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#i wrote 15k words for work this week and i need to do 10k more before thursday i'm going to lose my mind

belatedbday69 · 2 years

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thinking a lot about my writing process lately (jesus what's new) but I want badly to figure it out. this is a lot feel free to ignore

I've been thinking about the different processes I've used in the past and how they worked or didn't work.

I wrote Waiting for You over, I think eight months? I really took my time with it, and it's still the largest thing I've written only at 43k. It was a huge learning process and I feel like the dedication I had to really taking my time is responsible for that. I wrote when I was inspired and didn't plan ahead at all. It was the first time I ever tried to intentionally do a plot and when I finished I realized how little I really grasped plot. But was I wrong?

Part Time Heart came so fast that I didn't have time to name it something good. Only 10k but it's tight, and the moments are good, and I didn't have to think about it. It took a single week to finish and I have no idea what happened. I must partially attribute it to the fact that I hadn't written b*dk since finishing w4u and I'd read like seven books and a ton of fanfic in that span of time as well, so it was like the words and ideas were pent up, cooking inside of me or something. I don't know. I didn't have to outline, I just went for it because I had a very clear and close goal, and it was perfect. I had so much fun!

Lose This Number was...something. I tried really hard but I botched the end, simple as that. It's fine, like it's fine, but then I realized there were so many other issues...It feels rushed, like I need to put more details if I have an idea as big as that. I set out to write something that would be 15k and I did, but I think the story is more of a 50-60k story, and I just...left out, like, most of it, and then I forced an ending that felt strange. There's always the possibility that I could rewrite the story so it's that length, but the idea stresses me out because, well, I don't know! This is the story that drastically changed how I wanted to write the next one because I realized I couldn't trust myself anymore. W4u ended satisfyingly even if it was messy, PTH was an easy homerun, and I've a handful of scenes that I crafted the plot of with ease. I used to trust myself, but at this point I realized I couldn't anymore. I should have taken a break but I couldn't because I had my next fic to write.

you're a chicken if you don't is so cute and fun and I love it a lot. I wrote the first three chapters in three weeks and then took two months to post the last two. I used outlining a lot with this one, honestly in an obsessive way. I'm not sure if it helped. If it came out well, does that mean this is the right way for me? Anyway, I got scared to end it because I didn't want to fail again, but I powered through and gave it a good ending and I think this is growth compared to LTN. I didn't freak out, I mean I freaked out but I gave myself time and figured it out and it's perfect. So why am I second-guessing myself so much?

I have learned that I'm scared of endings, or not good at writing them, maybe both. that just means I have to practice. I could do shorter stories to practice this, or would that be fake practice because it's long endings I need help with? I think ramping up my word count to 35k for the next one would be good. Or maybe even 50, if the story feels right for it. Because I could do one of two things:

Continue this obsessive over-outlining because well, it must do something for me. Getting my thoughts down on paper surely doesn't have a negative effect. But it is easy to feel...uninspired. Like it's formulaic or whatever. I'm not sure if this is just because yacifd was so short that I really only had time for the main plot elements. But I think I just felt that way toward the end because I felt trapped?

Try to "trust myself" again and just start going for it. Feels irresponsible and like the wrong decision. I don't think I understand plot well enough to just go for it like that. But that also feels wrong?

See, I think I need to commit to something long and push myself again. No, I should gradually up the word count until I feel like I can see the entire story before I start. I don't know. I'll come back to this.

#writing process

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daegall · 3 years

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Kiss her you fool!

↳ 4 times your best friend has wanted to punch you. Your lips. With his.

pairing: ice hockey player! Donghyuck x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, mutual pining (?), slow burn, best friends to lovers! AU

warnings: swearing, poor descriptions of a hockey game and how it works because i cannot research for shit <3, donghyuck breaks into a fight by whacking an opponent with his hockey stick, and mentions of blood, and a quick middle finger

word count: 15.7k words

a/n: h a h a did i say 9k+? if + i meant 7000 MORE WORDS THEN YEAH HAHA

finally!!!!!!!!!! after months of procrastination, plot change, and lots of sleepless nights, this is my first ACTUAL LONG FIC. like i never expected to write more than 10k but here i am with 15k :0 this is part of @lucas-wongs 's (previously hosted by leemrks but they deactivated) nct sports collab!!

note: i am aware that dongnyuck's date does not have a name idk i just wrote it like that for some reason i didnt realize until i edited IEJHF

inspired by the song 'kiss her you fool' by Kids that fly

taglist: @neoturtles @knet-bakery @kokonomi @twozeronet @ddontyoumind @dreamyyang @junglewoos @jaeminallover @taeyonggalaxy @eggbutnotyolk @sakusakei-omi @m1ss-foodi3 @btssf9nct (some of the tags didnt work :( )

You met Donghyuck at the age of 15, when you were forced to study at the local library with your childhood friend Jaemin. You two didn't want to be there, and neither did Donghyuck. You all sat in the same area, with different books, but all doing the same thing, dozing off.

Jaemin went to sleep almost immediately, but you and Donghyuck stayed awake, looking around for something to happen.

It was when you two met in the non-fiction section when you grew curious of him. He held a blue book in his hands, looking as desperate as ever as he gripped the book hard.

It was a book on ice hockey. You thought of all the possibilities of what he must be thinking, your mind filling with thoughts as your eyes trail to his oversized hockey uniform hanging loosely by his shoulders.

You didn't realize the fact that he caught you observing him, only when he sighed and shut the book with such force.

"What?"

"H-huh?"

"What do you want? Why are you staring at me?"

The words in your throat stutter out as you gape at the 15 year old in front of you in shock. "Oh- I, u-uh..."

Donghyuck gives you a weird look, placing the book back on the shelf, before turning to walk away.

"W-why do you look so sad?"

The boy turns back around in surprise, blinking blankly at you. He really didn't expect you to say anything. Donghyuck stays silent, waiting for a further explanation.

"I-I mean when you read the book. It's ice hockey, a-and you're wearing an ice hockey jersey. But you looked genuinely sad reading it, why?"

And then he tells you about his sprained ankle, how he wouldn't be able to try out for his middle school's ice hockey team, how he gave up on his dream and apparently, home much he hates ice hockey.

He truly thought he had no chance with his dream.

That was until you helped him.

You helped him through his hard times, helped him through his sprained ankle, encouraged him to not give up on his dream, to ask for a second chance for the ice hockey team, through every point of his life after that. You were his best friend.

And now here he is, in his dream university, with his best friend, on the best ice hockey team in Seoul, but unfortunately, not the best love life.

"Dude, I really need a girlfriend."

Jeno and Mark both groan at the complaint Donghyuck sighs out the umpteenth time that day, he's been starting at it from the beginning of the week.

But how could he possibly not complain? With most of his teammates and friends slowly getting love lives and significant others, he's so sick of being alone.

Jeno and Mark think differently. How could he be so blind? The person for him is clearly right in front of him. They can't believe he could be a business major, but be so dumb at the same time.

The eldest chucks his sweaty t-shirt he wore to the gym at Donghyuck, shuffling to sit on Jeno's bed, "What about Y/n? Isn't she a good candidate?"

Your best friend scrunches his nose up, tossing the sweaty shirt into the laundry basket skillfully, as he thinks about you. He shakes his head, "No, she's my best friend, we've got nothing like that!"

A hum comes from Jeno as he turns around on his gaming chair, a stern look filling his expressions. He tugs his headphones down, "Are you sure about that?"

Donghyuck scoffs, his gaze switching from one of his friends to the other, a frown growing on his lips, "Yeah."

"Sooo the daily cuddle sessions are just friendly?"

At the mention of something Donghyuck thought nobody knew about, he shuffles in his seat on his bed, gaze flying anywhere but his two friends, "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

He knows exactly what Jeno's talking about. The time between 4pm and 8pm when one of you would come over to the other's dorms for a quick catch up of the day. A week’s too long for the both of you. Plus, it's affectionate hour for him at these times, so he has to be hugging you.

"Didn't you two agree to have your first kiss together in 9th grade-"

"SO WHEN'S THE NEXT EPISODE OF THAT DRAMA YOU'RE WATCHING ON TEN'S ACCOUNT COMING OUT?"

It's pretty obvious Donghyuck has a thing for you.

It’s not like you have it any better, your thing for him was even worse than him.

It was obvious to all your friends, and his, that you were inevitably in love with Donghyuck. Sometimes you regret talking to him on that day, maybe if you didn’t you would have a chance with him, and not stay as his best friend. You would rather be called a friend than best friend. (a big lie)

You don’t remember when you fell, but you’re pretty sure it was when he kissed your cheeks passionately at the news of both of you being accepted to the same university. Or it could be way before that, it doesn’t matter now though. What matters is the fact that you’re literally best friend zoned, which is harsher than anything else.

Sometimes you wonder if he has even the slightest feelings for you, because the hugs, the forehead kisses, the fact that he would drop anything to help you can’t all be platonic, right? If it was, then imagine dating him.

You can’t help but wish that he does have these feelings, but you don’t want your hopes to be too high at the same time. Darn you and your crush on your best friend, now you’ll feel so confused.

Sighing a deep breath, you push yourself off your bed, groaning when you feel a slight headache stinging your mind. You really shouldn’t have stayed up just to watch old Barbie movies. You should’ve at least taken someone down with you, and not suffer alone.

You glance at your bedside table clock, feeling groggy at the sight ‘15:32’. You took a nap for an hour only, when you expected at least 5. Groaning when you completely sit up, you rub your temples in an attempt to soothe the migraine. Alas, it does not help.

There’s a notification that pops from your phone, it brightens the dark room and causes you to squint your eyes at it. You pick your phone up, and you can’t lie, your heart rate picks up slightly and a small smile crawls on your face when Donghyuck’s name is displayed.

You quickly open the notification, moving away and hissing when the bright light practically blinds your eyes.

Dongkeh: Hey

You: What

Dongkeh: Practice is done, come over

You: no ❤️

Dongkeh: It’s your fault you stayed up watching barbie movies 🙄 now come over you promised you would

You ponder for a second, as much as you have a huge crush on Donghyuck, you would much rather stay home and try to get rid of your headache.

Dongkeh: Lele said we could borrow daegal for the night

You might go.

You’re definitely going.

You love that dog to death, she was like a daughter you never had, not that you have any children though. God knows how many times you and Donghyuck have borrowed her for the night.

You: you son of a bitch bribing me with that dog im coming over >:(

You slam open Donghyuck’s dorm door, revealing him and his roommates chilling, your brows stitching together when you don’t see the white fluff ball running to you. “Where is she?” You ask dejectedly.

Jeno takes off his headphones quickly, beating Donghyuck in speaking as he points at him, “Donghyuck lied about Daegal coming just so you would!”

“Jeno you snitch!” Your best friend yells, chucking a pillow at him. The boy only laughs and smacks it away, before putting his headphones back on and swiveling around to resume his game.

A frown creases your lips down, and you throw Donghyuck a dirty look as you sit on Jeno’s bed. You pick up a random moomin plush on his bed and chuck it and Donghyuck.

“How else was I supposed to convince you to come?”

You only huff, taking off from Jeno’s bed and approaching Donghyuck’s study desk, which is weird because all he does on the desk is game. Opening his laptop and typing in the password, you trudge back to plop on your best friend’s bed, over his legs, and open yet another barbie movie, “I didn’t get to finish my marathon, you wanna finish it with me?”

Donghyuck shifts and pulls his legs from under your stomach, also flopping on his own as well. He settles down next to you, and you don’t even need to hear his answer, it’s always bound to be yes.

Mark watches you two on his bed, smiling to himself when he notices Donghyuck shift closer and point out how the website you use is good and doesn’t have any pop up porn ads. It’s clear that your best friend likes you, you can see it in his wide, attentive smile, the way they sparkle when they’re set on you, but it’s such a shame you can’t see it.

It only takes you half an hour to start to doze off, just after Mark and Jeno left to buy some take-out after finding out you didn’t have lunch and breakfast.

You think it’s because of the way you softly play with Donghyuck’s fingers and draw different patterns and lines all along his palm. It’s just too mesmerizing, and his skin is so soft and the perfect shade of golden.

It’s not like Donghyuck doesn’t notice either. He recognizes the pattern, how could he not? The way you would first draw big and soothing circles all around his palm, and then a spiral, before you would graze the outline of his hand, that was his favorite part. It was the most soothing thing he’s felt all week.

There was a minute where you traced all along his hand, as if drawing the anatomy of his hand, as you mumbled the parts of the hand that you learned in seventh grade. He laughed the second you murmured something about forgetting which one a certain part was.

He soon notices that you slow down, your fingers dragging a bit lighter, featherlight, and turns to see your head laid on his bed. Your lips are partially open, drawing in soft breaths, breaths that Donghyuck can feel lightly on some parts of his hand. He smiles at the sight of you finally resting, god knows how long you’ve been yelling at barbie to turn around and see the villain at midnight.

This time, your fingers stop their work on his palm, instead just sprawling lazily around it. He doesn’t want to move, your hand feels oddly in place in his.

Your hair falls and curtains your face away from Donghyuck, and like pure human instinct, he reaches out, brushing the few strands away, and tucking it behind your ear. As weird as it feels to him, it feels perfect as he grazes his middle and index finger along your cheek and jaw.

Suddenly, when Donghyuck’s eyes scan your face, you’re so incredibly beautiful, even just sleeping, your peaceful presence and expressions brings him so many feelings. His heart suddenly beats so much faster, jumping up and down and running all over his body, the blood in him rushing so much faster. The blood rushes straight to his cheeks and ears when his eyes land on your lips, slightly puffed from sleeping, and a bit chapped, but it’s alright, he knows his are way worse.

Donghyuck suddenly imagines himself leaning down, closer than just a friend would, and gently brushing his lips against yours. He thinks it would feel amazing, pressing his lips against yours, sighing between them, crawling closer to—

Your best friend doesn’t realize he’s been inching closer to your face, he doesn’t remember anything but his imagination. He only remembers when you shift onto your other side, fingers now softly interlocked with his.

Donghyuck flushes, at his thoughts, his actions, your actions, you.

He can’t wipe the smile from his face though, or the sudden redness of his cheeks. Donghyuck bites his inner cheek, and glances at your interlocked fingers sitting by your waist.

His eyes trail themselves all the way back to your face, where you inhale softly and sigh out a blissful breath. You look so raw, it’s beautiful, he wants to absorb and imprint every second into his memories, Donghyuck wants to cherish it and smile at it every time he thinks back on it.

And there it is again, he wants to do nothing, but softly kiss you. The moment is almost perfect, nobody around, but you and him, the atmosphere is soft, if only you were awake and looking into his brown, bright eyes that say nothing, but you.

Donghyuck reaches up nonetheless, carefully placing his hand on your cheek, and his urge to keep you in his heart forever is even more urging, as he slowly leans down.

Is this even right? Will he regret this? What if you don’t like it?

Thoughts rush through his head, the worried angel on his right shoulder profusely doubting and thinking rationally, but he can’t really hear it, he hears only his feelings, he lets his heart guid him, and it’s telling him this is the right thing.

He is so close, so incredibly close to closing the gap and sealing your lips with his, his eyes are already closing, his mind ready to imprint everything about you in his mind.

Just as he feels your breath tickle his lips, he shuts his eyes and—

“HAECHAN, Y/N! WE’RE BACK WITH THE TAKEOUT!”

In an instant, Donghyuck swears under his breath and throws himself off the bed. He completely forgets your tangled hands, he doesn’t even remember tightening them together, but he drags you down with him onto the cold hardwood floor.

Groaning, you wake up and wonder why you’re so sore, and why you’re on top of your best friend. Donghyuck himself carefully releases his hand from yours, bringing them behind his head to rub it in pain.

Footsteps resonate throughout the dorm, before all of Donghyuck’s teammates are rushing through the door, asking different questions all at once. There is only one, crystal clear question that rings through your ears. “What the fuck happened here?!” With such chaos he has to deal with everyday, Sicheng is pretty sure he knows how everyone can hear him.

“Sorry,” Donghyuck coughs out breathlessly, “I got excited about the food.”

Jeno snorts at the answer, leaning on the door frame, “Shouldn’t it be Y/n? She hasn’t even eaten breakfast,”

Ten yelps, reaching out to pull you up to your feet, “Oh my gosh, why didn’t you say so earlier? Come on Y/n staying up and starving yourself is practically torture!”

Soon, everyone leaves for the living room, except for the people who sleep in that room, as the two friends eye Donghyuck suspiciously when he slaps his cheeks and grow even more red at literally nothing.

Nothing as in whatever just happened before his teammates barged in and stopped whatever was going through him.

“What happened?”

“NOTHING! It was nothing, I swear!”

Only, it wasn’t nothing, it was everything that could’ve ruined a friendship, made things so much more awkward and uncomfortable.

But it was everything he wanted with you.

Now Donghyuck thinks he’s really doomed, like doomed to death. He wanted to kiss you. On the lips. Not platonically.

He thinks this as he gears up for practice the next day, aggressively putting his helmet on, groaning when it doesn’t go right in. He tries again, and again, turning it in different ways but it just won’t slip right in.

“Haechan what the fuck?”

The said boy yells out in shock, whipping around and chucking the helmet in his hands to the voice.

It’s just Jeno, and Mark, eyeing him with the same look as yesterday, squinting their eyes at his action. Donghyuck sighs out, ruffling his hair with his gloved hands, “Don’t do that! You scared the shit out of me,”

Jeno huffs out a laugh, slipping on the helmet Donghyuck chucked at him before, “I thought you never got scared. This is my helmet, by the way.” Donghyuck sighs, grabbing the other helmet on the bench.

The three had come to practice late, because of a math pop quiz they had to take the past hour. Donghyuck is pretty sure he failed, he couldn’t focus on anything but yesterday’s events. Your pretty sleeping face didn’t seem to want to leave him, almost like it was really imprinted in his mind like he wanted.

He doesn’t really want it right now.

“Okay man, what’s going on?”

Donghyuck turns to Mark, who sits next to him on the bench even though he didn’t realize he took a seat on. Mark nudges the younger with his shoulder, “Where’s Haechan? The guy we need right now? We’re getting close to our first game in a while, we can’t get distracted.”

Guilt floods Donghyuck, they haven’t had a game in a while, for their team has been practicing for the next tournament coming up next week for at least months now. It would kill him if he were to ruin it for the team just because of his own personal problems.

Donghyuck sighs, tapping his finger on his helmet rapidly. Jeno sits on Donghyuck’s other side, waiting with anticipation of what he’s going to say. He thinks it’s got a connection to yesterday when the team found you two on the floor.

Oh my god, Jeno’s eyes widen. Were you two making out?

Donghyuck sighs, scratching the back of his head, before pursing his lips and glancing at his two roommates. “I uh, I think I like Y/n...?”

It’s silent for a few moments at first, it scares Donghyuck, are his friends gonna hate it too? His heart sinks to his stomach at the thought of it being bad, at the thought of even his friends disapproving it. What if—

“Oh my fucking god.” Jeno runs a hand down his face, “I thought you guys made out in the room yesterday,”

Donghyuck can’t help but flush at the idea of actually kissing you, and you kissing back, but... passionately. He shoves his teammate away with no words, the practical steam emitting from his red cheeks and ears explaining everything.

Mark chuckles, grasping at the younger’s shoulder to stop him, “Donghyuck, you’re like the last person on earth to realize.”

“What?! No I’m not!”

A small chuckle leaves Mark’s lips, and he stands up with a proud smile, “You should tell her,”

Standing up and joining his teammate, a loud sound of confusion leaves his lips. “No way! That would ruin us!”

Jeno shakes his head at the classic excuse, patting Donghyuck’s shoulder, before taking off to exit the changing room and onto the ice.

“Even with me just realizing, it’s still gonna be awkward! Eww oh my god what if I become awkward around her? Hyung help! I can’t get awkward around her, that’s weird!”

Mark and Jeno give each other tired glances when Donghyuck keeps rambling about how awkward he’s gonna be around you, rolling their eyes when he starts to exaggerate and mumble impossible scenarios. Why can’t he see that you like him?

They should know what kind of stupid plan Donghyuck makes up when he's panicking or in trouble, but this really didn't come to mind. They want to literally knock the sense into him with a harsh punch to the face.

Apparently, wanting to knock some sense into him with a punch is not a possibility he thought of when he put his plan to action. What was he even expecting?

“Ow- what was that for??”

“FOR BEING STUPID!”

Donghyuck gapes at Jeno’s shameless and unexpected answer, yelping when the boy throws a hockey puck at him.

His idea is indeed very stupid, it’s so incredibly dumb.

How did he think his roommates would react anyway? How would he react if one of them barged in and (proudly) announced that he managed to score a goddamn date?

He wouldn’t feel bad for them, why are they treating him like this?

“Because you’re literally in love with Y/n?? It’s untruthful when you go on a date with a girl, when you like another. And it’s a dick move to both girls.” Donghyuck’s never heard this tone from Mark, he’s serious, and he sounds... so done with his shit? Yeah, that’s the term.

He plops on his bed, bringing out his phone, and starts to scroll through what seems like twitter, ignoring the glares from his roommates.

For the umpteenth time after they’ve met the boy, they both sigh and turn back to their own things before, pinning the conversation in their mind to bring it up later when everything goes shit. At this point he’s dead meat.

You hop off your bicycle, tightening your backpack straps, before trudging into the diner you’ve grown to love after years of eating and memories. You remember when you first met Mark and Jeno, it was right at the booth you settled in, you were a nervous wreck. Soon after the awkwardness subsided you spent the whole day munching on oily fries and slurping multiple refills of soda.

Smiling to yourself, you laugh at the memories you reminisce on.

You sigh and pull your laptop out of your bag, placing it on the old, beat up (but still very strong, to your surprise) plastic table you’ve seen just so many times. A very familiar waiter comes your way with a pen and pad, his lightly scratched, yet still shiny name tag hangs lightly on the fabric of his uniform, Na Jaemin, it read.

Jaemin was the whole reason you found this small diner, he invited Jeno to eat when he got his job last year. The job was temporary, of course, to help with college tuition, but he couldn’t say wasn’t attached to it.

The waiter approaches you, but winks and smiles knowingly when you open your mouth to say the same thing every time.

He takes a few steps back, flapping his pad in his hand, “The usual, coming right up!” Jaemin chuckles at your gaping mouth that you leave open, starting to walk off and wave goodbye. He suddenly stops just after 2 steps, turning around and glancing out the window behind you. “Where’s Hyuck?”

You furrow your eyebrows at that too, racking your brain for answers. You come to a conclusion, that you have no idea either. He doesn’t have any ice hockey practice, you know his schedule.

Humming, you whip out your phone, “I actually don’t know, let me ask.”

Jaemin lets out a small “Aight, I’ll get his usual to,” before yelling out your usual to one of the chefs. You’re so used to hearing such actions, as if they were the birds chirping in the morning.

After getting no reply from Donghyuck, you decide to ask your friend, Ryujin from math class, thinking maybe he was finally finishing his math group assignment.

You: Hey Ryujin! Are you there?

Ryujin!! : Oh hi Y/n! What’s up?

You: Is Donghyuck with you? He told me recently he wanted to get that group assessment done and I thought he might be with you

Ryujin!! : Oh? He’s not here though :(

You sigh out, brows raising in suspicion at the girl’s words. Donghyuck said he really wanted to get it over with and focus on hockey practice.

Your phone lights up with yet another message from Ryujin.

Ryujin!! : If you do find him, tell him to come straight to me, i'm sick of his group thing too >:(

A chuckle falls from your lips, as you type back a response of ‘sure thing, whack him with the math book or something’. You lock your phone with a frown, that’s weird, Donghyuck would usually tell you his whereabouts. ‘Just in case you miss him too much’ as he claimed, but he hasn’t even texted you since yesterday. Come to think of it, you haven’t even seen him today.

In the midst of your wondering and worrying, your phone vibrates in your hand again, and you turn it to find out it’s Ryujin who’s texted you yet once again.

Ryujin!! : I found out where he is!!

You light up at the news, your fingers running as fast as they could, as you write a reply.

You: Oh really? What he’s doing?

There’s a strange pause, you find it even stranger how you call it strange, the bubbles with 3 dots loading on your screen. You frown thinking it’s the connection and signal here, but just as you start to raise it the air, Ryuijin’s message has loaded.

Ryujin!! : Uh

Ryujin!! : Yeji says he’s on a date with a girl from econ...

You expected the message to do anything but hurt you, but here your heart is, suddenly sinking all the way to your feet. Along with your heart, goes your lips, downwards and curled in a pained frown.

You really don’t know how to reply, you don’t know if you should, but you do anyway. You reply to Ryujin after a solid minute of processing and having a sick sensation to your stomach.

You: Hey that’s great! Now he wouldn’t be so lonely haha

Ryujin!! : Y/n, I know you like him

You don’t answer.

That’s kind of your fault when you accidentally spilled the beans while you tipsy at one of their parties a few months ago.

You actually wanted to make it obvious, you wanted to let your feelings show, perhaps in hopes that your best friend would notice and finally realize that all he’s been searching for is right in front of him. Either he’s blind and can’t see the signs, or uninterested and on a date to find someone else.

You really hope he’s just blind.

Jaemin later comes back with your food, and what is supposed to be Donghyuck’s, and instantly notices the lively look in your eyes gone, vanished just like that. He thinks he knows what’s happening, he eyes you as he places the plastic trays down. You don’t enthusiastically take it and thank him lots, like you usually do, so something is definitely wrong.

Jaemin stays on his spot in front of your booth, crossing his arms and waiting in anticipation for something. You seem to take it the complete other way, chuckling as you gesture to the foods on the table, “You can have some if you want,”

“Jesus Y/n, don’t think so lowly of me.” The waiter sighs out a breathy laugh, pushing the tray of fries on the table back to you. His eyes turn serious, you notice, and you lean back down in your seat with wide eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“What? Literally nothing, Jaemin,”

Jaemin narrows his eyes, and slides next to you with the cheesy nachos Donghyuck would usually eat. “It’s him, isn’t it? Donghyuck?”

You let out a breathy laugh, nodding. “He’s on a date right now.” It kind of hurts to say such words, it’s like saying he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t like you.

Jaemin hisses, reaching over to pat your shoulder, “I’m sorry,”

“What for? I don’t care if he-“

“Y/n it’s pretty obvious you’re in love with him.”

You huff, throwing a fry in your mouth, “Damn, is it?”

Jaemin simply smiles sympathetically, ruffling your head as he sneakily grabs a few nachos. “It’s alright, he’ll realize his own feelings soon. I know it.” And then he walks off, back to his job.

Your eyes trail from your friend, to the nachos he gave you, and your mind drifts off to Donghyuck. How could he possibly realize his feelings, if he’s on a date? He’s not gonna realize anytime soon, because he has no feelings for you.

You feel your emotions mix, you don’t like it, it feels bad. It feels wrong. It’s his decision who he wants, so you shouldn’t feel bad if he doesn’t choose you, you’re his best friend, you should feel happy for him if he found the one.

Unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck feels like a bitch. The only thing in his mind as he walks into the cafe with his date is you, and Mark’s words.

Maybe he was right— no, Mark is always right. Most of the time. But he’s right about this date, it’s wrong since he doesn’t want to go with his date, he wants to be in the diner he knows you’re in right now, eating a bunch of those cheesy nachos and annoying you as you try to work. You never do in the end anyway.

The girl he’s on a date with surprisingly said yes to his idea, but Donghyuck thinks it’s just because she hasn’t been on one for quite some time. He thinks this as he takes a seat on one of the tables of the cafe, thanking the waiter when he passes them the menus.

It seems like his date has already been here, a couple of times even, because she simply puts the menu down and eyes Donghyuck as he scans the menu. He can feel her stare on him, and he lowers his head bashfully to hide his face.

His date laughs at the small shy action, tearing her faze away from him. “So Donghyuck,” She suddenly says.

The other only pops his head back up to hum a reply, setting his menu down. She has a small playful glint in her eyes, or was it just mischief? “You’ve never been here, have you?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, glancing at the menu full of different foods and drinks he’s not that used to seeing, “No, I usually go to the diner next to the Library, they have bomb nachos. Are the nachos here good?”

His date knows that diner, it’s not that busy, and she’s seen the cute waiter pretend he was in a concert as he mopped the place. He was really cute. “Aaah, I know that place! Y/n’s mentioned it before. Also, the nachos here are good, but I don’t know if they’re as good as your diner’s,”

Donghyuck’s whole body stops at the mention of your name, his cheeks heating for two reasons. One, he has a massive crush on you, one he doesn’t know is that big, and two, he feels embarrassed that his date knows you, and could very much tell you where he was. He purposely didn’t tell you so you wouldn’t know.

Donghyuck tries to ignore the fact that his date knows you, trying to smile playfully, “We’ll see about those nachos,”

For the next 30 minutes, Donghyuck actually enjoys his time on his date. They talk about everything, from how boring and devastating their econ teacher was, to mentioning the cute waiter from the diner he goes to. Donghyuck finds out about her small crush she had when she first saw him vibing by himself in the lonely diner. They share their basic interests and dislikes, nothing too deep for a first date.

Donghyuck feels guilty though, he’s interested in someone else, but is here with someone he barely knows. He constantly wonders where you are, and without realizing, he talks about you. A lot. His date doesn’t mind though, she’s very aware of his crush on you, and came on this date to see how many times he could bring you up in a conversation. She never expected this much.

Just as Donghyuck finishes his story, the fries come, and pretty late at that. The waitress smiles apologetically at them, biting her lip guiltily, “We’re terribly sorry the fries are so late, a lot of people order it, and we only have 2 fryers.”

The two shake their heads, mumbling how it was completely understandable. The waitress bows one last time, before going back to the kitchen to get other dishes to serve.

Donghyuck laughs and picks a fry up, before dunking it in his milkshake and munching on it. He is unaware of the disgusted expression on his date’s face, doing the same thing again. “See, this is why the lonely diner is better.”

“I’m sorry, did you just put your fry in your milkshake, and eat it?”

Donghyuck takes a sip from the sweet drink, nodding as if it was the most natural thing in the world, “Yeah, do you not?”

“No?? It’s gross!”

“What?! You have to try it.”

His date declines with a dissatisfied smile on her face, instead eating the fry with ketchup. Donghyuck scoffs, dunking another fry in his milkshake. “You know, I didn’t like it at first.” This catches his date’s attention. “But soon I did it because Y/n told me to. Lo and behold, I became addicted.”

The girl in front of him smiles at yet another mention of you, that’s like the 20th time throughout the whole date. She swirls her straw in her strawberry milkshake, thinking back to all the times Donghyuck has talked about you. All with bright smiles and adoring eyes.

“You know, I actually didn’t want to come on this date because of Y/n.” Donghyuck grows surprised, did you not let her? Did you say something that stopped her from going out with him? Though there’s a small feeling of disappointment in him, he also can’t help but want them to be true. He wants you to stop someone from going out with him, he wants you to say that only you can.

“Not that she stopped me, no, she doesn’t know about this.” Donghyuck’s hope fades away, and disappointment fills his body. He tries not to show it, but it kind of does.

The girl in front of him sighs, letting the straw go, “Look Donghyuck, I know you really like her. Did you know you’ve brought her up like 20 times throughout the whole date?”

Donghyuck is very taken aback, is he really the last person on earth to realize his feelings?

His date laughs at shocked face, “Anyone with eyes who sees you talk to her—talk about her can see it. She means a lot to you, and believe it or not, you mean so much to her too.”

A feeling captures Donghyuck’s heart, was is shock? Surprise? He’s not so sure, but it was realization. Why is he on this date, trying to get rid of his feelings, when he could simply just wait for you, let you keep his heart? Who cares if it gets awkward, it’s better than burying his feelings and not even asking for a chance at all.

“At first I came on this date to knock some sense into you, talk about how Y/n really, and I mean really, likes you. But I guess I got carried away with everything. I see why she likes you, and I see how much you like her.”

Donghyuck doesn’t feel sad or any negativity when his date says she didn’t want to come on this date, he feels... he feels relieved. And that’s it. That’s all it takes for Donghyuck to clear up on his feelings.

He faces the girl in front of him after staring at his milkshake for minutes, with wide eyes, they look so clear now to her, she knows what he’s about to do.

“I think...” Donghyuck pauses. Just a few seconds later he’s grabbing his coat, and standing up, “I think this was a mistake. N-not that I didn’t have a good time, I-“

“The feeling is mutual, Haechan,” his date giggles, standing up as well. She calls out for the bill, before turning to Donghyuck and gesturing him off. “Go get her!”

A rush of gratitude washes over his body, as he smiles brightly and waves goodbye. He rushes out the door with new emotions, he feels like everything is clearer than before, and all he wants to do is go to you, confess, heck, kiss you! Never in his life has he been so determined to get what he wants.

You don’t see each other for the next 5 days, Donghyuck was busy at ice hockey practices and simply wanted to do great for the season. The team’s been working so hard for the first game, which is today.

You wonder why Donghyuck hasn’t been calling or asking to hang out lately, like he would usually do. Sure, he’s got a tournament, but even last tournament he would hang out with you just as much time as a normal day, and the team won second place in the tournament.

Maybe it was because they haven’t had a game in a long time, and they want to be extra ready to win this year.

You walk into the cold ice rink with painted cheeks and the bucket hat you made with Sungchan before he even got into the team. He was a big fan and looked up to Donghyuck, now here he is, gearing up with the people who he admired. You are so proud of that kid.

Taking a seat at the promised area Donghyuck told you to sit in, you shove your cold hands into your coat pockets, trying to warm up with the slight cold nipping at your skin. You’re glad the stadium is starting to fill, then you would feel warmer with people around you.

You glance at your phone seeing the funny texts your friends leave. They’re all screaming about being late because Ryujin told them the game was at 5:30, not 4:30.

You snicker at all the chaos that they update you on, unaware of your best friend poking his head out of the changing room, head whipping around to try and find you.

His whole body lights up when he finally sees you, in your gators bucket hat and decorations on your cheeks, it gives him so much energy just looking at it. He couldn’t clearly make the writings out with your head bowed down as you texted your friends, but now with it up, he sees his number on your face, feeling giddy.

Yangyang sticks his head out as well, gasping at the many people, and the lots of people wearing green for the gators. “Woaahh! We have so many supporters!!”

Soon, the whole team is glancing outside, gaping at all the people rooting for them, but Donghyuck can only focus on you, your smile when someone points out your small decorations, the decorations itself, especially, the bright red ‘66’ painted in your right cheek.

There it is again. The urge to kiss you. He wants to drop all his shit, skate up to you even only half geared up, and kiss you senseless. Maybe be witty and use the ‘warming up, it’s cold’ excuse.

He doesn’t care about the people watching, heck, even the game. All he wants to do is show you his gratitude, his love for doing so special for him and his team, he wants to pepper kisses all over your beautifully painted cheeks.

A sudden, painful slap is surging and pulsing throughout Donghyuck’s shoulder, and he turns around to see Sicheng, a playful smirk on his face. “No time to simp, Haechan! Get ready and stretch, we’re out in a few.”

The player grumbles and blushes at the sudden call out, shoving his captain away in embarrassment when the whole team starts to tease him.

Before they even process it, they’re exiting the changing room, feeling nervous and ecstatic when there is cheering and yelling from the crowd. The team feels so overwhelmed at the amount of people in the crowd tonight, it’s never been so filled before. Not since Park Jisung’s figure skating performance.

The opponents are yet to come out from their changing room, but the team understands why, they’re in no place to complain when they’ve done the same thing over and over.

In the meantime, the team takes their seats on the benches, smiling and waving to their friends and family who came out to watch them. Donghyuck’s eyes trail back to your seat, smiling widely when he sees you trying to get his attention by waving violently. He throws his arms up and waves back just as enthusiastically.

Next to you is Jaemin, all with his puffy coat, large beanie and such, Donghyuck guesses he’s sensitive to the cold. Jaemin yells and whoops the loudest among the crowd, clapping his hands like a dad in the middle of watching an F1 race.

Soon, the other team comes out, radiating enthusiasm and bright smiles. the second the crowd notices them they grow crazier, so many loud noises layering the other, it’s so loud, and even you can’t believe how excited everyone is.

The team spreads out throughout the ice their stance instantly ready and defensive, ready to play. Though they're nervous, you know they are, butt they still seem so intimidating and ready.

The crown grows in anticipation as the referee has a quick talk with the captains, gripping into heir seats for the game to start.

The moment it does, so much action had already taken place you don't even know where the puck is. The tiny black dot is flying all across the ice, it sucks to not know who has the puck when you blink the second it starts.

You flap your arms at Jaemin, whipping your head around, "WHERE IS IT I BLINKED!"

Jaemin doesn't mind your funny obliviousness, grabbing you by the shoulders to lead you close to him for some sight. Half of his arm covers nearly all of your sight as he points at a player from the other team, "THERE! HE'S GOT IS RIGHT THERE!"

Soon, with lots of squinting and shoving Jaemin away, you spot the player he pointed at with the puck, sliding it skillfully on the ice and dribbling it down the rink. You start to yell and frantically point to the player, but alas, the gators are oblivious to your callouts, but they do still chase the player.

The opponent gets dangerously close to the goal Yangyang keeps, slowing down drastically to get ready to shoot. It has you on the edge of your seat, yelling, before a swarming feeling of relief fills you when the puck is taken from him by Ten. That sneaky little bitch.

He skates almost recklessly around the ice, dodging and shoving away each opponent in front of him. A bit harshly too. You can hear his voice in your head explaining how it was purely from the spur and excitement of the moment.

It's all too cool, physically too. It's freezing, and yet these boys are able to skate through the ice so smoothly and naturally, you like to call them polar bears sometimes. Of course, they only replied how they were loyal only to the gators.

You can barely process it, and before you know it, Ten had hit the puck right into the goal, before he skates back with his arms thrown in the air. Already so quick and they're making a goal, they truly are talented players.

It goes on like this for some time, a certain player taking the puck (and spotlight) as they manage to make it into the goal. It always entertaining, no matter what, especially when someone steals the puck. It's too smooth for you to constantly catch up with, but you are screaming every 5 seconds nonetheless.

You cheered the loudest when player 66 swiftly made a goal, as per usual.

You never seem to rest in games like these, heck, with it being tournament? It's got you more invested than anything in the world.

And at last, it comes down to this, the final goal. It's currently a tie, something Jaemin curses about as he pulls out his binoculars to look at the players and analyze how the game is going so far.

The man is crazy, what else is there to expect from him?

Just as you're about to comment yet once again about his large binoculars, he yells and points to the ice. "WINWIN! WINWIN'S GOT IT!"

Your head instantly snaps back to the game, only just a few seconds left. You dread over the last 30 seconds flashing by the timer, the mixed feelings in you mixing and churning almost nervously as Sicheng expertly slides through the ice.

Almost too easily, he dribbles the puck to follow him as he dodges the last opponent, and as fast as light, quickly shoots the puck into the goal.

It shoots straight in, bouncing against the net, before falling the the ground, The whole stadium is screaming, well, most of it. The other team's supporters are yelling out curses and expressing their disappointment, but that's the least of your worries.

The Gators throw their arms up in excitement, skating over to their captain and gathering into a big mess of a group hug. You can practically hear Sicheng's voice in your head as he pleads for Ten not to kiss his cheek.

The boys pull away, just to skate around the ice and wave to the crowd. First place Donghyuck goes is to your side, as expected, eyes trailing to find yours. He waves and smiles at all the people cheering him on, and lights up completely when he sees you jumping up and down with Jaemin. A soft feeling sweeps him as you seem in your happiest moment, with your beautiful smile he loves oh so much.

Donghyuck literally almost attempts to climb over the Plexiglass, but is halted when Yangyang skater over to him and slaps his ass playfully to remind him to greet the other team and than them.

"Still no time to simp, Haechan."

The said boy huffs in embarrassment and shoves his teammate away. He glances back at you one last time, and grins when you and Jaemin playfully blow him an air kiss.

Donghyuck knows you won’t be there to hug him right after the game, you’ve made a silent and mutual agreement 2 years ago that you would wait outside, you don’t want to disturb their pep talk with their coach, and you definitely don’t want to hug a sweaty Donghyuck.

And so right after their talk with their coach, and the quick showers, Donghyuck is running out the changing room with semi-dried hair, a duffle bag full of his sweaty clothes, and a bright grin adorning his face.

His teammates yell out teasingly, but he doesn’t mind them, he’s throwing them a quick middle finger at them, before busting the doors of the rink open.

Donghyuck whips his head back and forth, side to side, trying to catch you as fast as possible. You don’t even know, but just your presence gave him so much energy and motivation, not to mention the decorations, he wanted to win so badly.

“Hyuck!”

Time seems to stop when your best friend turns to his left, the sight of you, equally bright eyes and smile as his, slightly smudged and faded paint on your face, you look oddly perfect.

And for the third time, he wishes to run up and kiss you. For so many reasons. For encouraging him when you were teenagers, for willing to paint your face just for a game, for actually coming. It feels surreal.

His urge to steal a kiss is getting worse when you start to run up to him, he doesn’t think he can handle it, Donghyuck is about to fucking kiss you. He wants to so badly, and he might just, just a few more meters until your lips can meet his.

When you jump into his arms, he almost can’t control himself. Almost.

Instead, he catches you in a warm bear hug, engulfing you flush against him. It feels great, just affectionately squeezing each other to your chests.

“You did it!” You whisper into his shoulder, rocking you both side to side. Donghyuck smiles and shut his eyes tight, savoring the moment, “I did,”

You push him away excitedly, shoving at his side, “You guys won!” Though pained at the sudden punch to his stomach, your best friend smiles and laughs at you, as you jump and run around, yelling in delight.

You look so precious, jumping and clapping, so natural. This is a moment Donghyuck would kill to keep forever, cherished and loved, and the familiar feeling comes back.

He knows the feeling, he’s felt it all too much around you, but he doesn’t mind. Heck, it might just give him the courage to kiss you.

Donghyuck’s sure this is the moment, the perfect opportunity, he’s reaching out again, his right hand clasping the back of your neck, pulling you back close to him. His left hand cradles your cheek when you’re close, and he leans in, eyes set on your lips for a second, before he shuts them and his lips find their way to your cheek. Your cheek with his faded number on it. His lips feels warm on your cheek, you can feel how soft they softly press against your cheek, you want to turn your head and catch them with your own.

It happens suddenly, Donghyuck doesn’t know why—or how he even backed out. He was so sure this would be it. You gasp right next to his ear, it tickles him, before he quickly backs away.

Hand flying to cover your warm cheek, you beam your surprised eyes to Donghyuck, a smile itching to grow on your face. He freezes as well, gaping at his actions, at your’s, at the whole situation, really.

“I-“

“YOOO! PARTY AT SICHENG’S LET’S GOOO!” Yangyang and Ten’s excited voices beam out, breaking your moment, jumping and swinging Sicheng’s car keys, to which he yells to be careful with because it’s apparently the car he shares with Kun.

Everyone gathers around the car, but you and Donghyuck, simply too shocked to process the whole thing. Sungchan seemed to notice your lack of presence, turning around to find you. “Hyung! Noona! Are you guys not coming?”

Instantly, it’s like the two if you melt from the sudden time freeze around you, and Donghyuck quickly jogs up to them. His cheeks burn like fire, he feels so shy that he actually kissed your cheek. How could he be back out so quick? Halfway to the car, he whips back to you, still shocked and gaping with warm cheeks, before pointing at the car, “You wanna come with us? I’m pretty sure there’s still some space.”

Except, there wasn’t. You had to sit, squished up in the back seat next to Donghyuck and Sungchan, cheeks burning at being so close to your best friend. Your crush. Who just kissed your cheek.

”Hey Haechan,” Ten pipes up. The boy hums back mindless reply, staring at the small space in between your hands, just a swift move and it could be tangled with his. “That girl you hung out with a few days ago is coming. And she’s really cute. Could you maybe introduce her to me?”

Your face falls. Right, he went on a date.

That just really helps with your high hopes. The boys in the car don’t seem to realize the fact that it was a date, teasingly poking at Ten in the front seat.

“Uh, yeah, sure thing.” Great. Mentioning his date when his crush is in the car. So much for his confidence.

You suddenly don’t really want to go to the party, sighing and slumping in your seat. Donghyuck huffs at the space you created between your hands, squeezing at his knee.

This is going to be a long ride.

The moment you step into the party, there are people yelling out multiple ‘congratulations!’ and other stuff you can’t make out with the intense beats and loud music.

The team grins and thanks them nonetheless, already heading in and settling down with drinks and moves at the dance floor. You laugh at the sight of Ten dragging Sicheng into the dance circle, the awkward smile on the captain's face screaming out for help.

Donghyuck laughs along to the funny situation, you can feel his shoulder rumble and bump into yours. “Hey,” he whispers to you, “I’m gonna go get a drink, do you want anything?”

The room is dark, only a few beams of colorful light roaming around the room, and yet the sparkle in your best friend's eyes seems the lightest in the room, it’s mesmerizing and you never want to look away. “Sprite's okay,”

Your answer is barely above a whisper, you like to think it’s quiet because of the music in the background, but you know better. Donghyuck nods, sending you a small smile. He barely catches it, but he hears a small ‘thanks, hyuck,’ and it tugs tightly at his heartstrings.

He walks away, deep into the party, and before you know it, you’re alone. You suddenly grow flustered and embarrassed by how close you were to Donghyuck. Physically close. Hands on your face, you bite your lip to contain your smile, but the corners can’t lie when they curl upwards a little.

You slap your cheeks softly, reminding yourself that there is nothing there, he went on a date with someone else last week. He’s not interested.

In the midst of your reality check and reminders, you feel a sudden tap to your shoulder. Glancing to your left, you have to say you weren’t that shocked to see Huang Renjun.

Renjun was a very smart student, you know this, and he also has golden hands. Not physically, no, but artistically. He’s amazing at painting and drawing and all that art funk, and it amazes you. He expressed so many of his emotions just by painting a single stroke of his brush.

You’ve only met Renjun here and there, he was one of Jeno’s closest friends.

Renjun sends you a small smile, waving quite bashfully, “Hi Y/n,” you return the bashfulness, cheeks pulling up in a happy smile, “Renjun! Hey!”

He glances behind you, everywhere behind you, and grimaces once he’s stopped. “Have you seen Haechan? I wanted to congratulate him. And remind him of that art project he still hasn’t finished.”

You shake your head and chuckle, “That motherfucker told me he already finished it.”

“Let me guess, when he asked to hang out?”

You ponder over it for a second, smile widening when Renjun’s words were indeed true. “Did he do it to you too?”

The artist bellows a soft laugh, eyes sinking into pretty little moon crescents, before he shakes his head. “No, I think he would use it as an excuse to not hang out with me.”

That is a bit true, you remember when Yangyang became so disappointed when he caught Donghyuck in your dorm, tangled in your bed sheets as he took a nap. You, innocent and oblivious, simply told him he was going to accompany you as you work on an essay.

“But I cannot count how many times he’s procrastinated just to see you.”

Surprised, you whip your eyes wide open in surprise, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. You feel flustered at his words, and your reaction, and you snap out of your shocked daze. “I’m sure it’s not that many times.”

Your heart beats fast, you wish it desperately doesn’t, you don’t want your hopes up again.

“Really? I thought he had a crush on you or something.”

You flush yet once again, heart rate drastically picking up and cheeks heating up so fast you don’t even know when it happened. Shifting awkwardly, you let out a nervous hiss, “I... thought so too.”

Renjun lets out a small hum, as if to ask to explain. You cough an awkward laugh, feeling your heart sink at the thought of Donghyuck rejecting you.

“I thought so too. I really thought so too. His recent actions really fooled me. I thought... I thought that maybe all the hugs weren’t so platonic, I thought I wasn’t the only one who thought the way he held me longer than usual was his feelings. And he even gave me a kiss on the cheek earlier.” Your smile makes Renjun chuckle, of course, just a friendly laugh, no intentions to fool you.

And suddenly you seem to be brought down to earth, and not cloud 9 where you imagine and overthought small actions. “B-but I know they didn’t mean anything to him. He went on a date last week to find someone.”

Renjun’s smile instantly falls, and his lip is caught between his teeth in shock. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, looking down to his sneakers.

Attempting to light up and smile reassuringly, you shake your hands and head, but anyone could see through your bright eyes and smile. “N-no, it’s fine! It’s not like I like him...” You add a fake laugh at the end, a simple cough of a laugh, and you want to cringe at how fake it sounded.

“Y/n, it’s alright to admit your feelings. And I’m pretty sure Haechan was just on a date to get rid of his tooth rotting crush on you. Maybe he thinks the same things as you, but is just too scared to admit.” Renjun pats your shoulder reassuringly, his smile 10 times more comforting than his words. You feel grateful that he isn’t judging your situation.

Donghyuck, unsuspected of your deep talk with Renjun, stands a few feet away from you, 2 drinks in his hand. He’s excited to spend time with you for some reason, maybe it’s the party vibes, or the fact that he just won a game, or was it because he kissed your cheek? He doesn’t know, but he’s still excited nonetheless.

Donghyuck rushes through the crowd, his cup of coke and your cup of sprite ready in his hand. There are people who congratulate him, some only greeting, and most just moving out of his way to vibe to the music. Your best friend has a small, yet very excited smile on his face, never fading and waiting to widen when he sees you.

Funny, he does the complete opposite. Donghyuck freezes in his spot when he spots you speaking to Renjun, small, flustered smile and all. Feelings storm in his body, churning in his stomach, it has his heart sinking all the way to his feet, and a thick curtain of negativity (read: jealousy.) clouding his mind.

Why are you talking to Renjun? What are you talking about? Is he patting your shoulder? What for? How can you look so happy talking to someone that isn’t him?

All ridiculous thoughts, he would know, but he doesn’t really know with such a state of mind.

Renjun spots your best friend just a few meters behind you, frozen with a mixed expression. A mixed expression he recognizes as jealousy. He turns back to you, smiling, “Hey, Haechan’s right behind you. Tell him your feelings, Y/n. Really.”

You gape at your friend once again, but manage to slowly nod. “Maybe we can catch up some other time? Oh! I know this really cute moomin themed cafe-“

Hearing is a hard thing when you’re surprised and shocked, because all you can hear is your heartbeat as you feel a sudden grab to your forearm. Apparently, seeing is too, as all you see is Donghyuck’s familiar mop of hair covering your gaze, and his warm brown sweater is the only thing running through your mind as well.

“Mhm, yeah, sounds sooo interesting, Renjun.” Renjun is unable to stop the smug smirk growing on his face at Donghyuck’s scrunched eyebrows and glaring eyes, he knows exactly his feelings for you.

Donghyuck then turns around sharply, dragging you with him, growing more irritated when you mumble something about not saying a proper goodbye. “Bye! There, we said bye.”

You feel taken aback, and very hurt at Donghyuck’s sudden harsh attitude, what happened? Where was the bright, bubbly Hyuck that always wanted to participate in conversations and never wanted them to end?

“Donghyuck?” You call out for him as he simply pulls you with him through the crowd of people. Where did he put the drinks? He doesn’t really remember either. Growing frustrated, you tug your arm back lightly, “Hyuck,”

The boy doesn’t answer, instead encircling his fingers gently around your wrist. It’s softer than before, a lot softer, but his pace still stays fast and rushed.

Up the stairs, a few more steps, and a closed door, you finally get to stop moving, inside an unknown room. Donghyuck let’s your wrist go, letting you rest, but right as you are about to speak, he beats you to it with a quick voice.

“D-don’t talk to Renjun.”

His gaze is hard, and glaring daggers right at you, and they shoot straight to your heart. His voice however, wavered and unsure. He leaves you confused yet once again, frustration and confusion boils and bubbles in your stomach.

“What the hell, Donghyuck?!”

You’re the opposite of his state, your voice is so clear and set, spitting words and moving with such ease, but your gaze is shaking, filled with doubt and confusion, you wish they decided to glare right back at him, or pour beads of mixed feelings.

“Why can’t I just talk to another person? Just talk! Nothing happened. What, do you not want me to find my significant other?”

No, he wants to be your significant other. Why can’t you see that he stopped you because he wanted—wants to be your lover? He wants to tell you, show you. He wants to kiss you when he’s won a game, he wants to kiss you when you’ve won that big competition you've been rambling about for months, spend nights with you watching old barbie movies, and tuck you into bed when you fall asleep, and borrow Daegal for god knows how many nights.

But he’s scared someone will get to do it before him. Like Renjun. He’s good looking and good at painting and just so perfect, the art major could snatch you up anytime, and Donghyuck doesn’t want that.

“Please Donghyuck, say something! Why aren’t you-“

“Because I love you!”

This time, you don’t see each other for the next week.

It hurts, because he literally just admitted that he loved—loves you, but now he’s just ignoring you. You’re so confused, and tired, and just want to get rid of your high hopes that have grown even more after that night at the party.

He ran off right after he told you. You tried to run after him and catch him, but you were too late. That night, you couldn’t sleep, thinking of his words, and the next night you couldn’t sleep either. Along with the next night, and the next, and the next, until it hit a full week later.

At this point you wouldn’t be as attentive in class as you usually were, you would nap in between classes, during breaks, and most of the time be late to class. It sucked a lot. Damn Donghyuck and his cowardly self.

You almost manage to fully pass out on the table you chose to study on in the library, right on your physics book that made you even sleepier as you read it. However, a certain freshman sits next to you.

You open your eyes to see a blurry figure, their innocent smile shining, and hand waving over your face, “Hi,” their voice is hushed, as expected in the library, but it’s not a complete whisper, and you recognize the voice of Jung Sungchan.

You suck in a breath, rubbing at your tired eyes, before squinting them to see the boy clearly. He simply waits for you to process everything, for he knows what it’s like to suddenly wake up and not know where you are.

Once again, the younger sends you a friendly wave and a bright smile, mumbling a small ‘hey’ to which you smile and echo his words.

“What are you doing here?” Kind of a stupid question to ask, especially in a library, but you really are genuinely curious as to what his plans were here. Sungchan doesn’t seem to mind, pointing to the beanbag section behind him.

“I’m here with Shotaro, I’ve been busy with ice hockey practice and I have a free period right now, so we’re hanging out! I still gotta go this evening though, the second game is tomorrow.”

Right, the second game of the tournament is tomorrow. You wonder how Donghyuck is doing, was he perfectly fine and practicing well? He seems so unbothered by the night at the party, but unbeknownst to you, he really wants to apologize and just retry his confession. He didn’t expect it to be that sudden.

You seem to snap out of your sudden train of thoughts when Sungchan speaks up again, “The real question here is what are you doing here? I’ve noticed you’ve been more tired these days, you should really rest.” You’re always so amazed by how thoughtful Sungchan is, he’s always there to look out for anyone, some random classmate or friend, he’s always so caring to everyone.

You nod, giving Sungchan a grateful smile, before shutting your physics book, “Thank you, Sungchan. You always know how to make me feel better,”

Sungchan stays seated as you start to pack your bag and get ready to leave, gnawing on his lower lip nervously. 'Just ask her!' he thinks to himself.

Just as you wave goodbye to him and Shotaro in the corner, Sungchan springs up, wide, glossy eyes shocking you.

“W-wait!” Nodding, you stop in your tracks, waiting for Sungchan to continue.

“I know... that your situation with Haechan isn’t the best,”

Your eyes widen in shock, he knew about what happened? You wonder if Donghyuck told his friends about it, if he simply just told them bluntly or just out of regret. You hope it was regret, you’d accept it better than his telling them bluntly.

“But could you maybe come to the game tomorrow?” Sungchan looks so hopeful, eyes practically begging for you to say yes, and you want to with the way they seem to plead you.

You think about it for a second though, it would be pretty awkward if you met Donghyuck after the game. You wouldn’t know what to do or say. But then again, you do kind of want to slap him. Maybe.

You nod nonetheless, smiling at Sungchan’s suggestion, “Of course! For the team, even with my situation with Haechan,”

His nickname feels foreign to you, you realize it now when you’ve just said it. It feels like you don’t know your own best friend. You’re so used to hearing it, but it won’t roll off your tongue smoothly just yet.

Sungchan lights up, you can see it in his bright eyes, and widening smile, radiating so much relief that you feel happy. You give him one last smile, and a wave along to Shotaro in the corner, before turning around and walking out.

You don’t get to, because just a few steps forward a thought is tingling in your mind, and you want to fid the answer. Quickly turning around, you run up and grab Sungchan’s backpack to stop him from walking away. The boy turns back, alarmed, and blinks his big eyes in question.

You quickly retract your arm from holding him back, letting them flop to your sides instead. “How did you know about my situation with Donghyuck?” You almost say his nickname, but it would feel too weird, and so you use his real name.

You gnaw on your lip as you wait for Sungchan’s reply. The boy raises his head in thought, racking through his memories of how he found out. He smiles lightly when he remembers, lowering his head to look at you. “He wouldn’t get out of bed the next morning, and Jeno told us everything. He seems really upset at his actions.”

You are too. Does this mean he regrets it as in he actually doesn’t like you or he did it wrong? So many assumptions and thoughts cloud your mind, thinking of the worst and best scenarios to this case.

Sungchan opens his mouth at your clouded and mixed expressions, unsure of what to say, before he whips his head back behind him when Shotaro calls out for him. He faces back to you, scratching the back of his head awkwardly when you still seem to be in your thoughts. “S-so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Your thoughts vanish into thin air at Sungchan’s hopeful voice, instantly nodding at him, “Yeah, of course!”

The boy nods and smiles brightly, before turning around and jogging up to his best friend.

You soon leave the library with the thoughts swirling in your mind yet once again, sticking and haunting your mind every second of the day until you get into bed.

You haven’t really processed what Donghyuck blurted out in the party, it’s like it just echos in your kind until it’s done feasting on it and just realizing what happened. Did he really love you? Love is a big word, it’s not the first choice of words you would expect to hear from your best friend and crush of who knows how long.

But yes, he really did love you. Does. He does love you. He loves you for helping him through all his worst days, for putting your priorities away just for him, for being the forever friend he needed. But as much as Donghyuck loves you, and longs for you, he doesn’t really want you to be there tomorrow, for so many reasons.

He knows he’ll feel so guilty, for just leaving you hanging there on a whole cliff with weight bringing you down called hope. But he also needs to apologize. He doesn’t quite have the best plan. Or courage. For all he knows he’ll probably help you up that cliff, and then pull a Scar like in The Lion King.

Donghyuck snorts to himself, thinking of how ridiculous it is to make a Disney movie reference in the middle of trying to sort out his emotions.

A sudden cheer of the crowd causes him to gasp and whip around.. You wouldn't be there, right? Not after what he's done, there's no way. It would eat himself alive if he had to play knowing you were there watching him. It's ironic, Donghyuck always found comfort in your presence, but now he doesn't want you watching him.

The curses in his head become very verbal when Donghyuck sticks his head and sees you there, in the same spot you've promised to sit in the whole tournament. This time his number isn't on your cheek, just a bright green 'gators!' replacing it. It looked quite out of place.

Next to you is Shin Ryujin and Hwang Yeji, this time sure to be there for the beginning of the match on time.

Feelings churn and mix in your best friend's stomach, raging like a storm, ready to be released in a physical form of hockey. Or literal shit. He doesn't know the answer, but he's not going to the bathroom anytime soon.

The guilt is so overwhelming, Donghyuck has felt nothing like it, blooming everywhere around his body. His heart, which aches and longs for you, but knows it's caged with fear and regret. His mind, erasing anything and everything, planting and growing the guilty thoughts and possibilities if you were to come across each other. His bones, that freeze in doubt and don't know what to do, it consumes his body, just like he knew it would.

Donghyuck can't really do anything about it, especially after staring at the exit for solid minutes, to the point where Sicheng had to drag him out and give him a reassuring ruffle on the head he was unaware of.

He quickly follows his captain out the changing room, shoving his mouth guard between his lips and messily bringing the helmet over his head. He's totally out of it, Donghyuck realizes, because there usually isn't a curtain of blonde strands blocking half his sight from the game. Quickly, the junior takes his helmet off, sweeping his hair back, before shoving the helmet back on.

He is unaware of the impact it had on your unsuspecting eyes and burning cheeks.

The team never comprehends how fast they go into the court, just a few warm-ups and the game is starting already.

Donghyuck somehow finds himself already in position, though him mind barely keeps up with his body. He takes a glance to his right, straight at Mark, the older notices and throws a reassuring thumbs up. It clearly did nothing at all.

The only thing that goes through the player's mind when the game finally starts is to 'focus you absolute fucking clown!' and 'don't look at her please dfjaiudj' and about 20 curse words in between each thought.

He can barely call what he's doing playing, this was not Haechan.

After a few solid minutes of trying to feel the game, Donghyuck finally does. He feels the rush of excitement in his veins when he somehow manages to steal the puck from the opponents. He feels the speed he naturally flows as he (attempts) to dodge and avoid anyone in front of him.

He quickly passes the puck to Yangyang, closest open, when he sees he's about to get cornered by a bunch of them.

Yangyang, pro ice hockey, dribbles the puck only for a few mere seconds, before he instantly shoots it in the goal. It's a close one, but he makes it.

The team acknowledges the cheering of the crowd, but quickly dismisses it to not get too happy just yet.

Once again, every player is back in their own world on the rink, in their zone, focusing and playing with their all. You haven't seen them play this seriously since Donghyuck and Jeno's first game when they first got accepted.

The puck is once again within Yangyang's grasp, as he slides around the ice skillfully with ease. At this point, he's definitely MVP. Not hat you know that much of hockey, but you can grasp it slightly with constantly hanging out with Hyuck and his roomates.

The opponents try to keep up with him, attempting to block him and steal the puck, but alas, Yangyang was just to fast.

One of them suddenly pop up in front of him, the team notices, and notice they have a chance of stealing it. Quickly, Donghyuck takes his chance of being the closest one and races to attempt to guard him from Yangyang, and succeeds at first, but he didn't wait for the impact he would get when his body slams with the player.

He slips slightly, and almost knocks Yangyang over, he notices the way his friend is tempted to help him regain his balance, but they're in the middle of a game, and he has the puck.

Yangyang almost loses the puck, just remembering when more of the opponents rush to try get it.

You notice the sour face Donghyuck keeps behind the helmet, a worried sensation twisting in your stomach. He regains his balance and continues on with the game, but dwells on his slip-up with regrets.

It runs throughout his mind every second he's playing, and though he's doing a bit better, he doesn't feel like it at all. He could've screwed up the whole game, heck, could've hurt Yangyang!

Donghyuck doesn't feel the need to smile smugly like he usually does when his team constantly scores, and he only just waves and hugs his teammates when they win.

He has too many things on his mind as he takes his quick shower, once again the first one to exit. Despite being the last one into the showers from the little pep talk with his coach (he was concerned of what was on his mind, typical best coach, coach Lee.) he's the first one out.

Donghyuck thanks the team and congratulates all of them as he waves to most of them who are still taking their victorious showers, and prepares to go back to the dorm and dread over his small mistake on his bed. Maybe even sneak Daegal in. No, Daegal reminds him way too much of you.

The hockey player notices the few stray practice hockey sticks sitting around in the benches, clicking his tongue in annoyance that they had left it out, yet once again.

He seizes the bag of plastic sticks and hauls it over his shoulder, before making his way over to the storage room. The room is next to the other changing room they would use for the other team who comes and plays, but they often use it for the figure skaters instead.

Just as Donghyuck walks out after placing the bag where it was supposed to be he exits the room and shuts the door, wondering who had put the sticks on the benches in the first place. He is shocked for a second the second he hears unfamiliar voices not far to his left, seeing as it was the other team.

He doesn't mind them, simply turning back around to retrieve his duffle bag, his only goal to make it back home and rest.

"Did you see that kid's mistake? Who was it, number 24?"

Donghyuck completely freezes in his spot and continues listening, shock numbing his movements. He feels slight rage within him for letting them assume it was Yangyang's fault, when it was clearly his.

How dare they even trash talk about Yangyang, when he was the best player who destroyed the match? A feeling mixes in Donghyuck's gut, he feels his heart sinking and the anger growing.

It grows even bigger when the some of the teammates begin to laugh, commenting at how they noticed as well.

As if his arm was controlling itself, Donghyuck places his duffle bag down and grabs at his hockey stick, gripping it hard. He may be upset at the mistake today, but that was his mistake, and none of his teammates deserve to take the blame.

Donghyuck is walking up to the group before he knows it, and a scowl paints his face, "Hey assholes!"

You are baffled when Mark comes running up to you int he parking lot, his hair only still damp after just getting out of the shower. "Y/n! Y/n! Have you seen coach?"

You shake your head and stand up from your seat on the curb, "No, why? Is there a problem?"

Mark is still panting, patting his chest, and you think for a hockey player, he should have a lot of stamina. But then again, that just got out of a game.

"H-haechan."

Instant concern fills you, grabbing at Mark's arm. "Haechan? What's wrong with Haechan?" The foreign name sits on your tongue and once again feels out of place, but that's the least of your problems.

Mark pants a few more breaths, before grabbing your forearm to lead you into the building. "He whacked some player in the face with his hockey stick,"

The nurses office is cold, as always with the extra chilly broken AC, but it's just a bit creepier now that Donghyuck is alone. He's always hated medical rooms. They give him lots of anxiety.

Thankfully though, he won't be alone for much longer, because you storm into the room, a threatening finger pointed up and ready to poke at Donghyuck's chest.

But unlike all the other light lectures of how he should be more careful during practice or a game, your best friend braces himself for something much more. Much worse.

To his surprise, you simply sigh and flop your arms back down to your sides, eyeing his many bruises scattered on his cheek. It's your favorite cheek too, the one with his pretty moles you would often daydream about. He doesn't need to know that.

Coach Lee came and quickly broke the fight after Sungchang ran a whole 10 blocks to come call him from his small break in the diner. He came to find Donghyuck with a bruises on his cheek and the other guy he fought with a black eye.

It was a tough to pull them apart, but they evetually managed to, and now Donghyuck is suspended for the rest of the season. Just until semi-finals, at least.

Your gaze travels to the way his fingers subtly pick on each other and the ice pack in his hands, and to the way his lower lip is softly trapped between his teeth. Your heart aches at how vulnerable Donghyuck looks.

With a soft sigh, you walk up to Donghyuck, and seize the ice pack from his hands. Donghyuck thinks it's stupid how his heart still manages to pick up at just the slightest touch of your fingers grazing his. You think it's even dumber how you feel it too.

Kneeling in front of your best friend, you press the ice pack to his cheek, lips twitching at the quiet hiss he lets out. Donghyuck's eyes squint, quite adorably, as he pouts at you, "That's cold."

You can't help but let out a small huff of a laugh, releasing the cold plastic into a softer hold, though you kind of did it on purpose. "Sorry," You then let go of the ice pack, letting Donghyuck take control of how hard to press it to his face.

He doesn’t face you, he doesn’t think he can.

“Did you have to hit him in the face with a hockey stick?”

Your question cuts through the thick tension, the second elephant in the room finally being acknowledged. The first one being whatever happened at the party.

Donghyuck scratches at a random itch at his wrist, avoiding your stern stare, “I mean, yeah. They were trash talking Yangyang when it was clearly my fault. They should’ve been talking about me, not him.”

Albeit thinking Donghyuck is still an ass, you still can’t help but be proud of his actions. But still a bit mad. He could’ve just ignored it, they won the game, after all.

Tired is all your best friend feels, physically. Now that he has company in the eerie room that had his anxiety running, he realizes he’s so tired. It’s just been 20 minutes since the game ended, he just barely managed to shower quickly and throw on a messy outfit before he started the fight. He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

Donghyuck snaps out of his daze when you jump up onto the cabinet far in the corner of the room, awkwardly clapping your hands on your thighs. You can’t seem to shake off Donghyuck’s stare though, you can feel it right at you.

You look up at him and sigh, “You’re still an asshole.”

Subject change, to the bigger elephant in the room.

Donghyuck knows. He’s been thinking about how much of a bitch he’s been the past few days. “I know.” He presses the ice harder into his cheek, in hopes of it numbing the many sensations mixing in him.

“Did you mean it? What you said at the party,” He means every single word. He won’t take any of it back, either.

Stiffly, Donghyuck nods slowly, just for a second. You barely manage to catch it, but you do, and it’s doing so much to you. Butterflies flying and fluttering all around your chest, before morphing into confusion and relief. It’s overwhelming, and causes you to start your rant.

“Then why did you run away?”

Donghyuck stays silent, mouth shut, he doesn’t know either. Impulse? Instinct? Or maybe it was fear.

“I love you too, you know?”

It’s like 3 words can change a person’s whole world, and ignite fireworks in one’s chest, because that’s exactly what Donghyuck is feeling. His lips urge to twist up in the brightest smile he’s ever mustered, he wants to jump up and down in the bed he sits on and tell Mark and Jeno how he’s finally got you to like him back.

“But still, what you did at the party, and then ghosting me hurts. A lot. I almost didn’t come to the game today. If it weren’t for Sungchan coming to ask me to come I wouldn’t have.”

Excitement and happiness melts into guilt yet once again, and instead of jumping, Donghyuck wants to sink into the mattress and disappear. He truly is sorry, and doesn’t want to feel any guiltier than before.

Strangely enough, when he glances at you, he doesn’t want to sink anymore. He wants to sit and hear you talk and just stare at you all day. You look really pretty right now for some reason. Maybe it’s because of how you’re very passionately venting out all your weekly stress that’s all probably because of him, or was it because his head wasn't in the great state after the fight?

Donghyuck finds himself trailing his eyes from your passionate ones, to your nose, occasionally scrunching up, he thinks it’s adorable. Your cheeks he misses squishing and pecking during daily catch up talk, and lastly, your lips.

They move with every word Donghyuck doesn’t pay attention to, pouting occasionally at some words, he remembers wanting to kiss them.

He still does.

For the fourth time, Donghyuck wants to kiss you again. Is it really the right time to be feeling like this? Doesn’t really matter because if it isn’t now, when is it? Will there ever be the perfect opportunity? Take the ones you get.

Donghyuck’s thoughts somehow hype him up, as he wants to shut you up with his lips.

“Donghyuck! Jesus christ, Hyuck! Do you ever listen to me? Come on, do something!”

Do something.

Suddenly, words he never thought he’d be telling himself are ringing through his brain, swirling and taking over every thought and decision going up in there.

Kiss her you fool!

Just as you were about to yell your best friend’s name even louder this time, he unexpectedly and very recklessly stands up from his bed, rushing up to you in such speed that startles you. “Hyu-“

Donghyuck stands in between your legs, one of his hands dragging you by the waist to the edge of the counter, as the other puts the ice pack down to hold your neck. It’s so cold, yet gentle, you’re shocked by it, but you have a bigger shock waiting for you just a second later.

Your best friend, crush of who knows how long, Lee Donghyuck, is pressing his lips to yours tightly, pressing harder with every second to wait for your response.

Like putty in his hold, you completely melt into his touch, finally relaxing and letting him lead the way. You’ve been going your own way for so long, and it feels refreshing to finally trust someone to guide you down another flow.

Donghyuck’s lips feel soft, they brush delicately against yours, before taking yours between them in a soft lock. Lips shifting, you kiss back fully, and you find your hands trailing up to hold Donghyuck’s jaw.

Kissing you was not exactly what Donghyuck thought it would be like, but that’s his fault for startling you. When you kiss back however, it feels like everything he’s dreamt of. You two did agree to be each other’s first kisses in 9th grade, but that was just a small peck on the lips. Maybe 2 but that doesn’t matter anymore. He’s kissing you with so much more emotion and real love, and you’re reciprocating it with just as much feelings.

It feels heavenly, especially when you lightly fiddle with the hairs at the nape of his neck, and Donghyuck thinks there was no better time than now. In a cold, dark room after fighting a random dude, and getting distracted by your crush instead of listening to her rant. Yes, perfect.

You pull away quite hurriedly, after all your gasp of air was short lasted and very sudden. You take in short, quick breaths, feeling the tip of your nose nudge against Donghyuck’s.

You can tell he’s nervous, his fingers on your waist are nervously drumming against your jacket and he’s removed his other hand to retrieve the ice pack once again. His eyes softly gaze into yours for any sign of discomfort, worried if he’s stepped over the line.

“Is your lip bleeding?”

Donghyuck’s face scrunches up in confusion, “What?”

“I can taste a bit of blood,” His heart feels like soaring from his chest and bouncing all around his body when your thumb lightly brushes against his lower lip, before gently pulling it down.

“Oh my god, there’s a cut!” Donghyuck can feel the cut sting when you tug a little more, quickly swatting your hand away to replace it with his, “Don’t touch it! Ow-“

Donghyuck juts his lower lip out in a pout, lightly grazing his finger on the cut, before hissing loudly and flinching away. He places his hand over his mouth in pain, taking a few steps back as he whines.

He is unaware of the laughter you try to hold back, but it is quickly acknowledged when you accidentally snort, slapping your own hand over your mouth before you start snickering.

It wasn’t long until your crush starts laughing along softly, staring at your blissful, happy expressions, reaching out to brush away the few strands that fall in front of your face.

Your smile still stays on as you slowly but finally die down from your laughing fit, reaching up to catch Donghyuck’s hand and tangle it with yours. It’s familiar, with the amount of times you’ve done it, but it’s a bit different now after you kissed.

"I'm sorry," Donghyuck mumbles softly. You shake your head and tilt it in confusion, picking up the ice pack from his hands to press it to his face much gentler than before. "For the blood? Oh please, I'm sure you knocked out a few teeth from the guy you hit."

Donghyuck bellows low, soft laughter, encircling his fingers dearly around tour wrist. You can't help but smile at the sound, it's been far too long since you've heard it.

"No, I mean for leaving you hanging like that." Your best friend admits bitterly, he clearly isn't proud of the fact he did it, sighing and looking down at your lap. "It was wrong and cowardly of me to do so. I was just scared, I guess. I'm a coward, you know that." He mumbles.

"But I'm not too sure which I'm more terrified of," Donghyuck's tone changes suddenly, and he looks up with a glint of playfulness, "You rejecting me, or your nagging."

At that, you (not so) lightly kick his shin, pressing the ice pack hard against his cheek. Donghyuck backs away, clasping at his leg, "Ow! I was kidding!"

Your chuckle a second later causes his eyes instantly trail over to your smile, his own itching to grow bigger when you beckon him back to you. He does so gladly, his cheek feeling once again numb at the ice pack you place on his cheek.

"I really am sorry, Y/n. You don't even know how guilty I felt, I still feel. You remember when I stole Jaemin's ice cream once, and he got really upset? Remember how guilty I felt? The guilt I feel right now is like 3 times as bad. It's like when Mark feels guilty, and he gets super guilty. Like that one time he didn't ask for Ten's permission to use his netflix account but he still-"

"You're rambling."

"Right. The point is, I still feel like a dick and I need you to forgive me- verbally. Or I will stay guilty for the rest of my life."

You scoff at the exaggeration at the last part, "I doubt that."

"Y/n that's not the point!" Donghyuck whines, poking at your sides.

A soft giggle bubbles in your throat, you let it flutter around the air and let Donghyuck relish on the sound, before nodding. "Fine, I forgive you, Donghyuck."

He finally relaxes completely at your words, feeling tranquility and peace he's felt before, he's felt whenever he's around you. What more could he want now when he's got you?

"But," You perk up with a small smile and a finger held up in the air. Donghyuck simply stares into your sparkling eyes with attentiveness and curiosity when you poke his other cheek, before it spreads into your whole palm caressing his soft cheek. "you'll need to make up with lots of movie marathons, kisses, and sneaking Daegal into your dorm."

Your lover, crush, your best friend, laughs, nodding, as he leans down to steal one more kiss from you. Second from many more kisses you share in the future.

mini bonus!

You nearly screech in surprise as the door to Donghyuck's room busts open, and you are both shocked to see Chenle there, his hands on his hips as he frowns disappointingly. No words are shared as he marches up to the both of you, not even a single glance until the young chinese boy has his daughter in his arms.

At last, eye contact is made, and you can barely stifle in your laugh as he squints them, "I'm taking the dog," He cradles Daegal into his chest preciously, glaring at the both of you, "dumbasses."

The boy then storms out with Park Jisung who you didn't even realize was by the door, completely dumbfounded at what just unfolded before you just seconds ago.

Both you and Donghyuck shrug, moving on with the movie playing in front of you. You find comfort in your boyfriend's fluffy hair in replacement of the fur of the beloved puppy, fingers running through the strands with care, "Your sneaking skills are really shit."

2K notes · View notes

lfcrobbo · 2 years

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AO3 Year in Review!

@tetrapod7 tagged me to do this! thank youuuu for the tag🥰 2021 was the year i really got back into writing, and i had a LOT of fun!! i didn’t post that much, considering i only got into f1 in september and worked on one really long fic from sept-dec, but there are some shorter stories too that i really loved working on!!

Stories Posted: six! five of those are f1 (the last one is an spn drabble lol let’s not talk about it) and two of those again are longer fics. it’s not that much but it’s INSANE to me that i posted that much this year tbh. for comparison i have 15 works total on my ao3, and i’ve had it since 2012....

Word Count: 40,391 🤯 this is all thanks to here comes the sun, obviously, that ended up being 29k... more on that later!! but i am really proud of this. if you add this number to my abandoned spn coffee shop au that’s ~36k, it’s over 70k words written in 2021 which. is a lot compared to the 14k of 2020 (which is also a lot compared to the 0 words of 2019 and 2018). definitely the most i’ve written in a year, ever!!

Most Kudos: here comes the sun babyyyyy, which currently sits at 274 kudos. this is also my story with most kudos ever (NOT that it has that much competition lmao). i think in general f1 fandom is just. really nice and good at leaving kudos (and very active, which helps). for comparison, before i started writing f1, my most kudosed (is that a word) fic had 133 kudos so it’s been a YEAR for me. love it love u guys for loving that fic!!!

Longest Story: also here comes the sun (29,474 words!!!!) i’ve mentioned this in various tags leading up to posting it but. i really did not plan on it being that long lmao. i think originally i was like. it’ll probably be between 10 and 15k. and then i hit 10k and i was like uhh okay definitely 15k. and then i hit 15k and i was like OKAY maybe 20k. and so on and so on, until it was almost 30k....

it’s the longest story i’ve ever finished and posted, so it really. feels like a big big achievement!! it was sooo much fun to work on and see it grow from week to week. hopefully it’s not the last longfic i write (i am doing the big bang after all)!

Shortest Story: did you really (479 words) this was the first of the prompt drabbles that i wrote i think, and although i’d been working on here comes the sun for a while by then, this was the first f1 fic i actually posted anywhere (first on tumblr and then on ao3). it was a really nice change after staring at my wip document for so long to write something just. short and sweet. something that was just a brief little scene, no explanation needed! it wasn’t necessarily my favourite out of the drabbles that i wrote, but it’s cute!! and it was nice to get some feedback/kudos as well lol, that always helps the motivation for writing longfic

Personal Favorite(s): uhhhhh. obviously here comes the sun is my favourite, because. i spent three months give or take writing it, and as i’ve mentioned it felt really good to finish something that long and the feedback has been SO lovely and has put. many a smiles on my face!!

other than that, i really liked writing december makes me quiet for the secret santa exchange! i wouldn’t say it’s. my favourite bc i do think there are things about it that i would change, but there are some parts of it that i really really liked. also it was just interesting to work on something medium-length after working on here comes the sun for so long!!

i also have to mention my favourite of the drabbles i posted, which is you didn’t answer my question, otherwise known as hat fic. had like a sudden burst of inspiration for this, and was really happy with how it came out. it’s short and angsty, and rated g so like, it didn’t get that much attention, which is understandable lmao BUT i really liked it and still. kind of want to write a full fic for it someday maybe

IN CONCLUSION. had a lot of fun writing this year, hopefully i’ll keep writing and having fun with it this year!! i really really appreciate all of the lovely comments i’ve gotten these last few weeks, they mean the WORLD to me and i hope i can continue to bring you things that i enjoy writing and that you enjoy reading!!

uhh i’ve got no clue who’s done this but i’ll tag @lemonsgovroom @sebchalex and @astronomical-light if you want to do it!!

#marth.txt

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joon-june · 3 years

Text

no title

WARNING: Major character death, suicide, depression themes, blood, mental health themes, angst

Authors Note:

Sometimes I zone out and think some really sad scenarios this is one. idk if Yangyang is really the most fitting member but hes who I was thinking about so I wrote it with him.

Description:

Yangyang telling fans about the love of his life

Pairing: Yangyang/reader or Yangyang/unidentified female

________________________________________________________________ With shaking hands Yangyang set his phone up on the stand. He was terrified of what was to come but knew he needed to do this nonetheless- he needed to do it for both himself and for her.

Yangyang sucked in a deep breath and started the live stream- anxiously watching the view count increase, 100, 3k, 10k. The chat came alive asking him what was wrong- ‘Why do you look so sad?’ ‘He looks so depressed’ ‘Yang are you okay?’ Before he could get overwhelmed and chicken out he hid the chat from sight. He didn’t know how they would react but really he didn’t care. At 15k viewers Yangyang spoke his first word since the start of the live 5 minutes ago.

“Hey guys. I have something I want to talk about.” He looked around the room trying to ease his tension. There was no turning back now.

“3 years ago I met someone, more specifically I met a girl, and it didn’t take long for this girl to become my everything. She was perfect in every way from the way her eyes lit up when she was excited to the way she always threw herself into everything she did.” Yangyang smiled and thought back to a memory he had from shortly after they had started dating.

“I want to make a 6 foot tall painting.” She said out of nowhere looking into the small stores located along the pathway back to her tiny apartment. Yangyang chucked a little bit following her line of sight to see a large stark white canvas located in the window of a run down art store. Had that always been there? Yangyang wasn’t sure whenever they walked home with her he never looked at the stores along the way too focused on the softness of her hair, the lightness of her voice and even the feel of her hand in his. Dragging Yangyang by his hand they ventured into the old store run by an eccentric elderly woman who smiled at them, mumbling something about young love.

“What are you even going to paint?” He said as she pulled him through the isles tossing him various paints to carry.

“Well WE are going to paint giant frog because it will be fun.” She said with a warm smile. Yangyang could argue with that and smiled, his long legs continuing to follow behind her. At the check out the older woman smiled at them and listened intently as she described what the plans for the project was to the older lady. Yangyang knows he should be listening but all he can think is how beautiful she looks talking animatedly.

Over the course of the next few weeks everytime Yangyang went over to her house they worked on the painting together, usually ending up covered in green paint and infected with giggles. On the last night after the finishing touches were put on the painting she kneeled at the bottom taking a thin paintbrush and signed their names with a heart and a date. With a wide smile she looked at Yangyang “perfect.”

Realizing he had been quiet for far too long Yangyang cleared his throat, focusing on what he was doing. “I was so sure she was the one.”

“She wasn't completely perfect though, long before I knew her, she was fighting a war in her head.” Biting his cheek Yangyang took another deep breath, he knew this was the start of the hard part.

Yangyang was worried, it had been 3 days since he heard from her. He tried to call no response. He tried to text no response. This wasn’t like her, in fact in the 7 months since they met a day hadn’t gone by where she didn’t at least send him a silly video.

Practice ran late - he couldn’t focus and kept messing up one part of the choreography, he still didn’t get it and he knew he wouldn’t because his mind was somewhere else.Opting out of changing in favor of leaving as quickly as possible he left to go to her apartment. At this point in their relationship he prefered not to stop by unexpected but this was a last resort, he needed to know why she randomly stopped answering.

On his way Yangyang thinks frantically about his last encounter with her, nothing that happened could justify her disappearance. The building was in sight now and Yangyang sprinted inside waving at the office person and taking the stairs 2 at a time. Breathing heavy he banged on your door -no answer- he knocked again - no answer- just as he went to knock again the door swung open.

Upon seeing her Yangyang was flooded with emotions.. Her hair was tangled and neglected, makeup had clearly not been removed since they last saw each other, and her old pajamas were covered in stains. The girl that stood in front of him was a shell of the girl he kissed goodnight 3 days ago. Unsure of what to say she slowly stepped back letting him inside “What are you doing here?” She said in a whisper so soft he almost missed it.\

“I was worried, you stopped answering.” He explained looking around the living room, there were dishes everywhere and it was clear she hadn’t cleaned in awhile - much longer than the 3 days since he had seen her last.

Biting her lip she glanced around “I lost my phone, it’s somewhere around her but probably dead.” The pieces started to fit together as a knot formed in his throat, despite knowing the answer already Yangyang asked “Are you okay?” Shakily she shook her head looking up to him with tears in her eyes “I don’t think I am.”

Yangyang walked deeper into the apartment, leaving her at the door and quickly getting to work cleaning the apartment. She watched him in disbelief “you don’t need to do that.”

“I know but I want to help you and this is the first thing I could think of” more tears came to her eyes as she fell back into the cluttered couch curling into a tight ball watching her boyfriend move quickly to put everything back in order.

When he finished, Yangyang squatted next to the couch where she was unmoving. “Would you like to take a bath with me?” He asked his larger hand gently pushing the hair of her face, hesitantly she nodded and he stood “I’ll come get you when it’s ready.”

Sitting between his legs he washed her hair before lathering it with conditioner and working the knots out with a hair brush. “I love you, you know that right?” He whispered into her shoulder. A soft shutter wracked through her body - “It hurts to see you like this, I want to help you but I know I can only be there for you. Please let me be there for you.” His voice cracked at the end. She knew he was crying and reached back to hold one of his hands, clutching it to her heart. In a quiet voice that echoed through the small bathroom she said “ I love you too.”

With a choked noise Yangyang kept talking “Somedays it was worse than others and I tried so hard to be there for her but it wasn’t enough.” The tears had started. Yangyang heard someone come into the room and he didn’t need to look up to know it was Ten, a hand rubbed his back as he let out another quiet sob. “It had started to get bad again, so I tried to stay with her, to make it better but I had to go, I had to go to work,” Yangyang was shaking hard now. Ten pulled him into a soft hug and held him as slowly the sobs slowly began to quiet down. “After shooting I went straight to her apartment but it was different this time, it felt different, it was cold and when I went inside and I couldn’t find her, until I did - I found her and I wish I didn’t have to be me, there was so much blood I tried to call the ambulance but it was too late.”

“Babe I’m back, shooting went a little bit late but I’m here now.” Yangyang shouted as he opened the door. Peeking into the main rooms of the house Yangyang’s eyebrows furrowed before focusing on the closed bathroom door. Shaky steps carried him to the door, knocking softly on the door “Baby I’m home are you in here?”

Silence.

Slowly Yangyang opened the door and peaked in to see if she was there. Her body was on the ground and Yangyang’s throat closed as he saw the puddle of blood. He rushed inside the room, dropping to the floor next to her before frantically grabbing his phone to call an ambulance. He frantically shook her cold body searching for a pulse “wake up please wake up you can’t do this.”

“911- What is your emergency?”

“She’s bleeding, please help her won’t wake up.” he spoke frantically.

“Sir please slow down, where are you?” Yangyang tried to take a deep breath but it did nothing to ease him as he attempted to give her information to the operator. It did not take long for them to show up but upon arrival they knew she was already gone.

“I loved her so much,” Yangyang said, attempting to wipe the endless stream of tears. “We were going to get married, and she was going to have our baby.” Looking down at his hands and with a strangled voice he softly said “she was 6 weeks.” A long pause settled over the room. “I came on here because I think I need to take a mental health break and I wanted to be honest.” Yangyang closed his eyes and tried to focus on the warmth from Ten’s hand as it rubbed his back. “I promise I will come back but I need time to take care of myself for a bit” Biting his cheek - unsure of what else to say Yangyang wrapped up the live stream “Thank you for your understanding I will be back before you know it, I love you guys”

After the stream ended Ten gently pulled Yangyang back to his bed as he cried, holding him close and petting his hair he whispered “You are so strong you’re will be okay baby Yangyang it’s going to be okay.”

#yangyang #yangyang/reader #yangyangimagine #yangyangangst #angst #ten cameo #ten

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cescalr · 3 years

Note

9 and 23 for the ask game please 😊

9: Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

Ooh, um... I'm not sure! Something substantial for Cursed 2005, maybe, like a crossover with buffy or teen wolf or something, with jimbo as the pairing from cursed and idk just something interesting (please no b*angel or st*rek or st*dia), or a time travel fic for Supernatural that involves Dean as the POV but absolutely zero, nada, nothing of (even hints) De*tiel or winc*st, that's 100% a fix-it fic (bc my mans deserved a lot better than that ending smh. And so did Jo, and Anna, and Lisa and Ben and Charlie and Benny and- ).

23: What's one piece of advice you would give to anyone who wants to start writing or posting their writing online?

Hmm... Just go for it? Like, write whatever comes to mind and post it. And keep doing that. Over and over again, because it's all the same thing - practise. If you can't think of an idea, there's no reason not to go trawling for prompts. I've got this list of 200 prompts, can't remember where I found it, but it's really useful if I'm stuck. But yeah. Find some time, any amount of time, whether its 5 minutes or five hours, and write what you can, as much as you can, whether it's ten words or 10,000, or more or less, it doesn't matter. Just get words on screen (or on paper, if you prefer.) And then... post it. If the main issue is getting the courage to post it, don't read back over it. That's when the nervousness rears it's ugly head. Just post it. Straight up. Type right into the Ao3 doc and hit post if you have to, just... find a way to minimise the amount of time you give yourself to get all worked up about whether it's 'good enough' or not. It won't be perfect the first time you write something - nothing ever is. Everything requires practise. And each time you post something, you get better at it. It gets easier. If proofreading is the bane of your existence, just post it and come back later to fix any issues. If titling it is a problem pick a random word or a song lyric or hell, a sentence from the fic, anything at all. 'Working Title | Stiles POV All Human AU Stira Fic', even. Just. Anything. You can always change it later. Summaries an issue? Grab the first paragraph. Grab the first sentence. Put 'Stiles POV all human au, stira focus.' as the summary. Who cares? You. Can. Always. Change. It. Later.

That's the great thing about fic. Changing everything later is possible. Nothing here is permanent. If you aren't happy with something, that doesn't matter. So long as it's out there, you can get feedback (because often, we don't know why we aren't happy with something - outside help is always invaluable). Being scared of criticism is half the problem, for a lot of people... but - not to sugar coat - it's necessary. And, just to note, in my 10 years of fanfic writing, I have never, ever, gotten a single malicious comment. Not. Once. It's much rarer than people think it is. And even if you do, you can always delete it. Put comments on moderation, turn them off, if it's the main issue. Gather your confidence at your own pace - but don't forget feedback is necessary for improvement. Eventually you will need to accept it's going to happen - it's not an attack on you. It's an attempt at help. We're taught in school to consume media critically, and those who internalise that will comment constructively. English class can leave an impression - the worst thing is to take any of it personally. Having a negative mindset (they hate it) versus a positive mindset (they want me to improve at this thing I enjoy doing, they're trying to help, they're being supportive) can make all the difference.

Eventually, you'll need to turn those comments back on. But you don't need to take anyone's shit, hence why moderation is a thing. There is a difference between constructive criticism and hate - but it's rare you'll get the latter. Tone is hard to convey in text form; benefit of the doubt is the best way forward.

Make sure you've got friends/mutuals you can ramble with about your fics. it's genuinely the most helpful thing. Give them snippets, do the whole cheerleader routine for each other. It's great. Brainstorm with each other. Not necessarily doing collaborative fic (though you might find that's what works best for you!) but just, geeking out with each other. It makes a huge boost for your ego, and that's useful for your confidence when it comes to posting things. But also, if you trust them, it makes taking their advice easier.

Sometimes, it might feel like two steps forward and one step back. That's great! It's still a step forward. Go at your own pace. The worst thing you can do is rush yourself and burn out. If it takes you a year to update, it takes you a year. I assure you, the readers will still be there, and they'll be happy to see the update. Nobody's going to hate you for taking your time. Prioritise your health. I promise it makes your work better if you're in a good place, and you don't have too much on your plate.

Though, having said that, if you find you work best with about twenty wips all at once updated every week, then go for it! Like I said; your own pace. If a schedule helps you, have one. If it doesn't, don't. I don't have a schedule. I have about 40 wips posted, and a few that aren't yet. It can take me a year to update, or I'll do four in a week. People are pleased either way - what matters is that you wrote something, and it exists, and other people can read it. Isn't that awesome? You've made something. You've made a mark. Someone's happy because of you, because you wrote something they like. Who cares if there's twenty typos and you use the wrong you're* (*or equivalent in your language, ofc) - you can fix that later. And it didn't stop that person's enjoyment of the first fic you ever posted, which might not be as good as your future fics, but it's still special. It's still yours.

Prioritise the thing you want to prioritise. Plot, relationships (of any nature), whatever. Prioritise that. The rest will fall into place. Personally, I prioritise characterisation. interpersonal dynamics follow, part and parcel of character exploration, then plot, as an extension. Do what suits you. And people don't tend to mind very much about any of these. If characterisation matters to you not one whit, just put OOC in the tags and be done with it. Plot doesn't matter? Perfectly fine! You don't want to write ships? Nobody's forcing you. Do what you want. It's just fanfiction. That's kind of the point. There's no need to feel pressure to write a certain thing. I'm in a lot of fandoms with a lot of very large ships. I'd get a lot more readers if I wrote st*rek, or d*stiel, or whatever, but I don't, because I wouldn't enjoy it. Write what you want to see. What you want to read. That's the best advice I can give. If you cry at your own fic, perfect. If you laugh at your own fic, brilliant. If your own fic leaves you all giddy like, grinning wide, amazing. It's gonna give someone else that reaction, too.

Hits, kudos, comments - they're not everything. Ao3, for harry potter, has 5000 pages of fic, with some of the tags I don't like excluded. It's not a case of people not liking your fic - it's a case of people not finding it. Don't worry. Recognition will come with time. Also, the ratio for fics is kind of awful, anyway. Comments and kudos vs hits is always poor; 2%, 5%, 7%. Don't worry too much about it. If people read it, it's likely they liked it. A lot of people are just lazy, and don't press the kudos button. A lot of people are incredibly nervous, or don't know what to say, so they don't comment. Another thing; some of your fics are going to be more popular than others. This is normal. Fandom size, fandom activity, content of fic, tags - prevalence of fic type, etc etc. One of my fics has around 15k notes. the rest are all below 6k. the runner up is a whole 10k below that fic. This is to be expected, and it's nothing to tear your hair out about. Write, first and foremost, for yourself. The rest, as always, comes later.

Really, tldr; you can always fix it later. the rest comes later. recognition comes later. the best thing to do - the first thing to do, the only thing to do - is just start. Post something. Anything. And go from there however you wish.

In 2016 i had zero subscribers on Ao3. I've got 72 now. These things just take time. In 2016 i'd written 30k words. I've written 1.2 million now. These things just take time. Through fandom, mostly fanfiction, I've gained people I'd consider friends. I think it's a really cool endeavour, and I think - for your confidence, peace of mind, and social sphere - it's also a really positive one.

#me; motivational speaker? no. but I try.#thanks!!!#these were really interesting ones :D #ask game

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nordic-language-love · 3 years

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Norwegian

Read 1x article

Watched 3x Kveldsnytt broadcasts

Watched 2x Nytt På Nytt episodes

Listened to 1x Uillustrert Vitenskap podcast

Listened to 1h 8m of Hobbiten audiobook

Listened to the radio

Wrote 2x journal entries

Wrote 873 words of fiction

Chatted with @hopehav

italki session

Speaking practice: talked about learning languages and celebrity culture

Mysteriet Om Nils: finished ch 32, ch 33, read ch 34

Japanese

Japanese From Zero lesson 1 + started lesson 2

Kanji drills

Practised writing sentences in notebook (+ on Tumblr)

Watched 1x Pokémon episode

Duolingo: Hiragana 4, Katakana 2, Home 1 and Intro 3

Norwegian

So... after literally years of offering, this week I finally took up @hopehav on her offer to chat with me in Norwegian! And it went well! She’s super lovely and it was really chill (and I probably talked way too much whoops lol I’m so sorry :/). I’m super happy because this is a huge testament to how much my confidence has improved! And also because I didn’t have to switch back to English at any point. And because I got to talk to my friend, obviously!

I started listening to The Hobbit audiobook again this week. It’s been ages since the last I tried (maybe 2 years), and back then I kinda got the gist but only really knew what was going on because I knew the story. This time I understood a lot more. Not every single word all the time, but there were definitely whole paragraphs where I understood 100%.

Also, my italki teacher implied I’m not too far off C1 level o_o I don’t believe him at all given I don’t even think I’m B2 yet, but it was very nice of him to say. Maybe I’ll push myself to take Norskprøve B1/B2 or Bergenstesten next year to assess my level. Still, he said he can hear I’m getting better (even though I didn’t feel like I managed as well as I’ve done previously) and I feel like I’m getting better on the whole, so that counts for something. As I mentioned earlier, clearly my confidence is improving!

Oh, and I hit my 10K words goal! So now I’m gonna try and push for 15K (including all the planning and the translation I did, so I’m already at around 12K).

Favourite moment: Talking to Amanda of course! I’m so happy this finally happened and it was so lovely to chat to you! <3

Some goals this week:

Mysteriet Om Nils ch 34

Speaking practice on at least 4 days

Write 500 words

Listen to 1 hr of Hobbiten

Japanese

I got round to watching another episode of Pokémon this week. I managed to recognise some of the new words I’ve recently learned (such as ‘what’ and ‘eat’), which made me really happy! I’m not sure I’d catch them without the subtitles to prompt me to listen out for them, but it’s still cool to recognise a few more words than I did before.

Things are starting to get a bit tougher now. I’m moving on from just learning how to introduce myself and starting to learn basic vocabulary and sentence structure, but I’m at that awkward phase where I can’t make immediately meaningful/useful sentences. I’m stuck saying things like “this is soap” and “the window is there”. I know it’s important to learn the related grammar and the vocabulary but man I’m tempted to skip ahead.

I was briefly tempted to try an italki session because they’re really cheap (like 1/3 the price of a Norwegian lesson) but I feel like I’m way too beginner right now to get much use out of it. I do want to start practising speaking asap because I absolutely do not want to end up in the same position with Japanese as I am with Norwegian, but I need to learn some more vocab and basic grammar first so that I can actually form more sentences. Maybe when I get to A1 (or N5) level I’ll treat myself.

Favourite moment: Realising I could already write the kanji for Tokyo because I’d come across both parts before (thank you random kanji app for teaching me the kanji for ‘east’ even though I was like ‘well I have no use for this rn ugh’)

Some goals for this week:

Pass Duolingo checkpoint 2

JFZ lesson 2

Consolidate new vocabulary with writing practice

Productivity Grid

Yeah I definitely didn’t stretch/exercise enough. I’ve been so tired this week, idk why. Possibly because I’m not exercising enough. Seriously though, fuck this pandemic, it’s ruined my motivation to work out. It’s hard to believe I used to happily do like 10-15 hours exercise a week and now I’m lucky if I do 3.

Goals for this week:

Sort my CV (including getting a photo)

Stretch on at least 4 days

Bake cookies

Finish reading The Heart of What Was Lost or 300+ pages of Ship of Destiny.

#progress report #language blog #langblr #learning languages #norwegian langblr #japanese langblr

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theastrophilearchitect · 3 years

Text

I started writing a book.

And I’m mad about it, because I just started this post, brought up a new tab and lost it because I didn’t save my draft.

Anyway. That’s a thing I did. Wow.

As of this moment, this post won’t be going up until April 19th, but I’m starting writing this at 10.30pm on Sunday, February 21st, 2021. I’ve done a lot in the last couple weeks, and I want to have some record of all I’ve accomplished without just letting most of it fade over the next two months.

I’ve always wanted to be an author. From when I was reading under my covers with a torch past bedtime, through the years I wanted to be an artist, through the years I wanted to be a lawyer. It’s always been there - no matter what primary career path I went down, I wanted to be an author. The last few years, I’ve been invested in becoming a biologist, and that dream really took a backseat.

In the start of this lockdown, my mental health went downhill, and some advice my therapist gave me was just to prioritise myself. It sounds simple enough, but, even in my free time, I’d been focusing on schoolwork - revising constantly for exams I’m still not sure are actually happening. (Boris Johnson is apparently making an announcement tomorrow about beginning to ease lockdown, but we’ll see) So, on Saturday, February 6th, I started an attempt to coalesce the ideas I had floating in my head into something tangible.

I’ve tried to write books countless times (not technically countless - I have all the documents on my laptop, so I could if I wanted to), but mostly, I’ve never gotten further than a couple bare plot points and some characters, maybe some ideas for subplots, before I’ve stagnated and given up.

Three times, I’ve finished a skeletal outline. Twice, I’ve started to go back over those outlines only to realise they made no sense or just seemed week, and simply not cared enough to fix it. Until now, I guess.

February 6th, 7th, and fast-forward to my week off beginning the 15th, up until the 19th, I kept developing this concept I’d managed to form, but I was struggling to establish a coherent plot. I had up until and including a midpoint (which was later condensed into just a first act), but everything after that was just a void. I began searching for some skeletal structure I could apply to it, both to work on pacing and fill in the blanks. I tried several, and got a little further, but was about to give up hope.

Then I remembered a video by Katytastic I’d watched years ago about the 3-act, 9-block, 27-chapter structure she used, and couldn’t see the harm in giving it a go. And something clicked.

You can find the video here - the structure’s detailed and easy to follow, plus she even gives an example of using it to generate a plot.

I started binge-watching her writing vlogs in the background, and even started using her same writing program, Scrivener, which just made every a thousand times easier by taking away the need to juggle a billion Word documents. It’s fairly pricey, but I’m currently using the 30-day free trial - it’s 30 days of use, not of ownership, too: if you use it every day, it lasts 30 days, but if you use it once a week, it lasts 30 weeks.

Where Kat used the 27 parts the structure broke down into as chapters, I chose to refer to them as beats, and separate chapters later.

On Saturday the 20th, I finished defining my scenes and started writing an actual draft. I wrote two scenes, putting me at a collective word count (not including notes, synopses, etc.) of 2,580 words.

This morning, Sunday the 21st, I started over. I hated my opening. I’m not going to go through the mess of today’s process, but I currently have around 80 one-line-outline scenes, split into 3 acts. I wrote a draft of my prologue and detailed-outlined (which I’m mentally referring to as zero-outlining because it’s similar to how Katytastic does what she calls a zero draft, but is very much outlining, not a draft) two and a half other chapters. Scriver also tells me how many words I wrote in total, across notes, character profiles, location lists, a document I’ve named ‘Train of Thought’ for my ramblings as I go etc.

Today, I wrote a grand total of 4,141 words, which, rather counterintuitively, puts me at a draft total of 2,598. That makes sense. Anyway.

There are a lot of unknowns in the world right now, and I have no idea how much time I’ll have in the next six months to invest in this project, but I’d like, at bare minimum, to have one complete draft by the start of the next school year in September, which gives me just over 6 months. Which is probably too much time to actually motivate myself, but that’s not the point.

A manuscript needs to have a minimum word count of 50K words to be considered a novel, so, even though my ultimate goal for this project is around 80K words, 50K is going to be my goal for this draft.

I’m being optimistic about sticking with this.

Tuesday 23/02/2021 - Word Count: 3,099 I wrote nothing yesterday; planning to focus writing solely on days off rather than work days, but last night, watching through the incredibly long queue of Alexa Donne writing videos, I came to the conclusion writing every day, even just a little, would be the best way to ensure I keep working on this, so I set myself a goal of just 500 words a day.

Wednesday 24/02/2021 - Word Count: 5,350 After doing a little bit of maths as to how long this outlining and draft would take me if I were to only write 500 words a day, I decided to boost that goal to 1,000. I got started around 1pm today, online school draining me so much I couldn’t face another two hours. I worked on and off until 6pm, and around 4.45pm, I finished outlining Act One!

Thursday 25/02/2021 - Word Count: 7,022 I continued my scene outlining into Act Two, but I hit a brick wall around the midpoint. I have to write chronologically - some people jump around, but I have to write linearly, or it feels like I’m trying to make something in a void. It just doesn’t work. I didn’t know how to get from one scene to the next - there were so many things I needed to establish to get there, but I didn’t want to backtrack. I decided to re-jig the whole thing, but, after dinner, I realised I didn’t have to, and instead, decided to just start a draft, conscious of the things I need to establish as I go.

Friday 26/02/2021 - Word Count: 8,208 Starting draft one, I rewrote the prologue I’d already written, technically putting me to my second draft of it, because I’d been thinking about it for days and just wanted to revisit it, and it was so much better. Then I moved on to chapter one, but decided I wanted to re-jig my chapters. While outlining, I’d split the whole book into only about twenty chapters, but decided to go for shorter ones for more effective divisions of the story. I got most of the way through the first scene of chapter one, but basically ran out of both time and motivation, since I hadn’t heavily outlined that scene. in total, I wrote over 2000 words today, but because I only increased the prologue word count by about 100 words, it didn’t do that much to the total count.

Saturday 27/02/2021 - Word Count: 11,050 I got some chores done Saturday morning and focused on finishing my book so I could include it in my February wrap-up, but I still had time to get some writing done around mid-day. My goal was just to hit 10K this weekend, but I though I could do it in one day. I wrote about 1,000 words before feeling a little word-drained, but took a break for lunch, got back to it and wrote 2,400 words. Though that only added a little over 2,000 to the word count, it took me to 10K! I’m 20% of the way to being able to call it a novel! We’re in quintuple digits!

And then eight hours later, I wrote another thousand words and got to 11K.

Sunday 28/02/2021 - Word Count: 13,722 I spent most of my Sunday morning writing, though it took me more than two hours to write about 1500 words, though it only added about 1100 to my count. I decided to set myself an overall and weekly deadlines to hold myself accountable. Due to the fact I don’t yet have a clue how many words this will work out as, I decided I wanted to have either a complete first draft or 100K words (which I doubt I’ll reach, but it seems like a good way to make myself finish the draft before my deadline) by the end of April. Which works out to a little under 1500 words a day, or just under 11K a week, which is perfectly doable. Bearing in mind my current word count is including outlines, but I still believe in myself.

I wrote another 1600 words later, which took me to 14K, until I deleted the 300 word outline I wrote for one scene, but I worked out my words per day for the next two months with the assumption of a 10K word count as of March 1st and a target of either a complete draft or 100K words by the end of April, so I’m nearly 4,000 words ahead of schedule. Which gives me 6,606 words to write this week, instead of 10,328. (If you couldn’t tell, I like numbers. They just make sense to me.

Monday 01/03/2021 - Word Count: 15,005 I didn’t quite hit my daily goal, but I was completely leached of motivation today, I’m ahead of schedule anyway and I was only under by less than 200 words. It’s alright. But, hey, we hit 15K! Two days after hitting 10K!

Tuesday 02/03/2021 - Word Count: 21,119 This was an insane writing day. My end-of-day target was only 16,480, and that was still ahead of schedule - if I was sticking to the 100K by April 30th, I’d only actually need to be at 12,950 today. This was the best writing day I’ve ever had. I wrote before school and during breaks, which kept both my writing and working momentum up.

I didn’t read a page of my current read, but I wrote a total of 7,681 words and increased my wordcount by 6,114 words, or literally an additional 40.75%. I hit 20K three days after hitting 10K, and am 42.238% of the way to being able to say I wrote a novel, be it a shitty first draft that won’t be complete at 50K words.

I also finished chapter three, which I’ve been working on for three days and came out ~5,000 words, and wrote chapters four and five in their entirety.

Note to self: this is day 10 of vaguely outline-drafting this project.

Wednesday 03/03/2021 - Word Count: 23,364 I've only written 490 words today, as of writing this update, but I just wanted to make note of the fact I've done some calculations, and can reasonably finish my draft this month. I'm still not completely sure how long it'll work out to be, so I can't quite work out my daily words to finish on the 31st, but if I stick to my current 1,475 words a day, I'll hit 63,894 words by the end of the month, which is a little less than I imagine this draft will be, but if I stick to that as a minimum, my first draft won't have to go into April.

I'd like to post this later this week, but I already have a post for this Friday, so God only knows how long this will be by the time it goes up. So far, I've written 1,900 words today, and I don't think I'm out of fuel yet, but I'm stopping because I need to read today, and I'd rather not burn out. I'm over my goal, anyway.

Oh, also, I'm nearly at 25K, which is halfway to a novel, but I haven't broken into Act Two yet, which means this book will be 75K minimum. I'm going to do some maths and work out how many words a day to hit 80K by March 31st. 2,030. That's doable. So I haven't read, but back to writing for like ten minutes.

I've now hit an additional 2,245 words for the day, though I wrote a total of 2,663

Thursday 04/03/2021 - Word Count: 25,415 I've decided to work out how many words I need to write each day to hit 80K by March 31st, and watch the fluctuations. (I like statistics). It should steadily go down throughout the month if I surpass it each day. Today's minimum word count is 2,023, already seven words less than yesterday's. How exciting.

The last scene of Act One was very heavy on world-building I haven't yet figured out, so I stuck what was meant to happen in brackets and just moved on, meaning I have now broken into Act Two!

I think, during the week, I'm going to focus on just meeting my minimum word count rather than exceeding it, just to save fuel for the weekends, when I can write so many more words.

And, we hit 25K! I'm halfway to a novel!

Friday 05/03/2021 - Word Count: 26,693 In complete honesty, I'm beginning to lose momentum. Maybe it's just today, but I don't really want to write and feel like I need a break, but I'm going to make myself write anyway. I'm going to make myself keep writing until this draft is done, however shitty it may end up. I really hate first drafts.

When you say 2,000 words is only 7-8 pages, it doesn't sound like that much to write per day but my god. Luckily, most of the stuff I've had to save to a Pinterest board called 'Writing Motivation' says if you write when you don't want to, it should pass instead of worsening. I wanted to hit 35K this weekend, but I'm not sure I'll have the momentum. I'll at least hit 31,270, though, which is my minimum goal for this week. I'm still over 700 words off my goal for today, but I'm taking a break because my head is foggy and there's still eight hours left in the day. Besides, 700 after dinner is easy. She says, realising she's probably jinxing it. Oh, well. 80K by March 31st would be difficult, even if I weren't going back to school soon, but that's a stretch goal. 100K by April 31st is my minimum, and I'm 9,000 ahead of where I need to be for that.

I think I’m stagnating because I’ve hit the ‘Fun and Games’ section, which I find really boring. I’m going to try to keep going with it, but I may just skip it and come back later.

Saturday 06/03/2021 - Word Count: 28,150 So, I did not get the extra 700 words in. Before dinner, some stuff I had to deal with came up, and by the time it was done, I just wanted to go to bed, so I did. Today, I'm going to try to make up for it, which I think is reasonable because it is now the weekend. I'm still kinda exhausted this morning, but I'm going to do my best, and my wrist hurts, but I'm not sure why. You'd think it would be from all the typing, but only one wrist hurts - you know what? Never mind. They do both hurt. I'm just not sure why, but it doesn't hurt typing this, so that doesn't make any sense. Anyway, to hit my word count for the day, I need to write 2,555 words, which doesn't sound like too much, but it kinda is because I'm primarily writing Act Two at the minute, and for every thousand words I write, I lose like 400 from my outline. You'd think I'd just not include my scene outlines in the word count, but it's too late for that now.

I'm thinking this over, and I really don't think trying to write 80K by the end of the month is going to be good for either my motivation, mental health, or ability to function back at school, so I'm going to stick to 100K or a finished draft by April 30th, and re-work out my goals from there, based on yesterday's word count, so I'm not making myself do catch-up today.

So, to hit 100K by April 30th, I only need to write 1,309 words each day (which will decrease over time because if that's my minimum now, I'll probably surpass it, decreasing the amount of words left etc.). That's so much less pressure.

God, I really don't want to write today. I just want to watch YouTube and Netflix and read.

Okay, so here's the thing. I've been working on this story straight for three weeks and I'm kinda exhausted of it. I'm not done with it, not at all, and I want to keep working on it because it exists, which makes it workable.

I watched a writing vlog by ShaelinWrites yesterday, and she said she writes different projects at once, alternating in week- or multi-week-long blocks. I think I might try that.

My plan with this post and the following updates was to keep updating it until the day it goes up, the day after which is when I begin drafting the next, but, since I may be switching projects for a while and this is really about the project I've decided to dub 'Bay Tree' (which is just, I guess, a pseudonym for here because while I have no idea what it would eventually be called, I know that's nothing like the title I'd want to give it) so I'd want to start a new post for a new project.

I'm now doing a little outlining instead of actually continuing writing, but I think this will help me, though I'm still not certain about whether or not I'm going to directly continue with this specific project for the minute. Instead of setting daily goals based on a target, I'm also just going to say 1,000 words a day, and see where that takes me.

I've just been outlining into Act Three, and I've met a major plot stumble, but I'm going to work that out and explain what I'm doing in my next writing update.

So, go drink some water, eat if you haven't eaten in the last few hours, stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are and how much happiness you deserve, and, if you want to write a book, stop thinking about it, and go write.

#blog #blogging #blogger #blogpost #blog post #writing #books #book #reading #read #write #writer #author #draft #first draft #story #writing blog #writerblr #bookblr #novel #debut

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youhearstatic · 5 years

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Exit Interview for a Fic (AKA: 10 Questions Every Fic Writer Secretly Wants to be Asked)

I started doing this list of questions every time I finish a ‘major’ fic. I’ve been putting together an updated fic list and realized I hadn’t ever done it for It’s About Time. So here we go!

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite and why? At this point I’d have a really hard time picking between the still unposted (and unfinished) TwinSwap and the Dragon!Barry story. (The dragon AU has a lot more to it that I’ll hopefully get to eventually. There’s a few twists I adore with that one.)

I really, really, really love both of those. I’m also, obviously, really keen on the whole Barry POV canon compliant story and the hanahaki story, Chrysanthemums (Lovesick). And I’m still pretty proud of Like Friendship Set Aflame. (FYI that last one is rated Explicit.) Plus, Losing Time is still something I feel good about.

2. Which scene was your favorite to write in It’s About Time? The scenes of Barry and Lup pining for one another are always fun of course but writing them together and in love? It’s just so good. I think my favorite to write was chapter 44. I started that first scene with no specific goal and it all just kind of organically evolved into what it did and where it all led and it just felt like it fit together well. And they were just so damn happy and absolutely gooey in love. Legato was obviously pretty good, too, but there was a lot of stress writing it because obviously it’s a Big Deal and needed to be Really Good.

(Putting the rest under a readmore because this is very long and self indulgent.)

3. Which part of It’s About Time was hardest to write? I struggled a few times. One of the hardest was chapter 34. I had a plan, there were story beats I was trying to hit and an overall arc to their relationship that called for things to go a certain way. But they just wouldn’t. I wrote and scrapped thousands of words trying to get there and finally realized the option I’d been too blind to see. Changing my plan meant a lot of other things had to be changed and created a lot of other hard to write parts but it also helped with the characterization for Barry and the change and growth he was going through.

4. If you could change anything in It’s About Time, what would it be? I kinda wish it wasn’t over? Like, don’t get me wrong. I’m excited to be on the part of the story I’m telling now - the part that initially drew me to even telling the story? But, holy crap, I miss Lup. I miss the crew and happiness. This is a long slog through dark times and if ever there was a time to say “Poor Barry” then this is it. I mean, I don’t think it’s all darkness? I think there’s surprises that make it worth it? (I really hope so! Like the appearance of certain characters in chapter 7 of Time After Time, for example.)

And to be honest? I miss the interest that story got. Views/comments/etc have severely fallen off and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make it much much harder to motivate myself to work on it despite my determination to finish. (I get it though. It’s much more fun to read Blupjeans falling in love than Barry alone and kinda losing it.)

5. Did you make an outline for It’s About Time? Did you stick to it? Well, I mean, there’s the outline of the canon 11 cycles and that extrapolates out to giving the expanded story a specific set of story/character beats. As things got closer to Legato I had certain circumstances I wanted to hit in a certain order. So I guess yes, more than anything else I’ve written this had an outline. It wasn’t exceedingly thorough but it was definitely my game plan for things and yeah, several times that had to be scrapped like I mentioned about chapter 34 in question 3.

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in It’s About Time? The scene of Barry cooking for the crew - specifically for the twins - wasn’t supposed to be in his POV. It was in Lup’s POV and I didn’t think it worked for his but then I couldn’t let it go so I just kinda... did it anyway.

I remember that snow cycle went on for much longer than intended, too. I’m really glad though, it got me away from the one cycle/one chapter format which helped me feel more relaxed about telling the story how it worked out rather than forcing things to fit certain ways.

There were definitely things that were cut but always because the scenes just weren’t working the way I thought they would during planning.

7. Who was your favorite character to write in A Thousand Tiny Moments? It’s Barry’s POV and I feel like I have a pretty strong grasp of him at this point. Gheesan and Selba were a lot of fun to write. Probably my still favorite OC is Embrace, though. One day I want to get art of Barry and Embrace, the big golden mongoose from cycle one.

Okay, this is maybe a weird answer since he’s not exactly a character? But I enjoyed writing my take on Griffin’s narration that opened chapter 36.

8. Which came first, the title or the fic? For a long time this was just called “the fic I’m not gonna write” because I’d never really jumped hard into writing fanfic before. Previous to starting this thing I’d only written a couple of 1k-ish minifics for a different fandom and only written something over 10k ... a handful of times.

9. Which idea came to you first in It’s About Time? It’s a little tricky answering this question because, even though it’s split up between Stolen Century and then the rest of the podcast timeline being in Time After Time, I tend to think of them all as one piece - Barry’s story.

I think the part that hit me first was thinking about Barry in Taako’s pocket spa and what kind of things would be running through his mind.

In this very first consideration of his POV, I’d forgotten he wouldn’t have memories yet. So then I backed it up to that night between Wonderland and his cave/getting back in a body. What all must he have been thinking while they slept? After so long to be so close to the end and then have to get in a body and relinquish any semblance of control to the boys and his memoryless body? Honestly, I find that idea terrifying. From there it just kept spinning out to considering different bits of canon from his point of view. I don’t remember what the point was that finally convinced me to start writing but I’m still surprised it happened after so long of not really being a fic writer.

10. What are some facts readers may not know about It’s About Time? The first thing I wrote for this fic was Contradictions, the so called test minific. Then I got obsessed. I wrote pages of notes, picking out details that were relevant to Barry’s story and thinking and enormous lists of questions about what was going on with him or in his head at certain points. I spent literal days thinking about how to account for things inferred from canon. For example, why didn’t Barry remember things between bodies? When did he get the boys’ artificing projects that he gives them after reunion tour?

Then I started writing longhand in notebooks. I started out writing where Contradictions left off: Barry’s trip out of the gerblin cave with THB and arriving in Phandalin. For a while I thought that’s what the fic would be: just Barry’s time from that wagon ride to Phandalin and ending with him getting into the tank as his last moments as ‘the red robe’ before revealing himself as Barry Bluejeans again.

Eventually I realized that I needed to include Stolen Century and decided to start from the chronological beginning of the story. I’d written the entire century (albeit much, much shorter in this first draft - there was nothing between Tessaralia and Legato, for example - and then probably 15k of stuff directly following the defeat of the Hunger - that night and the following morning, as well as the first part of the Faerun things, Frank Texican’s part that is chapters 8 & 9 of Time After Time, and parts that still haven’t posted in Time After Time, including that section I’ve mentioned several times as the bit I’m MOST excited to share.

After that it still took me weeks to decide to start posting and then another few weeks to decide to start posting Stolen Century and tell the story in order. I kind of wish I hadn’t done that just because it’d be nice to see them falling in love after all the awful alone and voidfished time but it’s good to have it done this way and have specific memories and all the characterization solidly built in order.

#barry bluejeans #it's about time #taz balance #taz fic #mystuff #exit interview for a fic

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resbang-bookclub · 5 years

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AMA Transcript: Marked in Constellation

For our final AMA of the season, @sojustifiable stopped in to answer questions about her Resbang, Marked in Constellation! Here’s some of what went down:

Q: What inspired this Resbang?

Amanda: Combination of going to Peru and living in a tent and my own experience camping, and then I think there was a movie that came out a while ago that was about someone doing a solo trip up the PCT [Pacific Crest Trail], which inspired the specific setting.

Q: Were any scenes or events within them directly inspired by your Peru or camping experience?

Amanda: I think mostly the little things about camping like hand washing clothes and having to deal with cleaning drinking water. I got a review saying that it felt well-researched which was definitely validating because of those pieces of personal experience.

Q: What kind of research went into the fic?

Amanda: Ohhh man. A lot of research on the trail specifically, marking off day by how far they could get and using elevation charts for and landmarks for describing what they were actually seeing. I used all real towns for when they would resupply and just basically wanted everything to be as true to the setting as possible.

Q: How much time would you say you spent in the planning/research phase of this versus the writing?

Amanda: I did the research mostly as I was writing, I had a window open that had like four or five tabs open, a couple for docs and outlines, and then a couple with maps and charts for the research so I could be constantly cross referencing as I was writing. I had an outline with basic check points but realized at a certain point I needed to adjust the literal pace to cover the distance needed. I did find a really useful tool actually that you could input different sections of trail and a relative pace and it would give recommendations for how many miles to put in each day.

Q: What were some things you added that you hadn't originally planned to write about?

Amanda: Butt mountain for sure. I think it was sig (@sigsegv) who saw that on the map and suggested it needed a place in the story. I think just the general focus on the little places they stopped and cameos of characters they would come across. Pretty much the only things initially planned were encountering a bear and some skinny dipping.

Q: What was your favorite scene to write? And if applicable, what was your favorite mood to write?

Amanda: I definitely enjoyed writing the ending the most, just getting the point of having emotional release/communication made it a lot more satisfying. There had been a little bit of smut earlier, but it wasn't nearly as fun to write because it still had so much emotional constipation, so it didn't end up being satisfying to write or for the characters, I think. Also writing the ending meant being done and that's always a good Resbang feel. [I liked writing] any emotionally charged bits where there's romantic tension and connection building between the characters.

Q: Did you find it hard or not bad at all to come back to Resbang after a writing break? Did you feel like things got smoother as you went along, or was it more or less fine from the get-go?

Amanda: It was definitely tough starting out getting motivated. I really wanted to get back into writing and write Resbang, but I hadn't really had a lot of writing inspiration the last couple years. It was definitely one of those stories that was 99% perspiration 1% inspiration, but I think once I got into a rhythm it was good to see that I could do good work just by internally motivating myself.

Q: Got any tips for internal motivation?

Amanda: Step 1 was setting pretty reasonable word count goals from early on so that I would never be forced to scramble right at the end. I gave myself designated days off or rewards for getting ahead of schedule. Step 2 was accepting that it didn't need to be perfect, especially not to begin with, and it was better to get words down and edit later. The last time I did Resbang, I ended up writing 10k in like 3 days right at the end and didn't want a repeat of that, so I imposed a schedule on myself early on and used the productivity channel to sprint A Lot. [Last Resbang] was horrible and that's when I was in college still too, so I had to do school stuff also and would go sit in this room with a bunch of taxidermy birds between classes to write as much as I could during the day. I think my usual goals [for this year] were 1k a day 5 days a week, and then if I got more then I could take 500 words off the goal for later on, like if I did 2k in one day then the next two days could be 500 words each. Definitely a slow and steady wins the race situation.

Q: Did you find that your word count estimates changed a lot as you went on, or was it pretty stable the whole time?

Amanda: Oh definitely, I expected I might have underestimated it, but I think I started out thinking it would be about 25k and then I want to say it ended up being like 40k. I really should know better at this point.

Q: Did the process of writing this get you in the mood to plan some hikes or camping trips?

Amanda: It did definitely make me want to go camping again. Not immediately, cuz Resbang season is bad weather season, but it did bring it to mind for sure.

Q: Was there any scene or part of it you struggled more to write?

Amanda: Uhh the first smut scene was definitely a struggle. Writing sex where there's emotion behind it but it isn't being expressed was a different challenge for me and I don't think it ended up being as good because of that. I wanted to project the insecurity and sense of performativity into that, but it was a lot of nuance to put into a smallish scene.

Q: Did you notice that your writing style changed at all after your break?

Amanda: Honestly, I haven't read anything old that I've written in a while so I'm not sure how it reads. It felt pretty similar, I just had to get over the feeling of it being less authentic because there wasn't as much pure inspiration behind it. I think it did give me a better sense of being able to write without needing as much inspiration, though, which would be a good skill to hold onto.

Q: Since you’re also an artist, did you do any sketches or paintings or anything to help you visualize stuff as you wrote?

Amanda: I didn't do any art for it. I've thought about doing some after the fact but I feel like the art that sig did really captured everything well. In general I don't think much about small visual details when I'm writing.

Q: What about music? Did you have a playlist you liked for it, or any songs that remind you of it?

Amanda: No, I actually have some problems with auditory processing so if there's certain kinds of music on I won't be able to focus or write. I pretty much listen to exclusively to some kind of white noise generator. If i listened to music that reminded me of anything while writing... I wouldn't get any writing done. Or I would end up typing out the lyrics or something because if there's music going on, that's all I'm going to pay attention to.

Q: Is there anything you'd do differently, or like... anything you regret not being able to get in?

Amanda: There isn't anything I wasn't able to get in. I think the main habit I would like to try to get out of is the compulsive need to write chronologically. I think it would've made the writing process easier if I had let myself do anything out of order. BUT because of the nature of the journey and research it would've been hard to do out of order, so idk. I think it would've been tough because partly I was keeping track of location in my outline like there was always a bolded Day: # and Location if I needed to reference any details about where they were.

Q: Do you have any other writing projects planned?

Amanda: I've been working a bit on some original stuff, but I have a couple thoughts for Resbang next year. One is a brand new idea I'm definitely excited about, tho I haven't done any planning and also it would be a bigger project so we'll see. I think I'm going to try to do a shorter thing this year, though... shorter is relative and doesn't tend to end up staying short. I think the one I'm thinking of could be around 15k tho, which realistically means 30k in Resbang conversion. … Or I could try doing the new idea, which I would start out estimating at 40k, which realistically means 70k.

---

Thanks to Amanda and to all of our authors for some great AMAs this season! You can see the archived transcripts on the GrigoriWings forum here!

#marked in constellation #ama transcripts #rbbc 2018

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bookdancerfics · 7 years

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About the Author

tagged by @scatteringmyashes, thank you so much!! <333

Is there a snack you like to eat while writing?

not really, no. every time i attempt to eat while writing i just end up eating and then writing afterwards.

What time of day do you usually write?

nighttime seems to be the only time i actually enjoy writing... sometimes i manage to write in the afternoon, but only by force

Where do you write?

everywhere. i prefer my bed or a couch, or even a comfy chair, but if necessary i’ll write using a desk or table

How often do you write a new fic?

when i first started out, i’d post a new fic every couple weeks or months, but those were mostly really short one-shots. now i’m lucky if i post more than three fics a year, but i’m working on a lot of fics simultaneously as well. i don’t have any self-control when it comes to focusing on one wip

Do you listen to music while you write?

honestly, it depends. if i figure out the right tone of music that i need to listen to then i’ll just listen to that, but if i don’t have that figured out then music just distracts me and i have to turn it off

Paper or laptop?

started with paper, now i’m laptop all the way. if i’m desperate or in class then i’ll use paper, but my laptop is more efficient, and i always notice that my writing quality goes down when i write with paper instead of my laptop

Do you have a special pre-writing ritual?

i don’t think so? i mean, i always reread what i already have written so i get into the mindset of continuing the fic, but does that count as a pre-writing ritual? (also i usually only reread the last couple hundred words, not a whole 10k+ monster fic)

What do you do to get into the writing?

ooh, so i should have saved that last answer for this question! lol, yeah, i just reread parts of what i already have written. of course, first i have to actually get the doc open, but that mainly just involves mental guilt-tripping force on my part

What do you always have near the place you write?

my laptop i guess? because that’s what i’m writing with? headphones for music... that’s about it. if i have notes they’re either in an outline doc (if i actually wrote an outline) or the draft doc itself

Do you have a reward system for word counts?

not really, no. sometimes i’ll try to make it into a competition of sorts, like i’ll aim for 100 words, then 200, 300, 400, 500, etc. until i reach an overall goal, but i usually only use that for nanowrimo

Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don’t know?

i write the sassiest outlines ever, oh my goodness. as in i actively try to make them sassy so that i’ll want to outline the fic. over the years i’ve gone from 1-2k fics to 10k to 15k to almost 20k word fics, so i’ve started outlining the longer ones (on occasion). for one of my big bangs, especially, it was a major help with staying on track. also i will literally go weeks without writing and i sincerely apologize for that, it’s a terrible habit and i know it. that’s also why i tend to jump from fic to fic, because i’ll lose focus on one and end up working on a different one

tagging: @wesawbears and @koorimeyu... as always, don’t feel obligated to do this, but if anyone else wants to, please feel free to tag me so i can see it! :)

#about my writing

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moriavis · 7 years

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List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

Tagged by @elrhiarhodan. I saw that I was tagged and couldn’t stop laughing. I have so many wips. SO MANY. I’m putting this under a read more because It’s so damn long.

Tagging: whoever wants to play. I have no idea who has wips these days. D:

*stretches* *cracks knuckles*

Okay, let’s get down to business.

Works in Progress

1. Coldflash Winter Exchange 2017 fic. Fandom: The Flash.

No details on this. Top secret. Going to be much longer than I hoped, I’m sure.

2. Bodyswap AU - Fandom: The Flash. I started writing this for the Bodyswap prompt of Coldflash Week A 2017. This is the story where Barry and Len switch bodies because of a meta, learn to deal with each other’s shortcomings, and fall in love while arguing about who is keeping Barry’s body because neither of them want to wake up with a back ache in the morning. It has one of my favorite lines in it, and I think it’s going to end up a little lighter than most of my stories? Len is definitely more playful than my usual way of writing him.

Word Count: 1,200. It’ll probably end up in the 15k-20k range, because I’ve forgotten what it is to write something short.

3. Squeaky Bed Porn - Fandom: The Flash. I started writing this because I wanted to write a silly sex scene that wasn’t hampered by canon. Len crawls through Barry’s bedroom window after a rough mission with the Legends. Barry wants to get intimate, and Len doesn’t want Joe West to shoot him. This was the story I was writing when I realized I’m bad at writing porn. D:

Word Count: 1,500 words. Would probably be around 3k if I just re-read it and finished the porn. There’s literally no plot. Still not likely to finish it, tbh.

4. Farther Than Everything - Fandom: The Flash. This was going to be my Coldflash big bang before I was overwhelmed with work and depression and stopped writing for a couple of months entirely. Barry sacrificed himself in the Crisis and has been in the Speed Force. When he finally breaks out, he discovers the sun is gone and the world is broken into tribes ruled by villains -- Central, of course, belongs to Captain Cold. This one came out of a dream like, three years ago? It was right after the fever dream of writing BuotI, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. I think I’m closer now.

Word Count: 400. It’s literally the first hint of the first scene. This’ll be another long one.

5. Untitled Porn - Fandom: The Flash. Does anyone remember A Cold Encounter? And how, last November, I promised there would be a second chapter of porn? THIS IS IT. Barry returns Len’s clothes and decides to give their thing a try. I have been writing on this for a year, feeling intensely guilty for every day that passed without adding more to it. The first draft is done, so this one is ready for editing and will be posted soon! Yay!

Word Count: 8,100. It’s literally talking and sex. My god, why is it so long?

6. Untitled Hannukah Fic - Fandom: The Flash. This is the next story in my holiday series. I meant to write this for last Hannukah, but, uh. Obviously that didn’t pan out. Barry is having problems hiding their relationship from Joe, so Len takes things into his own hands.I only have one or two more in this series planned? But this one has been giving me the runaround.

Word Count: 400. But I know where it’s going, so that’s something, right? I’m going to circle Hannukah on my calendar this year and get it done by then.

7. i dreamed of snow (I call that loving you) - Fandom: The Flash. Remember that AU I wrote where Barry has two soulmates? Coldwestallen. The story in which Iris struggles to accept the bond Barry has with Len, Len wonders why Barry couldn’t just let him die, and Barry feels like he can’t give either of the people he loves anything they need. TBH, I wasn’t going to write any more for this au? But Barry clung in the back of my head, and whenever I’m not focused on something specific, it’s there.

Word Count: 160. Definitely at the beginning, and who knows how long it’s going to be? Not me!

8. Resonance - Fandom: The Flash. Ah, this story. This is my soulmate AU love letter to coldflash. I haven’t updated it since, jeez. April? But that doesn’t mean I’m not working on it. Leonard Snart meets Barry Allen when he’s 23 and Barry is five. It changes the course of his life. I don’t even know what to say about it, other than I have everything up to season 1 outlined? It’s going to involve a slightly different Legends crew, a different origin to the names Heatwave and Captain Cold, a very different STAR Labs, an angry Eobard Thawne and a Barry who is intensely in love with Len, which is terrible because Len is absolutely oblivious. So, yes. I... may also have elements I want to introduce in season 2? AM I GOING TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE SHOW? I HAVE NO IDEA. Anyway, I’m working on Chapter 6 right now (that’s going to be at least 10k, guys, since everyone’s been waiting so long.)

Word Count: 22k. We haven’t even begun. *_____*

9. Trade All My Tomorrows - The Flash. I started writing this story sometime when S3 of the flash was airing, but it was based off a prompt that joyouslee left me, about what happened to the rogues after flashpoint. The idea behind this one is that Len regains his memories from Doctor Alchemy, so that he remembers the original timeline, where he died -- the Flashpoint timeline, where he was Citizen Cold and Lisa was murdered by the Rogues -- and the current timeline, in which he has never had a sister and has lived his life trying to escape the reach of his father. And he’s willing to do anything to get his sister back. This story will eventually include the Legion of Doom, the Legends, and a fuckton of time travel, as soon as I can get my butt in gear.

Word Count: 6,700. No idea what the ending word count is going to be, for real.

I do have a slew of others that I have in a list and that I don’t have an active word count on yet: The Silent Hill AU (where Barry deals with some serious guilt) the Conjuring AU (where the West family is suffering under a haunting and get help from Lisa, who’s psychic, and Len, who protects her when she gets in over her head), several different tumblr prompts, including the newest one, which would be a new story for the JLA verse. There’s the No Powers story where Barry and Iris are reporters together and Len is a cop with a secret. SO MANY. SO LITTLE TIME. *cries into my hands*

#meme #coldflash #so many coldflash wips #omg #crying

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10thingsihateaboutyourfic · 7 years

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Sterek Fic Recs

The Accidental Hale Brood by Julibean19 [Sterek, M, 42k] Kidfic, adoption, fake/pretend relationship, fluff, cuteness, police officers

Author’s summary: Stiles and Derek have been BCPD partners for years when they are assigned Halloween duty and run into a couple of kids from the orphanage. One fake marriage and two real adoptions later, they somehow become a family.

This is lovely. Fake relationship is one of my favorite tropes, and I love kidfic with well written, realistic kids. This is long enough to be satisfying too, with lots of characterisation and context. A good read.

Lunches, Knitting and Definitely Not Dating by Noxlunate [Sterek, T, 10k] Mpreg, aboverse, past Stiles/OMC, acquaintances to lovers, deputy Derek

Author’s summary: Just a weird mpreg fic with Derek and Stiles totally kinda dating without realizing it, and Stiles figuring out this whole having a baby thing.

It’s not weird, the author’s being way too harsh on themself. I love a good mpreg fic. There’s not enough mpreg in my opinion. I could read mpreg fic all day every day and still want more. So I enjoyed this very much. It’s got great characterisation, especially for Stiles being terribly practical about it from the moment he finds out he’s pregnant, and yet oblivious about how he and Derek find each other without quite realising. Cute.

When You’re Gone by illusemywords [Sterek, T, 27k] Mystery, unreliable narrator, illness, memory loss due to trauma, angst, character death (the Hale fire)

Author’s summary: Stiles Stilinski suffers memory loss and terrible headaches after an accident he had the summer he was fifteen. He doesn't remember what happened that summer or why the Hales left town, and no one seems to want to talk about it. Now he's just turned seventeen and he decides that if he ever wants to know what happened to him that summer he'll have to figure it out himself. Eventually, memories start coming back to him, and he starts piecing them together.

I love fic that’s a bit different, and this is definitely different. It’s got a very unusual narrative structure, but it’s perfect for the fic, which has a creepy, unsettled vibe, due to the nature of the story its telling. It’s angsty and sad and beautiful. I really liked it.

Scowls and Sarcasm by dr_girlfriend [Sterek, T, 26k] Pride and Prejudice Au

Author’s summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single alpha in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a mate.

This is a Pride and Prejudice AU. A good one. I don’t know what more information you could possibly need. It veers off radically towards the end for the sake of drama, which I’m not completely convinced was necessary if I’m being brutally honest, because P&P is epic and perfect just as it is, but Peter Hale as Lady Catherine De Bourgh honestly makes up for anything. Heh.

Married at First Glance by Wonderwolf [Sterek, E, 63k] Reality TV AU, fake/pretend relationship, one-sided Paige/Derek

Author’s summary: Married at First Glance gives its participants seven weeks. Seven weeks, starting when they meet and marry their “perfect match”, to decide if they want to stay married or divorce. For Stiles and Derek though, the challenge lies within trying to pretend that they don’t absolutely hate each other’s guts. When you’re married to a werewolf who dislikes humans, however, this can get a little tricky. But the sweet, sweet cash reward at the end will be worth it. Right?

I’ve never watched these reality shows, they’re not my thing tbh, but they’re undeniably and awesome premise for a fic, and this one really does the concept justice by putting meat on the bones and taking enough time over it to make it feel like a proper story, not just a precursor to Sterek getting together. I followed this as a WIP and read each part as soon as it came in because I was enjoying it so much. Good stuff.

Written Can’t Be Denied by lookslikenico and winglesswarrior [Sterek, T, 55k] Actor Stiles, Photographer Derek, soulmates au, soulmarks, single parent derek

Author’s summary: The story goes that, the first time you meet your ‘soulmate’, the universe will give you a sign in what should be the most obvious way - somewhere in your immediate vicinity the word ‘soulmate’ will appear. ... A fact that causes havoc the day that up and coming actor, Stiles Stilinski holds up a bottle emblazoned with the word 'soulmate' in the middle of a press conference where Derek Hale is working as a photographer, in the middle of the worst day of his life.

The trend for soulmate/soulmark AUs has cooled off a bit recently, I think, which is fine. It’s just the natural rhythm of fandom, tropes come and go. There have been some really intriguing explorations of the concept, and some that have just used the concept to tell beautiful stories, and this fic falls into the second of those categories. It’s depthful and interesting and well characterised and I was rooting so hard for those crazy kids.

Seat Belts & Gravity by calrissian18 [Sterek, E, 22k] Friends with benefits, mostly canon compliant

Author’s summary: People leave in Beacon Hills, give up on the town, the people, on life itself. And he and Derek are still here, six years later, still able to drink a beer and share space. It’s kind of remarkable in a really understated way.

I love the way this author writes. I love their style, and I love their characterisation. They have an absolute gift for writing Stiles especially in this quirky way that feels more canon than canon, like it’s what Stiles should be if the show wasn’t so hampered and trapped by stupid bullshit like being written by a bunch of apes at typewriters under instructions from network executives who think viewers just want more love triangles. To be honest, if I were you I’d just run straight to AO3 and read everything this author’s ever written, and then find their Tumblr and read the stuff there too. You will not regret it.

Whatever Our Souls Are Made Of by Lissadiane [Sterek, T-ish, 15k] Character death (not Sterek), coffee shop au / college au, ghosts, ghost animals

Author’s summary: In which Stiles Stilinski sees the ghosts of animals with unfinished business, and Derek Hale is unaware that his dearly departed sister left a few things unfinished.

Fair warning, this made me cry. When I read the summary, I went “phhh that sounds dumb”, but it’s actually beautiful. Just go and read it. But have a box of tissues handy.

The White Hart of Winter by DarkAthena [Sterek, E, 65k] Historic AU, aboverse, mpreg, evil Kate Argent, period typical violence, pre-verbal / animalistic Derek

Author’s summary: Sent to marry the Hale Beast Stiles finds himself alone in a castle left to ruin and watched over by Kate Argent, who he thinks is sleeping with his new husband and seems determined to destroy him.

Oh lord. Where to start. Look, this is not the best written fic in the world, not least (I think) because the author wrote it during NaNoWriMo, so it’s perhaps not been beta read or edited as well as it could’ve been. But it had me absolutely gripped from start to finish. I loved the storyline (it’s historical abo mpreg, I was in heaven), and the historical stuff, you can really tell the author knows what they’re talking about. It’s dark and bloody at times, but Stiles is pretty awesome throughout and Derek as “the Beast” is explained and developed very well. If, like me, you love a bit of abo mpreg and historical high drama, and you can overlook a few typos, this is fantastic stuff.

I’ve Been Everywhere With You by Leslie_Knope [Sterek, E, 61k] College Au, escaping from Beacon Hills, everyone gets therapy, life goes on, friends to lovers

Author’s summary: “Dude, you should totally come with me.” “What? Like on the road trip?" “No, come with me. To Austin. Get out of Beacon Hills.” Derek paused. “What?” he asked again.

This is one of those domestic type fics where there’s no angst or high drama, just people living their lives and finding ways to be happy. I love this author’s style, and this fic is no exception. Lovely, happy, satisfying.

Millstone by eleanor_lavish [Sterek, E, 31k] Sex worker Derek, client to boyfriend stiles, college au

Author’s summary: Derek waits until the door is shut behind him before he turns around. He holds out his hand, plants his ‘if you’re not weird about it, I won’t be’ smile on his face and says, “Nice to meet you, Stiles. I’m Michael. What kind of a good time are you looking for tonight?”

This is a particularly good example of the sex worker trope because it’s not really about Derek being a sex worker, it doesn’t glorify or condemn, it just examines it the same as it examines the other ways Derek responds and reacts to what he’s been through. And it’s told through Derek’s POV, which I liked. Plus Stiles is adorable and supportive in a completely non-pressuring way, which I like to think he would be. Charming.

i have always been the storm by stilinskisparkles [Sterek, E, 25k] Stormchaser Stiles, photographer Derek, break up make up

Author’s summary: that twister au i've been trying to write for three years and finally used a "pining exes" prompt to do so with.

Stilinskisparkles. What can I say that hasn’t been said before. Do you need anything more than to see their name to convince you this is worth reading? Perhaps you do, perhaps you’re new to Sterek. If so, you’re in for a treat. This, like all their fics, has wonderful characterisation, dialogue, emotion, depth, and universe building. It was just so atmospheric. They have a particular gift for showing everyone’s thoughts and motivations while staying within one POV, Derek’s in this case. It sounds easy but it’s really really hard to do subtly, and this author absolutely nails it. And everything else. Go. Read. Now.

The Hollow Moon by thepsychicclam [Sterek, E, 180k] Post s4 fix it, memory loss/alteration, slow burn, mystery

Author’s summary: It's the summer after Stiles' first year of college, and he's working a crappy job and dealing with nightmares and anxiety - but he's okay, he swears. He makes it through most days without too much trouble. Then, a certain werewolf comes back into town. Which Stiles doesn't care about, nope, not at all.

After two and a half years, Derek returns to Beacon Hills with his small Pack. Though he tried to move on, something just kept drawing him back to Beacon Hills, he's just not sure what. Now, he figures he can start building something like a life - but he keeps getting distracted by Stiles Stilinski of all people.

As you’d expect from something that’s 180k long, this is plotty and deep and takes its time taking you on a journey. It’s quintessentially a fix it fic, fixing all the things the author (any many others) didn’t like about canon at and after season 4 of the show. Which means, spoiler alert, a lot of people who are dead in canon are not dead here. But the way everything is explained and how it all fits together works so well, I didn’t mind in the slightest. It’s a bit like everything you wished canon could be, and that’s certainly not a bad thing. I almost wish I’d waited and read it all in one rather than as a WIP, because as much as I usually don’t mind reading things as WIPs, I feel like this should be read the way a novel is read - all in one. So if you can do it that way, I’d recommend it. If you can’t, read it anyway. It’s the canon we all deserve, and if Jeff won’t give it to us, we’ll damn well make it ourselves.

#sterek #eternalsterek #fic recs #fic #recs #fic rec #fanfic #fanfiction #10thingsIhateaboutyourfic

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kaysblushingbookreviews · 5 years

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K.Webster

About the Author:

K Webster is a USA Today Best-Selling Author of over 60 romance books including contemporary romance, historical romance, erotic romance, paranormal romance and dark romance, she is well-known for her ‘Banned Books ‘in the taboo category also.

Married with two children, Kristi is passionate about spending time with her family while balancing her successful writing career. She enjoys reading and graphic design and has plenty of followers and fans to keep up with, engaging with them regularly on social platforms and book fairs.

Kristi has a go hard or go home attitude with her writing, she is unabashed and unapologetic with her stories. Her characters are flawed, they are real, raw and powerful. They are K. Webster perfect!

I admire her so much as an author because she writes stories that step outside the box. She crosses boundaries that will have some blushing way beyond their comfort zone, but that’s what I love so much about her, as an author she challenges her readers, pushes their limits and is unafraid to write the stories that she feels need to be told.

Her taboo treats have been a huge success and with each new book she publishes she sets the bar a little higher. Webster’s latest collaboration with Ker Dukey The V Games series would have to be one of my favourites. Its gritty, it’s vicious, it’s hunger games meets Russian mafia, not for the faint hearted due to is graphic violence but it’s so ruthlessly addictive.

Kristi stories are always well researched and give us a view into the minds of those we would otherwise deem different. My Torin is a perfect example is this, giving us some insight into the mind of someone with severe autism, showcasing their inner struggles and difficulties. It’s heart-breaking, eye-opening and fascinating to read. Another would be The Day she Cried addressing sensitive subjects like suicide and social acceptance. This a very powerful hate to love story about accountability, healing and forgiveness. Learning to love again after loss.

No two books of Webster’s are the same, every character is unique and there is inspiration to be found between the lines of every story. Some are naughty reads sure to set your pants on fire, some are playful, mischievous and fun, others dive deep and dark with taboo but each one is certain to entertain. K Webster is one hell of a story-teller and I am so excited to have her star as Author of the Month!

If you have yet to read any of her books where the hell have you been?? Get out from under that rock and go visit her website and check out her vast collection of works now.

Social Media Links:

Website: https://www.authorkwebster.com

Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bllgoP

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorkwebster

Twitter: https://twitter.com/KristiWebster

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authorkwebster/

5 Blushing Moments with K.Webster

What inspired you to become a writer? How did it all begin for you?

I always loved reading and anything book related. I always wanted to write a book, but the process seemed daunting. It wasn’t until a friend of mine said she was writing a book that I wondered if maybe I truly did have it in me. So, I started writing, met some other authors in the indie world, and never looked back. Once I realized I could do it, I went a little nuts and wrote like a madwoman

Who is you favorite male anti-hero character that you’ve created and why?

I think Gabe Sharpe from my War & Peace series is my favorite. Simply because he’s such a complicated man. You hate him a lot, but then, beneath his psychopathic exterior, he shows signs of humanity and love. His obsessive love is kind of what gets him into psycho mode to begin with. I loved peeling back his layers and seeing what made him tick. I especially loved seeing the readers evolve from hating him to sometimes loving him against their will.

Buy now: Amazon.com

What do you find the hardest to write about or struggle the most with when writing a manuscript?

I tend to get bored easily. I’ll start on something and be all fired up to write it, but then inspiration will strike elsewhere. Then, I want to chase that rabbit down a hole rather than finish the thing I was just fired up to write. It’s a constant battle of staying focused on one thing at a time. My creative side often wins and we go rabbit chasing a lot.

How long does it take you to complete a book? On average how many hours a week do you spend on average writing/editing/plotting?

It can take anywhere from 7 days to 9 months. I wrote The Wild from Sunday to Sunday in one week, but Whispers and the Roars took me 9 months. It all depends on the level of research involved, my outside distractions, and the desire to write the book I’m on. Also, if I have co-writes going on, those interrupt my normal book writing time as well. Every day, I’m devoting time to the process, whether it be writing, editing, plotting, marketing, etc. I prefer the days when I can just write, write, write. Ideally, I like to write during the day while my kids are at school Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. So maybe 5-7 hours those days of writing time. If I’m focused, I can usually write around 5-10k in a day, but sometimes I’ll write upwards of 15k in a day. I hate being interrupted and would rather write 0 words than to write 1k and then be interrupted. I like my brain to be fully immersed in the story and don’t like when I have to keep pulling my head out of it.

What are you currently working on? What can we expect to see from K Webster in 2019?

Currently, I’m working on getting Vas (my co-write with Ker Dukey) finalized, Enzo (a taboo treat) edited, and a secret angsty story that I’ve been fully in love with. My goal in 2019 is to publish less but write more. The publishing part is what takes the most out of me (marketing, cover design, blog tour scheduling, promoting, editing, proofing, etc.), but the writing is my favorite part. So I’m hoping to just write and write. And hopefully, I can write more “me” projects that are calling to me. Those “me” projects are always a benefit to the readers as they are the ones I’m most passionate about, and I honestly think that shows through the execution of the story

Vas (The V Games, #3) by K Webster & Ker Dukey Release Date: January 7, 2019 Genre: Mafia Romance

Add to your TBR here: https://bit.ly/2THPmiB

Blurb:

The Volkov name is one I longed for. Their household is one I grew up in, but not as an equal—as a maid’s son. This didn’t stop me from becoming a man to be reckoned with. But even with my rightful name finally given to me, I still feel adrift. Until her.

Everything I did was for acceptance. Everything I lost brought me to my family. To this life. To her.

I fought for my status. I fought for my sisters. And I will fight to the death for my angel.

She has shown me there is light in our pitch-black world. That the stars can’t shine without the darkness of night. She is the stars, and I am the sky in which she shines.

There is evil lurking in the shadows we create. The corruption and depravities of the First Families have become toxic and are infecting us all from within. Games have been played, and now, they must end.

I am Vas. Vocal. Voracious. Vindictive. Volkov. A devil in love with an angel, and together, we’re going to rule Hell on Earth.

***

Missed the first two? You can get them now for free in #KindleUnlimted! The V Games Series: Vlad (Book 1) https://amzn.to/2OwSYR6 Ven (Book 2) https://amzn.to/2MmYubA

Blushing Book Reviews would like to thank K.Webster for her time to partake in this interview.

Some of my favorite K. Webster Books

Dirty Ugly Toy: https://amzn.to/2KNiZtc Whispers and the Roars: https://amzn.to/2B21CF6 Notice: https://amzn.to/2nynHl8 My Torin: https://amzn.to/2MleElL The Day She Cried: https://amzn.to/2vERAF4

Now available in KU and audio! Amazon: https://amzn.to/2r2kqwO Audible: https://tinyurl.com/y7b9sgpy Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2r3Qpf9 Amazon CAN: https://amzn.to/2vPsO7E Amazon AUS: https://amzn.to/2r2MQWu

Cold Cole Heart is Free on Ku

Amazon: https://amzn.to/2T1VW30

Amazon CA: https://amzn.to/2JWaey1

Amazon AUS: https://amzn.to/2DfQ1Sp

Amazon Paperback: https://amzn.to/2Plmeio

Goodreads: https://bit.ly/2OmCTSr

**January Author of the Month** K.Webster K.Webster About the Author: K Webster is a USA Today Best-Selling Author of over 60 romance books including contemporary romance, historical romance, erotic romance, paranormal romance and dark romance, she is well-known for her ‘Banned Books ‘in the taboo category also.

#AuthorInterview #@KristiWebster #AuthorOfTheMonth

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