#but you know maybe instead of saying im tired i can say im not in a good mood or this things stresses me out etc
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favorite things | pmylm drabble (jyh)
⇢ favorite things - drabble one // ft. the pmylm couple
summary: yunho's been having a rough time adjusting to the 'real world' and gets upset when he can't have the person he needs the most right away.
words: 2.8k
warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy/insecurities, yuyu is upset and doesn't really know how to control his feelings rn cause he is just a tired boy 😭, a small lil fight, the awkward silent treatment, yuyu and yeo talk thru his feelings for a bit, kissing/making out, sorry if i missed anything i quickly whipped the rest of this in bed lol
a/n: whipped this baby up because i just felt the need to and i missed my babies!! (+ this lil IG inspo hehe) more drabbles to come 🫶🏼 love you in slow motion update this weekend annnnd i’m gonna have to push back the fallen angel hwa fic cause im all over the place 🥹 but we’ll do better!! lol stay tuned!!
Yunho has entered the real world and he is exhausted. When his mom used to joke about living and working in this so-called real world, he used to think it was just a thing to keep him on his toes, shake him up a little bit.
Nope, that shit was all real.
And he hates it.
He hates it because it's the one thing that brings another fight to the table for your relationship. Ultimately, Yunho knows all he has to do is adjust and he'll be fine in the long run. Both of you will be fine in the long run.
But today, that feels like a stretch and he is short of patience. Unusually short of patience than usual. He knows you don't mean any harm but for some odd reason, today he feels like the world is going to swallow him alive and everything is triggering.
The first thing is the fact that he has to stay a bit later than usual to finish up a project he had been working on. He was hoping to rush home and spend some time with you before you were off to practice for the evening, spending 2-3 hours with your friends and the group.
That didn't happen.
So, when he gets home and you've already texted him saying you've left with a sad, crying face, he's bummed. He gets himself comfortable anyway, heating up a cup of ramen since he's not too hungry. Maybe he'll get some food with you when you're out— it's one of his favorite things to do.
Now, the second thing that makes him a little more irked is the fact that 2-3 hours go by and you haven't texted. He knows practice can run long, but it's also a little unusual for you to not keep him updated. You finally do a bit past 8pm with a quick:
you: hi baby, sorry! practice was a bit busy, i was caught up during breaks. i'll be home soon then i'll come over after i shower, okay? wait for me (: we should go on a food run! hehe
yunho: sounds good, love. i'll be here.
It closes to 9pm and Yunho isn't hungry anymore. The cup of ramen will do since there seems to be a dim chance of getting food with you, especially when you tell him you'll be over in a quick second but you’re still nowhere to be found. Yunho charges to the door anyway and is hoping to greet you when he swings the door open. Instead, he's greeted with you laughing and giggling with Hyunjin downstairs in the lot as he hands you a bag of to-go food.
Let's set the record straight— Yunho loves your friends. He knows he can trust them, and he knows they're all genuinely good people. He's always been happy you had a good group of people around you.
It's just today, he really, really missed you. After a long ass day. And he knows you [and Hyunjin] mean no harm in your actions, but he can't help but feel a tad bit insecure [and slightly jealous] that you aren't rushing over to see him after not being with him all day. He knows he can blame this on the fact that he's exhausted and a little short on patience. God knows he really did try to keep it cool and brush it off.
He couldn't help it.
Yunho shuts the door again, leaving it unlocked for whenever you feel ready to come upstairs and hang out with him. He sits on his computer chair, irritated, and throws on a game to distract himself momentarily. Maybe it'll help ease whatever he's feeling,
But, nope.
It doesn't.
Because when you walk in, you're still yelling out to Hyunjin and whoever before you shut the door, place the food on the counter and walk into his room. You throw your arms around him from behind and Yunho lets out a small, audible sigh. That was already alarming enough for you, but you still dip your head to the side and try to grab his attention.
"Hi." You place a quick, chaste quick to his cheek, but Yunho doesn't move.
"Hey."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Is all he says plainly. "I was just waiting for you."
"I know, but Hyunjin stopped by to give us food—"
"I thought we were gonna grab food together?"
"Oh." You frown because it completely slipped your mind, or else, you would've left the food at your own apartment to save it for tomorrow instead. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't think he was gonna swing by with food. We all left each other earlier without any plans of—"
"It's okay." He taps your arms as a signal for you to let go of him. "You should go eat."
"We can share, there's more than enough—"
"All good." It's petty of Yunho, he knows. For him, it's the fact that you told him you wanted to go on a food run after practice. Another small, but meaningful thing you two did often. He doesn't blame Hyunjin for anything at all, no. There was no way of preventing that, and who the fuck was he to make you reject food from a friend?
He just wished he could take you to get food. Watch you order your favorites and do your happy dance in his passenger's seat. It's another one of his favorite things.
"Yunho." You slowly step aside and sit on his bed, your appetite all of a sudden gone from how distant your boyfriend is being. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."
"It's fine."
"Is it really? Because something feels off and I wanna know what I did so I can fix it."
"It's nothing, Y/N." You almost flinch at the way he calls you your name instead of his cute endearing nicknames. It throws you off guard so much that you resort to a flimsy, broken:
"Okay." It's barely above a whisper. You stand to head back out to the kitchen, quietly eating a bit of Hyunjin's extra to-go thai food before setting some aside in a tupperware for Yunho and placing it in the fridge. The rest of the night goes.. like that.
In silence. With weird tension.
You hate it.
You wish you could just fix whatever you did wrong, or that Yunho would tell you no matter how 'silly' it may sound. He's always been so good with communicating, even during small disagreements, you weren't sure why he was avoiding it this time around.
You quietly get ready for bed, brushing your teeth and flossing before changing out of your sweats and hoodie to Yunho's shirt. You pad into the room, slipping yourself deep under the sheets and pull up some vlogs on Youtube that you need to catch up on.
"Tired?" Yunho asks from his computer chair, still playing his game.
"Mhm." You look at him, hoping he'd come over to kiss you, cuddle you. Shut off the computer and lay next to you, show you any kind of affection. He doesn't budge, though. You feel your bottom lip trembling, your heart slowly cracking in various places. You have to take a breath to prevent yourself from crying, and Yunho can feel it. He can feel your gaze on him, he can tell you're seconds away from crying. So, Yunho stands and shuts off his computer. But, he starts to head out to the living room and you're on the verge of breaking down. His way of avoiding the issue and getting more upset was to shut down. Deflect.
This wasn't like Yunho at all so you knew something was wrong; something was that bothersome to him.
"Baby." You call for him softly, and he just looks at you. You can tell he's conflicted between keeping this up and dropping it entirely, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It's not enough for him to drop it because his expression doesn't change. He still seems cold, distant. Tired. Unlike the Yunho you're so, so used to seeing and having.
"I'm just tired. Go to sleep."
"Where are you going?"
"The living room."
"Let me come with you."
"Y/N. Please go to sleep. I told you nothing was wrong." You watch the way his jaw slightly ticks before brushing you off completely and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. A loud sigh escapes his lips as he treads to the couch and plops onto it, leaning his head back onto the edge. He shuts his eyes, giving himself some time to sort through his feelings because what the fuck, Jeong Yunho?
He knows this is much needed, though. He needed to step away for a second to regroup. He doesn't want to unintentionally hurt you by saying or doing things that he doesn't mean. He's tired, and he's acting like a fucking baby because he just wanted you at so many points today— yet, the universe just didn't let him have you. That wasn't your fault.
None of this was your fault.
He needed to do better. Just because he was exhausted, didn't mean he had to act this way towards you.
"Yo." Yeosang walks through the door, dropping his duffle bag to the floor as he steps out of his shoes. "You good?" He furrows his brows at the sight of Yunho just resting his head back with his eyes shut close.
"Mhm."
"Where's Y/N?"
"In the room." Odd, Yeosang thinks. It's not like you two to be separated like this. It's pretty obvious Yunho is bothered by something and that you've probably gotten into a small fight over it. Yeosang isn't one to meddle much, especially when it's not his business to. But, he is concerned seeing his roommate like this. It's probably one of the rare times he ever sees Yunho upset.
"You sure everything's okay? I'm not really used to seeing you sitting out in the living room in silence like this." Yunho lets out a tiny chuckle that's barely audible, but he finally turns to Yeosang and purses his lips.
"I guess. Just exhausted lately."
"I bet. You've been working your ass off." Yeosang looks into the fridge before stepping away with a cold water bottle and heading towards Yunho. "Y/N put some food in there for you, by the way."
"Did she?"
"Yeah. It has a little sticky note on top." Of course you did, why wouldn’t you? You always thought about Yunho no matter what.
"Fuck."
"What?"'
"I've been such a dick to her tonight."
"What'd you do?"
"It's so stupid." Yunho begins to explain how his day has just been all over the place— from work, to staying late and not being able to see you before practice, no updates until 3+ hours after practice, looking forward to a food run that didn't end up happening because of Hyunjin. All Yeosang can do is laugh a bit and shake his head.
"Dude, we all have bad days. It's inevitable. You're still adjusting so don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard going from a routine you were so used to, especially with Y/N. Then, having to switch it up and play tetris with your time. It's not easy. But also, I'm sure Y/N has been feeling the same way. She's just doing what she can to support you first and foremost. She'd never hurt you intentionally, and I know she'd always choose you in the end." Yunho's head drops as he leans onto his knees and sighs again.
"Fuck, you're right. I don't know why today was so difficult. I guess it all piled on for me and I didn't know how to sort through it."
"All good. Shit happens." Yeosang shrugs. "Anyway. I'm gonna head to bed. You should probably do the same. I know she's probably waiting for you."
"Thanks." Yeo gives him a little dap before he's off to get comfy and end his day. Yunho stays on the couch for a few more minutes before he brushes his teeth and washes up for bed. He stands in the bathroom for a few more seconds before gaining the courage to finally talk to you about everything that's been going on today. When he walks in, you're still bundled under the sheets, but your phone is against the wall and a video is playing. He can hear you sniffling through the video though, and he knows you've been crying.
God dammit, Yunho.
"Baby?" You hear Yunho softly call your name as he slips into bed and wraps his arms around you.
"Mhm?" You respond, still facing away from him.
"Can we talk?" You sigh and exit the video, locking your phone before turning towards Yunho and setting your phone onto the table.
"Don't force yourself if you aren't ready to."
"I am, and I'm sorry." He looks at you with those puppy dog eyes and it instantly feels like you have your loving, incredibly sweet and attentive boyfriend back.
"What happened?"
"I don't really know. To be honest, I don't have that great of an explanation. I was just tired and I was really looking forward to seeing you before practice. I couldn't see you then because of work, so I was even more excited to see you after practice and to go on our run together. But, you came later and the whole thing with Hyunjin—" He pauses and shakes his head. "It was so stupid and childish of me. I didn't need to act that way, and I'm so sorry I was such a dick to you over that." You cup his cheek and caress the surface with your thumb.
"You should've just told me, babe."
"It's so dumb, though?" He furrows his brows, mainly at himself.
"Nothing is dumb. Whatever hurts you, hurts me. We're in this together, remember? We're on the same team. I just need you to communicate and be honest, like you always tell me. Okay? I'll do anything to fix it and make it better. I'm your safe space like you are mine."
"I know." He leans into your touch before placing a soft kiss to your palm. "I'll do better."
"We have our bad days and that's okay. It won't make me love you any less. Tell me if you need space or if you need anything from me. I want you to be happy and comfortable."
"I know."
"Okay. And I'm sorry about the food run. I promise I'll keep my end of it next time."
"Wasn't your fault, baby. Nothing could have prevented that." You give him a tiny, toothless smile before kissing the tip of his nose.
"Are we okay?" He nods.
"I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” He repeats before leaning in to peck you on the lips. He holds the kiss before parting and looking you in the eye, brushing the hair away from your face. He dips in for another kiss— this time, it's deeper. More passionate. His hand comes down to the small of your back as he presses against you, slipping his tongue in to fight for dominance against yours. The kiss is so full of love and neediness, but there's no push or pressure to make anything out of it.
So, Yunho continues to kiss you. Pushing up against you ever so slightly while parting from your lips to leave a trail across your jaw.
Your chin.
Your neck.
Back up to your lips.
He loves the way you softly sigh in content, listening to him repeatedly whisper 'I love you' against your lips. Into your neck. Across your jaw. He loves the way you gently bite onto his bottom lip as a way of asking for more. He loves the way your fingers tug on the ends of his hair, the way you press your lips against his cheek, forehead, nose. The way you caress his cheeks and never let him go.
It's amongst the many on his list of favorite things.
He continues to coo you and praise you in between kisses throughout the night, smiling while hearing your giggles and smothering you with more kisses until you find yourself getting sleepy. He holds you close and sings a soft lullaby, playing with your hair as you drift off to sleep with the cutest smile on your face. He can’t help but admire you, fighting the exhaustion that’s been hitting him all week for a little longer. He fights it until he can’t anymore but fuck it, it’s all worth it.
Because sitting at the very top of his favorites list is you.
⇢ permanent taglist: @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs
#yunho fanfic#yunho series#jeong yunho series#jeong yunho fanfic#ateez series#ateez x reader#ateez#yunho#jeong yunho#yunho x reader#jeong yunho x reader#ateez imagines#kpop imagines#yunho fluff#jeong yunho fluff#hwaslayer: project make you love me
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Hey Bro✌️, I really love your snippet of minji on previous reply, from her cute reaction during make-out session and her cuddle habit🤭. Your style of going for a vanilla approach on her was the best ever.
Have you seen the clip of her wearing this bro?🫣 A freaking one piece clothing 🫢. I'm like " Put some clothes on Miss"😂. Just imagine...
"One special night where she surprised you, the side of her you have never seen before, she hesitated at first but she thinks you deserve it"
Hello mikeylo!
AGHHHHH THE GLASSES AND THE DRESS!!! SHE'S SO CUTE, IM SCREAMING!!!
I HAVE to write something about this...
It's been a long, tiring day for you. You got yelled at by a customer at work for something you had no control over, and in turn your manager yelled at you despite, again, not having ANY control over it. You wanted to bring your girlfriend out to a nice dinner after work, but some rich asshole decided to reserve the entire restaurant for some party, and it was too late to make a reservation at any other place. Thankfully, Minji was more than understanding, completely content with a movie night at her place.
You knock on her door, your shoulder slumped and your expression downtrodden. Nothing is going right today and you feel your date with Minji ended up getting caught in the crossfire.
The door swings open. "Hi oppa, are you ready for our date~?"
"Hey Minj- Oh wow." Your jaw drops to the floor in awe. Since the two of you are staying in tonight, you assumed that she would be wearing comfortable clothes, but instead, she comes out wearing a pretty brown dress and her cute nerd glasses that you love.
"Oh my god, you're beautiful."
Minji blushes in response. "Hurry up and come inside, I have everything set up already." She takes your hand and pulls you into her apartment, shutting the door behind you. Before she can even take another step, you pull her into a tight embrace. A long, heavy breath leaves you, all the stress melting from your body in seconds.
"Tough day at work?" Minji asks, gently playing with your hair.
"Ugh, I don't even wanna think about work." The scent of her sweet perfume fills your nostrils, flipping a switch inside your head. You pull away slightly to see her face and caress the soft skin of her cheek with your thumb. Despite all your shortcomings, she's been with you through everything, always being a constant source of comfort and warmth.
"I love you, Minji." You take her lips into a gentle kiss, both of you melting into each other's embrace. Not even the softest marshmallow could compare to the feeling of her lips. Nothing else matters to you except her. And you're determined to show her just how much you mean to her.
"I love you too- Mmf!" Minji whimpers, caught off guard by the sudden onslaught of kisses on her neck and shoulders. You wrap your arms around her waist, catching her after her legs almost give out. Everything about her is so beautiful - her face, her soul, her body. Nibble her ear, nip at her clavicle, anything to show your love beyond mere words.
"O-oppa... Hmph! W-what's gotten into you today- Ah~!"
You stop momentarily to catch your breath. "Sorry baby, did you not want to...?"
"I-I mean, I didn't say that..." Her gaze nervously falls to the ground, her cheeks burning bright pink. So cute. You can't get enough of her.
You suddenly pick her up, carrying her bridal style. "If it's okay with you, maybe we can skip the movie tonight?"
Minji giggles, bubbling with giddiness. "What did you have in mind?"
You carry her to her bedroom, shutting the door behind you.
"Maybe it's better if I show you rather than tell you~"
______________________________________________________________
Just a little teaser :] Will I rewrite this into a full story? Who knows ;]
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You know what we should bring back?
Older christianity. I mean the anti government, anti military, community based christianity. The one that cared the most about peace, equality, mercy, kindness, and radical love. The one with shared property. The one that didn't conform to society but instead existed mostly outside of it. The one where noone considered one sin worse than another because in the end, we are all sinners trying our best to be better.
#“progressive christians are ignoring the bible except for ”love thy neighbour“”#yeah well LOVE OVER VERSES#quit it. im tired of this. just. can we just be nice to everyone?? please?? peace and love on planet earth??#“being gay is a sin tho” “wow this is so immodest” do i look like i care? does jesus look like he cares? i dont think so.#go stab out your eye or smth if you wanna live by the law so badly huh???#funny how suddenly it isnt literal and shouldnt be done because humanity learned and grew since that was written#*points to the verses used to justify homophobia* i mean literally this whole concept changed since then it isnt even the same thing#screaming at the top of my lungs while punching the wall like please please dont cherry pick the bible#“*blank* is a sin” do you like seafood tho?? is your clothing from mixed fabrics?? did you shave??#im just saying that maybe you should let the spirit guide you instead of following the law blindly. what do i know tho. im just a stranger.#queer christian#progressive christianity#i guess??#my religious rants#leftist christianity? anarchist christianity? i do not know??
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.
i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)
it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.
the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)
#and dont even get me started on when i share my friends with each other and they choose each other over me and kick me out lmao#WHY ARE FRIENDS SO HARD#why am i just a little creature that requires certain amounts/types of social interaction that never gets met#and no one wants to do anything about it. and im forced to sit here feeling bad about it because i cant fix it either fbbdbdfghhdhjrhfdj#this whole friend and human interaction and bonding and companionship bullshit is going to be lifelong issue and im not here for it#NO ADVICE IM GIVEN WORKS. IM TIRED OF ONE SIDED BULLSHIT WHERE ONLY I TRY. HUMANS ARE ANNOYING#im like a non human creature that wears human skin and everyone except me knows and they dont want me and i domt know why#i also dont have the energy to do the whole new friends song and dance where you small talk to get to know each other#and share your life stories. i rather just hang out and become friends through enjoyment of mutual enjoyed activity????#or something like that idk#i tried so hard to be friendly to friends' friend last weekend when we all hung out so i can be adopted into their friend group but#they didnt even tell me it was nice meeting me and hanging out and didnt even say bye to me. only to my friends#and i was too sad about that to say it to them instead as they walked away. theyre way more social and good at words#and i was overwhelmed and struggling to speak so i was waiting for the queue to say those things or something#i expected it like an idiot loser becuase i thought i did a good job being a cute gremlin that fits into the group that seems to have#other goofy gremlins like me. i thought maybe they can be “my people” or something. but then they turned around and left#after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too#PRETENDING IT WAS FINE. BUT IT FELT BAD. BECAUSE I FAILED TO MAKE A FRIEND WHEN I THOUGHT I DID GOOD WITH THEM FOR ONCE#so “being confident/believing in yourself” like im told to do DIDNT WORK AND IT FELT WORSE THAN DOUBTING MYSELF. YOU LIARS. ugh fhdhdhfhjssk#WHAT DO. WHY LEE BAD AT THIS. WHY IT FEEL BAD. WHY NOT JUST ACCEPT BEING ALONE 99% OF TIME AND GIVE UP. WOULD BE EASIER#lee rants#autism things#i know its rude to invite yourself into a friend group but what if i try anyway 🤪✌️
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"God i hate shuichi SO much he's so pathetic and annoying i wish he died instead of-" 💥💥💥🔫
#mindless chatter#rant#shuichi saihara#Listen i get it. I do i know he's not everyone's favorite#But some of shuichi's haters are so...... good Lord#maybe its cuz i relate and like him a lot but yall are so ruthless and for what#like yknow what.. maybe he isn't that good at being murder cases...... BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER MEANT TO#HIS PREVIOUS DETECTIVE LIFE WAS DEDICATED TO INFIDELITY CASES AND SMALLER SHIT#OFC HE'S NO KYOKO WHY DO YOU THINK HE COMPARES HIMSELF TO HER SM#and how shuichi suffers so Much mentally but noo he's a damn emo boy.......... side EYE#ik most or whatever amount of the hate are jokes but like man i just.. do not Care#Let me browse through his tags online in Peace#This is.. dumb#dont mind me. Its 1030 pm im tired and im a lil bitch about my faves#Normal me is like respect peoples opinions c:#Mental illness me is like THEY HATE CHARACTER? BEAT THEM WITH METAL PIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I could also apply this to gonta and kaito#But hate for them is less common and more so stuff like#They're dumb as rock and (instead thing that literally isnt them)#Like okay you can say you didn't pay jack shit anout them its fine#Okay thats enough goodbye (walks away with my ass out)
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the anime magic girl fight was glorious and exactly what luz would have wanted but. did they really need to have her die and meet god. like yes that's kings dad and that ties up the lore about him. and yes luz did need someone to talk to about the Issues tm but it should have been camilla! it should have been eda or her friends! i would have gladly sacrificed her clawdeen wolf cosplay if she got to have a moment of catharsis with her mom and friends instead of them being relegated to the b-plot
#toh#the owl house#luz noceda#watching and dreaming#if you couldnt tell im not exactly happy with a big portion of the finale#maybe i had too high expectations for it#but i feel like even with the time constraints they could have done better with it#this isnt me complaining that the finale didnt touch on every single thing i ever wanted bc i know they didnt have time for that#this is me saying the runtime and the characters could have been used better#instead of a mediocre resolution for all the major characters they should have just did one really good resolution for luz#and showed some stuff in the background that ties up everyone elses arcs#i can sacrifice lore for emotionally sound conclusions#ill elaborate later bc im tired#shut up pandora
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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i think im gonna try telling people a little bit more of what's going on in my head
#obviously im not gonna go from sharing nothing to like hey ive thought about dying 5 times this week#but you know maybe instead of saying im tired i can say im not in a good mood or this things stresses me out etc#maybe (and thats a biiig maybe) I'll also bring up the whole gender fuckery. but thats not for now. i want to be more sure about some things#before i start telling others#anyway we'll see how it goes. but i dont want to stop being friends with my friends after uni is over and it's very possible that one or two#of us will be done this year#and people always say that you need to be okay being vulnerable to have strong relationships or whatever. so I'll try#also when i say people i obviously dont mean you you're the people that get every single one of my thoughts the second it pops up in my head#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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girl help I’m experiencing that common yet elusive late night motivation to get my life together knowing it will fall apart in the morning </3 girl fucking help me
#I hate ittt#I’m always like ‘I’m gonna start doing this’ or ‘I’m gonna finally try and get myself in a place where I can maybe take college classes’#and ‘I’m really gonna try and fix my sleep schedule and stop getting distracted instead of getting something accomplished’#and then in the morning evil me is back and they hate me and everything else#and would sell the world to hell for five more minutes of sleep#and my executive dysfunction has its claws in me again#man it sucks being so behind. I don’t want to like complain and make it sound like I’m worthless bc I’m not but man it’s hard#it’s hard watching ppl younger than you achieve your dreams of learning and getting better and breaking through that mental fog#they’re not always much younger either just like. two years is enough to make me wonder what would have happened if I was there#I know it’s not all in my control why I’m here either— there’s a lot of factors at play#but one of them IS that growing up I couldn’t never beat that executive dysfunction plus mental fog and procrastination#and then I shot myself in the foot by saying I waited to long and shouldn’t even try#and now I’m realizing I could but the years I spent fighting with myself weigh me down now and then#I can’t let it get to me because if I let myself get weighed down by it all I pull others down with me#but sometimes it does make me sad. and frustrated. when I feel this motivation when im lying in bed tired at some ungodly hour#suddenly struck with wanting to change my life and not having the daylight nor the physical/mental ability to get it done right then#not to mention the privacy. if I chose to get up at the buttcheeks of midnight and morning I would be not only destroying my own schedule#but disturbing a bunch of others too#anyway this wasn’t supposed to turn into a rant sorry#I haven’t talked a lot lately so it’s all bubbling inside I guess
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god i love health insurance in this country
#would love it if it did literally anything#got to love the news that it won't cover anything at all for me in this surgery!#anyway i can still afford it and im still happy about it but like finances are so tight for me rn lmao.#its like. part of the reason ive been waiting so long for this is the pride and knowledge that i should not have to pay anything for#medical care under a just and correct system and having to set my standards aside and grovel for the fucking. necessary and life saving#stuff i need to not feel horrible and disgusting and ugly every day of my life is debasing and dehumanizing#to sum it u#i'm just really frustrated rn.#its so hard to like... go get help or do anything for myself in the first place ever because like. every single time i try to do anything i#get slapped with the harshest penalties known to mankind#you could argue that i could have tried to find a different doctor or whatever but i need my hand held through everything and i still think#that this one was the proper and correct choice based on that#anyway. i have the lump sum. i dunno if i should try to finance it to make myself not feel like i have no money or what.#maybe ill try to open comissions or something but idk if i even have time for that#like im still going to send them the request to reimburse me for my fucking medical bills anyway and i know theyre not going to because#fuck you. but still. id like a letter saying 'fuck you vintage go die and give me 10 grand' instead of just trusting some schmuck over the#phone about it. lmao.#im so tired. i need a break.#between this and work i think its killing me.#im hopeful my blood pressure isnt going to be too high for clearence lmao i am so fuckign worried about that because if it is then like.#nothing ive done at all to prepare for it has mattered at all#i need to be unemployed i am so tired of working for a living i just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for forever
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I am such a massive hoe for quality polycules and queer platonic relationships in fiction like I will greedily consume that shit
#this is in response to akagami whichbu sleptnon for 7 years and finally watched and read#i fucking love obi and my only thought fowards him and the main couple is all of them have 2 goddamn hands#HOLD THEM#obi for rhe first time ever feels deeply connnected to others to the point he literally says to a formers coworker#that he feels hes left a part of himself behind with his group#he loves his weird new family hes found in shirayuki zen mitsuhide and kiki#and hes confirmed in love with shirayuki and if you can look at his interactions with zen and think theyre completely normal go away#hes so loyal and he cares so much#only other thruple ive felt this way about is 3zun and even then not all of them mesh well canonically like canonically they have issues#but these 3 all love and respect each other and actively work to keep each other happy#therefore i say let them be together#im having A Week and falling into fictional bliss to ignore my stresses is how why this is happening#sigh#i need to go do shit#im just so tired#what i wouldnt give to be a well paid live in nanny for a rich couple#maybe child care is what i was meant for instead of teaching#who knows#maybe ill look for that kind of work#i genuinely would be stoked to find a wealthy couple in their like 30s or 40s with young children who needed a live in nanny#bc i am a great older sibling or mentor figure i think#like i have actual interest in children and their development and a desire to lessen their school and life related anxieties#and i am physically able to get on their level and play and embarass myself with them#which in my experience is not something that can say for all child care providers#i WILL go to the park with them and attempt the physical challenges and propose various games#i am more than willing to mess around and look like a fool and the fact that i was able to sucessfully play with and be acdepted by#a 13 yr old boy whose parents assumed would ignore me is genuinely one of my proudest achivements#kids are weird but fun and i think i am a quality addition to a child rearing endeavor#okay bye im done#future me reading this can deduce my state when writing this 😐
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Love how I can ruin something so easily
#actually id say love how depression can do so but i dont have to behave irritably just bc my brain feels unmoored and unhappy for no good#reason. i dont have to make it everyone elses problem#i wasnt trying to! but i cant communicate hey i feel like x and thats making me feel y and i dont know what to do about it#i just.. why dont they ask 'Why?' when i get like that. i want them to notice that I'm acting uncharacteristically and say something so that#i can go oh yeah thats dumb and idk why sorry yeah#but theyre reacting like its not obvious when i pointed out that this happens and that i want them to ask me 'why'#yeah is it fair to expect that if them? no. but idk what else to do abt it bc i am incapable of makingany other decision#im ANGRY#I'm disappointed i didnt get to be here for the yard sale and help them#I'm frustrated i had to be at work even though i was superfluous there today#I'm disappointed and frustrated that they dont want to try a yard sale again another week#like maybe a warmer and nicer weekend and puttinf more signs up will result in more traffic to the yard sale!#theyre giving up on it and i wanted to do a yard sale and didnt get to bc i had to be at work instead and now i wont gwt to again bc they#dont want to plan another yard sale bc theyre exhausted by it#i missed out and i wanted to do a yard sale so bad and didnt get to be here for it!#I'm frustrated that qe wont do another yard sale#and I'm unhappy that they didnf trust that i could clean up and brinf stuff inside at least like theyre tired so why are they doinf the work#let me help! i want to feel like i helped! I'm useless i dont do anything! but i was fold i cant do it on my own and wouldnt know where they#wanred to put stuff#like yeah i cant move the tables on my own into the shed. fine. but the boxes of stuff??? she could have come and directed me instead!#so like. fine i wont help. and then i got up and came to fuckinf help anyway even tjo apparently i wouldnt have done it right on my own#and shes like that attitude wasn't helpful like neither was what you said!#i know I'm not smart or helpful and just an annoying tag-alonf overgrown child but i wanted to do something#if it was my oldest sister insisting she could do it they wouldnt have protested!#whatever I'm stupid and reactive and i could have said like that makes me feel like u think i cant help and that feels shitty#whatever#I'm just. i hate existing its too frustrating and complicated and i havw no choice in the matter and i want to just curl up in bed and do#nothing and go nowhere and not talk to anyone and not do my medication bc i wont have insurance if i dont go to work bc i wont have the job#which means i can never do that bc unfortunately the result of not taking my medication scares me more than i hate having to be a person#i hate being a person but being sick is infinitely worse so
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#maybe the reason im so tired staying at my grandma's is cos im the stable one when im with my family#when its just me i can be a bit of a disaster and trying to work out what im doing#tired and not having a great time on whatever day#with gran and her overly tentative questions and her inability to say#'hey maybe you should get the earlier train to see your aunt so you have time to meet with your cousins?' and i could go#oh yeah thats a good point#instead i get#'you know you were thinking of gwtting the late afternoon train? when will you have time to see cousin...?'#i fucking hate this round the houses can’t just say what you mean#'would you like me to drive you tomorrow?'#idk why that annoys me#maybe cos its said with such a tone i can't tell if she's scared ill say no or say yes#and its exhausting#i want the 'do you need me to drive you tomorrow?' with the confidence of 'i will drive you'#feels like im constantly pulling her into standing and im tired#i miss my mum
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i think people are taking the food polls a bit too seriously
#my posts#ive. seen so many posts complaining in what seems like actual anger about them#guys its. its tumblr polls#about food.#i know food can get controversial sometimes. i am aware#... im on the picky eater side so wether ive wanted to or not ive had been on food arguments#also as a sweet and savory fan thats also sorta controversial#but like. its not. worth it shsuigh#it feels like some people are saying 'if you dont google the foods in the polls you are an ignorant and a piece of shit' like.. calm down?#go outside touch some grass??? eat some blades of grass and stop worrying too much about the foods and the polls maybe?#go experience genuine joy at the world instead of fuming over food polls on a website?#maybe this is bc im in fact a picky eather and i think arguing over foods people like or not is tiring#its just tastes#i will talk shit about gnocchi online tho lmao but if anyone were to actually fight me over it like. imagine#but im not gonna look up every single food on a poll.#if i dont think i know them i straight up skip it. idk#i google foods if i see a picture of hear the ingredients or a description and i like how it sounds idk what to tell you
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KIM KITSURAGI - “Is that. My kineema.”
COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Something in him is about to break, *big time*.
EMPATHY - And it’s not going to be pretty, do something!
- DRAMA [Formidable] - Everything is fine!
- “Sure is.”
DRAMA [Formidable: Failure] - Surely he’s aware that he’s not the *only* person in the world who owns a Kineema?
YOU - “Is it really *yours*? I mean, plenty of people have their own Kineemas, right? Like working men, government offices, uh, firefighters I guess, maybe even animal control people? Exactly! A million different people who could’ve driven it into the uh…”
DRAMA - Pause, my liege! Ixnay on the Ineemakay!
YOU - “It could even be our *mysterious* joyrider!”
KIM KITSURAGI - Your frenzied babbling falls deaf to the lieutenant's ears. Instead, he approaches the broken vehicle, sunken in the ice. He moves with a caution and gentleness you haven’t seen him display before.
INLAND EMPIRE - It must be cold and lonely down there, in the icy water. Maybe he could sense its sorrow, calling to him…
PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Easy: Success] - His hands, which are always stiffly placed behind his back, are trembling.
ENDURANCE - This is the shuffle of a tired, tired man.
HALF LIGHT - He’s going to do something drastic because of you. Oh god, terrible! You’re a terrible liar! You can’t look at this, you just can’t!
VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - It's not *you* who drove his kineema into the sea. You have plenty of faults, but this one is decidedly not yours.
KIM KITSURAGI - He kneels down with his head bowed, casting his face in shadow. He plants a hand on the ice to stabilize himself, squinting to get a better view of the motor carriage. “Detective, it says ‘57’ on it.”
YOU - Sweat drips down your brow, and you feel a terrible headache coming. “Maybe our joyrider has an affinity for that number?”
LOGIC - He's not stupid, he knows that it's not that.
KIM KITSURAGI - “57.”
YOU - “What about 57?”, you brace yourself.
KIM KITSURAGI - “Precinct 57.”
YOU - You wince. “Kim, look-”
KIM KITSURAGI - “When I woke up in the Whirling-in-Rags with no memory of what happened during the days before, I've taken note that something of mine has gone missing.” He grits his teeth. "A very. Important. Something."
He runs his hands over his face, messing his already unkempt hair in the process. Regret creeps up on his features. “God. Fuck. They’re going to fire me over this, they’re not going to hear me out.”
EMPATHY - Desperation settles in the lieutenant's tone. Sadly, you find yourself in agreement, even if you don’t want it to be the truth.
YOU - “People are more valuable than machines, Kim.”
KIM KITSURAGI - “Not people like me.” He rasps.
YOU - “…”
KIM KITSURAGI - Before you can say anything more, you fail to notice the lieutenant carefully walking onto the edge of the ice. He looks over the frigid water, a dizzying blue that mirrors and distorts his exhausted face back to him.
YOU - “Kim?”
KIM KITSURAGI - Seconds pass as he looks to be contemplating something. Out of nowhere, he casually takes another step where the ice ends and the sea begins. It happens all too quick for the lieutenant to even voice a call for help— if he even wanted to — his body plunging into the cold water before your eyes.
YOU - “KIM!!!!”
uhhh bonus stuff? sorry i have swap au brainworms pfttt
(im not sure what skills kim has at the moment so rn he only has narration as his inner monologue ok whoops, i would like to keep harry as the guy who thinks in dialogue trees so im still figuring it out pfttt)
also, this was done bc i wanted to expand on these old scribbles of mine, just like an idea, i just think that he'd be having an even worse time wheezes
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#den's disco swap#disco elysium role swap#HI nobody look at the fact that. i am a novice writer at best DFGHJFGH#i had idea for some comic dialogue but it ended up being this instead whoops. i mean i could still draw this as a comic#anyways. i was like. trying to reverse engineer my idea of how kim can change into his bomber jacket instead of his uniform.#which. i dont think you can do with just simple convincing bc that thing is fused to him in spirit so there has to be like a good reason wh#oh it gets ruined! how? it gets like wet or smth! how'd that happened? he threw himself into the sea#also isnt it fitting that my memory problems is making me not remember the things that happen in disco elysium very well wheezes#so whoops if the characterization is a lil off lmaoooooo#but i have been trying to figure out how i want harry to be in this swap au#i dont think he's as well as he wants you to believe he is. and just the image of him pushing this 'youre allowed to be in denial about +#this' to kim about the kineema was so vivid in my head and idk if that tracks but hell. its in there now dfghdjfg#starry don't look#sunnysidedraws#sunnysidedisco
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