.

Today was customer appreciation day at our bank. It was so nice. So many of our regulars showed up for a free hotdog, chips, and a pop - we even had to-go bags for the drivethru! They were all so happy. I didn't know if any of my family was going to show up, but my mom, sister, and baby niece came for my lunchbreak and ate with me. It was such a nice day.

And! One of my favorite regulars showed up - gave me one of those one-armed half-hugs 😊 - he won our raffle! Everyone was so glad he was the winner. He's been through a lot lately, so I'm glad he came and that he'll win a gas card.

It was just a really nice day. I love my job a lot. It meant a lot to me that my family came.

Second Hand Scars

I’ve been lying in bed trying to describe a sensation I have, unfortunately, experience more times than I would like to remember. And as of tonight, I am deeming it, second hand scars. 

The sensation is one where I am feeling something I have wished a thousand times not to feel. And because I do not wish to feel it but on some level persist in it, all the moments i feel it, it feels like every second is painful. These moments in the grand scheme of things are mostly passing. Fleeting. And if they were to ever be articulated outload, I am sure (or at least I think I am sure) others would describe it as momentary as I am attempting to describe it here. 

But the problem is that momentary pain adds up. If a scar is created every second the hand etches on, what is the culmination of the trail?  Even though I know it lets up, and its not every second of every day...how many seconds is too long? When should this have stopped? 

Something tells me, this worry of how much damage is too much damage? How of much I have exasperated a problem is the actual problem..is the real worry of those I love. That I have created a non-problem so deep in my head any real problem is eclipsed by scarring sensation I have created.

Have you ever realized you create your own scars? Have you ever realized this and not been able to stop from creating your own scars? Have you ever felt so defeated by this realized that every second your alive seems like a scar? 

That’s what I mean. Its not one thought, its not one idea. 

I have created every scar I have. And I can’t ever undo any of it. And I don’t know how cope with time moving on. 

I have decided that I'm done with Christianity. As a mental health professional and someone dealing with religious trauma. Im done. I still haven't cleaned out my Catholic shit, it's difficult. It's like I'm not ready to cut it out, like I need to at least pretend I'm still Catholic. My family is still very Catholic. But I'm hoping one day, I can tell them I don't go to church and get rid of my Catholic shit. But for now I'll take it day by day I guess and hopefully one day I can do it

(i Will go back to everlasting haitus if that GFM slows down too much btw, seeing it to its goal ASAP is my primary focus right now)

the devil you know

okay i should just be Over It by now i doubt that she ever talks about me so why do i

I’d give anything to see Mangle in the FNAF 2 movie

just watched honey and clover and i am so much like those characters rn

obsessed w these boneheads as of late :]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

One thing I’ve noticed about people in or entering their 30s is they don’t make as many compromises anymore. If someone doesn’t meet them halfway, is not up to standard, is just not where they’re needed to be, they’re just like “ok cool” and they move on from the person. Which is not to say they’re less empathetic or understanding, but more that they have learned that time is their most prized possession and they’re not willing to make massive compromises on it. They are not obsessed w the idea of fixing someone (bc the concept of fixing a person doesn’t really exist). They simply move on to someone who is up to par. I want that. I want to always move w the awareness that time is my most priceless belonging and I can never buy it back. Ever. So I have to use it wisely

I just want to move on and live my life.

All my past friends, all the people who I knew in the past... I want to keep in the past.

I will always say; I will forgive anyone from school, my old neighbours, old friends. Even tho some of them I was a bitch too, I can still forgive them. Those I can forgive so easily. So easily because that's easy to forgive.

But my family and family friends... I can't forgive. I just can't.

I just want to move on and live my life.

there is no where in my room with good lighting where you can't see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP x DC: The Most Dangerous Card Game

Ok so Danny has essentially claimed earth as his. And he is fully aware that there are constant threats to the planet. Now he can’t stop a threat that originates on earth (that’s something he’ll leave to the Justice league) but he can do something about outside threats. Doing some research on ancient spells, rituals, and artifacts, he cast a world wide barrier on the planet to protect it from hostile threats so they cannot enter. This will prevent another Pariah Dark incident. However, barriers like this come at a price. You see, there are two ways to make a barrier. Either make one powered up by your own energy and power (which would be constantly draining) or set up a barrier with rules. The way magic works is that nothing can be absolutely indestructible. It must have a weakness. The most powerful barriers weren’t the ones reinforced with layer after layer of protective charms and buffed up with power. Those could eventually be destroyed either by being overpowered, wearing them down, or by cutting off the original power source. No, the most powerful barriers were the ones with a deliberate weakness. A barrier indestructible except for one spot. A cage that can only be opened from the outside. Or that can only be passed with a key or by solving a riddle. So Danny chooses this type of barrier and does the necessary ritual and pours in enough power to make it. And he adds his condition for anyone to enter. 

Now the Justice league? Find out about the barrier when Trigon attempts to attack, they were preparing after he threatened what he would do once he got to earth. How he would destroy them. The Justice league tried to take the fight to him first but were utterly destroyed, so they retreated home to tend to their injuries, and fortify earth for one. Last. Stand. Only when Trigon makes his big entrance…he’s stopped.

The Justice league watch in awe as this thin see-through barrier with beautiful green swirls and speckled white lights like stars apears blocking Trigon and his army’s advance. The barrier looks so thin and fragile yet no matter how hard the warlord hits, none of his attacks can get through and neither can he damage said barrier. That’s when Constantine and Zatanna recognizes what this barrier is. Something only a powerful entity could create. For a moment, the league is filled with hope that Trigon can’t get through yet Constantine also explains that it’s not impenetrable. And clearly Trigon knows this too for he calls out a challenge. 

And that’s when, in a flash of light, a tiny glowing teenager appears. He looked absolutly minuscule compared to Trigon and yet practically glowed with power (this isn’t a King Danny AU though).

And that is when the conditions for passing the barrier are revealed. And the Justice realize that the only thing stopping Trigon and his army from decimating earth. The only way he can get through….is by beating this glowing teenager in a card game. 

Not just any card game though. The most convoluted game Sam, Danny, and Tucker invented themselves. It’s like the infinite realms version of magic the gathering, combined with Pokémon, and chess. And Danny is the master. So sit down Trigon and let’s play.

(The most intense card game of the Justice league’s life).

After Danny wins, this happens a few more times with outer word beings and possibly even demons attempting to invade earth, yet none have been able to beat the mysterious teenager in a card game. Constantine might even take a crack at it and try to figure out how to play. He’s really bad though. Every time this happens, the Justice league worry that this might be the time the teenager looses. Yet every time, he wins (even if only barely). 

Meanwhile, Danny, Sam, and Tucker have gotten addicted to the game and play it almost daily. Some teachers might seem them playing the game are are like ‘awww how cute’ not realizing this game is literally saving the world. Jazz is just happy they aren’t spending as much time on their screens playing Doomed.