#i was a very lonely child
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left my house today
tags: @thinkingaboutctommy @cdbeadz
#i was a very lonely child#less lonely now and i have friends but my god has not having friends that i can hang out with all the time taken its toll on me#anyway cant wait to not post any poetry for like 5 months again <3 i dont actually know when i last posted poetry im guessing#poetry#trinket reflects#i forgor to post this mb#sunny.txt#i let fame get to my head. btw
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Thinking about how Diavolo’s feelings transcend time and how in the Nightbringer UR+ card Demon Lord’s Castle Tour this conversation happens.
When asked, “Do you wish to see your father?”
Diavolo responds:
“I suppose I do . . .” isn’t the typical reaction to how a child would feel about wanting to see their parent. Especially when said parent has essentially been in a coma for a year.
Along with how Diavolo describe his father.
It makes more sense why when you learn in Lesson 56 how Diavolo was treated by him growing up.
Diavolo can tell when others are lying but is unable to understand his father’s intentions.
Diavolo mentions that he lived a very sheltered life growing up. That from a young age his father never allowed him a chance to talk to anyone outside the castle.
His childhood friend was Mephistopheles. A demon literally RAISED to be his friend. Putting a barrier between the two because Mephistopheles would put Diavolo on a pedestal.
The isolating childhood he experienced riddled with his strict father constantly scolding him.
Despite everything MC is so important to him he wants to see his father again so we can meet.
#Demons and Humans can’t get married even in the present so it adds an extra layer him wanting to introduce us.#There’s a lot more you could add onto this (please do I’d love to hear other’s thoughts).#Like how Diavolo’s childhood affected him just look at the way he describes himself:#“The truth is I am a child in a way. A child who spends his time alone and never gets to do anything interesting.”#A lot of Diavolo’s poor behavior while not excused comes from his childhood.#How Diavolo admits to using his position to force others to do what he wants. Along with how he doesn’t like sharing.#Diavolo’s insecurities in his friendships with others.#Mainly Lucifer and Barbatos which makes sense with how they happened.#IE Forcing Barbatos to become his butler and the oath/deal with Lucifer regarding Lilith.#It’s clear Diavolo is very lonely and carrying a heavy burden.#I like that MCs presence is helping him change into a better person.#Also I don’t think Diavolo hates his father their relationship just isn’t good and very complicated.#Diavolo is such a wonderful character if you have any in-depth posts about him please tag me I’d love to read them!!!#I AM FILLED WITH SAPPY THOUGHTS ABOUT DIAVOLO TONIGHT!!!!#Obey Me#Obey Me Spoiler#Obey Me Nightbringer#OMSWD#Obey Me Diavolo#Diavolo#MaddyMajolish#Is it obvious I can’t sleep because I’m riddled with Blorbo thoughts
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Nico saying that Lewis gives his daughters boxes of presents every Christmas just got caught in my mind.
Imagine you were a mixed race boy born in Hertfordshire, different from everyone else around you. Bullied in school, being raised by your father to compete in a sport where money is very much of essence and you and your family do not have a lot of it. And then you meet this other boy who comes from the kind of life you dream to live one day. You're friends and fierce competitors. You find solace in each other. You visit Monaco for the first time with your friend, dreaming up the life you will have when you make it, when you beat out of the mould that the world thought it could capture you in.
And then you two grow through the ranks and you're at the pinnacle of your sport and you have what it takes to win and the world recognises that you can win. And you win. You win with your friend and fiercest competitor by your side fighting with you for those wins, and this fighting ruins something something that was valuable to both of you when you were still innocent and unsullied by life.
But despite everything that went into the doing and undoing of this relationship, you still realise that this person you once called a friend has a life and family beyond your bitter dynamic. He has children, and children need love and affection and good memories. And you're a better man now so you understand that. So you make sure the kids get gifts on Christmas. And you make sure of it every year. Afterall, if you met someone you loved deeply when you were both kids, wouldn't you feel a pang of nostalgia when they had kids. Wouldn't you try to extend the warmth that you couldn't find for your friend to his children. Afterall, whatever happens during childhood basically remains with you forever.
#and nico's perspective of the same is just#being bullied as a child and being profoundly lonely till you find this friend who is in many ways the yardstick for performance#and even when you go through all this rancidity and the love has almost evaporated down to bare bones politeness#you know there is something that remains deep down#and so he gets your kids Christmas gifts each year#both their childhoods were sites of pain and both of them found something with each other#and lewis honours that by being a positive presence in nico's childrens' lives#albeit from a distance#and of course we're no strangers to how much Nico loves his kids#you can bet if Lewis had kids Nico would do that same#sorry this caught in my heart a little#I knew he had been giving presents for a while and I always thought of that as very beautiful but seeing it on the tl made me remember#man#love haunts you in such peculiar ways forever#brocedes#lewis hamiton#nico rosberg#f1#formula 1
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Between commissions I finally managed to finish this OC set of parent characters! If the looks aren't enough to show you who their kid is, the background colors match them ^_^ but of course more details below!
Name: Thuban
Name origin: The former pole star, before the north star (Polaris), it's name means "Large snake" and is referred to as the “Dragon's tail”
Pronouns: He/him
Age: N/A
Relation: Raised Polaris, though they're not related by blood and have a somewhat distant relationship, until he suddenly went MIA
Weapon: Spear (Same as Polaris's)
Ethos (Power): N/A
Flaw power is based on: N/A
Notes: Make no phallic jokes about the large snake thing and you'll be rewarded
Name: Ananke
Name origin: A moon of Jupiter, named for the mythological spirit of necessity, inevitably, and compulsion
Pronouns: She/her
Age: -
Relation: Bella's mother, she raised her to be a warrior
Weapon: Bardiche
Ethos (Power): Indomination (The ability to freeze the movement of objects and people, and lock them in place)
Flaw power is based on: Her strict enforcement of obedience through authoritarianism, and a lack of concern for the wishes of others
Notes: She believes in tough love. It's better in the long run to give your kid strength rather than affection.
Name: Rhea
Name origin: A moon of Saturn named after the Titan known as the mother of the gods
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 38
Relation: Saiph's mother, though she gave him up to the guild when he was very young
Weapon: None
Ethos (Power): None
Flaw power is based on: N/A
Notes: Was unable to take care of a baby at the time, and gave Saiph to the guild. She wishes she'd visited beyond that but it's probably too late now...
Name: Arche
Name origin: One of Jupiter's moons, it's name comes from the muse of new beginnings and is associated with springtime
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 7
Relation: Saiph's half-brother. Neither currently knows the other exists
Weapon: None
Ethos (Power): None
Flaw power is based on: N/A
Notes: He's just a little guy. He likes flowers and playing with toys. He wants to be a cool hero like his dad
Name: Poerava
Name origin: A star in Tucana, the Maori word for a black pearl of mystical beauty and perfection
Pronouns: She/her
Age: -
Relation: Al's mom. She mostly raised him on her own while her husband was with the knights.
Weapon: None
Ethos (Power): None
Flaw power is based on: N/A
Notes: Probably the best parent of the bunch if we're being real.
#Finn's ocs#Finn's art#oc references#i wrote the descs while w the kids so hopefully they make sense. my attention was split#but anyway here in the tags I'll talk about the designs in relation to their kids lol#polaris is emulating thuban moreso than anyone else. her color scheme and outfit motifs are the same as his- they ARE his#her original outfit is clothes she took and diy'd into her own so she could go off into the world and well presumably look for him at first#the truth is she always wanted to see the world that's why she loved maps. in a way this was an excuse. in another way she was just lonely#but doesn't understand loneliness. also the fact that she's not his daughter by blood is part of that#bc of her actual parents (not as relevant character-wise) she sees all relationships as temporary and she has issues connecting#ananke i wanted to mostly look intimidating in a way that Bella really isn't#Bella puts on skull hairties and fishnets and stuff but she's very much. a cute softie trying to look edgy. she has pink twintails#she's so different from her mom in pretty much every way but she still did have that ideal of strength drilled into her#still her take on it is softer. she's the team leader now but she's really pretty lenient aside from the important No Killing rule ofc#w Rhea and Arche i had a bit of a flower theme. pussywillow (lol) means motherhood and buttercups mean childishness#so. mother and child#but rhea is interesting bc she's raising a whole different kid now that she's in a different place in life#if you do the math she had Saiph young. and it was alright for a while until his dad (again not as important) died#so she didn't have support or money. but she had a connection to the guild because his dad's old sword teacher is a member (hmm)#but she was too scared/ashamed to visit. she just left him his dad's old knife because that's all she had (THE KNIFE IS IMPORTANT)#arche is her kid with her second husband and her new beginning. this will cause some inner problems for Saiph when he meets them...#Poerava was kinda designed to have rich lady vibes because remember Al's family is practically nobility#but more importantly she's designed to look like a mom. with the low ponytail and tired eyes#the black pearl of her namesake as the centerpiece of her outfit too#again she's got the healthiest relationship with her kid here by a longshot#but i mean don't worry Al still got the daddy issues so he's not getting away unscathed#I already drew Taurus with the zodiac knights though so i didn't feel the need to reintroduce him#anyway Mira really has 0 connection to any family at all she was found as an orphaned baby after a monster attack#obviously she had parents but beyond town of origin it's unknown who so she has no connections to any sort of past parental figure#the guild is her one and only family and that's how she wants it. she wants to be with them forever the past doesn't matter
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the thesis of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein atm appears to be "it is worse to be lonely than to have never been created at all" and i just think, actually, that that is something that can be so personal
#frankenstein#summer tbr#k so i was chronically lonely as a child#during some like specific years#10-13 specifically#i had next to no friends#hung out with very few people#lost a lot of my social circle#anyways can confirm#it is almost worse to be lonely#than to never have been created at all
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At least the moon will keep him company in the dead of night
#micas art#twst#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia#a little bit of context for this:#this is based on my headcanon that malleus suffers from insomnia#there is something weirdly isolating and lonely about the night#when the world gets quiet and cold and dark and you feel like the only moving breathing thing in it#what could he do but wait for it to pass on his own?#its no ones burden to bear but his own and hes not some child who needs to be coddled to sleep#(but maybe. just maybe on the nights where it gets particularly bad he might crave a soft hand to gently comb through his hair)#(hes seem lilia do it countless times for silver when he was little. the memory always makes his bed feel a little bit colder)#also for anyone curious (and bc im unsure i drew it very well) the flower is a white chrysanthemum!#i definitely need to practice flowers more#but uwauuuuughkg this piece was so draining to work on. it gave me so much trouble and im still not completely sold on it#still hope it will resonate with people and that you can all enjoy it!!
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@vitalphenomena as andy said: you should be like a nail.
and then we danced.
she stares at him. he stares at her. it's all very sergio leone. (mutt must have seen that movie three times, at least, and in a different language each time, when it was new and top-billed.)
he reaches first for the proverbial pistol in the side-holster. " i'll nail you to the wall, then, if you bring it up again. "
violent threat his words might be, he doesn't mean it. doesn't mean his voice or expression has to give that away. she should know him better than to expect that.
#this is over something frivolous but neither of them know how to smile and theyre both very stubborn#and they love each other <3#vitalphenomena#vitalphenomena: andy.#v. i am that angry and lonely child of always.#answered.
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Random midnight rant (01:00 AM), imo people thinking Yoshida would set up a girl to assault Denji is craaaazy because come on now, let's be for fkn real.
The person you think is mastermind in all of this is the same boy who refuse cigarettes because of the law that said minor can't smoke. It's also the same boy who refuse sexual offers in non-consentual situation even though he's clearly could take advantages. He's just weird, NOT predatory.
Yoshida is suck at socializing, yes, but he still has basic human sense. Why WOULD he want Denji to go through all that? Isn't his mission is to keep Denji happy with his current life so he didn't transform into Chainsaw Man?
Oh, also, he planned for their date to be in movie theater, a place that is supposedly full with crowd of people. It's completely not a place to have sex in. There's no fkn way Yoshida hire a prostitute/classmates to specifically engage in sexual situation with Denji there. I think he just overhear a random girl in his class saying she really wants to have a bf then decided to pair her up with Denji in a date because he thought it would be a good idea (also it's Denji's type of girl, a girl who's desperate for boyfriend).
Even if you argue that Yoshida lure a devil here to scare everyone and emptied the room (again, why would he did that, it's counterproductive because if a devil was there then Denji could have reason to transform into Chainsaw Man, it makes more sense if it's really just a coincidence since devil attacks nowadays is that common) someone will come up eventually to clear the devil corpse, there will still be people here. And again, not an ideal situation to have sex in.
I think it's clear that nobody, either Denji or Yoshida expect this situation to turn into non consentual SA.
And if you argue that Yoshida goodbye lines has sexual connotation in it. Well, it's not. It's a simple English idiom. And in Japanese, it's also a basic way to basically say the same thing, to go get that girl impressed. That's all.
"But she's Yoshida's classmate! He should know her weird behaviour!"
He can't even notice HIS OWN weird behaviour and life philosophy omg. He's already confirmed to be socially inept, hard to connect emotionally with others (he keeps every of his relationships as parasocial and transactional only) and bad at reading people. HOW and WHY do you think he would fkn know that.
It's because of his negligence, I agree, but he's not a big bad villain in this!? Stop your overhate on him wtf. Are we even read the same story and same character at this point, hello???? Y'all media literacy is concerning tbqh.
#yoshida hirofumi#denji#chainsaw man#chainsaw man part 2#chainsaw man 136#not a clarification post 'cause i stand where i stand#yoshida is just doing his job like give him time to explain himself#also why Yoshida's action can't be justified for the very same reason we justified others!? it's not fair#he's a child soldier like Reze who never experience normalcy#he's not a NORMAL kid#and his life is completely heavily implied to be very lonely and fucked up to the point he thinks being isolated is what “normal life” is
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When you weren’t looking (Patreon)
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Marceline#Fionna and Cake#Simon Petrikov#Just casually crying at my own art while I make it no biggie#Just ahhhh they do love each other! They want what's best for each other! But they missed each other so much!! And they still are!!#Both that they miss each other in the sense that they're lonely while together - Simon's Marceline was a child and Marcy's Simon was well#Not Ice King but also kinda yeah - and she'll never see him again#It's gotten be bittersweet#It's good that he has his mind! Very good! But he is forever un-changed/re-changed#I think it's canon that Simon was returned to being in his early 30s because Golb ate his age post him getting the crown?#It's not a retcon obviously lol but it's like his future has been retconned canonically in himself that's Gotta feel weird#But it basically undid the Simon that Marceline knew - the man who raised her was un-done even though they both remember him#Both of them just have to not think too hard about it probably :')#But even not thinking about that - Simon is still getting older! He's aging like a normal human again! And everything that comes with that#I love his crow's feet a lot <3 And his hair streak is so chic how did his genes know he would look so cute haha ♪#Poor both of them - I do want them to be happy! They've just got so much sad!#I also think it's quite funny that all those years ago before I watched AT Marceline was the one fanart I made haha - the more things change#Still drawing her! I wonder if younger me would be surprised#I like her short hair :D Her long hair is lovely - all her hairstyles are lovely! - but the short hair is so cute#Really reminds me of her kid hairstyle ;u; I'm sure that doesn't hurt Simon at all haha#I draw it a lot like Tala's hairstyle as well haha - it's The Kid hairstyle!
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going bananas thinking about nick and bubba starting every show by finding eachother and saying “I love you, I can’t wait to meet you” like they really completely summed up scorbus with that oh my god
#scorbus#cursed child#ccsquad#like I am actively taking psychic damage#I love you I can’t wait to meet you#well I am dying slowly in a pit fellas!#like thinking about Albus and Scorpius both being SO lonely in their own very different ways and longing for their person
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Touga kyriuu......................... *Inspects him under a ringlight like a surgeon*
#he's been getting into my braun recenyly even tho i might be very less interested jn utena sadly#boy who is terrible omg hiiiiii#i kknda get him btw (never gone theough anything like that im just horrible)#well. hes a super interesting character and honestly. characters tyat use the harmful system to their advantage#i kinda feel it idk. maybe because ive always been a lonely child who had more affinity w adults (authorities)#i really hope touga could get away from ohtori and lived. and realized#away from nanami anthy and saionji and everyone tbh#but most importantly away from akio ohtori#rgu#revolutionary girl utena#touga kyriuu
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i was let online at a young age and now i want to fuck synthesizers. thanks mom
#sinth#cant expect me to not have a psychosexual relationship with the computer when i was a very lonely child & isolated during lockdown
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You know, when they said “you never stop learning things about yourself” I don’t think they meant five consecutive years of having a new identity crisis.
#sophomore year of high school: am I queer/aroace? yes#junior year of high school: am I trans? yes#senior year: am I autistic? almost certainly yes (that’s just me having imposter syndrome it’s definitely a yes)#last year: not questioning anything just coming to terms with being physically disabled#and now my friends are saying I have hpd and I’m like hey just because I maybe (the wording is vague and I’m autistic and I hate it) fit the#diagnostic criteria doesn’t mean I HAVE IT#it’s vague and idk how much I relate to it but I relate to a decent amount of it very strongly#but like I wasn’t even neglected as a child (that sentence really says volumes abt my friend group) I have other family issues but idk how#that would be related to attention seeking like is it really just all bc I was just a really lonely child?#like I was an only child with autism and adhd and I didn’t have a friend group I felt truly secure until fifth grade after which we all went#to different middle schools and then it wasn’t until like sophomore year of high school okay maybe this is worse than I thought saying it#out loud…#I know I have anxious attachment#I know I very much have that#but like.#I’m just a theater kid it’s fi- *sounds of me being hit with a pillow by my friends*#yeah#this is kind of a vent atp#autism#neurodivergent#disability#yeh#the heir speaks
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crying at how much progress me and my mom have made the past year
#mom mention tw#we’ve really came a long way… like hella long way#i’ve found forgiveness i think ever since i realized i might be neurodivergent#it made me see her in a different light because i saw all the symptoms in her too#i thought about how lonely it must’ve been for her. and how hard having a child that young is#she was 16 and that man was 30. i’ll never forgive him. but i forgave her. she was really just a girl trying her best#yes she did handle it in very wrong ways that may have traumatized me. but at the end of the day we love each other. and we’ve fought hard#to improve our relationship. i’ve told her about what autism and adhd may look like in undiagnosed women and i think she’s also been#gentler with herself too#she’s going to therapy and got medicated#overall we’ve been healing together. and i know it may be hard for her to accept that her only daughter is never going to have a husband#and may never give her grandchildren… so i really do appreciate her trying#i feel like my inner child is crying happy tears
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it's so funny to me that most of what dream consumes over the course of the entire series is alcohol. like of course he'd be the world's first male wine mom.
#arguably one of my favorite fun facts to hand out to people unaware of the series#like#this is dream of the endless also known as lord morpheus or 15 other names idk he has more names than friends (thats canon) and he is the#second from middle child in a family of universal concepts built into the fabric of reality and he is very sad about it. he's goth and his#best friends are a bird and his librarian and his older sister and some random guy said sister made immortal for a bet.#hes so so lonely and has a string of exes to make scott pilgrim faint as well as a wife he is divorced from. she is the muse calliope. and#he only drinks alcohol but its fine because he also probably doesnt have intestines. he has committed atrocities but he didnt meeaann toooo#and i love him dearly. thoughts?#thats my sales pitch#dream of the endless#the sandman#raspberry rambles
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Barbie is a great movie but I actually just. Would rather not about it. It has these very specific ways of showing how girls play with toys and how boys play with toys, and it's like. Ah. Yes. I didn't do either because girl games bored me to tears and boys wouldn't let me play with them.
I wasn't Barbie, I wasn't Ken, I wasn't even Allan. I was unable to relate to human toys. I spent most of my time on stuffed animals, alone.
I didn't have friends.
I didn't super realize this before the movie and it's eating at me now. Why do I always just want to be left alone? Is that so terrible of a goal in life? Why does it feel like it is?
#Vent#barbie#Unexpected feelings#My stomach is killing me#So overdramatic#But base feeling is there#Very strong#You were never a lonely child?#the hermit#actually autistic#Excuse me sirs i am an autist
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