#i have an autoimmune disease that makes me feel terrible all the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kyanitedreamer · 1 year

Text

I hate to keep posting about this but my situation hasn’t improved, and for the people in my life who care about me I’m trying my best to hang in there but to keep surviving I still need help u.u

In the past couple months I’ve rapidly developed worsening symptoms of an autoimmune disease which basically means I suffer chronic pain daily that is at best hindered a bit by things like advil. I have an appointment to see my doctor on the 22nd where I’m hoping he can give me more answers and help give me the means to start getting finanial assistence for my disability. Last week I finally had to walk out on my job for my own physical and mental wellbeing and although i have a side job watching the door at a local bar I don’t start till this weekend and it will not be enough to support both me and my cat Jynx. I’ve only survived thus far by the kindness of my friends and some family and been able to eat thanks to my connections to a food pantry I worked at previously.

There are some days i can’t even get out of bed yet I’m trying to remain positive in the wake of my terrible misfortune over the past year that has led me to this point. Some days i do think it would be best to give up but i know that i can’t because theres people that care about me and still so much i’d like to do with my life - most importantly I’d like to be able to cheer up and entertain those in the LGBTQIA+ community and also those with mental illness like myself. It’s not exactly an earth-shattering goal i know, but being in this situation has made me appreciate all the friends/streamers/strangers who provide small acts of kindness everyday that mean the world to others they have an effect on.

As I’ve said in previous posts, asking for help like this is something I’ve never wanted to do, I’ve outright told friends that I’d rather die than have to be burden on anyone. But the truth is I want to live, for me, for my loved ones, for anyone in the future I may be able to make smile or forget about their problems even for a moment.

Apologies for rambling, I’ll try to get to the point, thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far though ;-;

Part of being in such a bad financial state has been me putting off purchasing some of my medications including my Anti-Anxiety/Depression meds(Sertraline), Allergy meds(any generic zyrtec), and Pain relievers(advil). Because I’m so lucky my seasonal allergies just kicked in today and have had me extra sore just from the sneezing. So anything anyone can spare to donate even just $1 will be going toward those medications, cat food, or food/essentials to help me survive and make it through this. I’m so so grateful for the donations I’ve already received and i don’t want anyone making things harder on themselves for me - but if you read this and have the money to spare i would really appreciate it!!

If you don’t want to or can’t donate every reblog helps me out as well!

Also if you don’t want to donate for nothing I have a fair amount of Yu-gi-oh Cards, Video Games, and Bionicles I’d be willing to part with in exchange so feel free to messege me or send me an ask if you’re interested!

As always thank you all so much for your time and support 💙💙💙

#please help if you can #trans pride #transgender #help #financial assistance #please donate #cats of tumblr #cat #medication #every bit helps

29 notes · View notes

tuliptiger · 5 months

Text

Vent, don't read if it isn't your thing. I'm an asshole in this event.

We all make mistakes we are flawed beings but I do feel rotten for hurting someone. I was staying at their place here and there, it was very personal for them and a big deal to let someone stay in their house. They have extensive PTSD, an autoimmune disease and a couple other things.

We kind of had a clash or more rather my foot in my mouth situation kind of right when I was deciding to leave permanently anyway. It lined up with them letting me know how, where and why I hurt them. I just feel rotten.

I wasn't as diligent, considerate or thoughtful as I should have been with their autoimmune disease among other things. I hate that it ended that way and I should've left a month ago when I was having doubts and even voiced to them about like hey if me being here is a hazard let me know.

I should've just called it then. I know I can do better and be better but honestly I don't see myself being able to be friends with them anymore without hurting them. Maybe I'm just not that good of a person, maybe I'm lazy and inconsiderate but with everything else going on in my life as an excuse I just dont think I can juggle that.

I did sincerely apologize but it didn't feel great, I can never say the right thing at the right moment. I can do better I can do better yeah but it takes time and patience that I just don't have right now. I feel callous and mean with my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I can't defend myself either, with them it felt like a one sided conversation too.

I didn't voice any of this to them because it isn't about me, it's about my behavior and the things I said hurting them. I was deciding to leave because I just didn't see us matching up at all living style wise. It may have hurt them to hear but my issues and way of living doesn't match up with theirs at all. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD and I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum. I have limited amounts of energy and am kind of gross because of it, there are only so many things I'm able to do and sometimes washing my hands isn't a priority. I was raised poor and rural, doesn't mean I can't learn and do better but that is how I live.

Is that an excuse? Absolutely not whatsoever. Did we not match up? Yeah I still maintain that in a totally neutral way of like hey we just don't mesh well. I said it in a fucked up way I think though, I called both of our many issues neurosis and looking back after they told me, yeah it kind of was insensitive for me to say that to them. I didn't mean it that way but I did say it none the less. Their habits and choices of living were because of the autoimmune disease not because of a neurosis. It was because an awful disease they have no control over and takes control of their life in terrible ways and turns their body against them.

I just couldn't live in the same house with them and honestly it sounds like they can't live with a person as inconsiderate and unhygienic as I am. They didn't say it but I know that I was and I didn't meet that standard. I just didn't, nothing derogatory or self demeaning about it.

Idk I just wanted to talk this out because I feel bad, and rightly so I think. I'm just mad at myself I wasn't able to say it in a better way to them and that kind of did lead to a falling out of sorts. They still said they wanted to be friends but I don't see it happening. And maybe I'll just make the choice for both of us and follow through on that.

I know that's a dick move and probably doesn't show my remorse but I don't have the energy or capacity for it. I feel bad for that but I don't think I should honestly, I think it's the best decision for both of us and the way things have been going our thoughts seem to line up pretty well on these issues. I don't want to talk to them again about a hard issue so close to the last one either.

I think it should be fine for 2 people to just...not mesh well and it not be some huge awful thing. I just want to be able to be like hey, I don't see us being friends because I don't think I can step up to the plate and be a better person right now. i just see myself hurting you again, I'm sorry and I wish you well no ill will but I can't be friends right now. And them not take it personally because it really isn't about them. Anyway. If this was an aita I already know I'm the asshole.

#words #I'm pretty harsh I think #I know I'm in the wrong though #I just don't know what to do about it #and it feels bad #sorry if this ruins anyones image of me #or if it hurts you because you relate #I can't change my feelings #vent #iata #yta

4 notes · View notes

emmettsmantiddies · 1 year

Text

A Goodbye

it’s been literal years since i’ve posted on this account, but i have been thinking about and reflecting upon my time as a Twilight Content Creator™. i’m going to be talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly, so brace yourselves. everything is under the squiggly line.

i started this account to send twilight memes to my best friend and keep them all in one place. I started making silly little memes as a joke, and then kept making them for enjoyment. I was really isolated during COVID, as i have an autoimmune disease, and then i had a lot of major things happen in my real life that caused me to seek even more solace within the fandom and the connections i made online.

i wrote a fanfic, and to this day i’m proud of it. i don’t think i’ll ever make the sequels i planned on, but the door is always open.

i met some amazing people, and was invited into a group. it was one of the first times i felt a sense of belonging and like i was integral to a group. maybe that’s self aggrandizing a bit, but hey, this is a goodbye post, so i should be allowed to, i think.

it’s actually this group that i’ve been thinking about lately. i want to make it clear that my actions and reactions are on me, but that’s it. this will come into play later. this also isn’t about clearing my name or anything like that. i think i need to write this and send it for some closure to myself.

as time went on, i slowly started changing, and not always for the better. i think my real life had a lot to do with it, but it also had to do with me. i was using the group as escapism, and rather than see the group as just that--a group, i treated it like ‘holly and ensemble’ which was incredibly wrong of me. i sincerely regret how self-centered i was at that time. i also look back at who i was and i’m not happy with her. i’ve changed (thankfully) and i truly believe i’m a better person. i took jokes too far, made poor comments, and caused real harm to people i cared about.

but as is common in groups, slowly it becomes more of a hivemind. this group was no exception--and this is not in any way me trying to escape culpability or shade anyone. we were all complicit. a lot of little incidents and grievances piled up without being addressed and boiled over after i made, admittedly, bad and ignorant takes and doubled down on them. by the end of my time there, it was no longer ‘let’s discuss this issue’ but ‘this issue has one answer and if you don’t agree you’re ‘<insert -ism of choice here>’.

once i caused that lid to open, the toothpaste was unconditionally and irrevocably out of the tube. what followed was a messy friendship break up. i take full responsibility for my actions, and have learned and grown in the 2+ years since then. i discussed this incident in therapy lately, and something my therapist told me was that “you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. you are not responsible for other people’s actions.” so while yes, i messed up in a major, major way, a lot of the stuff that went down after my attempts to apologize and do everything in my power to rectify the situation was not on me. that’s hard and honestly scary to admit. because when you have so many people telling you that “you are x, you did y, you caused z” you believe it. especially on the internet.

i gained and then lost a lot of the people i considered friends on the internet. and while that may not seem consequential--as they’re internet friends, a lot of them came into (and subsequently left) my life at a turbulent time. i felt completely isolated after. now i’m sure people will say, ‘boohoo, you said ignorant stuff you deserve that’ but i have a hard time believing that when your friend makes terrible decisions, you just drop them. it’s a lot easier to do on the internet than in real life. it’s also a lot easier to make things fit your narrative. everyone has a narrative. the truth is somewhere in the middle. the fact of the matter is that i was not the only one making those jokes, i was not the only one going hard towards other people, but i was the one who took the fall for most of it (this does not include some of the comments i made, this is about some of the less major things i was called out for). again, i cannot be responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions. i don’t want this to come across as defensive, but after two years i can realize that i was done dirty. if you do not bring something to another person’s attention, they cannot do anything to fix it. period. if you don’t say something because you are too scared to upset someone--that is on you. by the same token, you are not responsible for how someone reacts when you bring something up. you are not responsible for the fallout when you set boundaries and those boundaries are broken.

i’m actually physically shaking writing this. that is how much anxiety and fear i have developed when talking about what happened. i finally had the nerve to read through what people said about me in the tags. regardless of what anyone says, there are two sides to every story. one side may be blatantly right, but that does not negate the fact that there are two sides. the fact of the matter is people will believe the first side to come out because they feel the other party has something to hide. i am honestly terrified of what will happen when i do post this. this group knew everything about me, my name, address, etc. and even though i haven’t been involved with any of them for years, i still have that fear of retaliation. i don’t think they ever would, but i also never thought i’d be in a callout situation (we as a group had discussed on many occasions how we would never do that to each other). i don’t want to minimize the hurt and pain i caused others, but also looking at it from the grand scheme of things, i made some offhand, harmful jokes and statements, doubled down, but then learned from them. that is all you can ask of people. i will not pretend that i am the poster child for ‘what to do when called out’ because again--i was self-centered and unyielding at first. but if we as a whole do not allow people the space to grow, there’s no motivation to change and a fear of being wrong and avoiding tough conversations. that doesn’t mean anyone is entitled to forgiveness, but someone should not be held back from continuing to better themselves.

if i could go back, i would’ve handled the situation differently. i would’ve asked for more time before having a major conversation, as emotions were flying high and the result wasn’t nearly as productive as it could’ve been. decisions i made in the moment were held against me, but the same decisions were seen as justified in other people’s hands.

i have so many good memories from that group, and i still think about them with fondness. i also have bad memories from my mistakes and mishandling of the situation. both can coexist. i want to thank the people of that group and of my broader ring of mutuals (both current and former) for the laughs, conversations, and friendship, however brief it was. to the chat: thank you so much for all of the support you gave me during the hardest time in my life, i am forever grateful for that. i genuinely do not believe that i would be where i am if not for all of you. as strange as it may be, thank you for the call out. i may not agree with the methods, but at the end of the day, it did open my eyes and give me the opportunity for some serious self reflection (not the kind that happens 3 days after a major incident) (that’s a dig at myself) and now i’m a better person because of it. i apologize for all of the pain i caused. i absolutely despise goodbyes, so i will simply wish you peace and happiness and healing in all of your endeavors.

i wish everyone who ever followed me, interacted with me, or glanced at my silly little blog nothing but the best, and i hope that you have grace for those who make mistakes and poor decisions. i will be logging out after i post this, but i will not delete my blog. sometimes i like to reminisce and have a chuckle at the content i’ve made.

For anyone curious about Wilbur, he’s doing well and is still the best menace to society.

Much love,

Holly, formerly known as emmettmantiddies

#emmettsmantiddies #goodbye #mine

9 notes · View notes

neon-green-reagent · 7 months

Text

You don't have to read this. I'm just having a rough time. A health and money rough time, which is such a double whammy, and I just had to get it out.

It feels like this was entirely out of nowhere, but I guess it wasn't. I've had hip pain for a while now. It's on and off. Like it would get aggravated, then heal, then aggravated again. I finally got an answer about that. I have old age problems. In my spine mostly. One of those things most Tumblr users truly won't understand and will go pale over as they sit comfortably in their 20s and 30s.

And like okay. Fine. My spine's melting slowly over time. That happens to lots of people. My age is usually when it starts. But also it suddenly hurts a lot. In the last two weeks, it got way worse all at once. I bent over, something wrenched, and since then I've been kinda fucked. The MRI showed that whole spine melting thing, which is supposed to be gradual, but also a bulging disc, and that's probably what I did right there. I slipped something out of place.

So the problem is... All this test taking happened because I had some blood tests that made it look like I had an autoimmune disease. So I went to the specialist you see for that: a rheumatologist. She ruled out basically everything, and when my MRI came back, she said welp! That's not my field! And waved goodbye and offered me nothing beyond that.

I went to a spine specialist, and they offered options. All of which were vaguely scary. Take a pill everyday. Get a shot in your back. Get physical therapy. So I said can I get some physical therapy? And they said yes. That's happening in about two and a half weeks. The problem is, since I made this decision, the back pain has flared to a new level.

Now when I get done with a day of work, no matter how low impact it was, I'm in pain. Two ibuprofen? What are you, NINE? No, we need at least four at a time. My already terrible GI tract is really hating this, by the way. Last night, for the first time, the pain woke me. I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't lie in any position that didn't hurt. I was EXHAUSTED and couldn't sleep because the pain was too much.

So now I've stayed home from work, icing my back, taking four ibuprofen at a time, getting emails from my supervisor, still in pain, looking at a future with possible surgery in it and wondering you know... What happens if I can't walk? What happens if the pain won't stop and I can't sleep? How will I afford these procedures and specialists?

Because wanna know the other thing that happened? My car died. I had to replace it in a rather emergency fashion. So that was pretty much all the money I had saved up and a new car payment hanging over my head. My health insurance is... not the worst but far from the best. That MRI was covered by most of it, but I still have to pay a portion. So I may not be able to get the care I need at this point.

I'm feeling really overwhelmed and alone. Everyone in my immediate family has passed away. Everyone in my extended family is not interested in helping me out and are hyper religious to boot and do NOT know certain things about me. Keeping them at a distance is for the best. Everyone around me is getting their ass thoroughly kicked by inflation. There's not a lot of hope here. I'm trying very hard not to look at this pain as "this is my life now", where I can't sit for more than 15 minutes at a time and can barely sleep. But, hell, it might be.

The hopeful part... I'm trying to get my general doctor to fill out some paperwork that will make work easier on a lot of levels until I can figure out what I'm doing. So, you know, when I call in my supervisor can't email me and make me feel like shit, that sort of thing. And the physical therapy I'll be getting truly is the most highly recommended first course of action when dealing with something like this. But I sort of wish that specialist hadn't brushed me off after I just received a pretty scary test result. Because now I feel ignored and alone. And I really wish my car had made it a few more months, because now I'm broke, too.

TLDR: I'm broke, my back hurts, and it all sucks.

3 notes · View notes

holocene-sims · 1 year

Text

next // previous

june 25, 2021 2:00 p.m. newcrest counseling center

[margot] before i forget, i got you a few books…

[grant] oh really?

[margot] i give all my trauma patients books at some point. so here you are. these will get you started. the first one is a really great in-depth look at trauma as a historical and inherited process and it's called "it didn't start with you." and the second one is a new book that was recommended to me.

[margot] i'm so glad you happened to mention that the previous exercise worked for you because that second book is a thirty day challenge. maybe start on it the first of july. every day, open it up and do that day’s exercise. each one is different and targets a lot of various topics. some are pretty heavy, some of them are lighter and more fun. i thought you might appreciate that. it’s also a little bit more regimented, since you seem to like having something specific to work on towards versus doing open-ended work.

[grant] i'm actually really surprised "the body keeps the score" isn’t in here. i hear about that one all the time.

[margot] it is an excellent book, but i don’t think that’s the book for you. you’re welcome to read it on your own time, but i'd recommend you don’t.

[grant] why? just curious.

[margot] it’s a very hard-hitting book. my clients who have read it say they struggle to tackle more than a couple pages at a time. most importantly, the main theme of that book is how trauma makes us sick…

[grant] and i have an incurable autoimmune disease because of trauma.

[margot] exactly.

[grant] you know, getting diagnosed with that was the only reason i came to decide i need professional help for my trauma and mental health issues. if i hadn’t, i would have persevered on without help.

[margot] really? i didn't know that was your big reason why.

[grant] if you want the full explanation, i'll give it to you.

[margot] sure, go ahead.

[grant] i've been physically ill for a long time. i remember getting sick right after my oldest sister died. it just came out of nowhere. i woke up and my whole body was nonfunctional for a few days. i couldn’t even get out of bed. no one knew what was wrong with me, though it’s not like my parents even cared. they thought i was being dramatic.

[grant] and then i stayed sick. i can’t remember the last time my body didn’t hurt. but no one listened because i've always remained able to function in daily life until i obviously injured my back at work. then finally a doctor had to put me through imaging instead of dismissing me.

[grant] and what do you know, they were stunned to see such a severe case of my disease. they told me that people my age with my disease don’t usually have half their spine fused together already. i guess that’s more common when you get older, like middle age and up, but mine was already terrible. it was so bad they made me go see a functional medicine doctor to figure out why. of course it was trauma and inflammation.

[grant] that information didn't make me ecstatic. i've been through the ringer, some of it my fault and some of it not, but i got mad at myself and wondered i could have avoided getting sick if i'd done better and been nicer to myself and my body, or if things had been different in my life.

[margot] precisely why you don’t need that book. you already know that trauma makes you sick. all that book is going to do is make you feel worse. we can’t go back in time and undo the damage. you’ll only further resent that your health was destroyed and resentment is already such a troubling part of trauma.

[margot] there are some great passages or quotes in there, but it’s not worth it. i could easily just give you the good cuts out of it.

[grant] well, thank you so much for these. i really appreciate it. i'll for sure start on the thirty day thing first thing next month. any recommendations for how to do it?

[margot] no, you just answer the prompts or do the exercises however you see fit, and you can do whatever you need to get you thinking or ready to write. the only thing i'd maybe recommend is getting yourself a nice journal to write everything in. my clients said it was a lot more impactful to have something dedicated for it instead of typing it or putting it on a random loose sheet of paper.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts4 screenshots #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #we're in the brief phase i like to call 'establishing backstory mode'#i mean okay backstory is ALWAYS important here but jgkfdjgklfdgd #holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: margot

18 notes · View notes

v-anrouge · 1 year

Note

Hi!! I’m so excited that match ups are open, I’m a huge nerd for people theoretically perceiving me with a character I might love. My love language for giving is words of affirmation and then a tie between acts of service and gift giving (I make these little journals that are filled with quotes, advice, letters, etc. for my loved ones to help them when they are lonely or upset), and for receiving words of affirmation and acts of service. I’m not ok with someone making me feel like a burden, shaming me, or calling me annoying (I have an autoimmune disease and chronic pain and an abuse survivor, so I don’t take any of that shit 😤). I work in a neuroscience lab, am infinitely curious, do a bunch of crafts (painting, cross stitch, embroidery, making chainmail, etc), read a bunch, love sleeping/naps and puns, and am a very sarcastic but kind person.

HI NONNIE IM SORRG FOR TAKINF SO LONG<3 ALSO UE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT DONT TAKE BULLSHIT FROM ANYONE U DESERVE BETTER

i match you with ...

ROOK it's clear to everyone how much rook loves you, he's always flirting with you, complimenting you, confessing his undying love for you and reading the multiple poems he writes about your beautiful self, everytime you flirt back or compliment him in the same level as he compliments you rook always blushes and giggles loudly while cupping his own cheeks, it's both adorable and absolutely hilarious to see the person more than half of the students fear act so silly all because you said you love how passionate he is when praising the things he loves

when you gave rook his first journal he literally started tearing up, then he opened the journal and started crying more and more as he read it, once he was finally done he was either sobbing on your arms if you let him or sobbing on the floor dramatically, regardless of the place he decided to start crying just give him a few head pats and he'll stop and then he'll start showering you with his affection, if you like physical affection then he'll be hugging you and kissing different parts of your body as he speaks but if it's not something you enjoy then he'll be on one knee with one hand in his heart and the other one making exaggerated hand gestures to "give you a better idea of how much he loves you" really he's just being extra as always but you think it's cute so you don't really have a problem with it

rook would never ever consider you a burden, if anything he is honored to have such a strong lover by his side who doesn't give up no matter how hard things get, he'll always make sure you know just how strong you are and how much he admires you, and you for sure won't have any doubts that he's speaking the truth because his eyes are shining brighter than the fucking sun with love for you, if you ever ask him for help on anything he'll immediately do it, and if you think that asking him for help will make you think you're not strong like he imagines you to be then you'd be terribly wrong, he actually thinks it's admirable to be that capable and still not shy away from asking help, knowing and accepting the fact that in life you can't always do everything alone is a very important thing and that just makes rook love you even more

rook adores your curiosity and he'll always encourage you, and while thats good for you it's usually not good for the people around you who are usually very concerned about what trouble you two will cause today, of course your safety is rook's priorities so he'll never ever encourage anything that could seriously harm you, but if he's sure the situation won't get out of control?? i pity anyone that isn't you

rook absolutely adores to see everything you make, a lot of times he'll even ask to join you and you both will spend hours doing your activity of choice, other times he'll simply sit next to you and quietly watch as you do your thing smiling the entire time as he occasionally makes some questions and compliment the details and your skill

rook knows how much you love napping and so hes always prepared if you ever feel sleepy but doesn't have any comfort place to do so, he'll casually take out a pillow a blanket and watch over you as you nap, anyone who makes any questions or complaints will get a threatening smile and maybe a quick reminder of what their private information is <3

other possibilities: lilia, jade & riddle

#･͛♡̷̷̷･͛ asks ‧ֺ․۬‧˖⁀➷#･͛♡̷̷̷･͛ raccoonpid ‧ֺ․۬‧˖‿➹

5 notes · View notes

llycaons · 11 months

Text

ep16 (part 2):

oh cinematically tragic lost handhold....

I've seen so many gifsets of wwx in this scene and that's because as terrible as everything is he has genuinely never looked better. very handsome. sorry about the tragedies

aw man there's jyl OH SHE HAS PEARLS SEWN INTO HER ROBE I wonder if the jiangs trade with sects that live along the ocean. do they have ocean access? I can't remember. maybe they're freshwater pearls

when jyl asks what happened and all wwx can do is stand there crying. and jc is also crying. oof

why did she tell wwx to do this...did she think jc couldn't?

a triangle of misery...

there's a really long meta post about the cinematography for this and I don't remember all of it but it's like. jyl and jc are in the foreground so their grief is being paid attention to, but wwx is in the back and you can't even see his face. his grief is ignored, even though he's the central figure. he's also taking on the task of a servant and neither jyl nor jc stop him

this is def a most extreme case (jc and jyl are SUPER traumatized and I'm not even blaming them for this), and it's not representative of all their interactions with wwx, but it gets me thinking. wwx talks about lwj being his equal bc he's good at things in the way that wwx is, but you can also view it like, with lwj wwx is completely free of the tangle of debts and obligations he has with the jiangs, and they look after each other , purely because they care about each other rather, than that onus always being on wwx. jyl does take care of him, and jc does too sometimes, but wwx must do the same for the other two and cannot truly fight back in a meaningful way if he's being mistreated.

obviously this setup above would never happen with lwj bc lwj doesn't see wwx as a servant or someone bound to him at all. he may see other people as servants, but he's always insistent that wwx is taken care of and he wouldn't accept wwx acting this way to him. which is really good! like I feel that ppl who are ride-or-die for yunmeng sibs and ignore lwj don't appreciate how freeing being with lwj is for wwx and how happy he is to have a relationship that's his own and on his own terms. ah, I miss him

jyl getting ill so easily, I think she has an autoimmune disorder. I've seen her hced as having celiac's and having chronic joint pain, and I think either an autoimmune disease or chronic fatigue makes mot sense. and for some conditions, both of those symptoms are seen so it's not a stretch. fibromyalgia, for one

uh oh. last look before the end.

LIFE-ALTERING MOMENT. this scene is so well done. the dread I feel every single time. it's incredible.

literally who is that

flashforward to the scene in 18(?) where jc makes the same promise to jyl about wwx. I feel ill

something really messed up is how often one of the kids will be like 'we'll go together, right"? this past few episodes. they really are clinging to each other like buoys in a storm

this happened when wwx was running out of BM after waking up from wen qing's needle. he runs and falls over :(

oh jeez I bet they're all dead by the end of this huh

MEAN TO WEN NING. he lied kind of awkwardly but it WAS effective. a nice thing about being known for being weak and socially awkward is that nobody suspects you when you're being suspicious

I wonder what happened to those women too. I assume they're wens, unless they were hired by wens. the clan is fucking huge idk

HE KNEW. and he knew it could have been lethal, I assume, unless he detected the exact poison used. and he somehow knew it was for the bodies of the jiang parents, huh

next episode will also be pretty rough but sunshot/postsunshot are among my favorite arcs so I am HYPED

also we'll finally see lwj again next ep. I think. I miss him. I wonder how many eps jc is missing from. surely several in a row, esp postres. yi city for sure. he's been in every one so far. now I'm curious

#cql re-rewatch

3 notes · View notes

yeojagroup · 2 years

Text

i had a hellish day yesterday from near beginning to end with v brief respites in between to laugh at stupid things,, but it started with someone i don't rly keep in contact with anymore messaging me a voiceclip of me as a minor saying something Completely innocuous like "[redacted], i love you!" and it. flipped me the fuck out because the day before that happened, i was talking to my friends abt sexual predators / groomers lurking around in the online communities we grew up in as unsupervised children with access to the internet... i told this person why even though im sure they meant no harm that it frightened the fuck out me and asked them to delete it + blocked them after. no correlation to what im about to vent about except the fact that i feel like i'm ........ outrunning scooby doo villains and people who dont understand boundaries

and after that i had to drag my ass to another urgent care / doc in the box place to get a steroid shot + more antibiotics because this sinus infection has been taking it's SWEET ass time to clear out and i've been getting so frustrated with myself + my body for not healing as fast as i need or want it to that i've been. very snappy and irritable as a result of the frustration, apologizing for the snappiness, as well as apologizing for not being able to keep up with housework and thanking my parents profusely for helping me certain things. anyway uh ,, i got my dad to take me to the urgent care and bc my mom didn't go with us, i told her what happened during the office visit and. the doctor listened to me breathe, asked if i was a smoker and i was like.. "no..." and then automatically filled in the blanks for me with, "but you live with ppl that do?" so i was like.

yeah ........ and was then told that can make a person more prone to sinus infections. which, like yeah, definitely but the fact that i have an autoimmune disease doesn't help. fast forward to me repeating this, because it's what i was told and im . communicating how i could get better and my mom is immediately like, "oh, so because ur brother and i smoke, that's why ur not better?" so i was immediately like. uhm. no! not what i said. but it sure is an irritant and if you want to take my words wildly out of context that's fine. it could be guilt manifesting itself v inappropriately but as soon as that happened my blood ran cold and i was like .. haha ...... oh Fuck.

like i felt like i had dug myself a hole bigger than the one i'm trying to pull myself out of because. yea ...... i don't , even have the energy to repeat myself when u cut me off much less fucking reason with you. i was told, "you aren't the only person whose sick" and was like. yes . i get that. that's why the fact that i'm not better is feeding into my stress!!! and the fact that i can't get u to do anything for me or put effort into understanding that my body functions differently than yours even tho u gave me one half of my immune system makes me feel even Sicker and even more unable to rest. it's like ... truly the most exasperating feeling when *you're* feeling this frustrated with yourself and body, u can feel ur own patience running out so the possibility of someone outside of yourself having more understanding with you or inconvenience themselves to help you just feels like. a fucking impossible feat to accomplish.

it's rly been that way since the pandemic started, just this feeling of people not willing to make what seems like a minuscule sacrifice to help increase ur quality of life. i know this will all pass but it's been 2 weeks + just me reaching my boiling point after feeling so Physically terrible, and after that convo with my mom i just cried... and i told my friend, it's not like she never acknowledges what she does or says to me isn't fucked up or never shows remorse. she does, it's just such a disproportionate response that i have No fucking idea what to do with it........ i.e "i did x so you don't have to" and i'm just like. huh... and you know instinctively know, oh, this is all i'm gonna get, so i've gotta move on.

#txt #this is probably the most vulnerable ive been in a while but #already had my psych app this month and i cannot . process this level of fuckery ..#vent /

2 notes · View notes

poprockrenaissance · 1 month

Text

Test Results: ANA Pattern - Value : Nuclear, Speckled-Abnormal / Titer Value: 1:80 High

I'm scared. I thought all of my blood test results to rule out autoimmune diseases were going to come back normal... but two of them were delayed and came back the day after my follow up appointment with the pain specialist. He was going to give me a diagnosis of fibromyalgia (for now) as I fit the criteria, but now that these ANA test results are back showing ABNORMAL, it is very likely that I *DO* have an autoimmune disease like Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, etc. After doing a little research on my own and talking to my doctor again, he agrees that the most likely contender could be... MS. Multiple Sclerosis. All of my other tests came back negative and I don't fit any of the other hallmark symptoms for things like Lupus. But I do fit MS symptoms, textbook at this point. My symptoms started after my concussion in October 2022, and MS has been linked to being triggered by head trauma. I've known there was something wrong with my body for a long time. Even before I hit my head. But ever since the beginning of 2023, I knew my vessel was malfunctioning. Nobody listened. My PCP failed me. My therapist failed me. My psychiatrist failed me. My Neurologist failed me. I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF WOMEN BEING GASLIT AND DISMISSED WHEN THEY SEEK MEDICAL CARE. SO MANY PEOPLE DIE UNNECESSARILY DUE TO INCOMPETANT, MISOGYNISTIC, RACIST, and CORRUPT DOCTORS. AMERICA'S HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IS A LITERAL JOKE. I won't have answers till I see my new FEMALE neurologist in April and see a few more specialists and get more testing. But I know intuitively and am prepared for this battle. Everything I have been doing the past few years was all leading up to this. It is my purpose to spread the word and educate people on how important it is to fight for and advocate for the health of yourself and your loved ones. Don't just take one doctor's opinion for face value, especially if you felt like they didn't listen to you or their diagnosis (or lack thereof) feels wrong. The sad truth is the American healthcare system has become a GAME that involves A LOT OF HARD WORK and LUCK to actually get the right providers and care that you need. Its hard enough asking for help, yet people are expected to call dozens of offices just to get put on waitlists or find out the provider is terrible and you need to switch. I am angry. I am so angry at the world sometimes. I am mourning my youth. Mourning my family that keeps growing smaller and smaller every year. Mourning the heartbreak and devastation happening in every corner of the universe. I am not ready to slow down. I'm almost 32... I am just GETTING STARTED! Right now I have to believe in my own power and ability to make the changes necessary to live a healthy and active and abundant life, even if I might have more physical challenges than I was expecting. My dad had a wooden leg my whole life, amputation from the knee down after a motorcycle accident. I watched him walk through pain everywhere. He REFUSED to stop living life. Even when he got cancer and was weak and sick and miserable... he still kept going for the sake of LIVING. I miss him so much and every time I am in pain and start feeling sad, I will think of him. "I've got two legs". Bring it on autoimmune disease. Buck the fuck up. READY... SET.......... GO!!!!!!!!!

0 notes

threeunrelateddescriptors · 7 months

Text

It's been a day.

It started with my 10am student arriving at 9am. They texted "we're here!" I texted "I have you on for 10am, give me 5min" And so I stopped buttering my toast, ran to put on pants, asked my flatmate to turn off the stove where my, and was ready for my student at 9:02am. The biggest saving grace was that it was a lesson at my flat, rather than at the space I rent (20-25min away, depending on traffic).

They apologized, and I told them it was fine a) because it was [they had a brainfart shit happens and I had semi predicted this would happen so mentally I was slightly prepared] and b) I didn't have another student scheduled so it worked out.

Got a laundry done.

Then it was time for my covid+flu vax appt. I expect to feel like shit. That's how all the previous shots have gone. I get a fever and feel painful and achy. I get exhausted. So far, nada. But that won't last. Lovely if it does, but I prepared my entire Tomorrow for Feeling Like Shit (tm).

Which brings me to something tangentially related that might prove interesting/helpful to others.

Lately (past year or so), I feel I've physically taken a decline. I can't precisely pinpoint how, but vague ~*things*~ which I'd be hard-pressed to go to a doctor and say "I have a vague constellation of inconsistent shit happening that I can't quite tell you where the issue is but I definitely have an issue; do tests and diagnose this and please do not dare tell me it's You're Getting Older disease"

So in light of not being able to determine at least one thing to point to, I've just been sitting in my incrementally failing body. The path of least resistance. I am a huge fan of the path of least resistance. I jellyfish my way through life, and it seems to really work for me.

But, here's where I come back around to vaccines and such.

When I was younger, I learned a fun fact about my body: If I am fighting a virus/infection/whatever, and I get a fever, and my fever goes above 104F, I fight that shit off but my immune system trips a wire and goes into overdrive.

It decides, for shits and giggles, that there must still be a threat. Usually that threat is All Of My Joints. It's like temporary rheumatoid arthritis or something. It can last months.

When it first happened, we had no clue what was going on. We went to doctor after doctor and no one could figure out what was doing and why I had suddenly developed arthritis. Clearly, I was making it up to avoid going to school or whatever.

Then I complained of night sweats and my parent, on the very off-chance, took me for a TB titer. Just to make sure I hadn't managed to contract TB.

I hadn't. But the horrid joint pain? Disappeared. Like...in a day of getting the TB titer.

My parent saw this and went "huh." and filed it away in their brain. I did no such thing because I was not mentally in a place to do that.

The second time this Fever-induced Auto-immune Response thing was triggered, we went to doctors, I was in pain for months. Blah blah.

See, we still hadn't fully put together that the fever (or, a fever going to 104F) was the causal event. Why would we? It seems clear now, but I had a high-as-fuck fever because my body was fighting off Terrible Things. So maybe it was lingering Terrible Things.

Well, we finally got a doctor who 1) believed us and 2) found that every one of my joints was impacted. I had only been complaining about one set of joints because it was the most terrible. [Kind of how if you stub your toe and then someone slams a car door on your hand, it's likely you don't feel your stubbed toe quite as bad.] The doctor didn't know what to do with me, but in finding this determined that it sure sounded like an autoimmune response.

Cue my parent going "Oh fuck me, Bee Sting Therapy" My parent has a broad range of odd knowledge. One of which is alternative and traditional medicines. Apparently, it is a thing to have a bee sting someone who is having joint pain. Don't ask, I don't know.

So, my parent carts me off to the general doctor, says "kid has night sweats (I was not), I want a TB titer to rule-out TB" and doctor went 'sure'

I was given a TB titer. I do not have TB. What I do have is a fucky immune system who can be easily distracted. What my parent figured out was that the fever did something like fucked an auto-shutdown procedure after the initial threat was eliminated. So they introduced a (controlled) threat (TB titer).

My immune system immediately turned its attention to this New Horsehit and "eliminated it" (it's a TB titer y'all, there's no threat). And so it said "Good job everyone, back to bed, our work here is done."

And that is why I am somewhat hopeful these vaccines will address at least some of the decline I feel I've been experiencing.

The End.

#vaccines #autoimmune bullshit #bee sting therapy I guess?

0 notes

anonymous-swiftie · 3 years

Text

If you are on twitter, please retweet this:

https://twitter.com/ASwiftie00/status/1334245577933148164?s=19

Dear #Swifties,

I'm new on tumblr, and I really don't know how to use it.

I know you are the best supporters of the music industry and I'm here to ask your help.

I'm fighting with a crippling depression, that due this covid situation just got worse.

I'm at my lowest, I truly don't know if I will make it through this time.

I always dreamed to talk to Taylor, since I was a teenager. She is the only one that make me feel like I do fit in this world.

I've created this account because I know she is very active here, and I'm trying to reach her with this part of my story.

You can read everything below.

I didn't write any personal information because I don't want this to be seen by my family or somebody that can recognise me.

I don't want upset anyone.

I know that everyone hope to meet or chat with her, and so you are probably wondering why you have to share this here.

You're totally right, maybe it's a stupid idea to ask you this, but I haven't anything left in my pocket to fight this situation, and you're my only hope right now.

Thank you.

#taylor #swift

*******************************************

Dear Taylor,

I keep writing and deleting this, over and over again.

I feel so dumb to write my personal story here, but this truly is my last chance to feel better and try to overcome this giant monster called depression.

I genuinly don't know if I can make it through this year. It's the worst period of my entire life and i don't even know if it's worth living this hell anymore.

I know you have millions of supporters (that probably write you every single day, and they are all better fans than I am, that's for sure) but I know that you proved, time after time, to be so down to earth and to use your time to read your fans messages.. so, in this moment, I'm just trying to share a part of my story with you.

You are the one that make feel understood, since I was like 13teen.

I'm so sorry if my English isn't very good but I'll do my best.

I'm not very active on social media , because I'm very shy when I have to talk about myself.. but If this could work, I must do it.

I will try to send a letter, If I can find the strength to mark this feeling on paper.

**IF I'M WRITING TO SOMEBODY FROM HER STAFF, PLEASE JUST LET THIS MESSAGE REACH TAYLOR**

I'll try now to resume, because I don't want to bother you too much.

This has been a crazy year so far, and the all the time I spent by myself during the lockdown didn't help at all.

This situation brought me back to childhood.

I spent a lot of my days back and forth in hospitals, due to my allergies.

I had to wear a mask all the time I wanted to go outside to avoid severe allergic reaction (that's why this Covid thing awakened some hurting memories)

I didn't have real friends back then, 'cause I've spent most of the summers at home, watching other kids playing around, from my window, or from the windows of my classroom.

It was so hard to make new friends, because the only thing that other kids saw was my mask.

I was the masked kid.

I was the strange kid.

I couldn't play with them.

Everytime I tried to play with them, the only thing I heard was "oh you are ill , I don't wanna be like you so stay away".

This situation made me start to write things in my personal diary.

I wrote small sentences, as a kid, and that was the only thing I could do alone inside an empty classroom during all summer.

This situation continued for many years.

I wasn't the cool kid before, I wasn't the cool guy after.

The only things that let me enjoy those days were writing and listening to your songs.

I started to listen to your music thanks to my English teacher. She was a fan of folk and country music and she gave me a pic in which you were singing near a lake (I still have that photo somewhere, I strongly remember the white banner with your name written in red on it) and told me to listen to the cd she gave me that day.

I immediately fell in love (I think I still have a crush on you, I'm sorry).

I loved your album. I loved your voice. I loved the lyrics.

I remember having a "test" in school: each one of the class had to write their favourite lyrics and let the others guess the song.

If the someone guessed It, We could play the cd.

I chose Love Story and I translated it in Italian.

The class guessed the song, and I played it.

After the lunch break I went back to my desk and I saw some bullies that were breaking my cd-album and they started to laugh at me because I loved your music an I loved writing poems.

I was a boy so I was a loser because I enjoyed those things.

That felt terrible, but I continued to love your songs even more .

Those were my inspiration to write and to study english.

I felt so good when I listened to your album and this still happens.

Then I went to a private high-school.

Nothing changed, I still was the nerd guy that always got good grades and I have to say that the first year was quite good, but the second year was the start of the apocalypse.

I choose that school because two girls that I knew from childhood went there.

One of the cool new guys started to spread a fake "news" about me.

He said to everyone that I was the boyfriend of one of the two girls that I mentioned before.

So he was the cool guy and one of the girls believed him and told me to f*** myself.

The other girl was her best friend, so you could imagine by what happened next.

After 14 year spent together, I was nobody.

I didn't have "friends" in that class anymore.

I didn't say hello to anybody for 4 years, and nobody would say anything to me.

Nobody to talked with me.

That's great when you're a teenager.

I hated to wake up every morning.

I had an eating disorder, I lost like 22pounds in less than a month. Got hospitalized twice. I kept vomiting for 3 years, every single morning before school.

During that time I only talked with one of my cousins, who lived like 2 hours by car from me.

He was older than me but he always tried to help.

He knew that I loved to write poems so he started to give me guitar lessons.

I made it through a lot of things thanks to him.

I'm sorry, It's hard for me to write this part of the story.

I still get emotional when I think about this.

On the 10TH of December 2013 (some days after his birthday) we received a phone call from his mother: She warned us that he didn't return home after the last working shift.

I wrote a message to him like 3 hours prior to that phone call.

Never had the opportunity to get a reply again.

This year is the seventh year that he is missing.

That destroyed me.

I felt empty.

I felt like nothing couldn't help me.

I still feel that everytime I care about someone in my life, it will disappear someday.

This have happened several other times.

You know when ignorants say that men don't cry, is real bullshit. Men cry. I cried a lot.

I wrote so many poems , lyrics, thoughts in that period of time, that I destroyed my hands.

That was the only way to close my eyes and let me reach another reality because the real one was way too much for me.

Be a sensible man in this world is somehow a curse.

All these things made me afraid even to hug someone 'cause I feel I'm too ugly or just to scared to be refused.

I will stop here my story, but there's so much more to tell.

I make it through all of these things and memories because I keep dreaming that one day I could meet you and we could talk together.

Dreaming about the fact I could spend a day with you made me find the power to battle my depression.

I'm 25 now and this year I'm not dreaming anymore.

I was going to start again university, I wanted to get a degree in marketing and have the chance to live in the us.

For years I believed that I would make it and hopefully be part of your marketing team.

I'm so stupid. All these years I kept dreaming to avoid pain.

I wanted to pursue my passion and continue to write lyrics but all I was doing was putting myself in unrealistic realities.

This covid situation made everything clear.

When everyone had someone to facetime (or video call) I was alone.

When everyone had someone asking them "how are you?" I only had myself looking in the mirror saying: "Will I ever feel better?"

I've never been the one for anybody, and I think I'll never be.

I won't be the one among all your fans to realize his dream.

Nobody likes me, and I'm exposing myself once again just because I want the opportunity to smile at something that could happen to me.

I'm tired to smile only for others best moments.

I've always seen the sun through a window.

I want to feel happy.

I want to burn my face with the sun.

I'm so sick of hiding my pain,

sick to cry when I'm alone in my car before going to work,

sick to let my eyes rain on my pillow every night.

I'm sick to say to my mother that I'm fine, just because I don't want to make her feel bad.

It's not her fault.

She is battling with a degenerative autoimmune disease, why I should put other weight on her shoulders?

I didn't give up to my weakness before because I don't want to hurt her.

I always say to her that soon she will feel better, that's why your song It's stuck in my head.

But when she won't be here anymore, how I can go through all of that?

I don't even know if will ever get better for me.

Will this pain ever stop?

Sometimes it's so hard to live and so easy to die.

Hope that my dream to spend some time with you can become true.

Thank you for everything, you gave me the strength to go on for many years.. But this time is so hard to put on my armor and continue this battle.

But is this even worth if thy I try to surround myself with people and I always feel lonely?

@taylorswift @taylornation @jackleopards-thedolphinclub

#swifties #taylor swift #folkore #music #ts spoilers #lover taylor swift #taylornation #swiftified13 #day 13 #pop music #books and libraries #writers #history #musicians #quotes #loneliest #love taylor #hopes and dreams

260 notes · View notes

chaoskirin · 2 years

Note

Out of curiosity, how do you feel about the people who are specifically waiting to see how the vaccine might affect their pre-existing medical conditions? (like if they have an autoimmune disease and can't normally have vaccines because of the risk of it flaring up)

This is something different. People with reactions to vaccines or who can't have vaccines are the people we are supposed to be protecting.

Those who don't get vaccinated because they think somewhere down the line the vaccine will give them cancer (it won't. biologically impossible.) or that it contains a microchip (stupid, not just for the size a needle would have to be to insert a chip but also... wtf?!) or because they just don't want to (The ones who say the virus isn't that bad or who say "you can't tell me what to do") are the problem, and honestly they can all DIAF.

I have two people in my life who have historically reacted to vaccines. One is my co-worker, who has an immune condition that makes her allergic to E V E R Y T H I N G. She ultimately decided to get the J&J vaccine because it's shown the least reaction in people who are vaccine reactive. She did not have a reaction to it other than the normal soreness.

The other person is my nephew, who is 10 years old. After he got the MMR vaccine he spent the next year of his life with a full-body rash. He cried all the time, and bled, and itched, and it was awful. I saw this for myself, so I can vouch that it actually did happen, and it was terrible.

He recently asked my sister if he could get vaccinated. The risks were explained to him and he decided to do it anyway. He was watched very carefully because historically, he'd reacted poorly to several vaccines and everyone was afraid this could make him very sick.

He received either Pfizer or Moderna (IDK which and it doesn't matter. They're similar enough) and he had no reaction at all except a bruise where he was injected.

That was his choice (and his parents' choice) though, and he couldn't have been faulted if he decided it was too scary to risk it. If he went without being vaccinated, that would have been fine, because like I said before, he is LITERALLY the type of person vaccinated people are supposed to protect. If everyone around him is vaccinated, the chances of him getting sick are incredibly low.

So I can say two things with confidence:

1. Those who are immunocompromised can probably get one of the vaccines. Talk to your doctor if you're interested. Make sure you're monitored closely.

2. If you decide it's too much of a risk because it could cause you months of pain or illness, that's valid, and you're welcome here. You are someone us vaccinated people are here to protect.

#not bestiary

11 notes · View notes

shmegel · 3 years

Text

I’m just having a really rough time with this delta variant stuff. Studies keep coming out that now vaccinated people can transmit it too, and I just see my life getting worse and worse ahead and I can’t see it getting better.

And my brother is out there in huge close crowds without a mask, and he didn’t even tell me that he stopped wearing a mask outside weeks ago basically due to peer pressure.

Because obviously Covid disappears the second it hits outdoor air, right? 😑😒

I said something about it and he lashed out at me and said he was done making any concessions for me, and said a bunch of truly cruel things. I said I was hurt that he hid this from me and kept interacting with me as normal putting me at risk without me even knowing. You should’ve heard some of the things he said about me.

And I saw my rheumatologist and he looked at my blood labs and apparently I have severe Sjögren’s syndrome now.

He says that might cause a fever. He said “this is what we doctors call RD: Real Disease.”

But god the treatment- He’s going to put me on an immune suppressant. During Covid.

My life is so small. It’s so freaking small right now.

Because some of my family members stopped caring, I have to wear masks at home now.

My life is getting smaller and smaller.

I don’t know what I’m going to do once I’m on the immune suppressant.

My life is already so small.

Meanwhile I’m still in pain and can’t even really walk because of my hip. I have chronic pain and fevers and there’s a virus rampant here that seems like it’s tailor made to kill me and it’s getting worse.

And

AND

I can’t emphasize this enough!!!

I haven’t felt happiness in three YEARS.

Not to mention the fact that almost everyone living with me blames me for the “sacrifices” they’ve had to make during the pandemic.

Which of course I sympathize with because I know it’s been tough but just. Imagine being me and making the kinds of sacrifices I’VE had to make just to stay alive. And the constant fear. And then being mad at me for asking that you make some changes to protect me.

And I spend all day every day researching my illness and fevers and the virus. I have 500 tabs open and almost all are research studies about fevers of unknown origin, autoimmune diseases, hormones, or Covid.

And my brother is going on and on about how I do nothing I’m useless I never do anything for him or anybody and it’s like oh my god??? You have no clue how much I do!!! You have no clue how much of my work in therapy has been about “Yessica!!! Do something for yourself!!! Stop doing literally everything you do for the people around you and do something nice for yourself!!!”

It’s insane that he thinks that because everything I do is either 1. To recover or 2. To help the people around me

God it’s so pointless everything feels so pointless

Because it’s been years and even though I spend every freaking day working on these things I’M. NOT. GETTING. BETTER.

And the people I’ve been spending my time on helping with literally anything they want 24/7 apparently don’t even realize that I’ve been doing that!!!

God my existence is just so freaking pathetic

Like when did I become this pitiable miserable doormat punchbag with no purpose, no ambition, no goals, no life?

It’s so terrible and looking ahead I can see so many reasons that it’s going to get worse and very few chances for it to get better.

#personal #Covid 19 #coronavirus #delta #chronic illness #Sjögren’s #I don’t remember how to readmore on mobile #yessica liveblogs life #sjogrens #immune compromised

26 notes · View notes

mattie24601 · 2 years

Text

I’m very close to crying reading Claire Kann’s If It Makes You Happy. First of all, Winnie is in a QPR and calls her QPR partner her partner/ungirlfriend and I feel like that’s super important because a QPR is a partnership and that’s the terminology I use with my own QPP, I call her my partner because IMO zucchini is terrible and I refuse to use it for myself. Secondly, Winnie has a severe gluten-intolerance and I’ve never seen anything like that in fiction before. I was diagnosed with celiac disease (an autoimmune disorder that means I can’t eat gluten) in 2007. The first time in fanfiction that I read about a little girl at a birthday party getting her own little gluten-free cake I started crying and seeing Winnie with a partner who is actively trying to make versions of her recipes gluten-free for Winnie means so much to me. I have family members who don’t even do that after 14 years.

Anyway, this is super niche rep but the fact that I can identify with both of those parts of Winnie’s life is wild to me.

#if it makes you happy #claire kann #queerplatonic relationship #qprs #celiac #gluten intolerance #gluten free #mine

7 notes · View notes

holocene-sims · 2 years

Text

next // previous

may 18, 2021 1:00 p.m. department of rheumatology, room 414

[grant] please tell me this is a temporary flare. i really don't know if i can go back to the way things were before i got diagnosed. i'm probably being paranoid and traumatized by last year's events but...i just feel back to square one. like i can barely stand up it's so bad.

[alisa] i completely understand the concern! you finally have the keys to get things managed after having uncontrolled symptoms since you were a child. of course you don't want to lose progress. we'll get to the conversation around disease progression but i promise you i will treat this now. easiest and best way to get you feeling better in just a week or two is oral steroids. you know the drill: suppress the immune reactions and the manifestations go away.

[grant] they make me feel terrible but i'm kind of desperate and beggars can't be choosers. i'll take whatever you give me.

[alisa] temporary side effects are better than suffering unmitigated for a long time, especially since you are doing so well on a biologic. why risk letting this go on when you can treat it?

[alisa] you're also welcome to take NSAIDs like aspirin for the anti-inflammatory properties and pain relief but...

[grant] ahh, you know, i would, just...well, i don't like...um, i don't feel comfortable with pain medication.

[alisa] oh, i understand. i'm not in the business of forcing them. they are helpful for autoimmune disorders but i do know that you are, um...how do i say this?

[grant] you can tell i used to be an addict?

[alisa] well, it's not like you admitted to it on any of your paperwork, but there is a pretty curious note in your chart from a surgeon that says you completely refused any pain medication after serious invasive spinal surgery...which is...

[grant] damning evidence?

[alisa] let's just say you'd need a very strong reason to refuse in that situation.

[grant] first of all, um, i am really sorry for not being honest about it. it's just embarrassing. for the record, totally don't recommend having spinal surgery without meds because it almost killed me and that was the last time i had something this bad going on with my eyes from stress. but um, same reason i don't want over the counter stuff right now. it's not a good idea. i got into all that because i was in pain and i really don't want that to be my solution...or my death.

[alisa] oh, no, no, i absolutely respect you for sticking to your sobriety. anyway, i really shouldn't have brought it up because short-term steroids for a flare is a better solution and you're already on the best long-term treatment and that's a biologic. you know, a disease inhibitor. for you, that's humira.

[alisa] besides that, you are supposed to have yearly x-rays and bloodwork in september. keep the appointment but we'll go through all that today as well. let's see how things look internally now.

[grant] i know i kind of asked you the same question a minute ago but do you think, even if this is temporary, that it might be active disease progression?

[alisa] this is the first time you've had a flare up since starting humira, right?

[grant] uhh, yes! it is, actually. thankfully.

[alisa] then i have hope you're not getting worse and this is just connected to stress like you said. i won't make an uninformed guess about what's going on since your last x-rays were the diagnostic images when you were diagnosed last june at...oh wow, cedars sinai in los angeles. long way from home, huh?

[grant] oh, yeah. i was living and working there at the time.

[alisa] but the evidence i do have is this. you started the medication in september when you were being treated in sault ste. marie. by the time you came to see me here in january, you were already seeing some symptom relief and no flare ups. and let's see, back when you were seeking a diagnosis, you were having significant symptoms, increasingly poor quality of life, and you needed extensive surgery from herniated disks and adjacent spinal cord issues...

[alisa] outside of today, how similarly do you feel today as you did then?

[grant] i mean...things are better. a lot better. i still have pain every day and limitations but my quality of life is definitely at least good. i kind of feel more like my old self and like treatment is working.

[alisa] exactly. this being the first time you've come to see me outside of normal check-ups bodes well for you. and to be honest, for a variety of reasons, you have a very aggressive disease manifestation. to be your age, not even thirty, and to this early on in life have really extensive spinal fusion from the disease...you know what i mean? half your spine has already fused itself together. if it were progressing at the same pace, you should hypothetically feel the same or worse and you should be suffering from similar problems as last year.

[alisa] whatever is going on internally we'll see in imaging, but if it means anything to you, i am at least confident that you're doing very well, even with this current flare up. i hate that i can't reverse the damage that's already been done or ever cure you, but i feel like we're making good progress and i feel hopeful that'll prove itself through physical evidence. if it doesn't, the fact that you say you have better quality of life on a normal day is great. any improvement is a good thing.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts4 screenshots #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #this is text and medical heavy so lemme know if you need more information or wikipedia links!!#disclaimer that i'm not a doctor just that i do have an autoimmune disorder and know someone with the same one as grant #i did my research and consulted real experiences but this may not be perfectly accurate because it's fictional #also i love alisa otto m.d. <3 #she's so pretty and funky with her lil flower earrings and yellow nails #holocene.png #holocene.docx #hlcn: grant

28 notes · View notes