#i was bored and i wanted to create something fun
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if you're in the shifting community and haven't fully shifted yet, READ THIS ‼️‼️‼️‼️
I have been in the shifting community ever since 2019/2020. I already gave up, felt sad and unmotivated, felt as if I would never be able to do it, and BOY. If me from the past simply gave up I would NEVER forgive myself.
I would never forgive myself for denying the feeling of finally shifting and seeing people I've always dreamed of seeing, I would never forgive myself for believing shit that anti-shifters say, I would never forgive myself if my bad thoughts took over, I would never forgive myself if I denied the reason that keeps me alive till this day, I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF IF I DID NOT SHIFT.
Believe me when I say that the worst thing a shifter can do is give up. You are already blessed for being able to access public information of shifting between MILLIONS of years with humanity not having a clue of what's going on
Life here is wwwaaayyyyyy too short and boring to live in only one reality. Life without shifting is the most difficult thing ever, but life with shifting is basically living in baby mode because you can do and create LITERALLY whatever you want in less than a second. Don't. Give. Up.
One basic thing that every shifter needs to know is that every journey is their own.
Some done it X way and it worked, but it didn't work for Y person, and that's okay!
X person did it Y way, but it didn't work for me, because I don't feel comfortable/like to do it Y way, and that's okay!
9283387272278383 people did it X way and it worked for them, but not for me because I don't like do shift that way, and that's okay!!!
It genuinely hurts to see shifters give up because they haven't found their way of shifting. Every person is their own, and don't give up by something stupid as trying to shift in ways that don't make you comfortable!
I used to try to shift every single day, because shiftok told me that, the more times I tried, more chances I had to shift. And I'm someone who gets mentally tired and stressed really easily, so trying everyday exhaustively made me unmotivated and sad, but for some people, doing so gives them motivation, and that's okay!!!
Trying to shift in the exact way that makes me happy and motivated, as "weird" as it may be, made me shift first try after 4 years.
Don't treat shifting like a house chore, treat it like something fun and cool, which is how it actually is but some people fail to see it
Something my friend said that describes how my shifting journey ended after I shifted is "just have fun and daydream until you wake up besides (insert comfort character), I mean, it's all fun and games. it literally is"
Putting shifting on a pedestal and seeing it as something "impossible" to achieve is what's making some people to not shift. not saying you need to be bouncing off the walls 1000% of the time, but thinking negatively and making things more difficult as they are is basically digging your own grave
If you can't stop having negative thoughts, take a break. Stay away from shifting content until you feel okay again. Take things easy
One last thing: if you dare to be unmotivated or GIVE UP even, expect 10 heavily armed men in front of your house tomorrow 9am. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT OF CHOICE, YOU ARE SHIFTING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
Literally me when you shift:
#♡ ⋆｡≀✧. * shifting advice ꒷꒦*.+ ♡#do not give up on shifting!!!!! i believe in you!#shifting#reality shifting#shifting community#shifters#shifting blog#reality shift#desired reality#shifting antis dni#reality shifter#shifting motivation#shiftblr#shiftinconsciousness#shifting realities#subliminal#subliminals
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UNFORGETTABLE - l. hs
no matter how much you wanted to forget Heeseung, he would always make his way back into your life
pairing ; heeseung x fem!reader genre ; exes to ???, slight angst, college au warnings ; jealousy, kissing, swearing
mae’s note ; reblogs and criticism are appreciated! 🤍
“Having fun?” you heard a masculine voice say behind you. You quickly turned around to meet the man who was standing in front of you.
You recognized immediately that familiar face, it was Sim Jaeyun. You never actually talked in college since your majors were the opposite of one another, but you casually met him at frat parties like the one you were at right now.
“Pretty boring in here, y’know” you replied, a genuine smile appearing on your face. You heard the boy snicker at your answer, not knowing what was so funny in what you said.
“They’re going to play beer pong in a bit, want to be my partner?” he changed the subject of your conversation, asking you to be his partner for the game.
You nodded your head while still giving him a smile, looking around the room, searching for the table where you will play. “Would love that” you replied, earning a smile from the boy.
He grabbed your wrist and led you to the table, slightly bumping into all the people who were at the party. Your eyes were lingering around, trying to find Aeri, your best friend. You wondered if she was already getting laid on.
While you were looking around, your eyes locked in with a person. It was Lee Heeseung.
Your heart skipped a beat, making your body feel a chill sensation. The look on his eyes was telling you that he was annoyed at the sudden skinship with Jaeyun.
You slowly let go of Jaeyun’s hand, approaching the shell of his ear since the music was too loud to understand each other from a distance.
“Wait for me, I forgot something outside” you told him, nearly yelling from all the noise in the room. You watched the boy nod and give you a pat on your shoulder before making your way outside, needing to take a breath.
As soon as you walked out, you were met by a cold breeze that made you shiver slightly, rubbing yourself with the palms of your hands to create warmth.
“Going for your ex’s friends now?” your body froze. You recognized that voice straight away. You felt his frame approaching you, leaving you lost in thoughts.
“As far as I know, we broke up a long time ago, Heeseung.” you replied, trying to hide the weakness that was persisting in your head.
You and Heeseung didn’t break up in good terms. A heated argument of yours led to you two splitting up. You knew for a fact that you missed each other, but both of you had too much pride to admit it.
“So you wouldn’t mind if I asked Saerom for her number?” his voice had a teasing tone in it. Your jaw clenched at the mention of her name. She was mainly the reason of your break up, and hearing your name made you feel challenged and annoyed.
“Go fuck yourself, Lee” your response was bitter enough to make Heeseung understand your annoyance at the mention of the girl’s name. You heard a laugh from the guy, making you turn your head and glare at his face.
He then abruptly made his way to you, nearly closing the gap between the two of you, smirking at the redness that spread across your face. After taking a close look at your face, he planted his lips on yours, making his hands travel freely through your body, only to place them on your waist.
You tilted your head too quickly for your liking to deepen the kiss, heat filling your body. You cupped his face as he continued kissing you, not wanting to leave your lips.
The kiss was interrupted when he moved to your cheeks, making you whine silently as you didn’t want for it to end.
He made his way to your jawline and then to your neck, kissing your sensitive spot, making you wonder if he remembered.
After tracing kisses through your neck, you heard him say something.
“You will never forget about me, Y/n.”
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~Earthspark spoilers~
So there was a lot I didn't like about Season 2 (batch 1) . . . but I do want to mention something that I've seen a lot of negative "discourse" about that I actually didn't have a problem with: Aftermath and Spitfire being inherently troublesome from the moment of their creation.
There's been this ongoing trend in internet media criticism to look at everything through a lens of realism. I've even seen a few people complaining about Robbie and Mo being in dangerous situations, like they're real children. But they aren't. They are fictional characters who exist so that real children can have fun imagining that they, too, can fight bad guys alongside their cool robot friends.
The Chaos Terrans are fictional robots created by a mystic artifact, an artifact that was fractured and malfunctioning when they were 'born'. I am not worried that kids will extrapolate that real children--who are not robots and not created by mystical artifacts--can be born evil based on seeing a cartoon using the very common Evil Clone trope. Please give children some credit.
Predacons and Maximals were created very similarly in Beast Wars. Any time a Maximal protoform pod crashed, BW Megatron & Co would try to reprogram it into a Predacon, and if they succeeded then the new character would instantly join their faction and start burning the surrounding forest with a flamethrower or whatever. It's a conceit to hurry the new character into the plot, because it would be extremely boring if every new Beast Wars character spent three episodes philosophizing and studying Cybertronian history before choosing a side.
The goal of fiction is not to perfectly mimic reality.
#earthspark#media criticism#spoilers#Spitfire#Aftermath#Terrans#Beast Wars#being a Predacon in BW didn't meant characters didn't have free will#like it wasn't mind control#and characters could switch sides#but when Dinobot or Blackarachnia joined the Maximals#their programming was still Predacon.#at one point Rhinox gets 'turned into' a Predacon#and after he's back to being a Maximal#he says Predacon programming is like 'three gigs of attitude on a two gig hard drive'
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Weekend WIP Game
Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (There are also questions for artists/GIF creators below).
For Writers
1. WIP List:
2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?
3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?
4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?
5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?
6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?
7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?
8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?
9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?
10. Which WIP is the sexiest?
11. Which WIP is the angstiest?
12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?
13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?
14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?
15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?
16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?
17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?
18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?
19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?
20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.
For Artists (I'm not sure if this will work for GIF makers, but I'd love if it did!)
1. WIP List:
2. Which WIP is your most complex?
3. Do any of your WIPs involve you using a technique/style that you haven't used before? What inspired you to try it?
4. Which WIP do you expect will take you the longest?
5. Which WIP are you finding the most enjoyable to create?
6. Do you have a favourite character to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?
7. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?
8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of creator's block?
9. Do any of your WIPs contain characters outside the main ship? How are you finding creating those?
10. What emotions are you hoping to convey through your WIPs?
11. Are there any features/details you are finding challenging in your WIPs?
12. Which WIP has the most complex shading/colouring?
13. Which WIP has the most complex background?
14. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for?
15. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?
16. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other art doesn't?
17. Are any of your WIPs commissions?
18. Do you have a character that is more difficult to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?
19. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.
A HUGE OPEN TAG SINCE THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME THIS GAME IS POSTED PLUS: @daisymae-12 @clottedcreamfudge @indomitable-love @iboatedhere @everwitch-magiks @inexplicablymine @celeritas2997 @kiwiana-writes @cha-melodius @cricketnationrise @beautifulhigh @dumbpeachjuice @athousandrooms @villiageidiot @the-amber-fox @stereopticons @apothecarose @hippolotamus @jesuisici33 @statueinthestone @ramonaflow @lilythesilly @nontoxic-writes @fuckingyrs @orchidscript @rmd-writes @nelsonnicholas @fitzherbertssmolder @thisbuildinghasfeelings @strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @three-drink-amy @birdclowns @wandering-night19 @heartstringsduet @inflarescent @tintagel-or-cockleshells @alrightbuckaroo @carlos-tk @freneticfloetry @lightningboltreader @reyesstrand @goodways
#Weekend WIP Game#a lola creation for your weekend sorry#i was bored and i wanted to create something fun#also so sorry but i know nothing about art#so if the art questions suck#i apologise#just trying to capture all creators not just writers!#idk how successful i am though#ANYWAY#also tried to get a wide range of fandoms going!#schitt's creek#rwrb#red white and royal blue#911 lone star#911#young royals
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hotel manager
#zeno's art#i'm not sure if i should tag the show itself as i'm not a fan but i guess its “fan”art so i will#hazbin hotel#charlie hazbin hotel#vivziepop#i was bored and wanted to draw something#my main goal here was to create a design that looked distinct and could (potentially) be moderately easy to animate#of course based on charlie's character i added as many angel images as possible through the hair and bowtie#(i know white on white is a character design sin but i wanted to show the angel wing detail ;w;)#also to express the personality and juxtaposition of a sweet devil her horns are supposed to curve into a heart shape#of course the garterbelts are upside-down/st peters crosses because of her satanic themes#i also tried to go harder into the goat theme but its still subtle i think#i actually think the goat theme is really interesting because of the story of the sheep and the goats in the bible#but i cant remember if it was actually something intended in her original design#i'm not going to draw anyone else so dont even anticipate that#this was basically a cooldown? ok i think i'm rambling now#goodbye#ok edit to say it clearly: i am not a fan of vivziepop or her work. i just wanted to redesign charlie as a cooldown/exercise for fun#because i used to be a fan of the character before i wised up about what vivzie had and has done#and before i matured and noticed the cracks and fundamental flaws in her works#so yea i dont support her at all and this redesign is critical i guess#also the reason why the tag “vivziepop” is there in the first place is so that anyone who has that tag silenced can scroll past#without seeing anything related to her work. in case that clears anything up#its the same reason why i tag “long post” and “food” and the like
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one each a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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i made this a few months ago for a discord and i figured i might as well share it here too
#loz#legend of zelda#phantom hourglass#bellum#bellum is kind of a nothing villain but i like him#this image is basically the framework for how i write bellum's relationship with linebeck a lot of the time#the severity and seriousness of 'ruined your life' varies between aus n shit#ironically post-ph is one of the ones where 'ruined your life' is a bit hyperbolic#im in a talkative mood rn so im gonna have a little tag tangent going on#bellum is fun and like with this image you can take him many different ways depending on your own tastes and readings n stuff#recently i pinpointed some character i mightve accidentally based my take of bellum on and it escapes me rn#but i like to have him come off as a sort of brash young god sort of thing whos been very gung-ho about what hes been created to do and#represent and ive def leaned into him acting differently in different aus but backing it up with the idea that. hes immortal and thinks its#fun to try different things hwne he earnestly interacts with and among mortals. like in my crimson king au (the uh. one where he has a#homoerotic relationship with linebeck) his purpose behind masquerading as human and settling for a decidedly slower and more complicated#method of obtaining food and taking control is because he wants to challenge himself after years of just smashing through and taking what h#wants and because hes more interested in the more minute details of mortal interaction and how he could play along for a while#hes a bit more... whimsical? laid-back? something for the most part with linebeck because he's used to being a fuckin demonic god whos#mostly just playing around and not making attachments bc fuck it if he gets bored he can just eat these people and this one guy gets his#mercy and support because he's interesting and useful as a tool (and eventually as a source of genuine friendship. a common theme i seem to#have with bellum [perhaps as an accidental parallel or smth to the spirits n oshus] is him stumbling into finally understanding why#relationships are worth it? like a lot of the time his interactions with linebeck give him a new understanding of humans and he learns to#care about linebeck despite starting off seeing him as just an interested subject to watch or tinker with idk how to describe it#like in post-ph [ig post ph spoilers] as the fourth member of the main cast his main arc is abt kinda being forced to mingle with mortals#and ends up really caring and supporting these people and considering his own role and place in the world after kind of isolating and#surrounding himself with effectively a literal hivemind and loyal monsters and just reacting to outside forces with the intent to consume#and eradicate all danger so ig theres some parallel with linebeck too? bellum is a work in progress he's kinda a weird oc at this point?#when does an existing character stop being that and starts becoming an oc idk. its a weird line here bc bellum has minimal characterization#) anyways. funny meme or whatever. the discord seemed to like it im not used to sharing memes or whatever.#my post
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sometimes i get really annoyed with cis comedians who make shitty trans jokes, not just because it's actively harmful, but also because all their jokes about trans people are exactly the same low-hanging-fruit-type of cheap, predictable jokes. it REALLY isn't that hard to make jokes and be humorous about the trans experience. i've seen TONS of jokes by other trans people (and made some myself) that capture the inherently humorous parts of the trans experience without actually being offensive or cruel to others. like these people make it clear they're not making trans jokes to find humor and joy in their lives, they're making trans "jokes" to further the stigmatization and abuse of trans people. but because they're doing so via comedy they try to escape accountability by couching it as "just a joke". like okay sure buddy, it's "just a joke" when you imply that trans people are deceitful liars trying to trick innocent unknowing cis people into sex, but the exact moment a black person makes a completely non-hostile joke about white people, you're crying and pissing and shitting yourself about it. "just a joke" shut the hell up and get real jokes.
#sye's babbles#like the most exhausting thing about conservative comedy is just that like#they don't seem to understand comedy as anything but being offensive#and i really don't understand it#like yeah roasting people can be fun sometimes#but there are a gasquillion other ways to create humor aside from making fun of someone#like a lot of comedy is about CONTRAST. where you set up something to happen one way and it goes a dif way#but because so many right-wing comedians are so heavily focused on being 'offensive' and 'not woke/politically correct'#all their jokes are just. immediately predictable.#even barring their inherent prejudice they're just. completely rote and boring#every single conservative comedian is functionally interchangeable because of this#the far right all shares one (1) collective sense of humor#and gets super goddamn butthurt when people just dont find them funny#like. yeah. youve put on a shitty blond wig and are pretending to be a hysterical raging trans woman.#wow. you're so groundbreaking. your obnoxious screeching falsetto is unlike any other.#do you want me to kiss the ground you walk on king.#(SARCASM)
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i want to paint, but autism is hungry and needs to be fed 8hrs of skyrim a day
#i'm trying to set up to paint bc i want to!! but every bone in my body says no#i'm gonna feel sad and disappointed in myself if i don't paint because i want to actually *do* something#and not spend this whole weekend having barely even scraped the surface of what i truly genuinely wanted to do#and instead just burn away the time looking at skyrim#i'm not even really having all that much fun playing it!!! but i can't break away from it#which isn't always a bad thing especially on week days but? on a long weekend where i want to enjoy myself??#and i can't because my brain won't let me??? not fun!!!#painting is so boring and understimulating and my brain is way too foggy right now to think about mixing colors and layering#(secretly i don't even want to paint i just want to feel satisfied at creating a thing!!) (my brain is too fried to hold a thought long#enough to do the physical action of painting! it sounds wayyyy too daunting and taxing right now!!)#but if i spend this whole weekend having sat on my ass doing nothing will i feel rested? no!!!#but if i spend all my energy doing A Hobby will i feel rested? also no!!! but then i'll at least have something to show for it#i'm riling myself up and i feel like i ALMOST could make myself paint right now#but as soon as i think of what it will feel like to sit here and focus and move my hands to do the painting my brain screams NO#and sure i can argue i'll feel better if i do it i'll be glad if i do it and it'll be easier once i start#but this isn't the walk i took yesterday (that i was glad i took but still felt like garbage after)#i WANTED to take a walk. i was just struggling with the level of exertion i could manage (walk my neighborhood or drive 30min to the park?)#my brain is latching on to 8hrs a day of skyrim bc that's all i have the energy for#work has been killing me#and it's so painfully bright in my apartment but i can't close the curtains bc i need all the sunlight i can get#i WANT to have the energy to paint and enjoy it but i just don't.... (but i feel like if i Give In to the exhaustion then i'm#no better than my mom who just sits around all day refusing to live her life bc she refuses to take care of herself.#and calls sitting perfectly still—instead of actuvely managing her condition—'not letting her disability win')#(so i don't want to be that. i don't want to waste away like my mom bemoaning how i Just Can't when i totally can!!!#i could push through this exhaustion and hype myself up but the only thing i'm going to be thinking about is Am I Done Yet? Can I Rest Now?)#and i can't convince myself that 'just paint for 30min' is worth it bc mixing paint and setting up is Just So Much#enough that 'just 30min' is a lie and not a legitimate out if i need it to be#i need to commit or not do it. and i just can't......... my eyes hurt and i'm tured and i just wanna play my game#and all this indecision and feeling like i'm wasting time is just making me want to cry. im gonna close the curtains and boot up the xbox;(#personal
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gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this
#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me#‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds#im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing#life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something#i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore#i finished. and i hate it#i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here#i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant#it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them#i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just#didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore#ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better#idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu#but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years#and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!!#i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad#i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped#like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this#drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me#not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess#yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well.#i dont like to say the words#simons spouting#vent :(
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I could go to bed at a reasonable hour, but why would I do that when I could stay up and make myself sad over characters that I made up literally 5 minutes ago instead
#misc.txt#3 in the morning is peak oc creating hours#was doodling an er oc I have#and offhandedly wondering what they'd be like if they were an npc with a traditional soulsborne tragic quest. yes I know I am cringe btw#but now I'm sad :( and also dealing with the fact that this character only exists in my head and matters only to me hdfjskhd#it's like whenever I make a character where like. I want to write them a sad story I guess? idk how to put it but you know#I get to a point where I'm like 'idk this just seems kind of boring and bland' and then I get. a tiny idea#which then just snowballs from there until I'm reduced to the human version of a crying cat meme#AND NOBODY ELSE WOULD FULLY UNDERSTAND BECAUSE THEY ONLY EXIST IN MY HEAD. torture :)#honestly I never post about my ocs (fully original ones and then ones like this one) even though I have them but. whatever#his story arc and questline are not real but I could absolutely break your heart with subtle details and item descriptions if they were <3#ok actually I want to talk about this though. so like#I think it's less so like 'I want to make a character in this universe' but I really love the fromsoft method of storytelling#by giving you tiny details and hints and things you might not notice at first. and then when you do it just HITS you and it hits different#than if it were just spelled out for you. like if you fully understand a character from the start that's great and all#but there's something about absentmindedly connecting the dots in the shower or something and going 'OH.'#idk if I'm wording this right probably not it's late but. thinking about how to tell a character's story through those methods is very fun
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not me starting another fic even tho i ahvent finisbed the other one i started
#its a continuation of the point i sertion ckmic i made#rn its just atarting off right near the end of it and going until gordon leaves the room#but tbh the main focus of what i want to wirite is the ehole thing from barneys point of view#since ive been writing and creating so much about g vs f from his point of view#i reallt santed to have an outsider and some one who really knows him (or how he used to be) watch the new him#and also get to watch the drastic flipping and react#to it with thwir own anger and trauma#and aatxh as the rift expands#but i kinda gotta write it from gordies point if view to understand whats going on behind the scenes#also becuz ive found that i like writing him#writn g is so much more fun when im wiritn something i enjoy#i always thought i hated it becuz it aas hard and boring and i never got to do anything fin with it#and the few times i ever wrote creatively i thought i sucked at it so i never wanted to do it#but now its so fun and im havjng fun and its letting me tell stoeies that i woulsnt be able to via drawing#and it s great#iwillspeakincessantly
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kj post five hundred thousand lamenting the loss of my passion for drawing because its starting to feel like its never coming back
#it shouldnt feel like a chore! i miss when it was fun!!!!#as much as i try not to care about my art posts flopping because i know attention shouldnt be my motivator for drawing#it does still make me a little sad so now my brain struggles to want to create anything#like i WANT to create desperately desperately but i sit down to draw and just want to go to bed#the tiredness has been permeating my life ive become extremely socially isolated#which loops around to making me even more bored because im just in my own head all day and theres not even anything in here#my attention span has degraded to the point that i literally have to force myself to try and think about my own ocs most of the time#which doesnt even work because within two seconds i get distracted by being frustrated i have to force it#gruhhhhh . grouhhhh#i miss when mlad was fresh and it was so fun and exciting and fulfilling to work on it#now even though i still love it and want to work on it it just keeps slipping between my fingers#GRUHHH. i want to draw i want to write i want to talk to people but i Cant#i need to join another server or something because after my last Really bad mental period i isolated myself a lot lot lot. and ive been too#scared to go back to my old spot and now i very rarely talk to more than one person a day (excluding work)#im lonely and im too exhausted to be interesting enough to fix it!#im pretty sure 80% of my problems could be fixed with like. adhd medication#but im too tired and lazy and tired to start the road to getting it#sorry i keep coming back to append on more tags but last thought i prommy. i just miss when things could actually hold my attention#i miss having the motivation to do minicomics for lore drops i miss being so excited about aus with friends i would do multiple sketches a#day i miss being so gripped by individual scenes between characters i would take the time to write a multi page minific about it#why cant my brain HOLD ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#JUST PAY ATTENTION :(#i need a new hyperfixation or im going to do something drastic.
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My ideal economy is highly authoritarian which sucks because who the hell is ever going to get on board with that
#my posts#people hate being told what to do especially by strangers but the problem is if we let people do whatever we want then people act evil#but i want a government to calculate exactly how many jobs are needed in Every sector in order for everybody's needs to be provided equally#and then to create quotas and incentived and early track education programs to ensure that these jobs are filled#and in theory because theres so many people and people are so productive that if we just had a neat enough system#then disabled people and children wouldnt Have to work to get their needs met#but they would have a very easy to navigate system for finding remote & temp jobs when they wanted to work#because in my ideal society everyone has their needs met so everyone only works to generate fun spending money#for like tourism and arts and research projects and eccentric coin collections or whatever#i think if someone told you that you would never have to pay for rent or veggies again but u had to work to pay for movie tickets#you'd still want to work a little right? youd want to work a job that Matters so you could clock out and go bowling#basically my ideal society is one where productivity is motivated out of desire for fun rather than a need to survive#and sure not every job is FUN but some people are good at farming and some people are good at accounting and some people are good at making#coffee and all of these things are useful so if you didnt have to worry about working to survive wouldnt you Eventually get bored#and want to fill your time up with Something that contributes to society?#maybe no you wouldnt. but what if you grew up in a community that taught you that 'work' is all about giving back to your community?#that to 'work' is to invest in a society that provides all your basic needs and never leaves you hungry or homeless or without healthcare#and the reward for working is not only that you get to come home to a house that you will never* be evicted from#but All the money you make gets to go towards Whatever you want. it doesnt Have to go towards maintaining the life you already have#all that you earn can be put towards upgrading and expanding your life. instead of rent or mortgage bills#your money can save for a ~fancier~ house or a bidet. or something idk. can you see it?#the biggest problem is wtf is a bureaucracy that is 'easy to navigate' ROFL have you fucking Ever heard of that??#how tf do i invent a government system that understands how all sectors of society work together and can easily & clearly#explain that dynamic and track All of the necessary jobs + resources + people that go into a society#like imagine if a government was there to help make your life better And it actually did that?? doesnt exist. how do i invent something#that does not fucking exist?? im not an inventor im a prenursing student ;-;
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"If your hobby isn't productive and is only for fun you need to grow up and-" shut uuuup
Literally go and touch some yarn. Make a shitty uneven blanket. Not everything needs to make you money.
#me and my sister were talking about hobbies (in particular f.urries)#shes like three years older than me. mind you.#qnd she was like “they need a more adult hobby.”#i asked her what she does for fun. she said “i watch movies and go shopping”#like. arent you sad. arent you bored? dont you want to create?#create art. create community.#dont you get sick of just that? dont you want to do anything else? something outside of making money?#dont you want to do things because they make you happy??
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