#i know there’s more songs i just need to remember them
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défilé de lingerie
in which: you're modeling the latest lingerie designs for your two bosses, and let's just say their designs are very effective.
pair: lingerie designer!san/lingerie model!afab!reader/lingerie tailor!mingi
word count: 3.1k
content: reader is a lingerie model but also sex doll, reader in heels is shorter than mingi, mingi's a horndog and san is more professional, nicknames (mon amour), unprotected sex (PLS REMEMBER TO WRAP UP IRL), double penetration, cunnilingus, oral, anal, creampies, completely consensual!
rated: R | nsfw — minors do not interact
author's note: @k-hotchoisan and i decided to exchange biases for a fic, so this is my fic for our exchange— enjoy
"Alright, you know the drill, Y/N," one of your bosses, Mingi, stated as soon as you stepped foot in the room.
"Yeah, it's like we don't do this every month or something," you responded with heavy sarcasm and the most obnoxious eye roll.
"Don't give me that sass. Just do it."
You bowed your head before heading behind the partition in the room.
That was one of the stipulations of being the personal model for a world renowned lingerie atelier— anytime the designer and stylist had new looks they wanted to test out, they would test them out on you. They loved the way the bra and panties would fit you just right, and there was also something about the way that you modeled the looks for them that made them obsessed with you.
"Wear the black one first," the other boss of yours, San, instructed.
"You mean the one with the garter belt?"
"Yes, and wear the stockings with them!" Mingi quickly added.
You sighed deeply before putting the stockings on first. The black set was an insanely intricate lace thong with pearls near the crotch— Hold on, these were crotchless panties?!
"Uh, since when did you guys start doing pieces like this?" you asked the two men nervously.
"We've always done this, Y/N. Hurry and put it on," San responded impatiently.
You swallowed the pool of saliva building in your mouth before slipping the panties on, the cool pearls rubbing against your exposed clit sending shivers down your spine. After adjusting the panties on your hips properly, you grabbed the matching lace corset and put it on, only to realize that there was no way you were going to be able to hook every eye closure.
"Hey, Mr. Song," you were still expected to treat your bosses with respect even after all you had done for them over the years. "Could you help me with the corset?"
"See, San, I told you the corset wasn't going to work well," Mingi said matter-of-factly.
"Shut up, this is why we test the sets before we launch them," San grumbled.
When Mingi came around the partition, he took one look at you and immediately bit his lower lip. He approached you from behind, and instead of helping you with the corset, he bent down and ran his fingers up your leg, his hand resting on the curve of your waist where the waistband of the garter belt sat, his waist pressing against your exposed buttocks, his hard-on rubbing against your leg.
Oh, yeah. That was the other thing. You weren’t just their personal model, but you were also their personal sex doll (but were you complaining?).
"Mmm, look at you in this set," his low voice rumbled in your ear. "I could just eat you up."
"Mr. Song," you whispered as you felt him brush your hair from the nape of your neck and leave a soft kiss. "Can you please help me with the corset first?"
"Why bother when I'm just going to take it off in two seconds?"
You moaned slightly when Mingi tiptoed his fingers along your waist and down your stomach before pressing the pearls against your clit. He unclipped the pearls from the front part of the panties before running two fingers along your folds, collecting the arousal that had started accumulating the second Mingi laid a singular finger on you.
"Mingi, cut it out. We need to see the sets," San's authoritative voice rang out, snapping you out of your lusty trance.
"Damn, he can't let me have you to myself for one second, can he?" Mingi tsked.
He finally helped you with the corset while you struggled to hook the pearls back onto the panties. Mingi, noticing your struggle, knelt before you and took the tiny clasp from your grasp. At first, you thought he was going to actually put the pearls back on, but instead he rubbed his nose against your clit and ran his tongue along your cunt.
“Oh, fuck,” you whimpered while smacking your hand against the wall for balance, the other grabbing the roots of Mingi’s hair.
“Mingi!” San yelled.
“Ugh, fine,” Mingi groaned.
Mingi clipped the pearls back on, and he resumed his professional mode when he stood up to inspect the set, adjusting little things here and there to make you look absolutely perfect. Mingi left first, and before you left, you wore the pair of black platform heels on the ground— they also usually had a pair of designer heels for each lingerie set for you to wear— and checked yourself out in the mirror. You walked towards the two men in their leather armchairs slowly, trying to get used to the height of the heels.
“Turn around for me, Y/N,” San requested.
You did as he asked and turned on the balls of your feet just the way they liked it. You heard the leather scrunching and felt the cool touch of San’s ring on your shoulder moments later. He adjusted the fit of the thong quickly before rubbing his fingers between your legs to check the pearls.
“Okay, the bottom part seems fine,” he murmured.
“Check the corset, San.”
“I know, I was getting to it.”
San pressed the palm of his hand flat against your back, then he started tugging the top of the corset outwards, testing the durability of the hooks.
“I don’t see what the issue is— the corset is fine,” San argued with Mingi.
“She wasn’t able to get it on by herself, and if the point of this collection is supposed to be lingerie she can surprise her lover with, then it kind of defeats the purpose,” Mingi shot back.
“So then should we go with the ribbons like I had in the original design?”
Mingi pressed his lips together then nodded, admitting defeat. San let out a deep sigh and returned to you in the corset. He spun you around to face him, and you lost your balance as he did so, falling right into San’s arms.
“Maybe the heels were a little too tall for you,” San muttered, his hot breath flitting past your ears, making your body surge with warmth. “Are your ankles okay?”
“Yes, thank you,” you cleared your throat and stood properly once more for San to finish his inspection.
San held your shoulders and looked at the entirety of the set, his eyes lingering on the cups for your breasts. Gently, he cupped your breasts and pressed along the fabric before turning to Mingi and saying, “The underwire is too short for her measurements. You should know better by now. Like, look at this— the underwire won’t even support her breasts properly.”
Without looking at Mingi’s reaction, San turned back to you and reached around you to unhook the top portion of the corset, allowing you to breathe a little easier. You sighed softly as he unhooked more, but not the entirety of the corset. Then, San went on his knees and inspected the work of the garter belt and crotchless panties.
“Could we get different straps for this?” San asked as he snapped the strap against your thigh, making you flinch slightly. “I don’t like how thick this is.”
“Anything else?”
“Yeah, the clasps are ugly. Try again.”
“You approved of those clasps for the last set!” Mingi complained.
“The last set called for silver, but I want black for this one. Fix it.”
Mingi muttered under his breath as he took mental note of all of San’s stipulations. Finally, San arrived at the pearls. He tugged at the clasp and hummed in approval at the strength of the loop.
“The satin loop is strong. Good job.”
“I’m worried about the wear after several washes, though—”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine. The only way this would get frayed is if she’s incapable of hooking the clasp on, and the loop is big enough for her to not miss.”
As San explained, he played with the pearls, running his finger up and down the chain. You stifled your moans as you felt him toy with you— you had no idea if it was intentional or not, but whatever it was, it was making your entire body flush with heat.
“You like that?” San whispered low enough so only you could hear— he was doing it intentionally.
“Y-Yes…”
“Mmm, I don’t think I can get through the other sets right now… Let’s take a little break, mon amour.”
That was the signal. Mingi immediately got out of the arm chair and made his way to you, the glint in his eye making you swallow nervously. Even with the heels on, Mingi was still taller than you, so he tilted your head up to meet his lips before moving his hand to your neck. You held Mingi’s shoulder as he kissed you intensely, blood rushing to your ears as you felt his fingers pressing into your neck gently. You wanted to grab his shirt with your other hand, but San, who was still between your legs, was stimulating you a little too much with his fingers that you had to grab the roots of his hair.
You thought San was going to unhook the pearls sooner rather than later, but instead, with the pearls still on, he ran his tongue along them. His tongue circled around the pearl on your clit, the smoothness of the pearl sending a stream of tingles through your body. It certainly did not help when San moved your leg so that it rested over his shoulder, giving him more space to fuck your wet pussy with his tongue. You unconsciously gyrated your hips into his face, your hand pulling him closer to you. It was when Mingi stopped kissing your lips and trailed them down your neck were you able to focus a little more on San.
“Fuck,” you hissed and inhaled sharply. “Right there— Ah! R-Right there…”
The pleasure only increased for you when San ran his fingers from the end of the pearl chain up the fabric of the thong, making the string ride up slightly and rub against your asshole just right. You whimpered and whined the more San toyed with the lower half of your body, unaware that Mingi was working on unhooking the remaining eye closures. The second it was completely unhooked, Mingi threw the corset somewhere behind him and latched onto your breasts. His teeth tugged on your nipples gently, the stimulation really getting to you.
“I don’t think she can stand much longer,” Mingi commented when he felt your grasp on his shoulder start to slip.
“I’m almost there, shh,” San waved the other man away before returning to feasting.
“Mr. Choi, p-please,” you cried. “I’m al-almost— Nngh!”
You gripped Mingi’s shoulder tightly when San slipped a thick finger into your cunt and curled it over and over inside you while fixating on your clit, the pearls continuing to stimulate you like there was no tomorrow. It was when San started rapidly fingering you did your final thread of sanity snap. You muffled your cry as you came, your cunt convulsing around San’s finger, your grip on his hair tight as hell as you shoved his face as far as you could into your pussy.
“You enjoyed that a lot, didn’t you, mon amour?” Mingi teased with his low voice. “I’m sure you must’ve been hot and bothered from earlier…”
He rubbed his nose along your jawline before peppering kisses along your neck and on your ear, the fingers on his other hand rubbing your ear. You sighed softly, sensually as you tilted your head towards Mingi the more he showed you affection.
“Let’s get her to the chairs, shall we?” San interrupted your passionate moment with Mingi when he stood up and wrapped his arms around your waist.
San lifted you and carried you to his armchair. He sat down first then sat you down on his lap, making you straddle him. He reached to your feet and flung the heels off before running his fingers along your legs and up the curve of your hips and waist.
“Mon amour,” San whispered breathlessly. “Would you like a taste of yourself?”
You nodded, and San immediately grabbed the back of your head and kissed you passionately, his tongue diving deep into your mouth. As you made out with him, Mingi approached you from behind and grabbed your ass cheeks, squeezing and pulling upwards tightly. You cried into San’s mouth when you felt Mingi slap your ass and pull up on your thong, the panties and pearls digging into your cunt.
You were still heavily focused on kissing San that after the pleasureful pain from Mingi subsided, you didn’t realize that he was finally removing the pearls from the panties. After setting the pearls down, he pulled the thong to the side and ran his tongue along your ass crack while inhaling deeply. When you felt his hands pull your ass apart and his tongue prod your asshole, you whined and moaned while pushing yourself further into San’s hold.
Mingi pulled your waist out and up, giving him a better angle to eat your ass out. As Mingi focused on loosening you up, you directed your attention to San’s bulging crotch. One hand on his shoulder, you unbuckled his belt with your other hand and pulled his thick cock out. You reached to your cunt and collected some of your arousal before stroking San’s cock, the man’s breath hitching when he felt your nails trace the tip of his cock.
“I want to be inside you, mon amour,” he said, his voice so low he nearly growled.
You heard Mingi complain behind you when you and San shifted, the man lowering himself in the chair while you pressed your upper body against his. You rubbed your cunt against his cock before he adjusted his cock himself and slipped it inside you, a long moan leaving your lips. You gripped the arms of the chair when you felt San place his hands on your ass and begin to move your waist up and down on his cock, letting out little moans and squeals whenever he bottomed out.
Mingi wasn’t about to let the fruits of his labor go to waste. He whipped out his own cock and spat on his hand before stroking it a couple times. He approached you from behind and got San to stop moving you on his lap, allowing him to push the tip of his huge cock into your tight asshole. He teased you over and over again, his cockhead entering and exiting you quickly.
“Mingi, stop teasing her and fuck her already,” San bit out.
“Do you want me to fuck you, mon amour? Do you want me to fuck you silly?” Mingi, ignoring San’s order, asked you gently.
“Please, Mr. Song,” you hiccuped. “I want you to give it to me.”
“You heard her, Mingi. Do it.”
With a deep sigh, Mingi spread your ass again and pushed his cock into your tight hole, a loud cry leaving your lungs when you felt his insane length fill you up. Once Mingi was all the way inside you, both men started moving your waist along their lengths. Mingi continued to smack your ass sporadically as his thrusts got stronger. San, on the other hand, bucked his hips upwards to meet your cunt, the added force driving you insane. The sensation of their cocks rubbing against each other through the layer inside only made the pleasure build.
“Fuck,” you whined as you aimlessly clutched at San’s coat. “Fuck me harder, Mr. Choi… I beg you…”
“Oh? Alright. Come here.”
Mingi pulled out, allowing you to turn around on San’s lap. You sat on his lap, your back facing him. He slipped his cock into your cunt again and tucked his hands under your knees to lift your legs before he started jack hammering his cock into you at a much faster rate. You felt yourself nearing your climax, but you weren’t quite there yet. It wasn’t until Mingi slipped his cock into your cunt as well did white fill your vision, the feeling of the two cocks spreading you wide making your entire body react.
“Fuck! Fuck, I’m cumming!” you cried.
“Cum for us, mon amour,” San hissed in your ear. “Cum all over us.”
You rubbed your clit several more times before your orgasm completely washed over you, your cunt clenching as you squirted through their thrusts. You thought they would stop to let you finish completely, but both men refused to pull out. You continued to cum as they stuffed their cocks inside you repeatedly, your loud cries of profanities echoing in the room.
Moments later, neither man could hold back any longer— the feeling of your cunt squeezing around their cocks was a little too much for them to handle. Mingi pulled out and let the older man shove his cock deep inside you to let his load out, strings of hot cum filling up inside you. San let out a huge groan of relief as he pulled out slowly, his cock still twitching inside you and releasing his cum. You knew he was completely done when he buried his face in the nook of your neck and groaned deeply, his heavy breathing starting to quiet down.
The second San’s cock left your pussy, Mingi immediately shoved his massive cock inside you. He held the back of your neck and pulled you towards him, his lips furiously locking with yours as he thrust violently hard into you. You cried and whimpered into the kisses as his cock kept rubbing past your G-spot, and it was when Mingi finally came did you cum again, your legs shaking as stars overtook you. His cum spurt inside you and filled you up, the cum from both men swimming inside you and threatening to spill out.
Mingi let go of your head, allowing you to completely melt in San’s arms, the man lowering your legs the second Mingi was done with you. You clenched your pussy to keep their seed inside you, afraid to make more of a mess.
“You’re always so tight for us, mon amour. Does your body not get used to us?” Mingi asked with a chuckle as he began to clean himself up.
“I don’t think she’ll ever get used to us fucking her into oblivion,” San joked as he nuzzled his nose into your neck. “Right, mon amour?”
You responded with a breathy sigh and a slight nod, making both men smile at how fucked out you looked.
“Now, clean up. You still have several more sets to try on for us.”
networks:
@atzhouse @cromernet @cultofdionysusnet @ksmutsociety
@newworldnet @san-network @wonderlandnet
taglist:
@/k-hotchoisan @eyeryis @sinnarols @hwallazia @yunhoszn
@juyofans @nebulousbookshelf @starryriize @skteezcursed @yessa-vie
@sunshineangel-reads @dazzlingstarrs @dutchessskarma @yourlocaljonghoe @st4rhwa
@frobin4ever @sanhwajjong @certifiedmoa @therealcuppicake @yuyubeans
@hyunukitty @startlinglyoongi @hyukssunflower @chewyhotteoks @bsehindu
@dinossaurz @woomyteez @minkilicious @isiloiale @ywtfvs
@nvdhrzn @khjoongie98 @jaerisdiction @ninoshome1 @aaa-sia
@tiredlittlevirgo @preciouswoozi @woohwababes @wmewtew @yuyusgirl
@exololyunho @everythingboutkpop @bath1lda
#atzhouse#cromernet#cultofdionysusnet#ksmutsociety#newworldnet#san network#wonderlandnet#ateez x reader#ateez#ateez smut#choi san#san smut#choi san smut#song mingi#mingi smut#song mingi smut#broatz
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aegean - fa14 smau
fernando alonso x fem!singer!reader
summary: fernando alonso and his girlfriend break up, but is it really over?
warnings: angst no fluff! some slut shaming moments, fernando does NOT look good in this one, but theres more going on behind the scenes i promise xx
a/n: this has no specific face claim, and the songs mentioned are from a variety of artists! there will be a list at the end of the post ♡ there is a part two to this all planned out, it will be posted shortly, hopefully!
my masterlist
Twitter
Instagram
Liked by yourbsf2, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, and 212,964 others
yourusername shout out to my girls 🫶 i love you forever!
tagged: yourbsf1, yourbsf2, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes
yourbsf1: YOURE SO PRETTY I LOVE YOU WIFE!!!!!
yourusername: NO YOU!!
alexandrasainmleux: pretty pretty girl!!
yourusername: can’t wait for another date with you gorgeous 👩❤️💋👩
charles_leclerc: excuse me?
yourusername: you’re excused, vroom vroom boy 😒
user1: gorgeous gorgeous girls have breakup parties together
yourusername: you know it!!!
user2: CONFIRMATION? IM DEVASTATED. RUINED. WALKING INTO THE OCEAN.
Liked by f1, astonmartinf1, and 375,599 others
fernandoalo_official Greece, you were beautiful🤩A few days off before it’s back to the track again! 🏎️
User3: Sir, I don’t know what you did, but you better fix it right the fuck now.
User4: how do you know it was his fault? we don't know anything yet
User3: bc that woman is literally a saint, there’s no way it was her fault
User5: don’t get me wrong, i love y/n so much, but there’s no way for us to know what happened. it might not have been anyones fault, and neither of them need this energy if they’re trying to get over their breakup :’( i’m rooting for both of them
Hater1: Always knew she was bad for you, congrats man!
astonmartinf1: see you soon, sir!
Twitter
Instagram
Liked by yourbsf1, charles_leclerc, maisiehpeters, and 264,978 others
yourusername been a little busy lately, but i’ve got something cooking for you all!
yourbsf2: love you so big <3
yourusername: i love you the biggest! 💓
alexandrasaintmleux: can’t wait for everyone else to hear it!!
user6: PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW!!!! 🙏
alexandrasaintmleux: 🤫
user 7: oh… this is gonna wreck me, isnt it.
lilymhe: yeah… you’ll thank her though
user8: the last photo 💔 i promise it gets easier, y/n
Liked by yourusername
Liked by finneas, coltonherta, yukitsunoda0511, and 516,785 others
yourusername remember when i said i had something cooking? my album ‘aegean’ is out now. a lot of love and hurt went into this album, and now it’s yours. i hope it means as much to you as it does to me <333
finneas: it was such a blast to work with you on this album, lets do it again soon!!
yourusername: yes please!
francisca.cgomes: so proud of you babe, just lmk when you want to run away and elope!
yourusername: my bags are packed and waiting!
pierregasly: guess i’ll just leave you both to it 🧍
yourbsf2: wow look at how cool and pretty and talented my best friend is, everyone!!!
yourusername: ugh i love you so much
alexandrasaintmleux: still so excited!!! can we please go get late night ice cream to celebrate
yourbsf1: seconded
francisca.cgomes: thirded!
yourusername: ok to the groupchat before this is a long chain xx
alexandrasaintmleux: as you wish, babe 👩❤️👩
user8: oh my god???? surprise drop???? queen behavior
user9: i’m not crying, YOU’RE crying!
user10: ur crying too, dont lie!
user9: ok yeah. have you HEARD aegean? how could i not be screaming crying throwing up.
Liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, yourbsf1, and 228,531 others
lilymhe this amazing, beautiful girl did something amazing and beautiful again! y/n, i am so so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. please never let the hurt keep you down, because you are absolutely incredible. We will always be there to pick you back up if you need it! midnight ice creams with you are something i will cherish forever 🫶
tagged: yourusername, yourbsf1, your bsf2, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes, maisiehpeters
yourusername: i love you sooo much lily <33333 thank you for being such an incredible friend
lilymhe: i love you forever 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
francisca.cgomes: pretty best friends stick together forever and ever
yourusername: men are temporary, girlfriends are forever
maisiehpeters: might need to move to monaco so i can come to every midnight ice cream from now on
lilymhe: you’re welcome every time!
user11: how do i get this kind of female friendship in my life? 🥺
yourusername: be kind, be yourself, and be open! your people will find you, user11 💕
user11: OMG HI QUEEN ILYSM KEEP BEING YOU!!! thank you so much!
Twitter
Fernando Alonso's Instagram messages
a/n: and that's my first fic! first smau too, so i hope the formatting isn't too bad? i love when reader is friends w the wags, but i also always love to have y/n have friends outside of the paddock, so i hope no one minded! sorry if any of the wags are ooc i just rlly needed a big group of girl friends for this and idk how normal people talk. also was this just propaganda for some of my fav songs/artists? maybe 🤭i'm actually super nervous about this, so i hope you all enjoyed!!! please send me any questions or comments you have!
the songs mentioned are:
While You Were Sleeping - Laufey
Black Hole - boygenius
Lovesick - Laufey
Goddess - Laufey
Wendy - Maisie Peters
anything - Adrianne Lenker
opposite - Sabrina Carpenter
Aegean - Push Baby
Mud - Delaney Bailey
things i wish you said - Sabrina Carpenter
(I Would Have Followed You) - Delaney Bailey
#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 smau#social media au#fernando alonso x reader#fernando alonso x you#fernando alonso x female reader#f1 angst#f1 instagram au#fernando alonso#fernando alonso imagine#fernando alonso instagram au#fernando alonso smau#fa14#fa14 x reader#fa14 imagine#fa14 fanfic#fa14 fic
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A lovely continuation commission from @valacre. You love your husband Nightmare as he is - but there's a lot more to him than what is now, isn't there?
---
The record player moved on to the next song. Your recognition of the song roused you, faintly, from your almost-sleep... a familiar, emotive, reflective piano piece. You didn’t open your eyes just yet; you could feel a small smile forming on your lips.
He’s playing Debussy? He must be in a good mood.
You were holding Nightmare’s hand up against your face tonight, tucked up to your ears under the covers, cheek pressed stubbornly to the top of his palm. You spent many nights falling asleep this way. Nightmare didn’t need to sleep, it was a luxury he could indulge in if he felt inclined, but he often chose instead to bring his books and quills to bed with him (propped against his knees) and use the precious quiet hours to read and write. You would fall asleep tucked up to his side... most often with one of his hands commandeered by your own, as your just payment for not receiving your usual embrace from him.
You didn’t mind this arrangement. In fact, you quite enjoyed it. There was something about him being awake that made your sleep so deep, so restful - you felt so safe. He could watch over you, right? It was as if knowing he was awake for you made all your anxieties melt away. He would sometimes play music to fill the silence, and the tunes would lull you into comfortable and romantic dreams.
You very minutely nuzzled his hand as the song drew to a close. After a few beats of silence, the record player skipped on. You didn’t recognise this one, but it was distinctly Debussy again... you couldn’t help but open your eyes.
...
The hand you were holding was white.
You gasped, a loud and sharp breath - you snatched your hand away and sat bolt upright in bed. The blanket tumbled off you.
Again?!
Your vision focused.
... Nightmare, despite the look of startlement and concern on his face, appeared completely normal. His bones were black, faintly iridescent and glistening as they always were; his eyelight’s cyan light was bright and comforting. Handsome as ever, too.
“what is it?” he asked, gently, putting his quill down. “bad dream?”
... You didn’t know what to say. Let alone how to say it. After searching his face for anything unfamiliar, and finding nothing but the man you loved, you gradually lowered yourself back down into bed. You tried to breathe slowly, calming from the sudden bout of panic you’d caused yourself. Your heart was beating much too hard.
“I... Yes. I’m alright.” You definitely didn’t sound alright. You bought the covers back up over your shoulders.
His face shifted. His voice was soft, as was his gaze, you could tell he was being careful to keep his tone non-confrontational.
He slowly closed his book. “no you aren’t.”
You shifted uncomfortably at the twinge in his tone. Nightmare, a man who could taste lies, obviously didn’t like being lied to. Even small ones.
“I’m sorry. I... don’t really know what’s wrong.”
You stared at some of the fine stitching around the edges of the pillow. You were struggling to get comfortable again, your whole body still tense. This wasn’t the first time your mind had supplied you with images of a skeleton you didn’t recognise.
Lately, you’d been having the most intense, vivid, immensely strange dreams. You never fully recalled them when you awoke, but certain aspects would remain in your head like the afterimage of a powerful flash. Symbols of the moon, silver, flickers of purple. The warmth that comes from drinking herbal tea. Laughter, the smell of fire, a tree stump.
... Then the skeleton himself, the subject of your confusion. Tall and elegant, clad in faded silks, with a kind smile but the aura of something that grown accustomed to unspeakable grief. Soft lilac eyelights that were deep and overflowing with power. You couldn’t remember his face; you could, however, remember that his expression was warm. A smile that made your chest ache. He would look at you as if he owed you a great debt; no matter how much you called out he wouldn’t come any closer. He would open his mouth, but there would be only silence, like he was behind a thick wall of water.
You would’ve ignored the dreams. Were they not so vivid - and so recurring. You felt as if something was quietly watching you. But what? And how could you possibly reply, if you couldn’t even remember what happened?
... You were broken out of the memory by Nightmare moving. His tentacles picked up his book, pen and ink, placing them on the bedside table; as he did, he shuffled to lay down beside you. He drew you against him. Perhaps he could tell that whatever was wrong, it needed more than words.
You gratefully accepted the embrace. Your cheek tucked against his collarbone, his arm and a tentacle looped over your middle. When his huge arms were around you, you felt so safe, you knew heads would roll before he allowed anything in the world to touch you.
“better?” he murmured.
You were choked up. You didn’t know why. “Mhm.”
“you know you can tell me anything.”
“Of course. I just need to find the words to tell you, first.”
“i’m sorry. i shouldn’t push. i’m one to talk about not telling the whole truth, hm?”
You couldn’t help but giggle. He clearly liked that... against his chest, you could hear his Soul faintly humming. Probably by instinct, a second tentacle tucked over you, this time curling around your legs.
The record player moved on to the next song. His claws were gently moving in your hair, wrapping a specific curl around his phalange and letting it go over and over again. He’d always been enamoured with how it looked when it was down; it was a sight he was only privy to in moments like these, with the covers pulled up over both of you and the dark of night filling the bedroom.
Your voice broke the comfortable silence once you recognised the song playing. You weren’t laughing at him, but you were laughing, just a little. “More Debussy? Someone’s feeling romantic.”
He sounded like he was smiling. “indulge me,”
“I think it would be nice to learn how to play this one.” It felt good to talk about something else.
“it’s not as hard as you’d expect.”
...
You did look up at him this time, surprised, fabric rustling as you tilted your head up. “You play piano?”
“mhm.” His eye was wide and fuzzy, nigh filling up his entire socket, looking down at you with an immense softness. His hand moved to cup your face, massive palm to your cheek, claws curling around the back of your head. “it’s been a while. but i’m sure i could shake off the rust.”
“I didn’t know you knew how.”
“honestly, dear?” He hummed. “until this moment, i had forgotten i could.”
“You always struck me as more of a string player. Violin, perhaps. Or cello.”
“ah... violin, i never particularly fell in love with. but i am fond of the cello.” His voice was so satin-like, if you closed your eyes you could almost feel it caressing you. “i’ve picked up a fair few instruments, in my time. do you play?”
You rested your cheek back against his collarbone. Just how many instruments did he know? He was something of royalty, wasn’t he? Perhaps his childhood had involved a prince’s education. He would’ve seen a fair few beautiful and expensive instruments. His hand traced over your shoulder and down your spine, lovingly and almost reverently, settling to the small of your back. Despite all your time together, Nightmare still touched you like he couldn’t believe his luck.
“I floundered at piano as a child. My teacher always told me I was too airheaded to be any good.”
“she sounds unpleasant.”
“Mh... she wasn’t all wrong.” You thought back to the woman that had frightened you so much as a child. “I didn’t make her life very easy; I never practised, I was always busy playing gardener. She would scold me for coming to practise with dirt under my fingernails. Maybe if I’d concentrated, I would’ve been better.”
“well, it doesn’t matter now.” He turned his face slightly, and kissed the top of your head. “i didn’t marry you for your musical talent.”
“That may be true. But you didn’t marry me for great reasons at first, either.”
“my reasoning was questionable at the time, yes. i had no idea how to process what i was feeling.” His grin was audible once again. “but it would be a bald-faced lie to say i regret it. i’ll never regret making sure you were all mine.”
You rolled your eyes. “Aren’t you the romantic?”
He chuckled. You didn’t realise how much the short conversation had soothed you. Perhaps that was his plan. You were getting sleepier and sleepier, forgetting entirely what had startled you.
“I like these songs.” Your eyelids were drooping. “You have good taste in music.”
“music was... the only thing dream and i ever agreed on.”
... You stilled. Had... had he ever volunteered information about his brother before? Outside of when the spectre of the topic was already looming over both of you?
...
“... You should play me something, tomorrow.”
“anything for you.”
///---///
Nightmare waited until you were asleep to stop petting your hair. He only relaxed once the expression completely melted from your face. Instead, he just let his claws rest beside your head, his eyelight wandering over your features. Doing its best to memorise every curve.
He could never quite draw your smile right. The rest of you, he could create from memory, his claws knew the shape of your body well - your cheek and the arch of your brow, the little dip where your neck and shoulders met, the soft skin of your stomach and back... when he indulged himself in drawing you, those were the parts he could recreate with the effortlessness of total familiarity. The locked box in his study had more than its fair share of proof.
But your smile? He just couldn’t get it. No matter how badly he wanted to. Perhaps it just wasn’t something that could be contained. Perhaps there was a lesson there, for him, in the thing he loved most being the one thing he couldn’t capture forever.
... Alas. He knew he would keep trying, anyway. He was nothing if not greedy.
He kissed your knuckles. He would apologise again in the morning. It was unkind of him to pick you up on not telling the truth - especially when you were so incredibly patient with his endless lies by omission.
He wasn’t telling you everything about his dreams, either.
He’d grown so comfortable around you that many nights, when you slept, his mind would unconsciously reach out and connect to yours - his Soul seemed to see you as an extension of himself, so it would naturally draw you closer. Usually that meant nothing more than moving far more easily into your dreams.
... But recently, something very strange had been happening.
He would feel you in his mind.
It was the first time someone had ever entered his dream. It was much more pleasant than he imagined, though that was probably because it was you. So physically close to him, and so emotionally close, for you moving into his dream would be as easy as passing through a veil. He wouldn’t even notice you were there; not until he felt your presence in places and thoughts he hadn’t let himself access for years.
Something within him was... well, he didn’t know. Moving, perhaps? Shifting. He didn't like it. Whatever it was, it made him stop to consider, for the first time in a long time, what he really... was.
He wasn’t his old self. He knew that for sure. He wasn’t Night, but he wasn’t purely Corruption either. Unlike what his brother constantly insisted, Nightmare wasn’t some poor innocent skeleton trapped by a cartoonishly evil Corruption - his lip curled at the thought. Dream’s blind belief was as insulting as it was patronising. Nightmare knew what he was doing, he was the master of his destiny. Nightmare was something new, something different. A combination that was stronger than either entity could’ve been alone. He was better.
... He touched your face again, absentmindedly.
Both parts of him liked you. There was no question about that. The Corruption adored you, but it loved in an ancient and consuming way - it wanted you with them forever, a bird in a cage. The Corruption whispered longingly about how, if only they moved with more conviction, nobody but him would ever see or touch you again. Was he allured by that? Yes. But Night knew that love like consumption would eat you alive. It was the lingering presence of his old mind, the moderation and empathy of his old self, that gave Nightmare the tools to love you in a way that would make you happy.
He sighed. Both parts of him loved you... that was the problem. The lines were blurring.
... He could feel himself changing. Something old, rising to the surface. It was troubling. When the Corruption first took over, Night all but became comatose, healing from the damage done to him. As promised, the Corruption protected him. And even once Night did recover, he had absolutely no desire to return to full control, not after what he’d been through. He was afraid... remaining deep inside, protected from a world he saw as universally cruel. Protected by a wall of viscous black darkness.
Then you came along. Walls that he had spent centuries building, crumbling down from just a glance. Were he not so hopelessly in love, he might’ve considered his own behaviour rather pathetic.
He wasn’t sure what to do about it just yet. He pressed his nasal cavity against your hair. He would think about it more in the morning. For now, he just wanted to do the thing he enjoyed most; holding you and forgetting absolutely everything.
Sometimes, when he slept with you in his arms, he felt like there was nothing in the world to be afraid of.
///---///
Nothing felt off, when you woke up. You stretched your toes, hummed... with light peeking through the curtains, you decided to roll over and see if your husband was awake.
The skeleton facing you wasn’t Nightmare.
When you saw white bones again, the first thing you did was freeze. Your breathing stopped, you stared blankly - the skeleton asleep opposite you appeared startlingly like Dream. The same cheekbones, the same jaw, the same soft expression. But there were differences both minute and glaring. Dream’s face had a brightness and sharpness to it. This skeleton looked softer.
... And when blinking a few times didn’t make him go back to normal, you leapt out of bed.
His sockets opened. Purple.
Instantly, seemingly before he’d even realised you’d jumped away, he jolted, and a look of fear appeared on his face. He sat bolt upright in the bed, lifting up his hands to his face - the sight of his own bones made that look only worsen into one of outright panic, purple eyelights shrinking down into quivering dark pinpricks, deep lines of fear cutting between his brows and around his nasal cavity. He staggered out of bed...
... And over to the mirror.
It took a split second for him to look upon his face. You could see him, reflected over his own shoulder back at you. You watched as he took only a split second to see his own terrified profile staring back at him.
You had never seen so much fear strike face before.
A flash within his sockets, like an amethyst turning in the light. He reared back and punched the mirror, shattering it, the force carrying through and visibly fracturing the wall beneath. You let out a tiny yelp as glittering shards showered the bedroom floor - you moved back mostly out of confusion, but also no small amount of fear, until your tailbone bumped Nightmare’s desk. Pieces of the mirror were still peeling off the frame and dropping to the stone tiles even as the stranger put his hands over his face, stumbling to the side until he hit the wall.
“no. no,” he slid slowly down it, surrounded by shards of mirror. “no, no, no, no...”
...
You could scarcely believe it. But you knew that voice. You knew those movements. As you stared across the room at the ‘stranger’, instincts kicked in. Despite your utter disbelief, the word left your lips anyway.
“N... Nightmare?”
He lifted his face from his hands, staring at you. You gasped, quietly; yes, there he was, it couldn’t be anyone else but him. No wonder you thought he resembled Dream, the layers of tar had vanished but everything you had kissed a hundred times before was still there.
“val,” he breathed. The way he looked at you - confused, but pleading for help - you knew it was him. It couldn’t have been anyone else.
You rushed back across the room, over to him, to his side. You didn’t care about the glass. It was so, so bizarre to see him with both sockets, your eyes darted back and forth, unsure of where to look. You knelt before him; he was back to staring with horror at his violently shaking hands.
“what’s happening to me?” His voice was different, too. It didn’t have its usual commanding weight and depth. It was still distinctly him, but it felt as if his voice had been halved somehow. Gentler, higher, closer to the surface. “why... no, no, i can’t be...”
“Shh, shh.” You didn’t know if he wanted to be touched or not, so your hands hovered around his shoulders. Now that you knew it was him, you weren’t frightened anymore. You did your best to keep your own voice calm. “You’re alright. Nightmare, you’re alright.”
The lilac of his eyelights was such a beautiful, gentle colour. Though it was soft, and clearly suited his features, you were so accustomed to comforting cyan that you were unsure of what to make of it.
He was shaking all over. His voice cracked when he talked. “i don’t know what’s going on,”
“We don’t need to know what’s going on.” The more you gently spoke, the more he appeared to ease, his hands gradually coming away from his face. His eyelights, locked onto you, weren't quite so small. “We’re both fine. Take deep breaths, okay?”
You reached out, placing a hand on his cheekbone. It felt different. Smoother. But that was the extent of the differences, your hand still fit against his face like a puzzle piece.
He sucked in a sharp breath. For a moment you feared you had hurt him - were his bones sensitive like this? - you made to pull away. But Nightmare grabbed your hand with his, pressing it tight to his cheekbone.
“i-i...” He wasn’t looking at you. He was looking into the middle distance, a lost expression on his new face. Through you.
“Night?”
“i-i never thought i’d be able to...” He sounded choked. “like this...”
... His sockets... filled up with tears. They were lilac too. Shimmering like gems as his eyelights reflected in them.
Instinctively, you placed your other hand on his other cheek. He gripped that one and held it to him just as tightly, his skull sandwiched between your palms. He took in a deep, shuddering breath...
... And then openly started to weep.
You were shocked. Completely shocked. His chest fluttered, the sound was small but deafening. How many times had Nightmare cried around you? Once, for certain, perhaps twice if you were generous and counted the time you suspected he cried but had not seen tears. And even when he did cry, he always hid his face like he was ashamed, tucking into your shoulder or turning away.
But here he was. Tears moving down his cheekbones. Shaking, right in front of you; clutching your hands and sobbing.
Well. You didn’t need to pause much longer. You leant in, using your hold on his face to press a kiss to his skull. He let go of your hands and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in, with you kneeling between his legs it was a slightly awkward posture but neither of you really had it in you to care. You just held him.
He smelled the same. Like home.
Not long passed, he had always been adept at self-control. By the time you were getting used to the sound of his soft cries, they were already fading, replaced with the deep slow breaths he took to regain himself. Though the sounds ebbed away, the tears continued to run down his face like the tide.
... You had absolutely no idea what was going on. But at least he was alright. You leaned back, using your thumb to wipe at his cheekbone. He leaned into your touch.
...
... Suddenly, he gasped. It made you jump. He looked down to the floor - “the mirror. your feet,”
Before you could do more than open your mouth, his arms moved around you, he stood; you were lifted clean off the floor. Even missing half his mass, he was still so strong. As easily as ever, he carried you to the bed, sitting you down and quickly kneeling - despite the tears still visibly staining his cheekbones he only had worry for you scrawled across his face. He took one of your feet in his hands, checking for cuts, for blood, for damage.
The care in his eyelights... you couldn’t believe it had taken you so long to recognise him.
... You had completely forgotten about the shards of glass on the floor. Now that you followed his gaze down, you could see little pinpricks of red, staining the white of the nightgown around your knees. “O-oh,” was all you managed to say.
He didn’t respond. He just obsessively checked you for injuries. His hands felt... more textured than usual? Like a once-smooth stone was now mottled and aged. He moved up to your knees, lifting the hem of the nightgown over them, looking with that telltale frown on his face. He couldn’t have looked more like his old self, with that grimace.
He exhaled, slowly. “... okay. you’re fine. by some miracle, your feet missed everything.”
“And my knees?”
“just some small cuts.” He carefully pulled the hem back down. “the nightgown must’ve stopped anything from embedding. they’ll heal fine.”
He let his hands linger on your legs, staring into empty space again the moment he seemed to slip. He still looked troubled. Troubled - but not panicking anymore.
...
“Nightmare.” You spoke eventually. “You know I don’t usually ask you personal questions.”
Despite his clearly fraught state, cheekbones stained by tears, a little laugh broke out of him when he looked back up at you. You couldn’t help but laugh a bit too.
“i-i know, i know. i think i have some explaining to do, don’t i?”
You reached out your arm - without a single word needing to be spoken, he took your hand and placed it against his cheekbone again. He sighed.
“You’re the skeleton I was dreaming about.”
“i never thought this would happen. i never thought i would be like this again.”
“Again?”
...
He (clearly somewhat reluctantly) let go of your hand, standing, slowly shuffling to sit beside you on the bed. He appeared unsteady on his feet. The light from the window was catching in the shards of mirror on the floor, casting tiny freckles of light across his face; he looked... remarkably handsome. He always did, of course, but especially so like this. You felt your chest get a little tight.
“it is how i used to look. this is how i used to be.”
You tilted your head. You took in everything, eyelights, teeth, mouth. You thought about what the Nightmare you knew looked like - the collapsed socket, the dripping smile, the tentacles. The viscous black fluid covering him from head to toe.
“That’s... quite the transformation,” you murmured.
He nodded. “indeed. i used to be a different person. more like dream. but that person... entered a contract with another entity. the two of them combined, and became the person you know.”
“Hm.”
“perhaps symbiosis is a better term. nightmare was attacked by people who didn’t understand the role he played. they saw dream and nightmare, ‘good’ and ‘evil’, and placed blame on the latter for everything wrong with their lives.” He spoke about the event as if it had all occurred to someone else entirely. As if he thought nothing of it; as if he was fine. “nightmare gave his body, and the corruption gave its power. that was the deal that created me. a place to be powerful, and in return, the power to never be hurt again.”
“Corruption?” You were immediately concerned. "Nightmare,"
... He looked at you. His face was loving, he looked amused. It was nice to see a more positive emotion on him. “that’s just its name, dear.”
“That doesn’t sound like a very trustworthy name.”
“you’re married to a man called nightmare.”
“I,” ... you clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth. “Alright, touché.”
He chuckled. He sounded so much younger. Stars, it was strange to see him this way; like a loved one coming home after shaving off all their hair or losing a vast amount of weight. Though you logically knew it was him, and you could see him so clearly within all the mannerisms of the skeleton in front of you, there was something so jarring about expecting your Nightmare and seeing another’s face staring back at you.
“I think I understand somewhat. Are you... the ‘past’ version of you right now, then?”
“... i... no.” He shook his head. “i’m still me. i can still feel everything. but the corruption has... receded. it’s been at the front for so long. it’s never done this before. i don’t know what to do.”
“Do you think you’ll turn back again soon?”
...
His eyelights widened, ever so slightly. Faint wisps of violet coloured the high edges of his cheekbones.
“you don’t prefer this form?”
You flustered - how could you say something like that? Especially when he was clearly so upset by his transformation. He smashes a mirror in front of you, and you openly express you prefer his previous body to this one? “I-I don’t mean I don’t like you like this! Of course I do,”
“darling,” he took your hand and squeezed it, cutting off your blabbering. “i like my other body more, too.”
“Y-you do?”
Smiles suited him far more. “mhm. i’m not as strong, this way. and the absence of my tentacles is noticeable. i keep wanting to hold more of you, but i simply don’t have the dexterity.”
“I just...” You exhaled, slowly, eyes trailing over his sockets and nasal ridge and jaw. “Honestly, I really miss your normal face.”
“... normal,” he hummed. It was a pleased hum.
“Well - it’s alright. Regardless of what body you’re in, you’re very handsome.”
His smile sharpened. All of a sudden, he looked like a preened bird. It was hard work not to roll your eyes; all that crying, all that vulnerability and fear, but it was clear from that grin that this was very much the same man that you had gone to bed with hours before.
“hmm. so i’m handsome to you either way? i like this conversation very much.”
“Oh you would, wouldn’t you?”
“i think i understand now.”
The sudden softness of his voice caught you off guard. You leaned back a little, to gauge his expression. He was smiling at you so fondly now.
“the deal i made. nightmare... the corruption promised no one would ever hurt him again. i wonder if...”
“... If?”
“i wonder if, for the first time since making the deal... i fear nothing.”
... You couldn’t honestly imagine Nightmare fearing anything. You had yet to meet anyone who considered your husband an equal, let alone an inferior; even Dream, his own brother, had left at the first sign of fury. Entities who caused no small amount of strife, like Killer, begged you to assure them that Nightmare wouldn’t kill them.
Then again. How much pain would someone have to go through, to become that vicious to the world around them?
You leant toward him. He immediately reciprocated the movement, touching his forehead against yours. He sighed.
“touching you, in this form... it’s...”
He trailed off. You didn’t make him finish. “You feel so different. So similar, too. It’s a little jarring.”
“i’m glad you prefer me as i am.”
“Of course I do. I married you.”
He snickered. “despite all the flaws?”
“Not despite.” It was your turn to comfortingly brush your thumb over the top of his palm. “Not despite, at all.”
“... you truly prefer my ‘normal’ form?” he asked, “even though this one is so much... cleaner?”
“You’re the one who can taste lies. You tell me.”
He chuckled. His sockets closed.
“i want to stay like this. for a while.”
“As long as you need.” You closed your eyes, too. Now that the adrenaline of the situation had settled, you could feel your sleepiness catching up with you.
“... i love you.”
“I love you too.”
...
You felt the cyan-blue light on your eyelids long before you opened them.
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with me + part twelve
authors note: you guys are seriously the nicest and most supportive. the comments always make me stupidly smile and laugh cause not a single one of ya'll is gonna let bdj die off. 😭 also, i know a couple of people have commented and asked about the backstory with joe and jadah, and i promise it'll be explored deeper. there's a subplot i'm working towards unveiling here, and it's nearing the reveal part, but we're not there yet! i promise, though, it's gonna be touched on!!!
i also had to chop this chapter in half, because it's honestly so much stuff, so the next update shouldn't take as long cause it's almost done.
the next two are gonna be so fun. maybe some shit will go down too. we shall see.
status: in progress // masterlist
warnings: fluff, language, some angst, suggestive themes
song inspo: with me by destiny’s child
words: 8k
taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns
“So let me get this straight, in the time that I’ve been gone, you and Joe told Callie he’s her dad, you found out Amir and Mariah been fucking behind your back, and you had a semi mental breakdown after running into your father and, plot twist, long lost sister.” She counts each off with a finger, then asking. “Did I miss anything?”
Nodding, you take a scoop of your ice cream before adding, “Joe told me he loves me.”
In true Alexis fashion, she randomly arrived in town the night before, completely unaware of all that transpired in her absence. So, you take this time while Callie sleeps to catch her up.
“Did I miss anything that I didn’t already know?” You give her a look, and she rolls her eyes, also eating some of her Rocky Road. “Come on, Y/N. Ray Charles could see that man is in love with you. You’re the one being stupid by not reciprocating.” Before you can push back against her, even if she isn’t entirely wrong, she switches topics. “Now when are we gonna go beat Lieriah’s ass? I told you it was something about that girl. She’s a snake.”
Typically the one to defend your friends, it’s hard to find it in you to come to Mariah’s aid. Nevermind the fact that she knows the shitty things Amir has done to you over the years, it’s the fact that she’s supposed to be your best friend but is messing around with same ain't shit ex? You would never do something like that to her, but maybe your loyalty to her has always been stronger than hers to you.
“I’m not worried about him or her. They’re not worth it.” That’s partially true, but the sting of betrayal is slow to pass and even slower to heal. You’ve always had mid to low expectations for Amir, but Mariah? That’s a crushing blow. “I have more important things to figure out.”
She studies you, leaning back against the headboard. “Your sister.”
“Bianca,” you correct. It’s too uncomfortable referring to her as such, even if that’s exactly what she is.
In the weeks since the big fireworks show—both metaphorically and figuratively—you’ve tried to slowly return to your sense of normalcy. Focusing on Callie—who is an entirely different issue in and of itself that you really need to talk to your mom about—being more on top of things at work, and navigating your relationship with Joe.
He hasn’t been back to visit since Christmas, but you figured as such. Wrestlemania season has arrived, and you know better than anyone how crazy that time is, especially with him main eventing.
But the one thing you haven’t really allowed yourself to think too much about is Bianca. You’d sent her a vague apology text a few days after your mad dash and explained that you were dealing with some things and just needed time to sort through them. That you’d reach back out when you were ready.
That still hasn’t happened, and it’s entirely intentional.
“I remember you mentioned that you always wanted siblings?”
“Yeah, cause we have so much to bond over,” you mutter, bitterly.
“Well, you actually do have a lot in common. She’s a teacher, like you. She has a daughter, like you—”
“You know what we don’t have in common?” You interrupt, feeling the agitation growing again. It’s not directed toward Alexis, just the situation in general. “A father who loves us.”
You were done referring to that man as your father. A father shows up. Like Joe. That son of a bitch isn’t even in the same universe as Joe.
Her expression softens. You didn’t tell her everything, just enough for her to get the gist that he’s a piece of shit. And you definitely did not tell her about the time you went to see him. You’ve never told anyone that story. Joe is now the only one who knows, and you’d like to keep it that way. It’s just….it’s just too painful. “I had no idea that was the situation there…..I’m really sorry, girl.”
“It is what it is. I don’t need him.” And you’re not too sure if you need Bianca either. “I’m just trying to figure out if I should power through this for Callie’s sake. You should have seen how she and Taylor clicked. I would hate to take that away from her.”
“I get that,” she acknowledges. “You have to make the decision that’s best for the long run, not necessarily how you’re feeling right now.” That’s very easy to say and nearly impossible to do. “Even if you just allow the girls to interact while you keep some distance with Bianca.”
You’re partially intrigued, spooning some more cookie dough. “How would that work?”
“They don’t live here, right?” You nod. “Maybe the girls can talk on Facetime or even play some game on their tablets. That won’t cause you to interact much with mom outside of coordinating virtual playdates, and Callie still gets to spend time with her cousin, or, not cousin."
You sit on her words, not expecting to be as open to the idea as you are. It’s a pretty genius compromise. “You really do give some great advice sometimes, you know that?”
“That’s what I’m here for,” she smiles mischievously, and you just shake your head. “Now, who’s gonna knock this bitch Mariah over the head with a steel chair? Me or you? Or should we hit her with a bus, Regina George style?”
“Alexis!”
________
You clearly don’t love yourself because you decided to do both yours and Callie’s washday on the same damn day. A Sunday, at that. Meaning, you have no choice but to get it done because you have work the next day.
And Alexis being in town would be even more of a benefit than it already is if she actually knew how to do hair. Natural hair. She can lay any wig down better than Tae, but caring for coils and curls is another story. It’s why you declined her offer, and she lays knocked out in your bed, while Callie is fast asleep in hers.
Thankfully, you have an insanely generous and sweet man who’s offered to talk to you while you power through this debacle, noodle arms, sleep deprivation, and all.
“Oh, before I forget again.” You grab the bottle of leave-in to apply more to the next section of hair. Shingling may give you the most definition, but it also gives you the most discomfort. “Can you be here May 8th?” A smile falls on your face. “Our baby is graduating preschool, and I know she’d want you there. I do too.”
“Shit, they have preschool graduations?” He seems genuinely taken back before answering. “But, of course I’ll be there.”
“I know. I used to think they were stupid, but now it’s my kid, so it’s the best thing ever. Her cap and gown should come some time in March, so I’m gonna have one of my old teammates who’s a photographer take professional photos of her.” It’s literally just preschool, but that’s still something she’s accomplished, and you want to commend the occasion the best you can. It’s been years since you’ve had professional photos of her taken anyway. Not since she was first born. “And yes, I’ll get extra for you.”
“How much—”
“Anyways, let me show you the tattoo.” Joe has already done so much, the least you can do is cover the photo costs. Even though you know him well enough to know he’ll find some way to contribute. Thankfully, the side of your hair that still needs to be shingled is clipped at the top of your head, so all you have to do is turn around and push down the thin strap of your shirt to reveal your latest ink. “He did an amazing job.”
“Shit, he did.” Joe’s agreement and approval somehow makes you even more satisfied with the outcome. Your Christmas gift to yourself was finally getting that Moana tattoo Callie has wanted to see on you since you told her you were getting one damn near a year ago. It’s on the back of your left shoulder, a black manta ray, some blue ocean-like coloring with one of your favorite lyrics from the movie: I will carry you here in my heart. You remind me, that come what may, I know the way.
It’s one of Callie’s favorite songs but also feels like an ode to your grandma as well.
He then asks, “do you want more?”
Readjusting your shirt and turning back around, you answer, “of course. More Disney but also….” This discussion triggers something for you, something that seems a little out there, but also maybe not. “I saw this tattoo on Pinterest that I want to get for Callie.” You grab your phone. “Let me send it to you.” It’s saved in your favorites folder and thus an easy send. Placing the phone back on the counter, you wait for him to receive and see it.
“I like it.” It’s a baby’s footprint with the name written in cursive and date of birth in print right underneath it. You’ve always wanted Callie’s name on you but couldn’t settle on a design until you came across that one. Something about it just resonates with you.
Licking your lips, you suggest, “why don’t you get it with me?” Couples getting matching tattoos isn’t something you’re entirely against, you just don’t agree with it for people who are only dating and not married, if marriage is the goal. You remember when Amir once suggested you do so, and you literally laughed in his face. You’d soon rather get branded with a tramp stamp than have that man’s name permanently burned into your skin.
But, matching tattoos for the child you created together with the man you love. That is something you could get behind.
And apparently so can he.
“Let’s do it.”
“Really?” You’re not sure why, but the ease of his agreement shocks you. It’s not too far-fetched when you think about it. He loves his daughter, and you’ve always known Joe to only get tattoos that have meaning. He could give you a detailed explanation for every piece of ink on his body.
“Yeah.” There’s almost a sense of excitement in his voice, like he’s eager to have her name on him, to share this with you. “Same location?” At that, you make a face. He laughs. “Inner bicep does hurt, I’m not even gon’ lie to you.”
Yeah, you’ve definitely heard as such, and considering his entire right side is tatted, he’d know. “I don’t know. I have to think about it. I might need to squeeze your hand the whole time, or I’ll end up punching the tattooist.”
He laughs, “you can squeeze my hand.” Joe then asks, “when do you want to get em’ done?” You start to think about it logistically, as well as financially. Tattoos aren’t cheap. “Do you want to go to the Super Bowl?”
His question surprises you because it’s such a change in topics but also….what? “Yup. And Hawaii and Puerto Rico. And then maybe if we have time, stop by Alice in Wonderland.”
He’s too good at matching your sass, retorting, “I can make the first two happen easily. The last one may be a stretch.” Rolling your eyes, you grab for the gel. “I’m serious though. My tattoo artist is based out of Vegas. The game is in Vegas this year. It’ll let me see Callie too, cause I’m having a hard time finding a gap to visit.” As he continues to speak without laughing or chuckling, you realize he’s dead serious. “I’ve been meaning to ask you to go anyway but kept forgetting.”
You need extra clarification. “Like this year's Usher concert where there’s apparently a game too?”
He rolls his eyes, providing the guest list. “It’s me and the twins, their family, some other fam…..we have a whole section, cause you know it's a bunch of us.” It’s still hard to sit on the fact that this man really just invited you to the fucking Super Bowl like it’s dinner at Golden Coral. His eyes soften. “I wanna see her. I wanna see you.”
Joe’s closing statement, so true and vulnerable, is what breaks you from your temporary state of shock. You get the sense he misses ya’ll just as much as you miss him. “Of course, we’ll go. I’m sorry, I just—I wasn’t expecting that.” And it’s true, you weren’t. “How will we get fl—”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of everything. I just need you to show up at the airport.”
That seems to be such a recurring theme with this man. He does everything he can to make things as easy for you as possible. It’s tremendously appreciated and doesn’t go without notice.
“This is the first time she’ll be meeting the twins,” you realize aloud. Hell, his family at all.
Joe nods, chuckling. “Yeah, they’ve been on my ass about that anyway. They want to meet her.”
Pinning down the section you just finished, you take down the next. A little over halfway done now. “Whoever you want her to meet is fine with me, Joe. I don’t even really have a say in that. She has every right to meet your family just as much as she’s had to meet mine.”
And it’s true. Unless it could present some harm to Callie, you don’t really feel like you have the right to object to things like that. You have zero desire to interfere with Joe and Callie anymore than you already have.
“I know. I just wanted to tell her the truth before introducing her to anyone else. Less lies.” Makes sense. Thinking about Callie meeting more family brings a small smile to your face. It’s what she deserves. Family members who actually want to be in her life.
The conversation brings something else to the forefront of your mind, partially due to Joe’s confession to you on Christmas but also a question you’ve wanted to ask him for much longer than you’d like to admit.
“So….” This shouldn’t be as nerve wracking as it is. “There’s something I want to ask you, but I don’t…..I don’t want to overstep.” If he were to tell you that he’d rather you not, that’d be fine with you, one less stressful thing on your plate. But, of course, he’s silent, meaning he’s not going to object. So….you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. “What happened between you and your wife?”
You’re certain he wasn’t expecting that to be what you asked, but to your surprise, he answers. “We were young and got married for the wrong reason. I was 22. She was 21.”
Unsure but taking a big risk regardless, you ask in a small voice. “What was the reason?”
His answer isn’t what you’re expecting either. “She was pregnant.”
It takes a second for you to process what he’s saying. Your stomach is suddenly in knots, chest feeling tight. There’s no way he’s kept something like that from you. No way in hell. “Wait, does Callie have—”
“No.”
And just like that, you know. He doesn’t need to explain. It’s painfully obvious, especially as he looks away from the camera. You have a feeling you've unlocked a painful memory he’d most likely kept tucked away.
“I’m sorry.” It feels so stupid and unhelpful to say. What does that do for him? It doesn’t take away that experience, that loss that you can’t even begin to imagine. But, it’s all you can offer. “Just—forget I asked, let’s change the subject.” Do you have more questions? Of course. Like, why was there such a gap between their loss and the divorce? But, this is understandably a difficult and sensitive subject, and the last thing you want to do is trigger him more than you already have.
You know better than anyone how awful that can be.
He agrees with the subject change, going along with the transition of topics, clearly grateful for your understanding. But, in the back of your mind, you can’t help but think about the fact that this man lost his firs child before he could even meet the them, and the child he had who did survive was kept a secret from him for nearly five years.
There’s a sudden sickness and disgust you feel. And it’s not towards anyone but yourself.
Joe had every goddamn right to be furious with you about your subterfuge.
He still does.
________
“Mama, something is up with Callie.”
You’re thankful Alexis agreed to keep Callie preoccupied in the living room while you have this conversation with your mom, because Callie had another incident just this morning, slamming her door when you told her she needed to pick up her toys.
She’s never done that.
But she has done other things in the past two weeks or so, rolling her eyes or pouting her mouth at you when you say something she doesn’t want to hear, beyond typical tantrums.
Your mom stops her stirring at the pot to turn around and look at you. “What do you mean? Is she sick?”
“No,” you answer and then realize you’re not entirely sure how to explain it. She’s not being bad, per se. Just….difficult. “She’s just been…..off.”
Genuinely intrigued, and partially concerned, you watch your mom turn the fire on low as she joins you at the kitchen table. “Tell me.”
Shaking your head, you explain. “I thought it was just me, that I was just being overprotective and hyper-vigilant, but when I picked her up from preschool yesterday, her teacher pulled me to the side and asked me if she’s been having sleep problems. I told her no and asked why, and she told me Callie has been irritable. With staff and other kids.”
“Callie?” Your mom seems just as taken back as you were hearing these words. “That doesn’t even sound like her.”
“I know, and that’s what I said at first, but then I thought about it, and she’s been crabby with me too. It’s not horrible, but it’s unlike her.”
A small part of you wonders if it has something to do with you running off on her on Christmas. It would make sense. She was doing absolutely fine before then, but it’s the timing that throws that theory off. You’ve noticed this change only in the past two weeks, well after Christmas day passed, so why the delay?
“What does Joe think it is?”
“I haven’t told him.” It’s not that you don’t want to. You’d just like to have a better grasp of what it is before doing so. Have more actual information to provide him.
“He hasn’t seen the behavior for himself?”
You shake your head. “She’s fine with him. Matter of fact, after his calls, she’s like a completely different child.” It’s watching your mom’s face settle into a look of realization that makes you ask, “what? What is it?”
“Honey” she starts with a soft chuckle. “She’s missing her daddy.”
Her answer catches you by surprise, painting your face with confusion. You’ve had a lot of theories, but that definitely wasn’t one of them. “What?”
Reaching across the table, she places her hand over yours. “Think about it. How would she react if you were gone as much as he is? She’d be a mess, cause you’re her mama, and she has a strong attachment to you. Look how easily she attached and connected with Joe. It’s always been there. Except she knows the truth now, so her attachment is even stronger.” You heed to her explanation, wise and sensible. You hadn’t even thought of it that way. “And isn’t this the longest he’s been gone without her seeing him? She’s acting out because she misses him and probably doesn’t know how to verbalize it, so it shows in her behavior.”
As relieved as you are to have an explanation that makes sense, it’s an explanation that makes you incredibly sad for your sweet child. You know how hard it is for Joe to get away right now, you understand it. It never crossed you that she wouldn’t.
Devastated, you ask, “what do I do?”
“Talk to her. Try to help her understand. It may not make a huge difference, but it’s something.”
You nod, so so grateful for her, for all that she does for you, for Callie. For all that she’s done. Reaching across the table, you hug her tightly. “thank you, mama.” As much as it devastated you to not have that man in your life, your mom made sure to go above and beyond to make sure you knew you were loved. She played both roles beautifully, and you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to make her understand what that meant to you.
You still haven’t really sat her down and explained everything that happened Christmas night, nor has she asked, but you know it’s because she’s trying to respect your space. It’s appreciated, but you also know you’re gonna have to eventually tell her.
Just not now.
Right now, you’ve gotta take care of your baby.
________
Even the energy in Callie’s playroom feels off.
You’re so used to walking in and finding her with that million dollar smile that makes your entire day better. Instead, you walk in and she doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. She just continues to color.
“Hey, baby….” Disappointed, but refusing to show as such, you welcome yourself in and approach her table. “Is it okay if I color with you?”
She still doesn’t say anything, just nods, and you do your best not to hide your sadness. You hate seeing her this down, it’s so unfamiliar, and you’ll do just about anything to fix it.
Sitting down in the uncomfortable seat, you take a couple of her pages and pull out a crayon. “I have an idea.” At that, she looks up, slightly intrigued. “Why don’t we draw how we’ve been feeling lately? I draw me, and you draw you.”
You scold yourself for not selling it to her better, for not telling her it’s something you sometimes do with your students. Some level of innocent peer pressure. However, she surprises you by agreeing with a simple “okay.”
It takes a second for you to register that it was really that simple. Step one is done. Now for step two.
Grabbing some crayons, you don’t really concern yourself with skin tone, just getting something out on paper. The two of you color in silence, and you start to offer to put on her favorite playlist but decide against it.
You want her to really think about what you’re asking.
It’s when you see that she’s placed down her crayon and is just staring at her picture that you ask, “you done?” She shakes her head, but her eyes are on the table in front of her. “Is it okay if mommy sees it? I’ll show you mine too.”
Handing you the page, you expect an influx of emotions, but actually seeing her literal representation of how she feels is simply heartbreaking.
She’s drawn herself, frowning, surrounded by broken hearts and a blue tear leaking from her eye. Callie did what you asked. You just wish it didn’t have you feeling so helpless.
“This means you’ve been feeling sad, huh?” You hate how your voice gives away your emotions. This is about her, not you, but it’s so difficult for you to not be impacted. No mother wants to see her child hurting, and Callie currently is. It kills you. “Callie….” Moving up from your chair, you move across to kneel in front of her, taking her hands in yours. “Have you been sad because you miss your dad?”
All you need to hear is one sniffle, and instantly, you’re reaching for her, holding and comforting her.
“It’s okay,” you soothe, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay, baby.” She cries into your chest, and you have to hold back your own tears.
“Why doesn't he come back?” She asks in between tears, wiping her eyes. “He’s been gone a really long time.” It’s only then you realize that she’s not entirely exaggerating. Joe was last here for Christmas. It’s now the end of January. For a child like Callie, that must feel like an eternity.
“He would if he could, Callie. I promise you he would. Daddy just…he gets really busy with his job this time of the year, and he can’t leave or he’ll get in trouble.” It’s so difficult to explain this to her. WrestleMania season is inarguably chaotic and stupidly busy. Even back in the day, Joe’s trips to see you were most far and few in between during this time of year. And that was before he even had a title. You can’t even imagine how busy he must be as the literal fucking face of the company.
Enough to keep him from being able to come see you and Callie.
You’ve just gotten so used to the dynamics of him being away for periods at a time that it never occurred to you Callie hasn’t had the same experience. That at the end of the day she’s still a little kid who just wants to be with her dad.
It’s then that a thought crosses your mind.
“What if…..what if we went to see daddy?” For the first time since you stepped into the room, her eyes actually light up and you notice her tears lessening. “Instead of him coming to us, we go see him?”
“Really?” There’s the faintest smile on her face, and you know then that you’re going to make this happen. You don’t know how or in what way, but it will be a reality. No matter what it takes.
“Yeah,” you answer, brushing away some of her tears. “You can go see him at his show. He’d love that.” Not as much as she clearly loves the idea alone. “Now, we’d only be able to stay a day or maybe two but—”
“Please,” she interrupts, and you get the sense that she fears you’re going to find a way to say that you couldn’t or shouldn’t go. “I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”
“Baby, you’re already the best girl.” You push back some of her hair, resting your hand against her cheek. “Mama’s gonna make it happen, okay? I promise.”
If you have to sell one of your kidneys, then you’ll just be less one organ, because you’re getting your baby to that damn show. Matter of fact, you don’t say anything to her, but you’re wondering if you can make it to this week’s upcoming show. It’s only Sunday, and that gives you a couple of days to make arrangements and secure tickets. It’s doable, but you don’t want to get her hopes up, so just in case, you say nothing.
And yes, in the back of your mind, you know she’ll see Joe in a couple of weeks for the game, but that’s too long. Your child is hurting. You need to do something now. She can’t wait that long.
“Thank you, mommy!” She wraps her little arms around you, and just like that, you see the spark and joy that fills your days with light and laughter. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby.” Kissing her temple, you release her, realizing something else. “Now we can't tell your daddy because we’re gonna surprise him, okay? Can you do that for me?”
She nods, happily, unaware of the real reason. You know that you can’t tell Joe about this. Well, not now at least. This is not something to be discussed over the phone or even video chat. And if you tell him you want to take her to see him as soon as possible, he’ll know something is up.
So, you have to move in silence.
Coloring with Callie commences for a little longer as you value and cherish your time with her, but as soon as she’s down for her nap and before you wake Alexis from hers to tell her the news, you need to do something. It’s in that time bonding with her you realized how you’re going to make this happen.
You’re suddenly immensely grateful for that random conversation you’d had with Joe a while back regarding the fact that he and the twins have had the same phone number since they were in high school.
Pulling out your phone, you scroll through your contacts until you land on the one you need. You type, backspace, and type some more, only sending out the text once you’re fully pleased with it.
You: Hey, Jon. This is Y/N. Can you call me when you get a chance? Preferably sooner rather than later. I need your help with something. And please don’t tell Joe. It’s a surprise.
________
God clearly wants you to bring Callie to see Joe.
There’s just too many things that have lined up perfectly for that not to be the case. The discussion with your principal went well, though that wasn’t entirely surprising. You’ve always had a cordial relationship and know she respected your grandma. The whole school system in your town did. That was just her level of impact. But that respect has slid down to work in your favor as your principal told you to take as much time as you need.
“You’ll always have a job here.”
While not a huge concern, it’s reassuring and not entirely unsurprising. Again, your grandma’s impact definitely granted you a level of nepotism. You were slightly surprised when she actually encouraged you to take more time off, pointing out how in the almost nine years you’ve worked there, she could count on one hand how much PTO or vacation time you’ve used. And, it’s true. It was really only when Callie was sick and your mom couldn't help or you wanted to stay home and nurse her back to health that you called out. For the most part, you had damn near perfect attendance.
But, that’s certainly about to change, and you’re thankful you have a job that’s flexible enough to accommodate the change.
And then there’s the actual getting there. You should have known when Alexis was asking questions about when you and Callie were leaving that she was up to something. You naively chalked it up to her planning her flight out, as there was no way you expected her to wait around for ya’ll to get back. Instead, she was busy buying not just her ticket to come with ya’ll but yours and Callie’s as well.
You instantly felt bad when she forwarded you the itinerary information. You couldn’t see the cost, but you weren’t stupid either. Getting flights out with such short notice had to be expensive as all outdoors. You were just going to put the bill on your credit card and work to pay it off. And, of course, when you offered to pay her back, she nearly cussed you out. As if such an offer was insulting.
“What good is a trust fund if you can’t spend it on your college roomie and pretend godchild?”
So, while you still felt slightly uncomfortable, you were able to push it to the backburner for the sake of Callie. This is all for her, and you don’t care what it takes to make it happen. Even if it means sucking up your pride.
And deep down, you know if Alexis didn’t do what she did, Joe would somehow find a way to compensate you. The same way his ass somehow got his card on file at the hospital and covered all of Callie’s medical bills without ever even asking you if you needed help.
You still haven’t talked to him about that, not really having or finding the right time, but it also feels a bit bitchy and ungrateful to be upset with the man for covering his daughter’s medical expenses.
Then there’s the actual show itself. One thing you were initially concerned about was if Joe has a match lined up for this upcoming week’s show. You two have only had a couple of discussions about it but still enough for you to learn that he’s extremely hesitant to expose Callie to his wrestling persona.
“I don’t want her seeing me like that, thinking that’s who I am.”
And you understand him fully. Roman may be a fascinating character, but he’s equally narcissistic and ruthless as he is intriguing. The complete opposite of Joe and who he is.
Still, you’ve worked to help him understand that talking to Callie, explaining to her that he’s playing a “character” could help her understand better. You both are in agreement that she’s too young to watch actual matches, especially his as they tend to get brutal, but she can see certain promos. And she does. You let her watch a couple where the dialogue is safe enough to go over her head. And truth be told, she’s so focused on watching Joe that she's not really paying attention to what’s being said anyway.
Needless to say, you were massively relieved to hear from Jon that Joe doesn't have a match lined up and his promo is reportedly tame and safe enough for Callie’s eyes and ears. He didn’t give specifics, but from one parent to another parent, you trust his judgment.
And the most important thing of all is the fact that Callie has done a complete 180. She’s no longer as irritable, just the usual attitude when she’s sleepy or hungry. Just like her mama. And there’s that spark of joy in her eyes. She’s even started packing what she wants to bring with her. She knows you’ll only be there for one night, but even that can’t seem to dim her joy.
It makes your heart swell.
All of this brings you to your conclusion that you’re doing exactly what you should be doing.
“Ahhh, and here it is.” The old woman’s voice breaks you from your inner dialogue as she walks toward the counter, returning from the back. “Sorry about that sweetheart.”
“No worries, Mrs. Ella.” Your eyes light when you see the item in her hand, even if it’s covered by a cloth bag. The fact that it’s ready is more than enough to make you smile. “Thank you so much for agreeing to this.”
She waves off your concern, offering a warm smile. “Your grandma was one of my best friends. As far as I’m concerned, anything you need is a done deal.”
That warms your heart. Mrs. Ella has been the town seamstress for longer than you’ve been alive but doesn’t look a day over 50. She’s not lying either. Your grandma always cited her as one of her “life” sisters.
“Why don’t we take a look to make sure it’s alright?” She offers, removing the item from the garment bag. She takes the hoodie and turns it over so you can see the back.
In awe, you acknowledge, “it’s perfect.”
Among the many things Joe has gifted Callie, WWE apparel hasn’t really been included in that list. You’ve chalked it up to his hesitation about familiarizing her with his Roman persona. However, you know that girl loves her daddy and will support him in all the things, so you took it upon yourself to pick her up a few items over the holidays. One of those things being a black hoodie with Roman’s picture on the front with him wearing one of his head of the table shirts. Wanting to make it special and personal, you had the idea of customizing it. Thus, asking Mrs. Ella to add to the back, Acknowledge my daddy!, and she did a fabulous job. It looks like that was the original design.
Pulling out your wallet, you ask, “how much do I owe you?”
“It’s on the house.”
Your eyes snap to her. “Mrs. Ella, no, this was a rush—”
“Don’t argue with your elders, child,” she scolds, and you smile warmly. “Just show me a picture of her wearing it, and we’ll be even.”
Moved by her generosity, you offer your gratitude again. “Thank you, Mrs. Ella. Seriously. Thank you.”
Hand over yours, she just nods and then ushers you out the door, “well, you better get a move on child.”
With a small laugh and one more thank you, you leave out with the hoodie, excited to show Callie and even more, to see Joe’s reaction when he sees her wearing it.
“Y/N?”
Fuck. You’d know that voice anywhere, have known it since you were five years old.
That doesn’t mean you have to heed to it.
You keep walking.
A stupid decision, because the footsteps behind you become louder and faster as she asks, exasperated, “would you just talk to me?”
You spin around, suddenly pissed at her repeated question. “Why? Why should I talk to you?”
You’ve dodged and ignored her texts the same way she did yours, so what’s the issue now? Being on the receiving end must be one hell of an unpleasant experience for her. Not that you give two shits. Mariah is the last thing on your plate right now.
Mariah seems taken back, and that just pisses you off more. How can she not see her wrong in this situation? “You’re my best friend, Y/N. We’ve been friends since we were in kindergarten. Does that mean nothing to you?”
“Did it mean something to you when you were fucking Amir?”
Something you can’t identify flashes in her eyes followed by apparent hurt. “Are you serious right now? You’d really believe him over me.” It’s hard to tell how sincere her watery eyes are or if they’re performative. You’ve never known her to be fake, but then again, maybe you’ve never really known her at all. “That’s fucked up.”
Finding some level of compassion and understanding for the woman you called your best friend for almost your entire life, you try to offer her the benefit of the doubt. “Okay, let’s say you’re not fucking him. At the very least, you’ve been telling him my business while ignoring my texts and calls. Like, what the fuck, Mo?”
She shakes her head. “He came to me, worried about you—”
“He came to you nosy and upset because I cut it off with him, and you fell into his trap.” How she can possibly fall for Amir’s bullshit is beyond you. She knows how he is. Hell, she’s been right beside you, up until recent weeks/months, dealing with his bullshit. So, her excuse is just that—an excuse. “And even if he was, as my best friend, you should know that’s still girl code violation.”
It feels almost silly citing that, but the morals behind it still ring true. You would never talk to Caleb about things going on in her life when you know they’re not on good terms. And you damn sure would never fuck him.
“Girl code?That’s funny coming from you, because you didn’t seem to to care about girl code when you were fucking another woman’s husband and had a whole ass baby for him.”
Her words stop you dead in your tracks. Any facial expression you may have been showing is dropped and neutral. Even your voice is softer, less accusatory. “Excuse me?”
For her to say that to you, knowing how sensitive a subject that is truly takes you by surprise. Truly.
It doesn’t stop there though. “I mean, forreal, Y/N. You’re up in my face about Amir, but aren’t you still fucking Joe? Shit, how many niggas do you need?” It’s hard to believe the words coming out her mouth, so angry and hostile. But, even her volume rising has you stumped. It’s like she wants to draw an audience. “It’s not enough to be one man’s whore, but you still gotta have another on the side?”
Truly baffled, all you can ask is, “where is this coming from?”
She sucks her teeth, just as irritated, if not more by your question. “It’s always been this shit with you. You do whatever the fuck you want and don’t care who you hurt or betray in the process!”
And now you’re just straight up confused, because what have you ever done to her? Cause that’s what it sounds like she’s implying. Like you’ve done her wrong. Like you’ve been doing her wrong. “What are you even talking about?”
“You got Joe. You got Amir. Shit, when is enough enough for you?” She scoffs, and it’s hard for you to even look at her let alone listen to all the hurtful things she’s spewing. “Like damn, find a new hobby. Focus on raising your kid—”
And that…..that is the moment that you’re no longer confused, or hurt, or saddened to hear your best friend say such awful things. You’re pissed. Cause one thing no one can convince you you’re not, is a good mother. You’ve dedicated your entire life and being to taking care of Callie, making sure she’s straight. That’s always been your priority, and for her to suggest otherwise….those are really fighting words.
You step toward her, finding all of the will in the world not to shatter her jaw. “You and I have so much history. It is the only reason I’m not whooping your ass right now, but know this, Mariah. This was your freebie. Fuck with me again, speak on my child again, and I’ll bash your fucking head into the nearest wall.” It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. “Stay away from me, bitch.”
You don’t give her time to respond or even yourself the chance to lay her out, you instead rush to your car, locking the door and speeding out of the parking lot.
Your knuckles are nearly white with how tightly you’re gripping the steering wheel.
It’s been a while since you’ve been this hot. Years maybe. Amir would piss you off, sure, but never to the extent of your emotions in this moment. It truly took all resolve and imagining Callie’s disappointed face at not being able to see her dad because you got yourself locked up for aggravated assault to keep you from beating Mariah’s ass. She knows better than anyone that you don’t play about your daughter, so for her to include Callie in her mud slinging is not only repugnant but hurtful.
She’s supposed to be Callie’s godmother.
But beyond that, you’re having a hard time reconciling with the rest of the things she was saying. It didn’t feel like something that’s been building up over the past few months. No, this was different. Much…..deeper.
Regardless, you don’t have time to deal with this shit. You need to put your focus on preparing to bring your little girl to see her dad.
Mariah can fuck off.
She’s always been all bark and no bite anyway.
________
“Mommy.”
Callie doesn’t even have to say anything else for you to know a request is to follow.
“What's up, sis?”
She climbs on top of where you lay on the sofa, you and Alexis watching some random dating show she swears up and down is the best thing since Love is Blind. So far, you’re entirely unimpressed. Granted, reality shows of any kind have never been your cup of tea in the first place.
Your YouTube history is mostly crime documentaries and Bloodline videos.
She climbs on top of you, throwing her arms up and shouting, “dance party!”
Of all her typical requests, that’s one you haven’t heard in a while.
You’ve always raised Callie with music, even back when you were pregnant, you would take your Beats and place them on your belly. It’s seemingly worked because this child loves music, so much so that you two would have random “dance party’s” where you’d blast music and dance around, no care in the world, just the two of you.
You haven’t had one in a while, but seeing Callie so happy, a stark contrast from how she’s been is more than enough to get you up and on your feet. You look over at Alexis. “Come on, Lex, it’s dance party time.”
She feigns a gasp, looking at Callie for approval. “Do I get to come to this party?”
Callie giggles and jumps on the sofa. “Of course! Everyone can come to dance party!”
What’s also ironically funny is the fact that you and Alexis used to have dance parties all the time in your dorm, just often with much more explicit Travis Porter, Speaker Knockerz, type music and a lot of ass shaking.
“Well tonight, it’s just the three of us,” you laugh, grabbing your phone and opening your Spotify to figure out what will be your kickoff song. It’s when your eyes land on that one though, you know you’ve found it.
Connecting your phone to your Bluetooth, you confirm the connection and hit play.
We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea
But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be
“My favorite white girl song ever!” Alexis shouts, starting to dance with Callie who’s just as excited about your selection. Together, the three of you dance and sing when the iconic chorus hits.
If you gave me a chance I would take it
It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it
Know with all of your heart, you can't shake me
When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be
At some point, Alexis grabs your phone, recording and capturing the laughter and joy you experience dancing and being silly with your very, very best friend. Callie’s laughter could revive any soul, and it’s so genuine. Even more, you know a large chunk of it is her excitement to see her dad in a couple of days.
And that makes it all the more special.
Eventually needing a break and time to catch your breath, you laugh as the song ends and the next one starts. Lex and Callie immediately go at it for round two, spinning around and dancing to Dance the Night.
You take a second to check your phone, seeing that you have a Snapchat from Joe. Frowning, you open the message confused as to why he’s using that and not just text. He only has the damn app because you made him get it. He’s not very big on social media outside of occasional Instagram posts.
Swiping it open, you see why he was messaging you on there.
Because your wonderful best friend sent him the video she recorded of the three of you dancing.
Joe: How do I save this?
Joe: Fuck it. It’s too confusing. Just send it to me.
Laughing, you chew on your bottom lip and type out a reply.
You: You’re such an old man. 😩
You: But yes, I’ll send it, even if I didn’t know Alexis was recording to send it to you...
You: Callie loves “dance parties” lol
Joe: I love her laugh. She looks so happy…
You: I know. ❤️ She loves music. Def my kid.
You: Skillet is next on the queue, btw. 🙃
Joe: Don’t know what that is, but if I had to take a guess, it’s some rock shit.
You: You know me so well. 😊
Joe: Of course, baby.
Leaving his thread, you realize that if she sent it to Joe, she probably posted it to your private story as well, which is fine. You only have people on there you know and trust to keep the contents within that space.
But, it’s in checking the views that you see Mariah not only watched but screen recorded your story. It’s strange, normally you wouldn’t think twice about it. She’s always screenshotted and screen recorded stuff you posted, and you did the same with Micah.
But now…..
Now, it feels wrong to share these moments with her. She’s lost that privilege.
Moving to your contacts, you ignore her old Snapchat name she never uses anymore and instead just block her primary one from seeing your stories, and that includes close friends. And interestingly enough, when you check your texts, you see one from her muted thread that momentarily causes you to pause.
Mariah: Kinda stupid to ice out the one person who knows everything about you.
But the pause comes and goes, Mariah always says shit, and that’s where it stops, the saying. She’s always been the mouse of you two, and that shit ain’t changed.
Closing up the app, you switch back to Spotify and focus on what’s before you and not behind you.
You have all the people you need in your life.
Mariah can fuck off.
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A Game of Fire and Ice
Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Satoru Gojo x gn!reader
When you get hurt on a mission, Gojo’s full power comes to light and you get a front row seat to seeing just how vicious your boyfriend can be.
Inspired by the lyrics “I don’t wanna scare you but I can and I will and I fucking hate it” in the song “Curses” by food house
Warnings: cussing, violence, blood
Satoru was warm.
His presence around you was like sunshine lighting up your face on the hottest summer day. His love for you burned as if he were the blazing logs in a fireplace on the coldest winter night, or an uncontrollable forest fire in the wilderness.
Satoru was warm.
Gojo was not.
His piercing ice blue stare could make the strongest enemy weak in the knees. If someone ever dared to get in his way, the drunkenness of power he felt as he tore them down, bit by bit, playing with the poor soul akin to a cat toying with a trapped mouse, was a feeling he would never tire of.
Satoru was warm. Gojo was frigid. Brutal, even.
And right now, it was Gojo that swarmed your vision, not Satoru, as you laid in the street, sticky blood pouring from your wounds and coating the pavement in a macabre painting of pure burgundy. The curse you were sent to exorcise had been misranked and maybe if you were more prepared walking into your fight with a special grade, you wouldn’t be on your deathbed right now. As a grade 1 sorcerer, you were by no means weak, but your opponent was formidable, outmaneuvering your techniques and putting up a strong fight, so much so that you were currently splayed out instead of standing up. When Gojo heard you were sent to fight a special grade instead of the simple grade 2 you were expecting, he was quick to teleport to your area as soon as he could. He knew you could handle yourself but figured you wouldn’t mind a helping hand so you could get back to enjoying your day together. And a helping hand was a far cry from what you needed at this point—you needed to see Shoko as soon as possible. As Gojo began his fight with the curse, you tried using reverse cursed technique to stop your bleeding but it was no use. Your energy had dwindled too much and you had no choice but to watch the fight unfold, hoping Gojo could be quick today. You heard the white haired man cackle as he unleashed raw fury upon the curse, pummeling it with cursed energy. Even through your spotted vision, you saw how he released endless amounts of punches at the curse, hitting it with both the blue and red techniques and laughing uncontrollably as the curse desperately tried to evade the attacks.
“What’s wrong? Getting tired?” taunted Gojo, blue eyes radiating a bloodlust like you had never seen before. It chilled you to your very core seeing how ruthless he gets with his enemies. You remembered how just the other night you were cuddled with the tall man, his lithe figure lazily draped over you, laughing about something silly and immature. You could hardly believe it was the same man in front of you, the one showcasing an insatiable desire to cause as much pain and anguish to this curse as he could. It was like he was in his own little world where nothing else mattered but proving his superiority over the curse he could easily squish under his well polished, expensive shoe like a bug.
“Don’t give up yet! We’re having fun, aren’t we?”
Another blast of blue went by and rubble from the now obliterated building came raining down on you, doing nothing to help the throbbing headache you were nursing. You shakily put a hand to your gushing abdomen and pulled it away to see it hadn’t let up a bit. You didn’t have much time but Gojo didn’t seem to notice. Maybe his Six Eyes were telling him you could hold on for a few minutes longer? You didn’t know. All you were aware of was that it was time for Gojo’s game of predator and prey to come to an end.
“Gojo, please… just end it,” you pleaded, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears as he continually jumped around, frustrating the curse he was battling since it couldn’t land a single blow on the man.
“Gojo!”
Nothing.
More rubble fell on you, this time hitting you in the same spot as the curse did, making your wound bleed even more, which you didn’t think was possible.
You let out an anguished groan. “Sa… Satoru. Please.”
That was enough to gain your lover’s attention. The glint of his blue eyes caught your own and it was like he crashed back down to earth and became aware of his surroundings, no longer intoxicated by sheer power. When he finally espied exactly how hurt you were, he opened his domain and killed the curse once and for all, his mind reeling with the fact that you were gravely injured. As much fun as he was having, you were supremely more important to him than continuing to play with the curse that dared to lay a finger on you. As you saw him rip the head off the curse and explode it into tiny pieces, you let out a sigh of relief knowing that thing was dead. The domain closed and your boyfriend ran over to you in a flash; you could tell Satoru was back.
Your Satoru.
So why did you feel uneasy when he loomed over you?
“Y/n, hey, you’ll be alright, just hang in there a sec, okay? We’re going to Shoko.”
As his long fingers reached toward you, your body reacted before you could think rationally about your actions.
You flinched.
You saw the hurt flash across his face, apparent only for a second before it was gone in an instant as he scooped you up. Satoru was feeling a multitude of emotions at that point. He was grateful that the curse was laughably weak and couldn’t land a single blow on him or else he probably wouldn’t have enough energy to teleport you back to the school like he was currently doing. However, he was taken aback by your reluctance to let him near you. Why did you have such a visceral reaction to him reaching for you?
Was it you being afraid of him accidentally hurting you with all your injuries?
Or was it you afraid of him hurting you…
On purpose?
You had fallen unconscious as he hauled you into Shoko’s office, laying your body on a table so she could heal you. He took a seat on an extra chair, a frown settling on his typically smiling face. Beside the glaringly obviously shitty fact that his partner was seemingly now afraid of his touch (or him as a whole), he hated seeing you like this, bruised and bloodied, especially due to a clerical error. You shouldn’t have been sent there at all, certainly not by yourself anyway, and if he hadn’t gotten there when he did… Satoru shook his head to clear the thought.
“They’ll be fine. If you had waited any longer, they wouldn’t have made it.”
Shoko rested a hand on Satoru’s shoulder, his gaze set on your unmoving body.
“They’ll wake up soon. I’m going for a smoke.”
A few minutes after she left, you began to stir. The cold table jolted you awake and you sat up in an instant, wondering if you were still in the midst of a battle. When you saw you were in a sterile room and Satoru’s blindfold over his eyes, you registered that you were safe and remembered the fight was over.
“Glad to see you’re awake. I was missing seeing those beautiful eyes of yours,” Satoru said, but his tone was anything but playful.
“Satoru, I-”
“Why did you flinch?”
You were quiet, stunned at his outright question and it prompted him to ask again, urgency lacing every word.
“When I reached for you back there. Why did you flinch?”
The truth had to come out now, there was no way for you to avoid answering. Not when he was staring you down, the blindfold doing nothing to lessen the intensity.
“Satoru, you… you scared me.”
The frown was back on his face. “What, like because you thought I was going to hurt you? Or like… hurt you, hurt you?”
His heart was pounding a mile a minute. He’d manage to keep most people at arm’s length his entire life, only letting a certain few get close to him as to avoid getting hurt. Now, waiting to hear your admission, he regretted ever daring to fall in love or thinking he could get some semblance of a happy ending in this messed up world.
“I… I just… I didn’t know at the time.”
You couldn’t bear to look at him, ashamed of your confession, so you kept your eyes on your fiddling hands.
He stood up with a loud screech of the chair as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck, my own partner doesn’t even know if I’m going to hurt them,” he said, a bitter chuckle leaving his throat. “I can save you from a curse that’s about to kill you and yet you still don’t feel safe if I’m around.”
“What? Satoru, stop, I had just gotten my ass kicked by a special grade and I was delirious from blood loss. That’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it?” he cried out, desperation leaking from him like a broken faucet. “I could kill you right now without breaking a sweat. I have a power that no sorcerer or curse can match. I can annihilate entire countries if I wanted to, y/n, and you’re telling me you’d be completely fine taking me back to your apartment for dinner and a movie right now? You think my abilities cease when I’m not actively fighting a curse?”
“You scared me back there because you were murderous, Satoru,” you seethed, “and because not everyone is some god amongst men like you. I watched my boyfriend toy with a special grade curse like it was nothing. The same curse that nearly took my life and left me bleeding out on the ground, alone. So yes, at that moment, I was scared. I’m sorry for upsetting you, I-”
“See? That’s the thing. I don’t want to scare you but I can and I will and I fucking hate it! Don’t you see how shitty that makes me feel? You’re the one person that I never want to feel afraid of me.” Satoru’s voice cracked and he took a deep breath, calming himself down a little before continuing. “I went ballistic because that curse almost killed you. It needed to suffer for trying to take away the thing I hold dearest in this world. I don’t know what it’s like to lose in a battle of jujutsu, and I probably never will. I just know that I want to keep you safe and I will do whatever I must to make that happen.”
“I get that, Satoru, believe me,” you replied, finally looking at him. You could tell he was distraught and you understood why. You couldn’t imagine the weight he held on his shoulders as the strongest, not to mention how his (justifiably) large ego made it difficult to empathize and connect with others at times. However, you knew that the man in front of you was not the killing machine that relished in the pain he inflicted on others. The man in front of you was your loving boyfriend, the one who sent you funny cat videos and pouted when he couldn’t buy copious amounts of sweets at the store. Even though they were the same person, you knew that there was a time and place for both iterations of the man and they would both do everything in their power to keep you happy and safe. You reached out your hand to his cheek and this time it was him who flinched as your delicate touch landed on his skin.
“You are prideful, egotistical, and often arrogant. You don’t take criticism well or understand that there’s a time and place for jokes. You like to show off your immense power and yes, oftentimes it scares the shit out of me.”
He raised an eyebrow at you. “You’re not making me feel any better.”
“But,” you said, your thumb softly swiping along his jaw, “I know underneath all of that lies a good heart. You are a good man, Satoru, one that I’m proud to love. I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, okay? In that moment, when I flinched, it wasn’t only you specifically, but the situation as a whole that I was scared of. You’re a total menace when you’re mad.”
You gave him a kiss on the cheek and he leaned into it ever so slightly.
“But you were also totally hot as you ripped the head off that curse for me. I trust you with my life, forever and always. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I don’t.”
Satoru accepted your apology internally, opting to instead do what he did best—crack a joke and lighten the mood.
“It was agonizing watching my favorite cuddle buddy pull away from me, I felt like I needed Shoko to heal my own wounds,” he said, pouting. You shook your head and let out a small laugh, making Satoru genuinely smile for the first time that day. He may not do everything right in a relationship, or completely understand how to relate to other people, but he’d be damned if he let you die before he could try to learn.
#gojo x reader#gojo x reader angst#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#satoru x reader#satoru x you#jjk x y/n#jjk fanfic#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk angst#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader angst
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The Ninja's Roles Within the Team
Something I think the various Ninjago shows do really well is the characterizations of each Ninja. If it was bad, then kids wouldn't wanna watch the show or buy the Lego sets to reenact their favorite moment and create new scenarios for the Ninja to go through.
However, for the past few years a problem I've had with the TV show is that some characters feel more... useful than others. Then there are moments when one character is missing, but the team seems to operate just fine without them, and I think that does a real disservice to the characters.
In contrast, take the ATLA episode "Sokka's Master". It's one of my favorites because it separates Sokka, the only non-bender in Team Avatar, from the rest of the team. The episode demonstrates to both us and the rest of Team Avatar why Sokka is essential to their team. Without him, they're bored, can't figure out where they are or where they're headed on a map, and are overall completely directionless. Its like the precursor to those dime a dozen fantasy mangas where the weak member of a dungeon divers gets fired and the rest of the party ends up deeply regretting it.
I want the Ninjago TV show to demonstrate to us why each member is essential to the Ninja Team, and why without one of them the Ninja Team is worse off or have to work twice as hard to compensate.
Dragons Rising had such a good opportunity to explore this, but unfortunately it seems like the biggest problem the Team faces from being separated across the merged realms is lack of manpower and not much else. In lieu of this, here are some of my ideas as to how each character could prove to be essential to the Ninja.
Lloyd - The Leader. This one is definitely the most obvious. He's had a very clear leadership role since he became the Green Ninja, and ever since Wu left this distinction has only gotten more pronounced. However, I do find myself wishing to see a bit more of a dark streak with him. He was originally introduced as an antagonist, and I don't know about y'all but I still find myself enjoying Three Days Grace ever since I played the Halo 3 campaign at a friend's house while listening to AMVs of their songs.
Kai - The Weapon Master. Although there was never anything to support this, I always thought that Kai made the weapons that the Ninja used in the pilots. He is a blacksmith, after all. I think it would be cool if this aspect was more leaned into and not only make him the guy that creates all the swords and throwing stars and whatever other simple weapons the Ninja use, but to also be the best one at using those weapons. A sword is obviously his go to, but put any kind of simple weapon in his hands and I think he'd be able to use it very well. Imagine how much cooler it would have been in season 11 if Kai managed to defeat Aspheera's sheer power with his incredible swordsmanship skills. It'd certainly tie into his arc that season much better than what we actually got.
Jay - The Scout. Remember that scene in the pilots where the Skulkin cars were trying to reach 88 mph or whatever and Jay was gaining on them just by running? The writers sure don't! Though in all seriousness, whenever the Ninja need to learn a new technique to do something, Jay always picks up on it really quickly. First to perform Spinjitzu and summon his Golden Weapon Vehicle, second to unlock his true potential, third to summon his Elemental Dragon, he managed to surprise Ronin when practicing Airjitzu, not to mention his laundry list of hobbies. If they really leaned into his speed, combining that with his skills as a Ninja would make him perfect for running ahead and reporting back on the enemy forces. In my own little world, I like to imagine him as a PG version of the Scout from TF2 (Jay even had a slight Boston accent in the pilots!).
Cole - The Muscle. This one is also fairly obvious due to Cole's signature Earth Punch, but I feel as though it should be noticed more when he's not around, especially in Master of the Mountain. If I'm remembering correctly, they don't fully acknowledge his absence until they're locked up in the Vengestone cage about to be executed. If I regularly hung out with a dude that could lift a car over his head, I'd be lamenting about his absence whenever I needed to lift a heavy box.
Zane - The Information Officer. Another obvious one, but in this case I feel as though they lean a bit too heavily into it. Yes, he's a robot and yes, it's his job to know things, but I want to see his more dorky and silly side from time to time. Give us more Zane following a bird because it danced and him just chilling (literally) in the fridge at midnight for no reason type of stuff. After all, his greatest fear is losing his humanity.
Nya - The Strategist. I feel as though on a 'don't judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree' level, Nya is just as smart as Zane. Due to his physiology, Zane can hold much more raw information many times over Nya, but I feel as though Nya is much better at putting that information to use. Going back to Master of the Mountain (I realize I'm referencing it a lot, its still fresh in my mind), when Kai and Zane were lost, they relied entirely on the raw data from Zane's internal compass, and because of that they got lost and had to rely on Geckles capturing them to reach their settlement. On the other hand, when Lloyd, Jay, and Nya were lost, Nya was able to determine the location of the Munce settlement by searching for signs of life and finding footprints. Also, I think this characterization fits the Master of Water really well considering water adapts to whatever environment it resides in.
The new Ninja from Dragons Rising are still very inexperienced and still haven't really found their grooves within the team, but I'm still gonna try and analyze them here.
Arin - ???. Right now, Arin's main skills are his unique Spinjitzu skills and his talent with a grappling hook. Its still so early in his Ninja training that he hasn't really carved out a distinct role for himself, though I hope this changes as time goes on. Not too long ago I proposed a cool idea for his future if any of y'all wanna take a look at that here.
Sora - The Technical Specialist. While I don't enjoy the idea of PIXAL being replaced as the Ninja's primary vehicle builder, with Sora being the Elemental Master of Tech it seems very possible that this is where things are headed. Instead of that, I think it better for her to either focus on using her skills in the field or to specialize in Mechs. Both of these ideas come from the Elemental Mech mini-series. I thought the idea of switching up parts on a mech in the middle of a battle to be a fun concept and one giving credence to her being a Field Tech, and whenever she uses her Elemental Powers its for the purpose of creating or altering or fixing a mech about half of the time.
Wyldfyre - The Dragon Expert. Even before the Merge, the Ninja encountered Dragons a lot. Now that there are dragons seemingly everywhere, Wyldfyre seems like the perfect liaison for communicating with these dragons, assuming she can learn to cool off when its needed. She also seems to know a good amount about dragons, considering that she was easily able to identify the Wasting Sickness and make a soup to help ease the pain it caused. There's still a lot she needs to learn before anyone can consider her an expert, but with her love of dragons and the belief that she is one, I think she'd be more than willing to learn.
And there you have it. If you have any ideas or head cannons or questions surrounding this topic, I'd love to hear them!
#lego ninjago#lego ninjago dragons rising#ninjago#ninjago kai#ninjago jay#ninjago zane#ninjago cole#ninjago lloyd#ninjago nya#ninjago arin#ninjago sora#ninjago wyldfyre#dragons rising
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Zoro x reader
Platonic Sanji x reader
Some thoughts of our favourite cook with a friend just like him.
_________________________________________
"Hey Sanji~" (Y/n) said with a sing song voice. Both Strawhats stood side by side as they watched the ship decend even further underwater. The coating keeping everyone safe from being crushed by the pressure.
(Y/n) made sure to wear clothes that didn't reveal too much, opting to stay warm just as Robin had warned. Plus she didn't need her friend having a nosebleed.
"Where were you during the two years?" She asked, " You never told me."
Sanji looked traumatized. He held onto his chest to stop his heart from stopping at the horror-filled memories.
"I was in hell. Every second there was..." The poor man couldn't even finish his sentences. His face had gone deathly pale.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?" She asked. Concerned at what he had gone through.
🥘🔎🥘🔎🥘🔎🥘🔎🥘🔎🥘🔎🥘🔎🥘🔎
( Y/n ) watched as Sanji dived towards all the mermaids. She was honestly asking herself how she was friend with that pervert.
"Sometimes I really wanna know why me and that idiot over there are friends. Doesn't he have class?" She shook her head at his actions.
"Don't act all goody two shoes, you're both cut from the same cloth." Ussop judged the woman. His eyes squinted accusingly.
"HOW?!" (Y/n) reacted, shark shaped teeth bared. She was prepared to argue her case like a lawyer.
"Just a few minutes ago when we met up at Sabaody. Don't you remember?"
Flashback
"Looks like we're all finally here." (Y/n) said to herself. Making sure to take count of everyone. She sat down and watched as the ship started going underwater. She could hear an argument between Zoro and Sanji.
"Just admit that you're outmatched number seven." Zoro smirked.
"Just because you got here first doesn't mean you're better than everybody!" Sanji yelled back, annoyed.
"I don't need to be better than everybody, just better than you."
'Oooohhhhhh. Sanji can't recover from that one. But I can. '
Just before (Y/n) could go rescue her friend, she took a good look at Zoro. He seemed to have gotten taller and a lot more stronger in the last two years and that outfit change made wonders.
(Y/n)'s eyes turned to hearts. Ussop was able to catch this transformation live. His eyes widening at the speed.
"ZOROOOOOOOO~" She began, twirling toward the swordsman. Sanji's cigarette dropped of its own accord. The love tornado nearing in their direction looked dangerous.
"Huh?" Zoro caught sight of the approaching tornado. Well, sh*t.
Unbeknownst to them Nami had tapped Robin's shoulder so they could see the event about to take place.
The tornado caught Sanji and threw him to the side gently before slowing to a stop.
A rose was held up to Zoro as (Y/n) kneeled with one knee on the ground. Flowers had magically appeared around the Sunny and sparkles shone around the woman's eyes.
"Roronoa Zoro, you look as gorgeous as ever," she began. " No man in the world could be as handsome as you. The heavens took their time to carefully craft you and believe me, I adore the results."
Sanji's mouth fell to the floor from where he had graciously landed. He couldn't believe the betrayal.
"Get away from me, woman!" Zoro yelled but he didn't seem to shoo her away. Instead his cheeks had lightly dusted with some light pink. He averted his eyes grumbling to himself.
"You don't seem to want me to go away though," she smirked at him leaning forward till their noses nearly touched. She was on her tippy toes. Her index finger and thumb kept his head in place so he couldn't escape.
Zoro froze in shock. This woman will be the death of me.
Sanji tornadoed towards the two and stole (Y/n) away leaving Zoro discombobulated and slightly flustered. Even after two years of everyone not seeing each other, the woman still managed to have an effect on him.
Flashback over
"That was one time!" She tried to defend herself.
"Oh really, some of the things you say and do are more questionable that what Sanji does." Ussop continued.
"Like?" The woman crossed her arms, waiting for the sniper's explanation.
FLASHBACK
"If those guys weren't trying to hurt Big sis Robin, I woulda said smash."
Everyone at the train looked at her in shock. She was just looking outside and watching the perilous waves of Aqua Laguna with a dejected sigh.It seemed she was voicing her thoughts out loud.
When she caught their eyes on her she shrugged,"What? Just saying it like it is. But if they do hurt Robin I'm ready to up my kill count."
Another time
"Where did you get all those ropes Paulie," (Y/n) questioned the man. Everyone in the sea train was busy with their own thing but some were wondering the same thing. "It's kinda creepy."
"Well I–" he tried to defend himself but was interrupted.
"Creepy, but kinky."😏
Zoro pulled the woman away from Paulie and trapped her between his arms and placing her on his lap, effectively stopping her from talking. 'No.'
"SHE'S SO BOLD!" Both the Galley La and Franky Family yelled.
Nami smiled to herself. Ussop owed her a lot of money.
(The bet was how long she could go without saying something risky)
Another time
(Y/n) watched as Zoro brought Chopper back from nearly being eaten by sky sharks."Chopper are you alright?" For once the woman wasn't being a tornado, her eyes showed the worry for her reindeer friend.
"He'll be alright." Zoro stated. He took of his t-shirt. And went to find a new one.
He took of the shirt?!
He took it off.
(Y/n) froze. A war raged between her heart and mind. Turn around to look or have some decency and not look. She started sweating. Nami caught sight of her unusual posture and shook her which ended up making (Y/n) have a glimpse of Zoro changing into a blue vest in her peripheral.
"(Y/n) what's wrong, are you alright?"
The woman fainted. Well, not exactly. She was still awake but had hearts flying around her and her face was super warm.
"I think Ms Spy is a little too excited from seeing our swordsman here. " Robin diagnosed. A chuckle escaping her lips.
"Seriously you and that ero-cook are just unbelievable." Zoro sighed in annoyance.
"But what's that red colour on your fac3?" Chopper pointed out, basically snitching on Zoro.
Another time
"Guys this is my brother Ace." Luffy announced.
"Ace here's my crew. Nami's the navigator, Zoro's the swordsman and also my firstmate, Chopper's the doctor , Sanji is the cook and (Y/n) is the spy."
Ace had taken a look at every one before meeting eyes with (Y/n). It seemed that Sanji had already placed tape on her mouth and had tied her up. All that anyone could see was the woman's heart shaped eyes.
Everyone breathed out a sigh of relief much to Ace's confusion and Zoro's irritation.
Flashback over
"In short, that's why you two are best friends."Ussop concluded, pointer finger in the air and a whiteboard behind with various drawings of the scenes . "Plus you two are great at combat when paired."
(Y/n) was walking away from Ussops lesson. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
"I'm gonna find Zoro,"
"With what?"
"MY LOVE COMPASS OF COURSE!" The woman said as she twirled away with hearts revolving around her.Ussop sighed at her antics.
"ZORO-SWEET! WHERE ARE YOU?!"
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THINGS THAT REMIND ME OF THE LI
This is purely self-indulgent and just based on stuff that makes me go, “it’s them!” when it’s unrelated to them. But here you go and hope you like it. To make it sound more accurate, I replaced the nouns to fit Touchstarved cast.
AIS
Tyler Durban and Edward Norton from the FIGHT CLUB— “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” “Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer,” “Only after you’ve lost everything you’re free to do anything.” “We are the same person.”
The song, ‘I Remember You’ from ADVENTURE TIME— “I can feel myself slipping away, I can’t remember what it made me say, but I remember that I saw you frown, I swear it wasn’t me…And I need to save you, but who's going to save me? Please forgive me for whatever I do, when I don’t remember you.”
The punk from FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF. I can just see Ais at a police station, giving advice to a pretty stranger, and end up making out with them.
This scene (warning: graphic violence and gore) from ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD. It’s just so Ais and Princess-coded
VENOM, enough said.
KURAS
The murder-mystery film, THE DA VINCI CODE. I feel like Kuras would love the movie if it existed in his world since it’s canon that he likes trashy murder mysteries.
The song, ‘No Good Deed Goes Unpunished’ from WICKED— “[MC] where are you? Already dead, or bleeding? One more disaster I can add to my Generous supply…No good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresented. No good deed goes unpunished. That’s my new creed.”
GONE WITH THE WIND— “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” This line was controversial when released in 1939 because swear words weren’t normalized. I feel like Kuras, like this movie, rarely swears but when he does, the whole room goes silent and you know shit’s about to go down. Also according to the RSS radial chart, Kuras has low empathy plus maxed out strength high wisdom, damn at some point that man might legit not give a damn-
MAQUIA: WHEN THE PROMISED FLOWER BLOOMS— “you smell weird, you smell like the sun;” “If you fall in love, you will truly become alone.” Contextually the line is about how an immortal should never get too close with mortals because they'll one day they’ll die, and it fits Kuras a lot.
HUNTER X HUNTER 2011—“[MC] you are light. Sometimes, you shine so brightly, I must look away. But even so, is it still ok to stay by your side?” I love the idea of an angel heavily associated with the sun (Prometheus, likes sunny days, radiates heat), finds someone that is the light of their life.
ONE PIECE— “I have seen the future of this country. And it is destruction. As long as [the Senobium] remains here, this country can never be cured, because even if medical technology progresses, even if [alchemical] research continues… there is no cure for stupidity.”
OPPENHEIMER. After I watched the movie all I could think about was Kuras doing the blank eye stare at the end of the movie.
LEANDER
Goob from MEET THE ROBINSONS (he’s literally just child Leander in the modern world ;o;)
Michael Scott from THE OFFICE— “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say no to being my friend,” “it’s not about the horniness, it’s about the loneliness”
The painting, Death of Sardanapalus, by Eugene Delacroix. King Sardanapalus palace is besieged by enemies and he decides to commit suicide after he learns of the army’s defeat, but not before ordering his men to destroy all his favorite possessions- wives, horses, pages, and dogs. He’d rather his valuables all be destroyed than his enemies own them. King Sardanapulus selfishness is humane, but the extremity’s he would go to keep what is his is monstrous.
GASTON from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST— Gaston and Leander both have similar vibes. They’re both trusted and well-liked by most people, viewed as heroes, are human but are monsters on the inside, overconfident, attractive, has a possessive streak, hangs out in bars, nice singing voice. The main difference is that Gaston doesn’t try to act like a nice guy like Leander Fake ahhh
The song ‘Burn’ from HAMILTON— “Do you know what [Vere] said when we saw your first letter arrive? [He] said, be careful with that one, love, he will do what it takes to survive…Do you know what [Kuras] said when [he] read what you’d done? [He] said, you’ve married an Icarus, he has flown too close to the sun.”
Michael Corleone from the GODFATHER.
Sampo from HONKAI STAR RAIL— I barely know anything about Honkai Starrail, but I was going to an anime goods store with my friend and one look at him made me think of Leander. My friend gave me a run down that he betrays you for money and runs away and unironically I could see Leander throwing us under the bus.
VERE
This scene from the movie, MALENA. Vere is heavily desired by men and women alike, but his flirty and fickle personality is just a front to protect himself. And he hates how people see him as a pretty face or someone who needs saving from the Senobium. Tbh Malena herself just reminds me of Vere’s problem of how being pretty is a double edged sword. People see you’re pretty, so they feel threatened or idealize you. You feel extremely lonely bc people are distracted by your beauty and won’t try to understand you intimately. So you either own it and be alone OR assimilate and have friends. Vere is the former.
Madonna-Whore Complex. This article explains it pretty well, “The Madonna Whore Complex (MWC) is a psychological complex often perpetuated by heterosexual, cisgender males which places women into two categories the “Madonna, a woman who is pure, virtuous, and nurturing, or a “Whore,” a woman who is deemed as overly sexual, manipulating, and promiscuous. The dichotomy of MWC creates a rigidity that limits women’s sexual expression, agency, and freedom by defining their sexuality into one of two categories.” Vere is the latter.
Ymir from ATTACK ON TITAN. Both of them were self-proclaimed deity, was caught lying (presumably), and paid for it. Their personalities are similar too except Vere masks himself through innuendos.
The song, ‘The Red Means I Love You’ by Madds Buckley— “The red on my face is matching you. And goodness, you're bleeding, what a wonderful feeling. You're down and you're pleading, my head is just reeling. The red means I love you. Tasting your blood means I love you.” (I can’t see Vere becoming a yandere because he’s already deranged)
MHIN
Another line from ONE PIECE —“Someday I will become too much of a burden. Someday you’ll betray me and cast me aside.”
SHUTTER ISLAND— “What would be worse, to live as a monster or die as a good [person]?” Mhin hates monsters ironically since they are one, and I could see them nearing the time limit where their curse becomes permanent and decides that maybe it’s better to die with their humanity than live forever as a monster.
The Beast from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. I already said this in another post but like IMAGINE THE AU. AHHHHHH
Felix from LAST LEGACY but more depressed.
Disclaimer: we don’t know much about Sen or Elyon yet so I don’t have much.
ELYON
THE GREAT GATSBY— “…can't you see who this guy is, with his house and his parties and his fancy clothes? He is just a front, a gangster, to get his claws into respectable folk…(to Elyon) We're all different from you. You see, we were born different. It's in our blood. And nothing that you do or say or steal... or dream up can ever change that.”
SEN
Unfortunately I don’t have any for Sen. Her design reminds me of Frankenstein’s creature tho.
BONUS:
MC
This scene from SHAPE OF WATER. MC falls in love with a monster and trying to save them from danger. MC knows that they are also an outsider, a monster. Being with the LI’s feels like they were finally accepted for who they are, regardless of their curse, so they can’t abandon them— “When they looks at me…the way they looks at me, they don’t know what I lack. How I am incomplete...and now I can either save them or let them die.” I think this quote can also be interpreted as the players choosing a route, essentially dooming the other players if we don’t choose them.
Famous line from 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU— “but mostly I hate how I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” The fact that us as players will keep coming back to them, replaying their routes even though they killed us, and obsessing over them. Yes they suck but we still love them.
This quote from Green Mile— “ I’m tired…I'm tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with.” I think this quote really emphasizes how touch-starved MC is, and how alone they feel from being betrayed by people they cared about in the past (also sparrow name drop ^-^)
#this took me very long#two months HAHA#well here you go#ik I’m inactive on here I promise I’m not dead#I’ve been in a twist brain rot#Touchstarved Leander#touchstarved game#touchstarved kuras#touchstarved vere#touchstarved ais#touchstarved elyon#touchstarved mhin#Vere#Mhin#Ais#Leander#Kuras
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ErrorInk Ship Song I wrote bc I ship them so hard
So I wrote this like last year when I was listening to the opening to the anime UnDead UnLuck and I still love it. I don't normally like writing songs but it's so sweet I had to. A friend of mine literally sang it for me and one day I will hire someone to mix and make music for it.
Until then here you go :3
Error:
I see you in an endless dream,
Of broken code and memories,
I know this is reality,
The glitches scream,
The run never ends,
I long to be with you,
But do you remember me?
Ink:
My mind barely sees you,
The flush of paint and vivid emptiness,
But I don’t need a soul to know you’re my home,
Maybe together we can fight,
Make something new,
Instead of fragmented dreams, a new AU?
Error:
I envy your joy,
The endless love,
But I’m scared to open up,
I’m a demon,
A beast,
I belong nowhere,
Ink:
I won’t leave your side,
Through our endless fights,
I have hope we can be more,
I know you’re suffering but we can change things,
You mean everything to me,
You belong with me,
Together:
May the strings of destruction destroy our wretched fate,
With your help we can paint a new reality,
Amongst the sea of universes,
Your touch is the only one I long for,
Together we make something better,
We can find determination against the endless odds,
Error:
These wretched genocide runs,
Broken worlds crumble before me,
But I just want to be happy,
Do I really deserve joy?
I’m just tired of this loneliness I feel,
Even crowded rooms feel like a jail,
Ink:
Lets break free from our confines,
Paint our dreams,
Emptiness is just room for possibilities,
I see endless hope with you,
So please don’t leave me,
I’m still here,
I don’t need a heart to always choose you,
Error:
I’m more than my means,
My strings can create beautiful realities,
Together we can persevere,
I won’t let my circumstances define me,
I’m more than my suffering,
Together we can be anything,
Together:
May the strings of destruction destroy our wretched fate,
With your help we can paint a new reality,
Amongst the sea of universes,
Your touch is the only one I long for,
Together we make something better,
We can find determination against the endless odds
#song lyrics#song writing#errorink#ship art#error sans#ink sans#undertale#utmv fanart#utmv#utmv au#utmv sans#sans au
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Don't you worry, you'll be to told exactly what to do
I give my people the lives they need
The righteous will succeed
You know what I don't like about rebel stories like Hunger Games and Divergent? That we never get the opposite, how about a compliance story?
Something that always bothered me about certain videogames is how they never ever, not even for one second, entertain the thought that you might not agree with them, they all follow the same formula
MC is respected member of [SOCIETY] > MC has encounter with bad side of [SOCIETY] > MC is told not to question things > MC questions things > MC turns sides > MC opposes and wins against [SOCIETY]
But what if I don't wanna? Why do we never get a videogame like that?
I want a game where the MC discovers the truth about the place they live in, and even with that knowledge they stand up and say "Ok and?" and carry on with their life; and that's how this fella was created
My young impressionable mind was exposed to Syndicate (2012) in 2013, the cover looked so cool and all the promo material online was great, it even had the theme song done by Skrillex, Nero, Flux Pavillion and Digitalism (for the people that likes real music and is reading this, that used to mean a lot, they were huge and everywhere for us noise-enjoyers), but the late part of the game and the ending never really... caught my attention, I always found the introduction of the game a loooot more enjoyable, before Kilo becomes a rebel and fights Eurocorp.
And that is why I created this fella. You can even call it a semi faceclaim.
Just like Kilo, born to a syndicate to serve the syndicate, except that i wasn't Eurocorp, it was Cayman Global, following their in-universe explanation that DART-6 has not been reverse engineered by any company and is propietary software of Eurocorp, Cayman decided to try their hand at it with what knowledge they have on it, and that is how they came up with the idea of Speciality Chips, or S.C, they work similarly to DART-6, with its own schizophrenia inducing voice interface and all, except that they don't enhance every single part of a 'soldier', instead they are using to make people 'better' at their jobs, depending on the role and occupation chosen for them at birth.
Fake memories of a fake family and a fake childhood, an AI prompt fed into his brain by the SC as a child to mould his personality to what Cayman needed it to be, with fake hardships to strenghten his character and fake triumphs to make him proud and happy. And every single thing he remembers doing as a child was a stage play to nurture and test his abilities, a continious selection program where only the best move on to the next phase while never aware that they are competing; every single one of those kids he beat at Spelling Bee as a child were just like him, and their failure meant their removal from the program, another job at Cayman Global will be found for them that fits their skillset, same thing for karting tournaments, academic score, everything.
His parents are just company employees told to act a certain way to incite certain reactions, records of who he was born to are probably kept somewhere, but who cares anyways, for as long as he believes those are his parents, they will do.
The only thing that makes him a somewhat rare candidate is that he is not a single child, he has a sister, also put throught the same program as him, just for another role, using a different version of the chip for a completely different purpose.
After years of serving Cayman Global and earning his Black Stripe clearance, one of his missions has his evacuation transport crash and drop him into the sea, after his chip entered power saving mode due to not consuming enough food or water, it was the first time he ever experienced fully thinking for himself, not having his thoughts molded, suggested or coerced by any company directive, and he found those thoughts to be quite similar to the ones he had before, questioning the methods of execution of Cayman Global, but not their ideals or beliefs. Why was he floating in the sea for so long? Shouldn't they pick him up as soon as his signal dissapeared? If the SC is an AI, do they all have different personalities and voices? Is his specially made for him?
Upon arriving Someplace, Somewhere in [COUNTRY], his chip came back into service, except that now they had a different set of information and ideas, his head filled with questions that the SC couldn't answer, but none of these doubts ever put his allegiance into question, so none of them got reported back, which would have ironically gotten him rescued faster.
Eventually he came across some locals, his uniform and armor damaged, no longer sporting any visible mark of his employer, they took him in, unaware of who he was; they certainly wouldn't have if they knew he was working for the exact same company responsible for making their life so miserable.
Time passed, he learned things from the locals and the locals learnt from him, all of his training was very real, and it showed, a trained agent like him could do things these guerrilla fighters only dreamed of, eventually being a prominent voice in this little tribe that nursed him back to health, he got a taste of what being in power was like, and he liked it, and his SC was taking records of it.
This sudden change in approach to a more professional and organized course of action peaked the interest of the tribe's enemies too, they couldn't have learned these things overnight, someone was helping them, their first thought was a rival syndicate, and so they dispatched a whole bunch of agents to deal with the new threat, ironically one of these agents being his sister.
The two were fated to encounter, and that is exactly what happened, just not the way they expected it, and certainly not the way they wanted it, and totally against the syndicate's wishes. Their SCs mark each other as [RELATIVE], but they don't know this other animal in front of them, how could these two different animals could have come out of the same mother, they are not the same species, she's a bird, he's a fox, he has a marksman tag, she has a bruiser tag, they look nothing alike, they are nothing alike.
Cayman Global originally thought of this as an inconvenience that should be dealt with immediately, but latter settled on exploring the possible opportunities of letting their bond be known to each other, and more importantly, the opportunity to gain an insider with access to the locals. And they had a lot to know about each other, their customs, their way of doing things, their likes and dislikes.
This only led to more question appearing on his head, why was everything at Cayman so peaceful, why can he just solve problems with his sister so easily, while the locals have all of these problems, tribes not settling in on one thing, having to constantly ask for things, changing their minds, disagreeing, fights; maybe they had so much problems with the syndicates because of their ways, if they could understand each other, things could probably be solved quicker.
But the tribes didn't wanted that, and rightfully so, they did not wanted to surrender their freedom, their land and everything they own to a company to manage and do as it pleases with, it was theirs.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, he and his sister were raised by the Syndicate, to them these ideas the locals speak of were nonsense, all of this chaos and problems that could be easily fixed, why wouldnt you want to fix it?
And that's when his SC, for the first time in forever, came up with its own idea, not something fed by the mainframe. Betray the tribes.
And betray the tribes they indeed do, Cayman agents agreed to the plan after a lot of favours being called and some heavy bargaining in the form of his sister's fists. An easy pick for the tribes, a Helibird crashed into the desert after a sandstorm, few survivours and a delayed rescue team due to the poor visibility, the perfect chance to pick up resources; but the only thing they picked up was a fight they couldn't win.
And so he triumphantly returned to his home, Cayman Global headquarters, but his new... Ideas... were not popular with all of his superiors, but those that agreed with him were not afraid of showing his support.
That's how he met Moon, someone that has been sitting near the top for way too long, and no longer thinks the head should be doing the thinking, and she was ready to make a play for it, playing with some strings here and there to have the siblings end up under her supervision, she could train and explore where these ideas of theirs really led to, what did they meant.
He gave a new name to his SC's voice, Lightning, and she liked it, it was nice to be her own thing, not just another chip, and in return, he let her take control over bits and pieces of his brain that none of the chips should have access to.
Little by little, Moon slowly revealled what the syndicates were up to, a second syndicate war was brooding up, and it was going to be way worse than the one they had in 2049, and she remembers that one pretty well, she was still an active agent back then. She allowed him to take a peek behind the curtain, how his memories were manipulated and changed in order to fit a narrative created by the syndicate, how his upbringing was all fake, how he was monitored and sought after like a guinea pig.
And he had absolutely no problem with any of that, his mind was so deeply consumed by the company's mindset that he couldn't even begin to understand how could any of those things were bad, he never questioned his position or his role in Cayman Global, instead he just wanted more, his last adventure made him hungry for things he should have never tasted, the company's propaganda kept him docile and happy, but also kept him compliant and safe, and he wanted none of the latter, having power is great, being in charge is amazing and telling other people what to do feels good; and Lightning agreed with it, why should she be a simple voice on his head, when she could control all the other voices on everyone's head.
That is where their real 'adventure' begins, not to destroy a corrupt syndicate, not to make the world a better place, not to make it fairer, is to put themselves on top, be the one that cuts the cake instead of being the one receiving a slice.
Thank you for coming to my OC rant
#oc#oc art#comission#rant post#fox#fursona#furry art#furry#furry oc#furry fandom#anthro#anthro art#syndicate
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YOU KNOW WHAT. I’LL KEEP GOING WITH THE LAW SONGS.
actually i just revamped my law playlist so i won’t spam his character tag. here. i don’t use spotify so let me know if there’s any problems ig?
#one piece#trafalgar d water law#trafalgar law#lots of nothing but thieves and des rocs on there.#i know there’s more songs i just need to remember them#my usual playlists i change ALL THE TIME so this one might be wonky?#bc. i am an apple music user i get it for free.#complain to me i can take it. unless it’s about my music taste then shut the fuck up#complain as in ‘does this song REALLY fit him?’
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Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
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sometimes you need to go back and listen to the music you liked when you were 13 because it's good for you. and no im not talking about like emo nostalgia in this case we have enough posts about that. im talking about dad rock. actually im just talking about barenaked ladies
#idk if i'd call barenaked ladies dad rock per se but every once in a while i'll hear a song and go MAN. I REMEMBER THAT#i had so many oc animatics in my head about this one....#anyway skrunk lore moment but i had a really intense bnl phase for like 8 months in early middle school which explains a lot about 13 y/o me#in a neutral way but like. yeah. anyway go listen to box set for me.#you don't have to listen to anything else even though i still have a great fondness for a lot of it bc it's one of those things where it's#so familiar to me that i don't even know if i think it's good or not. but box set goes hard and i'll stand by that#in the car and hello city and i'll be that girl and spider in my room AND CALL ME CALMLY and blame it on me and alternative girlfriend and#the flag and when i fall and the king of bedside manor and am i the only one.... ohgh#AND YES IT'S BASIC BUT IF I HAD $1000000 IS COZY. IT'S CUTE OK#OH and it's all been done for all your immortal/reincarnation ship needs. well. a certain vibe anyway#and alcohol. and OH MY GOD I FORGOT JANE. AND INTERMITTENTLY and break your heart.... waaaaaaa#man they have way way more albums than i thought they had#i can only really speak for gordon born on a pirate ship and maybe you should drive actually but. i like those#or i Did like them. havent relistened but even looking at the titles is making me giggly like... i forgot some of these#ALSO SHOEBOX IS A FRIENDS SONG?? WHUH?#or maybe it was used in friends? idk. no thoughts on friends but they did music for just the dumbest shit. ignore that for me please#ANYWAY. going to go listen to all of that now bc im having a moment. if you listen to it and don't like it um. don't think less of me lol <3
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2 of my neurons just made synapses
Thinking about Glitchy and M3ga mmmm
#(💽🩷) *.✧ — M3gabyte#nostly M3ga's downfall mmmm#I think I talked about it with nero a loooong ago thanks to an edit I saw on tiktok#the idea of M3ga being the only one who doesn't advance and being frustrated over that ough....#angry because how come it doesn't have anything yet but Glitchy got a loving family and his kid (rairai)#I mean M3ga did have something if it's “friendship” with Mike counts? and it's friendship with Shinto#maybe it's pokemon#you know that one song from mitski that says#“I need something bigger than the sky. hold it in my arms and know it's mine”#I think it fits pretty good with them because. maybe for them#Mike's friendship it's more like a “haha please don't kill me”. at least we can say with shinto it's real#and with Vermelho.... did I ever mention that in detail?#I think I did?#the thing is. they made a pact so Mega helps Vermelho to win agains Steven for once and have a first place in something#so they both kick Steven's ass 👊#friendship ☝️ kinda#so it posseses Vermelho but when Red goes to congratulate Vermelho for his battle... M3ga finally feels a hug#admiration. someone who hugs them without the need to be funny or anything. little bebe red was just hapoy for his brother but oh god#what would Mega do to have something like that in it's life#because yes. Shinto is there. Glitchy is there but they have their own thing going on so then what about it?#aouughhghj mai brrrrain#ooooooom#🕳️ // blah blah#i feel like I'm skipping many things I wanted to say#I'll remember later maybe
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1989 is so ScarletQueen coded and I will die on this hill.
#taylor swift#once upon a time in wonderland#scarlet queen#will scarlet#anastasia ouatiw#will x anastasia#Welcome to New York is about Will going to Storybrooke#Out of the Woods has the line 'we were built to fall apart and fall back together'#'ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY' is basically a summary of Will's entire feelings about Ana#I Wish You Would is literally just them in a modern au. 😭😭😭#BAD BLOOD IS THEM TOO#'say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress' and then when Will makes Liz into his Ideal Woman she's wearing a dress that resembles the#dress Anastasia was wearing when he last saw her#'THIS LOVE IS REAL THIS LOVE IS RED THIS LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD WOAHOHOH' IN ALL OF WONDERLAND THEY WERE THE ONLY THING THAT WAS#REAL FOR EACH OTHER!!! AND SHE'S THE RED QUEEN!!! AND SHE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭#'i know places' is them pre-wonderland. the place they ran to hide from people judging them for choosig each other was wonderland.#Clean is a song Will thinks he can sing now that he doesn't have his heart anymore#WONDERLAND. NEED I SAY MORE?#(i will. listen to that song. it's literally the story of their relationship. i still don't believe it wasn't written about them.)#You Are In Love is kinda generic but yes they are in love#and they COULD build a castle out of the bricks thrown at them. the universally hated queen and the universally wanted thief.#also that one mentions SCARLET letters and PLAYING CARDS and CASTLES it's literally about them. Heartbreak IS wonderland's national anthem.#and i know i didn't mention all of 1989's song so here's a bonus.#Will Scarlet was Sunshine and Anastasia was Midnight Rain.#(he wanted it comfortable. she wanted that pain. he wanted a bride. she was making her own name. chasing that fame. he stayed the same.#and both of them changed like midnight rain.)
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if i hear one more person* say something along the lines of “mccartney was a pop star, lennon was an artist” i will lose my goddamn mind
*middle-aged men with music opinions that are wrong
#this is vaguing my friend’s dad ahahaha don’t worry i am not getting into fights on the internet…. just with friends’ parents who are wrong#i need to write a thesis on this i don’t know. like yeah paul wrote silly love songs (which is a good song especially musically! it’s very#clever!) but john wrote pop stuff too? ever heard going down on love? or do you only remember working class hero which is arguably misguided#also there’s not anything wrong with writing pop music? which is a whole other discourse but it makes me GRAHHHH. i know more than you!!#i don’t care that you were there bc being there gave you a skewed bias based on how the media portrayed the beatles after they broke up!#also ram is very arguably a work of art. not even arguably. but whatever im normal about this#basically i’m saying they both had pop sides and artistic sides to them bc they were goddamn LENNON MCCARTNEY that’s what they built an#empire out of 😭 you think they just lost that after breaking up?
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