#i think im gonna do something stupid again
Note
"If you want me to talk solely about the manga vs anime skk"
I do, actually.
Please.
Pretty please with a cherry on top.
PART 1.
Aight!! I will be just pointing out some differences/stuff that was deleted from the anime.
Under the cut
THE DUNGEON SCENE:
-When they first meet again in the manga, they throw some silly jokes at each other (like Dazai asking Chuuya if he's hiding a bald spot. And Chuuya just taking his hat off to show him he's, in fact, not balding)
-In the manga when Chuuya calls Dazai the youngest mafia executive, in his mind Dazai is wearing his ADA clothes but keeps the black coat and the bandaged eye. I think it's a very silly detail
-In the anime, in anger Chuuya actually cuts Dazai's cheek with his knife. In the manga, the moment he starts getting angry he jumps away from Dazai and then throws the knife to the floor, not touching him at all
-Manga Chuuya falls to his knees (basically standing on all 4s), having a lil crisis after realizing Dazai only stayed in the dunegon to meet him. He gets up in a while, just to yet again squat on the floor after Dazai yapps more
-Obviously the pigeon-stand scene: in the manga Dazai is laughing to tears at this, while in the anime he stays silent. (Tho i must say i find it funny that Chuuya gets angry over Dazai not laughing,, like he tried so hard and this guy just :| him)
LOVECRAFT FIGHT:
-This is not about skk but lord yall know that panel where Chuuya ie standing on all these Guild ppl being all like im gonna beat ur ass next. He's just standing normally on the floor in the anime. Aughhhhh this panel is so good aughhhh. Ok anyway back to skk
-When Dazai nullifies John's ability, in the anime Chuuya just kicks Steinbeck from behind. In the manga, skk perform that silly move where Chuuya jumps from behind Dazai. It just shows how even after 4 years of not working with each other, they instantly work together as well as before
-Skk arguing about who's walking next to who like some preschoolers ('dont walk next to me' 'its you who's standing next to me' typa thing) then deciding that they're gonna stay at least 2 metres away from each other
-The manga clearly shows Chuuya's expression when he's talking about 'being happy when Dazai left'. He definitely doesn't look very happy. (In the anime we just get some background drawings)
-Manga Chuuya's lil blush when Dazai compliments his taste in shoes 😭😭
-When Dazai asks for Chuuya's knife, in the manga Chuuya just goes 'oh sure lemme find it' and is actually ready to give him the knife. In the anime? Chuuya doesn't search for the knife, instead he just gets annoyed
-Anime deleted the scene where Dazai talks to Chuuya about recording Kunikida while he was cursed with Q's ability. Chuuya going bruh he also annoys ppl in the agency
-those two idiots calling each other stupid nicknames for half of a page
-Chuuya mentioning keeping a track of women Dazai made cry and threatening him with sending them Dazai's address????
-Dazai telling Chuuya that his intelligence will be consumed by his hat (im currently looking at my polish version of the manga so the translation may be a bit off but anyway)
-Before activating Corruption, they yet again call each other a bunch of stupid nicknames (ahah consider this a silly form of goodbye if anything happens)
-Remember my post about Dazai keeping his eyes on Chuuya at all times during Corruption in the manga? In the anime he looks either at John or at Lovecraft, no puppy eyed loser
-Just a mention that in the manga we see Chuuya sleeping while he's sitting, he doesn't flop passed out to the ground (until later)
Well i will stop there for now bc it's past midnight and umm this is gonna be long af if i continue with the rest so,, i will add the differences in the next skk interactions tomorrow or something muah
#sab q&a#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd chuuya#chuuya nakahara#skk#soukoku#bsd dazai#dazai osamu#tagging this more this time bc aughh i need ppl to read the manga to see all the differences#i dont think dead apple is very different#15 has A LOT of differnces so it will take a while to go thru#there's also some tiny differences in the Meursault arc but yesh#anyway goodnight#hope this will be enough for tonight muah#sab yapping
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Age Gap
Van der linde gang x Fem!Reader
Dutch Van Der Linde
He def goes for younger girls
He looks like the type
You caught his eye with your outfits
Hes 44 but i feel like he wouldnt want a age gap over 10 years
If you got the courage to make the first move he would admire that about you
Definitely sweet talks you about being a smart girl
Lord the amount of praise this son of a bitch would give you could boost even arthur ego
Def a sugar daddy, before the events of black water
After he would try his best but he left most of his money behind in his old house
Arthur Morgan
He isnt that old but he def wouldnt go over 5 years
He finds it odd and repects his women too much
This is the man to go to if you want a sugar daddy
He will gladly spoil you with all the money he loots from dead O’driscols
He also gives out praise but thats just the man he is
If hes not complimenting you and how stunning you are 24/7 he feels like a awful person
He would so totally call you his “sweet baby” or “babydoll”
If you wear pink dresses he’d definitely be wrapped around your little finger
If not and your more of a streatwear person he’d loose his mind at low rise or cami tops
Again you’d have him wrapped around your finger immediately
John Marston
Hes definitely not old and would NOT go under 4 years😭
This guys only 26
Hes not a sugar daddy
Sorry babe
But he thinks your cute
He def likes girls with a attitude
Just look at abigal for christs sake
He was married to her😭
He would try to be good for you
Wanting to take you and run off into the sunset, but he couldnt leave dutch like that
Not after everything dutch had done for him
You would have to get along with jack to even be on johns radar (sorry🥲)
He wants you as soon as your motherly to jack
He talks to arthur about you
He calls you “sweet girl” and “doll” in that gravily voice
Hes incredible, really
Hosea Matthews
Okay well hes old😅
Def a sugar daddy
I mean have you seen him?
He goes for at least 10-12 years younger 😍
After bessie he really didnt think he’d fall in love again but when you came in twirling you hair and giggling he’d be a teenager all over again
You could ask him to shoot the man next to him for no reason and he’d do it
Hes quite literally wrapped around your finger
I say that because he would not leave you alone
Constantly holding you and treating you to gifts and fancy things
He once bought you a diamond necklace in saint denis
Whether you protested or not is up to you
He doesnt let you out of his sight and will not stop rambling to dutch about you
Dutch is too tired and crazy to deal with hosea and sends him your way to obsess over you😊
Sean MacGuire
The belief is hes mid 20’s so im gonna say 25
He definitely is like john and goes for 3 years younger
But i see him as the type to like older women cough cough mary cough
He likes the contrast of him being a stupid asshole and you being a sweet little thing
He trys his best with money but like john has very little so if he buys you something its usually something small
Though he never really feels accomplished after he gets you something small
So he saves for a long time and buys you something a little bigger like a silver necklace or a nice bracelet
His accent gets in the way of things sometimes but he will call you “sweet thing” though it sounds more like “sweet ting”😭
Love him though
Javier Escuella
Another baby of the gang🫶🫶
Hes 26 so he goes for the same range as john
He also doesnt have much money and buys you small things
But he makes it up by calling you endearing nick names
“Mi amor” “dulce nina” “Querida”
You get the point
“Ojalá pudiera comprarte más mi amor pero debes saber que esto es de mi corazón”
I love him sm
He would sugar daddy you if he could
Probably gets upset when he cant buy you things
If your family is rich he refuses your offers of giving him money
It doesnt feel right to have a sweet girl like you give him money when he should be the one providing
It gets him upset to see you want something he knows he cant afford
Has lowkey thought about robbing a very rich man cough cough braithwates cough to buy you things
When on the boat if you go with them he keeps an eye on you
Not liking the scene already, older predatory men being all around you made him extremely uncomfortable
He doesnt want to tell you what to do he always wants it to be your choice but it scares him that he cant really do anything to protect you
Though if it was dire enough he woukd throw the whole plan down the drain to cut open a older guy that got too power hungry and grabbed you
“No te lastimó, ¿verdad, querida?.”
Charles Smith
Hes not as young but doesnt go for under 5 years
Hes got some money to buy small things every now and again
He calls you “baby” and “little girl” alot no matter the age gap
It could only be a few months and he still would💔
He shows you how to hunt and stuff as bonding
He sees killing a deer together and bringing it back to pearson as romantic
But he still takes you on dates
When he can
Hes usually on watch duty as he is literally a unit of a man
This kid is huge
Around 6’6 and 240 pounds
Dwarfs even the biggest of guys, yes even arthur😭
Josiah Trelawny
Trelawny the man you are😍
Hes definitely rich
He has a house with his wife in saint denis
He is quite old so I imagine no more then 10 years difference
He calls you “darling” and “sweet girl” in that trans Atlantic accent
He definitely spoils you rotten
Only the best for his sweet girl
He takes a lot of time to take care of you as well
He doesnt spend time with the gang and only pops up when they need him for things like stealing from rich people
He never lets you pay
Are you kidding
He’d rather die then have you pay for something
Thats a little dramatic but i know he would never feel good about himself ever again if he got to a point where you had to pay
Like what do you mean he doesnt have enough money
No no darling put yours away papa trelawny will have a sweet little chat with the man trying to embarrass him infront of his woman
“YES INHAVE ENOUGH MONEY ARE YOU INSANE, no dear its okay you dont need to pay. BACK TO YOU DONT YOH EVER-“
Obviously there are ones i didnt put in here like micah, pearson, uncle, lenny ect. I dont know enough about them nor do i like most of them (except for lenny i love him sm)
#red dead redemption 2#rdr2#arthur morgan#arthur morgan x reader#dutch van der linde x reader#hosea matthews x reader#sean macguire#charles smith#javier escuella x reader#josiah trelawny#john marston x reader
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𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒︱𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎
˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗𝐓𝐖𝐎˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗
𐙚˙✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡ ˚
"BERNARD!" nic yelled, coming into matts room with chris behind him.
"wake up, you stupid fuck!" Nic said jumping on his bed shaking him awake.
"nic, leave me alone, im way too tired for this shit" matt said his voice muffled by the pillow over his head.
"I have to tell you something really important!" nic said.
"it can wait." matt said.
"no it can't. cause when you know, you're gonna freak out!" chris said, making his presence known.
"yes it can!" matt exclaimed before going back to sleep.
"Its about Isla." nic said.
"Ok, I'm up, what's going on?"
"She noticed us." chris said, jumping on the bed as well waiting.
"what?" Matt said, not believing him.
"she made a video about us." Nic said to which matt looked at him blankly expecting a "its a prank!" yell from either of them.
"Nic you did not just wake me up to play this prank on me, it's not funny."
"I'm serious, look!" Nic said handing matt his phone.
matt looked at the phone, Isla's voice booming through, his eyes wide as he focused on the voice coming out of her mouth. He stayed there in shock, the phone slipping out of his hand, his body in shock as he sat there freezed.
"Matt? Matty? You okay?" nic asked, waving his hands in front of matts face
"maybe we should give him a moment?" nic suggested and chris and nic walked out of matts
⚫⚪
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nicolas.sturniolo: congratulations ItsIslaCollins you have successfully broken matthew.sturniolo
User1: poor matt
User2: what does matt even see in her?
User3: we all knew this was gonna happen someday
➢christopher.sturniolo: unfortunately yes
matthew.sturniolo: I'm not okay
ItsIslaCollins: I'm sorry I didn't mean to!
➢matthew.sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO
Nicolas.Sturniolo: He's malfunctioning
➢ColeSprouse: put him in rice
ItsIslaCollins:
matt?
You okay?
Im sorry I didnt mean to break you
matthew.Sturniolo:
no
no
no
no
no
ItsIslaCollins:
I'll give you some time to calm down
I'll be back
matthew.Sturniolo:
wait don't go
lets start again
hi I'm matthew
ItsIslaCollins:
Hi I'm Isla
matthew.Sturniolo:
I know
ItsIslaCollins:
I'm sorry for breaking you
Do you want some rice?
matthew.Sturniolo:
no that's alright I think I'll be fine
ItsIslaCollins:
If you say so
matthew.Sturniolo:
i dont know if you can tell
but im freaking out right now!
ItsIslaCollins:
why, I should be the one doing that!
matthew.Sturniolo:
Um i don't know probably because
the most prettiest girl on this planet is talking to me
ItsIslaCollins:
please, you're only saying that because we're talking
matthew.Sturniolo
you dont believe me?
just look at my previous posts
wait dont
NEVER MIND
PLEASE DONT
ISLAAAAA NO
seen
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Liked by: pepsienthusiast, redbullisbetterthanrootbear, larray and 850,000 other
rootbearisbetter: look at her smile!!!
pepsienthusiast: bro stop being obsessed
redbullisbetterthanrootbear: shes mine
➢rootbearisbetter: i dont know about buddy boy
User1: shes an icon, shes a legend
➢rootbearisbetter: and she is the moment
User2: isnt she the model from the onlyfans?
➢User3: wrong person buddy
larray: she is stunninggggggg
➢rootbearisbetter: I KNOWWWW
@mattybstqrn @cindylcuwho @larnieboox88 @sturnrc @watercolorskyy @bepositiveforachange @whicked-hazlatwhore @patscorner @joemamaaa42069
If you aren't tagged above, it's probably because you may have set up your account to not be tagged by accounts that don't follow you back/you don't follow
#imagine#fans#mattsturniolo#sturniolo imagine#the sturniolo triplets#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo fanfiction#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo x fem!reader#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#christopher owen sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo fanfiction#matt sturniolo imagine#matthew bernard sturniolo#matthew sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x you#sturniolo
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not popular not lonely but a secret third thing (has a significant number of online friends but is incapable of talking to anybody frequently enough to forge actually strong bonds with so now she’s just forming pseudo-best friendships with a lot of people without there actually being much of anything there aside from my capacity to give people what they want sometimes and the farce that we all put up)
#dont rb#i think abt this a lot like. honestly no i DONT really have mahy close online friends#like i realize this sounds bad and i need u to know i do care about all my online friends a lot#but relationships aren't just how much i love someone its how much work i put into it#and for a thousand reasons that are mostly my fault i don't put the work into anything#i can be someone's 'best friend' even when we don't talk for 3 months#when their other best friend talks to them daily#you know what i mean#ppl say i'm kind and friendly and approachable a lot but i wonder how many people are actually satisfied with the way i act around them#it just feels fraudulent.#i think im gonna do something stupid again
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it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that
#this is coming from someone who used to very genuinely be a misandrist#ironically it was only when i started actually analysing my own feminism that i got MORE confrontational with men#and started respecting my boundaries a lot better BECAUSE i started holding them accountable again#like when men treat me like shit nowadays i dont just write it off as 'what did you expect? he's a man' i get MAD about it#because i EXPECT BETTER FROM THEM even if it's just tiny shit women have to deal with daily#i hold them to just as high a standard as im held to and i make them take accountability when they dont meet that#and whether you realise it or not even on a subconscious level the MOMENT you black-and-white blanket statement all men as bad#you stop holding them accountable.#like it is literally just boys will be boys. do terfs seriously not realise they're sending feminism BACKWARDS#like if a girl came to me with her trauma and people - other girls no less - tried to comfort her with 'yeah all men are evil'#id be fucking furious. like no he did that because he was a piece of shit that had it normalised to him that women arent to be respected#dont you dare let him off the hook with something as simple and uncritical as 'he's a man'#i promise you men like that will MUCH prefer a blanket statement such as 'all men are as bad as each other'#than actually being point blank told they're an abuser or a rapist. because being lumped together is comfortable and even empowering#wheras isolating their behaviour with words that are Bad and Ugly (LIKE 'rapist') is not comfortable at all and has heavy connotations#idk i dont think radical feminism is always bad on its own it can be v liberating. just terfs and misandrists that i have a problem with#dropping this post in a piranha tank and closing tumblr knowing im gonna have some thirty year old karen yelling at me within 5 mins#i probably wont respond to any terf comments bc they literally mentally exhaust me with their stupidity#but that also depends on my mood and ability to keep my mouth shut LMFAO we shall see
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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not to sound like a cunt but i swear like 2 jokes about something will get passed around and then a load of dipshits will start twisting that everyone is so Utterly Vacuous... god forbid if every post you post to your tumblr blog is not an indepth reflection of your thoughts and feelings. for your tumblr blog is reflective of your Inner mind and soul and you must summon yourself to the Calling of crafting the most perfect and eloquent analysis of the video essay that dropped 2 fucking days ago .
#egg.txt#this is about the hbomberguy shit soirry lol#like i see one or two jokes abt haha he took them out )#and then suddenly its like: THE WHOLE CONVERSATION IS JUST ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU MISSED THE POINT#DUDE its like a 2-3 ppl on tumblr who made joke posts that got traction#not to mention yes: ive seen MANY ppl posting abt how sad and unfortunate this all is#but those posts arent gonna get traction bc theyre quiet fuckin reflections on a topic for now#as such yeah bro the tag is dominated by jokes that really arent that serious.#idk ugh sorry to be such a twist im just soooo sick of the vibe everyone brings of like:#i see lighthearted jokes in this tag. HOW DARE YOU ALL DO THIS. YOU ARE ALL SO FUCKING STUPID AND YOU TAKE NOTHING SERIOUS.#like yes its a serious topic but again .... TWO GOD DAMN DAYS AFTER THE VIDEO DROPPED NO LESS... the thing thats gonna ALWAYS float to the#top of a tag is quick jokes.#and besides its like if you WANT to have those conversations thats great??? like cultivate them bro??#WHY not cultivate them instead of dominating the conversation with how stupid everyone is and how above them you are?#idk man its not just abt this#its abt sooooo much with the fuckn culture some ppl foster on this website#its the exact same with sillier shit like media#where some ppl think that u reblogging jokes abt a show / sth is like THE ONLY THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ON SOMETHING#blah blah blah you have such a superficial opinion of the characters and so forth#like relax. i just prefer to have discussions abt things not on my blog#jesus wept some ppl are desperate to think everyone is stupid
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im done w moving and out of the shitty apt w the shittier roommate (who did not let move out happen without adding as Much drama as possible) and have just. been feeling so much better. living w my two friends who actually communicate well and all work together on our needs and gah. so less stressed and anxious now!!! and also in a week kitty introductions have gotten farther than they ever did w shitty roommates kitties (they were kinda bullies, so we had to move glacial speed even w oregano cat expert) and just. thank u the universe things are so much better now
#only improvement would be if anjo Also lived here curse grad school!!!!!!#i moved out over a week ago but we just tuened in keys after cleaning day on sunday#and across just those two days bad roommate accused me of faking cleaning a part of something (that was not requested or clear)#tried to turn anjo against me by saying im a liar and manipulator and gaslighter (which. listen the last one i could say the fuckin same)#(which is also so funny bc anjo and i are so close. became codependent in a heart beat. why tf would u think anjo is gonna be on ur side)#then at the walkthru pointed out things that were damaged (which they are Alsonin on that security deposit what are u doing)#and the texted again accusing me of shit with a stupid fucking infographic on weaponized incompetance#thankfully like all of these i had my friends with me bc when infirst got there for cleaning i uhhhh had a panic attack lol#so i had good support thru everything and now never have to deal w them#its just. been So much lmao. and its so fucking nice how calm and smooth things have been#like i had that sort of shit. i in general am good at communicating and avoid shitty drama like this person#so its been So exhausting. but im done now thank god#and the new place is so much better and nicer and i love the friends im living w and Yeah :')
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pitcher fang ⚾️💫
#brawl stars#brawl stars fang#brawl stars fanart#brawl stars art#ok guys im gonna be honest i dont actually like this skin that much#in a vacuum its a very nice skin if a bit basic#(and overpriced... it should be 79 gems not 149 but i digress)#and i like how it looks! the colours for both variants are nice. its a nice uniform.#but like. the fact that its a skin for fang irks me#because like.... his whole schtick is using his feet wherever possible#and pitching in baseball is. not something u do with feet.#dont even get me started on that dumbass caption they put on the announcement post bro#“kick a home run” shut up. thats not how baseball works.#idk why they couldnt just give fang a football skin ???? like ??????#(or soccer for any americans reading this)#this is one of the only sports skins where its not for football#and they decide to give it. to the guy. whos entire gimmick is using his feet.#LIKE COME ON!!!!!!!#the pitcher doesnt even like. run or anything. like bro#i get why they didnt give him a batter skin cuz obviously that would just be a bibi skin and it wouldnt make sense for fang#BUT NEITHER DOES A PITCHER SKIN!!!!!!#just like. idk. this is stupid#im gonna stop ranting cuz i know it aint that deep#if u like pitcher fang dont let my rambling stop u#i wouldnt have drawn him if i didnt at least think he looked good#but then again hes fang and he always looks good. so
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i love u aira tumblr i love u aira tumblr i love u so much aira tumblr
#ramblings#24 qrts on a poorly worded tweet in support of aira but still#literally hate him all u want but ur logic is flawed 😭👎 just know that#enstwt grow up challenge miserably failed#ALSO#SOMETHING RLY FUNNY but tragic is like#one of my oomfies is still getting canceled over their take in support of airaPs#AND MY ACC IS LITERALLY IN YHE SS FHAKDHAJDJJSDJJSHD#U CANT SEE MY USERNAME BUT ITS DEFINITELY ME#and good! i was right when i said i ignore enstars writing like my full time job#THEYRE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS RAGHHHHHH#can people. think a little more critically can people PLEASE start doing that#like if u get to be uncomfy and i DONT feel the same way i literally think thats okay#i consume my content critically! i know what im doing#we can coexist and do our own things on the internet instead of viewing this in such a black and white kinda way !#this is literally so fucking stupid i cant breathe#im just gonna mind my business fr i hate my twt fyp SO MUCHDHDH I HATE THESE STUPID ASS 14 YEAR OKDS SO BAD#ok sorry#normal again bye
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Im like. 25% thinking about my project and 75% thinking about dropping out at any given moment
#i cant stand the idea of having to make things anymore#this is not exactly ideal for an art school#yes yes it goes back to being depressed whatever i just need to push through do enough to pass and then never have to make anything again#its a bit sad when teachers talk about finding our methods and stuff for the future when i know im not gonna engage in any of this#again. but i go to every class because i dooo enjoy learning about art practices and what other people are passionate about etc#sigh#just make something for the midterm just prepare a course of action for the finals youll figure it out#well no the more i read the more i think i should all join a suicide cult instead but i know it wouldnt work because i hate people too much#and id just think its stupid and that i cant be bothered to go to any meetings#thats how it is for any community i try to join ultimately the thought of 'who cares' wins and i dont do anything
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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I mean this in no disrespect to any of my irls but oh my god sometimes i just really cant fucking stand any of my irl friends/people ik in a old school server im in
#like is it really that funny to say the same jokes over and over again#or say that my responses are “typical”#“HELPME” “common ezra response 😇😁😂” do i just fucking die#sometimes they mock (?) me for how i respond to stuff and it REALLY fucking bothers me#but i dont have the heart to say it#i know they think its funny and i really try to play along but oh my god#and the last thing i wanna do is weaken any sort of friendship i have with them because#(this is really gonna sound stupid) theyre some of the only close friends i have#its also the same with one of them and my spelling#ill mistype something and then the mistype goes in quoation marks#most of the time it doesnt bother me but it isnt funny after 150 times#“HELKENE” “”helkene“” SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!! i dont know im just really angry all of a sudden#theyre in one of the servers i made and they carried that exact humor over there#anyways like. i dont dislike my friends in that school server but srsly it feels like whatever humor this is isnt funny#or maybe im just angry and im making a. fool out of myself online again and I think too cynical and im delusional#closet rambles again on tumblr
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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just
it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)
#text post#god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again#in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps#makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now#gonna sleep eventually#i think lmao#im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better#that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something#no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that#my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it#he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year#i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND#and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live#that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me#he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off#where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself#if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao#i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine#gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings#find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try#forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others
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I DONT THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA but i also REALLY want it to happen so. i will keep reading as usual
#WORMPOSTING . GOD.#starting 2.6 taylor is going to meet w tattletale and i think grue and regent? maybe?#its insane how visceral the high school scenes make me feel. fuck mr gladly btw. why the FUCK did he walk away#sir you were just concernes about her and tou walk out 30 seconds later to her being attacked and all you do is look sad and leave#you cant even like ?!?!!?!?! walk past in earshot so they know youre there !?!?!?! not eben that little bit of solidarity!?!?!#man#hey also fuck emma. taylors stronger than be bc if i were her shed be waking up with spiders in her mouth every goddamn morning#spiders georg. spiders emma. centipedes up her nose. fuck that shit ohhhh im so mad#anyway. excited 2 see the villains again. theres no way this is going 2 end well for taylor i think shes gonna do something stupid <3#and u know what? i support her#reaction time
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achievement get (for the billionth time): take one look at an assignment and get severely overwhelmed AND discouraged for the rest of the day and do nothing
#it's so much and it's dishonest work!! literally dishonest because all i can think of is how bullshit a lot of it sounds. instead of#you know?#actually learning anything?#but this thorough lack of motivation is just gonna get me in trouble isnt it. how do i swallow my emotions and figure things out#its getting harder every year and the feeling that the few people i have close by do not ever truly understand - like at all - is horrifyin#yes sorry this is all i could think of for the past six hours. im having a great day (no im not. i also hate myself for feeling this way)#zero.txt#im sure it hurts the few people who care and who thought i'd actually go on to do things to see me constantly wallowing for reasons#that they refuse to comprehend or have compassion for.#just stop being sad! just get to work piece by piece! have some resilience#meanwhile all ive done is cry. maybe a part of me just likes feeling like this i DONT KNOW#and ofc so often im like. the only reason im still around is im quiet and they havent invented thought police#yet.#how can i have hope when the moment i decide to pluck a silver of it out of my core i read something that in a better world would not even-#-be a nightmare#like. you say things like that with your mouth and expect us to mindlessly repeat if we want anything in life...#fuck my stupid baka life <3#ugh im just going in yet another circle now when i know trying to put my feelings in words is not helpful. what IS helpful#negative#again sorry. at least you dont have to open this wall of tags#delete later#maybe
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