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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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Top 5 Character Deaths That Made Me Side-Eye the Writers

There are a lot of character deaths in TWDG... obviously. It a series about the literal dead walkin’ around and eating people, so as you’re playing, one of your favorite characters is bound to meet such a fate. To give this series credit, it does have quite a few well-executed deaths that, while I hate them, they have a purpose in the story that works.

The best example of this is Lee’s death-- we all hate that Lee dies, but it’s well-done. It serves its purpose, it acted as both a shock and a slow-burn for the player, and left us all an emotional mess.

However, we’re not talking about the “good” deaths today. No, we’re talking about the character deaths that are poorly executed, cheap, lazy, and just plain dumb... they’re the deaths that make me side-eye the writing team and wonder what the fuck happened there.

By the way, it was reeeeeeal fun narrowing it down to only five deaths, because it seems like for every great death, there’s at least two bad ones.

5. Mariana and her death that ruined ANF’s potential story

I’ve talked at length about Mariana’s death and how much I hate it. Like, I get it TWDG... you love your sudden deaths and you’re so edgy for killing off a child character because you’ve never done that before... but maybe consider things a little further before pulling the trigger?

Yeah, killing off Mariana the way they did got a reaction outta people when it happened, and we got the burial scene if you stayed with Clementine... but you didn’t consider the future of this storyline? You pretend you did by name dropping Mari when it’s convenient, but then throw it out the window when it comes to characters like David or Gabe.

Listen, I know that ANF is a mess and what’s the point in telling the mess that it’s a mess? Well, I’m still annoyed at the writers for wasting the biggest opportunity for this game’s story, something that could’ve saved it from being a mess.

And I get it, you gotta make a death quota, so instead of killing Mariana off... why not kill Kate off instead? Oh no? We don’t get the stupid love triangle that no one actually enjoys or is engaged in?

Instead of this dumb story about Javi falling in love with his sister-in-law but oh no David’s back.... we could’ve had a story about Javi losing Kate and being left to care for two children by himself. Mariana and Gabe are all he has left, and he going to do whatever he can to keep them safe all while the three of them are mourning Kate.

Then David comes back, and he immediately takes these kids away from Javi.

There is no stupid storyline with Kate, but an actual conflict between two brothers who were never on the same page and two kids caught in the middle.

Plus, Mariana herself as a character really could’ve brought something to the table. She could’ve brought out a lot in David’s character since she seems to be more like Javi.

Her death is just... annoying. It’s frustrating when you know they could’ve told a better story with her alive, something ANF desperately needed.

My side-eye is one of disappointment and annoyance.

4.Luke and his easily preventable drowning

Ugh.... where to even begin?

Luke really just gets butchered as a character throughout the second half of S2, and the writers end up demolishing the set up they placed at the beginning of the season for a Luke vs Kenny thing.

Why? Well, Luke vs Kenny was the initial ending they were gonna go with, but because this season went through all kinds of bullshit, they scrapped that and replaced Luke with Jane... and it’s so dumb.

Hell, it kind of ruins a lot. Not only did it ruin Luke, a character that many players loved, but it forces the new character of Jane, who we only get two episodes to get to know, so they can fade Luke out.

But that’s not all.

His death is so... ugh. It’s stupid, okay? Stupid and easily preventable, but noooo... we gotta kill Luke off for reasons because all we know is that S1 killed off a lot of characters and we’re gonna do that again but worse because we failed to understand what made those deaths impactful in the first place.

Lots of character death and despair = good game.

Yep, uh-huh. Okay.

So we all know that Luke’s leg is hurt, yeah? Great, so you’d think that the group that has an injured man and a new born baby would be extra cautious and go around the frozen lake. Yeah, Arvo says that it’s safe but let’s not take any chances.

But no. We gotta go across like a group of dingdongs and whattya know-- the ice begins to crack beneath Luke’s feet. Now, even here, we coulda got him outta there safely... if Bonnie wasn’t a dingus.

Think about it. If we shot the walkers who were coming towards Luke with all their weight, he could’ve slowly scooted away, even if he’s already fallen through. BUT NO. Bonnie either guilts Clementine into going towards him, adding more weight to the already fragile ice as Luke tells her to stop, or Bonnie will go over there herself... and she’s a full grown woman soooo her weight breaks the ice.

Good job, you dipsticks.

When you have to make your characters into morons in order to move the plot along and kill off characters....maybe do some rethinking, yeah?

3. Mitch and his shock-value death

This death is so dumb... so incredibly, dumb. Even now, I can’t help but give full side-eye to the writers every time one of them tries to justify this death.

I’m sorry, but this death didn’t have the impact you wanted it to have. And because there’s always someone who says, “Mitch didn’t die for shock value, you just can’t tell the difference between a good and bad death” lemme tell you a thing.

What was the point of killing of Mitch? Well, according to those who worked on TFS, it was to show that Lilly and the delta are serious. This is when shit gets real, and when Lilly is established as a bad bitch who will do whatever it takes to get what she wants. We should be scared of her now.

Except no.

This scene doesn’t tell me that Lilly is a bad bitch. It tells me that she has good reflexes, and going off her reaction after killing Mitch.... I’m not fucking scared of this dumbass. If anything, this scene says more about Mitch than it does Lilly. It says that Mitch is also a dumbass for running at her like he did.

Y’know what would’ve been more impactful? If Mitch didn’t immediately get stabbed in the throat, but instead, actually got her on the ground and struggled with Lilly. Then, Lilly gets the upper hand and when you think she’s about to send Mitch to the cart, she fucking murders him in front of everyone to prove a point.

There’s no remorse, it’s slow enough for Lilly to actually process what’s happening and show that she does know what she’s doing. That would scare me. That would show me that these people aren’t fucking around and they’re willing to kill some of them if that means getting the rest for their army.

You still get your shock value death but it actually does something other than kill a character off.

I’m really supposed to believe this is the same Lilly who can order to have Louis’ tongue cut off?

But it doesn’t end there. No, no... there’s another part to Mitch’s death that annoys me, and it’s how insistent everyone was that his death is going to have a greater impact on the second half of the story. It had a purpose within the story, we did it for a reason.

...I mean, it has an impact on Willy and his arc for the second half.

But that’s it.

Oh... oh, what’s that? Oh, you were referring to those throwaway lines about Tenn? “He was screwing up again, just like when he got Mitch killed.”

OOOOOH.... I see, that’s what Mitch’s death was really amounting to... some lines dealing with whether or not AJ shot Tenn. Well, I guess I was wrong. Mitch’s death wasn’t just shock value. It really had a big purpose. In fact, Mitch’s death has the biggest impact on the series. Fuck Marlon and Brody’s deaths, and Lilly and James, and hell, fuck Tenn’s death, too. They’re meaningless compared to Mitch’s death. You did it, guys. You really did it.

....Okay, I’m done. I’m just... salty, I fully admit.

Being serious again, Mitch’s death is probably the worst in TFS as far as unpreventable deaths go and the real reason I side-eye the writers is because they tried to tell us it was going to have this huge impact in the future and it just... didn’t.

2. Nick and his offscreen death.

I’m sorry, but what the fuck happened here? Why- what are you- how the hell did this happen??

I’m actually baffled.

Someone wrote this.

They set up at the end of ep3 that Nick is shot.... then ep4 comes and we find him like this. I just... did someone on the writing staff not wanna do their job that day? Someone was working on the story and at the last minute forgot Nick was a character, so they were like “Eh, he’s not important anyway, and it adds to the shittiness of everything so we’ll pretend this was 100% intentional.”

Nick was one of your more interesting characters and you really thought killing him off like this was the way to go, huh?

Like, his first death is shitty, but in the very least it kind of makes sense.

But this?

This is horrible. If I wrote this, I’d be embarrassed.

I just... I’m so tired of S2 right now.

This is at #2 because it’s just lazy, bad writing. At least with Luke, Mitch, and Mariana, we got to see their deaths and they had some, even if just a little, impact on the story afterward.

But Nick?

Nothin’.

Even Luke, who is the closest person to Nick, name drops him maybe twice? It’s just.... nothing.

And yeah, you can come at me with the “oh well not every death has to have meaning!”

This is a story, okay? This is a story crafted with characters who have arcs by people who wanted it to be a success, and usually that means having satisfying conclusions.... or, intentionally unsatisfying if that acts as a natural conclusion to their story or is a reoccurring theme.

Nick’s death is just the writers falling flat on their faces and hoping no one would notice.

1. Sarah and both of her shitty deaths.

Ugh. UGH.

Okay.

I’m not even side-eyeing anymore-- I’m fully glaring.

I don’t have to tell you how shitty both of Sarah’s deaths are. We all played S2, we all know that no matter what you do, Sarah dies in ep4. You can try to save her, she lives a little bit longer, and then falls to her death... and both deaths have her being devoured alive by walkers.

Now, this is enough to annoy me. First off, I guess my choices don’t really matter. Sure, you can justify this as one of those “sometimes you can’t save someone, no matter how hard you try” ...and fine. Sure, if they had bothered to execute that point well, then great.

But I disagree that the writers had that in mind when they were killing Sarah off.

In fact, I know what what going on in their brains-- “God, can’t wait to kill Sarah off! Give us any reason to do it! She’s so damn annoying!”

The writers have openly admitted that a lot of the team were just waiting to kill Sarah off, waiting for any reason, so when the major part of the community who take everything at surface level because why think? kept complaining about Sarah, they jumped on the opportunity to kill her off.... but the deaths are dumb.

Listen, this isn’t like when the writers planned on killing Lee off. You can plan a death and even be excited about it because you’re excited about the story and execution of it all. You can be excited to see the heartbreaking end of this character’s story that you crafted because you know you put everything you had into it.

These deaths were lazy and the product of a team who didn’t care about the character. Sarah dies and no one cares.

Sure, you leave her to die the first time and Jane does her thing about how you can’t save everyone, she talks about Jaime, and then Luke exposes himself as the fake Luke by agreeing that leaving Sarah behind was probably the right thing. Like what?

Now as much as I hate that first one, the second one is even worse.

For some reason, Sarah is standing in the corner while they’re trying to fight off the walkers instead of being inside with Rebecca... y’know, where she would be if this was logical.

Then the deck breaks and Sarah falls, trapped under a pile of wood. Jane, despite being the one who sees Sarah as a liability, goes down there to try and help her after Clementine begs her to.

But because the writers don’t know what they’re doing, Jane gets hit by a random piece of wood and can’t get Sarah out in time, leaving her to be eaten alive by walkers.

Then AJ is born and no one cares about Sarah ever again.

I just....

Could’ve had an interesting story arc with a character who just lost her father in such a gruesome way, a character that already deals with anxiety and other problems that you never bothered to explain other than “she isn’t like Clementine” and you could’ve had her grow.

But I guess that would’ve taken effort.... and screen time away from Kenny, and god forbid we ever do that.

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Honorable Mentions

-Ava falling to her death in the most comedic way possible, made even more hilarious by David’s two seconds of mourning. -Omid.... because hope is dead. Do you get it? Hope? is dead? Because Omid means hope? Do you get it?? -Honestly you could put most of S2′s deaths on this list because oh my god. -Ben because I’m still a salty bitch. -I also wanna add Louis and Violet’s deaths on the bridge mostly because they die, Clem is sad for two seconds, Tenn says sorry, and then no one cares. Yeah, yeah, they mourned off screen and I call that lazy bullshit. -Hell, throw Tenn’s death on here, too, for similar reasons-- no one but Louis/Violet and AJ seem to care. Even Clementine is like “whatever” after it happens.

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Y’know, picking this one seemed like a good idea at the time, but by now I’m just annoyed by all these dumb deaths. So, what are your thoughts? Are there any deaths that make you question the writers that didn’t end up on the list? Do you agree or disagree with my list? Lemme know, we can have a friendly discussion about it.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

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Next week’s T5F Top 5 Favorite Louis Moments

#twdg t5f #twdg clementine #twdg javier #twdg kate #twdg mariana #twdg gabe #twdg david #twdg luke #twdg jane #twdg kenny #twdg nick #twdg sarah #twdg mitch #twdg willy #twdg louis #twdg violet #twdg tenn #after this i need to talk about muh boy #louis content coming next friday

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cxmetery-gates · 3 years

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OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS - DARK!TOM HIDDLESTON

CHAPTER SIX: PICKUP TRUCK THOUGHTS

SUMMARY: Lynn takes a moment of solitude to put things into perspective, all thanks to a friend’s truck and some clouds. WORD COUNT: 2.8k NOTE: Not me falling of the face of the internet for a couple months. Whoops! WARNINGS: dark!tom hiddleston, teacher!tom hiddleston

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS MASTERLIST

"YOU REALIZE IT'S A SERIOUS problem at this point, right?"

"At least it's not crack."

The two familiar voices catch both mine and Gabe's attention. With the doors open, legs sprawled out wherever they're comfy, and some early 2000s alternative music jamming from the speakers, we genuinely look like high school delinquents. All we're missing is a cigarette hanging from our lips.

My back aches as I pry my upper half to sit up straight, a chorus of popping following my movement. I brightly grin at River and Ellie and my feet reach the black pavement. It appears Ellie just rolled her eyes at River's sassy remark. I begin to ask what they were talking about before I notice something being shoved back in the boy's backpack: his new Obi-Wan Kenobi lightsaber. Part of me isn't surprised, but the other half is wondering what reason he has to carry it around at school. Regardless of the reason, we all have our quirks: it took me until the eighth grade to leave my replica of Harry Potter's wand at home.

Geeky things, I guess?

I can only guess what River was telling Ellie when it comes to his devotion to Star Wars. There isn't an existing number to count how often River and I find ourselves on the topic of space battles and the Skywalkers.

"What's up, friendos?" I ask as they draw closer. A sudden chilly breeze lifts my hair and bumps along my skin. It's almost a frustrating sensation, it being the middle of August. It looks like I'm the only one who feels it, as my teeth are the only ones that chatter. Since my arms are tightly holding each other, I barely have time to react to Ellie's next reaction.

Ellie drags her feet dramatically until she goes limp in my arms. "I wanna go home and sleep."

I stumble back at the weight added, wriggling my arms to hold her steady. The last thing I need on the first day of school is a concussion. "Christ— well maybe if you get off, we can take you home."

River piles his backpack into the back of Gabe's truck, the loud thump startling Ellie, and looks at us with a confused stare. "Weren't– Weren't we supposed to hang out today?"

The girl in my arms rises to her feet, groaning. "Shit, I forgot. My mom said she wants me back home after school as soon as possible. You know, groundings and all."

"Next time, don't get into an accident." Gabe sends her a smirk.

Ellie narrows her eyes and mocks his response, crossing her arms and leaning on one leg. A small chortle parts my lips as I lean up against the truck next to River. After her bickering, Ellie continues. "Go get ice cream or something in my memory. I just have to get back before I'm killed, which should be any day now."

"I call your funeral playlist," I reply. Looking up while my fingers stroke my chin comically, I add, "A ton of 80s pop with a dash of Gaga?"

Booping my nose, Ellie smiles. "You know me too well."

We all file into Gabe's small truck— well, almost all of us. Since the truck is a three-seater and police like to patrol this area, there is always a sacrifice who gets to claim the back of the car. This time, it happens to be me. Once I was lying flat on my back, a blue tarp was pulled over my body, coming right above my nose. Oh, the perks of old, short pick-up trucks roaming a town with endless police...

Sliding open the window, Gabe's voice calls out. "You good back there?"

"Yeah, I'm fucking peachy," I reply.

There's the sound of laughter before the engine kicks on. At that moment, my paranoia starts to kick in, starting with my heart beating fast in my chest and palms getting sweaty. Not once have any of us gotten caught, but I can't help but think the day we are, it's my ass going to jail. I've never bothered to look at the laws relating to seat belts in other states, but here, the law is highly enforced. Not only would I get fined and definitely put into a cell, but I have no doubt Gabe would endure the same fate.

Nice way to put yourself in one of these states, I chastise myself.

I almost groan, but I can't be sure if I'll cause one of the friends up front to worry. So, I exhale and inhale rhythmically like I was taught. Looking straight ahead, all I can see are blue skies and puffy white clouds. Occasionally, a tree or two will enter the scenery. I'm barely blinking as I try to put shapes to the clouds, some more impossible than others. Despite having an imaginative mind, the figures aren't creating a picture for me to follow.

I like to remember how easy it was as a child to create something out of nothing. An empty napkin roll wasn't just cardboard; it was a telescope that needed color. Our dolls weren't acting on our behalf; they were doing it themselves and showing us their lives. Every cloud wasn't just a random array of water droplets but rather, a visual story to be told. I want to know what causes all of us to lose that form of innocence. Ways of thinking like pessimism or optimism, that's easy: once too many shitty things start to happen more than the good, one is likely to form a biased view or vice versa. But, why do we stop playing with imaginary friends? Or act out intense battles on the playground? Even the smallest blip of innocence, like cloud-watching, becomes warped.

Sometimes, it's easy to pick out that moment in our own lives where we find ourselves becoming grown-ups and leaving childhood behind, but the shitty part is that it isn't just me or Ellie, River, or Gabe who go through trials. It's not just the kid who loses a parent or the girl who was taken advantage of. Everyone has their wars. And in the end, we lose, becoming a part of the system that inflicts these damages.

These damages I speak of tear us apart. They mold us into shapes beyond recognition. No longer a funny shape or a distorted animal in the sky, but dark, heavy, and so close to bursting. And when we finally let go, after all the waiting and rolling, we seem to explode, leaking and oozing our pain, our torment, us. And when it's over? What's left? I guess there are two options: remain on the ground to seep into further nothingness, or rise once more, only to break again, again, and again. But life is such torment and full of trials, is it not?

Funny how staring at a cloud can put life into perspective.

My brain is overrun by these thoughts that I don't even realize Gabe's truck is rolling to a stop. I finally take notice when car doors swing open then shut.

"Wake up, sleeping beauty," River says leaning over the side of the truck to get a look at me.

Rolling my eyes with a grin, I swat at his shoulder, which misses as he recoils. "Shut up, loser." I sit up, tossing the tarp to the side as I move to stand. River smirks and offers his hands to help me down. Without hesitation I take them, swinging one leg over the side and the other following before I made a short leap to the ground. Because neither of us apparently can avoid embarrassment, we're both holding each other's hands after I land. A rosy blush spreads across his entire face— no doubt mine as well— before I take the initiative to lean backwards, focusing on Ellie who crawls from the side door.

"Speaking of losers," Gabe sighs. I can't help but feel the reddening in my cheeks, assuming this asshole is talking about River and me, but I notice he's looking at Ellie, now swinging her backpack around one shoulder in her driveway.

She notices that all of us are looking, causing her to freeze. "Why does everyone hate me today?"

I smile bringing her into a goofy hug. "We just miss you. Don't get into any more accidents, please?"

"Yeah, yeah," she snorts, hugging me back to the best of her ability, considering I have her arms pinned down at an odd angle. "Alright, leave my driveway before I actually get you guys killed."

Gabe, River, and I say our goodbyes before filing into the white truck, heading God-knows-where as a worn-down engine sparks to life. Looking over at River, who sits to my right in the passenger seat, I send him a glare that he doesn't see since his eyes are focused on what lies beyond the window— or lack thereof.

While his hair barely covers his neck, mine flows down to my mid-back, meaning having windows rolled all the way down and speeding down a highway won't lead to the best outcomes for my hair. But I can't complain too much: River's hair going crazy in the wind is both cute and a bit funny. A small smile graces my features before a thin lock of hair enters my lips.

Glancing over at the driver, I notice how only locks of hair toward the ends move slowly despite the windows rolled all the way down, as if the strands are wearing a shield against the wind. I wonder how Gabriel keeps his hair so still before making the dumbfounding realization that he wears that beanie 24/7 and who knows how long he goes without washing his perfect hair. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen the boy without the hat. I guarantee no one would recognize him without it.

"So, where are we heading?" Gabriel asks when we reach the stoplight before entering the populated part of town.

I exhale, leaning my head on the headrest of the seat. "Well, I for one could go for something frozen. Maybe a burger, too."

"Didn't you just eat lunch?" River asks, humorously smiling in my direction.

"And had coffee literally less than an hour ago," Gabe adds.

Sending a blank look to River (whose smile widens) then over to Gabe, his eyes never leaving the stretch of road ahead of him (at least one person in the group can do that), I huff, my eyes shutting closed and I bring my shoulders up into a shrug. "I don't know what you both have against me and my food and drink consumption, but you better knock it off."

There's a small hum of laughter to my right, sending a slight shiver down my neck. "If we left you alone for a week, there's no telling how much you'd put in your system," River tells me as if I don't know that already.

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, Bob and Jillian, I don't need you to berate me."

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Twenty minutes later, the three of us find ourselves outside a burger joint. In one hand, I have a burger waiting to be devoured and in the other is a frozen strawberry lemonade. Nothing says summer like this combination. We're sitting the parking lot eating our meals, more specifically in the back of the truck. From my phone, I have a playlist plainly called "Chill" playing from the nearly-blown speakers.

"I never thought food could taste so good," I moan as the burger slides down my throat.

"You're acting like you haven't eaten in a week."

Sending Gabe an eye-roll, I reply, "It might as well have been."

There's a moment of silence before River brings up a topic not discussed in a couple weeks. "Do you guys wanna come over and jam for a bit sometime this week? We haven't done anything in a while."

One summer a few years back, the trio of us learned we can play different instruments. I have been playing the guitar and drums since I was younger, thanks to a musically gifted grandfather. Gabe and River both had a knack for guitar too, though Gabe had more experience with the bass guitar and River had some training with piano. While our jam sessions are nothing too serious, as none of us want to be in a band or write our own songs, it's become a fun and stress-reducing way to hang out when silence would otherwise fill the atmosphere. The last time, we figured out how to play the theme songs of our favorite movies using a ukulele and bongos. It was something I didn't need to hear, but I'm glad I did.

I nod my head. "Yeah, we can this weekend if we aren't being drowned in homework by that point."

Gabe also agrees with a nod, his mouth full of fries. "It's a maybe from me: Mom might need to borrow the truck since hers is wearing down."

River turns his dark brown eyes over to me, capturing an embarrassing scene as lettuce pokes between my stuffed lips. Great. "Well, I guess I can hang out with you if someone can't show."

While I playfully punch his arm, I send a look over to Gabe who hides a smirk in his straw. He catches me looking as River goes on about one of his classes. Sending me a wink, I narrow my eyes knowingly: his mom just got a brand new truck. Mr. Matchmaker goes back to this food, making a statement on how hot River's finance teacher is, causing the boy to make a very uncomfortable face.

Despite the long talks we shared in the back of Gabe's truck, I find myself zoning out hardcore once again. I can't figure out why exactly my mind had wondered, but I do know where. My thoughts go back to Trinity's face, remembering how she would sit next to me against the side of the truck the very few times she decided to make time for my friends. There's a ghost of warmth in my palm like fingers squeezing when the short snippet of a memory expels from deep inside my mind. I don't know why I thought of it. It just appeared, causing a droplet of woe to fill my gut.

Like my friends have told me before, I need to let this go. There's no use in holding on to something, or rather someone who isn't coming back, especially someone who was never good for me in the first place. Glancing up, I spy on River munching and talking with Gabe. A blush covers my cheeks when I remember how utterly embarrassing it was when I broke down in front of him over a stupid girl. He told me there are worse things to worry about.

"Like climate change?" I asked, sniffling into a pillow. I hope he washed it after that encounter. Hell, he needed to lysol everything down after my mopey ass walked through the place.

River smiled warmly at me, pulling me into a giant bear hug. Sometimes, I want to ask for one of those hugs again. "I was going to say people who like pineapple on pizza, but climate change is also a concern."

I remember crying not a second later, but that was due to the thought of polar bears facing extinction.

Contrary to knowing how wonderful my three best friends are, I'm also aware that there are certain things I can't share. I don't want to overbear them with my problems that should have been solved months ago. The fact that I'm still getting small flashbacks and thoughts of her is pathetic, and I'm aware of that fact. On the other hand, it isn't like my group of friends will give up and leave if I spill my guts, right? I shouldn't be scared of expression my thoughts, feelings, and emotions to my closest friends. And yet, here I sit, undecided on what to do.

Christ, do I need to get my priorities straight.

When my eyes break away from their trance, all I see is Gabe and River entering a heated discussion, about what I'm not sure. With my thoughts still in a bit of limbo, I'm shocked back to reality when they both leap from either side of the vehicle, rushing to pull items from their bags.

Under any other normal circumstance, it would be concerning to see two dudes arguing one moment then reaching into their bags the next. I'm willing to bet the next logical calculation for a stranger would have been to get away, fearing the queue for guns or knives. But I know these losers. Even if they are fighting or wanting to kill each other, there is only one way they can settle their differences.

"Soon, you will see the way of the Jedi," River exclaims while thrashing his blue lightsaber through the air.

"Shut the fuck up, you nerd!" Gabe flicks out a red lightsaber, taunting the other.

"Oh, my God," I say with no emotion in my tone, watching as red and blue shamelessly slash at each other in battery-produced light in a burger joint parking lot.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

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abovethesmokestacks · 4 years

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Distant Connection (5/7)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 995

Rating: All audiences

Warnings: none. or maybe bad memeing?

| Distant Connection Masterlist |

Ya’ll are really coming for my heart with all these lovely comments. I appreciate them all so, so, SO much. I wish you all had a Bucky to have zoom meetings with and that he’d look just like he does in the banner, nose scrunch and all.

Chapter 5: Toilet Paper Confessionals

“You mind if we wrap up like ten minutes early today?”

The question comes right at the end of another break aerobics session. Or, well, yoga. Bucky, you find out, is almost weirdly limber. Not that you had watched. A lot.

“Um, sure? I can finish up whatever we’re working on then alone. What’s up?”

Bucky pulls a face, “Grocery run. We’re trying to do big hauls now and shop smart so we won’t have to run to the bodega five times a week because we just realized we’re out of fucking hot sauce.”

You halt your movements, pen frozen just above your notepad, “Hot sauce? People are out there hoarding toilet paper, hand sanitizer and canned food, but you guys… can’t survive without hot sauce?”

“It’s a thing. Mostly it’s Gabe and Junior’s thing, but it’s grown on me. Everything gets better with hot sauce,” Bucky explains with a wry little smile. “And come on, don’t tell me you’re not hoarding something no one else is.”

“Okay, I swear I’m not deflecting, but Junior? You have a roomie named Junior?”

He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s a nickname. But would you believe he’d rather be called Junior than Jonathan?”

Almost immediately, there’s a muffled voice hollering loud enough to carry through the closed door to Bucky’s room, “Are you talking shit about me, Jimmy?”

“Literally no one calls me Jimmy, Jonathan!” Bucky calls back, a teasing emphasis on his roomie’s name, and is that a blush creeping up on his cheek?

“Yeah, like literally no one calls me Jonathan!”

Bucky’s face lights up with laughter, nose scrunching up and you’re sure you have to be melting, have to be swooning because it’s so sweet and so nice to see this side of him. Sure, the two of you have gotten more comfortable with each other during these past couple of weeks, more so than if you would have been working on this project at the office. But this… this is a part of his life that you’ve only ever heard of but never seen or experienced. He is Bucky in this moment, but a more private version. He’s a guy who gets lost in an inside joke and teases his friends and laughs like he’s not in the middle of a thing with a co-worker. You kinda wanna know that guy, too.

“Sorry about that. He’s a good guy. Bit of an asshole sometimes, but a good guy.” Bucky’s voice brings you out of your little daydream, and if you flinch, then he doesn’t seem to notice. “So what was that about you hoarding stuff?”

“I never said I was hoarding!” you protest, holding up a finger.

“Yeah, but you are buying something in semi-bulk, am I right? Am I right?”

You let out a mock-exasperated breath, leaning back in your chair. God, you miss your office chair. You miss your tiny office. You even miss the shitty view and the way you’d hear Tony talking at breakneck speed from down the corridor.

“I’m not saying I’m hoarding. But I want to be prepared. So maybe… I have… a coupla pints of ice cream in my freezer.”

Bucky breaks down into laughter again, his whole face crinkling up. “And you’re judging me for hot sauce? Oh, man, we are the worst preppers in the world. God damn it, hot sauce and ice cream, that’s the hill we’ll die on?”

“I mean, at least we’ll die happy and full of something we like?”

“True that.”

You think the discussion is done with that. And sure, for a while it is. You go back to your project, to running numbers and making spreadsheets and discussing client costs, and when Bucky waves goodbye, it’s with a smile and a teasing jab about buying ice cream. You wrap up what you were working on, shutting down your laptop and getting up with a little grumble and a lot of joint popping. There are leftovers and half-empty takeout boxes in your fridge, but not really anything substantial. Maybe you should do a proper grocery run, too?

You walk around, finding a bodega that is reasonably empty but still well-stocked. You try to shop with purpose. Non-perishables, produce, thinking of dishes you can prepare that won’t take too long, be too complicated and that will last you a couple of days each.

In the pasta aisle, your phone pings, alerting you to a whatsapp message. It’s Bucky. A selfie where his face is only half in the picture while the main focus seems to be on a guy dramatically kneeling in front of an empty shelf.

>>We were too late. Someone else is hoarding hot sauce. Gabe, as you can see, is taking it well.

You had exchanged numbers early on, just in case all other tech would give up. There’s never been any need to use the phone, not for professional reasons at least. Bucky texting you… makes the world seem a little more normal. Texting each other dumb, sweet stuff. Smiling, you find the condiment section, snapping a picture of yourself with all the available hot sauces clearly visible.

>>Oh, what a shame, what a shame poor Gabe isn’t here.

>>Was that a P!ATD reference?

>>Maybe?

There’s no immediate reply, so you carry on, wandering the little bodega trying to figure out if there’s anything else you need. Your phone only pings again when you’re waiting in line. Bucky, doing a cheesy pose and pointing at the length of freezers filled with ice cream

>>Lying on the ice cream freezers is the most fun a guy can have for unprovoked hot sauce taunting though not during a pandemic because that is unhygienic

>>by Panic at the Trader Joe’s

You can’t contain the laugh, making the cashier stare.

>>Oh my god you are such a dork

>>It’s why you like me, right?

Oh. Like him.

You… like him. Bucky.

That’s.

Oh.

#Distant Connection #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky x reader #quarantine fic #social distancing video calling coworkers to friends to lover

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ericsonclan · 3 years

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Betrothed Through Thick and Thin

Summary:��Nurgul journeys to the Kingdom of Richmond to perform her duty on meeting and marrying her betrothed, the crowned prince of Richmond, Gabe.

Word Count: 1000+

Read on AO3:

An unearthly groan escaped the walking corpse’s withered lips. Its blank, milky eyes looked lazily up at the cloud before getting distracted by the sound and movement of a nearby bunny. The small brown creature twitched its nose this way and that as its beady eyes stared in horror at the living dead that was ever so slowly making its way towards what it hoped would be its next meal. The muscles stretched and grew thin on the arm of the living dead, another sound wheezing out of its rotting lungs when a steel blade sliced through the air and became embedded in its head. With a grunt the wielder of the curved sword pulled the metal clean from the walker’s skull, making blood and brain matter pooled out as it collapsed, truly finally dead.

“I hate this land,” Nurgul muttered and flicked the blood off her blade. Her brown eyes searched around the dirt road before her, noticing the different members of the living dead that roamed around aimlessly. A pair of them were fighting over the carcass of a deer that had been out for many days. Flies buzzed around it while filthy teeth tore at its molding flesh. Nurgul’s face twisted in disgust at the sight. To think that things like this lived just beyond the Moonstar Mountains.

Her eyes wandered back for a moment to look at the mountains. Their snowy peaks on top of the dark grey bases looked smaller to her now that she had journeyed all this way. Beyond them was her home, a place she couldn’t return to for she had a duty to perform: marry the prince of the kingdom of Richmond. Nurgul let out an anxious sigh, her sight turning to the sky where her hawk, Botakuz, flew free. The hawk’s red-brown speckled chest stood out prominently as her wings of brown and white carried her along the wind. She would be Nurgul’s eyes in the sky to spot the kingdom she would be making her home. There she would meet her betrothed in order to form a treaty in case there ever came a day the living dead made it past the protection of the mountains and entered her lands. She prayed that day would never come. So she would do what was necessary for her kingdom.

But that didn’t mean she had to be kind to her betrothed. She wouldn’t say good morning to him or wish him luck when he went hunting. That would really show him that she was simply marrying him for the treaty and had no positive feelings towards him in particular. Nurgul paused for a moment, wondering if those standards she was setting were too mean, but she quickly shook her head. No, they were just mean enough.

The princess smiled to herself, proud of her plan when suddenly she noticed some of the walkers were getting too close for comfort. Nurgul huffed and used her curved blade once more to end the hollow existence of the living dead. Her sword's movement sliced the tip of the walker’s skull clean off but the brain still remained intact. Its decaying hands blindly reached out, brushing against her white horse’s tail that flicked frantically at the feeling of other hands tangling in its mane. Botakuz swooped down, her talons extended as they dug deep into the living dead’s exposed brain and tore it to shreds.

“Whoa, it's all right, Jirtez,” Nurgul patted the horse's neck. The gesture calmed down the noble steed who snorted and shook his mane. “We shall survive in this land.” he princess gave the same promise that she had made to herself all those months ago when she heard the news of the arranged marriage. As soon as she had learned of the terrifying creatures that haunted this land, Nurgul knew that she must make herself as strong as steel.

So Nurgul had trained for countless hours, bettering herself so that she wouldn’t die a meaningless death in this terrifying land that she would be sent to. Her bow clinked slightly on her back as she clicked her heels against her horse’s side to pick up speed a bit more to hopefully avoid any more close calls with the living dead. The feathers on her tall light blue hat blew gently in the wind while her eyes once more ventured to the skies. This time though it was to take in the beautiful white, fluffy clouds that lazily made their way through the sky. She loved the clouds, how carefree and beautiful they were, how they set her mind and heart at ease.

The princess’ attention quickly turned away from the sky though, knowing that she couldn’t risk cloud watching on her journey in these lands. Her sword quickly became slick with more blood as she cut down a member of the living dead that had been drawn in by the sound of hooves hitting the dirt road. Nurgul kept her focus entirely on the road and any threats nearby until her hawk gave a cry that made her eyes look up and see the greystone castle peeking out from the walls that surrounded it. This must be the kingdom she had ventured all this way for; the kingdom of Richmond.

As her horse trotted closer to the walls, Nurgul noticed that she was nearing the southern entrance. Colors of midnight blue and silver filled her eyes when she took in the sight of flags and tapestries that adorned the walls near the gate. Nurgul guided Jirtez towards the direction of the gate and held her right arm out. It held a simple brown leather arm guard for Botakuz to safely land on. She curled her right hand into a fist to prepare to receive her pet.

“Bo-” The princess’ word stopped short when she noticed a young man who was diligently working to master the sword. He stood with a determined stance, his black arming cap sitting proudly on his head while he swung the sword. His warm brown eyes didn’t seem to match the small frown on his face when he noticed that he had messed up a move. His simple clothes made Nurgul recognize him to be a peasant boy. She smiled at his hard work; it wasn’t easy to train with the sword. His brown hair blew ever so slightly with the breeze when suddenly he gave too mighty of a swing that caused his broadsword to become stuck in the tree.

“Damn it!” His voice rang out throughout the open field. He placed his foot on the tree to try and help as he pulled with all his strength in hopes of releasing his weapon. That was when Nurgul noticed that quite a few members of the living dead had been drawn in by his voice and training. Their decaying flesh hung off all areas of their body as they moved towards their potential next meal. The unnerving moans and groans of the walking corpses made the young man look up with fear in his eyes. His hands grew sweaty and his attempts to free his weapon became more frantic. Nurgul knew in an instant that she must help him. Clicking her heels against her horse’s side, she rode forward into battle.

Gabe couldn’t believe this. Not only had he messed up a whole lot in the new moves he was trying to master but now his sword was stuck in a tree. What made the situation even more shitty was the fact that not one, not two, but six living dead were wandering towards him. He hadn’t told Mariana or Javi where he was going nor was he close enough to call for help and have it arrive in time. The only way he could make it out of this was if he somehow got the sword unstuck from this tree, fought them all off until they were defeated or found an opening. But it was no use. His broadsword was embedded in the tree, he wouldn’t have the amount of time he needed.

Gabe wouldn’t survive this; he would get eaten or turn. That was the fate that awaited him. His eyes shook with fear as the walkers drew near when suddenly a girl dressed in a beautiful, intricate light blue dress appeared before him on a pure white horse. Her steel curved sword shone in the sunlight and with a quick swing of her weapon she ended the miserable existence of one of the living dead. Gabe stood in awe at the sight before him. The girl rode forward and circled around the walkers in order to herd them and guide them away from Gabe.

“Are you alright?” The girl’s kind eyes looked into his. He blinked and his mouth hung slightly ajar at the sight of the warrior noblewoman in front of him when he realized he should probably say something.

“Yes,” Gabe’s voice had gone slightly higher than normal for some odd reason. He cleared his throat. “Yes, thank you!”

The girl smiled then turned her attention back onto the threats in front of her. Her curved sword slashed down at the living dead, cutting off some fingers and hands in the process. Gabe continued to work to free his blade, hoping he could help the one who had saved his life but it was no use. So instead he opted to give tips and call out encouraging words.

“You have to aim for the head!” Gabe’s advice made the princess glance over at him.

“I already knew that, but thanks!” She sliced through a walker’s skull, causing the top half to fly back and land by Gabe. “It is the most basic knowledge to deal with these threats in this land.” The noblewoman continued to work to defeat the living dead surrounding her. Her white horse kicked back a walker and she gave a grunt as she embedded her blade into the skull of another member of the living dead.

“You’re doing great!” Gabe called out, not sure what else to do when suddenly he noticed a particular walker getting rather intrigued by the girl’s feathered hat. “Watch out, that one on your right is trying to grab your hat!” The prince’s warning gave the noblewoman just enough time to move away and guide her steed back.

Gabe let out a relieved sigh when he noticed a new member of the living dead stumbling towards him. It let out a series of gurgled groans. Its arms lazily reached out before the right arm’s deteriorated muscle slipped off the bone. The walker didn’t seem to care though and moved forward as its intestines jiggled around its rib cage before splattering to the ground. Gabe shifted his weight and with a well-timed kick he took out the living dead’s knee. He smiled to himself, thinking that Clementine would be proud of him. But he soon realised that he had not thought past that one move.

“Careful!” The girl rode forward, her sword piercing through the back of the living dead’s skull. Thanks to the move, the noblewoman’s face had ended up rather near Gabe’s which made the crowned prince of Richmond blush. The girl seemed to get overwhelmed by how close their faces had gotten but she soon drew back and returned her attention back to the fight.

“Watch out for the two on your left!” Gabe warned and the noblewoman gave a small nod of acknowledgement as she kicked off the living dead from her sword. With a mighty swing she took down the two that Gabe had warned her of.

That left only one: the decaying corpse that had been kicked by her steed was now moseying over towards her. The noblewoman gave a swing but had aimed too low, her blow causing the walker’s head to disconnect from its body and roll on the ground. The girl quickly turned her horse round whose hooves crushed the beheaded skull underfoot. With a shaky sigh the girl sheathed her blade and gave a warm smile. Silently she extended her right arm with a curled fist. “Botakuz,” The noblewoman spoke in a calm, commanding voice and within seconds a hawk flew down from the sky and landed on her arm guard.

Gabe stared with a mixture of wonder and surprise at the sight. The noblewoman gave the hawk a few headscratches then looked over at the prince.

“I’m glad I reached you in time. I am Nurgul. May I ask what your name is?” The girl let down the horse’s reins gently and let it trot in place for a minute.

“I’m Gabe, crow-” He quickly stopped himself, not wanting to have someone know that he had snuck out of the castle nor have this girl that was clearly out of his league think that she was out of his due to his status.

“It's nice to meet you, Gabecrow,” The girl gave a gentle smile.

“Shit, no, that's not my name! It's just Gabe.” the prince explained to the noblewoman who looked surprised and slightly embarrassed by her mistake.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“There you are!” Mariana stormed out of the gates, sword in hand as her light purple dress swayed with her rapid movement. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! You can’t just ditch your duties or you’ll make for a real dumbass king!”

“Mari!” Gabe’s eyes widened at the sight of his little sister and he began to try to explain.

Nurgul felt herself reeling slightly from the sentence she had just heard. A king? Her eyes wandered down and caught sight of the royal colors of midnight blue and silver that peeked out from under Gabe’s plain brown shirt.

“You,” Nurgul’s voice made the royal siblings stop butting heads and look over at her. “You’re Gabriel Garcia, crowned prince of Richmond.” She shook her head softly in disbelief.

“Yeah? But it's not really that big of a deal,” Gabe awkwardly scratched his neck and gave a shy smile.

“It is a big deal.” Nurgul muttered then looked up and locked eyes with him. “For I am going to be your wife.”

#twdg #twdg nurgul #twdg gabe #twdg mariana #twdg gabegul #fanfic #for king and country au

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demigodsanswer · 4 years

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Once Upon a Point - Chapter 4

Story Summery:

“Annabeth, you’re with Percy,’ Chiron said. Annabeth. She looked like the figurine in a little girl’s music box had come to life to dance in City Ballet. Percy felt like every opportunity to dance with her was a privilege. Just don’t forget the choreography, Percy thought as he got into the right starting spot for the wedding pas de deux. Don’t forget the choreography, and don’t drop her.”

Percy, a soloist with the ballet company, and he is offered one chance to dance with Annabeth, one of their star principals. If he nails the choreography, he might just earn a chance to dance with her. And, if he’s really lucky, he might get a date out of it as well.

Chapter Title: Awakening

Read on AO3

Start from the beginning

Story notes - PLEASE READ

The tags for this story have been updated to reflect the content that is in this chapter and the next chapter. Please check AO3 for the full list, but they do include verbal abuse and non-consensual sharing of nude photos.

(If you have checked the tags, and nothing is a particular trigger for you, the rest of the note may spoil this chapter)

This chapter starts to feature some minimal verbal abuse, as well as consensual sharing of nude photos. The verbal abuse is about halfway through when Luke shows up. That section is marked off with *****. The photos are the last section of the story when Percy is home. That section is marked off with ~~~~~ and goes until the end.

After these two chapters, things will go back to fluff, as well as some hurt/comfort.

Percy slipped into his tights and doublet before slicking his wild hair down with enough gel to make sure it held throughout the ballet. He jumped up and down a few times, shaking his hands, trying his best to get rid of some of his nerves while keeping his muscles warm.

Their dress rehearsal started in a few minutes, but he had plenty of time; he didn’t go on until act two. Still, he wanted to feel ready – to be in his costume, hair, and makeup before anything started. It was safer for him that way. Sometimes large chunks of time just disappeared from him, and if that happened during a show or a rehearsal, he could be caught, literally, with his tights down. Despite this being a recurring stress-nightmare every time he approached a show, it had never happened. Still, he liked to be ready.

He left his dressing room and began to wander backstage, telling passing dancers to break a leg. He didn’t realize how much he wanted to see Annabeth until he ran into her. She was fully costumed-up too – pink, rose-adorned tutu, shoes on, hair back, makeup insane up close but probably perfect from the seats. She was just doing some basic plies and tendus, using a stray folding chair as a barre.

She smiled when she saw Percy, stopping her warmup. “Well, look at you, Prince Charming,” she said, smiling at his costume. It was the first time either of them had seen each other in these. Percy knew what the Aurora costume looked like (the company had used the same design for decades), but it looked like it was suited for her, like she was the only one who had ever, would ever, or should ever wear it. The tutu and leotard were a light pink color, with roses embroidered on the tutu, which held its shape with layers of perfectly constructed tool that, even though it was a pancake tutu, gave the illusion of a beautiful classic ballgown. The top was the same color, with more little roses snaking their way up the straps. The costume didn’t have sleeves, but she did have little ruffles around her upper arms. And for the full princess effect, of course, she had a tiny, rhinestone crown that would glitter fantastically in the spotlight. She looked beautiful.

“You look great,” he said.

She smiled. “You look pretty handsome yourself.”

“Well,” he said, crossing his harms and putting on an ironically cocky attitude, “who isn’t into a man in eyeliner and tights?”

Annabeth smirked. “I think it’s a great look that more men should embrace.”

Is she flirting with me? Percy’s heartbeat with an unexpected excitement.

He was going to say something back to her, when the stage manager announced there were only two minutes until they started. Annabeth looked at him, her gray eyes wide with anticipation.

“You’re gonna kill it,” Percy said.

“Are you going to watch act one?”

He nodded. “At least your part. I might skip the fairies.”

She took a deep breath, before going up on pointe. Percy looked at her, confused by what she was going. They were the same height when she was on pointe (it was one of the reasons they made good a duo). She looked him in the eyes, and for a moment, Percy thought she was going to kiss him, but she just leaned in and hugged him, resting her chin over his shoulder so she didn’t mess up her makeup before the show had even started. He hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her to keep her close to him and to help her keep her balance.

She pulled away after a few moments, smiling at him. “I’ll see you at intermission. My chair and I are going to try and stay warm in the wing.”

Percy nodded. “Break a leg.” He said as she walked off towards the stage.

*****

As the overture started, Percy headed back to his dressing room for his pre-show ritual of freaking out. His entire body buzzed with excitement about the idea of finally having the show up on the stage, but with terror at the possibility that he could fuck everything up.

He headed past the stage door on his way to his dressing room but paused when he saw two familiar faces arguing in the doorway.

“Please, I just want to see her.”

Percy’s breath caught when he saw Luke, standing half inside and half outside of the theater, well-dressed and clean cut as always, fighting with Beckendorf, who, despite being on crutches, was holding his own against the other man.

“I don’t think she wants to see you,” Beckendorf told him. “Leave her alone.” He reached for the door, and tried to close it, but Luke put his hands out, stopping his efforts.

Luke’s face turned dark, no longer politely pleading to see his ex-fiancé. “Oh please. You think I can’t get past a cripple?”

Percy knew Beckendorf – he was a calm, level-headed man, but he could get angry and protective of people he cared about. The last thing Percy wanted was for the two of them to start really fighting backstage.

He walked up to the two of them, putting himself between them, forcing Luke further out of the theater. “What’s going on?”

“This asshole,” Beckendorf said, point at Luke with one of his crutches, “was trying to sneak in and cause trouble.”

“I’m not causing any trouble. I just want to see Annabeth,” Luke protested. He looked at Percy, trying to seem innocent, but Percy trusted Beckendorf’s opinion on Luke. Before Percy could say anything, Beckendorf shot back.

“You think that won’t cause any trouble?” Beckendorf yelled.

“She’s got a job to do,” Percy added, looking at Luke. “She doesn’t need you getting in the way.”

Luke laughed at him. “Heard you’re the prince. You think that means something? You think that means you’re a good dancer?”

“I am good!” Percy said, forcing a confident tone. He could feel his face flushing with embarrassment and anger rising in his chest.

“Come on,” Luke said, smirking at him in a way that made Percy’s stomach churn with anger, “I’ve been in class with you. If you’re the principal here, it’s only because Annabeth wanted a partner who she knew wouldn’t upstage her.” He looks like my Gabe, Percy though. Luke might have been thin, washed, and handsome, but his tone, the look on his face, like nothing would make him happier that to see that he hurt you, was a look Percy has become well acquainted with in the decade he lived with Gabe. Percy remembered some of the passing comments Annabeth had made about him and wondered if he had ever turned this tone on her, or worse.

Percy wanted to hit him, to ruin his perfect smug stupid face, but he held back. He thought about telling Luke that no dancer, not him, not Beckendorf, and certainly not Luke, could ever upstage Annabeth; that she was fantastic all on her own and better off without him. But the last thing he needed was for Luke to catch wind of his affection for her.

“I saw you two dance Diamonds together last year,” Luke continued. “You think I didn’t notice how much you wanted to fuck my fiancé?” He asked. Percy snarled and got ready to hit him, but Beckendorf held him back.

“She’s not your fiancé anymore, and you have no business being here,” Beckendorf told him.

Luke frowned. Percy thought he might just force his way into the building. Instead he just took a step back. “Fine. Who’d want to watch this shitty production anyway? With such a weak partner for a prince, I’m sure it’s going to be just once disaster after another.” He turned around and headed away from the theater. Percy wanted to chase him out and get him back for what he had said. But he couldn’t do anything that would cost him his job or get him arrested, so he held back, staying the theater, fuming with rage.

“None of what he said was true,” Beckendorf said, resting a hand of Percy’s shoulder. “You’re a great dancer, and you earned your role.”

Percy brushed his hand off his shoulder. “I only got it because you’re injured.”

Beckendorf shrugged. “You still beat out all the principals and other soloists.” He said. “And you know Annabeth has no say over the casting. Doesn’t matter who she’d want to dance it with. Chiron picked you.”

Percy nodded, unconvinced. He headed to the stage, two voices ringing back and forth in his head – Do your job, Annabeth’s voice told him. Annabeth wanted a partner, she knew wouldn’t upstage her, Luke said to him.

He got to the wings of the stage as the prologue was completing. He saw Annabeth, standing in position, ready for her entrance. He didn’t go up to her. He couldn’t. He knew she’d know something was wrong right away.

He hung back in the shadows, trying to calm down, as he watched act one. She looked happy and perfect as she flew across the stage.

You think I didn’t notice how much you wanted to fuck my fiancé? Percy shook his head, trying to get rid of Luke’s voice. What an asshole, Percy thought.

Percy watched as Aurora took the spindle from Carabosse, pricked her finger, and fell into her magical deep sleep. Jason, one of her four princes, caught her, and lowered her to the ground as she ‘fell.’ Percy laughed as he watched Annabeth gracefully and subtly lay a limp hand on her tutu to hold it down as she was lowered onto her back.

With such a weak partner for a prince, I’m sure it’s going to be just once disaster after another. Luke’s voice reminded him. Percy’s heart rate picked up as Chiron yelled “Curtain!” Signaling the end of act one. He went on soon; they just had intermission. Do you job, he told himself. That’s all you have to do.

“You are going to be great,” Beckendorf said, coming up behind him. “You two are great partners.”

Annabeth made her way off the stage and back towards him and Beckendorf, smiling wide.

He couldn’t tell her about Luke. At least, not right now. She didn’t need any distractions.

“Annabeth,” Beckendorf said, “perfect as always.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes as she started to rattle off all the steps, she had to quickly adjust to keep from losing her balance and the turns she overshot or landed out of time with the music. Percy barely listened though. You think I didn’t notice how much you wanted to fuck my fiancé? Luke right about that, Percy admitted to himself. But he didn’t want it to end there, or even start there. He watched her head back to her dressing room to get into her act two costume and change her shoes, wondering how an asshole like Luke had ever had the privilege of dating her.

~*~*~

The vision sequence went well; there were no major catastrophes, which was all they could really hope for. Percy rode out of the scene on the Lilac Fairy’s gondola, as the scene changed to Aurora’s room. Annabeth, back in her act one costume, was brought out on her bed, surrounded by her sleeping court. Scrims covered in branches and cobwebs fell, making the stage dark. Percy entered again, staring in awe at Annabeth, before going to Piper. What should I do, she’s asleep? He mimed to her. Kiss her. Piper mimed back. Percy blew a kiss to audience, a way of saying: Of course! I’ll kiss her! Before making his way to her bed.

There was no way to fake a kiss on stage, but the kisses were always gentle pecks. And the almost-nearly-dead Aurora wasn’t supposed to kiss back. But when Percy leaned over and kissed her, he could have sworn she began to kiss back, just for a second it felt like her lips moved to meet his. It was so fleeting, he worried he might have imagined it.

You think I didn’t notice how much you wanted to fuck my fiancé?

Maybe he had imagined it. Or maybe it was an acting choice; it was a sign that Aurora had come back to life, and that she remembered him.

Percy didn’t have time to dwell on this kiss, though. The scrims began to lift, the lights came back to the stage, and Annabeth rose from the bed. The Lilac Fairy re-introduced them, and act two ended.

~*~*~

Percy stood backstage, sharing one last quiet moment with Annabeth, now changed into her white wedding tutu, before entering for the wedding scene. He had a few minutes to make it to the other side of the stage where he would enter, but he couldn’t dally for too long.

“Back where we started,” she said, smiling. He couldn’t help it, he smiled back. Percy looked at her. She had changed into her final tutu – a stunning white beaded costume. His costume was similar – all white from head to toe, but less sparkle. They were about to do the wedding pas de deux, the first dance they had done together for this ballet. But in their white costumes, they almost looked like diamonds. Like diamonds, Percy realized.

At the dress rehearsal for Jewels, Annabeth had run off the stage half-way through their pas de deux, and he never found out why. Luke, he thought. They had both left the company shortly after that.

Percy wasn’t a religious man, but, as he looked at Annabeth, who, even in the darkness of the wings was positively radiant, he sent up a prayer to any god that might listen, begging them to keep her on stage the whole time.

He decided not to remind her that last time they had a dress rehearsal she ran out on him. He figured she remembered well enough on her own.

“How are your legs?” He asked.

She sighed. “Oh, about ready to fall off, but I think I can get through one last dance.”

Percy took her hand and squeezed it. “You’ll be great,” he said.

She squeezed back. “So will you.” It sounded like she really meant it, like she believed in him. Percy tried his best to trust her, but his confidence wavered as he walked off to his position.

He took a deep breath. It didn’t matter what he felt right now, he thought as they entered the stage, he had to be confident in this moment, or else Annabeth would literally fall on her face.

Partnering with a woman in a tutu was a challenge, because it was hard to see her legs. Percy just had to try and sense where her balance was as he pressed her into the air before setting her back down on her toes. He had gotten a good sense of her balance back when they had done Diamonds, and he had become even more familiar in the last few weeks. All thoughts of Luke left his head as the music began. All the mattered was that he and Annabeth danced together. Not as Percy and Annabeth, but as Aurora and the Prince. Artistry, technique, and passion mattered right now, not some asshole ex-fiancé.

By the time they got to the first fish dives, Percy’s confidence had returned. They had spent time in rehearsal practicing these until Percy could do them one handed. Chiron insisted he do them one-handed, because Beckendorf always had. Percy didn’t think that was fair; Beckendorf was the best in the business. Percy was just in the business. But after weeks of rehearsal, they felt natural. He trusted Annabeth and she trusted him.

Annabeth would pirouette with Percy’s hand on her side. As she finished her last turn, he held onto her tight, lifting her up as she sent her face down and forward and her legs up and back. They paused like that for a moment, before he lifted her back up for the second and third dive. They had to trust each other completely in these dives – if she hesitated, she wouldn’t get down fast enough. If he hesitated, she could lose her balance and get hurt. And City Ballet’s tempos were faster than classical companies, even when they used classical choreography; Annabeth had to spin and drop fast, and Percy had to be ready for her.

But the two worked in perfect harmony, hitting every dive on the music. When Percy lifted her out of the last dive, they had a moment where they stared at each other, communicating to the audience that they were completely in love. Annabeth smiled wide at him, her face full of joy to communicate not just that Aurora loved her prince, but that she knew they were doing well. Or maybe, it was just joy at the fact that the ballet was almost over -- relief at knowing she’d be able to rest soon. It didn’t matter. She was happy and not flat on her face on the stage. That was all Percy wanted.

They finished the dance with the final fish dive. This time, Percy had to lift his hand off her waist, as she held herself up by wrapping one leg around his torso and squeezing every muscle in her leg and core as hard as she could. It was amazing move to see from the audience, and Percy knew they had nailed it. He lifted her up, back onto her feet, as they went into their solos and the coda.

~*~*~

When the ballet ended, Percy had a moment backstage to catch his breath and dab some sweat off his forehead before running back out for the bows. After bowing to an audience of Chiron, a few company members, and a few ballet masters, he stepped to the side of the stage and watched as Annabeth entered for her final bow.

When he saw her, he felt his chest tighten with anxiety. The ballet had taken his mind off of Luke for long enough, but there wasn’t any avoiding it anymore. He had to tell her that he had come by to see her.

The memory of the conversation brought back doubts about his own abilities; sure, the rehearsal wasn’t perfect, and performances weren’t really ever perfect either, but he felt like he had done a good job. Well, except for the one set of turns during act two, and the quick choreography adjustment during his solo. Not to mention his near stumble during act three. He started quickly running through ever minor mistake he had made, sure that Chiron would rip into him during notes. He looked at Annabeth again. She had been nearly perfect – as perfect as a dancer could be. Of course, Luke was right, he though.

Percy felt a familiar rage bubbling inside him; it was the same feeling he use to feel around his stepfather or class bullies, like he wanted to pick a fight, to yell at someone, to get even, to prove himself. He took a deep breath, trying to calm those feelings, but his efforts barely succeeded.

“And curtain!” Chiron yelled from the audience, in place of taking the effort to actually lower the curtain. “Good job everyone. Principal and solo roles be back on stage in half an hour for notes. Corps, expect your notes in an email later.”

Everyone nodded at the instructions and headed off the stage.

Percy headed off, but he felt someone grab his hand. “Percy, wait up,” he heard Annabeth say.

He turned around to face her, and her smile fell. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“Can I talk to you?”

She nodded and led him to her dressing room. Once they were inside, she closed the door, sitting in her vanity stool to take off her pointe shoes.

“What’s up?” She asked.

Percy took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair, which took some effort considering how slicked back it was for the performance.

“Luke was here earlier,” Percy said.

Annabeth sat up straight, leaving one shoe still on. “Oh.”

Her face was expressionless, like she was waiting for Percy to continue before she let her guard down.

“Beckendorf stopped him at the stage door. He – Luke – wanted to see you,” Percy continued. “Beck didn’t let him in.”

Annabeth nodded, bending down to take her other shoe off as she asked: “Did you talk to him?”

“A little, yeah,” Percy said. Annabeth looked up, her dead pointe shoes in her hand. She looked right through him; her gray eyes were emphasized by the exaggerated stage make up. Her mouth was set in a straight line, like she knew he wanted to say more, and she wouldn’t say anything herself until he did.

“I, uh, just figured I’d let you know that he came by. It was before the rehearsal, so I figured it would be distracting to tell you then.”

Annabeth nodded slowly. “You were right to tell me.” Percy let out a breath. “Did he say why he …?” She trailed off.

“Just said he wanted to see you,” Percy told her. “I joined later in the conversation. Beckendorf might know more.”

She nodded again. “I’ll talk to him about it.” She paused. “Thanks for not letting him in. And for waiting to tell me.”

Percy nodded. The room felt tense, like he couldn’t say anything else, but he couldn’t leave. Annabeth stayed sitting, and Percy stayed standing on the other side of the room.

Finally, Annabeth spoke. “Did he, um … did he say anything else about me?” Her voice was tense with anxiety. Percy remembered the way Luke spoke to him as he looked at Annabeth, her face expressionless and starting forward at the wall of her dressing room. Percy didn’t know if she was trying to control rage or fear.

You think I didn’t notice how much you wanted to fuck my fiancé? “No,” Percy said. “Just talked some shit about the show.”

She looked at him, curious. “What did he say?”

Percy shrugged. “Just some shit about how the production was going to be bad because I’m a weak dancer.”

Annabeth stood up, indignant. “Don’t listen to him,” she said, walking over to him. She shook her head and stared at his chest as she spoke to him, like she couldn’t look him in the eye if she tried. “This is what he does, he wants you to feel small, and weak, and like you’re nothing. Just don’t …” paused for a second, before finally meeting his gaze. “Don’t listen to him. You’re a fantastic dancer, Percy.”

Percy nodded. One side of his brain told him to believe her, to thank her, to kiss her; the other side of his brain told him she was just being nice and that she was in costume changes for all of his solos.

She was staring at his chest again, not looking up at him. He wants you to feel small, and weak, and like you’re nothing. Percy had a feeling she hadn’t just been talking about his experience with Luke. He wanted to find Luke again, and hurt him really bad, make him bleed, make him apologize, but he took a few deep breaths, trying to rid himself of his anger. It wouldn’t help Annabeth.

“Are you okay?” Percy asked.

She looked up at him. “I don’t know,” she admitted after a moment.

He wanted to hug her, but she had her makeup on still, and his act three costume was pure white. He wanted to kiss her but kissing a woman after talking about her ex-fiancé seemed like the wrong time.

But she was still looking at him. Her confusion and sadness blended with the confidence and pride he loved about her. She licked her lips just a bit, and there was suddenly a new tension in the room. Kissing her first would be a bad decision, he decided, but if she kissed first …

He felt the edge of her tutu brush against his legs, and he held his breath. He knew that if he took a single step closer to her, he would --

“Annabeth,” Percy heard Piper say, knocking at the door of the dressing room. “Chiron’s starting notes in a few minutes.”

Annabeth took a step away from him. “I’ll be right there,” she yelled back. “I have to get changed,” she said to Percy, looking down at her white tutu.

Percy nodded. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

He stepped out of her dressing room, and saw Piper waiting for Annabeth in the hall. She was scrolling on her phone, so Percy tried to sneak past her, but the sound of the dressing room door closing caught her attention.

She gave Percy a sly smile when she saw him, and Percy felt his ears get red. “Oh, okay.” Piper said.

“Piper, please don’t – nothing happened –” he stammered.

She put up her hands. “I won’t tell anyone. Scouts honor,” she promised. “But time these things a little better. People will notice if you’re both late.”

Percy nodded, figuring that was the best he was going to get.

~*~*~

Percy stole a few glances at Annabeth during notes and corrections. He never caught her looking back, but he figured she was too proud to look his way.

He offered to walk her to the subway when they were done, but she shook her head. “Thanks, but I’m going to call an Uber. My legs are so tired I don’t think I could make it up the stairs.”

Percy laughed. “That’s fair.”

She stopped when they got to the curb. She turned towards him, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “Seriously, Percy, don’t dwell on what Luke said,” she was looking at him in the eyes this time. “You’re really fantastic.”

He smiled. “So are you,” he said. “When you’re on stage, no one can take their eyes off of you.”

She shrugged and brushed him off. “That’s just because I’ve got the crown and big tutu.”

“No, it’s not,” he told her.

She smiled and adjusted her dance bag. She looked like she was about to say something else, but her Uber pulled up. “Well, enjoy your few days off,” she said. “I’ll see you at the show.” She smiled and waved goodbye as she got in the car.

“Get home safe,” he said to her.

He didn’t wait for the car to leave this time; instead, once the car door closed, he turned and headed towards the subway, his legs aching with each step.

~~~~~

His infinitely kind mother had a bucket of ice ready for him when he got home. He sat on his bed, ice packs on his quads and his feet in the buckets, his back flat against the mattress. He took a few relaxing breaths, running through the high parts of the rehearsals – the solos he had done well, the compliments Annabeth and Chiron had given him. He also took stock of some of his corrections, noting some things he might work on in the couple of days before the show. He tried to keep Luke’s voice out of his head as much as he could as he ran through the notes, trying to focus on Annabeth. You’re really fantastic, she had said to him.

He checked Instagram and Twitter, liking a few photos company members had posted of themselves in their costumes.

Annabeth had posted one. It was her, standing on pointe in her dressing room mirror in her pink act one costume. “All ready for my 16th birthday! Can’t wait to see who shows up!” The caption read. Percy smirked and liked the photo. He tried to think of something clever to comment, but they all sounded corny. Finally, he typed out “You’re my dream girl!” He laughed at his own joke but deleted the comment before posting. There was a better moment he could use that line, he realized, saving it in his memory for later.

When he ran out of social media to scroll through, he opened his email, hoping there wasn’t anything that needed his immediate attention.

He had a new email from an address he didn’t recognize. There wasn’t a subject or a body. Percy thought about deleting it right away, figuring it was spam or a virus, but the attachments caught his focus.

Annabeth 18 the first one of them read. There were at least six other attachments, all with her name on them.

Without thinking much about it, he clicked on this first attachment.

He sat up straight when the photo loaded: it was Annabeth for sure, but she was much younger. Percy thought he might throw up when he realized that 18 didn’t number the photo, it was her age in the photo. He didn’t look at it long, but he saw it long enough to know she was topless in it, posed on a bed as someone took the picture of her.

Percy’s hands shook as he deleted the email and emptied his trash. He opened his messages and scrolled to Annabeth’s name, but closed the messaging app, opening the phone instead.

He waited for her to pick up, worried that she might already be asleep, but she answered after a few rings.

“I know you’re a gentleman, but you don’t need to call me to make sure I got home okay,” she teased.

“Sorry, I didn’t … I mean, that’s not why …” he couldn’t put his words in order. He hadn’t thought about what he would say to her.

“Is everything okay?” She asked.

“Did you just send me an email?” He asked her.

“No,” she said. “Why?” She suddenly sounded nervous, the playful tone gone from her voice, like she knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“Because I think someone just sent me something you wouldn’t want me to see.”

#once upon a pointe #percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #luke castellan #charles beckendorf #Piper McLean #chiron #im very stressd about posting this chapter and the next one #send love if you liked it #cause i need it

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mychemicalficrecs · 4 years

Text

Van Days

3:00 am by mournful_optimist, Ray/Mikey, 904 words, Teens And Up Audiences. It's the middle of the night, and Mikey is being weird.

Filled to the Brim by onceuponamoon, Frank/Gerard, 7k, Explicit. This, whatever this is between them, has been a long time coming. Frank and Gerard, a gravitational pull with laws of physics and everything guiding them toward one another and apart only long enough to build the momentum for slamming them back together again.

Today is Tomorrow by alpheratz, Gerard/Mikey, Gabe/Mikey, Gabe/Gerard, 12k, Explicit. They haven't even been a band for two years, and they’re opening for Midtown. Gerard just wishes Mikey would stop telling him about sex with Gabe. And having sex with Gabe where Gerard can see them. And, really, having sex with Gabe at all, especially since Mikey doesn't even seem to be getting orgasms out of it.

It's tough to take a man's shovel when he really wants to dig by autoschediastic, Frank/Gerard, 4k, Explicit. If Frank concentrates, he's pretty sure he remembers Gerard saying something like that about five minutes ago. That he liked dick, he liked Frankie's dick, he kinda wants to get all up on it, hope that doesn't make shit weird.

It's Not A Thing (except for when it is) by ladyfoxxx, Ray/Mikey, 2k, Explicit. Mikey likes it when it hurts. Ray accidentally finds this out.

New and Interesting Ways to Get Carpal Tunnel by jetblackmirror (orphan_account), Frank/Mikey, 984 words, Explicit. Boys will be boys.

Kings of Glamor by desfinado, Frank/Gerard/Mikey, 7k, Explicit. Frank is nostalgic about being a teenager at basement-bar Jersey shows.

clear and present danger by Trojie, Ray/Mikey, 5k, Mature. In which Mikey is the failiest most disaster-prone stick insect, and Ray scoops him out of harm's way a lot

Shivers That You Give Me by turps, Gerard/Mikey, 955 words, Explicit. For the prompt, secrets. Gerard jerks Mikey off in the van.

oh baby here comes the sound by Trojie, Frank/Ray, 6k, Explicit. It's not a skill thing - Ray can jam around on a bouncy, aggressive riff if he wants to and Frank can tune down and chug if the mood takes him, sure - it's just that, when they're noodling around on their own, the melodies that sit in their chests like heartbeats are night and day.

The Salad Days by orphan_account, Gerard/Mikey, 5k, Mature. Bullets era new beginnings waycest, UST then finally kind of RST.

Move over baby; gimme the keys by rivers_bend, Frank/Gerard, 4k, Explicit. because I firmly believe there can never be enough fic where Frank and Gerard have sex in the back of a van.

A Delicate Art by desfinado, Frank/Ray/Gerard/Mikey, 7k, Explicit. Frank's band knows all about revenge plots.

It's All Over My Face by desfinado, Frank/Mikey, 12k, Mature. Mikey makes a pretty awesome roommate.

one for the road by mwestbelle, Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard/Mikey, 2k, Explicit. Frank didn’t really get it at first, not when it was him.

In The Centre Seat by ladyfoxxx, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Explicit. "So cold, Frankie, we gotta get warm like penguins. With like, body heat."

Hero or a Grinder by rivers_bend, Gerard/Mikey, Frank/Gerard/Mikey, 13k, Explicit. Gerard and Mikey are his friends, and they’re good guys. Some of the best he’s known, ever, and it’s stressful as hell on the road sometimes. If they need a little comfort, Frank’s not gonna judge.

This Motel Sucks by ladyfoxxx, Gerard/Mikey, Frank/Ray, Frank/Ray/Gerard/Mikey, 2k, Explicit. In which a literally shitty hotel room forces Ray and Frank to seek refuge in Gerard and Mikey's room... and they probably should have knocked.

Won't Know 'til You Begin by knight_tracer, Sena, Frank/Mikey, 24k, Explicit. In which Frank is an accidental pervert, Mikey sleeps with Fabio, Gerard is much too sincere when talking about pain sluts, Ray is terrible with women and great with guitars, and Otter's got really bad taste in music. Alternately, the one where Frank realizes he has a thing for Mikey, Mikey realizes he has a thing for guys, and they're both adorably stupid failboats.

Heart Wrapped in Clover by Sena, Frank/Mikey, 19k, Explicit. Everbody's got their not-so-secret secrets on tour. When you live out of a van, you just can't help but notice things that you shouldn't talk about if you don't want to embarrass your friends or start a fight. Frank wishes sometimes they talked about things, though, because he's dying to ask if anybody else has noticed that sometimes, Mikey wears panties.

Release the Bats by Sena, Ray/Mikey, 10k, Mature. Sure, Mikey's a vampire, but Ray's okay with that. He's still Mikey, after all, still Ray's friend, still dorky and sweet and funny and amazing and, yeah. Maybe Ray likes him as more than just a friend.

Like a Secret in Your Throat by Sena, Gerard/Mikey, 1k, Explicit. Gerard never touches, just watches, and Mikey's not sure he'll ever know why.

#i lied a little the other day #i don't have a tag for eras but i do have one for van days #ray/mikey #frank/gerard #gerard/mikey #frank/mikey #frank/gerard/mikey #frank/ray #frank/ray/gerard/mikey

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kqdehaven17 · 4 years

Text

In the season of love lost...

I was a different person when we met and so were you. I know our relationship began terribly but I also remember how inevitable it was. Nothing could have kept me from you, it was like being sucked into another universe through a wormhole that just gained strength the more I resisted it. I tried to claw my way back to the world I knew, but it was hopeless. The first night I went home with you, I knew exactly what I was doing. I hated myself, but I couldn’t stop touching you. I should have said no, I should have gotten back on the train and gone home to my boyfriend with my tail between my legs. But I didn’t, I hurled myself unflinchingly into you. And you let it happen, even though you knew better. Because you let it happen, I always considered us equally guilty in the crime of breaking someone else’s heart. That’s not true of course, because I was the one who betrayed him, not you. You tried to tell me ‘no’ later, you tried to walk away, but I yelled after you that I loved you. And that stopped you in your tracks, you couldn’t ignore it, you wanted my love. I remember sitting on the floor of your shitty bachelor pad room with the single bed and the dirty floor, painting in our underwear. You told me later that was the moment you knew I was your best friend, that was the first moment you loved me.

It wasn’t long before I did something to break the fragile trust we had built up. I’ll never forget you smoking angrily on your bed, watching me pack my stuff, not knowing if I had anywhere to go and not caring. I’d never experienced that level of intimacy with anyone. I had taken the coward’s way out with Tristan, I never let him be angry or hurt. I just left. But you made me face you, and him, in the end. That was something you taught me over and over again, if you’re gonna be shitty, do it to someone’s face. I drifted away from you into uncertainty and found my feet, and once again we found our way back to each other. You moved into the basement on 99th and I found a place on 76th. Against all odds you took me back, or maybe we just fell together again, like magnets. I started pushing you to change your circumstances; I was shocked you’d never been to college, didn’t own a phone, had never left the country, and never tried to pay off your debt so you could own a car again. I did it out of love, I wanted you to have the things I considered important. The only thing I regret pushing you into was school because I know how much it stressed you out to keep paying off the loans when you realized school wasn’t for you. But the other stuff was necessary. You needed to grow into new things and change.

I wrestled with my conscience that year, I was stuck on old feelings and bad decisions, living in the past. I never took the space to grieve what I had done and to consider it a blessing rather than a lustful mistake. It took so long for me to move on that it kept ruining everything good with us. I remember you would do the sweetest things like bring me flowers and coffee, write me love notes and poems; New Years Eve we stayed in bed and watched movies while my body raged with a fever, you held me all night, both of us covered in sweat until my fever broke. I woke up that morning and thought, “that’s love”. I knew you loved me but it all felt too much and too soon. I didn’t know what I wanted. I’m sorry I told you it wasn’t a serious relationship. It obviously was. You knew then what we could have had and you fought for it, until I made it too painful.

I spent that summer racked with guilt, and pain, and was completely lost. I went as far away as I could, literally to the other side of the world. I definitely considered our relationship over, but I thought of almost nothing but you. I wanted to tell you everything I was experiencing because you were my best friend. When I came back from Nepal I had no intention of staying, but Kaia so obviously needed help she wouldn’t ask for that I knew I had to stay. I honestly don’t remember why I called you again, something in me just said, “it’s time”. The guy who showed up to meet me at the bar in the village was not the same version of you I remembered. You had dark circles under your eyes, unflatteringly long hair, and you’d lost a lot of your muscle mass. You weren’t necessarily physically attractive to me anymore but it didn’t matter, the spark was still there. I remember laughing at you that you doubted it. I knew the second I saw you I was just as in love with you as ever.

The next few months were some of the happiest I can remember. We started hiking and exploring, truly enjoying each other’s company and not forcing anything. Our first acid trip together was something I can’t forget, the vision I saw of us, dead, but gazing into each other shook me. I thought maybe death wouldn’t be so bad, especially if you were with me. I never felt closer to you, because we were growing together as people. It was beautiful. Every time we had to say goodbye and go back to our separate lives became harder and harder... And then came the wretched Fair time. Once again I let my guilty conscience about Tristan ruin the good stuff between us. I’m sick of recounting how much I’ve screwed up, just for the record. I shut you out and that was my mistake, of course. But somehow, I pulled a proposal out of that shitstorm. I remember seeing you that day for the first time, really clearly. You were at peace with whatever I decided, if I was gonna break up with you, then that was that and you were gonna keep being you. But you showed up one last time, with your heart on your sleeve, ready for me to break it. I chose you right then and there. I wanted you, everything about you. I found your stupid confidence charming, really in that moment I found everything about you charming, especially your cheshire cat grin (high as a fucking kite). I had no idea I could cry with joy, but I found out that day. It was the best day of my life.

Oh, my love, if I could go back in time to just one moment, that night is it. I wouldn’t go back into Fair and hang out with friends I barely knew. I’d go with you, I’d go anywhere you wanted. We should have been together that night, we should have fucked under the stars and fallen asleep in each other’s arms. We should have talked about our future and what our children’s names would be. We should have become one.

But that’s not what happened. I went back into the Fair, tingling with anticipation and satisfaction. I had someone who really got me, who loved me unconditionally. And then I started getting greedy, I thought I could have you and spend intimate time with people I was attracted too. Nothing sexual happened with Gabe or anyone else but I was really just on one to think that I wasn’t crossing any boundaries. I wasn’t thinking about you. I was thinking about me. Please, forgive me. I remember we had that big fight where it was made really clear to me that even though I thought I understood what it meant to be committed to someone - I really didn’t have the first clue. No one thought it was a good idea for us to get married and I’d like to say I couldn’t have cared less but that wasn’t true. I feared they were right. My guilty conscience told me they were right. So I didn’t bring it up. And neither did you. We never made a single definitive plan to get married. But you didn’t leave me, and life kept happening, sweeping us up in it’s wake. We moved in with Kaia and everything got harder after that.

Part of me wishes we had moved when I wanted to after that first trip to Bend, left Kaia to sort out her own mess. But knowing what I know now, I realize how necessary we were to her finding a way out. So it’s good we stayed in Eugene even if we were miserable. There were some bright spots. In the middle of the night, when I can’t sleep, I replay that morning in the car when you asked me to marry you. It’s so clear I feel like I could paint the scene down to each pore on your face. I felt intensely vulnerable sleeping in my car, disappointed in my so-called friends not offering us a place to stay. I felt embarrassed that I didn’t seem capable of cultivating strong friendships the same as you. I wanted to hide physically and emotionally. But you made me feel safe, you told me you’d be my family... and after that I knew I didn’t need a thing in the world as long as I had you.

I can only imagine what happened after that because you never told me what what going on with you emotionally. We just buckled down into saving money and making it through each day at jobs we hated. I think you went to your dad, really excited about us getting married (wanting to connect with him), and he was not excited for us. He told you that marrying a non believer would mean you would’t go to heaven. Stop me if I’m wrong, but I’m guessing that was at least his implication, if not his actual words. And you were hurt by that, judging by how long it took for it to blow up in our faces. If you’d thought there was nothing to it, you would have been like “Hey babe, my dad said the craziest thing...”. But you really considered it to be a serious problem. One day you were someone I knew and loved, and the next second you were a man I didn’t recognize. I always thought your interest in Christianity was academic like mine, I never thought there was any weight behind it. You shocked me. You told me I was going to keep you from God. I want you to know, in case there’s any doubt in your mind, that that was the most hurtful thing you ever said to me. It doesn’t matter how you meant it, the implication was that I don’t want you to know God and more than that, that more than that, I couldn’t know God because there is something wrong with me.

I know I said a lot of nasty things in response to that revelation. I was hurt, I was scared, and I was afraid you were right. I also didn’t believe you because there had been so little evidence that pointed to you being a man of faith, if anyone should have noticed before this it should have been me. For years I was the person you spent the most time with, but were evidently the least honest with. I refused to let you have the last word, I could not and would not accept that we were over. I wormed my way back into your heart and your bed. The puppy was really the glue. I couldn’t leave the two of you alone. I loved him desperately from the first moment I saw him. And I saw an opportunity to stay in your life because I knew you’d need help. I poured myself into caring for him, I was in love, we both were. I look back at the pictures and I remember a lot of good times but also how painful it was. I used Habby as a deflector from our problems, I put him between us and the truth so there could be the illusion of happiness. Fighting to keep you without dealing with the truth meant I was putting my heart out on my sleeve to be broken, just like you’d done for me.

I really didn’t mean to take you from anything, I just couldn’t handle that Church we went to and it was easier to go back to how things were than to fight for something I didn’t know I wanted. If you had taken the lead and made sure I knew the desire for God wasn’t going away, I would have followed you. It would have brought us closer together, and obviously closer to God. I have no doubt about that. But once again, that isn’t what happened. Those months I lived at the River Road house, are the “dark months” in my memory, I was so ready to get out of the life we’d been living and move on from difficult times. Do you remember living off 7 Eleven coffee and old pizza from my work? Do you remember living at my mom’s and then at Rob’s when there was nowhere else for you to go? How about that hotspot Habby got from being left alone too long? The good times couldn’t come soon enough...I don’t regret the decision to move to Bend at all, and I’m glad I had the confidence to tell you that I didn’t care if you stayed in Portland but I was going to Bend, and I’d make sure there was room if you wanted to come too. It was a gesture of love on my part, because in my heart there’s always room for you wherever I go. I didn’t let our relationship make the decision for me for the first time. I left the door ajar. And you sailed right through it.

If I think about it now, I get really angry because emotionally you were so distant from me the past year it was like we weren’t together. I barely remember this year with you. What I remember is all the time I spent with Habby, and wishing you were there, not just physically but emotionally. You’d shut down to be with me, always giving the bare minimum, not letting yourself feel what you were really feeling. And I didn’t recognize it. I knew something was going on, but I didn’t want to know the truth. So I just hung on, doing my best to make it through each day without feeling really loved or appreciated or wanted. I told myself that this was part of being in a relationship, and it is, the ups and downs are real things you have to ride out. But it was more than that, it was a festering problem just waiting to burst through to the surface. If I’d had any sense (which by now should be really apparent that I don’t have), I would have pushed you to tell me what was wrong. I should have faced the truth. I don’t have another excuse other than I was scared to lose you, lose the family I was sure we were. I held on through all the doubt and insecurity because there were still little glimpses of the love we shared. I thought you’d come back to me, if you got the right job or enough time off, or a few new friends. I didn’t try to fix you, I just went into survival mode trying to weather out the storm until the sun came out again and you’d realize what we had was special and worth treasuring.

The sun never came out, not for me at least. How was I supposed to know you were looking for an excuse to leave me? How was I supposed to know that saying no to Jesus when you called on Easter was the nail in our coffin? How was I supposed to know that fighting you on God meant I was breaking us up? I couldn’t have known, I was just desperate not to hurt you like I’d done so many times before. I wanted to give you the space to come into your spirituality without my interference. I was moved by your experiences and I couldn’t find the words to tell you. I was afraid of admitting I was wrong or didn’t know what I was talking about. I was definitely afraid to admit to feeling something new. I really thought that I was just giving you the space to become you, and that I would be given the same grace. I wanted the space and time to come to God on my terms, not on yours. But you wouldn’t allow that. You were distancing yourself from me more and more, while also saying how great things could be between us if only I said yes to Jesus. I wanted to. I can’t tell you how much. But I didn’t want it to be for you. I wanted it to be for me and I thought you understood that. I thought you weren’t going anywhere. I was wrong.

To me, there hasn’t been a question of us being together for a long time, not really. I fantasized about being with other people when I was miserable, but it was just that, a fantasy. I chose you a long time ago, and I kept choosing you no matter what. I wanted to have your kids and raise dogs, buy land and build a house, explore the world, and plan for our future. I wanted to soak up every ounce of love you had to give and give it right back. I wanted to grow in God together. You were it for me and time, religion, sickness, being poor...none of that could change how I felt. I was going to tell you that when I came back from the Fair this year. But I never got the chance. I thought you just wanted to more space, I didn’t hear that it wasn’t temporary even if that’s what you were saying.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I was in shock. I didn’t believe you were going anywhere. I still didn’t believe it when Jake told me you’d moved to California. I don’t believe it right now as I’m typing this. I’ve gone through all kinds of coping mechanisms to try to come to terms with it. After you left: I kept going to Church, I joined a discipleship group, and read my Bible; I also did everything from being black out drunk to sober for a month; I tried drinking only smoothies and working out everyday, I tried new hikes, I tried dogsitting, I made new friends, I made new art, I prayed, I begged God to come into my life, I wrote letters, I stayed in bed for days at a time, I ate nothing but junk, I ate meat, I ate Vegan.... and more than all this I kept showing up to work and putting a smile on my face. None of this really helped me cope with losing you and Habby, my family, and our future. My heart breaks all over again every time I think about how I don’t know you anymore because you won’t let me. I don’t have my safe place with you, I don’t have a home with you, I don’t have a future with you. You chose not to be with me. And God agreed.

You see, you may not have realized it but when you were going through all this, but my dumb ass was falling in love with you all over again, and falling harder than I ever had before. You were beautiful again, you were hopeful, your eyes were shining. We spent more quality time together than we had in a year. You were sweet and thoughtful, assertive, and emotional. I could see you becoming all the things I’d always knew you could be and had been waiting for patiently. I wanted it to be what it could have been, a time we connected on an emotional and spiritual level rather than just a physical one. I had hope, you let me have hope by including me in your journey. I was excited to move in a new direction and move out of the dark times. I knew somewhere deep down that we really were breaking up, but I comforted myself by treating it as hypothetical and you played along. I thought even if we did break up we would be ok. The second most hurtful thing you have ever said to me was that you could marry the first nice, Christian girl you meet. You said you were ready. That sunk my heart like a rock.That should have told me everything I needed to know. But it didn’t, because as noted above, I have zero good sense. I really thought that you valued me more than this, that all the stuff we went through and supported each other through meant something, but all you saw me as was a road block. And based off of what she said to me, you see me as something even worse, a thing to be pitied.

I thought I’d never run out of chances to love you better, but I have. I’m at the end so much sooner than I thought. I’m shaken, unmistakably, down to my core. I heard God say a single word to me, and it was just my name. That keeps me holding on. When I think about giving up, I remember God speaking to me. It’s a thin wisp of hope on an otherwise desolate landscape of uncertainty, but it’s there. How am I supposed to go on with my life, knowing what we had, what we could have had? How am I supposed to ever be someone else’s love when I belong to you? How can you not be mine? How can you already be someone else’s? I try to make the connections in my brain to accept the new reality but I can’t. I want to wake up already. I want to wake up curled next to you in our bed with our dog at our feet. But I keep waking up to an empty bed and an empty house that has your stuff in it and every now and then I think I hear Habby running through the house to come kiss my cheek...

It’s a new kind of emptiness I’ve never felt. I’ve been told every fucking cliche you could possibly think of: “There’s plenty of fish in the sea”, “When God closes a door, he opens a window”, “There’s someone better for you out there”, “That just means he wasn’t the one”, “Just move on”...etc. None of it makes me feel any better because nothing anyone could possibly say will help and all those well meaning people know that. The emptiness comes from feeling unloveable. Superficially, this feels like validation that I’m unloveable and thinking back on my thoughts and decisions the last few years is hardly reassuring. But I have to push past that. For some reason I never thought you’d leave me unless I did something really bad, but the small things add up. You don’t just leave someone one day and not look back unless from your perspective it wasn’t worth it, wasn’t fixable. I see that on the surface it’s about Jesus, but underneath that it’s maybe about the fact you finally loved yourself enough to decide we both deserved better. Maybe you just think you deserve better, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I do too. I’m taking it day by day on building real self confidence that doesn’t rely on anyone else, and so I’m gonna say I deserve more even if I don’t quite believe it yet.

Who I am now is at least on the road to being the best version of myself. I am so grateful for all the things that lead here even if it’s not where I wanted to end up. I shared the most beautiful moments of my life with you. We were magic...sometimes. There was always something that kept us from fitting together completely. I’ll take responsibility for most of that, but you also withheld. You withheld a lot, all the time. I knew you had a lot to give but I didn’t push you too much because I wanted it to be freely given, and I didn’t really feel like I deserved it any way, just wanted it. Whenever I got something from you that you didn’t want to give, it always felt terrible. My hope for you is that you’ve found the person who you can give to freely. It’s no way to live, being with someone who doesn’t think you deserve everything they have to offer. I wish we had been that for each other. I always find myself a few steps behind where I need to be for the situations I find myself in. I’m ready to catch up! The best thing you ever did for me was to show me how big my heart is and how much I can love. It brought me closer to myself, and to God. I hope I did the same for you. Wherever you are in the world, whoever you’re with, and whatever you’re doing...know I love you unconditionally, that is unchangeable. The love isn’t gone, but it is lost.

#lostlove

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fanforthefics · 6 years

Note

Gabe/Tyson out of lust?

a kiss out of lust

Here’s the thing–Tyson is definitely not going to break first.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good thing,” Nate agrees, when Tyson tells him that, one night after practice when they’re idly watching Netflix and definitely not ruining their diet plans. “Gabe’s been on fire recently, you don’t want to mess with that.”

Tyson glares, and also eats a cookie. It’s a combination he’s perfected over the years. “Are you saying I mess with his game?”

Nate makes an apologetic face, because he knows that’s a thing people would say and how shitty it is. But also, “I mean, all that energy has to go somewhere, and it’s not going into fucking you, so…”

“It could go into fucking me if he would just break,” Tyson mutters. Clearly he’s not going to break first, but also, it’s been a week since he properly touched Gabe and he’s gone longer but it still sucks. Or rather, it doesn’t. “Am I seriously not that attractive?”

Nate pats him on the head. “You’re very hot, Brutes.”

“I am,” Tyson agrees, waving another cookie at him. Nate’s mom makes the best cookies. “I am very hot, and Gabe should remember that. I might not be Gabe the Babe, but I am in fact very hot. Gabe wants this.”

“Okay,” Nate agrees. He looks pretty done with this topic, but if he really didn’t want to talk about it anymore he would tell Tyson so, or maybe hit him with a pillow. it’s how their friendship works. “He wants you.”

“He does.” Tyson crosses his arms and pouts at the TV. “Just not enough.”

Nate rolls his eyes. “You wouldn’t be in this if you guys didn’t make this stupid bet.”

“It’s not a bet, it’s a challenge,” Tyson informs him, because it is. That’s important. “And it’s all EJ’s fault.”

“You didn’t have to take the challenge.”

Tyson scoffs. Nate smirks too. That’s clearly a ridiculous statement. “What was I supposed to do, leave Gabe and EJ and everyone thinking I’m more into him then he’s into me?”

“Definitely not.” Nate makes a face, then, like it’s being dragged out of him. “But, um. Was making a bet that the other would be the first to break and need sex first the right way to prove it?”

“It’s too late now,” Tyson says instead of answering. Fuck, but he’s horny. He wants to have sex. Specifically, he wants to have sex with Gabe. Admittedly, it’s not entirely outside of…whatever they’re doing to go have sex with someone else, but… Tyson’s not going to do that. It’d be cheating on the challenge, or something.

He wonders if Gabe is, and that’s why he doesn’t seem to be affected. It’s a realistic thought, but not one he lingers on.

“Okay, then. You have to step up your game.” Nate leans in, snags a cookie too. “I’m talking full on seduction.”

Tyson sits up and grins at him. “I like the way you think, Dogg. Hit me with your ideas.”

Tyson starts with wearing all the smallest clothes he owns. It’s not actually that hard–he’s bulked up this summer, and even his normal t-shirts are a little tighter than usual–but he leans into it.

“Are those jeans painted on?” EJ asks, as Tyson gets dressed in the locker room. Tyson’s maybe having a little trouble getting the jeans on, but it’s basically over and no one else noticed.

Except now, everyone’s looking. Including Gabe, who only has his own obscenely tight jeans on and no shirt and there’s water dripping from his hair down his neck over his chest and then his abs and into the line of his jeans. Tyson isn’t looking or anything. But he does look long enough to see that Gabe’s looking at him–specifically, his general jeans region.

“What, these?” Tyson asks. He knows he’s not going to sound innocent but he doesn’t really care. “I just found them, what do you think?” He twists; Nate snorts but Gabe is definitely looking at his ass, so Tyson’s going to count it as a win. Then maybe Gabe will break and instead of going out with everyone they can go back to Tyson’s and fuck. And then Gabe will make Tyson pancakes, because Tyson can usually bully him into that even if he complains.

“They look great, T-Bear,” Josty pipes up, smirking at Gabe. Tyson nods to him in Tyson solidarity.

“You’re wearing them to the bar tonight?” EJ adds. He’s also smirking at Gabe. Tyson’s a little worried that the whole team energy will turn on him next time Gabe makes a move, but he’s going to ride it for now. Gabe’s a little red now, and he pulls on his t-shirt in a clear move to cover his face. “We’ll have to beat the boys away with a stick.”

“Who says I want you to?” Tyson retorts, which gets a ‘oooh!’ from Mikko, and eyebrow waggle from EJ, and Gabe emerging from his t-shirt still flushed but now he’s smirking too. There’s a lot of smirking going on. Tyson may need to learn to smirk as well.

Gabe pauses by Tyson’s stall on his way out, his hand dropping down over Tyson’s side and just barely brushing against his ass as he passes. “I know what you’re doing,” he murmurs, and his voice is low and rough and his beard brushes against Tyson’s ear and Tyson maybe shivers. Fuck, he hopes these tight jeans won’t become a problem. “It’s not going to work.”

Tyson wills himself not to lean into Gabe. “Your move, Landeskog,” he retorts.

Gabe chuckles, and keeps going. Tyson takes a few deep breathes before he moves again. He’s not going to break. He’s not.

He reminds himself of that again at the bar, where Gabe shows up not in the clothes he left practice in, but instead in his own ridiculously tight jeans and the sweater he knows Tyson thinks he looks incredibly hot in, because Tyson has told him this before. It brings out his eyes and does great things for his shoulders and chest and every time Gabe wears it Tyson wants to rip it off of him. It’s whatever. Tyson’s fine.

Gabe slides into the booth across from Tyson, and grins. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Tyson announces. Then, “I’m getting a drink. Anyone else want one? No? Good.”

He leaves as he hears Comes say, “I actually would like a–”

He makes it to the bar, orders a sangria. Takes a breath. It’s fine. It’s been barely a week. Tyson lasted the whole off season.

It’s just–since the season started, it’s felt different. Last season they’d just been fooling around, whatever. But then they’d had, like, an intense night after they got knocked out of the playoffs when Gabe had basically grabbed onto Tyson and barely let him go to drive back to Gabe’s, and then it had felt almost romantic, how they’d had sex slow and somehow cathartically and then Gabe had cuddled into Tyson and Tyson had somehow kept talking until he looked less like he was carrying the whole weight of them getting knocked out on his shoulders. And in the morning Tyson had woken up and Gabe had made them pancakes without Tyson even bitching about it and they’d eaten in Gabe’s sunny kitchen with Zoey being as dramatic as her dad about how she wanted pieces and it had been…nice. Different, somehow.

And Gabe had kept texting during the off season, more than he usually did, and so Tyson did too, and maybe Tyson had drunk dialed him more than once for some phone sex, but Gabe had definitely been into it. And this season–it hadn’t been a question. This season, until this week, Tyson had barely slept in his own bed.

It’s just different, he thinks, and takes the sangria the bartender hands him. He turns back to the group–they’re all deep in conversation about something, but as he looks over, Gabe looks up and catches Tyson watching. He grins. Tyson glares, then turns to the group of girls getting drinks next to him.

“Hi, excuse me, sorry about this,” he says. They all turn to him. The closest one raises her eyebrows skeptically at him. She’s cute, with unnaturally red curls and awesomely dramatic makeup. “Can you pretend to be talking to me for a second? I”m trying to prove I’m not paying attention to my friends over there. I promise I’ll go away quietly after a second.”

The girls all look at each other, then glance over at the table, then shrugs. “Yeah, sure,” The redhead says. “I’m Carmen. What’s your name?”

“Tyson,” Tyson says, and smiles thankfully. “No, this round’s on me,” He tells the bartender, as he comes over to take the girls’ order. “Put it on my tab. I owe them.”

One of the girls tilts her head at him. “Do you play hockey?” she asks, slowly. “I swear you look familiar.”

Tyson beams. “I do!” He says enthusiastically. That starts enough of a conversation, because even though apparently only the girl who asked about it is a fan, it’s still a topic of conversation. Then things spiral a little bit, and Tyson ends up bringing the whole group back to the table, and somehow discussing makeup with Carmen for an hour as Kerfy strikes out hilariously with Shannon, the hockey-liker.

Something knocks against Tyson’s foot, while he’s talking with Carmen. Tyson looks up–Gabe’s watching him, biting his lip a little, and he’s not smiling anymore. Tyson narrows his eyes at him in a question, but Gabe just shakes his head. Then he runs his toe up Tyson’s calf almost to his knee, and Tyson yelps, and then everyone laughs at him, including Gabe.

Then Gabe gets a hat trick. Tyson has to physically avoid Gabe to make sure he doesn’t do something rash and break, because fuck.

“Landy was looking for you after the game,” Nate says mildly on the way home. “He looked kind of sad you didn’t congratulate him.”

“I couldn’t.” Tyson feels bad about that, but. “It was too dangerous. Did you see those goals? And how he looked afterwards? I mean his hockey is always gorgeous but I was ready to–”

“TMI!” Nate shouts. “Ugh, fine. But text him at least.”

“Fine,” Tyson sighs, but he pulls out his phone. Beauty goals! he texts to Gabe. find a hat that fits your head yet?

you’d know if you’d stuck around, Gabe replies, which is sulky enough that he is mad.

not my fault you’re too hot after a hattie, Tyson texts back. I’m not going to be suckered into breaking just because of your gorgeous hockey.

The dots show up for a long time, then. You’re killing me here, 4.

You could break. Just have to ask

Fuck that

But not me

Gabe sends back a row of frowny faces, then a picture of Zoey, so really Tyson’s getting a lot of mixed messages here, none of which is getting his dick sucked. He must make a noise, because Nate rolls his eyes as he merges closely enough that Tyson grabs onto the door.

“It’s just a challenge,” he points out. “You could give up.”

Tyson shakes his head, looks out the window where the cars are going by, Denver in the background. “I can’t,” he says. Quieter than he wants it to be. “I–it can’t be true.”

“That you want Gabe more than he wants you?” Nate snorts. “Trust me. I’ve been in a room with you two. It’s pretty clear that’s not true.”

“Yeah, well. I’d like to see you hook up with a literal almost-model and not get a complex,” Tyson retorts, because this is all getting super close to home. He’d like to see Nate see Gabe all scruffy in the mornings as he got ready for practice or reading on the couch with Zoey’s head in his lap or beaming at his computer screen as he Skypes Sweden and not feel–more, maybe. Then he was sure was what they were doing.

Nate sighs, then. “He likes it when you say nice things about him.”

“Well he’s in luck, I can’t stop apparently.” Tyson pauses. “Wait. Likes, or likes? And how do you know this, MacKinnon?”

Nate is very clearly looking at the road ahead. “I plead the fifth.”

“You’re not American, you can’t do that.”

“I’m in America, I have rights.”

“You don’t know that, you–”

“I’m not telling,” Nate says, and then disappointingly keeps his promise.

“Yeah, Gabe has a real flair for the dramatic,” Tyson tells the camera, and for once lets himself be actually shameless.

When he’s done and the media’s gone, he sees Gabe watching him, and sure enough, his eyes are dark and his tongue flicks out to wet his lips. Tyson swallows.

“Seriously?” he asks.

Gabe shrugs.

Mikko snorts. “If you like hearing someone say nice things about you, you’ve chosen the right person,” he tells Gabe.

“I can keep going,” Tyson adds, before Gabe has a chance to say anything about choosing people or how he hasn’t chosen people. Mikko might as well have said boyfriend and really started something.

“Should I start, then?” Gabe asks. He’s still glowing a little bit from his game tonight. If Tyson were going to break, he’d be very tempted to find like, a supply closet or something. He takes a step towards Tyson. “Should we talk about your night?”

“Nope!” Tyson yelps, There is proof all over the internet that Tyson is incapable of keeping it together when Gabe tells him nice things. “That’s okay.”

“Don’t play with fire if you can’t take it back,” Gabe tells him. He looks very smug. It is, irritatingly, one of Tyson’s favorite looks on him–when he’s smug and confident and just a little arrogant.

“You don’t play with fire,” Tyson mutters, and grabs a towel. It’s time for a judicious retreat.

“Tyson,” Gabe starts, “Tyson, come on, stay–” But Tyson’s already on his way to the showers.

Gabe has a bunch of the guys over for a casual, making sure everyone’s fitting in on the new team sort of thing, so Tyson shows up with a cake he baked himself because all of his energy needs to go somewhere that isn’t fucking Gabe.

“Don’t worry, I’ve saved you from Gabe’s kale smoothies,” he announces as he opens the door. From the living room, Gabe groans.

“That was one time!” he objects, but Tyson’s a little busy dealing with Zoey jumping on him, either because she missed him or because she wants cake. Tyson suspects the latter.

He leans down anyway to pet her, because he’s missed her, even if it’s not reciprocated. “I”m putting the cake in the kitchen,” he calls, and gets enough sounds of acknowledgment that he knows the hordes will come out soon enough.

Sure enough, he’s dodging Zoey–who knows he’s maybe weak for her begging face–and grabbing a knife to cut himself a slice of the cake when Josty wanders in.

He looks droopy, which is unusual for him; Tyson changes the angle on the knife. “Everything okay?” he asks.

Josty shrugs. “I’m supposed to stay away from bright lights,” he says, waving back towards the video games going on in the living room.

“Sucks,” Tyson agrees. “Cake?”

“Yeah,” Josty sighs. Tyson hands him the extra large slice of cake.

“Cake will always be there for you,” Tyson informs him, cutting him a slice of his own. “Even when your head betrays you.”

“Yeah.” Josty makes a face. “I’m just bored. I can’t do anything fun.”

“Sure you can. You could take up baking. We could have a bakeoff! Or you could like, learn guitar. Or read books, I guess, but that seems iffy.”

“I can read!” Josty protests. Tyson cocks his head.

“I never said you couldn’t,” he points out, and takes a bite of the cake. It’s a little dry. “Whipped cream?”

“Gabe has whipped cream?”

“For pancakes, I insisted,” Tyson tells him, and gets it from the fridge. “Here.” He puts a bunch of whipped cream on Josty’s cake, then on his own. “He was eating pancakes with just butter, so I made sure to educate him.”

Josty snorts. “On whipped cream?”

“On the important things in life, yeah,” Tyson says. He takes another bite of cake–much better–and licks his lips. “Like whipped cream. Whipped cream will always be there for you too.” He shoots a look at Josty. “Even when reading, I hear.”

“I’ve read a book!” Josty retorts, but he’s laughing. Tyson takes a satisfied bite of cake. He was maybe a little ambitious about the whipped cream; it gets not just on the cake but also on his nose.

“What’s going on in here?” Tyson turns, and Gabe’s in the doorway. God, Tyson hadn’t even been planning–he’s in his now-usual tight jeans and a t-shirt, but he’s also eating cake and has whipped cream on his nose. Gabe looks like a model. Which he always does, but–he looks even more so, somehow, with the sun streaming through the windows to light of his hair and the smile lines at his eyes. Fuck, Tyson wants–so much.

“We’re raiding your fridge for whipped cream,” Tyson informs him. “Also, pick up eggs.”

Josty snorts. Gabe cocks his head. “What?”

Tyson knows he’s going red, but–”You need eggs,” he tells Gabe, because look he’d noticed that in the fridge, okay? He’s allowed to notice shit. “You don’t have any and you get sulky when you don’t have eggs in the morning if you want them, so get them. And also paper towels, because let’s be real we’re going to need at least a roll tonight, and–”

“You have whipped cream on your nose,” Gabe informs him. Tyson rolls his eyes as he licks it off. Gabe at least watches his tongue, so that’s something.

“Yes, Gabriel, thank you, I noticed, why do you think I was considering your paper towel supply? I’m not going to like, have a paper towel war back here.” He pauses. “Unless…”

Gabe grins, and–wow, that grin is never going to get less heart-stopping. “Please do not have a paper towel fight,” he says, taking a step forward, and Tyson does the only reasonable thing, which is rip off a piece of paper towel, ball it up, and throw it at Gabe.

Gabe blinks as it bounces off of him. “Did you seriously just throw a paper towel at me?”

“Yes.” Tyson is going to brazen through this if nothing else. “Now are you going to break, at my amazing paper towel war skills?”

Gabe laughs. “Yeah, that’s what’s going to get me to break.”

“I knew it.” Tyson crosses his arms triumphantly. “Go me. You ready to ravish me, or do I have to pull out the big guns?”

“You haven’t yet?”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” Tyson informs him, then grabs the whipped cream. He sprays a bunch onto his hand, then drags two fingers through it, so he can lick it off. Slowly. While keeping eye contact with Gabe.

Gabe’s gaze definitely goes dark. So Tyson does it again. He’s got his fingers in his mouth when it occurs to him that, “Hey, how long does whipped cream stay good for?”

Gabe chokes, then shakes his head, then wipes his hand over his mouth. Then he looks back up at Tyson. “I love you.”

Tyson’s finger falls out of his mouth, fast. “What?”

“I love you,” Gabe says again.

“Like, as buddies?”

“Not just as buddies.” He sounds–certain. Sure. The words are filling Tyson up from his toes to his head and Gabe is looking at Tyson soft and warm and his eyes are shining and he’s looked at Tyson like that before but there hasn’t been an emotion to that before and fuck, Tyson wants to taste those words off of his lips.

“Fuck it, I don’t care who wins,” Tyson decides, then he crosses the room in two quick strides to tug Gabe in. Gabe’s laughing into his mouth, and Tyson’s hand is still sticky with the remnants of whipped cream, and it’s been weeks and Gabe’s as good a kisser as Tyson remembered. Tyson’s hands slide down from Gabe’s shoulders to his ass. He missed Gabe’s ass. He needs to get reacquainted. Gabe clearly feels the same way, given how he’s apparently trying to devour Tyson.

“Um, guys?” Josty says. “You can do what you want and I’m happy for you and all, but you’re kind of blocking the door.”

Tyson manages to remove his mouth from Gabe’s lips. “You’ve got a room upstairs,” he points out. “It’s been weeks, Gabe.”

“No fucking kidding,” Gabe agrees, and slides his hands down to Tyson’s wrist. “Enjoy yourself!” He calls to the living room. “Beer’s in the fridge!”

“Seriously?” Nate asks.

“Where are you going?” EJ demands.

“We broke!” Tyson calls back, and Gabe groans but ignores the catcalls as he tugs Tyson upstairs, then to his room. They barely get the door closed before Tyson’s tugging Gabe back against it, kissing him again until Gabe’s groaning into his mouth and Tyson can feel him getting hard.

Then Tyson lifts his head. “Hey,” he says. “You want me a lot.”

“You think?” Gabe demands. “Was that ever in question? You’ve been killing me, Tys.” When Tyson doesn’t say anything, his face softens. “Was that actually in question?”

“You’re a lot!” Tyson protests. “And like, we hadn’t said what this was and I wasn’t even sure if you were sleeping with anyone else and I really like you and I wasn’t sure–”

“Trust me,” Gabe cuts him off, and his voice is low and rough, and his hands are on Tyson’s hips now, pulling him closer. “However much you want me, I want you more.”

“Really?” Tyson raises an eyebrow. “I really like you. And want you. Probably more than you do.” He waits a second for Gabe to get it, to see Gabe grin. “I bet I want you more.”

“Shut up, Tyson,” Gabe says, on something that’s half groan and half laugh and all Tyson’s, and then tugs him into a kiss to make sure he does just that.

#avs fic #this was almost just pwp but then shenanigans had to happen instead #enjoy!#my fic #eafay70 #avs tumblr fic

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rose-of-fair · 5 years

Text

A Change of Fortune

@theartofflorence Thank you for commissioning me to write Venus and Julian. I truly love her and I will follow this ship until the day I die

“That’s my fourth win in a row! You bastards better have the coin to pay up!”

The tall woman leaned back in her seat and kicked her feet onto the table, enjoying the view of three scrabbly crewmen hunched over their seats in defeat. Venus fanned with her face with the cards she held in her hands as the men looked at her with sceptical eyes.

“I’d like a rematch lass!,” The stalkier looking man with scars adorning his rough face slammed his hands on the wooden table, “No one beats Two-axe Dex in these silly games.” He gritted his teeth in annoyance.

Venus arched a brow, “Silly games? You were the one that insisted on playing this game and betting all the coin you had on your person. Don’t blame me for having such wonderful card skills. You lack the skill to beat me in a match fair and square.” Venus snatched her cards and place them back in the brown leather case that laid on the side of her belt. A light chuckle escaped her plump lips. The infamous Venus Pavo never lost to anyone, nor did she plan on to now.

Two-axe Dex and his buddies flanked her around the table to prevent her from making a dash with their precious loot. Venus raised her hands in a gesture of surrender. Despite, the unexpected predicament she did not falter or show any signs of fear or unease. From the corner of her eyes, she watched in amusement as Mr Milton walked down the rickety wooden stairs, a deck of cards in his hands. He threw his cards in the air the moment he locked eyes with her.

“That is the loathsome bitch that took all my coinage from my pockets!” Mr Milton huffed with anger, his face now red. Two-axe Dex and his men turned to look at Mr Milton before glaring at the woman before them. She didn’t refrain from grinning ear to ear at the comment as she crossed her arms across her chest. One of Two-axe Dex’s buddies pointed an old and rusty kitchen knife at her exposed throat. Venus couldn’t help look at the kitchen item with boredom.

Really, a kitchen knife? Didn’t his mother teach him how to clean and sharpen one? I can see why these men lack hygiene.

Two-axe Dex leaned forward, his face inches from hers. Venus recoiled in disgust. “If I were ya, I’d be asking for my life.”

“Oh?” Venus spoke with mock amusement, “Asking me for my life? Not beg for it? I’m surprised.” Two-axe Dex shook his head in frustration and spat out the next words, “Does it matter? You know what I mean, Pavo!” He yelled. His sudden outburst didn’t faze Venus who was in the middle of picking up her bags of coinage from her winnings and stood up from her seat, ignoring the minor cut on her throat from the dull kitchen knife. Mr Milton looked at her with fear in his cloudy grey eyes as she easily towered over everyone. The crewmen seemed to have forgotten that before them was a six-foot-five (and a half) teal coloured woman who has held an infamous reputation from all over the world and was more than ready to fight anyone who crossed her. A small scrawny looking man looked away nervously and shuffled his feet back to the closest exit. Two-axe Dex noticed and pulled him back from the collar of his oversized shirt.

“Oh, no you don’t Scal!” Dex snarled, “You do not run away. Especially from a woman.”

THUMP!

Venus swung her bag of loot at Two-axe Rex’s face, throwing him back a few steps before catching his balance. The room was silent. Not a breath could be heard as the tension between Venus and Dex only grew heavier. Venus looked straight in Two-axe Dex face with a look that briefly petrified him.

“Would you like to say that again?” Venus took a step forward before continuing, her shoulders hunched over, “Or are you afraid of what this woman can do? Choose your next words wisely. I do not tolerate such horrid behaviour from men like you.”

The sound of broken glass captured the attention of everyone in the room to see one watchman holding himself up against the wall, the smell from him confirmed that he was utterly drunk. In his hand was a broken glass handle and below, the remnants of broken glass shards and spilt whiskey were all over the floor and seeping into the wooden floorboards. Mr Milton groaned.

“Goddamnit, Gabe! How often must I tell ya to not spill the alcohol on the floor? The ship drinks it right up!” The man named Gabe grinned and brushed his long black greasy hair behind his ears. “The ship isn’t a person, Milton. You and your crazy imaginations.”

“Says the drunk one.” Mr Milton said.

The beginnings of a good old fight were cancelled for the moment. Dex and his buddies left the scene before Venus could say anything. Thank goodness. I really wasn’t in the mood to fight. Venus thought with a sense of relief. Soon Gabe and two more drunk men sat at the table she was seated and began to sing and holler for more drinks. It wasn’t long before Venus sat again in her chair and the rounds of expensive whiskey (kudos from Gabe) and cheap alcohol that was definitely not smuggled in began to make rounds. They soon occupied her hand with a mug as she helped to drain the ship’s alcohol supply like a champion. As Venus leaned back and took a swig of her whiskey, she felt a rough hand rub the side of her thigh. Her brown eyes locked with Gabe’s. She knew he had the tendency to be the touchy sort of drunks. Placing her drink down, Venus pinched the hand. Gabe yelped and pulled his hand away.

“Get your mitts off me, Gabe!” Despite her protests, Gabe continued to reach for her until Venus kicked her feet onto the table and crossed her arms. She was in no mood for this, not after Two-axe Dex and his goons tantrum. Venus was already tired and just wanted to be alone. When Gabe tried once more to get close to her, she glared at him.

“No means no, Gabe. I love you, you’re great, but you need to learn to give people personal space.” Gabe retreated his hand away, muttering out slurred, incoherent babbling that made Venus laughed. She kicked her feet off the table, clapped a hand on his shoulder and quickly give a kiss on his stubble cheek his shoulder. “You’re not making a harlot outta me tonight.” Venus winked. He grinned and nodded as he took a giant gulp of alcohol. Sometimes she wondered how often he got this drunk. It broke her heart thinking that this was a usual occurrence. Venus tilted her head back to admire the lack of ceiling decoration before a sound of thunder shook the ship.

“Is it storming outside?” Slurred Gabe.

“You baboon, there are clear skies today! Weren’t you paying any attention to the weather? You’re the watchman after all!” Mr Milton exclaimed, unimpressed. The wheels in Venus’s mind clicked together. If there is no storm outside, then it must be...

“Pirates!” Venus stood up swiftly from her seat, the wooden chair falling behind her.

“How do you know they are pirates? It could be anything.” Said Milton.

The sound of heavy boots banged against the floorboards and the door swung open to reveal Two-Axe Dex hunched over and out of breath.

“Guys, we got ourselves some pirates.” Said Dex between pants.

Venus looked at Milton, “Told you so.” Hands on her hips. She could tell from the men in the small room sobered up from the news. Silently they went upstairs to get into position with Venus trailing behind. As they got closer to the door, the clearer they could hear the yelling and metal clashing against metal. Milton cautiously opened the door and jumped out into the fray, not even thinking of looking back to know the rest of them would follow him to the end. Gabe turned to Venus and grumbled under his breath as he tried to stifle a yawn.

“I swear if these pirates are after my whiskey I will kick their arse and throw them in the ocean for the sirens to take.”

An arrow flew inches over Gabe’s head and pierced the centre of the door.

“I don’t think they want your shitty whiskey, my friend. From the looks of it, I think they want blood.” Several sailors were quick to draw their swords, but faster skill reduced them to lifeless heaps in short order. The courageous shouts were replaced by screams. Spilt blood replaced spilt ale. More and more pirates boarded the ship by the dozen, like insects swarming around its meal for the day. Venus crouched from the projectiles that flew by her. She could distinctly hear the screams that came from Milton, then Two-axe Dex, and finally Gabe’s. The sailors who she could see did not have nearly the same fighting experience as these pirates. She watched them get cut down like the helpless sheep they were. The sound of Gabe’s screams still rung in her eardrums like a song she would never forget. They were upon her. When had she drawn her sword? It didn’t matter; she wasn’t going to waste it. A glimmer caught her eye and she parried, sending her foot into the pirate’s stomach. She needed less light. She couldn’t see. If not for the glimmer again, she wouldn’t have managed to sidestep, blade carving the air just beside her head and driving into the planks of the wall. That strike was to kill, no question. A glimmer drew her eye again, but it wasn’t from a sword. The pirate’s eyes were trained on her, like a starving carnivore. Never has she seen the pirates eyes wild with greed and bloodlust. It was not a look a human used unless they were ready to track and kill their prey.

There was no way that Venus Pavo would become someone’s prey. Not now. Not ever.

Without hesitation, she swung her sword forward, the speed of the sword effortlessly slicing a deep gashing into the pirate’s arm as blood began to pour from the wound. Another swing of her scarlet covered sword at his neck silenced the scream that came from the pirate and then, silence. She has survived and defeated her opponent. The victory was but only brief when something hit against the back of her skull and crashing onto the floor in a confused state. Her mind swirled as she tried to put the pieces together but it began to be too difficult to think through the throbbing pain behind her eyes. Black dots appeared before her vision until it quickly consumed her ability to stay conscious. Was this how I was to die?

A feeling of a hand gently tracing the side of her scalp was the first thing she noticed. Her body still felt weak so she contented to sit still and enjoy the sensation. A soft voice could be heard. A lullaby? I haven’t heard one since living with my mother. It reminded Venus of when her mother would put her to sleep as a child. A sickening feeling settled in her stomach when she remembered that her mother was long gone. How could she have forgotten? Why did my chest hurt so much? The moment hot tears began to fall down her cheeks, the same voice shushed her quietly and dapped the tears away with a cloth. Now she could clearly hear the voice. It was gentle and baritone.

Could I trust this person? I know they seem to be tending to me but if I play dead long enough surely they will leave me alone and I can make my great escape?

Seconds turned into minutes. The longer Venus stayed still the more aware she became of her surroundings. Her breathing was no longer slow and paced but now racing at the unease of being somewhere unfamiliar. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know this.

“If you’re trying to play dead, my dear, perhaps slow your breathing down? You are practically trembling with energy.” The male voice said with a hint of humour. Venus opened her eyes and was greeted by a lithe looking man sitting with her, leaning over her. Travelling up the expanse of a white blur, she found pale skin, framed by vibrant red. As she focused on the pale colour and her vision came into focus, she began to discern details. His nose was hooked and his lips were thin. His eyes were grey as far as she could tell, but there was no missing the sleepless colouration of his sockets. That red hair dangled over his face, draining his face of any scarce bit of colour it had. Oh, goodness was this man handsome or what? The man coughed as a tinge of red dusted his cheeks. Did he notice my intense staring? Nothing could come out of her mouth. Not even a greeting.

“Glad to see you are awake. Those pirates sure gave you a nasty hit to the head.” He offered a friendly smile. Venus couldn’t help but to the same. A sudden thought came to her mind, “Where are we?” She croaked. Her throat dry and turned. The man noticed and gave her a flask, she could tell by the immediate smell that it was whiskey. She raised a brow and inspected him, seeing if he was worth to be trusted. The red-haired man smiled innocently and encouraged her to drink. As Venus took a swig of it, he finally provided an answer.

“We are in the brig of a pirate vessel,” he pondered his next words, “Do you need anything..Miss?”

“Venus Pavo. All I want is out of here.” She grumbled. The man’s smile faltered. Venus could tell that the news would not be what she wanted to hear most. Not when she felt so trapped...so lost. The man shifted his feet so that he was sitting before her. The sound of metal chains caught her attention as she realized that on his ankles was a thick, unbreakable chain connecting from one ankle to the other. Her body went numb.

“Venus, I want you to listen carefully on what I have to say next,” A long pale hand ran through his red hair before continuing, his voice much more serious than it was before, “You are now a prisoner of this ship, just like me.”

Prisoner? I’m a prisoner? The feeling of dread overwhelmed her mind. Visions of never escaping, never being free and being held by force was an absolute nightmare. The sudden weight of her body against the cold, dirty floor reminded her that this was, in fact, a reality. A cruel, an unfortunate reality. Venus’s dread soon turned to bubbling anger as her brown unshed tears looked at the man with not an ounce of sorry, but rage.

“How could this have happened to me? They could have taken anyone as a prisoner but it ended up being me!” Venus shouted.

“If the pirates had taken someone else, wouldn’t you have felt guilty for letting them fall prey to this situation?” He retorted back with no hint of aggression. Deep in those smoky grey eyes, she saw sadness and sympathy. She knew he was right. Thinking of Gabe, Mr Milton, heck even if Two-axe Dex were to be prisoners right now, she wouldn’t have wished such a fate on them. Without any energy left Venus leaned against the wall and look at her bruised and bloodied hands. For a moment Venus closed her eyes and hoped that for even a sliver of a second she could forget about this. Even with her eyes shut she could see the man’s shadow as he didn’t move an inch. Not even a sound could be heard from him. The silenced carried on for minutes before he whispered something.

“You must rest, Venus. In a few minutes, I will be brought up by one of the crewmen to do my work.” Now this interested Venus. What on earth was he tasked to do for them? What on earth would they need him for? His calm demeanour really threw her off.

“How can you be so calm about this? Don’t you want to be free and out of this shit hole of a vessel?” Venus said. She could hear a harsh chuckle from him.

“It’s too late for me to escape. Besides, this is where I belong. It’s what fate had planned.”

“Enough with the fate bullshit. No one deserves to be in captivity. The sea is a place where everyone can be free.”

“And run away from responsibilities back home?”

Venus nodded, “Yes that too.” She was not ready to explain her past to this stranger, so she decided to be brief with her words and move into a sleeping position on the floor. The thin blanket underneath her provided with no comfort or protection against the splintering, wet floorboards but she had to make due for now. For now? What if I never get out of here? The infamous Venus Pavo was not supposed to end up in such a position. Vicious thoughts of hopelessness and anger swirled in her mind once more and as sleep began to take over, the last she heard was the creaking of the door and the man being lifted off the ground and push out of the room.

Hours became days, and days turned into weeks. Three weeks had gone by like a blur for Venus. Being stuck below deck distorted her sense of time and dulled her spirit. The once strong and resilient woman now felt like an empty shell of who she used to be. Her brown skin now looked paler, her eyes dull from the usual spark she held in her gaze. The pirates surely put her to vigorous labour of swapping the deck and making the ship presentable but that was it. Even above deck she barely saw the red-haired man. Soon she started to care less until one night below the deck in her small room did she see him. He was thrown onto the ground, his hair wet and a mess. When he raised his head towards Venus she gasped at what she saw. His pale skin covered in bruises and a cut near his throat.

“What happened to you?” Venus asked.

Julian forced a smile and sat up the best he could, “Let’s just say I made an error and was punished because of it. Don’t worry. It wasn’t serious.”

“Not serious? You got to be kidding me. You can barely sit up!” Venus clicked her tongue in mild annoyance at his reaction to all of this. It pained her to see someone like this. To take a punishment multiple times and every time leaving you wondering when the next time would cost you your life. Venus walked over to him and half carried his body to the nearest mattress. She could feel his flesh and bones through his clothing. Was he eating properly? Now that she recalled she barely remembered seeing him eat at all. He always gave her part of his meal. The man groaned once he laid down on the mattress while Venus dragged over a bucket of water and dirty cloth to clean up the dried blood off his face. It was the least she could do.

A sudden tension filled the air as Venus silently got to work. She carefully rubbed the wet cloth onto the man’s face. Behind the dried blood lied more bruises underneath. It was painful to look. This was her reality. This was going to be her life until she died of old age or the pirates finally realize that they do not need her anymore. Venus was fortunate enough to not be threatened by her own life. How long can this keep on going? How long will this nightmare end? She could barely even remember her mother’s voice anymore and it scared her. It felt like she was slowly losing herself, trapped like a bird in a cage. The man noticed the distant look in her eyes as she mindlessly cleaned off his face. He reached a gentle hand and pulled hers away from his face and looked deep into her eyes.

“I am fine, Venus but you aren’t.”

“I am fi-“ Venus was about to retort.

“No, you aren’t. You look absolutely miserable. The life is fading away from you every single time we cross paths. You cannot stay here any longer.”

“I can’t escape this life. You told me yourself.”

Julian hesitated before letting out a deep sigh, “You’re right. I did say that, but now things have changed. Perhaps the wheel of fortune might be turning on you for the best.” Confused Venus soaked the cloth back into the bucket and leaned back, waiting to hear more of his fanatic plan. He looked pleased by Venus’s willingness to listen to him.

“This ship is parked right by a city dock. I could sneak you out of here in the middle of the night and you can hide in the city until the ship leaves by sunrise. No one here would go looking for you. ” His plan sounded real. Too real to believe. Venus was once an optimistic girl but not anymore. The new life she now had sealed her fate. Venus was filled with too many doubts and questions invading her mind. Pulling her hand back Venus spoke with a firm voice.

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because I want to save you. I cannot be saved.”

“How so? What makes you and I so different? From what I see. We are both caged birds.” Venus crossed her arms. Stunned, he nodded his head and bit his lip nervously. Venus patiently waited for him to speak. Soon the man gathered up his strength and looked at her with utmost seriousness.

“We are but caged birds on this ship but I deserved to be here. Not you. You did nothing wrong while I have done many, many horrible deeds that I’m not proud of.” Julian turned his head away from her. Venus laid down beside him and stared at the ceiling. She had done this many times but this time it felt different somehow. Somehow she felt like her old self was trying to break through the cold shell of hers ever so slowly.

“You and I both,” Venus said.

“What?” He turned his head to face hers.

“You heard me. I have done things I regret. I think you deserve freedom as much as I do.”

“Do you now? And why is that, my dear?” The red-haired man raised a brow at her words.

“Because I know deep down that you aren’t a bad person. You are perhaps the most selfless person I have ever met. If you didn’t deserve the luxury of freedom I’d have told you already.” The man chuckled and relaxed more against the stiff mattress. Talking with Venus made him feel better. Made him feel like perhaps there was hope?

“Venus, you are an incredible woman.”

“What is this all of a sudden?” Venus asked quite puzzled.

“I just wanted to be honest with you.” He said with a gentle smile on his bruised face.

“Were you honest before?”

“Perhaps. I spoke the truth for the most part.” He dragged his arm over the mattress just inches apart from her own hand. She could feel the warmth emanating from him. There were many things Venus wanted to say but the drowsiness was luring her to sleep. It wasn’t often she felt relaxed enough to fall asleep so easily. Perhaps it was the mysterious man who laid beside her that made her feel this way. As Venus closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall asleep, the red-haired man watched her curiously. Her chest rose and fell slowly, indicating that she was in a deep sleep. Her long wavy hair that cascaded around her face made her look like an angel who had fallen from grace. He knew better than to call her a fallen angel for she never fell in the first place, but an angel whose love for freedom was forcefully taken away from her.

She never deserved this.

A plan was sure to be made to free this beautiful bird from her cage.

Venus woke up to her surprise in complete silence. No sounds of yelling and singing could be heard. This only meant that it was the middle of the night. Looking through the tiny window Venus could see the clear skies that were adorned with the brightest and most beautiful stars she had ever seen. Her chest hurt at the feeling of not being close enough to reach them. She had always loved to stargaze, it felt cleansing to her somehow, freeing. The beautiful spectacle was disrupted when the familiar sound of leather boots caught her attention.

“Come with me, Venus. I have something to show you.”

Venus sat up and was greeted by a willing hand. Taking it she got up and asked. “What are you showing me?” The man who stood a few inches shorter than Venus only smiled at her. Why is his smile so sad? Venus felt a gnawing feeling of unease. Maybe I am over imagining things again. Shaking off any doubts Venus followed him up a ladder that led to the docks. The two of them silently walked over to the edge of the ship and silently watched the stars.

“You like stargazing too? Very manly of you.” Venus teased.

The man chuckled, “I am but a poor man in front of the goddess herself. The stars make me feel free. I can for a brief moment forget all of my troubles. My past, my present, and my future.”

“How poetic of you but understandable. Looking at the night sky like this makes me feel like my old self.” Venus walked from the stern of the ship to the bow to get a better view of the scenery while she could. Her feet stopped right by the ladder of the ship. On one side stood the quiet but brightly lit city, and to her right the open sea. The feeling of not being able to live in either world hurt her, pained her more than anything else. Being captive on a ship made her crave for the freedom to roam the bustling cities, something that she wasn’t a fan of at first. Her brows furrowed at the complex feelings bubbling inside her chest. Somehow the man took notice of this.

“Tonight you are leaving this ship.” He whispered. Venus froze where she stood.

“Tonight? But I ca—“

He grabbed her by the shoulders and looked up into her eyes.

“You can. You must. You cannot stay here any longer.” He began to push her to the ladder. Of course, Venus wanted to be free of this torturous life but was it so easy? Wouldn’t he get in trouble? Would they kill him if they found out she was missing? Her legs guided her to the ladder and descended each step until her feet touched the dock. The man soon followed with a black cape and a large pouch. With delicate care, he threw the cloak around her shoulders and lifted the hood up to obscure her appearance. Was this really happening?

“In this pouch are some coins I stole, pieces of bread and a list of names of people who can be trusted. You will be safe here, I promise you this in my life.”

“Can’t you come with me? We can go on the run together.” Venus was raising her voice by the word. He brought a finger to her lips, silencing her from continuing. Digging in a pocket he took out a card and placed it in the palm of her hand. She looked down to see an elaborate illustration of a tarot card, the Wheel of Fortune in its upright position.

“I don’t believe in magic or tarot cards but this card was given to me by a woman who raised me and believed that good things would come my way. I think that fortune is long gone for me.” His long slender fingers pushed a piece of her hair away from her face. “But for you, I think you still have luck on your side. Take this as a reminder that good fortune will always be with you.” Venus was mesmerized by his face as the moonlight illuminated his once fair and sunken looking features to that of a glowing being. Even in this light, he was handsome.

The mysterious yet familiar friend who she had come to know pulled back and with a grin climbed the ladder onto the ship like a thief in the night. Venus turned on her heels walked down the docks as swiftly as her feet could go, her black cloak clinging onto her form like a second skin. Venus looked behind and could no longer see him. She couldn’t help but feel a bit of guilt but she knew she couldn’t turn back now. Venus’s feet were once again back on land, no ship could detain her no more. No longer was she prey to the vicious animals of the sea. She disappeared into the darkest alleyways with only the moonlight guiding her way.

Was fortune really on her side? Only time would tell.

#fan apprentice #writing commission #venus pavo #julian devorak #the arcana #rosewrites

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writebythenight · 5 years

Text

The Silence

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Rose(OC) is assigned the job of talking to Negan in his Cell.

"We deserve to live in peace. Negan and the saviours tried to take that away from us. Alexandria and the hilltop, The Kingdom and Oceanside came together to fight for a better future. We won. Not without painful loses and today we try to heal, to forgive... now the work really begins. The new worlds begins." -Rick Grimes.

Chapter Ten

"Im not dying for a fucking canoe!" Rose grumbled at Daryl who was stood across from her holding the other end. She received one of his very rare laughs as he shook his hair out of his face.

"I won't let ya die." He assured her. "C'mon."

"If this glass goes theres not a whole lot you could do." She shrugged gesturing to the glass floor they were stood on, too many walkers to count milling around on the floor below just waiting for dinner. Of course the museum they went on a run to had a glass floor, it just went with the rest of her awful day which had started with stubbing her toe. Sure in the grand scheme of things that seems rather minuscule but straight after that she had a very moody Negan telling her they were going on a "useless run" and then continuing to act like a child and tell the woman she "must have a god damned death wish" until she left. What annoyed her the most about that was the fact that he had a habit of being right about these things. More recently Rose had Maggie completely ignore her and give nothing but dirty looks since she found out what Rick had asked her to do. Then there had been the single worst walker she had ever seen, the decayed body of a man with spiders crawling out of his face. It had been a long time since she had run away from a walker but it was more the spider she ran away from, causing the surrounding people to laugh hysterically at her. Rose wasn't as amused and still felt like the bastards were crawling on her.

So by this point she was just in a shitty mood and after the glass had already started to crack... here they still were, asking for trouble. Walking as slow and steady as she could, keeping to the metal beams she held her breath until they were on solid ground. As she got to it she felt Rick's grip on her arm, pulling her back and helping to lift as he watched the glass part of the floor with panic.

"It's goin' down!" He shouted and Daryl dived into the solid ground beside Rose as they watched the floor fall from beneath Ezekiel.

Organised chaos began as it always did when one of the group was in danger. Rose getting behind Rick to help him hold the rope praying it wouldn't be cut by the sharp edges of the hole he had gone through.

Daryl stood as selfless as ever by the edge ready to shoot any walkers who might get too close as Carol put something down for Ezekiel to be able to grab on to. All Rose could concentrate on was the feel of the rope cutting at her palms and the anger that they couldn't have just left with the fucking seeds and not risked anybody's life. Rose used this to keep pulling until the man who named himself a King had pulled himself to safety and was wrapped in the arms of the woman he loved.

Watching them made her chest ache with the loneliness that she just kept buried, knowing it wasn't important these days. She missed someone needing her.

Rick had collapsed onto the floor from the strain of taking so much weight which Rose thought was very "Rick" of him.

"Hope your fuckin' seeds are worth it." Rose sighed earning quite a few annoyed looks.

"Don't forget about the canoe." Daryl added breathlessly making her snigger quietly to herself.

Rose loved riding. Something she couldn't say around Negan but none the less true. It was one of the many hobbies she tried out as a child and the only one she had enjoyed, it was one of the parts of this world she liked. One of the parts she didn't like though was how hard it was to get from one place to another, things happened like bridges collapsing. Yet another reason she should have stayed in bed that morning.

"Rose and Gabriel, y'all can head to Alexandria from here. The rest of us can go to the sanctuary or hilltop. Stay the night and head on from there." Rick decided.

"I can come with you guys." She told him, wanting to be there in case anything happened.

"We'll be okay, Rose." He smiled gently at her. "Take care. And get home safe."

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

"I noticed how Maggie was towards you." Gabriel told Rose as they approached Alexandria.

"Oh you mean downright ignoring me then giving me the dirtiest looks I've ever received. Yeah, I noticed too." Rose sighed, well and truly over people treating her that way because she was now a villain thanks to her connection to Negan.

"How does that make you feel?" Rose snorted.

"Isn't that my line?" She asked the man.

"I suppose but whoever asks you how you are?" He asked her still facing forward with that all-knowing look on his face.

"Honestly... it makes me feel like shit. I really care about her and I did about Glenn too. I'd have swapped places with Glenn in a heartbeat so he could have seen his baby born." Rose shook her head as she looked up at the sky getting teary. It was true, nobody would have really cared if she'd been killed that night instead of Glenn.

"That's quite a statement." Gabriel told her knowing exactly what she meant as he had felt the same way for so long. "You're just as valuable as everyone else."

"You have to say that." Rose laughed. "We both know nobody would have really missed me. It'd have been sad but I wouldn't have been a real loss to anyone."

"What about Negan?" Something he said so calmly set Rose' heart racing.

"What about him?"

"Well I'm sure you'd be a real loss to him. I really admire what you're doing for him, you've really made an impression on him. I go to talk to him every now and again to offer any... religious help he may need. He doesn't want to talk about Jesus or any god at all. Just you."

"What does he say?" She asked because she wanted to know how he acted towards other people but mostly she wanted to know for herself.

"That you're an angel." Her heart squeezed and she couldn't help the tight smile on her lips. "It's okay to not hate him you know." Rose just looked over at him. "You show a kindness not many can give over so easily. Its refreshing in this world, I've always told you that." And he had. He was the first person to point out her good natured countenance.

"Thanks, Gabe." She grinned over at him. "At least I know one person won't hate me for being his friend."

"I'm just glad he has one." He smiled back.

As they approached the gates the few Alexandrians who had come back with them dispersed as did Gabriel and so Rose found herself stood near the building she knew rather well. The one that she knew he was in, sat there all alone, it was only fair she let him know she was home safe.

As she walked down into the cell she heard voices and stopped halfway down the stairs.

"You're fuckin' pathetic." It was Negan's voice in a nasty tone Rose wasn't used to.

"You're a horrible man! I don't know why Rose bothers with you!" The voice she recognised as Nora's replied. She was one of the poor souls left in charge of Negan whenever Rose had somewhere else to be.

"Well thank fuck she does. I'd have caved my own head in by now if you fucktards were my only connection to the world."

"I don't enjoy coming in here you know." Nora's voice was quiet and Rose silently willed the woman to call him something just as horrible.

"Oh come on." He sneered. "Not like you have anywhere else to be right? I'm not having that you have a hot date. I know it's slim fuckin' pickings out there but the actual librarian look ain't screamin' fuck me to no man!"

"Negan!" Rose shouted, having heard enough she had marched into the room looking furious.

"Oh shit. Now I'm in trouble." He said chuckling.

"You say sorry to Nora!"

"Exfuckin'scuse me?" He asked her stalking towards the bars.

"You heard me." She said suddenly feeling a lot less confident and waiting for him to embarrass her.

"Why the fuck would I do that? I'm just messin', right Nora?"

Nora looked over to Rose uncomfortably. "It's fine, Rose. I appreciate it but I just want to leave now."

"Nora he said awful things to you, you deserve an apology!"

She just looked at Rose as if she was crazy. "It's Negan. It's not exactly a surprise, it's how he's always been. I'm used to it by now."

The statement hit Rose so hard she lost all arguments she thought she had. He had never been like that with her so why was he so awful to everyone else, sure she knew he wasn't exactly Mr sociable but she never thought he'd be so horrible to people just trying to help. Same as her.

"I'll see you later, Rose." Nora told her on her way past, quietening her voice to say, "thank god you're back."

She only dared look at Negan once she knew Nora had gone and saw him standing there grinning at her with a mischievous look in his eyes. "How was the run, angel?"

"Why were you being so horrible to her?!" She was still furious. "There was absolutely no need."

He just shrugged looking like a rebellious teenager and all she could think about was sending Negan to his bedroom... or hers.

"Are you like that with everyone who comes in here?"

"Except my angel." He smiled.

"Why do you treat people like that? No wonder everyone thinks I'm crazy saying you're actually kinda nice!"

"You been tellin' people I'm nice?! Fuckin' don't, you'll ruin my reputation." He laughed. "I'm nice to you. No one else fuckin' deserves me to be nice."

"Oh I'm so honoured." She said sarcastically.

"You're welcome."

"Oh shut up!" She spat.

"What is it? Is it cos you're bored? You just like messin' with people as you called it?" She asked grabbing her usual chair and sitting down with a groan.

"Maybe." He shrugged. "You okay?" He looked her over and she got the same shivers she always did.

"Yeah. Fine." She grumbled.

"Ya don't sound it. C'mere and sit on Daddy's knee... tell me all about it."

Rose felt herself soften just at the tone of his voice, the bad half of the day melted away. "You're sick."

"And you're in a fuckin' bad mood. Considering you didn't shit in a bucket this morning you're already having a better day than me."

She scrunched up her nose at him. "I know. I shouldn't be moody I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise, sweetheart. We all have them days."

She just nodded not wanting to tell him why she wasn't in a great mood seeing as her circumstances were always better than his.

"C'mon. Tell me... I don't get much entertainment."

"Fine..." she sighed, leaning forward onto her knees and deciding she would leave out the fact that she had stubbed her toe she began. "So this museum. First off I'm getting so much shit for coming here talking to you everyday... like people I thought were really good friends just cutting me out and I don't get it! I mean I get why they hate you... any way then there was the most fucking awful walker." She shivered. "Spiders! One the size of my actual hand crawled out of this bastards head!"

"Ya scared of spiders?" He laughed. "You'd think you'd have outgrown irrational fears once the dead started walking."

"Yeah... well, I haven't okay so I ran away!"

"Ya ran away!" He was really laughing now, while doing his customary lean backwards but his laughter didn't make her angry.

"Yeah... and everyone laughed just like you." They had made her angry though.

"Oh I miss runs." He lowered himself onto his stool. "Sure the worlds fuckin' awful but every now and then someone would do some stupid shit and it'd be funny as hell."

"I can imagine you being in your element." She laughed.

"Tell me some more." He said watching her.

"You know when you just know something's a stupid idea?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, we apparently needed this really heavy piece of equipment so badly that we risked dragging it across a glass floor."

"Are you shittin' me?!" He said with a raised voice.

"I wish I was."

"How the fuck your group has survived this long under Ricks leadership I'll never know."

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes. "So it cracked of course." The look on Negans face was one of anger and concern, his brow creased and his mouth turned tight as he watched her. "Somebody ended up hanging there like a piñata."

"Wasn't you?"

She just shook her head. "Nobody died by some miracle but I dunno... I kinda think it was stupid to risk someone like that even after the glass had cracked."

"I agree." He nodded. "Fuck, Rose." He rasped quietly. "Every time you go out it fuckin' kills me I ain't there to look after you."

All her breath left her in a shaky gasp as her chest clenched tightly and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Negan." She whispered. That was all she had wanted for so long, somebody to care about her so much and for her to care about them the same way. The way Rick and Michonne had each other's backs no matter what.

"I can take care of myself." She told him the same thing she had always told herself whenever she craved that connection.

"I've no doubt about that." He laughed. "But I know I'd keep you safer than any of them."

She was sat clenching and unclenching her hands were the rope had grazed her palms. "I'm fine." Rose lied.

"I know." Negan pretended not to know she was lying.

Chapter Eleven

#twd negan #negan fanfiction #negan x oc #neganxoc #negan x rose #twd fanfiction #the walking dead fanfiction #the silence #oc fanfiction

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honeykngdom · 5 years

Note

I notice you interact/reblog from a lot of other oc accounts .. do you have any oc crossovers you love in particular?

T O N S .

Calpen: Cal ft. Aspen Mills, one of Ally’s oc’s. MY MVP’S!In an AU world in which Callipea is endgame, Aspen is Calliope’s live-in bestfriend. They share everything - clothing, food, music, boys, you name it! Theybartend together at the Wyrm until it’s shut down, which is when Veronicaoffers them both jobs at the Speakeasy, and hires Asp onboard at Pop’s. Cal hasanxiety about everything 24/7 and Aspen is here to make sure that the girllives her best damn life and BREATHES every once in a while. Personally, in thisAU, Sabine wouldn’t likely exist and so Aspen would be her partner in crime,her bestie, life partner, saltmate, the one she gets into all the trouble withand the one that knows her better than anyone. Ya’ll don’t understand how muchI sTAN aspen.

Rhyliope: Cal ft. Rhys Thorne, one of Emily’s oc’s. They’rebesties, they share a lot of the same dark humor, bonded over how shittyparents are. They don’t really know boundaries when it comes to each other, butthat’s okay. The friendship features a lot of 2 am phone calls just to saywassup, eating a lot, face painting and face masks. I think having Rhys aroundoffers a great amount of solace.

Malliope: Cal ft. Mallory Black, one of Erin’s oc’s. I hadstarted compiling my photo stock and inspo for a throwback aesthetic I wantedto post for Calliope’s parents, and Nat’s maiden name prior to marrying Byron,was Black. We started talking about the possibilities, and Erin’s interest andoffer to have the girls become cousins actually helped solidify the timelinefor Nat/Byron. It’s probable that she will make an appearance during Bad Omenin a later chapter when Calliope learns more about Nat, and Mal is there toanswer her questions. Outside of this, I’d like to think the girls would getalong beautifully well; they’re probably more alike than either of them seem tothink, just because their tastes are so different, so it’s very much two sidesof the same coin.

Donoline: Don ft. Caroline Grey, one of Ariella’s oc’s.First of all, let me just say that this is probably my favourite, if not one ofmy favourite oc crossovers I’ve done and it’s literally just because of howsoft these two are together. Don met Caroline on her first day at Southside,walked her to and from every class, and has never stopped. What started out asa good friends lending helping hands and shoulders to cry on quickly became somethingmore; in this au, there is no body but her, there is nothing more safe, thereis no one more perfectly made for him than Caroline. The image of the two ofthem throws everyone off, just because they’re both tough-as-nails kids thathappen to turn into putty when they’re around each other.

Donospen (? we haven’t decided on a ship name): Don ft.Aspen Mills, one of Ally’s oc’s. Since both of our main oc’s happen to beshipped with Sweet Pea, in the au verse in which Callipea is endgame, Aspen andDon would be paired together. They’re that couple that’s so cute it’ssickening; they dance in their underwear, they like to bring the jealous sideout in each other, they love passionately and all at once, it’s all or nothingwhen it comes to them. Whether or not they can handle themselves is irrelevant,because they’re not alone and they come as a pair.

Hobbs-D'Angelo: Hobb’s boys ft. the D'Angelo boys, a familyof oc’s created by Ally. It just so happened that the boys all matched/lined upin ages; Don/Luca, Danny/Gabriel, and Dean/Chris. They’ve grown up together,they’ve shared classes together - regardless of whether or not they’ve everreally been close and friends doesn’t matter, they’re two families in theSouthside that have co-existed peacefully, and they’ll remain that way (tholbr, the boys have totally hung out, and lbr, when you throw Cal into this mix,you already know she’s smitten over Gabe)

#calpen #donoline #donospen #malliope #rhyliope #ss families #MY LOVES #!!#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH #oc crossover

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recreatemu · 5 years

Text

bff’s for the win ➝ chatzy

who: kelsie and savannah

setting: feb 11th., night

possible trigger(s): n/a

KELSIE didn’t think it was possible to be this mad but here she was standing outside the school, not caring if she would get in trouble. Arguing over text with Gabe she eventually just threw her phone and Barrie’s her face in her hands, trying to not cry. Hearing someone walk up behind her, she wiped at her face before noticing it was Savannah. She didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want them to get that from her. She didn’t even want to care but here she was. Turning to her best friend she wrapped her arms around her and tried to catch her breath. “Will you help me throw all his stuff outside and cut holes in all her clothes?”

SAVANNAH wrapping her arms around her best friend whenever she walked up to her, she took in a deep breath. She didn’t expect this in the slightest. Why would he do that with her sister and better yet why would her sister do that? Holding onto her tightly, she rocked her slowly in her arms and pressed her lips against her cheek. She felt angry, she was angry. Someone hurt her best friend and that wasn’t what she wanted at all. She just wanted her best friend to be happy. Hearing her request, she bit on her lip and the pulled back to kiss her forehead. “I will always do that, of course. We can burn his and cut hers. Do you want to come stay with me, babe?” She whispered, kissing his forehead softly.

KELSIE tried to smile up at her as she spoke to her because she really was too good for her but she was just in a crappy mood. Wiping at her eyes she sighed. “I would love to. I just need to get my stuff so I never have to see them again. Do you think your mom would adopt me?” She asked with a small chuckle but honestly, she’d be okay if she did. Looping her arm with hers she walked with her to her car and got in as she did. Sitting behind the wheel she turned to her and grabbed her hand. “Can we just date and have a foursome with the Hudson brothers because apparently, that’s a thing people do,” she asked annoyed as she kissed her hand. “I’m soaking wet, I hate my life,” she sighed as she pulled her hoodie off to just leave her in her bra.

SAVANNAH watched as she tried to smile and she felt her heart strings tug. She did love her. She did. She would hurt anyone who hurt her and she wanted to at this rate. Reaching up, she ran her thumbs under her eyes and tried to clean up the tears from her and she sighed. “I’m positive that she would adopt you but here’s the problem with that. I love having sex with you while I’m single and so that just makes things worse,” she whispered as she nuzzled onto her neck. Walking to her car, she wanted to drive but she didn’t want to tell her what to do, so she let her do it. Lacing their fingers, she pressed her lips together and then let out a sigh as she did but she laughed right after. “Yes, we can. I’m about to break up with Brant, I think. It’s just a lot but I’m not worried about me right now. Just working on the fact that I want you happy and we can have that.” Smiling as she kissed her hand, she leaned over and kissed her lips softly before watching her undress as she backed away. “You’re really hot, did you know that?”

KELSIE started to pull out of the parking lot and looked over at her with a smile. “I know what you mean, then we couldn’t ever have sex again and I don’t know if I could never not kiss you when I want to.” Hearing her next statement she looked over at her in shock. “You’re gonna what? Did something happen? I’ll kill him. We can talk about you. I wanna talk about you. I like all the things regarding you.” Leaning over as she stopped at the stop sign she kissed her again. It wasn’t wrong, was it? She was going to be single anyway and she just really loved the girl beside her. “You’re really hot. Sometimes I feel like I should just date you but I like having sex with a penis involved too much.”

SAVANNAH smiling at her as she watched her smile back. She couldn’t help but smile at her. She loved whenever she made her smile. “I couldn’t handle not having sex with you or kissing you in general ever. Though I’ve been dating someone for a while,” she admitted and then she let out a soft sigh. Whenever she gave her the reaction, she licked over her bottom lip slowly and her head fell. “He didn’t do anything. No. I just feel like I’ve been with him for so long and I’m stuck with this and I don’t know if I want to be with him forever and I feel like crap about it. I just need to take a break, that’s all,” she whispered, biting on her bottom lip, running her fingers through her hair gently. Whenever she felt tears in her eyes, she lifted her head, kissing her back softly and didn’t know what else to do. She loved the way she felt with her. “I know, I do, too. I just don’t know what else to do and I just feel like all I do is run in circles. Like with freaking boys and then stuff with Brant and I seem stupid. I don’t know. Then Trey and then you. I don’t know, babe. I love you.”

KELSIE “Which resulted in me having to have sex with Gabe when I was horny. Now I have no one. Unless I just stop caring and put myself out there more.” Hearing her talk about Brant she just squeezed her hand for comfort and nodded. “I get it and there’s so much more out there. Yeah, he’s hot but you deserve to be happy, babe. I support you and your decisions.” Finally getting to her house she parked in the driveway and just sat there. Finding a shirt in the back she slipped it on and looked over at her as she rested her head on the seat. “I love you. I’ll never not love you or want to be with you, just know that. You and Trey are talking again?” She asked as she got out of the car and headed inside the house. Slipping out of her wet clothes she was left in her underwear and bra. “So, I e been thinking about having sex with Theo. We’re friends and stuff so why not, y’know?”

SAVANNAH “You have me and then if it’s a penis thing I can totally get a strap on, just saying. Don’t be like me. I’m a whore, obviously,” she sighed as she bit on her lip in thought. Listening to her, her eyes just locked on their hands and then she nodded her head. She knew she was right but it didn’t make it any easier really. “I know. I just know that I’m going to break his heart and I never wanted to do that. I just need to move on and do more with myself than this. Than being held into this box. I have to,” she admired. Whenever she was dressed, she smiled to herself while her blue eyes searched hers. She loved her. “I love you, too. You know I’ll be with you any day. I just don’t have a dick. Yeah, kinda. He watched a scary movie with me last night on the phone and it was great.” Getting out, she walked inside and looked over her body and she licked over her bottom lip. “Mm, yeah? I think that could be fun. He’s hot and a virgin too but hot. You think you’ll do it?”

KELSIE “That actually sounds kinda hot, not gonna lie. I miss our threesomes that we used to have. You’re not a whore, my sister is a whore. You’re just confident with yourself and it’s sexy,” she complimented her as she reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Then that’s what you’ll do. If he loves and respects you like he says he does then he will let you better yourself and find your happiness. Sometimes people grow apart and that’s okay.” Tugging her up to her room, she started to go through her stuff and found some sweatpants to put on. “I’d date you any day. We’d just have to bring a penis in the mix every now and then. That’s my only request,” she teased as she pushed her down on her bed and sat on her lap. “I love you,” she bummed as she pushed her back on the bed and pressed her hips into hers. “It’s just a thought. I’m comfortable with him. I just don’t know if he’ll even want to. With me.”

SAVANNAH “Are you serious? Because you know that I will. I won’t even think about it, I’ll just do it and I will investigate. Do you want me to? Because I will. I miss them, too. I miss whenever you used to control me,” she breathed. Leaning into her hand, she closed her eyes, just relaxing whenever she basically encouraged her to do so and she let her help her breathe and feel better. She looked away trying to keep her thoughts calm but she knew that he would cry and she knew she would, too but she just didn’t want to hurt him. It was hard. “He’s going to hate me,” she whispered softly as she chewed on her lip slowly in thought. While she got dressed, she watched her and smirked a little before she sat on her lap and then she wrapped her arms around her neck. “We can bring a penis in any time you want to, I’m okay with that, so yes. Let’s do that, just saying.” Moaning softly as she pushed her hips into hers, she pushed her hips back up, whimpering as she looked at her. “I love you. If you want to, you should, baby.”

KELSIE “So do it. I’d love to see what you come up with, babe. Controlling you is one of my favorite things to do.” Being with her was just good, she made her happy and she made her forget about all the shitty things that were going. She was her person. She was her happy place. Leaning down to hover over her she placed kisses along her neck. “He’ll get over it,” she moaned against her neck as she started to suck on her skin. “Are you saying you wanna be my girlfriend, Savannah Rose?” She asked as she sat up and then started to kiss her softly, her hips grinned into hers more. “I’m gonna think about it. Maybe I’ll text him later but right now I wanna focus on you,” she flirted as she bit on her lip.

SAVANNAH “Then I will. You have no idea what I’m gonna do to you, Keslie Lynn. I’m gonna fuck you so good,” she moaned quietly. Her eyes closed as she took in the feeling of her lips on her and she couldn’t help but smile as she did. She wanted to be with her, she just didn’t know what to do about how she was feeling. Breathing deeply, her eyes fluttered open slowly and she ignored the comment about him and then heard her question. Looking up at her, she breathed deeply, kissing her back softly, finally speaking. “I’ll be yours any day, babe. I just have to figure out stuff first and then you’re mine,” she breathed, pushing her hips up into hers further, reaching up to take off her bra and then smirked at her words next. “Tell me what you want from me, Kelsie. Tell me what you wanna do to me.”

KELSIE “I can’t wait until you do. I’m already so wet at the thought of you fucking me. I know you’d be better than anyone else out there.” Running her hand up Savannah’s shirt, she slipped her hand under her bra and moaned against her lips. “Can I be yours right now? Being with you is what I need right now. You’re so good to me. He won’t have to know.” Running her fingers down Savannah’s stomach she played with the top of her pants. Slipping past it she moved her hand down further to tease her. “I’m gonna make you cum just by using my fingers,” she whispered into her ear as she I did her jeans and then slipped a finger inside of her. “Take your pants off.”

SAVANNAH smirking at her words, her breathing picked up and she felt herself getting even wetter than before. “I would fuck you so good, I would make you cum so hard, baby. I know how you like it,” she moaned, feeling her hands on her, she just took in the feeling and bit on her bottom lip harder than before, tugging on it to keep her closer to her. “I would love for you to be mine, babe. You know that I’ll take care of you and love you like you should be,” she whispered, watching as she started to move down her body with her hand and then she whimpered. Laying her head over to the side, she closed her eyes, feeling her finger inside of her and she gasped. “Yes, ma'am,” she complied, lifting up to let her take off her pants and her panties before her eyes found hers again. “Like this?”

KELSIE tugged at her pants and tosses them on the ground and moved between her legs. Kissing her roughly she let a finger play with her pussy lips as she slipped her tongue into her mouth. Slipping another finger into her she pushed them deep inside her and started to fuck her with them harder. “You’re so tight. God, I love your pussy,” she moaned as she crawled down her body and replaced her fingers with her lips, kissing her gently and slipped her tongue into. “I’ve missed tasting you. You should have planned to break up with him a long time ago. Or just not cared.”

SAVANNAH moaned louder as she kissed her back roughly, her hand tangling in her hair while she tried to take in a slow breath. That was until she started to fuck her faster and added another finger and she moaned louder. “So fucking good, fuck. Kelsie, I love your fingers so much,” she moaned, watching her move down and whenever she moved to start using her tongue, her head fell back and her eyes closed and she adjusted her legs over her shoulders. “Fuck, baby. I love you. I love how you feel. I love how your tongue feels inside me,” she whined, gasping as her hips moved up against her face.

KELSIE smirked at all the reactions she was getting from her. She could literally do this all day every day with her and not get bored from it. That’s how much she enjoyed being with her more than any other person she had the luxury of meeting. Flicking her tongue on her clit she slipped one finger inside of her and twirled it around. Slipping a second finger in her she picked up her pace and curled her fingers to try and fuck her just right. Pushing a third finger in her she started to move her fingers in and out of her at a fast pace, still sucking on her clit.

SAVANNAH gasped as she kept going, her body shaking as she kept letting her work her body. Whenever she pushed a third finger inside of her pussy, she sat up a little, trying to fight the urge to cum and push herself over the edge as she fell back hitting the bed roughly and her hands gripping onto her hair. “Right there. Right fucking there, don’t stop. Please don’t stop fucking me,” she whimpered, biting on her lip harder as she gripped the blankets tightly. “I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum, Kelsie!” She screamed out, pushing back but not letting her move too far away from her to encourage her to keep going. “Make me fucking cum. I’m yours, now fuck me like I am.”

KELSIE loved pushing Savann over the edge and teasing her. Pulling her fingers out of her she quickly reached around under her bed and pulled out her toys, letting her dildo tease her pussy lips before she pushed it into her forcefully and then began to move it in and out of her at a hard and fast pace. “Cum for me, baby. Show me how good I make you feel,” she encouraged as she went back to sucking on her clit.

SAVANNAH gasped whenever she pulled her fingers out but then she was pushing a dildo into her and she let out a scream she didn’t know that she was holding in. “Fuck!” Laying her head back, she arched her body up, gripping the bed while she finally couldn’t hold back anymore, pulling her up to her and pressing her lips against hers while she came hard around the dildo. Biting on her lip, she was trying to stop shaking but she was so worked up, it was worth it. Kissing her again, her eyes flickered open and she smiled up at her. “I love you.”

KELSIE moved up the bed and captured her sounds with her mouth as she helped her finish coming down from her high. Laying on her side, she pulled the dildo out of her slowly and tossed it on the floor to deal with later. “I love you, too,” she smiled as she leaned over and kissed her. grabbing her blanket she pulled it up over them and curled up next to her. “You make me happy.”

SAVANNAH cuddled up with her, wrapping her arms around her as her eyes closed and her body just relaxed right then. Keeping the blanket close to them, she nuzzled her nose against hers with a smile playing on her lips. “You make me happy, too, I mean that,” she admitted, kissing her again slowly while her hand rested on her cheek. “So, are we doing this thing with us? Also, if we are, how are we and who are we allowed to have sex with if we have sex with other people or whatever you want to do?”

KELSIE kissed her back slowly, just taking in the moment and for the first time all day she felt like she could breathe again and it was all because of the girl in front of her. “If you want to I say we give it a try. And if it doesn’t work then we have to make sure we are still best friends,” she exhaled as she smiled over at her in thought. “I’m not sure. I feel like the rules need to be laid out, open communication and never lying. Maybe we can make a list of people. What do you think?”

SAVANNAH found herself more content right then than she had been in a long time. Just because she was happy. She was so happy, she had the girl as her own, if she wanted to keep her and she just wanted to keep her safe. Away from bad people and in the comfort of her own protection. “Of course we will always be best friends, no matter what happens. It doesn’t matter what we go through, I can’t make it without you,” she admitted and then she kissed her again slowly. Her tongue moved over her lips and she deepened it for a second then pulled back. “Of course. Let’s do that. Let’s start with the list, who do you think should be on it first?”

KELSIE held her hand up at her words, “Pinky promise?” She asked with a smile before kissing her back just as Savannah was. Grabbing her face she pressed her body into hers as they made out for a second. Pulling back she gathered herself and slowed her breathing. “Well, I kinda already texted Theo when you went’ to the bathroom so can he be on it if he wants to?”

SAVANNAH linking her pinky with hers, she gave her a nod. “Pinky promise,” she agreed. Whenever she moved over top of her, she pressed her body against hers, making out with her slowly. Smiling against her lips, her eyes met hers and then she moved her hand down her body, teasing over her lips and under her sweats. “That’s fine. I’ve kinda already been texting Trey since yesterday about the whole about to break up thing and sex, so with no feelings involved, can he be on the list?”

KELSIE placed her hands on her hips and made out with her and then pulled back when she heard her input. Pulling her hand up she looked at her confused. “Trey? The guy you’ll probably always love Trey? I don’t think that’s possible for you to not have feelings involved when it comes to him, Savannah.”

SAVANNAH watched whenever she pulled her hand up and she raised her eyebrows. “I’m not going to have feelings involved but I don’t have to do anything with him. I just wanted to be up front with you about a conversation that we were having before this. That’s all I wanted to do. No sex with Trey.”

KELSIE “If you want to have sex with trey you can. I just don’t think I can be in a full-on relationship with you if you’re having sex with your ex. Do you get where I’m coming from?”

SAVANNAH “I get what you mean, I understand that. I can’t be mad at that either, so I won’t. I won’t have sex with him because I want you and I mean that.”

KELSIE “Are you sure? I don’t want you to say that because you think it’s what I want to hear. I mean, maybe if I’m in the room it’s fine, I just know how you feel about him.”

SAVANNAH “I just want to do whatever makes you happy, babe. I want to be with you and if that means no sex with him then I can handle that.”

KELSIE “You want to do what makes me happy but what makes you happy? Because I’m happy if you’re happy and if you want to have sex with him then you should. If you want to be with him then you should.”

SAVANNAH “It’s not that. You make me happy, Kelsie. You make me happy and I want to be with you. I’m just stupid and this is all changing but I want this with you. More than anyone, I want it with you.”

KELSIE “I’m sorry. I don’t want to shut down your list. Reasons why open communication and trust is a must. I trust you that if you say no feelings then I believe you. If you want to have sex with him then you should be able to. I want you to be happy.”

SAVANNAH “Kelsie, I love you. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you and I don’t have feelings but he does mean something to me so he shouldn’t be on the list and so he won’t be. He won’t be on our list, okay?”

KELSIE “You can put him on the list. First, you wanted him on the list, now you don’t. Why?”

SAVANNAH “Tell me honestly what you feel about if I do decide to put him on the list. Do you trust me?”

KELSIE “Babe, I just said that I trusted you and if you wanted to then that’s fine. This is why we have open communication. I trust you.”

SAVANNAH “Okay then he’s on the list. He’s on the list, officially. Just tell me when you have plans for this stuff, too, okay?”

KELSIE “Well, you know I already have plans with Theo later. Can we talk about the list later? I kinda wanna take a nap before I go fuck up Kennedy’s stuff.”

SAVANNAH “I have plans with Trey later, too. Just to hang out but if things happen, then yeah. We can, baby. Let’s nap.”

#~#( writing; kelsie )#( writing; chatzy )

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kaysmuarchive · 5 years

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BFF’S FOR THE WIN ➝ CHATZY

location: Lynn household.

date & time: 2/11, day.

who: Kelsie and Savannah.

SAVANNAH gasped as she kept going, her body shaking as she kept letting her work her body. Whenever she pushed a third finger inside of her pussy, she sat up a little, trying to fight the urge to cum and push herself over the edge as she fell back hitting the bed roughly and her hands gripping onto her hair. "Right there. Right fucking there, don't stop. Please don't stop fucking me," she whimpered, biting on her lip harder as she gripped the blankets tightly. "I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum, Kelsie!" She screamed out, pushing back but not letting her move too far away from her to encourage her to keep going. "Make me fucking cum. I'm yours, now fuck me like I am."

SAVANNAH gasped whenever she pulled her fingers out but then she was pushing a dildo into her and she let out a scream she didn't know that she was holding in. "Fuck!" Laying her head back, she arched her body up, gripping the bed while she finally couldn't hold back any more, pulling her up to her and pressing her lips against hers while she came hard around the dildo. Biting on her lip, she was trying to stop shaking but she was so worked up, it was worth it. Kissing her again, her eyes flickered open and she smiled up at her. "I love you."

SAVANNAH cuddled up with her, wrapping her arms around her as her eyes closed and her body just relaxed right then. Keeping the blanket close to them, she nuzzled her nose against hers with a smile playing on her lips. "You make me happy, too, I mean that," she admitted, kissing her again slowly while her hand rested on her cheek. "So, are we doing this thing with us? Also, if we are, how are we and who are we allowed to have sex with if we have sex with other people or whatever you want to do?"

SAVANNAH found herself more content right then than she had been in a long time. Just because she was happy. She was so happy, she had the girl as her own, if she wanted to keep her and she just wanted to keep her safe. Away from bad people and in the comfort of her own protection. "Of course we will always be best friends, no matter what happens. It doesn't matter what we go through, I can't make it without you," she admitted and then she kissed her again slowly. Her tongue moved over her lips and she deepened it for a second then pulled back. "Of course. Let's do that. Let's start with the list, who do you think should be on it first?"

SAVANNAH linking her pinky with hers, she gave her a nod. "Pinky promise," she agreed. Whenever she moved over top of her, she pressed her body against hers, making out with her slowly. Smiling against her lips, her eyes met hers and then she moved her hand down her body, teasing over her lips and under her sweats. "That's fine. I've kinda already been texting Trey since yesterday about the whole about to break up thing and sex, so with no feelings involved, can he be on the list?"

SAVANNAH watched whenever she pulled her hand up and she raised her eyebrows. "I'm not going to have feelings involved but I don't have to do anything with him. I just wanted to be up front with you about a conversation that we were having before this. That's all I wanted to do. No sex with Trey."

KELSIE “If you want to have sex with trey you can. I just don’t think I can be in a full-on relationship with you if you’re having sex with your ex. Do you get where I’m coming from?”

SAVANNAH "I get what you mean, I understand that. I can't be mad at that either, so I won't. I won't have sex with him because I want you and I mean that."

KELSIE "Are you sure? I don't want you to say that because you think it's what I want to hear. I mean, maybe if I'm in the room it's fine, I just know how you feel about him."

SAVANNAH "I just want to do whatever makes you happy, babe. I want to be with you and if that means no sex with him then I can handle that."

KELSIE "You want to do what makes me happy but what makes you happy? Because I'm happy if you're happy and if you want to have sex with him then you should. If you want to be with him then you should."

SAVANNAH "It's not that. You make me happy, Kelsie. You make me happy and I want to be with you. I'm just stupid and this is all changing but I want this with you. More than anyone, I want it with you."

KELSIE "I'm sorry. I don't want to shut down your list. Reasons why open communication and trust is a must. I trust you that if you say no feelings then I believe you. If you want to have sex with him then you should be able to. I want you to be happy."

SAVANNAH "Kelsie, I love you. I don't want to do anything to hurt you and I don't have feelings but he does mean something to me so he shouldn't be on the list and so he won't be. He won't be on our list, okay?"

KELSIE “You can put him on the list. First, you wanted him on the list, now you don’t. Why?”

SAVANNAH "Tell me honestly what you feel about if I do decide to put him on the list. Do you trust me?"

KELSIE "Babe, I just said that I trusted you and if you wanted to then that's fine. This is why we have open communication. I trust you."

SAVANNAH "Okay then he's on the list. He's on the list, officially. Just tell me when you have plans for this stuff, too, okay?"

KELSIE "Well, you know I already have plans with Theo later. Can we talk about the list later? I kinda wanna take a nap before I go fuck up Kennedy's stuff."

SAVANNAH "I have plans with Trey later, too. Just to hang out but if things happen, then yeah. We can, baby. Let's nap."

#points — all.#points — arc two.#* & ◞ — ‹ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ › kelsie #* & ◞ — ‹ ᴠᴇʀꜱᴇ › redo #* & ◞ — ‹ ᴄʜᴀᴛᴢʏ › bff's for the win #* & ◞ — ‹ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ › chatzy

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elliotwarren · 6 years

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🎊 happy birthday gabriel adams! 🎊

It was always his eyes that people noticed first. Well. That was a lie. If they got past his skin color, the way his fingers dug into his arms, the soft whispers to invisible things, it was his eyes. Silver, Meg always said, making him sound something special. Gabriel let a smile tweak his features and brushed dark, messy hair off his forehead. That was just as pointless as correcting Meg.

all art pictured was commissioned by me and are not free to use. feel free to dm me for specific credits.

I’m about to unpack a lot of shit and get way more intimate with everyone on this blog than I have previously, so I hope you’re mentally prepared for this. It’s going to be a hard read, but I’ve been wanting to talk about this stuff for a long time.

so almost every year I try to talk about my oldest character, Gabriel. This year, I wanted to dig a little deeper, and address myself as a writer. Within the last couple of years, I’ve had to own up to some shit with this character. I was a bad writer.

“No, Elliot, you weren’t bad! You were just - “

No folks, I’m not discussing my skill as a writer. I’m specifically addressing my treatment of people, representation, and stereotypes.

I was a shitty person.

cw for ableism, discussion of own health, suicide mention, drug use in a fictional character, and general shitty handling of mental illness.

I’m not super positive Gabriel started as Gabriel. The earliest I remember him was a novel I wrote my Freshman year - in 2006ish. I think I vaguely remember him existing as a something earlier on in middle school, but nothing concrete until later. My first ever novel! It was exactly 100 pages, front and back, written in black pen. It was a blatant rip off of an Anne Rice novel where vampires took over a city and killed and ate them in their court. I don’t even remember if that was actually the plot, but I do remember it being Anne Rice inspired, which is a whole other problem altogether. Towards the end of the novel, I asked my friends in choir class to check off next to character names to decide who died.

I think 3 out of 45 characters made it out alive. Also there were 45 characters. Many of them had scenes from their POV. Yeah.

Gabriel wasn’t the protagonist then, and he rarely has been until the last handful of years. He was just an edgy probably vampire guy who appeared at random with cryptic warnings, who periodically would get the protagonist out of trouble while also existing as a side antagonist. He did survive - although barely.

Later, I had the super unique wild idea to make him ‘crazy’. I took to roleplay forums, where other teenagers I barely knew told me that my writing was good and my character was interesting, and I plagued them with my edgy, cool, sometimes serial killer character that all the girls were into. Sometimes the guys, which I was cool with - after all, I had a lesbian couple as a friend in high school. You know, I was tolerant.

Made you uncomfortable yet? Me too.

Gabriel was the troubled white boy who heard voices and saw ghosts, somehow got by as a homeless teenager, and sometimes he killed people but it was definitely not his fault. He went on to win character of the month on a forum based around experimental testing inside an asylum. I was ecstatic. I took him everywhere, and people loved him. Not one person called me out. Not a one.

My freshman year of college, I joined a group on deviantart, where talented artists I’d admired from a distance were glad to have a rare writer, and after making a nervous start with another character I stepped in with Gabriel. The group was entirely based around the story line, as well as critique and self-improvement. I was ecstatic.

With the assistance of a roleplay partner - now my roommate - I went on to finish my first novel in years, with Gabriel as one of two protagonists. I still have it, somewhere, printed out in a binder. Pretty sure I left it at a friend’s house. It featured Gabe, and my roommate’s character, after Gabriel ‘accidentally’ almost killed her because of the voices and kidnapped her to his apartment in an attempt to fix his mistake. The novel ended with Gabriel realizing he was an idiot, and heavily implied that he killed himself via morphine, which he was also somewhat addicted to for no apparent reason.

At some point in the mess, I down spiraled. I was upset and miserable and something in my brain finally cracked. I’d been dealing for years what I later learned to be chemical depression, but a specific event in my life caused a complete and total meltdown. I stopped writing. I was constantly making posts to tumblr rather than talking to anyone about how I wanted to kill myself. I stopped going to class, stopped seeing people, and my roommate at the time heard me crying at night more than once. I was completely devastated, and I will never forgive that person.

Later, I made a bigger mistake and lost someone very close to me. In the last couple of years I’ve come to terms that I was definitely in love with her. I can never repair that damage. I snapped, for awhile, and became obsessive and gross and just a really shitty person.

I eventually realized college and the situations were killing me, and after 4 and a half years - so close to graduating, everyone said, not realizing I’d failed most of my classes - I made the decision to drop. I moved in with my old college roommate, bummed around their house, and intended to go back to work at a summer camp like I did every year. Except I got fired, for essentially being too old and likely for budget reasons, as I made more than everyone else there.

Obviously this was really good for my mental health.

Somewhere during the mess I started taking a look at self improvement, and turned back to writing. More specifically, what I was doing wrong. The more I wrote the more I started looking into developing Gabriel as a character, with an actual background I wasn’t making up to seem edgy as I hopped from forum to forum, and I started looking into how to write him accurately.

And I mourned all that time and all the damage I did and how many people who probably silently put up with my shit.

I spent years writing Gabriel as this deranged, unhinged being who hurt other people. Now I try to make up for it - I spend extensive time reading articles on mental illness, specific case studies, listening to interviews and doing my best to soak up every little detail I can.

Gabriel is schizophrenic, primarily experiencing mild visual hallucinations and occasional auditory hallucinations, typically in times of stress. He does not kill people - if he does, it has nothing to do with his mental health and more to do with that, once again, Gabriel is a vampire. Like me, he copes with depression and anxiety, born of a situation. I shifted Gabriel from being a shitty, ‘crazy’ white boy to a nervous, wary young man dealing with some shit that no one should have to deal with. I researched therapy, and coping mechanisms, and even found some that help me with my issues. I created Jamie, Gabriel’s psychiatrist and friend. I decided to cut some of the mayo out of my work and made Gabriel’s mother an immigrant from Mexico, and it’s been worth it! I get to research a fascinating, fun culture, and it has improved Gabriel as a character to have a culture.

I realized, at some point, that I’m asexual - and Gabriel is too. I’ve put a lot of myself into him. It’s been therapeutic, and I feel better about Gabriel as a character.

There’s been a lot of change over the years. Gabriel is an entirely different person, and it has greatly affected and I think improved my writing. More than anything, it has changed my outlook on everything, and I hope that some day I can some how make up for all the damage I did with presenting him the way I did. People with schizophrenia are no more likely to hurt or kill someone than anyone else, and many if not most serial killers are just shitty entitled white people. Like me.

It’s been a long time - at least 12 years, if not more. I’ve changed a lot. Gabriel has too. I hope that the next 12 years let me finally finish telling a story about him, and that the world as a whole stop tip toeing around mental illness. I wish someone had told me 12 years ago that making someone ‘crazy’ wasn’t cool or neat or unique, and that I was a super toxic, harmful person.

I’m never going to be writing a story about what it’s like to live and cope with mental illness. While I deal with it, it’s not really my story to tell. I’m never going to tell a tale about what it’s like to be the son of a Mexican immigrant in shitty white america. That’s not my job either. I might tell the story of being a queer asexual, because that definitely applies to me. But Gabriel is a vivid person to me, and I’m glad I’ve learned proper representation. I’m sure I’ll still make mistakes, and I keep waiting for someone to call me out on something. I wish someone had. I wish someone had said, hey, if your protagonist is also the villain and the only mentally ill person in the story, you’re a bad writer and you should feel bad.

That’s your personal call out, if it applies. I hope not.

Don’t be afraid of representation of the ‘touchy’ subjects. But do right by them. Talk to people from those situations, read stories by people from those situations whether it’s relevant or not, watch interviews, see movies. If you can’t do right by a culture or an illness or a person, that’s okay. But take a step back, work hard, and just go for it. Don’t be afraid to ask for opinions, critique, help.

Please. Learn from your mistakes.

I talked a whole fucking lot and if you read all of it, you’re a star. Good night.

#writeblr #writing #character development #gabe tag #about me tag #ok to reblog i GUES #s

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