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dancingazaleas · 3 years

Text

𖨆. 04 / all for us

summary: a few weeks later, you’re finally allowed to leave your room. however, you notice something that you later wish you hadn’t.

note: i had the worst headache whilst editing, i apologize for mistakes.

taglist: @the-sun-baby @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @uniquepickle

warnings/notes: cursing, last chapter was the calm before the storm, brutal assault, abuse, manipulation, blood, slight mind break, drugging, use of alcohol

YOU were surprised whenever erwin and levi told you that you'd been good enough to venture the house a little more a few weeks later. you had been doing the same thing as before, sitting in your room and crying, hanging with the two men for two hours, and back to being lonely.

right now, you were stuck in your room. staring out of the window into the garden with dull eyes, silent tears running down your face.

you want to go home and sleep in zeke's arms. you want to tell pieck you love her and you didn't mean what you'd said to her. you wanted to play goofy songs on the piano with bertholdt. you wanted to lay in the sun with porco and reiner while they both commit to a workout routine.

you'd do anything to have that again. anything.

you wiped away your tears whenever you heard footsteps. the door opened to reveal levi followed by his bear of a boyfriend. erwin had on a gentle smile while levi looked the same; irritated.

"c'mon, you're playing for me today," levi grunts and your eyes light up at the opportunity.

you haven't played any instrument since you were taken. your hands missed their place on the objects, fingers delicately strumming the strings or pressing on the keys. they missed their home, just like yourself.

you're glad that they hadn't caught any signs of you crying. if they had, you would've had to stay in the room and talk it out with them.

you obediently follow behind them, nightgown swishing as you walk excitedly. you watch them unlock a door that leads to your quarters, and for the first time you're in the living room without crying.

the living room is big and clean, so much to where you wonder if it's even been touched. you turn your gaze to the left, eyes acknowledge the large, black front door. your eyes widened while the voice in your head screams at you.

'RUN!!!' it says, 'THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE!!’

your eyes dart down to look at the doorknobs and it's locks. the door was left unlocked.

you gulp down the ball starting to form in your throat and try to ignore how you've started to sweat. you look back at levi and erwin, who are not paying any mind to what you do. they made the mistake of not holding your chain and not having one of them walk behind you.

before you can even really think, you're gliding across the room to the door. swinging the door open just as levi and erwin turn to scream at you, and you almost feel your stomach drop at the view before you.

it's a long stone walkway with a gate sitting at the end, almost teasingly. you run quickly, ignoring how the rough stone scrapes roughly against the soles of your feet. the window is rushing through your hair and slapping against your face, something you relish in temporarily.

your legs are starting to ache from how fast you're pumping them, trying to get to the gate as quick as you can. the wind has you tearing up once more, but you reach up and wipe away the small tears.

you ignore the sound of levi's footsteps as well as his and erwin's angry screams, you're so close, you're almost there.

your mind flashes to porco and reiner for a brief moment. you thank them in your head, now happy with how the two would make you race with them during their workout routines sometimes.

you're almost there, your fingers even graze against the black metal of the fence. but your breath is being knocked out of your body as you're tugged backwards.

your chain. your chain was the cause of your demise, it had been loosely swinging behind you and over your shoulder as you ran.

your head along with your back slam against the stone, loud screams of pain bursting through your mouth. you're sliding towards the person your chain is being tugged by, nightgown now tearing apart because of the friction.

levi is above you, eyes looking almost animalistic along with an angry face that stares at you as he huffs to get his breath back. you lay in the fetal position, crying out at the tip of levi's shoe kicks into your stomach. it has you barfing, but as soon as you finish levi's hands are grabbing you by the hair and dragging you back to the house.

but halfway down the pathway, he lets go and it makes you nervous. his foot comes into contact with your nose, blooding immediately gushing out of it. you sob out after he kicks you in the same spot once more, you think you hear a crack.

his foot kicks at your ribs now, taking all the breath out of your body while your eyes go blank. you can't think, even as levi's knuckles connect with your jaw. you spit out blood and cry at the scratch you get from levi's wedding band.

his hand is tangled with your hair, and instead of trying to pull away, he uses it as leverage. he squats onto a knee, eyes widened as he slams your face into the stone. you screech, nails clawing at the rough terrain and look to erwin.

"HELP!!! HELP, PLEASE," you gargle out blood mixed with your spit, reaching a shaking hand to him.

"HE'S GONNA KILL ME, PLEASE," you wail just as levi hits you again.

"that's enough levi," erwin says, now standing behind levi and staring over his shoulder.

you look absolutely damaged. blood, spit, and tears smeared across your face and scrapes all over your fragile body. levi slams your head down one last time, detangling his hand from your hair and storming off.

erwin only sighs and takes you in his arms, ignoring how your whole body trembles the moment he touches it.

"you're ignorant," he shakes his head, "i told you that levi would hurt you if you tried to run, and you didn't listen."

he's placing you onto your bed after he's walked back inside, eyebrows furrowed and nostrils flared from irritation. his palm smacks you across your face, and you sob from the pain.

"let me tell you something," he murmurs into your ear, "even if you'd gotten passed the gates, we would've found you."

you're panting and sobbing, wanting erwin to step away from you.

"that little collar of your's has a tracker," he whispers, "you'll never be able to get away."

those are the last words you hear before you black out.

————

you sit in the bathtub a few days later, listening to the gentle singing of erwin as he drenches you in warm water.

it burns against your skin, something you'd pointed out, but they ignore. you supposed it's an extension of your punishment.

when you get out of the bath, erwin tends to your wounds. he puts on a new bandage over the cut on your face from levi's wedding band, and new bandages onto your arms and torso.

later that night, erwin finds you curled in a ball into the corner of your dark closet. hands protectively shielding your head and covering your ears, shoulders quivering as tears run down your face.

"darling," he frowns, "you've got to stop coming in here."

you don't answer, which doesn't surprise him, and only pull your hands closer to yourself. he knows you won't willingly get up, so he brings the tray into the closet.

"i have to feed you, i need you to comply," you relax, hesitantly taking your arms away from your head and lowering your knees onto the floor.

he feeds you in silence, the only noise being the air conditioner coming off and on as he spends his time in there. he notices how you struggle to swallow down your food, probably from how levi's kicks damaged your ribs along with your stomach. before he can leave, he hears your hoarse voice asking for an answer.

"erwin...," you say, "how... how did you guys kidnap me?"

erwin sighs a bit, deciding to get himself comfortable as he begins the story.

————

it was a rainy night, raindrops froze against your skin as they pelted towards the ground. erwin and levi, your newfound friends, had invited you to go drinking with them a couple of weeks prior. you accepted with hesitance, but the hesitance was thrown out of the window whenever you and pieck had gotten in a fight earlier that evening.

you needed to get your mind off of the heated argument, pieck told you that you're a fuck up while you said that you hate her. you knew that you would regret this in the morning, but right now you're way too sad to even give a fuck.

when you enter the club, you find levi and erwin sitting and talking to one another at the bar. they both already have drinks and look as handsome as ever.

you sing out a greeting as you take the stool between them, ordering yourself a fruity drink.

"glad you could make it," erwin smiled to you, bringing his transparent drink to his lips.

"i promised i'd be here! besides, after the night i've had, i deserve to get drunk. what are you two even drinking," you smirked while looking to levi, bumping your shoulder against his.

he rolled his eyes your antics, while erwin spoke, "levi isn't really able to get drunk, but he's drinking whiskey. i'm drinking bourbon. what happened?"

you sighed, but it's cut off whenever the bartender puts your drink onto the counter in front of you.

"my best friend and i got into a fight, something about the house we share and something her cat did. she said i was a fuck up, i said i hated her. we'll be crying and apologizing by tomorrow," you fanned your hand and take a swig of your drink.

erwin opened his mouth to say something, but you interrupt him with a hoot as you slam the glass back to the counter.

"that's strong!" you laughed, barely noticing how quickly you downed it, "can i have another one?!"

"you shouldn't drink too much," erwin said while he pats your back.

you can't yell at him since levi asks a question before you could, "wanna have shots?"

"yes, please! what should be get," you grinned, the both of you ignoring the disapproving look from erwin.

"kamikaze shots," he smirks, "unless you can't handle it."

"are you fuckin' kidding?! let's go, right now," you're overly excited, slightly buzzed as you move around.

said shots were placed before you and levi. you picked it up and clinked glasses with him as you laugh, slamming it back down to the counter and downing it with a grimace. you shouted out in excitement once again, throwing your hands into the air.

"let's fuckin' go!!"

"let's not," erwin pulled your hands back into your lap, which you giggle at.

levi orders you another drink, you don't exactly hear what it is even whenever the bartender puts it down in front of you. your words are slurring as you laugh and chat with the two of them, eyelids heavy as you feel yourself getting more and more tired.

"hey, (name)," levi pushed his knee against your's, spinning the liquid in his cup around.

"wh... what's up," you grinned stupidly whilst laying your head against the counter.

"we like you, romantically," the statement had you sobering up, eyes shooting open and head shooting up.

"huh? what'd you say? i think i'm really drunk now."

"i said what i said," erwin's slightly panicking over your shoulder, "would you want to be with us?"

you squinted your eyes, temples suddenly throbbing with pain. you came out to have fun, not this.

"no," you sighed sadly, "i don't like you guys like that. plus, i'd feel intrusive."

levi gave a drawn out hum as he takes your drink from the bartender and putting it onto the coaster before you.

"it's okay, don't worry," levi shrugged, hand retreating back to his glass of whiskey.

you sighed in relief and break into a smile, once again drowning yourself in the fruity drink levi's given you. when you slam it back down, you cringe and your face is pulled into a grimace once more.

the drink tasted weird, nothing like the name implied. you try to wrack what alcohol exactly tastes the way this one does, salty. it tastes salty. and it's not like it's only alcohol in the drink, at least you think.

your eyes shoot wide as you come to the realization. this is a rape-date drink. and you've just downed the drink within seconds.

your mouth opened, but nothing but gibberish comes out. the last thing you see before your eyes droop is levi's small smirk with arms opened wide.

————

the story has you recoiling into a ball again, tears streaming out of your face while erwin tries to put a hand on your shoulder.

levi inflicted so much pain. physical and mental. he's the one who got you drunk, he's the one who drugged you, he's the one who slapped you day one, and he's the one who beat you. and erwin helped. erwin ordered.

"don't touch me, please," you whisper, backing yourself further and further into the corner of the closet.

"please, i want to comfort you," he frowns, once again reaching his hand out.

"NO!!" you cry and slap his hand, immediately retracting from fear.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to," you fumble with your words and curl inwards more, "please don't hurt me again, please. i don't want to hurt anymore."

erwin's heart aches as you start to tremble, noticing how hard you were digging your nails into your scalp.

"it's okay," he says calmly, "i won't hurt you."

you choke out your words, "but levi will. he'll hurt me again."

erwin stays silent, knowing full well that you were correct. erwin was barely able to smack you without feeling bad, he couldn't imagine kicking you in the ribs. erwin can feel a ball in the back of his throat, picking up the tray in silence and leaving you alone.

you cry as you lay on the floor now, fetal position. you're going to fall asleep soon, and you're okay with you. you feel slightly more protected in the closet on the floor than in your bed.

your eyes are fluttering close.

you hope that you won't get hurt again.

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smileyoongle · 5 years

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Deception (A Kim Namjoon Mafia AU)

Summary: A damsel in distress and a lonely mafia leader. Different but not too different. The two worlds collide on a rainy night when Kim Namjoon, a renowned Mafia leader is called for an emergency and Y/N Y/L/N is on the run from her abusive father. Feelings stir and he rescues her. But one of them is a liar. And the other's life is on the line. It's only a matter of time until all secrets are out in the open.

Will love be born? Or will death conquer?

chαptєr ηïηε: Betrayal and Longing

Character Count: 12,084

Pairing: Namjoon×Reader (Appearances by the whole of BTS)

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Wrap me in the softest love I have ever known, show me that I'm not alone.

- Christy Ann Martine

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"She's heading to Club Delirium tonight. I eavesdropped on a conversation she was secretly having so don't ask me how I know." Rex announced, entering the conference room with a shit-eating grin on his face. Even after not having gotten enough sleep the previous night, he felt energetic and excited. All the credit belonged to Hana and her secret, of course.

Who knew a mafia leader's best friend was gonna be an undercover cop?

Namjoon sat with his head buried in his hands, his brain still trying to process everything. It wasn't just him though, every single person in the room was just as shocked as him. How did they not know? All the questions they had regarding Hana's disappearance had just been answered and no one was happy about it. Namjoon was affected, yes, but so was Jungkook.

The latter's eyes were bloodshot, his lips pale and his hands clenched as if he would knock out the next person who spoke. He felt so betrayed and lost. At first, when Rex had told him that the guy Hana met was Nelson Shaw, he had no idea who that was. But later on, as he was fed all the information, he began to connect the dots. The guy who had broken into Namjoon's house was Nelson Shaw, the same guy who Hana met and worked with. His so called sister like friend, was a police officer, trying her best to bring them down.

Jungkook slammed his fist on the table, making Rex flinch while the others didn't react at all. Rex's eyes were wide, wondering why no one else moved a muscle because Jungkook was definitely scary when angry. They were probably used to it.

"We'll get her red handed then. Alert the bouncers at the club." Yoongi voiced, earning a nod from Taehyung who quickly walked out of the room to carry out the task.

Namjoon couldn't even begin to express how mad he was. There were still questions that he wanted answers to, but he didn't even wanna look at her anymore. It was early in the morning when he had gotten a call from Hoseok, asking him to come over for an emergency. The dull tone of hoseok's voice was definitely concerning but Namjoon wasn't expecting this. That's why Shaw broke into his house. To find dirt on him and turn him in. Well, too bad. Hana was out of the game now.

Jimin chuckled bitterly, all eyes turning to him questioningly. Namjoon slowly looked up, glaring at Jimin as if to ask what was so funny. Rex raised an eyebrow, eyes flickering over to Namjoon. He could smell drama already and he wished he had popcorn. Even though he knew you-

"Tell us, Namjoon. Did you know about this?"

Jimin asked, a bitter smile planted on his lips. Namjoon frowned, tilting his head to convey that he had no idea what Jimin was trying to say. Jin sighed, closing his eyes momentarily to keep himself in check. "Jimin, just because Hana was his best friend-"

"Forget it. Let's just get over with this Hana bullshit first." Jimin interrupted, standing up abruptly and rushing out of the room. Namjoon made a mental note to talk to Jimin about this later, standing up and proceeding to go home for a while. He placed a hand on Jungkook's shoulder, squeezing it tightly to let him know that he understood what it felt like. Jungkook glanced up at his elder, nodding absentmindedly. Jungkook still wanted to ask Namjoon about you but he figured this wasn't the right time, no matter how angry he was about being left in the dark.

"Delirium at 9. I'll see you all then." Namjoon said, glancing at everyone before leaving to go back to you.

_____________________________________________

You eyed the man in the kitchen, watching his every move as he cleaned the counters passionately. You had woken up in the morning to find Namjoon gone and this new butler in the house. It was quite amusing how there was a new butler already, Walter having left just the previous night. Namjoon must be really superior, you concluded, sipping on your cup of coffee.

Your fingers grazed the bandage on your forehead, memories from last night still burning in your mind. You missed Namjoon and the way he had held you. It was as if he was trying to shield you from everything bad in the world. You couldn't understand what was going on but you certainly liked him. And now that you thought about it, it seemed inevitable. A man like him surely had many admirers. You were just another one in the crowd.

You heard the front door slam shut, your body flinching in surprise as you turned around in your seat. Namjoon entered the living room, his eyes glaring at everything that came in his way. Work must have been hard on him.

"You came back early, today." You said, smiling at him softly when he looked at you with slightly wide eyes. His expression changed within a second, the frown on his eyebrows now smoothed out completely and his lips flashing you a small smile. His legs dragged him towards you and he sat beside you, glancing at the new butler.

Sangmin was here on Rex's recommendation. According to the boy, Sangmin was as skilled as a man his age could be. Due to the urgency, Namjoon decided to take him in. Hopefully, you'd be in better hands whenever Namjoon wasn't at home.

Namjoon sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head on the backrest. He was stressed and anxious, the upcoming events wearing him out completely. He wasn't ready to know why Hana was doing what she was doing. Did 16 years of friendship suddenly mean nothing to her? Did she forget everything that she had promised him?

"Namjoon, have you ever danced?" Your voice ran in his ears, making him immediately look at you as if you were an alien. He slowly registered your words in his brain, wondering why you would ask something like that out of the blue?

"Danced? Does head banging when I was home alone at the age of 9 count?"

You ended up throwing your head back and laughing, almost imagining what it would look like. Namjoon grinned, satisfied with the response he got from you, his heart melting at the way your eyes closed shut and crinkled. For sometime, he completely forgot the situation he was currently in. He didn't care that Hana betrayed him. He didn't care that he had lost a best friend. He just didn't care.

You stood up and proceeded to place your empty coffee cup in the kitchen, running back out and stretching your hand out to Namjoon. Namjoon frowned, eyes flickering between your face and your hand. He hesitantly placed his hand on yours, only to have you push it away.

"As much as I like your hands, I actually want your phone." You stated, shaking your hand to make him hurry up. Namjoon pulled out his phone and handed it to you after unlocking it. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and watching you as you stuck your tongue out and connected his phone to the music player at the corner of the room.

You were only trying to distract Namjoon from whatever was bothering him. Namjoon wasn't very good at hiding his despair and you understood that. His shoulders would always sulk and his smile would never quite reach his eyes. It felt bad to see him sad, knowing that you were of no help at all. So here you were, searching up a song and pressing the play button before leaving it on top of the music player. With a deep inhale, you turned around and slowly walked towards Namjoon, stretching your hand out again.

"May I have this dance, Mr Kim?" Namjoon chuckled, standing up and shaking his head. From what he had seen in movies, he knew he was supposed to be the one asking. So he bowed in front of you and placed his palm forward, glancing up at you with all the affection he could gather. Your heart fluttered, a shy smile dancing on your lips as you gently placed your hand in his. If you thought that was the best thing Namjoon could have done, then you were wrong because the next thing you knew, his lips were pressed against the back of your hand.

Keep your cool, Y/N.

You told yourself, ignoring the way Namjoon's eyes gazed at you. So much attention was surely gonna be the death of you. You bit your lip harshly to stop the grin from showing itself, Namjoon's hands finding their way to your waist. You were definitely shocked at how much Namjoon already knew.

The silence of the room had been replaced by the soft chords of a guitar, your eyes lighting up when a male voice filled your ears. This was one song that you used to listen to whenever you felt lonely and lost, pretending that you did have someone who loved you. That was far from reality when your life was all about being used like a rag but it was different now. Perhaps you could find someone who really loved you.

Maybe that person was right in front of you.

You swayed with your arms around Namjoon's neck, his feet moving in sync with yours.

Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in.

Lie down with me and hold me, in your arms.

Namjoon swore his heart was being too fuzzy now. He hadn't felt this way before. Not even when he had a crush on Hana. It was so intense that Namjoon had to convince himself that he wasn't in love. At least not yet. But was he even being honest with himself?

And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck.

I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.

Your body was pressed against Namjoon's, your heart pounding in your chest. Your cheeks were too warm now and you felt dizzy. The air was thick, but not in an uncomfortable way. You could feel Namjoon's breath on your face, your eyes stuck on his. Life hated you, yes, but you weren't so sure anymore. After surviving your entire childhood, you were finally living. With a man who had a kind heart and was willing to do a lot for you. There was no way you would ever be able to repay him for everything he had done for you so far. At least not in this life.

And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.

Namjoon leaned closer, every ounce of self control having been lost. All he could think about now was how perfect you were. His eyes were now fixed on your lips, already thinking how good they would feel against his. He promised himself that he wasn't gonna let you go, no matter how many more lies he was gonna have to spew. No matter how many secrets he was gonna have to hide. Because you belonged with him. You were saving him and you didn't know that.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved. You wanna be loved.

You took in a shaky breath when Namjoon's hand cupped your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ear. Your hands tightly held on to each other behind his neck, your chest heaving in nervousness. You wanted this. You wanted him to kiss you. You wanted him to show you that you weren't broken. You moved your hands to the back of his head, your fingers tangling in his hair as you hesitantly pulled him towards you. You closed your eyes, his lips barely an inch away from yours. Just as Namjoon was about to close the little distance that remained, a loud clang echoed through the room, making you both flinch and pull away.

Your head whipped towards the kitchen, your eyes falling on the utensil that lay on the ground. Namjoon cursed under his breath, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. So damn close.

He clenched his jaw and walked towards the kitchen, glaring at Sangmin as you followed behind. "Sorry, Mr Kim. It slipped from my fingers." The man bowed, your head shaking in response to his apology. It was a mistake and nothing had been damaged anyway.

"That's okay. Don't worry about it. It's time for me to leave for work so I'll go get ready." You stated, turning on your heels and rushing towards your room. Your cheeks were hot and your breathing was uneven. You tapped your cheeks to pull yourself back to reality, scowling at your heart which was uncontrollably fluttering in your chest.

You closed the door to your room, leaning your back against it and sighing in relief. You weren't gonna deny the fact that you were disappointed, your work uniform mocking you from your bed. Things could have happened but here you were, dragging yourself to work without letting Namjoon know anything about your job. You pursed your lips and pulled your hair up, getting ready to go and cover your shift at Club Delirium.

Taglist: @uwunamjoon @shadowstark @all-fandoms-rise @tzuyyyuuu @stressedinmedschool247 @ifellinluvwithdorks @min-t-posts @floofwrites @pretty-in-pink-just-because @bts-d-onut @fangirllbookworm @mystical-writer @it-is-dana @ximaginx @kpopgirlbtssvt @pearylove @anothermisspark @annoyingpessimist @motivation-idontknowher @atwoodscott @soundofwonderland @btsarmysvtcarat @i-am-supermerwholoked221b @bunnymaknaereacts @iamcrazyforkdramas @ddaeing @basicallyanothernotebook @btsxdoll @spike-meowsters

Tell me what you think and if you wanna be tagged! Interesting stuff coming soon!

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estrxlar · 3 years

Text

The Ghost Of You

05 - I’m drained

Chapters songs:

Pope is a rockstar; SALES

I don't know you; The Marías

Coax & Botany; Gus Dapperton

—

- Y. L. Perspective

'Shit, I'm late.' I told myself, while a hand searched every corner in my school bag for my phone. Yet, it was nowhere to be found. Without my phone, I couldn't tell Suga that I was a little behind time. I told him I'd meet him in the gym around the end of his practice, but it was now 20 minutes after, and I couldn't be more stressed about my phone missing.

"Y/n, I'm sure he'll come looking for you right after," Giki says, putting her hands around her love handles, leaning against the wall. "If you two made plans to walk home, then he won't bail. He doesn't seem the type to do that. And besides, he knows where to find you, doesn't he?—"

I shut down any idea she gave that would help me calm down. "It's not just that! I need my phone, I can't go home without it. Fuck, this always happens!" I pull my hands out of the bag, and run them through my hair, looking around for a solution. "Dude, what the hell do I do?! He hasn't gotten here yet, and I really don't want Suga being angry at me!"

"Now why would I be angry at you?!"

Someone calls out from the doorway, catching both Giki and I's attention. There stood Koushi, with a cheeky smile plastered on his face, and one hand held up. "Missing something?" He said, as my phone stood between two of his fingers.

At the sight, I sigh, in relief, happy at least one of my issues was solved. "Thank you, so much," I say, as he smiles down at me, passing it. Honestly, I couldn't be more thankful for him; if it wasn't awkward, I could've even hugged him.

Gathering my things, I throw on my bag, and I'm able to become poised, instead of seeming like a mad man. "That's my queue. See you later, Giki. You have a ride home, right?"

She nods. After our goodbye, I leave the band room, then begin my walk with Suga. My hands ran down my blazer, hoping that it would warm them up a bit. Tonight was chilly, possibly the coldest night of the week. But that was okay, because cold, rainy nights were what I lived for; nothing felt better than sleeping during them. The only thing I was worried about was if I'd get home in time before the storm starts.

"Why are you so stressed out? You didn't seem this way during lunch. Is something bothering you?" Suga asks in his calming voice, interrupting my thoughts. Though, it wouldn't be bad to let them run freely from my mouth. The only thing I worried about was that I'd break down if I were to talk about everything that was on my mind.

But it wasn't like I was uncomfortable talking with Suga, so why not. "It's nothing, really. I think I've just recently been on the edge about everything. It's like, if some teeny thing goes wrong, I become a complete mess. But it's probably just because I'm still processing the fact that everything is happening so fast." I explain, rubbing my left temple while closing my eyes.

"I get it. That's how I feel, too. But I can't imagine how it must be for someone as busy as you. But if you wanna talk about it, I'm all ears."

I feel his eyes on me, as well as his hand on my shoulder. It laid comfortably, lightly squeezing it. At the action, I immediately open my eyes, nervous as to any movements, and hear almost my heartbeat through my ears. Honestly, I cursed myself for feeling so giddy inside just because he was being friendly, but I also cursed myself for thinking it meant something. That's what having low self-esteem means, thinking he likes me because he's nice. "Yeah, it's okay. Besides, I think all I need right now is to get home and rest. Maybe that would help me a bit— you know?" My voice cracks at the end, and the pressure of tears building up in my nasal passage, which came before a good cry.

'No, because I KNOW I'm not about to cry in front of Sugawara. That would be the worst situation.' I thought to myself, feeling my eyes burn. No way in hell I would do that purposefully. That would look as if I'm seeking attention like a lost puppy, which is exactly what I didn't want to seem like.

But sadly, a sniff from my nose reveals me completely, making him turn my shoulders towards him. His eyes looked worried, seeking reassurance I was ready to cry. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

'There's the magic word.'

Now, a few tears escaped my eyes, quickly being cleaned away by my sleeve. But after a few seconds, it felt pretty pointless to try and hide them. "I— I'm sorry. I've just been keeping it all in till right now—God, this is really awkward." I say, giggling in nervousness on the last part, before placing both hands over my face and look down. The clouds growled above us, giving me a sense that they were about to pour as well.

"That's okay. I didn't mean to go over boundaries with your personal life— I'm sorry." He says, now putting both of his hot hands on my shoulders. "It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, and it's okay to let your feelings out. But it's not okay to bottle up your emotions. I would know, wouldn't I?"

I nod, swabbing more tears before looking towards him. "Yeah, I know. I just don't really talk about it, especially now that my schedule is packed and all." I say, clearing my throat. As much as I hate to say it, Suga was right; nobody knew what keeping your feelings inside felt like the way he did.

And so, I kept crying, and stood in front of him for a good minute, just letting it out. He wasn't sure what to do at first, but then he put his arm around me, then another, and trapped me in a hug.

My head laid against his chest, and his hands wrapped around my neck, while he laid his head over mine. Although I felt truly humiliated and like a complete child, I guess a hug from a friend couldn't hurt. Honestly, I'd expected myself to break down sometime soon; Undergoing so many things can be stressful. Moving to a different country soon, graduating in only a year, and trying to drift from close friends was hard. The only thing is that I didn't expect to cry in front of someone I wasn't completely close with.

"What's going on, Y/n? If you don't mind me asking." To my surprise, his hand gently runs through my hair to comfort me and hums in worry. "I hope you know you can talk to me."

As much as I appreciated Sugawara trying to make me feel better, I still felt completely inhibited. But as much as a hated this moment, I just needed to let my feelings out. And now, I couldn't control when or where I'd do it, I just needed it to happen. Silently sniffing, a response later to his question. "I'm just realizing so many things are happening, and I'm feeling overwhelmed about it. But I'll get over it, don't worry." My stiff body pulls away slowly, and I hastily pick myself back up from my breakdown.

"Oh.. well, I understand that. You know I've got a lot on my shoulders, and I've had a lot of time spent in that corner of panic. I guess your third year comes with many burdens, doesn't it? But it'll be okay, Y/n. Your feelings are completely valid, don't feel bad or ashamed about them. And besides that, you should appreciate yourself for getting yourself through them, okay?" His hand strokes my jaw, raising it to meet his bright eyes, while an unavoidable smile of his appears. "You're gonna be okay."

As predicted, I felt a tad better than I had before. It seemed Suga found the exact words I had needed today, ones that no one ever told me. I wasn't so used to people comforting me this way in person, therefore making me uneasy when having this conversation with him. But I was glad that I did because now the knot between the two of us untied if only a little.

I nod, looking down towards my shoes again, as his hand leaves my face and travels back into his sweat pants pocket. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, by the way, "I mumble, before sniffing once more, and turning towards the direction we were walking in before I had started crying like an idiot. "I know I'm not supposed to apologize, but still, I'm sorry for making this awkward. Usually, I'm not the one to embarrass myself in front of somebody like this."

"Oh, don't fret. I've had my share of embarrassment, and probably the one with more shame than ever between the two of us," Sugawara replies, clearing his throat. "And I should be the one to give you an apology, It wasn't my place to be nosy and make you cry."

"Don't worry about it, I was bound to weep like a baby any time soon." A small chuckle leaves my mouth, lightning the heavy mood I'd created. "So, Suga, what makes you think you're more shameful than me?"

He too, laughs a bit, before answering my question. "Well, for starters, I've cried in front of Daichi, one of the most indestructible people I know. Not only was that embarrassing, but it was because I was too weak to face my problems. And second off, as you know, I don't handle them properly. Not at all."

"I don't know. Mind explaining to me?" I ask him, observing his reaction to my question. Thankfully, he wasn't too uncomfortable about it, but he was still hesitant to say much.

He sighs, running his fingers through his silver hair, and clarifies to me briefly. "N-nothing. I just used to have a bad perspective of everything; not trying, careless about other people, and dull. Really, really dull. I've made a lot of mistakes throughout last year, and ones that you can't fix easily. But I'm not like that anymore, at least I hope I'm not."

A part of me mourns for Suga. I knew exactly what that feeling was like, except it was around my first year of high school. For him, this only happened recently. "Well, I would know that. You don't seem very inconsiderate, more like a gentle guy." I say as we get ready to cross the road to our neighborhood.

"I hope so."

As we walk across the small road, I still feel a small portion of myself regretting ever crying in front of Suga. Yes, it wasn't that big of a deal and I would probably get ever it tomorrow, but that could have changed his perspective of me forever. I wouldn't want to seem like a little cry baby like I was before, if it seemed that way, he might have thought I haven't had any growth.

The rest of our walk is neutral, and none of our conversations include whatever unpleasant situation happened, thankfully. But throughout it, I couldn't help but think thoroughly through the information Suga had told me. I know he went through some shit bad, but I didn't know he was so down that way. I'd see him in hallways looking gloom and gummy, and rumor had it he was sleeping around to deal with it.

'Poor Koushi.'

Finally, the two of us reach my street, and my pace starts to pick up, as I turn behind me to say my thanks to him. "Thanks again, Suga. You know, for keeping me company and all."

The silver-haired boy smiles, looking up at me with his large hazel eyes. As he nods, his position slowly turns around, and he begins to walk away with his head down once again, making his way home. I for one, jog the rest of the way to my house.

It wasn't much— just a two-story that looked a tad more modern than the others around us. It had rectangular windows with a black windowpane and a tall dark oak door with small rectangular windows trailing down. Its brick was stained a light, dusty brown, which complemented the rest of the house nicely. The roofs were black as well, giving off an industrial theme. But besides that, the house was built like the rest that sat next to us.

I walked towards the oversized doors, fitting a key into the lock above the handle. It twists, making a 'click!' sound, and I walk past the entrance, closing the door behind me. It's nothing much— only as modern inside as it is outside. My mother had no struggle with making enough money to keep her house nicely decorated, even if she barely use it.

Honestly, being home made me sad sometimes. At school or friends' houses, I could be alongside someone. Even if we were doing nothing, I would still appreciate their company. But here at home, there was nobody, just like always.

It had only been this way after they'd both found jobs and began working so hard. Up until I was around five, there were distant memories of the three of us— me, my mom, my dad— living in a small apartment downtown, where a one-bedroom in the middle of high crime was all my parents could afford. But once they got their job, it was all nannies and more money. It wasn't later after that they got divorced after discovering that they didn't need each other anymore. Yes, I was proud my parents got back onto their feet after such dark times, but not if it meant that their kids had to raise themselves. Me being an only child, I grew up around teenage girls being paid 50$ an hour yet glued to their phones, while I would play with shit I probably shouldn't have. But it wasn't like it mattered, right? Soon I'd be able to leave Japan and start a new life, instead of being trapped under my parents' absent wing.

"Hey, Astra," I mumble to the small house pet, reaching my hand out to touch her while I slid my shoes off, placing them into the basket that held many others. Then I take off my blazer, hanging it up on the black metal coat rack, and stretch out my hands and arms. The cat under me escapes from my grasp, running into the kitchen for dinner.

Astra was one of the only things that helped me de-attach from reality for a second, and remember that it'll all be okay. That, and guitar. The only thing with playing guitar when you're stressed is that the anger only builds up if you can't get a note right. With Astra, she was a simple white cat who lounged around all day, and may I say a great cuddle buddy. But besides that, she was something I'd had with me for my entire childhood; she's always been my comfort corner.

The cat circles around my legs as I pour kibble into her small bowl while looking up at me, and down at the bowl. After I stand back up, she begins her meal, and I still stay starving. Lunch at school isn't very enjoyable, and my bento didn't have much today, so I guess I had to make my food tonight.

And so, disappointed, I open the fridge to scan what I could shove down my throat before bed. 'There's nothing but vegetables and expired yogurt once again. Gee, I've gotta go grocery shopping sometime soon.' My brain thinks when I suddenly find a small blue container sitting against the inside of my fridge, with a yellow note on it.

'Brought you your favorite. See you tomorrow morning. I'll drop you off at school- father.' My heartbeat comes to a halt at the words 'father'. Was he really here? Possibly for long? I hadn't seen him since about eight months ago, because as always, his job is more important than his daughter. Still— I wasn't completely comfortable with knowing he was here in Miyagi Prefecture, probably in a late business meeting. No way in hell he would ever come to see me volunteering. It must have been a job trip and I was on the way there. Besides, I wasn't sure if mother was okay with me seeing him so suddenly. But knowing them, they probably arranged for this to happen.

Was dad back in town?

—

Hey guys. I'm sorry I'm taking so long to update my chapters, I've just been super stressed out and kind of working myself a little too hard on many things. As always I love you all very much, and please don't forget to vote!!

- estrxlar

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