I wake up. AO3 is still down. I beg absolution from whatever god has seen fit to punish me for my sins but the heavens are empty and the earth is bereft of any divinity worth worship. It seems that god, too, mourns the loss of what holiness can be formed by the hands of men.

About to take my bio psych final. If I stop posting it means that I have killed myself.

Leon!

me after finishing one good drawing and wondering how I’ll ever draw like that again

Today is one of those days where I’m just disgusted with myself.

I know that I am beautiful, inside and out. But sometimes it can be hard to believe that when so much in society tells me that that’s not the case.

I don’t know if I’ve told y’all: I’m big. I’m short, but I’m big. Always have been tbh. I was chubby and thick as a teenage girl and a young adult woman, but I can tell that I’ve grown a lot since then.

I try to imagine myself as soft and grand and beautiful as a cloud or a pillow, or even a stately queen or empress.

But when I look at my life, and how empty it is of romance and love and all the other stereotypical milestones women my age are at, it makes me start to think that something is wrong with me. That I really am as unlovely and undesirable as I think I am.

And my doctor has pretty much told me that I need to start losing weight, and she’s having me do a few things to check on and manage my health. There have been times where I haven’t been able to sit in a chair or a booth because, well, I’m big. A part of me is a little bit ashamed of how I haven’t taken care of myself, but at the same, I don’t feel any pain or anything else wrong with me.

And I just….idk how to articulate it. It just makes me feel so low and sad that people might judge me for it. That people will think I’m ugly for it. That people—men in particular—would be disgusted if they knew I found them attractive. That people might think I’m not worth being with because of it. It fairly makes me want to scratch at my skin and try to find the woman I’m supposed to be, and let her out so the world can be okay with me.

This is a last letter before i probably die ( i won’t ) I’m feeling the violent ilneess of a sad weak victorian child ( my body is trembling ) and I’ll be sleeping on my death bed (my very confortable pink bed ) once i finished my long journey to my home ( taking the métro)

When it feels like your entire world is collapsing, sometimes the best thing you can do is eat some spaghetti and do your laundry. It won’t fix everything, but it fixes a few. Better to cry with a full stomach and clean clothes.

If I turn feeds on and jag’s the hoh I might just quit the season (I’ll continue watching as usual)

Good evening to everyone except that one person who said no good morning to Jeff

-Jeff

Despacito Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito Deja que te diga cosas al oído Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo Despacito

Alone indeed </3

The sun is cold and uncaring.

He rises once again, yet I remain

Utterly heartbroken.

i’m so anxious Dear lord!!! AGHHHHHUHHHHHHHHH

Micah is a vibe tbh

- 🪡

I am divorced so I cannot comment on this.

ACTUALLY I WILL 🙄🙄🙄 NOT A VIBE🚫👎🙅

gf might have a point there

I know I’m being over dramatic/jumping to conclusions/selfish but is a friendship really worth it if I keep crying over the fact I feel like we’re drifting apart?

my tomorrow is already ruined,