#i get tired after uni...
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every Wednesday i forget to start #RatanVaishnesday and I'm 😭😭
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Casper’s playlist needed a picture, voilá. Quick headshot.
#dragon age#dragon age inquisiton#inquisitor lavellan#nocturnal arts#Doing a 100 heads challenge to get better at faces vs. not knowing how to incorporate it into the regular drawing process#the scaly stuff in the back is a reference to Dorian because why not the background was empty and I have a scale brush#I feel like every time I upload something after a while I complain about my current insititution of learning or artblock#and either that says something about two things that haunt my existence or what I tend to blame#but listen uni is kicking my ass and I'm tired#the amount of things I have thumbnailed and was actually going to get started on during the weekend#that are abandoned immediatly once I fall back into the week it is wild
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IT'S FINALLY FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!
#ell rambles#SCREAMS#BEEN WORKING ON THIS ON-OFF SINCE UNI STARTED#IT SHOULD BE POSTED HOPEFULLY NEXT WEEK#SINCE I NEED SOMEONE TO BETA IT#im so tired oh my god but its DONE#after this fic gets posted i'll be polling the next longfic#but uni is killing me so don't expect it to be done super soon!
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how many breakdowns should you have about dropping out before you seriously consider dropping out. asking for a friend teehee
#shock horror. i am not asking for a friend#turns out going to uni bc you had no idea what else to do + taking a course you’re mostly interested in bc you like space#is not necessarily a good idea. who would have thought#see the thing is if this didn’t cost money i wouldn’t be so worried. but i don’t want to keep having this breakdown and eventually drop out#in like a year’s time with twice the amount of debt or whatever#rn now i keep looking on indeed like hmm. i could totally drive trains that would be an amazing idea. driving a milk float!! so slay!!#bc i realised shortly after getting here that i do not want to do a phd which basically rules out any astrophysics jobs#my mum suggested looking at summer placements but quite frankly i need to get a job over summer if i stick with my degree bc i am ✨broke✨#rn i’m saying shit like oh i’ll just write a book and get it published. totally feasible way to make some quick cash (delusional)(knows it)#november has been hell i do not have a draft let alone a book#and i’m tired and i haven’t had a proper meal since thursday and my room is a tip#i‘ve had like three conversations with my friends in the past fortnight and none of them lasted longer than five minutes#i was so fucking excited for uni!! it was going to be so good!! i feel bad for wanting to drop out bc i don’t hate it!!#i just don’t really like it either#god fucking damn it. this shit is worse than a sexuality crisis. at least they had zero real world impact bc i was an antisocial fucker#this is the rest of my fucking life!! the hell!!
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Not to be negative or judgemental, but I'm so tired of people with no manners and no spatial awareness on public transportation.
How hard is it to not look at your phone when you're stepping into the tram or the ferry so you can walk at a normal pace and not hold up the line? If you don't have any headphones, mute your phone, it's basic civility and respect. If you're going to stop walking, get out of the way if you can, don't just stand there.
I swear to god, either I'm getting more impatient as I get older, or people are just losing all fucking sense and decency.
#rant#because it takes me 1h10 to get to uni#another hour to get back#I'm fucking tired after classes#i want to get home as quickly and calmly as possible#and people are just fucking annoying#I'm sorry but why are you fucking texting when we're supposed to be getting inside the ferry?#why are you taking pictures#and stopping to send those stupid pictures?#I'm a grouchy old man#I've accepted it
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I think I've just accepted 2024 is gonna be kinda shit lmao
#he speaks#was meant to be going on a trip mid this year#and after having my parents be VERY against the idea cause of uni (even tho the trip is during the holidays)#ive decided not to go cause i cannot imagine adding anything else onto what i have to do this year or get through#it causes me so much anxiety just thinking about it#and even tho id probablg enjoy most of it while im there#id be exhausted by the end of it#and would have to go pretty much straight back to study/work stuff#but now my gf is really upset cause i was meant to come with her and her family#and meet her grandparents#and shes not mad at me or trying to pressure me#im just really really hating making her upset about this#but i dont know if id make it through the year knowing i have a whole ass trip planned#on top of uni/work stresses#which uni is already kinda shit#work is great but tiring#same with training#i just cant#shits hard#kinda a vent post#im so bad at dealing with people who are upset#especially with me
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two-ish months later and im still very amused by my reaction to hearing end of line when in line for power/run :]
(dont repost the video please thanks!!)
#voice reveal 😳😳😳😳😳😳 lol i forgot to share this after coming back from the park in april i was very busy and tired#truly tho the ride was great but the entertainment design of it all???!?!?! absolutely fantastic#i was already in tears in the waiting room behind the giant shiva laser#you know. the room with the reveal. THEE reveal. you know. that made me cry. sam flynn moments#this was a fantastic time and im glad my friends seemed actually interested in tron too!! this was a fantastic day#id post more pics but i dont have much that doesnt include me and my friends. it was a uni trip technically idk art school things ig#but i will have you know i bought the yori collectable figure and flynn's arcade keychain. i love them dearly. any tron 82 merch is gold#everything else was too pricey lmaoo but im sure ill visit again in a few years :)#anyway. this is okay to reblog but pls dont repos.t#this is the closest ill get to hearing daft punk live#all the music for the queue was absolutely stunning too btw i was in tears#rex speaks
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I just. Really don't wanna go to work today. I wanna stay in bed and get up in my own time and study at my own pace and not go to work. But alas... The economy is not my friend.
Where's Uncle Wayne to storm into my room and MAKE me get up? Where's Eddie to cling to me and make it harder than it already is because I don't wanna leave him? Where's Uncle Wayne to yell out that he's making coffee from the kitchen and THAT'S what makes me finally get up? Not Eddie or Uncle Wayne but my most beloved bean juice...
It's getting harder to make myself get out of bed in the mornings because it's work, come home and study, then maybe an hour or two of Eddie time before I have to go bed so tired I'm dizzy lying down just to wake up and do it again.
This better be worth it because for the last three years I've been living for a tomorrow I'm not entirely sure I still believe in, and I have three more years of the same ahead of me.
Please send Munson thoughts! I wanna do some small writing pieces.💞
#eddie munson x reader#im so burned out but theres still a month of uni to push through#i have 6 weeks of uni work to do in 7 days while working at my job too i cannot get paid time off until 1 7 may but that's too late#and then after that 3 weeks to do my final assignment for the year which is 40% of this year's grade#no retakes or extensions allowed so😳💀#im so fucking tired
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(rant in the tags, might be triggering or something)
#not to be a bitch and rant on tumblr but WHERE ELSE this is my diary since 2011 etc.#soooo i've been very alone for the last two weeks because my fiance is in germany at work and i am at home also working#and oir flatmate is spending the last weeks before uni at home so i've been absolutely alone for weeks now#the only time i talk to people is at work and it's starting to have some weird effect on me because.... i miss work lol#because i miss talking to people and just some interaction.... i am generally a loner and i like spending time in my own company!!!!#but#..... thats just too long. i feel bad and alone and unhealthy. and above all sad.#and today i talked to my friend from work like yeah so it's saturday maybe wine in the late evening?? and she said maybe#and then after a few hours it was no soery i can't i am too tired which. VALID girl i understand#but i let myself hope that i won't be alone tonight and idk maybe have some fun some karaoke whatever#and then#well it won't happen#i feel horrible#i shouldn't but i do#i feel like i will start talking to the walls because i've been talking to myself for too long#also i have the massive urge to just get drunk alone but also like what's the point. of anything#personal#alcohol tw#depression tw#uhh
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Having a casual breakdown, cause I just found out I might've somehow broken my toe in my left foot just as Ive barely started uni again and need to go to classes. Like.
Is this some kinda cosmic joke? Cause its not funny...
#personal#vent#rant#i haven’t really done anything that couldve broken it tbh#but it Has hurt the whole day yesterday and got swollen#and my doc said it looks like it might be broken the way its like sticking out to the side#so thats fun#when I have to go to and from classes on foot 15 min one way#and the soonest I can Maybe get it checked out with like na xray or smth is tuesday next week#I could maybe try tomorrow but I Need to go to classes#I was already absent last week cause of my lovely migraine and sinuses issues#which might actually be covid#I need to do the test I bought today to check that#Im... Im just so tired of this already#I was happy and excited about going back to uni#and so far with barely two weeks of classes behind me theres only been health issue after health issue#Im gonna go cry some more#maybe that'll help#and then I dont know#grit my teeth and survive I guess
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i had such a hellish bus journey home from work today and i'm STILL drained from it
#basically the bus i usually take was cancelled because the bus service from my uni is shit and since hardly any buses come in the#evening i had to wait over half an hour for the next one after my late shift at work ended#and because it was a friday night the entire bus stop was crowded with rowdy drunk undergrad students#and then when the bus did come you could tell the bus driver was completely fed up with them because she deliberately waited like#ten minutes to set off until everyone quietened down. and then every time they got too rowdy she'd stop the bus again#and i was really paranoid because the journey was taking so long and it was like nearly midnight by this point and i didn't want to be#walking home through town so late because you get really dodgy people about and i knew i wouldn't feel safe!#and the drunk students were being SO loud and they kept screaming at the tops of their voices and blowing vape smoke pretty#much right into my hair and i was just feeling very impatient and overstimulated#and THEN to top it all off one of them vomited in the seat across from me and it smelt awful and i had to step over it just to get off#the bus. and i couldn't even get food on the way home because it was so late by the time the bus arrived that everywhere was closed#so yeah. not a fun evening and now i'm just tired and annoyed and the worst thing is i have to do a late shift AGAIN tomorrow
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in other hand, here are (not so) randomness from me today, i barely survived going outside for almost 12 hours (yup the entire day) together with my family and thank god i was able to return home few minutes before the race started lmaoooooooo
#it's more like 2 hours of us going to my uni first#since there's a mini festival there and we decided to buy some new clothes for this year's eid#also i finally bought the bayern away kit (this season's kit) after my father wanted to pay for me and my siblings#+ an hour having a lunch (istg i'm still can't get over how tasty that asam pedas ikan kerapu there i love it sm 😭)#+ almost 6 hours went to a premiun outlet at my place (also it's been a long time tho since the last time i went there)#and actually we went to the outlet is not in our plans at first but suddenly my mum decided to go there when we were having lunch#but yeah that 6 hours was so tired asf fr and my legs feels like it's gonna be break lmaooooooo#but it's kinda worth it actually since it's quite a self reward for me and my family as well#especially that i'd bought a purple vans after a long time i was wishing to have it#iz being too random
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desperately trying not to have a panic attack about university hehehe
#literally the only thing i'm supposed to do is study#am i doing it? nope of course. i have less than a month left to take exams and i should take at least 2 but i haven't opened a book in more#than a month and the thought fills me with dread and i literally physically cannot do it#it's possible that going back to my uni flat would help (it would be a change in scenery for sure) but on wednesday it will be a year since#my father died and there's this fucking church thing and my mother won't force me to stay but i really should. shouldn't i?#after all it's already saturday and i've already wasted 40 days. what's half a week more?#i keep staring at the list of exams and i know that if i spent every waking second studying i could get back on track and graduate when i'm#supposed to graduate but 1. it's not healthy and 2. my brain refuses to study for ONE exam let alone 14 so it's unrealistic#and at this point i should just accept that i'm going to graduate one year late and one year after all my friends because last year i did#absolutely nothing. and last autumn started out great. i moved. i was organised. and then the first week of october my mother was at the#hospital and i had to go home for a week and somehow i let that week screw up my entire semester#and now i'm panicking because i have only 18 days before the exam i'm supposed to take and it doesn't feel enough for everything i have to#study but it's not going to get better if i just let all the days pass without doing anything but i can't i can't i can't#so yeah i should be kind to myself and accept i'll need one additional year for all the exams and take it slowly which is the only way to#actually get things done. but i don't want to. i don't want to tell my mother that i failed at the one thing i'm supposed to be doing#but i really really can't it's hard and i'm failing and my head is screaming that i don't deserve hobbies and yet i keep wasting my days#it's one am and i should either sleep or relax because it's not like i can do anything now and yet i feel like i need to fix my entire life#right this second or i'll explode. i'm so tired of my thoughts.#please ignore all this ^ because i know most of it is irrational or whatever and i DON'T WANT to hear rational things#if you've read until here and really want to say something just tell me that right now i'm allowed to relax#any other comment would make me feel worse#💖💖💖#**one month left to take exams this semester not forever hahaha but then i'd be supposed to take all the remaining exams in the summer#and i can't possibly take 14 exams between now and july which is why i'm panicking (there are other logistically confusing things in what i#said but i wanted to clear this one up at least lmao) (i'm already feeling vaguely better can't you see?)
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Idk if it was growing up working class or being raised primarily by first gen immigrants or both but I'm listening to shmanners while at work (and enjoying it) but like hot damn I was unaware of 90% of this shit, and the stuff I did know was from reading period lit
#IK IK im a fish out of water in my white collar office but like. gah#franposting#i mean its immensely helpful for me to learn these basics#yes i think theyre classist and stupid but i DO have to play these stupid games to navigate the world#and at home i will be elbows on table loud shouty italian and it will be good#also like. salad??? as ur first course??? I KNOW THAT'S THE USUAL#but i HATE IT its wrong salad goes at the END of the meal before fruits and desserts#WASPS be wild ig#also dont get me started on having a meal with my uni friends super rich familt#i have never felt more inadequate and worse about myself in my life#i literally wanted to crawl into a hole and die#i think. not to be that person. but when i read trc and met adam#and his whole thing about masking and fearing ppl will see/hear/sense his poor beginnings#even after he leaves henrietta and quote unquote makes it into the world#like hes so afraid theyll find out. that he'll never truly fit. he'll always been like the dirt he came from#like. yeah. yeah i get it. and it hurts. and im so tired of being made to feel inferior for not knowing these things#like i am well educated but so narrowly#i am not wide read in classic lit. im missing so much. im not cultured#i could only do so much catch up in uni. i missed out on the first 18 yrs bc we were poor and my parents are#working class. they had nothing to give#ugh. im getting emo#anyway. shmanners is great i am learning things. but also i am like. so aware of my beginnings and unshakeable sense of inferiority#which IS STUPID AND CLASSIST but our society is DUMB AS SHIT
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many thoughts rushin thru my brain
#i am. im having uni thoughts#specifically drop out of uni thoughts#and i have these thoughts every year its true but usually at the end of the semester not the start#i am just. burned out from study i think#i have been in school of some form every semester since i was 5 years old that is Twenty Years of non stop schooling#and i am Tired#like i wanna drop out and work full time im enjoying my job a lot#but my doctor and gym membership are both thru school and so theyre free and so. if i stop. i have to start paying#which is doable if i work full time probably i just. its a lot and its a big deal#ive contacted the student advisors for an appointment and ill talk to my dad since hes the one that funded my studies#i wish i could just like. do One Class and not have it connected to a degree u know#enough to be enrolled and do some work but not so overwhelming#bc my current degree is one that i dont think can be done part time#so idk#its too late to withdraw and get my money back that deadline passed last week#its just very. im overwhelmed and i can not do 9h of uni on a Wednesday right after 3 days in a row of working#i could do another work day no problem but uni is a struggle bc it takes so much mental work#i don't know gang idk what imma do i will wait and see what the academic advisors say#in the mean time i have elected not to go to any of my wednesday classes i dont have the energy#i might go to my cinema studies class this afternoon i enjoy movie watching
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i think im gonna try telling people a little bit more of what's going on in my head
#obviously im not gonna go from sharing nothing to like hey ive thought about dying 5 times this week#but you know maybe instead of saying im tired i can say im not in a good mood or this things stresses me out etc#maybe (and thats a biiig maybe) I'll also bring up the whole gender fuckery. but thats not for now. i want to be more sure about some things#before i start telling others#anyway we'll see how it goes. but i dont want to stop being friends with my friends after uni is over and it's very possible that one or two#of us will be done this year#and people always say that you need to be okay being vulnerable to have strong relationships or whatever. so I'll try#also when i say people i obviously dont mean you you're the people that get every single one of my thoughts the second it pops up in my head#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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