#i think it's just way too complicated for them to maintain relationships outside considering the shit they're always surrounded with
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Three Little Loves: The Birth of the Triple Threat Harlows
First Babies of Private Garden Fic
AN: Mature topics ahead. There are mentions of blood, chest compressions, death and other medical terms that I did my best to put in layman's terms so that people would be able to understand. If anything is unclear, all you have to do is ask and I will explain it! I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it and we're finally here!
Synopsis: You give birth to your three babies, Ivy, Axel, and Autumn, but not without complications that led Jack to think he would have to be without his wife for the rest of his life.
Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader
First Babies of Private Garden Masterlist
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
The night was clear as a few stars peppered the sky as you were sitting outside in the backyard in a comfortable silence taking it all in. In just a few hours, you and Jack would be able to officially add the title of parents to your lives and the two of you would now be responsible for three little versions of the both of you.
It was a long time coming with the pregnancy and the two of you at first swept things under the rug and put them to the side regarding the both of you and the relationship between the two of you that was considered a marriage if anyone could call it that.
Being petty, lying to each other, going behind each other’s backs, and not being considerate of the other’s feelings was just a tip of the iceberg of what had only occurred in the past year when Jack’s career truly skyrocketed from his success of First Class. You kept it to yourself how it bothered you how he was acting differently and blamed it on him being under pressure to maintain this level of success. However you did warn him right before the two of you moved to Atlanta for him never to lose sight of his humble beginnings and to never forget how he got to where he is.
During the last half of your pregnancy, the two of you did start to go to marriage counseling as well as seeing a therapist together and apart not wanting to bring the triplets into a hot mess express. The two of you still had a long way to go and truth be told, you knew that you never wanted to do this with anyone else despite what the two of you had gone through. You had a lingering thought in your head during the last therapy session wondering if in fact the two of you got married entirely too early even if you knew that it was eventually going to happen anyway. Yes, you loved him and you knew that he was your soulmate, however, it happened when the two of you had turned nineteen not even being able to explore the world around you yet and you had a feeling that had a big part to play in it.
After you had left Jack in your shared condo in California and before you found out you were pregnant, you were thinking long and hard about separating from him for a while.
Legally.
You knew in your heart of hearts that you didn’t want to divorce him and would never bring yourself to do it, but you felt that as of lately, you were always getting the short end of the stick when it came to him, when before you would always be his priority. You could admit to yourself that you weren’t innocent either in all of this and Jack was not the only one to be blamed for what went down between the two of you. A lot had to be worked on from both ends and you wanted for your kids to be able to witness a happy and successful marriage.
Right now you couldn’t have either of those labels on it.
Jack stepped up into high gear when you told him that you were in fact pregnant and would do anything that a loving husband would. However, you didn’t feel as though he was hiding something from you, that wasn’t quite the right word, but you knew deep down he was scared shitless and had his concerns about this entire situation. However, he didn’t express his feelings about it to you at all since you originally told him. He gave you pieces here and there, but that was it.
Another thought was Jack always wanting and needing to be the strong one and not necessarily showing his vulnerable side to you and you didn’t know when that shift happened because the two of you would always be laying in your backyard at night talking about anything and everything and now it seems as if everything is on the surface.
You honestly didn’t know how your husband was feeling deep down and that bothered you to no end. He would simply brush you off when you mentioned it and you were running out of ideas in order to get him to open up more.
It was one in the morning and your alarm as well as Jack's was set for five in order to get up and get ready to head to the hospital. You were growing anxious as the clock ticked by and just wanted to be able to hold them.
Yesterday, you cornered Urban in his room and had a long talk with him that led to the both of you being upset. Urban more so than you because of what you had told him.
You softened him up by buying him Ramen before the initial blow.
“Urby? You have to promise me something, okay? Just in case things don’t go well tomorrow.”
“What? What the hell is that even supposed to mean?!”
“Urby, please. Just listen to me because this is already hard enough.” You muttered while sitting next to him on his bed.
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I… I’ve written letters for Jack, the triplets, you and all of PG, my parents, my sister, Jess, Blanca, Victoria, and Diamonte if anything were to happen to me and you cannot under any circumstance open it unless something does. I wanted to give them to you because… Jack…. I don’t understand where his head is at the moment and I know he’s scared even if he doesn’t admit it. I know he’s putting on a brave face, but he’s scared of losing me and for good reason. I mean…. I couldn’t have this conversation with him without him going off the deep end so I knew that I had to come to you. Now, if it comes down to saving me or them….”
Urban immediately cut you off.
“No. Absolutely not, I can’t…. I don’t want to hear this.” You could see Urban getting visibly upset and you were also doing your best not to cry.
“Urban Henry, please. I know that this is hard to hear, but I have to be realistic. If anything were to happen to me, I know for a fact that you will raise them as if they were your own and help Jack to the best of your ability. We picked you to be their Godfather for a reason. But save them over me. They deserve to have a chance to live.”
“You aren’t… you aren’t going anywhere, okay? You’re not.” Urban quietly said and was trying to do his best not to let the tears fall since you saw that his eyes were watering.
“Don’t cry because then I’m going to start crying and Jack will then question both of us.”
“How can I not? I don’t want to think of losing one of my best friends in the entire world.”
“I know, but you know that I am always going to look over you and protect you, right? That’s never ever going to change whether I’m physically here or not. So here are the letters and this is between me and you and you cannot tell Jack unless you know… something happens.”
“Now if nothing happens, are you going to tell him?”
“I haven’t decided yet, but it would be smart if I did. I love you so so much and thank you for all that you do for the both of us.” You said while leaning over to hug Urban as much as your stomach would allow.
“Love you too and you better not fucking leave me.”
You heard the sliding glass door open and footsteps which you knew belonged to your husband who came and sat next to you while grabbing your hand in his.
“What are you doing up?” He quietly asked while kissing your cheek as you still had your gaze held onto the sky.
“I can’t sleep, but that isn’t anything new.” You replied while shrugging and Jack started rubbing small circles on the back of your hand that he was holding.
“Everything is going to be okay, baby. We’re almost there.”
“But you don’t know that. I don’t mean to be negative or anything like that but it’s true. There’s not one baby in there, there’s three. Things can go wrong even if there's only one.”
“And you have the best possible team of doctors looking after you and I have made sure of it. You’re going to get the best care and have been getting it this entire time.”
“Promise me something.” You quietly said after a few minutes.
“What is it?”
“And don’t fight me on this. I figured that I needed to tell you this before they cut me open.”
“Baby, you’re making me nervous.” Jack quietly said while looking over at you and from that point you knew that you couldn't tell him about the letters. Not yet anyway.
Now you were hesitant to even say anything about it since you know Jack likes to worry 90% of the time and probably wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after this.
“Can you make sure you have my favorite pizza and Calypso ready to eat afterwards?”
Jack left out a small laugh before nodding his head and leaning over to kiss your cheek.
“Of course, baby. Your wish is my command. Anything you want or need, you know that I’m going to do it for you. That's not ever going to change."
“I appreciate you for that.”
Jack placed another kiss on your cheek before responding.
“Hey, you want to find our stars? It’s been a while since we looked at them.”
One thing that drew Jack to you was how smart you were and your obsession with all things space related. He was convinced that if you weren’t doing music that you would probably work for NASA.
You eagerly nodded as Jack went to go and get the telescope and you stood up as best you could waiting for him to come back.
Once he did, he set everything up and pulled out the little paper that had both of your stars on it that you gave to each other when he first asked you to be his girlfriend when the two of you were fifteen.
“Can you find it or do you need my help like always?” You playfully asked him and he simply shook his head and laughed at you.
“I got this baby.”
“You sure about that because you are definitely looking in the wrong direction.”
“Oh. Then maybe I do.” Jack quietly said before you laughed at him and quickly pointed the telescope in the right direction and zoomed in on his star.
“There it is.” You said backing away from the telescope in order to give Jack enough room to look through it and see his star.
“We should get the three of them one too.”
You quickly nodded in agreement and rubbed your belly at the thought of being able to teach them all that you knew about space and show them the stars that you and Jack are going to name after them.
Then it was time for you to find yours and all you had to do was move the telescope slightly to your right.
“Still as bright as the first time I saw it.” You quietly said as you felt Jack behind you.
“Still as bright as the love that I have for you when I first came up with the idea to get it for you.”
“And I hope that your love for me never dims.” You muttered in response, not sure if Jack had heard you, but he did.
“Why would you ever think that?”
“Just… this past year neither of us have truly been all in when it came to this marriage and all of a sudden I get pregnant when we weren’t even on the best terms. I feel that we still aren’t, but it’s moving in the right direction.”
"I…. I can admit that what happened shouldn't have happened and I'll be making that up to you for the rest of my life."
"It goes both ways because it wasn't only your fault but mine too."
"From this point forward, that is never going to happen again. I treated you as if you weren't my priority when you are. I promised to always take care of you when I asked you to marry me and I've fallen short of that. I just want us to get back to how we were before."
"As long as we work at it, we will." You quietly answered as Jack leaned down to kiss you.
"I love you. More than anything in this world."
"I love you too." You replied in response as you hugged him tighter.
"Now let's get some sleep because you know we probably won't get any quality sleep until they're eighteen."
"You mean the rest of our lives as bad as you like to worry and make me worry with you."
"I figured I'd get an early start. And you know I always worry about you and that won't ever change."
"Baby, you already have gray hair so I'm going to need for you to cut it out."
"Ehh, no promises."
—
You were now being prepped in the operating room as Jack was sitting to the left of you and you had to admit that he looked very cute in his little blue bonnet with a few curls sticking out and blue scrubs that the staff had given them to wear.
Your anxiety was at an all time high and you were doing your best to calm your breathing as Jack was holding your hand.
“What if I feel them cutting me?” You asked as your eyes went wide and looked over at your husband who simply shook his head.
“They have done this a million times and know what they are doing.” Jack answered as he leaned down to kiss your forehead and you nodded.
“The only thing you’ll feel Mrs. Harlow is pressure on your stomach and that’s it. We have everything set up for them once they are out and you already know that they will be in the NICU just to give them the little extra help that they need in order for them to be strong enough to come home.”
“Okay.” You quietly said as you held Jack’s hand tighter.
“Okay! Here we go!”
You glanced at the clock in the room to see that it was 7:19 am and that was when the first incision was made.
As promised, you didn’t feel anything except pressure as Jack was being the most supportive husband that you could have ever asked for and helped to keep you calm. After the two of you finally went to bed early that morning, he simply laid there staring at the ceiling absolutely scared shitless about what was due to happen in a few hours as he watched you sleep peacefully which he was surprised by seeing as this was probably the most you had gotten in weeks.
“You got this, baby. They’re almost here.”
“First baby is out! It’s a girl! Here mom and dad. Look how gorgeous she is." One of the nurses came to the head of the bed where the two of you were and the two of you couldn’t do anything but smile. You heard her cry and couldn't help but let a few tears slip out.
“Ivy May.” You and Jack said at the exact same time while laughing. It was only right to name her after both of your mothers seeing as how big of an influence that they had on the both of you.
She was then whisked away to get evaluated by the NICU nurse to make sure she was indeed stable as you then became nervous because of what was said.
“Number two is out. It’s a boy!”
The one thing that you were listening out for was his cry and when you didn’t hear anything you started to panic.
“Why is he not crying?!” You asked while turning towards Jack who then got a terrified look on his face.
“Breathe for me, okay. Take some deep breaths. Slowly in and out.” Jack said and you followed his instructions as best as you could when suddenly you heard Axel's first cry.
“Thank God.”
“He’s not breathing too well on his own so we’re going to intubate him and take him upstairs.”
Neither you or Jack got to see Axel as he was whisked away to the NICU and you were trying your best not to think the absolute worst. Jack could see the absolute fear in your eyes and was trying to put on a brave face for the both of you.
“And here comes number three! It’s a girl! You did an amazing job mom! Going to close you up and get you to postpartum.”
“I told you everything would be fine, babe. I have one bad ass wife. Three at one time? Your fave could never.” Jack said and you immediately laughed as he leaned over to kiss you.
You weren’t sure how long it would take in order to stitch you back up, but more than a few minutes had passed and you were growing nervous but tried to relax seeing as the hardest part was over.
At least you thought it was.
Even though you were laying down, you suddenly felt lightheaded and knew that something wasn't right and Jack immediately took notice since you weren’t interacting with him as much as before.
“Baby? Babe? Y/N? What’s wrong?” He asked suddenly in a panic. You were trying to do your best to talk in order to respond to him, but nothing was coming out but you eventually managed to utter a few words.
"Something isn't right."
"What's not right?!" He immediately asked you, but you didn't say anything else.
“Y/N! Why is she not answering me?!” Jack turned to the nurses and doctors looking for answers as they now shared looks of panic between them even if they were trying to do their best hiding it from Jack. They were professionals and the last thing they would ever want is to cause fear, but their job description required them to be honest.
"Mrs. Harlow, try to stay awake for me."
“She’s losing a lot of blood, her uterus isn’t contracting as much as we want it to so we’re giving her drugs in order to help speed up the process.”
“Hang O neg now and hang the fluids wide open. Call the blood bank for more units just in case STAT.”
That was the last thing that you remember hearing before your hand went limp in Jack’s.
The heart monitor that you were hooked up to flatlined and Jack’s eyes went wide.
"I LOST HER PULSE!"
“No, no this cannot be happening…. no.” Was all Jack quietly said as he looked at you in disbelief.
“Start compressions."
"Someone get the defibrillator!"
“She’s losing a lot of blood.”
“Mr. Harlow, your wife’s heart has stopped and we’re trying to get her back, now go with Andrew and let us work. We’re going to do all that we can in order for her to be able to see her triplets grow up.” One of the nurses said to Jack and she maneuvered him away from you as he saw them pounding on your chest.
"GET THE EPINEPHRINE READY."
"PULSE CHECK!"
"I DON’T FEEL ANYTHING."
"RESUME COMPRESSIONS."
“INTUBATE HER NOW!”
Once Jack was out in the hallway, he simply had tunnel vision and was trying to keep himself together and not have a panic attack. In that moment, he knew he had to call her thinking the absolute worst.
He was about to be a widow at 25 with newborn triplets.
“Mom, Y/N’s heart stopped. I don’t… I don’t know if she’s going to make it.”
—
When your eyes fluttered open, you were confused about where you were or what had happened and the fact that you noticed that you couldn’t talk. Your eyes went wide and immediately started to pull at every tube covering your face, but a gentle hand stopped you.
“Hi Y/N. You’re okay sweetie, but I need you to relax for a second. You’re in the intensive care unit because you bled out after they delivered your babies and your heart stopped. They put a breathing tube down your throat in order to protect your airway. I’m your nurse, Lydia and I’ve been taking care of you for the last two days. Your babies are in the NICU and your husband is there with them now. He has only left your side to go and see them and then he’s right back here waiting for you to wake up. I finally convinced him to go home and rest and he finally did yesterday when I had finished my shift. You have an amazing husband and support team that is out of this world. We’ll get you situated and see about taking you to see them.”
When Lydia finished, you couldn’t help but to still have a thousand questions run through your mind and a few tears slip out.
How were the triplets since you only saw them for mere seconds as they were whisked away from you to go straight to the NICU even though your doctor had already told you that would be the case. You were most concerned about if their breathing was okay. You didn’t even get to see Axel since you remembered them saying that they needed to intubate him immediately when he came out.
You couldn’t even imagine how Jack was for the past few days and that hurt your heart to no end not knowing if his wife was going to live or not.
“They have one strong mama and your husband has one strong wife. You fought tooth and nail in order to get back to them.” Lydia quietly said as she wiped away your tears.
“I’m going to go get the doctor so we can see about taking the breathing tube out. I will be right back and your husband should be back soon.”
All you could do was nod as she left the room and as promised, less than ten minutes later you had dozed off once again and suddenly heard Jack’s footsteps. You peeked your eyes open to see him carrying a huge bear and setting it in the corner before coming over to you.
As soon as he was within reach, you grabbed his hand and squeezed it as tight as you could startling him.
“Baby! You’re okay… I…..” Jack started to say as he leaned over to kiss the top of your head and give you a hug as best as he could with all the different equipment in the way.
You lost count of how many kisses he placed over your face, but of course you didn’t care.
“I thought that I was going to lose you. Your heart stopped twice." Jack quietly said through his tears and you couldn’t help but to start crying again yourself.
“One minute you were talking to me and then I don’t even know what happened. Despite everything that has happened in the past year, you know for a damn fact that I don’t want to be in this life without you. I love you more than I can even put into words. And what we made are absolutely beautiful. Ivy is doing okay, but still on oxygen and all three are in the incubator. Axel still has the breathing tube and Autumn is the feisty one that keeps taking the oxygen off. I’ve been going back and forth between you and them since everything happened.”
You saw Lydia come back in the room with who you assumed was the doctor and she was all smiles which indicated to you that you were about to get this tube out of your throat.
“Okay we're going to turn off the ventilator and I'm going to suction your mouth for any mucus or anything. Once we take out the tube, we need you to take a deep breath. It's going to feel weird since now you have to breathe on your own after four days."
You simply looked over at Jack and he nodded his head.
You had missed the first four days of your triplets life and would never be able to get that back.
Once the tube was out you were finally able to take a deep breath and as Lydia told you it felt weird as if you weren't getting enough air.
"We're going to put you on high flow oxygen and then eventually decrease you down until you don't need it anymore.
"Okay." You quietly said and it came out almost as a whisper, but Jack was just glad to hear your voice.
They took your vitals and watched you for a few minutes before explaining that they would start you on liquids and you would eventually move up to a regular diet as soon as the speech therapist evaluated you.
When the two of them left the room, it was once again only you and Jack and he didn’t want to leave your sight.
He moved his chair closer to you as you reached over to play in his curls.
"I….read the letter you wrote for me. As soon as I told Urb what had happened, he didn't even hesitate to give it to me, not knowing how everything was going to play out. I’m not sure if he gave anyone else theirs or if he even read his, but he felt that it was important to read mine and for good reason.”
"The thought came to me to do it a few weeks ago."
“It’s almost like you knew.”
“I just thought it was important that I do it. Like I said one baby is dangerous but adding two more to that?”
“He also told me that if it came down to it, you wanted me to save them and not you.”
At that point you looked away from your husband and was now more interested in the pink and blue nail polish that was covering your fingers for your one boy and two girls.
“I’ve lived already and they haven’t.”
“You’ve barely lived. You’re 24.”
“But still, I knew that as much as Urban didn’t want to hear that, he was going to be strong enough to fulfill my wishes if you weren’t. I knew that making that decision would be impossible for you so I asked him to do it. I know that you wouldn’t want to be without me but, I’ll be damned if you were going to lose another child. That would have broken you.”
“If it went either way it would have broken me. So I’m happy that I didn’t have to make that decision. I couldn’t imagine you going through this entire pregnancy and not even being able to see them grow up.”
“I know.” You quietly answered and immediately sighed.
“What’s on your mind besides wanting to see them?”
“I’m just extremely overwhelmed. My body just went through a lot and I know it’s not ever going to be the same again. I mean it’s obvious that it never will be, but still.”
“And we’re going to get through this one day at a time. I will be with you every step of the way to help you through this. I love you and nothing is ever going to change that.”
“I love you too and thank you for that.”
“You don’t ever have to thank me for doing my job as your husband.” Jack softly answered you as he leaned over to kiss you and you couldn’t help but to smile.
You heard a soft knock and in walked Lydia with the biggest smile on her face.
“Are you ready to see your triplets?”
You eagerly nodded as she walked over towards you to unhook you from your IV fluids and help you get in the wheelchair in order to take you over to see them.
You weren’t sure why, but now you had suddenly become nervous. Jack had already warned you that all three of them were in an incubator and Axel still had a breathing tube since he wasn’t able to breathe on his own quite yet. Even with all that he told you, you still didn’t feel ready, however, it was now or never. This was your reality and you had to see it through along with Jack. You felt as if your heart was about to beat out of your chest.
Lydia grabbed a portable oxygen tank so that you would be able to keep it in your nose to help you get used to breathing on your own again while also giving you pain medicine since she knew your first time up was going to be the hardest.
Once she was finished setting everything up, she helped you to sit and dangle on the side of the bed and you felt as if someone ripped you in half.
Well, they did.
Literally.
“Shit, this hurts.” You muttered and you weren’t quite sure where to pinpoint the pain, your chest from them doing compressions on you or your actual incision site.
“You did the hard part, mama. It’s going to hurt, no doubt about that but it will get better with the more that you move around. Sit there for a few seconds on the side of the bed before I help you over to the wheelchair.”
You nodded in response and did as you were told before she helped you to stand up and maneuver towards it praying that you wouldn’t suddenly get dizzy or lightheaded.
Once you were settled, the three of you then made your way to the NICU.
It didn’t take long seeing as it was on the floor right below where you were in the intensive care unit right next to the postpartum unit where you were hoping to be soon once you were able to get a little bit stronger.
“And here we are. I know that they are just as excited to see you as you are to see them. They have the best doctors and nurses taking care of them.
Upon arriving, Lydia explained the need to do a surgical scrub of your hands and arms before entering not wanting any unnecessary germs causing harm to any of the babies.
Once she wheeled you into the room with Jack following close behind, you immediately knew which three were yours even if you saw them for mere seconds and one of them you hadn’t seen at all.
You were in front of Axel first and saw his tiny body taking small breaths and took in the sight of his curly hair that resembled Jack’s.
So that definitely explained the heartburn that you had throughout the entire time that you were pregnant with them.
You looked to Lydia to see if it was okay if you reached your hand in to touch him and she simply nodded.
Once you did, he immediately grabbed a hold of your finger as if telling you that he was okay.
“You have to admit that we made some cute babies.” Jack said as he leaned down to whisper in your ear and you couldn’t help but laugh.
“True, but looking at Axel, I did most of the work.”
“I-... okay not arguing because I don’t want to end up sleeping on the couch.”
“Smart man.”
When Axel let your finger go, Ivy was next to him while Autumn was next to her on the end and looked over to see exactly what Jack was saying about her taking her oxygen off because she was fiddling with it. A few tears escaped, but you were in no way, shape, or form sad.
You were happy.
You lived to be able to see your triplets grow up and couldn’t wait to see what was in store for them and the amazing things that they would do.
“Babe, you okay?” Jack asked while peering down at you and seeing your face.
This time there was absolutely no hesitation in your answer.
“I’m more than okay, I’m happy.”
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| actually the worst | part 3
ao’nung x f!reader
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | bonus part
summary: your relationship with ao’nung has become complicated, to say the least. every second you spend near him makes you hate him even more, but it’s hard to hate someone when they can’t stop touching you. however, things only seem to get worse when a fight breaks out and you get hurt.
includes: enemies to lovers, swearing, teasing, fighting, ao’nung being rude😤
word count: 3k
a/n: i’m sorry i did not think this was going to have so many parts, but i think i gotta just keep writing until it feels finished🫡 also pls lemme know if you want to be added to the taglist for this series:) i hope i already added everyone who asked in part 2
“[Y/N], hurry up!” Tuk whined, dancing around the entrance of the marui as she waited for you. You sighed, cracking one eye open.
“So much for napping, I guess.” You began to get up, stretching out your limbs, taking as long as possible.
“You said you would walk me to the beach for lessons! We’re going to be late!” Your sister frowned, crossing her arms as you continued to drag your feet. The truth was, you were putting off going to lessons. You hadn’t seen Ao’nung since the ilu riding incident and frankly, it had been relaxing. He had apparently been too busy with his warrior training for the past week, but Tsireya said he would be joining you all again today. Tragic.
“Tuk, maybe you should just tell them I’m not feeling well.” You tried, giving her a hopeful look. Of course, she wasn’t having it.
“I overheard you and Kiri talking this morning about the reason why you don’t want to go…” She started, the beginnings of an evil grin showing on her lips. “It would really be a shame if I had to tell Ao’nung that you’re scared of him.”
“I am not!” You exclaimed, mentally kicking yourself. “He’s just an annoying pest is all.”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about. Now, let’s go!” Sometimes you wondered if she was really your younger sister with the way she manipulated you and your siblings. Most of the time it was funny, but today you were irritated.
“You have no sympathy, woman.” You shook your head, watching as Tuk grinned triumphantly and began skipping outside.
The short walk to the beach consisted entirely of Tuk skipping and humming a little tune while you ignored her and went over the best plan for avoiding Ao’nung. You decided that avoiding eye contact was crucial to ignoring him. At least then you wouldn’t get that stupid feeling in your stomach and you could maintain some sanity.
“Look who decided to join us, how kind of you!” Kiri chirped teasingly when you and Tuk finally approached where they were waiting on the beach. You felt a little bit bad considering they had probably been waiting a while, but didn’t dwell on it long when you noticed Ao’nung and his signature cocky smirk staring right at you. You made a point of looking away, focusing on Tsireya instead.
“Sorry, Reya. I wasn’t feeling well earlier, but I think I’m okay now.” You apologized, though you knew what you had said was pretty much the exact opposite to how you currently felt, especially when Tuk decided to pipe up.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure [Y/N] felt sick because Ao’nung is-” She didn’t get to finish as you cut in hurriedly.
“Um, what are we doing today?” You didn’t miss the surprised expressions everyone wore, you just silently prayed they would gloss over it. Unfortunately, the last person you wanted to hear from spoke up.
“No, what was she going to say? That you felt sick because of me?” You continued to avoid looking at the boy, but you could practically hear the smugness on his face. You realized that the only way out now was through.
“Yeah, I was telling everyone that I think looking at your face triggers my gag reflex.” You watched the others’ reactions instead of Ao’nung, hoping your refusal to meet his eyes was annoying him.
“Funny. I was just thinking about how much your freaky forest face-”
“Don’t finish that sentence, bro.” Lo’ak cut him off in annoyance, though he was grinning at the bickering. You felt relieved, but still pretty tense. You had come to believe that was just a side effect of being near Ao’nung. Oh, how you longed for last week when he wasn’t around.
As the tension lifted and everyone started getting in the water, Lo’ak nudged you, grinning.
“Can’t you just get along with him?” He asked and you cocked an eyebrow.
“That’s rich coming from you. You hate him just as much as me.”
“Yeah, but I don’t have a crush on him.” Lo’ak cackled as your jaw dropped, nearly going into cardiac arrest.
“What! I- You- I do not have a crush on him, Lo’ak!” You hissed, glancing around to see if anybody could hear you. Luckily they were preoccupied underwater.
“Whatever you say, [Y/N].” Lo’ak shook his head, still chuckling as he dove underwater, leaving you seething.
While everyone practiced diving and swimming around the reef, you couldn’t stop thinking about your conversation with Lo’ak.
He was wrong. How could you have a crush on someone whose lights you wanted to punch out? His entire being made your nerves jump and your heart race because you hated him. Yes, Lo’ak was wrong, and you were going to prove it.
Well, you were going to prove it later when you weren’t so out of breath. You surfaced for the millionth time that day, breathing hard from trying to push yourself to stay down longer. Beside you, Neteyam and Lo’ak were in a similar state. Only Kiri seemed to be adapting well, but even she couldn’t stay down half as long as the Metkayina. You were about to try your hand again when Tsireya popped up, followed by Rotxo and Ao’nung. You silently groaned.
“This isn’t working. You have learned nothing.” Ao’nung jibed.
“Yeah, no offence, but you guys kind of suck at this.” Rotxo laughed, sharing a grin with his best friend. You huffed.
“I think we should go back to the basics. We can do some breathing lessons outside of the water to build up your endurance.” Tsireya explained, smiling encouragingly.
“Breathing lessons?” Ao’nung snorted. “That is how babies train.”
“Perfect for you, then.” You muttered, turning to follow Tsireya back to shore.
When everyone had been rounded up on shore, you all sat in a circle amongst the greenery. It would have been relaxing, except for Ao’nung, who chose to sit directly beside you. The close proximity reminded you of how his touch had felt on your skin, how he radiated body heat despite being in the water most of the time. The thoughts made you want to reach over and strangle him. The only good thing was that being beside you made it easier to avoid his gaze as you kept your eyes straight ahead on Tsireya.
She began to teach you about some breathing techniques, like how it was best to breath deeply from the abdomen rather than your chest. When she mentioned the importance of relaxing and slowing your heartbeat , you had to force yourself to forget about the infuriating presence beside you, which was proving difficult. Your heart beat was decently slow, but you were tense and very aware of your surroundings, like how Ao’nung’s knee was mere inches away from your own. The space between you felt charged with energy and it seemed to transfer onto your skin.
“Here, breathe from here.” You heard Tsireya say gently, and you cracked your eyes open. She had placed her hand across Lo’ak’s abdomen in an attempt to get him to breathe correctly. After a moment she said, “Lo’ak, your heartbeat is fast.”
You immediately shared knowing looks with your siblings, chuckling to yourself at how hard Lo’ak was trying to remain calm and nonchalant. Tsireya’s small smile convinced you that she knew what she was doing, making you silently laugh even more.
“What are you laughing at, skxawng?” You heard from beside you, and it took some effort not to turn your head toward him and make some snide remark.
“Nothing.” You replied blankly, trying to focus again on breathing.
“Nothing?” He breathed, quiet enough that only you could hear. Then, without warning, his warm hand was pressed firmly but gently on your abdomen, nearly sending you to Eywa. You froze, afraid that if you moved it would bring attention to the two of you. Your whole body shivered at the sensation of his touch, quickly warming as if a fire had blossomed right where his hand sat, calm and steady.
“If you don’t breathe sometime you’re going to pass out, forest girl.” His voice dripped with amusement. You seriously contemplated just passing out instead of giving in, but eventually let your breath out, making sure to remain quiet. “Your heartbeat is fast.” He mimicked his sister’s words and you could see the shit-eating grin he wore in the corner of your eye. You heartbeat was, in fact, fast. Fast enough that you briefly worried the others might be able to hear it.
“Do I still make you sick?” He breath fanned across your neck, and you couldn’t take it anymore. You stood suddenly, nearly knocking the boy out. Everyone’s heads snapped toward you, looking concerned.
“I’m actually not feeling well.” Your words rushed out quickly, not even bothering to wait for any response before you turned and walked as quickly as possible away from the group. It took everything you had not to break into a sprint.
“What the fuck?” You muttered to yourself, rapidly trying to process what had just happened.
Kiri found you sitting on one of the giant mangrove roots that was tucked out of sight from the village. It had only been a few minutes since you had rushed away, and part of you wanted to tell her to leave you alone for a while longer. However, when she sat down next to you, it was a welcome comfort.
“What happened?” She questioned, searching your eyes as if they could tell her the answer. You just shook your head, attempting to clear it before you spoke.
“Something is wrong with me, Ki.”
“What do you mean?” She had a way about her that made you feel entirely safe to say anything you wanted without fear of judgement. Kiri was not usually so empathetic, but the two of you had a deeper understanding of one another. So, you explained everything to her. How you despised Ao’nung and his arrogant remarks. How much it frustrated you that you didn’t have a good reason for hating him. And of course how odd he made you feel when he looked at you or touched you.
“So what I’m hearing is that he’s touching you without your consent?” Kiri finally said, breaking the heavy silence that had set in after your explanation. You snorted at her fake serious face, already feeling a little better.
“If he was, he wouldn’t have arms anymore, probably courtesy of you, Lo’ak, and Neteyam.” You chuckled, imagining how that would play out. “No, I mean, I think what bugs me about when he does that is that I actually don’t… hate it?” The last words felt sour on your tongue, making you regret them almost instantly. Thankfully, Kiri had the courtesy not to laugh at you.
“So you like him, then?” She asked and you whipped your head back to stare at her.
“No, of course not! I’m just not used to male attention like that. He’s using it against me because he thinks it’s funny. He’s arrogant, and stupid, and I would honestly rather eat sand than talk to him longer than five seconds.” You finished, hoping you got your point across well enough. You couldn’t tell if Kiri was buying it, but everything you said was true. That boy was a pain in the ass.
A few weeks later, you and Kiri were using your free time to mess around on the beach. Things between you and Ao’nung changed since that day during breathing lessons. You had decided to stop acknowledging him and his goading remarks, to his chagrin. When he would make a snide comment you would either ignore it or respond civilly, clearly frustrating the boy. In response, he had become crueler and crueler. At this point, he was a terror, someone to avoid at all costs.
This sentiment ran through your head as you looked up and saw Ao’nung and his terrible friends approaching your twin, who was blissfully unaware as she stared down at the sand under the water. Feeling protective, you quickly made your way over, trying to hear what they were saying.
“She’s just looking at the sand.” One of them remarked, followed by a few barking laughs. Before you could make it all the way over, Kiri seemed to notice them standing above her and started to stand too.
“Hm? What’d you say?”
“Are you some kind of… freak?” Ao’nung questioned, deliberately flicking his gaze up to lock with yours as you came to stand beside Kiri. There was a pause before Kiri sighed and began to walk away, you in tow.
“No.” She said, looking at the ground. Your fists clenched.
“Are you sure?” He taunted, clearly not content to let the two of you off so easily.
“She said no, dipshit.” You couldn’t hold back, replying in your usual manner for the first time in weeks. Something flickered in Ao’nung’s eyes and his smirk widened. He suddenly reached forward, trying to grab your hand.
“You’re not even real Na’vi. Look at these hands.” He managed to grasp onto your wrist, pulling it towards him in a surprisingly gentle manner. His tone didn’t match. “I mean, look at them!”
“Hey!” Lo’ak appeared from the trees behind you, looking pissed. “Back off, fish lips.” Ao’nung grinned, releasing his grip on you. A ring of fire blazed along your wrist and you tried to shake it off, annoyed that he still had that affect on you.
“Oh, another four-fingered freak!” Ao’nung exclaimed, laughing as he and his friends continued to mess with Lo’ak.
“Leave us alone!” Kiri said forcefully, eyes darting nervously between Lo’ak and the other boys. Thankfully, Neteyam came stalking over, shoving Ao’nung away from the three of you.
“You heard what she said. Leave them alone.” His voice was calm, demanding. Pride swelled in your chest at your older brother, always the protector and mediator. One of Ao’nung’s friends tried to step in, but Ao’nung pushed him back, clearly trying his best to look like he wasn’t afraid of Neteyam. “Back off, now.”
There was a stretch of tense silence before Ao’nung finally took a step back, holding his hands up in mock surrender.
“Smart choice,” Neteyam said. “And from now on, I need you to respect my sisters.” A few of them hissed at his words, but allowed you all to turn and start walking away. Before you followed, you stuck your tongue out at Ao’nung, earning a scoff and a glare from him. You knew it was childish, but you couldn’t help it. After all, you had been civil for over a week, which was torture.
As you walked off, you could hear the boys giggling and continuing to talk shit. Beside you, Lo’ak paused, deciding to turn back around.
“Lo’ak!” Neteyam hissed, but it was too late.
“I got this, bro.” Lo’ak held his hand up, slowly making his way back to face Ao’nung. “I know this hand is funny,” He wiggled his pinky. “Look, I’m a freak. Alien.” The boys snickered. “But, it can do something really cool.” Lo’ak continued talking, but you mentally groaned, knowing where this was going. Before you could say anything, Lo’ak had punched Ao’nung, hard. “It’s called a punch, bitch! Don’t ever touch my sister again!”
Next thing you knew, Ao’nung was tackling Lo’ak to the ground, his friends joining in on what you were starting to think was going to be the beat down of the century. You and Kiri shared a look as Neteyam scratched his head, resigning himself to joining the fight.
“Stop it, stop!” Kiri called, exasperated.
“This is so stupid,” You muttered, growing a little worried as you watched your brothers in the outnumbered fight. Gathering your courage, you decided to step in when Lo’ak started getting hit a little too hard in your opinion. “Can you guys just stop before someone gets seriously-” You didn’t get to finish your sentence before you got an elbow to the cheek from one of the guys punching Lo’ak. It was obviously not on purpose, but everyone stopped, silent for a moment as you hissed in pain, frowning.
“Okay that’s it-” Lo’ak was about to go in for another punch before you aggressively tugged him away.
“No! No more fighting!” You barked, marching Lo’ak steadily away. “Stupid boys acting like stupid mongrels. I can’t believe I just watched you all be so stupid, and for what?” You muttered angrily, mostly to yourself.
As you and your siblings walked away for good this time, you glanced back at the Metkayina boys. You thought maybe they would be laughing, but to your surprise, Ao’nung appeared to be scolding the boy who had accidentally hit you. You stared for a little too long because Ao’nung seemed to feel your gaze and looked up, meeting your eyes. It was unsettling to see his usual smirk replaced with worry.
taglist:
@luvlykrispy @foreverfolkloregirly @findingourtreasure @tiddybiddy @nao-cchi @goodiesinthecloset21 @elegantkidfansoul @azaleaniath @cloakedvengeance
#ao'nung#aonung#ao'nung x reader#aonung x reader#ao'nung x you#aonung x you#aonung x y/n#ao'nung x y/n#avatar#avatar 2#aonung fanfiction#ao'nung fanfiction#aonung fluff#ao'nung fluff#the way of water#avatar movie#avatar imagine#atwow#atwow ao'nung
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Thing in my drafts I found inspired by a conversation between me and @librathefangirl about intercultural communication in nnt. Original post:
Another interesting thing to play into is how they view skills and hobbies is the goddess / demon culture shock they must experience in the human world. Elizabeth and Meliodas might have totally outside-the-box-ways of solving complex issues that humans can't imagine because well, in their realms, different things are possible. People they've encountered may consider them airheaded for things that any demon or goddess may conclude.
This phemonemon would happen to fairies and giants too, but demons and goddesses have always had a much more complicated view of humans due to their respective cultures. And vice versa. Fairies were straight up gone (?) from the Britannia dimension for centuries, while the giants mainly maintained a buisness relationship with humans. Of the races, therefore, I would say humans would have the best general understanding of giant culture. They know the least about fairies, and their understanding of goddess and demon culture equally sucks due to propoganda and the war.
Some example ideas!
Elizabeth doesn't know how human city planning works and can name maybe sixteen human colors. Five of these, she's told, do not exist. In her human lives she's been fascinated with both architecture and abstract art, and enjoyed hobbies involving both. The notion that someone would commit tax fraud is something she cannot wrap her mind around. Paperwork in the celestial realm is hella efficient. But POLITICAL fraud / detail oriented drama happens all the time and she knows 73 ways to shut it down quickly. More than half of these would result in the offender being openly shunned / banished by goddess politicians and she is not able to replicate them in human society.
Meliodas knows exactly what the mantis shrimp colors Elizabeth identifies are called, but only in demon. He thinks not being able to understand the “more intelligent” Britannia animals is a skill issue on his part. He has spent several centuries trying to get horses to respond to him the way dragons have in the past (that one scene from the new movie killed me). Because human adults rarely have the type of respect toward creatures he's used to seeing in the demon realm (they keep trying to tell him that no plants aren't sentient, not even certain types of plant, what do you mean just ask them not to damage the road with their root system?) he takes advice on wildlife mainly from children, witches, and Horse Girls TM. King won't correct him because that would mean unraveling 3,000 years of tales and explaining that there is no pixie that ritualistically collects human teeth. If you ask Meliodas why he thinks someone would possibly want to collect teeth he will tell you incredibly specific stories about the demons in his army who do so, including a sweet-tempered general who wears necklaces of her ancestors’ fangs and considers it her most wholesome family tradition. Her particular necklace weighs almost ten pounds. King does not want to think any more about demon teeth than he already has.
Thoughts?
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You know, the castle story "That Which Remains" is very effective at wounding me emotionally. Specifically, what is shown developing and then dashed against the rocks without mercy.
That is, Euden's and Audric's relationship in particular.
Now, at this point Audric hasn't learned he's forcing his magical Alzheimer's to him specifically on everyone else. Sure, there's been some weird instances people where couldn't remember things about him, but in general he's been sticking around pretty consistently for relationships to form.
Especially with Euden, since Euden seems to have developed a pretty close relationship with Audric. They've been working together regularly and often enough that Euden is maintaining so much sentiment about Audric that he feels ill-at ease when Audric is away. Enough to feel a need to vocalize his more selfish desire that Audric could stay, which is something considering Euden's tendency to push down anything he views as 'selfish'. He holds Audric in very high regard enough to send him on complicated, delicate solo missions.
He even seems to have figured out or is piecing together that Audric is Aurelius. Euden's about to potentially get his father back in some form, even an otherworldly one. Euden might have been able to get some actual parental support from his dad that he's missed since Aurelius' abrupt death, and Audric might have been able to get some quality time with at least one of his kids. Being able to help guide the next generation and ease some of his guilt.
...But by the time he returns Euden has forgotten him outright.
Though he doesn't remember anything about Audric, there still seems to be something that's distressing Euden. He flees uncharacteristically, whether it be because he is having sudden concerns for his own health/memory or strong emotions lingering that he has no context for now.
Either way, to me it's a very sad idea that they were growing so close, only for Euden to forget it all because of Audric's... problems. It was so close to that little bit of happiness for the both of them, only for it to be dashed against the rocks. It also then seems to drive Audric to be more isolationist? As he accepts the idea that nobody is remembering him and that he deserves it, and then resolves more to take solace in actions that he's doing than forming any bonds since he knows they'll wither away just as soon. While he pretends to be fine with it, I'm sure it's still an emotional hardship that you can't form any meaningful relation with another and will be near-instantaneously forgotten as soon as you're gone.
To me, this exchange later in the main campaign almost sounds like Audric talking to himself, trying to stop himself from wallowing in the dream he would be remembered, and focusing on the actions he can take to effect change.
Even so, he's still trying to encourage Euden to remember something about their interactions, though he's accepted he himself won't be a part of them. He's trying to leave something behind to his son.
He's remembering what he once had with Euden, both his own and this world's Euden not all too long ago.
I think that's a huge part of Audric, aside from all that guilt and self-loathing: memories. As everyone else forgets, he remembers, and can only hope to use those memories for good to leave behind something.
Be it saving Euden from supposed-dead insects and their venom, or encouraging Emile to become a better ruler and person by using his memories of Emile as a guide to know what to say, to helping Nedrick understand that Euden and him needn't be enemies, Audric's- and Aurelius'- memories are what allow him to accomplish so much and influence his children on a better path.
And then, just after he dies, once and for all...
They might have started remembering.
This conversation is specifically noted to have occurred days after Audric died, which seems to fall greatly outside the range of time it normally took for people to forget Audric or details about him. But Euden and co still remember his existence, his identity, and his death.
Despite his constant affirmations that Audric knew he'd never leave behind anything of himself aside from any results of his actions, he might have left memories behind after all. It's just a shame his earlier bonds he had begun to form with Euden, old friends (Raemond) and new ones alike weren't able to survive beforehand.
#dragalia lost#dragalia#character analysis#I still remember all the fun speculation around the 1st anni when we first saw Audric. Who was he?#People were generally of 3 camps: Aurelius. 5th Scion. Or Future Euden. All three were fun ideas but...#if only we knew the sheer amount of tragedy could be baked into this sad dad man and his dragon.#Still looking at what Euden & Audric & all the royal fam could have had is even worse#I also wish Audric could've had a conversation with Leo since he talked with most other siblings but Leo in particular has a more critical#perspective on Aurelius and I wonder how Leo would have felt about this Aurelius since one of their defining differences was Audric being#harsher and more focused on being a good king than parent to his children even if he cared just as deeply. It's what Leo would have wanted#as his parent and I wonder if he would have grown to understand Aurelius better or solidified his 'this is how Father should've been' idea.
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Maybe Obi-Wan has been avoiding Satine lately and Satine wonders if maybe, just maybe there might be someone else... Ends with lots of fluff and cuddling. It's good to have you back, I really enjoyed your latest one-shot!
- Only You -
Satine considered herself many things. Strong willed, dedicated, peaceful, among many other attributes.
Her adversaries would declare her naïve and perhaps delusional with her devotion to a peaceful Mandalore, but she's learned over the years not to pay any mind to what others think of her.
But, whether they be friend or foe, one thing Satine could never be classified as if a jealous woman.
Jealousy was unbecoming of Nobility. From an early age she had learned to be grateful for the advantages she had in life, and that envy was a pointless emotion to dwell on. It would do her no good, and came off as pretentious, something no good leader of the people should be.
Even as she got older and her feelings and life became more complicated she refrained from allowing herself to feel something she considered as shallow as jealousy. There were bigger problems to deal with; bounty hunters to escape and a planet to rebuild. Jealously had no place in the chaos of her life.
Yet here she stood, gazing out at the Coruscant skyline, battling the pang of jealously that bubbled inside of her.
It was ridiculous. Of course it was ridiculous.
But there was something about Obi-Wan avoiding her so intentionally that stung in a way she did not anticipate.
They weren’t anything. Not really. Except that also wasn’t particularly true, because she knew they were something to each other even if there were no collection of words to quantify exactly what their relationship was.
She could accept the logical reasons behind his distance. It was dangerous interacting in any other manner other than diplomatic while being so close to the temple. She understood that. And yet, she suspects that is not the reason for his distance at all.
No, she had been suddenly gripped with the fear that there was perhaps another person that had captured Obi-Wans affection.
And that unforeseen fear had suddenly riddled her with with a newfound sense of both insecurity and jealously she hadn’t ever experienced.
Satine had seen them together the night before just outside of the Senate building, talking closely with one another, and she found it nearly impossible to ignore just how intently he was looking at her or how strikingly beautiful the young woman was.
“Who was that girl?” Satine asks Padme, “With Obi-Wan yesterday evening.”
She keeps her voice level, tone bridging on flippant. She wanted to maintain a sense of indifference while also fulfilling her curiosity.
Padme, gracious as always, doesn’t comment if she suspects Satine had an ulterior motive other than innocent curiosity.
“I believe her name is Nadira,” Padme tells her, “She was rescued by Obi-Wan and Luminara from a Separatist prison on Tokadana. I think she was the only survivor. Anakin said she has vital information on the Separatists and their movements.”
“How terrible.” Satine says sincerely, suddenly wracked with guilt for harboring anything other than sympathy for the girl.
“She’s very…” Padme hesitates for a moment, “Attached to Obi-Wan. I think he was the one who found her.”
“And probably the first person who wasn’t there to harm her.” Satine surmises, feeling more terrible for the girl by the minute.
“Anakin says she’s been very helpful, but is also very reluctant to speak to just anyone. I assume he and Luminara are probably the two she feels most comfortable with. You know, her rescuers and such.”
Yes, Satine certainly knew what having Obi-Wan as her rescuer was like.
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” Padme tells her, implication behind her words all too clear.
“I don’t know what you mean.” She replies, but she knows Padme understands. After all, she knew the burden of keeping that secret.
A day later she’s locked in a conversation with Mon Mothma when she sees him walking through the Senate building, Ahsoka and the girl by his side, and they make eye contact.
She tries not to let the pang of sadness become evident in her expression when he averts his gaze all too quickly.
The senate hearing that day is draining and drags on for too long with no real accomplishments at the end. She was no further in securing a position for the neutral systems in the senate than she was when she arrived.
All she wants to do is go back to her room and sleep. A rarity for her, because she almost never has the urge to forego more work in the evenings to relax, but being on Coruscant always had the affect on her.
She sees them just before she reaches her room, whispering to one another in the otherwise empty hallway.
Nadira is smiling, a far cry from the shy and tortured soul that Padme had described two days earlier, and it rattles her to the core when she catches sight of Obi-Wan doing the same.
Its a genuine one; not the fake grins he reserves for politicians, but a smile rooted in affection. She knows that smile.
She tells herself that it’s simply Obi-Wan being himself. Kind and caring, always doing what he can to help and comfort someone in need.
But another part of her breaks a little bit, because she knows that despite what he says, some part of him is willing to bend the code when it comes to attachments. She was the prime example of that.
And she has no real claim to him, because they are nothing. They weren’t together. They couldn’t be. And she’s a galaxy away, barely able to communicate with him without it crossing an unspoken boundary. And yet, she had always believed a small part of her unabashedly belonged to him, and him to her.
He looks up, catching her gaze. She doesn’t bother waiting to watch his expression fall, she simply turns on her heel and walks to her room.
Maybe Satine Kryze would describe herself as a jealous woman after all.
The next few days are too busy for her to dwell on him though. She’s too preoccupied with securing working relationships with Senators and speaking in front of sessions about neutrality to spend her time saddened about him. Personal turmoil or not, her duty will always be to her people.
But as her last few days on Coruscant approach she can’t help the dejection that creeps on her at the thought of not being able to steal a few measly moments of his time. Even if they were only able to exchange the formalities of old friends seeing one another and nothing more she would be satisfied.
Because even though she considered him the love of her life, she also considered him to be one of her closest friends, something she has very little of these days.
“He and Master Fisto have been away the last two days.” Padme tells her one evening, “I’m sure if he would have seen you by now if that weren’t the case.”
“Yes, it must be.”
She chooses to believe her, because the alternative saddens her in a way she’s unsure how to navigate.
Two days before she’s set to leave she has a meeting set up with Bail Organa to discuss trade routes when an emergency Senate hearing disrupts their plans, and she finds herself heading back to her suite without much motivation to do anything else.
Battling with the senate and the chancellor makes her so, so tired.
She drinks a glass of Alderaanian wine - an apology gift from Bail - and stares out the window, suddenly home sick.
The knock at her door surprises her, though she supposes it shouldn’t. Padme had been making her way to her suite more often than not when they were both alone.
But when she opens the door she finds Obi-Wan Kenobi standing in front of her.
“What are-“
She doesn’t get a chance to get the words out, he’s too fast for her, and suddenly she finds herself being pushed back into her room and enveloped in his arms.
“I am so sorry.”
His arms around wrapped tightly around her, one circling her waist and the other resting across her back, with his face burrowed into her neck. She feels him sigh against her, his grip never faltering.
She’s frozen for a moment, her mind unable to process the suddenness of it all.
But then she relaxes and hugs him back.
They stand like that for one, two, five minutes. She’s not really sure. All she knows is she suddenly doesn’t feel homesick anymore.
When they finally break apart he cups her face in his hands, thumbs stroking lightly over her cheek bones. It sends a shiver through her. When was the last time she had been touched with such tenderness?
“I wanted to see you sooner.” He tells her gently, “Believe me. If opportunity had allowed I would have been here the night you arrived.”
There’s such raw honestly in his eyes that she has no trouble believing what he’s telling her.
“You’re here now.” She soothes.
He leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead, lips lingering for just a bit longer than strictly necessary.
“I had tried to find a moment to slip away,” He tells her, “But I’ve had a shadow following me around for the better part of your visit, which complicated things.”
Satine thinks of Nadira, with her dark hair and fair skin.
“Padme had mentioned so,” She says evenly, “I had guessed you were rather tied up.”
He nods, “The girl is kind, but reluctant to speak to just anyone. I believe her months long imprisonment made it difficult for her to trust strangers.”
Satine’s heart breaks for her.
“I can only imagine so.”
“The council order I stay with her for a few days,” He continues, “I suppose I gained her trust when I rescued her, and they were hoping she would feel more comfortable discussing what she knows with me. It took longer than expected for her to feel safe enough to do so, thus taking more of my time.”
She can’t even blame the girl.
“I’m glad you were able to help.” Satine says, voice full of sincerity yet she hears the slight undercurrent of sadness.
His hands are on her waist now, hers resting on his forearms.
“I hadn’t intended to neglect what time we have.” He tells her, voice soft yet sure.
“I had thought perhaps…” She begins, though she can’t bring herself to finish the sentence. It was ridiculous to have ever thought it in the first place.
She can see it in his eyes though; the pure understanding of what she meant.
“Satine,” He whispers, expression suddenly saddened, “You couldn’t possibly think…”
He trails off too, and she feels foolish to have ever fathomed any of it.
“She’s very lovely,” Satine says carefully, “I thought that perhaps you were distancing yourself to avoid telling me that your feelings have since changed from our last interaction.”
Finally he kisses her. Softly, almost apologetically and it feels like coming home.
“There is no one else I would ever risk the code for, Satine.” He grabs one of her hands and raises it to his lips, “Only you. And I’m sorry that I cannot be there to remind you of that.”
“We made our choices.”
He kisses her knuckles, “All you have to do is say the word.”
She shakes her head, “I could never.”
Because as much as she wants to live out the rest of her days with him at her side, she could never make him walk away from the order he holds so dear.
“Very well,” He concedes, “But please never doubt my devotion to you, Satine. There isn’t a soul in galaxy that I could ever posses the same depth of feelings for that I do you.”
She doesn’t know how to begin articulating what he means to her, so she doesn’t speak at all. She simply presses her lips against his and hopes he understands.
Hours later they lay in her bed, she curled into his side, fingertips running along a fresh scar on his rib cage. This is what their relationship consisted of; stolen moments.
His lips brush against her cheek, a ghost of a promise and she knows deep in the confines of her soul that he was hers, just as she was his.
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TMA MAG 60
A story about paranoia as Jon's own paranoia culminates - shit is about to go down.
.... Is what I thought and instead everyone had a healthy and adult discussion about their feelings, information is freely given, Jon admits he has treated his coworkers unfairly and promises to cool it, now convinced someone from outside or whatever is in the tunnels must have murdered Gertrude.
Huh.
Anyone else thing the statements these days show a sort of worst-case-slippery-slope Jon could be going down if he keeps it up, but because he still has friends, he JUST manages to avoid that same fate - for now anyway?
I say for now because I would in fact pay good money for Jon to drive a van full of explosives into the Archive. Although Jon doesn't as much feel watched as he is the one watching everyone else (or both). Maybe Tim gets to blow up the archives. He deserves it.
This is the midpoint of the season. Technically, it's still possible the point of the first half of it was to show easily Jon's mental health can slip, the discord and distrust sawn between the coworkers is not going to go away and may be their fall in the season 2 finale where season 1 their quick thinking and team work saved them.
That being said, I will be disappointed if it turns out Gertrude "just" died by someone on the outside/a monster in the tunnels. I would feel like I wasted half a season if it turns out the guy who likes to stab people for fun and lives in the tunnels turns out to have murdered the corpse that was found shot ... in the tunnels. He may have something to do with it, but considering she had her own room and wasn't in the... tunnels tunnels, that doesn't seem to be his MO. Whatever.
And I'm confused about the Deus Ex CCTV tapes too. They should not be the easy fix they are. As far as I know, no one but Jon had attempted to search the tunnels below the archives, where Gertrude's body was found. Certainly no one from the police. Please correct me if I am wrong about that due to information that has been established in the past but I misremembered, btw, that would be very kind.
But that means that there might be alternate entrance into the archives through the tunnels that our murderer could have used, that isn't necessarily covered by CCTV (or wasn't searched) because no one knew that place was an entrance to the archive. That means any and all of them could have done it still!
All this, of course, leads me back around to my original suspect list: Sasha and Elias. Not-Sasha wasn't around for the murder, and while I maintained she'd have her own subplot, it would be kind of cool to have the real Sasha turn out to be the killer. This would give her replacement, who already seems to have some complicated feelings about her own existence, an interesting conflict, especially in terms of hashing out her relationship to her coworkers, and their relationship towards both Sashas. It would also merge the two major plotthreads of the season in a really interesting way! While I do think Sasha was a bit... under-established for this to work 100%, this could still be fixed by eg the characters finding her again, or a statement given by her, or anything. I think I've mentioned it before, but Sasha's frustration over Jon getting the position as head archivist could have been partially due to the fact that she killed Gertrude to get it instead. (It's weird bc I'm pretty sure this was one of the first things we learned about Sasha, and yet it didn't inform her character much and was never brought up again, soo-). It was also fascinating that Michael initially sought her out to help the archive - maybe she knew more than she let on and her statement about that encounter wasn't entirely truthful either. I'm saying, given some more puzzle pieces, this is something that could make sense to me.
The other major suspect is Elias, who remained on the list exclusively because he keeps being brought up for seemingly no reason. UNTIL NOW. Because see, I noted how Elias remains a mystery. He's just kinda there. It's like the story is going out of its way to make him uninteresting and uninvolved, like they only needed a name to play authority in the archives for other characters to throw around, without getting his own part in the story. Which, I mean, they could have done that. I wouldn't be too happy about it, but in a show with such a limited cast, they simply cut off their losses earlier and decided to do nothing interesting with the GUY who RUNS the supernatural archive that's the center of some supernatural tuck of war - yeah okay they won't do that. (Even though I also apparently heavily overestimated the other side character's importance to the story, sooo)
So why.
Here's the thing. Elias says he's "partially to blame for [Jon's behaviour]" because he let it go on for so long. If he were a proper character, we'd get a hint of the regret he feels, maybe some inner conflict. Elias, sitting on the information that there are CCTV tapes the police are reviewing, which will come out any time soon, which should put everyone at ease. That he doesn't have to run an intervention, that Jon seems down but everyone is coping and the CCTV will clear it all up. But then it turns out he miscalculated, and Jon got way worse than he thought, and the CCTV is still fixing things but had Elias said something 20 episdes ago, everything would have gone way better. This is the second time that something major has happened that, had he been more involved, could have been prevented or at least prevented some damage. I know we haven't gotten that much on the other characters either, but at least something like that would have been HINTED by now, and be it by the voice acting.
Elias doesn't sound particularly remorseful when he says this. Elias is the only one who's emotions aren't running high in that scene. Elias was the only one who kept calm in the season 1 finale either, if I remember right. I think I theorized back than that it was the slightly overwhelmed detachement of it all. Elias isn't friends with any of these people, and Jon hasn't been stalking him, so why WOULD his emotions be running high during the intervention? So, of course, the question: Why isn't he closer to any of them? Why doesn't he solve their problems sooner, if he noticed them? If he didn't, doesn't that bother him? Why isn't he bothered by his team falling apart at the seams?
He could just be a shitty boss, in the way that some people don't notice things, like to keep to themselves and aren't fit to lead. But he said that he did notice, and we don't even get a hint of characterisation that implies that he feels conflicted about his lack of action and relationship to the others.
So here's my crowning conclusion:
Elias doesn't give a shit.
It's all work to him. Pure business. He joins the intervention slash disciplinary hearing (notice the phrasing!) because the others have asked him to. He's here to do his job, and as long as the car is running, that's all he cares about. It's not running well. Two tires are flat and the engine is making funky noises but it's running. Where is it going? That's the million dollar question, isn't it. But that doesn't matter, as long as they arrive.
Yeah, that makes him a shitty boss.
And more importantly, that makes him a murder suspect, if Gertrude was in any way a person who wanted to stop the car for a bit (be it to change a tire or blow it up, you decide).
That also makes him a potential danger in the future, if the characters ever act in a way that is not in the Archive's ... "best interest".
Also, you know, the CCTV footage showed Elias finding and reporting the blood the day of Gertrude's disappearance, he may as well have knocked her out, brought her to the tunnels, murdered her and returned to report her missing.
Man I hope I'm not tunneling here. Pun very much intended.
#the plot kept chickening so hard for a split second there was peace and quiet in the coop#tma#the magnus archives#long post#the gertrude murder mystery#tma season 2#elias bouchard#jonathan sims#sasha james#i can never decide if elias is a shitty boss or out to murder people#must be a fine line
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[book review] the amber spyglass by philip pullman (2000)
now this is more like it.
this story is bigger. the world feels massive and complicated. you don’t know what everyone’s going to do before they do it. i think what impresses me the most, and what is the most welcome change from its predecessor, is that it fucking takes its time. the book manages to convey the breathless pace of a final, desperate fight for survival & freedom without feeling like it’s in a hurry. it feels very in control, very measured, and like it gives everything that happens a real chance to breathe despite the fact that so much shit is happening.
i do think lord asriel & mrs. coulter’s redemption arcs are a little too easy. and i am giving serious side-eye to the fact that the book (justifiably) harshes on mrs. coulter quite a bit while basically never really grappling whatsoever with the fact that lord asriel killed a fucking child. like, it just literally never comes up. so that’s… awkward.
i think it’s fucking wild that catholics get so up in arms about these books considering how fucking nothing the allegorizing in them is. like, yeah, this one does specifically mention “the swiss guard” which is the most overt reference to the fact that the church in lyra’s world is clearly a vastly more powerful version of the catholic church that maintained the overt political authority they had in the middle ages rather than having to get by with being wealthy landowners like they are today. but just. idk man, it’s still so possible to imagine someone reading this without even noticing that it’s anti-church. so getting all upset about it & demanding boycotts just comes off as the most fragile shit ever imo.
on that note, the cosmology of this world is a bit lacking for my tastes. like, i ended up agreeing with what my partner said about the second book that just having the entire conflict be between spicy atheists & spicy christians, where even seemingly powerful outsiders like the witches ultimately end up deriving all their shit from the same boring source is just a bit disappointing.
i also completely agree with him that it’s pretty annoying that pullman just had to go with a downer ending. like, i admittedly did actually get pretty genuinely emotional when lyra & will realized they were going to have to be separated. it was very well-written, and in a limited amount of time (considering the sheer amount of other shit the book had to get through, seriously this thing was massive) the book did manage to make me care quite a bit about their relationship even though i knew where things were going from the vague memories of previous reading.
what really puts this book over the top for me, though, is mary’s story in the chapter “marzipan.”
you know when a story has That Scene? the one where you could pull it out of the larger story and, standing completely on its own, it would still be just absolutely stunningly good? and if you did pull it out of the larger body it was from, that larger body would just suddenly be drastically less special? i’m thinking of, like, valerie page’s diary in v for vendetta. this is that scene for me.
the way mary told her story just made me smile so much. it’s just… it’s so intimate, and it’s so tender. it really emphasizes the literal sweetness, the playfulness that comes along with love. it’s just some truly incredible writing, i’m really not sure what else to say.
and i guess that’s kind of what it comes down to with these books. like, there are plenty of things about them i don’t like. but they’re just so damn well-written. i think i’ve reached a point in my life where i’m comfortable saying that i’d rather spend my time reading things that more directly appeal to me, but i’m still glad i revisited these to see if they held up at all, and discovered that they mostly do.
a-rank
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ok i said i would do this and my body won’t let me go on with my life until i do but i feel like there’s so much to say about each episode that i cannot make a comprehensive post so i’ll just do separate ones for each one. i am only halfway through the show but here’s my absolutely not required opinions on tua 2x01
i have to say when i first started watching i wasn’t sure i liked any of the situations the guys were (are,) in and i am still not positive that i do? going by number order so it’s easier:
luther... well, actually not much to say about that, what a start. but him and five are probably the ones that left me the most neutral, in the sense that i was just happy to see him and i didn’t think much of anything — the situation he is in might be a bit weird but that’s obviously tied to his inability to exist without a father figure of sorts despite how fucked up said father figure might be so like... classic luther
diego... i mean. it’s just that i don’t really get it? like, not him being in a sanatorium — that, all things considered, i get — but his obsession with saving kennedy. okay, he has a hero complex and i always did know he’s a bit on the dumber side (sorry diego) but the volume of his idiocy is astronomical now like what does he expect to even do doesn’t he understand he should interfere as little as possible with historical events and why is he running around telling people kennedy is going to get shot i mean you’re just BEGGING to get hospitalised aren’t you,,, plus don’t uh... don’t sue me but i don’t really like the whole subplot with lila, she is an interesting character and i already have my theories about her so obviously she’s going to be more than just a possibly romantic plot for diego but at the same time way from the trailer they pushed so much on this and on them being sexually attracted to one another so there’s a lot of... unnecessary bits that honestly i would’ve lived without (especially considering patch existed and wasn’t this collective fever dream) but of course that’s how tv shows work so whatever
allison... yeah i mean. i don’t. i don’t really get her marriage as well, lmao. i like that she is a civil rights organiser and i do think what’s happening in her storyline is important and has to be shown in such a context but, even though she does explain she thought everyone was dead and that five would take years to get back to her, i have. so much trouble believing she would move on THAT quickly. not from luther i mean, just in general, from the fact that she has a daughter in another timeline and all. the LAST thing i would think of in her place would be marrying someone and possibly starting yet another family i won’t necessarily be able to keep and for some reason i have serious trouble believing anyone would think differently but i do get it’s subjective and she needed something to latch on so idk, i can’t really like this but i will try my best to understand it i suppose?
klaus is... a mess. that’s just. that’s just klaus for you,,, he is sober but he doesn’t seem to have changed much because his main problem is being a dickhead and he still hasn’t grown out of that phase so honestly i wasn’t expecting much from him and i can’t be disappointed if i wasn’t expecting anything (: NJFGESRGNESK i do love klaus a lot but what else is there to say
five is five and he’s doing his classic five thing so apart from him being a genius comedian which absolutely cracks me up i am just happy to see him in his little shorts again with his funny old man walk and his threats to anything that moves
ben. ben. absolute love of my life light of my eyes my sweet baby angel... bitch. NFEJRNGJKSERG i knew that, since he’s going to have way more space this season, being a regular and all, his sassy remarks were going to multiply, and i do love that he gives shit to klaus all the time considering klaus has been doing the same exact thing AND WORSE for years on end but i have to admit when he told him “nobody wants your shit, klaus. that’s why you’re always alone.” that felt like a bit much to me. i know klaus deserves to be called out on his bullshit to hopefully grow a bit, and i know ben just said this as a spur-of-the-moment sentence and then they were back to being the funny bickering duo who hamster fights on the street, but i just... it hit me just how genuinely tired ben must be. because he’s always been nothing but supportive, and he did always call klaus out but he never went that far and always said the complete opposite actually, which is things like “there’s nothing luther wouldn’t do to save your scrawny little junkie ass” and “you can do it” and “you don’t have to do this alone, i know how important this is for you”. so, yeah. i felt a bit meh about it, i will admit this. i also felt like i was overreacting and got over it pretty quickly but it did sting, also because as much as i’m always on about klaus being an idiot i still do love him a lot and i was like okay... okay please settle down now,,, the “unfinished business” thing i’ll mention later on because there’s a whole paragraph i need to write about it
i absolutely love that vanya has lost her memory in a sense, because this does really give a blank slate to a character that was so far gone i’m not sure how recovery could’ve taken place. i do think when things will start to resurface we’ll have to deal with that, but also vanya seems so much more... at peace. and assertive. and sure of herself, or at least not so... i don’t know how to phrase it. not so much of a passive bystander. she doesn’t know who she was, she doesn’t know what happened, but she seems to know who she is now in a way and — even though no powers were used in episode one yet — the control this gives her over her powers is amazing. without even knowing she has them, she can control them better than she ever did, just because of how much more calmer she is in general. i love that for her. i love her so much ): she is the cutest bean ever i just want to kiss her on the nose i am In Love and i love that she’s so good with harlan and that harlan seems to get things about her she probably doesn’t even get herself yet. i am more invested in her bond with harlan than i am in her bond with sissy, if i have to be honest. i guess i just don’t care much about romantic relationships in this show lmao
yeah i? think episode one was pretty much it? just getting to know where the characters are at this moment in their lives and familiarising with new elements and as i said i expected to be a bit less... meh with it all but it’s episode one so it’s not a big deal
OH YEAH I AM so sorry for hazel i loved him so much and i had no idea this was going to happen so i was so shocked when he suddenly died feels like shit just want him back
i do love the swedes a lot i know they’re some of the bad guys (though honestly i doubt they’re the main villains) but as i mentioned already they’re just so interesting both visually and in how they operate and i wonder if they’re some of the other kids born the same way as the hargreeves because they call them twins later on but they look nothing like twins + one of them drinks this weird thing at some point which definitely wasn’t milk so i’m wondering what exactly are they but i’m sure there’s plenty to unpack there
#tua#the umbrella academy#tua2 spoilers#tua spoilers#and in this essay i will#when i said i don't care about romantic relationships i hope you know harcest ships weren't included#but this is just another reason why i ship them between one another#i think it's just way too complicated for them to maintain relationships outside considering the shit they're always surrounded with#so it's either... no relationships or like a leftovers recipe you know use what you find home kinda thing#im going to jail for these tags#it's been real you guys
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Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon
- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached.
- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)
- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.
- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.
- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.
- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control.
- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.
- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule.
- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.
- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.
- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.
- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown.
- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.
- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.
- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.
- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments.
- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.
- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand.
- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.
- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents.
- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture.
- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...
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Now that Wishmaker is out, how would you rewrite that chaos? The Lukanette need is strong.
"Did anyone else see me?" Marinette asked, her hands shaking as she put on the mask she'd made with her newly-given knitting powers. They were sitting down in a shadowed alley, free from anyone's curious eyes.
"No," Viperion replied, his voice breathless from the revelations he was having rather than the fly to their hiding spot. "Just...just me." He glanced down at his wrist, noting the unticked snake bangle. "...I'm sorry."
"Huh?" Marinette's gaze darted over to him, then to his miraculous. A flicker of understanding passed over her expression as she whispered a small, "Oh."
Guilt tore up his stomach, even knowing deep down that it wasn't his fault - the akuma had surprised them, giving no time for him to use his power - but he'd been brought in to use Second Chance in the first place, and yet...
Marinette's hand fell upon his wrist, making him look up. She smiled at him, her eyes reassuring.
"It's okay," she said, though her voice wavered. "It was only you who saw my face, and even if you'd used Second Chance, you'd still know anyway."
He could tell that she was still processing, but let the subject go for now and smiled back. There were more important matters to attend to.
They must've been on the same wavelength too, as Marinette pulled away and sighed, thinking aloud, "I have to figure a way to be Ladybug again. The akuma could just be destroyed, but I need Miraculous Ladybug to turn everyone back to normal."
Viperion nodded, briefly giving her a once-over. Her power and wings were useful, but unfortunately didn't help them with the current situation.
It was also distractingly cute, and he couldn't fight that way.
"Wishmaker said that he wanted people to live out their childhood dream," he murmured in thought.
Marinette brought a hand to her face, pinching her cheek in contemplation. "Maybe...maybe if I live it out then, I'll change back?" She considered it a moment longer, then groaned and stood up, starting to pace around the small area they were in. "But we don't have that kind of time! Yeah, my earrings aren't here so Shadow Moth can't make a wish, and I could definitely make enough of a living with my new knitting powers, but that would take years, and—"
Suddenly, she stopped and looked over at him, catching Viperion briefly off-guard since he hadn't said anything. Her eyes scanned him up and down, mental gears turning in her head even if he couldn't tell what she was thinking.
"...That's it!" she gasped, hurrying over to him. She knelt down, clasping his hand in both of hers as she rambled, "Maybe I just need to live out my dream to the fullest!"
He blinked in confusion, unsure of where she was going with this.
"Part of my dream was to eventually make a wedding dress and tuxedo for me and my future husband!" she exclaimed. "If I do that, I might turn back into Ladybug!"
"Ah—" He shut his mouth before anything else could come out. He couldn't deny that it was a solid plan, but he wanted to tread carefully given his feelings, not wanting to make her feel awkward. "That's a great idea." He tried to grin reassuringly, though it came off a little crooked. "Should I go find Adrien?"
"What?" She shook her head. "No, it has to be you!"
He gaped, his heart doing confused flips in his chest. "Why?"
"The guy I always dreamed of marrying when I was little," she began, eyes practically sparkling, "he was exactly like you!"
— — — — —
Marinette hadn't exactly caught onto what she'd said until it already left her mouth, but the way Viperion's face turned red had definitely given it away. Things had gone quiet after the fact, with him sitting a couple meters away while she knitted away at the tuxedo; the tuxedo for him.
She found herself blushing faintly at the thought and immediately forced it down, reminding herself that she didn't love Luka, but Adrien. They were made for each other, like everyone said, and she—
She closed her eyes and took in a steady breath, knowing that she was getting off track. Things were complicated enough with all her thoughts and fears about the future, especially now that Viperion knew her identity.
Though, strangely enough, she didn't feel as nervous about it as she thought she would've.
Her gaze darted over to Viperion, who was keeping lookout and patiently waiting for her to finish with her knitting. He thankfully didn't seem closed off from her at all, and it just served as a reminder as to how mature he was.
Without thinking, she found herself speaking up. "M...my parents..."
He looked over at her, his senses still apparently tuned for her despite his keeping watch. She averted her gaze to the knitting needles working their literal magic into the tuxedo.
"We saw a lot of movies where the girl gets the prince in the end, so they made sure to teach me that love wasn't about money or power or fame or anything like that." She bit her bottom lip, Adrien briefly flashing to mind. "So, I imagined me as the knitting fairy, and I'd make clothes for the whole world until I found him." She peeked up at him. "Someone who wouldn't laugh when I fell on my face. Someone who'd be there for me and think of me first. Someone who wouldn't scold me for everything I did or make me feel bad for it. Someone who'd see more than just clumsy, nervous Marinette."
As much as it hurt to admit, the description didn't fit Adrien. Unless they found each other by coincidence - something that actually happened today, oddly enough - he didn't go out of his way to spend time with her; it was her putting in the effort.
"And..." She trailed off momentarily, lost in her thoughts. "after we fell in love, I'd give up my powers and live happily ever after with him, because we didn't need powers to be happy and it wasn't my powers he fell in love with in the first place."
She'd finished the tuxedo at that point, courtesy of her knitting powers, but her hands dropped to her lap afterward, not making any further movements as her thoughts took over.
Out of the corner of her vision, she saw Viperion take a quick look outside the alley, then get up to move over to her. He sat next to her, picking up one of her hands and letting it rest in his palm.
"I think your dream is really beautiful," he told her gently.
She scoffed, blushing in embarrassment at what must've been fake praise. "Chat made fun of me wanting to be the knitting fairy."
"He was wrong," he retorted immediately. "Your dream might not be realistic, but that doesn't make it any less nice, and there's nothing wrong with dreaming of the perfect guy."
She met his gaze, the softness in them having not lessened even since their break-up, and found the strength to start working on the dress. Being with Luka - dating or otherwise - had always been so easy, excluding all the factors outside of just them being them. She could vaguely imagine her younger self clinging to Luka, claiming him as hers and insisting that he marry her when they grew up.
But things weren't that easy. Nothing was. Marinette had spent her whole life fighting for what she wanted, needing to prove herself to people in order to be accepted.
Fighting for years to smile against Chloe's bullying, because no one would do anything about it. Fighting to be acknowledged by her parents as someone who could do things and didn't need their protection. Fighting against herself to be the one who didn't make all the mistakes or have to be the one to apologize in the end.
After becoming Ladybug, her future became even cloudier and the fighting continued. Waking up in the morning was even harder thanks to late-night patrols, getting through tests seemed impossible due to having less time for studying, and even maintaining a romantic relationship carried the struggle of not being able to tell them her identity.
Marinette stared at the shimmering pink and white fabric beneath her fingertips, it shaping and forming to her will. The occasional sparkle or flash from a beam of sunlight that happened to shine through reminded her of the day at the TV station, where Luka had confessed and she could see only him for just a moment.
"I'm sorry."
Viperion hummed in confusion, raising a brow at her.
"I made everything complicated for you—us," she explained. "All the time, ever since we met. I even got you akumatized, twice."
"Twi—" He blinked rapidly, then leaned closer. His hand came in contact with her cheek as he directed her gaze back to him. "You mean Silencer? How was that your fault?"
"I challenged Bob Roth, and when he grabbed me, you got upset. It pushed you over to the edge."
"You were defending me and my music," he argued, a sternness in his tone that wasn't there before as he put his hand to his chest, "and my emotions are my own. I'm the one who gave into Hawk Moth, not you."
"But..." She sighed, conflicted. "Even later, I kept my identity from you when we were dating. I made us both miserable because of it. I was so upset that I ended up yelling at my friends and they all got akumatized, and then I went and gave my identity to Alya anyway."
His eyes widened for a fraction of a second, though he quickly schooled his expression for reasons she didn't know. His gaze strayed momentarily before he looked back at her, asking, "Would you be upset at me for feeling happy for a moment, knowing that you were just as miserable as I was?"
"W-what?" She shook her head; if anything, knowing that he'd also been miserable made her happy as well, probably in the same way as it was for him. It meant that they both cared about it. "No! Not at all!"
"Then I don't blame you for your emotions either."
She pouted at him, but he merely smiled in response. She knew this wasn't a matter he was going to budge on, but it was difficult for her to understand when she was so commonly blamed for things. That was Luka though, she supposed, always forgiving and able to see through her faults.
She remembered her dream husband again and tried to act like her full focus was on the dress so as to not give her thoughts away. She'd only drawn the unnamed man once or twice, and it was just occurring to her that he had black hair and blue eyes as well. Having not understood the concept of kids looking like their parents in their own way at the time, the child version of her had thought it'd be "fair," because then their children would look like both of them no matter what. It was strange, just how much the "simple" version of her love ideals lined up with the boy sitting in front of her now, even with his temporarily green eyes.
Friendship had become something very precious to her ever since the day she'd gotten her miraculous, maybe even more than love itself. Despite the complications and their brief time dating, she was friends with Luka above all else. No matter what happened in regards to the romantic aspects of their relationship, their friendship remained unchanged, like they really would be friends even if they had the worst break-up in the history of Paris. It was comfortable, to the point where she felt embarrassed for ever avoiding him in the first place.
She was reminded yet again of another stark contrast with Adrien. She hadn't been scared of starting anything with Luka, yet Adrien was a constant cloud of dread above her head, the fear of being rejected or being made fun of holding her back from doing what she wanted.
If her child self could see her now, she'd be confused. Marinette could hear her now, asking why her love - or at least, what she believed to be love - caused her so much stress. That was never what she'd wanted; in fact, it had been the exact opposite. Crushing on Adrien had done nothing but humiliate her, the little girl inside her covering her eyes from the sight. Her time with Luka, on the other hand...
"It looks beautiful."
Marinette jerked her head up to see Viperion's approving gaze, then looked down to the wedding dress in her lap. It was finished, pink with flashes of white and blacks; exactly the kind of dress she would've wanted when she was younger, though obviously with an older touch.
"Thank you," she hurried to say when she realized that she hadn't responded to him. He chuckled in reply, though it was good-natured.
He reached for the tuxedo she'd set aside, but stopped halfway as if realizing something. He looked to her, then the dress, then back to her, asking carefully, "Do you want me to keep watch while we put these on?"
It took her a moment to realize what he meant; that he - wearing a bodysuit - could easily slip on the clothes over it, but she didn't have that sort of luxury due to her dress. She managed to summon enough of her inner Ladybug to focus on the importance of the task over the potential embarrassment, giving him an appreciative nod.
She trusted him not to look.
As she went to the darkest parts of the alley to change, Viperion heading in the opposite direction, her mind drifted back to the past again. The little journey there, even if it'd been unwilling on her part courtesy of the akuma, had been a nice change from constantly worrying over her future. As important as it was to focus on what she wanted to do and plan accordingly, the past was equally as important. It shaped her into who she was now and offered insight on herself that she couldn't have gotten otherwise.
"...Lu—I mean, Viperion?" she called just as she finished putting on the wedding dress.
"Yeah?"
She turned to face him, then giggled when noticing that he still had his back turned to her. "You can look now."
He hesitated, then slowly shifted to face her. He was mostly dressed, but was in the process of buttoning up the tuxedo, his hands fumbling with one of the buttons as he took her in.
She approached, gently brushing his hands aside as she started taking care of the few remaining buttons. Not wanting to delay talking to him like before, she figured now was the best time as any to say what was on her mind.
"I still don't know what I want for my future. I feel like a lot of doors are opening and closing every day, and whenever I want to try one, there just ends up being more doors, or it's already closed when I get there. There are too many possibilities and I keep being afraid that I'll trip on the one I really want to go to." Her gaze left the button she was holding so she could meet his eyes. "I just know that I really want you to be there for all of it... i-if that's what you want." Wanting to make sure instead of presuming like she tended to do, she asked cautiously, "Do you?"
His face didn't show a visible reaction, but she heard the slight sound of him swallowing, synced up with a single blink. Afterward, he absolutely beamed at her, the smile more blinding than the light being cast against his back.
"I do," he replied,
In time with his words, the final button was slipped into place. Marinette felt a warm sensation run through her body, starting from her feet and then making her shudder as it moved its way up to her head. Her body was turning white, just as before when Wishmaker first shot her, though Viperion's tuxedo had joined as well.
There was a flash between them, and she found herself back as normal, wingless Marinette when it faded.
Viperion, now lacking what she'd made for him, still looked just as happy to see her.
"I-I did it!" she gasped, genuinely surprised that it worked. "We did it!"
She threw her hands up in the air in celebration, but snapped back to reality as she remembered that she still needed to turn back into Ladybug and take care of Wishmaker. She opened her purse, easing as she saw Tikki already munching away on a macaron.
"Marinette?"
She looked back up at Viperion, noticing that he still had something to say. "Yes?"
"I might not be able to make enough sense of your inner music to tell you what you'll want, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. I know that whatever you decide to do is going to be as extraordinary as you are."
She stifled a squeak, blushing at the sudden compliment and thankful that Tikki was still chewing the last bits of the macaron. "A-ah, thank you. You too—with the extraordinary thing, not your inner music, because I can't hear that even though I'm sure it's really amazing!"
Had it been anyone else, she might've prayed for a hole to swallow her, but it was impossible to feel weird when he smiled at her the way he did.
Once Tikki had gotten her fill, Marinette transformed and they began to leave the alley together, though Ladybug stopped partway as she remembered something; something she'd done many times before and felt it time to get back to doing.
Viperion raised a brow at her sudden stopping, then stiffened when she leaned towards him and kissed his cheek. She flashed him a smile, noting silently that she missed these little exchanges between them, then leaped away to head back to where Wishmaker was likely to be. Viperion followed suit, but a split second behind his usual speed.
She was sure he'd be smiling back if she looked, but she didn't have to; they were connected, maybe not by some sort of magic thread or cosmic force, but by them and the relationship she hoped that they would continue to build in the future.
And whenever they got back to the fight, just in time to see Chat Noir allow himself to be hit by Wishmaker's attack, a few more doors would close and her future would start to look a little different than what she'd considered that morning.
Not necessarily in a bad way either.
#type: story#story: oneshot#episode: Wishmaker#Flower Arrangement Shipping#Pro LukaMari#Vipernette#Viperbug#ViperFairy
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What kind of Yandere Floch is ?
Could I please get Yandere Floch since I’m really curious what type of yandere would he be but with a fem s/o who isn’t member of yeagarits and she’s with Hange and others instead, wanted to stop Eren. She’s also afraid of Floch since she can sense something odd about him
Hey I’m that anon who request yandere Floch with a reader who isn’t a yeagarist, well just so you know they’re not dating but perhaps they are friends and the reader is type of person who’s not ready to be in relationship even if she has a crush and Floch is aware of that. you could reply this ask at the same day when you post this request
Hey it’s me again, the same anon who request yandere Floch, there’s something I want to add more is that the reader figure it out that eren was using and manipulate Floch and the reader was telling Floch that he’s being used so really curious what would he tell her. Once again reply this ask until this request is posted which I know you’ll take long but I’m fine with it since I���m patience
Author note : Hi there, first of all thank you for being so patient with me ! I hope you’ll enjoy your request. It’s like a HS of my what kind of Yandere are they with two part : part 1 and part 2, the only difference is this headcanon got context
Before we started, let me reminds you those relationships are TOXIC please be careful. No one should treat you the way they did in this headcanon, you’re precious and deserve someone who’ll be able to take care of you properly.
Warning : violence / Mention of stress / Toxic relationship and behavior / slight nsfw / mention of violence / Spoiler from season 4/manga if you didn't catch up with the manga you might be spoil so be careful
-->if you don’t feel confortable wit those kinds of things don’t read, I want you to feel good on my blog this is a happy place.
Masterlist
We’re going to start with the basic, during a long time you guys got a hate/love relationship
None of you knew if you hate each other or if you were too into each other, like you were always teasing each other, always trying to get on the other’s nerve.
It was kinda cute until it became an obsession for Floch.
He didn’t notice it though. Not at first, he thought that he was genuinely crushing on you. I mean you were pretty hot, you got a big mouth not afraid to tell whatever you had in mind, you were even bold enough to argue with Floch with that damn smirk of yours.
Before he could acknowledge it he was already in his kneel for you (not literally not now though).
But to you, you were just friends. With your life and what was going own outside of the wall you knew it wasn’t the right time to get in a relationship, so even though you were in love with Floch you decided that it wasn’t appropriate to start dating.
But Floch disagreed with you. It was already too late, he was into you. He wanted to be by your side, he was craving for your attention whether it would be by arguing with him, fighting (not in a bad way you know just teasing each other) or even romantic attention.
He wanted to get everything that you might give him.
And he was ready to do everything in order to get what he was craving for.
At first you didn’t mind it, you didn’t even notice how bad the situation was. I mean, you were in love with him and as you got to know him you realized that he went through a lot of things. You were aware that the Shinganshima’s event left a huge mark on his soul and now he was dealing with a trauma that might stay forever.
It pained you to see him sometimes struggling with his dream because he was always dreaming about the death of his friends, the way he almost dies and for nothing. Yeah they got Shinganshima back but now they needed to be strong in order to fight the whole word outside the wall.
He needed to be strong so he wouldn’t live this again, he needed to be strong so no one would be able to touch you. He knew at this point he became addict to you and you were the only who can maintain a sort of serenity around him.
So yeah when it came to Floch you weren’t exactly unbiased, you cared a lot about him, so you couldn’t manage to just straight up and tell him to let go.
And he knows it oh boy he knows and he is not afraid to use it against you.
Especially when it was time to choose your side, would you be a yeagerist or would you stay with Hange ?
He expects you to make the right choice ( aka follows him in case you were wonderin)
But it was more complicated than that, of course you were afraid. Since you’ve realized that your nightmare started because some people outside of the wall (who used to be your boundaries) decided that you were monster who needed to be killed because some of your ancestor made war against them. You weren’t a fool, you were aware that talking won’t be enough, it’s been decades since the outside hated you, but you weren’t ready to use such a powerful and dangerous power (aka the rumbling) against people without being a hundred percent sure there weren’t a way out.
So for now you decided to follow Hange much to Floch’s dismay
Not gonna lie he was ready, I mean he knew everything about you so of course he kinda expected you to not follow him easily (where’s the fun then ?)
Even if he expected you to confront him and not follow him already, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I mean why you wouldn’t follow him while all he was doing was fighting for a better word for both of you ? Why wouldn’t you agree with him when he was protecting his people ? Why would you disagree when he was obviously right
So yeah he felt bitterness against you, especially because since you’ve decided to join Hange’s side all you were doing was to confront him about his relationship with Eren. « He is obviously manipulating you ? » « Why are you following him ? I thought he was an ass ? » « We didn’t even try to talk to them how could you be so sure there is no other way ? »
Quickly you came to realize that you couldn’t change his mind which pains you, even though you weren’t ready to be in a relationship for now, you couldn’t help the feeling of emptiness each time you were thinking about him.
Yeah you were missing him, you missed the way you two used to tease each other, you missed his cocky smile each time he was showing off to own some of your precious praise.
But sometimes you swore this man was scaring you, the way his eyes was always on you no matter what (he could have been talking to some of his companion his eyes would remain on you)
Sometimes, you swore that he was following you even though you didn’t have any proof that he was doing it, you just felt it. He was here no matter where you were he was here looking at you from your usual spot to your training spot, you were even starting to think that he was here when you were showering or when you were sleeping.
This sensation was driving you crazy, everyone started to believe that you were a little bit paranoid (yes the man was always looking at you but he told you he was in love so it’s normal right ?)
The feeling became stronger after one of your last confrontation because his behavior (and himself) change brutally :
When you decided to follow Henge-San no matter what, you knew that it would affect your relationship with everyone especially the one you got with Floch. After all he decided to become a yeagarist and to betray everyone in order insure paradis’ safety. In his mind everything made sense, his trauma, all the things he had to go through was because of them, because some people behind the wall decided that paradis was the real danger and needed to be annihilated. What he couldn’t understand was why you hadn’t join him yet ? His goal was noble, he was doing everything to provide you safety. Why were you against him ? Why would you meddle into his plan ? At first, he thought you were playing hard just to amuse him, because you used to love teasing him and while he was enjoying a little opposition coming from you, now that he was about to betray everyone including his superior by changing them into titans he needed to have you by his side. He couldn’t wait anymore, the plan already begun so he needed to convince you to follow him.
That’s why you were here now, in jail behind the bar while Floch was looking at you a frown on his face. No, it was more than that, it was the face you made when you were about to scold your child from acting like a brat. He looked disappointed and quite angry, though you got some ideas why he might be angry you couldn’t however understand why he was so disappointed. After all, you told him that his plan was insane so why was he acting like this ? To be honest you should be the one being angry, he got the nerve to send some rookie from the survey corps find you to arrest you so they could bring you to your jail. You’ve been here since your last argument with Floch and it was like a week ago.
« You know I always knew you were a bad looser but I didn’t expect you to bring me into jail for not being cooperative. Don’t you think it’s a little bit excessive ? Like a LOT »
« Always sassy right Y/N »
« It’s not sassiness at this point it’s just being rational »
« Rational ? You are talking about being rational while being the one who claimed that my plan was full of shit ? »
« I didn’t really say that I just underlined the fact that we still got some cards to play before sending whatever Eren want to send »
« The rambling »
« Yeah whatever that’s not the point »
« It’s definitely the point »
« Absolutely not there is plenty of things to do before even consider sending them titans to kill a whole population »
« A WHOLE POPULATION ? Did you hear yourself y/n ? THEY kill us, THEY were the reason we don’t have a home anymore THEY are the reason so many people died and for what uh ? »
« Not because their government want us dead does it mean the people want our death most of them are probably innocent. There are other way Floch »
« There is no other way y/n the world has to be fix »
« Fix ? Now you are scarring me Floch »
« It doesn’t matter what you think y/n »
« May I ask you why ? »
« Because you’re not leaving this jail »
« I beg your pardon ? »
« Look, here you’re safe from both them and the yeagarist »
« I’m not afraid I’ll kick their ass »
« I won’t take the risk of losing you, so you’re going to stay here all you cute for me yeah ? I Wont be too long I need to work on a little problem then I would be back and you could yell at me as much as you want ok ? I’ll be back »
« No no no Floch look come back OI come back ! I’m not going to stay here you now I’ll find a way out »
« No you won’t nobodies know you’re here I told the yeagarist that you were dead. They won’t look for you, your friends believe you’re dead too. I’m the only person who knows where you are. But it’s okay, it was always about us right ? »
With that he just left your jail, without even a look, all he could was your scream but he didn’t care. The jail was hiding under the military court no one would even think about looking for you here. Besides the wall was thick enough so no one would hear you screaming, for now he decided that you will remain here until he was done saving paradis. But of course, he promised himself to take great care of you so don’t worry.
After this « incident » (aka his way to save you from the trouble outside according to him), his behavior change toward you. You noticed it, he became possessive and rather paranoid when it came to you.
So you might ask what kind of Yandere he is ?
Possessive : I mean he was already possessive before he became the Yandere that he now is, he just lost so many people that now he was afraid that you would be next. So yeah he always makes sure to have his hand on some part to your body mostly your hips or even better holding your hand, since you were attracted to him you let him do his things. But as he falls gradually into darkness, his touch which used to be light touch became more rough. Floch wasn’t holding you anymore he was grabbing you, as if to demonstrate to everyone that he owns you. It wasn’t a mark of affection, but a way for him to illustrate your affiliation to him (as if you were wearing a leash). Speaking of leash, he started to think about it when he notices way too many people was looking at you as if they didn’t understand that you belong to him. And when you two started to be intimate, he was more than ready to mark each inch of your body whether from his teeth, mouth or even from the way he is grabbing at your thigh. It quickly became a habit of him to ask who you belong to especially each time he was giving a rather hard slap from his hips or his hands (because if you think he wouldn’t spank you for being naughty or a brat you’re wrong he loves that) and even though at first you didn’t like the idea of moaning your belonging you quickly discover that it was better for you to just do as he said.
Paranoid : It might because of his trauma from the mission in Shinganshima or because he was more aware about the fact that everyone outside the wall want to erase paradis from the world but he was afraid to loose you. I mean since he joined the survey corps all he has do was losing someone, he lost Erwin, he lost his friends, he lost a part of his mind, he almost lost his life. There is no way he was about to lose you. So yeah as you may notice before, he started by locking you from the world in a jail under the military court after claiming to everyone who wanted to hear it that you were dead. One night he woke up after dreaming that one of the yeagarist would discover you in jail after bringing another prisoner, what if they unlock you ? So after multiple days in jail, without any light, he decided that he couldn’t let you here it was too dangerous, although he claimed to you that he did because he noticed your unhealthy body cause of the lack of light. But since he wasn’t sure if he could trust you enough, he took some handcuff with him so he could link you and him, which made him laugh cause it was as if he put a ring on you. That day he locked you into a house secluded from the world, meaning that you couldn’t reach any city without a horse, it was safe for him and for you and here he was sure no one would ever notice you.
Threatening : Of course, you wouldn’t let him do as he pleased, so some times you tried to kick his ass to steal his horse, or to climb into a tree to help you finding the closest city. You even tried to make him believe you kill yourself so he went completely crazy, screaming, crying so you could knock him you. Unfortunately it never works, and after your failed attempt to leave him he started to threaten you. At first he uses light poison, like he gave you a poison that he mixed on your meal or your drink without you noticing so you were ill during the whole day and you needed to wait like a good s/o that your lovely husband as he calls himself, so he could give you the medicine. Sometimes he even let you believe that he might give you something that will change you into titan like : Do you remember all your officer ? Yeah ? They all drink that famous spinal liquid that change everyone into titan, what if you drank it by accident mh ? Maybe when he gave you food he already mixes your drink with that poison ? Whether it was true or not no one will know, but it works you never attempt to leave him after that.
Violent : I hate to say it, but at some point when dark would entirely cover his mind, he would start being violent against you. Though he would never be something that could kill you, he wanted you to remember that you were living a peaceful live because of him, you were safe because of him. To him you got no reason of being such a brat to him, not when he was giving you everything you wanted. He took care of you, you had no right to be mad at him. So yeah sometimes he had to break your ankle, or maybe your leg so you won’t escape. Sometimes he would strangle you slightly just enough to knock you out. It barely happens because to act like this he needed to be really really angry, like loosing every common sense you know ? So it barely happens but it happens. Your body still have so marks as proof that you shouldn’t get on Floch’s nerve. Despite his physical violence, he tends to be quite violent with his word too so it wouldn’t be a surprise that you’ll break. The emotional amusement in addition with the physical violence would be enough to break anyone so you shouldn’t be ashamed. After all maybe he has been looking for this since the beginning ? Who knows ?
#Attack on titans#aot#aot floch#Shingeki no kyojin#snk#snk Floch#floch forster#Floch x reader#Floch Forster x reader#Yandere Floch x reader#attack on titans x reader#aot x reader#snk x reader#Shingeki no kyojin x reader#snk Floch x reader#aot Floch x reader
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Haircut Of Love - Sambucky
Summary: Confessions are made, and lives are changed the day Sam gives Bucky a haircut.
Genre: FLUFF
Warnings: Bucky being slightly sad while thinking of Steve, Bucky thinking that his feelings for Sam are unrequited (they're not), Idiots in love.
A/N: I have actually worked on this for longer than I should've XD A big thank you to @cassiecasyl and @aixabi for being such great friends and helping me out by proofreading, and making suggestions!
He knew he should've stopped Bucky tagging along, but the moment that infamous, "I'm coming with you!" so eagerly left the super soldier's lips, Sam knew it was pointless to persuade him to stay behind.
Not that he really minded, the mission he'd been assigned with was a tough one, and it would've been lonely if Bucky hadn't been so adamant about accompanying him.
Sam stared into the fireplace and focused on the embers as he let his thoughts wander. There were some terrible people to be stuck with in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere, but Bucky certainly wasn't one of them. He was an interesting character for sure, and Sam was sure he still didn't know a whole lot about him, but their relationship had developed all the way from 'a couple of guys' to 'almost best friends'.
"Hey", came the voice of the man Sam had so deeply been thinking of. He turned around with that signature smirk he reserved especially for Bucky, and watched with delight as the White Wolf turned a light pink color, and it wasn't because of the cold.
"I thought you might want to catch a shower, the water's nice and warm" the brunette said, and Sam nodded as he noticed his friend's damp hair from his own shower.
"Man, you need a haircut" Sam remarked, and much to his pleasure elicited a chuckle from Bucky.
"Do I?"
"It has gotten kind of longer..."
"Well, it's not easy to find a hairdresser in the forest"
"I could cut it for you"
The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop himself, and he didn't miss the way Bucky's widened ever so slightly. Sam internally scolded himself, feeling that he'd made things awkward somehow.
There was a slight pause in the atmosphere, but the ex Winter-Soldier eventually smiled. It was a weak smile, but genuine nonetheless.
"I'd like that," he told his friend, "would you mind?".
Sam shook his head, a bit too enthusiastically, and that made Bucky raise his eyebrows
“I can do it now if you want, so I don’t get your greasy ass hair all over me after I’ve gotten out of the shower”, Sam casually slipped in to look less ecstatic than he really was.
Bucky scoffed and crossed his arms at the statement, but his grin only grew wider.
“So… are you gonna give me something to cut your hair with?” his friend asked him, making a scissor snipping motion with his fingers.
The brunette’s lips tugged downwards into a frown and bit his lip as he often did when pondering. Sam couldn’t help but let his eyes wander to the bottom lip in between those pearly white teeth, but he forced himself to snap out of it.
After a brief moment, Bucky snapped the fingers on his vibranium arm and turned to walk towards the room he was staying in. “Wait there!”, he had instructed Sam, who had no intention of getting up from the comfortable position he was in anyway.
Promptly, Bucky had returned, clutching a pair of scissors that Sam immediately identified as a pair of Captain America themed kiddie scissors he had recently bought for his nephew, AJ. He burst out cackling.
“What’s so funny Samuel?” the White Wolf pouted, plopping next to his friend who was dying of laughter.
“You stole that from AJ didn’t you?” Sam pried, inwardly dancing at the thought that his secret crush would want something with his face on it.
“Psh, no… I permanently borrowed it, that’s all”, Bucky insisted, moving from the couch to sit on the floor in front of Sam’s legs so that the other man would be able to cut his hair with more ease.
“Mhm”, Sam hummed, already weaving a piece of Bucky’s hair between his fingers, and snipping it off, just like that. It seemed easy enough, so he kept on going, chopping bits of hair here and there, trimming the areas which really needed it, and taking care not to overdo the cut and end up making Bucky look bald in certain places. He was doing quite well considering that he was equipped with nothing but a pair of small, blunt kiddie scissors, which Sam was certain professional hairdressers did not use
A lovely period of pure silence fell in between the two men. The only sounds were the scissors delicately doing their job of cutting the brown locks, accompanied by the gentle crackle of the fireplace, creating a relaxing atmosphere.
“Steve used to cut my hair, you know… Used to do it all the time in the 40’s” Bucky said, breaking the silence. Sam froze in his movements, but only for a second. It was rare for this man, who had been through so much to talk about his past like this.
“We’d sit outside on the street in the summer, he’d be on a chair with his scissors and I’d sit down in front of him, punk gave a damn good haircut to be honest”, he continued, and Sam chuckled.
“People would give us dirty looks as they walked by, it wasn’t uncommon for people to think Steve and I were a couple, but it was frowned upon to be in a same-sex relationship back then… sometimes still is of course”, his tone was now sad, as if he wanted to admit something, but was refraining from doing so. Sam stopped what he was doing, and set down the scissors, obviously sensing the shift in the atmosphere.
“Still, Steve and I were just friends, that’s all he’d ever wanted to be anyway”, Bucky finally finished.
Sam got off the couch, and slipped down onto the floor next to the 107 year old. “And what about you? Did you ever want to be more than friends?”
Bucky ran a hand over his face, which donned a neutral expression, “It’s complicated Sam… I’d be into a girl one second and thinking about Steve the next”.
Sam gently nudged Bucky’s shoulder with his own, and gave him a small smile, “Bisexual then?”, he questioned.
The other man nodded, and looked at Sam with a grin now gracing his features, “Yea, but you know what? I forgot all about Steve…” he paused to dart his tongue out his mouth and wet his lips, “The day I met another guy I haven’t been able to stop thinking about”.
Sam’s world shattered the moment those words left Bucky’s lips. The thought that the man he had pined after for so long was yearning for another made him want to burst into tears right there. However, Sam Wilson was not the kind of man to be salty over the choices of others. So he kept on the smile he had been wearing the entire time his heart broke over and over again. Yet, he had been so absorbed in his own mind that he failed to notice the longing glances Bucky was shooting at him, the ones he had been giving Sam ever since he first met him.
“Happy you could get that sorted out for you man!” He said brightly, patting Bucky’s back and climbing back onto the couch to resume the haircut.
The ex winter soldier was dumbfounded. Had Sam not noticed how he felt? What if he had? What if he didn’t appreciate the advances?
There was stillness once more, but this time it was incredibly awkward. The two sat absorbed in the silence, no longer so focused on their own thoughts, but on every movement and action the other did.
“All done,” Sam finally said, and gestured towards the large wall mirror in the living room. Bucky looked into it, and nodded.
“You’ve done a nice job, thanks”, he mumbled.
“No problem” Sam told him, getting up from the couch. “I’m going to go take a shower now”, and with that, he rose and climbed the stairs to get to the bathroom. The footsteps faded away and when Bucky heard the bathroom lock click shut, he leaned his back against the couch with a sigh. He ran a tired hand over his face.
What had he done wrong? He’d watched all the movies, read all the books and listened to all the music Sam had suggested. He’d come to see Sam’s family as his own, he cherished Sarah, AJ and Cas with all his heart.
Hell, he’d even taken dating advice from Zemo…. Maybe that’s where he’d gone wrong.
Bucky wasn’t sure. He may have lost the charm he had back in the 40’s, but Sam had always accepted him for who he was. He never questioned Bucky’s past, or forced him to be more social and open. That’s the reason Bucky developed more than platonic feelings towards him. He was so easy to be around.
However, the white wolf figured that if Sam didn’t want anything to do with him romantically, the least he could do was to maintain the relationship status they had now. Not to mention, he had the perfect way to do that.
Mac and cheese. Sam’s favorite food.
A grin grew on his face as he scrambled to the kitchen. It was a tasty and easy thing to cook and would be done before Sam even got out of the shower. Bucky proceeded to locate all the necessary ingredients they had brought to the cabin, and got straight to work.
It wasn’t a difficult job at all. With his swift speed, and his mind set only on the task before him, he was done within minutes. He even managed to get two servings plated beautifully, and just in time too, because as he finished setting the table, Sam descended the stairs and made his way into the kitchen. A smile was drawn on his face at the smell of the meal, and all the previous tension seemed to have dissipated.
“Smells good in here!” he exclaimed, his eyes then landed on the beautifully presented plates of mac and cheese. He gasped and clapped his hands like an excited child, and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh. He thought it was adorable.
“Alright, alright, take a seat Sammy,” Bucky said, gesturing to the bar stools next to the kitchen island which the food rested on.
Both of them rushed to sit down and dig into their dinner. Bucky watched his friends expression as he took the first bite of his food.
Sam’s eyes closed in pure bliss, as his taste buds thanked him. “Buck, this is heaven in my mouth, tastes even better than what Sarah makes”.
Bucky blushed, but quickly tried to hide it with a chuckle, “Sarah’s my teacher, I owe it to her”.
Sam nodded at the statement, but commented no more on the topic. Instead, he took another bite and made eye contact with Bucky. “So… who’s this guy you’ve been crushing on?” he inquired.
Bucky was taken aback by the question, he blinked rapidly, “huh?” he mumbled, earning an eye roll from Sam.
“Listen man, I’ve never pressured you to tell me anything before, but we can’t pretend like that conversation didn’t happen” Sam said gently, setting his cutlery down, and reaching a hand over to place it on Bucky’s vibranium one.
The brunette gulped, closed his eyes, and took two deep breaths. He’d have to get it out. Or else it would slowly kill him to watch Sam find someone else. Even if his feelings were unrequited, the man had a right to know.
“It’s you” he said quietly before he could chicken out.
Sam slowly blinked, and shook his head, “Sorry, repeat that?”.
Bucky groaned and looked up from his plate which he’d been staring at the entire time. He gazed into Sam’s doe brown eyes with his own piercing blue ones, “It’s you! You’re the guy I’ve been crushing on!” he agitatedly replied.
Once more, there was that silence that seemed to be consuming the two of them so much lately. Bucky wanted to cry, to hide the humiliation. He was certain that Sam’s lack of words meant he didn’t feel the same, because Sam always had something to say.
“Forget it,” Bucky choked out, getting up from his seat, but Sam’s hand tightened its grip on his wrist, stopping him from getting away. The super soldier turned around slowly, trying not to make eye contact with Sam so that he wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes.
Then, all of a sudden, Sam rose from his seat and his lips met Bucky’s in what was a tender, loving kiss which shocked the latter, but he readily returned it. They stayed like that for a while, embracing each other as their arms snaked their way around each other's torsos. It was a moment neither of them wanted to break, but were forced to. Eventually, when they pulled apart gasping for air, they looked at each other in surprise, but merriment. Wide beams adorned both of their gorgeous faces, and their eyes glinted with excitement.
“So…” Bucky began, “you were desperate to get a piece of me, why, is it the new hair?” he said teasingly.
“The next time I give you a haircut, it’s gonna be turned into a mullet”, Sam threatened, making the other man raise his hands in surrender.
The mac and cheese was long forgotten as they clutched each other once again. Their hearts were bubbling and overflowing with love for one another, and it was not a love that was going to fizzle and die out. They fit perfectly in each other’s arms, like it’s where they belonged.
Two men, who had their own individual problems denying them a place to be truly content in the world, had finally found their refuge in each other.
Finit
#sambucky#sambucky fluff#tfatws#tfatws fanfiction#tfatws fluff#bucky x sam#sam x bucky#marvel#mcu#tfatws sambucky#sam x bucky fluff#bucky x sam fluff#insaneasgardian#haircut of love#haircut of love insaneasgardian#sambucky fics#sambucky fanfiction#sambucky fluffy fanfiction
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Hi, can I get some clarification? At one point does lusting for a person/feeling lust for someone become objectification?
Objectification is treating a person like an object, like a *thing* instead of a person.
(for the purposes of this post I am primarily going to be talking about sexual objectification though parents treating their children like objects is DEFINITELY a thing)
I would argue that objectification happens when you disregard a person’s autonomy (not that you overrule or deny he fact that they HAVE autonomy, but like it doesn’t even occur to you that your choices should be considered because they’re not real enough to you in that moment for it to matter).
Having a crush on your friend or thinking that the cashier at a store is sexy isn’t objectifying them. Resenting your friend for not returning your crush or taking a photo of a sexy cashier to share on social media is objectifying them. Arguably just thinking about someone while masturbating is, to an extent, objectifying them. But imagining the sexy cashier taking you out on a nice picnic date and showering you with presents and buying you a pony is objectifying them too.
I’ve got a hot take here: Objectification isn’t inherently bad.
There’s a person at my gym who has some fucking THIGHS. Every time they’re at the gym they’re on the stair machine for a minimum of thirty minutes. I’m pretty sure they can’t wear jeans because I can’t *imagine* the kinds of jeans that would fit over this person’s quads. Every time I’m at my gym and this person is working out their thighs it’s a little bonus perk for my gym visit. In fact it’s kind of an incentive: if I go to the gym maybe I’m gonna get to see THIGHS and that’ll be cool.
This person is an object to me. At a conscious level I know that they are a real person with their own thoughts and desires and agenda and whatever but that’s not what they are to me. What they are to me is Damn! Thighs!
And that’s not a problem.
However if I *follow* them around the gym to look at their thighs, or if I stare obviously and move so that I’m working out behind them, or if I follow them out so I know what their car looks like so I can make sure to go into the gym if I see them in the lot THAT is a problem. And if they introduce themselves to me and I don’t remember their name or their interests and all I ever want to talk about is how hot their thighs are then THAT is a BIG problem. And if they were my coworker and I ignored their achievements and didn’t listen to their requests because their needs were less important to me than hot thighs and anyway if you spend so much time looking good you’re probably an idiot who doesn’t really work but just gets a paycheck because the boss likes looking at you and your work doesn’t matter THEN that is a VERY VERY BIG problem.
You are allowed to lust after and objectify people so long as it doesn’t impact the actual real world and that actual real person.
Chris Evans is an object to me. He’s pretty. I like looking at him. He doesn’t have any idea that I exist so me seeing him as just a pretty dude and ignoring everything else about him doesn’t matter. And I cannot tell you how much I DO NOT want to personally humanize Chris Evans as a celebrity and form a parasocial relationship with him where I know about his dog and his siblings and look at pictures of his family at the holidays. I’m much more comfortable experiencing Chris Evans as an object than as a person, thanks, and I’m pretty sure that for most celebrities that’s how they want most of the world to interact with them. But if I were to meet him and objectify him by presenting him with sexual fanart of him or if I were to have an interview with him about his political website and only asked him questions about his workout routine THEN it would be a problem for me to objectify him and I would be doing so in a way that was directly harmful to him.
Also. In terms of nonsexual objectification:
I keep hearing random liberals say that Biden needs to nominate a woman of color as his running mate.
I hear it over and over but I’m not hearing names, just “Joe Biden needs to nominate a Latina” “Joe Biden won’t win if he doesn’t run with a Woman of Color on the ticket.”
Over and over. But no names. No policy. Almost as if people are seeing this possible running mate like some kind of talisman or token or object or fetish (in the original “magical object’ sense, not the sexual sense) instead of a theoretical politician with experience and ideas of her own.
Hm. Gross.
And yes it is COMPLETELY possible to objectify men and we as a society do it A LOT and I kind of have the objectification of men as commodities in the popular music industry as a special interest that I’ve done a lot of reading and research and writing about.
Objectification is a thing that people do. It is arguably a *necessary* thing that we do in our society, where we’re aware of so many hundreds or thousands of people that we can’t actually individually treat them like humans (and we can’t even meaningfully conceive of MILLIONS or BILLIONS of people).
So let’s look at George of the Jungle (because that’s what we’ve been talking about today)
The ladies looking wistfully at George as he plays with the horses: these characters are objectifying the character of George but it is likely harmless because he doesn’t even seem to notice that they’re ogling him.
Ursula’s roommate/friend staring at George naked: this character is objectifying George and it *could* be harmful to his character because it will change their interactions and the way she views him and the dynamic between him.
The advertising for the film focusing on a shirtless character slammed into a tree: Not objectifying George.
Tumblr focusing on gifs of George/Brendan Fraser without his shirt: Objectifying the character/actor, harmless (though if you approached the actor on the street and said “Oh my god, I am so hot for your ass in that one scene where you’re wearing the bowl” that would be harmful)
People focusing on Brendan Fraser’s weight gain and lamenting that he’s no longer sexy: Objectifying the actor, potentially harmful to the actor (because people frequently tag the actors in criticism like this) and definitely bodyshaming in a way that can be harmful to the people who encounter the criticisms.
Fans expecting actors to maintain a particular level of fitness outside of a film: objectifying the actor, harmful.
Studios expecting actors to perform complicated stunts without adequate preparation or safety precautions: Objectifying the actor, harmful.
Studios and audiences expecting actors to be dangerously dehydrated so that they appear extremely muscular or extremely fit when filming; Objectifying the actor, harmful.
A film executive expecting an actor to perform sexual acts for them or to tolerate sexual touching because they’ve cast the actor for a part: Objectifying the actor, harmful.
So it’s interesting that while the actor Brendan Fraser was likely objectified in the process of making this film (especially considering that, yeah, there was probably some unhealthy dieting and some dehydration to look as lean and muscular as he did in some scenes) the film as a whole does not objectify the character of George.
Anyway.
Shit’s complicated and there’s not a clear dividing line but it’s okay to think of people as objects sometimes because that’s honestly a thing that we have to do to get through the day without keeling over from overextended empathy but it’s not cool to *treat* people like objects and media that treats people like objects frequently models behavior that people normalize even if they don’t intentionally emulate it so it’s worthwhile to have discussions about the objectification of characters in media.
There we go.
Easy, right?
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Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.
On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."
But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.
But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.
So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).
Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!
(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)
Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?
Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.
So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.
But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!
So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.
So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.
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As we make our way into the final episodes of Younger, I have some Thoughts™️
1. I have seen a lot of talk about how Liza would be better off alone than with Charles because then she is right back where she started when the series begins. Though likely is part of her thought process, this is incorrect for a couple of reasons. First, Liza is in a completely different place in her life than she was when we first met her. She has a fabulous career in publishing and, even when they’re not together, the support of Charles. She doesn’t have a baby at home to take care of; Charles’s daughters are old enough to be relatively self-sufficient in terms of not needing someone to watch over them all the time. Then we have to look at all of this together and realize this, the second point: Liza didn’t think she could + wasn’t allowed to have both a career and a family most of her life. Now she has seen that she not only can do it, she’s great at it. She is extremely successful and loves her work, but still has time for her daughter and form/maintain a solid relationship with Nicole and Bianca. She still makes time for the things that are important to her outside of work. She gave up part of herself to stay at home and be just a wife and just a mom for almost two decades. Then she gave up some of herself to maintain her lie. Now she’s thriving at work and fully and openly herself for the first time in YEARS. For to have a brilliant career with more to come AND a wonderful partner/husband/whatever is a WONDERFUL resolution for her based on where she started.
2. To have this much Liza/Charles tension and back and forth and more “will they won’t they” AGAIN, after waiting 5 seasons for them to get together, just over one full season of them actually together, only for them not to end up together is absurd and makes no sense. Liza has had this entire season to accept that she and Charles are donezo and move on, but she hasn’t, and not for lack of trying. It’s more clear every episode how drawn to one another they are despite themselves. To put them through all that for a contrived “girl power” ending would be a huge disservice to the characters and the show.
3. Speaking of, I’m exhausted by “girl power” endings of late because they’re inorganic and forced. It’s supposed to come across as empowering for a woman to choose her career over love or a relationship, but it’s actually just a sexist take from the opposite end of the spectrum. Women can have both!! We are 20 years into the 21st century!! A woman can PRIORITIZE her career over romantic entanglements, but women don’t — and shouldn’t!! — have to choose at this point. We already know that Liza isn’t defined by her relationship to a man. We know she is a strong woman who isn’t afraid to ask for + take + go after what she deserves. I don’t need to see her choose her career because she is already thriving! She does not have to be alone for X number of years so she can get her career on track. It’s there. She’s on the journey. What would benefit her most would be something she hasn’t had before — a steady and fully supportive long-term partner. Imagine what it would be like for her to finally be married or lifelong committed to someone she is wildly in love with, who is wildly in love with her, who also fully supports her career, is her biggest cheerleader, who believes in her and sees her talents more clearly than anyone else. Hello!!
4. Liza is clearly still very in love with Charles and vice versa. In the past, when her relationships have ended, the desire to get back together was pretty one-sided. It wasn’t, like, super easy for her to get over, but she made peace with it and moved on. That has yet to happen. She just can’t let Charles go completely. She is trying to be supportive of his relationship and assures him she just wants him to be happy, but we have heard her say more than once that she is still in love with him, and her actions are pretty indicative of that as well.
5. Until S7, Charles has always chosen Liza. Even given the current circumstances, he still keeps choosing her in a different way. He knows she is on his side. He knows she is great at her job. He knows she supports him. No matter their relationship status, he knows those things to be true. That’s why he always takes her up on any offers she makes to him in S7 — because he knows who she is. He chooses her to be his work partner or support system or his sounding board. And she allows herself to be chosen; she ASKS to be chosen. He doesn’t have to accept and she doesn’t have to offer, but they do it anyway. It’s a conscious daily choice they continue to make.
6. Charles would never in a million years marry Quinn because she wouldn’t be a good stepmother to his daughters. We may have seen ~some~ dimension from Quinn, but ultimately she’s a ruthless, manipulative, conniving snake. She’s fake and primarily has a “what’s in it for me” attitude. There’s no way Charles would want that to be the example his daughters live with, and honestly I don’t think Pauline would even allow it. If he thought Liza’s baggage created complications for his custody, I cannot even imagine the turmoil Quinn would cause. Quinn is a loose cannon. Pauline is a little bit of a bitch when it comes to Liza, but she’s smart enough to know/see who Quinn really is, and with Liza, it’s at least “the devil you know.”
7. It would be completely nonsensical for Charles and Quinn to get married/end up together because a) we barely know her and b) he was just proposing to Liza. From both a logical and writing standpoint, it doesn’t make sense. It would be some piss poor storytelling for that to happen. On the flip side, it would make sense for Josh to end up with Clare, a late-entry side character, because we have known her longer and know they have a history. The same can’t be said about Charles and Quinn. If Quinn hadn’t become so involved with Empirical, if she had just been another author, her relationship with Charles would be about as meaningful as his relationship with Rhada. But since we see her through Liza’s eyes and we see her be an annoying presence at Empirical post-Charliza split, it seems like a bigger deal than it actually is.
8. Putting her back with Josh at this point would be a worse ending than Game of Thrones. It would be a twist that came out of nowhere that writers would justify by saying the signs were there all along. Liza more than once has made clear that she has chosen Charles over Josh. She has showed us that’s the case. For her to suddenly have an epiphany with two episodes left, especially considering how little shared screen time they have, would be total fanservice and a complete regression from all the growth they BOTH have had. It’s also, like, not fair to Josh to keep waiting on her and hoping she will come back? He deserves some reciprocity and stability too?
9. We have seen only the benefits when it comes to Charles being impulsive in matters of the heart...until now. I totally understand his heartache at her counter proposal and I, personally, think she’s being stupid. But regardless, I think for him to just walk away from their relationship at that point was a pretty knee-jerk reaction that he didn’t think through. And I think his pride is a little hurt over his perception of her not WANTING to marry him, so instead of trying to work it out or compromise, he’s digging his heels in. He jumped into a relationship with Quinn, which was clearly impulsive. Rational, level-headed Charles would not have done that. In fact, he laughs off the suggestion of it in S5 and says the iconic, “divorced moms from Jersey are more my style.” I believe cooler heads will prevail.
10. I REFUSE TO BE VICTIM TO ANOTHER SHIP WHOSE TENSION AND FEELINGS WERE TEASED AND BUILT UP OVER 5 SEASONS ONLY FOR THEM TO BREAK UP OVER SOMETHING STUPID AFTER ONE AND A HALf SEASON AS A COUPLE AND THEN GET BACK TOGETHER IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES!!!! I WILL NOT!!
Anyway Team Charles 4 Lyfe. Here’s hoping these idiots in love stop being idiots and start being just IN LOVE.
#younger tv#youngertv#charles x liza#liza x charles#charliza#younger season 7#Liza Miller#charles brooks#team Charles#personal
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When Amazon's version of Good Omens was first unleashed on the masses, a Christian group in America asked thousands of followers to petition Netflix and ask them to cancel the show. Netflix, not Amazon...
Clearly, Return to Order made a mistake of biblical proportions, and we're not just talking about the target of their wrath either.
Listed among their many objections was the show's portrayal of the first humans and the fact that God is voiced by a woman. Funnily enough though, one of the biggest mistakes the group make in this long list of ridiculous statements is their claim that the "angel and demon are good friends".
If the friendship between Aziraphale and Crowley upset them this much, just imagine what they'd think if they realised Good Omens is actually a "love story", as defined by Neil Gaiman himself.
Fans have been shipping the "Ineffable Husbands" ever since Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's book was first published back in 1990. Throughout its six-episode runtime, the show expands on this even further through the chemistry shared by its two leads, Michael Sheen and David Tennant.
Tender moments such as when Aziraphale covers Crowley with one of his wings have led to copious amounts of fan fiction which portray them both as a couple. Sister Mary and even a random passerby make similar assumptions about them at various points on the show. However, attempts to label their relationship as canonically queer are more difficult than they might initially seem.
When asked directly if Crowley and Aziraphale are in a gay relationship together, Gaiman told a fan online that, "They're an angel and a demon, not male humans."
At first, that might seem like a cop-out. After all, the pair are depicted as male, even if they're not in the human sense, and queer baiting is a real issue. Certain scenes in Good Omens certainly read as flirty, and far too often, the LGBTQ+ community are forced to read between the lines or label characters themselves in the absence of overt and meaningful representation.
During a recent interview, we asked Gaiman if he'd considered making this "love story" explicit or more concrete on screen to rectify that. Surely, this would have been the perfect opportunity to canonise these elements of the original text while updating it for modern times?
Gaiman said no, not really, referring back to a line in the book which says, "Angels are sexless unless they specifically make an effort."
He went on to say, "I like the idea that we know Crowley and Aziraphale don't really... these are two ethereal and occult beings who aren't really quite clear on what mammals are about, even. I don't really think that they've sussed complicated human things like gender."
On the one hand, it's easy to see why some fans have interpreted comments like this as an excuse designed to deflect criticism and avoid featuring actual queer characters in the text. However, this particular situation is actually more complicated.
In recent years, a surprising number of authors and screenwriters have declared that their characters are canonically queer, even when there's no mention of it in the original text. JK Rowling is a key offender here, regularly announcing that her books are more diverse than they actually are in a patronising bid to appease the LGBTQ+ community.
Crowley and Aziraphale are more obviously queer than most of these characters who were retroactively altered post-release. Sheen's character in particular is coded with elements of the Victorian Dandy lifestyle which acted as a clear precursor to modern queerness in both fashion and outlook. Still, confirming a sexual relationship between the pair on screen would ultimately rewrite what's considered canon in the book.
That's not to say the pair don't love each other. Gaiman has confirmed more than once that Crowley and Aziraphale are in love, but labels like gay, bi or even pansexual don't quite fit in this instance.
In our interview, Gaiman clarified that their story arc in the show uses "all of the beats of a love story" to make it "purer and more fun".
"Watching them meet, watching the relationship grow, watching the ups and downs of it, watching the huge breakup in the bandstand in episode three, and then watching what happens to them after that."
The idea is that Crowley and Aziraphale don't have sexual desires in the same way humans do because they weren't created for reproductive purposes. Therefore, their love is portrayed as strictly platonic.
Understandably, a number of queer fans have taken offence at this, seeing Gaiman's treatment of these characters as erasure, but comments the author made during a recent Twitter exchange flip that idea on its head entirely.
By saying he "wouldn't exclude the ideas that they are ace [asexual], or aromantic, or trans," Gaiman is actually suggesting that Crowley and Aziraphale could represent areas of sexuality that are all too often ignored both outside and also within the LGBTQ+ community.
Even acknowledging that the ace spectrum exists is rare indeed, and comments from Twitter users below this exchange highlight just how validating this can be. Platonic love can be just as deep as romantic love, so why does sexual desire need to be used as proof that love each other?
Asexual relationships are almost non-existent on screen, so the idea that Crowley and Aziraphale could represent this spectrum is actually far more groundbreaking than people often give Good Omens credit for.
Of course, labels are hugely important and the fight to see them used in this particular context is understandable. However, if Gaiman ever did decide to define the central love story as gay or trans or ace, then that would also trample over other readings which actually mean a lot to more marginalised members of the queer community.
At its heart, Good Omens is all about dismantling binary notions of morality and gender, and however you might want to label them personally, Gaiman has always maintained that Crowley and Aziraphale are in love, no matter what form that might take.
Both the book and the show are undeniably queer in this respect, whichever way you look at it, so this might be the rare instance where it's better to not define what this queerness might entail and instead just celebrate our "heroes" for what they are. Ineffable and in love.
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