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#i wont be able to follow you to different places or venues but i will support you with the limited ways im able to

topsytervy · 3 years

Text

Hello ~ Rafe Cameron

This is Part 2 to Goodbye cause I had the thought in my head and I didn't want to write it only for it to sit in my docs so you can read Goodbye (aka Part 1) here.

Blurb: A lot can change in five years.

Word Count: 3,677

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, smoking, cocaine, spelling/grammar mistakes, i think that's it.

Small note: I’m 19 and have never planned a wedding. I’ve been to my fair share of weddings as guests and my only experience with a wedding would have been when my sister got married, however, her in-laws are kind of assholes so her wedding was really lowkey and shit, like it took place in my sister backyard lowkey, cause her mother-in-law was like 'Im not paying for anything cause you guys wont last but I'll pay for your sisters weddings' so like I’m winging half of this shit if not most of it. I’m sorry.

~~~~~

It was 5 years later.

You were 21, along with the rest of the pogues, and able to legally drink and purchase alcohol. So no more hassle with a fake ID.

Nothing had changed except for college and jobs. You and JJ had broken up after two years of dating and, much to everyone's surprise, it was like nothing had ever happened between you two.

It was insanely easy to slip back into the friend zone with JJ, despite both of you thinking that it would be awkward. Both of you fell back into old habits fairly quickly. Sure there were the first couple of weeks where you two felt as if you had to force normality but after that, it was like nothing happened. Sure, JJ still called you princess and you still found yourself hiding into his side during scary movies, but those were habits you two had prior to dating, and old habits die hard.

The only other difference was that John B and Sarah were getting married.

They were planning on getting married at The Lodge at Bear River in fall which meant a ferry to the mainland and then an almost 8-hour road trip to the venue.

You, Kie, and Wheezie were bridesmaids, Kie being maid of honor, and Pope, JJ, and much to John B's displeasure, Rafe were groomsmen, JJ being best man.

You and Pope were walking together which left Rafe and his half-sister to walk together.

Rafe looked at his sister and John B, trying to stay as unphased as possible. "Y/N's gonna be a part of the wedding party?" He asked, taking a drag from his cigarette from his spot by the pool.

John B and Sarah were outside at the patio table with their wedding planner, going over guests and the wedding party. The three looked over at Rafe and Sarah nodded.

"Why wouldn't she?"

"No reason. If you need someone to walk with her, I'll do it." He told her as nonchalantly as possible.

"She's walking with Pope." John B responded. Rafe made a face as he brought the cigarette back up to his lips and John B narrowed his eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is there a problem?" Sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"No. No problem. It's your wedding."

John B rolled his eyes before turning back to the wedding planner.

Rafe stood up and walked inside, flipping John B the bird as he walked by. He felt as if John B was put on this earth just to make him miserable at this point.

Rafe walked over to the bar and fixed himself a drink, Wheezie rolling her eyes from her spot on the couch in between Rose and Ward, who were currently scrolling through formal wear for the wedding.

"Dad, Rafe's day drinking... again." The now eighteen-year-old piped up.

Rafe glared at her. "Just wait Wheezie. This will be you in a few years." He told his half-sister with a smirk.

Wheezie scrunched up her face in disgust at the sight of her brother holding his cigarette in one hand and drink in the other.

Rose, a glass of wine in her hand, rolled her eyes at her stepson as Ward, a gin and tonic in his hand, just sighed. "It's five o'clock somewhere, Wheezie."

Rafe clinked his glass against his father’s as he made his way upstairs to his old room that he was temporarily staying in since his apartment building had taken some damage during the latest hurricane and was currently getting the necessary repairs done, and closed the door behind him. He sat down at his old desk chair and looked at the corkboard above the desk where a couple of polaroid pictures of you hung. The pictures were the first thing Rafe went looking for when he had gotten back to his apartment, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw the little lockbox he had stored the polaroids still in the closet and completely unscathed. Rafe downed his drink as he swiveled his chair back and forth.

Of course, John B wouldn't pair you and him up. That would be helping a brother out. Rafe did everything he could to show that he changed once he heard you and JJ broke up.

He quit cocaine and took up cigarettes instead. He went back to college and got a business degree. He was currently working and getting along with his father. He had his life together, mostly, and on track. The only thing missing from his life was you.

He had barely spent more than 5 minutes in a room with you since the breakup because you were either by JJ or you retreated as far from him as possible. He'd casually bring you up in conversation with John B and your friend would just roll his eyes.

"We don't bring you up in conversations, Rafe." John B told him one day.

That cut the blue-eyed man deep.

Especially since this was after Rafe gave John B the money he needed to buy Sarah an engagement ring.

Some wingman John B was.

Rafe stood up with a sigh and walked downstairs, deciding to bring the entire bottle of whiskey upstairs since he could already tell it was going to be one of those nights. He halted by the patio door though when he heard his sister and John B start talking.

“Would it be that bad to pair Rafe and Y/N up for the wedding? I highly doubt Wheezie wants to walk with him. At least Y/N won’t whine about it.” She asked as she placed a hand on his arm, the wedding planner nowhere in sight.

Rafe leaned against the wall, biting his lip as he waited for John B’s answer. If Rafe was being honest, he was kind of surprised that his sister would even consider asking John B that since she could care less about what Rafe wanted.

“Sarah, I love you but you did not see her that day or the day after or the following month and a half after that. Do you know how hard it was seeing Y/N like that? Heartbroken. Not wanting to get out of bed. Thinking she did the wrong thing and that caused him to go over the edge. Do you know how many times JJ, Pope, Kie and I caught her reading the obituaries to make sure Rafe’s name wasn’t in there?” John B looked at his fiancée. “I’m not pairing them up together without her permission. That’s that.”

“Then ask her.”

"What?"

"Ask Y/N if she wants to walk with Rafe?" Sarah saw the 'are you kidding' look in John B's eyes. "I'm serious John B. Rafe's changed a lot and, despite what you think, you cannot keep her from talking or seeing my brother all your life."

"I can try." The curly-haired boy stated, crossing his arms.

"You know what, JB? You are acting like a damn child. It is not going to break Y/N/N if you ask her one small question that contains the name Rafe, okay? I'm sure she can hear his name and not break down or something. It's been long enough. Let him have that 5 minutes he needs to talk to her cause, yeah I do not doubt that Y/N took their breakup hard, but what about Rafe? Hmm? Believe it or not John B, but my brother has fucking feelings too, okay. He probably took that break up just as hard and Wheezie and I witnessed it. So stop acting like even whispering Rafe's name will break her and just fucking ask her if she wants to walk with Rafe or Pope."

"Fine. If it makes you and Rafe happy, I'll ask her." John B huffed.

Rafe didn't stay to hear the rest, just turned around and walked back to his room, the whiskey bottle long forgotten.

****

Fall had come quickly and the wedding date came even faster. It was like Rafe blinked and then he was on the ferry two days before the wedding, sitting next to you, very awkwardly might I add, his leg bouncing up and down as he played with his fingers. It was like he didn't know what to do with his hands. After all these years, the most natural thing to do with one of his hands was still to place it on your thigh and the amount of willpower it took to not do that exact thing was unbelievable.

Rafe had told his dad that he was going to rent his own car because eight hours in a car with his family was a hard no for him.

So there he was, walking over to the car he rented and opening the door before stopping and watching you get in a car with Pope, Kie, and JJ.

You glanced up just before you got in, making eye contact with him. You gave him a small smile to make it a little less awkward and Rafe returned the smile before hopping into the car. He watched you guys pull away and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh before putting the key into the ignition and starting the car.

This was going to be the longest three days of his life.

***

He was happy for the long-ass drive of day one considering once everyone got to the hotel, there was a silent, collective decision to all just turn in for the night.

Day two was a little less chill. After being awoken by a panicked banging on the door of his hotel room, Rafe got out of bed as quickly as he could and opened the door, only to be greeted by Sarah who roughly pushed past him into his room.

“Yeah. Come on in. Good morning to you too.” He deadpanned before shutting the door.

“What the hell am I doing, Rafe?” She asked out of the blue, causing a look of confusion to settle on his face.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” He stated.

He watched as Sarah sat on his bed and ran her hands through her hair, letting out a breath. “Is this too soon? Am I getting married too young? Like, I’m 21, Rafe. I should be out getting blackout drunk and having hookups and having regrets but instead, I’m doing the exact opposite.” She rambled.

“Okay. I see what’s happening now.” Rafe walked over and sat down next to Sarah. “Sarah, trust me when I say that marrying John B will not hurt any of that. I guarantee that you and John B will get blackout drunk together and call someone for a ride. I guarantee you will be having hookups, it’s just that all of them will be with John B. And you will have regrets. What those regrets are, I have no fucking clue but life is full of them. Trust me, I have a lot of regrets and I’m only 24.” Rafe told her. “But, I don’t think marrying John B is going to be one of your regrets. Canceling this wedding would be. After all, the venue does say no refunds.”

Sarah snorted slightly and Rafe bumped his shoulder against hers. “Believe me, Sarah, if anyone is ready to get married at this age, it’s you. You came down with a damn binder filled to the brim when you were like seven and placed it in front of me and dad on the coffee table and told dad to start making connections with everyone in that binder, right down to the dress designer.”

Sarah smiled before turning and wrapping her arms around Rafe. “Who would’ve thought you could give a pep talk. And liked John B.” She said.

Rafe slowly wrapped his arms around his younger sister. “Apparently you because you came to me. However, this does not mean I like John B. I am not going to start canceling shit just to have some one-on-one time with that curly-haired surfer dude. Okay? I simply tolerate him because he somehow makes you happy.”

After breakfast and lunch that he spent with Wheezie, last-minute plans when he walked to your room to ask you to lunch only to knock and have you answer the door which caused him to quickly abandon that plan and say “Whoops sorry. Room 202 for Wheeze,”, the rehearsal dinner came quickly.

In all honesty, Rafe wasn't really paying attention to the dinner at all. How could he when you were right there, quite literally within his reach, laughing and smiling?

The actual wedding day itself was stressful leading up to the ceremony but after everyone got where they needed to be, it was smooth sailing. Rafe and Wheezie walked out after Kie and JJ.

Rafe watched you walk down with Pope and couldn't help the pang of jealousy he felt in his chest. He also couldn't help but imagine himself as the groom and you in a white dress, walking down the aisle towards him.

He quickly shook the thought from his head though, watching you take your place next to Wheezie before turning your attention towards the door to watch his dad and sister walkout.

You glanced over at Rafe and smiled slightly when you saw him bring a hand up to his cheek, wiping away a tear. You turned your attention to John B before Rafe could look over and catch you staring.

You saw John B wipe his hands on his trousers as subtly as he could. You caught JJ's eyes and he shook his head, mouthing 'fucking whipped' to you.

You nodded and moved your eyes between Sarah and John B before settling them back on JJ. 'Obviously' you mouthed back before the pair of you stopped before someone caught you.

In all honesty, Sarah did and she saw Rafe catch the interaction as well, noticing him swallow hard.

The ceremony went smoothly with no objections -Rafe fought back the urge to object just to mess with everyone but he knew his entire family wouldn't appreciate the humor- and after pictures, everyone moved inside for the reception as the sun began to set.

Dinner and drinks were served, toasts were made -JJ had made sure to include a few of John B's stupid and most embarrassing moments, much to Rafe's pleasure-, and then the dancing began.

Sarah and Ward had their father/daughter dance and then John B and Sarah had their first dance before everyone else was encouraged to join them on the dance floor.

Wheezie walked over to Rafe and Rafe looked at her. "I am not nearly drunk enough to get out on that floor and dance with you Wheezie."

Wheezie just rolled her eyes. "You have a shot right now to go ask Y/N to dance and no one will even notice you. Take it." Rafe ignored her. "Oh, okay. So you can sit there and stare but you don't have the balls to walk up to her and say 'wanna dance'?"

Rafe glared at his half-sister. "Watch your mouth, Wheezie."

Wheezie took one last glance at the dance floor and shrugged. "That's fine. Looks like someone else did."

Rafe had never scanned a crowd faster than he did right there and sure enough, there you were, a cousin of his with his hands on your waist and yours on his shoulders, moving slowly around the dance floor.

"I'm going out for a smoke," Rafe muttered before getting up and making his way out of the building.

He stood outside and brought out his pack of cigarettes, along with his lighter, and opened up the little carton. He withdrew a cigarette before closing the pack and shoving it back into his pocket, placing the cigarette between his lips. He heard the song from inside end before another one started back up as he flicked the spark wheel a couple of times, his thumb landing on the fork before a flame appeared.

He cupped his hand in front of the flame and brought the flame to the cigarette that rested between his lips, making a mental note to buy a new lighter since his was running out of juice.

Rafe heard the door open and close as he shoved the lighter back into his pocket and inhaled. He blew out the smoke before looking over to see who had joined him and was a little surprised to see you.

Of course, Rafe knew at some point you'd duck out of the party for some fresh air considering in social situations where they were tons of people, you needed to get away for a bit and recharge your social battery. He just didn't expect you to do that so soon.

You both stared out in front of you, not saying anything and Rafe brought the cigarette to his lips again, taking another drag.

"It's beautiful out here." You breathed out, trying to start some conversation.

Rafe nodded as he exhaled. "Yeah, it is."

"I wouldn't mind getting married here." You added absent-mindedly.

If Rafe had a drink right now, he would've choked at your words. He nodded nonetheless. "Yeah. It's a pretty nice place to get married."

You looked over at Rafe. "You gonna be okay over there, big guy?"

Rafe turned his head to look at you, confusion written all over his face. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw you wipe a tear away, bub." Rafe's heart sped up at the nickname that you used to use on him. "When Sarah was walking down the aisle. You gonna be okay or should the same reaction be expected at Wheezie's wedding too?" You smiled as Rafe groaned, tilting his head to look at the almost pitch-black sky.

"Don't even mention Wheezie getting married. To me, she's still that annoying thirteen-year-old that was always eavesdropping and snooping through shit."

"Awe, Rafe. You got a soft spot for your sisters now. That’s so sweet." You cooed, knowing that when he was 19, the only thing he did was complain about the two Cameron girls. "Seriously though, I think it's sweet that you walked with Wheezie and that you shed a tear today." You told him.

Rafe couldn't stop the words that tumbled out of his mouth. "I wanted to walk with you but you told John B you'd rather walk with Pope."

Way to go, dumbass, he thought to himself.

"What are you talking about?" It was your turn to look confused.

Rafe sighed, taking another drag from his cigarette and letting the smoke pour past his lips as he spoke. "I offered to walk with you and John B said no. I overheard him and Sarah talking a bit later and Sarah told him that it wouldn't hurt to ask if you wanted to walk with me or not. And I think you know the rest."

He might as well fess up about it since his mouth and brain already decided to rat him out anyway.

You shook your head. "I don't know the rest because John B never asked me who I wanted to walk with nor did he ask if I wanted to walk with you."

Rafe looked over at you, his eyes locked on yours. He knew when you were lying and this was not one of those times.

He chuckled before shaking his head. "God. He's such a dick."

You ignored his comment about one of your best friends and walked closer to him. "You seriously wanted to walk with me?"

Rafe nodded, looking down at the ground. He was in way over his head, admitting that after half a decade he was still thinking about you and wanting to be with you. Even if it was for like a 20-second walk down an aisle.

You felt a blush grow on your cheeks as you looked down at your hands, playing with your fingers.

A beat passed before you spoke, keeping your head down. "If it makes you feel better… I would've said yes."

Rafe looked at you. "Yeah?"

You nodded and he took another drag from his cigarette.

"Can we start over?" He asked.

"What?" Your Y/E/C eyes lifted from the ground to meet his blue ones.

"Can we start over?"

You bit your lip. "Yeah. Sure."

Rafe cleared his throat before placing a small smile on his face and giving a little bow. "Hello. I'm Rafe."

You breathed out a laugh before giving Rafe a slight curtsy. "Hello, Rafe. I'm Y/N. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Rafe shook his head. "Oh no. The pleasure is all mine."

Your heads both turned to the building when the song changed once again to a slower song and Rafe took Wheezie's advice on seizing an opportunity.

"You still like this song?" You nodded once more and Rafe put out his cigarette before extending his hand to you. "Would you like to dance?"

You smiled and took his hand. "Of course."

He placed his hands on your waist and yours looped around his neck, him starting to sway you two slightly.

"You look amazing by the way." Rafe complimented, taking in the lavender color of your bridesmaid dress.

"Thank you. You look rather dashing yourself." You took your hands from his neck and straightened his tie before returning them to where they previously were.

You moved closer to Rafe, resting your head on his chest as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Rafe?" You mumbled towards the end of the song.

"Mhm?"

"I missed you." You admitted.

Rafe smiled before placing a kiss at the top of your head. "I missed you too, Y/N/N."

"Rafe?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you maybe wanna ride back to the ferry together? 8 hours is a long trip. Especially when you're alone and I have to deal with JJ, Pope, and Kie."

You heard Rafe’s heart speed up a bit before it calmed back down as he took a deep breath.

"I would love that."

~~~~~~~

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #outerbanks rafe #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #drew starkey

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psychewithwings · 3 years

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The Canary Pt. 2 Todoroki x F!

hi, this is pt 2 of my Shouto Todoroki x musician!reader where its a hot mess bc its kinda a love triangle with Enji????

Listen if ya missed pt 1... its here

TW: anything on my page is 18+, fuck outta here children and get some juice... manipulative relationships, messy love situation/ love triangle, hints at abusive relationship (between reader and her ex), her ex is also a drug addict... and a criminal... if you're wondering why this is such a messy fic its inspired by my watching the show euphoria...

and lemme address this: i know enji got a redemption arc but i wanted to write him with a similar vibe to nates dad from euphoria... to explore the manipulative sides of age gap relationships or relationships with clearly unbalanced power dynamics, my portrayal of him here is not what i would deem perfectly canon but more a vessel for the plot and ideas i want to explore with this piece and the complexities within it, now... that being said... i give you a long awaited pt 2 to The Canary

You watch as Shouto opens the front door and slips away into the night. The door closes and upon hearing the latch click you realize you’d been holding your breath. You exhale long and slow, still stunned by Shouto’s vulnerability. He worries he will never be able to save himself. Yes, you very much relate to that problem. There is something about Shouto that scares you, looking at him in person, it feels like he is someone you’d known forever, that you should have memories of him but the place in your mind that they should be, is blank.

How he feels about you is still incredibly unclear. You had been very aware of how carefully he watched you during your meal, his eyes seemingly tracking each of your movements and committing them to memory. Dinner was uncomfortable, you had wanted to hide and simultaneously prove yourself to him; that you were different from his idea of who you must be considering the circumstances. You knew what he thought; that you were just some shallow girl dating his dad for the money. But that wasn’t the truth.

Maybe someday you and Shouto would learn the truth of who the other was, your pasts, desires for the future, and maybe what that feeling was that made him seem so familiar. You could easily picture yourself trying to make him laugh on a warm spring day and you smile to yourself.

“Well I’m glad to see you smiling,” Enji remarks as he sits next to you on the couch. “Shouto can be a bit harsh, I apologize…” Enji murmurs and wraps his arm around you, a protective and comforting gesture. “No, it’s okay, it’s only natural for him to feel suspicious or confused,” you console. You pull your legs onto the couch and snuggle into the cushions.“I’ll talk to him about it,” he offers but you shake your head. “No, it’s really okay, I think he’s warming up to me.” Enji raises an eyebrow at you and smiles slightly. “Shouto doesn’t warm up to others easily… or at all,” he dismisses and kisses your cheek. You look up at him and blink. “I’m not worried ‘bout it… best to just give it time,” you smile. Enji gives you a single nod before his expression falls stern. “As much as I enjoy your optimism, we need to discuss Friday, I won’t be able to go and I don’t want you going alone.” You inhale slowly and hold your breath until you can figure out the words exactly.

“Enji, I told you, I can take care of myself for a night, I don't need you to watch over me every time I do a gig.” His gaze bores into yours, eyes piercing. “And I’ve asked you nicely not to play this weekend, you’re sophisticated now, a place like the Viper Lounge should be considered beneath you.” You move away from his touch, crossing your arms. While Enji is more supportive than anyone else about your music career, he still didn’t understand. He had been a hero, a place like The Viper is considered scummy in his circle but for you it’s the holy grail of performance venues. You explain time and time again and the words are becoming dull and grey with repetition. “It’s one of the best places for someone who’s looking to get scouted to perform… and the Viper invited me, that's a big deal.” Enji shifts to face you, “I know this feels big to you but it’s just a small set in a shitty dive.”

A part of you wanted to cry hearing those words, but the tears didn’t come. Just a small, sad smile. “There’s going to be talent scouts and agents there… just to see who was selected for the line up and I’m the closing set… It's a pretty big deal.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shouto walks from the house, his head filled with thoughts of you. Your smile, your voice, that ridiculous yellow guitar. Your eyes, their inquisitive nature. He thinks back to his answer to your question, “I'm afraid that no matter how many people I save, that I’ll never be able to save myself.” He sighs, he can’t remember the last time he could be so honest with someone, let alone someone who was practically a stranger… But there is something about you that seems oddly familiar, though for what reason he felt this way was unclear.

He is about halfway to his car when he feels how light his pants pocket is. His phone… he must have left it inside somewhere, maybe the kitchen? He sighs, he doesn’t want to return to the house, to have to look at you again after being so honest. He had been bold in hopes of- well he isn’t all that sure why he had said something like that so openly, all he knows is the heat is creeping to his cheeks. He takes a breath before hesitantly opening the door. He collects himself, hoping you wont be able to see his embarrassment.

“I told you, there will be plenty more opportunities and you won't have to perform in such a dump,” he hears his fathers voice. He knows that voice… Shouto opens his mouth to call out but shuts it again hearing your icy tone, “you’re not listening... Enji.” Shouto’s eyebrows raise in surprise, you’re not as childish as he first thought. In fact, it seems you’re holding your own against his father in an argument of sorts. He hears Enji laugh mockingly, “I’m not listening? What about Kai?” There’s a long pause, the sound of cicadas filling Shouto’s ears while the name Kai tumbles around his mind. He knew that name from somewhere. “What about Kai?” your voice is so low he can barely hear it. “Is he going to be there?” Enji pushes. Your voice raises slightly in aggravation, “I don't know, I don't talk to Kai, I haven’t said a word to him since the day I left.” Enji scoffs, “Really? It’s suspicious that the Viper Lounge invites you to perform when you’re almost a year out of that scene, he has connections there, what if he’s just using this “gig” as an excuse to get close to you? C’mon y/n, use your head.” Enji’s tone is viciously condescending. Shouto clenches his jaw, waiting for your reply. “I’ve thought about that possibility, but it's an event to showcase new upcoming artists and I haven’t performed there solo before, so I don’t find it totally unbelievable they would ask me.” For once Enji has no rebuttal and you take that as your cue to continue. “Kai isn’t even in the line up… and even if he was, I’m going because this is important to me, this has nothing to do with him.”

Shouto couldn’t keep standing outside listening, he had to get his phone now. He briskly steps inside and shuts the door loudly behind him. “I left my phone,” he announces as he walks through the house to the kitchen. The silence that follows his interruption makes him worry you both figured out he had been listening, though perhaps you were both just embarrassed to be caught arguing. He finds his phone by the kitchen sink and pockets it quickly, before heading back towards the door. He nods towards you both before turning his back.

“Hey Shouto?” The sound of your voice stops him in his tracks. He shifts carefully to face you and sees your eyes glinting with mischief. “You own a hero agency right?” Shouto nods, watching carefully to see where you were going with this. “I’m sure then that you would have a hero capable of a simple bodyguard job, for just this little gig I’m doing on Friday, I know it’s last minute so if you don’t have anyone… I’ll be fine.” He had to play this carefully so as not to expose himself for eavesdropping. “Where’s the gig?” “The Viper Lounge,” Enji scoffs. His father must be furious that you’ve now involved a third party. If there was something Enji Todoroki hated, it was airing his dirty laundry. Shouto was careful not to laugh… you were far smarter than he initially gave you credit for.

“I’ve performed at the Viper before… tons of times-``''You have, but only with Kai Chisaki.” Your face tells Shouto that name hits a sore spot. Hearing his whole name sparks Shouto’s memory and he realises who Kai is. Kai Chisaki, an underground rapper… face tattoos and some nasty habits that earned him a hell of a rap sheet; burglary, assault, possession of unlicensed weapons, public indecency, drug counts too high to keep track of… He’d been arrested again a few months ago, but just like the last, he was bailed out and the charges were dismissed.

“But the Viper asked me to be a part of this gig for showing off upcoming talent… Enji’s just worried for me because he can't be there and my ex has a reputation- ``''That’s putting it lightly,” Enji interrupts, “he’s scum, deserves to rot in prison.” You rub your palms on your thighs and smile gently at Shouto. “I just think the situation would be more comfortable for everyone if I had some protection… Maybe you know of someone that could watch out for me for the night?”

Shouto resists the urge to volunteer, though the temptation of hearing your voice again is overwhelming. “Tch- as if I would trust any of the foolish heroes Shouto babysits to watch after you in that cesspool…” You gaze at Enji with big doe eyes, your body turning, hands inching towards his father’s legs. “You trust Shouto don’t you?” Enji pauses, before he sighs “I do.” You give him a winning smile, “then he’ll pick someone fit for the job.” Enji’s brow creases pensively, “Shouto,” he addresses. Shouto meets his father’s eyes, his heartbeat quickening as he realises what he’s about to ask. “What are your plans Friday? Could you take her?”

Shouto pretends to consider it, but really he counts the seconds until he can agree. He didn’t really know what it was about you that made him want to go with you so badly to this gig. It’s a separate part of himself that Shouto was unfamiliar with, a part of him that wasn’t thinking but desired only to know you… or understand you? There was just something about you. That was all he knew for sure. He nods, trying his best to hide his true feelings. “I could make arrangements to accompany y/n, as long as,” he looks at you, “you’re comfortable with that.” You hold out your hands defensively and shake your head, “if you have to move things around- you’re so busy- I-I don’t wanna cause you any trouble.” Shouto dismisses your statement, “it’s not trouble, I wouldn’t agree otherwise.”

You shift uncomfortably, “as long as you’re sure…” Shouto turns towards the door, facing forward as he leaves you with these words. “It’s important to you, right? Just accept my help.” He opens the door, and holds the frame tightly. He knows he shouldn’t, he hears the chorus of voices telling him not to look back, but it's that one part of him again that takes control and turns his head. He can’t help but smile slightly seeing your expression. Mouth parted and brow raised slightly in surprise. Beautiful.

“We’ll connect about details sometime during the week,” he confirms, “see you Friday.” He hears you call out your gratitude as he closes the door and makes for his car. He slides into the driver's seat and turns on the engine and looks towards his childhood home. The light from the windows casts a glow onto the grass. He finally exhales and with each new breath he gains more clarity about the situation. He shouldn’t care about you, he can’t let himself get any closer. He would help you with this gig and go back to avoiding family dinner like the plague. Shouto leans his head back into the seat and puts the car in reverse. He tries his best to shake off these thoughts but that little devil on his shoulder keeps cackling and whispering suggestions he chooses to immediately ignore.

He pulls out of the driveway and onto the road, pushing thoughts of you away and doing his best to find another topic to think about, something to distract him from the confusion of his swirling emotions. But as much as he tries, he can’t stop thinking about you.

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doyouevenshipbr0 · 5 years

Text

gruvia drabble:

~gruvia week: day one//fav gruvia moment~

author's note: yallllll its mf'in GRUVIA WEEEEEK omG i love this week sm it makes me so happy to see the whole community get together and post beautiful things ab this very beautiful couple and UGH<3 tbh i aint promising that im gonna post everyday cus tea is i probably wont! BUT i will try to post as much as possible. ALSO BIIIIG shoutout to the creators of gruvia week. thank u sm for continuing ur effort in making this event every year i love it sm<3 ok so idk if i'd say this is my faaaaav gruvia moment (idk if i even have a fav) but this is DEF up there. ok enjoy my bbies i love u all<3

ALSO ok so i feel like for day one of gruvia week writers have to get kinda creative??? cus i dont wanna just rewrite the whole scene. SO this drabble is piggybacking off of a certain scene. only the first bit is canon the rest is from mwuah. ok now enjoy lmao.... ok one more edit.....heard someone say its april first in japan rn...???? sooo... im posting this now hehe!!! even tho its 9:00 PM on the 31st where i am. close enough. can u tell im super excited.

"Your body is..." Gray was in the middle of scolding a very drunk Juvia.

"Juvia's body is?" She looked up at him from the ground, her face slightly twisted in confusion.

Gray had just then only realized what he was saying. It started out with him simply saying that Wendy would be able to fix the scar Juvia attained from their fight amongst themselves and Invel. It was only when Juvia flipped it onto him, saying that he could also have his scar fully healed, that he realized why he was saying what he was saying.

Gray's face burned with embarrassment as he looked down on Juvia's adorable face that was highlighted in pink, and after a long awkward pause he quickly broke eye contact and turned his head away.

"Your body is..." He muttered. "Something...I care about...'cause you're mine...kinda. Um." He tripped over every word that left his mouth.

Juvia's face lit up with excitement from Gray's bold, but poorly spoken, words. She giggled.

"Gray-sama is so romantic!" She sat back on her knees and held her cheeks with delight.

"H-hey!" He stammered, snapping his gaze back to Juvia's. "Don't go off gettin' crazy ideas! I was just sayin'!" He huffed and crossed his arms.

"Just sayin' that Juvia's body is a beautiful perfect temple that Gray-sama wants to protect at every cost!" She was slightly slurring her words.

"N-no!" Gray's face could've melted off with embarrassment. You show your emotions one time and suddenly you're a damn cassanova.

"Yes you most certainly are!" Juvia practically leapt up from the ground with exhilaration. It wasn't everyday that she got to hear things like that from Gray. Their relationship was somewhat new, afterall.

"Kya!" She yelped. In her dazed excitement and drunkenness, her heel slipped from under her foot, causing her ankle to twist, and she was on her way back down to the ground.

"Whoa!" Gray's eyes widened. He moved quickly, and he swiftly caught her just moments before her face hit the concrete. He carefully brought her back to her feet, keeping an arm wrapped around her shoulder to steady her.

"Jeez." Gray finally exhaled in relief. "You need to be more careful!" He was broken out in a nervous sweat.

Juvia chuckled under her breath. "See. You do worry about Juvia." She looked up at him, and Gray quickly realized their faces were only inches apart. He promptly took his arm away from her body and stepped forward.

"Come on." He ignored her teasing. "We should get back to the party." He looked back at her and it hit him that she wasn't wearing a top. She stripped it off during one of her drunk fits. His cheeks reddened as he immediately turned his head back to face front. "A-and we need to find you a frickin' shirt!" He was used to seeing her topless during battles, but when they weren't fighting it was a whole different context. It was like another world.

"If Gray-sama insists." Juvia said and began to follow Gray, but as soon as she took a step on that twisted ankle, a sharp pain stabbed at her. "Ouch!" She alleviated the pressure off of her foot and dangled it a few inches above the ground.

Gray instantly turned around at her gasp of pain. "What is it?" He asked, but he already saw the answer as she balanced herself on one foot.

He sighed. "Your ankle?" He asked, his voice as unentertained as ever.

Juvia gave a guilty nod. She really knew how to cause any kinda of trouble when she was drinking. First the tears, then the nudity, now this.

Without saying anything else, Gray walked back a couple steps, spun around, and crouched to the ground.

"Eh?" Juvia's impaired mind couldn't seem to put two and two together.

"Get on." His voice was low.

"G-g-get on?! Gray-sama's big muscle-y back?!" Juvia's face burnt and she found herself conflicted for some reason. It was all so much for her.

"Yeah. And we're not going back to the party. I'm taking you back to your apartment." He still wasn't looking back at her.

"What?!" She whined. "How come?!"

He finally turned his head "Because you're drunk, shirtless, and you're hurt." He faced forward again. "Just let me take you home."

She paused. She really wanted to go back to the party and celebrate Lucy's award some more with the others, but he was right. Not to mention his broad shoulders were way too intriguing to pass up.

"Alright." She said, mildly defeated, and did a little hop to get on his back.

Gray stood up and adjusted his grip so his arms were wrapped under her two legs as she had her arms chained around his neck, and he started walking.

"When we get back to your place, I'm gonna' come in for a minute and ice your ankle." He explained.

An idea popped in Juvia's imaginative mind. "Wellll," she sang. "It is pretty late. You might as well spend the night."

"Nah. Just wanna' sleep in my own bed tonight." He said, practically.

"Hmph." Juvia pouted and her head sunk into the crook of Gray's neck. "Gray-sama is so cruel."

"I'm sorry what was that? Do you want me to drop your drunk, limping, ass on the ground?" He teased.

"No!" Juvia squealed, clutching onto Gray harder than before, causing him to chuckle.

They walked on the outskirts of the venue of the party. It was still as lively and rambunctious as ever with all of Fairy Tail's members. Gray stopped for a moment. He saw a nearby bench and sat Juvia down on it.

"Stay here." He instructed as he walked away.

"Where are you going?" She called out.

"I'll be right back." He called back.

A minute or so later, Gray was back with crumpled up clothes in his hands.

"Here." He held out his suit jacket that he wore earlier that night to her in front of her practically bare chest. He looked away and blushed. "I couldn't find your stuff."

Juvia giggled with joy and excitedly snatched the jacket, putting it on her body in just a second. A smile curled on her lips as she wiggled in the coat, rubbing her arms up and down the sleeves. "So warm!" She cheered.

Gray was still blushing. He remained shirtless and said nothing as he spun around, signaling for Juvia to get on his back again, and she did so. He hoisted her up and returned to walking back to her apartment.

Juvia hummed with satisfaction and pushed her head up so her cheek was pressed right up against Gray's.

"Thank you for caring so much about Juvia's body." She whispered. "I'm very happy to be yours." She finished with a peck on Gray's cheek.

"Don't worry about it." Gray's scrunched face was coated with pink as he embarrassingly averted his gaze.

Although Gray wasn't always the best with words, Juvia could always count on his actions to tell her what he was really feeling.

And if actions could talk, she is sure they would be saying "I love you".

#gruvia #gruvia week #gruviaweek #doyouevenshipbr0 #gray x juvia #juvia x gray #gruvia fanfic #fanfiction #gruvia fanfiction #fanfic #gruvia drabble #fairy tail

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heartofsnark · 5 years

Text

Black Market Wonderland (Chapter Four): The Game is Not Played Alone

Notes: We get some Eisuke POV in this one, which hopefully doesn’t suck. Pov switches wont be like extremely common, but I do want to do them when I think it benefits the plot or just to occasionally switch it up. If it’s really jarring or off putting to have two different POV’s in one chapter, let me know. Again, thank you to everyone commenting, giving feedback and enjoying it. I’m glad you all like my little disaster bean Tsuneko. Also, lowkey scared Soryu is OOC here because things...escalate.

Word Count: 13228 (I’ve notice word counts are off between AO3 and my program, sorry about that, WPS Writer is a bit fucky of a program.)

Warnings: POV Switches, Fat Shaming/Body Shaming, Masturbation (it’s me dudes, someone had to nut eventually), Cis-Female Masturbation, Sex Toy, Bath Masturbation, Panic Attack, Threats of gun violence (Soryu is such a gem), Suicidal thoughts

Missed the last chapter? Link Here!

Eisuke waits in the lounge, trying to get work down on his tablet while he waits for Ota to finish. He’s forcing Tsuneko to work as his assistant at an event tonight, this doesn’t qualify for the bet, which she was quick to point out to him. But, it will give him some opportunities to see how useful she can be. He doesn’t lose and this will be no exception.

She’s intriguing that’s for sure, challenging him to a bet for her freedom. This is to her detriment of course, he probably wouldn’t be so determined to keep her if she was boring. It’s been a long time since he’s had such an interesting toy. She was right when she said there’s no practical reason to keep her around, but she’s become a source of amusement. Once he’s won the bet he might keep her around a while longer, just until he gets bored of her.

“Finished,” Ota yells out as he enters the lounge, noisy as ever, and Tsuneko is following close behind.

“Seriously can we talk about this dress?” She’s complaining as usual and gesturing towards her chest. When she tried it on in store she was wearing a blazer over it to make it more modest, but this works well on her too. The simple colors and silhouette keep it from looking too trashy with the amount of cleavage on display.

“It looks gorgeous on you, princess,” Baba tells her, his eyes linger on her chest. The only one of them not paying attention to her cleavage is Soryu who’s making a point to look anywhere else.

“Look, I don’t know how Kenzaki does his job, but I don’t think having my tits out is a part of assistant work.”

“Pfft, not bad,” he finally gives comment, “at the very least your outfit won’t embarrass me.”

“Oh yes, ‘cause I’d hate to make your life more difficult.”

She rolls her eyes and he’s caught between wanting to scowl and grin. It’s rare anymore to find people who can so shamelessly talk back to him, who don’t seem afraid of upsetting him, but she has a habit of pushing her luck. While entertained, he doesn’t want to tolerate any disobedience. It’s a weird place she puts him in and maybe that’s why he’s so intrigued by her.

“We’re leaving now, hurry up.” He stands from his seat and leaves the lounge, heading towards the limousine The click of Tsuneko’s heels follow after him.

They step into the car, Tsuneko looking as uncomfortable as she was earlier today. She may look more the part, but it’s clear she can’t relax in these environments. She’s just a commoner and a maid after all, from rural Kyushu at that, when she was first bought at the auction he had Kenzaki show him her files.

“Memorize this,” he tells her and hands her his tablet, a list of who the guests at the event are and rules on interacting with them is pulled up on it. Her eyes widen as she starts to read through it, it’s a lot to learn in a car ride, but it’s not impossible. It will be interesting to see if she can manage it. A part of him is concerned about bringing her to such an event, the very thing that makes her so amusing can make her a detriment in this situation.

The event isn’t extremely important and he knows any mistakes she makes he can easily recover from. She gets great feedback from guests she works with and is considered one of the better maids at the hotel, despite not being there for a full year. It’s clear she’s capable of being polite and friendly, perhaps that skill just leaves her when she’s speaking to him or the other penthouse residents.

His most pressing matter at the moment is the meeting with the Bucci’s, the Italian mob. Carolina, the boss’s daughter has taken an unfortunately interest in him. He can’t just brush her off and dismiss her, as much he’d like to, or he risks losing the deal with her father.

He should be able to sic Carolina on Soryu, he’s definitely her type, and if she’s interested in someone else he won’t have to deal with her. As far as he’s concerned, she’s just a pawn to get the deal with her father. It will be entertaining to see Soryu dealing with the clingy energetic woman.

Not only will the deal help his work with the Tres Spades, it will allow extra opportunities for the auctions, and maybe connections that can help to find his sister. He thought for a moment or two when he first saw her that Tsuneko could be his younger sister, they’re around the same age. But, he’s seen enough of Tsuneko’s chest between the lower cut dress and her uniform popping open to know that she doesn’t have a burn mark. Additionally, when he requested her information from Kenzaki he was informed that the manager had already checked to see if there was even a chance they were related just to find there wasn’t. He can’t help wondering is that’s why Kenzaki her application in the first place. She’s definitely one of the more interesting employees.

Eisuke continues to think about what he needs to do for his work and the plans he has until the limousine comes to a stop. They’ve reached the venue. He takes the tablet from her hand and changes what’s on it, an open document.

“Take notes and do whatever I tell you, I won’t be tolerating any disobedience, understood?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” She waves him off, she still hasn’t told him ‘yes’ or ‘okay’, even when she does what he asks.

They walk into the event and it’s a fairly standard affair. Everyone dressed to impress and talking over wine or champagne. Each event is painfully reminiscent of each other. Tsuneko seems pained for a moment before she forces a smile, she’s trying at the very least. Whether it will be good enough remains to be seen.

The first individual to speak to them is Mr. Belrose, a wealthy man from France. He’s excited and robust, greeting her with a faire la bise, kissing Tsuneko on the cheeks. To her credit, Tsuneko seems to expect it and reacts kindly. It’s not unusual for those kinds of greetings to be shocking to people not use to them, but she either memorized the notes he gave or is smart enough not to show any signs of fluster.

Eisuke guides the conversation as he introduces her as his assistant, but Tsuneko doesn’t stand blankly off to the side. She stays engaged and takes notes, contributing when she has something relevant to say. Her and Mr. Belrose end up discussing pastries with her recommending places to visit while he’s in Tokyo. By the time the conversation ends he’s smiling and seems happy to have met her.

This trend continues as they continue making rounds and talking to guests. She’s not truly any less of a smartass, he can’t even say she’s putting up any sort of act. But, her tone is different, her little comments more like playful teasing than genuinely being annoyed. He’s just begun talking to Watanabe when he notices both of their champagne flutes has gone dry.

“Get us more champagne,” he tells Tsuneko and he can tell she wants to argue, but she doesn’t and instead goes to find champagne for them.

“You’re a lucky man, Ichinomiya,” Watanabe tells him with a grin.

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Tomori, she’s a beautiful girl,” Watanabe looks over at where Tsuneko is getting champagne, “I mean, surely you have a thing for her?”

Is that how it looks? Eisuke looks over at Tsuneko, she’s certainly attractive by most standards. She’s petite with collarbone length chocolate brown hair that falls in soft waves and her large expressive eyes are a soft plum purple shade. A soft round face decorated in freckles and a single dimple that shows when she smiles. She’s a bit chubbier than the average Japanese woman which might be detractor to some. He can see how to an outsider she may seem worthy of his attention.

“She’s a diligent assistant.” Is all he says before a woman he knows he’s seen before, but can’t place the name of, comes rushing over. She throws her arms around his arm and all but glues herself to his side.

“Eisuke,” her whine is like nails on a chalkboard, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you this whole time.”

“Well, why didn’t you come on over, Kaede?” Watanabe asks her and Eisuke’s trying to figure out how to pry her off of his arm, Kaede, that’s right. She’s Amachi’s daughter, he’s the owner of a modeling agency, a spoiled girl who’s only in these circles because of her dad.

“Ugh, well I couldn’t exactly come talk with that pig hovering around Eisuke.” She didn’t want to come over because of Tsuneko, interesting.

“I brought the champagne,” Tsuneko speaks from behind them, her glare at Kaede makes it clear she heard the pig comment. Maybe she can deter these kind of women? Eisuke and Watanabe take the champagne flutes from Tsuneko’s hand.

“Wait, I remember you,” Kaede says, her eyes trained on Tsuneko and her nails digging into his arm as she clings, “you were that maid at the I.V.C, why the hell are you here?”

Kaede was there clinging to him at the I.V.C as well when Tsuneko went off on a pervert that was harassing her.

“I’m working as Mr. Ichinomiya’s assistant today,” Tsuneko explains, her face remains stoic but her tone has lost any sign of playfulness.

“Assistant,” Kaede’s eyes seem to brighten at this, “that makes sense, you’re just here as the help of course. Why don’t you make yourself useful and get me some champagne too?”

“Given Mr. Ichinomiya is my boss, it would be up to him,” she says this politely but her meaning is clear, she won’t be taking orders from Kaede. The model scowls.

“Actually,” he draws out seeing one of the servers with champagne is finally nearing them and he pulls his arm away from Kaede’s grasp to get one of them. She looks smug as he grabs a glass, but her face falls again when he hands it to Tsuneko, “would you like some?”

“Oh, thanks.” Tsuneko’s eyes are wide with surprise, like it never even occured to her that she could enjoy some as well.

It’s time to test the waters of Tsuneko’s use as a woman deterrent. He makes sure to let their hands touch as he passes off the champagne and softens his expression as he looks at her. When he pulls his hand away it makes a small show of doing so slowly, letting his touch linger. One of Tsuneko’s eyebrow raise and her head tilts just slightly, clearly confused by his actions. Kaede however, lets out a huffy noise and storms off.

He can’t help smirking. It won’t win the bet, using her as deterrent, because many woman could probably fill that sort of role. But, it’s still some use he can get out of her, particularly when he has to meet with Carolina. It’s not unique or special to Tsuneko, those stipulations to the bet are aggravating to say the least, but he knows he’ll still win.

Watanabe gives him a look like he just caught Eisuke and Tsuneko in a private moment. Tsuneko shakes off the weirdness with an actual small shake of her head and starts drinking her champagne. The event continues on with no further issues or moments of interest.

The night winds down and it’s time for them to take their leave. Tsuneko lets out a heavy sigh as she sits down in the limousine. Perhaps it’s just from the stress of the event but she seems more relaxed in the car than she did before. She even pulls off her heels and starts rubbing her red sore ankles, unconcerned if she looks uncouth in front of him.

He can’t ask her to pose as his girlfriend or anything directly, his thoughts wander to his plans as the car starts moving. If he asks her, he’s sure she’d refuse and even ruin it purposely. She may have behaved tonight, but she’d never agree to something like that. The implication of it was enough to drive off Kaede; just forcing himself to look disgustingly in love and leave lingering touches. It may be enough to convince others he has feelings for her, not that they’re actually together. He can’t help disliking the thought of looking like a love stricken fool who’d sit idly by and not take what they want, he’d never lower himself to that kind of behavior. But, if it in addition to introducing her to Soryu gets Carolina off his back and keeps the Bucci deal safe, it will be worth it.

A loud stomach growl rings out through the car from Tsuneko’s direction and she’s glaring down on her stomach like it’s betrayed her. He can’t help letting out a short huff of air in place of a laugh.

“I haven’t eaten anything since lunch, give me a break.”

Eisuke thinks for a moment, he hasn’t eaten in a while either, the event didn’t have much in the way of food. A bakery with it’s lights still on catches his eye and he remembers Tsuneko’s babbling about sweets with Mr. Belrose. Most higher end bakeries he knows of would be shut down by now, but it’s something. He tells his driver to stop and park in front of the building.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, I can just eat when I get home.”

“We’re going because I want to ,” he tells her and it seems to quiet her up for a brief second, even if she does roll her eyes at him. The car turns to park outside the bakery and she pulls her shoes back on before they walk inside.

He can’t help sneering a bit as he looks around, it was an impulse to stop here. Eisuke didn’t realize it would be so small. A simple layout with off white walls and maple wood paneling. At the front of the store is a large brightly lit glass case meant to display sweet, but it’s notably empty. He’ll have to pay extra for them to make something, he figures.

“Sorry, we just shut down the oven, we’re getting ready to close up in the next hour.” A young man comes out from the back in a pastry chef uniform.

“Nonsense-”

“Ah, uh,” Tsuneko interrupts and glares at him, “that’s fine, we understand.”

What on earth is wrong with her? He can just pay them to stay open longer, they’re both hungry, what’s the point in just leaving? Does she enjoy wasting his time?

“Hmm,” the chef chews his lip and seems to mull it over, “we do have one cake still left, it’s big enough to share if you two want it. Otherwise it’ll be thrown out.” The chef brings out a a large strawberry cream cake.

“You don’t mind us staying here to eat it?” Tsuneko asks him.

“We still have a half hour before we officially close, so it’s fine,” the chef tells her and she smiles brightly, the young man flushes up to his ear, “don’t worry about it.”

They take the dessert to settle in at a table to enjoy it. It’s an immaculate cake, piles of white cream and ripe strawberries between layers of sponge cake. On top a single large strawberry in a little dollop of cream. He goes to stab a fork into the top strawberry when it’s plucked off the top of the cake by Tsuneko’s fingers. Eisuke glares as Tsuneko starts to bring it to her mouth, she pauses when she realizes this.

“What?” she asks, still holding the top strawberry to her lips.

“I was going to eat that.”

“It’s literally right next to my mouth.”

“I was going to eat that,” he says again, scowling. How dare she just steal the top strawberry? She narrows her eyes and pouts, before a subtle smirk pulls at her lips.

Tsuneko makes a little show of putting part of the strawberry into her mouth and sucking off the cream, leaving the bright red fruit shining with saliva when she pulls it from her lips with a pop.

“Still want it?” She offers with a grin, like she’s got him and he wouldn’t dare eat something she’s licked.

He returns his own smirk and plucks it from her fingers to pop it into his own mouth; eating it right in front of her. Her face falls and she glares at him, pouting.

“Seriously?” She narrows her eyes at him and licks some cream still clinging to her lips.

“I told you, I wanted it.” He swallows the fruit, somehow tasting even sweeter than he expected.

“God, you act like a toddler.” The plate makes a scratching noise across the table as she pulls the cake closer to her and stabs her fork into it. She shoves a hunk of cake into her mouth and he drags the plate back towards him to get a bite himself.

This goes on throughout the meal; becoming a tug of war with the plate. The cake dwindles down to nothing and she swipes the final bite, licking cream from her lips. They both stand from their chairs and Tsuneko pouts when she sees him pulling his card out to pay, shouldn’t she be happy?

“I’ll pay,” she tells him and walks off towards the register. This nonsense again.

“Don’t be stupid.” He groans as he makes his way to the counter. His steps are larger than her’s by virtue of his height, but she practically hops to cut in front of him., shoving her own bank card into the machine. He glares at her back and the pastry chef rings her up. Eisuke can’t help but scoff when she has to put her card back in because she jammed it into the chip reader before it was ready.

There’s a grin across her face as she finishes the purchase and tucks her card back into her purse. She makes absolutely no sense. Buying a cake is nothing to him, but she’s still insistent on being the one to buy it. Usually the women he meets are constantly pestering him to buy them things.

She’s still an insipidly proud grin across her face as they go out to the car. At the very least it’s better than the pathetic look she had when they first bought her. He tries to focus on the buildings passing by as the limousine moves, but his eyes keep straying towards her. Her makeup is just barely starting to fade and he can see a hint of the purple bruises on her face.

It was a shock seeing her being sold that night, it’s against the rules of the auctions to sell someone against their will. He never expected to see one of the maids in a golden cage screaming at the top of her lungs, like a trapped animal. There were fresh bruises across her face, her eyes were wet with unshed tears, and she was cradling her bloody hand. While he hasn’t seen her look that pained again, he still hasn’t seen her happy. Even her proud little grins seems spiteful instead of truly happy. It’s clear she’s miserable by this whole thing and is desperate to get away from them.

If he was a nicer person he would have let her.

The limousine comes to a stop outside the hotel. He steps out and is around the other side of the car when he notices Tsuneko wincing as she gets out. Her steps are tender and careful.

“You look ridiculous.” He smirks and she glares at him.

“Well, excuse the fuck out of me for being in pain.”

“Come here.” He moves to pick her up and she jolts back like he’s burnt her.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m not going to waste my time waiting for you to hobble your way up to the penthouse.”

“Well, there’s not really any alternative, now is there.”

“There is.” He attempts again and she ducks away from him, letting out a whimper.

“Dude,” he’s taken aback being called ‘dude’, “you can’t pick me up.”

“What are you talking about?” He glares at her, is she calling him weak?

“I’m a chubby girl and, no offense, you’re kind of a string bean.”

He scowls, how dare she, Tsuneko isn’t able to avoid him this time and he hoists her up onto his shoulder.

“Ahhh, what the hell are you doing!?” She squirms where she’s over his shoulder, swinging her fists down against his back. He gets a firm grip on her thigh to keep her steady, her skin warm and soft under his hand.

“Stop squirming or I’ll drop you,” he threatens as he packs her into through the hotel lobby, her body heavy but not overbearing on his shoulder. A few guests give them odd looks, but he doesn’t pay them any mind.

She’s still yelping and smacking at his back when he gets her to the penthouse elevator. He’s put the key in and the elevator lurches into movement.

She hits him particularly hard in the back, a dull ache already starting to form, and he puts her down. What is her problem, she should be grateful he was willing to carry her. She glares at him instead and he scowls then she slams her fist into his stomach. A jolt of pain runs through his abdomen and he hunches over, grabbing at where she hit him.

“What is wrong with you?!”

“What is your problem!?” He tries to yell back, his voice a rasp from having the wind knocked out of him, he can’t remember the last time someone actually hit him.

“My problem is you! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to be packed around like a sack of potatoes!”

“Is it anymore humiliating than limping through the hotel?”

“Yes,” she looks at him like he’s an idiot, “it’s a thousand times worse!”

“So when you don’t get what you want, you hit me, who’s the toddler now?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you not like getting touched without permission,” she jabs him in the chest with her finger, “I told you not to pick me up and you did anyway, so I hit you.”

“I own you, I don’t need your permission.”

“Hellooo?~ Did you forget the entire fucking bet?! You don’t own me until you win and you know what, even if you did own me, I’d still kick your sorry ass for that bullshit!”

The elevator comes to a stop and the doors open with a noise. Tsuneko stomps off towards Kisaki’s suite where her clothes are. He glares at her as she leaves before he enters the lounge. Everyone is there and they all seem to give him an odd look as he walks to his usual seat.

“What the hell happened?” Kishi is the first one to speak, taking a drag off of his cigarette and Eisuke glares at him, not that he seems bothered.

“Nothing,” he says and gets his tablet out to reviews the notes Tsuneko took.

“We could hear the woman screeching from here,” Soryu grimaces, like even talking about her or hearing her is a pain. Eisuke shifts in his seat and a twinge of pain goes through his gut, his expression must change because he gets some strange looks.

“Are you alright boss?” Baba asks him with a look of concern.

“She hit me,” he admits, avoiding eye contact as he pulls up her notes.

“Pfffft,” Kishi lets out a sputtering laugh and chokes on his cigarette.

“We can still get rid of her,” Soryu offers without hesitation.

“No,” Eisuke tells him as he reads over the tablet. Her notes are immaculate, well organized and clear to understand with an immense amount of details. She may be proving to be a handful, but he knows he can find a proper use for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tsuneko groans loudly as she stumbles into her dorm peels off her shoes. She could have changed in Kisaki’s suite, but after her fight with Ichinomiya, she just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. The event dragged on for entirely too long, it’s like she’s spent years with Ichinomiya instead of hours. She puts the shopping bags of professional clothes down on her counter, she’ll tuck them away in her closet properly after she’s done everything else that needs to be done. For now those and the stack of documents listing auction items will sit right there and stay as far away from her consciousness as possible.

She checks on Kiyo, he’s snoozing with only half of his body in bed. Tsuneko grabs some comfy casual clothes, one of her favorite pajama sets, and heads into her bathroom. They’ll be nice to relax in after her bath. She scrubs off the makeup, revealing her plain baby face underneath, Kisaki really is a master with that kind of stuff. The dress takes her a moment to strip off, her bra and panties follow into the clothes pile.

It takes a while for her water to warm up and fill the tub. She’s infinitely thankful the dorms come with bathtubs and not just a shower, even if they’re on the smaller side. Showers are great in the morning when she’s in a rush, but when she needs to relax, baths are the best.

She sinks down into the steaming hot water, keeping her bandaged hand up on the side of the tub. It’s a bit of trouble to pour some body wash into her uninjured hand, but she manages it. She takes a deep breath, the familiar smell of her body wash is relaxing. A soft sweet scent of fresh cream that’s just warm and comforting to her.

It builds a gentle lather across her skin, flushed pink from the hot water. She scrubs down her neck and whimpers when she starts to tease her chest. That burn of arousal starts to build inside of her again, maybe it all the stress, but she’s been feeling so needy lately. Her body is begging for some sort of release.

She gently squeezes and plays with her breasts, avoiding her nipples for the time being. Soft moans and whines escapes her as she tries to imagine someone else teasing her and groping at her body. There’s a steady heat building between her thighs as her fingers sink into the squish of her breast. She can feel herself growing slicker with each movement.

Her fingers finally travel to her nipple, teasing over the sensitive peach pink skin. A breathy sound escapes her as she starts pinching and pulling at it. Her teeth sinks into her lip, she’s not sure how thin the walls are in these dorms, but she doesn’t want to test it. Even with the warmth of the water her touch is able to bring her nipple to a stiff peak before she moves to the other one. Her thighs clench together, trying to put some pressure on her clit.

Once she’s teased her other nipple for a moment, leaving her chest covered in suds as her hand starts to slip down lower. Her fingers rub down the soft squish of her stomach before finding their place between her thighs. She’s gentle at first, just teasing her slit, but she can’t stand it a moment longer.

She lets out a loud whine of pleasure when she presses her fingers to her clit, the bundle of nerves twitches at the touch. A jolt of ecstasy hits her and she presses down harder. She can feel her hot slick even through the water and she starts rubbing at herself. Her fingers move quick and her hips instinctively rock up against her own touch. The water splashing out of the tub from the movements. Her body is so desperate and her pleasure builds quickly. She dips her fingers down into her to stop herself from cumming so quickly.

It’s a slow pumping motion, her fingers aren’t long enough to give herself any kind of deep penetration, but it’s enough to keep her pleasure going without crashing over her peak. She scissors her fingers, trying to give her tight hole a slight stretch. A whimper escapes her and her clit throbs, needing more stimulation.

She drags her slick fingers back up and starts playing with her swollen clit again. It’s too much and her walls clench at the touch. Pleasure overwhelms her and her moan catches in her throat as the tension snaps, finally finding her release.

She’s reduced to whimpers and whines as rides out the aftershocks, softly teasing herself through until it’s too much. Between the heat of her body and the water, it’s like she’s melting. Her breath comes out in heavy pants and her toes are sore from curling. Once she’s caught her breath, she carefully washes the rest of her body, avoiding her sensitive cunt and chest.

She’s extra careful getting out of the tub, between the water and her now shaky legs it’s a bit more precarious. She dries her skin, whining when she rubs the towel down between her thighs, the fabric brushes across the sensitive lips of her sex. Once dry she changes into her pajamas and pulls her hair up into two messy space buns. Her face is still red, the after glow of orgasm clinging to her. The bathroom smells like body wash and sex now, despite what she did, she still feels clean.

She needs to take care of a few mundane things, now that she’s gotten her release. Kiyo is still snoozing in his cage, so she’ll have to let him out to play later tonight when he’s awake. She cleans up his cage then changes his food and water. The stack of documents catches her eye, she needs to deal with that. Everything about having to present at the auction is a headache waiting to happen. Instead of starting on that she marks the day off on the calendar, she has the duration of the bet highlighted, so that she can keep track of how long she has until she hopefully escapes this hellish situation. She puts a reminder on the day of the auction as well.

Tsuneko plops onto her bed, pressing her face against her pillow. She just wants to relax, while she usually is dying to keep busy, those assholes take up her time in the worse kind of way. Playing assistant to someone else wouldn’t have been bad, but dealing with Ichinomiya, ugh. She groans against her pillow. Those assholes frustrate and exhaust her in the worse kind of ways.

Even thinking of them is ruining her time to relax, her skin is still warm and clean from the bath. She idly runs her hands over her side and up over her chest, feeling her nipples through the thin cotton of her tank top. A whimper is muffled by her pillow and her thighs clench. Fuck, her body never seems to be satisfied.

Tsuneko moves to her knees and uses her injured hand to pull the pillow tight to her face to muffle any noises. She doesn’t waste any time shoving her other hand down her short and between her thighs. Her clit is already slick and swollen, it’s like the first orgasm did nothing to sate her. She rubs her fingers over it, making noises into her pillow.

Tension and pleasure pools between her legs, her orgasm building higher and higher. But this time, she can’t go over the peak. Her hopes of a quick second orgasm are dashed, her ecstasy plateaus and she can’t seem to build it high enough to cum. She rubs quicker and harder, it’s good but it’s not enough.

“Fuck,” she whines into her pillow, she just wants to cum damn it. Her bed creaks as she scramble to get her box out from under her bed. The baby pink box with a quilted heart lid and a Winnie The Pooh padlock is where she keeps all of her sex toys. She nearly drops the key, her movements are so frantic and her fingers are too slick. It opens, showing her growing hoard of toys.

She picks her big smooth silver toy meant to hit some spot deep inside of her. That spot has an actual name, but the lusty haze in her brains keep her from remembering it. She peels off her shorts and gets back on her knees, with her face in the pillow.

Tsuneko reaches back with the toy, a soft mewl escapes her when the toy brushes against her sensitive folds. She slowly pushes it inside of her, whimpering at the deep penetration and stretch of it opening her up. It hits that sweet spot and she sees stars. She starts fucking the toy into herself, losing all sense of patience, as she furiously chases her orgasm. Her slick drips down her thigh and coats her hand as she slams the toy inside of herself. Pleasure keeps building with every pump of the toy. She can’t keep any sort of rhythm or pattern, it’s just a frantic mixture of thrusting the toy while her hips bounce. Her hips slam down just she fucks the toy up in, hitting that spot so hard the tension finally snaps and she bites down on her pillow to muffle her yell, her body melts into pure bliss. A gush of slick rushes down her thighs as her cunt clenches down on the toy.

She pants into her pillow, drool smearing across it. A soft noise escapes her as she takes the toy out with a flood of slick following it. Tsuneko catches her breath for a moment and forces herself to sit up; there’s a big wet spot on her blankets, her thighs are coated in her own juices, and there’s a sheen of sweat clinging to her skin.

A shower would probably be a good idea, but her body is heavy. She stares at her clock, making promises to get out of her bed and clean up. A minute or two passes and the numbers grow fuzzier. It’s like her eyelids are weighted, keeping them open is a struggle.

When her eyes open again the clock has jumped to an hour or two later. Whatever dreams she may have had weren’t vivid enough to recall or she wasn’t asleep long enough. Orgasms and booze is the best way she knows she suppress the worse of her nightmares. Though she never seems to stay asleep for very long after an orgasm, which is probably for the best. If it could give her a long deep dreamless kind of sleep, she’d probably spend the majority of her time with her hand between her legs.

She stretches as she climbs out of her bed, the air is cool on her sweat and slick coated skin. Her toy is still on top of the sheets, she cleans it and tucks it back into the box. Tsuneko grabs her discarded shorts and a new set of pajamas before heading to the shower.

Her shower manages to be free of funny business She leaves the bathroom clean, with new pajamas, and newly done space buns. It’s a little after three in the morning, she usually gets up around five, so she might as well just stay up and get something done besides masturbating.

Kiyo is up and making noises as she comes over to his cage. She lets him out and he’s quick to tackle one of his toys. While he’s playing with that she puts the new clothes away in her dresser, the price tags still hurt, and changes the sheets on her bed.. Tsuneko grabs one of her binders, a black one with a cute minimalist cat face on it. It’s empty, one she bought on a whim because it was adorable with no real use, now she has something to use with it.

She takes the documents of auction items and punches holes in them to fit them into the binder. She’ll start reading over them on her lunch break and she still needs to visit the tea room, or whatever, where Oh said the hatter was.

Memories of the hatter and the auction flash through her mind. All eyes on her, an entire crowd just waiting for the chance to use her, to hurt her and she can’t even get away. Her throat is tight and she can’t get a deep enough breath. Her heart races like a runaway train, it’s going to burst out of her chest. She wraps her arms around herself and pulls her knees to her chest, hiding her face away from the phantom eyes she can still feel on her.

Something fluffy touches her thigh and she jolts in her chair, Kiyo is climbs into her lap. She hugs him tight to her chest and pets his fur. He makes soft noises and she focuses all of her attention on him, slowly she starts to feel better. Her breathing steadies and her heart race starts to normalize.

“You’re such a good boy, Kiyo.” She gives him a soft smooch and he nuzzles into her face. Tears she didn’t realize she was crying wet his fur, but he doesn’t mind and makes soft dooking noises.

She takes a deep breath, thankful her body will allow it and puts Kiyo down, time for a game of tag. Tsuneko boops him and runs away letting him chase her excitedly across the dorm. They play and chase after each other for around an hour. She catches him after her turn to tag him and scratches at his stomach, making him nip at her fingers.

Tsuneko makes him some breakfast, his favorite eggs and raw beef, giving him an extra helping. She feeds him a bit from her hand before putting him away, topping the bowl off again before she goes to get ready. She’s gone through her skin care routine, put on makeup, tied her hair, and changed into some slightly less pajama-y clothes. Her stomach growls, she’ll go to a gas station and grab a candy bar or something. She’s still running early and it will be nice to go out of her way. A little walk might help clear her mind.

The early morning air is cool and nice on her skin, there’s a little convenient store not that far away from the hotel. She walks inside, rows of colorful snacks and fluorescent lights greet her. Tsuneko takes her time browsing before picking out a bottle of strawberry milk and custard filled taiyaki. She’s getting her bank card out as she walks up to the register.

“Hello, princess.”

Her head jerks up at the familiar voice and sickly sweet pet name. Baba stands behind the register with a big smile in the striped blue convenience store uniform, isn’t he a thief? Does he need a day job?

“You work here?”

“Part time, I like to help out, now you know another place to find me.” Baba wink as he starts ringing up her order.

“Guess I’m not coming back.” Tsuneko slides her card and then her eyes go wide. There’s a display of Cinnamoroll lollipops near the register she didn’t see earlier. Not only is the little fluffy mascot on the wrappers, the actual suckers are shaped like him. She has to bite her lip to resist yelling out, it’s so cute. But, she’s already bought her makeshift breakfast, maybe she’ll come back after work and buy a bunch to fill her candy bowl and uniform pockets.

“Awww, don’t be like that, lovely lady.”

“I have a name.”

“And it’s a beautiful one.”

“Don’t make me sick before breakfast.” She sighs and grabs her bag before heading out the door.

“See you later, Tsuneko.” At least she knows he does actually remember her name. She gives a half-ass wave before she leaves the store.

She pulls out the taiyaki and unwraps it, munching on the custard filled cake as she walks towards the hotel. Tsuneko is licking her fingers clean as she reaches the back lot behind the Tres Spades. She’s getting her milk out of the bag when she feels something else.

It’s one of the Cinnamoroll lollipops, a pink bubblegum flavored one. Did Baba toss it into her bag for her? He must have seen her practically drooling over them. That’s actually really nice, ugh. It’s hard to hate him if he’s going to be like this. She tucks it into her pocket for later and drinks her milk.

She’s finished with her little breakfast and thrown her trash away by the time she enters the locker room. She immediately sees Sakiko and makes a beeline for her, remembering the conversation she had yesterday with Chiho and Mari. Tsuneko pinches Sakiko’s ear and yanks.

“Owww, what are you doing?!”

“What the hell have you been telling people?!”

“About wha-owwww!” Tsuneko yanks harder.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about.”

“Chisato, help!”

“You did it to yourself, Sakiko.” Chisato doesn’t even look away from her locker.

“Confess, asshole.” Tsuneko yanks again.

“Ahhhh, all I did was tell people about you bumping into Mr. Ichinomiya.”

“Don’t lie to me!”

“Owww-uh, okay maybe I told them he loves you.”

“And why the hell would you do that?!”

“’Cause it’s true!”

“Do you want to die?!”

“Not before I get a boyfriend,” Sakiko whines and Tsuneko lets go of her ear.

“Stop being an idiot.”

“Just tell me to stop breathing why don’t you,” Sakiko grumbles, rubbing at her bright red ear.

“It would certainly make my life easier.”

“That’s mean Tsuneko,” Chisato scolds in a deadpan voice.

“Well, yeah, I said it, that’s how you know.” Tsuneko opens her locker and her eyes widen, there’s a stack of new uniforms in her locker. She checks the tag, it’s doesn’t say a specific size.

“Did you finally get your new uniform?” Sakiko asks as Tsuneko pulls out one of them.

“Uh, yeah,” Tsuneko tells her because she doesn’t know what else to say, maybe Kenzaki noticed and put in an order for her?

She pulls on the uniform and the fit is amazing, like it’s tailored just to her. Tsuneko sometimes struggles with sizing, finding a balance between comfortable but not frumpy, but this is perfect. It’s not too tight across her chest or stomach, but still tailored enough that it doesn’t sag or swallow her whole. Her waist is still defined in it and it doesn’t make her look bigger than she is.

Is the neckline a little lower though? She feels like she has to do up another button than usual to completely cover her cleavage. She’s not too shy about having her chest showing, but it’s not exactly professional, so she just does up the extra button and calls it done.

“By the way,” Tsuneko starts as she shuts her locker, “do either of you know where the tea room is?”

“The tea room?” Sakiko raises an eyebrow, maybe they don’t know anything about it.

“Uh, like somewhere to get tea at?” Chisato tries, but she clearly has no idea what Tsuneko is talking about.

“No, not exactly, don’t worry about it.” She’ll just have to ask Kenzaki, he’s sure to know. They leave the locker room and get their work schedules.

Tsuneko spots Kenzaki at the front desk, checking in guests, and makes a quick beeline over to him. She waits patiently for the guests to finish registering.

“Is there something I can help you with Tomori?”

“Yes, Mr. Oh told me that I needed to go to the tea room at some point, but I’m not sure where that is.”

“Ah, alright then, please follow me.” Kenzaki isn’t bothered in the slightest, nothing seems to knock the passive smile off of his face.

He leads her through the lobby and down to the basement. Her mouth goes dry as they meander through the familiar halls, all she can remember is seeing them through cage bars. She swallows hard and tries to push through, then Kenzaki leads her down another flight of stairs she’s never seen before. She always though the level with the ballroom and auction was the lowest of the hotel, it’s even marked as the basement floor in the elevators.

“Here we are,” Kenzaki tells her and gestures towards a large set of double doors along the hall in this new basement level of the hotel.

“Alright, I’ll make a note of it. I still have rooms to clean, so I’ll come back later.”

“If you’ve been asked to come down here, it’s best for you to go on in. The penthouse guests and the tea room resident should take precedent over your other duties,” Kenzaki explains calmly, before leaving her alone in front of the door. Tsuneko tales a deep breath and lets her nerves calm down before she knocks on the door.

“Come in,” a voice calls out and Tsuneko pushes the doubles doors open.

Her breath catches in her throat. It’s like she’s stepped into another world. The ceiling looks exactly like a beautiful early morning sky, soft blue with puffy white clouds, so real she can almost convince herself she’s outside. What looks and feels like lush green grass is under her feet, but she knows it can’t be real. Masses of green vines and bright red roses are painted across the brick walls. Within the middle of the room is a table covered in a white table cloth, wooden chairs with white blue striped cloth. At the table sits the Mad Hatter, still dressed in the same costume from the night she was sold.

“Um, hello, I was told to come down here.”

“Alice,” the Mad Hatter jump out of his seat with wide eyes and rushes over to her. She startles back it’s so sudden, “Oh, you’re timid, I must treat you delicately.”

“Uh, no, I’m fine sorry,” she murmurs. Given his hatter get up and the wonderland vibe of the room, she can gather that this must be an Alice in Wonderland reference. She can’t say she’d ever liken herself to the fairy tale character, but that doesn’t stop the Mad Hatter.

“I finally found you, Alice,” he whispers as he clasps her hands between his, he’s like a kid who’s just been told he can have candy and a toy. His costume and aesthetic is far on the uncanny side, but his expression is almost cute underneath the caked on makeup.

“My name is Tomori Tsuneko.”

“Your eyes are so pure and innocent, you’re the perfect Alice.”

“Pffft,” she suppresses a laugh. She definitely would not consider herself pure or innocent, “uh, Oh told me to come talk to you about helping out with the auction shit.”

“Yes! I was so excited when he told me, your outfit should be here soon!”

“Outfit?” She grimaces, if it’s anything like what he wears, she’s scared.

“Yes, I know you’ll look beautiful in it, I’ve been wanting to see you again since that night!”

“You have?”

“From the first moment I saw you, I was a prisoner of your love.”

“Okaaaay,” she looks away from the entirely too earnest looking hatter, “someone’s been spending too much time with Baba.”

“You’re the Alice that I’ve been searching for,” there’s a hopeful lilt to his voice, “you have no idea how long I’ve waited to meet you, Alice.”

He casts his eyes downward and a pout pulls at his painted lips. The expression causes a pang in her heart, that she really doesn’t want to address. He’s a grown man in a hatter costume who’s working an illegal auction, he gleefully sold her, he’s not a child. She has to tell herself this, remind herself not to feel sympathy for this man.

“Well,” she scratches at her nose sheepishly, “I’m here now.”

“The reason you started working here, you breaking the Venus Statue,” his face lights up, “it was all part of the fate that brought us together. I don’t believe in coincidences, Alice. Our fates are connected. ”

“Well, I don’t believe in fate, so we’re gonna have a helluva time.”

“You say the oddest things, Alice.”

“So, wha-huh? Oh my god!” Brushing against her leg is the fattest, fluffiest Himalayan cat she’s ever seen, staring up at Tsuneko with bright blue eyes.

“Oh, Cheshire! And how are you doing today?” The Mad Hatter scoops up the cat, just a fat mass of fur in his arms.

“Can I pet them?” Tsuneko asks, despite how much she wants to reach out and just snuggle that precious fluff ball, she knows it’s wrong not to ask first.

“Of course, Cheshire’s pride and joy is her silky long hair,” he says as hands Cheshire over. Tsuneko’s arms strain to hold the cat, but she doesn’t mind and nuzzles her face against the fluffy girl.

“You’re such a pretty girl, aren’t you,” she coos at Cheshire.

“Would you like to help take care of her, Alice?” The Mad Hatter asks, his unnaturally blue eyes wide and a smile across his lips.

“Can I?”

“You may, but you’d have to come down here everyday to brush her fur.”

“I don’t mind.” Tsuneko smiles, cuddling a cat is now part of her job, that’s the best news ever.

“Wonderful!” The Mad Hatter bounces and claps his hands, you’d think he had just won the lottery.

“Okay, so-god damn it.” Her pager buzzes in her pocket and she has to let Cheshire go to answer it.

“Penthouse. Five Minutes.”

“My, my, how frightening.”

“Yeah, I gotta go deal with his shit.” Tsuneko sighs, the last time she saw Ichinomiya she’d sucker punched him.

“Oh, you’re leaving.” He pouts and stares at the ground, he looks like strange wounded harlequin puppy.

“Yeah, but I can come back.” The words comes out before Tsuneko even realizes it, the need to comfort him is overwhelming.

“Really!?” His expression is bright again, “Would you want to come back around nine or so and help me with a tea party?”

“Yeah, sounds good to me,” Tsuneko tells him with a soft smile.

“I can’t wait, ahh, you better get going or he’ll be mad.”

“What else is new.” Tsuneko waves him off and heads out the door. She takes her time to make it up to the lounge, taking her time with the stairs and helping a few guests before entering the elevator with her cleaning cart.

“You’re late.”

“I was in the tea room.”

“Ugh, I’d go crazy if I had to spend even a hour there.” Kisaki grimaces.

“Maddy is definitely an eccentric guy.”

“Coffee.” At the very least, Ichinomiya isn’t trying to harp on the whole punching him thing. She ventures into the kitchen and makes up drinks.

“I’ll go ahead and start cleaning,” she tells them after she hands off the drinks.

“You’ll be be working as my assistant all day tomorrow,” Ichinomiya says after taking a sip of his coffee.

“I can’t believe you’re dragging that woman along with us,” Oh grumbles as he takes a drink from his cup. Everyday is a struggle not to spit into their drinks.

“Dress appropriately and be here ready to leave at 8:30am.’

“Is Kenzaki still busy?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“This is my job and you’re my employer, this could not be more of my business.”

“Be quiet and start cleaning already,” Oh demands her and she can’t help glaring at him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going, you sexist dumbass,”she grumbles and goes to start cleaning.

“What was that?”

“I called you a sexist dumbass,” she repeats louder.

“You’re just asking to be put down at this point.”

“Whatever,” Tsuneko mumbles again, she’s still not sure how serious Oh is about killing her and every time he makes those comments she has to wonder. If she knew how empty his threats were, she’d feel better. Even if he is being honest and would kill her, at least then she’d know to be careful of him.

Once the lounge is cleaned she starts working on the suites. Kishi’s gives her a headache again, but she manages. Oh’s room is last, because his is usually fairly neat and just needs standard maintenance Tsuneko cleans the bedroom, living room, and kitchen before making it to her bathroom.

Oh is annoying her in particular today. Between the condescending way he calls her woman and the constant death threats. He may want her out of there, but he plans on treating her like shit until it happens. Baba and Kisaki generally seem pretty light hearted when they tease her. There’s something more, hateful almost when it comes to Oh and Ichinomiya. Kishi takes up space and ruins the air quality, that’s where his influence end.

A wrapper scratches across her fingers where she’s fiddling with the good luck charm, a force of habit at this point. She’s reminded of the cute little sucker tucked away in her pocket. Keeping candy in her pockets isn’t uncommon, but this is all she has on her today. Her eyes are drawn up to the shower head in Oh’s bathroom. She pulls off the wrapper carefully, saving it for the cute art work.

“Sorry, Cinnamoroll, know you died for a good cause,” she tells the little puppy shaped lolipop as she yanks the candy off the stick. Tsuneko unscrews his shower head, tucks the treat inside, then puts it back together. By the end of his next shower, he should be coming out sticky and smelling like bubblegum.

Content with her petty revenge of the day, Tsuneko finishes the rest of the bathroom and leaves the penthouse to start the rest of her work. The rest of the day passes by pretty easily; cleaning rooms, restocking amenities, and helping guests. She eats her lunch in the cafeteria with Sakiko and Chisato, the two of them idly chatting while she reads over the auction items. Tsuneko wants to see about them eventually getting lunch at Parole, the little bakery Ichinomiya and her went to. Not only was the cake good, the pastry chef was adorable, all she wanted to do was hug him when his face lit up red.

She’s finished the last room on her work schedule and it’s time to head back to Wonderland for the tea party. She can’t help but snort at the ridiculousness of that thought. The Mad Hatter is a strange man and despite trying to remember how he fucking sold her, she can’t help having a soft spot for him. Tsuneko knocks on the door to the tea room

“Come in, come in,” The Hatter ushers her in with a smile, “help me decorate for the party, Alice.”

He brings her through one of the many doors in his Wonderland that leads to a bedroom. The walls are a soft green and there’s a canopy bed with teal blue sheets. There’s a huge oak book shelf across one of the walls, piled with a mixture of books and strange little trinkets. The room itself looks like a jam packed antique and oddity shop, just an eclectic mishmash of random things.

“Uh, what about this?” she points at a candelabra.

“Why did you pick that?”

“I don’t know, looks nice.” Tsuneko gives a shrug, does it really matter?

“That’s not a very good description,” The Mad Hatter pouts like she’s scolded him, “this is how you should describe it, Alice.”

He snatches it from his hand with a flourish and waves his hand around it. His expression is bright again, all wide eyed and smiley. The Mad Hatter’s emotions seem to shift on every little whim.

“The feel of it is as sensual as juicy pear. It’s cold as ice, the temperature like a chameleon which stirs a sluggish soul!”

“Pear are sensual….?” She raises an eyebrow at him, now she’s just wondering if he fucks pears or something.

“The candelabra was in a deep sleep, but now it’s alive. With the appropriate descriptions, any object can be brought to life. Word have both the power to give life and to kill.” all jokes aside, she can kind of see what he’s getting at, that describing things in a creative way kind of makes it more fun.

“I think I get it.” She can’t say this is really her forte, but there’s something fun about his over the top antics.

“Now, let continue choosing decorations.” The Hatter bustles around the crowded room. He grabs random objects and presents them to Tsuneko before going into some flowery description about them.

“The painting of the cobra,” he spins and shows it to her, “silently command words. It’s dainty as a house mouse, brimming with an inner passion rivaled only by Perseus.”

“Uhhh, but it also hides the secret pain of knowing Medusa’s tragedy,” Tsuneko offers, using her limited knowledge of Greek myth. His smile is her reward for the attempt, even if she’s still not confident. Creativity isn’t exactly her strong suit.

“Hidden in the depths of this bronze goddess statue is a shy spotted garden eel. But, the sweet curve of her breast is like a sad melody from Chopin!.”

“That’s a poetic way to say nice rack,” she turns to find something else when she sees two random figures, “ahHHH”

Tsuneko jumps back and trips over one of The Hatter’s treasures. There’s two grown men in furry animal heads, one a mouse and the other a rabbit. Both dressed and vivid suits and just looming in the doorway.

“Alice, that’s so rude.”

“What!? A wild furry convention just broke out in your bedroom and you wanna call me rude!?

“These are our guests, The March Hare and The Dormouse.”

“What up?” A rough masculine voice comes from The March Hare.

“My stress levels, that’s what!” Tsuneko yells as she scrambles to her feet, this just went up a few notches on the strange meter. The weird almost furries start silently packing the ‘decorations’ out into the tea room.

Once her heart starts pounding, she does her best to help set up the little party. Eventually, everything seems to be in order to The Mad Hatter’s standard. Cheshire watches idly by, her big fluffy tail flicking back and forth.

“Let the party begin,” The Mad Hatter decides once it’s all done, tapping a teacup with a spoon. A discordant tone starts to play, where it’s coming from she doesn’t know, it’s almost like a distorted carnival song.

Tsuneko takes a seat and so does the two partial furry guys. Food arrives and she can’t help raising an eyebrow. It’s all strangely and vividly colored, reminding her of those bright toxic frogs. All of the food is in weird shapes, from lizards to mushrooms and a variety of bug shapes.

She slowly bites down on one of the mushrooms, it looks the least odd of the items. It has the texture of gelatin with an almost chemically artificial sweetness to it, like cheap icing.

“The steam lizard is as soft as mashed potatoes! The butterflies are crispy and fried to perfection! The grasshopper tastes lovely with the brown butter sauce, but the ladybugs taste better with the raspberry!”

The Mad Hatter rambles on and on, while no one else speaks. The March Hare and The Dormouse silently eat, while Tsuneko tries to search for one of the little treats that is actually good. She picks up one of the little butterflies, decorated like a monarch one and nibbles on it. Tsuneko nearly spits it out, it taste like fondant, awful like sugary play-doh. She ends up just pouring raspberry sauce on her plate and eating that alone. Exactly, how delusional is the hatter?

“Isn’t this fun Alice?” The Hatter asks her.

“Yeah,” she tells him, sucking raspberry sauce off her finger. Cheshire hops into her lap and, once her fingers are cleaned, she starts scratching through her fur.

“Cheshire is so happy with you here, Alice. I am too, this was the best nothing day ever.” The Mad Hatter gives her a big smile. His party is winding down, the Hare and Dormouse leaving without a word. Despite the inherent strangeness, she can’t say she didn’t like the odd little party. The Mad Hatter is at the very least entertaining.

“It was fun,” she tries to think of a nice way to say this. He can’t actually like this food and it��s definitely not good for him. No one likes fondant or bad gelatin, “but, if you don’t mind, I’d like to cook the food for a tea party at some point.”

“Really,” his eyes go wide and then he smiles, “I’d love that!”

“Lovely, how about the day after tomorrow, so I can get a menu together?”

“I’d like to have yorkshire pudding and lemon chiffon pie.”

“York...shire...pudding?” Her eyebrow raises at the unfamiliar dish name. She knows what pudding is, but the word yorkshire has her stumped, like those terrier dogs?

“Don’t worry, it’s a very simple recipe from my home country.”

That gives her no more information, his voice has a slight accent and that food definitely isn’t Japanese, but she can’t discern his race underneath the thick makeup. The little treats he has at the tea party are shaped like lizards and bugs, maybe it’s pudding in the shape of a dog? How would that even work, pudding can’t hold it’s shape, unless you freeze it. So, would it be like a dog pudding pop? That doesn’t sound right, either. She’ll just have to look it up later.

“Okay, I’ll-” her pager buzzes in her pocket, “what the fuck, I’m not even on shift!”

“Get up here, now, woman!” Oh barks demands when she answers it, someone tried to take a shower.

“They’re taking you away again,” The Mad Hatter pouts, staring at his feet.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back.”

“Really?”

“Promise,” she says and offers her pinkie finger to him. He locks his finger with hers and a smile lights up his face, “you know what a pinkie promise means right?”

“That you promised?” His head tilts to the side a bit.

“It means that if someone breaks the promise, the other person can punish them. Traditionally, it’s cutting off the pinkie finger, ten-thousand punches, or swallowing a thousand needles. But, it’s up to the other person to decide what the punishment is. ”

“I don’t want to punish you,”

“That’s good, ‘cause you won’t have to. I have to help out Ichinomiya tomorrow, so I don’t know if I can stop by tomorrow, but I’ll be here the day after with as many treats as I can carry.”

“Okay, thank you Alice.”

“No worries, now if you excuse me, I have to go get yelled at.” She waves a bye to him and starts the journey back up to the penthouse. This should be interesting to say the least.

There will be a death threat involved, she knows that given Oh’s love of those. Even if it wasn’t her original intention, in all honesty she was just mad and feeling petty, this might be a chance to see how genuine those threats are. If the guy is willing to kill her over a petty prank, she’ll know how carefully she has to tread around him. Not that this will necessarily stop her from talking back and getting angry, because, well, that’s just kind of who she is. It’s not like she can’t bite her tongue and be kind to people she doesn’t like, but there’s some stuff she can’t let pass. And given how they purchased her at an illegal auction, she doesn’t really feel the need to treat them with anything resembling respect. They sealed their fate with her that night. Even if she loses the bet, she’ll never be kind or respectful to them.

She can hear laughter and yelling as she steps into the lounge. Baba, Kisaki, and Kishi are cracking up in hysterics. Ichinomiya is smirking and looking like he’s on the verge of laughing as well. Oh is in the middle of the lounge, yelling at them to shut up. His usually slicked back dark hair is falling into his face, just slightly damp, and the smell of artificial bubblegum is evident in the room.

“I was paged.”

All eyes are on her and she barely manages to keep the smile off her face. Oh glares at her and it gets easier, her breath catching in her throat. His hair down soften his appearance a bit, but there’s nothing but sheer venom in his dark blue eyes.

“What the hell is this?” He throws something at her and she just manages to catch the half melted piece of candy, no longer recognizable as Cinnamoroll.

“Hey, be careful, if that stuck to the floor, it’d take forever to clean,” she complains and toss the candy into the trash, trying to wipe some of the sticky residue off her skin.

“Did you seriously put candy in my shower head!?” He yells and storms closer to her, invading her personal space, looming over her.

“Yeah, obviously.”

“You’re not even going to deny it, really?!”

“You were an asshole, so I got back at you, simple as that.”

“Do you have a death wish?” He threatens in a low voice.

“Sor, don’t-”

“Sure, go for it,” she challenges, ignoring the shake in her voice and way her mouth’s gone dry. Her hands tremor, but she doesn’t break eye contact or back down.

“What was that?” His voice is practically a growl and he’s getting closer, trying to intimidate her.

“I said go for it,” she sits down one of the couches crossing her arms and legs as she glares up at the mobster, “put up or shut up.”

Oh doesn’t hesitate to pull a gun from the waistband of his pants and points it directly at her face, the metal glinting. Her chest tightens as her heart races, she swallows hard, but keep her eye contact.

He’s serious. He’s fucking serious.

“Stop,” Ichinomiya demands, from his position in his chair, looking over his tablet. Despite the harshness of his tone, he shows no signs of moving or looking up. Oh scoffs and lowers his gun.

“You’re not worth the bullet it would take to kill you.”

“And you weren’t worth the candy it took to ruin your night.”

“Are you seriously still pushing your luck!?”

“Yeah, I am, ‘cause this is fucking pathetic! You were gonna blow my brains out over a piece of fucking candy, do you hear how fucking stupid that is!?”

“Stop,” Ichinomiya repeats, this time harsher and more commanding, his eyes actually landing on the arguing pair.

“This is asinine,” Tsuneko grumbles and stands from the couch, walking towards the exit, “my shift has been over for hours, I’m going home, and I expect to get overtime for this bullshit!” she yells the last bit over her shoulder as she leaves.

She makes the journey back down to the employee locker room. Tsuneko has to focus on every little step, every movement, her eyes focus on just going. If she doesn’t do this she’ll break down and she knows it. She knows the tell tales signs. The way her throat constricts and her lips quiver.

The locker room is empty, all of the coworkers working the same shift as her have gone home and those on the later shift have already gone to work. Still she checks the bathroom and shower attached, no one, then she moves a trash can to block the door, so no one can come in.

She sits on the ground in front of her locker and pulls her knees to her chest. Her face is soaked in seconds as tears stream down her cheeks, hot against her skin. A disgustingly pathetic sob echoes in the locker room and she hates herself for making a noise like that, for being this weak.

She’s not been that good of a person and she knows that, she’s hurt a lot of people and done a lot of shitty things. A part of her wonders if it’s some sort of cosmic punishment, but her skepticism keeps her from committing to that line of thought. Anyone could have been put in her place, she could just as easily see Sakiko, Chisato, or even Erika somehow finding themselves in this predicament.

She’d rather it be her than anyone else. In all honesty, even if it isn’t karma at work, if anyone deserves to suffer like this it’s her. But, that doesn’t make it any easier. Nothing can make this easy. This is only the second fucking day of the bet and she’s had a gun pointed at her. She hates this, she hates being stuck with those men and for no other reason than Ichinomiya gets a kick out of it.

Her sobs fade to whimpers and sniffles. She tries to wipe the mess of tears off of her face. She’s got to win this bet, she can’t let this drag on for more than two weeks. Tsuneko remembers the deadlines she’s looked into for applying to those smaller colleges back into Kyushu. She wants to win this damn bet and get as far away from this hotel as she can.

The alternative makes a fresh batch of tears fall from her eyes. She can’t live like this and running away wouldn’t be an option. She’d rather die than have to deal with them beyond that, but not at any of their hands. If she loses, she’d rather go out on her own terms. Memories of thick woven rope she bought a while back comes to mind, it’s been sitting at the back of her closet since she moved into the dorms.

She shakes her head, she’ll cross that bridge when she gets to it. Tsuneko forces herself back up to her feet, she’s got shit to do right now. Her legs are like jelly as she stands up and changes into her street clothes. Twelve more days, that’s all she has to survive, no matter what.

#kissed by the baddest bidder #kbtbb #eisuke ichinomiya #Soryu Oh #ota kisaki #mamoru kishi #Mitsunari Baba #black market wonderland #kbtbb eisuke #kbtbb soryu #kbtbb ota #kbtbb mamoru #kbtbb baba #rhion hatter #kbtbb rhion

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vraiesmeufs · 5 years

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productivité et culpabilité

Récemment, je suis revenue faire un tour sur ce site : le dernier post date d’il y a 2 semaines et le dernier portrait date d’il y a 2 mois.

Tout d’un coup, en faisant ce constat, je suis prise de panique. Qu’est ce que j’ai foutu pendant ces 2 mois pour ne pas sortir un portrait tout en continuant à bosser de manière quotidienne sur ce projet. Plus que de la panique, j’ai été sujette à une culpabilité terrible. Je me sentais coupable de ne pas avoir tenu mes engagements, de ne pas avoir tenu le rythme que je promettais, sans pourtant que personne ne soit venu me voir pour me réclamer du contenu.

En fait, la personne envers qui je ressens le plus de culpabilité est moi même.

En méditant sur ma vie, je me rends compte que je passe toute la journée à tout remettre en question et à me rappeler que je ne suis pas assez bien. Le matin, je me dis que j’aurais du me lever plus tôt et sortir plus vite de chez moi. A l’école, je regrette de ne pas fournir plus d’efforts dans mes études. A la bibliothèque, je regrette de ne pas réussir cet exercice. En allant chercher les développements de mes photos, je regrette de ne pas avoir fait de meilleures photos. En relisant un article, je regrette qu’il ne soit pas mieux écrit. Et en allant me coucher le soir, je regrette de ne pas avoir fini tout ce qui était noté sur ma to do list.

Je me rends compte que la vie que je vis n’est qu’un long chemin de regret et de culpabilité.

Je profite donc d’un voyage loin de la capitale pour me remettre en question sur ma culpabilité constante : je n’ai jamais autant évolué que lors de ces deux dernières années mais par la même occasion, je n’ai jamais autant été aussi peu fière de moi au quotidien. Par exemple, j’ai passé aujourd’hui une excellente journée où je me suis promenée et où j’ai profité de ma famille mais en rentrant chez moi, je me sentais très mal parce que ma journée n’était pas productive.

Entreprendre, ça a l’air cool et facile, encore plus dans l’époque étrange dans laquelle on vit où c’est hype de bosser comme un taré. Sauf que entreprendre veut aussi dire ne pas avoir de patron : si demain, je décide de complètement arrêter de bosser sur ce projet, personne ne me demandera de compte ou me virera. C’est pourquoi la pression que je me mets est d’autant plus importante que mis à part moi, personne ne peut me la donner.

On vit dans une société où chaque minute de la vie doit être productive et où il faut constamment lutter contre ces fléaux que sont la procrastination et l’oisiveté. Cette société du hustle où on admire les gens qui travaillent 24/7 et qui ont de l’ambition ne rends pas les choses facile. Beaucoup de gens m’ont déjà complimenté sur le fait que j’étais une bosseuse. Est-ce vraiment un compliment ? Tout le monde court partout, boit des cafés comme si sa vie en dépendait et a un emploi du temps de ministre. “Productive” pour moi signifie avancer sur les cours ou sur mes projets (en particulier VraiesMeufs), mais est-ce la bonne définition ? Une journée oisive où je recharge les batteries et où je profite des personnes que l’on aime fait aussi partie du processus de productivité. Ce n’est pas derrière un ordi qu’on trouve l’inspiration et la motivation de faire ce que l’on veut.

Je m’engage donc à ce jour de ne plus culpabiliser pour ce que je fais. Je fais déjà mon maximum et c’est cool. Parfois, je fais 10 choses dans la même journée, parfois je n’en fais pas une seule. Mais je ne m’en voudrais plus : même les low moments permettent, en libérant du temps à ne rien faire, d’apporter de nouvelles idées, de meilleurs réflexions et donc de nourrir mon processus de création et de travail. D’autant plus que, je ne pense pas que vous me suivez en vous attendant à du contenu toutes les semaines avec une tolérance zéro. Je viendrais des fois à l’avance, des fois à l’heure et des fois en retard, sans aucune justification et à chaque fois plus solide qu’avant.

ENGLISH VERSION (translated by Sophie)

PRODUCTIVITY AND GUILT

Recently, I came back on this website: the last post was two weeks ago, and the last portrait was two months old. All of a sudden, realizing this, I was overcome by panic. What the hell was I doing for two months, not being able to come out with a single new portrait, while still working daily on this project? More than panic, I felt terribly guilty. I felt guilty of not being able to stick to my commitments, of not being able to keep up the pace I promised in the first place, even though no one ever came to me to demand content.

In fact, the person I blame the most is myself.

While contemplating my life, I realize I spend my days questioning anything and everything, and reminding myself I am not good enough. In the morning, I tell myself I should have woken up earlier so I could come out of the house quicker. At school, I regret not trying harder in the way I study. At the library, I regret not succeeding in an exercise. When going to get my photos printed, I regret not taking better photos. When re-reading one of my articles, I regret the fact that it wasn’t written better. When going to sleep at night, I regret not finishing everything that was on my to-do list.

I realize that the life I lead is merely a long road filled with regret and guilt.

So I take advantage of the time I spend traveling away from Paris to re-evaluate myself and the guilt I constantly feel: I’ve never evolved as much as I did in the last two years, but in the same time, I’ve never been less proud of myself on a daily basis. For example, today was an excellent day for me, I went out and had a good time with my family, but when I came home I felt extremely bad because it hasn’t been a productive day.

To begin projects sounds cool and easy, even more in this strange era in which it is “hype” to work like crazy. But to begin a project by yourself also means not having a boss: if tomorrow I decide to quit this project, no one will hold me accountable nor fire me. That’s why the pressure I put on myself is even more important, because apart from me, no one will do it. We live in a society where every minute of your life has to be productive and where you must constantly fight against the scourge that are procrastination and idleness. This hustle society in which people who have ambition and work 24/7 are looked up to, does not make things any easier. Many people have complimented me before, for being a “hard worker”. Is that really a compliment? Everybody’s running around all the time, having drinks as if their life depends on it, with full schedules. To me, being “productive” means being on track with my studies or my projects (specifically VraiesMeufs), but is that the real definition? An uneventful day during which I rest and spend time with the people I love is also part of the process of productiveness. Sitting behind a laptop is not where you find inspiration and motivation to do what you want.

From now on, I commit to not blaming myself for my actions. I try my best and that’s cool. Sometimes I’ll do ten different things in a single day, and sometimes I won’t do one. But I won’t blame myself: even the low moments, freeing time to not do anything in particular, allow for new ideas. They allow for better reflections, and they feed my creative and work process. What is more, I don’t believe you follow me on this website expecting content every week with zero tolerance. Sometimes I’ll be early, sometimes I’ll be on time, and some other times I’ll be late, without justification and each time stronger than the last.

#realtalk

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astrogrlz · 7 years

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Jungkook Natal Analysis

Major Planetary Analysis

Again, we are unsure of Jungkook’s exact birth time so therefore; calculating rising and midheaven are not possible. If I did have to guess, I would assume Jungkook is a leo rising based on physical appearance. So, Jungkook is a Virgo Sun + Leo Moon. Virgo suns are typically noted for being well put together, having a strong need for organization + cleanliness because they are ruled by Mercury, a planet of communication and planning. Unlike geminis, virgos are more internalized and so, they are not the ones most open to engage in conversation but they do have great analytical skills, fierce judgement capability that they are able to maneuver through personal problems or drama. However, virgos struggle with pressure. See, capricorn suns are very used to this pressure, taurus tends to avoid it, but virgos struggle working with it. They have a little voice in their head constantly telling them to do better and so, this is where that perfectionist archetype comes in. A lot of virgo suns are not shy from entertainment jobs bc this voice trains them to be the best at their craft (i.e. Beyonce and Michael Jackson, to name a few). Now, his leo moon suggests emotion wise, he can exaggerate because leos are an external sign so they are not ones to resort to isolation or keep these feelings hidden. In fact, these emotions downpour. Leo moons typically act out when they are not receiving the comfort and love that they think they deserve, particularly if they are not getting attention or reciprocated. The moon also can deal with creativity so leo moons are very creative, usually has a lot of creative passion, and being a fire sign they are able to drive ideas into action. He has a Virgo Mercury which, like I stated before, Virgo is ruled by mercury so he has a good judgement set, he also needs things organized when he plans, he may be on time to where he needs to be. HOWEVER, his mercury is retrograde. Retrogrades in astrology pertains to the energies of the planet being turned inward, causing dysfunctions and awkwardness in manifesting. He may have an acute thinking process, quirky humor, planning could be disruptive. He has a Libra Venus so he can be very romantic, flirtatious and exude well crafted charm. Venus rules Libra so there is an attractability as well as the need to be peaceful. This is also a placement of idealizing romance, so he may have a clear idea of what kind of romance he has to the point where he gets sucked into it. Venus is exalted in Pisces so there is a fantasy element attached to Venus. He may struggle knowing when to leave a relationship because he may try to make the relationship fit his fantasy at all costs. In terms of interests, they are into high value, luxury, and so on. His Scorpio Mars, makes him quite the dominant, he loves to embrace all taboos. Scorpio mars men know how to work a person’s body because again, Scorpio rules the genitals so they are able to make you orgasm quite marvelously. Scorpio Mars may want power through sex, they may also be into sadism because the sexual energy here is quite dark and compact. Scorpio mars are not outwardly aggressive like an Aries Mars, but they will retaliate once they have been pushed to the edge or have ran out of options; therefore, they have no choice but to aggress. His mars is also in the 11th degree so he is very sexually charged, the powers here are quite enticing it and the beautiful thing is that he appears to be a good boy and reserved but in the bedroom, its a completely different story. Now, I noticed Jk has a lot of retrogrades, again this could cause dysfunctions to how these energies are expressed. His jupiter retrograde allows this so-called growth to take place internally. He may procrastinate frequently, plan and re-plan. They usually have to seek their own higher truth. He is a high spirited individual so he does not work well directly following the footsteps of other people. Saturn Retrogrades typically are incarnations; therefore, it is though they have a second chance to redo life. He signifies an old soul who has advanced far in the life path. Saturn is a harsh planet so it typically flows nicely in the retrograde position.

Aspects

Sun Conjunction Mercury signifies a person of self knowledge with very strong opinions. He knows the importance of knowledge but can be very elitist, especially with sun conjunction mercury, these people often struggle seeing the viewpoint of another person.

Moon Square Pluto signifies buried feelings and an intense emotional life. These people live for crises because that’s how they function--through intensity. They are also unconsciously elected to carry and heal wounds so there is a bruised undercurrent to the individual. He may, in fact, attract tragedy wherever he goes. He may tend to crash through and invade other people’s feelings or, in some cases, be very frightened of doing so. His motives are often concerned with establishing an intense emotional connection but he may do it with slight suspicion.

Mercury Square Pluto seeks power through language. It is a placement of where words can kill. These people are highly investigative; they creep deep into people’s business to find some sense of information that further their power. Because this is a harsh aspect, he may always be filled with suspicion, suspecting the worse of others.

Sun Square Pluto shows an importance of the self. He illuminates power and may even be obsessed with self image + identity. There could be an introverted and defensive side as well. He may fear when his identity is under threat.

Venus Square Saturn shows a serious glance at romance. They often deny affection and if they are immersed into romance their instinct is to control it. When receiving compliments, they have a hard time accepting them, usually adding a snide remark. This could be a placement that could indicate a lack of nurturing in childhood. He may believe, though not always consciously, that it is others that dont care about him and therefore, he wont care about them. It may take him a while to understand and learn about giving and receiving. He may even attempt to make himself indispensable to his loved ones--willing to give his time and money to them. When you know he cares it is through the time and warmth he gives to someone.

#jeon jungkook #bts #jungkook #bangtan boys #beyond the scene #analysis #natal analysis

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angelinajoliea · 5 years

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cardboardedison · 7 years

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The Process: The Expanse by Geoff Engelstein

In The Process, board game designers walk us through the process of creating their game from start to finish, and how following their path can help others along theirs.

In this installment, Geoff Engelstein describes how he created The Expanse Board Game, including working with licensed IP, creative constraints, keeping complexity in check, and more.

Process

Although I’ve designed many games prior to this one, this project had a number of “firsts” for me. It was my first game based on a licensed IP, it was my first design where I was specifically hired by a publisher to do a design, and it was my first with a deadline--and a short one at that, which would make it the quickest design I had ever done.

The timeframe was the biggest thing I was worried about when I took this on, but in the end it was a blessing. It forced me to focus, playtest earlier and harder than I usually do, and make tough choices. I have a tendency to “theory-design” in my head quite a bit before testing, to try to identify problems and strategies. It’s a bad habit. There’s really no substitute for testing a physical prototype.

For my day job I do engineering product development, and hitting milestones is a key part of being a professional, and not just a tinkerer. Having a deadline to complete a design really forced me to professionalize my process, set intermediate goals, and all the good things you should do on a project.

I’m a big believer in constraints aiding the creative process, and The Expanse reconfirmed my thoughts on that. I was given a specific set of criteria by WizKids: theme, component cost, complexity, play time, and when I needed to deliver. I’ve never designed like that before, except perhaps for Survive: Space Attack, but that was an extension of an existing game. My other original designs were all clean sheets of paper, and I could go in any direction I wanted, which makes it harder to settle on a final direction.

The Takeaway: Constraints, even if you’re just placing them on yourself, are important to keep you focused on what you’re trying to achieve.

Theory

I’m a big fan of The Expanse universe, and had a good idea of what I wanted to achieve. It’s very much about political maneuvering and posturing. While the threat of war is ever-present, war really doesn’t break out--at least not in the part of the series that was going to be covered by the game.

So, in spite of all the military deployments in the source material, a “dudes on a map” game like Kemet or Twilight Imperium really wasn’t going to work. It also wouldn’t fit the type of components WizKids wanted to use for this project. But the scope needed to be big, as the desire was for the players to represent the big factions in the game, not individual characters having adventures.

The key feeling I wanted to capture was one of spreading influence and pressure, which naturally translated into an area control game.

My main inspirations were the dual-use cards of Twilight Struggle and the COIN series, where other players might get to do actions based on cards played on your turn. As is my wont, I started too big, with too many options and mechanics. For example, originally every faction had different goals to win the game, there was an economic system, and there was a whole “tension” mechanic that governed what players were allowed to do.

These proved to push the game past the complexity we wanted for the target audience, and in any case didn’t really add that much interest. I ended up differentiating the factions by giving each a series of special abilities (called Techs) that are gradually introduced throughout the game. This controlled the complexity, by slowly introducing special abilities, but also recreated the tension mechanic by making it easier for players to attack each other as the game went on.

The biggest design challenge was making the Action/Event system work for multiple players. If the active player couldn’t or didn’t want to do the event on the card, who would get to do it? In the end, simplicity won out, with a basic priority system that added interesting choices, layered on top of a “card queue” system. The economic system got absorbed into the Victory Point system. Rather than adding a new resource into the game, players can spend VPs to do special things, and controlling bases that match the type of resource they need (like Food for the OPA), gives bonus VPs, which gives more spending flexibility.

The Takeaway: You can still be innovative while starting with something proven.

Prototyping

Traditionally I design my cards with Adobe Illustrator. But I knew that I would have a lot of iterations of cards with a standard layout for The Expanse. So I decided to bite the bullet and learn how to combine Excel and InDesign to create merge cards.

It turned out to be not all that complex, and really saved me a tremendous amount of time iterating. It was easy to just change the Excel spreadsheet, and then the cards semi-automatically updated.

It also made it easier to supply the data to the publisher in a way that the graphic designer could use, and made it easier to check down the line.

For cards I also invested in a good paper trimmer. It was a little pricey, but the Carl 18” Heavy Duty Paper Trimmer was a lifesaver. I could cut out all the cards for the game in a matter of minutes. Being able to stack three or four sheets of cardstock and cut them quickly all at the same time made a huge difference. Recommended!

The Takeaway: Learn how to use all your tools--both software and physical.

Playtesting

I was under a strict NDA about discussing the game, so I was limited in my circle of playtesters. I needed to get them cleared by the publisher, so I stuck to a local group of designers that worked with WizKids.

About halfway into the design I wanted to bring it to a local playtesting convention, Metatopia.The game had still not been announced, so we looked at a few options for having people there try it. Having players signed NDAs seemed challenging, and I didn’t want to worry about playtesters being spooked by that. In the end I ended up changing all the game elements--including card names, map locations and more--to remove all traces of the IP, and create a new backstory. It was a lot of extra work, but in the end it paid off and we got several great playtests in.

The Takeaway: Do what you need to do to get a wide variety of playtesters. It’s invaluable.

Conclusion

This was a different project for me, as it was a commission rather than me trying to pitch it to a publisher. However I did have to interface with the licensor for the IP, which was a new experience for me.

In spite of some horror stories I’ve heard about working on licensed products, I had a really good experience. The authors had good input, and patiently answered all my questions. We didn’t have big issues getting the artwork we wanted, and the graphic designer did a great job capturing the graphic look of the television series.

The Takeaway: Working on a licensed product provides strong constraints, which can be both good and bad. Designing under constraint can help to focus your efforts, but it may also limit creativity. You also have to consider the expectations that the fans are bringing to the table, as they expect the game to let them live within the world of the license, which creates a lot of pressure to deliver.

About

Geoff Engelstein is an award-winning tabletop game designer, whose titles include Space Cadets, The Fog of War, Pit Crew and The Expanse. He is also a noted podcaster. Since 2007 he has been a contributor to the Dice Tower, the leading tabletop game podcast, with a series on the math, science and psychology of games. He has also hosted Ludology, a weekly podcast on game design, since 2011, and recently published GameTek, a collection of essays on game design. Geoff teaches game design at the NYU Game Center, and has spoken at a variety of venues, including GDC, PAX, Gen Con, Rutgers and USC. He has degrees in Physics and Electrical Engineering from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and is currently the president of Mars International, a design engineering firm.

#featured #the process #process #theory #prototyping #playtesting

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brookejoske7641-blog · 6 years

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