#i think thats just my overthinking and second guessing myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yoyitos · 2 years

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i just downloaded the app back again just to write and let any person that is reading this, that the law of assumption is a law, and that our minds YOUR mind is the most powerful thing alive.

okey. so. let me get this straight. i had always had hope in the law of assumption, but the hope in here is useless babe... we need confidence, we need persistence, we don't need the 3 minutes of hype where you read "you already have everything in this moment" and after that still in the state of waiting for something.

KEEP IT SIMPLE! think of what you want, desired face? okey. change your selfconconcept of the person that has the face, and i know that a lot of bloggers say just that, but im telling you, your only job in here is to think from the prespective that you already have it baby. don't stress yourself, everything will change because if it is in your imagination and you accept that it will reflect in the 3d, thats literally everything everything and everything . you don't need to change your thoughts, only your state, you want to get into the void this night? imagine however you want that you are waking up with everything you wanted, it is not a desire, it is the reality. you want proof? go to your imagination. everything is there.

what i manifested and how i did it?

i never liked the list of things that someone manifested because they were like... too simple for me 😭 i wanted big sh1ts, so i said; if they aren't gonna do it, let me do it first. i did it. 🙆🏻‍♀️

changed my COMPLETELY APPEARANCE. i mean, i look exactly but so much hotter like Shin Ryujin the idol from south korea! (love that queen xoxoxo)

changed my complete body. from shoulders to toes. im telling you. i have already 3 days since i manifested it and im still shocked how easy is it. please. don't overthink anything. just accept that your imagination and subconscious is taking care of everything. believe in you.

changed my nationality to chinese (got that many ppl will criticize me but whatever, im still being the hot chinese girl)

changed my age to 19 years old. changed all of my documents. changed all of my past too.

changed my family. changed my life completely.

being the first always, always, always in my university, im studying psychology now. <3

changed my house of course. changed how wealthy i am. im telling you from the top of my heart. you can get free money from millions and millions of places and situations. you just need to accept that you deserve them. because we deserve the best and anything more low than that. get it?

changed my idioms. i grew up in france now so i know perfectly french, i know chinese, korean, english and german.

i know to play piano, bass guitar and violin like if i played them since i was a kid. 🥺

living in seoul korea. having the hot rich popular kind style living in seoul. 😩

making everyone being interested in me, i mean, i just thought for a second that everyone is gonna be interested in me when i will get into the university and guess what. they did.

getting into the void everytime i get to sleep. so if i want something to manifest tomorrow my subconscious is gonna make it for me. 🫂

having s3x with desired person. having him crazy for me. i really love him :( just... so happy i kept persisting. everything is done baby. don't worry.

meeting with desired famous ppl. i mean. just meeting them like a fan. not into that lol

how i did it?

just simply accepting that the law of assumption is a law. if i assume that i have something is it how i say. i don't need to argue with nobody in this 3d. nah. just minding my own business and keeping myself relaxed being "delusional" whatever, i just said, i want this life and after years of knowing the law of attraction (worst era ngl) and now knowing the law of assumption i decided what i wanted. just affirm to youserlf. if i wanted proof i will meditate and see it in my imagination. that's everything. i never ever liked any methods or sht like that. just sleep knowing that when i wake up or everything will be already materialized because i saw it in my imagination or i will get into the void. whatever. i will still get everything however way. you get me?

nothing is said in stone just if you say so. so get up that subconscious of yours and impress it. make it feel like you don't have anything to do anymore. DON'T COMPLICATE ANYTHING. 🥲

tips;

1. there are no tips.

YOU GOT THIS ALREADY! imagination should be a comfortable space. keep your time. don't worry for anyone, everything will work out for you. you need something urgent for tomorrow? is not anymore you needing it urgent, is you being relaxed knowing that if you can feel it in your imagination, everything and everyone will morph to make your imagination a fact, because there's no other option.

you assume that if you have it in your imagination everything will morph to please you, because you deserve anything but the best.

you accept it. even if you doubt. don't feel hope. feel confidence. you can't fail. if you say that you will not get anything, you are manifesting that you will not get it. if you say that no matter what you see everything will be as how you please. that will manifest. nothing is upper or lower. is the same. but you decide, what version will you be?

yoyitos. ★

#law of assumption #manifesting #loassumption

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lovingaquarius · 1 year

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things about my own chart that i find… interesting.

yes i may be exposing myself a little but i have 10h moon i’m meant to share my thoughts i guess 🙄

❤️ first i feel like i have so many placements that kinda contradict eachother like it’s a battle ground constantly in my head ex: first we got the earth dom chart you’d think grounded right!?😁, wrong. 9h aries mars and 7h pisces venus like my craving for independence and cap mercury is constantly FIGHTING FOR ITS LIFE to keep me grounded in reality against my 7h venus. and THEN we have gemini moon, virgo rising and aqua sun which is a recipe for ANXIETY and overthinking like here’s an ex of my thoughts: *sees hot guy online*😋 *gets the ick from him lip syncing.* 🥴 thats mean jalyn you’re never gonna find someone who meets your standards….no yes you will i have a feeling they’re out there🥰…..ugh god you’re so annoying you don’t need anyone.🤬 i would be fine living alone with my cats forever‼️…no i wouldn’t don’t lie. 😔

🧡 having a balance of elements is cool tho because i can get along with / relate to anyone about pretty much anything young or old. i feel like kids and old people/ older adults tend to like me too… unless they are like super conservative…

💛 see now this one is kinda juicy bc i have virgo jupiter in the 1 house w 7h pisces venus- favorable placement for people liking you/having a good rep- but then i have my 10 house gemini lilith😭😭 and for extra spice venus square pluto (4h) like when i tell you i’ve seen all of those play out like the friends i had in childhood were oddly controlling and obsessive over me. like my bsf of 8yrs would be so mad if i hung out with anyone more than her or even talked about my other friends to her. and then said friend had developed resentment towards me and would essentially go on to bully me and talk bad about me and my FAMILY to everyone. that was just atrocious of her. like you can say anything you want ab me but the second you mention my family it’s on sight. (lilith in 10 esp in gemini tend to deal with rumors spread about them). i also have saturn in the 11h tho …

💚 so i have an aquarius sun and usually we tend to have a certain distain for humanity (the darkeness of it) and i definitely do esp with my 9h aries mars i take everything PERSONAL and want to solve it RN! but then it all goes back to my PISCES VENUS and it being in the 7h just really tops it off bc then i start thinking “we’re all human, or hurt people, hurt people” like no sometimes ppl are just evil and there’s nothing you can do (this is a pill i’m STILL having trouble swallowing) example:i will see someone litter and cus them out and then see a bunch of people having picnics at the park and will cry about how cute humans are all in the same hour . yes it is exhausting. yes i see a therapist. shoutout to heather 🫶🫶

💙 my jupiter being in the 1 house and then being in virgo RX… when i was younger i used to always say i had the worst luck (still sometimes catch myself saying this) and then one day i said 👆 what if i start telling myself i have rlly good luck?? and thus my good luck began but also with a spiritual awakening that smacked me on my ass but still to this day i will find myself saying “ 🙄 just my luck” and then go wait -👁️👄👁️

💜 sexualization of 10h lilith is real bc since the BEGINNING OF TIME i have recollections of someone “crushing” on me (this is NOT me trying to flex either trust me) or projecting their sexual energy onto me (i also have an aries mars so that could be another factor) the ppl sensitive to energies will know what i’m talking about. as a pisces venus i’ve had to learn when to know what i’m feeling for someone are really MY feelings.

💕 just a question tbh but i’ve been trying to see if i can find anywhere in my chart that would indicate me being against having kids, don’t get me wrong i like kids.. we’ll… i like behaved kids, and babies, but i just don’t think i want some of my own 🫶 it might sound selfish but then i guess i’m selfish because i like my alone time too much. could it be some hyper independence? maybe. or is it my my aquarius placements 😫😋 i just know how much time alone i need and i don’t think a child would fit me. but i’m thinking my saturn in cancer could show this?!?! thoughts anyone??

🤍 i’m upset because i have a 6h stellium if you count uranus, with my aqua sun, aqua neptune and pisces uranus but i don’t resonate much with what i see about them. the things i read about 6h stelliums is they may be workoholics but that is not my case 😭 bc instead i’m chronically ill. (i have P.O.T.S and some other shit) i’ve seen that a stellium here could indicate health problems so that checks out. i also love animals and have had experiences with claircognizance since i was young. i’ve always felt like i have one foot in the spirit world and one foot here. i still feel like that. my dreams are so vivid sometimes i don’t know if i’m dreaming or not i have a lot of dreams within dreams i hate them 🤬. but the neptune/pisces/uranus influence there is inch resting.. coincidence i think NOT!

#astrology #astrology observations

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2maegor2cruel · 8 months

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Heres the oaf's political insight! So not in the Shield Islands succession context, its pre-kingsmoot, but still not very helpful. Anyhow I fully subscribe your frustration, its kind of a worldbuilding sinkhole by GRRM - I just tend to take the I think opposite approach for my daydreaming that is that if there's no Canon confirmation that a a group of siblings all come from the same mother I make a random amount of them salt sons lol. I even considered it for Rodrik Harlaw bc I Imagine there's a ton of rock daughter vs salt son inheritance dysputes and i really don't see why Gwynesse feels like she had a shot in a dispute with him if they're full siblings - but eh thats definitely One where It would have been said if It were the case and Gwynesse Is Just being metaphorical lol. Anyhow Always a Joy to see people overthink worldbuilding and I Wish you good luck on your writing and on your read of Last Serving Daughter i had a very good time with it

@hell-heron THANK YOU!!!! I could not find that for the life of me, I swear. tbh I can't tell if George legit forgot about Harras for a hot second or what. My best guess is that the assumed mutually beneficial alliance between Vic and Hotho would involve two things: 1) Hotho swings Harlaw for Vic using his influence, 2) once Vic wins the kingsmoot, he'll repay Hotho by marrying his daughter and (politically) strong-arming Rodrik Harlaw into giving Hotho the castle of Ten Towers. So perhaps Vic was low-key threatening Asha, because Rod the Reader holds a lot of political sway in Asha's favor, but if Vic throws in with Hotho, then that power is undermined? Idk, if anyone's got a better idea then please let yourself be known.

But yeah, it's frustrating. I know a stupid amount about George's ironborn lore, but it's not uncommon that I look at a particular bit of world-building, think to myself "hm. nah. that's stupid", and totally disregard it lolll. On a personal level, I think George could have done so much more to explore gender on the Iron Islands, but I just need that old man to focus on finishing TWOW. Leave the gender stuff to the experts: tumblrinas 🫡 (affectionate). Ironborn gender gets discussed a ton in relation to Theon (which is fair, considering that homeboy is a cocktail of the worst gender expectations and masculinity Westeros has to offer), but I wanna know more about ironborn women too!!

And oooOOOoo I like your salt son Rodrik idea... that's pretty spicy. I just assumed Gwynesse was an old battle axe that liked to make her younger brother's life difficult (same), but that's a fun interpretation too lol. I've had a lot of thoughts about the Rodrik-Alannys-Gwynesse sibling triumvirate of widow(er)s rattlin' around in the ol' braincase lately, and now I have something new to ponder... hehe.

Finally, it's good to hear that you liked "Last Serving Daughter"! That means I should definitely read some more of it tonight 😉 And thank you! I wrote a handful of short one-shots back when I was 15 (a dark time), and then didn't really write again for like 7 years lol. But now I'm back in the game! My confidence (and frankly, competence) has improved a lot in the last few months, and I've been having a great time! These next few chapters of The Fic will involve a lot of Iron Islands world-building, with a ton of details and character backstories that I 100% made up lol. But the important part is that I'm having fun and being myself 👍

#submission #hell-heron #i'm gonna work on chapter 28 after this i swear. maybe. probably.#let's talk about gender politics. can we talk about gender politics? i've been dying to talk about gender politics

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kozykricket · 24 days

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big vent time. need to dump much out of my brain rn. dont feel obligated to read, i just needed to write this

ugh why the fuck do i never feel confident in what i ACTUALLY WANT. like

do i WANT this thing?? i feel confidently like i want it and then actually Nope ! i Don't !

i think i just doubt that ill make the right decision

that im blindly making a decision based on some like... mmidunno well, maybe its perfectionism. maybe i have the feeling that i need to have a perfect reason to make a decision but like decisions involving commitment scare me because im like ah shit what if i commit to the wrong thing

this can be from picking a topic on a school essay to picking a partner in stardew valley its not aromanticism necessarily its just . the same thing as essay stuff, i think. i dont want to end up making a decision based on just like, in the moment thoughts that im swept up in. i think thats also why im hesitant to call myself trans in any capacity too, since i remember the first feelings i had ... were during a time where i very much wanted to feel "special" in any possible way, but then i was like hm, well i dont want to just make such a decision out of a non-true place of desire

concerned ill decide on something for the wrong reasons, or that ill end up not feeling confident in my decision later.. but thats because i second guess myself on eveeerything. theres just so many great ways to do everything. so many ways to live life fear of commitment might even be part of my fear of trying new things or experimenting with something i havent done much before! and its the reason i dont really have a single OC, because i cant decide on a single hair color let alone aesthetic or vibe. i just cannot settle on single things and it annoys tf outta me. had a talk last night with my mom about indecision and like its. im realizing its really probably a common factor as at least a PART of a lot of my confusion and anxieties, from school to gender to relationships to new hobbies to OCs to... yea not to say its the ONLY factor in any of those though. theres other things too. like my brains aversion to effort in terms of learning new things... and also overthinking how complicated it might be to start... putting it off till tomorrow... sitting in the sidelines.... and now here i am reminded of how i want to learn to program for games n shit so bad but also do i REALLY is that REALLY worth it oh hey and thats related to me being like "eh im content as i am is it REALLY worth disrupting the good way things are now by taking a chance of ... trying to fix what aint broken?"

...just a lot on my mind and maybe my brain will feel better having dumped this

#vent

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sadteeney · 3 months

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Its been a week.

Tomorrow marks the 7th day when my whole world fell apart.

A part of me knew it.

And one would think that would make it hurt less.

It didnt.

I thought of writing this many times, but up until now I just couldn’t.

There were several times, mainly consisting of you,

When I thought this is going well,

Too well,

Its gonna explode.

It’s going to come to me like a twisted boomerang

And shake me to the core.

And it did.

And boy, oh boy, how did it hurt.

I recall that day as it happened today.

I dont think i’ll ever be able to forget.

The flashbacks are a part of my life now.

There are so many things that I want to write simultaneously, because I dont want them to be forgiven,

But most of all,

I can never forgive you for not saying a word.

You watched my whole world fall apart by a single ‘no’ and you just stood there.

When I told, yeah I know the energy shifted.

I knew you were hoping it was a yes.

Or at least, from what you’ve hinted, I thought you were pleased with me being there.

But you just stood there.

I dont know merely how you were the second you understood, because forgive me, i was in a shock myself, but

You didnt say a word.

You didnt even look.

And my heart shattered.

My heart shattered because in some twisted way you were the reason I lost it.

I was so completely mesmerized by you from the first moment I saw you.

Everytime you would smile, I’d brighten up.

Everytime you would as much as say a word to me, I’d be happy that day.

And lately, you’ve been talking to me.

And I felt as if finally the walls were broken,

And I could easily communicate with you.

Without overthinking everything I would say and you would say at the same time.

There were times when I spent hours just trying to say the right words, to spark a conversation.

Lately, I would talk to you without even thinking what I’m saying.

And I knew it was too good.

And I knew you never saw me that way too, thats what makes it even more pathetic.

But still, everyone came and even though there wasn’t much to say,

It showed us that they care.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye to you.

I dont know if greater powers exist,

But in that moment it felt like they were all against me,

And they were having a hell of a laugh,

With my situation.

How ironic, I didn’t get to say hello,

I didnt get to say goodbye,

To the one I wanted most.

Its crazy what you’ve done to me.

I’m a completely different person than what I was before I knew you existed.

I ll never speak out loud of the influence you had over me.

But I never wanted to impress anyone more.

And I tried every fucking thing.

Just when I thought we were in the right direction,

Here comes the universe laughing at my stupidity.

Although my whole being wishes different,

I know by now I’ll never get to see you again.

Even though I look for you everywhere,

I know I’ll never get to see you again.

This is the life I guess,

I’m stuck here in this agony,

Unable to stop it,

Unable to continue.

Understanding that, if you want something in life,

Just know, you ll never going to get it,

Even though if by some miracle you’ll get it,

It will never be when you want to,

Or after you’re done wanting it.

Detachment or whatever they call it,

But I dont want you to be it.

I dont want you to come back into my life when I dont want to.

I cant help it but laugh at the irony tho,

You came into my life in the most unexpected way,

And you left the same.

The only flashback that has been haunting me from that day,

Is you encouraging me,

Ensuring me that it would be a yes.

Hyping me up, only to fall harder and harder.

I dont think I’ll ever be able to explain these days.

I dont think I ever experienced any pain like this.

And stupid of me,

So so stupid of me,

That after everything i ve lost,

The thing I care the most about losing,

Is that it cost me you.

I dont think I ever realized that losing this meant losing you too,

Because I know I would’ve fought harder.

You know, I thought many times what would it be like for me to go back there,

A good reason,

Just to see what your reaction would be.

Because even though you proved it,

A thousand times,

That you dont care,

The tiny little moments that you did,

Are whats left in my brain.

I am stuck in this hell,

With nothing but the memories of you and that place,

It scarred me forever,

To the point im not even thinking of going back to the field.

The thought that I ll walk in a new office,

With all kinds of different people,

And not a single one can even come close to you,

I feel the aching in my soul and the sorrow in my heart.

I cried 7 hours that day.

And the next

And the next.

No one knew the real reason, no one ever will.

Even if i speak out loud, I ll get called a thousand words,

And I know i am a bad person for what i’ve become,

I know this is all karma,

But what can I do,

I am stuck here on hell,

Thinking of you,

Until the sweet relief of death,

Comes to find me.

Until then,

I ll see you in my dreams,

My forbidden

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theladyinwhite13 · 5 months

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hiii, i’m baCK

you’ve convinced me to read the great gatsby, i’m literally downloading it rn and this doesn’t happen often

anywayyy how was your day??

today’s random questions are: tell me 4 random facts about yourself (do NOT i repeat DO NOT overthink) anddd your favorite aesthetic

that’s all for today

give your bibble a goodnight kiss for me

and have a great day!! 💗💗 love you

OAKDHIANDISJFD DE OMG THIS IS MY ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED AND I HOPE YOU LOVE IT

and okay apparently my gf is not very supportive of my acceptance of your marriage proposal, so I may unfortunately have to revoke that :/ (but I’m still secretly obsessed with you dw)

my day was uhhh a lot? it was just lots of driving and many many many hours in a hospital for a surgery for my little sisters finger, but thankfully she didn’t have to have the surgery and the bone is now reset and she’s doing really well tonight!!!

ughh BUT I AM A CHRONIC OVERTHINKER THATS LIKE THE MAIN THING I DO!!! I JUST SIT THERE AND CONVINCE MYSELF OF THINGS!!! okay so I guess I’ll put overthinker as my first fun fact (except it’s not fun at all)

okay also I’m in love with the color pink!! it’s just fun and vibrant and I love it

umm I’m also a terrible singer but I still do it anyways, like not all the time, I’m not just walking around singing all the time but if I’m in the car with people I like I will be the most obnoxiously off key bitch but I will love every second of it

fourth uhhh okay fourth is maybe that if I see the number 69 something in my brain switches and I am no longer mature or intelligent at all, I am just a twelve yo boy (which btw I think “twelve year old boy” is like the main thing my friends would use to describe me) but I swear I’m also very mature sometimes

okay so it’s hard (that’s what she said) to describe so I figured it might be easier to just show you what my pinterest looks like?

i just kinda grabbed the first stuff that showed up and yeah, that’s my aesthetic I guess

and I love that you said “kiss your bibble for me” btw <3

I hope you had the best day!!!

#swiftie secret santa

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foursdarkdays · 7 months

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i like a girl lol

Sooooooooooooo ummm the title of this rant? would be "i like a girl" lmaooo Soooooo yeah theres a girl i kinda like?? its nothing serious tho but yeah i like her ig, she's not really my type tho but idk . She treats me so well i cant help it. i feel things lol. I keep checking my phone every second of the day (just did again) and it sucksssss. She kinda likes me back? atleast thats what she says . but idk i dont think so. The possibility is too narrow but yeah.

She has a boyfriend lol and its not like i care tbh cause its not like i wanna make her cheat on him something i mean she wouldnt and i wouldnt want her to. Also i know this isjust a phase for her and itll go away soon. for her or for me. Yk know i cant like someone for long especially if i dont see a possibilty of us dating. so yeah im gonna go with the flow rn. She told me that she had a crush on me since months tho but again ahh i dont think so. maybe shes overthinking . maybe she just wants to be my friend.

anywayyy soo im just going with the flow. we flirt a lot. we blush a lot. Thta bitch flirts with othets and makes me jealous lmao dumb fuck and i do the same bwahaah. sooooo yeahhhh i know after whatever this thing is ends im gonna be sad af for 2 weeks i think? cause we talk so much and its gonna be lonely. but again im a pro at moving on soooooooooo

7/10/23 (1:51am)

(im gonna keep adding the rants)

and the best thing about this is that i'm very well prepared for the heartbreak so im sure it wont hurt much lol im actually very sure about that. I always expect the worst in these things so its going to be chill. I'm sure shell come out of this phase soon and it will only be a memory for both of us. mostly in a good away tho. I'm not gonna take this too seriously and just have fun. you're flirting? okay ill flirt back. you're treating me well? ill do the same yeah thats it lol

i have a strong gut feeling that this is gonna end soon like 3-4 days? i dont know. lets see

7/10/23 (18:25)

Oh wow soooo it almost ended that day lollll but then yeah we kinda talked it out? Anyways i feel like something changed after that. I think in a good way? The obsession feelings decreased and maybe the good friendship feelings increased? I honestly have no idea and i should probably stop trying to figure it out lol. Anyway now I'm back and i think she doesn't like me anymore. Maybe I'm just over thinking? But lol nvm let's see how it goes

11/10/23 (2:05am)

Lmao bitch read this post. anyways im gonna act like no one knows about this account. Its soooooo scary i know i've told this before but its just really scary. See i have trust in myself that if IF something goes wrong ill move on fast, OKAY WHY AM I OVERTHINKING AGAIN. lets fuck this. SHES SO CUTE IM SO OBSESSED I HATE HER SO MUCH. ITS SO MUCH FUN TALKING TO HER. even though sometimes i really wanna push her off a cliff but its okay. I wanna write so much but im blank again wtf

14/10/23 (01:48am)

Why do i feel like she hates me now. Maybe she'll finally lose feelings. i mean yeah thats okay and understandable but it'll be too sudden so idk. I'm ready for anything at this point . I wanna text her but i guess ill give her space. I'll just distract myself and sleep. She has nooooooo idea about the amount of over thinking im doing rn. im so sure shes done with me and will never see my face again. lemme prepare myself. Thankfully im veryyy tired so ill fall asleep easily.

14/10/23 (9:22 pm)

i randomly have such sudden outbursts of love for this baby. i want to cup her face and kiss her whole face , i want to hug her to my chest and kiss her head and baby the fuck out of her. She's gonna cringe reading this (please dont). I want to like put our foreheads together and close my eyes and feel it yk??? i sound soooooo weird. Please dont be creeped out

15/10/23 (10;02pm)

I like her so much like so so so so so so much. Its very scary and i know for a fact that i will be hurt later but ugh its sooooo worth it. I'm sooooo happy with her. The feelings keep growing and i dont think im gonna let it stop. its okay ill let it grow. yoloooo sooo ahhhhh. We just had a pubg date sksksksk shes soooooooo ahhhhh. She flirts so confidently , i was panicking behind the pubg call sksknjiuck. anywaysssss ugh I want to kiss her sooooooooooooooooo bad like fuckkkkkkkkkk i wanttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!.

20/10/23 (01:13am)

Hiii so idk bro she says she's more obsessed with me but obviously i disagree. I think i really fell harder lol I mean it's scary af but anyways. Idk she can go for hoursssss without talking to me and be fine and me ? Lolllllll I try to text back whenever I can but she doesn't do that. Maybe I'm asking too much. Okay i should chill out fr. I don't wanna depend on anyone lol. I only want fun stuff here even though i know I'm kinda in deep but anyways it'll be okay. I know she's putting a lot of effort i shouldn't complain. I'm getting more than i deserve anyway. And I AM happy af. I just miss her i guess. I sound sooooo stupid. Ugh I hope she doesn't read this

21/10/23 (17:12)

(23/10/23) 1:40am

She didn't text me back today. But I'm gonna be understanding. I don't want to overthink. Not today . There are so many possibilities and i wanna listen to her . I really want to be understanding. Because i genuinely care . I didn't text her back till 2pm due to some valid reasons tho but anyway I feel calm now. I texted in our gc and she seen zoned but maybe she has her reasons . Let's see . I don't want to think about anything. I really hope she's alright .

It's like i want her to text me about her day and all but then I don't want to expect much i don't want her to do zyada also idk she's already treating me nicely and it makes me happy. Its honestly more than enough and I don't want to be greedy.

23/10/23 (19:12)

okay sooo ummm the reality is hitting me these days. I was okay being the side chick but its really hitting me lol. Its not like she makes me feel that way nahhh she shows that she cares. Its just that idk maybe im only stupid. she flirts with others and sends me screenshots and everytime she does that i lose little feelings. Even though she does that for fun idk. If she keeps doing this, i might actually lose feelings lol idk how to tell her that. I dont wanna bicker or anything i dont have the strenght and anyway she'll be like nooo i do it for fun only because im cool. **heavy sigh** nvm . but should i let her know? communication is good yk. i guess ill try tonight. if she doesnt fall asleep. Okay ill tell her that, rest is her wish lol .

oh yeah btw todays our 1 month anniversary???? ehehehehe

okay she fell asleep, shes really sick so i hope she feels better soon.

but anyway i keep feeling stupid lmaoooooo i need to stop feeling this way and accept it. Thats the only way lol

21:23 (30/10/23)

Wah its been long, soooo umm idk we kinda had a disagreement? i honestly dont know what that was but yeah im 1000% sure that it wasnt my fault. i took my time to write and explain everything but nah i guess shes mad at me? ofcourse she is. we didnt talk the whole day and its kinda driving me crazy but im trying to look normal. I wont text her first , not because i have ego or anything but because im not at fault here. She took things a little too far and i got triggered. But again i did explain her everything like why it triggered me and all because i didnt want any misunderstanding. But yeah shes mad at me for that? i honestly dont know what to do. is this the end of us? i dont want it to end like this. I'm not ready but i also wont text first. She needs to own up to her mistakes. I miss her. I miss her so much . please text me ughh .

its okay i guess. this is like a break for us i think i dont know how this will end up

22:56(7/11/23)

lmao i got on with a lot of thoughts in my head but as usual im black again. sooo i cant stop thinking about her and its scaring the shit out of me. Atp im pushing myself to go out with friends and family just to divert myself from thinking about her lmaooo yeah its that bad. The worst part is even k-pop idols are not helping me this time. Its always her on my mind. But ill try my best to distract myself because i feel very one sided. Its prolly not but kinda is . idk. But i'm also behaving the same way with her ig? i talk about idols and behave like they're the only ones on my mind when its absolutely false. I'm sure its not the same for her tho. she really isnt that whipped for me lol. and thats okay. ill keep trying to calm myself down . BUTTT the more i try the more i think. What do i do?

05:36am (17/11/2023)

we had a talk yesterday and it hit a nerve, It hit a wrong spot and now idk what i feel anymore. It was hurting. My heart felt like it would explode. I felt too much that i dont feel it now. No i'm not over her. It'll take time for sure but something snapped for sure. I'm taking a break today, from her. I need to analyze my feelings and emotions and think. I need to be ready for whatever is about to come. and i will be, Im strong and i can do it.

I never spoke about this or wrote it here but i think i should now. I need to analyze my feelings and write it out. I like her. i like her a lot. It was all happy happy at first, just us flirting. It wasnt that serious. But it did get serious later. A lot of feelings got involved. I know i know that she has a boyfriend and that i am a second option. I know its genuine and she really likes me. But i sometimes i wish the other way around. Everytime she mentions her boyfriend, its like a stab in my heart and reality hits me. I get distant for a bit. idk if she notices. its not her fault tho, I cant talk to people about this because i know what they're gonna say. "its all your fault, you knew she was taken but you still chased her. its all on you. you"re stupid for even hoping or wanting something from a straight taken woman" oh dont even get me started on how much it hurts when she tells me shes straight. Its gives me mixed signals. she says she wants to kiss me, hold me and do things with me and then she says shes straight. see i know sexuality is not an easy thing, it takes a lot of time and courage and thinking to come to a conclusion and tbh its okay even if she doesnt, but i cant stop my feelings and my overthinking. what if she doesnt really like me and its really just a phase shes going through. because im confident about the way i feel. i like women, i like her, romantically , emotionally and sexually.

i want her. i want her so bad even if its for a month, i want to experience how it feels like to be in a real relationship with her but i know its impossible. Like that equation doesnt even exist.

yesterday night, when she told me she loved me. i couldnt say it back. I didnt have enough energy to feel things because my heart was already hurting. Thats why im taking a break from her today, Her calling me baby , princess and whatever cute things she does , its making me feel guilty. She shouldnt do those things for me, but i want it . i dont know what im typing honeslty. i just want her so bad but i know i shouldnt. i NEED to tone down now . from my side, ill take the love shes giving me, also reciprocate. but not more than that because even i feel guilty and shes going through things because of me, she says its worth it but is it? i know that one day both of us will move on from this. I'm pretty sure we're gonna think about this and laugh but right now i want her, But i also dont , But i do. lol.

14:04 (21/11/23)

Hi, lol. I feel so much for her. like so so so so much. what we have is so precious and important to me. i dont want to let her go. As a girlfriend, yeah i guess one day we'll have to part, but as a friend? i dont want to lose her. I may sound greedy but along with her girlfriend(idk what we are but lets pretend im her girlfriend) right now, i also want to be her second best friend. Is it too much to ask ? i mean i guess it is. It hasnt been that long but our emotional bond is too strong and idk if ill ever find it anywhere else. Even if i dooo ugh idk i just want her for a long time. Even after we break up and take our time off, i want her to talk to me. This may sound selfish but yeah. I still want her to come nag to me, complain about things and share her problems, emotions etc. Relationship issues, marital issues, friendship issues, work related issues, family issues, financial issue etc like literally anyyything. I want her to feel comfy with me, I will never force her tho. I just hope things turn out this way instead of us completely falling apart. Because if it breaks , im sure itll take more than 2 years for me to open up tp anyone again. After my last ex best friend , i really shut myself off and it was lonely. I do have friends and i know they are always there for me but i cant open up to them. emotionally. But with her i can. So i want her , need her for a long time. We may drift . life is unpredictable and people change so its okay but i hope both of us try our best. I know she said she ignores and ghosts her close friends when she feels something is off and then they drift apart but i want her to really try for us. Idk if it will be worth it for her but i want her to try because i know i will. unless she wants otherwise. lol why am i having such emotions today? this is the first time im feeling this way. with us i mean. okay ill stop now.

26/11/23 22:30

I think I'm in love lol idk I tried so much to not be 'in' love and to just love her but I think I failed at it. I'm even scared to admit it to myself because I'm a coward. I still don't want to admit it to myself. I love her so much . I feel so stupid for loving someone who loves someone else. I was never like this. What is wrong with me? Idk but can it be helped? No. I know I'll move on in the future and everything will fall into place but right now ugh i love her and I feel stupid af. Like really really stupid. I'm never telling this to anyone tho. They'll make fun of me lol. They won't understand. I myself don't understand anything. I'm giving away so much of myself and it's going to take a lot of time for me to get it back like after we break up. Anyways I hope she gets well soon. She must be in a lot of pain. It hurts to even think that she might be in pain ughhhh stupid**inserts my name* get it together.

Come back soon . I feel like a zombie without you

Lol I just looked at my instgram activity and was wondering why I had spent 4 hours on Instagram yesterday when we didn't even talk. Then I realised that we did. It has only been a day but it feels like weeks? Wtf? What is going on with me. I'm scared I'm so so scared.

28/11/23 (23:43)

Happy 2 months to us lol sksksk anyways I didn't miss her yesterday. Probably because I was dealing with my own shit . Doesn't mean I like her any less. I still care . I hope she feels better soon

30/11/23 (00:19)

I googled the recovery rate and the death rate of dengue and I'm more paranoid now. Maybe I'm crying too much because I'm sick . I cry a lot when I fever like it heightens whatever I feel and now I'm worried about everything. Myself , her ahhh.

This is way too scary. New fear unlocked. I don't wanna say it but ugh just the thought of your loved one not being there hurts lol. I think I'll never move on from it. Never. So dear universe or whoever is listening to me , you've been mean to me these days , there are only 2 things that I want the most right now. The most. And I'll do anything for it. 1. Her getting well soon. 2. I need freedom from my life . Which means moving away to another country. I need these so bad. I don't care if I don't die anymore. I know I've always wanted to die and that was the only prayer in my head but now no. I want these 2 . Please please please. I won't be able to take it please ahh I'm crying again. I'm never getting attached to anyone again.

It's December already, please please please I promise that if these two things happen, I WILL NEVER NEVER EVER think about killing myself again. I promise this. I really really really promise you. But , if not , then that's it. You know I've always wanted to die , ever since 2011, so I'm giving up on this if I get the things I want. Atleast the 1st one. I won't be able to live at all.

Why am I crying so much. It's too much to handle. I feel like the nerves in my head will tear open with the strain. Its been long since I cried so much . I know I'm over thinking but why can't I fucking stop. STOP. Okay I'll just sleep .

1/12/23 (00:05)

I didnt miss her at all these last 3 days but i think i miss her a little today. I suddenly think about her and feel like crying. This is not because i miss her but idk. I feel like every bad thing happened to me at once and my mental health is at stake. 1. her being extremely sick with that deadly virus? whatever it is. 2. My uni thing. 3 me falling sick as well. i cant control my emotions when im sick. especiallllyyyy fever. i feel so weak and that stupid fever aftertaste on my tongue is making me wanna puke. i think im sleeping a lot these days. like 16 hours a day or something, maybe physcial and mental exhaustion is catching up to me. fuck this life . anygays idk i hope something good happens please. i wanna cry again lol. crying feels nice all of a sudden . its all because im sick lol. i guess ugh idk fuck this

i slept on the couch yesterday night, i think ill do the same tonight lol. i always sleep on the couch when im sick i guess??? ah im sleepy again. prolly med effect. ill eat and sleep now. i hope my baby feels almost better tomorrow. wow im sleepy af all of a sudden . no energy i think ill fall off byee

01/11/23 (20:16)

Lol i haven't written in so long ahhh yeah idk it's going okay I guess. We were having a call on gmeet with another friend of mine and she spoke about her boyfriend today. Idk what happened to me and why it happened but I cried wtf? Like wtf?????? Idk what to do anymore. It's reality I know but it's hurting. I know I'm just a ummm what am I again? No one omg fuck this

03:20 (18/11/23)

i love you

22:36(uk time zone) 11/02/24

Ah i need you so bad but i yeah i should be understanding. I’ll be. But know that i need you so bad like emotionally but im not brave enough to text you .

15/02/24 1:14pm

I love you . It feels sad now . When i think about her, my brain makes me sad lol. Whenever i imagine fake scenarios with her my brain keeps constantly reminding me that im just delulu and nothing will ever happen. I already know that but lemme be happy? i keep thinking about the break up that will happen soon when she gets engaged. I know there’s time, there’s a lot of time but i can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like it’s always there at the back of my mind. I just wanna be delulu , carefree and happy. I don’t wanna think much okay bye

29/02/24(2:30am)

I hope you dont see this but I’m so sorry. There are so many thoughts running in my head rn. I feel like im ruining something perfect. i mean you and him. I know nothing will change , yall are the end game and i dont want that to change. But the guilt is hittinf me these days. Am i that bad? Am i that selfish? What am i supposed to do? Shouldi stop? I dont want to stop but i dont want to be so selfish. Am i really a homewrecker? fuck

(12:06)

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keefwho · 8 months

Text

September 29 - 2023 Friday

6:31pm

I'm doing this funny little thing I do, and used to do to a much greater extent. My tummy is a little bit upsetti tonight but not a lot, something I'd consider normal even. But sometimes I'm susceptible to thinking about worst case scenarios. In this case I don't even know what that is. I know I can't be sick. It's almost impossible that it's food poisoning. So I don't know what I'm afraid of. Feeling bad I guess? Also I'm worried this headspace will carry over to tomorrow when it will really matter since I'm getting my groceries. I told myself I have to go no matter what and thats what I intend to do. I know there is nothing to be afraid of. My "fears" are always unrealistic and obscure. Tomorrow I intent to keep that in mind when I gotta go to town. It's only a 3.5 hour trip, not actually a long time. As shown last time, I can easily go that amount of time without having to use the bathroom which is something I'm nervous about. Only because I really don't want to use a public restroom unless its just to pee maybe.

I know tomorrow I'll be okay. My brain tricks me into thinking that suffering will last forever or will always get worse. I need to remember that I'm being lied to.

11:47pm

Today was okay, I was worried I wouldn't stay on task like the past couple of days but planning exactly what I was going to do in the morning paid off. Breakfast was a bologna sandwich with baked beans. I also woke up to a pretty decent scan of my room that rendered overnight so that's good, still tidying it up though. The stream went okay, I got pretty frustrated at both the YCH I had to do and my friend who is always correcting me on basically everything. It's something I've noticed for awhile and today it was bothering me. We watched the final episode of Courage which made me tear up more than I thought it would.

After stream I did a very good job cleaning. I put away my clothes, wiped down my entire kitchen area, and vacuumed. Right after I did my whole workout very diligently. Lunch was a bowl of tuna spaghetti while I watched the Fionna and Cake finale. The show in general blew my mind and gave so much grand lore that I wanted. It also left a lot open in a way that is obviously set up to explore later.

I admit I didn't do all my afternoon work but I didn't feel the need to. I did some good sketching and my friend wanted me to play Roblox with him which I also wanted to do since I knew he wouldn't be playing long. So we did that for a little bit before I left the call and was just chilling. My tummy started behaving weird around this point. I was basically waiting for Daisy to be free because I wanted to chill before VR and play my new game Tiny Atolls. She alerted me when she got in VR and then we had a nice little night of hopping places. It seems like neither of us knew what we wanted to do at first. We tried a couple Halloween mazes which were meh and tried joined off some people. My tummy hurt and I didn't quite feel the socializing mood but it got better. At around the time we were in the Namco museum I started to get in the right mood and had a lot of fun. At some point 570 joined and we hopped a couple places before getting off for the night. Daisy watched me play my new game as she went to sleep and it was cozy.

I'm not feeling so nervous about tomorrow anymore since I feel better now. I also know this can't keep being a problem, it just can't be. I have to get over it eventually to the point where it won't even be a second thought. So I'm trying not to get into a weird headspace where I overthink. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and shower like usual before doing a chore not much harder than any other. It has it's own benefits too like how interesting it is to see other people for once and I get nice things like a coke icee and fast food. Last time went smoothly so that gives me my hope for tomorrow. I also always have Daisy I can text if things get iffy. I'm not trapped.

I really want to get better about knowing what I want to do. I don't want to be boring, I want to be able to be the entertaining one if I have to be. The one that can find something to do when there are no other ideas. I think I usually know the kinds of things I want to do but I instinctively dismiss them.

#diary #journal #anxiety

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valdotpng · 2 years

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What were the nuances in revali’s character in botw? He just seemed like an asshole to me, I’m wondering what I missed.

hi hello so since i like him a normal amount (<lie) i have decided to just go ahead and analyze his whole character under the cut bc i have a Lot of thoughts abt him. hope thats ok w/ u!

ok so. where to even start. i guess lets start at the beginning? one of the things that kind of differentiates revali from the other champions is the fact that he wasnt born nor elected into a position of power. he isnt royalty, nor is he some sort of chief, meaning that there have never been any societal expectations or responsibilities hes been tied to-- every expectation for himself was set By himself, and boy howdy did he raise the bar high. every victory, every single accomplishment, the title of 'master revali' he owes to himself and himself alone. hes a self-made man! (or uh. bird guy) which is fascinating in the context of the games narrative, because it seems to almost always favor 'heroes of legend' or 'chosen ones' of sorts

which brings us to the next interesting fact about him

im pretty sure its canon that revalis gale is the only champion ability entirely Created by the champion using it. think about it for a second. daruks protection, urbosas fury and miphas grace all seem to be blessings somehow bestowed upon them since god knows how long. with revali though, we get to actually see him develop the thing. we see him struggle, time and time again, to accomplish something thats never been done before. ("...As you know, us Rito use our wings to fly forward. The wind lifts us up into the glorious sky above. However, we cannot ascend on our own.") all because he wants to and kind of has to prove himself to the world

"... I am close. So close to mastering my new move and showing everyone what I'm capable of."

"Not enough. I must stay in the eye of the whirlwind... must push myself harder..."

usually hes sooo high and mighty, but in the dlc memory, we get to witness the game show another, hidden side of him. it.. really did something to me, the first time we were allowed to see him vulnerable like this. hes so hard on himself... and its clear that all of this business takes a great toll on revali, both physically and mentally, yet he pushes on. that is, in my opinion, very admirable. and all of that is why i think he has every right to be proud of himself, just... *gestures vaguely @ how much of a prick he can be* Not Like This, lol

i think its no secret that revali has some self-esteem issues. ...a lot of them, actually. if you couldnt tell by now, he is very dependent on how the public sees him. imo pretty much all of his self-worth is tied straight to it + the things hes achieved so far. so when beloved 'master revali' ends up being 'a sidekick' to a seemingly random hylian knight, he IS going to get upset

this gives some context to his disdain for link. from revalis perspective, the hero of hyrule is someone who didnt earn his title, but instead obtained it by mere chance, by simply pulling out some sword out of a rock. we, of course, know that isnt true, and that link has his own share of struggles, but we arent revali. his negative feelings are understandable in that context, but i most definitely do not condone how he acts upon them

good thing hes like, the one champion that undergoes a noticeable change of attitude/a character arc of sorts during the base game !! a much-needed one, at that. thats right, it is now time to overthink every bit of dialogue he says during the vah medoh mission LOL

"Well I'll be plucked... You've defeated him, eh? Who would've thought. Well done. [...] I do suppose you've proven your value as a warrior. A warrior worthy of my unique ability."

at first, when we enter vah medoh, we're greeted by his usual snark and sarcasm, but his tone gradually evolves into something at least a Little bit warmer as link progresses. with every terminal, every little victory the surprise in his voice rises-- hes finally starting to see what our hero is capable of ("There are two terminals remaining. You're almost there (..!)" "Just one terminal remaining! [Huh] What do you know?"),

and it all culminates when...

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this... But you must avenge me, Link!"

there, he swallows his pride and admits that hes in a desperate need of links help. and, by defeating windblight ganon, link gets a chance to prove himself before revali.

then, once hes left alone with his thoughts, we get to see it:

"After all these years, I simply must admit the truth... [...] [Link] accomplished something that even I could not... Guess I was wrong about... how lucky he would be."

even though he doesnt fully allow himself to admit it out loud, i think the overall tone and subtext of the scene gets the point across: revali has finally realised that he was wrong about link.

hell, at one point he even considers the possibility of actually Losing to the hylian in a duel ("Win or lose, I would have liked a chance to settle the score with you.") which, in my opinion, is also very significant.

these little bits of extra dialogue you can hear after challenging the blights again give us more insight into his character. one of the most notable ones imo being the one where revali asks about his hometown ("...I cant fathom that it's been 100 years... There's no one left who would even know me. But even so, it will always be my home.") revali IS a jerk, but he isnt a selfish one. he is capable of caring for other people, and hes capable of growth and self-reflection

theres more to be said about him (i could ramble on and on about all the OSTs associated with him, about the flight range, about how the conflict he brings into the narrative is refreshing, about how he cares that there are children looking up to him etc etc etc), but i feel like this post is long enough already. TLDR: revali is undoubtedly an asshole, but i believe that theres more to him than that; in my eyes, he is one of the most interesting characters out of the cast, and its a shame that one has to do so much digging in order to find all of this... well. depth.

but anyways. thank u so much for reading if youve made it this far! i hope this was an at least somewhat comprehensible and interesting look into his character. uh. um. dont forget to like and subscribe and-- [REVALIS GALE IS NOW READY.mp3]

#putting this under a read more bc. boy howdy . that is a lot of words #val.txt #btw its totally okay if you still dont see him as anything other than an ass after reading this #it takes a lotta effort to see him in another light #i just do bc my brain has unfortunately decided to latch onto this character #hes one of my faves if you couldnt tell already lol #kinda unrelated but GOD i forgot how funny he can be

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almostdeath · 3 years

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Just a little concept that came to my mind:

Glatt...but nobody sees or hears him. At first he was annoyed, this felt as if everyone was just ignoring him. He hated being ignored, hated not being heard. But after time has passed, he got used to it and found out that he can interact with the world, move objects and other little things.

There wasn't much to do, he just tried to annoy everyone, moving important things and just messing with the citizens of Dream SMP.

He didn't really want to visit Quackity at the beginning but after the first visit...it quickly switched to the second...third...and now he was almost always near him. Listening to his little "speeches", how he would speak sometimes with himself, how he interacts with others and how he rules over Las Nevadas....Glatt had to admit, his fiance did a great job.

At least on the outside. At some nights, that were especially lonely, the young man stood on his balcony, looking at the sky. The moonlight was a nice addition to his beauty, that wasn't worsened even by such a large scar. It even added some charm, at least Schlatt thought and thinks so. Glatt silently joined him, standing by his side, even if he would say something...it would remain unheard.

Then Quackity quietly sighed.

-I am clearly going crazy...-

-M, well, you did some fucked up stuff like eating my heart, but it could have been worse, sweetheart.

-...just...why do I still miss this bastard...everyone tells me, that I should move on. And I fucking know that I should...-

-You clearly should. You know that you shouldn't grief over me....you are just an idiot.- Glatt said to someone, who wouldn't be able to hear him.

-Thats so pathetic...speaking with myself...-

-You are far from pathetic. I mean, you have Dream and fucking Technoblade under your control. Doesn't sound pathetic to me, my sugar pumpkin.- Glatt pushed himself away from the balcony grid and entered his ex-lovers room. Slowly the ram-hybrid walked to the big desk with multiple piles of documents. Still hearing the mumbling of his fiance. The little duck is clearly driving himself mad, overthinking and refunsing to move on. Glatt gently touches one of the piles...and makes them fall to the ground, documents all over the floor, which forced Quackity to look at the mess and let out an annoyed sound of grudge. He made his way to all those important papers, kneeling down and trying to collect them all.

-Damn, sugar. You have more grammatical errors then Tubbo, and he is dyslexic! Maybe ya should sleep more.

-Sometimes....there is really the feeling that someone is talking back to me...Joder ... realmente me estoy volviendo loco- he said quietly and Schlatt understood, not only what exactly was said...but also the kind of frustration. He stared for a long time, while Quackity collected all the papers. Then...an idea came to his mind, hoping that he can still do it. He opened one of the drawers of the work desk...he knew that this duckling kept the ring and the wedding photo...of course he did. Maybe they are both too stubborn.

Quackity immediately looked at the drawer that opened on it's own...great...now he is having hallucinations...wasn't him being alive on this cursed server not enough? His wedding ring, the one that he didn't wear for a long time now...began to float and then...it started to hit the desk in some rythm...that's strange and what should that even...the duck hybrid stopped the thought process right there. As fast as he could, he grabbed a piece of unused paper and a pencil. For his luck, Schlatt started from the beginning, so his fiance would have all the letters...Morse code...of course...and of course his Vice president would be smart enough to figure it out that fast.

One letter after the other and all came together.

-Guess who is back...Flatty Patty-

Rereading the message, Quackity couldn't stop himself from laughing, which led to a smile on his ex-husbands face...

Yeah, that's written fast and badly, but after listening to "Talking to the moon", I just...got this idea...

#jschlatt #schlatt #dream smp #dsmp glatt #dsmp #quackity #ghost schlatt #schlackity #I was in retirement of writing for more then three years #i am sorry

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neptunebeetle · 4 years

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Oh SICK

#this is sarcastic but i just LOVE getting on peoples nerves and coming off as an asshole awesome! cool! GNARLY DUDE #wait that last one didnt make sense. whatev #at first i was genuinely just trying to make up for probaboy being selfish and was trying to apologize #but then i think i just started blaming more and more shit on myself #and now they’re annoyed lmao #further evidence that i should literally never be allowed to interact with another human for longer than a fw seconds #actually this sucks i hate that im like this. i dont even bother goig out of my way to make new friends #though i crave interactiob SO BADLY im suffering for interaction but im just Bad. just generally #im not. a bad person i like to think. im just stupid and selfish and i make mistakes all the damn time #i dont jnow i dnt do this shit on purpose i dont want to be a bad friend #no wonder ppl i date cant handle me and neither can some of my friends and others *wiggles*#i dont talk in servers bc ive literally experienced over and over again with people getting tired of my shit! bahahah!#i was about to say ‘i wish i was lovable’ but i think thats a stretch #im .... probaboy overthinking myself but i think i can tell when im getting on someones nerves #their tone changes even in text....#idk but this is why icaht have super personal friendships with people #me venting and shit? this aint personal. this is me needing to get shit out #i think if i actually had personal friendships w some of yall #where we talk casually outside of interests or just talk at all #id get on yalls nerves :’)) its just my affect i guess idk #now im just. i almost started crying bc i just kniw its probaboy not easy to care for me or #i dont knso what im trying to say #i feel like im just a Problem or somethng #whatever

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moon-goddess-posts · 3 years

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Hiii could I request a genshin match-up if thats okay?:3 I'm a female INFJ-T and a Sagittarius. I have long brown-ish black-ish hair and dark brown eyes. I also wear glasses which I tend to lose often.

I think I'm a creative, smart, patient and hardworking person. I'm an overachiever in a lot of things in life. I have hobbies like knitting and crocheting when I have the time and materials, reading books, daydreaming, and listening to music. I love music and it means a lot to me. I love going out as much as I love staying in:>

I'm the type of friend who's between being that overprotective mom friend and that friend who radiates crackhead energy (lmao idk either) I've been told that I come off either as a really distant yet confident person or a shy person at first. I'm a clingy person to the people I'm close to. I'm pretty confident and headstrong when the situation calls for it, and I'm not afraid to stand by my morals and fight for what I believe in, although I like to keep an open mind. I don't like fights, aggressive confrontation, or being yelled at because it makes me really anxious and I am a crybaby:<

My love languages are probably all of them tbh and I really wanna try to do all those cliche dates and couple things (like dancing in the rain.) I would really appreciate dates that are away from other people and are private though. Promises mean a lot to me, and I'm the type of person who gets really really upset over broken promises, no matter how little they may be. I'm a patient person and I think that translates into relationships as well. I'm willing to wait for someone to really open up to me. I want a relationship that isn't only built on love, but other things such as open communication, trust, respect and faith in the other person. I want to build a relationship where I can really build a deep connection and bond as well. I wanna do and try things that the other person likes doing, like their hobbies and interests.

Some negative about me are that I tend to overwork, overthink and stress myself out a lot. I cry a lot too, I don't really know if thats a bad thing but I cry when I'm overjoyed, when I'm angry, and when I'm hurt. My tendency to cry depends who I'm around as well though. I tend to second guess myself and have a pretty low sense of worth and self-esteem. Although I'm a pretty optimistic person around others, the pessimist in me comes out a lot when I'm alone. I can also be pretty jealous. I don't really want to bother other people so I tend to just shut up about my own problems, and it'll take a while for me to open up. I tend to bottle up my emotions and end up a huge mess:( but I do try not to, its just that I do have a lot of bad days:(

I hope this was good and I didn't overshare too much hehe:> I hope you're having a great day and stay safe out theree

Ty so much for requesting! You didn't over share in fact it helped me a lot!! I hope you're happy with your results!

I match you with Zhongli

You both seem to posses very similar traits and he's glad he's found someone who understands him as well!

Would very much be willing to do all those cliche romantic things with you 😭😭

Would find it pretty funny you seem to lose your glasses all the time, he'd sometimes even tease you about it until he eventually helps you find them

Zhongli admires your hard working behavior but strongly encourages you to take breaks in between. He will always be there to reassure you and calm your mind over some hot tea he made <3

If you're really stuck in your own head and are constantly daydreaming, he'll do small things like kiss you suddenly or hold your head to ground you a bit

Would ask what you're thinking about, he's really curious (๑•᎑•๑)

Would absolutely love how you never back down from what you believe in and are always ready to defend your causes, with you being an open minded person it really helps Zhongli be more comfortable when talking about what he likes or believes in as well.

He tends to make decisions by himself most of the time and can be assertive, but hes more than willing to try things you'd like to do as much as you'd love to do things he enjoys

If you'd like he'd also would be willing to read to you as well! He loves telling stories and you love reading books, a perfect match <3

Zhongli is a gentleman and does not lose his composer easily so you won't have to worry about any harsh emotional out breaks. If he feels the need to confront something, he will do so in a calm and respectful manner

Doesn't quite fully understand why you cry so much but hes always there to comfort you too! You should probably tell him that sometimes your tears aren't negative and its just because you're happy LMAO

Would do that thing where he wipes your tears and kisses your eyelids 😭💖

He would never break promises as he thinks of them like a contract. He would also get pretty upset if anyone else broke a promise too, I mean hes the god of contract sooooo

Zhongli doesn't mind how you're shy at first as he talks so much, its easy to start joining in on conversations and really go into depth about topics.

He finds your clingy side very endearing, he wants to make so much memories and savor each second with you because he knows it won't last for long :,[

Hopefully you're a big cuddler cause this man will give you so much 😭😭😭

Would make you sit on his lap while he tells you stories because he loves being close to you

Isn't really the type for too much social interaction either and prefers more intimate places so its no issue asking for dates with not much people around :D

He isn't always aware of his actions and sometimes it may come off the wrong way or be mistaken as flirting but if your mood or behavior changes a teeny tiny bit, he can still figure out that something is wrong

Zhongli always makes you feel special and gives you tons of physical affection and words of affirmation, he understands everyone has bad days and is willing to do anything to help you make your day a bit better

Hes very patient as well and will slowly encourage you to open up because he would be worried if you constantly bottled up your feelings :<

Zhongli also strives to have such a deep connection with someone thats built from good trust, respect, communication, and all the others

Though you both might see the world a little different from each other, it doesn't stop the fact that you both have similar things you guys both look for in someone, its sure to be a long lasting and happy relationship!

#genshin impact zhongli #genshin matchups #zhongli fanfiction #genshin reader insert #zhongli x reader #zhongli genshin impact

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keefwho · 8 months

Text

September 13 - 2023 Wednesday

9:03am

I'm having the thought that I won't be able to focus on work today since I'm not streaming. I'm having the thought that I keep making things weird with people and thats a form of pushing them away. I'm having the thought that I won't be able to figure out what it is about myself that makes me believe I'm so unlovable. I'm having the thought that nothing I do today can make me feel better and lighten up.

11:00pm

This morning was the same breakfast as yesterday which was lovely. I watched the second episode of the Mia and Me show, it's pretty bad but I'm still intrigued by it. Something about it feels cozy in a way, something about it gives me PS2 vibes.

I didn't stream today, I tried to do my work alone. I did just about as bad a job as yesterday in the sense that I wasted a lot of time goofing off even though I did get it all done within the time frame I absolutely needed to. I want to get better about conforming to my schedule when conditions aren't favorable. I can do it fine if everything is perfect. I figure part of being mature means you can't wait for just the right conditions for everything. I mowed the lawn real good before lunch and also split some wood. It's one of my weekly workouts until it all gets split.

Lunch was beef stew with pasta in it. I played some HOI4 pony mod and watched some Chris Chan documentary. When work time came around I told myself I'd be better about it than I was earlier in the day and I was. I did the request and moved onto personal stuff, getting it done with much less time wasted than before. I had meant to make up for the 20 minutes I missed on commissions but I didn't do that. After work I booted up Starfield and spent an ungodly amount of time in the ship editor just to get basically nowhere. I might stick to premade ships unless I get some inspiration to build my own.

I had asked Daisy if she wanted to do something new and interesting this evening which she agreed to. When the time came to hang out we both didn't know what to do. I was down to pick literally anything as long as we've never done it or hadn't for awhile. I have the bad habit of not being able to settle on anything when I know any choice would be fine as long as I stuck to it. She seems to have the same trouble figuring out what to do sometimes. I want to overcome this so I can not only stop being bored but so I can also maybe be a sort of activity leader for those that are also stuck. Sometimes all it takes is that one person who takes the leap into doing literally anything to kickstart others.

We ended up searching around Roblox for a little bit and peaked into this horse game that we determined was pretty bad. In hindsight I wish I had tried to do some actual RP of sorts, that would have been new and interesting. I think I was too afraid to try at the time or wondered if I could even keep up with something like that. She also showed me some EPCOT posters on pinterest before she headed upstairs where we played Sky briefly. She was super tired and went to sleep while I played more Starfield which felt very cozy. It's not often I commit my attention to something like I did with Starfield tonight.

Tonight I was noticing how I try to conserve energy a lot and also try to do things in the laziest way possible while calling it "efficient". I guess in some ways it is but I was thinking about the value in deliberately putting no cap on my energy use for the sake of doing everything to the best of my ability. It also helps to keep me from overthinking because it demands a lot of mental process as well.

Today I had also forgotten all about focusing on what I'm working for rather than what I'm working against. It was helping a lot to keep my eyes on the prize but I forgot that already. Perhaps tomorrow I'll remember.

A good thing I did today was committing my attention to Starfield in my free time. I really got invested and it felt nice. Also the commitment I had to making something fresh happen tonight even if it didn't completely work out.

#journal #diary #thought

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chocolatte-and-despair · 3 years

Note

Heyoo hope i aint bothering but i was wondering if i could get a Dsmp match up? Im a 5'6 pansexual female, Capricorn and all that stuff! I got blonde hair with fair skin, I got real dark brown eyes. Like your gonna mistake it as black and ya gotta look real close to see it as brown. Im a Ambivert that is an Digital Artist and a gamer. Im usually very social and like hanging out with friends! But sometimes i do like quiet time for myself when i dont feel like interacting with other humans lol. Im a bit of a joker and i usually like to lightly tease people i like or love. And i hate pants. Shorts for the fuckin win!

im also very cuddly and affectionate if i do say so myself, I like hugs, hand holding or interlocking our arms together. If you only want to tho! Be it friends or family. Guess its obvious my love language is Physical touch. Im also really into fantasy or horror genre in stories, movies and others. Even tho i love horror im still a big pussy sometimes. Im usually described as loyal, funny, caring and do work hard on things im passionate about.

But here comes the negative parts bout me, My Friends would probably also describe me as a people pleaser and that i like to switch my personality to what i think will be appealing to the person im interacting with. I also tend to overthink, Be distrustful and not control my anger issues. And thats bout it! Hopefully this wasnt too long lol.

Also thanks for all your awesome posts! It really makes me excited to see a notification that you posted or replied to an ask lol. Whatcha do is really cool so keep that up love! :]

After thinking for a little bit, I decided to give you ... ConnorEatsPants! You said that you are very social and there are many characters that are secretive, that's why I think that someone as easygoing as Connor would actually be the perfect partner for you.

A . How would they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? - Connor is pretty cheerful, so he usually shows his affection through physical touching or compliments. It takes him a little bit to realize that someone is uncomfortable with how touchy he is but he will control himself if you tell him that you don't like how affectionate he is.

B. What type of future are they planning with their lover? - Connor doesn't really think much about things like this. He just hopes that you will be with him in the future, everything else is pretty open to whatever you want to do.

C. What is the scariest moment with them? - Connor isn't really a scary yandere, but he has a lot of scary people around him, that's why if you would ever break his heart, they would probably kill you without a second thought.

D. How do they usually act with their lover? - Connor treats you like a friend, plus a lot of physical affection. He doesn't really want to make you feel different from everyone else, besides he doesn't really know how to be romantic.

E. How would they court their lover before? - Connor would become your close friend and start involving you in all the pranks and jokes that he would to do everyone else to feel a little bit less lonely.

F. What's their favorite memory/thing in the relationship? - Connor remembers the first time you said hello to you. You looked so perfect.. Ever since then, he knew that he loved you.

#yandere dream smp imagines #yandere imagines #dream smp imagines #yandere dream smp headcanons #yandere headcanons #dream smp headcanons #yandere dream smp #yandere #dream smp #connoreatspants #yandere connoreatspants

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gale-gentlepenguin · 5 years

Text

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 1

(Link to the idea) that made me want to write it instead of working on my OTHER FICS.

(Master post)

_______________________________________________________________________

“Soulmate Searcher?” Marinette questioned with intrigue and confusion.

“Its an app that just got a global release!” Alya answered. “At first it was only released in America, but it became a huge hit and now it has international servers.”

The designer looked at her friend with even more confusion.

“So why is it so popular? And why did you want me to install it on my phone?” Marinette inquired.

“Its an app that lets you find the special someone who is your significant other. Alya explained. “Its a tried and true compatibility tester.”

Marinette’s intrigue dissipated, in her mind it was just like those cheesy magazine quizzes they put in magazines to see which celebrity you would marry. Marinette had long outgrown that phase, especially when last time she took one it did not say she would be paired with Adrien but XY! Gross.

“Oh. Well count me out. Those quizzes are just a load of...”

“No way lady dude.” Nino chimed in. “This thing is legit. It has the highest matchmaking app back in the States and it is like down to a science and stuff.”

Marinette looked at the DJ skeptically.

Alya placed her hand on her shoulder.

“ It is more then just a personality quiz. You put in your name, your age, dating age range, preference, and so on, and then you answer a bunch of questions that allows the app to gage your personality, mentality and emotional impulse. Then after thats done, it will match you with the top 10 people who have the highest compatibility with you in a 50 mile radius. You can see percentage rates and everything. Then you can decide if you want to message any of the people on the list or block them. They can only see your name, photo and the percentage.” Alya detailed.

“So then all a person needs to do is know what your answers are and copy them.”

“An interesting Hypothesis but sadly incorrect.” Max answered from behind the group.

“Sorry to intrude, but I too had my doubts about the app until I learned about how the app’s algorithm worked. All questions given are randomized and answering the questions the exact same way even if someone did get the same questions does not guarantee 100% compatibility. I made several dummy accounts and rigged them in order to make them both have identical questions and answers, but they did not achieve 100% compatibility.” The class egghead began to explain.

“Having run the test numerous times with numerous accounts, the algorithm matches people with similar beliefs but not identical, as having too much in common does not mean soul mate, it can be seen as suffocating. I have not yet cracked the theorem of how to get 100%. The highest I have been able to get is 93%. It is as if it is a perfect formula for compatibility.” Max concluded.

Marinette had to admit her interest was peeked.

“So its a one time questionnaire and then done?” Marinette pressed with more interest.

“Well the first questionnaire takes an hour or two so it has enough data for a base compatibility profile. Then you answer 10 questions every day for 2 weeks to reaffirm any errors it might have made. Thats how the App is so successful. After about 2 weeks, your profile will be established. It was able to cut the margin of error down to 1.9%” Max exclaimed. “Its the pinnacle of mathematical perfection.”

“Thanks dude, couldn't have explained it better... really.” Nino thanked the robot enthusiast.

“Anytime, now I must head off. Markov and I have more tests to run.” Max head out and left the three teens to their own devices.

Marinette thought about it, she really didn't have much to lose trying it out.

“I even got Adrien to install it. He said he will fill it out after fencing.” Alya Whispered.

Marinette realized she had to do it. What if Adrien was on the app and some other girl had a high compatibility with him before she had a chance to try it. What if he fell in love with that mystery girl, got married and then bought a hamster!?

“Okay, I will take the quiz.” Marinette exclaimed with Confidence.

“Atta girl!”

______________________________________________________________________

Marinette had gone with Alya back to the Dupain Bakery in order to answer the questions in peace.

In Marinette’s room, Alya was relaxing as she watched the Designer answer the questions as honestly as possible.

“Now Girl, odds are the percentage maybe around the 70% mark, But Knowing you and Adrien, I bet you two will make it into the 80′s.” Alya answered.

Marinette nodded, half listening as she focused on answering.

“Nino and I got an 85%, which was pretty high. Ivan and Myléne only got a 79%. So no worries even if its in the 70′s”

“DONE!” Marinette exclaimed as she fell back. She was mentally exhausted. The questions were surprisingly more in depth then she expected.

She pressed submit and waited. Staring at her phone as it ‘processed her answers’

Alya stood up walking over to the bluish-black haired designer.

“Well.”

The list popped up.

Marinette scrolled through from 10 to 1. No Adrien. She felt herself sigh deeply.

“He isn't on it...” Marinette spoke defeated.

Alya took a look.

“Sorry girl, It might be he hasn't uploaded his profile yet.” Alya tried to encourage her friend who was burying her head in her pillow.

“You think?”

“He is a busy guy, but also, you need to see who is number one on the list. A certain guitarist you happen to be fond off.” Alya said with a smile.

Marinette pulled her head up and took her phone. Sure enough, it was Luka who was number one on the list. He had an 80% compatibility rating with her, which was at least 20% higher then the guy in second place. Maybe this was a sign that she should move on from Adrien and ask Luka out.

“Maybe I should message Luka, If he believes in this sort of thing.” Marinette spoke with a blush on her face.

Alya nodded.

“Do what you think is right girl, Adrien or not, you deserve a guy that will make you happy.”

“Thanks Alya, you are the best.” Marinette smiled sweetly at her best friend.

She clicked on the profile. The pop up asked if she would like to message the user Luka Couffaine.

Marinette paused, she was nervous about doing this. It was as if this was her crossroads. Would she go for it?

_____________________________________________________________________

“DONE!” Adrien exclaimed as he fell back on his bed. He was mentally exhausted as well as physically. He told Alya he would try out the app as soon as he was free from fencing.

“I don't get why you even bothered with those dumb questions.” A grouchy floating cat creature commented.

“Its an in depth Compatibility test Plagg. This could be the best way of finding My lady.”

Plagg looked at the model with skepticism.

“What makes you think that you would be matched up with Ladybug? You don't even know who she is.”

“We are soulmates, so obviously we will have the highest compatibility.” Adrien answered with confidence as he sat up.

Plagg rolled his eyes.

“You do know just because you were picked to be the cat miraculous wielder doesn't mean your soulmate is ladybug. There have been Ladybug’s and Chat noir’s that haven't gotten together.”

“It isn't because we were chosen together. I can just feel it Plagg. I know we are meant to be. And if for some reason the girl with the highest compatibility with me isn't Ladybug, I will still likely find someone that I can find myself liking. But knowing my Lady, she and I will have a compatibility of 85 maybe even 90%” Adrien answered with a loving sigh. “Oh, its ready.”

Adrien smiles at his phone before looking at the list.

“Oh Kagami is on here. 79% Thats pretty good. But she is only number two? Huh, so then who is number one?” Adrien spoke aloud as he scrolled. As he saw the name that was number one his face turned beet red and and he fell back on the bed.

“Adrien!?” Plagg exclaimed as he flew to the frozen blond. “What happen.... oh no Fucking way.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Marinette was about to press the button when another pop up appeared.

“List updated?”

Marinette clicked out of Luka’s profile and noticed he was now at second place.

“Luka got moved to second.” Marinette spoke with surprise.

“What? Then whose first?”

Marinette scrolled up. Her eyes went Wide.

“ADRIEN!?!?” Marinette shouted.

Alya smiled.

“I knew it! I told you he would be on your list! And Number one to boot. So what is the percentage. 82? 85% Like Nino and I?”

“100...” Marinette spoke hardly audible.

Alya couldn't hear.

“How much?”

Marinette turned her phone to Alya.

Alya’s jaw dropped.

“1.... 100%!!!!!!!!!!”

_______________________________________________________________________

Plagg could not contain his laugher. The blond was still frozen staring at his screen. Adrien had no idea how right he was. His Lady and him were perfect for each other. Plagg was absolutely loving every second of this.

“P-Plagg.”

The black cat managed to calm down.

“Ye Ha HA! Yea Adrien?” Plagg responded between laughing fits.

“Marinette is Ladybug.”

Plagg sobered up quick.

“What... What makes you say that?” Plagg spoke, trying his best and failing at hiding the fact that Adrien was right. Thankfully Adrien was too out of it to notice.

Plagg pauses.

“Ladybug is my soulmate, Marinette scored perfect compatibility with me on the soulmate app. Even with error included, the chances of that happening are…”

“It’s a silly quiz.” Plagg shouted. Tikki would kill him if Adrien found out at the wrong time. He had to play dumb.

Adrien thought about it, maybe he was overthinking it, plus Alya and Nino scored around 85%. Maybe the system was glitching out? 100% was unheard off according to what he found about the app, even with people who tried it and have been married for decades.

“I guess you are right… Besides, you answer questions each day, the percentages will shift. Maybe the system will correct itself, though I should ask Marinette what her thoughts are about the match up tomorrow. Though... even if it isn't Ladybug... Marinette is a pretty nice person to have good compatibility with.”

Adrien felt himself entertaining the thought of him and Marinette together. It seemed really, really nice. He found himself blushing at the thought. He quickly shook the thought off. He was getting ahead of himself. What if Marinette didn't feel the same way he did? What if Luka saw the compatibility score that Marinette got with him and decided not to date Marinette because of it. Marinette does really like that musician, what if Marinette hates him for ruining her chance at happiness!?

Adrien took a calming breath. He won't say anything, the app still needs to fine tune his profile. he is sure it will correct itself if it needs to within the two weeks, after that, he will look into it.

“I am sure that things will fix themselves.” Adrien said as he turned away from the cat Kwami, though part of him really hoped that the 100% would stay.

_______________________________________________________________________

THERE I FINISHED part 1

If you want part two, please let me know. I love hearing feedback and it feeds my impulsive need to write.

#ml #ml fic #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfiction #soulmate survey #soul mate survey #adrienette #lovesquare #ladynoir #djwifi #alyanino #alynino #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #drama #If this gets 1000 notes I will write part two #or if this get fanart #I am a sucker for fanart #I cave to pressure very easily

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