking hard about taking it. It's a fork in the road decision:
A. You take it and spend HOURS upon HOURS resisting the urge to give grandma dark undereyes and floppy ears. If you went with this option the biggest advice I can give you is do a lot of research and spend a LOT of time warming up. Look at portraits, look at Presidential Portraits and study the brush strokes. Grab your favorite sketchbook and some colored pencils and get to an art museum and do some sketching of the portraits in the collection. Get your head ready for the project and then give it your best shot.
B. Pass on it and recommend a friend you know who would be a better fit, earning Karma points from the friend and freeing yourself up for that job that WILL fit. Spend the downtime Marketing yourself (also coming up in the series) which is a better expenditure of your time and resources.
4. Deadlines Trump All - All my rules of work parameters combined with the skills I imparted in the ORGANIZATION session should lead you to a point where you don't have to work overtime, but in the real world we know that occasionally that IS going to happen. If you find yourself CONSTANTLY working overtime on projects re-evaluate your working methods and see if you are actually being productive or if you're wasting a lot of time.
5. SetUp Productivity - The eight hour workday became the norm at the turn of the last century and pretty much has been the standard ever since. This method goes back LONG before that to the days of Leonardo Da Vinci who often used this seemingly odd method to accomplish the amazing array of achievements he did over the course of his life.
It's simple-- you work in 45-90 minute sessions with breaks in between. During the session you do NOTHING but work. You don't answer the phone if it rings (that's why Voicemail was created) you don't check your email. You don't jump on IMDB to see who was the actor inside Darth Vader's suit (it was Dave Prowse, body builder and former Frankenstein actor). YOU WORK. Because SO much of our day is actually filled with distraction. That's OK if you work for SNIDELY WHIPLASH INDUSTRIES who is paying you a fat check to work 30% of the time, as a Freelancer you only get paid for the hours you actually WORK. Novel concept isn't it? It's the price you pay for being your own boss.
This is best accomplished either by setting up a PLAYLIST running the allotted time, or by streaming an episode of a TV series or even setting an alarm clock. Give it a try-- WORK for the allocated time and THEN take a break of 15-30 mins (also timed) to check your mail, return phone calls, do whatever-- you will be AMAZED at how this works if you can really be disciplined about it.
NEXT WEEK: LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS -- it's the difference between eating and not.
Andy Fish is a freelance artist and writer who has been living the lifestyle longer than there has been an iPhone on this planet. The advice given has worked for him, it might work for you, he hopes it does. But like all advice, take it with your own situation in mind. If you want to contact him shoot him an email [email protected]
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Big bts medieval AU
god okay FINE I'm posting it here because I'm so tired of sending screenshots 😭😭
[[MORE]]
namjoon: son of one of the king's subjects, young genius military general
tae: crown prince, protected and educated
jin: son of the kingsguard or st, tae's tutor
hobi: son of someone important in the court, eventually hand of the king
jungkook: (some gendry baratheon esque origin story?), just a stable boy/blacksmith who becomes friends with them and maybe eventually becomes Important
jimin: prince from another kingdom, v hot
yoongi: thief/rebel/hitman, v close friends with jk
• tae has three childhood friends: namjoon, hobi, and jin
• they play together a lot and when they get old enough for riding lessons they get to know and play with jungkook too, the stable boy's tiny son
• everything is very cute, childhood friends in the palace, they get into mischief, they gotta save baby jk out of trouble sometimes or st
• when they hit early teens they start training for different things. tae is a prince and he hates the weapon practice (he's a little better with a bow and arrow but his dad insists on him learning the sword), he also learns about history and diplomacy from jin (who becomes his tutor), and strategy from jin and also namjoon, who's getting more weapons and strategy training from jin's dad the head of the kingsguard (sometimes he just hangs around during the history lessons too bc he's fascinated)
• hmmm during this time joon may or may not have a crush on seokjin :0 he's older and smart and sociable okay
• hobi and jin have a thing for helping out/hanging around the kitchens sometimes, more than the others
• hobi drops by the lessons sometimes too, hes the best archer out of all of them, he's super charismatic and friendly and he ends up getting trained as the future hand of the king (he can also usually talk his way out of any trouble pfft)
~~
• so their early/mid-teens happen and it gets even harder to hang out/get playtime
• yes yes jin starts looking a bit more mature and is cute, namjoon and hobi have stupid crushes on him and tae notices but rolls his eyes and doesnt say anything
• and then, One summer, namjoon starts training in swordfighting more intensively and puberty hits him like a brick wall
• everyone, even tae, was kinda lowkey thirstin
• they once watched namjoon train (jin was rarely out in the training field bc he's gonna be a scholar not a fighter, so he's like gulps waow he looks good, hobi is staring at joon's muscles, tae was like okay maybe I do like boys too cool that's convenient bc in this universe alliances can also be made with same sex marriage, even jk is like wow namjoon hyung ur so strong!! with big googly eyes)
• hobi whistles and namjoon fumbles with his practice sword and drops it LMAO and they're like yep there's the namjoon we know moment's over
• and then they just all go Thru it ykno puberty is a thing. hobi gets more beautiful, tae is still gangly/short and his face is somehow too long and small at the same time and he thinks he still looks basically the same as when he was 10 (he complains about it to himself)
• tae doesnt mind the lessons with jin, hates the weapons practice, but honestly what he loves the most is drawing. he has drawings of his friends, drawings of them just chilling, drawings of hobi and joon training (hobi looks so graceful 🥺), but his favorite is just sitting on a mound of hay at the stables and drawing jungkook while jungkook goes around doing stable boy work
• tae doesnt know when it happens, but jk also hits puberty and he realizes that when he's shading in jk's shoulder muscles and biceps and he internally goes "wow, he's attractive" "wow, I like jungkook"
• "oh no, I like the stable boy"
• tae avoided the stables for a like a week while he tried to process his feelings but things go back to normal eventually. jk was sad but he's sure prince taehyung has a lot of stuff on his hands
• the first time tae comes back jk addresses him formally and tae was taken aback like why are u calling me your grace?? we're really good friends? jk shrugs and goes "I can go back to calling you taehyung" "please" and everything mostly goes back to normal after that. tae hides his feelings to be processed another day, or to just go away. he's destined to be betrothed to another prince anyways
~~
• they start turning 18 and they start doing actual jobs in the castle. joon proved himself to be super smart and he's been promoted to a junior advisor to the military general/kingsguard commander person
• jin becomes a full time scholar and hangs out at the library. sometimes namjoon comes in and borrows books and he's still flustered around jin even though they've known each other their whole life
• hobi is THE best event planner and also micromanages everything else as the hand of the king, also works closely with tae about events and balls and council meetings, which tae attends more and more as his 18th birthday draws near and he'll be expected to start making actual decisions and be an official member
• tae is a little intimidated by how good hobi is getting at micromanaging the kingdom and sometimes thinks hobi would make a better ruler instead :(
• the summer before tae turns 18 jungkook goes away for the summer to idk take care of his sick grandma at the countryside or st, tae is grumpy and he could easily arrange for kook's grandma to be brought to the castle and taken care of by handmaids and stuff but that's cheating (a big theme for this fic is maybe even though tae is maybe the next in line for most powerful person he still feels trapped and limited by his position)
• anyways while jungkook was away that's when he meets yoongi, may have dabbled in a bit of Anarchism™️ with him idek
• in the fall JK comes back and is HOTTER than ever and tae is STILL so damn gay for him and something's changed like...there's more tension between the two of them when they see each other but they barely do throughout the fall because tae is so busy with castle responsibilities now with his 18th birthday happening so soon
• tae turns 18 and hobi arranges for him to meet his betrothed, the prince from another kingdom who tae has to marry for alliance purposes
• he's managed to squash his feelings for jungkook but he still draws, he has like a sketchbook full of drawings of him akdjdk at one point jungkook asks "are all your drawings of me, hyung?" in a light but lowkey flirty tone and tae just deadpans "sometimes I draw the horses, or the hay"
• anyways, prince jimin will be staying at tae's family castle for the year as the two get to know each other better
• jimin looks HELLA ethereal and light and tae is INTIMIDATED he makes a fool out of himself trying to be too formal or official or whatever and jimin just laughs (lightly, like flower petals) and tells tae to chill, it's okay
• they talk about the little things like the climate and the food and hobbies etc
• jimin is v friendly and charismatic and half of it is for show but not in a bad way. he knows how to play the crowd and play the flirty charismatic prince, but deep inside he's sad that he's trapped in this life and sometimes thinks about flying away to another life
• there's not really any romantic chemistry between vmin but one day they were just chatting in tae's room when jimin suddenly? kisses him?? Tae is SHOCKED his hands are over his mouth touching his lips like oh god...that was my first kiss....and his stomach turns because it wasn't with jungkook
• jimin is profusely apologizing and freaking out a bit like "I'm sorry, I've never been betrothed before, idk what I'm doing I thought it would be good to try? to see if we work? like that?? I just want to make this work" and they figure out that jimin kissed tae bc he felt like he had to :( they figure out that they dont really have any romantic feelings for each other but that's okay they respect and appreciate each other a lot! (jimin may or may not know about tae's crush, maybe just that there's someone out there he likes, and jimin is in love with freedom but can never have it) ("what about you?" "Me?" Jimin gave a knowing while, his answer ready. "I'm in love with open doors and fields stretched out for miles. I'm in love with the stars and the infinite mysteries they hold." "Are you always this grossly poetic?" Jimin just laughs and shoves tae lightly.)
• anyways vmin bffs!! they chill and they remain platonic, because tae is still so so gay for jungkook
• especially now that his baby fat is starting to go away and his features are getting sharper, his muscles even MORE defined how is that possible
• tae is doing a p good job of looking more mature too he's starting to fill out his gangly body more, his face less childish and more "regal," as jungkook describes one day
• jk totally has an Oh moment too like "I never noticed your face" "what about my face" "it's so...it's a prince's face" "...what's that supposed to mean"
• they ride together sometimes and one day when the castle responsibilities are too much tae grabs a basket of food and drink from the kitchens, rides out somewhere to the meadows with jungkook and has a picnic with him
• they've snuck food out and hung out before but this time it felt a little different on the way back like they're both like it's time to go and jungkook grabs the harness/leash for the horses and leads tae's horse to him and they just share a look, both of their hands touching the leather strap of the harness
• nothing happens they get to the castle and that night tae DOESNT think about how he shouldve kissed jk right there and DOESNT think about jungkook's big defined muscles holding him down
• YOONGI IS SUPPOSED TO KIDNAP TAE FOR RANSOM TO FEED HIS TOWN/FAMILY BUT ACCIDENTALLY TAKES JIMIN INSTEAD
• jk: the prince is very beautiful
yg: [sees jimin and thinks it's tae] yes, very beautiful
• yoonmin have heated/enlightening discussions about Government. hot.
• yoongi is angry at the noble class for hoarding all the resources. jimin reasons that they give fairly. yoongi complains about his family/town starving in the streets etc more medieval government discourse
• jimin is the trapped bird in a cage and sees yoongi as the Freedom and adventure that he wants. yoongi was supposed to complete a mission but he falls for jimin instead
• (jk has to be promoted somehow so he can look nice and be in the castle akdjd) (and be promoted so tae can acceptably smooch him) - JK SAVES TAE from somethinG like he brought tae home on horseback and then gets appointed as tae's personal escort/bodyguard
• BEFORE I FORGET taekook kiss eventually and of course it happens in the stables and right after the first kiss jk leads him to like behind this post or st so passersby cant see them immediately and they kiss more and in between jk just chuckles/laughs and tae is like :(?? what and jk is like nothing its just that I've seen you trip over [the hay? the fences?] so many times in here and tae is like >:(( are u gonna reminisce about our childhood or keep making out with me
There was an ending here but I think it's in my other doc skdjsk ah well you'll just have to deal with this :)
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8 and 25?
8: Game of the year?
OH this is actually rly hard to come up with, cuz even if i don’t play many games there were a lot i liked that i found out abt this year!! (i actually went on an hour-long look thru several of my sketchbooks to see what i drew this year omg)
i think Smile For Me is my game of the year... it fell out of my interests pretty quick BUT it has AMAZING characters & art & atmosphere & Music like !! holy cow!! some honorable mentions would b Faith, Lost in Vivo, & OFF (honestly that could b my game of the year every year bc i am always getting re-invested in it lol)
25: Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one
I sure did !! I made a sort of angel-sona thing who i drew (& still draw) a lot when i’m in church so i can get my religious feelings out.. they have grey skin & their hair is either fire or smoke with sparks coming out of it... sometimes i draw them with horns or a tail or wings, but it is a bit of a fluid design. i think this was the first time i posted them as more of a concept but they have become an Official Sona of sorts now! here;s a fresh drawing of them
i have other characters i kinda wanna talk abt them BUT I will just do one, feel free 2 send this number again tho ;•)
(here’s the end of the year asks!)
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do you think eugene is maybe scared of long boat trips? i was thinking about it the other day, maybe he plans on going on holiday with his s/o and the only way to go abroad would be on a boat right? but maybe he would get a little (a lot? im not an expert on this) ptsd while being on the boat and his s/o supporting him but not fully understanding because lets be honest, no-one apart from the soldiers fully understand this sort of stuff, and maybe there's another veteran on-board who helps him?
Before we get into it I wanna say I totally agree n that unless u actually have experienced that ur rly not gonna understand what the person is going thru n this applies to all kinds of trauma but just bc u dont understand doesnt mean u cant do ur best to or that u cant still love support n help them handle it n it doesnt mean they're not gr8tful for ur involvement even if u dont understand,, writing for post war eugene is always tricky cus I dont wanna assume ik how any of this goes or the extent of what it entails i havent done this I've barely done any research its heartbreaking tho n unfair n I just wanted to say all that before u get into this cus it's a combo of both asks but also more of a touchy subject than I feel like I've addressed here so that's just a heads up but enjoy!!
Omg eugene my bby
I def think hes still afraid of boats big time,, so when the two of u decide to go abroad for ur honeymoon it's a big decision for u two to make one w lots of beforehand discussions n considering all ur other options but in the end the push of ur families n the pull of the convenience of a boat eases u both into the decision, even tho nothing about it u kno is going to be easy,, Eugene is p nervous cus I mean the nightmares have lessened n u both have been learning how to handle his flashbacks n the like but u had never tried anything like this yet so on one hand it could be a good time to test the waters but on the other hand neither of u have any idea how itll actually go
Even just in the car on the way there he starts to get shakey n then on the dock it gets a bit worse but ur hands r on him somehow the whole time either locked in his or on his leg or arm or stuck in his pocket n that comforts him, ur touch anchors him n keeps him from drifting to worse thoughts it keeps him thinking about u instead,, its till hard tho just thinking about it being back on that boat forcing himself to remember hes going to France n it's not occupied n hes not alone n hes going to get to see the sights w his wonderful wife n thoroughly enjoy those bright French mornings n that it's going to be quiet, no more bombs or raids or alarms just u n him under thin sheets hot n sticky n just together n safe
But first,, the boat
On the boat? It was rough,, every bit of turbulence n every odd sway made him anxious n as much as u tried to entice him to enjoy more of the boats activities like a cabaret show or even just playing some chess out on the deck n tho u could get him out a few times n he did enjoy himself,, he spent most of his time in the cabin trying to ignore the fact he was on a boat at all,, the rest of his time not being coaxed out by u he spent napping in a deck chair w u often lounging beside him n watching over his sleep carefully, also making sure he didnt burn n lathering her exposed skin in sunblock as much as u could as he slept
U two kept busy in the cabin tho I mean it was ur honeymoon after all ;;;))) so he ravaged u as often as he could bc not only were u a comfort but also a distraction,, u did other things as well tho like laying n listening to ur favourite radio shows or playing guitar to him or sketching him or dancing together or once even doing a silly little fashion show where he def tripped after putting on ur heels
He did have a few attacks tho but u had prepared as best u could n even if some of ur cabin took a beating in an outburst u had always managed to talk him down n he spent a lot of time in ur arms
His breakdowns btw would come suddenly when something would trigger him like a sudden movement or a splash against ur window n then he would get angry n scared n become protective of u until his aggression bubbled over into hot tears drowned out by ur soft words of confirmation trying to tell him u were on a modest cruise liner n u were going to Europe n that the guns n the bombs n the tropical climate were all far away n u would pull him into a cold shower w u n he would often (fuck u hard first then) just cling to u n cry until he could calm down n fall asleep n if he stirred in his sleep u would repeat the process until he could sleep soundly
He was gr8tful to finally be off the boat n back on land tho n once in Paris the two of u could rly enjoy ur honeymoon beginning w breaking in ur hotel bed ;;;)))
But then the two of u got to see the Eiffel Tower n the Seine n the Louvre n Notre dame n it was all so amazing!!!! U spent half the time w ur head in ur sketchbook n he spent all his time taking photos of u w ur head in ur sketchbook lol
The photos were brilliant n sweet n excessive n there were def a few of u bare n freshly fucked (pardon my french) w the Parisian skyline out the window behind u, the morning like shining thru ur messy hair like a halo,, but there were also many of him from the perspective of u kneeling over him n many more of both of u playfully holding up the tower or picnicking in front of a cathedral w u plucking at ur guitar or him w a bottle of wine at his lips
It was all v picturesque n romantic n perfect n u thought he deserved nothing less n he thought the same for u ::""))
U spent about 4 weeks there together n he had throughly used his time to fuck u in every way possible n use every toy u brought with but then it was suddenly time to go home n u were concerned about eugene being back on the boat but he seemed less nervous when u got on n he admitted to feeling a lot better after the first trip n this time he actually went out w u n u played board games w other passengers n danced in the halls n sang w the cabaret n he still sunbathed n napped n made love to u n wrecked ur cabin n u still listened to all ur radio shows n drew n sang but ur lives felt more full somehow after this experience
Oh n u def showed off everything u had bought is Paris n as much as he loved that silk dress on u he loved peeling it off u even more ;;;)))
He rly did feel better when u were finally home to ur little cottage for the first time together as a globetrotting married couple ::"")) he felt better that he hadnt handled it nearly as bad as hed expected n urs n his trip abroad left u feeling loved n cultured n more experienced in life plus u both had taken a huge chance n now u were better for it n felt more capable n confident that he was getting better n it was an affirmation that u would take care of him n that u would always be there for him, just as u had said in ur vows ::""))
He was happy to consummate ur new marriage in ur own bed for the first time tho lol n on top of that gr8 feeling it was just gr8 that he felt less held back w u there w him especially after the boat experience
So yeah a quick note I rly do think he would be terrified of ever stepping foot on a boat again n would refuse it n be vvv adamant about not doing it again for a vvv long time but I think he could be worn down n would EVENTUALLY be ok w it but maybe not this fast n tho I dont feel like I go into much detail here he def has a hard time on the boat as well like hes just agitated the whole time n probably was prescribed some medication for it if just some motion or sea sickness meds n maybe anxiety but i would say it prolly makes him drowsy so hes kinda out of it which keeps him calm but doesnt stop certain flashbacks n maybe he lashes out n hurts someone once in a while cus it's incredibly traumatic returning to that environment but anyway yeah he would be v fidgety n not like it but in this scenario hes willing to take a chance given how well hes been recovering n how much he trusts u n how much u have helped him n the option had pull so that's why but rly I dont think irl he would have gone back on a boat anywhere near that soon but this is romantic fiction so ::))
Also I have a v specific image of who eugene is w if u cant tell lol so I'm sorry for that specificity but I'm so whipped for him n his gal I lov sm I hope u enjoy n guys I'm so motivated to finally write out the storyline I have for him I'm gonna finally get out his fic ok I promise
#she has a voice!!!#joe mazzello#not queen#nut#the pacific#eugene sledge x reader#eugene sledge#anon asks#answered asks#send asks#send me asks#asks#anons#anon me too wow#anon#send me anons#anonymous
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I'm a gmm fan who likes to draw Rhett and Link. However, I hardly see any fanfiction or oneshots or head cannons for the drawing or painting artists. If you have a little time could you write a lil piece with some whimsy for the mythical Beast artists? ☺
Hello anon! Your request intrigues me, most of the artist mythical beasts I know may feel the same in the fan fiction world. Also, many of those artists have been recognized by Rhett and Link *even in their Book of Mythicality*
Hmm, whimsy. Magic can be whimsy, can't it?
Hope this is something you were looking for, nonny. Have a marvelous day and keep drawing our boys.
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"Oh god, oh god! How!? Wha!?" You whispered as your room seemed to explode in a shimmery light.
The room shook as you dove into your closet just incase it was an earthquake. Then it went still. You peeked out, and covered your mouth to hide your gasp.
They were standing beside your desk, big as life. Rhett and Link, both looked about your room bewildered.
*****************************************************
Link licked his lips, "Uh, what did you do?"
Rhett frowned as he stepped over a backpack, "Me? What makes you think I did this?"
Link crossed his arms, "Look man, your pranking has gone too far this time. Did you drug me?"
Rhett rolled his eyes, "No! I'm not that heartless. Food poisoning, were hallucinating from that shady taco stand Josh suggested."
Link shook his head, "I don't feel sick, what the crap happened?"
Rhett leaned over on the desk, "I haven't a clue. But it appears we are in someone's room. Maybe a girl."
Link stared at the stuffed animal collection organized on the shelves, "Definitely a girl. Were we kidnapped?"
Rhett shook his head, "I doubt it. Hey look, she's an artist. Pretty good one too she drew us. Hey! She has a gmm hoodie, she's probably a Mythical Beast."Link stepped over her side table, "There's our book. Definitely a Mythical Beast."
Rhett placed his hands on his hips, "Well, that's good to know."
Link picked up the sketchbook, "Drawn wearing the same outfits we had on today...how would she know?"
Rhett scratched his beard, "Psychic spy mythical beast in training?"
Link ran his fingers over the leather cover, "This looks old, like Victorian old. Maybe it's magic."
Rhett's eyes narrowed, "Maybe she's a witch?"
***********************************************************
As the duo continued to voice their opinions, frustrations, ideas about what had happened, you slowly moved to the corner of your closet, to get a better view of the two men bumbling about your room. As much as you enjoyed their daily show, you didn't want them to see you. Mostly because you weren't the most socially engaging person on the planet. Plus they were not happy, and they were fairly gigantic.
Rhett kept getting his head caught up in your decorative lights and Link nearly hit the floor over your book case. They looked so much smaller online.
As you shifted to the corner, your foot thumped against the wall and the room went quiet.
Rhett shushed Link, "Shh, hey, did you hear that?"
Link lowered his voice, "Yeah, maybe she has a cat."
Rhett groaned, "I hate cats. It came from the closet."
You frantically looked around to find something to hide under.
Links voice got closer, "Wanna check it out?"
Rhett joined him, "Might as well." The handle jiggled upon contact, "3,2,1."
The door flung open.You froze under the open sleeping bag you had covered yourself with.
****************************************************
Link moved a few of the hanging clothes, "Here, kitty..."
Rhett elbowed Link and pointed down at a lump under the sleeping bag, "I don't see anything."
Link reached for the top of the sleeping bag, "Me either." He yanked off the sleeping bag and grabbed your foot, "Ah ha! Gotcha!"
You screamed and bolted away.
Your scream was joined with two more screams from Rhett and Link, "Aaaaagh!"
The duo slammed the door and fell on top of each other in a pile of arms and legs with a thud.
Rhett groaned, "Oooh my back...ugh."
Links eyes remained wide as he searched the room trying to catch his breath, "T-there's a-a girl in t-there.."
Rhett shifted to his knees and held his lower back, "Yeah, I could tell by the shriek. Definitely female."
Link pushed his glasses back up on his face, "Gosh, I almost had a heart attack. I-I grabbed her foot, I thought it was the cat."
Rhett reached for the door, "Well, we can't leave her in there in the dark."
The door opened again allowing light into the closet.
Link crawled back towards the closet, "Hello? A-are you alright?"
He pushed back the hanging clothes to let some light in, "Sorry we scared you, but you scared us too."
Rhett chuckled, "Yeah, we're old, brittle and startle easily."
********************************************
You were curled into a ball in the corner holding your hands over your ears sniffling back tears when the light hit you.
Links expression softened into a small smile when you made eye contact with him, "There you are. You alright?"
Your eyes shifted to Rhett who was staring at you. His large greyish green eyes expressed equal parts curiosity and warmth, "She looks pretty shaken."
Link pushes up his glasses, "What's your name, mythical beast?"
You shook your head.
Rhett tipped his head, "Why don't you come out of there?"
You shook your head again and swallowed the lump in your throat.
Link reached for you, "I'm sosorry I grabbed you like that. Hope your not hurt."
Your eyes followed his hand as it neared your shoulder and you recoiled.
Regardless of your apprehension, Links large palm gently cupped your shoulder and gave it a light steady squeeze, "Easy now, don't be alarmed."
Rhett bent down with his hands resting on his knees, "I don't think you hurt her, Bo. Just scared her speechless."
Link looked about the room, "Is your name Aria? It's written in your art book."
You nodded, "I-I'm Aria."
Link motioned with his palm, "Come on out, Aria. Its okay. You know we thought you were a cat at first."
Rhett chuckled, "I'm glad you're not a cat."
You shifted to your knees, "M-me too.."
The duo chuckled.Link grasped you by the arm helping you up, "Up and out."
Rhett sat in the art desk chair, "So, Why were you in the closet?"
You pointed at your sketchbook, "I-I thought there was a-an earth quake and the book sort of exploded like fireworks."
Link scratched his head "Exploded? It looks fine to me."
Rhett clapped his hands together and shouted, "Magic! It has to be magic."
The sudden movement caused you to jump.
Link reached for the book, "It could be, it looks really old maybe? Aria?"
The duo glanced at you, seemingly shocked that you were several feet away.
They looked at each other.Rhett cleared his throat, "Uh, you okay?"
Your lip quivered, "I-I'm sorry. If I-I'd known you'd b-be zapped here b-because of a drawing, I-I wouldn't h-have t-touched it. P-please d-don't be angry at me."
Link tipped his head, "Hey, hey, it's alright. We're not mad, just befuddled. Come on over here. Don't be shy."
Rhett flipped thru the book, "Maybe drawing us again would put us back where we are?"
Link kept a hand on your shoulder, "That would be worth a try. Could you do that, Aria?"
You raised an eyebrow, "What if you get cloned?"
Rhett frowned, "Oh, good point. Well, we were in our offices when we got zapped here, maybe draw us in there?"
Link locked eyes with you, "Do you know what our office looks like?"
"I-I may have a reference photo. I-I could try and draw your office around in the background."
Rhett nodded, "Yeah, yeah, I'm up for that! Try that."
An hour later, you were sketching the basics of Rhett and Links office while the dynamic duo occupied your couch and your bean bag pillow. You had given them a bag of Doritos and a 2 liter of mellow yellow to snack on and put on a movie for them to watch while you worked; An American Tail.
It was unnerving having an audience in the room while you drew, but Rhett and Link were friendly and didn't seem to be unhappy as you did your best to make them comfortable. They stirred up conversation, but you couldn't always find words to speak in response. Words were always hard, but now in the presence of people you actually admired and liked, it was harder.
Another 30 minutes passed and you were finishing up the details of their office when Link crouched beside you with an arm around you, "How's it coming?"
You nodded, "A-almost done."
Rhett appeared above you, "Wow, you don't leave out any detail do you? That's awesome!"
Link laughed, "I bet Stevie has had a cow trying to figure out where we disappeared to. It was kind of nice to have a few hours to relax a little. Thanks to our hostess."
Rhett nodded, "I even took a little nap during the movie."
You erased a smudge, "I-i think I'm done. I'm not sure how it works with you guys getting back home."
Link spun your chair around so you were facing them, "Hey, believe it or not we needed a little magical trip today."
Rhett took a knee, "Just sitting back, snacking and drinking a little mellow yellow was a treat. I had a good time. Just be careful what you draw in that book."
Link pushed up his glasses, "Actually, If you could zap us out of a nasty taste test we have next week, I wouldn't be upset at all."
Rhett laughed, "Right, that would be great; just kidding."
The book began to have a soft iridescent glow and you sighed, "Well, goodbye."
Link pulled you into a quick tight hug, "If you're ever in Burbank, look us up."
Rhett gave you a warm side hug, "We'll return the hospitality."
The room shook as light blew up from the page of the journal. The duo faded from view like fog in the daylight leaving you alone in your art room.It all could have been a dream, except for the drawing in your journal had changed cause Rhett and Link were holding up Barbra and Jade their dogs waving at you with smiles.It was real.
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This Little Angel Part 2
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201565/chapters/59881333
Taglist: @chocolate1721 @tiny-goddess-of-chaos @amayakans @cutechip @more-or-less-human-i-guess
Ok, so here’s the much requested second chap!! I hope you guys enjoy it!!
Mari was excited as she looked around the private jet Bruce was taking them home on. She kept looking up and down at her sketchbook as she sketched a few things from the inspiration. Harley and Joker were on the plane too, Mari and the others had a moment of surprise when Joker had taken all his make-up and what not off leaving him looking very normal. Not that they couldn’t blame him. They can’t exactly petition Paris to give her custody back over to her criminal parent JOKER. So they had to look normal. Harley was going by her real name Harleen and Joker was going by Jack.
It may have been illegal to forge some documents but it was for the better. She was in all rights Harley and Joker’s daughter. But, no one outside of Gotham was going to accept that. So, they may have asked Babs and Tim to hack and make official paperwork saying that she was adopted at age 3 by Jack and Harleen Quinzel. Then have it known that at around age 10 she was kidnapped and trafficked resulting in their divorce.
Even Gordon agreed to it since he knew how much Harley and Joker cared for her. Their worried attack to search the city when she first disappeared was proof of that! And having her back, they were sure Joker would return back to normal, doing more innocent attacks, using the venom only on HUGE heists that happened less and less. Becoming more of a nuisance than a real big baddie.
And they could only do that if they had official US documentation of Mari’s adoption to them. So, they did a little illegal hacking to do it. But no one outside of their group had to know that. Mari reached down to pat her purse as they crossed into France, getting closer to Paris. It was the next day so no doubt her class was going to be in class. She did wonder tho if classes were easy today for everyone because of the trip.
She suggested it, but she wondered if Bustier would follow it.
They soon landed at the airport and both Chloe and Damian took one of her hands into theirs. She was so glad that Bruce had come with and let Damian join. They exited the plane and got their suitcases.
Chloe’s driver was there already and took them to the hotel where they were all staying. Mari was to stay in Chloe’s suit as a neutral place while that whole case went down. Gordon was sharing a room with Joker and Harley to keep them in check, which he doubted they needed but better to be safe. While Bruce and Damian had their own.
After dropping their bags off, Bruce, Gordon, Harley, and Joker went to the French Police and child services to deal with the case about Mari’s future. Meanwhile, Mari and Chloe went to the school to tell them due to a case they wouldn’t bee in class for some time. But they would keep up with their studies while the case went on.
Damian decided to go with them but would stay in the car-limo actually. Mari took a deep breath when they stopped in front of the school. She gave the two a small smile when they squeezed her hands. The two slowly slid out of the limo and made their way into the school and up to Principal Damocles’s office. It was a quick thing to inform him of what happened and about a case being opened.
So Damocles agreed and understood that they wouldn’t be in class and just said to either put their work into Bustier’s mailbox in the school or to give it to him. Now it was time to face Ms. Bustier and tell her. They reached her classroom and Mari raised a hand to knock. Bustier opened the door and glared at the two girls before pulling them into the classroom.
“Girls, I don’t know what has gotten into. First, you purposefully miss the flight home for attention, and now come to class late? What do you have to say for yourselves? It better be good otherwise I’ll be sending you to the principal’s office,” Bustier said annoyed and the two shared a dumbfounded look while the rest of the class laughed.
“Ya Marinette, I can’t believe you’d stoop so low like that!” Alya shouted before looking at Bustier once more. “Also, Ms. Bustier, Marinette sent Lila horrible texts this morning. They should be sent to the principal’s office for bullying!” she yelled and the class shouted their agreement.
“Oh really? Girls?” Bustier was fully glaring at the two now.
“I can prove that Lila lied there. I haven’t touched my phone all morning since I turned it off when I got onto my flight home this morning and turned it on when we got off,” Mari said pulling out her phone to show a tweet she made from Gotham time of 2 am getting onto a private jet and then making a tweet at 11 am getting off the jet and into Chloe’s limo. “See? You’d see that for the time it took to fly, my phone was off, the exact time that I ‘supposedly’-” she put in air quotes “-sent horrible texts to Lila. even you know that you can’t do anything on a phone while flying,” she finished and Alya grumbled and glared at the girl, somehow thinking she was lying still.
“As for that flight thing and late,” Chloe said looking at her nails not even bothering to glare at Bustier, “you guys left us in Gotham even tho Mari’s reunion with her parents was very public. Not to mention you didn’t even headcount. So really, you’re too blame for that,” Chloe said and Bustier opened her mouth but Chloe cut her off with a raised hand. “And for the late, we just arrived an hour ago in Paris and had to drop our bags off. We just came here from Damocle’s office saying we won’t be in class for some time due to a case being opened up that we’ll be a part of. Now, we ought to be going,” she grabbed Mari’s hand and started walking out before glancing back in with a smirk. “You guys should be expecting some suits to show up later too~!” she called out smirking before leaving.
Bustier glared at the door, planning on talking to Damocle’s at lunch about their behavior.
They entered the limo and Mari leaned against Damian’s shoulder as they went to the hotel and stayed there.
The following week is hectic, to say the least. Mari is going between talking at family court and facing akumas and ignoring her ex-friends and parents. Tom and Sabine didn’t appreciate Mari saying that Lila indeed lied to them when they asked about where she was. They also didn’t appreciate being investigated along with their workers, friends, and customers. They thought they were star parents and didn’t deserve this.
Before court, they tried guilting Mari into not suing them or her friends. Chloe and Damian had to pull her away before she caved with her lawyer threatening them. As it was, they informed the judge of it, and the Judge was not amused at that. It was tough, so very tough, but in the end, the Judge decided that Mari was to stay with Harleen and Jack in joint custody. While they were separated, it was clear they loved and missed their daughter. Meanwhile, Tom and Sabine had to pay for it. They were banned from adopting kids until they took some classes and had proven they would take care of and love a child correctly and not work them.
After that, it was time to focus on suing her classmates for harassment and the school for negligence. Now that would take longer to deal with. The family court only took 4 days to deal with it. She could only sigh at the break she got between it after finishing the family case. They gave her the next day to rest before jumping into the next cases against students and the school.
Tho, that had her giving another sigh of relief as a few classmates agreed to the terms easily when they were told off by Jack and Harleen about how they should know her from the 6 years they’ve known each other. And then Bruce coming in to serve Lila papers for slander. That had the whole class shouting as then another lawyer came in with all the other celebrities she’s lied about suing her.
Ladybug sighed as she landed in an alley nearby after defeating the Akuma. She leaned against the wall and slid down as her transformation died. Her head fell back against the wall with her eyes closed. A gasp ringing thru the air had her eyes flinging open tho.
She looked around and her eyes landed on Joker and Harley standing at the entrance. “Mama? Papa?” she called and the two came to her and kneeled down in front of her. “What are-did you-?” she cut off, worry filling her veins.
“We know now sweetie. We followed Ladybug to see how long this has been happening and if you were in trouble at all,” Harley said cupping her daughter’s cheek and Mari leaned into the touch with a sigh.
“This has been going on since I was 13. I’ve tried figuring out who Hawkmoth is but I’ve been having trouble. My partner hasn’t been any help tho,” she said softly and watched as her parents got angry.
“And this whole time you’ve had to deal with those idiotic sheep called classmates the whole time?” Joker demanded and Mari bit her lip.
“Just for the last year or so when Lila appeared,” she explained watching as her parents got more upset.
“Please calm down tho!” Tikki called floating in front of them causing their anger to dissipate a bit as confusion went thru them.
“Who are ya?” Harley asked, sticking a finger out pocking the paw Tikki held out.
“I’m Tikki, Marinette’s Kwami! I’m what allows her to transform into Ladybug,” she explained and the two slowly nodded. So once that confusion was clear she elaborated on her first comment. “You two need to calm down tho. Hawkmoth can feel any negative emotions and feed off them! So far only two people have fought him off and I’m sure Mari wouldn’t want to fight her parents,” she explained and the girl nodded her agreement.
“I don’t wanna fight you, mama, papa,” she said as Harley then pulled her into a hug that Mari returned. Joker stiffened tho causing the two to pull back to look at him worried. Mari gasped when she saw the outline surrounding his eyes. “Papa!” she cried out.
“Oh, so your that punk-ass bitch terrorizing everyone. Well, listen here, mothy. You are an insult to villains everywhere. You hide away and make others do the work for you. You make children fight your battle, you punk-ass bitch. So let me say this, the reason I’m upset is because of you terrorizing my daughter while facing the stress of her classmate’s harassment. The moment I find you, Mothy, I’m going to make you regret everything you’ve ever done. And don’t you try saying that I can’t. Do you know who I am? I’m the Joker, Clown Prince of Gotham. Oh yes, you have heard of me. Then you know I don’t make light threats. I will make your life a living hell. Do I make myself clear?” he asked and cackled when a pure white butterfly flew away hastily. “Well, he won’t try bugging me anymore,” he said and a sudden laugh left Mari’s lips.
Her parents looked at her fondly as she laughed. “Why don’t we head home now, sweetie?” Harley suggested and Joker nodded agreement. The two help Mari up and make their way to the hotel they were staying at.
“Since you know now. I’m Ladybug, I’m also the guardian of the Miraculous. I....I need to defeat Hawkmoth before I can leave,” she said softly when they reached their room and the two nodded understanding.
“Of course, sweetie. We’ll stay here as long as it takes,” Harley said as Joker hummed as they sat down on a couch.
“What if Batsy could help?” he asked and Mari hummed in thought.
“It could get done quicker,” she admitted and Joker nodded.
“That’s what I thought. Let me go talk to someone,” Joker said standing up and leaving the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ladybug stood at the top of the Eiffel Tower. She tilted her head slightly when she saw movement. Two people soon landed in front of her and she tilted her head. “Batman, Robin,” she greeted and the two nodded to her.
“So your Ladybug,” Batman said and she nodded. “What did you need help with? You seem to be doing everything very well,” he commented and Ladybug shrugged uncomfortably.
“Well, that may be. I’m not a detective. I don’t know how to figure out Hawkmoth’s identity. So I need your help to do that. I’m done with Paris. I want to leave,” she said and the two nodded slowly. They could only guess that she was done with Paris in her personal life seeing as everyone has the greatest respect for Ladybug.
“Ok, we can help with that,” Batman said with the smallest of nods.
“There’s something else,” she said, trailing off as she looked off into the distance.
“M’Lady! You didn’t tell me we would be having company~” Chat purred out leaning in close while glaring at everyone. Ladybug frowned as she pushed Chat away from her, earning a growl from him.
“That’s because we,” she pointed between him and herself, “never had anything planned. This was a planned meeting between myself and Batman and Robin,” she said glaring and Chat was angry at that.
“Oh really? Is that any way to treat your partner, m’lady?” he demanded and Ladybug scowled.
“You haven’t been my partner in a while, Chat,” she spat his name out. “You stopped being it when you decided flirting and whining was more important than defeated the Akuma’s,” she said and Chat scoffed.
“Please, your cure will bring everything back,” he said and Ladybug gnashed her teeth together as she stomped up to Chat and slapped him hard across the face.
“I don’t care that my cure can bring everything back. We shouldn’t rely on it. What if that battle is the one Hawkmoth wins? He does his wish. There’s no telling what will happen. Except that those people who are dead will most definitely stay dead. And because of your lazy ass, I now how to protect you as well which means that more people can get hurt or killed. Did you know that people remember dying? They remember that moment. They are traumatized by that moment. They cannot ever forget that moment. And that is all on you!” she shouted angrily.
“So what!?” he demanded and everyone was silent at that. How could they respond to that!? Ladybug was shaking in anger. She had a terrifying expression on her face that somehow was both ice cold and encompassed all seven levels of hell angry.
Chat didn’t even get to react.
Before he knew it, he was on the ground tied up and sore all over.
“Chat Noir, I hereby proclaim you unfit to wield a Miraculous. As Guardian of the Miraculous, I hereby reclaim you’re Miraculous of the Black Cat. You are unworthy and will never be able to wear or use a Miraculous ever again,” Ladybug said ripping the ring off of Chat to reveal Adrien Agreste underneath the mask. Ladybug snarled at him as he cried out. A red mark similar to the one of the box, formed on his chest and hand, burning.
“No! You can’t do that! He’s all I have left!” he shouted reaching out when Ladybug untied him.
She slapped his hand away. “No, I can do that. You’ve shown yourself to be incompetent in being a hero. You only have yourself to blame,” she said turning away. “Let’s go,” she said swinging off, not even seeing if the other two followed. She landed on the balcony leading to her parent’s room, leaving the two vigilantes confused. Mari stumbled into the room and collapsed onto the couch with a groan as she transformed.
“Mari?” Robin asked causing her to groan once more as she looked up at them blearily.
“You followed,” she mumbled before planting her face on the couch once more.
“Mari needs to rest now,” Tikki said flying up to look at both Batman and Robin. The two looked at her shocked.
“Who are you?” Robin asked.
“I am Tikki, Kwami of Creation. I’m what gives Mari her powers,” she explained and the two nodded. “But go, she needs to rest. What she did exhausted her, it’d no simple thing for a Guardian to ban someone from ever using a Miraculous again. We’ll talk in the morning,” Tikki said and the two nodded, heading to their room.
In the morning, they did talk.
In the morning, Mari learned that Robin and Batman were Damian and Bruce Wayne.
Within the week, they had taken down Hawkmoth and revealed to the world that Gabriel Agreste was a terrorist.
Adrien revealed himself as Chat Noir which brought about mixed responses. No one really respected Chat, at least not the people that he needed to. Especially when they learned he was stripped of the Miraculous. For all the harassment, endangering, and enabling he’s done, along with not feeling guilty about just outraged that he was being punished, he was going to a school for troubled kids and put on record as a harasser. He would be going to juvie for 6 months tho first before being sent out of Paris to the school. His father’s company tho, the courts would decide what to do with when he turns 18. But who knows how it’ll look like when Adrien is 18.
Mari felt a bit bad but knew it was for the best. Lila was the next worst off. Lila had piles of lawsuits. She was banned from France as a whole with everyone knowing what she’s done. She was going to a military school for troubled teens in the hopes she’d get better. She’d stay with her grandparents who were no-nonsense. She’d also have to pay for all the suits which would be hard considering not many people wanted to hire her.
The rest of the class had it off easiest. They only had to pay a fine and do a bit of community service. Damocles was demoted and sent to classes to see if he could possibly return to being a principal. Ms. Bustier, however, was fired. She didn’t handle the situation well at all, and only ever listened to one side of the argument and pressured students. So she isn’t allowed to teach kids anymore.
The class tho, they felt they lost the worst.
They realized just how amazing Mari was to them. And what they did to her in return for that kindness? They treated her horribly. Only Chloe was able to talk to her. But they all got to see how well she was settling into her new life in Gotham. It was hard to miss really.
She was dating Damian Wayne and got an internship with Bruce Wayne to help start up her business as MDC. She was called the Angel of Gotham. Chloe joined her there and lived with Mari and her parents.
And she looked so happy back home in Gotham.
They were never making it up to Mari, no matter how hard they tried.
Ok, so here’s the second part!! I hope you like it. Sorry if the ending seems a TAD rushed. I wanted to give you guys this and i was losing steam on it, mostly a headache comin in goin ‘HAHAHA U THOUGHT UD WRITE?! THINK AGAIN AHAHAHAHAH’. Ya, so that’s why. Anyways, until next time! -Love Willa <3<3<3
#fanfic#fanfic update#This Little Angel#TLA#Part 2#the MUCH awaited part 2#update#my writing#maribat#daminette#ml x dc#dad joker#uh#idk what else to tag
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tfw hating life enough for a reeadmooore
yesterday afternoon i’d blocked out 3 pgs in my sketchbook & by that night i was thinking like well i’m so close to finished the sketchbook finally (ive been using it about a yr and a half by now) that i could just stop drawing when i hit the end there
but i’d mentioned the impending end of my sketchbook space a friend is already in the process of sending over some they havent ever used so that will at least mean if i stop drawing it’ll just have to be because i want to lol
like in this case it’s special b/c of course i’ve had periods where i’m like smh what if i just don’t draw anymore, but that’s tended to be about being frustrated w some element or other of it all. this time it was mostly just that every day of my life i have a tiny bit less motivation or energy or etc. yesterday i was thinking all day about offing myself, which i’d done the day before, and done today too
like, it’s nothing new, i’ve been hating being alive and wanting to kms and only moving in the direction of less disappointment to more disappointment and having to care less about things i previously cared about because for one reason or another things get to a point where it only adds frustration to my life anymore
but despite depression and wanting to die and life being miserble all being Not New, that doesn’t mean that it doesnt matter anymore, because after day after day after day after day after day of it for years and years, you’re in a worse place than you were a while back, even if you do feel the same. even a single day of wishing you were dead the whole time is shitty enough. feeling overall like even if you’re in a good mood now, you know your life is trash and you’re going to go back to feeling bad soon, is also shitty enough
like the thing that drawing had going for me is that, like reading and writing sometimes and even some other shit, it’s something i like to do. i do it for myself, really. but it helps that its the way i trick ppl into being here in the first place to see anything i’m talking about. i have really crap appeal. i mean i’m bad at being appealing thru shit i draw, but it’s still way more of something anybody wants vs like five yrs worth of my text posts. like...i have over 10x more followers than i did on a blog where i rarely drew anything ever
but anyways despite me drawing b/c i enjoy it, i enjoy enjoying things less. always in the middle of that “loss of interest in pleasure” life lol.......it doesn’t really matter how long i do or don’t keep drawing, b/c i mean, it doesn’t much matter to me whether i’m having fun or not. i can be enjoying drawing and still wanting to die, because that’s whats happening lol.....nothing that’s a personal factor of my life is all that important to me, because my personal existence is not that important to the person living it
also it sure hasnt helped that my sense of things like whether my life can get better or i’ll have the opportunity to pursue my nonexistent dreams or live an ideal version of my life that also doesn’t exist are all at all-time lows and only just getting lower day by week by month by year. the only way i can even look at cheering myself up is from a day-to-day perspective. and i can have a slightly more fun day than usual and then be extra down on the very next day b/c of how being a bit less numb means you’re crap-feeling emotions are now game too. and i’m very aware of how, if you’re not in a position that insulates you enough, if things get worse for you, that makes “things getting worse for you” more likely, and it’s an exponential drop that gets harder and harder to climb out of, and even if you move back up a notch out of good luck, you’re still just as likely to be knocked back down to where you were. the odds of me suddenly not only not fucking hating being alive but also having a life that doesnt fucking make me hate being alive? that’s a funny joke
also it’s frustrating that whether i feel good or miserable on any given day only really exists if i say something about it in a post like this lol... like i might feel awful one day but if i dont have it in me to spend ages writing about it, which is difficult also b/c putting feelings into words where ppl will only fully Get It if they’ve felt that way too, anyways if i dont write about how shitty i feel and post it then maybe later on when i’m feeling a little better or feeling a different kind of shitty, i also won’t be interested in being like “oh btw i felt awful the other day.” and if i don’t mention it, as far as everyone in the world knows, it was never a thing that happened, so it might as well not have. i mean, as a person i might as well not be happening, especially since i don’t want me to be happening lol
and like i was saying to someone the other day, its a lot harder via text to talk about shit b/c like, if you’re with a friend in person, you can talk abt boring or silly things and its easy and makes a good conversation. whereas talking via twitter means it would be clunky and time consuming to layout exactly had empty and depressing my existence is, and silly shit isn’t even worth the energy when you’re having a convo w lengthy gaps in it, so you can only really talk about the broadest, most interesting shit. which i don’t have much of, oh well
i do like talking and talking to people actually, it’s just rough when it’s all a few ppl online, even though i alsp extremely appreciate those people and enjoy the talking. it’s like, chatting to ppl online is like a piece of chocolate cake. it’s delicious and you love it, but it would be amazing if it was the extra bonus on top of getting solid meals every day, instead of it being the only thing you have to eat and you get it maybe once or twice a week and it’s still wonderful and is all the more valuable for it, but it isnt the same as getting enough to eat always, or Knowing you’ll keep getting enough to eat
anyways my social life is always its own special kind of depressing, even when i AM in the same place as friends. you’d have a hard time finding a situation where the concept of What I Have To Say seems interesting or even relevant to other ppl. and im not sure i’ve ever been in groups where i feel totally comfortable with everyone there and don’t feel out of place. so talking about the idea of knowing you always have access to someone to talk to or be with in person or having friends who you know you can hang out with and they actually like you and you still expect to have them a few yrs down the road—all that’s always been a “well, in theory i mean” or “at least, i imagine it would be like that” issue for me
tbh i generally feel the most comfortable enjoying myself when i do something alone; maybe it’s because i have more experience of ppl im around treating me really shittily than treating me well
ohhhhhh wellllllllllllllll what else do i have to talk about. hmmm the fact that feeling like i wanna die only seems to be regarded as an issue of “well are you gonna or not,” aka if you havent its a Victory and a happy situation instead of it being a matter of EVERY DAY I’M A CONSCIOUS ORGANISM I WISH I WAS DEAD AND MY EXISTENCE HAS BEEN HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION FOR AT LEAST THE LAST HALF OF IT
like how heartwarming that i’ve been actively suicidal for how many years? 6? 8? but i havent yet!! i always want to but just never get around to it and so this time for sure lol no more fooling around!! oh dammit and there goes another birthday still alive. like this is some elusive new years resolution or novel i mean to write.
funny i mention it because there’s practically nothing anymore that i want to do. even if i THOUGHT my life would ever become okay, i want fuckall out of it. i only exist, baby............and it’s like i said earlier, whenever i try to come up with a sad amount of potential motivations NOT to die, i have to realize that none of the shit is actually for me, or directly about me, or centered on me. like, this shit lost its charm ages ago.
well anyways. i suppose thats all i can think to say now. and it doesn’t make a difference whether i talk about my shitass existence and how crap i feel or not. it just gives the chance for a bit of it to exist in the world via a few other ppl being aware of it for a few minutes maybe, because who DOESNT want to thoroughly read a shit essay by some random weirdo about how everything sucks. the end
#i was innovative and typed this in twitter dark mode so my phone could have a break from me embedding the keyboard in the screen#anyways i wanna dye 😂😂😂
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i have to stop for the night :(
i have to wake up early to get clean and work tomorrow all day.
rn’s the best time to get thoughts in about my borthday this sunday.
this year, i actually know what i want for my birthday:
Books:
Classic Human Anatomy: The Artist's Guide to Form, Function, and Movement
Japanese Comickers
Gothic & Lolita Bible (v. 4) Paperback – December 9, 2008
Butch Hartman: Sketchbook 1
Gift Cards:
Michaels
Blicks
Panera
Jetpens.com Ecard
Other:
Heelys (yeah i’m serious. always wanted them when i was little)
*Giant bean bag chair
Work cargo/khaki shorts (i dont wanna wear pants over the summer)
A haircut
*A new/better art desk
More casual/gym shorts
Dan and Phil’s Interactive Introverts
(Rock wall climbing?)
*wont get them until the interior of the house is painted
and finally...
...
...
...
*i want to get a PS4 (+ a tv screen for it).
(there i said it!)
*however, i cant get a PS4 until the house’s interior paint job is complete. mainly until my room is complete. my brother, Elias has the PS2 with him in Wisconsin. the other brother, Freddy says only get the system if there is more than one game to that i really wanna play. the majority of my favorite games are from that platform. i made a list of games i already wanna get:
AC 1 thru Origins (i lost count on how many AC games there are XP)
Attack on Titan 1 + 2? (debating...)
Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy (i mainly played Warped + Wrath of Cortex in my childhood)
Final Fantasy XV (im a huge sucker for gameplay + graphics)
Game of Thrones??? (there’s a game? maybe i shouldnt just to avoid spoilers. im on S5E5)
God of War 2018 (who doesnt love a good hack + slash?)
God of War 3 (the only God of War games i ever played are Chains of Olympus and Ghost of Sparta, both on the PSP)
Mirror’s Edge (Catalyst) (never played it but it looks cool)
Ratchet + Clank (2014) (i already saw the gameplay of this and its an eh version of R+C 1)
South Park Stick of Truth and The Fractured But Whole (ive seen the gameplay of the 1st one and a few parts for the second. i’ll give it a go)
Steven Universe Save The Light (0.0 maybe...)
Undertale (asdfghjkl!!!)
Watch Dogs 1 + 2 (main reason: takes place in Chicago :) ive seen the 1st one’s gameplay)
Jak 1 thru “4″ (THIS IS MY JAM!!! this is the series that led me to discover Linkin Park thru an AMV a long long time ago)
Spyro the Dragon (never played Spyro. i was/am a Crash Bandicoot person. still, lots of people say this is their childhood too)
and yeah...
sunday’s gonna be a good day. posole X) watching TATINOF (The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire) with the sister Marisol, maybe watch Cobra Kai too?, (hopefully) chill work day, parents may drop in and bring cake?, and sleep until Monday morning to panic and say “screw it” at the end of it all.
ok, i really need to go b4 my bladder explodes in a million pieces.
nite y’all
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i know this blog has just been My Breakdown Zone for the past few days, but to be fair, that’s all my brain has been too
like. it’s complicated. i can’t really say that i thought i was gonna be a functional adult, not because i didn’t think that, but bc even now i can’t really conceive of myself as an adult. I didn’t think about the future when i was a kid. only time i distinctly remember thinking about growing up was when i read peter pan in elementary school and broke down crying because i didn’t WANT to grow up. but as high school ended, and thru college, i kinda got the impression that i was doing okay. because of little things. i was driving but a lot of my friends weren’t. i could cook for myself. could more or less keep a place clean. those things haven’t stopped being true. i can keep my apartment in a decent state. there’s cat toys all over the floor and three different books and two notebooks and a sketchbook and any number of writing utensils on the kitchen table, but it’s only disorganized, not dirty. i remember to go to the grocery store and do my laundry, i shower and brush my teeth and feed the cat on time and wash my dishes. all that is grown-up stuff, or it’s supposed to be. i can do all that, so i should be fine, right?
but once i add work to that equation, everything starts to feel like it’s slipping. Nothing actually does. one of the reasons i feel so confused about all this is because despite how stressed i get, none of those basics stop happening - i still clean, i still cook, still get myself out of bed. which somehow means i’m not really struggling, i just expect everything in life to be easy. i don’t need a break or a change, i just need to get over myself, put up with it like everyone else does. so i do. so i keep going to work and try to ignore my exhaustion and ignore the fact that i haven’t been able to write in months, and i barely draw, and turn my music up and squeeze my eyes shut when the lights at work become too bright, and it seems to work fine. except it doesn’t, because all i’m doing is forcing myself to ignore a very real problem. i seem to be doing fine right up until the moment i collapse completely, like i did last night. like i did during my internship a couple years ago. like i’m afraid i’ll keep doing over and over again until things end, one way or another.
the simple answer would be to go home to my parents, try to rest, try to work part-time and accept that maybe i just can’t do things the way everyone else seems to be able to do. i can’t do that. i love where i am, i love being near my friends, and being at my parents’ house is almost as exhausting as working full-time. at some point i’d probably wander up into the woods, despite the fact that it’s december and said woods are in the mountains of colorado, and just not come back. i *am* home. but i can’t slow down here. not for long, anyway. i still have some money left from the g.i. bill, i wouldn’t be in immediate danger, but the thought of dipping into it any more than i already have scares me. i already don’t really make enough to be able to afford this, and my attempts to get a roommate have been unmitigated disasters. i’ve entertained the thought of trying to apply for disability, coz if this little experiment in independence has taught me anything, it’s that being autistic actually really truly does get in the way of me being able to support myself, but there’s at least three different things making me hesitate about that. one of the biggies being i am pretty much certain you need an actual paper diagnosis to apply for that, and trying to get that any time for an adult is hard, and in pandemic times? fuck that. no chance. my preference would be to go thru vcu bc it seems like they’ve got a decent assessment process, but they aren’t doing it right now. because pandemic. also it’s a difficult process that i’d probably have to go thru several times because it’s like 30% of applications that get approved first time around? and also if i’m worried about not having enough money to get by, like.
don’t even really know what i’m doing here. i think i’m either trying to convince myself to quit this job or to stay on until i find something else. i have been applying to other jobs, mostly remote work. but the fear is still there that anything i do, i’m going to burn out again. and again. I don’t know how to take a break. i don’t know how to half-ass things - it’s all or nothing. i don’t want it to be. don’t know how to change that. i really do want to leave this job. it’s okay some of the time, but the schedule has started to kill me again, and i never wanted it to be permanent. i feel guilty leaving this job, not just because it’ll make me dip into those savings, but also coz i don’t have any reason to give except that i can’t do it anymore. i don’t even want to go back tonight because i have no explanation to give my manager about why i was no call no show. and even if/when i leave, it won’t really be a break. it’ll be back to stressing on job sites - not that i’m not doing that now. I am so tired. I want to rest. the world won’t let me.
#prsnl#i don't know how to be a person#legit if anyone has advice about this shit hmu i'm a little bit desperate.
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