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beautifulpersonpeach · 8 months

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Why did Joon posting that song blow up to such an insane degree, but Taehyung mouthing the n-word seems to have made no noise? I’m absolutely not saying I wanted Taehyung to be at the center of a hate campaign, but I’m kind of surprised? If I understood the meaning of the song correctly, Joon really didn’t do anything wrong or offensive at all, but it blew up and was everywhere for days. I saw so many discussions about it on different platforms. But then Taehyung actually DID do something wrong. But it’s just… crickets. I guess I’m just confused? Why did Joon’s thing turn out like it did, but Taehyung seems to have gotten away unscathed?

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I just want to say, first of all, that I abhor this sort of ask for two reasons: (1) because it ultimately taps into the incredibly toxic hyper-competitiveness in k-pop, where everything is seen within the lens of comparison and competition - nothing is sacred; and (2) because I'm Black and Korean, and having to explain the intricacies of how this space creates and engages in the sort of prejudice cocktail one uniquely finds here, especially since I've been into k-pop for this long, is annoying and borderline dehumanizing to experience.

But I understand why you asked it. I know you likely bore no malice in asking it and I can see why the stark difference in reactions could be confusing, so I'll use your ask to make a general comment about general fandom dynamics. It's something I've talked about before, when discussing hate and how Jimin doesn't actually get as much hate as a lot of people think, but that he does get huge amounts of certain kinds of hate. I suggest you read that post with this one please, because I won't repeat all I said there, here.

I often talk about the different players in k-pop fandom, how hate can be manufactured, and that various things have influenced previous scandals blowing up. It can get confusing to fully explain, but I'll try not to ramble and will try to outline this methodically somehow, splitting up the factors I think are important into sub-headings.

The Background/Setting

This might not seem obvious at first, but it's important to know what else is happening in k-pop fandom at the time.

In the case of Namjoon's artificial scandal of recommending a Frank Ocean song about Black queer experience, and unrequited love related to religious truama - a song 10s of idols and people had shared before to zero controversy, and a scandal started in a Blinks GC including BTS akgaes (who were Blinks) - the background context was Lisa getting dragged by most of stan twt for an unflattering picture posted on Popbase, Blackpink getting flayed by several k-pop fandoms for not selling out their latest concert venue, and simultaneously NewJeans taking yet another record from Blackpink. This wasn't the catalyst for the hate on Namjoon, but it provided the background noise for why Blinks were so angsty and pissed. All that happened in one day.

You see, before Blinks came after Namjoon, they'd actually gone after NewJeans' fandom in retaliation. A blink hacked the NewJeans Global fanbase following the achievement announcement. Look at the date of that tweet. If you were on Twitter you would've seen "APOLOGIZE TO LISA" trending globally. Well, that's what happened. Bunnies are a much smaller fandom but their group is the top girl group, meaning that fandom dynamics make them an easy target to overwhelm that nobody would care to defend and so their pleas that their fanbase was hacked fell on deaf ears, Blinks easily overran them and practically everything that happened to Namjoon two days later, happened first to NewJeans and their fanbase. But the scandal didn't gain much traction and Blinks were like, raging pissed. I'm talking people screaming in various Twitter spaces mad. Just insane any way you look at it.

Then a day later Namjoon said in a magazine interview that BTS would be returning around 2025. That was the catalyst for the hate. Aside from the additional annoyance for Blinks of BTS, well, BTS-ing, BTS akgaes who were also Blinks, absolutely lost their shit. It might seem like such an innocuous thing, but one thing you'll realize is, a lot of people here are frankly insane. I know I use that word a lot but I actually mean it. Much of what passes for 'discourse' here, is actually fueled by people who are very unstable and cannot manage their emotional reactions to facts outside their control. Such is the perpetual plight of BTS akgaes and one such fact is BTS all saying they intend to return in a few years, and so their attention turned to him and he would've had a hate train sooner or later. It was only blind luck that he shared Bad Religion on Instagram the next day.

To contrast with Tae's situation, Blinks were celebrating various achievements yesterday and today. And so, silly as this might be to say, they were less pissed than they were in the lead up to Namjoon's situation. Also, Blinks and most other shooters were pre-occupied with much juicier drama today, which was the blow-up around Bang Chan's room being suspended. Dives and Stays have been going at it, with Blinks and shooters well in the mix. Scandals sometimes never happen the day of the incident. In fact it's more common for something to happen which an anti or rival fandom notices, keeps away, and then blows up at a more opportune moment - such as during the actual comeback. So it's not like Tae's even in the clear. This could still come back to hurt him (and BTS, because that's how these things always play out), though I doubt it, because of the players.

The Players

The fact is that since Tae started dating Jennie, he has less natural predators within the Blink fandom. He's still hated, just not to same degree he was by that fandom when he accidentally followed Jennie on Instagram a year ago. Also, many Blinks are BTS maknae-line akgaes meaning many Blinks are also taekookers and KTHs. In case anyone was unaware. So Tae is likely never going to get as much umbrage from Blinks as he would from Orbits, for example. But just by being in BTS, he's hated by that fandom.

Rival BTS akgaes are also players here who tried to get the ball rolling on the hate train, but in recent weeks I'd seen sympathy from PJMs towards Tae for his abysmal performance numbers, so not many of them joined in right away. JJKs on the other hand, who have been dealing with a lot of flack for Seven's versions/performance, saw an opportunity to use Tae's gaffe to play off his akgaes and the fandom against other akgaes. ARMYs are a bit stupid, as I've said before, and PJMs are careless, loud, and moronic - they've earned a reputation that makes them easy scapeoats, as I've said before too, so playing those factions off each other was very easy to do.

This all left Black ARMYs, who knew that if this blows up, every BTS member would become a target because of k-pop fandom dynamics, whether that was fair or not, especially for a gaffe like this, to contain this somewhat.

Namjoon does not have the benefit (if I can even call it that) of dating Jennie, his akgaes do overlap with some other fandoms but not Blinks, and his crime was not the sort that was very contagious to other members, so it allowed more akgaes to zero in on him and Blinks to let loose on him.

The Crime

There's no pretty way of saying this, but identity 'crimes' in k-pop fandoms are kind of a bitch and can be tricky to understand. In Tae's case, the fact is that the clips do offer him plausible deniability. I can see how someone could persuade others to think he never mouthed it, though I personally don't buy it. But given the fact that racist charges in particular are very sticky and will be used to target every member, from Jimin to Namjoon even if Tae was the culprit, I can see why the fandom approached it this way.

There's also the very simple fact that a lot of people didn't actually notice that Tae mouthed "nigga". I know the song he was listening to so I know what he said, but I could bet you 40 quid that 80% of the fandom is actually blissfully oblivious. And that's how it usually is with these things. Unless an anti or rival fandom blows it up, it might as well have never happened because few people would've registered that it happened in the first place. And because of (1) the background and (2) the players, it was always unlikely that this could turn into a shit storm today. It could still happen for Tae, but it happening today, in my view at least, was always unlikely.

Namjoon by contrast, had a crime that wasn't even one, but religious sensitivities can be very volatile, and the people who eventually believed he was in error and were fanning the flames, were primarily homophobes and misogynists who justify those beliefs with their religion - in addition to some Muslim fans who perhaps felt genuinely hurt. Not Black ARMYs or Black k-pop stans who have likely dealt with exactly this sort of crime before. I mean, this is k-pop, Shinee and Mamamoo for example, well loved k-pop groups still haven't apologized for doing Blackface and Brownface, they've never even acknowledged it, and yet nobody cares. And so many Black fans unfortunately have a sort of resignation or racism fatigue. In a sense.

One other reason is that, for racist or anti-Black accusations, sometimes other k-pop fandoms could be hesitant to join in and blow up the scandal because they’re aware of their own idols being guilty of the same or much worse, and they know explicitly going after BTS will get ARMYs to drag their faves to filth. It would be something akin to mutually assured destruction but ARMYs would possibly overwhelm with share numbers. Comparatively, accusations around Islamophobia aren’t as common, and so more k-pop fandoms could join in to virtue signal on that basis, and blow it up further knowing ARMYs wouldn’t have equal basis to retaliate towards certain fandoms.

I took my time writing all this for a few reasons. One is because I'm very well aware that there's a narrative in some parts of the fandom that Jimin is hated the most and Tae is hated the least. Again as though this is some kind of competition. And that it's very likely for this to be the talking point in this space filled with Jimin biases, jikook shippers, and Jimin akgaes. Not to call y'all out exactly, it's just the reality as I see it. But like I keep saying, if you're listening to akgaes for most anything, you're being quite stupid because you're guaranteed to be misled. In my opinion. There's a lot more things that influence how things play out here, there's so much more nuance into how various patterns develop, that the simplistic and victimizing arguments offered by that point of view, aren't all that helpful if what you want is to actually understand what's happening here.

And while I'm on the subject since this post is already too long and I've gotten asks about how to feel about this, I'll copy-paste here what I already told someone else privately:

I don't hate Tae, and as a Black person, much less a Black person who has lived in Korea with family there, this sort of anti-Blackness, while disappointing no matter where its encountered, even more so since it's from a BTS member in this case, is something many Black people live with.

I understand what you mean I think, and though you say you don't know how to feel right now, I know how I feel: I feel disappointed. Tae mouthing the word on camera, not bothering to show more care around how it could look, indicates to me that it's possible he shows even less care in private i.e. he's possibly comfortable saying the word in private. This could be true or false. And while not the worst thing in the world (I don't for a second think any of the guys are perfect people - it's possible there's a high chance they'd behave like typical Korean men in various situations with all the cultural prejudices and ignorance), it's disappointing that this could still happen in 2023. As you've said, it seemed very unlikely. But then again, unlike some other members, Taehyung himself has never come under fire for this sort of gaffe. Where Joon, Hobi, and Yoongi have been forced to grow in their engagement with Black culture as they're the members that have worked very deeply on hiphop, Tae's always had a bit of a peripheral view. He's never been personally impacted by any of that particular scrutiny, and given what I think his personality is like, I won't be surprised if it never really registered in his mind as something to be cautious about, since he'd never been personally really affected by it. Hence one reason I started out that post by calling him stupid, as harsh as that might sound.

Personally, I never expect perfection from BTS, so while this is disappointing, it does not dramatically impact how I feel about Tae or BTS or Layover a week from now. I listen to a lot of music and a lot of hiphop made by artists who have very likely killed before, so my personal tolerance for 'problematic' artists or things like this could be very different from yours. It's unfortunate that Tae's actions could bring very negative attention to the whole group, and people will have feelings - some people being hurt and other people re-offending in a bid to defend or antagonize him, so I'd suggest trying not to get caught in the crossfire. If you still want to support Tae, that's okay. Personally, I'll be checking out his album and plan to support it with streams and some sales. If you're hurt and want to say that, that's okay too. If you don't feel like supporting his project, that's okay too. Process this in a way where you honour your feelings and beliefs first, based on the facts as you have them. And anyone who tries to make your life difficult about it either way, fuck them. In my opinion.

#bts #bts chapter 2 #kpop fandom #fandom behaviour #taehyung #namjoon #jimin #hate

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guiltygearconfessions · 7 months

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The fact that nobody with ever understand Ky kiske in the same way I do.

He’s a transguy people pleaser with BPD and religious truama and most likely some level of PTSD and guilt from being and orphan, to becoming the head of an entire army, than the IPF, than LITERALLY being fucking king and having to give away his Son for the greater good and the protection of both him and his wife what more can I say.

#confessions #ky kiske #guilty gear

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incorrecthellsbellesqoutes · 8 months

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Hi welcome to the Hellp Desk this is hell, where my truama is chronic but my sass is iconic

Hello! Im Cadet! This is a fanblog for Hells Belles on Tik Tok, focusing on mainly Incorrect Qoutes, but maybe other things such as original fan art (made by yours truely), Capcut templates with the main cast, aesthetics, fanworks/headcannons, and other stuff!

Rules:

Incorrect qoutes submitted by others is absolutely allowed and encouraged!

Helles bells is a series that covers things such as Reglious trauma, child abuse, substance abuse, homo/transphobia, child loss among other things. This may be referenced in the blog and while this blog is lighthearted, if those things upset you then I understand if you cant stay around for the ride.

In saying that, this Blog is 16+. This is hell after all and spicy content may be referenced or stated (no explicit NSFW but if you’re bothered by the word sex then this also isn’t for you)

ANY PROSHIPPERS AND BIGOTS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED. There’s a special place on level nine waiting for you.

All ships here are the canonical ones in Hells Belles. (Lilly x Bell, Penny x Greg, Sharkie x Violence, ect.) so no crack shipping here

We have at least one Garenteed incorrect qoute a day at 5:00 pm (MST). Others may be shattered through the day as inspiration strikes

If the original source isnt specified, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me where the original source is so proper credit can be provided. All quotes come from all corners of the internet so credit may have been lost in translation

The tag 🔥sticky sausages🔥 is for… content that may allude to the mattress mambo if you will.

The tag Art Style Envy is for all reblogged artwork of Hells Belles. Go support the original artist!

The tag Tea time with Judy is reblogged content that revolves around the Belles themselves that doesn’t have anything to do with art

The tag Cadet art is Orginal art done by me!

The tag Cadet Chats is when it’s exclusively me talking to you guys.

And finally, the most important rule of all: if i say anything misinformed, ignorant, or something that bothers you, please let me know so that i can take accountability and fix it. I am not religious or have religious trauma (only secondhand). And while i dont talk about religion itself, i dont want to say anything potentially ignorant.

And with that said, Welcome to hell!

#cadet chats #hells belles #Sea.Ya.Later

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dichromaticdyke · 2 months

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🗣 - Do you have angst opinions or HCs for any of your Skwistok universes? I'm a big fan of religious truama Toki and self-esteem problems Skwisgaar. I also really like the dynamic of envy/jealousy and admirer/admired that intertwines with their relationship.

breaks fingers.

religious trauma, yes, 1000%. my biggest headcanon for pretty much any skwistok dynamic is that, toki fell absolutely in love with skwisgaar at first sight. enamored with the man he sees as an angel who saved him from the streets. but skwisgaar doesn't return that love, not in the way toki wants or expects anyway. skwisgaar is blunt and sarcastic and way too mean about his playing. so their rivalry goes on, toki's feelings fade and turn to hate. this works not just with his religious trauma, but slowly getting over it too. he sees skwisgaar as an angel, but the angels all forsook him and left him to rot in his punishment hole and die on the streets of america. skwisgaar might have been his angel to save him, but how does he know this angel won't forsake him again?

or, something he thinks is hate, anyway. we saw this in the s1 finale when he told skwisgaar he always hated him. and skwisgaar said he knows.

but here's the thing—skwisgaar is perceptive. he didn't just know that toki had grown to hate him, he'd known that toki loved him before too. but he missed his chance.

because i think skwisgaar started to have feelings for toki pre-s1, right when toki's feelings started to fade. and he knows this, he knows he probably missed his chance with toki. he tries so hard to get over his feelings through the rivalry, but all it does is make him obsess over toki more than he already did.

most of the series i see as their feelings being unrequited from skwisgaar's pov specifically. most of the series, toki is a bitter hater who only cares about getting his solo and annoying skwisgaar because it's funny. they're still close friends of course, we see them palling around together all the time, but neither of them want it to go further for different reasons. but in DSR, we see that skwisgaar is at the core of his happy place. so DSR kind of reminds toki that he doesn't truly hate skwisgaar. how could he?

DSR and then AOTD is of course what finally makes those two idiots realize how much they care for each other.

fuck idk how angsty this is. lmfao. big angst fodder for me is also just the idea that toki could fucking destroy skwisgaar's career whenever he wanted. not just in bookklok. but he's strong, he's violent, he has anger issues. he could do irreparable damage to skwisgaar's body if he wanted to. COUGH COUGH.

there’s that tension between them. the like between love and hate. love wins out, i believe, but fuck they have so much DRAMA.

OH OH OH OH.

i’m also cooking with an AU where they were too late to save toki in DSR…and i’ll leave it at that. but just know that how could skwisgaar NOT blame himself when he’s the one who invited toki into the band

#ask.mj #beloved anon #skwistok #🗣️ anon #idk if that answered your question lmfao

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av1-v · 1 year

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My rant about the way the Dsmp fandom writes c!Tommy’s religion!

Most of the time when I see people acknowledge c!Tommy’s relationship with church prime in their fan works they give him pretty generic Christian religious truama. I can understand why people would interpret Church prime as being similar to Christianity I man it is CHURCH prime. My problem tends to be more with the religious trauma part now I understand that a lot of fan fiction writers project heavily on c!tommy but it actively contradicts what actually see in the Dsmp. First of all he did not join church prime because he was born into it he converted because he it connected with the religion. Secondly he would not have survived exile if he didn’t have his religion as a coping mechanism.

Thirdly I think that giving him the kind of religious truama most people write him with misses a really good story opportunity because c!Dream is in the same religion. A story exploring how the same religion can be used by different people to help/hurt others/themself is a far more interesting story than just c!tommy being angsty because religion bad

Also side note but I don’t like when people write DreamXD as the god of church time, They are usually referred to and worshipped in different ways. Personally I think the story works best when lord prime never actually appears though this is probably just from me growing up in a religion where god doesn’t have a psychical form

Btw if anyone knows any good fanfics about this stuff give them to me now

#dreamsmp #dsmp #dream smp #dsmp fanart #dreamsmp fanfic #fanficiton #tommyinnit #c!tommy #discduo #c!dream

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spinchboli · 1 year

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I'm going to drop some of my headcanons for Miraak for my fic, alot of it is alot of biblical symbolism because I love projecting my truama into him 💪 along with alot of my own struggles and strap down because it's going to be a long list.

He is autistic, akatosh had no fucking clue what he was doing when he created Miraak so as a consequence, he deals with alot of sensory overload and it's worse when he's first out of apocrypha. The loud noises, bright lights, intense smells are just incredibly overwhelming for him.

Despite spending centuries in a library, he still doesn't understand alot how other people work in social situations at first so as a result he's learned to be incredibly observational and pretty good at reading body language and tones as a way to cope.

He doesn't like being touched, he went through A lot of truama in the dragon cult and sometimes touching him can be downright painful for him to to the lack of contact he had with anyone. Also he just wasn't shown alot of affection so when it's shown to him, he views it as a threat.

On the other hand, he's also incredibly touch starved and wouldn't mind being shown physically affection when he warms up to people and starts to learn trust.

He has Alot of food icks, slimy and gelatinous textures and fishy flavors make him nauseous and at first when he's out of apocrypha, he struggles with keeping food down.

As a result of the food icks, he was incredibly underweight when he first got out of apocrypha and struggled with weak spells as a result but eventually starts gaining weight when he's out and about, My ldb making sure he's eating calorie dense food so he doesn't die from malnutrition.

As a result, I feel like bread and cheese would be a safe food for him

He info dumps alot, unapologetically. It doesn't matter if you have already heard about what he's infodumping about because he will not stop, you will forcefully learn this information whether you want to or not.

His immune system is the equivalent of wet paper, he gets sick very easily and very often. Gets a cold 3 times a week. What happens when you're from the first era thrown into a war-torn and plague ridden era.

Now into the more religious themes, his favorite animals are snakes. He found them fascinating and resonated with alot of the horrific stigma they have when they're just doing what they can to survive. Also his dragon is a serpentine dragon, need I say more.

Satan is sometimes represented as a snake, and Miraak first being akatoshs perfect tool only to turn against him for herma mora I feel the symbolism fits.

Also snakes symbolizing change and rebirth and the symbol ouroboros he would be represented with alot.

He even adopts a sep adder from a import merchant in raven rock and helps it recover from the early signs of a respiratory infection.

Also his face is mutilated is like this rotting leathery area alot with having alot of eyes from his time in apocrypha, even in his horns as a reference to some of the biblically accurate angel hierarchies.

Very closed off, Stern and intimidating at first for alot of people, still also holding alot of his arrogance and rashness that he developed as a way to cope with his truama. And because of his more eldritch features he accidentally tends to give people uncanny valley (ahem how in my experience I was treated when I was just autistic)

He's trans. He's trans because I said so. And he's pansexual, he doesn't really care about gender he just wants to be held.

He doesn't remember his birth name because miraak was the name he choose for himself, his birth name is literally his dead name.

His family being hell bent on marrying him off to a dragonpreist before he transitioned but instead he became a dragonpreist, he was still married in a emotionally abusive marriage but he later turned to hermaeus mora for knowledge to turn against the cult, and as a result ended up taking comfort in Herma mora.

Him and Herma had a brief relationship, they never put a name on it since emotionally compromising situations he's not very good with speaking about his emotions and herma struggles to understand himself and that frustrated him with being the god of knowledge but they were definitely dating.

He's incredibly charismatic, used it to his advantage to rile people against the dragon cult and sway them to his side and used that knowledge to learn the bend will shout.

He's a snow elf, half snow elf and half atmoran. He resents ysgromor for what he did, also I'm pretty sure Herma mora attempted to turn ysgromor into an elf canonically before he was stopped by Shor? Id like to believe miraak had something to do with that out of spite.

Also because of his draconic nature, I feel he doesn't feel right in his body like his skin feels uncomfortable and he feels trapped. And as a result I feel he has a really bad habit of picking at his skin until he's literally bleeding.

Also feeding into the idea how the dragonborn is doom driven, how he eventually fucking loses it because he is literally a dragon trapped in a mortals body

Tho I have a headcanon that the dragonborn can shift into dragons, like actual dragons not the usual wyverns that Skyrim has.

When he gets out of apocrypha he has an identity crisis, everything he was is now gone, erased from history and he was so bent on becoming a god after being a slave to the dragons and herma he has to completely relearn who he was, which is complicated considering he doesn't remember alot after he was forced into the cult.

Yeah, how he learned he was dragonborn was when the first dragon was brought down during the war between the snow elves and atmorans, instead of going to alduin it went to Miraak.

And he was later forced into a cult because they feared what he was capable of, and attempted to manipulate him for their own goals but he knew better. He went along with it, but tried to destroy the cult from the inside.

When's his canon mask even after apocrypha, he doesn't really have much of a choice with half his face mutilated. He would be harassed by priests and vigilants of staendar and the idea of religion makes him physically sick.

Speaking of, his voice is a result of being tainted by oblivion and so is his aura, the air literally changes around him and it sometimes unsettles animals because they know he's not normal.

So he wears a cologne to mask the daedric aura he has, using things like citrus and sandalwood, nag Champa and incense smoke so horses, dogs or house cats don't out him.

He doesn't like books. He tenses up and starts silently panicking when he hears the flip of a page of seeing anyone in his company open a book. He stays behind when they have to visit the arcanum in the collage.

Collects bones probably, he has several dragon skeletons in his temple on display. We stan a vulture culture king.

Very proper, dresses very elegantly definitely uses some makeup he likes luxury but again, as a result of the cult and years of Herma pampering him. Also historically, royalty including men used makeup.

He's very wary of alcohol, he doesn't want to know how he reacts to being drunk and also because my last dragonborn struggles horribly with alcoholism so he's seen and knows how destructive it can be without moderation.

I'll probably add into this later 💪

#miraak #skyrim #elder scrolls #miraak headcanons

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eggbreadboi · 2 years

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Mushishi and Mental Health

I’m finally posting this to get it over with, so please forgive any imperfections.

Trigger warnings: Frank discussions of mental illness, discussions and mentions of suicide, discussion of childhood truama, child abandonment (in the context of Ginko’s backstory)

Disclaimer: This is my own opinion, and I’m not telling anyone how to read this work. I would just like to share my reading of Ginko’s character, since, if I’m honest, it's gotten me through some tough times. Secondly, I reference the DSM5 in this essay. There is nothing wrong with self-diagnosis if you do not have access to a professional, but please know that the DSM5 is not a fool-proof guide and requires a level of clinical skill to apply, that I do not have, because this is a piece of literary critique and I am not a doctor. But enough waffle let's get to it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about guilt and trauma in Mushishi. The whole series is so easy to read into– Ginko in particular is a fascinating character who can be interpreted in so many ways, using everything from a buddhist religious framework to personal experiences. I’ve wanted to share my own reading for a while, but putting it into words has been surprisingly confusing, so cut me some slack, please.

Given my lack of familiarity with the cultural underpinnings of Mushishi, I relate to the series through the lens of my mental health, because that is what paints the most meaningful picture for me. Many mushi explicitly parallel existing mental illnesses, exacerbate the problems characters already have, or parallel the way mental illness affects a person. Despite the supernatural elements, Mushishi is a series about people and their emotions and this reflects on Ginko as the protagonist. He processes guilt and pain in a way that's very interesting and I’d love to talk about, but this essay is more foundation-building than anything else.

Mushishi relies on characters who, beyond their issues with mushi, are also struggling with their mental and emotional health. Many episodes, even in the lighter-hearted first season, hinge not on Ginko discovering a cure for the mushi afflicting his patient, but instead on an emotional breakthrough by the patient themselves. The mushi, though very clearly supernatural, easily lend themselves to allegories around mental wellbeing.

In the very first episode, Ginko meets Shinra, a boy who brings the things he writes and draws to life, and the remaining half of his grandmother, who, unbeknownst to Shinra, watches over him as a half-mushi, half-ghost. He is forced to write with his cursed hand due to an injury, and is visibly frustrated by the fact that his kanji have the ability to come to life.

Though he is friendly with Ginko, incredibly talkative even, Shinra is uncomfortable with the prospect of being studied by mushishi. Despite this discomfort, Shinra talks eagerly about his situation, eager to be understood. Ginko comments on this in a way that makes it seem like Shinra reaches out to every possible source of understanding, despite hating the idea of being a scientific curiosity.

This reminds me of my own fear that my mental illness overrides my human-ness in the eyes of others. The system treats us as our issues, not as ourselves, and similarly, Shinra desperately doesn’t want to be treated as a specimen.

Though he follows his grandmother’s rules faithfully, even four years after her death, he admits to Ginko that his grandmother did not understand that he could see mushi and greatly pitied him for both his vision and his ability. This pity has ingrained in him a fear that something is wrong with him, and he seems to not see an alternative to simply avoiding the issue of mushi, and suppressing his ability however he can, which inevitably fails.

Though the attitude Shinra’s grandmother has is directed towards supernatural occurrences in-world, it is incredibly reminiscent of the attitudes faced by many mentally-ill people. Well meaning family and friends drown us in pity and do not listen, leading to further struggles as we wonder if we are capable of recovering or coping. This doubt appears in Shinra’s frustration with his ability activating and making a kanji fly away in his very first appearance. He had been hoping to do something normal, such as write simple poetry, but ended up walking right into a situation that highlighted his condition.

Shinra’s behavior as a whole, from his clear loneliness to his ability to create his own world, an ability that stifles his ability to live a normal life, though one he has seemingly made his peace with, is incredibly reminiscent of someone living with a mental disorder.

The episode ends not with a cure for Shinra’s ability, or a cure for his ability to see mushi, but instead with a cure to his loneliness. Ginko, after educating Shinra about mushi and the issues inherent in trying to explain one's ability to see them to someone who cannot, convinces the boy to create a sake bowl that is necessary to allow his grandmother’s mushi half to fully manifest. Shinra agrees after Ginko displays his understanding by communicating clearly and honestly with the boy about his options, similarly to best practice for mental health treatment.

The half of Shinra’s grandmother that manifests is young, splintered from her main self by the influence of mushi, and being a mushi herself can understand Shinra and his abilities. Though translations differ, the chapter closes with the rumors about Shinra being silenced, as we can assume he grows to be truly comfortable not just in his no-longer-solitary existence, but in his ability as well.

While the allegory is nowhere near specific, the allusions towards struggles with mental health are clear from the very first episode which continues throughout the series.

In the Pillow Pathway episode, Ginko meets a man, Jin, who is afflicted by prophetic dreams caused by mushi. Seeing the problem as something simple and assuming that Jin is aware of his issues he provides this man with medication to help manage his problem. At first, Jin’s dreams save lives and help him bring prosperity, leading people in his village to ask him to have dreams about them, but he fears the dreams and takes his medication. He later stops after the death of his daughter in a tsunami, having begun to blame himself for her death and doubt Ginko’s orders. The dreams increase and become more extreme. Shortly after, a disease he saw in his dream decimates the village he lives in, leaving him the sole survivor.

Ginko had lied to him when they first met, having told Jin that the mushi’s effect was limited to the premonitions. In fact, the mushi were causing the events to happen. This causes Jin to spiral, blaming himself for everything that happened. Ginko’s reason for lying provides a lot of insight.

He reveals that there is no way to get rid of this mushi and Jin must live with it, while maintaining a balance using the medication, for his entire life. Ginko wanted to spare him the shame that he would feel for indirectly causing the events in his dreams. Jin demands to know why Ginko let him live, knowing what would happen. Ginko promises to cure him, though for all his efforts, Jin ends up injuring himself severely by damaging his pillow, where the mushi were nesting, in a dream after taking all of the medication, which he knew was poisonous in high doses. Throughout this segment, both Ginko and the image of Jin’s wife that appears in his dream tell him that none of what happened was his fault.

Though he survives this incident, Jin later spirals, and in a fit of rage and guilt, takes his own life.

Mushishi chapter three is a poignant story about guilt, grief and anguish. It also very clearly tells us that while well meaning, Ginko is very, very fallible. Above all, it is the third of three opening chapters that are, without a doubt, centered not on the supernatural solutions to the problems mushi create, but instead on the mental toll they can cause or exacerbate.

Beyond these two examples, there are many more. A boy named Toki, is in danger of freezing to death due to the snow-mushi that chill him while numbing his ability to feel cold. He began attracting these mushi like a magnet after his sister perished in a frozen lake, an event he blames himself for. Their effect explicitly parallels trauma and guilt, showing how depression can lead a person to become numb to things in their life that are actively harmful.

A woman named Fuki is made invisible by mushi, a condition Ginko does not have a cure for. She is only able to fully return to the human world when her fiance spends quality time with her and believes, deeply, despite being unable to see her, that she is there, bearing the ridicule of the village when he marries her despite her invisibility. She is a case of someone struggling and being brought back from the edge by the love, care, and above all willingness to listen to someone close.

A girl named Masumi who risks being engulfed and replaced by mushi just as she has been engulfed by grief over a breakup, and many more. Her grief is what makes her at first unwilling to fight the mushi’s influence and later nearly unable. It is central to the story, and the episode is more about Masumi realizing her own worth as a human than it is about “defeating” the mushi.

It hardly seems incidental that every single episode's scenario can be compared to and analyzed in the context of its similarity to the experiences of those with mental illness. The parallels between mushi-related afflictions and mental illness are not subtle in the slightest.

Ginko is also affected by mushi for the duration of the series. The Tokoyami living in his eye socket is ever present and its effects on the living things around him, combined with Ginko’s natural tendency to attract mushi mean that he cannot stay in one place and cannot dedicate long periods of time to his relationships with others.

The parallels to trauma solidify further when Ginko’s current “symptoms” are combined with the circumstances that landed him in his position. He may not remember his childhood, but the viewer is given the information even he does not have. Ginko, formerly Yoki, was raised by his mother up until a landslide claimed her life. He was then taken in by Nui, a woman also affected by the tokoyami. He became affected when it was Nui’s time to go, and he, clinging to his remaining parental figure, came into contact with the mushi. Ginko’s memory was wiped, and he spent the rest of his adolescence bouncing between houses and groups of people, as those people abandoned him upon realizing that his tendency to attract mushi was an inconvenience and a danger. We hear in Cushion of Grass that, periodically, Ginko would be picked up by a mushishi who sought to capitalize on his ability for their own gain.

My estimate is that Ginko was around eight to ten years old during this time, but his precise age does not change the fact that children of this age range are incapable of meeting their own emotional, not to mention physical needs, and therefore cannot exist alone.(The importance of caregiver-child interactions for the survival and healthy development of young children: A Review) Children need a stable relationship with a carer who will provide for their emotional needs, giving reassurance and empathy when they need it, which is absent in an environment of repeated abandonment.

Taking the tokoyami’s influence upon Ginko to stand in for trauma, its physical interference with his ability for connections with people represents the concept in Attachment Theory that exposure to trauma in early childhood significantly interferes with the ability to form secure attachments in the future.(Lahousen et al., 2019) There is a lot to read into Ginko's close relationships, or rather, the lack of them. Childhood neglect often leads to a person developing a dismissive-avoidant attachment, which drives extreme independence, to the point of damage being done to one’s ability to function.

Ginko’s current relationships are fairly unorthodox, though not necessarily dysfunctional. He has two friends: the scribe Tanyuu and the doctor Adahsino, who he visits periodically. His relationship with Tanyuu, while emotionally close, is slightly one-sided in that regard. Tanyuu is by far more emotionally open, while Ginko provides her with support and keeps his own emotions out of the picture, though admitting that he would love to travel with her when she is able. Ginko also supports her through her struggles with the emotional toll of her work and her disability. Ginko’s relationship to Adashino is far more playful and he is often seen exchanging jibes upon greeting, though they are also able to become sober with each other and provide that understanding. We, as an audience, are given a more comforting and relaxed feeling before the conflict of the episode as Ginko regularly teases the doctor. Their relationship is close enough to consult on the emotional side of their respective jobs, an example being Ginko’s resolve to save the girl from the Traveling Swamp, who had decided to end her independent life by becoming one with a traveling swamp mushi. Still, they are both black-boxes, to the audience and each other, since personal communication isn’t high on any of these characters’ priorities, with them preferring philosophy and such to address their concerns in a round about way.

This debatable closeness is deeply affected by the fact that he cannot stay in one place for longer than a couple days. It forces his relationships to stagnate and removes any likelihood of hard topics being addressed. The biggest element to highlight is that, for all their closeness, Ginko doesn’t seem to have shared much about himself with his friends and especially not his desire to have a home in one place. He is isolated even by the standards of someone who attracts mushi and cannot stay anywhere. Nui herself, the closest parallel to Ginko we have, had a husband and kid. Obviously, the standard for mental wellness and healthy relationships is not marriage and children, even more so for Ginko, but the point stands. His condition does not rule out the possibility of settling down in some way, but despite his desire to do so, he simply does not, and avoids anything that could tie him down, instead accepting isolation as a part of his life, even as we see all sorts of effort to find companionship from him in the past.

And this desire is the core of my reading of Mushishi. While Ginko is content to wander and seems to have no issue with his fate, we see fairly quickly that this is a surface-level contentment. In episode 11, the Sleeping Mountain, we meet Mujika. He is a mushishi who became a mountain lord, cursed to stay on the same mountain for the rest of his life. When we meet him, he is injured, and has not gotten help because he cannot leave a certain radius on the mountain’s base. Still, he has a wife, a protege, and a community. (He had what Ginko was denied, which led to their later confrontation of two desperate men with like situations and different inabilities to cope with, and Ginko admitting his true feelings.)

It is clear that Ginko values Mujika’s ability to have community above his own life when he risks his own life to preserve Mujika’s despite knowing that his chances of survival were slim. Though the man dies by the end of the episode, this moment colored my view of Ginko ever since I saw it. Though his confession is phrased in his usual mild-mannered way, his actions speak to a burning desire to have a home and a discontent with his current situation. Clearly, he places importance in having a home despite refusing one himself. But for all his refusal and denial, Ginko still yearns and this yearning comes out in moments where Ginko sees himself, or alternate paths he could have taken, in others.

It’s much more subjective than everything else here, but to me Ginko seemed happier traveling with someone else during Raindrops and Rainbows.

The quote “Make sure to remember, every person and place has a right to exist. It is true for you too, the entire world, as a whole, is your home.” is powerful, but the whole world can never be enough if you have nowhere to lay down your head and rest. To me, the exhaustion that lack of a place leaves behind is tangible.

But why Depression?

Ginko seems to exhibit signs of trauma, yes, and those fit into the general narrative of mushishi, but depression is a separate issue. Conflating the two in media can be harmful for people’s perception of both, and yet here I am.

Short answer: My experiences with both and how trauma feeds into and causes depression. It’s primarily a personal opinion, because while the text clearly has evidence for Ginko dealing with trauma, diagnosing fictional characters is an iffy pursuit at best. I only do it to better relate to him and because I think it provides an interesting lens through which to view the story.

Long answer: He just seems depressed to me.

Depressive disorders are characterized by “the presence of sad,empty, or irritable mood, accompanied by somatic and cognitive changes that significantly affect the individual's capacity to function.”(5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) The biggest distinctions to make are, 1) that depression does not mean a constant, or even common state of sadness and 2) Duration of symptoms is incredibly important, and so is cause. Profound grief can resemble depression, but it is not considered a type of depressive disorder, because it is a reaction to external stimuli.

“1. Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad, empty, hopeless) or observation made by others (e.g.,appears tearful). (Note: In children and adolescents, it can be an irritable mood.)

2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the

day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation).

3. Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than

5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

(Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gain.)

4. Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.

5. Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not

merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

6. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

7. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delu-

sional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick).

8. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (ei-

ther by subjective account or as observed by others).

9. Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation with-

out a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.”(DSM5)

The other common symptoms must be present within the same time frame, though not all potential symptoms need be present. Unfortunately, we can’t exactly sit a fictional character down and ask them how they've been sleeping or eating. Even more unfortunately, media shorthands for conveying depression don’t map cleanly onto the real-life symptoms, even in media like mushishi that portrays mental illness in a fairly realistic way.

So, let's focus on symptoms of depression often portrayed in media, as well as other conventions (with some of my personal experiences thrown in). Narrowing the list down, we’re left with symptoms 1,7 and 9, as well as persistent lack of concern for their own wellbeing and a general lack of response to dangerous situations.

A general depressed mood is the biggest tell used in media because on the surface it's the easiest. Depicting a character as persistently sad isn't exactly difficult. However, in real life a depressed mood often manifests not in sadness but in emptiness, or an inability to feel the full breadth of emotion. For me, personally, it feels like experiencing all emotion through a thick wool sweater over your senses. Happiness doesn't feel as happy and sadness doesn't feel as sad. This one could go either way. We never see anything that tells us Ginko experiences any kind of depressed mood, and his levelheadness is easily explained by personality.

A feeling of worthlessness is another easy to convey tell that lends itself to character development, as is excessive guilt. Excessive guilt 100% applies to Ginko. Though we don’t see him guilty in the traditional sense particularly often, like a “depressed mood”, excessive guilt can manifest in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. Ginko builds his entire way of life around Suguro’s words, and around the fact that he killed a mountain lord. Ginko’s way of being a mushishi is based around pursuing the balance he had destroyed as a child. While his methods are generally “correct”, he values balance over preventing harm, in some cases with disastrous consequences. In pursuing a balance between man and mushi in the Pillow Pathway(and a desire to spare Jin a similar guilt to the one he himself feels) Ginko risked the lives of Jin’s entire village, and the man’s own health. This is what separates excessive guilt from simply learning a weighty lesson. It negatively impact’s Ginko’s decision making and his ability to do his job.

People with depression often experience a decrease in self preservation, worrying for themselves less and undertaking risky behavior. This can stem from many things, from passive suicidality to a feeling of worthlessness, but whatever the cause Ginko clearly shows this tendency. Throughout the series, Ginko values his own life firmly below the lives of others, and sometimes even below the nebulous concept of balance in a region. In many shonen, it is normal for characters to display an incredible lack of concern while performing incredible feats, but Mushishi is not a shonen. Ginko’s feats are not incredible, and other characters display fairly realistic levels of concern for their own safety. He is not an action hero, but a man who has very little care for his own wellbeing. This extends to often, and rather suddenly, offering to give up his own life for the lives of the people he meets on his travels.

Still, throwing himself into danger for others is a pretty standard fictional behavior. What isn’t nearly as standard is Ginko’s sheer disregard for his own well-being when others’ lives aren't explicitly at stake.. Persistent thoughts of death or suicide often come along with depression, and over a lifetime of the condition, they can leave a person numb towards the prospect of death, unable to feel fear or any other strong emotion. It just follows you like a shadow that you can’t decide whether you want. This numbness breeds reckless behavior and ignoring one’s health. It easily spirals into becoming passively suicidal, wanting to end your life or being indifferent to your life ending without ever forming a plan to make it so.

Ginko seems incredibly nonchalant towards death, and we never see evidence that his attitude is a ruse to comfort his patients. He is simply indifferent to whether he makes it out of the situation alive. While this lets Ginko remain even-keel while treating patients, it extends beyond a heroic wish to help others. He regularly puts himself into unnecessarily dangerous situations. Ginko is very lax about his safety, traveling alone, carrying the bare minimum, regularly collapsing or nearly freezing without making obvious changes to how he goes about his wanderings(attempting to hike a pass during winter is pretty much always a horrible idea). It reminds me of my own past refusals to extract myself from dangerous situations. These are serious problems that we see hinder Ginko’s goals and freedom, for no other reason than his lack of concern.

As a child, he already saw himself as disposable, commenting on how looking out for him was unnecessary because he wouldn't stick around. The episode with the river of light from Cushion of Grass was not a suicide attempt by any means, but it hardly displayed a healthy level of self preservation. In fact, Ginko stops for external reasons, continuing to live only because he is forced to by circumstance. This shows up again in other episodes, though he reacts in a much more mellow way, contrasting with his childhood outburst. Though I suppose the situation is somewhat measured by the importance of the mountain lord’s existence, the fact that it sets patterns is telling. Depression, and mine in particular, is characterized by that sense of clinging to an obligation, or surviving on technicality, with no purpose for your continued existence.

The feeling like you ruined a life, destroyed a world, and can only atone by dying is a familiar one too, so I map Ginko’s struggles on to my own, for comfort.

I guess that’s what this all boils down to. I have facts, I have analysis, but in the end I just crave representation for depressed people that isn’t a stereotype brought to life but something I can actually relate to. That’s what Ginko is to me, and what he has been for a while.

Words cited

Lahousen, T., Unterrainer, H. F., & Kapfhammer, H.-P. (2019, December 12). Psychobiology of attachment and trauma-some general remarks from a clinical perspective. Frontiers in psychiatry. Retrieved June 3, 2022, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6920243/

World Health Organization. (n.d.). The importance of caregiver-child interactions for the survival and healthy development of young children: A Review. World Health Organization. Retrieved June 3, 2022, from https://www.who.int/publications-detail-redirect/924159134X

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596

#mushishi #my fan analysis #in conclusion:give this man a hug please #and warm tea #yuki urushibara #ginko #mushishi ginko #literary analysis #wheeeeee #egg’s ramblings

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