🕯️ valentine & silas ⛪

happy national boyfriend day !!!

Master Miller time

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

speak! good boy!

FaceCam

Tele @Emanovaqn (https://t.me/Emanovaqn)

i love my weird gf so much (mabu from sarazanmai) he is so strange. weird little man

aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)

on the loose live my beloved

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

.

I think some of y'all (people in uni) were never 15 and read, "we accept the love we think we deserve" and sobbed while reading perks of being a wallflower and it shows

Metatron causing pain for gay angels in every Bible fan fic

to clarify some things just because

this is a funny

i cant claim to know what the inspirations for myhouse were aside from, very obviously, house of leaves

yume nikki itself is inspired by lsdde, but i feel like its usage of wordless Suggested storytelling may have influenced my house, where you can try to piece together a story just from the spaces you travel- in yn you have multiple worlds like that, the first that comes to mind being the hit and run.

lsd dream emulator i feel may have influenced my house Independently from yume nikki, particularly with the way levels interconnect and loop back around on one another in a 3d setting

P.T. definitely belongs here like obviously but consider this: i forgor. and itd look weird if it wasnt a triangle. realistically, its Probably an even bigger influence than house of leaves. i mean, it's PT. its PT.

the complete absence, aside from HoL, of house-centric media is not an oversight because despite everything, myhouse really isn't about the house. the "haunted house" isnt the house itself, it's the doom map of the house- the building is irrelevant, what matters is that its the space Tom created. the reason the house's layout repeats itself everywhere isn't because the house matters, it's because that was the layout tom created in the original map that steve decided to update. do you understand THIS? the house isnt alive, the myhouse.wad is alive. there is a distinction and the distinction is crucial. the analog to the house on ash tree lane isnt the house itself, because there is no real world physical house present in the story, since its only about the mod based on said house. the analog to the house on ash tree lane, to This House (skinamarink acknowledgement), to the monster house, is the map.

thank you for coming to my tedtalk. its 6:30pm and i just ate subway after i started my day at 5pm having gone to sleep at 6 something am with a full xanax following a night of drinking red bull. i need to take my magnesium pills to balance my energy.

btw the gay monster house is something i'm doing myself stay tuned for that.

in truth i dont even know if we can legitimately consider myhouse part of houseposting... but i will anyway because it carries the same spirit. even if its about a doom map. like in fiction its about a doom map.

Waiting for Permission to Be Sick - Input Requested!

So, I got officially diagnosed with two chronic conditions last week. And the doctor explained to me the details of how these conditions affect my body, and what kinds of symptoms to look out for, and what I can expect life to look like going forward. And I got prescribed meds, and given detailed instructions for when to take them and any side effects I might experience and what to do to help myself feel better if I'm not feeling well, and all of that.

And I just. Haven't done it. I've started taking some of the meds, but not all of them, and like. There's no real reason for me not to? I'm just. Not doing it. Like I've looked up some products on Etsy to have like. Emergency medical info with me so that if I randomly black out or faint again in public, someone could see me and have info know what to do. And I've been looking at pins that say "I have an invisible disability" and aaaaaaaall sorts of stuff. Basically just window shopping for my chronic illness starter kit. But it's been over a week now and I haven't bought anything, and I seem to have convinced myself that I can't start taking my meds until I have all of my Items sorted out and prepared. And like -- there are some actual reasons for this, such as my schedule has been all over the place and my meds need to be taken at multiple times a day at certain intervals, and some with food and some without food, so I need to be able to have that stuff ready to go even when I'm out and about.

But I'm not. Actually doing the work to get everything sorted out and ready? I'm just window shopping. And today, I have been very tired all day because of the rain and because I did too much yesterday, and my head has been hurting because I'm still not over my concussion and I also probably did too much today, even though honestly all I did was go to one class and observe the whole time, and read a couple of emails. And I thought to myself, "well I guess I should take tylenol for my head, and I guess I can give myself permission to do that since my boyfriend is busy and can't tell me to take care of myself --- oh."

I have been waiting for someone to give me permission to identify as chronically ill! Even today I was like "I feel like I've managed to convince myself that I feel worse than I actually do, and I'm actually fine." Even though there would be no real reason for me to be doing that. And like. My head actually hurts! I really did and still do feel tired! And I've seen my test results, and I know that I have a chronic condition. It's been medically confirmed by a bunch of different tests, and multiple medical professionals have been like "yep you've got something wrong with you" (though using more professional and kind words, of course). All of this to say -- I have been waiting for someone to tell me that I am ill and it is chronic and that it is okay to spend money on taking care of myself and things that will make me feel better, even if it is only temporary like the excitement of buying a new pouch that says "This Bag Is Full of Drugs" specifically to keep my medical supplies in, or something to help keep me safe going forward like a medical alert key chain. The only question now is -- what do I do about this? How do I give myself permission to need help or extra accommodations or even just some medication when I never want to admit that I need or want help? I'm so used to being self-sufficient and doing everything by myself that I don't know how to be okay with more problems.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? What do you do? How do you learn to be okay with the fact that your body is not going to go back to the way it was before? I am only 22 and it's hard to accept that my life is not going to look the way I pictured it when I was 18.

i fucking hate being black in america sometimes