#i often forget just how loved i am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mueritos · 9 months

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i turn 22 today and its also my first day of grad school....feeling so crazy 0.0

#listening to every virgos album aka beyonces renaissance #long live virgos....#ive been getting so many words of encouragement its very sweet #i often forget just how loved i am #so thank u to everyone who has been so kind to me

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cinnamon-phrog · 3 months

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I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :<#i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely-#-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things.#i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly'#i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child.#i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake.#i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life-#will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

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hadesknockedupintheunderworld · 1 month

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Ngl it's weird finishing the Knuckles tv show and going to tumblr about it only for people (even who I consider bigger name fans) who also watched the entire show to claim that it "confirmed Knuckles Wachowski"

Like

I'm sorry

Did you somehow miss the part in the last episode where Knuckles had a whole montage of hanging with the Whipple family and Wade and saying "home" or something?

#sonic the hedgehog #knuckles series #knuckles the echidna #knuckles 2024 #knuckles whipple #sonic movie #knuckles 2024 spoilers #knuckles series spoilers #fandom wank #Sorry do you just think that this entire show was a sidequest so Knuckles could go back to the Wachowski house and be their kid now like #nothing ever happened?#In the show where episode 1 clearly showed that Knuckles couldn't mesh with the household and that Sonic considered him a roommate?#This place was not home for him. The show was about him finding home. How is the Wachowski household Knuckles' home after he had an epiphany #that his home was with the whipple family??#Ah wait sorry how could I forget. Sonic fans are just used to absorbing canon with a toothpick and picking the parts they like and then #claiming their headcanons for filling in the gaps are canon #Only the things they personally like are what happened of course #Sorry for being salty I'm just annoyed. Like you can have whatever headcanons or fanon you want. Heck I loved all those 'maddie is knuckles'#mom' comics and whatnot. I'm not even saying we have to interpret the media the same way. But Knuckles having a montage and calling being #with the whipple family 'home' happened. That happened.#A friend and I are running a bet that most people won't acknowledge that it happened unless Sonic movie 3 shoves it in our faces #The universe tests me every day by having put me into Sonic fandom. It is a constant test of one's soul not only to exist in proximity of a #community who you often disagree on big points with‚ but to watch a bunch of loud people claim things are canon but only accept textual #evidence when it serves them. Or to explain a little better #to watch a fandom try to build an 'accepted idea' of what canon is like that becomes so divorced from actual canon that you get people #saying that it's canon and ignoring anything that doesn't fit it because 'writing bad anyways'#Like guys please I am grasping your shoulders. If you don't like canon just say 'fuck you I'm going to make content of this because I think #it's better'. You don't have to assert that everything you believe is canon and ignore when it's not #i just be ramblin

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cowardstiel · 11 months

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i think it should be mandatory that everyone watch The Social Dilemma at least once every six months

#dear everyone saying that tumblr doesn't have an algorithm: yes it does oh my GOD.#i see people say this so often irt twitter and reddit migration #just because tumblr has a different feed system to facebook/inta/twitter doesn't mean the only things you see are exactly what you want #free of influence or coercion #simplest example is tumblr suggesting users and tags for u to follow. what do you think is informing its suggestions?#how does it know which blogs are similar? it's not by fucking chance #please i know we all clown on what a mess this website is and how poorly it delivers ads but let's not forget that that's a choice they mak #if tumblr wanted to deliver ads in the way other social media sites do they could. but it's part of the image they've created for themselve #hence why they feel they can offer a paid subscription to remove ads that has an off switch so u can still see their weird crazy zany ads #because they know how much we love to clown on their shit ads. they know users will screenshot and share ads if they're weird enough #and they want you to. they're not so incompetent that they can't get us classy ads lol. this is their brand. let's not forget that!#anyway this is all triggered by me sending someone (hi bunni <3) a post of misha collin's sfx make up in gotham knights that popped up as a #recommended post despite me never having watched it or searched for it etc. what triggered that post appearing was me searching/tagging spn #a couple times recently. and of course misha collins and spn are frequently cross tagged. anyway since then i have been bombarded with that #godforsaken show constantly on my dash #sorry to gotham knights enjoyers i get the appeal and i am a dc simp but it's just not for me ig #if u read all this i love u im kissing you sloppystyle and or giving u a firm and warm handshake and or a friendly nod like we're walking #past each other on a beautiful day <3 #my post

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no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist · 10 months

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Taylor Swift Songs That Mention Cars That Are Totally About Phoebe and Silas - Mary's Song (Oh My My My)

i looked at you like the stars that shine / in the sky, pretty lights

"She terrified him. She grounded him. She should have been named after an epithet of the sun instead of an epithet of the moon, because it was inevitable that everything in Phoebe Hong's vicinity would circle her in orbit."

and our daddies used to joke about the two of us / growing up and falling in love

This one isn't really exact. But this has similar vibes to Orion constantly third wheeling with them and being really tired about it. Especially since Phoebe and Orion are pretty each other's only constant family members.

take me back to the house in the backyard tree ... take me back when our world was one block wide

Maybe it's just because we have TPATS or maybe because Phoebe and Silas have such a long history, but I can picture both of them being very reminiscent of the time they spent together in London. Before the trial and both of their recruitments.

i dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried / just two kids, you and i

ok but am i the only one who thinks they would have done this.

well, i was sixteen when suddenly / i wasn't that little girl you used to see / but your eyes still shined like pretty lights

Even though a lot has changed since their initial promise to "do well together," they still have each other. At least in theory, but this song is happy so we'll go with that for now.

they never believed we'd really fall in love

At this point, being around their miscommunication has probably become such a fixture in Orion's life that once they actually get together it might surprise him a little bit.

two a.m. riding in your truck and all i need is you next to me

Obligatory car line + "I just want to do well. That's it." ""Let's do well together."

take me back two the time we had our very first fight / the slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight / you stayed outside till the morning light

In FHH they are going to fight. I don't think there's a way around that. However, regardless of what either one of them thinks, I don't think either of them would truly leave the other, no matter the circumstances.

a few years had gone and come around / we were sitting at our spot in town / and you looked at me, got down on one knee / take me back to the time when we walked down the aisle

It's either going to be this or an open ending I think.

take me home where we met so many years before

Phoebe and Silas are each other's home in a way that is parallel with every other ship in the Secret Shanghai universe (absolutely insane how this keeps happening). They both feel a ton of pressure to do well while still feeling forgotten by their families. Roma and Juliette both were raised as gang heirs despite not being blindly committed to their sides. Ben and Mars lived together for years. Then there's the whole, "She was not a remnant of his life before who expected a foolhardy version of him," thing for Rosalind and Orion. And the balance between loyalty to a cause and caring about people even when doing so might make you take actions that don't align with The Cause 100% thing for Celia and Oliver.

after all this time, you and i / i'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nine / i'll look at you like the stars that shine / in the sky, oh my my my

Even though everything will continue to change around them, they will still have each other. Unless Chloe decides to be really mean but shhhhhh

#some of these i just put book quotes because i think it speaks for itself #i love the way chloe gong writes third wheels it's so fucking funny #because it's always then main character constantly having to deal with two losers who refuse to communicate #or in the case of il it's just chami and yilas being really tired of calla randomly showing up at their restaurant covered in blood #i am loving how often phoebe is The Guy™️ in these songs #she is The Man #i think some of the later albums have more songs that are more phoebe pov than silas pov i think though so yay #i feel like i'm forgetting something about benmars that is very Parallel Arc but i don't remember what #chloe gong #secret shanghai #foul lady fortune #foul heart huntsman #the priest and the shepherd #flf #fhh #tpats #phoebe hong #silas wu #phoebe x silas #philas #orion hong #juliette cai #roma montagov #romajuliette #mai #juliette x roma #benedikt montagov #marshall seo #benedikt x marshall #benmars

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sapsolais · 2 days

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#ouagh. :']#ok. i am a simple thing. i'm just a guy y'know. and i try #i try to be kinder to myself i try to be kind and change for the better!! but this is hard but i've been doing well #i'm not as anxious as i once was and this is great. but Sometimes #yeah.#i'm a simple guy with simple occasional worries yk #and one of those things happens to be maybe #not being enough or being too much at the same time y'know #and i caught myself worrying so i was like hm maybe i will look at my nice pile of reminders and nice things #and so i remembered that i love. like a Lot. and i love my friends so So much #and i do my best to express this as often as i can right! and i thought about how it might make me feel #if despite all that my love could not reach a friend when they need it most #that they might forget (it's not their fault)#but in remembering this it helped Me be like. Oh. yes i am loved. don't forget so easily #whew. this whole trusting thing is hard. but man i am sooo good at this and i'm doing great #anyways. i feel much better #and also proud of myself for genuinely being able to reassure myself. it's always felt more like #“well we've Gotta keep going” as opposed to “yeah actually. it's okay” does this make sense #it feels as if i've made n held onto something solid as opposed to waiting for something like that 2 come along #sap says #well. goodnight :]

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magicstormfrostfire · 3 months

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Nothing to me is more miserable than waking up from a dream and the only things I remember from it is the sensation of being deeply loved, and getting ripped away from the sensation by waking up and coming back to reality.

#I dream less of being romantically loved #because prozac is keeping me from being overly depressed #but every so often it sneaks in #my misery feels like its just standing outside my bedroom door.#waiting for me to sleep or forget #and then come at me reminding me of who I am #how I have this deep seated urge to love someone and be taken care of #and devote my entire self to them in return for taking my burdens away #i know that doesnt sound super healthy but im so tired #im tired.#i just want to focus on loving one person forever and making them happy and devoting my entire life to that #and not worry about anything else.#yknow like how pets do

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khlur · 10 months

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every time i talk w my parents i have to remind myself not to get swayed by their doting affectionate act.

#i mean see #becoming older has made me recognize and appreciate them for a lot of what they did #but to say that i am doing anything except lip service to them rn would be an exaggeration #our relationship has improved but i have made it clear that i never intend to live with them ever again #that the honeymoon period will last 2 days max #they'll cry their crocodile tears #and the emotional abuse will restart like it never stopped #that the physical abuse would have continued if i didn't threaten them by throwing chairs and a knife #like....these past few months have given me such fucking WHIPLASH #it almost makes me forget just how dysfunctional our dynamic has been #how i got away relatively well adjusted because i psychologied myself through clinical and counselling psych classes #how they refuse to take the blame absolutely for my brother's issues surfacing now in his adulthood #ever so often something so viscerally twisted will happen on a call or on the group chat which makes me want to hurt myself #and that serves as a wake up call abt how bad shit used to be #and how glad i am to be away from it all #but every few weeks i will be lulled back into thinking that maybe things weren't so bad #i'm also swayed so much by the people around me rn who hesitate so much to talk about anything that isn't small talk #either that or they're people who really love their parents and enjoy spending time with them #and i'm like....respectfully i cannot relate and neither can the bamboo rod that once broke in two bcs of how hard my parents wielded it <3 #and ofc when families come up in conversation everyone acts like it's a normal thing for there to be ups and downs #w so much unsaid and implied about how i'm actually an ungrateful POS who can't appreciate their parents sacrificing so much for me #hehe. no thanks. keep ur judgement to urself

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todayisafridaynight · 10 months

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looking back on all my y7 comics is so funny but now im compelled to organize them 'chronologically' and see what that looks like

#snap chats #i also wanna stick em in a book... nay.. i shant...#Point Is LOL #sorry just saw my fave masada| comic of mine and was like #'oh this is before arakawa gets necked isnt it thats hilarious'#but then i realized before THAT wouldve been aoki asking jo to kill arakawa #all things ive done comics of #so now im just sitting here thinking 'how many y7 comics HAVE i done and how many of them can i organize in order'#sounds like it could be funny....#ok my tummy hurt by. i have one more comm to do and then uhhh #idk the demons are whispering to me to play SADX </3 #'snap what happened to shadow' i am taking a BREAK i love my son but i also have to play Relatively The Same Route #like 28 times ok. i need to look at something else for a hot minute #ALSO I MISS MY CHAOS I WANNA SAY HI TO THEM #awful so for the past couple days my dads been calling me Every Day #i called him like Twice this past two weeks which is a LOT more than usual #and every time i did i was always crying or whatever so ig he was finally like 'lmao wait.... we should call more often....'#and now we do so im happier now :) i forget why this is relATE DI REMEMMERB #ITS BECAUSE EVERY TIME HE GOES TO HANG UP HE'LL BE LIKE 'laters :) One More Thing--'#LIKE OLD MAN YOU SAID BYE ALREADY but then i realize... of course.. im doing the exact same thing...#ok bye fr this time BYE

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manic-pixie-dream-dude · 6 months

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I've been watching/reading Death Note every once in a while for the last couple of months and this is the funniest most unserious serious anime ever.

#mani.txt #death note #i'm gonna take a chip... and EAT IT !!!!#it's so funny. i hate this show. < is obsessed #i dont often watch anime so i forget how campy it can get but oh my god #i'm still recovering after ep 16 & 17. that spun me. shook me to my core. i went a bit insane. like how. why. HOW.#how did all the charas go back to normal after that. this is not plot armor this is trauma armor.#how is misa okay.#How is light's rship w his dad unaffected.#how was there only ONE fist fight over this. and a WHILE after the fact. what. am I just weird for thinking this. i feel crayzoi.#i genuinely can't explain how much i want to throttle each and every one of these characters.#save for ryuk n rem n sayu n naomi. they're amazing wonderful fantastic #and light. but i need to throttle him too.#when i tell you naomi should've lived......... when i tell you she should've been L's friend......... [takes damage takes damage takes da ]#also. i love how neither L nor Light know how to be normal. ever. insane4insane. (doesnt even ship them)#+ after reading thru the manga i'm a 'the only person Light truly cares for is Sayu' truther. this will never change.#in conclusion: this show says so little about criminal justice and so much about the adverse effect of being the son of a cop.#it's a product of it's time. whatever. (death gripping my chair)

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syncrovoid-presents · 10 months

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YOU CAN HIT A TAG LIMIT??? My ramblings in the tags have been conquered and squashed by the 30 tag limit. How silly!

#syncrovoid.txt #delete later #maybe??#ANYWAYS if i continue the story it wouldn't make much sense so i will wrap it up by saying #sleep deprivation isnt actually rhat bad and you really have to work to get bad symptoms #anyways on a totally unrelated note i have to take 2 to 4 times the amount of pain killers or sedatives for the to start impacting me #when my wisdom teeth were removed (rude! they are mine haha!) i was given 3 sedatives and full legal dose laughing gas and i was like.#just there. in the room chilling. they did local anesthetics and i remember that whole thing moreso than the average day!#even though the sedatives were supposedly supposed to make you forget or hazy?#anyways near the end of the surgery my dad is walking in the hallway and opens the door but before he fully came in i was like #“hey dad!!” and waved. but when you are supposed to lay still with your mouth held open by tools and filled with blood you are NOT #supposed to sit up and welcome people in. and because my face was covered it was by the sound of his shoes?#i dont reember that bit as much but my dad told me it after and when i went for the follow up the dentist said he'd never been #jumpscared in such a situation by someone who should've been conked out #after the surgery i got up and the dentist gave me my teeth in a small bag (i kept it as a test to see if my memory would get messed up #since how often does that happen?) and i just walked away. freaked out a bunch of people though and my parents lol #anyways it is a joke for some people i know that i am simply Built Different. i think i am just too silly to contain by mortal rules <-#i joke in a very silly way!! i am soso sleep deprived right now #dhould i be saying any of this? is my typing making sense? my fingers are numb and my brain feels three shades ourple from forest deep teal #time to sleowly pass out and time travel! farewell all ye who read this! i hope ye have wondrous days ahead of you and a lovely life!!!#@:P

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doux-amer · 1 year

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I can’t believe it took me until 2022 to finally understand Andrew Garfield’s appeal... I thought he was cute like a deer, and then I was just neutral about him beyond “seems like a nice guy. Also seems like he’s very enthusiastic and he’s straddling that cute eager puppy and annoying theater kid line closely once in a while for me” in the later years. But then something clicked last year? And then the Golden Globes flirting this year????? I’m not sure what, but I think I can see the attractiveness.

#jk i know what it is and it's mainly that he's giving girl vibes #i don't know how to explain this but this might not need explanation because of how you all seemed to be on the same brainwave on my dash #and also just falling in love with men i like left and right basically #or being ready and receptive to be kissed and manhandled by them lmao #i will not forget him crushing on ocean lmao #and he likes to INTENTLY look at you and listen to your every word #reminds me of colin farrell's interactions with people #but with colin i thought he was hot just looking at him and only now am i finding out this information about him #because he was in the actors roundtable i watched that came out recently from THR #pretty sure he's like that in the other interviews this press tour too #also maybe because andrew's now older even if he still looks baby-faced #this is a partial lie because i do remember being into andrew's face in the early 2010s #and thought he was good-looking but i don't think i ever went '👀 oh...?' about him #don't get me wrong i think he's mostly in the 'cute baby-faced deer' category but occasionally and more often nowadays #i find myself attracted to him dfjklasfjajfals #i feel like this is what happened with james mcavoy too #i didn't think james was cute really. i didn't get why all my friends were obsessed #and then i watched him in more stuff and saw what his personality is like and i get it

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hella1975 · 2 years

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HELAL

I have a lot of stuff running through my mind rn and im in a hurry and idk if its going to make sense but oh well.

(its list anon and I have another thing to add to my 'favorite things about finding myself in Hellas circle of existence list thing)

The thing is how much your personality sinks through into your writing and blog thing.

Let me explain,

I lost internet for a few days and I just got it back and was scrolling through tumblr and noticed one of my mutuals reblog something of yours and I was like 'I havent been on the internet for like four days, I wonder what Hella has been up to.' and so I started stalking you (as one does) and like scrolling through your blog and everything and I came across the post you thinged about your hometown and about how shameful you are about your writing and that sent me into a spiral because I know the feeling and couldnt put it into words and I felt so called out.

Thats besides the point.

I had this thing to add to the list for a while and couldn't figure out how to explain it without seeming weird so Im just doing my best here.

It's like when you post things about the things that go on in your mind. I touched on this in my first list thingy with the whole 'when you post little snippets of whats going on in your mind and turn it into what I can only describe as poetyry' part. It's simular but it's not the same.

It's really easy to see someone and follow someone who is so eloquent and brilliant and hold them close to divinity and think about how untouchable they are, which seems weird because I'm on Tumblr of all places. But like when you follow your favorite authors on twitter or instagram and they seem almost inhuman. And sometimes it feels like being that talented is so unattainable because you're not them, you can't spew out flawless lines of words seemingly effortlessly and you cant come up with a plot that clever and even if you can't you can't give the story justice because you're not that good of a writer.

Even other writers on this site are like this and so...ethereal almost. I've mentioned before how a lot of other writer almost run their blog like a business and everything and you scroll through them and see people constantly sending them asks about their works and sending them fanart and people obsessing over their art and like I said it seems unattainable for your average person. Like I dont get that so maybe I'm not that good.

Then I come to your blog and you talk about situations I relate to and you don't hide your humanity and you talk about your classes in economics of all things and your home town and all your problems (while valid) are normal. You're more relatable than the other writers I follow at least.

I've mentioned in other asks ( I dont think they were list ones but they might have been idk ) that you inspire me a lot. This is why. Also the fact that you're my age (I'm 18) and your not in your 20s and you havent taken a decades worth of writing classes and you dont have a degree in literature. You're literally just person living a normal life. That's not to say other authors and writers arent just normal people but you just show it a lot more, idk.

Like reading things like taob and tbos and then going to your main blog and seeing the way you write your stuff in your mind and then going two posts down and your talking about normal things makes me think that maybe I can write something incredible too one day.

And the reason I have the ability to feel that way in relation to you and your stupid blog (affectionate) is because you let your normal personality show, not some robotic businessy- type personality.

That's not to say that I don't think your just an average person, average people can't describe things so rawly. But, like I said, you're not untouchable.

Based on what I see from you and what you show online, I really think that you have the potential to be great one day. Not that you should hold yourself and force yourself into a life you don't want, like if you don't want to be a famous writer, don't be. But I genuinely just hope that you grow up and find a career you're happy in.

More than anyone I see on the internet, you deserve to live a life that you absolutely love, no matter what that might be.

I said it before that I always feel really obsessive when I send asks like this, and I feel creepy, so if I come off that way I'm sorry. I just try to make it a point to tell people when I enjoy them as a person.

Also I have some songs that kind of remind me of you.

The first one if Vienna by Billy Joel. I think the chances of you not knowing this one is very slim because it's such as popular song right now. But it's my favorite song and it reminds me of you.

The other one is read all about it by Emili Sande (pt 3 is the best) I think this song is also pretty popular, it also might not be, idk. But it's one of those songs that not a lot of people that I show it to like. Idk why. The vocals are weird (in my opinion) but I love the lyrics.

If you already know these songs just ignore this part :)

ME WHEN LIST ANON: