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the-family-fortune · 4 years

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So last night I asked my server for suggestions on the Galochio fic I’m working on. They were very helpful.

DaisyYesterday at 11:38 PM

how do u get rid of the main villain of a story............ without actually getting rid of them in any effective way?? like i dont want to be "and then he walked away and was never a problem again" because. thats dumb. but i need something to that effect.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:38 PM

u could kill him off

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:40 PM

I need a little bit more information regarding plot before I can be of any help I think

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:42 PM

distract him with something else entirely?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

family emergency

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

Had a doctor’s appointment

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:42 PM

eat him

sorry

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

he gets sick and has to take a break

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

His magic fucked up and went to another dimension

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

job pulls him to the complete opposite side of the world

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

he took a cruise

turtleYesterday at 11:43 PM

He wanted a vacation

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:43 PM

send him to brazil

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

got a new phone and lost the protag's cell number

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

he broke his teeth and needs to get that shit fixed cuz goddamn

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

im SO glad i didnt give enough context in the first one these are all SUPERB. i did think abt killing him off in the final confrontation but i really dont want this 9 year old murdering her grandpa gjkfds. it COULD be an accident because his powers are big and unstable.

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:44 PM

mild heart attack puts him out of commission for a while

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:44 PM

goes to antarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:44 PM

coma

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

FUCK

GOES TO ANTARCTICA WINS. I HATE THAT, THANK YOU.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

electrocution fucks up

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

fjsjfjjs

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

but he gets better

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

no?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

maybe the electrocution backfires and makes him bedridden for the rest of his life

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

if he wants

DaisyYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed, but he gets better.........

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

it happens

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

"better" means "more haunted"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

thank you

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:46 PM

ye I gotchu

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

grandpa piss ghost

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:46 PM

send him to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:46 PM

he IS Like. ancient. he's ALREADY missing one leg. it would not take much to put him out of commission, but also he's a cockroach.

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

dont send him to the moon....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

honestly the first thing that came to mind was despicable me

when they sent fucking vector to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:47 PM

portal 2 for me

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

moons getting crowded

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

how many antagonists have gotten stuck on the moon? holy shit?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:48 PM

Usagi the moon bunny has a prison for antagonists

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:48 PM

Alright gonna write a massive crossover of villains on the moon/j

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:48 PM

maybe just... make him cry and have a breakdown or something idk

he cant do shit if he's in bed all day like me

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:49 PM

Also for a idea im not too sure

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

he can cry on moontarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:49 PM

Daisy if this is your psy oc I think you can get pretty absurd with it

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:49 PM

the moon: now with snow

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

cold moon.....

that's how they keep the cheese fresh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

maybe just smack him with a newspaper

or pour concrete on him just leave his head above the surface or smth

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:50 PM

y'all are on the moon, meanwhile I've got him forever bedridden like Charlie Bucket's grandparents

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

mood

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

except grandpa Joe I mean

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:51 PM

dude what if like some sort of freak accident happens that just fucking snipes him and makes him useless

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:51 PM

that bed? It's on the moon now

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

oh to be an old lady and sleep on the moon...

DaisyYesterday at 11:51 PM

it is the psy OC!!! her grandpa SUCKS and he's genuinely the worst person ive ever written and he wont!! DIE!!!

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:52 PM

oh.... oh my god..... to be Wallace from the Wallace and gromit go to the moon and have cheese and crackers.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:52 PM

ghagfdka;gh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

maybe you can send him on a wild goose chase

for forever

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

daisy heres what you do ok. you uhhhhh wait for him to die of old age naturally and see what his will says in an exciting will-reading scene

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:53 PM

just continuously give him red herrings

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

imagine I put quotes around exciting

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

give this man a macguffin, slap him on the back and say "go get em"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

red herrings? Why not a very fun destination???

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

dude sell his soul to whatever sort of dark power there is for a single corn chip

bonk him on the head so hard he becomes a toddler again

uhhh

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:54 PM

what's that app that sends you on adventures based on what you wanna find?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:54 PM

geocache?

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

bonk him on the head in general

aye i've done those before those are fun

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:55 PM

Pokemon go??

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:55 PM

not geocache but close

hang on I saw a vid of it recently

Randonautica

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:55 PM

I mean... if you just have them be fidgety about it for a while... there doesn’t necessarily need to be an explanation now that I think about it

A lot of things could happen to him once he’s out of their sight that they might not end up hearing about

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:56 PM

send him to the mariana trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:56 PM

he steps away and gets hit by a bus a la Mean Girls

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:56 PM

all of the above

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres a bus in the mariana trench?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres about to be

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:57 PM

Pfft... he starts to walk away and quartermaster shows up, hitting him with the bus, and just turns to the kids and goes “bus is here”

DaisyYesterday at 11:57 PM

the most ambitious crossover of all time....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

snipe him so fucking hard that theres a crossover

dude just take his knees

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:57 PM

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

like just take them off

un-velcro his knees

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

FUCK

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

GOD

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:58 PM

bus in the trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

THERES THE FUCKING BUS

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

DAMMIT

BUS IN THE TRENCH

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

TRENCHBUS GOTTEM

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

well "bus in the mariana trench'' has clearly already been done >:T

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

damn yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

make it a mack truck

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

nothings original these days

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:59 PM

original trench vehicle do not steal

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:59 PM

give him a "mid-life" crisis and make him go soul searching or something

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:59 PM

exactly! you can use mariana trench bus

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:59 PM

Ok, but back to serious answers: they could possibly read in the newspaper about him being arrested for something seemingly unrelated but that they and the readers may be able to connect the dots to some sinister thing he was attempting to do to them somehow?

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:59 PM

he gets sniped byh miss frizzle eastAugust 17, 2020

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

OH WAIT FUCK UR RIGHT

THE WHOLE

yall.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

let him realize that the most important lesson here is friendship

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

im so fucking stupid

the WHOLE STORY. IS ABOUT HOW HES BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE PSYCHIC FBI

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:00 AM

friendship saves the day....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:00 AM

theres only one braincell in this server its okay we're all just taking turns with it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

GHHGHAHG;GHRR

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:00 AM

LMFAO

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

THEY GOTTEM

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

FBI stands for Friendship Bureau of Investigation

DaisyToday at 12:01 AM

i was SO FOCUSED ON THE END SCENE I FORGOT IT WAS CONNECTED TO A STORY........

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

LAYS IS THE TRENCHBUS DRIVER

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

uwu

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:01 AM

“How do I eliminate this character being pursued by the fbi?” “My first option is to have him be murdered by children but I’d prefer not to have to resort to that”

I love it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

ngfdk;sgkfag;f

we all out here trying to play cabin in the woods with this old man

DaisyToday at 12:02 AM

never once did i claim to be clever

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:02 AM

and he would've gotten away with it too if it wasnt for this meddling government agency

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:03 AM

thus ends the saga of grandpa piss

DaisyToday at 12:03 AM

i am going to CRY this has been an adventure holy SHIT

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:04 AM

he sure did go a lot of places

spry old fucker

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:04 AM

I wonder how many trench buses he had to wait for

DaisyToday at 12:04 AM

you'd think at like 89 with one good leg he wouldn't get around as much but here we are

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:05 AM

he was probably rolling around in that bed 8T

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:05 AM

you can go anywhere with a bus pass and a sense of adventure

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

can we make that zero good legs? i have a nice crowbar right here i can use

DaisyToday at 12:05 AM

BE MY GUEST

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

im gonna put this man in a walmart scooter

kiss your knees goodbye

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:06 AM

(dont stop tho he has more trenchbuses to get hit by)

Theo || teddy assigned mormonToday at 12:08 AM

#ooc #long post #this is........... amazing!!!! truly amazing. The power of teamwork.

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survey--s · 2 years

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182.

Are you interested in true crime stories? What was the last one you read/watched/listened about? Yeah, I find that kind of thing really fascinating. The last one I was reading about was the disappearance of Tara Calico.

What’s the tallest building you’ve ever visited? I’ve walked on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Have you ever been geocaching? No. I’ve read about it a lot, but I don’t think it’s really for me.

Did you wear makeup today? What did you wear? Yeah, for once I actually bothered lol. Just foundation, mascara and eyeshadow.

What’s your favorite magazine? Have you ever subscribed to it? I don’t read magazines anymore. I had subscriptions to a few teenage magazines when I was younger (they were normally an annual gift from my mum) but that was about fifteen years ago.

Do you have any brothers? What’s your relationship with them like? Nope, I don’t have any siblings.

What was the last item of clothing you purchased? Did you buy it for any particular occasion? A hoodie, a sweatshirt and some trainers, and yes, I bought them all for work. Typically the temperature went up about 15 degrees two days later, lol.

When you eat out, what do you usually order as a drink? Pepsi Max or sparkling water.

Are there any schools nearby where you live? Yeah, there are two primaries and a high school within a mile of my house, plus a couple of nurseries.

If you could change your first name, what would you choose? Erin or Sophia.

How many times a week do you cook? I’m really lazy so maybe once a week. I tend to have ready meals or meals cobbled together from random bits, lol.

What’s one of your favorite childhood memories? Trampolining on the beach in France, then going for pancakes and ice-cream afterwards in the café.

When you make tea or coffee, how do you boil the water? The kettle.

Are you more of an early riser or a night owl? I’m an early riser.

What was the last ice cream flavor you ate? I can’t remember the last time I had ice-cream.

What was the best trip you took while in school? France - my primary school had a house/cottage place in France and we used to go there every year.

Do you relate to your star sign? I don’t read up on those things, so I don’t know much about what my star sign is supposed to say.

Have you ever been tempted or even sucked into a pyramid scheme? Nope.

What’s the last movie you saw? I honestly don’t remember.

How many apps do you have on your phone? Probably about thirty.

Name a chore you need to do. Nothing at the moment. I’ll be off back to work in half an hour, though.

Do you wear sunglasses? What do yours look like? They’re just big black plastic ones.

How old were you when you first moved house? Eleven.

What made you happy today? The weather was amazing, and I saw Bruno! I used to puppy sit him when he was younger and when he realised it was me, he went bonkers and wanted ALL the fuss, hahah.

What year was your favorite album released? I don’t really have a favourite album.

When you travel, do you stick to an itinerary or do you go with the flow? It depends. Normally we plan some things to do, but those are up for change depending on the weather etc.

Are you currently caring for any plants? Nope.

What’s the first thing your hand touches when you stretch out to the right? The dog’s head which is under a blanket, lol.

What was the last thing you drank? Pepsi Max.

Are you any good at remembering names? Yes.

#survey #surveys

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steveramsdale · 4 years

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The infected blog 9.13

It’s Saturday morning, the rain is pouring down and we’re in a B-movie version of an end-of-the-world film.

The blog has a virus. Of course I have to mention it because it has impacted everything. My working week has been the strangest in my life (so far). However, there is other stuff, too. If you are stuck at home, self-isolating, this may brighten up a few minutes of your day. Feel free to comment below, I’m isolated too, so would be happy to chat. If you print this, you could cut it in to squares and use it as emergency toilet paper. Think of that.

Seriously though, it seems much of the world is waking up to the need to slow the rate/flatten the curve. The UK’s health service was already beyond stretched before this. I hate to think how the health service here in Uzbekistan will cope. Schools and other educational institutions have be closed but much of life goes on as normal. We (staff) have been expected to go in to work and will be again after our Spring Break. It’s not really how this drive to slow the virus is supposed to work. I suppose we are all learning how to live in the ‘new normal’.

We had prepared our students for the possibility of a shut down (not quite well enough, as it turned out), but we didn’t know for sure on Friday that we’d be shut on Monday. The message came over the weekend, along with the instruction that ‘staff are expected to be in school’. We are using Google Classroom at the moment and we had made sure our students were logged in. It has turned out to be more fiddly for them to open and submit their work than we realised. On Wednesday we got the message that staff could not go in to school for the rest of the week. On Wednesday we could collect any resources we needed. I’d left my laptop, so I had a really good, really early walk to go and get it.

This coming week was or Spring Break anyway and we are definitely closed for at least another week after the break. So we’ll see. Just about everything else in Tashkent is business as usual but that could change.

I think that should be it for the infection in this blog. In other news....

Do you remember geocashing? I wonder if it has started in Tashkent. Last Saturday morning I was out for a walk and saw About 10 - 15 adults near Ecorn. They were looking in hedges and ditches, phones in hand. I wondered what it was then remembered the, seemingly brief, craze of geocaching. I could not think of another explanation but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one.

On Sunday morning, I decided to have a walk and bus ride (early so it wasn’t crowded. I went to Antract for the first time for ages. I was the only customer. I need to get a second gas refill for my camping cooker and wanted to see if any shops in that area might have them.

Since we came back this year, Heinz beans have disappeared and I have hardly seen any alternatives. This was before panic buying. I saw some Bonduelle beans in a supermarket Mairi will remember, so bought two tins. I also found two tins of the Heinz variety when sorting the stuff I’d taken from the van before the winter.

There is a real culture of repairing things in Uzbekistan. Still looking for gas, I went back to my old stomping ground (the bazaar at Yunusabad krug) and decided to get a repair done. I have a bag for the things I need to carry - keys, wallet, phone, you know. For a while it has been developing a problem: two parts of the strap have begun to fray a little. It looked untidy and would only get worse. Otherwise, the bag is perfectly fine. So, I had planned for a while to get a repair done. Now it has happened. The repair man cut strips of suede/leather, glued them along the fraying edges and then sewed up the fabric. The suede is almost identical in color to the strap, and I am neat again. People do get things repaired here where we would throw them away and buy new. While I was in the little booth, two old, battered pairs of shoes were being repaired. In the UK, they would have been thrown away months ago, but here, through necessity or habit, things get repaired. These little booths are everywhere. I have had zips repaired in boots for Mairi and Emily this year. These boots were otherwise perfectly wearable and the repair would have cost more than a new pair of boots in England. Here it cost about £5.

One day this week, a driver thought I was about 45 and a colleague was shocked that I was a grandfather. I’m wearing quite well.

As you know, the van has been in for the final interior work. On Tuesday evening, a message came through from Viktor, the van interior man, that he was almost done. He said he’d let me know on Wednesday when to come, but no message came through all day.

I bought toilet paper. I was not panicking as I did it. Well, I was a little bit. The four-packs in the brand I bought before were only in peach, which is not right for my bathroom, oh no. So, on the shelf below, there were plain white rolls. I pulled out a pack, only to realise that they were eight-packs. A woman stacking the shelves immediately pulled a pack that had been behind to the front of the shelf. I wanted to put it back because I didn’t think I needed an eight-pack, but panicked and did not want to disturb her shelf-stacking efforts, so took it anyway. I should be fine until (if I can) I leave Uzbekistan.

This week, I have also been feeding a cat. This is the cat who’s rescue you read about in previous blogs. She is now fit and healthy. My former colleague, Dave, was going away as their break was before ours. The cat’s normal routine is to be fed and put outside in the morning. He then feeds her again, letting her in after work. Dave has an enclosed garden which she would struggle to escape from at the moment. I initially said that I would go once a day, after work, but the new circumstances meant I have been able to go twice a day. I can walk in about 10 minutes from my flat. For reasons known only to her, and many other cats, she does not go to the toilet outside. Dave has a litter tray in the house which she uses once back inside. For a tiny cat, she produces an unbelievable amount of poo. I’ll be going latter for today’s breakfast.

On Thursday, the message did come to get the van. The job Viktor has done is astounding. I now have a front seat that turns into the ‘room’, curtains, carpeted and matted flooring in the front, a new ceiling lining, I can’t describe the difference. I bought the curtain fabric and there was enough for him to put a piece of it down the middle of the re-covered front seats. There are pictures and videos on my FB page. It is an incredible transformation. I hope you’ll see it one day, if the borders open again.

I went over to NBU on Friday to show off the van to people who remember the original and too see other humans! It was nice, I could borrow WiFi and keep in touch with my three or four students who are doing any work.

One little grammar thing I noticed spreading here recently. A few years ago, TV chefs started explaining how they ‘reduce down’ sauces and soups. I complained about this as my family will tell you. In what other direction, except down, can things reduce? This unnecessary multiplication of prepositions has increased (up). You may have noticed two. The ones have heard a lot here recently are ‘return back’ and ‘reply back’. I spoke to my friend Viktoriya about it when she said return back. She speaks very good English and helps me with Russian. She realised that it was unnecessary to add the ‘back’ but told me that it is done in Russian, too - вернуться назад - also unnecessary. However, if that’s all I have to worry about, I’m not doing too badly. Someone once said to me: “If you keep correcting people’s grammar, you’ll have less and less friends.” I replied, “know I won’t, I’ll have fewer and fewer friends”. I I’ve lost touch with that person. In the interests of the integrity of this blog, I have to say that that conversation never happened. But it could.

Well, that’s it from me.

The cat and the van.

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brunchbitch · 7 years

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What are your closest friends like?

hmm well b is my best friend in boston. i’ve been friends with her for five years (we met at school). she is in recovery from an ED but has been out of treatment for like four years now i think. she’s really funny and loves the same music as i do - we go to a lot of concerts together. she’s very easy-going - we’ve never been in a fight. she works as an aide to physically- or developmentally-disabled children in their school but is going back to school for school counseling! she is really kind and fun to be around - very easy to just hang out with. we can go a little while without talking but i still know she cares about me and will be there when i need her!

h is my friend who moved to california for her PsyD. we met at 3East almost seven years ago (holy shit) and clicked really really easily there. we lost touch for a bit when she went to college, but she moved back to boston and we got really close again! she adopted a pup named willow who is literally my favorite dog in the entire world. i spent a lot of time at her apartment and got close to her roommates. we had a lot of fun going clubbing and having house parties for a while (until i got sober lol). she’s really smart and funny and similarly very easy going and always down to grab coffee or froyo or lunch or whatever. same as b, we can go a while without talking but pick right back up where we left off. i miss her so much though!!!

e is my friend from 3E as well. she lives in new jersey. she is very smart and fun. she knows me better than almost anyone and i hugely value her opinion. she can kick my ass (especially ED-wise) in ways that most other people can’t. she loves to read and we connected over that when we first met. she is the most incredible poet ever and she has written some for me that i love. we used to write each other a letter every single day after she left 3E and we kept that up for a while. i miss her a ton but i may go visit her this summer! we like geocaching together. she is in ED recovery but still struggles. we were both very close to sam and i was the one who told her what happened which was hard bc i wanted to be there with her (i had to do it over the phone). her family has sort of accepted me as another daughter! i spent thanksgiving with them when i was at 3E and have visited a few times since then.

s is my oldest best friend - she lives in seattle and we’ve been friends since we were in diapers! i went to her mom’s daycare and we were friends even then! she is gorgeous (i sort of have a crush on her) and funny and really cool. i love love love her family and sort of feel a part of it (and she spent soooo much time at my house too so my family knows her really well). we lost touch probably around 7th/8th grade and then i got sent away for two years but we reconnected my senior year of high school before going to 3E. we go a long time without talking or seeing each other but, again, pick right back up! i think about her a lot. she is someone who has always accepted me. i saw her for lunch today and we talked a lot about my childhood (bc i was thinking about it after lisa). i was talking to her about the things i’ve realized about my childhood (with the help of brandon and karen) and she was like “holy shit… yeah! that makes sense. i remember that about you.” it means a lot to have someone who has known me and loved me for SO long and i hope she will always be a part of my life.

#friendship #friends #personal #answered

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joshuabradleyn · 5 years

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27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

I sat in the parking lot, absolutely terrified.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my brain was going crazy.

After ten minutes, I finally mustered up my 20 seconds of courage, literally yelled at myself, got out of the car, and walked through the double doors.

I was getting ready to try something I had always wanted to do but had been too scared….

And an hour later, I left a sweaty mess…

A sweaty mess with a giant smile on my face.

I had just attended my first swing dance class.

I know plenty of people who hate exercise but WANT to find a way to like it. And that’s what today’s post is all about: exercising in a way where life doesn’t suck.

Let’s dig in!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Cutting out all excuses

“But Steve, I don’t like to exercise!”

While some are like Odie and love to run around all day, others are like Garfield and feel like they must be allergic to exercise.

I hear this every day, and I’m not surprised.

After all, I think exercise sucks too.

Today we’re going to eliminate the phrase of “I don’t like to exercise” from our vocabulary.

Cool? Instead, we’re going to change our our definition of exercise and our thoughts around it.

Here are my favorite ways to exercise without…exercising.

I swear this will make sense.

The Truth About Exercise

As stated in our Rules of the Rebellion, you can’t outrun your fork.

Unless you’re Michael Phelps swimming for 8 hours a day at a Olympic level, there is no amount of exercise that can cancel out a diet full of processed foods, junk food, and liquid calories.

“But Steve, he’s out-swimming his fork.”

Hey, fair enough!

Let’s get back on track.

For whatever reason, we human beings are amazing at justifying and rationalizing the most ridiculous things.

We use these rationalizations to justify really unhealthy behavior, and then compound that decision by saying things like, “Well, I already made one bad decision, so today is ruined. I’ll start tomorrow.”

In order for us to live a healthy life, we need to get your head straight and understand a few key facts:

If you aren’t losing weight, it’s because you’re eating too many calories each day. This is caused by any number of environmental or hormonal or psychological or habitual factors, but the science remains.

Exercise is actually a really inefficient way to lose weight sustainably when compared against focusing on fixing your nutrition.

This is where the problems arise, and what we’re going to do to fix stuff:

Exercising for an hour, burning 300-400 calories, and then saying “I earned this” to justify stuffing 1000 calories worth of junk food down your throat is a losing battle.

Exercise does not mean “run on a treadmill for four hours and be miserable.” Exercise is anything that elevates your heart rate and takes your body outside of its normal comfort zone.

Your diet is responsible for 80-90% of your success or failure when it comes to losing weight and getting healthier. If I could only tell you to fix one thing, your diet or exercising, it would be your diet. Every time.

Every decision counts and every choice adds up. One bad decision does not ruin a day. One day off doesn’t ruin a week. One week off doesn’t ruin a month. EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make can take you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. Stop worrying about the decision you made 10 minutes ago or yesterday and focus on the next one.

Combine these four facts, and we’re left with this:

Exercise is a bonus. Exercise helps your heart get stronger, can help build muscle, usually gets you outside the house and absorbing vitamin D, and brings you a litany of other health benefits.

Exercise is not an excuse to eat like crap. Instead, you need to reframe your mindset. Instead of “I earned this” start telling yourself: “If I’m going to exercise, I might as well make it worth it by eating right too.”

Daily exercise is a constant reminder that you are leveling up your life – that you must continue to make other good choices or you’re practically wasting your time.

If you’re looking for some guidance in this crazy world of ‘losing weight and getting in shape,’ I hear ya – this stuff can be overwhelming.

Expert instruction, accountability, and an instructor that gets to know you better than you know yourself, sound good? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching program to get paired up with a coach today.

25 Ways to ExercisE Without Exercising

When you say “but I don’t like exercising,” what you’re really saying is: “I don’t enjoy the particular type of exercise that I have in mind.”

If you don’t like lifting weights in a gym, don’t do it. If you don’t like running, don’t do it. I have zero plans to run more than a 5K in my life.

Unless there are zombies that can run a 10 k…in which case I’ll run an 11k.

My main goal with Nerd Fitness is to get you to enjoy exercise, find a way to do it every day, and combine that with making better decisions about the food you put in your body.

So, we need to find a way to exercise every day because it KEEPS US THINKING HEALTHY, which leads to other healthier decisions made throughout the day (where the real big wins are).

Here are 25 ways to “exercise” without realizing its exercise.

#1) Hiking, especially with friends – This last week I went and hiked around Lake Radnor in Nashville with fellow entrepreneur Matt Bodnar. We hung out with deer, saw incredible scenery, and talked about life and business. I also happened to walk five miles over various elevations.

#2) Walking – No time to hike? Go for a walk. Even a 15-minute brisk walk is enough time to get close to a mile walked, which gets you one step closer to Mordor. Do you have a 30-minute meeting at work? Have a walking meeting instead. Steve Jobs was known for doing this.

#3) LARPING – Live Action Role Playing. Might seem silly to those on the outside, but to those playing, it’s an amazing adventure that reminds us how awesome our imaginations are. Also, depending on the game, you could be wearing a heavy costume, swinging heavy weaponry, and running for your life!

#4) Rock Climbing – I love rock climbing. It’s one of the best arm/back/forearm workouts in existence, you get to feel like a badass when you reach the top of the wall, and all climbing routes are graded so you can level up the challenge as you get stronger/fitter/better. It’s a fit nerd’s dream!

#5) Geocaching – If rock climbing is a fit-nerd’s dream, then geocaching is a adventure nerd’s dream brought to life. Become a real life treasure-hunter (Lara Croft? Nathan Drake? You decide!), and get a great workout in while you’re at it.

#6) Dancing – Ever tried serious swing dancing? You’ll be sweating within ten minutes. How about hip hop? Drenched in sweat, and sore as hell the next day. Zumba? Tango? Flamenco? You’d be surprised what you can sign up for and what will elevate your heart rate.

#7) Roughhousing with your kids. I don’t have kids, but when I do, you can bet your ass I’ll be the dad out rolling around in the back yard with them. Don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid – it keeps you young. I really enjoyed this article from Art of Manliness on the importance of roughhousing!

#8)Climbing on stuff – Last week on my hike at Midoricon, I was walking through the woods with NF Rebel Joe (No, not THAT Joe). It was awesome to see this guy, having lost 100 pounds since finding Nerd Fitness, explore the woods like it was no problem: climbing on stumps, balancing on fallen trees, climbing trees, and more. When was the last time you’ve done stuff like THAT? Hmmm? (Shout out to MovNat!)

#9) Martial arts – Be honest. You watched The Matrix, you heard Neo go “I know Kung Fu” and you wanted to be able to one day say the same thing. Whether it’s Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Karate or Capoeira, there’s a martial art out there that will make you feel like a badass.

#10 Consider a standing desk – Although we all know that correlation does not prove causation, it’s no surprise that there’s a strong correlation between sitting all day and an early grave. Why not fix your posture, strengthen your legs, and spend the day being more productive with a standing desk?

#11) Have an active meeting – Hat tip to Charlie Hoehn on this one. If somebody wants to meet up with you for coffee, suggest something active: throwing a baseball, tossing a frisbee, going for a hike – anything that gets you up and moving. I say yes to pretty much anybody that invites me to play golf. Wink wink.

#12) You know… – That thing that consenting adults do? Yeah. Do more of that. Self-explanatory. Moving on…

#13) Clean – Ugh, nobody likes to clean the house/apartment. I certainly don’t. So I make a game out of it. I see how much I can accomplish with a single song blasting at max volume. Of course, after getting through one song, I figure “welp, I’ve already started, might as well keep going.”

#14) Do handstands – Here’s how.This is a fun activity that builds up serious arm and core strength and will leave you sweating bullets after even a few minutes. Find a park, go do handstands, cartwheels, somersaults, and whatever else makes you feel young again.

#15) Parkour – Our beginner’s guide to Parkour is one of the most popular on Nerd Fitness. I don’t care how old you are, there’s no reason you can’t get started with rolling around in your hard and vaulting over picnic tables and bike racks.

#16) Play out – Is Parkour too serious for you? Try a playout! Spiderman was on to something – climbing walls, swinging from skyscrapers, and popping flips around the bad guys. You might not be able to swing between buildings, but you can definitely visit a playground in your area and get creative!

#17) Adult gymnastics – In the same vein as Parkour, gymnastics will help you build some of the BEST real world strength you can get with any type of exercise, and it’s all done in a playful way without a single weight being picked up. Swing from rings, somersault, flip onto pads, and more. There are gyms all over the country.

#18) Yoga – Build flexibility, strength, and learn to freaking relax. There are million kinds of yoga, so sign up for a few different kinds and see which one lines up the best with what you’re looking for.

#19) Play video games that make you be active – Beat Saber. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) counts too. Just Move. Anything that gets you off your ass and moving!

Oh what’s that? You’re playing a normal game like Grand Theft Auto V? Make a rule that you can only play while standing up. That’s what I do to keep myself from spending twelve hours on the couch in marathon gaming sessions!

#20) Play on a playground – Obviously not when kids are around. Preferably with pants on. Go down the slide, swing across the monkey bars, climb the rope all, balance on the balance beam. Create an obstacle course for yourself and see how quickly you can get through it. You can even work out on a playground too.

#21) Play a musical instrument – Did you know playing the violin for an hour burns about as many calories as walking around a track at a moderate pace for an hour? It turns out, our brains can burn boatloads of calories too. So challenge your brain!

#22) Join a Rec league – New in town? Want to be active and meet people? Join a kickball or softball league. You get to exercise AND it’s a great way to meet new people!

#23) Bike to work – I know there are a lot of Rebels in our community who dropped a bunch of weight by making one change: they biked to work, or biked to their friend’s house, or started biking generlaly. You get from Point A to Point B, you save money on gas, and you get a workout. That would make Michael Scott proud.

#24) Play a childhood game – What games did you play as a child? Capture the flag? Kick the can? Simple tag? Get a few friends together and give it a try – it will be the most fun you’ve had in a while!

#25) Park at the far end of the parking lot – Every step counts. Every tiny decision that is slightly different than the “OLD you” counts.

#26) Take the stairs. It’s only two flights! You are designed to move. You can do this. Sure, you’ll get winded the first handful of times. But it eventually becomes routine. And it all counts! Make a game out of it.

#27) Crush audiobooks while “exercising.” This is called ‘temptation bundling.‘ Pair something you love with an activity you’re trying to do more of. But I bet if you could only listen to Harry Potter (for the 600th time) while walking on a treadmill, you’d be more likely to get to the gym.

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I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Challenge yourself

I’d love for you to commit to trying something new at some point in the next six weeks.

I committed to Swing Dance Lessons for 6 weeks and I’m really really glad I did.

Here’s my advice to you:

Say yes before you can say no. Stop saying “I don’t have time” and realize you do. Stop saying “I can’t afford it” and find a way to make it a priority. Do all of this before you can talk yourself out of it.The best way to do that?

Commit in advance. I pre-paid my four weeks of swing lessons. Having already paid for it, I knew I’d be just throwing my money away if I didn’t attend. Put down a deposit and make an investment in yourself.

Go with a friend. I went to my class alone, which forced me to further develop my social skills, but if you happen to be TOO afraid to attend a class, get a friend to drag you there. It’s amazing what we do to avoid ridicule from our buddies.

Expect to suck. It was frustrating for me to not be good at swing dancing right away. After playing sports and lifting weights, it was a tremendous shift for me to stop trying to be the fastest, strongest, most perfect, and instead relax, let loose and enjoy myself. If you are learning a new skill, expect to suck at it. You’ll get better. As long as you remember to…

Have fun. Remember, we could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Every day above ground is a blessing, so enjoy it!

That one thing you always wanted to try but have been putting off? Today’s a good a day to get started. Just take that FIRST step. Google classes in your city. Find a site that focuses on beginners, and read about it. If there’s a place to pre-pay or make a deposit, do it.

And then go. Use your beastmode skills if you have to.

But suck it up, expect to not be good at the new activity immediately, and have some fun.

What’s the one new thing you’re going to try this month?

-Steve

PS: If you’re reading this because you HATE exercise but think you SHOULD be exercising, I hear ya. I too hate certain kinds of exercise, so I don’t do them – you’ll never catch me running because I strongly despise boring cardio!

If you are here because you’re trying to lose weight and want somebody to guide you through the entire journey, and who will ALSO never make you do exercise you hate, consider checking out our popular 1-on-1 coaching program. Your coach will get to know you, your likes and dislikes, and work with you to build an exercise plan and food strategy that you actually enjoy and also gets you results!

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photo source: treadmill, treadmill fall, dog, jump, garfield

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#27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

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almajonesnjna · 5 years