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futurewriter2000 · 3 months

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Needing You

A/N: I'm going to pull so much of personal experience from this that even I might cry at the end but I don't cry so I let's see how far I have healed. Not even gonna lie, this was harder to write than I thought. - It deleted itself in the middle of it so I had to REWRITE IT- but it turned out better than the first time.

REQUEST 15: "Optional("hey! I love your writing, so here's a request: could you do a shot about Remus X fem Slytherin who's James sister and they both have a secret relationship, and when he (James) finds out, Remus and the reader have a really strong fight when he says something like "he's my best friend, you're only an experience" (be free to change this) and they both broke up, and the reader doesn't even talk to james but rather just... isolates herself. nended however you like but IM BEGGING make it like really sad =)nHave a fantastic day! <;3.")" #wattpad

The sky was clear as day. It was the night and you had decided to finally swallow your anxiety and go out with your brother's friend. Your brother didn't mind. He just expected it to be a herbal gathering mission with his sister, when Remus told him about it. He didn't know the two of you were walking around the lake for three hours, holding hands because you almost slipped. Wishing you had planned that slip but you haven't. You put sneakers on in the winter- you haven't thought much with your head when it came to Remus. You just wanted to be next to him... and you were.

Your anxiety was piling up but you couldn't stop smiling. He was shaking, since he was only in a thin black T-shirt and a fancy coat that did not provide much warmth. You marveled at the stars and he pulled you close, showing you all the constallation you knew. You haven't been watching the stars. All the time, you kept thinking about kissing him- having your first kiss with your brother's friend, on whom you had a small crush when your brother was small. You completely forgot about Remus until a few weeks ago when you started to spend more time with your brother, as well as his friends.

The kiss happened on the bench. The lake was in front of you, the stars above and he simply leaned in, finally providing some warmth on his body.

This film has been replaying in your head for the past seven months. Every day, you rewatched it in your head, it seemed to be more magical. Every day when you saw him, touched him, kissing him- you fell in love deeper.

It was as if you were going insane just by loving him. You wanted him by your side all the time. It wasn't as if it wasn't difficult, seeing his friends forcing other girls on him when the two of you were sneaking around, knowing each other's bodies pretty well. You knew every scar, every mole, every inch of his body. You believed he knew yours as well.

Remus was a nerd. He pretended to be cool and collected but he just spent 20 minutes explaining medical propreties of three kind of herbs and how other wizards- Healers even can mix them up.

"What?" he said, quirking an eyebrow as you stayed quiet, smiling at him.

"What what?" you smiled brightly, your eyes glimmering with pure joy.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

"Like what?" you fixed your facial expression, hiding away the emotional depth you felt for this boy.

He stared at you for a moment and moved away from you. "Nothing." he said, starting to get dressed.

There it was. That awful feeling. That feeling of not knowing what he feels.

It always came to this. The two of you could talk forever into the night or into sex but never could the two of you talk about your feelings. You wanted to tell him. You did. You wanted to tell him that you were deeply obsessed with him. That you adored every single thing about his character and body- but there was a restrain. There was the familiar lump in your throat that blocked you from speaking any further.

He always had excuses. He was not good enough for you. He can't ruin his friendship with James... he's not looking for anything exclusive at the moment.

You moved to your pile of clothes and started to put on your underwear. I swear, your razor has never been so used in your entire life than in the past few months. You smiled at that and clicked your bra on.

He didn't even notice that your undergarments were matching. Something you felt as if your effort was for nothing, but you felt good when you did things like that. For him. To please him- do it for him... because you loved him.

"Hey..." he was by your side and you got startled a bit from your train of thoughts.

His eyes were lustful and his hands were possessive of your body. You smiled and wrapped your hands around his neck. "Hi." you said as his hand grabbed the hem of your underwear and let it go into a snap on your hip.

"This is really nice." he smiled, watching your breasts in your perky red bra.

"You like?"

"Haven't got a clear view before... but now that I do..." he said and tightened his grip around your waist. "You smell so good..." he continued, but this time it felt more as a growl than a whisper and he purged your lips with his.

It felt as if two universes were collapsing. That's how it felt, kissing the forbidden fruit for him and for you. Even though James presented a small obstacle in the way of your relationship, the whole secrecy seemed to be more exciting, causing more passionate interactions between the two of you the more you two continued this.

He backed you agains the bed... again but you laughed, pushing him away but holding onto his shirt collar. "We have to go, you know that."

He wailed like a small puppy. "I don't want to."

You pulled him into a kiss, just as passionate, just as strong and so hard to let go of it. "I-" you tried but he deepened it in that moment, causing you to heat up and back up on the bed as he crawled over you.

He raised himself up and tool a long look at you, just laying there as your foot found its way to his chest. He took a gentle hold of it and moved it onto his shoulder. "You're so beautiful."

And that was it. Small words, small gestures- you went for it all. Your love couldn't consume him all. It always wanted more.

These moments, your soul didn't care. It was happy, you were happy and you were glowing. Only your roommate was the one who knew about your secret and she didn't agree much with it. She said he didn't treat you as he should.

But you were happy and that was all that mattered.

"I love seeing you this happy but I'm so afraid that you'll get hurt." your roommate said as she made her way to your bed.

"He wouldn't hurt me. He said he would never hurt me."

"I don't know, (y/n)..." she continued but you only laughed and smiled. Something in your heart was so full of love that you couldn't keep it in. Even James thought there was something wrong when you hugged him more than you usually did.

He suspected something was going on with you but he had no clue what.

Or that's how you thought.

Remus came into the room and just as he closed the door, somebody pushed him against it. Defensively, he pushed the person away from him. "What the hell?!" he shouted and saw a pair of furius brown eyes staring at him. "James?!"

"Were you with my sister!?" he shouted, not as if he was asking, simply waiting for Remus to tell the truth he already knew. But how could he had found out. "Tell me!" he snapped, pushing Remus' shoulder. "Tell me that Peter didn't see you leaving Room of Requirements with my baby sister!"

Oh, that's how.

Remus shot his eyes at Peter, than back at James. His eyes let loose. He was tired... and ashamed. You and him talked many times about getting caught but he thought the two of you would end by now... but you didn't.

"It just happened mate."

"Fuck you, Moony!" he pushed him again. "Did the two of you kiss?!" he asked. "Were you her first kiss?!"

"Yeah, okay!" Remus lifted his hands in defense. He felt as if he was being interrogated by the Ministry at this poing.

James only stared at him for a minute, than turned around and ran his hands down his face. He mumbled something under his breath- something Remus couldn't hear.

He then turned around really carefully, trying to control the boiling blood that kept flooding into his brain. "I'm not even going to ask if the two of you shagged- I'm just going to tell you this." he said calmly, however, you could still hear the fury in his voice- the one he never used before, not once in all years of friendship. "You are going to my sister and you will tell her that it's over." he warned. "She doesn't need this Remus. What you have- she doesn't need this." he threw knives with his poisinous glare.

Remus couldn't even argue with him. He knew that this was the reason why James would never let the two of you be together. You didn't know... you didn't and it wasn't your fault but he started this mess, and he felt as if he owed it to James to finish it.

---

By now, you knew something was off. Whenever Remus seemed to stay away from you, you got a strong feeling in your stomach. The two of you could talk it out, always but this time, the feeling was extremely powerful and deep inside, you knew that it wasn't good.

So you avoided him too. You simply felt... afraid...

And James knew. He knew Remus hasn't spoken a word to you yet because you seemed to be cheery and all over the place. Jumping from one friend to the other.

'She seems so happy.' - he thought at first, seeing you talk to one of your friends from class. 'I'm glad he was her first everything... but she can't go through with this. She'd break.' He looked at Remus, who stared into the book, ignoring you completely.

James stood up and walked to him. "Go talk to her." he said, more of a warning than a suggestion. Remus looked up at his friend's eyes and saw the demand in his darkened look. "Now." he finished and walked away.

Remus watched his best friend walk away, Sirius hiding away in discomfort, meanwhile Peter was lost in his own world. He looked at you on the other side of the room and just as he did, your eyes met. His heart stepped a beat, not knowing that it matched yours on the other side.

He shuffled in his seat for a second or two but cleared his throat and walked up.

It didn't take a lot of convincing to let you come with him. You loved him. You would be by his side every second that counted, if it wasn't for the circumstances the two of you were in.

The sky wasn't like before. It wasn't clear as day but it was still just enough chilly. He was about to graduate soon and you will go into your last year. You haven't talked about it yet but maybe this will finally be the conversation that clears all that mess up

You thought.

He couldn't get himself to say it. Your eyes shimmered so brightly- even on a day like this. How could he do this?

"Umm..."

You smiled and took a hold of his hand. "It's me Remus. You can always talk to me."

He swallowed hard and flickered his eyes from your hands to your eyes.

And then it was cold.

"James found out about us... and for me, I think, it's best for us to end this now. " he said, not letting you interrupt him when you started to process information. "I think it's best that we end this." he continued quietly, removing his hand from yours and avoiding your eyes... but you only stared, not blinking once... only stared.

He tried to smile but it wasn't sincere. At least not in your eyes. "We had so much fun- (y/n) but-"

"No..." you spoke weakly, clearing your voice and not letting a single tear fall from your eyes. "You can't just break up over this. James can understand- so he knows."

"No, (y/n)... listen..." he started but you interrupted him before he could continue.

"Why do you want to end it? Finally, James knows-"

"James doesn't want us to be together." he started to get more harsh with you.

"Well, that's his problem, not ours." you snapped back.

"What do you mean it's not our problem?! He's my best friend!"

"And he's my brother- if he was a real friend, he'd be happy for you."

"If he's a real brother, he'd make us break up!"

"What does that even mean?!"

Remus threw his head back. He cannot tell you. Not this. He could tell you a lot of things but the why... that he couldn't tell you. "It means it's over." he stood up.

"Don't you walk away from me!" you shouted behind him and grabbed his arm, turning him away.

"What don't you understand!?" he shouted back, pointing at his head with his fingers. "We were never meant to be, (y/n). It was a ride but we get off now!" he pointed at the floor, steaming from all the fury.

'Why couldn't you just let him go?'

"Oh, it definitely was a ride!" you scoffed, crossing your arms as he narrowed his eyes at your sarcasm. "But you're going to let one James get in the way between this?!"

"Yes!"

"Is HE THAT IMPORTANT, HUH?! WHY DID YOU EVEN CHOOSE ME THEN?!"

"YES!" he screamed at this point. "He is MORE important than you. He is MORE than you will ever be to me!" He lost his temper, blubbering out everything he thought. "I didn't choose you! You were just there- JUST FUCKING THERE- at the right place at the right time- THAT'S WHY YOU AND ME WOULD NEVER WORK OUT. You were an OPPORTUNITY!" he shouted, letting his eyes darken and glare at you maliciously. "And I took it gracefully." he finished in a low growl, his eyes shimmering when all of a sudden you took a step back.

...

...it's that how it felt?

It was like a click in his brain. He was too harsh. He was- you're still James' little sister- he still... "Shit, (y/n)..."

You pulled your hand away from his touch as he tried to take a hold of it. Physically, it wasn't possible for your world to be shaking at the moment... but somehow it has and you couldn't see.

"It came out really wrong-"

And your heart could, in logic, not hurt phisically. Hertbreak is psychollogical but then why did suddently feel as if it had been ripped out of your chest. A hole... a deep dark hole in your chest, sucking every last bit of your soul into it.

"(y/n), please say something. You just stepped on a nerve and I got angry-"

Was the world always this silent? Were the voices around you always this muffled. You couldn't hear, you couldn't feel.

You took a hold of your cold arms and the cold didn't hurt. Your fingertips... as blue and swollen as they were, they didn't pain.

"Come on, let's get inside."

You wish, you could have ran away but your legs felt numb, so you wobbled as far away from him as you could. The first corner you turned to, the moment your legs collapsed and you slid into the floor.

'Was I really this stupid?'

'What just happened?"

'What will my roommate say- she'll mock me-'

'He probably feels so great now that he knows I was in love with him.'

'Why does it hurt so much?'

Random thoughts came through your head. One running over the other- one as random as what to wear tomorrow. But the air was cold and you felt as if you deserved to freeze in it.

The stupidity, naivety and the immense ego death- everything has destroyed you. They say words cannot hurt you but they can. If they say it right, if they say it in the truthful manner- in a manner intended to hurt you... you?

So you thought back to the night the two of you first kissed. He said, the right place at the right time... that's all you were to him. A girl, who was there for him to use. A girl, he had no feelings for, not close to what you felt for the past few months. He kissed you and touched you, he had seen you naked and it didn't mean anything to him. He meant everything to you.

You were stupid. You thought he loves you. You thought you were special when he kissed you. That he found you attractive, beatiful- as he had said but you were just a day given opportunity.

If there was a monster that day, there, he would have kissed it. Because it was just there. Not because it cared for him, because it was his brother's best friend and it had trusted him with itself- no because the monster was just there, by the lake, at the same time like him.

Nothing. You meant... nothing.

---

Grey... the colours were grey. Every single one of them was gray, different shades of it. You promised yourself, you wouldn't let anybody affect you but you couldn't help the feeling in your chest, this soul sucking hole causing your whole body to ache. It felt as if your heart wasn't even there. He ripped it out and destroyed it.

You barely woke up, but you had to... for school. You had to go to school. Not that you cared anymore. You simply just existed. It was as if you couldn't remember when you got out of bed and when you got back into it. Time flew by like it didn't exist at all.

You didn't even know when one week passed by. It just did and nothing much mattered. You sat behind your desk and wrote your Transfiguration paper. It was when you were almost done when he altered your brain and there was the big pain in your throat. You swallowed it, closed your eyes and felt them burn.

You have to finish this. - you thought.

So you did and you forced him away. As soon as you did, you went to the bathroom and washed yourself. Then simply crawled to bed at six pm. It was your ruitine since then. You took a journal, you wrote it down, realising you cannot write things down without crying, so you grabbed the pillow and pushed it to your chest. You squeezed it so tightly in the meaning to place it into the empty hole in your chest.

It didn't cover, so you cried anyway. You did. No matter how hard you tried, you cried.

You don't remember what you talked with your roommates. You plastered a smile and nodded but avoided pretty much everybody.

Everything was a no for you.

A walk? - No.

Hogsmeade? - No.

Dinner? - No.

Study group? - No.

Roommates were a nice distraction but it wasn't enough for the pain. Even when James sent you a note, you always replied with a no. It was automatic by now. You said you had to study or that you were tired. You needed time for yourself. You needed to find your self-worth again because for the past months, you let your happiness depend on one person and that person just took all that happiness away from you.

So what you needed? It was work and sleep.

---

James knew you were heartbroken. He knew he was the annoying sibling but he wasn't used to being annoyed by you. You had always kept your emotions to yourself. The two of you weren't close emotionally but you had your own share of fun together. When he asked Remus when everything started, it was just around the time your bond started to get better. The two of you would spend much time together and you weren't so stuck up or annoyed at any slight inconvinience.

He never saw that side of you. The one that was emotionally opened to him. He didn't know it was Remus the sole reason for that. You were happy, excited and... well, in love. But it was the wrong person. Remus has something that he didn't wish for you to deal with. You were always the rebel of the family. He was the golden child but you were your own person. You didn't talk back t your parents as he did but you did all the things that you wanted. You did everything you wanted. That was your own magic. You were a rebel but you were a kind and understanding person.

James is the tough one in the group. He is the leader, the great one... even in your own family, he is the golden one, the perfect one but you always understood him the way nobody else did. You saw him, behind all of that facade. He loved being around you. You were his safe place. You were... his sister. The sister who gave him all the unsolicited advice and was there for him when nobody else was.

He didn't see much of you and most of the time you ignored his letters and messages. The times he did catch up to you, you excused yourself to go study and he knew you were furius at him because at times, you'd snap at him, throwing harsh words at him.

He knew you were sad and heartbroken but he also knew you'd move on sooner rather than later. You were just dramatic. Women always are.

It was to his surprise when he walked into the classroom and saw you sitting at one of the tables, laughing and smiling with a Ravenclaw his age.

It was Newt's and you were one year behind- so there was no reason you should be there.

Remus was more surprised than James. If he was bound to find out, he couldn't do it now. The protocol was to sit down and take the exam. No talking, no turning around but nothing could make him focus without knowing the truth about your attendence at this exam.

He could hear the professor something whisper in your ear but he couldn't understand it. Maybe, the professor realised you weren't supposed to be there either.

But nothing happened. You mumbled back and you stayed.

It was up until the exam was over when he turned around to see your chair empty, your robe disappearing behind the door. He ran after you but James had already caught up.

The two of you were already arguing.

"What do you mean you're graduating early?" James bulged his eyes out.

Graduating early?- Remus thought. You? Why would you ever graduate early, you hated studying.

"Why not? I've already taken most of the exams and I passed. McGonagall said if I roll up my sleeves and grab the whole thing, I can do it but the chance is small. Yet, here I am." you smiled and that twinkle in your eye that was known to more people to be the twinkle of up to no good.

What were you up to?

"You can't. You don't have any recommendations- not- no." James couldn't piece it together.

"Yes. I'm graduating and I am moving to southern Europe and I am never stepping foot in England ever again."

"Southern Europe?!" James shouted in disbelief. "You're shitting me?"

"I'm not. I have a plan to leave. I always had."

"That was your fairy tale. To live in Italy or Greece or some shit." he started to laugh.

"To be away from here." you said angrly. "I hate it here. I always had."

"No." said James.

"Yes..." mumbled Remus but nobody heard him due to the loud arguing between siblings.

You always said about leaving when the two of you were together. The beach, the culture... you said you felt as if nobody supported you here. The rebel of the family. You confided into him about how you felt there was zero effort made to make something out of you. All attention was always on James and that made you rebel in your family. You didn't want to be like James but everybody forced you to be at least somewhat like him. You said, how people take you for granted, underrating your power.

I guess, this was you taking your power into control.

Before he knew it, you were storming one way and James the other but unlike last time. He chose to follow you.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" he shouted behind you.

"Watch me." you turned around to see him then back around to turn a corner.

He caught up and took a hold of your hand but you snapped it away as soon as it touched you.

Of course, you wanted to see him. Of course, you wanted to talk to him, you craved him but you were furius beside all things. God, you could have screamed at him right now and hug him at the same time.

"You can't do this because you're angry at me. Don't take it on James." he started but you laughed.

"You think, I'm doing this for you?" you laughed, poking his chest with your finger. "I just grabbed the opportunity, Remus. I was just there, at the right place at the right time." you lowered your voice, quoting him.

"Come on- you don't know the whole background-"

"No, you know what Remus. I chose you. I fucking chose you to be my first. That means that I decided to trust you with my soul as well as my body and trusting people isn't easy for me." you continued. "I let you in- quite literally- but I thought we were something and you surely played the role to make me feel that way." you smiled forcefully, hiding away the feeling in your chest. You had no idea how a heart that is no longer there can still break.

"I really cared about you. I still do."

"You moved on, two weeks after us." you finally let him show a bit of your emotions. "Two fucking weeks and another girl was under your arm- God fuck, Remus. The hell is wrong with you."

"A lot..."

"Fuck you for playing the victim all the time." you pushed him hard. "Fuck you- fuck you- fuck you!" you continued to shout angrily. "I won't play the victim because I am not one. I'm moving on- away from fuckheads like you." you spat out. "Because you could have had somebody who would have loved you for everything that you are. You won't find anybody who will be prepared to love you as much as I was. Remember that, Remus Lupin. You won." you threw your hands up in defeat and walked away.

And it was one of those things that stick with you. It stuck with Remus because he didn't see you anywhere else anymore. Neither did James. He didn't know whether you were dead or alive. The graduation, they both looked for you but nowhere.

You disappeared from his life and it was until then when his life started to fall apart for him. You told me he could be whatever he wanted to be- even an auror. You supported him the way nobody else could and you accepted every flaw. He knew you would love him even more if he told you his secret but he thought.... he thought the two of you would stay friends. He thought, he had time with you. He thought he would appologise and the two of you would eventually talk.

He needed somebody. He needed somebody to talk to- always. Sirius was in Azkaban and James was dead. And all he could think about was needing you.

#marauders #marauders imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #marauders era #remus lupin x reader #james potter #james potter imagine

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schismusic · 4 months

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Æon Flux and the end of all things

I don't remember the first time I heard of Æon Flux but I sure as hell remember the first time I watched it, and it wasn't too long ago which would technically not warrant the level of obsession I have for that shit, but here we are anyway.

I was knocked the fuck out on painkillers, two of my wisdom teeth freshly removed, not even remotely worried about the exam that I had coming up in like two days from then. So I was barely moving away from my swivel chair and sleeping on a whole ass armored pillow to prevent from tossing and turning and shit felt so surreal to me. It was like the eating chair from the last Cronenberg movie. So I delved into Æon Flux essentially blind and bingewatched the shit out of it. Twice. Ended up downloading the whole thing from some sketchy ass 1080p remastered torrent, rewatched it again, and spread it around personally in a more cauterized Google Drive folder (so if you guys got a nasty ass virtual STD from it, my bad I guess), not even a month after watching the series. Shit was fucked, in short, and every rewatch just fueled this obsession even further.

(image taken from Episode 1, Season 1)

One thing about me: when I obsess over stuff I want to draw something at the very least inspired by it. Happens to me a lot with Autechre, who are actually one of maybe three bands I would not hesitate to call my favourite based on an absolutely objective principle which is absolutely not up for discussion and which might be the object of a future post at this point. But the point is fucking Æon Flux is essentially impossible to replicate because Peter Chung's character designs are so recognizable that you start seeing them in literally every other movie that came out in the late '90s/early 2000s - and for reference, Æon Flux was brought to an end in 1995. Consequently, all attempts at drawing Æon Flux-inspired stuff end up either feeling very derivative or looking like fucking trash. Artistry is a weird thing because sometimes it inspires other people, other times it just inspires man-slaughtering rage.

Somewhat many of my friends are or have at one point tried to be accomplished visual artists. Some have made it to professional/teaching level, some others have an art school diploma or degree - and I'll be using this space to shout out @coto-letta aka V., who has recently rejoined Tumblr after years of absence. We met on here, when her handle was much different, and I mistook her for an ex of mine (whom, surprisingly, we are still on relatively good - if quiet - terms with) so I slid into her DMs as you do, and she was like "yeah actually I have no clue who the fuck you are I just think your blog is neat and dropped a follow" which was quite a fundamental moment in understanding that while my life was written like a dodgy soap-opera, that didn't mean I was the centre of the entire world. Anyway, the reason I'm shouting her out is because sometimes something deeper and older than you remember has a way of finding you again when you least expect it and that's what happened when in January 2023 (after V. had left Tumblr for at that point about two years and we had exchanged Instagram accounts) I somehow ended up on her Insta and found out she had been tagged in a picture taken somewhere that looked suspiciously like my university's conference hall and I could not fucking believe she was in my city. I slid into her DMs again, as you do, and found out that no, that wasn't my uni's aula magna, but yes, she was in fact relocating in my city for her master's. So we met up after maybe seven years of on-and-off Internet friendship. It's a neat story, sure, but how the fuck do we tie it into Æon Flux?

(image taken from Episode 3, Season 2: Leisure)

Not trying to be overly dramatic here, but Æon Flux to me is just about a condensation of everything that "art" can mean. Not just visual flare or style, not just deep meaning or interesting ways of putting across one or more questions and never a definitive answer to any of them (more often than not, it's sets of possible answers - usually two, neither of which ends up covering the whole array of possibilities, both of which actually leave a lot to be desired in a number of different ways), not just this insane fucking music that toys with everything you expect from animation courtesy of Drew Neumann who may just rank as one of the best soundtrack artists ever in virtue of this single work. It's the whole package. You would think it'd work taken in pieces, and it does, no objection to that: but it works even better as a whole package. If the moral questioning (and the philosophical musings of season 3, which is unjustly underrated because "it's too normal" by hipster wannabe critic dilettantes who like to think that they could do better than that. Everybody else on the other hand is generally able to stop pull their head out their own ass and recognize, at the very least, the excellent craftsmanship and talent that went into the ten long episodes) wasn't accompanied by the weird fetishistic sex it'd be somewhat less impactful, almost like a cauterized Tenshi no tamago made into a series for mainstream late-night TV audiences. The twist was that MTV's executives, at the time, "didn't understand [the double entendres], they didn't even notice them. So, we were okay", in producer Japhet Asher's own words in the short documentary Investigation: The History of Æon Flux. The network was, in fact, trying to break into the mainstream - they simply couldn't keep their creatives at bay. No wonder they turned to Jersey Shore as they went along.

(image taken from Episode 5, Season 3: The Demiurge)

Even just the main characters' purported edginess, clearly something "of its time", is never played entirely straight. Both leads are way too complex, and very clearly presented as such, to be just summed up by "Æon Flux is an anarchist/Trevor Goodchild is a dictator". Both of which are true, by the way, they're just one part of a full picture. Even within the context of its necessary linearity - this is still an animated short and as such moves only in one direction, even though a number of episodes (specifically Mirror and Chronophasia) deliberately fuck with the viewer's perception of times on varying degrees of diegesis and extradiegesis - the series could be perceived as, indeed, a sandbox: consequently, the viewer could set sail and explore it. This is further encouraged by the series's active weirdness to whoever would want to try and make sense of the world's story. There is no history, there is just the story at hand: an eternal present which you can't understand ("un eterno presente che capire non sai": Ferretti knew his shit, regardless of how it went after CCCP) and which Æon and Trevor are not interested in even trying to contextualize. Not a surprise then that they'd be into each other: their closeness in body and heart doesn't exist at the mind's level, and the whole thing falls apart miserably every time it looks like they could be finally let their weapons down. But as Æon completely understands, and as Trevor seems to actively try to ignore, the fight is already the whole point: star-cross'd as they may be, the entire act of playfully hunting each other for sport both in the bedroom and on the battlefield is what Trevor Goodchild and Æon Flux thrive on. Trevor wants stability but an Æon who doesn't fight back is simply not Æon; Æon does not want the stability, but she definitely likes Trevor to an extent and finds more in common with him that she would probably be willing to admit (I would like to thank Tumblr user @brw on thons very good analysis of the episode A Last Time for Everything, which heavily inspired this section of the post!). In short: if Trevor seems to embody Pier Paolo Pasolini's idea that "there is nothing more anarchistic than power" ("non c'è nulla di più anarchico del potere") then Æon flips the statement on its head: "there is nothing more powerful than anarchism". That is, of course, until we once again confront my signature ad-hoc elephant in the room that this statement just summoned.

(Image taken from Episode 1, Season 1)

No spoilers intended, but if you so much as google the name of the series you will easily find out that Æon Flux dies a whole lot throughout the series*. Season 1 and all the shorts from season 2 end with her dying ungrateful deaths and a couple of the long episodes leave much to be desired in the way of positive closure, with Ether Drift Theory representing a peak in bleakness for season 3. Most of the shorts where Æon dies imply that either absolutely nothing changes in the world around when she's lost or that Trevor Goodchild literally just succeeds in all of his goals (see Season 1's finale), and one could make a case that even if she did carry her missions through there would be absolutely nothing to show for it: somebody goes up the chain of power, everything is restored, there is one more tyrant to murder. Not to be that one guy who quotes Nietzsche about everything, but the eternal recurrence of the same is the first thing that comes to mind when watching Æon Flux, especially exemplified and even literalized by the episode War, possibly the best of the short ones: it's the same fucking story four times over a five-minute run time and nothing ever gets better for anyone. The body count in the episode is unquantifiably large - every one of the fallen a potential new Æon Flux or Trevor Goodchild. But this, in a way, implies that Æon keeps being reborn, and one could argue that the act of capturing a fly with her venus-fly-trap eye could simply be her coming back to life, as it were; stopping the most evident sign of decay, turning her eyes outward yet again, to face the eternal return of the same again and again and again…

(Image taken from Episode 8, Season 3: Ether Drift Theory)

You can find Æon Flux for free on the Internet Archive.

*as I was discussing the final draft of this post with my friend @oldshittydog we had a pretty interesting discussion which I thought should be added here for an even clearer, fuller picture:

#schismusic #animation #tv series #aeon flux #aeon flux 1991 #aeon flux 1995 #peter chung #japhet asher #mtv #liquid television #pier paolo pasolini #giovanni lindo ferretti #a lot of random bullshit #i guess i had fun with this

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fangirleaconmigo · 8 months

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A big part of taking care of someone who is sick is just keeping them company because it is so isolating.

So I have sped through a lot of media this past few months while sitting with my sister. And I’ve read while waiting in the hospital and doctors offices.

Here’s the new stuff I’ve just watched and read: (if you wanna talk more about any of them hmu in the ask box. It may take me awhile to answer but I want the asks even so!)

Watched

Barbie. I loved how weird this was. We need more weird blockbusters. I loved seeing a creative team with so many women win so big.

The Bear. This show was a little too real but so well done. I would die for Syd. My sister and I have incorporated “Heard, chef” and “Yes, Chef” into our daily lexicon.

Good Omens S2. When I tell you I was SCREAMIN at the finale. Season three is not a want, it is a need. Right up there with oxygen. Bless Tennant, bless Sheen, bless Gaiman, Netflix hear our prayers.

Breaking Bad rewatch. My thoughts could fill a novel. If anyone wants more, drop an ask. But for these purposes, my only thought is that I will never comprehend people who watched this for Walter White and not for Jessie Pinkman.

Justified Primeval: Deeply enjoyed watching Raylan Givens tussle with a child just like him 😂. Also his chemistry with Carolyn was fuckn fire, I loved the ‘grown an sexy’ vibe. And YESSSS to that epilogue.

What We Do in the Shadows (tho not the finale yet) I will be completely honest I watch this for Guillermo de la Cruz. No thots head empty just Guillermo.

The Witcher S3: My sister actually actively dislikes the show 😂😂😭 so I wasn’t gonna watch it to the sound of her unsolicited critique. So, I went to my friends house to watch it. But turned out my friend’s Husband Joined Us. He is nice but he talked over it SO MUCH. (Like did you know that some of the buildings don’t have windows in the wide shots but then in internal shots, windows galore??) Bless his heart. Point being, I need to watch again.

Ladies First. I’m a big fan of women in hip hop so this documentary series was a MUST. It was great but it left me wanting more. I want a series for every year of women in hip hop. Incredible. Also I found some new artists to listen to.

Pacific Rim rewatch. The movie is just as much fun ten years later. The concept of drift compatibility is top fucking shelf my friends. Top. Fuckn. Shelf. Also, is this the only GDT movie where the monsters are actually the bad guys? 😂 I think it is.

Heartstopper. I watched this mostly because I wanted to spend time (virtually, alas) with my fandom wife and she is obsessed with this show. Glad queer teens have this. The main actors have amazing chemistry, and are super lovable and talented.

One Piece live action. I needed something lighter after being gutted by Breaking Bad so I turned to this show. Am now obsessed with Roronoa Zoro.

I Read:

Pageboy, Elliot Page

Under the Whispering Door, TJ Klune.

Velvet is the Night, Silvia Moreno Garcia

I am Spock, Leonard Nimoy

The Entire Murderbot Diaries series re-read for like the seventh time. This is like my therapy. By Martha Wells.

#the witcher #opla #breaking bad #justified #good omens #the bear #pacific rim

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cleoselene · 3 months

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the top 5

So I'm not really a film buff. I like a lot of movies, but I'm a tv person. TV is my love, TV is where my passion is. And I've been mulling over the question of what are my actual top 5 favorite TV shows of all time?

I can tell you the top three easily:

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - uncontested favorite show of all time. Perfect characterization. Covers nearly every genre you can think of. Intricate, deliberate, patient storytelling. Gets a reputation for being the "dark" Star Trek but is still loads brighter and more hopeful than anything labeled "Star Trek" after 9/11. The writing is so strong, the characters are so lovingly crafted, there are over 100 incredible episodes to dig into. It doesn't overwhelm you with anything, when the story is very serialized, it gives you a break. When the story gets too intense, it takes a turn and gives you something lighter. I have SO MANY OPINIONS about how fandom kind of lets me down in its appreciation of this show but my appreciation of it is perfect.

Six Feet Under - beginning to end, uniformly wonderful quality. Claire Fisher and I went through a few too many of the same experiences as young women in the early '00s. I think if we're lucky, we find a television show that portrays experiences in a way that are true to us, and Six Feet Under speaks a certain kind of truth for me. Claire and I had the same cynical views, the same confusion in early adulthood, the same flirtations with sinister older men, the same asshole artist boyfriend who got us pregnant and then acted like when she/I had to get an abortion it was all about HIM. That complicated, painful relationship a young woman has with her mother, that's fraught with fighting and pain and a fierce kind of love. And the most perfect, beautiful ending in television history. My only complaint with SFU is that Nate Fisher is an incredibly difficult character to sit through on rewatch (and on first watch honestly) but I forgive it because through Nate we get Brenda, who is the Difficult Woman that fandom always claims they want to have to love but always hates when they get her. Brenda is amazing. I love Brenda.

Twin Peaks - a multi-decade obsession that I don't think I need to get into too deeply here because I have been fawning over it on this blog for months, but a few notes: This show takes a single tragedy and doesn't allow you to get over it, in a television landscape that encourages you to consume a new violence every week and then forget about it, Laura Palmer's death has lingers with us for over three decades because it should. It should be terrible and awful and painful. Twin Peaks also came about when crime media like Silence of the Lambs was telling us that the true evil scary bad guy was a crossdressing serial killer, when television soap operas coded crossdressing as a deviant, evil behavior, and said, "one of our explicitly coded good people is transgender." Twin Peaks told us that the killer is not some weird other, but as it is in reality, someone more familiar and mundane that we try to imagine is a terrifying monster to cope with the brutal mundane reality. And that's just the tip of a massive iceberg when it comes to what this piece of interpretive art is tackling. The wonderful thing about Twin Peaks is that you can read a million theories trying to define exactly what it's about and they can all be correct, because it's not just about consumable tv violence or trying to make monsters out of the mundane, it's about how we perceive our realities and so, so much more. The iceberg's depth is endless.

and then after those top three, I struggle to round out the top five. I have other shows I LOVE, but hesitate to put in with these elite three, for a variety of reasons. I love Star Trek: TNG and Voyager, but the uneven quality I think kicks them off the top five. Voyager has brilliance but some really dog bad episodes, TNG has some whole bad seasons.

HBO's "Rome" is an obsession that was so potent while it lasted that I am tempted, but it was a 2 season show and the quality fell off badly because the plot was majorly rushed in S2. I don't think it qualifies for top five, either.

My most recent sci-fi obsession is The Orville in that it really comes close to hitting the sweet spots the 90s Treks hit within the limitations of shorter modern television seasons, but I don't know if it's a complete work yet. I HOPE NOT. Season 3 was as beautiful and wonderful as modern television gets. It's got major top 5 potential.

Legend of the Seeker is up there with Rome in that the obsession was potent but way too brief: a 2 season affair. It's tempting to put this one in the top 5 because honestly I had almost no complaints about it. It adapted absolutely dog-awful atrocious shit source material and Raimi/Tapert gave it the same magic they infused into Xena to make it a really fun, progressive show. I want to give it a top 5 spot just because IT DESERVED BETTER AND EVERYONE ON IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. Also the fandom was super fun and I made really good friends in it and it was just a really joyful show to watch. It made me feel happy. TV doesn't make me feel happy enough anymore. Usually it makes me feel depressed *cough all the new Star Treks, cough* but Legend of the Seeker just lifted me UP. It was syndicated and I worked graveyard shift and I would get home after working all night at 7am and watch the new episode before bed and it was just. Such a boost of happiness.

Finally, I think Farscape deserves a slot. I don't know where. I am WAY overdue for a Farscape rewatch. After the roommates and I get through DS9 (one of them has never seen it!!) we are going to Farscape next. I always love telling people that Farscape is like Star Trek if Star Trek allowed itself to be kinky. What was that one TWOP description of Farscape? "American man lost in the Australian S&M scene." Roflcopter. Also, John/Aeryn is one of the more epic ships of all time. OF ALL TIME.

#star trek #deep space nine #ds9 #twin peaks #six feet under #the orville #legend of the seeker #hbo rome #farscape #idk idk idk #i'm inclined to say the rest of the top five is farscape and seeker

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arwenadreamer · 1 month

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The way you wrote about wincest from an ace standpoint on that post was so eyeopening for me, not on a wincest level since I've been shipping them for over a decade, but as someone who has been unsure of where they fit in on their sexuality for a long time. How you described the sex scenes is how I very highly prefer sex scenes in fics 99% of the time. The connection, the closeness, the desperation over the sexual act itself has always been where I deeply enjoy what I'm reading. I've been toying with the idea that I may be some kind of ace, but reading your experience with wincest made me so much more sure of myself, and for that I thank you. It's nice to feel confident about something like that for the first time in a while

❤

I'm so happy my own experiments experience helped you understand a bit more about yourself. (That's why representation and anti stigmatisation matters - be it LGBTQIA+ themes or mental themes or health themes or whatever. Let's talk about these things.)

For me too it was the fandom and Supernatural that helped me realise I am aromantic and asexual. (sigh, my phone doesn't know that word and auto corrects aromantic to a romantic. Or aromatic. 😫😫😫 Talking about representation.)

When I first watched SPN in 2015 the show hit me like a freight train and I didn't understand why. I couldn't stop watching. Several rewatches of then 11 seasons. I became obsessed. And that worried me. I didn't understand myself. I remember visiting my best friend in Portugal (where she had moved for three years) and trying to talk to her about it. I tried to explain to her. She didn't really understand, just looked at me bewildered while I sat there, actually crying. I don't remember most of what I said. Just one sentence: "Maybe I love this show so much because for once it is not about romantic love. It's not about a romantic couple or people becoming one. It's just about two brothers."

I was in my thirties and had been single basically for all my life, except for a hand full of short relationships, the longest of which took 4 months, because every time I basically panicked and ended it. I struggled with that all my life. Finding love is THE GOAL in life, right? Society expects it. And if you're still living alone at 36, you're an old spinster. SO WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?

At that bench in Portugal, overlooking the ocean, I gave words to a thought I didn't even know I had for the first time. "Maybe I love SPN so much because it shows that not everything has to be about finding romantic love."

It actually took me a few years more to figure out that I'm aro and a bit longer still that I'm asexual as well. But that's only because I didn't even know such a thing "existed". I full on had never heard about aro/ace before. Never. But due to spn I created a tumblr account, to follow fandom stuff. I stumbled about a post mentioning aro. I was confused and Googled what that was. It was like a revelation. That was me! I can not tell you how freeing that felt. To finally understand why I couldn't/ didn't want to hold a romantic relationship. And that it is OK! That nothing is wrong with me. That's just the way I am. For the first time ever I felt truly happy and free. (Don't get me wrong. I'm generally a happy person and loved my life since forever. But there was always this feeling that I shouldn't be happy as long as I didn't have a partner. That I should strive for a relationship and that there had to be something wrong with me if I couldn't have one.) I started to embrace that new understanding of myself. I also started to talk openly about it. With friends, with family. Many don't understand, but that's not important. They will learn that they don't have to pity me for living alone. They will understand that I may be living alone but that I am not alone. I am happy.

And then, once I understood this about myself, I thought: okay, I don't want a partner, I don't need to have a partner to have sex occasionally. I communicated this to potential sex partners. "Sex is fine, nothing more though." And once I gave myself permission to just enjoy that, I realised that while I enjoy the physical closeness, the sexual act itself really doesn't do anything for me. I don't hate it either. But I find it rather boring. Next light bulb going on in my head. Oh, I'm asexual.

From there I understood why I found sex scenes in fics boring if they where not heavy on the emotional part.

This answer got a bit more elaborate than I thought it would. But I reiterate my point: let's talk about these things. I could have been this free and happy in understanding myself years ago if I only had heard about aro/ace being a thing earlier.

#arospec #asexual #aro/ace #my asks #supernatural #personal

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citrus-cactus · 16 days

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CITRUS, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO TALK ABOUT YOUR POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOWS

DR. CRINGEFAIL: 2 4 14 21

SAD SCOTTISH MAN: 2 7 20 22

Enjoy!

BLESSINGS BE UPON YE, YOU KIND, HANDSOME, OBSERVANT STRANGER, YOU. MY CROPS ARE WATERED, MY FIELDS ARE THRIVING!!

Ask game here.

Under! The! Cut! Cuz! I’m! Embarrassed!

The one, the only, Noodle-In Chief:

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

It's not 100% clear to me, but it was definitely around the September timeframe of the novel (the first time I read it, in ‘22). I don't think it was OFFICIALLY too late for me until he met the Harkers at the end of September and Mina was like "Hey Jack. JACK. You keep your diary on all these wax cylinders, and they're not even LABELED?!" And Jack was like "...Um. Yeah, actually... that never even occurred to me." gOD, you IDIOT <3 (I may be paraphrasing). But it was this and several of his earlier blunders paired with his dogged determination to remain genre-blind and skeptical of everything that he was witnessing that ultimately endeared him to me. There Is Most Definitely Something Wrong With Him (derogatory) (affectionate).

He’s truly a problematic fave, but he’s my favorite character in the novel nonetheless!

4. How many people I ship them with

Um, the entire vampire-hunting polycule? THIS MAN DESERVES ALL THE KISSES where canonically he has none, and he deserved to be one of Lucy’s three husbands, fr fr :(

14. Best storyline they had

The incredibly tragic story, told in his own words, of how John “Jack” Seward, MD had to watch the woman he loved waste away and die of a mysterious ailment, interspersed with personal asides regarding how full of vigorous manhood all of his friends are, and how his former professor is so incredibly hot good at everything and spry for his age, but who also may be (in Jack's professional opinion) a touch crazy. Peak sopping wet noodle time, it’s amazing <3

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

September 30: "I got home at five o'clock, and found that Godalming and Morris had not only arrived, but had already studied the transcript of the various diaries and letters which Harker and his wonderful wife had made and arranged. Harker had not yet returned from his visit to the carriers' men, of whom Dr. Hennessey had written to me. Mrs. Harker gave us a cup of tea, and I can honestly say that, for the first time since I have lived in it, this old house seemed like home."

BUDDY!!!! T^T

"JUST SOME GUY(tm)”:

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

I mean, I’ve always liked him quite a bit (that voice, that tragic backstory, that Shakespearean flavor). But for whatever reason I didn't become obsessed until my rewatch last summer. CanNOT stop thinking about this man, the former king who has really just been a pawn his entire life; what he thinks, what he feels, how he's been going through the motions while searching for the one who betrayed him, yearning for a death that will not come for as long as he has. HE’S JUST SO SAD, YOU GUYS!!!!!

7. A quote of them that you remember

Every word that comes out of John Rhys-Davies’ mouth is SO GOOD, but the quote that sticks out the most is (of course) "KNOW her? I NAMED her." GODDDDDDD it's infinity good and I never get tired of hearing it, not even once (and since they use it in every relevant "Previously On," you hear it A LOT). It's ok though, because they 5000% knew what they were doing with that one.

Some other choice one-liners:

"I'm just… so... tired" is also top-tier delivery, and does a really great job of summarizing his entire existence since 1057.

"And I know how to read them" is such a sassy retort (and a GREAT callback to “Lighthouse in the Sea of Time”).

“For that matter… WHY ARE WE WORKING TOGETHER?” is sooooo *chef’s kiss.* Enjoy being a walking, talking meat puppet with your worstie for several more months, my guy!

20. A weird headcanon

Ummmmm soooooo I designed a gargoyle form for Mac as my headcanon for what he would've looked like in "The Mirror" (of course I did). My Watsonian explanation for why we didn't get to see him that night is he was way too busy getting drunk off his ass and crying over his long-dead wife (yet again) :C

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

990-some-odd years is a looooong time to find your lowest point. Even though moments like Gruoch’s marriage to Gillecomgain, his first “death”, and the endings of “City of Stone” and “Sanctuary” were pretty low moments for him, I’m quite sure his lowest point was never actually seen on the show (centuries-long depression isn’t exactly Disney Afternoon-friendly). The day(s) he found out about Luach and Gruoch’s deaths were obviously waaaaay up there. I imagine he had a really rough time of it during the Black Plague, so I’ll say his lowest point was somewhere in there :C :C :C

I do hope he was able to enjoy the Renaissance a little, tho. I’ll bet he commissioned a lot of art.

If you’ve read this far, THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY RAMBLING ABOUT THESE SAD, SAD FICTIONAL MEN!

#the cactus speaks #seward……………….#macbeth mac findlaech #DON’T LOOK AT ME!

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benoitblanc · 1 year

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for the sleepover, tell me what you're writing about and your favorite line so far if you have one! ✨

okay this kind of has three answers so i'll answer all of them! i always love talking about my writing projects (derogatory and affectionate) :)

original project: i am still dragging my feet with my crime show, which i have made little to no progress on in the past like two years, rip. you might have seen me talking about it before but tldr the very basic premise is that it's about a group of petty grifters who accidentally pull a con on the mob and get roped into this massive imbroglio of crime lords and long-seated feuds in the parisian criminal underworld. i unfortunately am STILL outlining, and the two scenes i do have written are in script format anyway, so i'm not going to post a favorite line

x-files university au: this has sort of replaced my peggysous time loop fic as my big fic project right now, which is really a shame because i am literally a loop and a half away from being done with the time loop fic so i should really get back to it so i can PUBLISH THE GODDAMN THING. sigh. i hate plot bunnies. this one is especially annoying because it's pretty much a rehashing of the mytharc episodes from season 1 (with a little futzing around with the timeline + m&s are uni students + doggett and reyes are also there), which means i kind of need to rewatch them... but i am only 2.5 seasons into watching this show for the first time. (sort of. as you'll see with the next project i've sort of been skipping around a little. don't worry about it.) however, i am kind of obsessed with my weird little college agents and their weird little project for investigative journalism 401, so we keep chugging away at it. i'm putting my favorite scene from it thus far under the cut below, plus a bonus line specifically for you :)

x-files uhhhhhhhh: i literally do not know what to say about this one without giving things away, but i will try: it's a season 5 au that deals with grief, devotion, and codependency with a hint of psychological thriller mixed in just for shits and giggles. i also read the recipe wrong and added a full cup of angst instead of a teaspoon, whoops. i know this means nothing to you because you don't even watch this show but for those of my followers who do i don't even think i can say what characters are in this without spoiling things. as such i am not going to post a line from this one either

sleepover asks!!!

(and read on for some snippets from my txf wip!)

my favorite section from the txf university fic (bonus points if you catch the non-txf reference):

“Or how ’bout this: happy family of seven moves into this huge big house in Massachusetts last year hoping to flip and resell it, and within a month, there’s a kid dead of cyanide poisoning and the mom took a one-way trip off the top of the staircase.”

“That’s a horrible tragedy,” Scully starts, “but-”

He slaps the newspaper on the table. (“Do you just carry that around?” John asks.) “The dad went to every publication that would listen claiming the house was haunted.”

John is rubbing his temples, and Scully mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ay yi yi. Monica, however, is nodding thoughtfully along. Mulder might kiss her, if a. he weren’t dead certain she’s a lesbian and b. he hadn’t recently come to the realization, completely unprompted by any real-life events, that he’s more partial to redheads.

and a bonus completely out of context line for mitali!

“Because Han Solo is a slut, that’s why. Open the button.”

#thanks so much for asking!!!#answered #arwen writes #*mutuals #*mitali

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madamescarlette · 1 year

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I'm feeling a tad bit too foggy to write up proper book reviews this month, so instead you're getting a list of Media I Particularly Enjoyed (In February)! for the audience of all two of you where these will all crossover, enjoy <3

Books:

Namesake by Kate Stradling (I also rec. The Heir and the Spare & Brine and Bone by her)

River Inside the River by Gregory Orr (I especially rec. this to anyone who is also a writer/poet, the last sequence was so lovely I had to stare at the wall every time I turned a page)

Devil's Cub by Georgette Heyer (still makes me laugh to no end)

The Selected Poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay by, well, her (I love the simplicity and sharpness of her voice, two of the three long-form poems at the very beginning made me SOB and then the rest were just very solidly good and precious to me)

Movies:

Babette's Feast (beautiful luminous never been done before)

Ponyo (rewatched after many years, still brings me unending light)

The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness (what I consider the better of the two Ghibli docs on HBO, and it may only be dear to me because it covers the development of The Wind Rises, but it left me with a weird sorrowful achey peace in my heart)

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (I saw this with friends and I very much think you should see this with a buddy, I had a great time cackling and gasping with them over it)

Games:

Crystal Project (an as-open-world-as-you-can-make-it spiritual-successor-to-classic-JRPGs game that I was enveloped by for the better part of January and the beginning of this month. It has a great deal of quality of life things that are great for me who just likes to climb cliffs and fly over the sea, and the story was just spare and sweet enough for my taste 4.5/5)

The Last Campfire (a short and sweet puzzle-y game about the process of letting go and learning to say goodbye that is very well suited to the state I'm in currently 3.9/5)

A Space for the Unbound (a little indie that's heavily story-based; I watched a playthrough of this and unfortunately was already miserable enough that it didn't quite devastate me as normally it would have but I truly have been thinking about it constantly ever since 3.75/5)

CrossCode (for full clarity, I'm still in the midst of playing this, but I adore the main character and I think the friendships in it are so so so sweet and the conversations that they have about the game they're in get to me because I'm like hey I'VE said that!!! Issa little ARPG about a fictional MMO and the players in it and the art is GREAT 4/5 so far I'm deeply invested in it)

Songs:

Staring Contest - James Ivy (quite frankly I can't tell you why I'm obsessed with this but the bit about laundry in the closet makes me feel so known idk)

You Let Me Down - Alessia Cara

I'll Call You Mine - girl in red (drums!)

Holding Pattern - Nickel Creek (the circling chord pattern is so sparkly to me personally)

I Know the End - Phoebe Bridgers (you know the drill this song is my companion when I drive around town shout-singing at the top of my lungs)

Trying to Feel Alive - Porter Robinson (my song of this year maybe)

#also finally read the volumes of fma that were languishing on top of my shelf since december and they were GREAT #i've been having a hard time focusing on new stories with the state of my brain right now though #so even though i have both small spaces and the screaming staircase on my shelf i haven't been able to pay the right attention to them #i've been trying to come up with newer and more fun ways to document my seasons than just journalling though so may or may not keep this up #we'll see!#anyway love u all out there stay safe and warm <3

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littleragondin · 6 months

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For the ask game <3

2, 12, and 16!

Thank you so much for asking! ~ ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝

2. Favorite Side Couple

This one turned out incredibly difficult?? I was scrolling through my watches and trying to find a side couple I loved more than the main couple in a show I loved but uh... came up blank. So I will give you Tee/Tanthai from Laws of Attraction because while I did not love them more than TinnCharn I did love them dearly! (also a nod to Pie and Petch, the fencers from Oh! My Sunshine Night because they made me come back and finish the show - when it had Ohm and Fluke so they deserve it lol)

12. Most Rewatched BL

So I was going to say UWMA with my whole chest, because I have watched it once or twice a year since it came out (so like, at least 7 times at this point). But, but, but. This year has been a little rough on the obsessions intensity, and I spent three weeks between February and March watching Takara kun to Amagi kun about once every two days so it has to be this one. As of today tho, who knows what awaits us in the upcoming months!

16. Favorite Trope

I will forever be a sucker for the (childhood) friends to lovers. It's just so delicious to me. The knowing the person so well yet being unsure of their feelings, and in turn them knowing every part of you except that very secret piece of your heart, the fear of breaking or losing what you already share and the guilt linked to those new feelings, the familiarity and intimacy that are now yearned for and frightening ... losing my mind every fucking time! (now guess what JBL I recently went crazy for)

#I am a huge huge rewatcher generally speaking #but this year I have done a lot of the 'binge one thing and get stuck on it for days'#(like I watched Khun Chai in february and saw it three times in full before March ended)#the ragondin answers

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blazehedgehog · 1 year

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Thoughts on the first Michael Bay Transformers movie? Allways get confused how on the internet everybody hates it while the original cartoon was also just a cheap toy commercial. I get when people complain about a bad adaption of a good work, but transformers is just cool robot action - and thats what we got - cool robot action with cgi thats looks betterr than alot of stuff that comes out today.

I think I've said it before but I think I was too young for a lot of Transformers stuff. It started airing a year after I was born and by the time I was starting to enter its target demographic, the show ended.

I was more about Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, Jurassic Park, and Sonic the Hedgehog. Transformers was something my brother had more of a connection with than I did.

The toys were also mega expensive. Truth be told, there was a brief window where I was enamored with some of the Transformers toys. But they were often more than twice the price of, say, a $4 Ninja Turtle action figure. I remember Hasbro or whoever doing some G2 reruns in the mid-to-late 90's and I saved up a whole month's allowance to buy a tiny little Bumblebee for like $9. It was nuts.

So there was a lot going against my ability to care about Transformers as a kid.

With that in mind...

The first Transformers movie is... okay. It's not great. It's got that signature Michael Bay look all over it: high contrast, high color saturation, excessive orange and teal color grading, everybody's always sweaty, it's always night time or sunset, lens flares all the time all over the place, the camera is always too close to everyone at all times, and there's this uncomfortable obsession with "hotties." We gotta have at least one lingering close-up shot of a woman's body framed by the summer heat. For a decade or more every movie this dude made looked like this.

But I don't remember that first movie being unwatchable. It was fine. True enough, the action is a bit incoherent, because it's all whirling chrome and the camera's too close to see what's going on except for a flash of sparks.

I don't like the way the robots look. The original Transformers, at least for me, were already hard enough to draw. For someone who has trouble drawing three dimensional shapes, all these rigid robots that are big rectangles full of hard-edges, it's not easy. But Bay's Transformers are next level impossible. There are thousands of shapes -- maybe even millions. I get wanting them to look like advanced alien technology, but it's sort of a mess.

Later Transformers movies definitely got worse, as they leaned more in to the toyetic qualities of the characters. They kind of wanted to have their cake and eat it too by making something that gestured at still being a kids property while you had weird adult humor and mega violence (it's okay, that decapitated robot wasn't human, and that's not blood, it's cyberton goo).

It's not hard to see things from the perspective of the OG Transformers fans, either. Like, Optimus's lips are a dumb compromise. A lot of it smacks of "what if we took this kids property and made it EPIC and BADASS." I may not have connected much with Transformers media, but that's still more than a little silly in a way that feels degrading for all involved.

"It was always bad, so it's allowed to be bad in a different way" isn't really landing for me as an excuse, either.

But that first movie's still not awful, I guess. It did not necessarily offend me (though later movies did). I just have no desire to rewatch it. Or any of the Transformers movies.

Except... y'know what? That standalone Bumblebee movie was very alright. And it seemed a little more respectful to the source material! Wouldn't mind seeing that one again.

#questions #Anonymous #transformers #michael bay #bumblebee

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bdluejay · 1 year

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tagged by me friend thing @alltimewhat to do this thingy thank u for putting it on my dash i love these thingies

last song: So Much (For) Stardust by Fall Out Boy. i finally listened to the titular album and cant get over how good it is oh my GODDDD. bipolar anthem. thank you pete wentz thank you patrick stump thank you andy hurley and thank you joe trohman. i love fall out boy sm the band of all time

last show: in the middle of rewatching Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts with my partner and its SO GOOD EVERYONE WATCH IT ON NETFLIX RN. it came out in 2020 and no one has talked about it since even though its so so very good. excellent 2 season cartoon with a great plot, actually good plot twists, dynamic, funny, and interesting characters, and an INCREDIBLE OST. like seriously the music alone sets it apart from other cartoons in its league. also the style and animation are so wonderful please watch Kipo please plase

currently watching: other than Kipo im finally watching breaking bad, just started season 3 and i hate walter hartwell white with every fiber of my being. the only cool thing he's ever done in his horrible miserable life was when he beat those guys up for making fun of his son with CP. jesse pinkman is my babygirl thank you.

currently reading: im in 2 books rn bc i need variety or ill never finish any book ever. first is The Creative Vegetable Gardener by Kelley Smith Trimble, its a really good book about gardening that i really didnt expect to like this much. aside from general gardening knowledge, its about breaking the mold of industrial inspired modern gardening and acknowledging gardening holistically, and what it can do for us mentally, physically, ecologically, and historically. honestly didnt expect to read about native land acknowledgement and the psychology of play in a gardening book written by an HGTV editor, but its a pleasant surprise and a very pleasant read. i cant garden where i am right now but theres a lot of good stuff in there. wow that was a lot but SECOND is How To Be You by Jeffrey Marsh, a lovely interactive self help book. ive only just started it but im already in love with it.

current obsession: Cheekface the band. ive had their music on REPEAT since i saw them live last month. an incredible mix between poppy energetic catchy music and cynical socially self aware lyrics. stream cheekface. all three of their albums. and also the b-sides. theyre so good if you want song recs I WILL GIVE THEM TO YOU LISTEN TO CHEEKFACE

tagging anyone who wants to as well lol

#jabber jay #i love doing these sm i feel like im 15 again #tagged game

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roberrtphilip · 11 months

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hi hi i’m a distant follower who loves your love for enchanted. being in love with a movie solidarity!!!💪 anyway i wanna know your enchanted love story. when did you first watch the movie and when did you fall in love with it/them!!!

ohghghugughghghhgehehhe. hi !! i Love this question so much omg 💙💙💙

so the first time I watched it was back when it came out, my mom rented it (or maybe it was on tv, I can't remember) and I don't remember a lot from that experience but I do remember my mom and I laughing really hard over pretty much all of Robert's reactions. truly thought that man was the funniest character ever created (and I was right <3)

after that I didn't think much about it outside of just thinking it was a Good Funny movie, but then when I was around. 18 I think? I had a brief obsession with James Marsden bc of Hairspray and decided to rewatch it and got really obsessed with it. my friend was over and watched it with me and she said something like "I can tell you really like this movie because you haven't said a word this whole time" bc usually when she was around I'd never shut up sdoifjsodijf Robert and Giselle's scenes were hittin tho and I couldn't look away. I remember tearing up when Robert sang during So Close and I knew I was a goner at that point.

after that it was an obsession that would come and go. I remember there was months where I'd watch it once a week, then I'd move on to something else, and then I'd see it on my dvd shelf and think "huh, I wanna watch that!" and it would start all over again. I also remember there was one year where like. for three months in a row, I'd put it on to fall asleep to every night, and then just hit play again if I woke up to the title menu. and then I'd watch it while getting ready for work/eating breakfast.

when the sequel was finally actually in motion, I knew my brain rot was gonna come back, and when they released the trailer and I saw Robert and Giselle had a baby, I knew it was really gonna hit me. the one and only thing I wanted from Disenchanted was married, domestic, fluffy Robert/Giselle and just based off the one trailer I watched I knew my brain was gonna rot away. and it did <3

Disenchanted came at just the right time too bc I was lookin for a something to sink my teeth into in terms of a fixation, so I'm glad this one came back.

#ahhhh i Love this question thank you thank you thank youuuu #💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜#also this has reminded me i haven't watched it in two weeks. sad. will do so tomorrow i Think #lumiereandcogsworth #ask #certified enchanted moment™️

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maroonghoul · 1 year

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Horror Movies I Just Watched: Mar 2023

Another short list this month:

Planet Terror: If these aren’t the grossest zombies I have ever seen, they’re the grossest I’ve seen in a long while.

Once again, the fictional end of the world is caused by the US military dabbling in something without any proper precaution. Didn’t really care for the running gag with the mad scientist being castration obsessed. Not sure if that’s bro-humor or homophobia. Bruce Willis’s cameo as technically the main villain was kinda funny. if only for how they enjoyed making it obvious how detached he was from the rest of the cast. And of course, Tarantino shows up just to die, but not before deserving every nasty bit of it. Really surreal they’re part of a stolen plot point from 28 Days Later of all things. If you’ve seen it, you probably know the one.

The rest of the cast work well enough. Marley Shelton’s doctor remains likable even as she goes off the deep end and her eye shadow runs (wait, did I say even? I meant especially), while Josh Brolin seems to channel his Thanos performance ten years earlier and even creepier. And what happens to their kid; child death in horror movies can be a stand out moment whenever it shows up if not handled recklessly. This isn’t reckless, but it certainly seals the deal on what kind of movie this is with it’s dose of dark comedy.

I know Rose McGowan’s gun leg is THE image of the movie, but I’ve been used to seeing it even before watching the movie, I was more affected by everything else.

I should’ve know just how bloody all this was really going to get the second Tom Savini showed up. Then again, with him here and Rodriguez directing, calling this movie From Dusk Til Dawn’s grimier dumber brother seems appropriate. That reminds me, I need to rewatch that in the near future.

Scream VI: *SPOILERS!*

I felt like the previous one took a few more risks than this one, but I actually enjoyed this one more.

A part of me DID watch to relish the New York setting here, but Ghostface was always the type to be in costume when he’s in your house rather then around any sort of landmark. He would’ve been caught almost immediately.

Yes, the opening is a great first for the franchise. In hindsight, paired with the reveal of our actual killers, it felt like a callback to Mrs. Loomis betraying Mickey back in Scream II. Personal revenge taking priority over insipid fame-seeking meta commentary.

Speaking of our actual main killers, Is this the first one since III where the motives are actually personal? And the first since II it’s someone taking revenge for family? It helps that there being THREE of them and they’re family kinda gives it a Texas Chainsaw vibe for me. And pretty cool that the climax is a literal blood feud between two families. (Though I’m confused, are the Villains the Bailey’s or the Kirsh’s?)

Although that ends up being part of what I mean about there being less risks. With three killers, that means even less victims that aren’t just essentially extras which was about half the deaths this time (The bodega people plus Gale’s new companion), so the only new person who was expendable ‘til then was Anika. As for the core four, they’re actually less expendable now then the previous four have been (Randy died in only his second appearance and Dewey...) . Chad couldn’t really die no matter how many stabs because he’s new final boy Himbo. It wouldn’t been way too mean to kill Mindy, the black queer member, especially right after killing her girlfriend right in front of her. We literally just got Kirby back. The internet might’ve explode if it was definitive this time. Sam’s the new main character, who also makes a more compelling case of sticking around this time, (and hoping Scream vii doesn’t spin it’s wheels on her). Tara might be the strongest case, especially with how Jenna Ortega’s fame is skyrocketing so she could get too busy for more of these. But yeah, combining that with her sub plot of pseudo self destruction might not have paired well. I almost felt Gale was saved in reshoots, people repeating she was in a coma. I get it, but man, she would’ve went out strong.

I guess, pay disputes with Neve Campbell aside, maybe it is time for some legacy characters to step back for now. Just do something to have less characters with plot armor.

Okay, Let me end this section on a positive note. One of my favorite bits was actually in the opening. Tony Revolori’s character becoming a killer AND getting killed because he doesn’t understand Giallo films was rather amusing to me, but I guess only because I know enough about horror movies to at least know what a Giallo is. Up to that, can we just say that was the actual big intentional gag of this whole franchise, am I right? All the characters talk about scary movies and most of the villains are trying to create a real life scary movie. Though the movies they’re referencing and trying to copy are Slashers films, the plots of the Scream movies always felt like they had more in common with Giallos, like the ones made by Bava and Argento decades before slashers. Slashers don’t have human, vulnerable schemers all that often, but Giallo do. The invincible killer that gets away with everything until the next killing spree were around in 70s horror movies (Michael, Billy, Leatherface, etc.), but they didn’t start being considered cool until Jason showed up a movie late in 1981. The eighties. A decade where psychopathic straight men seem to run everything. But we’re not in the eighties anymore, and as much as we can learn from it, we also need to leave it behind. Even though too many people prove to not get the memo, the joke is still on them at the end. Six times now in this case.

It’s crazy how the first and second time Ghostface was actually cheer worthy are in this movie, at the very beginning and the very end (Unless III had some moments, it’s been a while). While the end is gratifying with Sam weaponizing her own horrific family legacy against those who’s chickens have come home to roost, a slight evolution on Richie’s fate from the previous movie. I’ll still remember this entitled, pretentious asswipe getting done in by someone actually trained and experienced in killing (either the cop father of one of the kids he’s trained) beating him at his own game before he even got started, with a pre mortem one liner that would seem contradictory, but fits in how when you’re on the receiving end of the knife “Who give a f--- about movies?!”

Inferno (1980) Speaking of NYC-set horror films and Argento. This is a loose sequel to the original Suspiria. While it’s been a long time since I saw that one, I think I liked it more then this one. Suzy came into the plot because of a personal pursuit then got curious about the weird and horrific events around her. Mark in this movie, cared the least about who the Mother of Shadows is, yet he’s the sole survivor. Was that commentary about leaving well enough alone on such things? Usually you don’t punish any characters for trying to be smart in a horror movie unless movie is made before 1960.

At least the kills were up to snuff. Failed decapitation by window and getting chewed on by rats before getting stabbed by a possessed(?) food cart vendor were highlights. Really hated how the guy drowns some cats before doing it. What was even the point of that? Not like Tenebrarum had any pet cats.

Skeleton costume at the end was cute though. Not even going to bother with the third trilogy in this sorta Trilogy. I heard it was even worse.

I’m likely going to have a longer list of movies to talk about next month. Until then...

#planet terror #scream vi #inferno 1980

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