One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

94.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 23

2101. Are you an optimist? i like to think so 2102. If you were in the Breakfast Club, which character would you be? judd nelson 2103. Who do you have no respect for? arrogant or rude people 2104. Is the plural form of cactus cactuses or cactii? cactii Is the plural form of penis penises or penii? penises. 2105. What does your favorite coffee mug look like? it has a chick on it and says biker above it (biker chic)

2106. Have you ever gotten hurt at a concert? some guy elbowed me in the face but it wasn’t that bad

2107. What age do you think it is most difficult to be? early adulthood since youre just figuring everything out and you probably dont have a good job and can hardly pay for bills and all these new responsibilities

2108. Do you like to be considered weird or different? i don’t really care either way 2109. Do you think you could handle a day in jail? nope 2110. Is your body an amusement park? what? 2111. Are dj’s obsolete? not necessarily 2112. What is the best liquid in existence? water. 2113. What is turning out better than expected? life??? lol 2114. Who is the most overbearing person you know? my boyfriend’s mother honestly lol 2115. Who does it surprise you that you are close to? idk 2116. Apparently Eminem got booed at the MTV music video awards because he was making fun of Moby onstage. What do you think of this? doesn’t affect me 2117. Close your eyes. What do you see? nothing? lol 2118. What’s the best Van Halen song? idk any off the top of my head 2119. What do you picture when you hear the word “Puritans?” i honestly don’t picture anything 2120. Have you ever been on a trampoline? yes, but it’s been a while. 2121. What do you use batteries for the most often? camera 2122. What do you find thrilling? when i’m on the motorcycle with jack and he goes really, really fast 2123. Porch swing. Sunrise. What else could you ask for? a drink. 2124. Do you like William Shatner’s cover of Mr Tambourine Man? never heard it. 2125. Where’s the sexiest place to have a piercing? i always thought lip piercings were sexy but now i’m really into nose piercings but only on women tbh 2126. Do you get panic attacks? yes 2127. How long does getting dressed to go to a club take you? the same amount of time it takes me to get dressed in the morning for work lol no more than 10 mins. 2128. What is Adam Ant’s best song? idk 2129. Does your body need improvement or is it just fine? it needs improvement but i’m not unhappy with it 2130. Does watching MTV or reading beauty magazines make you feel bad about yourself? i don’t do those things but nah i don’t think they would 2132. What is the most romantic movie ever? i used to think the notebook, but i don’t know lol 2133. Do you think that woman are treated as second class citizens of this world? yes. 2134. What would you do if you were at a dance club with your significant other and he or she got into a fistfight with someone? first of all, jack wouldn’t do that (i hope) second, i would intervene and not let him make a fool of himself 2135. Has anyplace ever asked you to leave? no. 2136. Have you ever been openly kicked out? no. 2137. Are you permanently banned from anywhere? no. 2138. Who is your favorite movie director? i don’t care about that kind of stuff 2139. What topic do you hate to talk about? politics. 2140. Are you looking forward to the remake of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory or do you think it could never be as good as the original? it’s been done & i didn’t like it that much at all 2141. Do you enjoy the band Ministry? idk who that is 2142. What is your coziest article of clothing? this humane society sweater i have, i love it sm 2143. What is your favorite word to say? shit 2144. Does your name and your signifigant other’s name feel like one word to you? nah 2145. Do you like the band the Buzzcocks? idk them. 2146. Can you tell when other people are lying? sometimes 2147. Do you like to wear glitter? i would on my eyelids if i had some but that’s about it. 2148. Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all giftwrapped? i am awful at wrapping presents so i wouldnt mind getting them giftwrapped 2149. Where do you go when you want to meet new people? i don’t meet new people on purpose lol 2150. What is the best first sentence to a book, in your opinion? one of the john green books ad a really good beginning but i cant remember which one it was 2151. Should fun or safety come first? safety. 2152. Does mind over matter work for you? sometimes. 2153. What’s the most weight you ever lost in one year? i don’t even want to think about it 2154. What are your feelings about punk and goth? i think they’re cool 2155. Did you ever write something when you were high and then looked at it sober and realized that it was nonsense? probably 2156. How often do you shave: (guys) your face? (girls) your legs? in the winter, almost never.  but in the summer maybe once a week (girls) under your arms? every week. 2157. What word do you often hear people misuse? idk. 2158. Have you ever used somebody? not that i remember 2159. Are you paranoid? sometimes 2160. What is the best music video of all time? i like some shinedown videos and five finger death punch videos 2161. How many Shakespeare plays have you read all the way through? hamlet, romeo and juliet 2162. What was the deepest religious or spiritual experience you’ve ever had? i thought i saw a ghost once at church if that counts 2163. What is it like to be you today? not that exciting 2164. Do you like to play games? i love to 2165. Have you made any good friends on this diary site? no. 2166. Have you met anyone from open diary? no. 2167. What have you done lately that gave everyone something to talk about? getting drunk and crying over a video game 2168. Do you get along with people who annoy you, disagree with you, dislike you, and hate you? no, why would i? 2169. When you ask for something do you make a request or a demand? request, unless it’s of utmost importance 2170. Who are you a bad influence on? i don’t think anyone 2171. Who are you a good influence on? hopefully my friends. 2172. Who is on your Christmas list this year? just my boyfriend, my family and i adopt a family now so we don’t buy each other presents just presents for people who cannot afford a christmas 2173. How many other people do you know of that are doing this survey? no one that i know 2174. Have you ever intentionally had a one night stand? never had one period. 2175. Do you tend to get car sick? nope 2176. What is the legnth of your hair? very short, buzzed on one side 2177. Do you like to listen to techno music? i don’t mind it 2178. Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color? red, purple, blue 2179. What do you think of these diary names? Oculto: suffer victim: With A Purpose: Almost_Famous: In.The.Name.Of.Lust: The Phallic Stapler: <*>SeXyCandace<*>: dont care. 2180. What do you think of these entry titles? Lesbians … as far as the eye can see: Why Avril Lavigne sucks: Call On Jesus: Buddha-licious: WeLCome To The JungLe!: Geektastic: Should i get an abortion?: 2181. What do you find beautiful in an atypical way? idk. 2182. What would you PHYSICALLY fight someone over? i don’t know 2183. What was the last thing you were invited to? a wedding 2184. What do you like lots of things 2185. Have you ever drank: chartruese? no. absinth? no. but i want to 2186. Do you plan your outfits ahead of time, pick them out the morning of, wear whatever was on the floor, or wear what you slept in? i usually plan them ahead of time but when i get lazy i just put them together when i wake up in the morning 2187. How long have you ever gone without changing your sheets: a really long time honestly lol clothes: no more than a day. underwear: 2 days max toothbrush: usually monthly but it’s been a couple months and i need a new one 2189. What item should not be shared? condoms? lol 2190. How do you keep control of your temper? breathing deeply before i start talking to someone 2191. If you could gain all of your dreams by giving a family member (little brother) to the goblin king who would turn him into a goblin, would you? yes, my brother lol 2192. Do you like to listen to Duran Duran? i don’t mind it 2193. Do you ever feel the need for MORE than life has to offer? ehh sometimes 2194. What is your favorite children’s story? love you forever 2195. Do you think that adult books should have more pictures? nah 2196. What was your all time low? in high school 2197. Do you make up songs and sing them to yourself when you’re alone? when i’m bored or when i’m cleaning 2198. Do you like to listen to the Smashing Pumpkins? they’re good 2199. Do you see the expression of emotion as weakness? not at all. 2200. Are you prepared in case of chemical, biological and nuclear attacks? not even close lol