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kitorin · 4 months

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OUR SPRING

016. a sight just for us

"ARE WE THERE YET?"

YOUR LEGS ARE BEGINNING TO TIRE OUT, fatigue's arrival has sweat accumulating on your forehead as your breathing becomes unstable as you stare at the way Hyoma's carmine ponytail sways.

Without turning around, Hyoma calls out, still far ahead of you. "Maybe. Maybe not."

"Self care day my ass." Though you mutter it under your breath, he chuckles as a response, halting his movements for you.

When he'd texted you to meet up at a park nearby the city, you expected a casual stroll in the park, not a borderline hike. You would've brought a much smaller bag—and a larger water bottle.

"I promise you it's not too long. Hang in there, we'll take a break if you need it." A hand offers his help, and you accept thankfully. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah—." You huff out, slightly embarrassed at how unfazed Hyoma remained, a contradiction to how the summer air relentlessly harassed you with its heat. "Just hot."

But he knows better. "There's no shame in resting. We'll take a break."

A tired nod, and you're fishing through your shoulder bag for your water bottle, hurried enough to almost spill it everywhere. You're not bothered by it though, as you're admiring the scenery; how the trees stretch their coffee coloured arms above you, emerald leaves holding hands whilst permitting some sunlight to shine through.

It's worth it, you think, even if you're sweating uncomfortably.

"Come to think of it, I didn't know this path existed." You're not constantly seeking outdoor activities nor are you particularly into them, but the park was well known enough for a multitude of reasons; one being their nature walks.

But those were outlined with stone steps, while the one the two of you were walking down remained untouched, earth and all. There were supposed to be wooden handrails accompanying the path too, as well as the occasional map adorned with a sign.

You begin moving again, a silent way of telling Hyoma you're ready to continue. "Is this a secret one? I don't think they included it on the website either."

"You're not exactly wrong."

"Meaning?" The sun's gleam was becoming more prominent, as you approached what you'd assume to be the end of the path.

"This isn't one of their nature walks, I just happened to find it one day." Before you're able to question his words, he grasps your wrist, pulls you towards the light.

You'd tried to protest, but it was difficult as you (barely) matched Hyoma's pace.

"Oi—"

To no avail you're ignored, as the two of you rush, probably disrupting a few creatures of the local ecosystem, some dirt being kicked up as he pulls you along. "Just wait."

Not like I have a choice, dumbass.

In no time, the trees standing over you were gone and you're met with the sun blinding you, breeze immediately playing with your hair.

"We're here!"

He releases your wrist, as you ignore the stifling heat discomposing your skin to admire the view.

Your true surroundings were revealed, a small field of grass adorned with a couple of trees, peering down at the park. Cautious, you inch closer to the edge, now noticing people—walking, cycling, jogging, appearing like small beetles hassling amidst the earth. Though the height of the cliff evokes nausea, it was beautiful, how small everything looked; how you could see so much.

"Are you really that unfit?" His teasing tone makes you realise how out of breath you were, as Hyoma holds out a bottle of Pocari Sweat, one from his backpack.

You pant a bit. "I just hate the heat—summer's not my thing." You accept the bottle, taking a particularly large sip from it after squatting down. "I'm surprised they didn't make this place and the route one of their nature walks. It's so pretty. How'd you find it?" It's a hidden gem, you look around and the area's spotless, not a single sight of rubbish, nor any damage inflicted.

"I didn't, Nee-chan did." He joins you, settling down in the grass. "She showed me when I was a kid, and after becoming an idol I've come to love this place more." Hyoma leans backwards, plopping into the soft grass.

You mimic the action, though a lot more hesitant and careful. "So you have an older sister." Your gaze fixates onto the sky, wispy clouds slowly drifting along. "Is she your only sibling?" You turn to see his response; a nod with a grin.

"I love her so much. She's always been there to help me, and taught me things like how to cook or tie my hair. She's so cool, too. I don't know what I'd do without her."

Joy was evident, from the way he spoke, to the beam he donned.

It's not like he was constantly stoic, but right now he was smiling as though without restrictions—a countenance completely different from the subtle and polite one he wore in photoshoots and interviews.

"What about you?"

"Huh—?"

His question snaps you out of it, a silent reminder that you've been staring. "What about you? Do you have siblings?"

"Oh. Nope." You pray that he didn't notice your staring, and if he did you hope he didn't misinterpret it nor feel uncomfortable. "That's why I'm so close to Yoichi and Meguru, since we grew up in the same neighbourhood. My parents were busy so I played with them all the time instead." You sit up, admiring the view once more.

"I see." He imitates your action, leaning back into his arms, palms pressed into the earth behind him.

"It feels sort of wrong to be here." The comment comes out wrong, bordering on the line of discourtesy.

But Hyoma didn't seem to take any offense. "What do you mean?"

"It's you and your sister's place. It doesn't feel right coming here for content."

"Content?"

"You know, taking photos for your social media."

"Oh." You regret speaking immediately when you notice his frown, and your worry still persists even after he smiles again. "Recently we've only talked about our 'deal', I wanted to spend time as friends rather than just business partners. Right now, I'm showing this to my friend y/n, not my partner l/n."

"I thought it'd be nice, it's been a great escape. There's pretty much no one here, I don't have to worry about being watched. I wanted it to be equally comforting for you too, after all, rumours are expected as an idol, you're just trying to live normally."

Lips slightly parted, and heart warm, you study his expression, painted with genuine solicitude, rose coloured irises soft. The definition of your relationship was perplexing; you know you're only there because of a mutually beneficial deal, yet at times it feels like authentic friendship wove the two of you together.

"Thank you, I love it." Say more, idiot. Desperate, you piece the words together hurriedly in your head, not wanting to leave things unaddressed but worried about uttering the wrong words. "But things like rumours shouldn't be expected for anyone. I'm studying and you're simply making and performing music. Just because it's common and expected doesn't mean it should happen, nor you deserve it."

For moment the two of you sit in silence, listening to the wind sing alongside the rustling of leaves.

Hyoma eradicates the silence first. "You're right, I never really thought about it that way since a lot of people tell me success like that comes with a price."

"Then fuck them. I mean there's nothing you can do about speculation, I won't blame people for their curiosity but not harassing someone is basic human decency." You've never actively updated on a celebrities' image to the public, and you have good reason to. Anonymity served as encouragement for some people to behave in such an intrusive manner. "You're just as human as anyone else, just a lot more skilled. And attractive."

"Aaaand that's where I stop you. You were sounding ever so wise til that part. Shut up." He turns, hand reaching to your face for what you'd assume to be a flick to the forehead. You push his hand away (being friends with Yoichi had made you immune to that attack).

"Am I wrong though—?"

Hyoma speaks with a straight face. "Yeah. How about we start off with how good you are at school?"

You roll your eyes. "Anyone can study."

"Not as well as you though."

"It's not like I'm number one in the entire grade." You almost wince at the memories of that one classmate that manages to surpass your score by just a tiny bit.

"Not to mention you have a life—"

"—of watching kdramas and reading books." You chuckle, it certainly wasn't as thrilling as how Meguru or Yoichi lived their lives, but it was your way; one that made you happy.

Hyoma's finger goes to your lip, hovering just above as to not touch you without permission. "At least it's not drugs, reading's good for you anyways, now shush for a moment." He lists off the other hobbies you indulge in on each finger, outlining what makes them hard. "Your personality is great, you're emotionally intelligent, you're really pretty too—"

The final clause earns a burst of laughter from you.

"What? Are you doubting me?"

"It feels weird coming from you. You're surrounded by attractive idols all day, and spend so much time with other ones in other groups. Calling me 'really pretty' after meeting all those stars is crazy. Not like anyone else would agree with you either."

Hyoma becomes silent at the comment. "This place is hideous."

A sudden readjustment in topic has your eyebrows furrowing with confusion. "Pardon?"

"Kawachi Fujien is stunning, a shame really since that just makes this place ugly."

"You can't say that, one being pretty doesn't make the other ugly—"

The moment those words left your mouth, victory pervades his features, a toothy grin, which was quite frankly quite adorable.

"I made you say it! The same applies to you, yeah the people on tv are pretty, but it doesn't mean you aren't. And—" His hand holds yours. "—if no one else has said the same things as me, then that doesn't mean I'm wrong. It simply means you're an undiscovered flower, one that the world has yet to discover and appreciate the beauty of."

Though the unexpected grandeur accompanying his words leaves you speechless, it's not unwelcome—you can't deny the ebullience creeping onto your lips.

"That's why, you shouldn't let anyone nor any self deprecating thoughts get to you, okay?"

His words erased any memory of any negativity you held against yourself. Sure, you can recall how you doubted why'd he choose you for this role, but the insecurities regarding your appearance and the misery they carried were gone.

"Got it. I promise you."

"One more thing."

"Hit me."

"At the end of March, come here with me. Let's watch the cherry blossoms together, away from everyone else. A spring just for us."

That would be nice, gazing upon the sea of pink, out of anyone else's reach.

That's if, if he even has reason to speak to you after this deal of yours, or if it lasts for that long.

You hold up your pinkie. "I promise you that too."

Hyoma's pinkie intertwines with yours. "It's a deal then."

In spite of whether this deal will last until then, and the heat permeating your cheeks, there's nothing but merriment blooming within your heart.

LEGS SORE AND EXHAUSTED, you plop into your chair, absentmindedly drying your hair while texting. Your feet spin yourself around, as you send a final message to Ness before tossing your phone onto your bed.

You're concerned regarding the project, you ditched the gathering and are quite certain Ness wants you dead and has convinced the rest of the group the same. You've the faintest clue on the overall quality of the assignment, but at least you know you did everything you needed.

You're really pretty too—

It's been hours since you guys bid farewell, Hyoma had a family dinner he had to attend to, while you caught the bus home. You ponder a bit, who exactly was he having dinner with? Just his household? His sister would've definitely been there too, right? What about the food? Are there any foods he doesn't like eating? Or does he eat whatever?

You're an undiscovered flower, one that the world has yet to discover and appreciate the beauty of.

Chigiri Hyoma truly is talented, from his graceful execution of his words to the way your memories with him linger within your mind. It was as if he was a character that was birthed from the pages of a romance novel, particularly with how seriously he spoke those grand words. No wonder he's grown in popularity so much since the beginning of his career. To persist in one's mind must be a gift not many possess.

You shrug it off, flipping through your textbook and opening your exercise one, focusing on your priorities for the time being.

FIFTEEN | MASTERLIST | seventeen

PAIRING. chigiri hyoma x reader

SYNOPSIS. school gets overwhelming with constant rumours and accusations, thankfully someone is willing to help. but what happens when this mutually beneficial agreement escalates into something more?

GENRE. social media au, fake dating, idol / actor au

TAGLIST. @saesins, @punkhazardlaw, @silly-ez, @y-sabell-a, @mellozhi, @luvlunazx, @oldest-dream-pdf, @misfits1a, @hoshithinker, @livelaughloveisagiyoichi, @mave-in, @rinsie, @luvcryo, @fabitheraven, @h3xi2g0n3, @yuzurins, @ch3nyan, @jammiycge, @jocynotcute

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dairy-farmer · 2 months

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i'm sorry if this causes any misunderstanding, however are you a supporter of p0rnhub? it's known that it tracks children and such if i am not wrong. and that there are teens being abused by that platform.

answered out of order:

don't worry i think i understand the question!!

your statement is loaded and complex because of the depth of the issue and theres no way i can really touch on everything with the nuance it requires- shortly, i personally don't really watch 'porn media with actual people' and stuff because it's just generally uninteresting to me. there's not a single video or actor out there who can outdo or cater to my personal interests better than my imagination so it's just pretty much a waste of my time to even bother with it. so in general i'd say no, i'm not a supporter of something i don't even consume

as for the rest of your statement that's a pretty big claim and i absolutely believe it, i don't doubt there is a fair but if truth to it but the problem is not solely the porn sites.

recent legislation in the usa has been insisting that banning "pornography" is the only way to "save the children" which is a gross oversimplification of the issue and is mostly about being able to censor media and mine personal data under the guise of "protecting children and teens" because the usa does not give a shit about children and does not care about trafficking or teens getting abused on porn sites. but that sentence is also loaded and filled with a pretty big oversimplification of cause and effect 'porn hub traffics kids, so we should shut down porn hub' because that statement isn't fully true and shutting it or other porn sites down doesn't actually FIX or address the issue of children being abused.

so just to put things in perspective of generally how these things go: in 2011 reddit (a site not solely dedicated to pornography) got into hot water when CNN did a story on one of their most controversial subs called r/jailbait which was a subreddit filled entirely with pictures of exposed and naked underage girls/girls who LOOKED underage (but many were definitly underaged) reddit didn't see that and decide to shut it down themselves, no. they only did it AFTER pressure from the public and negative media attention.

why?

because websites/organizations/basically any institution you can think of from charities to universities and governments can be corrupt and prioritize money over doing the right thing and p0rnhub is not different.

they particularly have a history of corruption, it like all other porn sites, allowed revenge porn, and people's filmed sexual assaults to be posted and allowed to remain up, refusing to take both down because it was making them money despite victims pleading them to. its not until courts and legislation FORCED them into action that many changes were made to websites.

so yeah "support" for p0rnhub is not something i'd expect from anyone because of it's past actions and general lack of initiative to creating a platform where people who do consume porn are able to view it ethically. but that doesn't mean it doesn't have a place in the sex industry because for many sex workers it's how they make their money, how they make a living, which they DO have a right to do because it is legitimate work and they earn their pay as much as anyone. but the problem the online sex industry has are many.

(the sex industry in general is like a colander and things that shouldn't happen or be allowed to occur DO.)

filmed porn existed before the internet. actors and crews filmed elaborate adult films to be made into vhs tapes and dvds and i'm not saying exploitation didn't occur there as well. but the introduction of the internet meant there were no longer the safeguards in place for that work like age verification, consent forms, documentation, etc. but doing that with the internet is harder because if you enforce digital ID verification that kind of thing can FOLLOW sex workers and cause them problems like if they ever want to travel (there are plenty of accounts of sex workers being detained by very conservative countries and border agents when traveling). that plus the data issues of that personal data being collected and stored and what will happen to people if that data gets leaked or breached?

with the internet anyone anywhere can upload videos and that opens a lot of doors for things to happen and people to be hurt.

websites have a responsibility to ensure trafficking and abuse material is reported to authorities and removed from platforms so the victims can't be further victimized by people seeing them like that.

p0rnhub and porn sites have their problems but never forget that it is ultimately the fault of the people making those abuse videos and materials (them and all the contributing social factors that allow for people to be trafficked and exploited in the first place) . the people conducting the abuse are the source of the issue along with the people who form the demand for that material. pornhub or pornography sites are a method of distributing it whether voluntary on their part or not (and if pornhub makes money from those videos the process to be sued by victims should be significantly easier)

p0rnhub is the world's largest pornography website so they have much more of an obligation to addressing the issues faced within adult material and the internet than others and until they're willing to take that responsibility and do the right thing because its the right thing and not because it will make them money then i don't see much reason for why anyone can or should "support" them. (and since i've never seen a company fail to place profits over people i don't see that happening. just like reddit in 2011 they will drag their feet on everything until their arm is bent backwards and they're FORCED to make those changes)

even if they do improve they're not truly entitled to business or profit because of their failures in the past. if you are a frequent watcher there are other sites who have more of a dedication to being fully transparent and ethical like websites seen here.

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

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seraphtrevs · 1 year

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Could you expand on the similarities/parallels between Lalo and Gus? (or link me to a post if you’ve already talked about it) I think it’s fascinating & I’d love to read more

OKAY I'm finally here - every time I've sat down to write it I've been sidetracked

First, let's talk about how they're different. They are polar opposites - orderly/chaotic, serious/playful, cold/hot, cartel outsider/cartel insider, born to poverty/born to wealth. I've kind of convinced myself that Lalo was designed specifically to be Gus's foil.

But like all good foils, they also have a lot in common. Such as:

They're all business. Neither of these men have anything remotely resembling a personal life. I've seen articles on several random pop culture websites that incorrectly say that Gus had Lalo's family killed at his home, but those people were not his family! He' paid them to be there! Because real, honest attachments would be a distraction - and a liability, as Gus learned from personal experience. (And who knows - maybe Lalo learned that lesson, too.) The only thing they have going on in their lives is the Game. When all you do is play a game, you tend to get pretty good at it. Which leads me to #2

They're on the same level. The cartel is not a brain trust. Gus and Lalo are usually the smartest people involved in whatever their latest scheme is, so when they encounter each other, there's a weird moment of recognition - oh hey, this guy is a serious opponent

And since they're both experts in the game they're playing, their trains of thought generally end up at the same destination. I'm sure the way they arrive at their conclusions is very different, which is something I think deeply annoys both of them - like, it's a very specific kind of annoying to have someone you despise come up with the same answer but in the wrong way. It's why they're able to anticipate and interpret each other's actions based only off vibes

They're ruthless. They both have zero qualms about doing whatever it takes to achieve their ends, with seeming little regret. We see Mike, Jesse, and Walt struggle with all the violence and the death, but Gus and Lalo never show regret. They know that sometimes you have to sacrifice pawns to win games, and so that's what they do

They're loners. Neither of them have a single real friend. If you buy my headcanon that Lalo is also gay, it kind of makes sense why he's also kept people at a distance. Neither of them can risk the kind of exposure being truly intimate with someone entails...and honestly, they're both just kind of weird and don't fit in, the way exceptional people don't sometimes.

They don't care much about material things. Neither of them seem particularly interested in a lavish lifestyle, outside of having a nice house and getting the occasional outrageously expensive bottle of alcohol. They don't wear expensive clothes. They don't drive especially flashy cars (compare Lalo's car with Nacho's). They don't throw parties to show off their wealth. Jimmy uses his money to the fullest extent - because what's the point of having it otherwise? But Lalo and Gus don't seem to care about that. Money is just one of your scores when you're playing to win

They're loyal - Gus was fiercely loyal to Max, and Lalo is fiercely loyal to Hector. I think this is related to their loner tendencies - it's rare to find anyone who truly understands them. It's like they take every last scrap of their humanity and invest it in one single person. This is how Lalo figures out that Gus is up to something - he knows that there's no way in hell Gus would ever save Hector's life unless he had an ulterior motive, so he started to look around for other things that didn't make any sense

#i'm sure I'll think of something else the moment I hit post #gustavo fring #lalo salamanca #better call saul #asks

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hanitrash · 1 year

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Cap Bottom Bingo Masterpost!

Here are all the fics I posted for the @cabottombingo!

I can't believe how many I actually got done! I'd hoped to make a few more full lines, but I was sick in December and January and didn't get as much writing done as I'd hoped.

A3 - "til the end of the line" Soldat i Volkodav (The Fist and The Fang) (steve/bucky, 5k)

Summary:

While on a mission in Canada, the Asset suddenly finds himself free. He follows his partner, the giant wolfhound, because he doesn’t know what else to do. The two end up in the United States, and as his memories begin to return, his need for vengeance grows. Together, they take out hidden HYDRA bases and safehouses across North America. What they find in one base, however, will change everything Bucky ever thought he knew about his time in captivity.

A4 - "Starvation" Some Like It Hot (steve whump, 3k)

Summary:

Steve has been captured by HYDRA. The STRIKE team is having a fun time trying to break him.

Notes:

this is just trash, plain and simple. HTP, hurt no comfort, Steve whump.

A5 - "teleportation" Drastic Measures (steve/thor, 4k)

Summary:

Steve is a barren Omega in a world where his only purpose in life is to create more. In a last-ditch effort to heal himself where science has failed him, he summons the God of Fertility. What he gets, though, is much more than he ever could have hoped for.

B2 - "AU: Bakery" Dashing Through the Snow (steve/bucky, 7k)

Summary:

Steve hates Bucky. Bucky hates him, too, so that’s fine. But when they’re forced to work together and co-teach a class, that anger begins to fade as they slowly learn more about each other. A work trip gone wrong, though, forces them to become much closer than either one ever expected…(aka, the coffee shop college au enemies to lovers snowed in one bed a/b/o that Marv asked for…)

B3 - adopted prompt "truth serum" Careful What You Say (steve/bucky, moodboard + 700 words)

Summary:

Steve is captured and given a truth serum…but his captors get more than they bargained for with the results.

B4 - "Beta Steve" Leg Day (steve/bucky, moodboard + 300 words)

Summary:

Bucky posts some pictures online, creating quite a fuss

B5 - "Much needed hug" Mine (steve/bucky, 5.9k, co-write with @neonbat666)

Summary:

Steve is captured by Hydra while on a mission. Naturally, that doesn't sit very well with Bucky, and he makes every person involved pay dearly for hurting his Steve. Once Steve is safe at home and on the road to recovery, Bucky takes measures to ensure anyone else will think twice about touching what belongs to Bucky.

notes: htp, branding

C3 - free space Smooth Talker (steve/bucky, 7.7k)

Summary:

When Steve decided to try waxing instead of shaving to avoid catching his body hair in the Cap suit, things don't go quite the way he expected. Between misunderstanding the listing on the website and thirsting over the man doing the procedure, he's not sure he'll survive the appointment.

C5 - picture prompt, person restrained My Heart Has Teeth (steve/bucky, 4.7k, with art by @mxaether)

Summary:

During a mission gone wrong, Bucky gets captured. Whoever has him proves particularly hard to track down, and while Steve does his best to ignore how much he’s spiraling, Bucky tries to keep a thread of hope—and his sanity—alive.

Notes: Vampire Bucky

D2 - "Back Alley Fight" I Love Watching You (With Other Men) (chapter one) (steve/bucky, 6.6k total)

Summary:

During the heat wave of 1936, Bucky discovers a secret that Steve has been keeping from him.

He also discovers a few things about himself in the process.

In the future, they find new ways to recreate the past.

D3 - "Saliva" You Make This All Go Away (chapter two)

Summary:

Six months after the helicarrier fight, strange security breaches at the Smithsonian have Steve, Natasha, and Sam running stakeouts, hoping to catch the person responsible—the person they believe to be one very elusive Bucky Barnes.

In what is probably his most bizarre undercover op ever, Steve finally makes contact with the man he thought he’d lost forever.

What he’s not prepared for is what happens after, when Bucky appears in Steve’s apartment in the middle of the night.

D4 - "Creature: Has Tentacles" Into this night I wander (It's morning that I dread) (steve/bucky, steve/johann schmidt, 784 words)

Summary:

Steve gets captured by HYDRA and learns more about Johann Schmidt than he ever wanted to know

notes: htp, oviposition, hurt no comfort

D5 - "skinnydipping" Resurfacing (steve/bucky, moodboard + 1.8k)

Summary:

While Steve is visiting Bucky in Wakanda, Bucky takes Steve to his favorite swimming spot for a heart to heart conversation.

E1 - adopted prompt: "Tied to a Table" I Love Watching You (With Other Men) (chapter three) (steve/bucky, 6.6k total)

Summary:

During the heat wave of 1936, Bucky discovers a secret that Steve has been keeping from him.

He also discovers a few things about himself in the process.

In the future, they find new ways to recreate the past.

E5 - "Sexting" Nineteen Hours (and thirteen hundred miles) (steve/bucky, explicit moodboard + 614 words)

Summary:

Bucky and Nat are on their way home from a mission that has taken far too long for Steve's liking. He sends Bucky some incentive to move a little faster ;)

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delta-queerdrant · 3 months

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Neelix, I need another pot of coffee (Prototype, s2 e13 & Dreadnought, s2 e17)

I don't have much substantial to say about "Prototype" or "Dreadnought," two enjoyable robot-of-the-week episodes that center on Torres delivering compelling technobabble to a machine for 45 minutes. They are both extremely watchable, and "Protoype" especially worked for me with its first contact moral quandary premise, which felt straight out of pulp science fiction in the best way. And who doesn't love an android who looks like they shop at LL Bean?

So instead this is going to be a meditation on science fiction depictions of women in STEM, and why they seem to be so deeply lodged in my psyche.

The first adult novel I ever bought was Contact by Carl Sagan. This was at my middle school's Scholastic book fair. When I think about my twelve-year-old self I immediately remember that mass-market paperback, which in some hard-to-pin-down way summed up all my aspirations for my future adult life.

I'd encountered Contact as a hardcover book at a relative's house a year or two earlier. For those not in the know, it follows an astronomer who detects a first contact transmission. The book spends a lot of time imagining the political and social impacts of discovering extraterrestrial life, as well as the challenges Ellie Arroway faces as a woman in her field.

In the space of a weekend, I raced through the book but didn't have time to finish it. Soon after, the film came out, and I saw it in theaters. It was a movie that felt like it had been made specifically for me (aliens! science mysteries! an extremely hot Jodie Foster!)

My relationship with science and STEM is contradictory. As a kid growing up watching Star Trek and reading Madeleine L'Engle (shout-out to my other formative science girl, Meg Murry), I was so hungry to learn more about astronomy, programming, math, and electronics, but I never seemed to get my hands on those opportunities. This was before "STEM" was popularized as an acronym, and casual opportunities to be a kid science nerd were slim. At the same time, it was the "post-feminist" 90s, and I was never particularly conscious of being excluded from the sciences due to my gender.

As I grew older, my main STEM interests were web design (as evidenced by many lovingly hand-coded early-2000s websites) and microbiology (I am still filled with rapture whenever I contemplate protein synthesis). I also harbored a deep and all-encompassing love for the Museum of Science in Boston. But my career aspects were mostly in the humanities or social sciences, and I never got around to taking a formal programming class. As I became an adult, I stopped running Linux on my laptop or freaking people out at work with my DVORAK keyboard setup. I drifted away from a conception of myself as that kind of nerd.

It's natural for interests to shift as we age, but something about this particular transition felt devastatingly final to me. STEM is a closed world that doesn't welcome casual interest. There is almost no space for adult women to dabble in a STEM hobby. Science museums are for children, and popular nonfiction about physics and math are, implicitly, for men. (Earlier this month I watched some Youtube videos about astronomy, and immediately started seeing gun advertisements.)

I sometimes think that what I enjoyed as a kid was the aesthetic of science - in other words, the reason we consume science fiction in the first place. Why do we love a science girl? For me this attraction feels very extremely gay, though others' mileage may vary. "Scientist" is, yes, traditionally a male-coded role, but to young me, it felt like a means to escape gender roles entirely. Science girls and science queers are smart and curious and independent; they are hungry for adventure and have no time for your societal expectations.

When Voyager came out, there were virtually no shows that featured multiple women working in the sciences (outside of medical shows). But for me, a kid reading and watching science fiction, it was normal. Roxann Dawson complained that most of her episodes in early Voyager are her alone in a room talking to a robot/missile/herself, but she's very good at it! The troubleshooting scenes feel lived-in and naturalistic, especially in the way they portray her satisfaction from solving a technical problem. She's so tickled with herself when she achieves a breakthrough! I felt similarly when I mastered the art of inline CSS in the year 1999.

Science fiction that accurately portrays the experience of working with technology is rare, and to be clear, Star Trek doesn't always bother. But Voyager seems genuinely interested in dramatizing problem-solving and collaboration skills - scientist as something you do, not something you are.

I still use my computer skills at my day job, and while I don't work in the sciences, I like to think that the way I move through the world owes something to all the hours I spent as a kid imagining myself into starships and astronomical observatories.

And with that, I'm off to watch some more videos about the twin paradox.

4/5 power modules.

#star trek #star trek voyager #b'elanna torres #androids #science fiction is queer culture

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skellagirl · 2 years

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i love how so many people in the comments are associating getting rid of child porn with getting rid of gay content, really pushing the vintage homophobia. ao3 has a child pornography problem, and it is not evil to want to address that. the fact that REAL CHILDREN have porn written about them is vile and it should not be something that is allowed on ANY website.

who even are you lol

anyway. Like, shit-tons of people have articulated this better than I'm about to, but yeah I'll give it a shot

When people, particularly queer people (like me) talk about censorship of fandom spaces inevitably leading to the purging of queer content, we're not pulling that concern out of our asses. It has happened Over and Over and Over and Over and Over again. It happened with fanfiction.net, with livejournal, with old-ass email lists and dinky web.1 sites and email lists made by tiny groups of people, it happened with tumblr, it even happened with youtube (the demonetization and soft-blocking of queer content, and when creators tried to appeal, they were told that their content was unsuitable for children (HMMMMMM))

There is a huge amount of historical precedent off of which to base the fear of censorship leading to the purging of queer content.

We're gonna put aside the dead horses of 'just because you write about something doesn't mean you endorse it in real life' and 'fiction =/= reality' (because I think those both often lack nuance when brought up in this conversation, and overlook some very real exceptions). Alright? We're not gonna beat those horses at all. Put them out of your mind.

I agree with you that real children having porn written about them is completely vile (honestly I hate rpf in general, but in the case of children it's especially reprehensible). I wouldn’t be sad at all to see underage fics be purged from AO3, honestly, if I thought there was a way to do that without it inevitably leading to queer content and queer creators being obliterated from the site. Which I don't, currently, because it's literally never been done.

The thing about associating queer content with csam (and pushing the 'vintage homophobia') is that QUEER PEOPLE AREN'T DOING IT. I keep seeing this come up like it's some blazing hot big-brain take, but it's just, incredibly fucking insulting. Knock it the fuck off with this asinine assertion that queer people are victimizing ourselves and bringing this association on of our own volition.

Take a look at any conservative twitter account (particularly conservative politicians) and count how many times they call queer folks (particularly trans folks, and especially trans women) 'groomers'. It's literally like, their big hot button issue right now, calling queer people pedophiles and groomers, and attempting to get legislation introduced which categorizes us as such

WE ARE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS. THEY ARE.

Okay so let's go on a little hypothetical journey, yeah?

You censor underage fics. Okay cool! What does that mean? Where's the line? What constitutes a child? Under eighteen? Under sixteen? The brain doesn't really stop developing until around twenty-five, so should that be considered the line? Is it still objectionable if both characters are underage? If both characters are, say, fifteen, and this fic was written by some horny fifteen-year-old who, whilst trying to figure out their own sexuality, just wanted to write about their blorbos fooling around, should that be purged?

When I was a teenager, I wrote about teenage girls being ravished by older men, because I myself was attracted to older men. Should I have been punished for that? Should my content have been deleted? It never felt like some mortal sin I should have to atone for; it was fantasy fulfillment through the safe space of fucking fanfiction.

If other teens do that, and post their fics online (because teenagers do indeed have a right to post their mature fics online if they want to), should they be required to divulge private information about themselves to justify their content existing? Should readers be required to divulge private information to verify their own teenagerhood before reading the fics, to prevent intergenerational cross-contamination? What if they lie? How would that be enforced? Is that even ethical, to force people to divulge actual, real life private information like that for the sake of keeping a fandom space 'morally pure'?

Moving on from that, let's say we somehow figure out how to purge only the truly morally bad and gross fics (which, to be sure, some of them are obvious and easy). Well, okay, but maybe while we're at it, we should go ahead and purge [insert additional objectionable content of your choosing here], because it also has no place in polite society.

And again, how do we draw that line? We could have that above back-and-forth conversation for every single morally objectionable category on AO3, and you will never find a solution that doesn't catch innocent people in the crossfire, nor will you ever find a solution that doesn't lead to further descent down the slippery slope of censorship

When conservatives (and yes, censorship is almost always inherently conservative) get a foot in the door of power, they do not stop. They might start with purging the obviously nasty and gross fics, but they will take it farther (and we know they will because again, this has already happened Over and Over and Over and Over). Queer content will inevitably, invariably, always be on the chopping block when censorship comes into play, because to conservatives, queer people are pedophiles just, inherently -- and thus our content is automatically categorized as csam or grooming material.

Sometimes the slippery slope is real. And there's heaps of historical and cultural precedent for this one in particular.

So like. I'm really solely concerned with queer content being purged, because I've literally watched it happen before, and I care more about queer rights, and queer content, and queer people in general, than I care about the murky morality of writing questionable fanfiction (which are, y'know, as a sidenote, nearly always appropriately tagged and warned for so as to be easily avoidable; the dead dove tag trend is a gift, actually)

AND..... this is all putting aside the fact that AO3 was never meant to be a moderated space in the first place. It's literally just an ARCHIVE, it's right there in the name. It has no morals of its own, nor any responsibility to bear such. It's like throwing your fic into a remarkably well-organized warehouse (perhaps, with bookshelves, and some sort of.... system to find what you want; I feel like we might have a name for these spaces in real life? but idk) and then peacing out.

anyway AO3 good, go suck a conservative's clown shoes since you wanna join their circus so bad

#archive of our own #will the notes on this devolve into complete bullshittery? we shall see #I like to think that I'm not a popular enough blog for that but yknow. anything goes when it comes to this topic #sorry if you saw this before I fixed tumblr's big formatting fuckups lol

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quindriepress · 1 year

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This week's spotlight is on NORRIE and his comic Flesh & Flora. NORRIE is a comics creator, illustrator and character designer from Scotland. He lives in Dundee, drinks coffee and watches the birds from his window. He has no complaints.(@prehistoricfrog | website | instagram | twitter)

"Flesh & Flora follows two synthetic characters, Gen and Hare, who are doing their best to hold onto their humanity in a strange new world, prompting them to question each other's mortality. The arrival of an unknown species puts their differing perspectives to the test and may jeopardise both characters' very existence."

Read the spotlight below the cut!

NORRIE's goal with Flesh & Flora was to create a book that if he saw, he'd want to pick up straight away. "I love the feeling of picking up a book and that being all I talk about for about six months. That's the essence of comics! I've always been interested in themes of identity and the human consciousness, especially when they are placed onto seemingly non-human characters, and I wanted to use those themes to think about very human concepts like ego and in particular the fabrication of responsibility. to make us feel important and in control of our world.

"I'm also fascinated when people describe the world as a character, like what does that mean? So I wanted to really run with that to an extreme: the world in Flesh & Flora is a character in the way that as nature, it is living and breathing but it's also an amalgamation of undulating flesh and a tangle of pulsating wire, flourishing amongst the flora. I primarily wanted it to be an uncanny image but also work as a sign that this world is evolving and that evolution is a process that takes such a long time, what would it feel like to be amongst those who haven't realised it's happened? This is the position I wanted to show Gen and Hare in really wanting to be able to explore this idea and their reaction to being left behind."

NORRIE's love of sci-fi, particularly robots and mechs, is clear throughout his work. "Look, I'm a simple little guy. I've got no shame in admitting that. I like cool robots, hot babes and bananas sci-fi. I've spent a lot of time reminding myself it's fine to indulge in these things artistically but basically, I grew up watching Anime vhs's like Bubblegum Crisis, Patlabor, Dominion Tank Police and Ghost in the Shell, and obviously there's a strong Cyberpunk vein running through these films and shows that's very exciting on a visual level to a kid. Once you grow and you revisit these stories there's much more going on, usually these questions of what makes us human, etc. than just the surface level Cyberpunk motifs that are plastered on everything these days.

"I love Headlopper by Andrew Maclean and Apocalyptigirl has had a big influence on me. Homunculus by Joe Sparrow is an incredible comic. I'm constantly thinking about SOMA by Frictional Games and more recently SIGNALIS by rose-engine really struck a chord and has already got me thinking about future stories."

For aspiring comic creators, NORRIE has this advice: "Focus on what you love. Comics are hard so you should make sure that you are passionate about what you work on, don't try to please other people – there's no pleasing them anyway. If you want to be a creator, you should create for yourself. You'll always have an audience that way. I think people that appreciate good comics can see work that's honest, you don't have to be the best at drawing or be the next flash in the pan creator, just be yourself and don't be intimidated by others. There is always a place for you."

You may also be interested in some of NORRIE's other upcoming work! "I'm currently working on character artwork for the amazing video game AERO GPX. It's a futuristic anti-grav racer in the style of F-Zero but very much with its own twist. It's roughly scheduled for a 2024 release, it looks amazing and you can wishlist it on Steam now!"

You can pick up Flesh & Flora, alongside the other three comics in our 2023 collection, right here on Kickstarter!

#2023 collection #flesh & flora #NORRIE #prehistoricfrog

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wahbegan · 1 year

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Thinking about that tiktok edgy joke about raping freshly dead bodies and thinking about how the only reason that ever crossed my mind as a thing people did in the first place was because of a couple scenes in media i consumed, and in regards to porn's sexual influence on men:

I don't think it's JUST porn. Like i don't want to sound like the moral police and don't get me wrong, porn is the main accelerating factor, but i think even scenes of rape and other sexual violence and depravity in mainstream shit are, even when they're portrayed as sick and horrible and tragic, they're still....exposing people to it in a controlled environment. Idk.

Take Irreversible. Irreversible is a film that entirely hinges on how horrible the rape at its center is. It destroys the lives of everyone around it except for the perpetrator.

BUT

In an effort to capture the brutality and realism of it and make the audience deeply uncomfortable, Gaspar Noe elected to shoot the rape scene in a very explicit unbroken 8-minute one-take.

This scene is all OVER the internet, celebrity sex scene websites, y'know shit like that. Cited by rape fetishists as one of the hottest scenes ever filmed, absolutely famous in that community. Noe's artistic intent doesn't matter. It's 8 minutes of a hot actress being fucked nasty.

Men, particularly young men, are stupid, easily excitable, sexually-oriented animals and ANY visual expression of sexuality in film is going to titillate a massive portion of them, no matter how degenerate or violent or tragic it is. Rape scenes are going to awaken something in a lot of them. Maybe not the majority. But enough.

Rape should never be shown in media. Referenced, implied or stated that it happened, it's about to happen and then the scene cuts away, fine. But when you SHOW a rape, between survivors and just women who are deeply uncomfortable and the amount of men and yes some women too who will just find it hot, whatever intent what you were going for is going to be squandered. It never works.

You can't make political or social points with rape scenes. You can't make a film grittier with rape scenes. You can't invoke enjoyable, controlled splatter horror with rape scenes. You can't build character with rape scenes. Because once it enters the equation, you've lost the audience. You're just going to genuinely upset about half of them and turn idk maybe a full quarter of the half that remains on. So....just fucking don't

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silastreeguy · 9 months

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Today's date: Saturday, 29th of July, 2023

Dear Diary,

I have found myself on a website called Tumblr— I can't imagine it has anything to do with gymnastics— though I'm told you can find just about anything on here. (Including gymnastics, if you so please)

I had a wonderful break-fast, though it was lunch time, of rice and chicken, corn, and bread sticks! I love bread sticks, but I don't like garlic. I know garlic bread is popular, and I have nothing against it— just the smell and the oily taste is very bad in my mouth. But I love bread all the same. And I do love almond butter toast!

Here's a question. Why is is called garlic bread if it's toasted, and why is it weird to call it garlic toast?

Back to my more planned thoughts.

I am going to instill my thoughts and feelings onto this website and talk about the things that interest me. Including but not limited to: History , the 80s, and Frogs™.

I recall a rainy night in November, similar to the summer storms we've had recently, but the previous summer of that year much cooler— still hot, mind you— but not nearly so.

Anyways, I remember when I was younger, I was absolutely not dressed for the weather, but I didn't care because catching frogs was much more important than that. Besides, I knew I'd be taking a bath that evening anyways, so get as dirty as possible now, cleanse later. Frogs now.

So anyways my friend Jonah had me fetch a pail so we could hold more frogs than our grubby little teenaged hands could carry...

...

I remember Jonah dearly.

I think...

I think I might have liked him, as well as cared for him. But that was a long time ago.

I'm sure he's happy wherever he is, chasing and catching frogs...

...

He grew to be quite the chap to go to for anything related to swamps, bogs, marshes, glades— all of which he insisted were Very Different Things™— I believe him of course, I just wouldn't be able to see the difference even if it had hit me with a brick till I wore it as a hat.

It wasn't just the environments, but the plants and animals too.

He told to "make sure to get a fitted lid, lest they leap about, I must look at them closely!" I of course obliged. I knew just as much about frogs, that they were particularly squirmy and very beautiful. I have always love their different colours and the shapes of their spots, patterns— I mustn't go on too much. They're just little guys though :)

Jonah studied plants, animals, even from a young age. And he was always very clever.

"We must study the natural world around us to grow into well-rounded, proper adults!" I would have never been clever enough to think of something like that, even as I grew up into a proper adult years later, to save our hides for leaving chores half-finished for frogs. I often wrote down the little things he said that stuck with me so I wouldn't forget them. I don't want to leave behind an improper image of him. Or remember him incorrectly myself.

He spent just about from noon to supper outside in the muck. My mother didn't approve, Jonah's mother did. And occasionally, I could have sworn she would give my mother a very good, nasty, side-eye. This cheered me greatly.

I could only spent half that time outside before my mother drags me in by the ear and forces me into the bath. Jokes on her. I love swimming! But that evening, long after supper had ended and mother was asleep. I had said my prayers and pretend to sleep until she slept.

I snuck out to enjoy the rain from under the awning. Only to have Jonah sit beside me with a frog in his hand, we named him Reginald's pants. He had a colouration that looked like he had fancy pants! We watched the rain, and talked for 2 hours. I slept very well that evening.

He and I were both very much into books, and I still am. He prefered encyclopedias and Atlases and I preferred novels. Though my mother thought I spent far too much time with my nose in a book and should have concerned my self with real things.

But where does fiction come from, mother? Real Things

And what was real, and is still very much true is that I like frogs and and leg warmers and Jonah

...

Sincerely,

Silas

#diary #frog #food #tw food #tw food mention #tw frog

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hotvintagepoll · 7 days

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Propaganda

Hedy Lamarr (Samson and Delilah, Ziegfeld Girl)—Look. I'm sure someone has already submitted Hedy Lamarr because she was spectacularly beautiful, and a very strong lady too: she fled both an abusive marriage AND nazi persecution at a very young age and rebuilt a life for herself pursuing her love for acting all on her own!! Her career as an actress was stellar; while she began acting outside of Hollywood (her very first movie, Ecstasy, won a prize at the Venice Film Festival), she conquered American hearts very quickly with her first movie in the US, Algiers, and then just kept getting better and better. If all this isn't enough, she was also an inventor: her invention of the frequency-hopping spread spectrum radio transmission technique forms the base of bluetooth and has a lot of applications in all kinds of communication technologies. I think that deserves a prize, don't you?

Grace Kelly (Rear Window, High Society, Dial M for Murder)—The literal princess of Hollywood (she retired at 26 to become princess of Monaco), her name said everything about why she was so hot. She carried herself with a grace and elegance you just don't see anymore. Her voice was sultry without being overbearing, and she had the ability to be sweet but suggest a deep sensuality at all times.

This is round 5 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Hedy Lamarr:

64.media.tumblr.com

The only person you can find both on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and in the Inventor's Hall of Fame--her radio-frequency-hopping technology forms the basis for cordless phones, wi-fi, and a dozen other aspects of modern life. She was also passionate in her efforts to aid the Allies in WWII (unsurprising for a Jewish-Austrian Emigree to America), and her name served as the backbone for one of the best running jokes in what is possibly Mel Brooks' best movie. Look, Louis B. Mayer apparently believed he could plausibly promote her as "The world's most beautiful woman". Is an entire website full of people going to be less audacious than one Louis B. Mayer? I didn't think so!

64.media.tumblr.com

Described as "Hedy has the most incredible personal sophistication. She knows the peculiarly European art of being womanly; she knows what men want in a beautiful woman, what attracts them, and she forces herself to be these things. She has magnetism with warmth, something that neither Dietrich nor Garbo has managed to achieve" by Howard Sharpe, she managed to escape her controlling husband (and Nazi Germany) by a) Disguising as her maid and fleeing to Paris or b) Convincing the husband to let her wear all of her jewelry to a dinner, only to disappear afterwards. Also she was particularly clever and helped develop Frequency-Hopping Spread Spectrum (I can't really explain it but anyway...)

64.media.tumblr.com

Her depiction of Delilah and Samson and Delilah just lives rent free in my head. The woman was gorgeous.

64.media.tumblr.com

One of the most beautiful women ever in film, spoken by many critics and fans. Beautiful shapely figure, deeper seductive voice, and often played femme fatale roles. She was also brilliant and an inventor. Mainly self-taught, she invested her spare time, including on set between takes, in designing and drafting inventions, which included an improved traffic stoplight and a tablet that would dissolve in water to create a flavored carbonated drink, and much more.

Gorgeous and brilliant pioneer of modern technology and the middle part.

Grace Kelly:

flawlessly beautiful and a literal princess

Her facial structure? Flawless. Her eyes? Stunning. Her hair? Gorgeous. Her style? Immaculate. Every second she’s on screen, she just exudes this elegance and sophistication. It’s no wonder she ended up marrying a prince. But she’s got this mischief in her eyes that is compelling.

She was so elegant, so beautiful and perfect I could cry for real. A fairy disguised as a woman.

the most beautiful of Hitchcock's "icy blondes". elegant, glamorous, she left hollywood to became an actual princess, I mean, COME ON

she's so pretty and refined and elegant! I'm pretty sure taylor swift's blonde hair red lip look is modeled partly after her

She's just so elegant, look at her all dressed up like a Barbie doll in the latest fashions. There's a quiet dignity about her.

Not only was she princess of Monaco she also is Stéphanie de Monaco's mother and yeah, vote for her she's soooo pretty That red dress in Dial M.... hot damn

To me, she is the first and only blonde. She earned it. Paired with Edith Head's costume design she is unstoppable. I dare anyone to watch her as Lisa Carol Fremont in Rear Window and not be completely blown away by her hotness.

SHE IS SO PRETTY AND FASHIONABLE!! Not only that but she has an alluring aura to her in whatever film I've seen her in! Rear Window is just one of my personal favorite films she was in, especially for her costumes in that. And how many actresses can you say was a princess consort in addition to being a famous leading lady?

#grace kelly #hedy lamarr #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 5

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brianllama · 10 months

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8 Shows to get to know me better

Tagged by @autisticharrywells, thank you!!

1. Doctor Who

I grew up watching this and I've been obsessed with it since 2005. She is the love of my life and nothing else will ever compare.

2. The Flash

This is a close second to doctor who. I could (and have, and might do again) sit and rewatch the first few of the seasons on a loop. I don't really like S6 and beyond though. I'm a bit on the fence with s5. It's not my favourite season, but I used to watch it on a loop in the background of me doing uni work because it wasn't distracting like the other seasons were lmao, so I'm somewhat sentimental towards it.

3. Gotham

I really like Sean Pertwee as Alfred (translation: I think he's hot. I will be taking zero criticism on this lol). I love the development of the villains and how casually queer some of them are. I wasn't a big fan of the final season unfortunately.

4. Fleabag

A tragedy and a dark humour comedy. I think the depression vibes is balanced out quite well with the comedy and I always end up watching it whenever I'm feeling particularly depressed lol.

5. The Great British Sewing Bee

It's like bake off but with sewing. I find the judges more likeable than in bake off and the overall show a bit more enjoyable than the most recent season of bake off (rip bake off but it's not as good as it used to be).

6. Warrior Nun

I've only watched up to the first episode of the second season, but I'm still including it as a reminder to finish it so my mate can talk to me about it lol.

Warrior nuns fight demons. The main protagonist was brought back to life with an angel halo which makes her the only person who can actually kill the demons. She's not a nun, nor does she want to be the main protagonist. I'm enjoying it so far!

7. Hannibal

I watched the human centipede on a definitely non-illegal website and I did not enjoy it... Hannibal was one of the shows that the website recommended to me and I thought 🤷‍♂️ can't be worse than what I just watched lol. I thought it was dark and I loved it and I really need to rewatch it.

8. Legends Of Tomorrow

It's queer, it's funny, it's like doctor who crossed with comic books.

Tagging: anyone who wants to do this!

#Tag game

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inthe-neighbourhood · 1 year

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Fighting Creativity Block

Recently I've been feeling a block in my creativity, with my writing and art, with a massive lack of motivation, so I thought it would be good to list a few ways to get over this block. Tactically both writer's block and art block.

Feel free to leave suggestions as well, I'm still trying to get past this block so any help is appreciated! <3

______________

Ways to fight Creative Block

Taking a Break

You can't always have unique ideas, that's just a fact. Instead of forcing new ideas, it's better to take a step back and come back after some rest. Creative block can come from tiredness and overworking; sometimes you don't realize it until you can't keep going.

Remember it's essential to take care of yourself, and sometimes a good nap, a hot meal and some self-care go a long way.

2. Consuming Different Media

One of the best pieces of advice I got as a writer, was to look at different media for inspiration.

If you are working on a particular project, for example, a story about the Wild West (defiantly not what I'm working on hehe) and you don't feel passionate about it, or just feel stuck. Watching a cowboy movie can help, or reading about the history of the American Frontier, lets you make new ideas and sparks your creativity.

Or, if you have no ideas at all, but you want to write or you want to draw, watching a new movie, or playing a video game can get your creativity going. Sometimes we're so busy in our lives, working on our projects, that we forget what inspired us to do these things. Also, don't feel guilty if you think what your writing is too similar to another story. Originality is dead, but I'm not sure if it was ever alive. All stories are reiterations of other stories or a melting pot of multiple.

3. External Creativity

I did not know how to word this, but you know that feeling when you have a concept that really interests you, but when you open the google doc, your mind is blank. The words aren't wording.

To deal with this, exploring the concept is helpful. Cultivating a playlist that encapsulates, a character you are interested in writing, or a scene you really want to write helps it become more than a vague concept. Also, make a Pinterest board, for either your character or an area in your story, it helps you visualize your story, making the writing process easier.

This also applies to art, I can be in the mood to draw or have a good drawing day, but I don't know what I want to draw, having an interesting board helps. I have one that has random images I thought were cool for if I ever just want to draw. It can also help with finding references for poses, buildings, faces, etc.

4. Try Different Activities

I'm stubborn, and I hate doing anatomy practice, or writing exercises, but they can help you bully your creative block. This is for the creative block, where you have ideas but your writing is bland or your art formatting is bad, it can just mean you need practice, it happens to all of us. It's boring, but it is necessary.

Look at videos for writings, pertaining to what you are struggling with particularly. For example, what I'm struggling with is planning and show don't tell, giving the reader an image in their mind.

For artists it's relatively the same, look at what you're struggling with and find videos or websites that help with that. For example, I'm struggling with formatting my sketchbook pages. I haven't been able to find many videos to help me with this, but just looking at other artists' sketchbooks helps.

5. Background Noise

We all listen to music, youtube or a show in the background while writing or drawing. If you don't, I'm scared of you. I find what you listen to can help with what you're doing. This isn't an exact science, but try it out and let me know if it helps.

Writing, I believe while writing it's more helpful to listen to informative videos in the background. While writing this I was rewatching Jacksepticeye's "Youtube has some serious issues..." and hbomberguy's "Vaccines and Autism: A Measured Response" Listening to more wordy content, puts me in a more professional headspace, making it easier to form paragraphs and sentences.

Drawing, I find it more helpful to listen to music, maybe it's because it's a visual art form, although listening to youtube and watching shows can help as well.

Again, not an exact science, I'm curious how people focus now so let me know.

_____________

I hope this helps! Feel free to give suggestions on how to deal with creative block and I'll make a part two.

#writing #creative writing #writers block #artist block #drawing #digital aritst #writers on tumblr #ao3 writer #creative block #writersupportingwriters #artistsuportartist #creativity #helping

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saatvamattresses · 3 months

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Saatva Mattresses: {Official Website} Where Can I Buy It?

What Is a Hybrid Mattress?

Days of old's innerspring-just mattresses have been refreshed, with extra layers of froth as well as cushioning included request to increment solace and decrease the sound and sensation of turning over and making the bed shake, shiver or squeak. A Saatva Mattresses is additionally an extraordinary split the difference between individuals who like or despise adaptable padding, since Saatvas offer a portion of the pad without the profound soaking in sensation of an all-froth mattress.

😍🎁👉𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝑶𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓- 𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑻𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚🎁😍👇

https://supplementcarts.com/saatva-mattresses-official-page/

What Does the Saatva Mattresses Feel Like?

The development and materials of a mattress to a great extent add to how the mattress feels, yet this is somewhat emotional, as well. Feel can boil down to individual inclination and discernment, as well as your body type. For instance, mattresses will generally feel firmer to lightweight sleepers (under 130 pounds) than they do to heavyweight sleepers (in excess of 230 pounds). Along these lines, we had analyzers that fall into every one of the three weight classifications attempt the Saatva Mattresses and depict how it feels to them.

What Was Resting on the Saatva Mattresses Like?

As I've progressed in years, I've progressively relied upon a decent mattress to truly adjust and uphold my body to not just straightforwardness from a day of strained shoulders and tech neck, yet additionally to recuperate from actual fatigue from burdening exercises. Regardless of what minor throbs or agonies come my direction, I know whether I can simply mosey down into bed, my spine adjusted thanks to my number one pad, it's inevitable until I work it off

💲 𝐎𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐞𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞 👉: https//www.saatva.com/

The Saatva Mattresses was a blissful shock since it has the ideal combo platter of agreeable and body-supporting components. Beforehand, I've partaken in the vibe of adaptive padding mattresses, yet thought that they are hot. The Saatva Mattresses has a top layer made of breathable natural cotton and three-inch pad top comfort, so I've won't ever overheat. What's more, the whole layer-cake of its development is designed to offer help where your back needs it most — the top is extra-knitted in the lumbar district, and there are extra lumbar backings made of wire and high-thickness adaptable padding. The mattress has two extra layers adding up to 1,300 curls in two different steel densities to keep you upheld and drifting on the mattress, not gulped down into it. Lastly, I value that it is created with a decent firm guard of high-thickness rails around the bed so they don't hang, similarly as with such a large number of adaptable padding mattresses.

Since my most memorable night on my Saatva, I've seen I consistently dream more, which persuades me to think I'm sinking quicker and longer into what neuroscience says is the recuperative REM dream state. (Beforehand, this possibly happened when I neglected to take my enemy of nervousness drug for several evenings.) I awaken feeling more revived, and to be honest, I float off to rest quicker, since I'm not thrashing around to feel great.

😍🎁👉𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝑶𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓- 𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑻𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚🎁😍👇

https://supplementcarts.com/saatva-mattresses-official-page/

Goodness, and the Saatva Mattresses extraordinary touch, as far as I might be concerned, was that after I requested the mattress on the web, it didn't come moved up in a container. It was conveyed by a *two-person* group that put it right on my casing, however they likewise eliminated and disposed of my old mattress for nothing. What's more, there was no compound smell that required off-gassing, so I had a good sense of reassurance to make the bed immediately, no 12 hours of open room windows vital. Also, particularly, don't bother utilizing that drawn out ensure offer — I'm clutching my Saatva Mattresses for good.

What Does the Saatva Mattresses Consist of?

The Saatva Mattresses has six unmistakable layers and is flippable. There are two GOTS-confirmed natural New Zealand fleece layers on the top and lower part of the mattress. These layers help wick away dampness and direct internal heat level. They likewise go about as normal fire boundaries. Under the top fleece layer or more the base fleece layer lie one layer of drafted vented plastic. These are the primary tension alleviating layers and furthermore add to better wind stream. The two center plastic layers offer help and strength. The mattress is shrouded in natural cotton that is likewise drafted to offer more help in the lumbar district.

💲 𝐎𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐞𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞 👉: https//www.saatva.com/

Pressure Help

Plastic mattresses are known for offering prevalent strain alleviation, particularly when contrasted with normal polyurethane froths. They form your body without a lot sinking and are more responsive so they can rapidly adjust as you change positions. Another analyzer, a normal weight sleeper, said he felt particularly upheld and agreeable while lying on his back.

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gazetotheabyss · 6 months

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I read the words plain as day on my computer screen some weeks ago. With no context it might seem so entirely monotonous. Like the pop up anyone might see on any given shady ass website they come across while doom scrolling.

But I think I'm getting ahead of myself.

My name is Geri. I, like most people my age, grew up in this wild age of information. My parents from the generation who slaved away in times of the unknown, blessed by the ignorance of some harsh bouts of misinformation given to them by Aunt Agnes some odd years ago that they just didn't have any sort of measure to dispute. Or, and God forbid, having to go to the library. But us? All of us? It's all at the tips of our fingertips, isn't it? The age of rumor and myth was killed by the dawn of Snopes and Wikipedia, and for the most part that's okay.

God, I'm sorry.

Okay.

I'm not that type of person to go on long diatribes about nothing. At least I wasn't. It's all twisted in my head now. Where to start, where it's going to end. I'm committing to just writing as a train of thought, to make sure I get it all down for posterity. It's all a mess and jumbled in my head, so some things might be out of order, but this is all true. As much as I would have loved to have been making this up.

Blah blah blah, it was a normal day. Went to work. Came home. Do you really even care about those details? Reading about the sort of hot pocket me, a broke college student, picked on that monumental night? After finishing up a particularly grueling portion of a paper I was working on for the Lit class I'm taking I had to shut off my brain. You know, decompress? My brain was fried, I was tired, but I just couldn't bring myself to sleep. The thought of working so hard the whole day only to waste what little free time I had with sleeping just sounded so fucking miserable. So, doing what any of us do, I laid there. Practically catatonic under a mountain of blankets, cozy up, listening to whatever YouTube videos I could find to just play in the background, while just scrolling. Post to post, site to site. Not even really reading or processing. Just scrolling, hoping to feel something.

I thought I would fall asleep for a minute or two. I clicked some link, shady as it might have been, thinking by some measure it was a joke or something since I'd just been imbibing in some pseudo-deep meme content after a bit. I'm hesitating to type the name of it right now, because I really don't want to curse anyone with this, but just know it was very... I don't know, 90s Geocities. The top of the page read 'Library of Eternity' with some bad clipart of a book. It was all very bad and by all rights writing it off should have been what I did, but that late with so little brain power the curiosity is stronger than the will to click away. Clicked the little book and my screen went black. Fucking virus, right?

Honestly that's what I thought. All the furious clicking, slamming my fingers angrily on the keyboard, it really didn't seem to do shit. After about ten minutes of screaming to any higher power who would listen a window popped up.

Corny shit, right? I've written off my laptop at this point. Maybe I can cry to mom and dad and beg for them to help me pay off a new one? Maybe Klarna? I just thank anyone who would listen that I didn't have any important information on there, and that two-factor authentication was on for my email. I close the damn thing and toss it off my bed, and that should be the end of it. If I had any sense about me at the time maybe it would have been, maybe if I knew the things I knew now or could go back and stop myself.

I browse reddit a couple hours, play some stupid game I saw on a mobile ad because fuck I'm bored, and that's the night. I pass out, wake up with a sore nose and my phone on the floor after passing out while browsing.

Then comes the beloved day off. The holiest of days to those of us playing double time as college kids out here in the trenches. I'm pumped, at least once I drag myself out of bed after hours of '5 more minutes'. Now not exactly being a social butterfly, most of the time my days off consist of exactly what you'd expect from someone who goes to school, goes to work, and has most of their friends online. I dick around on my computer, doing exactly what I did the night before. Now my dumbass, completely forgetting most of what had just transpired, gears up to do the exact same thing. Getting all cozy under my blanket fort again, ready to stream some movies, or binge the same show I've watched about a hundred times. But I open my computer and that popup is still fucking there. Mood trashed. Life ruined. Day off totally and completely in the gutter.

Nothing better to do. No computer, nothing else on the docket. I really have nothing to lose. At least for foresight purposes. So, boom, I clicked yes. But all it does is open up another pop up.

Fucking.

Yes?

I clicked yes. How much more ready could I be?

Clicking yes again I'm ready for meat spin, surprise real life gore, or some other sort of stupid jump scare surprise. But no, nothing so fun. Just another goddamned window.

This 90s ass virus website just called me ignorant. A challenge I could never have backed down from. No one will ever call Geri Monaghan ignorant. I was not about to be challenged by some two-bit website probably programmed before I was born.

I’m ready.

At the time that was what I thought. Of course, I did. How the hell would anyone expect--

My screen went from black to white. Okay, not expected in the slightest. It started with one sentence, then another, and they just kept lining up one right after another like a typical word document. Eventually when it ran out of room on the screen they started overlapping. I shouldn’t have been able to read or understand any of it with how fast it was happening. I just stared blankly, reading and absorbing every fucking word. Even as my screen went black, blank from all the information overloading it, I was retaining every written word. It was torture. It felt like hours were going by. Days even. Stuck in that fucking trance lost to endless streams of eternal information pouring bit by bit into my brain.

No one ever tells you how loud silence can be. Staring into the blank void of my screen was like staring into entropy. All sound vacuumed from my room, all life void from my body. But trapped. I was still in there. Stuck frozen with my eyes open, unable to close them or even move as that information became more. Like eternity spread itself open before me, my consciousness was ripped away. I was at the start of it all.

No.

Sorry.

That’s not right.

It was before the start. The black void. Before life, before time, before existence. A place where things like us shouldn’t be. Like tendrils writhing and slithering, it probed my mind. The worst headache I’ve ever fucking had times a million. Drilling a half inch bit into my skull without me ever going into shock or going numb to the pain. Everything went white again. The page was clear, and I was sitting on my bed again. Laptop open. Screen still black. Not even a minute had gone by.

Staring into that empty screen. That digital fucking abyss. I still felt like I was floating in that vacant nothingness. Existing before anything.

I know there’s so many guys out there who pretend to be know-it-alls, or that they have all the answers...

My head.

Felt so heavy. Just to exist even now while I’m writing this it feels like I’m trudging through miles and miles of heavy sludge like thoughts to even get to the point. All this stuff sitting in my head. The real stories of how life and history happened. The beginning, the end, the swirling concepts of space and time that mankind has only scantly begun to get a grasp upon. Omniscience? But in a head not meant to keep it. Answers to every question, knowledge of every fact that could be, would be, or had been.

I took an aspirin and decided to go for a walk. Maybe the fresh air would help. Maybe I just fried my brain last night reading a bunch of random shit after reading hours and hours of random Wikipedia articles or know your meme pages blankly to just fill the gaps.

For a minute it did.

Lights felt brighter, sounds felt clearer. I didn’t even put on my glasses today and I could see just fine. Something I didn’t even bother questioning in the moment. Mom always told me to never question good things and I wasn’t about to start now.

It really wasn’t until later in the day I was hanging around with my only real-life friend at this school. I don’t know, we’ll call him Tom. Tom and I usually do the same shit I do at the apartment. Only sometimes we smoke weed too. Everyone does that with their friends, right? Sit pretending to actually hang out when you’re both independently browsing on your phones while some random shit plays on TV? He asked me some random question.

I’d tell you I don’t remember it, but I do. I remember every detail as it hit me at that moment. Piercing through whatever fog the day had put to haze over the vast span of eternity all of those eons and eons of information just struck. Being shot in the head wouldn’t have felt all that much different. I answered his question.

“Bro, do you think there’s life on other planets?”

“Not within our immediate solar system.”

Not stated as an opinion, but as a fact. I was on autopilot, like a fucking Alexa or Siri, just blindly answering the question in totality as I knew it. Like knew it. Subjects I’d studied for years and years on end. Tom stopped me about halfway through.

“Dude what the fuck are you talking about?”

It was fair. I think at some point I stopped speaking English, and it was more just guttural noises. Some foreign language? Alien. Obviously confused, I replied.

“You asked me if I thought there was life on other planets dude, I’m just telling you there is.”

“How can you possibly ‘know’ that?”

Going off in a trance again pretty much, I told him all about the Library. All the things it showed me. I tried for him to keep it vague. But he kept prodding me. Asking me for more. I couldn’t shut it off. Like the curse of knowing all of this stuff was more than just the knowledge itself but having to share it just as readily. Which sounds great. Like the benefit of knowledge to mankind.

I told him everything. I looked him dead in the eyes. Answered every petty or grand question that came to his mind. Ones I couldn’t possibly know the answer to or ones that had just been prying their way at his mind.

He asked.

Oh god he asked...

“Can you tell me everything?”

I told him no. Like I was being pedantic or something. Fucking possessed, not able to stop myself or control my own body I just grabbed hold of him.

“No, I can’t tell you everything. There’s no time. I can show you though.”

Both hands on either side of his head, staring into his eyes.

“Dude don’t be gay.”

Which was funny as hell coming from the gay dude, but I wish I could laugh. He just went silent. This wasn’t like a movie or anything. There weren’t bright flashing lights, or some orchestral song to demonstrate just what was happening. Just Tom’s face going from bright and lively to sinking. All the color drained from his face. Happiness turned to horror. Tom just started screaming.

He wouldn’t stop.

The loudest blood curdling scream I’d ever heard, and it’s haunted me ever since that night. Like all this information was attacking him. He was begging for me to stop but I felt my fingers furling on their own. I was squeezing him, holding him in place. My mission was to make sure he learned everything I had. By the end of it he had screamed himself down to a rasp. An hour or so passed while we were sitting there. When my hands finally let me let go of his head, he just sank. Tom sagged, his whole body wrinkling on the couch for a moment while he breathed ragged. I sat there. Feeling empty. Nothing. Then, all I could do was sit there on his couch and watch him while he calmly and slowly stood up. Take a minute or two to compose himself or process the information and then run at his window and just fucking leap.

Tom was gone. One of the few things I don’t know is what exactly Tom saw that drove him to do that. Whether it was a specific piece of information, or if it was just his mind trying to process everything. Like burning out a CPU by overworking it.

Cops came, because of course they did. A man just killed himself, and they come up the stairs, bust down his door, to find me just sitting there. The thousand-yard stare, locked in my body like a puppet while someone else moved me. Question after question came. I answered them all honestly. Their final one broke me out of my daze.

“Why do you think he did it?”

I started crying, because it was all my fault. I just told them I didn’t know. It was the only question I could think of where I didn’t actually know the answer.

That week after that was a blur. I sat in my room doing my best to avoid talking to anyone while the Uni excused me from my classes for a while. Something about it being the last of my worries, but sympathy expires. I know it does. The vast swathes of information that shifts and wriggles through my brain like a virus. Infecting every part of myself that had ever been. I know what I was like before. Who I was. I’m having trouble holding on to whether or not that’s who I still am. The perspective of every single thing I knew has been warped beyond belief and I can’t look at life the same way I did before.

What was the point? I asked myself aloud.

And then I knew.

Why were we here, then?

And then I knew.

So, our whole purpose in life, the meaning of everything we’ve ever done--

But I already knew.

Mankind wasn’t meant to. Knowledge is not a gift. So many people spend their entire lives trying to find the meaning behind action. Why are we here? Where do we come from?

Is there a higher power?

Questions people live and die trying and failing to answer, I knew in an instant. I knew how Tom’s mom felt getting the call from the school. Every agonizing thought. I knew immediately how Tom felt, overburdened and overwhelmed.

And I knew how burdensome I’d been to everyone around me. Every single negative weight on my consciousness about what everyone thought about me outweighed any single positive counterweight it had. The disappointment I’d been. When you’re alone in the dark, in the deafening silence of a room black as pitch is when you start whispering the worst questions to yourself. The ones you don’t really wanna know the answers to but muttering them just helps you feel better.

Looking out across my desk, passed the light of my laptop, now I can still see the darkness of the void. The nothingness that probed my mind and let me see everything I’d ever asked. I claw at my scalp until it bleeds, scream until my voice can’t even carry sound with it. I haven’t eaten anything in days. I know there’s no point. No reason. I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize the hollow shell of a person I’ve become. I just see... how tired I am. I’m so exhausted. Every time I sleep, more and more knowledge just floods into my head. For days I’ve felt like a balloon about to burst.

Maybe that’s what Tom saw.

Maybe he saw what would become of me, how it would feel.

Decided that he didn’t want to become this.

I looked up last night at my ceiling. Laid out flat on my bed, I asked to forget. If there was some way to unknow all of this. Could I go back to the way things were before? I remember very clearly the pop-up. As if the memory was spitting in my face.

Ignorance is bliss.

Humans weren’t meant to know this much.

The void, the ardent darkness lingering in a time before time. This morning, it called to me. Maybe it always did, but now it spoke and for the first time I understood. I can’t go back, can I? I’m trapped in this loop of suffering, with entropy pulling me apart from the inside.

There is no God listening.

No, that’s not true. There is no God answering our prayers. But it’s listening. Amusing itself on our suffering. It has fooled us into thinking there was ever any reason. There was ever good and evil but, in the end, there is only nothing. Nothing like there was before. Tom isn’t living it up in Heaven playing guitar and smoking weed in the afterlife. He’s not in Hell lamenting his sins or paying penance to some arbitrary rules. He’s gone. What I don’t know yet is if it’s the same for everyone, or if it’s my fault. If having this knowledge is what did it?

This whole thing to say I’m scared.

Or I was scared. Maybe this has been my way of working up the courage.

I’m so tired. I can’t sleep anymore. Every time I try, I just wake up more exhausted. I can’t keep doing this anymore. I tried. I tried to forget, I tried to make myself forget. I couldn’t talk to anyone else. I was afraid of what might happen if I did. What if they asked me like he did? It’s what it wants. I know it.

We weren’t meant to know. What we are meant to know isn’t even a full sentence on a page in a chapter in a single book in the endless library of eternity. We’re lucky to finish a word by the time we die. My head is pounding. It feels like any moment I’m just going to explode.

I can’t do this.

I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry everyone. If you read this, and then happen to come across that site?

Tom was right.

#short story #horror #existential dread #horror story #creepypasta #scary stories #creative writing #horror fiction

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