#i know how but its still ironically funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mugiwaraluv · 4 months

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How they all managed the way they did to this point I'll never know 💧

#i know how but its still ironically funny #one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #god usopp #one piece anime #anime shonen #shonen anime #anime screenshot #syrup village arc #episode 13 #one piece fandom

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scificrows · 9 months

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Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.

Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):

In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.

It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]

The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]

Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]

In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]

In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]

Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this #i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything #i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha #i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass #and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭#i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise'#also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just #couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah #also uhhh this data is very subjective #i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call #also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them)#but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly #so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance #i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!!#but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol

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chaos-in-one · 3 months

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I find it funny when people talk about how a zombie apocalypse would look "more realistically" and completely forget that a decomposing body looses all muscle function in less than 2 days after death- even if somehow there was anything realistic that could make dead bodies get up and attack people, unless there was a way for it to functionally replace the nerves and muscles of the body (for example, very futuristic Nanotechnology) they wouldn't be functional zombies for very long, the apocalypse would be over in probably a handful of weeks.

#hi yes I have spent way too much of my lifespan thinking about zombies and the zombie apocalypse #dont get me wrong though #I like semi realistic zombie content #you just gotta be willing to admit they're not actually fully realistic #because thats just not how corpses work #its ironic how much I know about zombie stuff and apocolyptic content though #I used to have a legitimate phobia of them #like would spend hours or even days holed up in my room terrified #would have literal nightmares #still sort of have the nightmares sometimes but hey the paranoia has gotten a lot better #it helped that I found 1 singular zombie show that I found funny and didnt scare the shit out of me #rant #zombies #zombie apocalypse #realistic zombies

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fisheito · 4 months

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UM, ASTER/YAKUMO I ONLY *JUST* FOUND? HELLO?

I've never felt so seen. So represented. Thank u aster. Here are some of my fave lines

#after reading this i had to consult The Chart to see if it lined up with the fic and #well. yeah. guess it did 😂😂😂😂#narration in aster's voice is so wonderfully comedic and snarky i loved every second of it. u manipulative gremlin #WHY IS YAKUMO SO CUTE HE SHOULDnT BE CUTE BUT I WANTNA *knuckles turning white from my trembling iron fist*#what was that picture of yakumo with the comment like [boys with big brown eyes like a baby cow stfu]#yeah that thing. that image was pulsing throughout the fic. intrusive adoring thought #aster sees yakumo's big soulful innocent eyes looking up at him and he's all #i need to slaughter him. i need to pound him into cutlets and distribute him to the masses for insane profit #ah..... is this cuteness aggression...#I NEED TO BULLY HIM. HE IS TRYNIG SO HARD TO BE GOOD I NEED TO #hyperventilates into my pizza box #sipping tea and reading while occasionally yelling out #SO true bestie [aster]. (melodramatic sigh)#idk why it's funny that yakumo squeaks in fic. it is SO FUNNY. hey look it's a squeaky mouse #wait he's a snake? are u sure? dont snake eat mice?...........ARE U SURE HE ISN'T A TINY minuscule RODENT LIVING INSIDE A DAISY? NO???#BIG DANGEROUS BLACK SHADOWY VENOMOUS SNAKE? ok..............sounds fake..........but if u say so........................#i'm fine. i'm not still having a Time of accepting mr serpent into my life. what are u talking about. i am fine.#i am reading words and acting in ways #hahahaaha! how can you awaken something when i already know it's awake??!!#(spoiler alert: i was not truly aware of its awakeness but i've been thinking of this fic for days so i'm pretty sure the awakening is NOW)#(insert pillar men theme) (sighs wearily at my own clownery)

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todayisafridaynight · 5 months

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sometimes my ass feels goofy bout my sawashiro photocard holder but my eldest sister just got here and she has a new photocard holder with her new anime boyf on it and yk what Very Comforting to know we're losers together

#snap chats #the mental illness of my 20-somn ass having a photocard of a late-30's bitch while her 30-somn ass havin a photocard of a 20-somn bitch LOL #she's never had a photocard. not since last time i saw her lmao timing funny as hell #she my biggest enabler for being a dweeb tbh. which is ironic cause she used to bully me for my interests #i mean she prob still would if i talked to her bout it but she's toned down like .2%#i'd never show her my sawa photocard cause The Bullying that would ensue but its good to know. being a loser is genetic HAHA #even if we're the farthest apart in age we're weirdly similar when it comes to how we interact with media #in that we're insane HAHAHA #i never really talk to her bout fandom stuff but sometimes she'll talk bout what anime or kdrama she's into #and i'll just be like 'ok cool. this is what i sound like to my brother'#its kinda sad cause her husband's like A Normal Southern Guy so he kinda bullies her bout her interests #but she's stubborn it doesn't get her down for too long #ok bye lemme stop blogging in the middle of my kitchen where everyone walking aaaAAAAHHHH

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bendybonesss · 1 year

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may or may not get mobbed for this but i feel like the yellow guy age debate is too black & white ....... "4 year old or 40 year old, make your choice now" or we could . like . chill out

#like idk i like the idea of him being an adult who age regresses sometimss #my personal interpretation of canon is that his age either fluctuates or he was designed to be a child but kind of just. isnt #still childish but not a child #its dhmis. get jiggy with it. idk #AND YES I KNOW autistic character gets babied and all that i understand i really do #and the whole thing of yellow being red & duck's child gets shilled out so that dhmis fits the mold of funny haha silly found family #when its not really like that #not that they ARENT found family obviously #ironically it seems as if people feel the need to box them into a more traditional family dynamic #and it seems odd to me how people will defend the child theory so valiantly despite him having a wife n kids lol #and even weirder how people seem to think yellow wasnt happy with claire.. the whole Point was that he was happy #so yeah i think occasional agere yellow is a pretty cool compromise #(not forcing anyone to share this opinion but yk)#i Need him to use his childish whimsy against the very world that tells him hes a dumb kid. thatd be kickass #dhmis #yellow guy #i think what we should really be focusing on is duck being the youngest of the group. that's so funny to me #do we ever address how many people think duck is like 50 meanwhile he's like 30. well we Should #rambles

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we-are-inevitable · 2 years

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how about we stop forcing the "racetrack higgins-esque" role onto Ben Tyler Cook and realize that

he's not JUST race anymore

he's not going to exclusively take on race-like roles

his portrayal of your favorite blorbo in ONE piece of media doesn't mean you can ignore the actions of his character in another

and he's a talented actor capable of so much more than his fans seem to want from him

#i am STILL !! seeing mouthpiece apologists on this app just bc hes played by precious blorbo btc #yall know ben can play different and complex roles right ?? 💀#hes not gonna be 'lovable idiot racetrack higgins' forever and tbh he shouldn't be !!#and you cant defend every character he plays just because he played your favorite newsie years ago. thats not how it works #ben is a capable actor but y'all act like you only want to see him typecasted as the impulsive funny blond #thats not how you grow as an actor! frankly its kinda weird that yall are hanging onto his portrayal of race with such an iron grip #and don't get me wrong i love race! but how about fixating on the character instead of the actor #sigh. my two cents for the day #jac txt.#dont reblog this with discourse i really dont care enough to argue #i'm just saying! he deserves better #all my opinion and feel free to disagree if you want <3 #newsies #west side story 2021 #wss #west side story #west side story mouthpiece #mouthpiece #ben tyler cook #newsies live #racetrack higgins #race higgins #the jets wss #the jets west side story

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daechwitamv · 2 years

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if my gf breaks up with my im gonna blame me having raised myself on the internet lmao

#i made a joke last night and she didnt get it and now we're STILL talking abt it im so .#it was basically me saying sth that was obvi a joke and i used ironic emojis like 😤 and said 'heart been broke so many times' etc #like if i said it on here or sth ppl would get that i was joking BUT . my gf doesn't know any internet slang she uses 😂 unironically etc #WHICH IS FINE #i know this n i changed my text speak with her so that she understands what i mean and i even use the 😂 sometimes bc the 😭 confuses her #like ! its ok its fine but last night i forgot and i made that joke and she thought i was actually pissed and then SHE was pissed and #we're still talking abt it per text today so now i had to make voice note explaining in detail what i mean with each emoji and meme and and #..#like seriously im so #the internet has ruined my humor for irl ppl i never realized how my way of joking is diff from ppl around me who #dont know the references or whatever its ! not good!!#i mean i find internet humor and memes funny af but sometimes i wish i hadnt grown up on the internet truly

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akascow · 3 months

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so theres this thing where neurodivergent ppl tend to congregate and make friends with other ND ppl without even realizing the ND connection (but its usually bc NDs understand their way of thinking with each other as opposed to a ND and NT speaking to each other, or so it has been explained to me)

and im pretty sure its the same thing with ppl part of the lgbtq community too idk its like a weird sixth sense we all have

so now my entire friend circle all at the very least have anxiety/depression maybe adhd (bc dont we all) stuff like that, but also theyre somewhat part of the community whether it be questioning or not

but its interesting bc ppl usually realize theyre some form of queer the longer they live right so every couple years i just have another friend text me ‘oh yeah btw im bi’ or smth like that

and its very funny to me bc when i met these people they were all seemingly straight and now here we are. in college. and no one is.

and its just like wow. funny how that worked out that way. like good for me i have cool friends but also ive known some of these people since grade school its funny how it works out like that

#collecting everyone on the spectrums of neurodivergency AND sexualities AHAHA #i dont have that many friends so its not that much of a surprise but still HAHA #funny how that worked regarding family members too bc we are outweighed 3:2 in terms of lgbtq scale #all of us are fucked in the brain chem department tho so thats a 5 for 5 on that end HAHA #it is ironic that we all grew up in the south and now everyone i know has blue hair and pronouns

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gameboyhamazing · 7 months

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oh hey that looks like a cool in-progress fic/comic/similar ongoing creative work lemme just follow it *The Curse (tm) activates, causing the creator to stop updating or even acknowledging the work for months on end until either i forget about it completely and/or it updates out of the blue or is discontinued* ah dammit not again

#I understand that creation takes time and effort #hell I have quite a few drafts that I would be happy posting if not for some sections I want to add but can’t think of how to add #but also it KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME #and it’s getting a little ridiculous #like every single time #without fail #the creator just stops for like a month #I’ve gotten lucky a few times #one of those was ironically enough a fic series with the word lucky in its title lol #but the vast majority of the time it’s like they see I followed the work and they know they must now go radio silent #funny but frustrating. especially bc I can’t blame them for taking time #good work takes time! I would know! my favorite writing I’ve done has taken like 2 years to get 4 satisfactory 1~2k-word chapters!#it’s still really odd that it KEEPS. HAPPENING. TO ME.

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deadghosy · 2 months

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HAZBIN HOTEL HEADCANNONS WITH ENDERMAN! READER

Prompt: a 9’5 creature comes by and randomly builds the crew things.

ITS ACTUALLY FUNNY CAUSE IMAGINE YOU BEING CHARLIE IN THIS SITUATION-

You hear a knock at the front door of the hazbin hotel and open it to see a 9’5 TALL ASS PERSON WITH DARK PURPLE SKIN WITH SMALL PURPLE FRECKLES SCATTERED AROUND THEIR BODY….

Immediately door slam like Alastor got in the pilot….

She kept reopening the door as you finally got tired of that bullshit and teleported inside as you croaked…your jaw unhinging in a weird attractive way as your eyes were blinded by a black blindfold.

“Uhm sir? Are you here for the hotel?” Charlie asked as you nodded turning slowly with a croak. You pulled out a wrench ready to show how you wanted to work for her. Charlie smiled awkwardly as she shows you around the place. Literally you had to duck a lot to the point you had to crawl like a baby just to fit in the room…

Embarrassing it is…..

But at least you can kinda shapeshift a bit to 3 feet less as you are at 6’5 which made the others feel a lot more comfortable about you being comfortable in this height as you still kinda crouch to pet keekee.

I feel like Lucifer will like you personally because of how you like to build and take things apart to renew things. So he definitely brings you in his workshop as he rants about his duck collection as you slightly grumble unconsciously as purple pixels fly around beside you.

Dead ass…you are beautiful with your purple ender eyes they glow behind your blindfold in the dark…the hotel cast and even say as they would see them from afar at night.

I headcannon Enderman! Reader to have slight muscles but is really strong despite their skinny look. But really they/he has a nice build under his working clothes.

Vaggie was shocked to see you teleport away before she could prick you with her angelic spear. She definitely had Alastor keep a look on you…but you only built and fixed around the hotel like a handy man.

I can see Angel dust taking a picture of you while you are behind him working having your sleeves up as you work as the Snapchat caption says, “He’s working hard to please me” as a joke. You definitely got death threats as you just stare at your hellphone confused as you block them all.

Sir Pentious has accidentally looked you in your eyes once and your unhinged jaw as you screeched at him as a static sound enters his head …it made him scared of you for almost five months until you explained and calms him down….you didn’t like to be scary to others.

Angel had told you how about how you could be a model with your skinny yet built body as you just stood then staring at him through your blindfold.

Tbh your dynamic with Angel dust is “girlboss” x “househusband” as you literally build and fix things

I bet reader built Lucifer a duck boat once as you stand there as Lucifer looks like he is about to cry in the duck boat you built as he gives you a thumbs up. It was a derpy sight but funny.

I headcannon Enderman! Reader to always pick things up, nifty including as she just smile kicking her feet back and forth with a smile. “I like em! Let’s keep him/them!”

YOU KNOW HOW IRON GOLEMS HOLD FLOWERS?! YEAH ENDERMAN!READER HOLDING FLOWERS FOR THE RESIDENTS 🦆✨

It would be funny be at a height comparison with Alastor as he just smiles as you stand there fidgeting with your hands.

I can see husk raising a brow at you like “🤨 who the hell is this guy?” As you walk a bit sluggish holding your tool box

I can also imagine reader having slight difficulty at reading the room or having social skills as they were isolated from people before dying definitely. Like you would croak softly patting Vaggie when her secret was out only for her to push you away as you were trying to say you fixed the toilet.

You stood there confused until husk just sat you down before you teleported after her.

You attacked a sinner for trying to rob you as they grabbed your blindfold in accident only to get attacked and a see an unhinged jaw…next thing they saw was a punch.

Charlie definitely cleaned you up, she was just confused who blood it was as you stay quiet and quietly croaked in your throat.

I headcannon enderman’s to have a raspy voice because they can’t talk but try to. As it’s either deep or a decent voice tone.

Imagine if enderman! Reader met the other overlords before their decrease in height as they stare up at you kinda intimidated by your height. Their necks definitely hurt

HOPE YOU LIKE IT! 🦆✨

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writingoddess1125 · 7 months

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You tell the Old Men you're Pregnant + Extra

Shanks, Buggy, Mihawk

Just Fluffy Fluff!

Also to those who are saying "They aren't even old!" Blah Blah- I know. I'm using Old Ironically cause it's funny. Middle Aged just don't have the same ring to it and I would/could sub in DILF but I was trying to be good.

Anywho! Enjoy!!

Shanks

So drinking and unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy- who knew... Panicking yoh decide its best to just rip that bandage off.

"Shanks- I'm pregnant"

Shanks will stare at you for a while, before starting to laugh- Hard. He will bend over laughing as his panic response sets in-

"Shanks this isn't funny! I-"

He grabs your hand and pulls you close as he held you still laughing now much softer.

"You're the best things that has ever happened to me-" He will whisper in your ear and hold you close.

This man acts like he can shit gold and piss roses when he finds out your pregnant. Nothing can get him down or damper his mood.

Even though you are miserable and sick most of this pregnancy- for almost the whole length of your pregnancy you are vomiting or nauseous so Shanks has to make you eat and buys things to help you.

"Shanks I'm not hungry..." You grumble as you sit on the bed. Shanks hanging you a cup of tea and some soft bread.

"I know love- But you haven't had anything solid in 3 days. Let's get this bread a try?" He says softly, You nodding and eating what you could and sipping of the flowery tea.

He will eventually find something that you can eat without getting sick and buy as much of it as possible. He may grow tired of the smell but will never complain.

When you go into labor he is still a little too excited at the prospect of his child being brought into the world. Will comfort you the whole way through but is more interested in seeing his child.

Buggy

It was a complete accident- You blamed the trip to the hot springs two months previously.. being pregnant with Buggy's child was definitely not what you had planned for yourself or him.

"Buggy I'm pretty sure I'm um.. pregnant"

You beeak it to him after a good day and even set out his favorite sweets to try and make this as soft as possible. Buggy just stares at you, His face completely unreadable as he just stares at you.

"Buggy?..." You are now anxious as he stays silent and stone faced- However he walks over to you lightly and just wraps his arms around you. Not saying a word but you can feel how tense his body is- He's scared?...

"We will be fine.. All of us. How do you feel about it?..." He will mumbled- This being so different to how he normally is as he is feeling scared in a new way.

After the initial shock of it all he will be so over the top its not even funny. You might as well be made out of glass and carrying a paper child cause that's how he treats you. Infront of the crew while he is less likely to be as openly affectionate he is still just as protective.

Understands physical insecurities so will never insult or even bring up your appearance as your body goes through changes. Hell have mercy on the person who even accidently hints at your bigger weight since he will go ape-shit and throw the biggest tantrum of all temper tantrums before brutally killing whoever said it.

He is very Very touchy- his hand has to always be on you at all times and so his detached hand has been known to stay either on your lower back, or on your arm like some horror themed arm band.

In private he is very thoughtful especially as you get near the due date.

"Sorry pressure" You hissed in discomfort rolling to your side to receive some pressure from your back. Buggy getting up calmly and moving you to stand on your feet. Which was definently not something you wanted-

That was till Buggy stood behind you as his hand detached and went under your large belly gently listing it up which relived the pressure from your back. You sigh and lean against him as he does this. Will hold you stomach up for a solid hour ignoring the sorness in his hands for you-

Will feed you constantly any food he can find, Anything you want he has made for you. If a food makes you sick magically the plate seems to be thrown out to open sea.

Will also be an emotional wreck when his children are born- If you are angry at him or scream while in labor he will take it- if not give a few quips back. However all is forgotten once the kids arrive.

Mihawk

While you believe it was an accident- It was not by Mihawks standards. He has been planning this for months since you are the only one he sees worthy of officially carrying his children.

"Mihawk I'm pregnant" You say bracing for at least a level of irritation but instead he looked pleased. Reaching a hand out to caress your belly and stare at you fondly.

"I am happy to hear that"

Will take blame in saying he must have not been careful and that its too late now and will be happy to take full and total responsibility.

Is a textbook kind of man so will have book pages memorized on what you should be doing. How many more calories needed for the baby, stretches, the healthiest food. Aka he's fucking annoying-

You will be in the kitchen with a fork in a cake eating, feeling the wave of low blood sugar that has clouded your mind and tired of the veggies or fresh fruit that Mihawk had shoved down your throat- Mid bite the cake was pulled away by Mihawk.

"It is bad for you to have-" Will pause at your glare as you step very close to him, Grabbing his beard with iron clasp hands and yank him down to your level which make his eyes go wide.

"Mihawk... If you don't hand over that cake- I'm going to take your sword and shove it so far up your ass that the handle will be in your mouth" You all but hiss, Making Mihawk lower the cake down and hand it to you silently.

Will learn that maybe not everything has to go to textbook. Despite being a bit of a hardass for your safety he will give you massages, rub your feet help decorate to your liking. If you're sick will help you the entire time in getting better.

Rubs lotion on any tender spots or stretch marks and hums a tune you've never heard before.

Will be there with every step of the way during the labor. Supportive and comforting the whole time his child is being brought into the world, If complications will be a rock for you and will pick you if it came down to it.

#x reader #one peice x reader #one piece #one peice live action #buggy one piece #buggy the clown x reader #buggy x reader #one piece mihawk #hawkeye mihawk #mihawk x reader #one piece shanks #shanks one piece #red haired shanks #shanks x reader

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bigfatbimbo · 3 months

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The Morning After —

Velvette x reader,, 770 words

summary — The follow up morning after a one night stand with your situationship, Velvette, during particularly rowdy party.

tags — Fluff, mentions of sex, reader isn’t dating Velvette, pining, wlw implied but not really, gn reader

a/n — I am so in love with her she’s so pretty. Expect more Velvette content in the future. I know they don’t get as much attention but i’m down bad.

The first thing you noticed when you woke up was how warm you were. It took you a moment to adjust to your surroundings.

Instead of your shitty apartment, you woke in a far more glamorous, if you were being honest superior, room covered in lots of pinks. Yours and someone else’s clothes were scattered on the floor, along with various wine glasses.

And contrary to the usual solitude you woke with, you had your arms tightly wrapped around Velvettes stomach.

You internally groan. The party, you thought to yourself. Last night you went to an extravagant party hosted by the Vees, and had obviously ended up in Velvettes bed.

Of course, you two had fucked before, duh. In fact, your casual sex ‘booty-call’ relationship seemed to suit you both. But you had never actually cuddled with her afterwards, and you especially hadn’t stayed the whole night.

And yet, something was drawing you closer to her. As if when you break this contact you’ll never get this moment back. You pulled her closer to you by her stomach and nuzzled your head in the crook of her neck.

It’s then you got a good look at you. Her hair had fluffed up into its natural form in the night, leaving it soft and puffy, also allowing you to smell the faint strawberry conditioner she uses.

Morning light fell on her through the window, highlighting her features perfectly, ironically almost angelically. Her makeup from last night had smeared, her lipstick rubbing off onto her lower lip and her mascara smeared on her cheeks.

You could see her neck was littered in hickeys and from the ache on yours, you could only assume you had the same problem.

You press a gentle kiss on her neck and she stirred, humming softly.

“Morning,” you whisper, planting another kiss on the bruises on her neck.

“You’re still here,” she remarked, yawning and arching her back up into you.

The comment wasn’t mean-spirited, just simply an observation.

“I’m still here,” you say, almost, if not more dumbfounded than her.

This wasn’t your usual ‘fuck, clean-up, and run’ routine, but Velvette didn’t seem to mind.

“You know the coffee maker in the corner of the room?” Velvette asked, voice still groggy from sleep and a mild hangover.

“Yeah, I’m aware of it,” you say, scanning the room the place where the machine was.

“‘Would love some. Thank you, darling.” She nuzzled into the pillow next to her and gently pushed you away.

You roll your eyes slightly and get up, “How do you like your coffee?”

She simply groaned and buried her face in the pillow, “Who cares.” Maybe, she had more than a mild hangover after all.

You had a sneaking feeling that after you poured her coffee she would definitely care.

After coming back to the bed with two mugs she glanced up at you, “Toss me my bra, would you, darling?”

“Oh, of course, princess,” you tease, “Would you like a back massage while i’m at it?”

She took this in consideration, “Well if you’re offering.” She smiled cockily at you as she put on her bra and took her coffee mug off of the table.

You got back into bed and she squeezed in next to you, resting her head on your chest.

She took a swig of the coffee and made a face, “It’s too bitter.”

“You said you didn’t care!” you laugh a little.

There was something so funny about the current situation, you two lying in bed together with her at your side. Drinking coffee and bantering.

It all felt so domestic.

Which you felt strange because for one, you weren’t even dating and two, until today you had no doubts in your mind that you two were nothing more than great sex every now and than.

“Whatever,” she chirped, “I guess i’ll just have to go back to bed.” Velvette pulled you closer to her as she got comfortable.

A little part of you wondered if she was just bitching about the coffee to have an excuse to go back to bed. But why? So she could keep cuddling you? So you wouldn’t leave so soon?

You chose not to think about it, petting her hair gently as she went back to sleep. You couldn’t help but notice how pretty she looked like this, peaceful.

“Sweet dreams, princess,” This time the nickname didn’t feel as mocking. You thought about going back to bed, but you decided to stay up.

After all, you wanted to be there when Velvette woke up in your arms once again.

a/n —Following up a fic where the reader and Vox aren’t just friends or lovers but a secret third thing with a fic where the reader and Velvette aren’t just friends or lovers but a secret third thing.

I’m not projecting, my love life is uncomplicated and great.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin velvette #velvet hazbin hotel #velvette x reader #velvette hazbin hotel

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mystellenia · 1 month

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giving ellie a hoodie full of kisses ୨ৎ

summary: you paint a hoodie with kisses for ellie, and the gesture flusters her.

content: nothing much, just ellie being shy

notes: answer to this req!! i'm trying a new format of posts. sometimes i see people do not quite hcs but also not quite a normal, paragraph-formatted fic. its this in between of bullet points????? idk lemme know if yall like it

(wc 0.6 k)

after spending an hour on painting your lips and pressing them to the cloth of the hoodie you'd gotten for ellie, you sat back and examined your work

you had to admit: the hoodie looked beautiful. but! you did not!!!! your lips were stained red from the paint, your back hurt from hunching over to kiss the hoodie, and you'd probably ingested about an ounce of red40!!! (i know red 40 is in food but let me be silly)

after washing the paint that had gotten on your skin off in the sink, you ironed the sweatshirt to seal the paint in (don't ask me how that works bc idk i just saw it on tiktok like 10 mins ago)

and now we wait for ellie to come home!!

when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them. one day she's gonna take a step and they're gonna turn into a cloud of dust i swear

anyway you're sitting on the couch with your phone in your lap, the painted sweatshirt folded into a square with the kisses hidden inside. she walks towards you and gives you a lil kissy kiss on the forehead like hiiii

you get all smiley because you're excited for her to see the sweatshirt and she gets all suspish.... like what's so funny....

sooooooo.... you tell her you made her something and unfold the hoodie and hold it up to your body so she can see the full thing. and she would soooo get all beet red, like, "...you made this for me?"

and you're like "yes of course do you like it queen" then she gets over the like flusteredness (????(actually i revoke my ???? bc i just made that a word)) and gets so happi like yayyy!!!!

then she looks all confused at your lips and is like "is that why your lips look so severely chapped and red?"

and you get mad so you take away kiss privileges so she does the only reasonable thing which is putting you in a headlock to force kiss you

would definitely immediately put it on and go look in the mirror at her with it on. she'll start geeking and thank you and all that jazz

she would wear that shit 24/7. sleeping working showering shitting ANYWHERE best believe she has that hoodie on. and you tell her its been like 2 weeks of her wearing it nonstop so she needs to wash it but she refuses bc she doesn't want the kisses to start fading. u wash it anyway bc its dirty and she cold shoulders you for about 30 mins before she sees some dumb reel she just has to show you (me fr).

i feel like she's a hot sleeper--like she gets too hot at night to wear the hoodie but she still wants it so she'll just hold it as a baby blanket of sorts and Whatnot.

wait very unrelated but does anyone have a baby blanket that they've had for so long its like basically just threads thats so funny

but overall she loves it. she likes to kiss the kiss prints you made on the sweatshirt bc it's "like kissing you."

there was one time she couldn't find it for like 2 days (because you'd washed it since she never does) and she tried to act all nonchalant and unaffected like she wasn't about to start tweaking and like twitching

then you gave it to her all calm because it was literally just in the wash and she was like "what😨😨😨 where did you find it😨😨😨" and you just tell her it was in the wash and shes like "oh that makes sense"

pls im so sorry. before i say anything i would like to formally apologize to the anon who submitted the ask for this bc this is so shit. you ask me for a product and this is how i repay you!! shame on me. please dilly dally on over to my asks and ask me something else so i can actually, i don't know, do a good job!! this ask was cute tho u ate with that

@picklesarenice69

wow i very strongly dislike this format so much this is the first and last time i will be doing this!!! i’m only posting this bc its been like a week since i last posted and the citizens will soon revolt, which the city's defenses cannot afford!! we're about to run out of wheat like times are getting tough. maybe i should just try just headcanons 🤔

can you tell i was fighting demons to not make this my normal vocab and format. like just look at this sentence and how it progresses: "when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them." the way that sentence progresses is just the silly demons taking over and also my coping mechanism for grimacing at how much i didnt mesh with this format

like i just couldnt take myself seriously. "yes of course do you like it queen" HELLO??? WHY DID I TYPE THAT but i will not be fixing and/or deleting it bc its making me giggle

dont get me wrong some of you ladies chew it up but i am made for unreasonably long and time consuming fics!!! i’m getting heated too bc not only is this so short and quick to do but it also takes less focus and brain power and ofc i had to make things hard for myself and hate it!!! i’m soooooooooooo silly

click here!! oh and here too!! ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶

---

edit: wait i would like to clarify that i just hate this because perhaps i’m not used to it. if you guys like this maybe i'll do more bc i follow the clout always 💯

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theycalledhimastar · 2 months

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SIMON RILEY ICKS SIMON RILEY ICKS SIMON RILEY-

(Not really icks, just more weird stuff bcs this is funny)

☄. *.

Simon has like the worst acne ever around his eyebrows and nose you won't ever change my mind because I know for a fact he does little more than rinse his face with soap and water. Not even facial soap, man uses body wash or hand soap and thinks that's enough. Like he doesn't wear a nasty balaclava and eye black whenever he's out on mission.

Speaking of which, his mask stinks. Like really bad. Man is sweaty and dirty and gross and those things are not easy to clean when you're constantly busy, so they smell like sweat, dirt, and the worst kinds of bad breath. You have no clue how he wears these when they smell that rank.

Buys off-brand everything because he doesn't really care one way or another and that wouldn't be so bad, except it's literally everything. His toothpaste, shampoo, body wash, deodorant. Man literally doesn't consistently smell like any one thing because he just cannot be bothered.

Like he's loyal as hell to you, but not loyal to any kind of brand. So his smells clash and you swear that mask has made him scent blind.

Baby isn't lazy when it comes to hygiene, like he washes well, just with a new scent and brand literally every time he gets more shampoo.

He has more important things to worry about, okay? Like you.

He has really bad sense of privacy, and by that I mean he doesn't care. When it comes to you, he will literally piss with the door open and not care, even if you walk in. Or, you could be taking a shower and man will literally go in to use the toilet, brush his teeth, and then leave with the door wide open.

he doesn't see the problem, either. Like babes, we live together, may as well be comfortable, right? You're just showering, he's gonna see it all sooner or later.

not to say he doesn't respect your privacy if you tell him its important to you, he still has his private moments too, of course. Truth be told, he just likes being near you even when he's literally using the bathroom. The weirdo.

Looks like he isn't paying attention to the television when you put it on, but literally, he knows more about the show than you do and you don't even realize it. Like he doesn't miss a thing despite not even looking up at the screen.

silly goose, that's because his love language is learning absolutely everything about stuff you like so that he can talk about it with you. Except he accidentally becomes more fluent in it than you because he goes overkill. :3

*This isn't weird, but i know Simon gets grumpy when you call him cute lil nicknames (in moments that aren't serious, of course.). Like his face when you call him ridiculous nicknames (ironically), is so perfect. It's like he knows you love it. (He probably does.)

"Hey Pookie?"

... >:(

He's literally precious sometimes.

#cod mw2 #call of duty #cod x reader #Simon Riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon x reader #ghost x you #simon ghost riley x reader #Crack fic

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twola · 3 months

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i know arthur is a giver but sometimes i think he’d like being cruel. i have this image of him leaned back in a chair taking a drag out of his cigarette with reader writhing on his lap with tears in her eyes practically begging for him to do anything to her while he watches with feign indifference

Hooo boy. Okay, this is my first shot at a true low honor Arthur.

Lookin' for Trouble

Arthur Morgan x F!Reader Smut (18+), MDNI

➵ Fic Masterlist ➵ AO3 Link

The afternoon light was more than enough for you to finally get to reading after getting Grimshaw’s list of chores done. Finally, you’d be able to crack open this book that Hosea lent you all those weeks ago.

All of a sudden, the light is obscured over the pages of your book, and when you look up, you place a hand over your eyes to see the mountain of a man before you, peering down at you with a cigarette hanging off his lips.

“Oh, Arthur, I didn’t realize you’d be back so quick.” You smile up to him, closing the book and moving to your knees to stand up.

An outstretched hand juts into your view, “Ain’t nothin’ interesting in that backwater town.”

You take it and allow him to pull you up, but you frown up at him and don’t let go, turning both of your hands so that his knuckles face the two of you. The skin is broken and oozing a small amount of blood.

“Oh dear, let me clean that up for you in your tent.”

You drop his hand and he follows, smoking that cigarette without a reply. On its head, it must be a funny sight, the grizzled outlaw following your small frame back to his tent so dutifully.

He pulls the canvas down after the two of you enter the tent, tall enough being built off his wagon. The perks of being the enforcer of the group. You make yourself busy looking in the chest at the foot of his cot for some alcohol as you pull a handkerchief from the pocket of your skirt.

Arthur sits down on the edge of the cot, taking that old black hat from his head and dropping it atop the pillow that had seen better days.

“Here we go,” you dab your handkerchief with a bottle of god-knows-what and move back toward where Arthur sits.

He places the still-lit cigarette in the little glass tray at his bedside, the end of it continuing to smolder as he blows smoke toward the top of the tent, away from you.

You frown, twisting your head to change your view of his outstretched knuckles. “It’s an awkward angle, I-”

He cuts you off by making you yelp as his free hand shoots around your hip and pulls you down, your rear colliding with his firm thigh, his hand on your hip balancing you as you regain your composure.

“Oh… thanks…” you blush slightly, having been caught off guard. You return to dabbing at the broken skin of his knuckles, his large hand outstretched and dwarfing yours, as you perch upon his thigh, your back flush to his barrel chest.

“How did this happen?” You ask softly as you pick at the dirt in his inflamed, broken skin.

“Y’know, a bit of this, bit of that.”

You sigh, “I really hope you ain't out pickin’ fights, Arthur.”

Arthur hums dismissively in response, jostling you slightly on his thigh. He props the cigarette between his teeth and his free hand moves forward and begins bunching your skirts up, the hem of your dress being pulled higher and higher.

“Arthur-” You go to scold, but his searching hand gravitates right over where he’s looking for, pressing against your cunt through your bloomers. You give another yelp as his finger digs at the cotton, prodding and stroking and petting.

“A-Arthur, I’m tryin’ to-”

As you go to grip his forearm with both hands, his injured hand darts downward, grasping both of your wrists and holding them away from your body, essentially binding you and leaving you unable to stop his ministrations.

A low, satisfied noise rumbles out through his chest as you pant, his fingers edging the leg of your bloomers open and touching your bare skin. Just barely touching, teasing, as you squirm in his lap, his hold on your wrists as strong as iron.

You honest-to-god whine, tears welling behind your eyes as you squirm in his lap, trying to break free of his hold on your hands, trying to jut your hips into his hand more.

“A-Arthur- god, please-” you gasp aloud, squeezing your eyes shut tightly as you beg. He removes his hand entirely and you nearly sob at the loss.

Cracking your eyes open, you see him pull the cigarette from his mouth and place it in that glass tray, mashing the butt into the ash as he puts it out. He bounces his thigh as his hand returns to your cunt, chuckling darkly as you continue to squirm.

“Ain’t you just the prettiest little thing when you’re all needy like this?”

A fresh set of tears burst from your eyes as his hand snakes into your bloomers again to rub at you.

“P-please-”

“Please what, what d’ya need darlin’?”

He cups your cunt fully and helps you roll your hips over his thigh bone, and it’s all you can do not to sob loudly at the frustration.

“Use your words, sweetheart.”

“Arthur please, please god, please touch me.”

“I am touchin’ ya’.” He responds, pleased with himself as you struggle against his grip, iron-like in its strength.

“In-inside-” you pant, continuing to squirm against him.

“Hmm, like this?”

You are able to bite back the scream you nearly let out as Arthur slides his trigger finger into your dripping cunt. He curls it with a practiced precision, and you buck in his lap, throwing your head back against the curve of his shoulder. Your temple brushes against his days-old beard before he leans in against you.

“There’s my girl,” he nips at your earlobe with haughty pride, fully taking satisfaction with the way you writhe atop him, “Makin’ them noises like a whore.”

There’s no snapping back at him, no retort back at his dry, teasing humor. You are able to do nothing but give a breathy sigh, almost agreeing with his statement.

Arthur grabs your hips and hoists you up to stand, quickly following and pushing you two stumbling steps to the table where a few of his guns are spread out. One sweep of his arm and the guns clatter into the grass before you're abruptly bent at the waist and spread out on the table.

“Arthur-”

One of his large hands splays across your lower back as he fiddles with the buttons of his pants. Essentially keeping you pinned down on the table, you have no option but to lay there and take whatever he is going to give you.

Arthur pulls your skirts up, tossing them over your hips before yanking your bloomers down and over the swell of your ass. His hand is between your legs quicker than you can sputter in indignation, and you bite your lip to keep from moaning as he strokes his thick fingers in and out of your wetness. Your eyes tightly shut as you breathe out your nose, and for a moment, you’re empty as he pulls away.

The hot, blunt head of his cock prods your entrance before he pushes himself inside you, in one strong thrust. Your fingers clamp on the edge of the table as you clench your teeth at the intrusion, fluttering on the edge of pain as his thick cock stretches you. It’s always like this, he’s not much of a gentle man.

“Tha’s it, what a good girl you are, takin’ everything I give ya.” Arthur drawls as he begins to buck his hips forward into yours, unflinchingly setting a rough, fast pace.

You’re unable to last after all the stimulation before, and it’s not long into the slamming of him into you that you begin to get that feeling that your release was imminent.

“A-Arthur-” you gasp out as you reel toward completion, the table squealing beneath you as he rocks his hips into yours faster, harder - punishing - all six foot of him hunches over you as he fucks you into a wet, messy orgasm, you pressing your forehead into the table as you clench around him.

He grunts, jerking his hips backward as his hands clamp harshly around your hips, squeezing so hard you’re sure there will be bruises in the morning. You feel the hot splatter of his spend on your rear as he lets out a long breath through his nose, trying himself to be quiet within the confines of the tent.

You pant, still bent over the small table, your skirts flipped over your hips as your knees shake. You hear Arthur fiddle with his pants before returning to you, his hands grasping at your thighs greedily before pulling at your skirts to right them.

He swats, albeit gently, at your rear before your skin disappears under your skirts.

“You gonna let me finish cleaning you up?” You ask, leaning over slightly to pick up your discarded bloomers from the ground, tucking them into your pocket.

Arthur sits back on his cot, his pants still unbuttoned and open unapologetically, as a sly smile creeps across his face.

“If yer really gonna clean me up, I think there’s a lot less clothing involved.”

#arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #red dead redemption #red dead fanfic #twolafic #arthur morgan smut #rdr2 fanfic #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x reader #red dead smut #twola1k #prompt request

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