#i dunno what else to do right now
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💚 KO-FI REQUESTS! REBLOGS APPRECIATED! 💚
◽ taking requests via ko-fi! ◽
◽ all prices are written in USD ◽
◽ undertale characters, my OC’s, well-known UTMV OC’s, sonic characters, pokemon, zelda characters, and neopets are all valid requests ◽
+ Donations $3 - $10 will be lineart with minimal color.
+ Donations $10+ will be flat colors.
+ Donations given without a specific request will still receive a thank-you drawing!
◽ want to support me but can’t afford a ko-fi? consider reblogging this post! ◽
#undertale#undertale au#undertale oc#original character#kofi request#zircon arts#i dont want to be begging for cash but#i dunno what else to do right now#if you can help id really appreciate it
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Just keep getting back up (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#Gaster#Asgore#The thought of Gaster able to heal himself! Rather to only have himself to rely on in a world that lives to hurt him (and everyone else)#It's an interesting inversion that's for sure#Is it as satisfying if it's not the one who deserves the broken bones? The pain of rejection or of justice retribution punishment?#It's still the same face - and it's not like he's wholly innocent here either#And besides it's always fun to draw tears hee ♪#Get him just a bit disheveled aside from the broken bone - it's hard to imagine him in different clothes even after drawing him in the dress#Softer clothes would be so nice to hold Babybones with but even just dropping a shoulder off his coat or untying his bow tie - it's strange!#I do like the image of his flower crown shedding petals when he gets roughed up tho hehe - tossed around just a little too much!#Breaking his hand right down the middle - it'd be much easier with the holes in his hands as a weak point#All his bones could break easier than his hands before that but now-#It's weird to draw Asgore like that lol I dunno....Works well enough for utility but pffblt :P I always forget his pauldrons anyhow lol#Really rubbing it in that Gaster will be fiiiine he's sooooo special what with his ability to heal >:( Lol#It does make him a bit of a target - a regenerating punching bag? Ideal to see just how far you can push him#It was fun to draw with my green coloured pencil as well ahh <3 Healing magic always gives me a bit of the warm fuzzies#It was the original comic that made me fall in love with Handplates after all ♥ Pretty and feelings <3
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hoping that the teams get their shit together after the end of today because I think they’re forgetting that all the eggs are at stake, and if they figured out who’s cursed and got them to win each time, no eggs would die. they’ve worked together despite the odds before, I’m hoping they see past their anger and anxiety and competitive natures, and pull their head out of their ass to figure out beyond basic survival what is going on and why
#cellbit Mr investigator fuck the feds I’m counting on you please for the love of god#I don’t have much hope for bad right now he was told by dapper to run over who he can so that’s what he’s gonna do until he wakes tf up#and fit seems to know a bit more than the others?? idk. etoiles is being very level headed as far as I’ve seen at least#I’m hoping man I’m hoping because it’s not looking good#and above all else. I need red not to be cursed. because if they are and they don’t win? no one else will save Leo#maybe Roier would fight for it but if it’s between all the eggs on the cursed team. I dunno man I dunno I dunno#I’m nervy#live blogging#mcyt#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#z speaks
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can i please request a fun fact about anything ever
#i would like that that would be nice#this is an open request not necessary a specific target (i mean there is one person who will definitely see this (hello#sorry about all of this i think i’m slightly silly hoursing and also just exploding like i dunno#i am alright i’m just also uaaaaaaaaaaaa#i hope you’re alright too i yeah i hope you are ok (this is me being paranoid#not because of you it’s a hormones thing i think cause this is just the feeling)#(man this was supposed to be a non specific post fuck ok oh well)#what was i saying anyway uhhhhh jonah is not the whale right??? i don’t think so im a fake jonah and the whale fan i’m sorry#i swear if it’s not even actually jonah like i’m not just getting confused with job and weezer my name is jonas am i#(like i say. i have no idea what i am thinking right now really i do slightly sorry that’s an exaggeration)#ok ending this ramble sorry everyone else that is not my girlfriend i don’t think she knows what i’m on about either here probably#i certainly don’t so if you can decipher this that’s very impressive#anyway anyway. fun facts !!!!#ezra’s real life rambles
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Hallo— I know I disappeared for like a year but I’m alive, wooooooooooo
#Panny babble#I’m back baby~#sorry for disappearing I lit went#I can’t handle trying to draw or anything else right now#sooooooooo…….#but! I dunno if anyone will care but brain has gotten into a new hyper focus#which because I’ve been struggling it means I might need another challenge#I guess look for that pretty soon?#I have to decide fully what I’m doing~#I have to see if I have access to the episodes to do what I have in mind
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Almost no one who follows me is gonna know what this is about so ignore me but. Just. God I hope Marcel is okay. Still hurts.
#still hurts!! still miss them. been like two years.#miss Luke miss Sam miss Luna miss Wit miss Trick etc etc etc#sucks real bad still that after seven years of knowing each other and all the times I went out of my way to care for them#that it was such a swift thing no trying to solve it no working to go forward nothing#just ‘we’ve been communicating badly for the first time in the seven years we’ve known each other and are all in active crisis’#‘now you’ve stood by someone else’s right to a boundary I don’t think is reasonable and I’m gonna send you a letter that seems#specially designed to tear your heart out using all the things I’ve known about you and I’m never gonna talk to you again’#‘bye forever’#but also it’s been two years rafi get over it I guess#I wasn’t the only person they stopped talking to suddenly around then#I dunno if they ever figured out what had changed. I don’t think it’s that all their friends and loved ones secretly sucked.#I hope they’re all okay.#hope they’re doing better.#hope they’re safe.
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List of muses I wanna talk more about/ have more dynamics with(in no specific order):
Asclepius
Moctezuma II
Tezcatlipoca
Lucifer
Michael
Arthur Pendragon
Odysseus
Constantine XI
Edmond Dantes
Arjuna
Camazotz
#;ooc#ooc#aka if u ask me about them i love u#which is a lie bc i already apreciate u all#/i dunno if im properly grasping them yet; but im v passioante about them right n a o w#so if u ask me about them im going tobe like; yessir right away sir#i mean of course everyone else is available; its just that im thonking about these the most now#i would add d.aybit but im a bit unsure of how to add him in settings in general so its like;; -holding d.aybit- what do we do buddy-#m.oriarty is my blorbo too; I'm putting him on the list too; I just am unsure sometimes how to put him in situations
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.
#dunno if you'll remember last thursday i was struggling with ofmd feelings AND work shit#that interview i was in where they gave the guy an unfair problem to solve#well we did it again today and gave him a more fair problem. which was very cool of them to do#and I'm glad i spoke up!#but he still didnt do well enough to hire him 💀#if he were coming in at my level or lower i would be like yeah of course#but a level higher than me? no. needs better technical skills than that#i want someone i can learn from lol#i was telling my wife about this. and she was like 'wait. why don't YOU apply for the staff level role and someone else can take your role'#and I'm like........ am i good enough for that level? well. probably. actually yeah.#but do i WANT to be at that level right now? NOT FUCKING REALLY#do i like money? of course#but what i like more than money. is freedom#is a staff level engineer going to have enough fuck-around time to obsess over gay pirates?!!! I THINK NOT!#i have fanfiction to write! i mean hellooooo priorities here
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the worst kind of trauma is the kind you got paid for.
#ollie rambles#i dunno if i truly regret it#i was young. still am. n i did what i knew to do.#i was new to being wantable. to being desirable#its sort of silly to think about..#it hurt at the time! a lot. and.. i guess still now?#i just. want to tell someone. and i cant..#he wouldnt even listen to me- and anyone else could put me in danger#or wouldnt understand.#it hurts still! i feel pain right now. i know more about feeling pain in... there than most of my friends
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sealed my bedroom door extremely haphazardly but to the best of my current ability with several different foam weather stripping tapes & a draft snake & a towel & armed with my new bigger air purifier that is way overpowered for my room that will change out the air in here approx every six minutes i am about to sleep without a mask on for the first time since JANUARY SECOND
#i know i sound crazy but the only one who can protect me is me & they both just do whatever#so this current spike has been stressing me the fuck out. but now maybe i can sleep normal at least#it’s pretty breezy in here with this thing running full power LMAO but i like white noise#ive also been torn about all the various wastewater charts bc the one on the cdc website for mass is REAL bad#the one on biobot for my county also real bad#BUT the mass water resource authority page shows numbers significantly down in my area (fed also by biobot)#and the mass dot gov site also says it’s not too bad around here rn#so i don’t know what to believe. if mwra is right then i don’t need to be as careful anymore & can stop masking in my HOUSE#but since everything else is so different i don’t know if it’s correct#i dunno. anyway#chatpost
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i can def relate to having an abusive mother, the worst part is that people always assume mothers to be good people. thankfully my dad and mother don't live together so i chose to stay with my dad permanently but my dad's girlfriend is constantly talking about how i should make up with my mother because "you only get one mom" and she completely ignores me when i try to talk about how abusive my mother was
yeah. ugh. sorry about your situation anon. it sucks and im sending sympathies
#ask#i just dunno what to do with myself#as if complex trauma isnt enough im now dealing with a lot of complicated situations regarding what to do now#i dont live there anymore. but my siblings do. hi guys i have 4 younger siblings#and me as much as everybody else just wishes there was a nice family to help us develop stable and normal#so im doing my damn best. im trying to stay in contact with the kids. im hoping they have a better support system than i did#but family policy means the teens get no texting privacy no internet time. so as if i can fucking stay in touch and look out for them anywa#i dont think i can do anything. it feels inevitable that every kid is gonna get completely fractured like me#and the only other alternative risks making it worse and uncomfortable when its none of my business anymore#(taking up my therapist on calling cps. lol)#i cant talk about it with my siblings (no real access to them) and it makes me insane#i cant talk to my dad because he has enough shit and i dont want to drive the family to pieces#i cant talk to my mum because she has a habit of abusing the kids and then telling them its because *I* made her mad; blame me#what am i meant to do#as if the past isnt a lot to process right now. im also dealing with the present that this is probably ongoing and theres fuck all i can do#sorry for venting. im in hell. im trying to be normal and failing spectacularly#abuse#domestic abuse#for cw#i wish i didnt have to worry. i wish this was never a problem in the first place
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ahhh the Penacony leaks are really coming in now.
*chuckles* I'm in danger.
#i keep going back and forth about if i'm skipping Ratio. I was 100% going for him but now. looking at whats coming#I like Sunday and Robin and Boothill and Gallagher and Misha and Aventurine and DUKE INFERNO?!?#okay. i just saw that Aventurine might be sustain unit. i NEED one of those so bad.#my accounts gonna be completely fucked if i don't get a good support sometime soon. so like. that moves him WAY up my priorities list#and moves Ratio down :( still dunno exactly what he does waiting for official release to make final decisions#but. if he's really an imaginary dps. i might... *dies a little bit* skip him#i just!!! i have DH!!! i WANT to use DH! he's my favourite character in the damn game!#and >_> is Ratio going to have story relevance? i thought Argenti would get more then just a companion quest but he hasn't#and that kinda... bums me out? i like the meet a character THEN roll for them not the other way around. i like character who matter plotwis#A!NY!WAY! putting that aside. i might just go for the 50/50 and take what i get. just to smooth out my pity if nothing else#i don't have most of the standard pool so chances are *knocks on wood* i'll have something new to work with#and like we are getting an absolute BARRAGE of hard skip banners coming up after him.#i do not care for these women at all. extremely mid designs i SLEEP#(except for the judge she fucks but. jades are tight right now honey im sorry!!)#so. i've got a little but of time to save afterwards#post: misc#game: honkai sr#these tags are long and disjointed but its *checks clock* almost 2:30 am so. i'm a bit. you know.#i could save this draft for tomorrow and edit into something resembling a human's train of thought instead of word vomit but#i kinda wanna capture the moment. this is how i saw the leaks. the essence of desperation of a f2p. aahhh gacha my beloved.
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Therapy is just consensual manipulation
#tell me I'm wrong#the enture industry is seeped in colonization#but for the most part they push people in the right direction so it's seen as okay#but uh#yeah#I'm aware I'm probably biased cause I've had access to free/cheap therapists which means lotsa interns and a tew gender therapists#one was autism informed so she helped me a ton with understanding the world#one was not a trained therapist for general mental health but addiction#one was somehow a gender therapist but I had to guide her through the entire process to get my letter#and the one trauma specialized one did see was only a few sessions cause she was about to go for a conference on next level emdr#and was super exicted to try it out on me because of my trauma history and how highly th e treatment was praised#and my fear brain went NOOOOPE and I wuit therapy for a few years altogether#just now getting back into the intern grind and hating every moment#I dunno what else to do though :/
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my brain is so exploding i don’t know anything i drew a picture i. b hmm bhhhbvhjhbvbvbbbbbb my brother did me biology revision and i’m now like aeerrreseessdddssddd yknow
#you can ignore this epic post i’m just saying words#i drew a picture i think i already said ghag it’s my face it doesn’t really look like me#uh there’s someghinv else i dunno what#man i do not want to go to sleep yet but i won’t get anything done like this will i#ezra’s real life rambles#silly hours posting#<- it’s not even silly hours i’m just dying of plague + 5 hours 20 minutes sleep + kinda busy day#i was thinking earlier right i think i had a dream where i was talking to pictures or something right cause like#i was saying something about not liking chocolate n jam together and then it’s a picture of this one dessert thing i had on holiday which#was chocolage and jam and i felt really guilty and i was thinking about that#and ie as thinking about something else as well but i forgot it now#4 days is not enough days i don’t like that i’m afraid (exams)#yeah sorry this post sucks but now it feels like if i don’t post it i’m like hiding something or lying ??? which isn’t how it work??? but i#don’t have the energy to argue right now so i’ll just go with it and apologise. i’m sorry#scorpions and crabs and they have spoons that’s quite funny it’s not i find it funny i smile
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i guess roxy being a pyromaniac has its perks, she keeps the pizzaplex up to date on building fire safety (like making sure the sprinkler systems and smoke alarms work properly)
Yup! The fire systems in the Raceway in particular are state of the art! Truly, the height of fire fighting technology!
All thanks to one wolf animatronic that really loves arson!
#i mean think about it#a robot can't be charged with arson#punishments? sure she gets those but what are they gonna do?#scrap one of their best animatronics because of a little fire damage?#don't be ridiculous!#roxy cannot be stopped and they can't be bothered to fight her over everything so they just put in a better fire system!#you know rather than solve the CAUSE of the problem they just minimise the damage caused by it!#typical fazbear ent lmao#except this time what they're doing is actually making the place safer instead of more likely to kill someone#i wonder if anyone else would be able to catch on with this and start gaining sudden interests in other problems the plex has#hmm#i dunno how you'd fix much else though and it would require a lot of rule breaking so freddy isn't gonna do it#so I guess roxy just has arson rights!#Vanessa who's aware of how many fazbear buildings bunt down: Of course they let the pyromaniac get away with everything...#HFIDHFDSFS WAIT#JUST A BIG IN JOKE LIKE#'I heard the original Freddys was burnt to the ground.' 'oh yeah Roxy probably did that.'#LIKE EVERY FIRE EVER IS NOW ROXY'S DOING#'Roxy did you set the house three streets away on fire?'#'what are you a cop? that's between me and the house.'#she secretly burned down every freddys ever despite not being alive that long#time travelling arsonist roxanne wolf#lmao#pop rox answers#roxanne wolf#fnaf security breach
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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao
#text post#it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating#but it just got. horrible minute by minute#Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons#and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao#then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth#(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around#i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard#and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao#it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad#and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry#i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it#more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those#so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily#duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate#and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger#anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj
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