9 people you would like to get to know better

tagged by @lemondoddle aaaa thank you! ヾ( 〃ω〃)ｯ ♡

1. 3 ships; jonmartin, bingqiu and shiguang

2. first ever ship; hmmm maybe kaito/lucia from pitchi pitchi pitch lmao i remember doodling them a lot as a kid so

3. last song; one is a bird - over the garden wall ost

4. last movie; aaa i dont really watch movies so maybe... nimona? a few months back lol

5. currently reading; It Devours! yes the wtnv novel bc i saw it at a book sale and i Had to get it but only got a few chapters in

6. currently watching; Link Click s2 :'') im in pain.

7. currently consuming; cough medicine oop

8. currently craving; something SPICY to unclog my sinuses

9. tagging; @zykamiliah @cum-villain @eyriedescent @qiulangjun @igetnobitcheswhatsoever @ococor + 3 other people idk ;;w;;

Okay so first off, idk if its alright I do smth like this or not, if it is please let me know-

ALSO- I wanted to try my hand at other characters too! So I kinda just yeeted some of my/your ocs into a wheel and hoped for the best lol

Credit where credit is due: Tiam, Mythra, Leroy and Mellow belong to @fumikomiyasaki!

Anyway-

Marinus and Tiam:

As much as I joke around that he'd just violently grab Tiam and drink from the little straw on his head, (,,, which technically isnt a joke bcs he would and then say sorry while feeling really bad, especially if he left bruises,,,) Marinus would definitely still try to be careful to not hurt Tiam real bad- he'd also always thank him for the drink and be apologetic if he scared/hurt him, unless,,,, yk,,,, you like that sort of thing,,,,,,

Bullies? No problem! With Marinus by your side they probably already went "missing" got eaten but if you asked if he'd seen them, he'd just go "Nope, no idea where they could be :)" and then resume gremlin thoughts

Marinus will sometimes forget certain words from time to time, considering his mom didnt even really want him to get an education and just wanted him to be like a feral siren-

Expect minor things like "Holy shit, Tiam, its a bunch of quack quacks!" And they're freaking ducks-

And speaking of ducks- Marinus hates birds (mainly seagulls/pelicans) but ducks are an exception because "They're the only birds that are nice to me" so I dont think he'd get along too well with winged characters like Rubina-😔✌️

MARINUS WOULD NEVER BITE, SCRATCH, HISS OR GROWL AT TIAM- Unless of course he asked him too

Marinus WOULD however h*ld h*nds (how sinful) and Tiam's crooked smiles will be met with a sharped tooth gremlin smile <3

Also yes, you are right, a LOT of characters (my own/discord friend OCS) are afraid of Marinus or wanna fight 😔🤣 (I think its funny-)

However, just because Marinus has people scared of him, doesnt mean he isnt scared of things too! And he will absolutely freak out if anyone/anything covers his mouth (actually, I think being restrained in general could go here), if someone sees him while he's in siren form, etc (I'll probably add on more another time lol)

I almost forgor to mention, but hair is kinda a big thing for sirens (at least in my head, idk if disney will take it and throw it in my face that its not 💀) so, if Mari is comfy enough, he'd definitely be letting Tiam touch his hair, style it, do whatever with it tbh lol and expect him to do the same with Tiam's! (No, he doesnt care if its sticky-)

Im starting to think of ideas that are more dating-like and idk if thats ok so next character

Amos and Mythra:

THE DANCE COUPLE!!!

Probably only see each other on few occasions bc different schools 😔✌️

Maybe they could teach each other new moves too 👀

Amos, however, will dip just as fast as my dad did the moment somebody from her school/dorm walk in 💀💀💀

He's honestly a real charmer tho and knows how to treat a lady :tantrums:

I imagine ears/tails are also important to beast-people (?) just like hair is for sirens (unless Disney will yeet that im wrong in my face too-) so maybe some nice scenario of Mythra petting/gently scratching his ears while Amos purrs? 🥺 And then he gotta dip bcs Sindren 💀/LH /NF

I'll be honest, Amos is one of the newer characters and hasnt been developed as much as older characters that I havent introduced lol

Momo and Mellow

OKAY so- Momo (blue haired plant baby, I have posted him here before but I need to post a ref lol- I WILL DO THAT SOON THO-) has a habit of straight up running away from people that are taller than her, I mean freaking BOLTING the moment someone bigger than 5'10 (177cm) is in her vision-

But luckily, Mildew seems to be smaller than that, so she'll at least stay! :D

In order for them to be friends tho, they'd have to interact without Dallas in the picture (another piss gremlin I have yet to post a ref of, but basically he tells Momo bs to isolate her from everyone and she'd believe it because toxic relationships✨)

Momo would be really shy at first though, but I think it could work! Like a slowburn friendship (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠)

Momo is a little passionate about art (maybe not enough to go into full on rambles about different styles n stuff but enough to try it out herself although she doesnt usually share her artworks) so he'd probably occasionally glance over and stare a bit if she notices him making something but looking away immediately if Mellow looks back

(some Momo art for reference!)

Dallas and Leroy

I do not know if Leroy understands that Dallas is just being a crotch gremlin because his parents spoiled him rotten (and he's also only like... 15 💀) but regardless-

Dallas would hands down find a way to try and "egg on" Leroy to do something and then play the victim card in front of Crowley like he does to all the "big spooky" OCs

Like bullying the clothes he wears when he finds out its a heating issue and not "because he dresses weird", probably like "You're telling me a little bit of sunshine is going to screw you over? Quit being so sensitive"

HOWEVER, I feel like he'd just end up annoyed at the spiteful pranks and then the tables would turn as now its Dallas being served some humble pie (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

(Some Dallas art for reference!)

DONT LET THE EYES FOOL YOU HE'S A LITTLE TOXIC AND HATEFUL GREMLIN

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

Heyo Lovely followers/ anyone reading this

Ive recently realized that I havent really told you guys much about myself (or anything at all- I havent even done an intro post) so here ya go if anyone wants to know

About me

I'm maddy! (She/ her/ hers)

Im in my early 20s

I have ADHD PI, diagnosed when I was 17.

I am chaotic all the way on the character alignment chart, But also my life is just chaotic.

I made this blog specifically to:

Connect with other ADHDers and find community through that

Learn about my ADHD as I recover and get my life sorted out from the hellish hot disaster-mess it was before, One day at a time

I'm applying to nursing school right now (ADHD in nursing school= God Help me😬)

Currently my adhd ass is unmedicated (pray for me) but hopefully I will be on meds before nursing school, and in the meantime Im reading You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! (great book so far- I highly reccommend it to other ADHDers esp those newly diagnosed-its here) and Im collecting positive adaptive coping mechanisms and strategies like a damn packrat.

Here are some fun facts about my life:

I want to be a nurse

I need to go to nursing school to be a nurse

I'm scared shitless of going to nursing school more than anything else, except for maybe like losing my mom or something like that

Im trying to get accepted to nursing school anyways so I can be a nurse but doing that is... uuugh shitty and frustrating and it really Executives all of my Dysfunctions

Also lately I've been struggling with some god-awful anxiety, although I have no known disorders connected to this. I'm a beginner in dealing with anxiety (I see now that Ive had it for years But honestly this is the 1st time Ive identified it as that or started trying to manage it) and I'm seeing that there's a big learning curve with it. Even though it scares the hell out of me, Im not giving up!

When I was diagnosed and for a like a full 4 years afterward, I didnt know shit about ADHD. I got diagnosed and legit just decided to push that out of my mind for 4 years, I think because I wasnt ready yet to deal with all the shit that came with accepting that I'd been living with this damn disordered brain for my whole life without ever knowing about it. But recently Ive decided to start educating myself about ADHD. Since that time I have learned so damn much its amazing,

And now Im hyperfixating on it (Im not even sorry Lol), so if you have a question please ask! You're always welcome to drop asks here But I'm not a mental health professional and I have no psych degrees- I'm just a struggling, very frustrated, discouraged but still trying like hell everyday, simple ADHD bitch hoping for some better days ahead.

I am 1000% sure there are countless ppl on here who know way more about ADHD/ neurodivergence in general than I do, but I'll do my best. Now Im kinda thinking that my interest in ADHD might actually stick around for good too so that'd be cool

Im one of those ADHDers who's also introverted as hell and I consider my alone time to be on the same level as food and water. (at least regarding mental health)

Also I post about mental health and neurodivergence.

I realize that my ADHD has caused so, so many problems. My ADHD has completely wrecked havoc and caused all hell to break loose in all areas of my life. It's also made me feel miserable, and left me feeling like I am always, always constantly floundering and struggling to find stable ground. To be honest I am so so fucking frustrated and discouraged and ashamed and angry and insecure about the state my life is in right now, sometimes I dont know how I'm gonna get through the day without breaking down. I am so so damn sick and tired of living like this everyday.

But I want to get better more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I dont want to live like this anymore. No one should have to live like that. I'm still trying like holy hell everyday, and goddamnit Im gonna figure this shit out if it kills me. Watch me die trying if you'd like!

Im looking for interaction with other ADHDers and I made this blog so I could find community with people who have brains like mine and who struggle with things similar to what I struggle with, so really you are more than welcome to reach out to me.

Thank you for reading this post/ stopping by/ following me :) I hope you have a good day/night! Please try to go easy on yourself if you can.

my manipulative/emotinal abuser ex-friend

ok, another story time : 

In light of some recent events, I decided to speak about this.

I had this online friend ( oh shocking ) born ugly doesn’t help with making friends irl ok anywho.

How did it start :

It was an online streaming service, I was watching this channel and interacting with the chat and stuff, and all of’ve sudden I get a message on my account, happy that someone noticed my existence ( i want attention who doesn’t human nature am i right ) , ok I'll try to look up how we started talking and what did we talk about .

so in search for the old messages, i found out they changed their user name to a girl’s huh interesting 

it was the trolly usual stuff degenerates talk about where u from Lada de la da da etc ...

and then he says this :

P:thanks for talking to me

P: im very lonely u know

P: i dont have friends

Flags bitch these are some serious red flags I did not know back then but now I do, i dismissed it as yeah it’s just a one-time conversation you know.and then he says THIS : 

P:  i dont have anyone to talk and that feels awful.

me: but like u have a friend or 2 right?

P: nope.

P: i havent talked to a real human in months.

me: like none ?

me: for real ?

P: nope 

THE LIES lol this is a total foreshadowing I’m getting there, YEAH, so we liked the same channels, we had the same self-deprecating jokes same type of humour, I was leaving and he wanted us to stay in contact so  I was like yeah and he added me on discord. 

Getting to know each other and the manipulation :

we continued talking afterwards and I found out I had more things in common with him, he told me about his story growing up and I felt sorry for him because he had it rough for real.(or so he made it be idk idk)

Fast forward to a month or so , he started hinting he liked more than just a friend , i dismiss it as per usual, and he had this thing where he would always call himself stupid and stuff , I tried to convince’ him otherwise and tried so hard to change how he viewed himself which is stuff I struggled with too but decided I was the bigger person and tried at least to make him feel better. 

I won’t lie when I was going through some shit he always had my back and kept encouraging me he was so” supportive”. 

BUT .... whenever i became distant because I do that sometimes; he threatens to kill himself and once I was feeling really bad i needed some time off he just went on a frenzy and cut his hair off (and got back to cutting) i don’t know if it’s real or not but that shit scared;me I was afraid to not be online and not contact him . 

 The next time he asked me to go out with him which is physically impossible because he was like 1000km I tried to explain to him why i don’t do that and i had  my reasons too , but he wouldn’t take it and started crying and was so miserable which made me feel super bad so I brushed that incident off too .

and since then everytime i say something like that upsets him or doesnt line up with what he wants he tells me he was going to cut or end it all . 

THE LIES UNRAVELED : 

i was going away for a couple of days and had no regular access to the internet so i told him;scared he would do something , and when i was away i would check up on his profile to see if he was online from time to time and i notcied somethign he told me he had NO FRIENDS, not even online firends, but i see he has been duoing with this person for quite awhile:lie numero uno .

and this is another event , he told me he deleted this game , and right after i check his profile and boom he played a game right before he told me of his decision and even after he was still playing lie numero dos

some stuff about him didn’t add up too, how he was starving himself for like a week and by GOD’S GRACE is still alive somehow: lie numero i stopped counting by that point because there were too many.

yeah, and did i mention that he told me his parents took away his phone and laptop and SOMEHOW i could stll see his recent games that were played after the incident .

weird i know , mind you he wasn’t going out so the fact that he might’ve been playing in pc bang was quiet unlikely .

Anyhow this was too long and too hard to write about , sadly this relationship or whatever it was came to an end over something stupid , he called me something i did not like i stopped replying he stopped contacting me and it was over just like that .

there were some good times too we had the same interests so we always watched tourney’s together and commented and had our own points and reward system , and the memes it was the best part tbh . 

I left some things out , but i appreciated what we had and miss it sometimes .

after we stopped talking i remember i chekced his profile and saw that he didn’t log in for like a week , i cried buckets i thought he  really commited sucied because he was addcited to this game so him not playing was a bad sign, i forgot that it was somehow an older version of the page and refreshed  and through some other means i found out he was still alive . thank god.

we don’t talk but the period that we did and the fear i lived was real imagine you’re being responsible for sombody else’s life . 

sorry for taking so long and the bad grammar and vocab but this wil forever haunt me . it fucks your mind forever. 

i’m not all there mentally so it just added up to whatver kinda fucked up i had , i still wish him happiness and to be a better human .

But i don’t feel trapped anymore , tip toeing my words and actions , you’re not supped to feel like that with a friend . afriend is someone who make you feel safe and loved .

by the by here some oscar headcanons

➞

same age as the other 3, ends up getting into the same class as them

the excited sunshine friend (tm)

also surprisngly the most normal out of all of them. the only one with both his parents

the 1st person he runs into is lime and hes excited!!!! dude!!!! long time no see remember me????? were in the same class now how cool is that????????????

he was limes best friend in early middle school. they would get into so. much trouble. 

so he is notoriously out of the loop for literally everything thats happened 

he sees mochi down the hallway and hes all “Oh my god., iis..is that...mochi palms????” “YEAH shes in our class too”

at first hes a bit playfully mean to her

BC LAST HE KNOWS HER AND LIME WERE MORTAL ENEMIES

lime has to literally stop him from bullying her and let him know that theyre on good terms already chill out

(hes not a bully by nature but him and lime used to tease her in middle school and he was just backing lime fjdksdf)

FORCEFULLY APOLOGIZES TO HER. “IM SORRY LOL,.,.,,, I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE STILL ENEMIES IM NOT A JERK I SWEAR”

mochi just kinda laughs it off. its ok. relax

hes a HUGE like. ghost adventures fan. hes always chasing paranormal cryptid shit. but hes not scared of it. he goes and calls the ghosts asshole wimps

hes the only one out of the group that doesnt live in the town. he has to take like a 10 minute bike ride to the nearest bus stop and then its another 10 minute bus ride to the school

he lives in a very rural country setting outside the city. theres a lot of like farms and feild out there, but his parents wanted to live in the clean quiet air kind of place (insp from my neighbor totoro kind of place)

oscar takes wood shop as an elective, and he kind of likes it. hes made a bunch of wooden little projects for fun. 

hes also pretty good at carving by hand. once he made a little wodden horse,. it had a dumb looking head and its legs were too short, ubt you win some you learn some nfdksf

sometimes the drama club needs some more specific props. mochi has to go ask him for help because coco is too stubborn. “Can’t we just make it out of like????? cardboard?????/ please???????????” “Or we can have oscar do it for free”

this is because once she asked him and he insisted $300 dollars cash payment. mochi asked him later and hes like “OH sure. np👌” we hate him

HE DOESNT HATE COCO HE JUST JOKES AROUND WITH HER SOMETIMES AND FORGETS TO ADD THE “JUST KIDDING” TO THE END OF IT. SO SHE THINKS HES SERIOUS

him and coco got off on the WRONG ASS FOOT. 

1st interaction was when coco was climbing through the window of the classroom, late to class again, with the teacher that hates her. she was trying to be discrete, oscar is sitting right by the window, she has no idea who this new kid even is, tells him “scOOT YOUR ASS BEFORE HE SEES ME”

ofc oscar is like “????? no wtf” AND SHE ENDS UP FALLNIG ON HER FACE. the teacher looks suspiciously in their direction, shes fokojng hiding behind oscar and mochis tables. “WHY ARE YOU MAKING SO MUCH NOISE OVER THERE OSCAR????” 

“Uhhh its not me its this chick hiding behind me”

que to coco running out of the room with the pissed off teacher chasing her (eventually she outsmarts him and makes it back to the room,., another teacher has to sub because all the running made the other one faint. coco: 34, teachers: 0)

“Whyd you rat me out like that you piece of fruit????!??!?!?!” “?????!?!????? I DOnt want to get in trouble fix your time managment next time” life is hard when you meet someone = to your sass level

overall hes not a sassy guy though. hes a good hearted kid and a good soul but he can totally ROAST you if you come after him. so HAHA now cocos super irritated by him,. oscar just kinda lets it go and forgets about it within an hour, coco is salty for 700 days. 

lime is overjoyed that now someone is here that can actually piss her off 

for unknown reasons oscar is supremely capable of pushing her buttons and no one knows how. he doesnt even mean to he can say literally anything and shes annoyed. [confused nick young meme]

his favorite holiday is ALSO HALOWEEN and is the self-proclaimed king of halloween. this sparks the biggest rivalry between two self proclaimed royalty claiming that they go harder on halloween

cocos main interest in the holiday is more of the ‘get free candy, harass young children, tp houses’ vibe, whereas oscars is more,,. ‘im gonna lure out all the ghosts and no one can stop me’

problematic bc coco is actually kind of afriad of ghosts

once mochi and lime had to stay at their shops for part of the night for the trick-or-treaters, so coco and oscar went trick or treating together. oscar LITERALLY had an ouija board and was READY TO CONTACT THE OTHER SIDE,. COCO WAS FREAKED THE HELL OUT “DUDE PUT THAT DEMON SHIT AWAY WTF????????!?!?!?!!!!”

coco is better with makeup but oscars outfits are better quality

he is also the only one to suspect that mochi is more than normal. he cant put his finger on what it is about her exactly but he feels like something is off. his 1st theory was vampire (quickly disproven bc she obviously. goes in the sun. and hes seen her reflection before.

 his 2ND AND MAIN THEORY IS PERHAPS 2) MERMAID.

carries around a notebook to record evidence on supernatural and mochi theories.

“okay 1. lives near the ocean, 2. no one knows of her late night activies, 3. never goes in the water, 4. always drinking water SHE MUST BE A MERMAID”

lime is just shaking his fiukcjng head (post-reveal)

once he saw her cat and literally asked her “..........are you a witch?” at first shes SHOOK but then kinda stares at him for a while, before answering “is this another one of your conspiracy theories” “or a mermaid. are you a mermaid?”

not a bad dancer. actually pretty good,

one time mochi and lime go over to his house for a project. his house is near the border of a big forest. mochi never tells him theres powerful forest spirits in there

but his home is a great safehouse later on. sometimes they make the trip out there just to relax in the mountain air. peaceful(tm)

hes the last of the squad to be introduced, but i havent decided if him or coco find out about mochi first. also havent decided on what his power is going to end up

always drops by mochis shop after school for a snack. hes a little hurt because he has to pay for it whereas lime gets stuff for free LMAOO

he can tell pretty easily that mochi is crushing on lime. he teases lime about mochi too. chaotic nuetral “Have you guys hooked up yet?” “HAHA NOOoo wTF are you TALKING about.,..,..”

the bigass weeb. watches anime and cartoons. pretends like hes the edgy cool guy(tm) but hes really not. literally wears a gravity falls shirt. loser

The Flash 5x4!!!

I am HYPED, you guys! FINALLY WE FIND OUT WHAT'S UP WITH MOMMA AND BABY.

Whatever it is Im going to deeply empathize with and love both of them.

Idk who this stupid af bitch is running straight into a blazing hail of fireballs and trying to take selfies but I hate her.

Iris. Iris. Baby. Hahahahaha Nora knows what a disaster her Mom is in the kitchen. I love you sfm Iris.

Hey Nora this version of your Mom just met you so hold back on the teenage sass, okay?

Ok this isnt funny anymore my heart is aching for Iris.

Young lady sit back down and eat that breakfast your Mom made for you.

"Make you a banana" lmaoooo this is why Barry does all the cooking. Gawd I love the domesticity.

I love that Iris can't cook. It just adds to her perfection. I guess I really am a fool in love, huh?

Oh God this guy. Shut up shut up shut up. Did this buffoon just call Cisco Ramon not brave???

I wish Ralph would take the lead here. That's right, I like Ralph now. This season is magic.

I would find this softball thing adorkable and hilarious if it wasn't for the fact that Barry is literally the Flash. It doesn't make a lick of sense. Would have been much more interesting if Barry had turned into a star athlete overnight and everyone just boggled.

Otoh it provides an interesting (read: hilarious) look at their dynamic growing up. Their different dorknesses cancel each other out.

I am irked. Why is the Flash a hopeless athlete? HE CATCHES KNIVES OUT OF THE AIR. How does he just switch off his co-ordination?

Kinda nice seeing all the ladies together like that though. Cecile is a gift.

NORA IS A GAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL WE HAVE A BABY QUEER IN THE HOUSE aaaaaand you are seriously trying my patience here. Be rude to your mother one more time. See how that goes.

Oooh Momma Bear is on the case! *hearteyes*

See, Baby Giraffe is already better at this than The Fraudulent Frenchie.

I hate to say it but based on that lumberjane chic I think we have another queer in the house. But this one we don't want.

Loool "like her size extra small". I hate to say it but thats a way better reason for her codename than "excess" ugh.

No it was different because she never knowingly put the people she was writing about in danger you asshat. God I wish you weren't so pretty.

Another black man wrongly accused. What up, America.

...Joe what. You guys. Jesse Martin looks bad. IS HE OKAY I AM SERIOUSLY CONCERNED.

Momma coaching Baby through speedster things! Because Barry taught her that one time she was a speedster. I can't handle this. My heart.

She FINALLY thanked her! Iris's smile.

My girls. I can't.

OMG SOMEONE REMEMBERS EARLY EDITION! I loved that show!

Also. Iris West, ace reporter, always better than fake hoes. Watch and learn, padawan.

Am sad we're not getting any Cisco Ramon. I hope Carlos is enjoying his mini-vacay. Otoh, I really like that Caitlin is included in the West-Allen circle this ep.

I wonder why Nora doesnt call Cait and Cisco Aunt and Uncle. They must be the godparents.

It's okay Ralph. Some leads don't pan out. If Shitloque was an actual detective he'd know that.

But I love that the heroes of Central City can walk around in public and interact freely. Oliver's team would need to break in and scare the bejesus out of some poor unsuspecting sod.

NORA IS A DISASTER LESBIAN CONFIRMED. Or probably a disaster bi like her Dad. I AM LOVIN' THIS.

THAT MOMENT WHEN THE PENNY DROPS FOR BARRY THAT HIS DAUGHTER IS A GAY LMAOOO

Fuck I love that Iris never even blinked when Nora said Spencer was cute. She probably sussed it way before. I love you Momma West-Allen.

Oh no oh no I was right. Iris pulled a Joe West. Goddamn it. I mean I get why, I get how traumatized and scared she must have been but IRIS NO YOU DON'T LIE TO YOUR CHILDREN TO PROTECT THEM. Remember how you felt when your Dad did that to you?

I am legit heartbroken, you guys. I really wanted to be wrong. I blame Joe West's goddamn patriarchal shitty parenting for perpetuating this cycle of lies.

I swear to God if this show tries to justify lying and manipulating your kid again I'm going to give up on it. It's triggering as all fuck (I still havent recovered from S1 and 2) and I need Iris to be held accountable when she fucks up, not let her turn into another Fefe who can do no wrong.

Jesus Christ Iris, trying to force a conversation with Nora by invading her privacy and ignoring her need for space is not okay. BOUNDARIES, girl.

Oh okay but she's holding herself accountable thank fuck. I mean, Barry's right she can't be blamed for what she might do in the future but IT'S STILL WRONG.

I was actually shaking. Friendly reminder that survivors of parental abuse and manipulation are also watching this show, some of us with CPTSD.

"What if my Dad did something like that to you"?? Er. Iris? Remember when he lied to you for twenty years about your mother being dead and you didn't talk to him for six months?

Oh here we go. You've stood there like a gormless beanpole for three episodes without so much as trying to intervene Barry and this is how you choose to comfort your wife. Not "yes, it's a bad thing and we can't know what led you to the choices future you made but in the here and now you know not to. We can learn from the future and make different choices, Iris."

PUNCH HIM IN THE THROAT, CAITLIN.

...I just meant for frightening Caitlin, but he actually wants to be punched?

Ooooh that was satisfying! Pretty sure her form was all wrong but can't argue with the results.

I love how fucking competent Iris is??? She knows how to use the entire STAR Labs tech arsenal. Although that Vibe device kinda defeats the whole purpose of breechers. It's like if they had a device lying around that could give just anyone super speed.

Not sure how Spencer thinks XS can kill Flash. One's a n00b and the other is veteran.

Wait, Baby Flash can do what now?

I don't like that they had to dumb Barry down so much to give Iris a chance to shine. A couple can both be competent at the same time! It's called being a power couple! Not one-half Idiot Ball couple!

So her phone got powers? Huh??

Ah yes. Dark Matter. More multi-purpose than Quantum.

Okay cool Ralph is getting his due. "Less right" LOL

"That puts meta-human powers in the hands of anyone" kinda like having a Breeching device, no?

We have meta-humans, meta-phones, meta-daggers (a tech dagger??) HOLY SHIT WHAT IF THE DARK MATTER HIT A HOME DEPOT?? How many people now have meta-vacuum cleaners? Meta-dishwashers?? Meta-can openers??

Oh God. No. Not this.

No. You do not lie and manipulate your kids to protect them. You do not do that. Love is no justification.

Don't Barry don't. Stop stop.

I can't watch this. FUCK YOU.

FOR GOD'S SAKE SHE'S CRYING AND SHAKING YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO COMFORT HER AND MAKE HER FEEL SAFE NOT STAND ON YOUR PILE OF BULLSHIT WITHOUT GIVING A FLYING FUCK.

No, cry all you want. I have no sympathy for either one of you callous asshats. You fucking destroyed that girl. Fuck Joe West for having raised you to think this way.

Yeah no Joe West is not who you want to go to in these matters, Nora.

I don't even care about Cicada anymore.

I should have known this show would never get any less gross.

Look, I was fully prepared to be sympathetic to Iris, traumatized, alone and single mother to a meta-child in a dangerous world to have made some bad decisions. And I do empathize. But I wasn't prepared for present-day Barry and Iris to justify and rationalize that shit. I thought they were going to say "That was a bad thing your Mom did. I'm sure she thought she was protecting you but she may have lost sight of how much it hurts to have your choices taken away from you. But I'm not that woman, Nora. I know I could never bear to see you hurting like this. I can still make better choices. Please give me a chance?"

Not "No I am your Mom and everything I do is right and good because I love you, I'm sorry if you feel hurt about it but them's the facts."

They did this when Barry and Joe lied to Iris all through S1, when Joe lied to Iris about her mother. This show is still all about apologia for lying and manipulation because LOVE AND GOOD INTENTIONS AND TO PROTECT YOU BY DISRESPECTING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU AND TAKING AWAY YOUR AGENCY.

Parental love is not a justification. Most abuse takes place at the hands of parents who really believe they're doing it for their children's protection. Please never say "your parents have every right to hurt you to protect you because they love you". Do you even care at all.

I'm not okay. Gonna take a break from fandom for a while. Can't deal with people taking Iris's side to protect their Westallen feels. Fuck both of them.

I'm posting this but please don't engage me to argue about it. Massively triggered.

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

Netflix’s Death Note: Cont’ Chat Logs

After a brief intermission I end up just “liveblogging” my reactions to aiko (matt-chan). I tried to cut out any filler and make this as cohesive as possible while also not spoiling much. Under cut because this is also long.

[8/25/2017 5:25:24 AM] ryuzaki: i was originally gonna watch this then watch it again and write notes but idk if i can watch this more than once [8/25/2017 5:25:34 AM] matt-chan: Dud3 i prob can [8/25/2017 5:25:51 AM] matt-chan: Its so bad but i keep watching - [8/25/2017 5:38:23 AM] ryuzaki: if watari is the chubby japanese man can i just say [8/25/2017 5:38:29 AM] ryuzaki: him and L saved me [8/25/2017 5:40:18 AM] ryuzaki: oh shit nevermind watari lookin weird but at least they got the inventor part of him right - [8/25/2017 5:45:08 AM] ryuzaki: they made L messy? i dont understand [8/25/2017 5:45:17 AM] ryuzaki: I like him except for that fact - [8/25/2017 5:46:24 AM] ryuzaki: [goes back to light n mia] i forget why did i hate them [they immediately speak] oh Thats why - [8/25/2017 5:49:02 AM] ryuzaki: also ive been laughing at how accurate the watari giving soichiro(?) an ice cream cone is [8/25/2017 5:49:07 AM] ryuzaki: thats literally the best part of this [8/25/2017 5:49:14 AM] matt-chan: WATARI IS THE BEST [8/25/2017 5:49:47 AM] ryuzaki: him and L save this. they arent perfect but if they were the star of the show id watch it and be able to stomach it [8/25/2017 5:51:51 AM] matt-chan: Yes - [8/25/2017 5:54:23 AM] ryuzaki: Light and L dont have any interaction before this newscast.. Light doesnt even know who he is (soichiro never even mentioned him and it was alluded to that L isn't very well known to even law enforcement) why was light so angry? why would he care about who this was? [8/25/2017 5:57:00 AM] ryuzaki: oh okay they ask about him after...... but i still dont get why they chose this route..? did mia know who he was? it wouldve been better shot if he was watching the news to write more people down and all the channels got interrupted by the conference. [8/25/2017 5:59:56 AM] ryuzaki: the importance of the scene in the manga was that L realized he had a pattern of when he killed people and made sure his broadcast was on during the time light would be watching the news, then to prove his name/face theory he put lind L taylor up on the screen with his full face and name revealed and made him kill him, only for L to start talking and direct his message towards light then (with only the L logo and a voice changer broadcasting), taking an educated gamble on if light could kill whoever he wanted without those two things. [8/25/2017 6:00:03 AM] ryuzaki: im hung up on this scene........................... but anyway - [8/25/2017 6:00:26 AM] matt-chan: Im just mad about L not having a voice changer [8/25/2017 6:00:41 AM] ryuzaki: YEAH that was so odd.... - [8/25/2017 6:01:18 AM] ryuzaki: light isnt even light

[8/25/2017 6:02:57 AM] ryuzaki: like him and mia arent even relatively close to their original characters so it feels like im watching two people named similarly but otheriwse have no connection. part of me hates them but the other part of me is like "lol well why are you even mad, they basically just made a new spinoff character" [8/25/2017 6:04:15 AM] matt-chan: I have a feeling this will end differently [8/25/2017 6:04:21 AM] matt-chan: They cut a lot of the story already [8/25/2017 6:04:29 AM] matt-chan: Its just a summary /spin off [8/25/2017 6:05:56 AM] ryuzaki: they havent really went into the detail of lights stradegies.. like theyre talking about light going quiet because raye penber(?) is following them and say not to fuck around with the dn but that would be obvious.......... thats one of the main things theyd be looking for [8/25/2017 6:06:24 AM] ryuzaki: nowhere in this story have they shown their light as smart besides doing basic algebra in the first two minutes [8/25/2017 6:06:37 AM] ryuzaki: also true i was thinking honestly L may win [8/25/2017 6:06:46 AM] ryuzaki: Like be alive and win - [8/25/2017 6:07:08 AM] matt-chan: No [8/25/2017 6:07:20 AM] matt-chan: This movie is finally finished for me I am Livid (note: not done with the movie. at a particular scene with Watari) - [8/25/2017 6:07:20 AM] ryuzaki: i dont think the wammy boys are in this tbh. with the whole not being able to see ryuk they already took away a large chunk of the ending [8/25/2017 6:08:33 AM] ryuzaki: wheres rem. wheres my saving grace girl - [8/25/2017 6:09:30 AM] ryuzaki: mia: i was the right one, not you light, the smart one: oh fuck lol [8/25/2017 6:10:24 AM] matt-chan: HAHAHAHAHAHA [8/25/2017 6:10:28 AM] matt-chan: “theres so many fucking rules” [8/25/2017 6:10:44 AM] ryuzaki: they really show that these are kids. like....... "i was thinking we could make some popcorn and write some names down" like........... do you want me to take this seriously.......... theyre like 12. they arent trying to change the world theyre just some kids who thinks killing people is fun. - [8/25/2017 6:11:58 AM] ryuzaki: also all i can imagine is lights dad walking in the door at some point and wondering why the house occasionally is littered with apple cores - [8/25/2017 6:13:25 AM] ryuzaki: ohh so she took the death note im guessing [8/25/2017 6:13:47 AM] ryuzaki: my issue is how did she get the names????? [8/25/2017 6:14:37 AM] ryuzaki: im waiting for this movie to end without ever knowing how L dies because they just kill him without revealing his name/how they found it [8/25/2017 6:15:32 AM] ryuzaki: he blames ryuk.. why would ryuk do this.. [8/25/2017 6:19:20 AM] ryuzaki: i... dont get this movie at all... there is so much to talk about... so many issues... why would L be out in public during this time, why is ryuk the bad guy, why is light so emotional, why is light so STUPID (yet considered smart in the story?) - [8/25/2017 6:20:04 AM] matt-chan: I am upset [8/25/2017 6:20:05 AM] ryuzaki: why would soichiro go out in public and do this... is this how they find out who kira is? because he wont kill his dad? the real light would kill his dad [8/25/2017 6:20:08 AM] matt-chan: I am. More livit [8/25/2017 6:20:17 AM] ryuzaki: im so fuckin worried by that [8/25/2017 6:20:40 AM] ryuzaki: i feel like youre hard to get angry with this kinda thing - [8/25/2017 6:21:00 AM] matt-chan: AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [8/25/2017 6:21:07 AM] matt-chan: IM IN TEARS BUT [8/25/2017 6:21:09 AM] matt-chan: IM SAD [8/25/2017 6:21:11 AM] matt-chan: AND LAUGJING - [8/25/2017 6:27:40 AM] ryuzaki: why did L show his face and make an incredibly public scene while talking about kira..... its not as bad as the rest of the things in this movie but its still questionable. if they werent making a scene about kira id let it pass - [8/25/2017 6:29:12 AM] ryuzaki: WATARI ISNT HIS REAL NAME YOU FUCKING IDIOT - [8/25/2017 6:30:29 AM] matt-chan: I finished it (note: now she means the movie) [8/25/2017 6:31:07 AM] ryuzaki: he didnt even have him call a burner phone. if L finds the notebook wouldnt this be even more damning evidence that light is kira (that is, if he doesnt burn the page) [8/25/2017 6:31:12 AM] ryuzaki: dont spoil please - [8/25/2017 6:34:29 AM] ryuzaki: nnnnnn [8/25/2017 6:42:03 AM] ryuzaki: ohhhhhhhh the normal people scare me in his locker with the ahs font im So Embarrassed. - [8/25/2017 6:43:01 AM] ryuzaki: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo (note: my reaction to the same scene with Watari) - [8/25/2017 6:45:51 AM] ryuzaki: oh how interesting they DO say how she does it with the fbi task force [8/25/2017 6:46:31 AM] ryuzaki: HOLY SHIT..... MIA IS EVIL.............................. [8/25/2017 6:46:45 AM] ryuzaki: "THERES SO MANY FUCKING RULES" [8/25/2017 6:48:57 AM] ryuzaki: omg i hope he ends up dyingggggggg i hope she does too - [8/25/2017 6:49:59 AM] ryuzaki: L Cant Fuckin Drive - [8/25/2017 6:50:48 AM] ryuzaki: apparently this is the version of death note where everyone has Too Many emotions [8/25/2017 6:52:43 AM] ryuzaki: also this is so fucking stupid the chase is making me laugh why did they do this - [8/25/2017 6:54:00 AM] ryuzaki: OHHH DUDE I HATE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS [8/25/2017 6:54:11 AM] ryuzaki: WHAT A CHEAP FUCKING TACTIC (note: a scene with light and L) - [8/25/2017 6:57:57 AM] matt-chan: Bahahaha [8/25/2017 6:58:03 AM] matt-chan: The song they played on the ferris wheel (few minutes later) [8/25/2017 7:03:34 AM] ryuzaki: AHAHA THE SONG [8/25/2017 7:05:35 AM] ryuzaki: OH THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID - [8/25/2017 7:02:14 AM] ryuzaki: is the moral of this story that you should never trust high school romance..... cause thats what im getting - [8/25/2017 7:09:02 AM] ryuzaki: i like how he was i guess in a coma and his dad comes in and doesnt fucking care he woke up [8/25/2017 7:09:14 AM] ryuzaki: like hes just awake n his dads like [shrug] - [8/25/2017 7:15:41 AM] ryuzaki: okay so it just ended and honestly the only issue with the ending was not knowing if L wrote Lights name down [8/25/2017 7:16:06 AM] ryuzaki: just because its like. Well i dont fucking know what he'd do, your L and the original L end up very different at the half way mark [8/25/2017 7:16:34 AM] ryuzaki: but if they kept things completely new like they did near the end i think it wouldve been interesting [8/25/2017 7:17:32 AM] ryuzaki: the main issue is that i couldnt enjoy it because it was clearly labled as a reboot to the original story, and not another one that happens in the same universe as the death note one (where the death note exists that is) [8/25/2017 7:18:39 AM] ryuzaki: if they had made a whole new story and just had the death note in it and new people, maybe at the most keep ryuk in if you really want a reoccurring character, it would be not great but a fun watch

recent thoughts ive been having [EXXXTENDED EDITION]

-summer depression is definitely turning out to be a bigger thing for me than initially anticipated because im really #strugglin rn…. i feel weird because work hasnt started yet and im not really doing anything but lounging around my house, and im scared to skate for some reason, afraid of being bad because im out if practice…. which is scary bc i have yet to experience this feeling about skating in this great of a magnitude before, esp after skating before and literally doing fine…. another problem is that ive changed at college (in good ways i hope) but i find it stranger and thus less comfortable and thus harder to interact with my friends from hs/not college because weve all changed and im trying to figure out how to interact with people again… then also i feel like im missing out by not staying at college or doing more things towards resume building or intern or job searching so that kinda sucks when i know im literally fine….. also this could be birth control extra fucking with my hormones and depression levels, as is a side effect:/ -i have more responsibilities at work and im worried about taking those on, but im also excited -my pillows are too stiff -my most recent struggle at college which has carried itself over is my identity as a latina?? im half mexican, because both of my fathers parents are mexican, but they didnt teach my father to speak spanish so he could appear more white and not be harassed or labeled as a dirty hispanic which in turn allowed him to get where he is today…. but so growing up in a predominately white neighborhood i never understood why i was tanner than everyone else and always just felt very white, never knew any other latinas in my kind of situation, and always felt weird putting hispanic/latinx down on forms, but felt weird/angry when people told me how white i was. then coming to college and meeting more and more people that are latina/latinx but have actually grown up if not embracing, at least with their culture which put me in a weird limbo for the first real time, i didn’t feel latina enough….. its been surprisingly frustrating not being able to speak spanish OR greek (because im both and identify with both yet was raised more greek but cannot speak either language) because if ive learned one thing, no matter what people say, i feel like i will not be able to be fully embrace my latina side, even if i learned spanish, because i was not raised in a traditionally hispanic household. but ive had options to and try to hone it more now, but being back home, i just feel double weird because i dont have any other latinx people backing me up…. im just stuck in this limbo but everything is so racially charged esp online i cant relate or feel guilty when i see tweets or posts with really intricately nuanced stuff by and for the latinx community and im here like: so confused. its like when people tweet about like “lol when white people do XYZ” and then you are like, “am I the white person that does XYZ? can i like this tweet?” now imagine that feeling but just. always -i went on like. ONE date with a guy i just want to be friends with but we havent like ever spoken since -why my old unsubstantial crushes from hs gotta come crawlin out that woodwork -was this too inconvenient to scroll pass and did anyone actually read it

(all for both skylar and kitty, or whichever you prefer to answer it for) 1-3, 5-12, 14-19, 21-26,28-38,40,42-50

OK i did ALL OF IT

1.What is your OC’s favorite color?

kitty likes red skylar likes purple

2.Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

kitty collects rocks! skylar collects Literally Anything given to him hes a bit of a hoarder but only when it comes to gifts. he cant bring himself to get rid of anything given to him

3.What kind of things is your OC allergic to?

kitty is mildly allergic to oranges. skylar isnt allergic to anything

5 already answered

6.What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?

skylar loves any and all cats (including kitty(;3)) but tigers are his favourite. kitty likes bears

7.What element would your OC be?

skylar would be. water i think? i think kitty would be earth? but idk.

8.What is your OC’s theme song? 

idk lmao i dont do theme songs 

9.Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC?

been meaning to find some but i havent yet. i should get on that

10.What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

skylar i think would be envy. kitty maybe..wrath? i dont think that fits too much but its the best out of the seven.

11.What are your OC’s hobbies?

skylar likes to sew, kitty likes to cook

12.How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

skylar is very patient. but maybe a little past patient to being just kind of a pushover. but he is very patient. kitty is a little less patient but i wouldnt say shes hot headed? shes a little irritable the days around the full moon but other than that shes pretty ok

15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?

kitty would like a lizard! she just thinks theyre cool. skylar wants a cat. 

16.What does your OC smell like? 

skylar smells like... warm. like warmth has a smell and thats what he smells like. kitty smells like fruit shampoo

17.How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?

theyre both highschoolers n dont have jobs but skylar wants to be a nurse. kitty isnt sure what she wants to do n thinking about it scares her a lil

18.What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

skylar is terrified of being alone, its the reason he was in his situation before he met kitty in the first place. he will do anything for you if he thinks you will leave him if he doesnt obey.

kitty is terrified of hurting the people close to her, mostly after when she attacked skylar bc of the blood moon bs. after a few more moons they figured out what the deal was but shes still afraid that something could happen and she could attack someone again without warning. before that.. im not sure? i havent thought much about that

19.What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?

skylar likes sufjan stevens n things similar, kitty likes the ready set n things similar

21 already answered

22.What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

when hes with the right people skylar is a vry good student but before he met kitty he was in the principals office a lot and his grades dropped bc he was so exhausted emotionally from being w the ppl he was friends with and it took a toll on his mental health and his ability to focus and slash or care about school.

kitty is a good student in the classes that can keep her attention (usually science and history) but she has a real tough time if shes not Really Interested in whatever shes supposed to be learning, it just doesnt stick with her well. attitude wise tho shes a good student. she doesnt get into trouble unless the trouble finds her first and then shes too stubborn to back down lol

23.What is a random fact about your OC? 

...........i cant think of a random fact that isnt already mentioned lmao

24.What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

skylar is pretty depressed and negative about His life but very positive abt others? if that makes sense? he thinks everyone has a reason to live and deserves to live. kitty is p much the same but shes not depressed rlly. shes pretty positive all around. 

25.What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?

WELL. a looong while back i wrote a vent fic about dave like getting the shit beat out oif him or whatever. and skylar was one of the bg characters. he was very remorseful but didnt do anything to help dave or apologize and was just like.. in the bg for no reason? but then i was like i kinda....wanna do more with this guy. so i kinda like made an alternate ending to what i had where skylar helped dave after instead of leavin him where he was. and then i got attached lmfao.

kitty was made specifically for skylar! for a long while i thought skylar would always be like. a stand alone character it just felt rlly weird giving him a second Permenant character that wasnt terrible for him and then one day i was like WELL.....what if.......this Girl and then kitty was created

26.Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

skylar and kitty are each others Most Important Person. kitty brought skylar out of a dark place and skylar is kittys rock when she gets overwhelmed or breaks down. theyre good for each other. best friends.

there is not a single person however that is not important to skylar he cares abt everyones opinions all the time. kitty tho.. theres someone but im not sure?? who exactly? havent gotten into that or anything.

28 answered

29.If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

man idk. skylar is too scared of death to think about it and kitty just doesnt thing much abt it

30.Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

kitty would like to get married, shes indifferent about kids. skylar would like to get married and have at least one child !

31.What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?

most traumatic.. for skylar probably . being kind of forced to hurt people?? not necessarily forced by other ppl but forced by himself ofc. but it was still traumatic. 

kitty... im not sure. she hasnt really had any traumatic experiences so aside from attacking skylar which she could only remember bits and pieces of anyway idk !

33.Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? 

kitty could kill someone accidentally during a blood moon or if she was pushed too far in a non blood moon Wolf time she could probably kill someone but she definitely wouldnt mean to if she was coherent. shes a little more irritable during wolf times (i think i already mentioned that in this or the other one but) and if she gets too angry the wolf in her comes out a little more and she gets violent. shell only mean to maim but miiight go a little too far. hasnt happened yet though and she is determined to be sure it never happens.

skylar however. after like a year of hurting people hes sort of. learnt to dissociate in the process of it to cope. so if he was also pushed far enough, but like, thatd take more than wolfy kitty. like to the point of his family (including kitty) being seriously hurt or threatened seriously he could sorta. snap and have at it. and he could accidentally kill them. really unlikely though.

34.What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

skylar tends to avoid social groups for long periods of time and if he is w a social group hes pretty quiet and will mostly just talk to kitty between her conversations with other people. uhh id go a little more in depth about how kitty interacts with people but i.. do not go to social groups and interact enough to see how an extrovert.. would interact with other people. at least i dont kno enough abt how theyd interact to be decisive abt it. sorry lol

35.How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

skylar is def worried most of the time. he overthinks things especially when asked to do something, like hell overthink whether or not he did whatever thing correctly and overthink every little detail he worries a lot.

kitty likes to day dream! she likes to talk to skylar about her daydreams a lot n shell be able to go on for like an hour about whatever shes thinking about and skylar just likes to listen to her and she doesnt need him to participate a super lot just like. Listening makes her happy. shes got a lotta thoughts all the time

36.What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

skylar wants Approval and praise. not like in a selfish way like i did this thing for u so i Deserve your praise and affection for it or whatever but just. its a dpd thing. he Needs it

kitty is... difficult. i really dont have her wants slash needs as fleshed out as skylars which is bad of me :\ i need to get on that.

37.What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?

well kitty stims she likes to flap her hands and stuff but i think thats still pretty common. idk if skylar really does anything that other people dont do?? shrugs

38.What would your character do with a million dollars?

skylar would probably save it lol. kitty would impulse buy a shit ton of things at once until skylar was like wAIAt WHAT ARE U DOING and make her Calm Down

40 already answered

42.Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? 

skylar has scars on his cheeks, back of his arms, his shoulderish area and on his chest from kitty attacking him.

43.What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?

skylars probably accidentally said a bunch of offensive shit being a Straight Cis White Boy but idk specifics man. kitty always corrects him tho and he does better hes tryin

44 answered

45.If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?

skylar probably doesnt mind pineapple pizza? its not his favourite but hed be fine with it but kitty thinks pineapple pizza is the most Disgustng thing on earth. she would rather Die. 

46.Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?

kitty would probably curiously mess with it a little but skylar would be too paranoid to touch it lol

47.Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?

kitty likes to draw furries because she is an Actual Living Furry but skylar doesnt draw much more than like. ur average bored doodling.

48.What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?

well theyre both still teenagers but kittys parents have always been very supportive of her. they kno shes bisexual and she hasnt brought up bein partially nonbinary just because she doesnt want to yet and theres nothing they Need to know about that yet but theyd be supportive of that too. shes got really good parents

skylars dad was not a very good person, not like physically abusive or anything but he was a toxic person and he is no longer in skylars life. his mom however! is a very nice person. shes rlly patient with skylar nd was especially when he was in that rlly bad place and was getting into trouble a lot. she knew there was something going on

49.Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?

skylar likes chocolate and kitty likes.. like all candy. i dont think sugar rushes are.. a real thing??? lmao but itd just be kitty when shes excited. skylar doesnt get sugar rushes

50.If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

skylar is pretty afraid of death but i dont think hed try to fight it. hed probably isolate himself from anyone that wasnt his mom or kitty

kitty would probably kind of just hide it like not tell anyone if it was possible. shes like. the moderate amount of afraid of death n i think if there were ways she could try to avoid it that would at least Extend her time a little she would definitely do that as much as possible but if she knows there wont be much she can do she wont waste too much time with it. shed just make the time she has count

hiiii it’s me colly!

Hii it’s been a long while since I wrote out my thoughts on here.  I just wanted to recollect and self reflect on some feelings i’ve been feeling lately. SO it all started in march when I noticed I was beginning to feel more of myself again. Like I just felt more of me. Like the sadness is yeah its still there and the betrayal i felt from craig is always going to be there i think. And the trauma and the anger I have for him of what he did to me and put me through will always be there. But I found myself finally feeling like ready? Ready to take a leap of faith and get myself back out there into the dating pool/pond.  AND LET ME TELL YOU!!! It is so fucking exhausting. I hate the swiping. And I hate feeling writing my bio to the point where I feel like i’m selling a pitch to shark tank. LIKE SEELLLING MYSELF AND MY QUALITIES of what makes ME special or what someone will get out of when they date me. LOL idk it’s so hard. I think that’s another thing I need to work on. Loving myself. And taking ownership on yes I am weird, yes I am shy. But yes I am awesome and I am beautiful. It just takes time to see that. Anyway I was losing hope on these datin g apps when i would get bomboarded with dudes asking me questions on if I live at home, or if i live alone. And it made me self conscious like. Is it bad that I live at home with my mom? It’s so expensive to move out. Like I cant even afford living in the bay area if i did try and move out and find a roomie. LOL. I guess i feel ashamed, because of that. And whenever I would match with someone they would either unmatch themselves right away after i message them. or they just never replied. So it was kinda frustrating i guess. Like whats the point?  Anyway my school friend and my brother suggested me to try out the dating app of Meetme. And LOL i was skeptical because of the amount of messages I would receive the first time I downloaded it. And So i tried it again. And I just got sooooooo many messages from dudes. And the ages just ranged from 18-21; 40-60 year olds. And It just made my stomach sink. I just I cant see myself dating someone that’s 40 and me being 27. Idk I just I cant. ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE MESSAGING ME ASKING IF I WOULD LIKE TO TRY OUT LIMP DICK LMFAO?! HELLO? WHAT LOL or if i would like to be their substitution to viagra. creeper bye. And so it just made me really freaked out. And then at this time Steven messaged me and I was just cautious. But he made me laugh and he was the only one that was close to my age. So I felt like that was fine. But the overwhelming messages from 40-60 year olds creeping on my profile and asking me if i wanted to lick them or if i was interested in finding a daddy. Just I couldnt. So I decided to just delete my photos because ya girl just was creeped out at that point. And steven then messaged and asked me if I was quitting because he noticed I was removing my photos and i just explained to him and he was just really shocked. And i asked him if he ever experienced that on his end and he just said no. So I was just like LUCKY DUCK.  Anyway, we talked more on the app of meetme messages. He made me laugh. I thought he was pretty charming and cute as well. He has a list of interests that is sooooo different from me which made me feel very insecure or uneasy. I’m not active and I have had bad experiences of camping and outdoors but I am always willing to try new things. And I feel like I just couldnt do long distance anymore. especially after the abuse I went through with craig and phillip. I just I can’t do that anymore. I need someone here for me physically. And steven is literally a few miles away so i was glad. SO we do have a shared interest which is anime c: and cute animals and food and books and gaming. And he asked me out on a date to go to Dave n Busters. 

SO GUESS WHAT ya girl went to dave n busters. that was the first date. met him upstairs. I awkwardly walked over and gave him a hug while I shivered and we played a lot of games together. Then we had cheeese BURGERSS. There he let me have some of his beer which I took a few sips didnt enjoy it though. LOL and He just laughed. Then he mentioned about how there’s sea glass on the beach and how he wanted to show it to me. And  I was just like uh i guess? I just have to be back at this time to get picked up. And he’s just like oh we will have time dont worry. SO I WENT IN HIS CAR (and my friend has shamed me for it lol saying how stupid i was to go in his car lol on the first date and how lucky i am to be alive and not killed and stuff) And I dont know It just didnt register in my head until I got to the beach so i did send my location to my best friend. so she knew where I was. even tho my girl is in texas and im in california LOl. so when we got to the beach we actually picked up sea glass and it just it felt like a movie. or something I read in books. It was soft and slow and I just felt safe. And we just huddled together as the wind pushed us together. And I asked to hold his hand and he just laughed exasperated and was like “OHMYGOD U DONT HAVE TO ASK just hold my hand its fine” and yeah so i got to hold his hand.  After the date we talked on the phone and it just nice.  Second date: Steven took me to the science museum playground for kids. It was so much fun we saw cute animals and interacted with the science experiments. There was a lot of sequin textures sensorys and it just was so nice. LOL he drew a lit hand sign while i tried to make an xD face, but failed. Then we were hungry so he took me to have poke (IT WAS MY FIRST TIME LOL) and it was delicious but i was kinda hungry still. After he took me to this   old bookstore and we roamed the aisle looking at different books. Then he took me to his place where we shared our first kiss. I was really shy and scared but we took things slow and sat on his bed and cuddled. He was really upset when he found out that I never cuddled before. I didn't understand why he was upset but he just told me he felt sad that I never had that intimate connection. And at first I was bored but towards the last hour I felt really cozy and it just felt nice, the way his hands wrapped around my waist. I did get aroused which kinda freaked me out because I never really felt that sensation before. LOL so it made me really anxious. LIKE CALM DOWN COLLEENY. Third date: We did some shopping at TarzHay (target) lolol and daiso together. it felt nice. Then we went back to his place to have dinner. He shared his dinner with me and it was really good and after we cuddled and kissed and watched youtube videos together. And it just was really romantic.  Fourth date: Went to a movie on a work night. we saw The saga of tanya the evil. And it was fun watching anime with him. And I was just soo shy i didnt hold his hand I just we just focused watching the movie together and enjoying each others company.  Fifth date:  went to fanime (anime convention) for the FIRST TIMEEE  last saturday ( may  25, 2019) i met up with him there! I cosplayed as kiki from kiki’s delivery service. it was fun! So he was playing ddr well competing in the tournament. for a lil 3 hours ish. After we went to get something to drink so he bought me a drink...it was sweet but somewhat bitter but i did enjoy the sugar that was decorated coated around the  rim of the glass. And  i got hyper ish LOL And steven just laughed. But i let him finish it for me because I couldnt. Then we went to go walk to get food. in line there was a guy talking to him. And the guy asked us what we were and if we been here bfore. and steven said it was his first time not being alone. and i said it was my first time. and then I just stuttered and got shy because we havent discussed what we were to each other. Like we just only talked about us liking each other a lot. And how we both enjoyed each others company. So I replied with “we dd-d-d--dateing? We on a d ate. we dating. date. uh yeh uh” and then steven wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in close to him and added “ yeah we are going steady.” AND OOOOOOO I BLUSHED SO HARDDDDDDDD. aaaa still blushing LOL  Anyway lol food was delcious. i had a bento curry chicken box. Then we sat down and rested our feet in the hall and he took a nap on my thigh lol. it was cute and i just scratched his forehead bc i was too scare to scratch his head LOL. and then we watched the season 3 of attack on titan together and he held my hand and my arm and it just felt nice.  I curled up against him and we just enjoyed watching 5 episodes together.  Sixth date:  today saturday june 1, 2019 is gonna be the sixth date. sooooo ILL JUST KEEP U  POSTED On what we are gonna do. loool time for bed  

Ep. 1 - “Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on...” - Randy

i cant see pls send imitrex

i have a crush on cole, i'm in this game and virgin islands with him and i really like talking to him.  he is really genuine and easy to talk to, i feel ridiculous for admitting this but this was the first thing i thought to confess about lol

I want to shoot myself in the fucking face what is my tribe?! 

Cole is such a messy thot, Kevin is that but without being remotely good at the game, Arika and Julia are best friends IRL and 1000% will be working together. Louise is a fucking saint but that also terrifies me because I can't do shit against her without being a terrible person. At least Madison is really down to earth and chill even thought I've known her for two days and met her on Club Penguin. I don't know Bryce, Noah or the other one so they're 1000% my go to people right now.

Ohkay hi hi. My name is Bryan and I’m here to try and NOT flop at this game. Ok sooo. I’m looking at my tribe and i notice. My best friend Madison is here. Just kidding i HATE her. Or at least that’s what i will want people to think so we aren’t targeted for our friendship or whatever cuz we had BEEF in our last game. Um. Josh is also here. I was in another game with him but i didn’t really get to talk to him that much. Other than that cole and Kevin seem nice enough and are talkative so that’s good. I guess I’ll just be able to talk more with other people later.

Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on in an ORG you were last minute filled into. I literally hate this whole tribe so much, and I'm going into this game with the mindset that we are losing every single immunity and reward. When I saw the first three cast reveal posts i prayed i wasnt on the orange tribe. i actually believed and god, and asked him for forgiveness for all the sins ive committed and pleaded my case to on why i shouldnt be on this tribe. but, alas here i am. so its time to play i guess I'm not good with social game, and thats why i usually fail at survivor. I always have a good first few days, but then its just me being inactive and skirmming my way until my inevitable premerge eviction. But in this game im literally going to pull all the stops i can. I will start to set up my reputation as a good survivor player. And it starts here. Even if nobody pms me I will take this game by storm. Meaning right now its getting good with the influential such as Jay and Drew. They have a few buds on the other tribe, and working with them can only help me when we hit merge. i'm also going to keep Chrissa tight because she is just such a good ally, but its also going to be hard to protect her as she is such a shit competitor. But thats all plans let me talk about to cast Cameron: Love cameron our last org played together we made final 3, and he asked me to cut him. I will keep him under my sphere of influence especially since he said he isnt familiar with this group of players Chrissa: I also love chrissa. She can be a little annoying sometimes, but she always has good intentions. She is fiercely loyal, and thats something great to have in an ally because numbers are more important in survivor than big brother Constance: I don't like him. I want nothing to do with him. The closest association I ever had with constance was us two being on the same cast reveal post. And I'm far more than content with that interaction. He's from facebook, and that means he is going to stir the pot when there isn't any stirring necessary. He is going to make a move just to make a move, and if I cut him earlier the better. But if I can work with him, and test and experience how he plays this game. I do think it would be more entertaining Drew: I have good relations with him but really havent played an org with him. I have no intentions on backstabbing him especially in this cast. I do think he will either slide into the shadows, or emerge as the person calling the shots for this tribe. Jay: Same as Drew tbh. They're together as a duo, so anything one does the other will follow. I'm not going to beef with him Jill: I haven't met Jill before this. but she is the driest person i have pm'd in a while. Me and her are having forced small talk, but i dont want to lose connections with her yet. I'm hoping she isnt well liked or well received so she can leave. Reagan: Me and her have butted heads so many times in vls. If you wanted a fight. Its going to be between me and her i bet your hat. Sam: I dont know if he's a newbie or from a community. But me and him kicked things off really well, and I'm feeling natural chemistry with him. I'll keep him near my sphere of influence for sure. Roxy: Going against Roxy is such a stupid move. Because she's just going to waste her whole entire game trying to vote you off. She gets really bitter easily, and i dont know what the hell she's saying half of the time. I dont understand her game or her mouth so im just gonna let her be...

[12:25:40 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: dam stop tryna out do my intro  do I have to add my likes too?  tch [12:25:48 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie [12:25:53 PM] Chrissa Bullard: lol [12:26:54 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: okay Ill admit idc about the size of your butt [12:27:01 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: even if you have a small butt id still potentially like u [12:27:12 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: but yall are gay so like  what can a straight gal like me do [12:27:29 PM] Chrissa Bullard: hello sam and roxy with her butt equality [12:29:22 PM] Jill: if u wanna be my friend add me and SAY hey bc i forget to add people [12:29:53 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and I say HEY what a wonderful kinda day [12:29:54 PM] Jill: also msg me ur pronouns thanks [12:29:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: you can learn and work and play [12:30:26 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: my pronouns are "my lord" and "your highness" [12:30:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I said I was a she cause dan didn't take me seriously even tho imma hella serious [12:30:52 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): my pronouns are he/they and they are actually serious :) [12:31:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: oi how dare you say I aint serious [12:31:36 PM] Chrissa Bullard: your highness is serious do not get my lords pronouns wrong :P [12:31:41 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: :/ I'm the lord and the queen roxy herself [12:31:42 PM] Chrissa Bullard: seriously though [12:31:47 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: of course my pronoun is your highness [12:31:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: thank you ! see? chrissa gets it! [12:32:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: look I even have a crown as proof [12:32:07 PM] Chrissa Bullard: true [12:32:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i trans-itioned from being a commoner to being a queen [12:32:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: also if i don't pm you its cause i avoid social interactions at all times [12:33:00 PM] Chrissa Bullard: a mood [12:33:05 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and i haven't left  my house in 9 days [12:33:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: apart from an hour once to go to the gym [12:33:17 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i haven't recovered since i take medicine. its called coffee. it helps releave the symptoms of being dead inside

My tribe is probably going to be useless. Which means that we have to turn it OUT for immunity. Randy, Roxy and I are all attempting to make flags. I have faith in Randy's abilities... roxy, not so much. But she does have a good artistic ability, so I hope she turns it out for this. We can hope. We can hope.

Blah blah blah. Confessional confessional. The immunity comp is a flag making competition. Which means i can’t really participate. The one we have so far tho is super cute!! There’s a Julia on our tribe. I have to start learning people’s names. Ugh. Too much work. 

I think like our tribe will win immunity, looking at cadejo’s scores, they seem like flops I mean that tribe is super ugly so ya know… cute is gonna devour gorgeous. Anyways Anthony is doing great at the flag I gave him the ideas, he executed them for me so everyone is great. Also i got this red KEY

I really don't like my tribe but I think I like the other tribe even less just from the few people I've encountered before or at the very least heard about. If anything though that's great for me because I have all of two or three people I remotely care about so I have no issues with taking people out.

RANDY'S FLAG LOOKS TERRIBLE! but we're going with that one anyway!!! even though its literally furry meme nonsense!!! so i hope to god i dont get targetted when we lose bc i made an effort not to be a grumpy ass beyotch!

ummm roxy said she and sam wanna align with me!! it's so early!!! I may work with Reagan bc we worked together previously I think!! Everyone else seems fine. I'm gunna msg drew and everyone else tomorrow or later and say hey I've been napping!!! Go team

I honestly think im going because peop le don't tell me anything I'm scared 

[3/28/18, 1:55:57 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): "I love y-...ughch..." [3/28/18, 1:56:05 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): Cameron 2k18 im just gonna put this here ;)

Anyway. Here's some tea. Roxy thinks I talk too much about being in the hospital. Sorry sweaty, I'm disabled, I'm gonna be in the hospital. And I have the right to talk about whatever I want. ANYWAY, Constance, the literal loml, gave me this tea so that's great. I LOVE HIM. So we made an alliance of me and drew, because drew has a "bad reputation" (sweetie, you were the one making tasteless comments night one, let's not get it twisted here!!) We talk a bunch, we have good laughs, and we head to bed. I went into this round wanting to target Roxy anyway, but she just went painted a bullseye on her back for me!

This first round felt so nostalgic to me, in the sense that being gone from these games for a while allowed me to step back and revitalize the way that I play games. In the beginning of the game, I felt an immediate connection with Cameron. He is someone who has a really nice, personable outlook as a person and I could see myself becoming really good allies and friends outside of this game. I also really enjoy Drew, Sam and Jill. Drew: I was excited to see him in this game because we just met a few days before the game started because he flirted with me a little and I thought he was a nice guy in general. I haven't had the chance of getting to know him all that well yet, though he stated to me that he will not write my name down throughout the game when we were first added to the tribe, so I hope that stays as promised. Sam: We both come from the same community but we both individually transferred to Tumblr at different points in time. I don't know him well enough to say he could be someone I stay with for the long run, but I have had a few calls with him and he seems pretty straightforward about what he wants in this game and where he wants to go. I'll leave it at that for now. Jill: She is literally everything that is me. "I'm going to see my sugar daddy," "I am eating a whole barbecque chicken pizza to myself," "I need money" I LOVE THIS CHICK! We need to align and become friends for sure because I can't see myself without her! One smaller relationship I have is with Chrissa and that will require some work on my part, both game wise and friend wise included. We had a rough past on a personal note but we are working our ways around it to become friends again on a personal level, not even on a game level. I feel like if Chrissa is able to handle herself in this game with me the way she did in Arrakis ages ago, she should be good to go with me! The people I really don't talk with or connect with right now are Jay, Roxy, Randy and Regan. - Jay just hasn't spoken a lot, but that may be subject to change? - Regan has this huge negative perception that everyone has given about her and I'm honestly not about holding past games or whatnot against anyone. If she is as crazy or as ballistic as people say she is then that will happen on it's own accord. - Randy is..Randy. I'm not really putting a whole lot here. He comes off extremely weird to me and I'm not feeling it. - Roxy and Randy both share the same trait they don't mind expressing: their messy players. I'm not one to want to play with people who are going to knowingly make things difficult for me in this game moving forward. I feel like getting out people who tend to be wildcards for my individual game will boost my ability to better know the personalities I surround myself with. Intended Target: Roxy Reason: I had a call with Sam and discussed some feelings about the challenge for the flag that had taken place. In my individual opinion, expressing the idea of putting in effort for a challenge and then doing the opposite of what you said you would do, shows a false sense of sportsmanship and that bothers me. Roxy said she would make a temporary flag as a concept, but never did and constantly said "I'm lazy, so I don't want to do it." Adding on to the reason above, I was asked if I wanted to be added to a call with Sam by Roxy as they were both speaking with each other and I said I wouldn't mind joining. We both tried asking Roxy about potential ideas for the vote off and Roxy made it clear that Regan would be too easy to get rid of. Then came the critical point of the conversation where Roxy would bring up Cameron and Drew's names, stating that Drew apparently has a bad or weird reputation in the Tumblr community of games, but this is COSTA RICA not any other game. She also stated in regards to Cameron word for word that, "I just think Cameron talks about themselves too much in the main chat, and that brings people to feel for them more, and that makes them look bad" and this was in relation to when Cameron stated he was in the hospital. I found that to be extremely bothersome because otherwise, Cameron has never talked about himself constantly or anything like that. My intentions are to pull myself, Drew, Cameron, Jill, Sam and Jay to vote out Roxy. I started the idea when I asked Sam on call blatantly and he agreed and I calmly took it by step. That's all I have folks! I hope this works out and if for some odd reason I go home first, well then it was fun while it lasted! 

Okay so I need to catch yall up on how shit can turn into bliss SO reward I literally ate shit in. i scored to lowest out of everybody in the whole cast. Making myself inferior to competition flops like Chrissa. So that wasnt really well. However my soccial game has been stepping up. Even though im lacking a little bit in the pm part of my game. I have been having good chemistry with literally everybody in the tribe chat. I have also led us in the flag immunity. So me and Cameron made a flag. And the tribe had to pick which one, and it was pretty set even. I do think the end result wouldve been the same but it was nice to see people on my side and supporting me. So then we lose the tribal flag, and im literally yeeted away from the tribe. Which is really good since with this tribal vote i wouldve been thrown under the bus. allegedely roxy has been throwing names around, and had i stayed in the tribe it might of been my name that was thrown around since it was my flag that lost. so im happy to avoid the drama of the first vote. but now that people have bonded since roxy's polarization im starting to become more outcasted. I just need go stronger for immunities and amp up my social game even more. Since ive been to the other tribe I have a feeling on whats happening. Cole is aligned with all them bitches. Literally Madison Louise are people he's played with before, and when we talked in pms he said this tribe is full of his friends. He is very safe in his tribe which is really nice. Since the League of Gays need to work together at the merge : ~)