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disabledunitypunk · 7 months

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Okay, we're going to be posting essentially an image ID minus the images of a post, because our phone is being wonky about images.

Tl;dr since it is very long: Having hobbies doesn't make you a morally better person and not having hobbies doesn't make you a morally worse person. Some disabled people are disabled enough by their disabilities that they can't have hobbies and this kind of thing hurts them the most. Erasing them and saying all disabled people are abled enough to have hobbies is ableist. The idea that hobbies - productive or consumptive - determine whether a person is going to be a decent upstanding person or a complete asshole is literally based in christian protestant ideals about work ethic that have suffused our culture.

Take your moral superiority complex about being better than people who don't have hobbies and your crybullying about the existence of severely disabled people being ableist elsewhere.

The original post:

"get a job" as an insult: piddlin. implies one's value is determined by employment. feeds into capitalistic ideals

"get a hobby”: strong. cutting. implies that instead of feeding your soul and potentially creating something beautiful, you are here bothering me.

OP's reblog:

i can't believe i have to say this but for the people getting angry in the notes or sending me harassing asks: if this post makes you feel attacked, it's because you're an asshole.

if "you should find something rewarding to do instead of being mean to people" reads as "problematic" or "antagonistic,” it's probably because you've been told something similar after being unkind to others, maybe often.

and no, sorry, "get a hobby” isn't ableist. i'm disabled. disabled people almost always have hobbies. we are as capable of creating something beautiful, be it a knit scarf or a cake or a nice memory, as anyone else.

telling someone it's within their power to find something that makes them even a little happier isn't ableist, y'all have just become obsessed with this weird tumblr narrative that you aren't responsible for ANY of your own wellbeing and that pushing or enriching yourself in any way is EVIL.

stop being in love with your fucking misery, treat people better, and get a fucking hobby.

Our response:

It's still fucking ableist. I'm also a disabled person. It affects people more disabled than you in ways it doesn't affect you. Congrats, you're just a privileged asshole.

Conflating morality with productivity is ableist bullshit and also just based in culturally christian bullshit. People don't mistreat people because they don't have fun little activities to do. I've encountered literally THOUSANDS of the nastiest people you'll ever meet who are fanartists and fanfic writers, knitters and crocheters, who play instruments and write music, who make indie games in their spare time or create mods for existing games. I've also met incredibly good people who don't do anything "rewarding", often because they can't, and are the most compassionate, patient, understanding people you will ever meet.

You seem to think the only reason someone might find this antagonistic or problematic is because they are secretly guilty of not having any hobbies and spending their time attacking people. Is this projection on your part? Do you have to occupy yourself with distractions to avoid being an asshole on the internet? Are you even aware that the axiom that people who don't have hobbies are assholes still isn't true, and you've just once again said "the reason you're mad about productivity and hobbies being moralized is because you are a Bad Person and unkind because of your lack of hobbies"? Circular logic, anyone?

Like, I'm not a perfect person. You can scroll down my personal blog (@xxlovelynovaxx) and find times I said shitty things, and apologized and attempted to take responsibility for them. I also have LOTS of hobbies, including writing, reading, gaming, drawing, painting, digital art, papercrafting, playing flute and ocarina and recently kalimba, photography, doll collecting, music composition, singing, sewing, and learning languages.

I am also profoundly disabled and becoming more so. I am not becoming a worse person because of my lack of ability to continue doing many of these things. In fact, there is zero correlation between the times I have been an asshole and the times I have been unable to engage with my hobbies for prolonged periods of time. Meaning, not that I am only ever an asshole when doing hobbies, but that when I've made mistakes and hurt people, it's equally likely that I was or wasn't able to have hobbies at the time.

You know what's also ableist? "We are as capable of creating something beautiful, be it a knit scarf or a cake or a nice memory, as anyone else."

We are "as capable", as disabled people, as "anyone else". As cap-able.

No. Not all of us are. Disabled people who are incapable of doing these things exist. Disabled people who are so profoundly disabled that they can't even participate minimally in social situations to create "nice memories" - which, by the way, hanging out with others and "making memories" isn't a hobby. Disabled people who literally are unABLE because of their DIS-ABILITY of doing any of these things exist.

No, "most disabled people" don't have hobbies. But thank you for "defending" disabled people with literal inspiration porn about how actually, we all CAN have hobbies just like any other person, and how disabilities can never disable us to the point of being unable to participate in hobbies. Telling someone to find something that makes them happy isn't ableist. Deciding that there is a direct causative relationship between "not pushing or enriching yourself" and "being a massive asshole to strangers", or that the reason they are being dicks is because they "aren't taking responsibility for their well-being", IS.

Even setting aside that yes, pushing yourself can be unhealthy in some cases, that hobbies aren't enriching to everyone, that hobbies are necessary for a person's well-being (arguably true, because people who are disabled to the point they can't have hobbies often find their quality of life suffers) - people aren't "refusing to take responsibility for their own well-being" by acknowledging the reality of their disability.

They aren't thinking that it's "evil" to pursue something they enjoy or being in love with their misery or sitting there cackling about refusing to "recover" or whatever it is you think disabled people are doing when you've decided they're "choosing" not to have hobbies. For my part, I spend much of my time when I can't participate in my hobbies desperately wanting to, or planning how I can when I feel better, or as I've made peace with my reality, looking forward to the good days while I appreciate even the long and difficult rest periods forced on me by my body.

(Although also, if you think it's not okay for disabled people to be sad or angry or yes, miserable, when factors outside of their control make them unable to do the things they love, you're also an ableist for that.)

"Get a hobby" still implies people don't have inherent worth. It just takes capitalist ideals and does the "can I copy your notes? yeah but change your answer slightly" and makes it about an arbitrary abstract standard of "fulfillment" (usually still determined by creation of a product, as 'non-productive' hobbies like watching shows/ movies, listening to music, or other 'media consumption' are often vilified in the same way as lack of hobbies).

It's still moralization of productivity. It still bases both worth and "goodness" around what a person can DO. It's still based in exactly the same protestant labor ethic that contributed to the formation of capitalism, only now instead of "idle hands are the devil's work and cause sin" it's "idle hands cause an unenriched soul which causes sin I mean assholery". Seriously, what WAS that weird pseudoreligious bit about "feeding your soul" in the OP? The pretense is SO thin.

For all your fake concern trolling about it really being about "people finding stuff that makes them happy and taking responsibility for their recovery", the truth is, you don't actually think it's about people being healthier and therefore less of an asshole (also, being an asshole is a choice, not a mental health condition. Congrats on contributing to the exact stigma we continuously have to fight. Lack of health does not make you a worse person or more likely to hurt others).

To you, it's that if people can't, in your words, "create something beautiful" and "feed their soul", they are fundamentally less good of a person and more likely to hurt others.

Finally, even were all that true - that lack of hobbies directly causes people to be assholes - is it really worth making the most marginalized disabled people feel ashamed and worry that they're really fundamentally lesser? Is it really worth taking the people you believe to be outliers and essentially sacrificing them and their already much worse mental health outcomes, just to make a quip on the internet?

Or do you not actually give a fuck about other disabled people, have you bought into lies and stigma that productivity makes you a more "pure" person who is less capable of harm, and that having poor mental health makes you a morally lesser person that has to fight harder and fails more at not being an asshole, and that the only reason people might disagree with you is that they're bad people who choose not to recover and wallow in their misery, because a disability making someone unable to do things you can do isn't possible?

You literally said that people who have hobbies are better than those that don't. You think that hobbies determine morality. That's ableist no matter how you shake it.

Maybe you should get over your obsession with hobbies equaling worth and making someone a "better" more moral person, stop making other miserable, and maybe even with it being untrue, focus more on your own hobbies, because if nothing else they make you happier, right? And you don't seem too happy right now.

Repost because this originally caused a wave of ableist harassment when attached to OPs post.

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bloodanddiscoballs · 5 days

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38 Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? 75 Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! 88 What are you scared of?

38.) Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

No I don't have any serious beef with anyone. I live a pretty uneventful life at the moment!

75.) Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

I rarely go to individual blogs I just scroll through my feed! Tbh the only time I go to a specific blog is if I want to see more of a person's art that caught my eye.

88.) What are you scared of?

Hmmmm I think my deepest fear is probably not mattering enough to have it be noticeable if I die suddenly. But I like to think even one or two people would notice! I'm just bad about putting myself out there tbh

#about me #thank you!!!

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nonkul · 6 days

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hi it's me being annoying and condescending again

but i wish we could bring back fandom and edit tags.

i get that user tags are useful. many of us don't have time to scroll through the dash to find content to reblog, so it's great to have your personalized feed where others can directly share their art with you. i even use my friends' tags sometimes. it's like me knocking on their doors, saying "hi, just walking my dog here, wanna pet it?" user tags can also be my way of greeting moots i don't talk to often. in an "i thought of you when i made this" kind of way.

but then i hate how user tags are becoming the only way a post can get notes here. i hate how certain blogs only reblog posts where they're tagged. it turns reblogs into soulless transactions. and if we're only relying on big blogs to reblog our content, what's the incentive for other users to follow smaller blogs? they could just follow one big blog and see everything since everyone tags them anyway.

i hate how under every gifset is one tag for the show's name, and 16 other ones are all user tags. i hate how we don't even have space for actors' names. i hate how our tag lists expand as more people decide to open their own tags, and soon enough 20 tags won't be enough to tag everyone. i don't want to leave any of my friends out.

i hate seeing "#tagged" or "#thank you for tagging me" with no commentary. i'd rather see one note with commentary over 100 obligatory reblogs any day, but that's just me. but theeeen can i blame people for simply reblogging? knowing they are tagged 10+ times a day and it can get overwhelming? i don't want to force people to give thoughts when they have nothing to say. and a lot of times they're tagged in shows they have not watched, so what kind of commentary can they make? user tags are nice for discovering content, but they do entrap you with expectations. what you see is dictated by other people. kinda defeats the purpose of "personalized feed" doesn't it?

and trust me im guilty of all of above. i don't even give commentary most of the time, so don't think im shading anyone who "#tagged" under every post. i love and trust my moots. i just hate how this convention we came up to boost content flow is slowly killing content flow.

#.txt

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mouseratz · 3 months

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No one is a fat “phobe”. I was fat as a kid too and only up until a couple years ago I wasn’t. I’m skinny but not instagram skinny like normal skinny and after I eat I look like I gained even more weight till I wake up again, like normal. I was fat too the difference is I don’t complain about it online and make it the base of my identity. And you take everything in the worst way, nobody is mad your autistic or fat, but when u do the above things like complain it just is sad. There’s other things to talk and think about. I’m sure it’s not fun thinking about it for you.

Y'know I'll feed a troll a little bit now just because i'm bored. Are you, like, not familiar with the concept of bloating? (Of course your stomach looks bigger when you eat. That's kind of how those work- they stretch to contain your meal while it digests. that's what a stomach does.)

And I'll be pretty obvious for you, get really personal- there was a period in my life where I didn't eat much at all. I did starve myself, though not with the express purpose of being skinny (my anxiety made me feel sick way too often), and I did lose some weight, I'll give you. I ate a meal or less daily, skipping entirely some days, and my stomach hurt all the time, for around two years. The weight loss was noticeable enough that people would comment how good I looked and must've been feeling, even though my mental illnesses were at their peak and I was very close to committing suicide (and would've said as much if they asked. but most people didn't. because I was losing weight, I must've been taking care of myself, right?)

I still, at my absolute skinniest, would be, by BMI, be categorized at the borderline of overweight and obese. Fatness is often genetically determined, there's only a certain range your body will tolerate, simply. We are told otherwise because it sells- it sells weight loss products and extreme diets, and while exercise isn't innately bad, it absolutely pressures people into more extreme routines there, too, and buying more of that shit. It financially benefits a lot of people to say fatness is a disease in of itself to sell cures that really do not do shit. All of the studies we have show that sustained weight loss is INCREDIBLY difficult to achieve past a certain level (no, I'm not linking, because I'm lazy, ill give you that, too), and big fluctuations in weight repeatedly (up and down, often called "yo-yo"-ing or "yoyo dieting") are NOT good for the body (yet, people are still encouraged for the effort, and blamed on being "gluttonous" or "lazy" or "undisciplined" for being unable to keep weight off).

And, past all of that, even if fatness was something that made you sick- how would that justify treating fat people like this? the harassment, the disbelief, the entitlement, for just having people aware of your body? where is the kindness, if you really think we're so suffering? why is it all holier-than-thou condescension?

anon, you seem like you are very new to the idea of fatphobia, which is why I've taken my time to explain anything at all. I would recommend looking into this topic more, but also try to understand how other people feel instead of taking the time out of your day to send rude messages to someone you've never met.

plus, if you scroll through my blog, you'll see a lot more shit posts and discussions about anything else. I like to draw, I make art. I collect toys, and post about that. Have you looked at anything in my profile but the post that got 20k notes & my responses? I am a whole person, I'm just not going to shut up about my fatness or my mental illnesses because they're part of it. This is a picture you've painted wholly for yourself to justify your disgust of something I said.

#cw fatphobia #cw disordered eating #cw sui mention

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sanguine-inkwell · 1 year

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We reblog a lot of aesthetic posts, so I think it’s time for some armchair philosophy.

What does it mean to be a vampire? Call it what you want, sanguinarian, energy feeding- it’s an umbrella of experiences and concepts neatly dovetailed into the goth subculture, cousins to folks like otherkin and therians. This blog is a little bit of a perfect illustration of my point- we mostly reblog aesthetics and art because it’s fast, easy, and gets the point across. But it’s here to talk about an experience, too, and we haven’t done much of that.

Maybe it’s similar to the witchcraft community that way. People post their candles and crystals, but the real work happens behind closed doors. And it’s easy, as a vampire, to sum it up as “yeah I feed on people, move along”. We’re gay, keep scrolling. Don’t like, don’t read, flames are fed to the cat.

Part of the urge to do that is a reaction to folks who peddle the idea of binaural beats to give you heterochromia, or Top Ten Reasons Why You’re Actually Supernatural (Number 6 Will Shock You!). Whatever the reason is, whatever causes this, it doesn’t give us the ability to Force Choke people or smell their deepest fears. People will always want to be special. I’d even argue that that’s normal and okay. I just keep tripping over weird culty shit that dents my faith in the community, relying on magical promises and feeding the fantasies of lonely vulnerable teenagers, and then we’re back to square one.

The only thing I can say for sure, I think, it what it means to me. It helps me feel like I belong- even if not to a group of people, then at least the night. The dark, the murky place where horror movies and pareidolia and the bogeyman mythos lives. It lets me feel powerful, confident, enjoy being who I am. The aesthetic brings me joy. The experience.... it’s nestled in there somewhere between my gender and my psychological issues, I think. It can hurt, it can be lonely, but it’s not always. It’s impacted how I look at the world around me, given depth to my animistic beliefs, affected how I look at and think about food in particular. Nothing quite makes you analyze where you get your nutrients like cravings you can’t actually satisfy.

For me, being a vampire is halfway punk rebellion and halfway just self-acceptance. I’m going to dress like I walked out of Crimson Peak, I’m going to be queer and identifiable only as an entity dressed in bones and fangs, I’m going to do things and try things other people don’t because their identities are in a box, and mine is everything outside of the box. I want to play ttrpgs, read pretentious books by candlelight that make me ponder the human condition, and maybe stick a hand into the BDSM community to see if anything bites.

What does it mean to be a vampire? I don’t think I’ve really got the answer, yet. I think it’s more important to focus on what it means to be you, first, and being a vampire is just part of that. I mean, we crave blood. There’s poetry in that, the depth of connection to another person inherent in consuming what gives them life, a liquid record of their health and wellbeing that you can learn to read with sustained contact. And if we can learn so much from feeding, from the conversation in that, then surely there’s just as much to learn from the hunger alone.

We just can’t lose ourselves to it, I think. Touch grass. Go to the library. Remember thou art mortal, etc, etc. There’s enough angst to fill an ocean, here- but existence isn’t only pain.

Alright, there’s your vampire pondering for the night, I’m gonna go watch samurai movies.

#mod smoke #ramblings #medical sanguinarian #sanguinarian #real vampire

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godkilller · 2 years

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AAAAAA IM A LIL LATE for the ask meme now but anyways here goes!! I think I’ve already told you abt this before but I found your blog when I stumbled upon an rp thread you had w/ dokuhai ;w; I loved your portrayal of Gin from there so much I just had to check your blog for more content (w/c as you know, lead to me scrolling thru your blog for HOURS bc I couldn’t get enough of it 🥺)

Tbh I was kinda intimidated at first w/c is why I didn’t interact w/ any of your posts 👉👈 but then you saw & liked that post I made abt me finding your blog so I decided I HAD to let you know how much I loved your work by screaming in your inbox ;w;

I stayed bc of the quality content (your writing, your headcanons, your lengthy and in-depth ramblings abt Gin), the lovely ginran content you write w/ dokuhai, and also ofc the other relationships & interactions you write w/ other characters 👌👌👌

TL;DR YOU’RE AN AMAZING GIN & YOU PUT UP QUALITY CONTENT and I’m sticking around bc I love feeding on your content <3

What drew you to my blog initially, and what, so far, has made you stay? Is it their muse, the mun, the writing style, their worldbuilding? All of the above?

out of character. I COULD SAY THE SAME TO YOU. I’m so glad our paths crossed because it made me so immensely happy to see someone still loves Gin and Ginran out there, making beautiful art -- and I think those Gin Survived(tm) works with his dumb long-sleeved haori and the others in that batch, the one with his lil kid too, make me smile so big like a dork to this day. Truly happy, healing and wonderful artwork. Please never stop bein’ you.

#[ out of character ] masquerade; hide your face #gin deserves some happiness as a treat --#nO BUT AAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU ;W;

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usami-ichigo · 2 years

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Yo… it’s officially been one year since I made my first post.

So I’ve been on tumblr for a while but when I finally got the courage to make a few posts I 100% did not regret it. I’ve met so many cool people here and it’s been an even better experience than when I was just scrolling my feed. So here’s a couple thank you messages to my moots!

@frogb you were the first mutual I had! 😳 I still think it’s amazing that such a cool person deemed me friend-worthy. Your art is fantastic and I’m really inspired by you honestly. Thanks for being my friend 💕

@putmeinyourdeathnote BESTIE 😭 you’re literally so sweet I- HOW TF DO YOU PUT UP WITH ME WHAT?? Anyways I enjoy all our conversations. Sorry I take so long to respond sometimes 🤡🤡 Ily /p 😌💖

@rainecloud020604 HAHA IRL GO BRR- I could tell you all of this in person but I need to tell people how cool you are 😼 ANOTHER COOL ART PERSON!! Seriously swag. Ily law man kinnie 💕

@m1dnight-circu5 IRL PART 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO- And another art pog! Vibe check! I’m gonna look you right in the eyes enderman 👁👁Just fyi we are throwing hands on sight tomorrow. Just because 😼💕

@cepheus-a-lil-author HI!! We talk more on discord hehe. You are such a cool friend! One day we’ll commit that murder together 😌 Until then stay swag!! 💖

@tamire-idk Hi Cade I’m gonna ask you for like the bajillionth time but WHY DO YOU HATE YAMAGUCHI?? WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO YOU? 🤬😭 Anyway aside from being a yam hater ur really cool /lh /gen

Thank you to anyone else who genuinely thought my blog was good enough to follow!! I’ll be making more shitty posts in the future you can count on it 😌 ily all!! /p Thanks for hanging out 😼

#bunny blabs #bunny’s moots 💕#one year anniversary #one year post #cool my blog has officially been active for a whole year! :D #we won’t count that big hiatus 😶#art #artists on tumblr #bunny draws #Gen 🐙🦑#ash 🧸#bee 💖#spade 🔴🟢#Elly 💫✨#Cade 🤬

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haadeswrites · 3 years

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fic asks pt2

y’all are killing me with the love rn <33

THE CULT AU?? You have a very big sexy brain

i am actually smooth brained like a koala but ty bby

I regularly stop by and stalk your blog and when I saw you updated your most recent works I went scrolling through to your latest update on the new fic! It was amazing. As always I just binge your content and block everything out! Your characterization of Oikawa has to be the best I’ve seen. It fits him so well and it’s so close to canon it’s insane. I’ve only seen one other writer hit that and I hope you understand that your brain is beautiful! I love the build up of the story, how the reader seems to doubt herself and get sucked in and brainwashed even though she swears on everything that she’s getting her ex and going. I also love how much of a freak Oikawa is over reader cutting his throat out dieneindieneid sorry for the rant you’re just so freaking lovely and I love you 🥺🥺🥺

nonnie!! come get ur kisses RN!! it’s probably not exactly a surprise but oikawa’s always been one of my favourites okay my favourite to write so it means so much that you think i write him well!

also oikawa getting all moan-y when they kill ryuji was one of my fave scenes to write haha

in Elysium, what’s the the lore behind Oikawa? like the tapestries you mentioned and the energy thing that he did? is he like actually a divine being or is just really good at tricking his followers? either way!! such a good read!! love you!!!

so i wrote this fic knowing it was gonna be a little ambiguous. you can technically read it as oikawa with a god complex, and everything that happens after the reader leaves the beach as an effect of drugged wine. she’s comfortable on the island because that’s how cults work and oikawa is very good at what he does. and if that’s how you want to read it then that’s absolutely fine.

but i wrote it with the intention of acutal god oikawa. the tapestries hint at his history; cast out from his home for murdering another deity, wandering for thousands of years - long enough that the people who once worshipped him died out. he feeds off of life, not just the essence of it, but things like memories and emotions - he’s physically manipulating every life on the island, erasing their thoughts, tugging at different emotions to get the results he wants. and naturally, killing becomes a culmination of that, the ultimate feast. in return, he nourishes the island

therefore the cult is actually almost as ancient as he is. no one who ever comes to the island leaves it; they either live out their lives under his benevolence, or they becomes sacrifices for the greater good. hence, the commune keeps its secrets :))

What made Oikawa become obsessed with reader? Was he experienced sexually before her with the limited people on the island?

By the way, the style you write with is so beautiful and riveting. Truly an art piece❤️

ahh thank you nonnie!

i think in the beginning it was curiosity; he knew she’d come to the island looking for ryuji - who at that point was experiencing makki, mattsun and iwaizumi’s um... hospitality :))

he’d seen her in ryuji’s memories - all that he’d done to her, their relationship laid out in its entirety, so it was definitely something that piqued his interest. a challenge to make her submit, a bit of a break from the mundane. i think he resonated with her a little – she’d suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to care for her, was lost and out of place, desperately wanting something she was never going to find in the real world. he was endeared, and ofc the longer she stayed on the island, and the tighter the trap he’d pulled began to close around her, the more he became invested.

as for whether he’d slept with other people on the island to sate an itch every now and then but nothing all that involved

#hades.answers #fic asks

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hawkbucks · 3 years

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Love Is So Nice

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Universe: College/University!AU (as if there isn't enough of that on this blog already) Rating: PG-13 I guess? There's some innuendo, but nothing super explicit. Summary: Steve's happy whenever he's with Tony. Word Count: 736 A/N: Based off of Jonghyun's song of the same name. Also, this is super short, sorry. It's 3 AM as I do this and I'm my own beta, so I apologize for any errors, whether in spelling, grammar, me straight up omitting An Entire Word from a sentence, etc. etc.

It's dark in Steve's room. That's how he prefers it these days. Well, it's how his boyfriend (god, that feels weird to say; he's had a crush on Tony for so long that actually having him as his boyfriend feels like some dream) prefers it, and anything that Tony likes, Steve likes. The only lights come from the tablets Tony has scattered over the bed and Steve's own phone as he scrolls through his social media feed, a Marvin Gaye song that Sam recommended to him a few days back softly playing. He lies on his stomach.

"You sure you don't want to be out with your friends or something?" Tony says from his spot sitting next to Steve's head, back up against the wall with his legs stretched out. "S'gonna be a while until I'm done." As if to drive home his point, he puts down the tablet in his hands and picks up another one, tapping away on the screen.

Steve's 82% sure that there isn't anything important on that tablet. In fact, he's pretty sure Tony is just keeping it around for the extra light it gives, "Do you want me out that badly?" he asks, rolling over onto his back. He exaggerates his frowning.

Tony rolls his eyes but his mouth smiles. "I'd just feel bad if I was the reason you missed out on something exciting."

"I'm with you--" Steve breaks out into a grin-- "which is already pretty exciting."

"Sap."

"Yes." Steve's grin grows bigger when Tony leans down to give him a kiss.

Nothing. That's what they're doing, really. Steve's room is dark again. They're lying on their backs, staring up at the ceiling, another one of Sam's song recommendations drifting throughout the room.

Steve's body is buzzing with how close Tony's body is. They've been together for months, but it feels like just yesterday he asked Tony out. His body buzzes with the close proximity, and he finds himself laughing.

"What's so funny?" Tony asks, turning his head to look at Steve. "This isn't about what happened last week, is it?"

"N--no," Steve responds. "Although now that you mention it--"

"Don't."

"I won't." Steve steals a glance at Tony from the corner of his eye. "I'm just... happy."

Tony adjusts himself, bed springs creaking, so that he's lying on his side, his head propped up by a hand. His free hand goes to run its fingers through Steve's hair. "Me too."

Steve gently grabs that hand by the wrist and presses a kiss to the palm.

"Unclench your jaw. Relax your shoulders. You're so tense." Tony punctuates this by placing his hands on Steve's shoulders and starting to massage. "Walker up your ass again?"

Steve groans.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes." Tony sniffs. "You spell like turpentine."

"I'll shower later," Steve grunts, eyes fluttering closed. Tony's always been good with his hands. They're strong, firm, and exactly what Steve needs after hours of dealing with his hard-ass painting professor. Doesn't that fool understand that art is subjective? He's not going to mince words when it comes to evaluations.

"Is that an open invitation?"

Steve snorts, shaking his head. "You always hog the stream."

"It's not my fault you manage to get the water at the perfect temperature. I have to take advantage of it, you know."

Steve looks over his shoulder at Tony. "Is that all you're dating me for? My perfect water temperature?"

Tony meets his eyes. He doesn't mean to sound cliché, but he instantly feels like all of his worries are washed away. Tony is here. He's fine. They'll be fine. Professor Walker is a footnote in the book that is his life and all that. "I date you for other things too, you know," Tony says, snapping Steve out of his own thoughts.

"Like?"

"You make very good spaghetti."

"...I guess."

Growing up, Steve didn't believe in love lasting forever. His own parents divorced. He watched Bucky go through a rough break up with the person he said was "the one" back in high school. He's read the articles of celebrities breaking up and people proclaiming that love isn't real and has never existed. There are movies upon books upon poems upon art centered around love and the loss of it.

Love isn't forever. That's impossible.

As he lies with Tony in his arms, however, he thinks he could make it possible.

#*shrugs*#Just take this pls.#Ngl I rolled my own eyes a few times doing this lol it's stupid cheesy.#Not me forgetting to put the word count lmfao.

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mostlysignssomeportents · 3 years

Text

20 years a blogger

It's been twenty years, to the day, since I published my first blog-post.

I'm a blogger.

Blogging - publicly breaking down the things that seem significant, then synthesizing them in longer pieces - is the defining activity of my days.

https://boingboing.net/2001/01/13/hey-mark-made-me-a.html

Over the years, I've been lauded, threatened, sued (more than once). I've met many people who read my work and have made connections with many more whose work I wrote about. Combing through my old posts every morning is a journey through my intellectual development.

It's been almost exactly a year I left Boing Boing, after 19 years. It wasn't planned, and it wasn't fun, but it was definitely time. I still own a chunk of the business and wish them well. But after 19 years, it was time for a change.

A few weeks after I quit Boing Boing, I started a solo project. It's called Pluralistic: it's a blog that is published simultaneously on Twitter, Mastodon, Tumblr, a newsletter and the web. It's got no tracking or ads. Here's the very first edition:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/02/19/pluralist-19-feb-2020/

I don't often do "process posts" but this merits it. Here's how I built Pluralistic and here's how it works today, after nearly a year.

I get up at 5AM and make coffee. Then I sit down on the sofa and open a huge tab-group, and scroll through my RSS feeds using Newsblur.

I spend the next 1-2 hours winnowing through all the stuff that seems important. I have a chronic pain problem and I really shouldn't sit on the sofa for more than 10 minutes, so I use a timer and get up every 10 minutes and do one minute of physio.

After a couple hours, I'm left with 3-4 tabs that I want to write articles about that day. When I started writing Pluralistic, I had a text file on my desktop with some blank HTML I'd tinkered with to generate a layout; now I have an XML file (more on that later).

First I go through these tabs and think up metadata tags I want to use for each; I type these into the template using my text-editor (gedit), like this:

<xtags>

process, blogging, pluralistic, recursion, navel-gazing

</xtags>

Each post has its own little template. It needs an anchor tag (for this post, that's "hfbd"), a title ("20 years a blogger") and a slug ("Reflections on a lifetime of reflecting"). I fill these in for each post.

Then I come up with a graphic for each post: I've got a giant folder of public domain clip-art, and I'm good at using all the search tools for open-licensed art: the Library of Congress, Wikimedia, Creative Commons, Flickr Commons, and, ofc, Google Image Search.

I am neither an artist nor a shooper, but I've been editing clip art since I created pixel-art versions of the Frankie Goes to Hollywood glyphs using Bannermaker for the Apple //c in 1985 and printed them out on enough fan-fold paper to form a border around my bedroom.

As I create the graphics, I pre-compose Creative Commons attribution strings to go in the post; there's two versions, one for the blog/newsletter and one for Mastodon/Twitter/Tumblr. I compose these manually.

Here's a recent one:

Blog/Newsletter:

(<i>Image: <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:QAnon_in_red_shirt_(48555421111).jpg">Marc Nozell</a>, <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en">CC BY</a>, modified</i>)

Twitter/Masto/Tumblr:

Image: Marc Nozell (modified)

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:QAnon_in_red_shirt_(48555421111).jpg

CC BY

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

This is purely manual work, but I've been composing these CC attribution strings since CC launched in 2003, and they're just muscle-memory now. Reflex.

These attribution strings, as well as anything else I'll need to go from Twitter to the web (for example, the names of people whose Twitter handles I use in posts, or images I drop in, go into the text file). Here's how the post looks at this point in the composition.

<hr>

<h1>20 years a blogger</h1><xtagline>Reflections on a lifetime of reflecting.</xtagline>

See that <img> tag in there for frnklogo.jpg? I snuck that in while I was composing this in Twitter. When I locate an image on the web I want to use in a post, I save it to a dir on my desktop that syncs every 60 seconds to the /images/ dir on my webserver.

As I save it, I copy the filename to my clipboard, flip over to gedit, and type in the <img> tag, pasting the filename. I've typed <img src="https://craphound.com/images/ CTRL-V"> tens of thousands of times - muscle memory.

Once the thread is complete, I copy each tweet back into gedit, tabbing back and forth, replacing Twitter handles and hashtags with non-Twitter versions, changing the ALL CAPS EMPHASIS to the extra-character-consuming *asterisk-bracketed emphasis*.

My composition is greatly aided both 20 years' worth of mnemonic slurry of semi-remembered posts and the ability to search memex.craphound.com (the site where I've mirrored all my Boing Boing posts) easily.

A huge, searchable database of decades of thoughts really simplifies the process of synthesis.

Next I port the posts to other media. I copy the headline and paste it into a new Tumblr compose tab, then import the image and tag the post "pluralistic."

Then I paste the text of the post into Tumblr and manually select, cut, and re-paste every URL in the post (because Tumblr's automatic URL-to-clickable-link tool's been broken for 10+ months).

Next I past the whole post into a Mastodon compose field. Working by trial and error, I cut it down to <500 characters, breaking at a para-break and putting the rest on my clipboard. I post, reply, and add the next item in the thread until it's all done.

*Then* I hit publish on my Twitter thread. Composing in Twitter is the most unforgiving medium I've ever worked in. You have to keep each stanza below 280 chars. You can't save a thread as a draft, so as you edit it, you have to pray your browser doesn't crash.

And once you hit publish, you can't edit it. Forever. So you want to publish Twitter threads LAST, because the process of mirroring them to Tumblr and Mastodon reveals typos and mistakes (but there's no way to save the thread while you work!).

Now I create a draft Wordpress post on pluralistic.net, and create a custom slug for the page (today's is "two-decades"). Saving the draft generates the URL for the page, which I add to the XML file.

Once all the day's posts are done, I make sure to credit all my sources in another part of that master XML file, and then I flip to the command line and run a bunch of python scripts that do MAGIC: formatting the master file as a newsletter, a blog post, and a master thread.

Those python scripts saved my ASS. For the first two months of Pluralistic, i did all the reformatting by hand. It was a lot of search-replace (I used a checklist) and I ALWAYS screwed it up and had to debug, sometimes taking hours.

Then, out of the blue, a reader - Loren Kohnfelder - wrote to me to point out bugs in the site's RSS. He offered to help with text automation and we embarked on a month of intensive back-and-forth as he wrote a custom suite for me.

Those programs take my XML file and spit out all the files I need to publish my site, newsletter and master thread (which I pin to my profile). They've saved me more time than I can say. I probably couldn't kept this up without Loren's generous help (thank you, Loren!).

I open up the output from the scripts in gedit. I paste the blog post into the Wordpress draft and copy-paste the metadata tags into WP's "tags" field. I preview the post, tweak as necessary, and publish.

(And now I write this, I realize I forgot to mention that while I'm doing the graphics, I also create a square header image that makes a grid-collage out of the day's post images, using the Gimp's "alignment" tool)

(because I'm composing this in Twitter, it would be a LOT of work to insert that information further up in the post, where it would make sense to have it - see what I mean about an unforgiving medium?)

(While I'm on the subject: putting the "add tweet to thread" and "publish the whole thread" buttons next to each other is a cruel joke that has caused me to repeatedly publish before I was done, and deleting a thread after you publish it is a nightmare)

Now I paste the newsletter file into a new mail message, address it to my Mailman server, and create a custom subject for the day, send it, open the Mailman admin interface in a browser, and approve the message.

Now it's time to create that anthology post you can see pinned to my Mastodon and Twitter accounts. Loren's script uses a template to produce all the tweets for the day, but it's not easy to get that pre-written thread into Twitter and Mastodon.

Part of the problem is that each day's Twitter master thread has a tweet with a link to the day's Mastodon master thread ("Are you trying to wean yourself off Big Tech? Follow these threads on the #fediverse at @[email protected]. Here's today's edition: LINK").

So the first order of business is to create the Mastodon thread, pin it, copy the link to it, and paste it into the template for the Twitter thread, then create and pin the Twitter thread.

Now it's time to get ready for tomorrow. I open up the master XML template file and overwrite my daily working file with its contents. I edit the file's header with tomorrow's date, trim away any "Upcoming appearances" that have gone by, etc.

Then I compose tomorrow's retrospective links. I open tabs for this day a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, and (now) 20 years ago:

http://memex.craphound.com/2020/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2016/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2011/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2006/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2001/01/14

I go through each day, and open anything I want to republish in its own tab, then open the OP link in the next tab (finding it in the @internetarchive if necessary). Then I copy my original headline and the link to the article into tomorrow's XML file, like so:

#10yrsago Disney World’s awful Tiki Room catches fire <a href="https://thedisneyblog.com/2011/01/12/fire-reported-at-magic-kingdom-tiki-room/">https://thedisneyblog.com/2011/01/12/fire-reported-at-magic-kingdom-tiki-room/</a>

And NOW my day is done.

So, why do I do all this?

First and foremost, I do it for ME. The memex I've created by thinking about and then describing every interesting thing I've encountered is hugely important for how I understand the world. It's the raw material of every novel, article, story and speech I write.

And I do it for the causes I believe in. There's stuff in this world I want to change for the better. Explaining what I think is wrong, and how it can be improved, is the best way I know for nudging it in a direction I want to see it move.

The more people I reach, the more it moves.

When I left Boing Boing, I lost access to a freestanding way of communicating. Though I had popular Twitter and Tumblr accounts, they are at the mercy of giant companies with itchy banhammers and arbitrary moderation policies.

I'd long been a fan of the POSSE - Post Own Site, Share Everywhere - ethic, the idea that your work lives on platforms you control, but that it travels to meet your readers wherever they are.

Pluralistic posts start out as Twitter threads because that's the most constrained medium I work in, but their permalinks (each with multiple hidden messages in their slugs) are anchored to a server I control.

When my threads get popular, I make a point of appending the pluralistic.net permalink to them.

When I started blogging, 20 years ago, blogger.com had few amenities. None of the familiar utilities of today's media came with the package.

Back then, I'd manually create my headlines with <h2> tags. I'd manually create discussion links for each post on Quicktopic. I'd manually paste each post into a Yahoo Groups email. All the guff I do today to publish Pluralistic is, in some way, nothing new.

20 years in, blogging is still a curious mix of both technical, literary and graphic bodgery, with each day's work demanding the kind of technical minutuae we were told would disappear with WYSIWYG desktop publishing.

I grew up in the back-rooms of print shops where my dad and his friends published radical newspapers, laying out editions with a razor-blade and rubber cement on a light table. Today, I spend hours slicing up ASCII with a cursor.

I go through my old posts every day. I know that much - most? - of them are not for the ages. But some of them are good. Some, I think, are great. They define who I am. They're my outboard brain.

#pluralistic

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sunsteez · 4 years

Text

HellO!!

Wow okay so it has been 2 years (almost 3)?? I feel like Tumblr is a very different place now and 3 years a lot of time so if you’re wondering who the fuck this even is popping up on your timeline I FULLY understand SCROLL ON MY FRIEND

If you’d like to continue reading an extremely long and jumbled stream of consciousness, keep goin under the cut

I’ve been wanting to post an update like this for a while, but it’s been really hard for me to sit down and write something because of how disconnected I am at this point to the Haikyuu community, and how guilty I was feeling for just sort of..leaving abruptly? But I signed into my account recently and realized that after being inactive for years I was still getting the kindest, most warm hearted messages- not just about art, but people saying they missed me popping up on their feed, that wherever I was, they hoped I was doing well, or that I was happy, and folks just checking in and genuinely concerned and wondering if I was okay. I also realized that it was pretty uncool of me to just sort of peace out like that without an explanation, so I thought I owed you all at least that much.

*Things are about to get a little sad here (just a warning, in case you’re not feeling up for that)*

Basically, around the time I left, a very close childhood friend of mine passed away in a very tragic and unexpected accident. She was like a sister to me, someone who was always there and was always supposed to be there- we grew up together, shared so many first experiences side by side, and of course we annoyed the shit out of each other to no end. She was supposed to be there for my other firsts, but now I have to do them alone. Losing her broke me like nothing I’ve ever felt in my entire life. The pain was both terrifying and debilitating, and I had to take a break from EVERYTHING for a while. I went backpacking for a month in the woods with a couple of friends to get away, no service or anything, completely detached from everything and days of just walking, eating, sleeping, and being in nature. It was very healing. And I guess I never really came back.

This blog was a safe and happy escape for me, a place to just have some laughs and fun, and that’s what I wanted it to be for everyone else. My life on social media was always pretty separate from my real life (though y’all got a weird ol chunk of that in the tags), but this especially had no place on my account. I didn’t want to bring something so unpleasant and painful into my safe space, but that resulted me in completely abandoning this blog altogether since that loss is something I’m still learning to cope with.

I am finally feeling ready now so I’m here to say: I am okay!! I’m still picking myself back up, but I’ve come such a long way. I’ve been seeing a therapist for almost 2 years now who’s helped me deal with not only the grief of losing my friend but making sense of past traumas I’ve experienced and teaching me to learn how and why I’m feeling the things that I do. I’m still the same fucking weirdo with maybe a bit more emotional depth. I’m now a full-time freelance animator and illustrator, and currently thinking about making the jump into comics!! And you know what, I don’t think any of that would have happened had it not been for the wonderful experience I’ve had on here.

Concerning the future of this account and contents: I guess it goes without saying but Full Eyes Full Hearts is officially being discontinued- thank you for the love and support for this comic, even if it was short lived. I know how frustrating it is to become invested in a story only for it to be discontinued, so I am sorry for those of you who were so looking forward to it. But here is a big

*SPOILER ALERT*

They love each other. They always loved each other. WHAT A TWIST THAT IS HUH I BET YOU DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING??????

*END OF EXTREMELY HUGE SURPRISING SPOILER*

I have no current plans to return to this account, but as Justin Bieber once said, “never say never.” Who knows, maybe someday I’ll get back into haikyuu (I heard my BOYY came back in some of the latest chapters and if there is oikawa content to consume I WILL consume it), maybe I’ll join another fandom? Maybe this brief resurfacing will awaken the tumblr child inside of me. Even I don’t know. For now though, I’ll be doin my own thing, working on my own projects and maybe one day you’ll find my work again!

I’ll also be popping in and out in the next week or so in case anybody has any questions or comments or wants to talk, ANYTHING

The world is wild right now, so I also just want to send some love to everyone. Things are not always happy, and that’s okay. Something that my friend taught me that I hold dear to this day is that: it’s important to laugh, and play, and cry when you’re sad, and just enjoy all the bad and good the world has to offer you. Because feeling means that you're alive.

I cannot thank everyone enough for the love and support you’ve given for me and my art, my mutuals for being there to inspire me and teach me and push me to do more, honestly I would not be where I was today without any of that. I never took art seriously until I realized how much I enjoyed it on here. Maybe that sounds silly to some people that Tumblr Dot Com changed the course of my life, but it really did.

Thank you!!

#asks #replies #a whole big life update #did yall think i wouldnt have something #extremely weird to say here in the tags after an uncharacteristically serious message #wrong #i had a dream last night that my butthole disappeared #and i looked at my arm and realized i was growing a new butthole on my arm #and when I woke up I though for a solid 5 seconds i was actually growing a butthole on my arm #it was the most confusing and concerning 5 seconds of my life #happy to report there is no asshole growing from my arm

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kustovshik · 4 years

Text

Talking.

This post is informative in connection with a dispute that one of the parties decided to make absurd. If you don't want to get involved, just skip it. I don't force anyone to look into it or read it.

Kust is in touch. As many people have noticed, there was a small(not small now) conflict between me and a couple of other people, which could have already been eliminated, but was brought to total clowning. Names/nicknames named in this post will not be in order to avoid any negative towards those people. Also, no correspondence will be shown here, although they will be mentioned. If someone asks , I'm ready to go and personally collect all the screenshots of the two conversations, without losing any moments.

As a person in some way responsible for the current situation, I have a desire to illuminate everything from the side of my vision of things.

The conflict conditionally began three days ago. Let's call the person who initially had a small argument with me a certain person "A".

Well. in March. March 24th. We can assume that almost 5 months ago I published a post: https://kustovshik.tumblr.com/post/613504425335586816/i-want-to-be-in-fiars-stomach-he-looks-like-a

Many people remember it, I hope. I'll attach an old screenshot here just in case.

The whole conflict initially started because of the double meaning of the context behind the work itself. The problem, I was told, was the tags. Namely, in the tag highlighted in the screenshot above: ‘safe vore(or is it?)’.

This tag was originally put up there not because I didn't know what type of vore to call it, but specifically so that people themselves would sit and think: what do they want to see in my drawing. Simply put, a drawing with an open context. And it seems like no one has had any problems with it for few months.

That's what person A didn't like. I was told in a very unpleasant way for me personally that the person was very offended by this use of tags. And other problems with how they don't like 'fatal vore'. It was also suggested to me that I don't know about how fatal can be quite a painful experience for some.

I admit. My answer was quite abrupt. I can't deny it, and I won't, because that's the kind of person I am. My language is harsh on words and expressions. Instead of a thousand words and a selection of expressions, I usually tell people everything openly, or I am ready to openly indicate that something is wrong. Also, I fully admit that I have problems controlling my emotions, which makes it difficult for me to establish contact with strangers. I grew up in a different mindset, which is why I have a different view of many things. It's like putting two people who know the same language, but from different parts of the world, next to each other and forcing them to express their position on some moral principles or other things, and then wonder why their answers are different. A very exaggerated and crude comparison, but that how it looks like.

Why did I respond harshly? I am a rather rude person, and I do not like when people come to me in private messages, starting to talk about how bad they are feeling, because of things that can be safely ignored or blocked by them, so that there are no problems.

My first fatal mistake was when I decided to answer to "A". Afterwards, I talked to a couple of my friends and got cold feet. And then I apologized, trying to come to some compromise, adding the tag 'open ending' so that no one would be confused. But it seems that this was not enough, because “A” continued to say how it’s bad from what she found, even if not quite fatal stuff. Refusing to compromise in any way, as I suggested.

After that, we parted with apologies to each other, and neither of us wrote to each other again. I honestly thought it was over.

Now, before I go on to the man who has been driving me mad for the past two days, I will make a pure assumption and try to explain my indignation in a different way...

Out of human interest, I went through the 'safe vore' tag. Noted an interesting feature. Both tags had quite a lot of posts there. Namely, tags are 'safe vore' AND 'fatal vore'. Why did my post cause the problem? Have no idea.

Then another point became incomprehensible to me. How did a person get to this post at all? It would be difficult to find it through search, but you can: there is a lot of content by tag. I flipped the feed down from the second account for a long time and didn't come across my own post.

Then, in my little investigation, I looked into Tumblr's alerts. Likes, reblogs, well, you understand in short. And noticed it.

This is the first appearance of "A" in my notifications.

Hence, I dare to assume that "A" came across one of the reblogs of this post: https://kustovshik.tumblr.com/post/616227708116025344/a-new-player-has-joined-the-game And then "A" went to my blog, along the way ignoring the description specially written for such people at the very top of the blog, and came across my two-meaning post.

But after that, I had a rhetorical question: Why go to the blog of a person who has this written in the description, and hope that there will not be a fatal vore?

Of course, this theory is based only on my assumptions. But I think this scenario is quite real.

Thus, we can say that I have every right to be angry at the indignation expressed in my direction, because it is not my fault that the person ignored my preferences, scrolled down my blog page and started complaining.

Back to reality.

As you can understand, " A " shared our conversation with their friend, who the next day suddenly came to me with a long message about his position, offering help that was not needed.

Even then, I began to suspect that this person(let's call him "B") was somehow connected with "A". Moreover, the reason for the visit was the same for both of them.

I have already mentioned that I am an irritable and rather rude person. I was already stressed enough by the appearance of "A" and the consequences of my reflections that occurred after what I thought was an end to the conflict. And the repeated mention of the situation has already infuriated me.

I fully admit that I reacted very sharply to the "B" message. I had reasons for this that the other side chose not to consider.

Well. After receiving the message I gave sharp response expressing extreme dissatisfaction, but without insults to "B". Was there passive-aggressive speech? Yes. Were words said that I am not obliged to monitor the health of people who do not concern me? Yes. Do I have the right to think so? Yes. Does this fall under the moral code? It depends on the person's personal worldview.

Yes, I was rude due to the fact that on the second day I was exhausted and angry about this situation. I wanted to end this conflict and repeatedly asked both of them to block me and remain neutral. In addition, I tried to somehow explain that we are people of different mentalities and grew up with different life standards, so in this situation we see this conflict differently. Yes, in a rough way, but I tried to explain it.

I received a ton of direct insults, was accused of narcissism and high self-esteem, as well as refusing to take care of other people's problems. In addition, I received lines like, quote: "...but let me see you talk like you did to me or anyone else simply trying to converse with you over a serious topic and I will not hesitate to have your content and eventually your account removed from this site.".

Isn't this a direct threat?

I understand that passive-aggressive speech itself can offend someone. But you can't call it an insult. Passive-aggression is a hidden way of expressing negative feelings and emotions to a person. This is not an insult. But, Yes, I admit that this is a very harsh and rude way of communicating.

That's just after such an exchange of pleasantries, I snapped. 3 days of unquenchable conflict, when one side refused to listen to the other, at the same time. There were attempts on my part to end the conflict. There was one repeated request to block and disperse, so as not to inflame everything to the point of absurdity.

"Want to stay safe with your own preferences? "Please, God, don't touch me, that's all. Block me already and we will live in peace. "- This was the message of my answers. It's sad, but instead of just ending the conflict, I got the brand of a person with a capitalist mindset, the brand of a bitch-whiner, and other other charms.

And I swear that I was ready to just leave all this and stop responding to such outbursts in my direction, banal blocking "B", if they can’t themselves do it.

As here I get a notification with a post where this person changed my art / tags and basically uploaded the changed image to his blog, hiding behind good intentions. "B" did not receive permission for such actions. Even with an indication of authorship. I am most outraged by such actions at the moment.

Better look on the two images compared to each other.

And after that, everyone wants me to try to understand how bad I was and how poor they are, that from a simple argument that could have ended without even starting, it turned into an absurd clowning with offended people, insults and changing someone else's drawings and whole character reaction. Just a note. Fiar is not so nice, he’s a wild monster leech and he just grumbles about everything as much as he don’t understands why some people willing to let him eat them. He’ll never say something as “I’ll keep you safe”.

There it is. The comedy of a three days.

This post is for informational purposes only. Namely, how I see this situation.

All I want now is for "B" to delete the post, and for both sides to banal block each other, so that we never meet again.

I refuse to apologize to "B" for their latest act of outraging my drawing by completely distorting the meaning from a neutral drawing to something that only "B" and their friend like. In conclusion I can say, that I do not call myself a good one in that confrontation. I did some terrible mistakes while talking to both of those people. But it’s not only I’m here being on the bad side. People are not black and white.

After this I’ll not respond to any of the continuation of that conflict anymore. I’m tired of this.

#long post #Kust talking #trigger warning

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franeridart · 4 years

Text

Anon said: How are those doodles?? Your "doodles" are a million times better than any of my finished drawings (i love them btw they are so f*cking cute!!!!)

AHHHH THANK YOU!!!! They really are doodles though haha

Anon said: What are your OCs' names?? They are so cool I'm in love with them ♡♡

If you’re talking about the four in the latest original art post I made, then they’re Chris (with the undercut), Josh (with the long hair), Max (with the scarf) and Leo (with the eyepatch)!! I’m so so happy you like them, they’re old enough to be part of me by now so seeing them liked is always such a warm feeling!!

Anon said: Do you take prompts/suggestions? Sorry I don’t know your policy but would you consider drawing Bokuro ft jealous!Bo? I’ve always headcanoned that Kuroo is really popular with both boys and girls because of his confidence and effortless charm; whether he’s oblivious to this attention despite his intelligence or aware of it yet ignoring it is anyone’s guess~ I always look forward to your art and recently got into Haikyuu!! And damn, I do ship Kuroken too but you have me addicted to Bokuro now *_* || Aah finally got the FAQ open (blame mobile tumblr for being a bitch), and yup my last ask is def a suggestion and I hope you’ll consider using it~ Somewhat unrelated, do you regularly add stuff to your red bubble? I love your Kiribaku art but I’m a huge fan of Momo (&Todomomo) and Kuroo (&Bokuro), is there any chance you have something in the works with them up for sale soon? Thanks

GOSH thank you so much for liking my old hq stuff enough to ask for more!! I’m not sure if I’ll get back to drawing bokuro soon, honestly? So I can’t promise that if I’ll go through with the suggestion it’ll be soon, but I’ll definitely keep it in mind for when the mood strikes!! And about the shop, I add to it whenever I feel there’s enough stuff piled up to? Though I plan to start adding more often than that from now on - I don’t really have anything for momo and kuroo to add on rb that isn’t already there, but as soon as I’ll have more of either of them I’ll remember to put them up! Thank you so so much for the interest in buying from me!!

Anon said: Ok but that Kirishima art was absolutely amazing

THANK YOU!!!!!

Anon said: Hi! First I really really love your art and I make this little muffed scream every time I see your stuff pop up on me feed. You’re amazing!! Second, can I ask how you do shadows? I can never make them look right or lay across my character correctly. Yours always look so amazing

Thank you!!!!!! I actually used to have that same problem with shadows? However much I kept track of where the lightsource was and the shapes I was working with it always looked wrong, somehow - the way I fixed it was by adding more shadows, actually. If you’ll pick any of my colored pieces you’ll see I don’t really put down lights all that often, which means the base color ends up being my light color too, and everything else is just shadows getting darker the further I go from where the light hits the object I’m shading - generally, I use a soft tool like a brush or a marker to very roughly put down where I want the shadows to go, and then using the same tool I smudge and darken it till it looks right to me. I can’t really explain it any better than this? But I have a small tutorial for how I do this in my art tips tag, if you wanna give it a look!

Anon said: I come back to look at your art almost every day, especially when I’m feeling down; so I’d just like to thank you for posting your beautiful art for all of us to experience. On behalf of all of your followers, Thank you! :,)))

Anon you’re gonna make me cryyyyy!!!!!! ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; thank you so so much, both for this ask and for liking my stuff to begin with! <3

Anon said: Your anatomy is so so so so good! And don’t even get me started on your colours! Perfection

GOSH I still have a long long way to go, but thank you so much for thinking so!!! It makes all the effort feel worth it! ( TT^TT)<3

Anon said: I love everything about ur art! from the sketches to the full colored pieces, it's the highlight of my week whenever you post! I was actually wondering where you get the ideas for clothes! I always see the variety and was wondering if you came up with them or are they from somewhere ^v^ keep up the amazing work!!

It’s a mixture of both, actually! I like to look at clothing, both irl (on people I see, or stuff in the shops I visit, or even pics and movies and tv shows!) and drawn too - in anime and illustrations and manga and cartoons! I look at them and try to remember how they’re made, and then when I draw I think about it all and come up with my own by mixing stuff I liked from all those things - unless I see a piece of clothing that’d work just right as it is on a character, in which case I just draw it either as best as I can from memory or, if I have it, using a ref! It’s one of the things I find the most fun when drawing, I’m glad to hear you like what I come up with!! Thank you so much!!!

Anon said: Thoughts on KiriTodo? Because I. Am. Hooked.

I like it!! I don’t actively ship it, since my only actual ship for Kirishima is kiribaku, but I like the look of him with todo, aesthetically, and their friendship is highly entertaining to me, which means their potential relationship in a romantic setting is too - and, as we’ve seen with my very random dip into the non-existent kirijiro fandom, that’s more than enough for me to decide maybe I’ll wanna go and draw for them, one of these days haha

Anon said: Haven't seen KiriSero or KamiSero Fusions yet! Got some ideas for those? (Filling out the Bakusquad pentagon XD)

I really never got around to drawing those, did I! That’s actually surprising, hadn’t you pointed that out I’d have never realized - I’m not doing fusions anymore right now, but maybe I could make an exception for these two............ if the inspiration strikes, why not!

Anon said: Did you see the newer bnha episodes?! Miritama made it feel like a shoujo... (In a good way)

THIS IS SO OLD OH GOD sorry I didn’t get around to answering this sooner!!! The miritama relationship is really wonderful, isn’t it? They make me cry so much, soft warm boys, so in love............. TT’’’TT <3<3<3

Anon said: This whole year has been a trainwreck for me and your blog was one of the few things that stayed constant, so thank you for being my favorite spot on the internet. Hope you keep drawing and I love your art so much!

AH, THANK YOU! I really really hope I’ll keep on drawing too!!! I’ll do my best 💪💪

Anon said: Some days I’ll just sit in bed at 2 am and be like “I need a hug” and then I read ur blog and it’s like a safe mental hug. So thanks for that.

That’s!!!!!!!!!! so sweet oh my god!!!!!!!!! ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I’m so glad my stuff can make you feel warm like that, anon!! <3<3

Anon said: So it says you don't do requests in your faq does that include commissions as well

Not right now!! Maybe sometime at the beginning of next month, ✨Stay Tuned✨

Anon said: Hellooo hope you are having a good day. It's always so fun to scroll through your blogs and enjoy your art 💕💕 Idk if it's a little weird to ask but I also love your old aokaga art and I was wondering if you had any interest left in that fandom or would ever consider drawing for it again? xx

Gods, I really don’t know? It’s been so long since I’ve last engaged with anything related to knb........ I still do love the ship though, so, maybe? I really have no clue, I might though!! Thank you so much for liking even such old things from me!!!!

#fran answers #................i'm deeply ashamed of how long it took me to answer some of these #in my defense i was taking an unplanned break #but also it shouldn't have been unplanned so #i'm very sorry about leaving you all hanging so long orz #let's try to not have that happen again any time soon

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watchtheblog · 4 years

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petty cache

thank you for coming to read my diary which masquerades as a blog but is actually just a vessel for disseminating my birthday wishlists. it’s like an event you show up to where the host tries to sell you a timeshare 25 minutes after some requisite, mindless song and dance.

welcome! if you’d like purchase a timeshare, scroll to the bottom. for the song and dance, look no further:

the other day i zoned out on zoom therapy and when my therapist asked where i “went” i had to lie because i had gone to the part of my brain that holds all the things i need to think about forever for no reason (i call it the petty cache — this is an umbrella term for the space that also houses my attitude cabinet) and dusted off a memory of a comment i saw on a stranger’s facebook three weeks ago that said “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”.

i don’t know either person, and that’s what i was thinking about. i spend $[redacted] a month on therapy and instead of focusing on one of my numerous unsolved mysteries, i was thinking about the nuances of this comment - like why they wouldn’t just share the news or message the person directly? or what losing their password had to do with anything? or why they would comment on facebook instead of texting or calling the person. did they not have their number? imagine not knowing someone well enough to have their phone number, but still wanting to share your good news with them!

all i want (for my birthday) is to know what the news is that this stranger has to share, and i’ll never know so i have to put that comment in my minutiae repository with all the other things that will plague me until i die from texting and driving, smoke inhalation as a result of purposely leaving a candle lit in my home overnight almost every night, consuming half a dozen hot dogs a week, or a now unnamed disease that will posthumously be attributed to my chronic inability to mind my own business.

i’m constantly concerning myself with things that are none of my concern - no matter how insignificant - because my brain is a commune of sentient pepperoni running instagram polls among themselves to discern if something is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about. and guess what? it turns out absolutely everything that has ever offended, confused, bothered, intrigued, slightly inconvenienced, or merely happened to me is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about.

because i devote so much energy to nonsense, i can often be found persecuting strangers for insulting me on the internet (and for other miscellaneous bad behavior). the information superhighway is my home so i have to protect myself (and my friends) here, and if that means spending 45 minutes to 48 hours trying to find every misstep you’ve made in your life until i have enough ammunition to spray a dozen simulated retaliatory bullets at your virtual head because you called me a “stupid bitch” on instagram, well… so be it!

i am relentless in my pursuit of wasting time, so if that doesn’t work, i will find the cold stone creamery you frequent, seek employment there, be hired on the spot, learn the craft, be promoted to manager, poison you on your birthday, gain access to your funeral, and tarnish your reputation by reading your shitty DM in front of the few family and friends whom i haven’t already made aware of the abhorrent way you conducted yourself online!

there are so many different ways strangers will try to hurt your feelings — an interesting genre of which come from men who (like me) have definitely never had sex before, and mistakenly think i care about the ways in which my body does not make them horny.

“no tits” one will say. and i’m like, how do you want me to respond to that? my boobs are indeed small, yes. did you come here to shoot facts back and forth all day? ok: you’re going to start balding way sooner than you’re prepared for, i bet your childhood dog is dead, your time on the internet should be supervised, your closet is full of vests, and you wait on line at nightclubs… good day?!

while i will obviously engage with anyone if they want to fight, i prefer when the unsolicited criticism is personalized, and not just thoughtless, lazily devised tripe.

a year and a half ago, a man who looked like he exhales smog DMed me to let me know - among other things in a paragraph long rant - he’d “lost brain cells” watching my story. knowing he had likely never had an adequate amount to begin with, it seemed like an emergency, so i started a group DM with his wife. because his message had come just three days after a “fuckkk [heart eye emoji]” response to a photo of my ass, i included a screenshot as evidence of his devolving mental state.

being - presumably - gainfully employed, neither of them responded.

luckily, the consolation prize for insulting me is that you gain residency in my brain and stay in my thoughts and prayers for all eternity, so i checked in on them a few days ago. they’d unfollowed and wiped their feeds clean of each other!!

because i’ve never “moved on” in my entire life, i fired up our long dormant group chat, and sent my condolences: “aw. sorry your trip to positano - where you were going to attempt to repair your ramshackle marriage - got cancelled because of covid and so you just got divorced instead :(” i wrote before being blocked by both of them.

then i headed right over to my therapist’s facebook and commented “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”

i spent an entire therapy session detailing this monomania before my therapist thoughtfully suggested i “pick [my] battles”.

to which i thoughtfully responded: yeah, babe. i pick every single one.

***

timeshare time! it’s the same list as this post, with a few additions (at top) (and edits based on availability).

places to donate food education fund pretty brown girl the okra project

some furniture stuff a side table a pointless, laughably tiny little thing this website is calling a “drink table” a lamp one of these benches i do not want this but it’s important to me that at least 2 other people know it exists

this plant that obviously does not need to cost $165 but idk how to shop economically

air pods

gifts from the previous post - all still v much in play!

a pair of shoes (size 8 or 38) one pair, another pair, yet another, these are on sale, these are not, and a final pair

a specific clutch with three color choices they allege this color is called sand but it looks white to me, pink, green for those who do not know what malachite means (it couldn’t be me. i learned it 3 hours ago when i began compiling this cursed list)

something everyone with money to waste needs this

dresses i’ll never be able to wear until there’s a vaccine because unlike someone tacky who knows me, i won’t be having a birthday party in the middle of a global pandemic (hi, you fool) white polka dot, not white polka dot, also not polka dot, a red dress, a skirt (aka half a dress), a black dress

this sweatsuit xs in this, small in this

is sephora cancelled? i want this hair dryer which i’m sure you can buy elsewhere if sephora is cancelled, which it v well may be

this item which you may think is cheap but actually it’s not soooo a hairpin

earrings one pair, another pair, and another

this dress which i’ll never wear anywhere even when there is a vaccine because… what?! but maybe. you never know. size 34. lol when i get this far into the list i’m always blown away by how insane it is that i do this every year to no audience. so i’m just laughing alone at that. :) i am v funny to myself. another dress i’ll never wear ;)

the nicest weighted blanket you know of i’m depressed!!!!! if you can’t tell!!!!!!!

every year i have asked for a weekend bag and every year i have not received one, so alas, we try again this is not a weekend bag actually but it will do. this is!

a peloton but just venmo me the cash (@merce212) because i have a hookup

an assortment of ridiculous things a $500 body scarf a $580 beach towel with an octopus on it for no reason besides “art” i cannot tell analog time but it’s never too late to start!! how mad would you be if someone bought you a roulette table for your wrist? be honest. (THIS WATCH IS FOUR YEARS RENT!!!!!!) they won’t say how much this costs :( i’m losing my mind and must be gifted a chanel watch or else i will perish. to put my salami on when i am eating salami in my bed “24k gold crocodile [?!!) teddy bear”. the website says there’s only one left, which begs the question “why did someone buy one of these rather than buying me a chanel watch?!!” *real ‘billionaires shouldn’t exist [unless they’re buying me a watch]’ energy* to put my new watch in this is ugly but it’s on sale :) idk wtf “secret box pendant” means but i wish this necklace was also a USB with every season and spinoff of 90 day fiancé on it hi yes i’m stupid but i draw the line at $1500 connect four…

#things i want #things I want for my birthday #lists of things #lists of things i want #my birthday #birthday lists #9/26; never forget #invidious consumption

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bmaxwell · 3 years

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Best Games I Don’t Want to Play

I play many games. I prefer to think of myself as a connoisseur, not just another pasty white neckbeard who has gained 50lb in the past year. But when I’m not working, or parenting, or doing other adult-type things, I’m usually playing a game of some sort.

Me playing Bloodborne

My job allows me to listen to podcasts while working, so between gaming podcasts and my Twitter feed, I end up hearing about approximately all of the games. And I’ve played enough diamonds in the rough and been delighted by enough things outside my comfort zone to cast a pretty wide net.

Once in awhile, I find a game that I deeply want to connect with, but cannot. Like a defective moth to a digital flame, I keep coming back every year or two to try, try again. I’ll scroll through my library and think “Damn, Iconoclasts seems so cool! Why didn’t I get into that one? I need to try it again.” and repeat. It’s The Alan Wake Sbarro Experience.*

Me playing Bloodborne

I spend a lot of time gaming. I spend a lot of time thinking. I think about thinking and I think about gaming. I like trying to find patterns, or to understand why certain games, or songs, or movies resonate with me while others fall flat. And so, dear reader, if you woke up today hoping against all odds you’d have the chance to read about some random gamer dude’s disappointing games on his blog - WELL...today is your lucky day!

In no particular order:

Outer Wilds

Why it’s great:

Outer Wilds is about the majesty of space, exploration, and accepting that dying is a natural part of the cycle. At least I think it is. I really like the look of it, and I really like the idea of it. It has a low-tech charm; you start off on a planet where people are playing banjos and roasting marshmallows, and everyone seems laid back. The launch pad is made of rickety wood. Your ship might be, too. There’s a major mystery at hand that needs solving, and you’re just the being to do it.

Why I can’t get into it:

I’m not entirely sure. But I think it has something to do with how directionless and open the game is. Apart from some basic “Here’s how to control stuff” on your home planet, the rest is up to you. You can fly anywhere and check out anything. The universe somehow feels huge and scary and vast but not overwhelming. I have a problem with this kind of freedom. I once heard Patrick Klepek say that there are two kinds of kids: the kind who takes a block of Legos, tosses the instructions out, and has a blast making whatever, and the kid that HAS to have those directions. I’m the latter.

The Return of the Obra Dinn

Why it’s great:

It’s not often I play something that feels wholly unique. That’s Obra Dinn. It’s a weird Where’s Waldo whodunnit logic and deduction puzzle. You’re an insurance claims adjuster, tasked with finding out what happened to everyone aboard an abandoned ship. You do this by way of hearing audio clips and walking around memories frozen like dioramas. Sound design, visuals, concept, execution - Obra Dinn is just a success in every way.

Why I can’t get into it:

Logic and deduction puzzles feel like work, no matter how much I wish they didn’t. There are so many details to weigh against each other, I find the game exhausting and not fun to play. Playing it always made me feel tired and stupid.

Hyper Light Drifter

Why it’s great:

The main developer behind Hyper Light Drifter has congenital heart disease, and uses art to deal with his condition. He made this game where the protagonist suffers from a terminal disease. It’s a project made by someone with a passion for the subject matter. Diablo and A Link to the Past were among his inspirations. It has cool pixel art. The title is tits as fuck.

Why I can’t get into it:

I fired the game up and its opening cut scene worked for me. And I just do not know what happened. The movement and combat feels crisp, and yet I just can’t get into it. The world has no dialogue and has lots of puzzles to sort out. Maybe that’s it? There’s no real direction. Is that it?

Me playing Hyper Light Drifter

Control

Why it’s great:

Before I talk about Control, I have to talk about Alan Wake from the same developer. Actually, just nevermind. Fuck Alan Wake.

Control’s writing, visuals, and worldbuilding are top notch. The game has a good central mystery, intriguing and well-written characters, and it’s often genuinely funny. It stars a redhead.

Alan Wake was such a neat premise for a video game - a Stephen King-like story of a novelist who heads to a remote location to combat his writer’s block, only to have mysterious, supernatural shit happen to him. A cool, atmospheric mystery - great! I DON’T NEED OR WANT TO FIGHT RANDOM HITCHHIKER MONSTER MANS CONSTANTLY. I CAN ENJOY YOUR STORY I WON’T GET BORED WITHOUT ZOMBIES AND GUNS I PROMISE YOU

Why I can’t get into it:

I hate the combat. 3rd person cover shooting is not my jam. I figured once they added the option to turn the difficulty down I’d be all about it, but no. The map may be the worst I’ve encountered, it’s multilayered slightly varying shades of grey all spaghetti’d on top of one another. There’s supposed to be a door here...I guess it must be up or down a level? The checkpointing system sucks. Combine these two complaints with too many random battles, and this game is a real slog for me to try to get through, despite its good qualities.

Baba is You

Why it’s great:

See Obra Dinn. It’s a brilliant, unique puzzle game that is a bad fit for my brain. Visually, it’s dead simple. Each stage consists of a sheep named Baba, with some crude walls, water, rocks, grass, etc and a flag. There are also words on the screen that you can push around to make phrases which govern the game rules. So, if it says “Flag is Win” then you win the stage by getting Baba to the flag. Or you could push the word Baba into the space where Flag was and spell “Baba is Win.” Instant win. And so on.

Why I can’t get into it:

That “and so on” contains multitudes. Baba is hard. Bryan is dumb. Bryan is hard. Baba is Bryan. Baba is dumb. Hard is dumb. I can’t do this.

Disgaea (just all of them)

Why its great:

It’s a long-running strategy RPG series, and I love those. Right? It’s anime and, if I don’t always love it, at least it’s not a deal-breaker. Right?

Why I can’t get into it: Wrong, apparently. First up, the anime is the kind of loud, shrill, in-your-face anime that put me off the stuff for most of my life. The gameplay is...a lot. It’s deep, and that’s a good thing. Right? I feel like if I hunker down and put real work into learning all of the game’s systems I’d probably love it! Maybe!

Hitman 2016

Why it’s great:

The game gives you a ton of creative freedom in how you go about carrying out your hits. You’re changing outfits to get access to different parts of the area, and using whichever makeshift weapons you can to get the job done. A can of pasta sauce is just as deadly as a pistol, and a lot more fun. The ridiculousness of the game’s clockwork world ends up being a positive because of how serious and straight-laced your protagonist is.

Why I can’t get into it:

It’s the Lego problem again. Too much freedom, not enough direction. Every time something goes wrong, my lizard brain says YOU’RE SO BAD AT THIS WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID YOU CAN’T DO THIS AT ALL FOOL and my rational brain quietly says Uh, it’s just a game, bud. No one cares. No one’s scoring you on this. Just learn from your mistakes and have fun. Which is apparently not a convincing argument.

*The name of my new ska band

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