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anarchistbitch · 2 years

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hiiiiiiiiii, god this is a over a month late and im SO FUCKING sorry, seriously im sorry, idk why this took me so long, i kept thinking about replying and then i just didnt, again, im really sorry :(

honestly last semester ended up being a disaster, but not a major one, this one is shaping up to be better tho today i had an exam and i feel like i answered some questions somewhat confidently but others were a guessing game 🤡🥴 and i really have no one to blame but myself for it (then again initially she told us they were going to be essay questions and i THRIVE in those, but then they were content specific questions which i was not prepared for) but oh well it cant be helped now and we're allowed to retake our lowest grade at the end of the semester, now im watching sailor moon and eating a strawberry cheesecake ice cream sandwich to get rid of the ambiguity of my feelings over it sigh sigh sigh

fdjhsdfh my hands are always cold too, so it's hard to tell how i'd feel yours but the warm hug is lovely, lovely

i have not started cutie pie but it's been in my to watch list since the first episode came out cause i kept seeing tiktoks about it and it seemed really fun but agh, i havent gotten around to it, i swear i need divine inspiration to do even the things i want to do

in a better timeline benedict did join them and they lived their happy gay lives watching everyone else's drama from the comfort of their stable relationship

lmao relatable, i also left a bunch of shows abandoned bc of the aforementioned need for divine inspiration, i tried watching some middle episodes for a couple shows to like get myself hyped up to understand what was going on and all that but eh, didnt really work, and there's been a danmei draught so im laying on the floor facedown emotionally

about fire island kdjhdfh i handt heard of the place up until the movie, cant be helped, we're not form the us - i have not watched the lizzie bennet series but im adding it to my to-watch, since it's on youtube i might get around to it soon but i wont make any promises just yet sdfjhdjhf and GOD yes, the layers on the movie, i adored it really, you can see that the writers really do care about queer people and that it was written with love - Noah is FANTASTIC he's so real lmao djfjsdhfjdsh and same, when he said that i went 'oh, i see 👀' - i hope both our futures are filled with a loving community of queer people

[completely random: im watching yu-gi-oh rn bc that's what came on after sailor moon and bruh, yugi is short as fuck and i didnt remember that at all, it's also hilarious how they refer to kaiba as rich kid kaiba, it's really fucking hilarious but when i was little it kinda scared me and i can see why too]

i've been ignoring goodreads lmao and im not about to stop cause i really doubt i'll finish a single book this year, im severely blocked, i havent been reading any of the ones i've started, all i did was partially reread the raven boys bc i finally bought the physical book

homegirl does need a break but the only break to be had is my break from reading it :/ and yeah, high literature is fake, joy is the only true and trusted measuring tool

me and my friends have not gotten all together as of yet, it's hard when they have trimesters and i have semesters, our coinciding free times are only for the holidays and i go home for those but we're planning a sleepover soon to celebrate the beginning of their vacations and to cheer myself up after exam week, and one of them is coming over tomorrow so that we can try soju 😌✨

jdfhdfjshfks i'm too picky to align my foods with my favorite characters' tbh

my favorite soup is red bean soup, i must confess that i dont like many soups but i could eat this one every single day, it's so fucking good, also ik you said you'd want to make me egg drop soup, i havent tried it but the texture might be a problem for me, sorry :( but spinach and scream sounds hella good

ok so rn i cant think of bts without thinking of the fact that on the day of the heavy flood in korea namjoon posted a story about a song and with a caption somewhere along the lines of "perfect for the weather" and it was quite literally a parasite moment 🤡 but anyways, bad desicions was so damn good, and yeah, they've worked so damn hard to get to where they are that it's nice to see them have time to enjoy it

i cant fucking believe jin decided to spend his time working tho, what's going on that man's head 😭😭

i also hope other versions of us are closer to each other, i hope this reality's version of me can become better at managing her time and so can talk to you more often 😫💖

matching tattoos huh 👀💖

JDHSHDKJHSK i understand, fever is a hella good song, that's the exact emotion it invokes

mate i had no idea about holland's song 😭 i SUCK at keeping up with things, for most things i have friends in the fandom that come screaminng about news or at the very least post about it

idk if you already started the god of highschool or not but all i can say is that tho i bawled, when i watched it with a friend she didnt shed even a single tear lmao, it really depends on you

JDSGDJSGFJ it cant be helped now, you'll just have to treat yourself whenever you listen to it

anya is so important 😭😭😭😭😭😭 she is so amazing and she deserves to live as normal a life as possible but mainly it has to be a happy one

hmmm i wouldnt say that it's major plot important tbh, but it does have certain relevance for that moment so you'll see skjdhjs

i am also a sucker for cool art, i've read so many things just bc i liked the art style, and if i dont like the art style i have a harder time reading the work, which makes me get annoyed at myself tbh, it feel idk judgy ??? idk, it feels weird

i heard the live at jet studio version of every pore and holy shit, it's so damn beautiful and it felt like his voice was going directly through my chest

i really get that part about being in a weird headspace, life is so complicated at individual scale and currently there's so much going on in the world, it's like that post about how dealing with anxiety rn is so damn weird bc yes, all those fears are entirely too plausible but somehow we have to continue to push through, and burnout sucks, pretty sure ive been burntout since like early 2021 and only just now getting better bc well, to summarize, my parents expect me to graduate soon, which is absolutely not happening, which idk how to tell them and agh it's a cycle really

this is all just to say that i get how you feel, i hope you're feeling better now and if you'd like i can def come off anon so that we can talk more often [tho im not sure you DONT know who i am sgkshadkjsdg i havent really been hiding it lmao, just not being upfront about it bc im socially awkward as fuck]

sending you tons and tons and tons and toooooooons of love, hope you've had good soups and lots of rest, i hope you're hydrating yourself and interacting with lots of cats, i love you

-M<3

between us both, im pretty sure i answer asks much later than u😔 but as u said no matter if its a week or 9 months later , i'll wait for ya<3

ohh yea semester one is just wrapping up for us too and so far it has been less of a disaster than expected, and hope the exam came better than it went in!!![said this to a classmate before going for our term 1's and she gave me the saddest face ever😭😭] essay questions which are content specific are the bane of my life cause lemme tell you my examiner wrote like 10 lines with the reddest pen ever telling me what i needed to improve on while i was still reeling that i passed on that exam phew cause that many lines really make u think twice if u passed(<- wishing this on my worst enemies only).

sailor moon and ice cream sound absolutely delightful and the perfect way to heal after taking an exam [our principal literally goes through the exam hall for some reason and its. have u ever had ur heart beat like a horse?yea.]

me @ u always

[btw the number of gifs of hugs that ive saved in case u send an ask,,.ginormous]

yeeeee i stopped watching cutie pie in the middle cause my school life is a dragon that will bite if u slack off<3 capitalist ass dragon. but fr tho cutie pie is great!! the soundtracks are great too!! and oooh yea i think every ep after ep 6 are heavy on the steamy side

in a better timeline bridgerton would have not have a queer side plot that got quickly swept up under the rug and instead couldve had a storyline about bisexual benedict {im assuming cause 1) hes gives me bi vibes 2)nothing much else than that i think it'd be real neat 3)b is for bisexual and also the start of his first name and surname [:}

divine inspiration is better to not fall on me cause imma use it for evil reallll quick. watching the middle episode is a much better strategy than what i do: watch the finale and become the incarnation of the surprised pikachu meme. also insta reels made me think that "romanticizing" watching stuff would help and it kinda did before i realized that i have adhd symptoms<3 make space for me on the floor cause im laying next to u too🤗

side note: idk if u've ever done this but during summer vacations when i was younger all the women in the house after finishing up lunch would take straw mats and pillows and go to the most airiest room in the house and sleep , and its the best sleep ever. sleeping on the bare ground during summer quickest way to a 😴😴

no cause i recently reread rwarb and suddenly im seeing fire island being mentioned everywhere?? im not gonna blame anyone not studying about america/'s history not knowing american references[god bless genius annotators souls for their little notes cause half my us culture knowledge comes from fob lyrics akfhkdhfsk ]

YEs fire island was really great about how they took care of their characters, the exact scene's dialouge is fuzzy to me but the scene where noah and howie talk before howie leaves, about how theyre similar but are different and that does affect how others see them was one of the best scenes cause the actors portray it in a such an intimate way.

I HOPE QUEER PEOPLE SURROUND US AND THEY ARE LOVING AND WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO THINK TWICE ABOUT OUR SAFETY IN THE FUTURE[all caps cause we deserve it!! and its needs to be shouted from the rooftops!!]

nauurr is kaiba the emo kid from the reverse card meme😭😭😭

ive been looking sideways at goodreads dhksfhk and ive just been saving tons of insta posts about upcoming books so i can read them after my school year is over✌🏾 ive heard quite a lot about the raven boys but apparently theyre not actual ravens? L for the corvid enthusiasts👎🏾👎🏾/lh

sleepovers are fun but unfortunately id be the first to fall asleep😴

im days late but drink tons of water afterwards!!! ive heard that soju is high on alcohol content , and so eat something absorbing for the hangover like rice[ALSO! you know how in kdramas the characters are always eating congee? well i googled it to see the ingredients and its. kanji. its what i eat every weekend bro😭😭 but i do eat it cold during summer with curd and its really good for digestion too]

when i hear red beans i always think of rajma [kidney bean curry and good with naan/rice/roti],[ and ig now im gonna think of u whenever i hear red beans💜💗]

its fine if u dont like egg drop soup!! altho when i was a kid it was the soup™ i used to eat whenever we went out cause i was a picky eater lmao, spinach and cream is a good soup but my personal fav is so basic😭 i fucking love sweet corn soup man

yea no cause i genuinely forget that bts is made up of very rich ppl like 🧍‍♂️ i liked bad decisions a lot too!!

looking back at the past few years of bts' career and seeing the growth and rise in popularity of the general population , and then learning they were doing all this while also in COLLEGE and graduating with honours is. how do u say. humbling to the highest degree.like i cant imagine going to grammys and having a set career and then like having to go back to school.

kim seokjin the man that u are,,

uuughhh thinking about going on walks in parks and just TALKING WITH U

dont worry about taking ur time!!! hell can freeze over but ill still be on this app<3

matching tattoos<3 [also fr i have been thinking👁👁 of getting a tattoo of intertwined tattoos on my sternum but am very unsure of getting tattoos at all😓]

speaking of fever,dont know if ur big on insta edits but i have a ton saved just to listen to the audios on repeat

i . also forgot about it[holland's song]. need that divine intervention to make me focused .

OKAY SO I STARTED THE GOD OF HIGHSCHOOL AND I LOVE IT didnt thing i'd be crying at all but i shed a tear[locals will allege it was full on sobbing but who can say] im only halfway through so i didnt expect to be crying lol😄 anyway the fight scenes were so cool and the main character are such a great trio [also i did search it up on tumblr and im heard about a kim ilpyo👀👀]

[re: getting hungry by listening to gooey]getting pavlov'ed by a song. i have reached new lows /j

random side note#2: i think there should be an emoji for a man on his knees, not the prayer one, just in dejection like this image

anya deserves a normal , happy life with her parents like imma cry if she gets even one scratch idk[but she does love adventure so im just hoping she takes up trekking as a hobby]

cant wait to see the plot relevance of sticking your fingers down a persons throat!![hope this doesnt come off as sarcastic cause i mean it genuinely, from the bottom of my heart]

if u like cool art you should see jibaku shounen hanako kun, a friend introduced me to it and ive been lowkey obsessed with it. it has a very distinct and beautiful art style that u might enjoy!!

cant describe the effect that is listening to tamino has had on me. truly invigorating.[also his eyelashes when he was singing. just .yea]

okay SO like. if i had to take a guess on who you were, i'd have one or two that id be entirely certain of. but i never took a guess cause i wanted to respect ur privacy . but like if ur entirely okay with it, i would not mind if you came off of anon[im putting it lightly Id LOVE if u came off anon so i can add u on discord and annoy u so much💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💗💗💗💗💗💗💗]

sending you truck loads of love and reminders to be safe!!! eat lots of delicious things and hope you get time to spend a lot of time with ur friends !!!

#m for mwah! and mwah! and mwah

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blxetsi · 3 years

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armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

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askderynsharp · 3 years

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Hey! Do you mind talking about Deryn's brain and the way she thinks and stuff? I love the way you analyze these characters. It's a lot of fun hearing what you have to say about them. xoxo

GOD its been a million years! im so sorry im answering all your asks so late.

Dylan (im gonna be using he/him for this analysis) is a bit of a tricky one for me, ive mentioned before that im used to being alone with my thoughts about Dylan and get nervous interacting with the fandom because of that. I'm insecure about being too forceful or intolerant of other people's relationship with the work, so i prefer to talk about characters im less bonded to be safe. But the other side of that i havent touched on is how revealing my reading of dylan is. A lot of how i feel about dylan relates to how i feel about myself and the time of my life when i first read those books. There is. GARUNTEED. to be projection. especially about the gender stuff. I'm not sure if im like- a good authority on Dylan. So take everything i say with a grain of 'This particular character is difficult to analyze objectively due to his creative and emotional influence on the mod."

Part I - Relationships

While I think the most immediately relevant topic of Dylan's psyche has to do with his trauma, I believe there are subtle hints to the kinda person he is normally, and how that traumatic incident compounded on his 'natural' insecurities. Therefore, its not just going to be about the fire, but rather what I think of Dylan's overall psyche, the well and not so wellness of it.

Dylan is presented as a happy cheerful person with great empathy for his enemies and allies alike. He's cheerful, patient, and trusting to people regardless of their status and seems to judge people by how they act as people. There are four instances of Dylan genuinely disliking someone in the series, two of those could be attributed to Dylan worrying about Alek's relationship with them. The other two, Fitzroy and Volger, Dylan is shown to dislike because the other party expressed dislike first. We never see the first interaction between Dylan and Fitzroy, but Dylan muses that since arriving on the airship Fitzroy had been overtly hostile and implied that the two had gotten into a physical fight that Dylan lost. The more developed relationship we see is between Dylan and Volger, Dylan approaching Volger with a level of nervous respect until Volger makes it clear that he doesn't trust him. (Even then, it takes Volger disparaging him AND Alek for him discomfort to cross over into overt dislike.) Both of these characters think they're better than Dylan, one might presume that Dylan doesnt like how stuck up they are but I think what makes this interesting is how Dylan treats Alek when THEY first meet.

Dylan had a truly inexhaustible reserve of patience for Alek from the moment they meet, even in the depths of a life-or-death situation. He is friendly and cheerful to Alek, despite his behavior being really no different to how Dylan resented being treated by Fitzroy. Dylan cheerfully meets Alek's open insults with jokes and comebacks then doesnt think twice about consoling a boy who had been a dick to him for the entire 24 hours they've known each other. Dylan doesn't care if you're stuck up or rude to him, in fact he seems to think it's funny, so what DOES actually cause Dylan to start disliking people?

In the aftermath of The Fight Dylan seems the most fixated on the fact that Alek replaced him with Tesla, the stuff about him being a stuck up prince is just window dressing for the thing that actually bothered him: Rejection. A lot of time is spent solidifying that Dylan's only real fear is fire, but I'd argue that his fear of rejection plays a larger role in his arc. He doesn't tell Alek his identity, not because he's afraid of Alek thinking any less of him, but because he doesn't want to be rejected. He knows that there is no 'win state' to his secret getting out- even though Dylan seems hilariously certain Alek would fall in love with him, he knows that the rejection is inevitable due to their statuses.

“Deryn had imagined the look of horror on his face. Not that she was a girl in boy’s clothes, or that she’d lied to him for so long. All that yackum Alek would soon get past, she knew. And then he would love her, she knew.

But that was the problem, because there was one thing that would never change.… Deryn was a commoner.”

Dylan has an uncanny ability to predict how other people will react, this little snippet in Behemoth is exactly how it eventually plays out in Goliath. He kept the secret from Alek because he knew that Alek would fall in love with him, and Alek loving him would end their friendship altogether. And, once this rejection comes to fruition, Dylan's internal monologue complains about the same kind of thing that he previously hated in Volger and Fitzroy, even though it hadn't bothered him before. Beneath the status, the insults, the misogyny, or the overall rudeness, the only thing that really causes Dylan to become hostile is being rejected.

It is notable that Dylan dislikes Lilit at first because he is jealous of her, but the moment he realizes that she is in love with him and not Alek, those feelings vanish. Though he's hardly receptive to her flirting, he is definitely warmer to her once he realizes that she is accepting him. Noticeably, its not flattery that wins him over- she gave him plenty of that when he still disliked her, but rather her understanding of who and what he is and accepting him outright that causes his perspective of her to shift.

I feel like the combination of Dylan's fear of rejection, tendency towards jealousy, and cheerful disposition to everyone he meets paints a picture. Dylan has faced a lifetime of rejection: He's rejected from the air service for his sex assigned at birth, his passions rejected by his mother, and spends the entire series terrified of being rejected by his best friend. It's mentioned that his mother attempted to brow-beat him into becoming a girl and that he was able to resist, but that kind of parenting doesn't just go away when you realize your parent was wrong. Dylan had to work hard to be the true version of himself, so he doesnt want to waste time with people who will question that struggle and avoid interactions that could lead to rejection. But at the same time he wants to prove that work was worth it. Its not enough to be dylan, he's gotta be dylan the best midshipman the best friend to alek the best at flying and the best at any task he's given. So he's cheerful. Helpful. Empathetic to other people's problems and lets insults slide. He tries to see the best in everyone until they make it clear they dont like him, in which case he is eager to find any reason to dislike them back even if it's hypocritical.

Dylan's other motivation is his non-standard loyalty. While it never crosses into outright treason, even Dylan is quick to make jabs at his own inability to prioritize his country. But I think he does have a loyal streak, its just similar to how his dislike works. In stark contrast to Volger, things like honor, tradition, and status mean nothing to Dylan. You gain Dylan's loyalty by being friends with Dylan, full stop. He doesnt care about darwinism because its the superior science or philosophically righteous, he just feels a sense of pride in the fact that he's apart of the society that invented it. he doesn't care about the leviathan because its his king's airship, he cares about it because he sees the crew as family. Once alek becomes apart of that family in his mind, Dylan finds it troublingly easy to trust a kid who is, by all other metrics, a complete outsider on the Leviathan. I mentioned before that Dylan was pretty cool with Alek when he was doing everything in his power to insult Dylan during their introduction, but there was one moment where he did drop his friendliness:

“Well, if your ‘beasties’ are so wonderful, then how did the Germans shoot you down? With machines.”

Dylan gave him a dark look, pulling off a glove. His bare hand curled into a fist. “Ten to one, and all of them went down too. And I’ll bet they didn’t land as softly.”

Alek realized he’d said too much. Dylan probably knew crewmen who’d been wounded, or even killed, in the crash.

Like with how he would start hating Volger later, it wasnt enough for Alek to insult him or the philosophy of darwinism. He only got mad when the insult extended to his allies. He is fiercely loyal, perhaps to his own detriment, it just isnt the kind of loyalty that monarchistic europe in the 1900s could appreciate. In Dylan's mind, everyone is deserving of a modicum of respect, often regardless of how they treat him, but he will get hostile if he perceives that he is being rejected or his allies insulted.

Part II - Trauma

Now it might seem that im reaching or over-exaggerating a bit for that last section, but I want to make it clear that I think these are things that his personality and motivations drift towards, not hard fast rules that are disordered or compulsive. People are built a certain way, and thats the way I hypothesize Dylan is built. His trauma, however, I am going to be a bit more heavy-handed in analyzing because i think trauma is what turns some of those neutral personality traits into flaws.

First off is the fire, a pretty straightforward depiction of PTSD. Easily the most traumatic moment of Dylan's life, leaving behind a fear of fire and a twisted suspicion of somehow wanting to die in the same way.

Most stories with child characters involve the children getting traumatized. We dont really think about it, but its sorta vital to the conflict that something awful happens on the adventure. But I think the line where its drawn in disturbia is when the child character is specifically hurt by something they used to enjoy. Theres a reason so many creepypastas involve beloved childhood IPs. There's a reason clowns and toys are utilized in horror. If the child is looking forward to a circus and willingly enters the belly of the beast believing he is going to have fun, it makes the dread lurch in your stomach all the harder once the trap closes.

I think a lot of Dylan's trauma manifests in that transition between comfort and terror. A hot air balloon, the thing that was integral to Dylan's growth and representative of his bond with his father, is now a trigger for him. He has conflicted feelings about his desire to fly being suicidal. He wouldn't wish his trauma on anyone, yet as a soldier has to condemn strangers to the same fate every time the claxon rings. The Leviathan is his home, a place where he can be himself and do the thing he loves. But its also a war machine that forces him to lie to his new family and could go up in flames at any moment.

And then theres the other side of trauma, the slow and subtle kind. (Fair warning, this is where I start to project/speculate a little) We dont learn much about the two years Dylan spent with his mother before the first book, but the threat of going back to that situation hangs heavy over Dylan's chapters. Sometimes its petty and surface level, not wanting to fail or be stuffed back into skirts. But sometimes hints of something darker is referenced in passing- months where he apparently refused to eat or speak. Recurring nightmares that could only be soothed by staring all night at the medal. implies that, despite having a still living parent, he still feels like he's an orphan. Having never talked about what he saw during the accident until alek, not even to his brother or his mother or his aunts. Those years are described as 'impossible' and at one point in behemoth Dylan seems to contemplate's death as preferable to returning to them. We never know if it was just the result of lingering trauma or something that Dylan's family did, but whatever it was it was bad enough that Jaspart agreed to this insane plan just to get him out of Glasgow.

While there is more intensity to the scenes showing Dylan's fear of fire, I believe that slower and subtler trauma that accounts for the conflict in his arc. Some part of him was broken by what happened, a presumably natural aversion to being rejected turns into a fear of abandonment. The desire to impress and prove himself turns into avoiding his feelings vicious self-doubt.

We love what a show off dylan is, but I think its easy to understate the disdain in how often he refers to himself as 'common as dirt.' Alek never said that about him, not even Volger did. Dylan started referring to himself that way in his head on his own, and notably does it every time his feelings for Alek bubble to the surface. Dylan is afraid of ruining his friendship with Alek for his own sake, but part of him also feels like it would be selfish to deprive Alek of his only friend. Why should alek, whose whole world is on fire and has this whole destiny to worry about, have to deal with Dylan's problems on top of that?

This is ultimately what causes the fight- Alek is so used to seeing Dylan as this perfect soldier that he cannot comprehend that Dylan might have actually been ashamed or afraid to tell him his secret. It doesn't even occur to him that Dylan might be insecure, he assumes that it has to be, ironically, a rejection of Alek's confidence.

And thats why I feel like the sitation around the fire has more negative consequences than the fire itself. Hell- his trauma doesnt even stop him from acting heroically. It seems to fuel it further. His PTSD manifests as him rushing in to save Newkirk from the burning huxley. The part after is harder for him to process. That's when he starts to think about whether his need to fly is suicidal, when he wonders if he belongs here, and when his trust issues and insecurities become more pronounced. He knows as he's being triggered that it will effect him later, and somehow seems even more afraid of the nightmares coming back than the fire itself.

Part III - Identity

This is the bit I've been dreading talking about, because I think this one is the most colored by my own relationship with gender and experience with cross-dressing as a narrative conflict. I stand by there being genuine evidence of Dylan experiencing dysphoria and euphoria. I do think there is some thematic evidence for him cross-dressing for more reasons than wanting to fly. And as someone who read a lot of polly oliver books for presumably no reason at all, Dylan does stand out from the usual tropes in ways I find interesting.

Compare Dylan to characters like Alanna the Lioness or Jackie Faber.

Both of these characters shed their male personas the moment they no longer profit from them, Jackie by the end of the first book, then spend the vast majority of the series building their reputation as women in a male-dominated field. Alanna and Jackie like being girls, they sneak away from their male friends to get wear dresses and makeup in secret. The topic of gender only comes up either to disparage the patriarchy or to reclaim their femininity. A lot of time is spent contemplating the dissonance of their traditionally masculine skills and their desire to present as women. They find their own version of femininity that allows them to be themselves whilst doing what they love, and that should be celebrated. Femininity is not the enemy, it's not a corrosive force that ruins your life. It is possible to be a proud woman whilst disagreeing with feminine gender roles.

But that never comes up in Leviathan. At all.

Dylan never has a desire to reclaim his femininity, never feels an urge to dress up, and never feels conflicted about his wants as a woman and his career. The only attempt to present feminine is in costume, and only with the caveat that Alek, another boy, is presenting as feminine with him.

What conflict his gender DOES bring in the narrative looks like this:

“(Deryn) sighed. Might as well jump now, without a barking rope.”

“Don’t worry, lad,” the bosun said from beside her. “It’s never as far as it looks.”

She nodded, wishing that it was something piffling like a keelhaul drop that had her jittery. Gravity was something you could beat; all it took was hydrogen, hot air, or even a bit of rope. But being a girl was a miserable, never-ending struggle.”

That doesn't sound like someone who would sneak out at night to practice her makeup or secretly sew herself a dress to wear on a date with her boyfriend. That sounds like someone who would rather die than be outed, who describes his gender as a miserable never-ending struggle.

And I don't think its just that a man wrote this, Lilit serves as a fascinating foil to Dylan:

“Lilit wasn’t a bad sort, really. She was a dab hand with machines, as good at piloting as any of the men. In a way, she’d managed the same trick as Deryn had—acting like a man—without pretending, and that was a splendid sort of anarchy, one had to admit.”

Dylan appreciates femininity when Lilit is performing it, and isn't all that baffled to find Lilit being able to balance her ambition and womanhood. That leads me to believe that Dylan understands there are options for presenting as female whilst following his dreams. After all, his dad took him up in balloons back when he presented as female. Presumably, he just needed to find another mentor willing to teach a girl. He could have spent his inheritance (or presumably, insurance) on a replacement balloon and had Jaspart go up with him. This is even lampshaded in goliath, with alek trying to find out if there's anyone else like Dylan and realizing that its easier for women to just go on adventures than try to dress up as men:

“The thought of the heroine made (Alek) turn to Mr. Francis again. “Do women in America really fly about in balloons?”

“Well, they must want to! The Perils of Pauline is so popular that our competitors are getting in on the act, making something called The Hazards of Helen. And we’re already planning The Exploits of Elaine.”

“How . . . alliterative,” Alek said. “But outside of moving pictures, do women actually do these sorts of things?”

The man shrugged. “Sure, I suppose so. Ever heard of Bird Millman?”

“The high-wire walker? But she’s a circus performer.” Alek sighed. For that matter, Lilit had known how to use a body kite. But she was a revolutionary. “What I mean is, do normal women ever fly?”

Count Volger spoke up. “I think what Prince Aleksandar wants to ask is, do American women pretend to be men? It is currently a subject of intense study with him.”

Alek gave the wildcount a hard look, but Mr. Francis only laughed.

“Well, I don’t know about flying,” he said, “but we’ve sure got a lot of women wearing trousers these days. And I just read that one in twenty walker pilots is female!”

Its subtle, but the implication is that between Lilit, Dr. Barlow, and Adella Rogers, Dylan's choice wasnt entirely practical. Dylan chose the air service. he chose a disguise. And here's another interesting difference: We never see how Dylan made that choice.

In all other instances of the polly oliver trope, including ones that openly explore gender like Terry Pratchett's Monsterous Regiment, we always see a girl decide to become a boy and watch every step of her transformation.

Dylan, despite being introduced to us with female pronouns, is presented post transition. He has already cut his hair, chosen a new name, replaced his wardrobe, and made arrangements to sneak into the air service. We never learn what made him come up with this plan and why his brother agreed to risk his own career when easier legal options were also available.

The chapters in another Polly Oliver book spent with the heroine worriedly finding solutions to her secrets are spent with Dylan feeling the euphoria of passing as male. More time is spent with him describing how happy and fulfilled he is aboard the leviathan than the sparse mentions of how he maneuvers showering or taking a piss. The day to day discomfort of 'living a lie' is mentioned in passing but never elaborated on because Dylan's conflict has nothing to do with his gender.

It has to do with his relationships and his trauma. His gender only comes up in relation to his sexuality, and only then because he has a victorian's understanding of what sexuality is. He associates his feelings for alek as being girly but ultimately doesn't need to present as female to act on those feelings. He and Alek start a relationship with Alek attracted to his male persona. He only presents as female once their relationship is established, and even then Alek muses that Dylan doesnt look that different. He's a boy in a dress. A stylish and handsome boy in a dress, but its just the person Alek's dating wearing a particular piece of clothing.

And even though the bonus chapter isnt meant to be the narrative conclusion that Scott planned, I think there is some confirmation to be found for Dylan's arc.

“When she was dressed, Deryn gazed at her reflection in a darkened window. Her usual self stared back: female and fifteen. The careful tailoring only made her look queerly skinny, not so much a boy as some tattie bogle set out in old clothes to scare the crows.”

Dylan starts the series as a girl in her brother's clothes and ends the series as a boy in a dress.

And thats me vomiting all my Dylan opinions! I hope this was worth the read!

#askdylansharp #leviathan series #leviathan analysis #dylan sharp

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albino-whumpee · 3 years

Text

An old thing 4

First

Continued from here

Possibly the angstiest part of this. Not much whump really.

I´m gonna go ahead and tag @the-host-and-colton for this one. It´s not the BBU but I suppose the Boxies with babies dynamic is there. “Baby doesn´t understand the situation but the parents do” kinda thing. Excuse the ping!

CW// Dehumanization, slavery, human trafficking, forced breeding, mentions of past dub con and non con, blood, implied and mention of past whump of minors, hazing, noncon child separation, creepy and explosive whumpers, physical and emotional abuse.

Everything will be tagged and if there´s tags to be added, tell me please.

After five years, Kit was a rowdy little boy. Running around with a smile on his face at all times. You wouldn’t think he was a slave if it wasnt for the thin black collar on his neck.

In how obedient he turned with his masters. Even though he didn’t understand the concept yet.

“Master? Why are Roahn and Shy here?” Kit asked Danae once. Layo and Danae weren’t mom and dad. They were master. But for his little mind it was just the same thing.

“To serve you and us, Kit. You will understand it better when you grow up”

“Alright” Kit said watching Roahn taking care of the garden with her big bump “Master? Will I be able to play with Roahn’s baby?” Kit asked again.

“No more questions Kit” She said annoyed. The kid was quiet but he still looked at Roahn with curiosity.

“Roahn?” Kit asked the woman being hugged by Dimitri in their floor mat. She woke up as it was the middle of the night, and when she saw him, he shook Dimitri awake. They sat in the other side of the cell.

“Hey there Kit” Dimitri smiled at the toddler.

“Hi Shy” Kit said.

“What is it Kit? Are you hurt?” Roahn said stretching her arm for the kid to hold her hand through the bars. The kid took it.

“I am cold upstairs. So I thought you were very cold here too. Its always chilly down here” the kid grabbed the blanket he had carried all the way down and gave it to Dimitri. “I dont want the baby to be cold”.

They looked at each other with a pained and proud expression.

“Do you…wanna see how she moves?” Roahn asked the toddler who instantly put a smile on his face.

Roahn went close to the cell and told the kid to get closer. Kit did. She grabbed his tiny hand and put it on her abdomen. Curiously she moved. As if the little one inside her knew.

“She’s rowdy!” Kit said. The word coming from how Layo would call him sometimes. Kit was an smart boy.

“Yes she is!” Roahn laughed along.

“I cant wait to play with her!” Dimitri and Roahn went stiff “I mean, if I can…” Kit cleared up sensing their discomfort.

Roahn took his hand into hers and gave it a little kiss.

“Of course you can” she said looking at her son in the same hazel eyes she had. His worries escaped his face to be turned into smiling.

“What would you call her, Kit?” Dimitri asked him.

Kit reflexed for a bit, looking at the ceiling.

“Bunnie!” He said “oh! Or Sara! Or Emi!”

“Where did you take those names from?” Dimitri giggled. They were good names.

“Master is writing a new book. I am a character there too!” He said proudly.

“Oh? You are?” Dimitri said, resting his chin in one hand. Roahn thought it had been a long time since she saw him smile like that. Not since Olivia.

“Yes! I am a dog!” Dimitri stopped right there with a shocked face. He cracked a humorless laugh. He really hated Layo for doing that sick joke.

“Do you like dogs Kit?” He asked anyways.

“Yes!! Sadly master doesn’t like them…” Kit pouted.

“Hey Kit, what if I told you there’s a place where you could have a lot of dogs?” Dimitri asked him Roahn looking at him.

“Eh?! Really? Where’s that?” Kit asked getting closer.

“I can take us there but I need you to tell me something. I only will ask you to see one thing everyday ok?” He said getting closer to him. The camera and the microphone were not a problem. They had been tricked for years.

“Everyday?”

“Yes”

“What?”

“If you ever see big men with black suits tell me what day they come in alright? Or if master says something about an auction tell me. And then we will go to that place, Alright?” Dimitri said. Roahn wasn’t sure if the kid had gotten all, but Kit was smarter than they could see.

He already knew how to read.

“An auction? Like last time?”

Dimitri couldn’t help himself from looking down for a bit.

“Yes, Kit. Like last time. Would you do that for us?” She asked him calmly.

“Ok. I will tell you” Kit said. “Im going to sleep. Goodnight” Kit said going away.

“Wait!” Dimitri yelled, the kid turned back.

“Thanks for the blanket” Roahn said covering her and Shy.

“We love you Kit” Dimitri said. The kid didnt know how to take that and just blushed before running off.

Dimitri and her laid down again. After a moment, the woman’s arms squeezed him lightly.

“Are you sure?” Roahn asked him.

“We cant let this slip off again, Roahn” he said.

“You have changed” she told her “I remember you telling me you didnt have bad thoughts about your owners”

Dimitri embraced her stronger dipping his face into her neck.

“Ivan was all I had. And he was taken from me. He was killed by a bunch of brainless fuckers. I told myself I wouldn’t fixate on his dead. And tried to forget. But when that happened…” Roahn reached for his hand and squeezed “I knew I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I cant let this freaks fuck with us anymore. We have to go before the auction. Much more longer before that”

“Three months” Roahn said “after she’s born, three months and we will go”

“In that time I’ll have it all ready” Dimitri kissed her shoulder “I wont fail this time” he said as she smiled.

His face had a big scar that went all the way from his cheekbone to his neck.

Layo had tried to cut his carotid when they tried to escape the first time. And he almost succeeded.

The baby was born a week later. Kit was amazed by the baby’s arrival. Apparently her name was Jen. Although Kit thought how Bunnie would have had suit her better he went on. For him Dimitri was the only way of knowing how she was doing. Kit was a curious child so he would ask him lots of questions. Dimitri had received some education but many of his questions beat him. At those times he would pat him and tell him the library had a book about that day’s question they could read together.

Sometimes, when they knew there was no one in the house but them, he let Kit sit on his leg.

By now Dimitri and Roahn had to wear clothes at all times except when their genitals were required. They weren’t that used to be so covered but definitely it was warmer. And less humiliating. But the mounting…those were nights were those rules didn’t matter.

“How is Jen and Roahn?” Kit asked him.

“They’re ok. Jen is a very healthy baby. You would love her” Dimitri said.

“I would have loved if she was named Bunnie though…” the kid pouted. Dimitri laughed.

“You know my name isn’t Shy?” He said the kid opening his eyes amused.

“Then what’s your name?”

“Dimitri” He said with a bitter sweet smile. It was the name his brother had gave him. He wanted to tell him to call him dad, but right now that was too risky.

“What a pretty name! Why are you called Shy by Master then?” Kit asked. Dimitri pursed his lips together and touched his scar.

“Its a nickname”

“Nick…?”

“A name only good friends call each other”

“But you don’t like Master at all…”

“Well, some nicknames are for people you don’t like” he giggled wryly.

“Hey, Sh—Dimitri, what does “slave” mean?” The kid asked him, getting his full attention.

“Master called me that the other day when I dropped a bit of juice. I dont know if its a good nickname…” Dimitri held him strong.

“You dont need to know that Kit” he said to him “You’re a good boy ok?”

Kit thought about the many times he had been called bad things and found comforting he said that. So he hugged back.

They stayed there like that for a while.

—

At night, report.

“They havent mentioned it yet then Kit?” Dimitri asked him from the other side of the cell. Kit shook his head, his curly black hair flopping.

“Thats perfect. And what is master doing on thursday?”

“They have their cocktail party and go early” kit said. Dimitri was making mental notes.

“When do they go on their trip?” Dimitri asked him looking up.

“On sunday”

Dimitri has made his plan. Five days were a bit short but the three months had passed and he had it all ready. The few money he could slip from change. A few clothes. Tools. Food. They were ready to go.

“Kit, in Sunday I need you to do something fun. Would you grab your binoculars and tell me when they go and bring me the keys in Master’s office?”

Kit physically did a step back.

“What is it?”

“Im…not allowed there…I cant…”

“It’s ok Kit. Dont worry. Can you play explorer and tell me when they go then?” The kid shook his head vigorously. “You’re such a good kid, Kit” he revolved his hair. And gave him a candy hidden in the downside of the mat.

“Ah! Thank you Dimitri! I love you!” Kit said while hugging him through the bars. Dimitri had to be really strong to hold the tears in.

“I love you too Kit” he said watching him go off.

He stared at the ceiling unable to sleep.

How much he wished Cal and Olivia were there too. But the pain of losing them wouldn’t happen ever again.

Even if he died at it. They would go and get freedom.

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dausy · 3 years

Text

As much as I love the smell and feel of books I just cant justify purchasing physical copies. Im a book reading poser. I have to force myself to read unlike some of you weird people who have that reading for pleasure gene. So I drew my read list instead

I am going for 52 books but I was too scared to make it official on goodreads. I was like 2 books short last year so bo stress. Im also going for entertainment value and not intellectual here. I may be 30 but give me yalls middlegrade psshaw.

I started reading Cinder end of this past year and zoomed thru then. I never read them because I assumed they were garbage YA and voila..here I am loving it lmao. Finished Winter at the turn of the year and it was probably my favorite read of that month.

The midnight Library was fine but I felt the story could have ended sooner. She seemed like she learned her lesson and made the same speach over and over.

Addie Larue..I didnt like it. I was bored. Was probably nothing wrong with it, it was just not for me.

The Crooked Sixpence and Anya were just available from the library and were colorful so I grabbed them while waiting for my February lists to become available.

I actually had started reading Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson and made it a bit over halfway before I had to return to the library. I still havent gotten it back yet. But Ill finish it hopefully this next month.

Graceling was again just available while waiting for my other rentals to come in and it was shit garbage *thats my official professional review*

I had heard good things about Amari and the cover was pretty. Its middlegrade and I think it started strong then went down the magical school trope and it flopped and I wont apologize for thinking it was a flop.

All the Stars of Fate. I enjoyed book1. Book2 just didnt live up to the adventure of the first one. I dont want to give spoilers but I just rolled my eyes at the ending. I felt it unnecessary and I wasnt even sad. Just annoyed.

Instant Karma. I dont know. I guess I just enjoy Marissa meyers writing. Im not sure why I liked this book but I did. It had flaws to it. The main character is like Rachel Berry from Glee to the extreme...and I dont know. Like Im positive I should not like this book and it was one of my favorites this year.

ESCAPE FROM AURORA. I LOVE IT. Its just a simple family friendly adventure. Akin to ATLA and The Dragon Prince and I just really like that.

For March I have planned to read Good Girl Bad Blood and The Inheritance Games. Id also like to lowkey read Ickabog even though she who shall not be named has been internet banned. Im hoping libby will give me back Words of Radiance. I may also get to Legendborn but I have a feeling its going to suffer from "pretty cover, crappy story, booktube made me and it wasnt worth it" syndrome.

I also got a free copy of another middlegrade book but Im not sure if Ill actually read it....

#illustration #booktumblr #books #tbr #book illustration #booktube #the inheritance games #frostheart #instantkarma #the midnight library #all the tides of fate #addielarue

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cardboardboxcomplex · 4 years

Text

ok since i’m awake and useless, might as well

it’s 4AM on a monday at this point and i do *not* want to go to work. but i have to hhrghshfd HAAAAAA ok breathe . i skipped last week’s shift that i was supposed to go to the lab. i completely disappeared for the *third* time during my two-week wfh shift before that. when we were supposed to do the third quarter report, and the proposal. which are the hardest reports to do, bc they’ll be the basis for renewal next year. but i just ... disappeared again and did not open my emails or messages. again. after i did that twice before. and i had to go through the process of like apologizing to everyone for my absence, and i even decided to tell everyone that i have depression cos i dont know how to explain it ! why am i like this ! and i know it’s not an excuse, and i told them that too. but i just hate everything . okay i think im getting to word dump now. how many times am i going to be so incapable and incompetent? i hate myself so much cos my brain is so fried and i dont want to deal with anything . when was the last time i actually thought deeply or whatever or like read a journal article. and i dont even know what im supposed to be doing anymore. i feel so sad. oh im crying ok. like im thinking of myself and how do i go on with life, what am i supposed to be doing, what kind of path should i be making. i hate this because i lost years of my life and i keep losing more time. and omfg right the paper. man i didnt even reply to sir’s emails either, and i know ate yana and josh had talked and i was supposed to be there too because im supposed to be the main one to finish her thesis for publication, and it’s already been a year? since she left the lab. had i done anything? i did not

and tomorrow is nov 10, and im supposed to do thesis updates ......... how the fuck am i gonna do that. and i had already missed the first time i was scheduled, bc well the same thing happening now. i was wfh (supposedly) and ate isay had to say my internet connection isnt stable. which wasnt a lie, but it was bc i didn’t do anything. i dont know what im supposed to come up with tomorrow. or if i can postpone it again. SEE THIS IS EXACTLY IT HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONG TO BE INCAPABLE AND INCOMPETENT

i dont know like im scared of being in the lab too and all i wanna do is stay in my room

but you know what i dont even like my room. i miss my old room, i miss all my books, i miss all the memories i left there as in the physical things i’ve kept because i keep everything. full on bawling now. i miss having everything i’ve kept near me, with me. i miss my desk, i miss having one. and i hate my room because i haven’t cleaned my room in MONTHS. idk since march, since quarantine started? i can barely see the floor and i have to walk around all the bags with all stuff thrown in them. and honestly im just desensitizing (?) myself bc if i think too much if i look too closely im gonna throw up and i hate it i hate it . on that note i’ve been thinking i might in a constant state of dissociation, or at least a shallow one? i never thought i really dissociated bc i didnt really get the feeling of being apart from your body. but because it’s been going on for so long it didn’t even register to me that i’m dissociating because it feels normal or the baseline. and my memory recall is so bad, i don’t remember what happened the previous day. why? because i’m not even doing anything. or idk. also my attention span is non-existent. but the memory thing bothers me because i dont even know if i remember things from before before, in the past, not recently

before i forgot about the room, i was supposed to have pest control last oct 20? and it was scheduled like first week of october so i knew it was coming. but did i clean my room? in those weeks between? i didnt. i’d been putting it off exactly because my room is a mess and id ont want anyone to come in like this. so i had to postpone that too, and the next one is tomorrow. did i clean my room since then? no. what have i been doing? i dont know either. literally rotting away. and i feel so bad cos i m not even doing anything. i dont even know what. i cant get myself to do anything

what if someone helps me clean? i don’t want anyone to help me clean because i dont want anyone to see my room. ate isay was supposed to help me on that sunday or monday before oct 20 but the plan was i was going to start cleaning saturday so at least if she comes up to help, it wouldnt be so disgusting. but yeah i did not clean. and now it’s november. you know the last time i ironed my clothes? september. last year. september 1, 2019. i remember because that was jungkook’s birthday, but also i was ironing when i got the messages from someone when they were leaving me and didnt want (?) to be friends with me anymore. and that broke me really bad. but not the point rn.

i dont know what else im thinking. oh i miss my friends. kosestream, if you’re reading this, yes i’m thinking of you too, and i’m really sorry. im so sorry ive kept disappearing on you guys for months. i’ve missed you and so many parts of your life, and im really really i wasnt there. and bc i don’t talk with you often, and with my awful memory, i also forget what’s been going on and it makes me feel awful because like i miss all these things about you? i always thought that i had kept tabs on everyone well, paying attention to what you’re doing, ask how things are with you, and now i dont. and im sorry. i always miss you so much, and i love you, and i dont know if that still means anything to you, but it’s still there. so thank you for inviting me to play among us, i liked hearing your voices. and i know you were worried about me (if im wrong this is embarrassing please ignore this) and were trying to cheer me up / offering your support/presence/love/shoulder/hug idk. so thank you. it meant a lot to me (but im sorry my internet was awful. honestly that stressed me out so much and i was gonna give up because i felt annoying and like a huge bother) but okay thank you

and it’s the same with irl friends, missing things. i thought of it once as everything passing (by) me. like when neos had left for germany, i wasnt there. why? because i was rotting away at home doing nothing. i didnt even get to say goodbye. and just the same with everyone, i havent been talking with anyone. there are so many messages i’ve gotten i haven’t (didn’t) replied to, and it’s like god how are they.

what else. ah there’s another thing i’ve thought of. but idk i’ll write that next time

it’s monday, and it’s almost 5am now, i’m supposed to go to work. i have to text ate isay if she’s gonna pass by and pick me up. but i havent slept because i completely fucked up my sleeping schedule. and my room is still a mess. no i did not even try cleaning it even though i had been thinking about it literally every single day. should i just not sleep or should i try getting like an hour of sleep , and hope i wake up (actually, would love to not wake up, ever)

09 Nov 2020, M, 05:02 BTS – Butterfly (Alternative Mix)

#white noise #i'll tag idk journal stuff that i guess #cos actually all my thoughts are not in words #until i turn them into words #which has gotten increasingly difficult #long post #idk should i tag that #idk who's actually following this acct #besides kosestream

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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January 15th-January 21st, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from January 15th, 2020 to January 21st, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What sort of merchandise are you most likely to buy for webcomics you read and why?

carcarchu

does a physical copy of the book count as merch? nothing compares to the feel of a real book in your hands and watching my collection grow is so satisfying. i like having a tangible way to show my support. after that is small prints. i rarely see acrylic charms of webcomic characters but those are nice too

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I know I'm particularly weak for enamel pins - which happen to be the first major merch I made for my first time tabling at a con. They're definitely the most common thing for me to consider purchasing from others. I also like small prints and stickers! And if a particularly cute character is somehow made into a plush... I'd be all over that, too.

Cronaj

For me, I love physical comics. So if a webcomic creator made a physical print version of their comic, that would be the best way to entice me to buy something. Comics almost always look better on paper in my opinion, and I'm a weirdo when it comes to book smell I sniff new books like an absolute degenerate. The other thing I would buy is art prints or art books. I have a huuuuge collection of art prints from creators I admire. So keep 'em comin'! I mean, I'll buy any merch that calls to me, but usually if I can't put it on a shelf, hang it on the wall, or wear it, I probably have no use for it.

Capitania do Azar

I'm a big fan of physical copies and charms of all kinds! I also appreciate stickers and small prints (big prints are nice, but take up a lot of space). Zines with side stories or related/concept art are also a good choice

keii4ii

Storage is a big issue for me, so I tend to not buy physical books unless like... it's a comic I would love to read but can't do so online easily (e.g. if the website doesn't function properly on my computer) I really like prints that have qualities/features that can't be replicated digitally -- e.g. foil, holo coating, VERY special paper texture, etc. (I've even seen one artist offer lenticular prints which I thought was awesome -- just wasn't into the characters that were on the art) Small to medium sized prints are fairly easy to store, so that's also a big plus for me! Also, clear plastic folders? I've never bought them admittedly, but those can look SO nice with the right type of art (some artworks look so special when printed on that clear material). I wish more people offered them so I could actually buy these, but I understand they can be costly to print.

Tired Programmer

I would buy physical copies as well. About the storage issue... Well, when I understand, that there are too many of them for my humble bookcase, I just sell or give old ones away. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And also stickers. Stickers rock. (edited)

SAWHAND

I agree! If I really like the comic I like to have a physical copy! It feels special since I think a lot of times they're limited printing. I also really like stickers since they can just get put on something I already have and thus not take up extra space. I generally don't get prints because wall space is at a premium and I feel silly not having them hung up, but that's just a personal preference. Other than that it would have to be something really cool or something with function, like a notebook or...I don't know, an apron, or maaaybe a t-shirt.

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Printed comics are definitely my go to fav especially if it's a webcomic I've been really wanting to read but haven't had the time to do it online. Sitting down with a book is a lot easier for me that sitting with my phone or pulling my laptop out. I do also like stickers a lot. I've really gotten into covering the inside covers of my sketchbooks with them the last few years X)

kayotics

I usually go for printed books, pins, or plushies. If there’s a Kickstarter happening I’ll usually splurge for a pin tier if it exists. I don’t use stickers that much but I know a lot of people love them? But it’s not my thing.(edited)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Usually printed books and phone charms. I will always buy webcomics that go to print and I collect charms. Other things like stickers and pins are nice, but often too pricey. I will go for them when they're bundled into KS tiers with printed books, though.

varethane

Printed books for me! Sometimes stickers, and sometimes enamel pina

Pins

I dont tend to get prints because I wont really do anything with them

(But my prints tend to sell decently, so there is a market for them out there...)

keii4ii

I just like collecting prints! I don't even put them on my wall, I just stick them in a binder kind of like my own custom-curated artbook

I really like seeing the combination of certain artworks and certain paper textures!

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

omg Kei...why have I not thought of that ?? I will now do that for all the print i've collected gosh!! and I agree with Vare, books are top tier merch I go for (zines included) Prints are a second for me, with charms and pins being the thing i least go for bc of space (though I am seeing pin boards come into fashion and I'm def into doing that as well!)

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I do really love pins too, I'm just really bad at remembering to wear them. I probably should get myself one of those clear back packs con goers wear.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

oh yes ita bags!

varethane

The problem with me wearing pins is that I normally bike everywhere, while wearing a backpack

So if I put them on a jacket, the straps of the bag will rub on most of the good pin locations

And if they fall off while I'm riding my bike they are lost forever

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I tried putting pins on my backpack for a while.... only to come home and realise they fell off at some point during the day.

varethane

Yeah :(

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Ita bag! Yes! Lol I'm always super scared that my pins will just break and I'll loose them X') so when I do remember to wear one I'm constantly checking to make sure it's still on me

varethane

I have one jacket that I've been putting most of my pins on, which I wear to conventions

And it did pretty well except my rice boy pin fell off somewhere in the Seattle airport and is now lost forever :(

Betrayal......

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

i have def...super glued pins to my backpack before and the rubber backings are so bad for pins too bc they never hold

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Oh, patches are another thing, like pins, that I love but usually have to stop myself from getting. I need to find a good patch jacket, because I really love a patch. I've been wanting to make one for my own comic merch for a while too.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

ohhh yes same-- i stll have patches that i havent done anything yet with bc i haven't found The Right Jacket

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Same TuT

Eightfish

I've got the Property of Hate tarot postcards up on my wall right now. Also partial to a good enamel pin. What I'd love to see in merch is a well designed, stylish shirt, but haven't really found that so far. I find webcomic shirts tend to be too detailed and illustration-y to look good as shirts, and would prefer something more graphic.

Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS

I'd love to design shirts! Just haven't figured out how to get them printed properly... ^^'

RebelVampire

For me, it's digital copies. So PDFs and eBooks. Unlike many people here, I can't stand print copies for a myriad of reasons. XD But digital copies I can get behind cause it supports the artist, has some nice bonus stuff sometimes, and generally collects everything nicely so some website hiccups aren't a problem. While this has never come up because it's rare, I would also buy plushies. Cause one can never have enough plushies. But alas, I don't think the market is there for that XD

kayotics

Plushies are just really hard to produce and store, same with T-shirts

Well, T-shirts aren’t that hard to produce, but they’re hard to store and keep a good amount of sizes

Mei

I tend to buy books/physical copies of webcomics I like! I really enjoy the physical reading experience! I also really like buying enamel or non-enamel pins. I enjoy collecting them, but going off what people have already said, I also have an innate fear of losing them :(

AntiBunny

If it has a cute character, and the price is in my budget, plushies are awesome. Unfortunately that's a difficult one to do, because small batches of plush that are build by hand are going to be expensive, and a comic has to be very popular to warrant more economical large runs. And I'll also say physical books.

Mei

plushies ARE awesome

I got the coyote plushie from Tom, the guy who does Gunnerkrigg Court

I just really love it

and also I couldn't decide which of the MANY volumes of comics to buy

(i didn't and still don't have space to stock up on a lot of books so I must be prudent sometimes)

((but my bed always has space for plushies))

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #reader favorites

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dead-thorin · 5 years

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everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore.

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

#post from the blogger

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jwnbwnjwn · 3 years

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Entry 7 (9.21.2020)

A whole 5 months later since I’ve made a post. I’ve been thinking of coming on here for the past couple of days to update this thing but I’ve been putting off writing a whole book and keeping up with the whole “Entry” thing as it always confuses me everytime and I always have to duplicate the tab in order to get the format right. I want it to look good; as this is a way i’m documenting my life for my future self, friends, family, and everyone and anyone reading this. It’s 6 AM right now, right on the dot, and I havent slept. I just had a huge crying session that was well needed, and i’m starting to get hungry. Let me catch you up:

Corona has gotten worse, I think we’ve all just adjusted to it. I feel like when times were “normal” and we weren’t forced to wear masks was a feverdream, instead of the other way around. For the most part i’m spending my time at home, procrastinating, playing games; Roblox to be specific, and sleeping throughout the day. I play it almost everyday, and I mean, e v e r y d a y. It’s a nice thing knowing I found a love again for the game I would play when I was younger. And now I can live my dream of feeling cool with my robux now that I can purchase them for myself and my siblings. I just took my first Biology test last week and I think it went pretty good, despite the fact that I was actually shitting myself during it because I drank a laxative hours before. I’ve been procrastinating doing my math homework - like literally. We’re over a month in and ive missed a quiz, failed a test, and still havent done a months work of assignments. I’m honestly probably going to fail and have to retake it next year. I’ve been procrastinating a lot of assignments, but hopefully that gets fixed. Aside from academics, my life has been, well, life. My friendships with my friends have gone better, to be specific; with my girls, Seatbelt and Ice. (I had to read my other entry to remember the nicknames I have for them on here, lol.) Ice finally has a boyfriend and I’ve been hearing it’s going great, Seatbelt moved back in with her family and it’s been going good as well - it makes me feel at ease for her knowing she's at home. I think these two are going to be my ride or dies until the end. Things with Mr. are good, and I mean, actually good. There’s no more awkward tension, theres no anger, no worries for the most part. It’s just pure love, comfort, happiness. When I see him, like actually physically look at him and hang out with him, its not awkward. It’s not me searching and wrecking my brain looking for conversations to start. It’s just normal; as it should be. It’s good. I feel like im at the place with him that I’ve dreamt to be at again. I hope his dad gets better, i really do. I hope god allows him more time to see us grow, to see everyone grow, to know this world better. I pray about it everyday. I really want him to be there to see us get married, to see our first dance, to see our first “mini-me”. And the same for my dad. I hope I get to see him soon. I miss my bestfriend. I’ve quit going to counseling a while ago as I found it useless as it was just me lying about my state of mind and pretending like it was actually helping me; and to be frank, I dont really know my situations or what’s happened to me. So, im kind of holding back from the help I could be getting because I dont even know if I need help or for what. But I hope I get that resolved soon; i know sometimes it takes a big toll on me. I’m doing pretty good myself, for a day to day basis. I’ve realized I’m a really big earth person, or life person, and I have such a love for this life I have. I have a love for the earth we share, and for the time we waste. I have such a love for the emotions and thoughts we feel, and what we are, and everything in between. I love my siblings, I’ve gotten closer with my mom; even though sometimes this whole quarantine thing with them drives me mad, but thats a part as to why familys there, to drive ya nuts. I need to get on my shit when it comes to school work, and honestly thats what this time today was supposed to be used on; but instead it was spent crying over cute comics from wawawiwa and tiktoks using the “Mr. Loverman” sound. Oh, also, I’ve reconnected with Maria again. We text every week and tell eachother the weirdest things, but it feels good. It feels like I have a part of my soul back, a little piece of my home. I miss Adriana - I realized that today. I think she was one of my firsts friendship breakups, and I want to run back, because I’ve been thinking of her so much recently, but theres much more time to think on that. I dont want to jump into anything and blow up about it later; as I dont think im actually ready for that, or to even face her. One day though, hopefully. Im also having problems with my fafsa coming through, so I hope that gets resolved soon. I’ve also made friends on Discord, aside from simp and crunch. They were these two trolls on mm2 when I was playing with my sister and eventually a friendship bloomed after a fight, and here we are. If I havent mentioned it before, Marco now has a pup named Thalia. Man, I love her. I think thats it for the most part. Hopefully I catch some sleep after this and wake up feeling motivated and actually have a productive day. I should also be starting keto today, or tomorrow, so I better stick to that. I’ll try to upload these more often, other than 5 months apart, as I dont wanna be writing a whole freaking novel everytime, (but honestly thats the fun part). I hope whoever finds this is well, I love you.

Ended this at 9/32/2020 at 6:29 AM

-jen

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wardans · 6 years

Text

It's Tag Time!

Rules: Tag people you want to know more about!

Tagged by: @aspiring-to-be-a-cat thanks babe ( ˘ ³˘) im so sorry this took so long orz

Were you named after anyone?

Well, i was named after some french actress named Anouk Aimee. The name is very popular in the Netherlands but not so much Canada 😢

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday actually. I was sitting outside (bad idea it was hella cold) talking on the phone when i started talking about atlantic cod and i dont remember what the joke was but it was so funny i made myself cry from laughing too much

Do you like your handwriting?

Hmm it's ok i think.. Its gotten neater over the last few years so thats good. And it's readable so bonus points ✌Dont even get me started on cursive tho... I learned it maybe 2x a week for a month in gr4 and then it was taken out of the curriculum so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What’s your favorite lunch meat?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAMM !!!!!!!!! Im just a sliced ham sorta gal

Do you have kids?

Well i certainly hope not! ;D nah im barely an adult anyways. But kids love me for some reason tho

If you were a different person, would you be friends with you?

Idk tbh. I would hope so. If we were i would pray to literally anything that other me could cook so they could teach me their ways. My family? Great cooks, etc. Me? Not so much. Anyways we would both enjoy memes and singing to disney movies and mamma mia and dreaming of sleeping forever (and riding the bull ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

Do you use sarcasm?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Do you still have your tonsils?

Indeed

Would you bungee jump?

See i think it would be cool but i wouldnt actually go through with it. Unless i was blindfolded. Blindfolded means i cant see myself fall to my death

What’s your favorite cereal?

I just eat cheerios with raspberries;; although when i was younger my mum would occasionally buy Reese's Pieces I think which werent so bad

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Sometimes yes sometimes no

Do you think you are a strong person?

Surprisingly yea actually. Listen i lifted my friend one (1) time who weighs like 230+.

What’s your favorite ice cream?

I just had it like 5 minutes ago. Berry sorbet!!! I also really like lime. Sorbet icecream is my saviour ty.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Hmm something that sticks out. It always depends on the person really. Some people i dont notice anything. But like one friend, something i always noticed was her eyes (the prettiest ever) or her smile! Or my mum has got her big german nose which is hard to miss. I just realized that i love peoples noses cause they can be so different and unique i love it. One friends nose literally reminds of Sera's it's adorable

What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself?

.... My eyebrows... Like they go from dark to light but it's so abrupt that it just looks like half is shaved off TT-TT so makeup it is and oh it does wonders. Oh and probably my hands... theyre so small, theyre like tiny sausages i hate it and my feet are super small.. like size 4.5 or 5 if im lucky

What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

Im wearing grey track pants that i totally didnt steal from my friendo and Iron Bull shirt ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (thanks bioware)

What are you listening to right now?

...... What is Love by Haddaway

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Black, like my soul

Favorite smell?

Hmm, melted cheese.... And when the Khans (family friends) make Biryani or Samosas or Tandoori or Curry they are the best smells ever..! Hm the cold crisp air and pine trees in winter as well!

Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?

My friend actually! (sorry mum)

Favorite sport to watch?

Haha sports? What sports? Ok i have watched football (european) with my family. Europeans are crazy about football my god. I was there during the world cup and oh dear when the Netherlands lost....

Hair color?

Well naturally im blonde but i dyed it red violet last december which is essentially hot pink but with more purple in the mix but then i tried this lighter almost pastel pink. Idk if i should go back to blonde or do something else tho :0

Eye color?

Blue like my mamas

Do you wear contacts?

Nah just glasses when i remember to :D

Favorite food?

I had mac n makhani last night and idek what it is but it was good so yea that. And lasagna. What can i say i really like cheese. Oh ooh and butter chicken! And this pulled pork poutine i got from a Jamaican restaurant one time.... It was so good....

Scary movie or comedy?

I hate scary movies. When i first watched Jaws when i was 13/14 i had nightmares for months. So comedy. There was a comedy/horror that i loved tho; Tucker and Dale: Forces of Evil or something like that.

Last movie you watched?

I wanna say Thor: Ragnorak (so good) but it was actually Moana (again for the 100th time)

What color shirt are you wearing?

It's grey with one of Bulls tarots on it (blessed). Its got a little bit of paint on it tho :'(

Summer or winter?

Winter. Oh, worm? Although i love spring because it rains so much hell yesss

Hugs or kisses?

I deprived myself of affection for years, thanks! depression! So now i make up for it hugging all the people i care about. Occasionally i'll give friends smooches on the cheeks if theyre comfortable with it too

Book you’re currently reading?

Haha whats reading? I havent read anything in forever. Im still trying to finish The Danish Girl, The Outlander series, The Serpent of Essex and The Girl of Fire and Thorns which I got like 6 years ago at a scholastic book fair

Who do you miss right now?

My mum and my cat and my friends and family T-T and Asra & Nadia & Oleg & Parthurnaax pls let them be safe and happy and basically ever vg character that i love ;u;

What’s on your mouse pad?

Ive never used one of those ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but my german oma and opa got me one a long time ago with some famous german mouse thing on it. Kinda cute kinda not

What’s the last TV program you watched?

This tv show called Blackish was just on tv. It's hella funny omg. Also i turn on American Dad just for backround noise if that counts

What’s the best sound?

That music that plays when Asra is around, like in that cave.. It just sounds so magical ;u;

Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

Well i did just go to a Beatles Tribute concert 2 weeks ago sooo.. The Beatles it is 👍

What’s the furthest you ever traveled?

Austria cause for some reason we stopped there when going to visit family but it's farther than the Netherlands so like... what...?

Do you have a special talent?

Drawing I guess. Being outta school and barely drawing sort of took me outta the loop... now everyhing i draw looks ugly :/ I guess my hidden talent of writing for one ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ I learned to make coffees i didnt even know existed at work as well so?? Yes?

Where were you born?

Toronto actually :/ I was almost born somewhere else because my parents travelled a lot up until i was born but they came back... Goddamn

I tag: @queenlydweeb @ridethefrostback @mrjennety @backwardszombie ;D

#this is long & overdue aahhhhh #thats for the tag babe. ( ˘ ³˘)#how do i tag this uuh #the onion speaks #aspiring-to-be-a-cat #queenlydweeb #backwardszombie #ridethefrostback #long post #im sorry everyone most likely read this stuff orz. ...#mrjennety #hey gheykobé surprise it's me

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trippz2ill2ace8itout · 4 years

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⭐🥀TRIGGER WARNING!!

Introducing Last Night At 3AM. I Lost Control. Yet Another Breakdown, I Had about 30 breakdowns. No pity sympathy or attention. && NO I WAS NOT ON DRUGS! I'm over 1 year sober. Alvaro took over (one of my demons/alters) && Dancing Fire (another one) possessed me to the point I almost got a cop call. I don't wanna be a burden &: I wanna save fix care support be there for everyone and everything. I'm sick of being alive. But I can't do anything stupid cuz of me getting concerved to a state institution (which is way different than a mental hospital) cuz I've been in 215 mental hospitals & got diagnosed Critically/Clinically Insane plus over 10+ mental hospitals. All I have is my mom. The breakdowns the vivid flashbacks the mental illnesses getting 10x worse. No treatment will take me cuz I've been to all of them to many times. I can't process anything. My mind imprisons me. I dissociate 89 to 99% of the day. I've been thru every single sorts of treatments/medication I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018. I'm losing my mind. And everyday it's the same thing and people get tired of hearing it.I'm so done with dealing with this everyday. I don't need sympathy. I just don't know man. My mom&& lil brother doesn't want me home, I can't explain what's wrong or going on. I don't wanna be a burden. I'm sorry man. I wanted to self harm again but I didn't. Imagine all my mental illnesses multiplied by 10. Imagine EVERYDAY HAVING VIVID FLASHBACKS AND 22+ Mental Breakdowns a day. I.am sorry if I'm negative. I'm sorry. I just wanna save and fix the world. When people ask me "how are u" idk how much reply. I'm sick of my mind. I feel like darkness is controlling me. I pray A LOT. Alvaro literally possesses me and gets in my body. I have mostly every mental health diagnosis there is. And NO I'M NOT PROUD OF IT I'M NOT BRAGGING OR GLORIFYING It. I just wanna help everyone and everything. Along the my mental health, I have autism, narcolepsy anorexia Etc. My diagnosis list is so long and I don't wanna be known for that. I can't even leave my house. When ever I feel a lil bit better, here comes Alvaro. But again I don't wanna be a burden. It's my job to be there for everyone else NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I can't take this anymore. No pity sympathy or attention. I can't seek help cuz then they'll send me to a institution cuz I've been in to many mental hospitals. I'm doing the best I can. But I'm about to snap. I can't function. And I'm getting worse. I don't want attention I want to be OK. I've dealt with all this hell most of my life. It's hard to explain. On top of that. My physical state is getting worse. I'm finding more reasons to die than to live. I'm over 1 year sober. I'm a huge hypocrite when it comes out taking my own advice. I don't love myself. But i am over caring sensitive and I help obsessively. I repeat myself idk I'm just not OK. I'm losing contact with reality. I'm scared to keep going. But I got this.🥀⭐

🥀⭐Your Enough

Your Worth It.

Your Life Has Purpose

This To Shall Pass

Im here for all y'all in anyway I possibly can.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying. I'm sorry

Stay Strong && Keep Breathing ⭐🥀

🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙

🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic with over 1 year sober. This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Being homeless 13 times. In 215 mental hospitals. In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth. I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018, over 10+ mental illnesses. Some were caused from a few bad trips on PCP that I never came back from. I was sleeping anywhere I could rest my head, I had to be alert at all times. Tbh I havent been to a meeting in awhile. My sponsor is like family to me. I'm redoing all my steps. I'm on step 2. I've lost a shit ton of people to drugs and I was literally getting cop calls everyday. Drugs messed with my life. And having this much clean time is amazing. Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls. Any clean time is good time. And I'm proud of all of you in recovery drug addiction is a special kinda hell. Drugs become your priority and your best friend. I got tortured on the daily by people coming in one by one torturing me from orders from Kimberly (my ex fiance who hung herself in front of me) it was one by one. I got so caught on in drugs that it was the only way I knew. I used to numb the pain. I'm so blessed I found God again. Now I have 22+ mental breakdowns a day every day. I found out it had a lot to do with my drug use.🔥🔥🥀🥀

🥀🖤Thank you for breathing even when u wanted to die. Drugs kill you. There's nothing about it to be proud of its serious. You Matter Yo Important Yo A Someone Yo Enough Yo Worth It Yo Have A Purpose, Yo Have A Story, A Message, A Voice, A Reason, Yo A Warrior, A Soldier, A Survivor, A Fighter. You Are U && NoOne Can Be You, But YOU. Your Life Matters YOU MATTER, Yo Life Has Value &% I'm Glad Your Alive. Thank U For Being Alive. People say that I help everyone and everything obsessively && I don't stop. It's very true. This is a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤🥀

🖤🔥🥀I failed Cedar House twice. This was a rehab in San Bernardino, California. I lied my way out. And I regret it. Funny thing is I already read the entire NA Basic Text && The AA Big Book. I have multiple sobriety apps on my phone and I have an app that that has NA && AA Speakers on it. I'm reading the How && Why and I'm so proud of myself && I couldn't have got this far without my sponsor, Jaclyn. She understands me better than any sponsor I've had in recovery. Here's a list of my mental disorders, some were caused Or made worse by drugs and alcohol🥀🔥🖤

🌙🔥🔥Schizo-Affective, Bipolar

ADHD, OLD, ODD,

PTSD, Insomnia

Depression, Anorexia

Anxiety, Autism

Borderline Personality Disorder

Severe Brain Damage

Attachment Disorder

Dissociative Identity Fund..

Multiple Personality Disorder

Narcolepsy, Critically/Clinically Insane🔥🔥🌙

🖤🥀Listen I don't need your pity, sympathy or attention these were all diagnosed by over 5 psychiatrists, and diagnosed "Insane" by over 10 doctors. DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE!!!! Anyways. I attempted suicide over 100 times. Self harmed in anyway possible. They say I'm the most high maintenance case in the system of California. And the next time I go to a mental hospital I'm getting sent to a state institution. I would do anything to get drugs. Jeremy && Izzie Baraz were my street partners. They both passed away. All I have left in blood family is my mom and brother. My mom. Says if I pick up drugs one more time I'm never aloud back in her house. My dad injected me with meth and heroin at age 9, he also tortured me daily. He passed away in 2011. I'm glad he's dead. But I take full responsibility for my drug and alcohol habits. And I hope I never go back. One Day At A Time.🥀🖤

🔥🥀This To Shall Pass, If Not Today There's Always Tomorrow

God, Grant Me The Serenity

To Accept The Things I Cannot Change

The Courage To Change The Things I Can. &&

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

Amen🥀🔥

🔥🔥Keep Coming Back It Works If You Work It🔥🔥

🔥🔥A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still

Suffers, In And Out Of These Rooms🔥🔥

🔥🔥Staying Clean, Im Never Going Back🔥🔥

🥀🖤I almost relapsed again on New Year's. I almost asked a stranger to buy me Vodka. But God told me to stop.

I'm Always Here 4 All Of You, No matter What.

I'd Do Anything To Keep Y'all Alive && Breathing. To Make U OK. to Save && Fix U && Take Your Pain Away. I Love Y'all. Keep Coming Back.🖤🥀

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chocosvt · 7 years

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❝ 92 statements tag ❞

i was tagged by jeonghan’s amazing gf @jeonghney for the 92 statement’s tag. thnk u my gold rose petal.

rules: answer these 92 statements and tag 10 people ! if there are questions that are too personal or you don’t want to answer, skip them or make a new one :^)

THE LAST (1-5):

drink: h2o

phone call: oh gosh, i can hardly remember. pizza pizza? who doesn’t deliver so thnks for soiling my day.

text: to a group chat.

song you listened to: exo - touch it bc i appreciate art.

time you cried: lmao like yesterday bc i was watching an emotional ep of hotel hell.

HAVE YOU (6-11):

dated someone twice: nope.

kissed someone and regretted it: i dont think so?

been cheated on: in uno yes.

lost someone special: yep.

been depressed: depression is received at many levels. extremely sad yes, but not depressed.

gotten drunk and thrown up: im the one holding ur hair back.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS (12-14):

pink!!

light purple!!

silver!!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU (15-21):

made new friends: lots irl n online!!

fallen out of love: yes.

laughed until you cried: yes everyday bc i gave myself a laugh n a half.

found out someone was talking about you: nope.

met someone who changed you: i havent met them!!

found out who your friends are: ive been with the same squad for 4 yrs n we’re just chillin.

kissed someone on your facebook list: i have never used fb a day in my life.

GENERAL (22-34):

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: ^

do you have any pets: im living with 2 kitties right now!! but ive owned many different animals in the past.

do you want to change your name: she can stay as she is.

what did you do for your last birthday: my friends nd i booked a hotel room!!

what time did you wake up: 11:30am lol.

what were you doing at midnight last night: eating cereal!! every time i stay up past midnight i will eat cereal 2 celebrate all the hours of sleep im wasting.

name something you can’t wait for: to hang out with my bff’s we have not seen each other all summer.

when was the last time you saw your mom: yesterday bc she broke into my room for m&m’s.

what’s one thing you wish you could change in your life: hmm, idk. i’d like 2 be taller bc i cannot reach the popcorn shelf!!! :(

what are you listening to right now: a lot of dua lipa!!

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yup.

most visited website: tumblr / instagram / youtube / twitter

LOST QUESTIONS (35-64):

moles: a few on my arms n a trail tht’s up my shoulder. tht’s abt it

marks: i have a mark on the side of my head but my hair covers it. n one on my knee from when i fuckinj fell down a bridge.

hair color: blonde.

long hair or short: medium length is more fitting.

do you have a crush on someone: i would rather crush on a thumbtack than half the b*ys in my division. there are some nice girls tho!!

what do you like about yourself: some days there are many things!! other days there’s like 2 things. so im not sure!! im just trying my best i guess!!

piercings: two lobe piercings on both ears n im set for an industrial.

blood type: i would know the scientific notation of the distance between earth and sirius b before i knew this.

nickname: i h8 when ppl make nicknames outta my real name so i dont have any.

relationship status: sasuke and i are going on a trip to berlin next fall.

zodiac: aquarius.

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: the office / teen wolf / house / american horror story / atlab

tattoos: nope.

right or left hand: right.

surgery: no surgeries.

hair dyed in a different color: ive been a blonde bitch my whole life.

sport: basketball / sleep.

vacation: i just got back from a vacay n it was gr8 i got 10/10 sky pics!!<3

pair of trainers: im rlly obsessed with shoes but ive been wearing the same vans for 5 yrs. (my feet never grow!!)

MORE GENERAL (57-73):

eating: i like eating watermelon, twix bars n marinated ribs!! just fuck me up.

drinking: iced tea n orange juice are my faves.

i’m about to: it’s just past lunch which means it’s time to eat breakfast.

waiting for: some mf’ motivation 2 punch me in the face so i can write some more today!!

want: i rlly want a specialized rice krispie spoon ive been trying for a year!!!! :((

get married: i just dont think ill ever like someone enough 2 wanna live in the same house as them for tht long.

career: an english or bilingual teacher. i wouldnt mind teaching chemistry either.

WHICH IS BETTER (65-73):

hugs or kisses: i rlly dislike physical contact so i would pick neither, but hugs!!

lips or eyes: eyes!!

shorter or taller: it does not matter.

older or younger: older, but i wouldnt mind if they were a few months younger.

nice arms or nice stomach: i have this weird attraction to forearms so. also next time u look at a junhui pic look at his wrists he has such nice wrists!!! what cream is he using??!?

sensitive or loud: this is so complicated. i rlly dont like loud ppl just bc im easily overwhelmed n agitated with their… over-boisterousness?? nd i will always protec the sensitive ppl n respect their tolerance levels. we just dont mesh well bc ill always worry abt hurting their feelings. u just gotta get someone who knows ur vibe. idk what im saying. i guess loud.

hook up or relationship: relationship.

troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker lol.

HAVE YOU EVER (74-83):

kissed a stranger: nope.

drank hard liquor: just picture tht vine of the kid goin “yo, all this vodka down the hatch” then being completely revolted. tht’s me

lost glasses/contact lenses: every day of my life.

turned someone down: yes.

sex in the first date: nope.

broken someone’s heart: yes.

had your heart broken: i rlly try not 2 wallow in those emotions n instead distract myself so not entirely.

been arrested: no but someone called the cops on me n my friend. (it was just a misunderstanding. i swear i wasnt doin a line of cocaine in an alley way or anything like tht tjgnjt4e)

fallen for a friend: yes!!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN (84-89):

yourself: *insert meme of me watching my own back*

miracles: it would be a miracle if junhui grew out his hair. but also chunks ahoy chocolate chip cookies.

love at first sight: not rlly. it’s usually falling for the idea of being with that person, instead of who they actually are as a person.

santa claus: im still waiting for my easy bake oven u jolly piece of shit.

kiss on the first date: maybe a cheek kiss? idk. a little spice is always nice.

angels: yes. who else is up there bowling?

OTHER (90-92):

favorite thing to do when you’re bored: zone off and completely disassociate.

do you wear socks to sleep: ive done it like 3 times. it’s not tht bad.

favorite movies: FLIPPED. captain phillips / my neighbour totoro / napoleon dynamite.

tagging : oh gosh idk (ofc this is optional!!) @jeonghangif / @sukaato / @meanei / @lolitasletters / @jaehyunsleatherpants / @boysbe / @seokshuas / @trbld-writer

#how interesting !!!!!#the more u know am i right #anywho #thnk u again claudia!!!#<3 #*tg

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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February 1st-February 7th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from February 1st, 2020 to February 7th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What is the nicest thing someone has said about your story, whether its published or still a WIP?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Well, this is one I can answer right away. It's not a very straightforward answer, but I had someone reference me and my comic in an essay about reasons why they were able to love themself... It was for a creative writing class, and they just used me as an example of a greater thing (indie media)... and I only know about it because they asked me permission. but they let me read the essay, and it made me cry. I havent heard from them in a while and I really hope they're okay, but that really stuck with me in a way nothing else has. It's not really a quote, though, so the nicest comment I have recieved was "I can tell how much you love people by reading this story." It was really sweet in a way I can't quite articulate. People have been incredibly sweet to me, and I feel very blessed. I could make a long list detailing the kindness I have been shown.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Apparently Phantomarine (http://www.phantomarine.com/) has made more than one person cry already. Which, to me, is pretty darn high praise, given that I've barely begun the story

Having people find it and say "THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF STORY I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR" also hits a nerve. I know that feeling. You like certain themes/motifs and you wish someone would blend them together in just the right way. It can be magical.

And the last one is when I learned that children like it. A few have come forward so far - either in person or through their parents - and told me they loved it. It was around that age that I was building my own 'inner library' of inspirations for the comic. To know that I might be part of theirs, even in a small way, is just... the best?

Deo101 [Millennium]

that's all so incredibly nice <3

and now I wanna add to my list actually I don't want to interrupt, this is just a topic I wish I could sing from the rooftops about... I also had a student of mine (I am a teacher at a church) come out to me because he knew I would be okay with who he is. And, I have had people tell me it's inspiring to them, which kinda makes my heart melt. I'll stop now but, really I could go on and on about how open and loving people have been with me and my work, and how much it means to me.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Man... This is somewhat difficult for me to answer since I am so early into my comic creating journey. However, I will say that I recently got a comment on my comic Whispers of the Past (https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/whispers-of-the-past/list?title_no=191366) that made me smile. A long time reader commented that they always read my new pages twice, once on Webtoon, and again on Tapas. This really made me realize that my work has meaning to somebody other than myself, which is definitely what I need to hear when I'm doubting myself.

Mei

It's so nice reading about nice comments people have gotten and honestly... y'all deserve it!! I need to be in a better habit of commenting myself because I will promote comics to my friends for days on end but I'm too shy to leave a comment, even though I love receiving comments myself. I think the nicest comments I've received have been in combination with the conventions I was at last year. People told me that they thought the comic was funny, which I am incredibly thankful for. And one person who bought the book at the convention took the time to find it on Tapas and then comment on the latest page, saying that they'd talked to me, read the book, and that they liked it. That meant so much to me it was crazy! And another time, I was showing my book to someone at a convention and she said that she actually read the comic online, which honestly... It's so strange and surreal to me to meet anyone in real life who reads things posted online. It made my heart do smiley emoji. I think what LadyLazuli said is really right, this idea that you're a small part of someone's life or inspirations or just general day is pretty amazing?! Also this one guy commented on every page week to week with the same 'vase' joke on several updates and honestly the commitment was truly astounding

kayotics

I think some of the nicest comments come from one specific reader, who has mentioned a couple times that going back and reading the comic has helped them through some tough times. There was also one person who went to the effort of contacting me after their books were damaged from flooding, and wanted to buy new books to replace the old ones. This was wild since they wanted to do something so inconvenient (paying with cash by mail, and I didn't even have an online storefront in the first place) to replace the books.

twothirty

really early on i had 1 reader that would leave in-depth analysis of some character interactions and they were were spot on and made me really feel like people cared about this story . The other interaction that really stands out was doing the convention circuit last year I had a reader come up to say hi, and usually that interaction is just "i love your comic!" (which is amazing) but he also then talked to me at length about the story and again it was this feeling of just knowing someone out there cares about what you're doing. Comics feels particularly isolating so interactions like that really keep me going.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

I've had two different readers tell me our comic has brought them joy during bad days. Sadly one of them I haven't heard from in 2 years and they were going through some rough times. I hope they're okay

Nutty (Court of Roses)

The nicest thing I've heard was when my coworker told me him and his daughter were reading it, and he told me that she's "drawing like me" with panels and stuff and keeps asking him "how do i make the bubbles" So they're gonna work on that and then he's gonna show it to me.

keii4ii

Any time someone gets what I'm trying to do with the story. I have a great fear of getting good intentioned people trashing the most important parts of my story (without realizing their importance). So whenever someone gets what the story is all about, whether as a whole or just one scene, it's a huge weight off my chest. Legit brings tears to my eyes. Even if I manage to overcome that fear some day, comments like that would mean a lot to me. Being understood has always been very important to me.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Someone recently said they wanted to get a tattoo of something in the comic and that was cool. It also means a lot when people respond well to the jokes in the comic because I put a lot into the writing to make it funny. I hope it makes someone cry someday Joe Is Dead http://joeisdead.com/read

DanitheCarutor

Ffff all my readers have been so compassionate, it's jarring! In a nice way! Choosing one nice thing is hard, every comment has been nice. I guess the most flattering is when a someone takes the time to go back to the previous chapters to link little things up with the current events in the story, or when they manage to remember in spite of how webcomics update so slowly. There was a comment I saved a while back where someone remembered a small thing in chapter 3 and was doing some brainstorming with it relating to the current chapter at the time.

Every so often someone also leaves a paragraph with some of the most motivational gushing, it's so nice! Oh! Also, there have been a few people who've asked me to print my comic so they can have a physical copy (which I'm slowly starting to do), which is super motivating knowing a couple people like my depressing comic enough to want to own a copy of it.

keii4ii

Oh man, I too have saved screenshots of some of my favorite comments, but I don't wanna share them because 1) some of them are long and 2) maybe the commenters wouldn't want their names disclosed in a different context? They are great to save for a rainy day, though!

Tuyetnhi

Oh this is hard I remember one comment on tapas that they got their aunt and cousin reading it and I was flattered! Most comments I got were about the artstyle and progression of the story, which I hope to continue if school lets me. Still, I'm quite surprised that it drove someone to get their family to read a romance about someone's dream lover lmao

also same keii!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Honestly, I have far too many comments I should screenshot. But so many of them are praising the art, and I never know how to feel about it. Like, those types of comments make me happy, but I never know how to truly feel about them.

keii4ii

Art is admittedly easier to comment on. If I'm commenting on art on anyone's comic, I try to point out how it contributes to the storytelling, rather than "ooh pretty and shiny." Pretty and shiny is valid but I'd be just doing illustrations if that were my main goal!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

But if 9/10 comments are, "Wow, the art is so pretty!" I can't really react to it much, especially since my own self-doubt is constantly reminding me of my mistakes.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I've been really excited to answer this question because it gives me an opportunity to thank any and all the fans and people who celebrate our work. I've been so humbled by all of the wonderful and amazing fanart we've received, music paired with scenes from our comic, and fans even imagining scenarios of the characters themselves-- I'm constantly blown away! I do have my most treasured moment however, and that was when we were tabling at TCAF a couple years back. We had been swamped with crowds, selling, and early mornings-- it was a long day! That was until we had one person who went through the trouble to see us in person, and handcraft a drawing to deliver to us, saying thank you, and in that moment I bawled!! They quickly left after us thanking them so much, and I'll never forget that and how much it gave us a fire to see this whole project through. We have it framed and it sits in front of our cpu

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I got one comment where someone said that one of my main characters "seems sweet," and it just left me confused because, a) he's only said about ten words total, and b) in those ten words, he has somehow managed to be rude.

So how is he sweet???

But I mean, I should be happy that he seems likeable despite his attitude and reticence

Tuyetnhi

nice lmao

I do agree about the comments about the artwork being pretty and idk how to repond other than thanks lmao(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yep

That's pretty much all I can say

Because I would HOPE my art looks pretty good after a decade drawing haha

Tuyetnhi

tho tbh because of the nature of my comic, I do get the occasional thirst comment and I'm just sitting there bawling

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh yeah, I get those

Tuyetnhi

"Wow he's buff"

"yea bc I made him like that lmao"

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

People drooling about my male MC mainly

It's so awkward, but I knew it would happen

Tuyetnhi

same, but for the male love interest and i'm like "this is expected lmao"

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING

keii4ii

I get like 0 thirsty comment despite one of the MCs being an athletic cat dude with literal secret tentacles (I'm okay with not getting a lot of thirsty comments, but I do find it interesting)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've gotten thirsty comments and my comic is not meant to be romantic or sexy at all

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh, I can leave you some thirsty comments

I love Lu

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I was going to say they are inevitable(edited)

but kei proved that wrong

Tuyetnhi

same I love Lu too lmao

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

And will gladly praise his hotness

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

if your comic goes on for long enough, i think you will get some eventually. it is a rule of the internet

keii4ii

It's been ongoing since Nov 2014 XD But I guess it takes longer for some than others!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@keii4ii I don't think you quite understand

I have never been attracted to animal-people before

I have always found anthros and such weird

And yet

Lu is totally my thing

Tuyetnhi

Strangely attractive for a cat guy lol

points for those who get the ref

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how do you guys know what their comic is?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

He is way too attractive

keii4ii

Mine? Cronaj and Tuyetnhi came across it outside this Discord, I believe!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yep

I have been reading it for a few years now

Although I can't say exactly when, because HoK has been a part of my life for so long

Tuyetnhi

I think I started reading it a year or 2 ago lol

DanitheCarutor

@keii4ii The only nice thing about Webtoons is that there aren't any profiles to check, so you can't look up fans via their comments. Also if you did Google their username there isn't a guarantee whoever you find would be that Webtoons user without them telling you. Lmao! About the thirsty comments, I used to get them a lot of Webtoons. There was this one scene where my smaller MC pulled the taller one to their face to say "Your friend is dead", before shoving him away and walking off. Some of my readers went wild! They wanted the two MCs to make-out so bad, even though the scene clearly had no romantic chemistry... or even the entire comic for that matter. My thirsty bunch came off really desperate and reaching at times.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Omg, that's just precious

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I really have never gotten thirsty comments, with the exception of one or two very mild 'Oh, that character is attractive' comments. But I think my comics just don't really attract thirsty readers. Of course, I rarely get any reader feedback, so that's probably part of it.

keii4ii

@DanitheCarutor Yeah, that's a plus about the semi-anonymity! My screenshots are from less anonymous places, so yeah. Some are also from like... Discord, where the person may not even have expected the comment to be archived in any way. (Sometimes I actually asked if I could screenshot, but I don't know if I asked every time...)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

No one has ever reported finding my characters attractive

Deo101 [Millennium]

People thinking my characters are hot is a pretty common thing, and usually I don't mind but... sometimes it's the bane of my existence.

It's always a little bit weird, though

every time someone is like "dat ass " I'm like alright bud keep it to urself

it's part of why I made all of my characters adults, actually

people even before I started making it, just when I was talking to them about it or showing my art would STILL be overly sexual about my characters so I aged them up where it felt less weird for me.

kayotics

I’ll get thirst comments every once in a while, usually on tapas. I don’t mind it too much, especially since I’m usually making characters that I’m also attracted to? I usually think thirst comments are funny

DanitheCarutor

Pfff I'm in a similar boat to Deo's. Usually I don't mind, but there are moments where it sucks. Like there will be a really serious, or heavy scene and someone will pop up with "Make them kiss!!", "Don't be mean to your future hubby, X! Kiss him and make up!!". It totally feels they don't actually care about the story and just want something to jack it off to. xD I don't get a whole lot of thirst anymore, which is nice. I think the vocal group lost interest after being blue-balled for 3-4 chapters. Weirdest thing, I have yet to get anyone saying my characters are attractive... well, some readers used to say Julian (my questionable looking non-binary character) was pretty but they weren't really thirsty, just observations. At least they came off like that. My style makes characters look kind of ugly, so comments about any of my cast being attractive is non-existent. @keii4ii Ooh yeah, I can see how that would be an issue. Although, if you really want to show off some super nice comments, you can also just cover or blur out their username and icon image. A lot of people do that, it's really good for keeping up the user's anonymity, and I don't think they would mind since you're not using their words slanderously.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Can I admit I sort of wish I got some thirsty and shipping comments? I also draw characters I think are hawt so I kinda wish my readers felt the same way. XD I don’t really want them in Ashes were my characters are teens, but in Eryl where 95% of the cast is legal age, I kinda wish some people wanted to be a little bit thirsty about it. XD

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, i just wish it wasnt... Idk sometimes it seems like thats ALL people see and it makes me sad

Like theres other stuff going on...

eli [a winged tale]

I feel you too Cap’n! I sort of expected shipping comments for AWT https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/keyspace-a-winged-tale/list?title_no=322364 but yeah they’re still kids discovering themselves! When I start my adult fantasy comic (tentatively planned), then I’m all on board for sure. For the question, I love and screenshot every comment to peruse whenever I feel down. I treasure all of them but one that particularly stood out for me was a writer reimagining all their stories with my art and characters and that just about made me cry happy tears

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

So far the only 'thirst comments' I've gotten are when the comic gets even the slightest bit... gay I can't say my story revolves around major LGBTQ+ themes, but people have picked up on random bits of subtext between characters (which is mostly intentional on my part, not gonna lie) and specifically take time to comment on them. It makes me happy to see people reading between the lines. And it also helps me know what the readers like or are really looking for. So... yeah, I'm gonna keep on that path

eli [a winged tale]

Did I miss that in phantomarine?? Howww

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

The subtlest of subtle subtext... which will become far less subtle over time

Nutty (Court of Roses)

i am deliberately pushing my main ship to get ppl into it lmao

YOU WANT THESE TWO TO KISS, I PROMISE

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

GOSH I know this feeling too well I feel like I don't want to overwhelm the readers, but I want them to still realize "...Hmmmmmm, yeah I kinda want this."

eli [a winged tale]

I’m so intrigued now

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

good

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

wait i can't think of anything remotely gay/romantic in phantomarine

besides maybe

phaedra and... cheth?

eli [a winged tale]

The shipping comments in AWT are currently on point at exactly where I want them to be

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i don't believe you would go for that, but shipping enemies is a very common fandom thing

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I wish I had more people shipping my characters because I'm all alone in it right now

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

@Nutty (Court of Roses) I'm doing the same in Ashes. I'm being super obvious about Anor x Rava being a future couple. XD

So far I haven't really gotten any comments about it. Idk if my readers care about romance at all.

Which is okay, because I don't really write much romance into my comics.

Even though I secretly wish for a bit of shipping from readers.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I have to find out how visibly and obviously gay the characters have to act before people pick up on it

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

sssfrs, your comic just doesn't feel like the kind of comic people would ship characters in, though. Even the relationship between the captain and the guy that left, though lovely, feels, i don't know, too mature to really ship?

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

It's not the focus of the plot though so it's not essential just would be fun

Deo101 [Millennium]

people were shipping page 2 for me so idk

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

That's a fair way to look at it

Deo101 [Millennium]

apparently they need to be next to eachother , in my experience

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i think the art style plays a part, too

people were shipping my characters also from page two. But I have a "prettier" style than sssfrs

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, I think the only way readers even know my characters are queer is from the extra art I make of them for Pride month each year. On panel the gay isn't incredibly obvious.

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, and I do WANT people to ship them so its not like I mind. I like shippers (when they are in line with my plans)

eli [a winged tale]

Yes Deo!! Exactly

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Some characters I think have a great dynamic but I just haven't published enough of the material that shows their chemistry yet so I can't blame anyone for not seeing it

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

^same for me

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

looking forward to seeing that in both your comics!

i follow both

eli [a winged tale]

That’s fair ssfrs I’m all for the slow burn

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

It's true that my goal isn't to make the characters visually attractive and appealing in that way as much as in personality and interactions

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I do keep seeing people leave 1* ratings for Eryl on WT and I can't help but wonder if it's homophobes angry about a character sheet I shared that mentioned the character was lovingly raised by two dads. Bc there has been nothing really controversial on-panel in the comic, and I have such a small audience it has no other reason to keep attracting hate.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

yeah, that's what i was trying to say. couldn't think of a good way to say that though. but i like your art and feel like it fits your story well

( at sssfrs)

i don't think there are a large number of homophobes on WT. If anything, there's an overabundance of the opposite- fetishists

people leave 1 star on WT for random reasons like you not updating enough

don't worry about it

eli [a winged tale]

Link your webcomics? With <> . Love to check them out

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/puppeteer/list?title_no=290620

Deo101 [Millennium]

I get a lot of fetishists, yeah....

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/dark-wings-eryl/list?title_no=287293

Deo101 [Millennium]

https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/millennium/list?title_no=110866

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Idk, maybe they don't like that I update in traditional pages, then, Who knows

All I know is every time my ratings start crawling back up, suddenly they'll take a big hit.(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

idk, some people just seem to do that kinda thing

I have thought it could be other creators before, too...

trying to make less competition or something. but that would be cruel and I dont like to think someone would do that

so I prefer to think its just someone who didnt like my stuff

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

eh i prefer to think the best of people

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

It's not like I'm super successful or anything. The algorithms haven't been kind to either of my comics so I'm hardly competition.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i'm not going to think it's other creators

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah that's what Im saying

like its popped in my head and then I was like literally who would do that

thatd be reaaaaal messed up

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

hey, how to i add my comic name in paren to my name on this server?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Unfortunately I know a lot of creators who would. They just don't hang out in spaces like these.

Deo101 [Millennium]

just edit your nickname in the options

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Mine is called Joe Is Dead, on here http://joeisdead.com/ and on tapas https://tapas.io/series/JoeIsDead

Deo101 [Millennium]

oh right I actually have another comic. It was on hiatus over a year so I havent gotten into the habit of sharing it...

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, go to the ... next to the server name and it opens up a menu with the 'change nickname' option.

Deo101 [Millennium]

https://tapas.io/series/Time-and-Time-again

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I put the title in my name

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

My other comic is here on WT: https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/children-of-shadow-ashes/list?title_no=145048&page=1

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i just don't like dismissing negative feedback. I don't want to get negative reviews and just brush them off as jealous people because i know my comic definitely has room to improve and would rather negative feedback motivate me to look for ways how

got it, thanks!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I love negative feedback. I want to put out the best work I can & hearing what people don't like or don't think is working helps me do that

Deo101 [Millennium]

theres constructive feedback, and then theres people telling me my characters are stupid and I think I can brush the latter off

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Unfortunately, I have been the victim of vicious jealous reviews. I've seen a lot of ugly in the webcomic world over the many years I've been doing this. Some creators be petty.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD) hm if i were to give negative feedback about your comic I'd say the biggest things are that you have a lot of characters that in my mind are kind of hard to differentiate, and also it can be really hard to tell where your characters are in space. But those don't matter too much, as they both will probably get better with time. Your biggest strength imo in your dialogue anyways

keii4ii

Not every negative feedback is relevant to my goals, is key for me. It's the whole "you can't please everyone" principle. My target audience does not include every person out there. If my target audience falls in love with what I make, then that's success for me. I don't need to impress the rest of the world.

keii4ii

(Thanks Tatsu.)

Deo101 [Millennium]

You have a different definition of "negative feedback" than I do.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

who are you referring to?(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

You

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

in what way?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I can usually tell the difference between 'This person has a different idea of what this story should be than I do' and 'This person has it out for me because of jealousy or spite'

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Yeah I've found it really hard to juggle the consistency with where characters are standing all the time. I write out lists of the order they're spatially located in an effort to keep track of them. Hopefully I'll get better with practice

Deo101 [Millennium]

the negative feedback I am talking about is basically straight up hate. Constructive criticism, pointing out the flaws of a work, isnt "negative feedback" by my definition.

so saying "I want negative feedback" means something different for you than it does for me.

i WILL dismiss people being straight up rude to me

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

hm, I feel like a lot of people define negative feedback the same way i do, constructive criticism about what you could do better. If you say you dont want negative feedback you might get people thinking you don't want critique at all. imo what you are referring to might be more clearly just called "hate"

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'll consider it if someone is trying to help, even if most of the time I ignore it

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I also get the random 1 star ratings on Webtoon, so I think some people are just easy to hate stuff(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

yo sssfrs, you keep track of where characters are in space by writing lists??

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

These are probably also the same people who dislike videos habitually on Youtube

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i can't imagine working with that

Deo101 [Millennium]

I actually dont want critique at all.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

it seems so hard

Deo101 [Millennium]

not if I dont ask for it.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Con crit and hate aren't the same thing, though

One is genuinely trying to help you improve, the other is just trying to bring you down.(edited)

And it's okay to not want the former

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I would say "negative feedback" doesnt include con crit

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Just because you make something doesn't mean you have to want people to give crit on it.(edited)

Yeah

I agree, because GOOD con crit is usually polite because if the person knows what they're talking about, they were where you are now and will be nice about it.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

From my experience the best critiques come from other artists doing similar work to you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i don't think all negative con crit is helpful, either. people also need to know what their strengths are so they know what to keep instead of just what to remove

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

They might not even be trying specifically to be nice about it

But their words feel less hurtful

eli [a winged tale]

I feel like there are comments which are reviews (fair enough, everyone has subjective opinions) but I feel like constructive criticisms should be more private and take place in specific settings (most importantly where the creators are in a position of wanting them)

Nutty (Court of Roses)

@eli [a winged tale] https://courtofroses.spiderforest.com/

eli [a winged tale]

What I think most readers don’t understand or know is that the comic that does make its way to the public quite often has already been through rigorous critique and feedback

Nutty (Court of Roses)

(sorry, was late to that haha, i agree on your feelings about crits)

Deo101 [Millennium]

see, I dont know what you mean by "negative con crit" In my experience, a critique that is negative is not a critique and is more an opportunity for someone to flex.

helpful critiques may FEEL negative, because they are pointing out your flaws, but they arent negative

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i think you're defining "negative" and "hateful" the same way, but other people are not(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

I call them constructive feedback. Then on the other hand, yeah there are negative comments that are there to serve the OP’s sentiments(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I use constructive if it is helpful, and negative if it is harmful

eli [a winged tale]

But I just don’t think the comment platform supports the constructive feedback part. The comments currently represent the OP’s views which are very much subjective. It’s hard to know if they are providing feedback from a place of knowing story structure/art competency

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

critique does mean a lot more when I ask for it from an artist I respect

eli [a winged tale]

Indeed. It’s quite an intimate process

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

but i can still take casual comments into consideration when trying to improve

things like, it's confusing, or i don't understand what's happening

eli [a winged tale]

I think trust in the critiquer’s background and intention for you to improve are imperative(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

speaking of comments that say the comic is confusing, god i hate getting those comments the most. Because they come from people genuinely trying to read and like my comic and represent a failure of my storytelling skills

eli [a winged tale]

Plus there is a skill/art (no pun intended haha) to giving feedback. That’s a whole nother can of worms

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

but better to hear that and know it than not

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

It's not always a failure of storytelling skills, though. Some people's brains work along a certain line, and when a story is told that doesn't gel with that, it seems confusing to the person. That doesn't mean the writing was bad, it just means that the author communicates differently than the reader.(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

^ thats what I was gonna say

I have a small group of people who I trust who are editors, writers, or artists. I go to them to see if I'm doing the best I can for my goals.

if people get confused then there isnt too much more that I can do...

not saying my work is perfect, of course...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i can't just brush it off by saying I communicate differently than the reader when I'm trying to communicate to the reader

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

But not every reader is your audience, though

Nutty (Court of Roses)

^^^^

your message sometimes can't reach certain people, and that's not your fault

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

If all the readers are confused, that's one thing. If only a few are, well, your writing style just wasn't for them.

eli [a winged tale]

For sure. Agree Capn and Deo. There’s a lot of work that goes behind the scenes that readers are unaware

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

true true. But there are a few people who have said the same things, so I've taken those to heart and added dialogue that made it more clear. I don't regret that

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Your comic is public, and it's going to be seen by a very wide variety of people with all different kinds of reading comprehension and tastes. You're never going to appeal to all of hem, and plenty won't understand what you're trying to do. But that doesn't mean what you're making is bad. It just means it, like every story, is for a particular audience.

Yeah, if it's a repeated crit, it is something to keep in mind, but just remember that incorporating a crit shouldn't change what you're trying to do, only refine it.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive had a couple people say "I'm confused but Im enjoying whats going on" and I dont even know what I would begin to do about that

eli [a winged tale]

I usually trust my beta readers for that. If there are confusing parts then I would ask them how to clarify that best

I think these creator based forums are best to seek feedback and see what could potentially be remedied

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Of course. And I don't think my comic is bad. But one example was when I realized some confusion stemmed from me having a speech bubble that read, "without her," and didn't realize "her" could refer to two different characters which would make what was being said have two very different meanings. It's easy to overestimate how understandable your story is as an author that already knows everything that's going on. I think confusion is a good thing to pay attention to- I've definitely read comics before and dropped them because the author didn't pay enough attention to introducing things to the audience

(also dropped comics because they paid too much attention to introducig things but)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yes, like I said I have a small group of friends who are all writers, editors, and artists who can give me a pretty dang good beta read.

eli [a winged tale]

They are so great. Don’t know what I’d do without them

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

At that point I'd honestly keep going with what you have - there are several stories I've gone into with confusion, but also greatly enjoyed them, or even got less confused over time. Some readers need time to put the pieces together. So long as someone enjoys it on some level, I think that makes the comic successful. Maybe not completely - but not every comic will be everything to all people.

eli [a winged tale]

Indeed. Sometimes as well you gotta trust your story writing/art skills.

Deo101 [Millennium]

yup!

and like I'm not doing too bad for my first comic so I think I got something going for me at least.

I understand I have room to grow...

but I would like to keep that to people who I trust wont steer me wrong

eli [a winged tale]

Always room to grow for sure!

Deo101 [Millennium]

and arent just pushing what they want from me on me

eli [a winged tale]

Indeed. Feedback/ beta reading has its own set of skills. There’s always places to improve but the key is to determine specifically where that can be and how feasible(edited)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I remember the first time I read Unsounded, I had absolutely no idea what was going on because of how Ashley structures her world-building. But there were aspects of it that were very engaging, so I stuck with it. After finishing the archives, I went back and reread. Now that I understood what all the terms meant, it made perfect sense on the second go-round. It's now one of my favourite webcomics. Some stories are just told differently, and that's okay.(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

There’s certainly an element of trust you must put to the creators that it’ll all make sense at the end

Deo101 [Millennium]

someone got very mad at me for how I have shown my trans characters so far.. I had to explain that the story isnt done yet, and they have to trust I'll bring it up

it's a WIP and there is some trust that NEEDS to be had

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

lol I have only one artist/writer friend (struggles of working in a non-art career), and she understands everything I write exactly as I intended it and I love it. But she's my friend for a reason- we tend to think the same way and read similar things. Don't think it's wrong to try to cater to a wider audience as well

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

@Deo101 [Millennium] I wonder if anyone will react once I reveal that Anor is intersex/trans on panel. I'm really hoping I don't find out if any of my readers are transphobes -or- angry that he isn't ostentatiously trans.

Deo101 [Millennium]

someone was mad I didnt show my cyborg transitioning cause it could be so cool of a concept to see his original robot body and I was like literally none of what you said applies to him also thats kinda gross

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Wut

Deo101 [Millennium]

YEAH

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

There might be some transphobes. But it's worth dealing with them for the people who your comic will resonate with more for having a trans character in it

Deo101 [Millennium]

alsooooo some people might be upset, but then they will leave and you will be left with better people.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I feel like me having a non-binary character and insisting on correcting everyone who misgenders them deters transphobes away p quickly.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

^^^ some people will dislike, but those who like will really like

and a smaller, better fanbase is better than a larger one that cares less(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

hear hear

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) I'm hoping some will resonate with him! I don't think I've ever seen any intersex rep in any story, so I really want people to know they can have a hero like them.(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm trying to think of stories with intersex rep

I feel like there must be some, but I can't bring any up : /

Sazed from Mistborn is written as though he's intersex, but he clearly identifies as male and the story treating him as intersex actually feels a bit disrespectful

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Me neither. The only thing I've seen in stories is gross 'hermaphrodite' jokes when mocking a cis character.

I really want to give positive representation.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

webcomics have so much lgbt representation. I feel as though I must have seen an intersex character somewhere in there, but I'm not sure I have.(edited)

it feels kind of weird(edited)

I've seen characters that don't have genders because they're gods or whatnot but I feel like that's different

Deo101 [Millennium]

I mean, I have intersex characters I supposed but theyre alien genders so I also think that's different and wouldnt call them intersex

DanitheCarutor

I don't know the whole conversation, but @Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios), you'll be fine! Most transphobic people quietly leave, only the really sad, pitiful ones make a stink and their opinions are pretty laughable. If you get crap laugh in their faces like they're morons. I would also say my character Julian is intersex, but I'm not sure how much it counts since it was a recent decision I made (after doing a lot of research) due to readers headcanoning them as an intersex character.

I think I know of a couple other comics with intersex characters if you want to check out some, lemme go look through my lists.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

@DanitheCarutor I'd love to see other comics with intersex representation! And I think Julian totally counts? I don't see a problem with reconsidering a character's sex, gender, or orientation as we become more aware of issues in the world, or even just more aware of our own characters. Webcomics are always a work-in-progress and things change as we go.

eli [a winged tale]

@DanitheCarutor I’d love to know them too!

keii4ii

Re: clarity and confusion, sometimes a small change in wording or such can improve the clarity greatly, and that's great! But I agree that reader confusion doesn't necessarily = failure in storytelling. I've published my comic first in Korean, and a much improved version in English. The cultural difference in the audience has shown to be a huge factor in terms of what's clear and what isn't, or how certain things come across. And that's just one factor.

DanitheCarutor

So I only know of one comic personally, Drop-Out! Sure the characters are anthros, and the bubbles can be hard to read, but it is one of my favorite comics! Of course it's kinda heavy so be aware of that. http://drop-out.thecomicseries.com/ Although I checked out the Webcomic Library tagpacker and found a few. (including Drop-Out) https://tagpacker.com/user/webcomic.library?t=Intersex LGBT Webcomics also has a few that aren't listed in the above list. https://tagpacker.com/user/lgbtwebcomics?t=intersex @Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios) Lol yeah, I guess so. My readers made me put a lot of thought into it, and after the research being intersex actually fits a lot better with Julian's type of gender dysphoria and confusion than when they were AAB male. It also make some small, more intimate parts of the story feel more natural? It's hard to explain, it just feels better.(edited)

keii4ii

Like, making my work as accessible as possible has never been a goal for me with this story. So to me, it's not a failure that a large number of people can't see parts of the story that aren't being spelled out. I can totally respect "I want my work to be more accessible, so if all these people are not Getting It, then I need to do a better job" as a valid stance. Just not one I'm taking. It's all about individual goals and priorities.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh boy, writing a fantasy story with a very developed culture is kinda scary, because NOBODY is going to pick up on cultural nuances except for me(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I DO want my work to be more accessible/reach a wider audience, but that still doesnt mean it will be for everyone, too.(edited)

keii4ii

Not gonna lie, I get a little salty when I see someone claiming their story is "for everyone." I feel like such a claim is disrespectful to different cultures and tastes.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i just started drop out and damn, that's one hell of an opening

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I genuinely don't think it's possible to make a story for everyone lol

like... idk literally just by making it "sci fi" that excludes many people who just don't like sci-fi

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i've never seen anyone claiming their story is for everyone

Deo101 [Millennium]

I feel like just to get to your premise, not even your personal execution you're already super narrowing the people down who will be interested

which is fine!!! and is necessary to accept imo

keii4ii

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) I've seen it. Not often but I've definitely seen it.

I've even seen a creator accuse another person of being heartless because the person was not interested in their Very Emotional And Universally Heartfelt comic, so uhhh yeah

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ope

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Well then

That just sounds like an illusioned creator

Deo101 [Millennium]

I kinda like to think of it like music

I dont like a lot of songs that other people love, it's not that they're bad songs just... not for me(edited)

keii4ii

Yeah! I also think the word "taste" is very fitting

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah for sure

keii4ii

Some of us can eat ghost peppers like popcorns. Others would even avoid like... crackled black pepper

Deo101 [Millennium]

ahahhahaha

mac n cheese has a very wide audience, but some people aren't into it

DanitheCarutor

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) Lmao! Drop-Out is quite a unique piece of fiction. I have also seen creators who say their comic is for everyone, then get made when someone isn't interested.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm gonna start saying millennium is like mac n cheese now

keii4ii

@Deo101 [Millennium] That reminds me of "what drink would your comic be" !!

Deo101 [Millennium]

ahahahahah

someone: my comic is WATER EVERYONE NEEDS IT

keii4ii

I answered: "I want HoK to be liquid bacon fat, so that it'll stay in your heart forever."

Deo101 [Millennium]

ew LMAO

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

even if your comic is water, some people don't drink water

Deo101 [Millennium]

but cute? I gues????

DanitheCarutor

That sounds like a fun game, "If your comic were food what would it be?"

Mine would be sardine pizza, only weirdos like it.

Deo101 [Millennium]

next weeks creator babble question

LMSLDJGLASJGK

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@DanitheCarutor its got such good art. The characters are so unique and expressive. Don't think I've seen anyone not use anti-aliasing on such detailed art before, but it works here

almost all webcomics are some weird food. We're niche just by nature

DanitheCarutor

It DOES have great art! And it gets better as you go too, by the time I reached the end then looked back on the first pages for nostalgia it was almost like night and day with the quality.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

fuck, really? but it's so polished already

DanitheCarutor

I mean, I guess that's not something to get excited about, most webcomics get better artwise as they go. Lmao! But still!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i love how the about page makes this sound like a fun roadtrip adventure

Deo101 [Millennium]

this feels mayble like the wrong chat for this discussion?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

My comic would be a latte: A lot of people like it, but some people will never like coffee.

keii4ii

I can imagine HoK being like Chung Gook Jang soup? It's 1) Korean, 2) it warms you up, 3) it is very polarizing even among Koreans. It's kinda like... imagine miso soup on ultra mega steroid. Like a vegan version of supersharp stinky cheese. And 4) I love it.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

im alphabet soup because i have a fuckton of dialogue

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm actually gonna stick with mac n cheese. a bit childish, but it's nice! you can do some fun things with it to shake things up, but it's still cheese and noodles.

keii4ii

Mac n cheese is amazing.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I love mac n cheese.

another reason why it's my comic! I love it, and it's something I can actually make

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

As for food, WotP would definitely something like authentic Mexican tacos. Again, generally well-received, but can be a bit intense for a lot of people

keii4ii

I really like food analogies. Sometimes it's not Gordon Ramsey you're trying to impress. Sometimes you want to make something you and/or your loved ones will enjoy, and if that's "WAY too much [ingredient]!!!!" for everyone else out there, that's not a flaw!

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah! :D

keii4ii

That's actually good food for thought (no pun intended): what niche aspects does your comic contain? How/why are they niche?

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) How do you do it?

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I think I once described mine as a corrupted tropical cocktail. On the surface: sweet, pretty, very colorful - but all the ingredients used to make it are rotten

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I thought of Cricket as intersex for a long time and I still don't know exactly where I stand on that.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I draw a diagram of where characters/ furniture are from above. Niche things: Most conflicts are resolved through anticlimactic conversation. Also there's this huge bit about consensual mind control. I wrote the comic I'd want to read, and somehow found a few people like me to follow along

I also usually don't have more than 2 characters interacting

so it's easier for me

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I have so many busy group scenes with people moving around. The most recent chapter was kind of a mess also because I wasn't really sure about the dimensions of the space they were all in

This scene was also pretty rushed in general

Re: intersex characters I feel like I've been shying away from that because I don't feel like I know enough about the topic to adequately represent intersex people

Joe Is Dead has a really specific aesthetic to it but I don't know how to define that niche. It's definitely something

Deo101 [Millennium]

I honestly could not answer that question about what niche things my comic contains. I don't know what about my comic is mainstream or not, I'm just making what I want to see and not really worrying about stuff like that.

keii4ii

For me, having an idea of what's niche about my comic actually lessens my worries!

It's a "okay, so I know these things are niche, which means people not liking or even getting those things =/= my failure!" kinda thing for me!

But I can also see how not thinking about what's niche or not can lessen the worries for others, too.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm, for me it means I can just go "well I like it anyways sooooooooo"

keii4ii

Yeah, that's the destination! We're just taking different routes to get there

Deo101 [Millennium]

I also genuinely just have a hard time determining whether or not something is niche

even if I thought about it for a while (I've been thinking about it since you asked, and I have thought about it before" I genuinely couldnt pinpoint it for you...

keii4ii

I used to beat myself up very badly every time someone didn't like a thing about my comic

Deo101 [Millennium]

keii4ii

and "oh, 1) this is subjective, 2) I like it like this, and 3) my liking of it is valid" was how I crawled out of that hole

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I don't know if my comic is specifically niche, unless you count "low fantasy" (or essentially fantasy with less magic and such) as niche

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My comic has a lot of specific nautical and history content that you could call niche

Also surrealism

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i would call Joe Is Dead "niche," but not WoTP

I've read both

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I... used to think my comics weren't niche. Ohohohohoho how wrong I was!

Deo101 [Millennium]

Id say millennium isnt niche then it's basically just gay sci fi it's p straightforward

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

My comics are very, incredibly, undeniably niche.

DanitheCarutor

@sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD) It is difficult to understand if you're not intersex yourself, even though I studied a lot before making the decision about my character I still don't know if I'll represent the topic properly. The best you can really do is get into researching all the medical stuff, talk to people willing to share their experiences with being intersex, and watch videos of people talking about it from a professional and personal perspective. The hardest thing to get right about something so subjective and personal is that everyone's experiences are different, so no matter how much you research you just gotta do your best with the info you have, then figure out how your character would experience it personally.(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I don't think anything magical happens until Chapter 11 of WotP, now that I think about it

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Also @DanitheCarutor thank you for the links!! I'll have to give those comics a look!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I’m still backreading and I just saw the food question, that is great

JID would be saltcod

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Ooooh

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Or like pickled herring maybe

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Bacalao

Noice

(Bacalao = Puerto Rican salted cod)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

They have it in spain too iirc

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Ashes would be very bitter black coffee someone forgot to drink and it's just been sitting there for two days. Eryl would be well-aged wine spiked with tabasco sauce.

DanitheCarutor

Sorry for derailing. Anyways, I feel like my entire comic is just a ball of niche? The subject matters are uncommon and the main characters are awful and unreliable, but that's my aesthetic so I'm sticking to it. I've never particularly cared about people liking my comic due growing up not being liked myself (you kinda get over it after a while), but I do like finding people like me. @Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios) No problem! I hoard stuff like that, so I probably have a link for everything.

Urm, I don't mean I like finding unlikable people like me, I mean people who like the same types of stories as me.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Honestly, Dani, I connect to your comic quite a lot, for what it's worth!

DanitheCarutor

Thank you! ;v; In a way it's kind of nice having a comic that doesn't fit in. It tends to stand out, especially with my choice of medium. Although at the same times it's really hard to get feedback that applies to what you're doing! Arg!

keii4ii

It is such a Struggle, for sure -- getting relevant feedback

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I feel you! I'm in the same boat with Ashes. It's also incredibly niche and there just aren't that many pencil comics out there- coloured or graphite.

DanitheCarutor

Being a creator who likes feedback, but also likes making niche content, is so hard! Why can't everyone like niche content??

Lmao!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

As niche as the setting and tone of Joe Is Dead are, the main story arc is a very generic hero adventure thing that I hope will appeal to wide audiences

eli [a winged tale]

Niche content

I’d love to know more! What niches are you exploring?

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

The nicest thing anyone's said about Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R http://sgkdr.thecomicseries.com/comics/ is that they really became invested in the characters. Like, that's the kind of story I want to make - the kind where the characters really stick with you.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

As for what food my comic would be... I'd say squid ink pasta. It's the kind of food that makes you go "what the heck is going on here" if you're new to it, but once you actually eat it you'll (hopefully) go "oh, that made way more sense than i expected and was actually pretty tasty"

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't know if you're talking to me directly but I'm using a lot of maritime history and literature stuff that I've been obsessed with for a long time as the setting of the story, and then the whole thing has a really morbid and nihilistic tone, while also somehow being funny because I have a background in comedy/satire writing

And then heavy biblical themes

It's essentially a Renaissance period retelling of the Joseph story from the bible

With pirates instead of shepherds

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

For me, I’m not even sure what niche Ashes belongs to. (https://www.flowerlarkstudios.com/cos/) It’s dark, it’s weird, it has a twisty plot that slowly trickles information, and it’s an odd mash-up of genres. I often try to describe it as Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children meets Farthing Wood. It’s mostly urban fantasy with some horror elements and talking animals. Basically it’s about a bunch of unaging teenagers with supernatural, angel-gifted powers and a bunch of woodland critters fighting (although so far it’s more running from) eldritch monsters. But it’s main focus is on each character battling either mental illness or some other kind of inner demon.

keii4ii

There's also the aspect of: what's niche in one culture may not be niche in another. In Korean media, Fantastical Old Korea is a very common setting for all sorts of genres: gag a day, romance, all-ages adventure, gritty crime drama, zombie apocalypse, you name it. If the work spends a lot of visuals showing mundane everyday moments, often that's a shorthand for "sit down and stay a while; this is a heartfelt tale that takes its time." My comic uses such a setting. When I began to publish it in English, I was surprised that people were expecting it to be one of these AND NOTHING ELSE: a) exciting magical action adventure b) mythology-driven, all about gods and spirits My comic is neither of those. It definitely contains elements of adventure, but that's the plate the meat is served on, not the meat itself. So I guess the usage of the setting is niche.

Like, imagine a civilian life drama set in WWII time. The civilian MC may have a family member or a close friend in the military, but the story focuses on the MC's experience. Imagine presenting that story and people expect it to be... military action? Not a perfect analogy, but hopefully a good enough one.

Kelsey (Kurio)

To be fair, Korea would find fantastical old Korea less exotic than those outside of Korea heh

keii4ii

That is definitely a factor. Even today, you can find semi-Old Days-like places IRL within like... 3 hours of drive.

I'm weirded out that my culture is considered exotic, but it is what it is

(To clarify, weirded out =/= offended.)

Kelsey (Kurio)

Well any culture can be exotic to people outside of that culture

As an outsider looking in, it can be fascinating to learn about a culture I don't know much about

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Anything unfamiliar is usually considered exotic. I know in both England and America, I never really learned anything about any Asian country growing up. I had to seek out the info myself, and as it was very unfamiliar to me, it seemed exotic!

Kelsey (Kurio)

Especially their myths and stories

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oops, exactly what Kelsey said, I typed too slow.

keii4ii

Yeah, the thing is I've been told I should not be using this setting to tell this story because it's a doomed combination. But ehh, I decided not to listen to that. This story with this setting and all of its elements is what I wanted to read.

carcarchu

slice of life set in a historical setting sounds really refreshing actually(edited)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

But I know I’d probably feel strange if someone told me New York was exotic!

carcarchu

sometimes historical settings can get really bogged down by politics and whatever other drama, having a quiet slow paced story set in the same kind of world is something i'd be interested in reading

Kelsey (Kurio)

Nothing wrong with trying the approach you want to

Who knows, you might end up with a unique combo that helps your work stand out

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yup. I’m a firm believer in writing the kind of story you’d want to read. No matter how niche.

Tuyetnhi

Totes agreed on this. For me, when I had to drop my dark drama series for my romance story, folks were like "Dang, I thought you like writing dark things!"

I do, but romance comics.... [clenches chest]. I also want to write a story that I want to read so lmao. Dream lover elements along with some dark horror influences is something I want to try doing lol

carcarchu

this is not a webcomic but try reading coelacanth if you're interested in the combination of horror with romance @Tuyetnhi

Tuyetnhi

ooo I'll keep that in mind

carcarchu

it's really so unique i love coelacanth so much

Tuyetnhi

is it a novel? :0

carcarchu

it's a manga

Tuyetnhi

aaa

Yeah I probably check it out sometime lmao

back on the idea tho, I also wanted to add some Vietnamese influences in the mix since there's not a lot of stories about Vietnamese disapora, so that's included in the cauldron lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@keii4ii what's your comic? I wanna check it out(edited)

keii4ii

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) It's https://heartofkeol.com/

(I get extremely nervous whenever I know someone is checking out my comic for the first time )

DanitheCarutor

To answer @eli [a winged tale] question. I'm delving into stuff like mental illnesses and disorders, medical illnesses, abuse, trauma and later on, self-care. The comic itself is slow and character centric, I guess you can say it's like a character study. The story can be really depressing depending on who is reading, and it has some softcore horror bits sprinkled in. I'm kind of a nerd for mental health, sad stuff and everything medical so I figured I may as well make a story embellishing those interests. In short it's a sad, character driven, psychological drama about two extremely flawed individuals. Not particularly exciting compared to all the other webcomics out there, but somebody has to make that one pretentious, psychological slice of life piece.

keii4ii

What compounds my issues is that my comic does have enough adventure elements for someone to mistake it for an underwhelming adventure story. "This is an adventure story but there's not enough adventure in it?" kinda thing.

@DanitheCarutor Character studies FTW!!! Yours has been on my 'gotta check this out' list for a long time now!

Tuyetnhi

Oooo

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I also am a fan of psychological stories

Especially if they're sad(edited)

Tuyetnhi

Kei idk why but I was reminded of .hack SIGN when u said that

"there's so much talking! where's the action?!?"

keii4ii

@Tuyetnhi That's actually not a terrible comparison -- though .hack//SIGN has other issues that my comic hopefully doesn't have XD

Tuyetnhi

I'm pretty sure it's miles better than that old anime lmao

DanitheCarutor

@keii4ii Pff I need to check out your comic too! I remember reading it at one point, but I don't remember what happened to make me lose track. From what little I remember I really liked it.

keii4ii

The thing with .hack//SIGN was it had a lot of promises of mystery that never went anywhere, within SIGN. I've heard those mysteries do go somewhere within the franchise, but you had to watch/read the entire franchise, which I wasn't going to do. I hope my comic will be a good read on its own, when finished.

Tuyetnhi

sadly, I was one of those suckers that went to consume the .hack games and mangas to get some context from SIGN in the late 2000's lmao

I hope the same as mine, despite being mostly saccharine and self-indulgent nature lmao

keii4ii

Self-indulgence is a strength of indie comics.

eli [a winged tale]

I love all the themes y’all explore! They’re so important

Tuyetnhi

I feel like I have a reason for everything when working on that comic but if that's what it boils down to, I'll take it lol

keii4ii

TBH I produce my best writing and art when I focus on pleasing myself.

Because if I'm trying to please others, I don't even know what they want, so I waste my energy panicking.

But when I'm creating for my inner reader, I can be self-critical in a productive manner!

Tuyetnhi

so true ya

RebelVampire

Hey guys. I kind of feel as this has deviated a smidgen too far from the topic, so maybe reel it in just a smidgen. XD(edited)

Desnik

so the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my comic is that they wanna read more :3

I kinda dread reader dropoffs so the will to see the whole story through fills me with joy

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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