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#i never know what else to tag my stuff
future-crab · 3 months
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It's been said before, it will be said again, but it's still worth saying: the fact that art centering on straight romance is allowed to just be bad, but art with queer romance in it always has to be indicative of A Serious Problem With the Way We Tell Queer Stories makes being a queer person making queer art deeply stressful
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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mattodore · 5 months
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found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...
i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…
#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down !#river dipping#i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭#none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page#which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done?#obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet...#i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭#like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics?#i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻#like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then#i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things#i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭#like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain.#so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably#said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷#and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more#i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!!#i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with.#...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just.#sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding.#i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!!#theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together
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lysia-doodlez · 6 months
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Guess whose got a new hyperfixation!!! It's me I have a new hyperfixation
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mishy-mashy · 13 days
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Shinomori is cute. Here's a post.
He is so baby-faced. He hasn't changed at all since he was 22, to when he died of "old age" at 40
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(Old age? With a face like that? 40 years old?? Gimme that kind of youth and hotness Shinomori-)
He has tiny eyebrows. Like a puppy's (rottweiler's, for example). So cute and tiny and fuffy
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He naturally frowns. Look at him and his mouth and his lil nose
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He has a thing about keeping his arms near his chest. He sits with his arms crossed, introduces himself with his hands over his torso, and even walks with his arms crossed toward Midoriya
He has such clear skin for someone who lived the rest of his life in a forest??? Why do Hikage and Yoichi have such nice skin despite living in terrible environments? (forest and vault + abandoned streets respectively)
Is easily scared
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They knew their Quirks could be used, but Shinomori got scared of it when it happened. Even though he gave Midoriya his support and access to his Quirk beforehand. Depending on the translation; "it startled me", "you scared me", "it surprised me"
I'm not going to hold running from AFO against him because he knew he was running for his life. Who wouldn't run for their life when it's in danger? Shinomori was being chased by the strongest person in the country (and likely the world)
His sense of self-preservation is probably heightened by the nature of his Quirk to keep him out of danger too. Which makes him all the more sensitive and jumpy to danger and anything that startles him, especially when he has no warning
He's actually extremely tall, but is so socially inept and jumpy it's adorable. He's taller than Bruce.
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Bruce is as tall as a vault door that the 2m AFO used.
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(Meanwhile Kudo is down there-)
He has such a bad sense of humor that it's cute (his puns off Danger Sense)
It's also adorable how Shinomori just doesn't understand social conventions sometimes. He lived in a forest, so it made sense, but also— Midoriya shows up in the void to the vestige platform for the first time. He has no mouth, no clothes—and Shinomori's first idea is to stand in front of him menacingly and go: "I shall explain. I am Shinomori Hikage." SIRRRR
This.
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His Ability is basically like glorified anxiety. What if something is coming to hurt him? If something can hurt him? What if that tree falls while he's under it? And the ideas come so hard they hurt (although yes, it does detect ill intent and that's what sets it off)
He talks weirdly. Formal? Old-fashioned? Listening to him speak Japanese compared to others, it just sounds a bit different. (Translated subs don't show it very well, it's the voice itself methinks)
"This too, is destiny." *about Midoriya having OFA*
Kinda wise or sage-y. He did spend his life in solitude in the forests so he definitely spent a lot of time with his own thoughts. Maybe he found the meaning of life in a centipede or something one day
For someone so cute, he is also such. A fine. Specimen???
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Look at those back muscles, dang.
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LOOK AT HIS CALVES AND ARMS DANG.
#i dont think shinomori was part of the resistance considering the resistance fought the society AFO was making#and shinomori wanted to avoid society and thus hid away#but i do think bruce knew shinomori because he gave him ofa before he went to fight AFO and die#and afo doesnt seem to know hikage. if he did he wouldve found and killed him. but hikage is never in afos memories#yknow what shinomori needs some appreciation too#vestiges need more attention#also i always put shinomori dealing with bruces remnants in my fics so he needs some appreciation for that#like the kids dumped on him#shinomori received OFA at 22 years old. he was around bruces age methinks#hes not some kid the resistance took in. the resistance didnt take in kids anyway#or at least we dont see them#well fic stuff banjo has the time of his life with en wrangling kid hermits that dont know what electricity is#mha#bnha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#spoilers#hikage shinomori#ofa#one for all#ANYWAY hikage is ADORABLE and needs attention#just LOOK AT HIM#id have put this post out sooner but getting the pictures is always hard cuz popups or videos not working#i like shinomoris english voice actor. i dont stick around to hear anyone elses because i died when midoriya turned into a kid in the dub#i could probably make a list like this and bruces for the rest of the vestiges#yoichis small waist lovely skin and that he probably knows how to wrap kudo and bruce around his finger?#his “my heroes” and smiling as he goes “now now you two..”? kudos low voice and nice arms and SHORTNESS?#en going “senpai” and sitting on his chair like that? looking like he exudes gremlin energy? did he get carried around by banjo and nana?#it looks like he wouldve CMONN#i didnt include it in here cuz image limit but shinomori has big hands and feet (tag limit)
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quinn-pop · 9 months
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sorry for the metadede flood lately um. anyway i think dedede officiates waddle weddings. if they even have them lol. it’d be funny and cute
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kasperbunny · 3 months
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i wrote this back in september, but i think im finally gonna post it here. lil thing for shane and my farmer elfie. a little bit angsty but fluffy in the end <3 (and if anyone wants a reference for how elfie looks here ya go)
this fic can also be found on ao3 as well.
Shane was crazy. He had to be. There was no possible way that any of this was even real to begin with. He was deluding himself, like he always did, trying to convince himself that anything good could ever happen to the likes of him. He was just stupid. He was always stupid. She didn’t, and couldn’t love him.
The sound of the glass bottle being sluggishly placed back on the table echoed against the walls of his untidy room. At least it was on the table, unlike so many of the beer cans and assorted alcohol bottles littering the floor of his room. He always said he would eventually pick them up, but he supposed he said that about everything in his life. I'll pick up those bottles tomorrow, I'll start to cut back on beer tomorrow, I'll finally fucking do something with my life tomorrow.
Shutting his eyes, he groaned and leaned his head back against the wall he was sitting against. His thoughts were still swirling in his head even after consuming more than half the bottle. He knew he shouldn't drink the whole thing, but how else would he get rid of these thoughts of insecurity, of self doubt, of…her? 
She was so beautiful. Not in a human way, her teeth too sharp and her eyes having that animalistic instinct to them. Her long, dark hair shimmered green in the bright sunlight as her small horns poked out of the top of her head. Shane couldn’t help but think she was ripped straight from his dreams. Maybe an acid induced dream, but a dream all the same. She always seemed so ethereal, yet dangerous. Like an otherworldly being with the power to turn him to ash with just a glance of those wild eyes.
And what was he? A human? A pathetic one at that. All he ever did was drink, work, drink, work, and drink again. Occasionally he would interrupt his schedule to head over to her little cabin on the farm so she could have her fun with him. Not that he wasn’t grateful for it, oh how grateful he was to even have a woman look at him, let alone allow him to pleasure her over and over, but is that all he was good for? Sex? He couldn’t even wrap his head around the idea. Why was she wasting her time with him, of all people? Shane was convinced she pitied him, that’s what it had to be. She could have anyone she wanted, multiple people if she so wished. She was so heavenly and enticing, why was she screwing the town drunk? Did she enjoy toying with him, luring him into a false sense of security and then crushing his already fragile heart?
“Fuck,” Shane’s head was spinning, not just from the alcohol, but from all the thoughts rushing back to him. He drank to get away from these feelings, not to accelerate them. Groaning under his breath, he struggled to steady himself against the wall so that he could stand up. Maybe I need some fresh air, he thought as he stumbled his way out of his bedroom. Anything beats rotting inside my room. 
Thankfully, Marnie and Jas were nowhere to be found as he made his way into the kitchen. He grimaced at the thought of Jas having to see him this way, and he hated to think of what Marnie would say about her good for nothing nephew being drunk again. Sighing, Shane managed to grab a can of cold beer from the fridge before making his way outside into the evening sun.
The crisp, cool autumn air was at least a small relief to his burning face. Alcohol always made him feel so warm, but never in a pleasant way. He always loved this time of year, when the leaves turned different shades of gold and burgundy and the hot, humid summer air finally subsided. Every year autumn hit the sleepy little countryside of Stardew Valley and every year Shane asked himself why he never went outside more and enjoyed the weather. Depression would do that to you, he supposed.
Somehow he managed to stumble his way to the edge of the forest, the large pond coming into his sight. The old dock creaked and wobbled under his feet as he made his way to the very end of it, plopping himself down so that his legs dangled off the edge. Cracking open the beer, he leaned himself back on his other hand, taking a sip and looking out at the clear, blue water in front of him. He always loved coming here when his head was clouded, somehow it put him at ease even if just for a little while. For a moment he closed his eyes as his head continued to spin with his intoxication, but it didn’t stop him from taking another large swig of the beer in his hand. At least his head was swirling because of the alcohol and not because of all the thoughts and doubts he had about his…relationship. If he could even call it that.
Shane thought that if he fell asleep right here on this dock, he wouldn’t mind it at all. In fact, he felt himself starting to doze off until his peace was interrupted by a terrifyingly familiar voice that immediately snapped him awake.
“Shane!” Elfie’s always excited voice came from behind him, causing him to straighten from his relaxed posture and tighten his grip on the can of beer in his hand. Shit, he thought, Of course she’s here. Another reason to hate living in such a small town. Can’t a drunk man spiral in peace?
He hadn’t even turned around at the sound of her, too scared to even face her right now. The silence from him didn’t deter her at all though as she plopped herself comfortably next to him at the edge of the dock, her legs so long that the ends of her dirty work boots dipped into the water below them and caused a ripple.
“Hey!” She was grinning that too sharp grin at him, her canines seeming to be even sharper than her other teeth. Usually the sight of them caused Shane’s stomach to flip in delight, but all he could think about at the moment was throwing himself into the pond and to never be seen again. Wishful thinking.
“H-Hey…” He finally muttered back at her, only half meeting her gaze before he looked out into the water again, making sure to chug the rest of his beer as he did. He was definitely going to need it.
“I didn’t see you today! You’re usually always at the bar so I went there looking for you,” She smelled like sweat, Shane noted, but somehow the smell of her perfume still lingered on her skin despite how much labor she put into that farm, “But you weren’t there, and Emily said she hadn’t seen you either, so I thought you’d be home,” If Shane had been looking at her he would have noticed how animated she was as she rambled, always using her hands to talk and map out exactly what she was feeling. Not to mention how her tail swayed absentmindedly, another reminder that she was so wholeheartedly not human, and that Shane was way in over his head. 
“So here I am! And I found you!” She was beaming at him, her feet swaying as they hung off the edge of the rickety dock. Shane had only half been listening to her, mostly because of the alcohol fogging his brain, but partly because he just didn’t know what to say to her. He felt petrified, starting to sweat as all his racing thoughts came back to him full force.
What did he want to say? What could he say? Would she even care how he was feeling? They weren’t dating, after all. At least he didn’t think so. Why would she put any thought into how her latest fling felt? Is that what he was to her, a fling? That had to be it, that’s all he was to her. Just a fun little toy to play with until she inevitably got bored of him and realized what he really was. The town bum, a drunk, a depressed, lazy sack of shit that was only good for pitying. She didn’t return his feelings. He would never be enough for her to be considered anything more than a fleeting thought. He would never be good enough for anyone. Never, never, never, never, never…
“Shane?” 
He realized he had taken too long to reply as his thoughts suffocated and consumed him. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, exhaling loudly as he tried to compose himself, apparently forgetting to breathe in his haste. 
“Are you okay?”
He swallowed thickly, allowing himself a glance over at her despite knowing it would be a mistake. She was looking right at him with those beautiful, big brown eyes that shone golden as they reflected the setting sun. Concern traced her features as her thick brows furrowed slightly, causing Shane to look away quickly in shame. He couldn’t handle her looking at him like that. Like she actually cared.
“I…Yeah. I’m fine, just…” He couldn’t breathe, he felt like his chest was going to explode as his heart raced. His hands were sweating, “Can I ask you a question, Elfie?” 
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, why was he so stupid? 
“Oh, yeah! Anything,” She didn’t seem to be picking up on his absolutely earth shattering anxiety, simply smiling softly at him and giving him all her attention.
Shane's mouth suddenly felt like sandpaper, his tongue too heavy in his mouth and his throat feeling like it was going to close up. His heart was beating so fast he could feel it thump-thump-thump in his ears, making his head pound. He should have brought more beer.
"Do you even care about me? Like, really care about me?" His voice broke slightly, tears stinging at his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He hesitated to say the word love instead, not being able to take the heartbreak if she said no.
"We sleep together, don't we?" She cocked her head slightly to the side, her eyebrows scrunching a little as she attempted to understand Shane's question.
"What? Yeah, but…" He avoided her gaze, his grip on the can of beer in his hand tightening so that it had started to dent. "That's not what I mean, and you know it."
"I don't know it," Her tail was twitching curiously as she watched him, trying to understand what he meant. He seemed upset, angry…but why? Didn't she show that she cared about him? They hung out all the time, they kissed, they were intimate. Isn’t that how humans were supposed to act when they cared about each other? Hadn’t she been doing that for months now? She knew he had been drinking, and she only hoped this was a spout of drunken stupor. Elfie wished that humans would just say what they really meant, instead of making her guess.
"You…" he huffed a frustrated sigh, his patience being strung even thinner than it usually was,"You do know. I know you do," He couldn't stop his hands from shaking, "I just want you to treat me like a real human being. I'm not just some toy for you to play with. I'm real, Elfie!"
She was quiet for a moment, only staring at him as his words washed over her. 
"But I'm…not a human being," Her words were laced with confusion. She didn't understand, but a pang of guilt shot through her chest nonetheless. She finally looked away from him, trying to find an answer as she glanced down into the rippling blue water below them, "I'm sorry, Shane. Is that what you want? A human?"
"Fuck," all the effort of holding back his tears was in vain, as they finally started to burst from his eyes and roll over his reddened cheeks. They felt hot on his face, the anger and sadness bubbling up inside of him and boiling over in the form of tears. 
"You don't understand," he didn't think he had ever felt so disgusting. Sure, he had endured countless nights of sobbing and drinking himself to sleep, but never had he felt so pathetic, so hopeless, so useless. He couldn't even look at her, he was too embarrassed. Here he was, a thirty year old man, crying his eyes out in front of the woman of his dreams. If she didn't already pity him and find him pathetic, she would now, seeing him in this state. 
Not being able to form words, Shane buried his face in the sleeves of his hoodie. He wished he could just disappear, or at least pretend that they had never met. Maybe his life would still suck, but at least he wouldn't have to torment himself over her.
She didn't know if she should touch him, but she did anyway, gently placing a hand on his back and rubbing in careful, soothing motions. Elfie realized that she had never seen Shane cry in the months that she had known him. He was always so calm, if not standoffish, never emotional like this. Then again, somehow she had never been around him when he was drunk either. She wanted to kiss his tears away.
Shane flinched away at her touch, "Don't pity me! Please, please don't fucking pity me," he pushed her away, attempting to push himself up to stand despite how liquid his whole body felt. Somehow he managed without slipping off of the dock, "I'm sorry. I just…I need to go. I'm sorry," He was still crying as he turned from her, his whole body shaking and feeling like it would fall apart at any second.
"Shane!" Elfie was quick to stand and follow him, not that it was very hard to catch up to a drunk man. She had reached out to grab him by the arm before realizing it would be a bad idea, so she kept it to herself, "Shane, please. You're right, I don't understand. Please tell me." 
Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the depression, maybe the months of never knowing if his feelings were reciprocated and never knowing where he stood with her. Probably a mix of everything as Shane couldn't stop himself from shaking and his tears just kept coming. Thick streams of liquid poured down his cheeks and dripped onto his already stained hoodie. He was so sad, so angry. Angry at himself, at her, at the universe. They had such a good thing going for all these months, why did he have to overthink things and make a mess out of himself like he always did?
He was still standing away from her, not daring to look into her eyes out of fear of completely breaking down. His chest felt so painfully tight, like it would just combust if he breathed the wrong way. His own arms came up to cradle himself in a last ditch effort to provide any kind of comfort to his aching body. He wished so badly that they were her arms instead. 
"I…" He took a shuddering breath as he tried to calm himself enough to talk. His voice was shaking, "What are we, Elfie? Why do you waste your time with me?" He hiccupped out another soft sob, "I'm nothing. I'm fucking nothing to you. You're so beautiful…" Shane felt fresh, hot tears wet his face once more. God, he was so drunk right now. He felt like he was going to pass out, "If you don’t want something serious, or you just want sex, then fine, but just tell me now so I can get over you."
Elfie had never fought the urge to hug anyone so hard before. Not out of pity like Shane was so convinced of, but out of genuine care. Even if their relationship was a mystery, they were at least friends and Elfie wanted more than anything to take care of her friend right now. Even if she was the reason he was in pain in the first place.
She cautiously took a few steps towards him, her voice soft and laden with concern, "I do care about you, Shane," She tried to choose her words carefully, knowing he wasn’t in a right state of mind, "I thought…I thought I was showing you that," her hands twisted anxiously behind her back. She was never very good at communicating her emotions, much preferring them to shine through her actions, "I liked you, so…When you came over that night…and we kissed…I thought…" she trailed off slightly, hoping she was making sense, "I thought this was how it was supposed to work. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" She was fighting back her own tears now, her eyes blinking rapidly to try and ward them off. 
She had never intended to hurt him, she would never want to. She was inexperienced, still young for her species, and still trying to figure out what it was that she even wanted. When she had moved into that dilapidated farm and met the townspeople, met Shane, she was happy. She thought she made him happy too.
Shane felt his anger start to bubble again, quickly coming to a boil and spilling over the top, "Did you hurt me? Of course you hurt me! Why else would I be here crying my eyes out and looking like a fucking idiot!" He didn't mean to raise his voice at her, he didn't mean to, but he couldn't contain his emotions as easily as he could when he was sober. He couldn't even think straight, his head now pounding and his entire body shaking against his will. Why was he so worked up? Why was he even hopeful in the first place that maybe, just maybe, something good would actually happen in his miserable life?
"Do you want me to leave?" She didn't fight the tears starting to shimmer in her eyes. Her voice was unusually quiet and small. She didn't know what else to say. What could she say? She liked Shane, she liked all the humans around this small town, she never wanted to cause any harm or hurt anyone. Was she just stupid? Sometimes she felt that way, not picking up on their emotions and not knowing what the right thing to say was. She cared so much, yet never knew if she was doing enough.
Finally turning around to face her at the question, all of Shane's anger melted away and instead was replaced with a sting of guilt shooting right through his already aching chest. She looked so sad, so pleading. Like she was genuinely remorseful, like she genuinely didn't understand what she was doing. Shane had seen her cry before, but only over such small things. Like the time she had caught a frog outside in the rain, and she had hurried inside to show him. She acted like he hadn't seen a frog before, but she was so excited to open up her cupped hands and exclaim about it to him. She had been crying then (Shane! Look how small it is!), but out of pure joy. Now…she stood there, sniffling with tears rolling down her cheeks. Shane noted how she was still so, so beautiful even in her sadness.
"Elfie I…" He ran an anxious hand through his already messy hair, cautiously taking a step toward her. He was staring at the ground, the sight of her crying because of him was too much to bear, "I'm sorry. I'm drunk, I can't…" He squeezed his stinging eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to just lay down. He needed the biggest nap of his life right now, "I can't…Think. I'm sorry."
She could see him now, as he faced her. His handsome face now stained with tears and his eyes puffy. Had she done this to him? Had he been hurting this bad for so long, and she hadn't even known?
"Can I please hug you, Shane?" 
She didn't get a verbal response, Shane simply closing the space between them in a heartbeat. As quickly as she had asked, he was already there, his face pressed against her chest and his shaking arms wrapping themselves around her waist in an embrace. She returned it, holding him tight against her and leaning down a little to nuzzle her face in his dark hair.
He felt so safe in her arms. All of his sadness, his tiredness, his anger, melting away at her embrace. She was so warm and soft and wonderful, like nothing bad could ever happen to him as long as he was wrapped tight in her arms. 
"It's okay. I have you," Her words came out in a sweet whisper, one of her hands trailing up his back and up into his hair to stroke at it softly. He shivered at her touch, starting to cry again. How could she be so sweet, after he had just yelled at her for doing nothing wrong? He had made her cry, and yet here she was, comforting and cradling him like he even deserved an ounce of her kindness. Sometimes she seemed like Shane’s only saving grace. An angel fallen to Earth, bestowing upon him her unconditional compassion.
"Please don't leave. I don't want you to leave me. I love…" Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it you drunk fucking idiot, "I love…being around you," Shane hiccupped softly against her, whining as he struggled to form words. He had never felt more pathetic, but somehow he was at ease as she held him. Maybe he was just too tired at this point to care.
She shushed him, sensing how much he was struggling with his words. If she hadn't been holding him, he probably would have collapsed to the ground in front of her.
"We…we're so different. How are we going to make this work?" Shane sobbed, his fingers digging into the small of her back, "Do you want to make this work…?" His voice cracked, his tone pleading with her. Please, please don't leave me after this, he rattled off in his head, I'm sorry.
She didn't feel like she could answer at the moment, not even knowing how she felt. She liked him, she knew that, but he was right. They were so different, they were different species, sometimes they didn't even understand each other. But she wanted to try, if only to make up for how she had made him feel.
Elfie placed a soft kiss to his forehead, keeping her lips there as she spoke, "You need to lay down…do you want me to take you to the farm?" Her voice was even lower than a whisper, as if her sweet, soft words were a secret for Shane's ears only.
"Y-Yeah. Yeah," He let out a shaky sigh, "Thank you…" He wished he could stop crying, but her never ending kindness just overwhelmed him over and over again. She was such a good person, even if she didn't always understand the people around her. Shane envied her for that.
"Okay. Take my hand, come on," With that, they finally untangled from each other and interlocked their fingers as she led him up the path to her humble cabin. Shane tried his best not to stumble, but it was so difficult when his legs felt like they were made of jelly. It didn't help that his heart was still beating out of his chest as they held hands the whole way. He was sure they had held hands before, but this time felt…different. It felt so genuine, and he never wanted to let go.
Finally making it, Shane attempted to stumble up the three little steps before reaching her door. Elfie kept a hand against his back the whole time, stabilizing him and making sure he didn't fall. He practically collapsed into her bed, the familiar softness bringing him comfort as he finally felt his body relax. He couldn't stop a heavy sigh as he rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, the exhale making his chest feel less tight.
A sudden dip in the spot next to him caused him to lazily open his eyes back up, only half lidded now. She had sat next to him, her hand back in his disheveled hair and her nails lightly scratching at his scalp. It felt so heavenly, her hands always did. He made a small noise of approval as he looked up at her. She smiled as they made eye contact, her thumb stroking across his forehead in a loving gesture.
"I'm…" He let out another shuddering breath, trying to still his shaking body, "I'm sorry that you had to see me like this. I…" he squeezed his eyes shut so he could focus on talking, "I tried for so long to not drink in front of you…I don't want you to be scared…" 
"Shh. It's okay, Shane," She cooed at him, "I'm not scared. I could never be scared of you," She flashed her teeth as she chuckled, "You just need to rest, okay?" Suddenly she was getting up from the bed, much to Shane's disappointment, but quickly surprised him again as she walked to the end of the bed and started to untie the laces on his sneakers. 
"Let me get these off for you so you can sleep, okay?" Shane stared at her as she removed his shoes, then quickly removed her own boots and dropped them to the floor with a heavy thud. His heart was beating fast again.
"Why…Why are you being so nice to me, Elfie?" He was looking up at her again as she seated herself next to him once more. The gesture was still replaying in his head. He couldn't remember ever being taken care of like this, "I yelled at you…I…" I'm not worthy, he thought, "I'm an asshole."
Her smile was always so cute, so charmingly sweet, like she had never been mad at anyone in her life.
"Sometimes…" She teased. She remembered when they first met and he had been so rude as she introduced herself. It never deterred her, only making her more ambitious to befriend him. Maybe that did make her stupid, but she guessed it had all worked out in the end, "But…we're friends, right? And…friends take care of each other. So that's what I'm doing. Now, move over."
Struggling to move over, Shane gave her ample room to slide in next to him. They were facing each other now, able to look into each other's eyes with how close they were.
"Is this okay?" Elfie brought a hand up to cup Shane's tear stained face, rubbing a thumb gently over his cheek, then across his lips, "Can I kiss you?"
A smile finally cracked its way onto Shane's face, quickly twitching into a full on laugh at her question. A sleeve of his hoodie coming up to hide his face, trying not to offend her.
"What?" Her pointed ears twitched, her smile fading from her face as she looked at him confused, "Why are you laughing?" Did I say something wrong? 
"I'm sorry, I just…You don’t need permission to kiss me," He hadn't meant to laugh at her, but the question was just so absurd to him, considering how physical their relationship had been up to that point. He welcomed the laugh though, at least he wasn't feeling completely miserable now, “Elfie, we’ve…done a lot worse than that.”
"Well…!" She slapped him playfully on the shoulder, a toothy grin spreading across her face, "You…You said you wanted me to treat you real, so…I was thinking about your feelings!" She was mirroring his laughing now too, "So is that a yes…? I really want to kiss you."
"Y-Yeah. Please…" he gave a short huff through his nose as his laughing died down and her lips connected with his. He eagerly welcomed it, his eyes closing again as he leaned into her touch. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her in against him so that their bodies were flush with each other. He never wanted to let her go.
"Mm…" She sighed happily, smiling against the familiar feel of his lips against her own. She was purring, the noise startling Shane a little before he realized what it was. He didn't think he would ever get used to the fact that she could even do that. 
She was the one to finally pull away, still stroking her thumb against his cheek as she spoke, "Do you want to…talk? Um, about us, I guess. That's what you wanted, right?" She was trying to choose her words carefully as they looked at each other, anxiety now making a home in her own chest. She wasn't good with serious conversations. She had no idea where to even start.
Shane dipped his fingers underneath her shirt, just to touch her hip, just to feel her warm skin underneath his touch, "Yeah, I want to. I just…" His head was still spinning, but he seemed much more relaxed than before, "I'm drunk, babe. I can't…I can't right now. Tomorrow…" His voice was soft, sleepy, as his eyes fluttered shut once more. It felt impossible to open them again, his exhaustion overtaking him as he leaned into her.
She was still purring quietly, looking down at his tired face, wanting nothing more than to give him anything he needed.
"Okay. It's a promise," She was whispering again, causing Shane to shiver, "Get some rest, Shane. I'll be right here."
"Thank you…for taking care of me…" He managed to mutter out before dozing off, pressing his face in against her chest as he used it like a pillow. She giggled at that, returning a hand to his hair and petting him as he slumbered.
She hadn't meant to fall asleep, only meaning to ease him to sleep and then get up and do a few chores that she hadn't gotten to that day, but it couldn't be helped. It was already dark outside, and she had such a warm and soft man right next to her, holding onto her so sweetly as he snored quietly. She felt her eyes flutter shut, not even fighting to keep them open as she joined him in his sweet dreams. 
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zukkaoru · 4 months
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i think. everyone should stop reading my most popular fics that aren't really that good and start reading the ones with 18 kudos that are significantly better
#this is about (just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of#yes i had fun writing it. but it's REALLY NOT THAT GOOD#also i cannot stress this enough: that fic was a fluke#it's NOT a good example of what i write. guys i'm so much better at the angsty character study fics#i promise i actually can get proper characterization. i had to sacrifice some of that for the light-hearted stupid cheesy premise#alas#no one in fandom actually cares about characterization#ngl sometimes i even wonder what the point of writing stuff in-character is if the flat#'characters reduced to a single trait that they may or may not even possess'#fics will ALWAYS end up being more popular than the ones with good characterization#anyway i know why the 18 kudos one is so low. it's the mcd tag. AND it's a gen fic centered around a character no one cares about#i wasn't expecting that one to do well#but it does suck that like. my most popular fics will never actually be my best ones#it's the same with bsd but THAT'S a whole other story#that's the phenomenon of everyone reducing bsd to the skk show and not giving the time of day to fics centered around anyone else#do u guys realize there are SO many other INCREDIBLE characters and dynamics????#like i was doing that bsd fic rec event on twt and almost all of the fics recced were skk#meanwhile i was searching for anything NOT skk bc idk other ships and characters deserve appreciation too??#and i don't even read much skk bc it's so hard to find anything that's. like. ACTUALLY good.#anyway. i don't actually care if you read somebody i'm proud of#but i hate that that's like. one of my most popular fics by a longshot#i have stuff that is so much better that people won't even glance at bc it's not tagged with the most popular m/m ship in the fandom#hello grace here
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bluastro-yellow · 7 months
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get it Kim has a lot to unpack do you get it
it's imperfect I'll never polish it just take it as it is
#I don't know how the hell to draw kim#PLEASE gib me feedback#pretend the dialogue is better this is all I can do lol. but you get the gist of it#aaa give me constructive criticism. the other post about kim secretly being a loser made me think about what his apartment would look like#and this popped in my head I had to draw it#is this in character?#there's no eyebrow battle because in my head this happens some time in the future where kim opens up a little more easily#at this point he trust him with his secrets more (but not completely. harry's not touching the blue box today)#but it's a mixture of ''maybe if I tell x he will stop asking for more'' and real trust#but like do you see that happen#it's a secret because he doesn't want other people to learn that insisting can work#like I said in the tags of the other post I think he never lets anyone in to the point of avoiding calling the plumber even if the sink#has been broken for months#addition: fuck I should have putted more machines in there. I couldn't think of anything else other than radio controlled airplane#and a sewing machine. he must have more stuff like the camera.#he'd have some dangerous thing to warm the room#and nerd stuff. I'm not sure if he'd display it or keep it boxed somewhere#disco elysium#that's a convertible couch-bed if you can't tell. half covered with the Pile#pointless microblogging#it's so hard to draw them right they look different in every official thing#believe me I have tried#idk how to put more of the skills here :/#I have achieved peak kimharry brainrot I can't go back
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brittlebutch · 6 months
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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seventh-district · 2 days
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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rosekasa · 1 month
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I really needed to hear that abt the social media thingy. I've spent quite literally years trying to be popular and be like every other famous artist I see and it has never helped, only I started hating my art more.
big hugs anon. i was talking about this to my best friend last night because i think believing the grass is greener on the other side is such a deceptively destructive thing. the desire to have popularity is something i really struggled to fully shake off before i realised that even when i achieved 'popularity' (i.e., when i reached the numbers i thought would give me satisfaction) i didnt feel any better. i didnt feel like i accomplished anything. in fact i usually just felt Worse, because i was like, wow, for years ive dreamed about breaking 1k on a text post and now that i have i dont feel any better. what's the point?
it made me realise that, without fail, anytime we crave something, it's because we crave whatever feeling we think it'll give us. to me, popularity meant allowing myself to feel loveable and valuable and like i could enjoy posting with the confidence that my thoughts matter. it meant feeling good about myself and my creations and like im always so excited to create, rather than feeling obligated. it meant feeling free and loved!! and as i embodied that more it was so funny how the physical manifestations of those things started showing themselves. and it didnt even feel like a big deal because i already had the feelings i wanted
sorry for such a long response zhdkska i just have. so many feelings about this. being trapped in the thought process that getting a specific thing will make me happy has caused me so much pain in my life, always after the thing actually happens.
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lighthouseas · 6 months
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so uh
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sundial-bee-scribbles · 5 months
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flower hivemind au masterpost (so far)
aight this is long overdue lmao
before i start anything off everyone give a big thanks to @olliesneweyes who's the one who originally came up w/ all these ideas, i'm just the one who posted the asks hskjghkg
below the cut i've linked p much every important post related to info abt this au, though you also should be able to find any relevant stuff under the #flower hivemind au tag on this blog lolol. this might still be messy and so is navigating my blog rip but it should be a better place to find everything
tldr; vocaloid au where flower is a type of hivemind plant parasite thing that's capable of "flowerizing" other people to assimilate them into the hivemind. len tries his best to not let his friends get killed.
content warnings for mentions/depictions of blood&gore, drugging, cannibalism(??)
first mentions of au + initial concepts:
1 -> 1st mention
2 -> (elaboration on previous: spreading thru pollen/spores, ciflower)
3,4 -> cordyceps inspiration, more about drugging & spores
more importantish main plot stuff:
targeting fukase (+ brief elaboration)
trapped in closet scenario: 1, 2
len being the final girl
first mention of the ending
expanded game mechanics/events: main flowers & memesquad boys, primary gameplay style, piko&fukase encounter (+elaboration1, elaboration2), initial notes on oliver & moke, ciflower&fukase encounter (+elaboration), flowerization tied to assimilation tactics, other survivor povs, oliver & moke getting flowerized (+elaboration1, elaboration2), more notes on oliver (+elaboration)
defective flower: 1, 2, 3
james: 1, 2,
hivemind motivations
don't take them from the garden/remind them of their past
do the spores glow
bonus stuff:
rin gets munched
waltz of malice connections
flowerized!piko concept doodle
oliver post w/ funny tags
fear garden vibes
iku
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yellowocaballero · 10 months
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I just finished your New Wave fic. I’m convinced everything your write is gold. I loved your TMA fics, with the most heartbreaking demon AU imaginable and the hilarity of Fahrenheit 101. I loved your moon knight fics, starting with Steven talking to animals on the reg at work to the system growing closer with a focus on Jake, i- there’s- it’s sooo much packed into it. When I’m on burnout, of art or writing (maybe life in general at times) I revisit your work and am thrown back into a creative headspace.
You are my favorite writer, you cram so much meaning and thought into your work and it shows. The characters are dumbasses and say the most ridiculous shit and turn around the next chapter and say the most thought provoking thing, and I don’t get whiplash from it because these characters just work! They just do, and I… am very much off track!
Anyways I just got into Batman and reading your fic is fueling that flame! I can’t wait to see what you have in store next, and I shall now stalk your blog for writing tips! I hope you have a nice day broski 💙
Thank you!! This is so sweet thank you so much! This ask is so nice!
Trust me, if there's meaning then it's because I get obsessive over these fics and I massively overthink them. I honestly wish I was better at making simpler, more elegant stories. I feel like nothing I do is truly going to be good until I can find that simplicity.
"Dipshit who says stupid stuff and then turns around and spouts ridiculous philosophy" is just how I talk. But I habitually approach my life from a standpoint of finding humor in everything, if only to soften the blow. I was once told that it's really hard to tell when I'm joking, because everything I say is always half-joking and always half-serious. I feel like that's pretty evident from my narration too...
As for writing advice...um, I was just speaking about this with somebody. When you're plotting a story, the first thing I like to figure out is what I'm trying to say. Everything else should be built around that. The joy of writing is that I think we all have something we want to say, or something we want people to know, or that we have an aspect of ourselves and our lives that we want to express. Most of the time, trying to convey those things verbally just results in a frustrating approximation of your true feelings. I find that when I manage a successful story, the depth and scale of what I'm trying to impart is fully understood and felt. It's rewarding. I think if people aren't understood on some level, by somebody, they kind of die.
Thanks for the sweet ask!!
#dungeon meshi is the peak of storytelling and im not joking#my asks#my writing#(my writing tag is a good place to find my dumb essays!)#i dont consider myself a creative and i barely consider myself a writer#so i professionally have no fucking opinions on art or whatever#also im not sure you can call what i do art in like any meaningful way#but i know a lot of musicians and everything#and so much art is just a person trying to convey something that can't be conveyed through words alone#so much stuff is lost in translation between our brains and our mouths - its like translating english to a foreign language#the meaning can be conveyed but inherently it'll never capture the original meaning exactly in every way#i think art can help you achieve a more perfect translation more than anything else can#you just have to feel like that poor schmuck in j alfred prufrock all the time#'that's not what i meant at all; that is not it - not at all'#JASLKDF sorry for the pretentious tags and also pretentious essay#all i do is write fanfic i dont know shit about this tbh#i just think that idk. there's things in this world that only we know#things that only we can say or understand#and sometimes we have to say them ourselves in our own words#sometimes ppl focus too hard on making their writing sound pretty or correct or 'good'#and they dont focus as much on how pretty writing is a tool to say what youre trying to say more effectively#idk! im sorry for quoting ts eliot some things can't be forgiven etc
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Worst take I heard today was that "Sex is like sleeping. If you don't get sleep, you're going to have issues."
Ok but it's literally not though. Like it's literally not like sleeping? Like it's objectively not...?
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