#i havent slept in 5 days
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Boutta get schwifty in heeeeeeeere
#rick and morty fanart#rick#rick sanchez#r&m#fanart#art#my art#sketches#morty smith#get schwifty#shit on the floooooor#i havent slept in 5 days#mulan szechuan sauce#wubba lubba dub dub
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how do i find other christian women on this app
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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now hang on a second....
#link click#shiguang daili ren#shi guang dai li ren#lu guang#cheng xiaoshi#link click s2 spoilers#the arts from 5 million followers on weibo#from like. TWO YEARS AGO.#im sure this means nothing but also means something. Somehow.#i havent slept can you tell
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2023 Australian Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(ft. Max Verstappen & Lewis Hamilton)(my personal post-race highlights)
#i seriously think this race took like 10 years off my life#i think i aged about 50 yrs during it and had about 5 mental breakdowns#i dont think i can sum up all my thoughts: just look at my liveblogs and youll see my emotional rollarcoaster#to quote will buxton: “its been a long day.” AND I HAVENT EVEN SLEPT YET WAHHHHH#anyways absolutely wild race but yknow what im glad i experienced it and ty to you all for being here with me#when else am i gonna experience such fuckery#apologies to everyone affected by my yelling and screaming i think i lost my mind about 10 times#props to nando for his consistency#not only has he gotten p3 3 races in a row#but he also lost and regained his p3 twice in a very confusing way(i think i was abt to have an emotional breakdown at the third restart)#okay but things that make me squeal: THE WAY FERNANDO LOVES HIS TEAM AND THE WAY THEY LOVE HIM and THE WAY MAX TAPS HIM ON THE BACK HEHEHE#fernando alonso#max verstappen#lewis hamilton#2023 australian gp#fa14#mv1#lh44#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula one#formula 1#(2023: 3/23 races watched)
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#vent edit#actuallymentallyill#depression#sleepless nights#insomnia#i havent slept normally since november last year#since i was 14 my sleep has been bad and i feel like havent been able to really rest for years#but prior to this one thing i could actually fall asleep and then sleep for 8hrs straight#but not for several months it's so hard to fall asleep#and even if i do i wake up between 5-6 times during 7 hrs in bed#and it never ever feels restful#bc my entire body hurts and my neck is so stiff andi alwatys have a headache#going to bed is awful and i dread it the entire day#i just wanna lie down and sleep and rest but i cant
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it actually feels good when the biggest stress of the day is done and youre like. powering down slowly. like yes im exhausted and my head hurts but its some sort of relief at least
#pogaduchy#i mean i dont know shit still obviously. but maybe no diagnosis also means that if it was something THAT bad and THAT advanced it wouldnt g#unnoticed by now... right?#also tmi or w/e but christ this whole stress made my period pains literally like 5 times worse. usually one ibuprofen every 4h is enough#yesterday and today i was in pain ALL day long!!! havent slept since 3am!!!! i already forgot how bad it gets when im stressed out so badly
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i gotta be honest living under the constant threat that the cops can just show up and kidnap me and likely use excessive force to do so anytime they want like they have many times before for the crime of mental illness is not really helping my mental health all that much. one might say its even making it worse. hypothetically.
#hypothetically (i havent slept in days because of the paranoia)#yeah and its not helping to have 2 people that are physically violent in my life either#and every time i try to get away from them THEY CALL THE COPS AND LIE ABOUT ME HAVING A PLAN TO KILL MYSELF LOL#im working hard to get away but like im about to turn 25. its been almost 25 years. i want it to pay off now.#not in fucking 2 years or whatever i cant stand it for another second#im running on empty. i want things to be better now.#ptsd#apologies again for using this blog as a void to scream into about mental illness but i dont have anywhere else to do it lol#im trying not to drink anymore but idk maybe life should take its fucking boot off my neck for 5 seconds perhaps
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Micheal fucking Wheeler doesn't deserve Will fucking Byers. Babygirl El shouldn't have to deal with his chaotic internalized homophobic ass. And neither should will. I hope that Will officially comes out and gets a man and Wheeler pulls his head out of his ass and realizes what he has directly in from of him.
#byler#will byers#mike wheeler#stranger things#eleven#el#i havent slept in 3 days#im going insane with brainrot#...god is that you?#i see the light...#oh it was a moth#omg mothman daddy 😩😩#mothman#johnathan byers#argyle#season 5#season 4#vecna stranger things#will byers supremacy
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Top three ways you know I needed to be asleep hours ago! (Read: days)
1. Hallucinating!! So fun, always a pleasure to freak out.
2. Writing/words not making sense when written or said. Lots and lots and lots of grammatical and spelling mistakes. Always nice to decipher what I wrote later in the day.
3. Headache. Ouch go away
#can u tell i havent slept#its time for sleepy sleep#ik its 5am what abt it#actually this has been all week#wakey wake 2-6 pm#sleepy sleep 5-11 am#guess who went to bed at 11 am yesterday#thats right me#actually in pain#goodnight my sweet babys#also i gad to write book idea down and then i saw a quiz abt neurodivergent thing#had to do all that#and i got distracted by reels#stared at my ceiling for two hours tryna sleep but i couldnt stop thinking abt smthn#had to research#also yes i stayed up for two or three days and then slept for three days straight#so it actually cancels out
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the truth is i actually get so insanely jealous
#not even ab christmas gifts and stuff its likr#idk obvi its christmas ppl will post their hauls but its like damn? more than 3 items person??#every year i get a pair of pjs and something practical. not that im complaining because its shit i use but#we dont make gift lists. we arent asked and arent allowed to want stuff so idk how to ask for it. then ppl ik have 30 plus items of junk an#i donr care ab presents because im a hoarder who doesnt use my shit but they have families who know of their interests#who talk to them everyday and go out of their way to converse. i don't even know my brothers fav color. my mother doesnt know my fav food.#me and my grandma say at most 6 words a day cuz of a language barrier and my father is a baby who doesnt reach out first#i eent to a friends house 2 dsys ago snd the whole family was chatting and the house was so lively and homey#then i go home and nobody says a word to each other. idk what code everyone has that im missing but oh my god im so jealous#im jealous of their relationships their freedom their partners the amount they spend their friendships their personalities#i want to be like them. i want to be them. but im me and the most i said to mom on christmas day was merry Christmas. then get yelled at#l speaks#shut up l#ranting in the tags because i can#its like god took his time making their lives as close to perfect as possible then went to me and was like ehh#he made me odd and offputting enough to make me different then made me 'normal' enough to not raise any flags#then put me in the most virtually normal home environment that at its core is fucked#but idk. its 5 am i havent slept in 2 days merry Christmas happy new year.#posts that couldve gone in the notes app
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You would have all manner of sentience so you'd be aware of your new form.
Hmm, I dunno what I'd be although probably a cuddly toy would work for me since I am known to be a hugger
You 🤝 Me
cuddly
#for a solid 5 seconds i read your first sentence and i thought to myself#'i have absolutely no clue what this means'#and then i kept reading and i was like OH RIGHT THE QUESTION FROM BEFORE LMAO#forgive me i havent slept in [counts on fingies] uhh... since 2 days ago. my brain is on fire#anonymous#asks#i'd definitely stick with my answer then btw if im fully sentient#and hey even better if its ALL manner of sentience#i can hug back :D and talk to my new friend who customizes me (if im a doll)
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screaming sobbing begging my brain to let me think about something other than andor
#it's been TWO MONTHS#of the most intense hyperfixation i've ever experienced#it was starting to calm down to just a normal obsession but then it got bad again this week#i havent slept more than 6 hours in 5 days my brain won’t let me go to bed not when there's andor#talking about andor is like. a need for me. if i don’t i feel so hollow and like my brain is itchy#helpppp i cannot live like this#andor please what do i need to do relinquish your hold on me please i need to sleep#an e original
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current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit
#damien.txt#sorry its like 5 am and i havent slept and wanna vent so. here inam#i really do be having a wild time bc ill have like. weeks at a time where ill be like. wait a second. what if im not trans actually#okay well. never in a 'im 100% not trans' way but in a 'maybe i shouldnt transition' way#and then ill have a day where i wake up and go. oh. i think that feeling is just coming from fear about. the current state of trans issues#because oh my FUCKING GOD am i scared like 24/7 bc of that shit#and so like. then im like. maybe i really am like. actually transmasc. fr. bc i like. literally have been feeling it my whole life.#and then i wake up a couple weeks later back at the beginning like hmm....... but..... what if....#and im so tired of not knowing!! it's fucking exhausting questioning what the fuck is happening w me every 2 seconds#and im being dramatic abt it but idk. i think its a symptom of neurodivergence or something bc im like. so so scared abt being trans atm#at a level that is. certainly unhealthy.#and it really feels like something that is inhibiting me from doing things in life which is like. upsetting y'know!#but at the same time. the concept of going thru life as my birth gender is... bad. sort of inconceivable at this point.#and this is particularly hard bc like. really going back and forth on making decisions abt taking T. bc when i get in these spirals#abt maybe not being trans. i get the urge to not take it. but like. i cant fluctuate w a medicine like that that much!#but at the same time when i go back to being like oh yeah transmasc... my brain is like cool. take T again. so. fuck me i guess.#idk man. im just like. i just want to live my life without being perceived by others actually#my true gender is no one's business <3 thanks#i am. tired.
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oh the ad(h) is really d-ing today
#1) im sooo sleepy. slept for less than six hours:( and kept waking up:(#2) slow day at work so got told to do an online course. havent taken my meds in ages bc i havent been in any situations where i've felt#i needed them. but rn im like oh right. this is what it's like trying to focus on something#3) im stuck here for another 11.5hours😭😭😭😭😭 literally counting down until i can go back home and sleep. for like 5 hours before#i go to work again. L#marth.txt
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Ow my feelings...
#im sleep deprived so this hurt more than it should've#the mandalorian#but also like i'm kinda valid???#he talks like me he moves like#and he got FUCKING MIND FLAYED#oh shot gotta tag spoilers srry#the mandalorion spoilers#dr pershing#yeah this is about pershing srry#im completely inchoherent#but i havent slept more than 3 hrs in like 5 days soooo
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