do you ever think about how chell never comes across even the corpse of a human being while in aperture? do you ever think about how the only fully human voice she ever comes across is the recorded ghost of cave johnson? do you ever think about how the only humans chell ever sees are paintings long forgotten and degraded? do you ever think about how apertures body and limbs never rest? how its groaning echoing clanking body never ceases its function? do you ever wonder how aperture seems so clean even when its old and degraded? do you ever think about how surely there couldnt have been everyone in the take-your-daughter-to-work-day area? do you ever wonder what you might find in the bowels of the incineration pit? what ghosts might you find in aperture that arent entombed in the permanance of the machine or echos of past sins?

u ever think about how growing up alyx woukdve heard about how cool gordon was and how he saved our asses and how badass he was (russells "he did it with only a crowbar") and her first impression of him was finding him put on his ass by 4 metrocops, undeniably less trained than anything he had faced in black mesa when she would know people who could deal with the same far better in much the same outfit he is,

do you think about how weak and small he would look? in ill fitting clothes on a broken, malnourish body?

and she just has to accept that this is the guy who saved them (if she even really accepts that the rest of it wasnt his fault in some way)? and that hell do it again?

and do you thi k aboht how kind and sweet he was from her family? all the goofy things he did and said? and when she meets him he doesnt say a word. and he looks around fouly, doesnt humor her jokes, barely looks at her. and how he doesnt respond to the people who spoke so highly of him? doesnt seem releived to see them. do you think about how it might sully her view of him, the rose tint view of him instilled in her by her family, and that she might get ready to defend her family from him and ck.fort them when hes not the same guy who they always spoke about?

and do you think about how she becomes friends with him anyways? and how he protected them, risked himself, life and limb for her family for her fir everyone? even if he doesnt look it, hes still some form if the rose tint, hes rougher of course, not as perfect, far from infallable, but hes there and hes trying. and she cares for him and he for her,,,

cuz i sure fucking do,

i genuinely want to kill every single person in the bg3 team that had a hand in deciding that the only fat people in this fucking game are all grotesque and/or evil or immoral in some way, im so fucking tired of fat people being used to represent the worst in humanity or immoralness, and depicted as disgusting, fuck fatphobia in video games, fuck fatphobia everywhere, i deserve the right to murder people who are fatphobic as a fat person

do you think about how much more poignant the tone ghouls could be in fo4 if the feral ghouls you find of some of your neighbors spawned in their houses? still lived where they did before, and you had to fight them instead of the bugs? and you saw rosas child, not in his halloween costume but as a ghoul, somethjng codworth couldnt acceot or understand by himself, do you thjnk abiut how mich humanity of the ferals todd stripped them of when he changed them to be only zombies instead of the radiation induced dementia patients the way were before, they could have been living what little they could remember, driven mad with hunger and aggressive inclinations from dementia, and you, fresh out of the vault and afraid, kill them in self defense, and you find out from preston what ghouls are, and what ferals are, and your gut sinks even further

and thered be an existentialism in sole finding out more about their neighbors as they clean their houses in sanctuary for settlers then they ever did while trying to fit in to the neighborhood prewar,, like, find out what was in their safes, a family album, an actual piece of gold, antique jewelry, a gun, money, more moeny, where was thier safe, imagine putting your family safe in your babys room, there was a drug dealer living down the street, and one of the neighbors was a survivalist prepper but it didnt do them any good, nothing any if them did, did them any good

how much of the barracades and survivlism set ups were from them and what came after, theres fresh remains of a cooked meal in the pot at the enterance of the neighborhood, where did they go? you think about the dead man and a dog across the bridge, there was a feral ghoul neighbor above them, hungry

decorating a pc for server hosting rn lol

started replaying hla and honestly dont think om ever going to br over russell just,,, having doenloaded the entire internet, like even in 2003 there was a lot of it and storage vessels werr so much smaller in bytes but larger jn size, where he keep it all in his aprtment, has hr been off the ckmbine radar since the beginnjng in order to keep essentially all of the internet in his possedsion, hows he kept the tech from degrafing over time? its not like modern tech has developed by hl2 is he using ckmbine storage now? how does he have it connected to his one computer? how much porn does he have?

god i am obsessed eith the tonal shift between ahlf life 1 and 2 in regard to the sense of success at ur accomplisments

in 1, nothing you do ever gives u a sense of success or accomplishment, u killed people, u killed aleins but u have so much more to do. its an empty feeling, oh u killed the tentacles? cool go down the hole, dog urself deeper into this mess. oh you killed the gargantua and turned on the railway? go down deeper into the water and blood deeper into the bowels of the beast you created of the facility. you kill the nihilanth and u look up at the fireworks knoeing you are going to die, you cannot escape the explosion and the mess youve created. ur pulled from the mess and you are told you have guranteed urself a future of killing and endless battles or a battle u can never win. mothing you do matter none of it is worth anything. you are cold and alone and soaked in blood and people are only getting more scared

but in 2 the mood shifts, the smallest battles give people hope for a future. you can kill even a few soldiers and even if you do have to go deeper, the people around you cheer, if only for a moment, theyre alive and breathing and so are you. so many things yo do youre asked to do them again and again and each time these people are excited, thwyre grasping for a semblance of hope til thwir nails bleed and they cheer becuz they are alive and in the sun and watching their breath freeze as they cheer in the cold air of the mountains. the grass is green and growing and its more life than uve seen since before you moved to the middle of a desert to work in a concrete prison far from the warmth of the sun where it bakes all that it touches.

do you think gordon feels the happiness of the rebels? feels a sense of accomolishment in even the smallest thing he does? is he satisfied or fullfilled for helpjng these people? can he feel the sun warm the skin of his face and the bite of eastern european chill on his nose the way the rebels do? does he relish in that he is alive still? is he coming back? or do you think he still feels dull as he sinks deeper and deeper into the recesses of his mind and the concrete cage of balck mesa where his old life died?

asking to see how normal my experiences are with the public at large, feel free to reblog and explain ur experiences

(for clarification, swelling in this context doesnt mean actual swelling, its more a psychosomatic feeling)

convo i had with my bud @thatforestprince

i keep having to put off certain skyrim npcs for later, cuz all the replacers keep whitewashing them

reminder that i have an ao3 :) 👍

guyyssssssssss do yall remember a mod for skyrim gojng around back in like june that was a character gen overhaul for argonians? i cant find it anywhere but it looked really cool

Hey all, I’ve finally gotten off my butt to set up commissions !

Feel free to ask for clarification on anything :)

this is what danse looks like to me during blind betrayal (or i guess whenever he gets out of his power armor in his suit)

sometimes i remember the time way back when, wgen i came across one of those x readers for like popular skyrim men amd the promt was when tbey were sick and the author chose to like give a wide varieties of illnesses and ailments to the guys rather than generic cold for variety i guess and all i remember from it was farkas "roaring" in pain becuz he had a uti