#i don't have the attention span to be able to write the fic so i decided to release it into the wild
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obkk prompt #1
AU: post-canon, alive!Obito
One of the conditions for Obito to be released from prison is to have his eyes removed and sealed away. What Obito didn’t know was during the surgery to remove them, they would also gave him Kakashi’s left eye as instructed by the Sixth Hokage. Kakashi wants Obito to have the chance to be able to see the world and redeem himself.
Something about seeing the world through someone else's eyes, something about finding yourself in a new era, something about reconstructing an old answered question, something.
#naruto#obito uchiha#kakashi hatake#obkk#obikaka#kkob#kakaobi#the idea of them exchanging each other's eye has been popping up in my mind like a reminder notification#then suddenly has this prompt idea and i need to write it down then and there#i don't have the attention span to be able to write the fic so i decided to release it into the wild#sharing is caring and i want others to think about it like it is doing to me#i tag as relationship but it can be platonic or even be just one person centric#since that's the vibe i'm imagining#mai prompts
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uhh hello!! sorry if this is a tall order LOL but I wanna ask, do you have any narilamb fanfic recs? :D I already read yours and I really like bamsara’s and I’m waiting for epicaandk’s to update (that one is my fav ever <3) but idk what to read now lol
Tall order?? Naaaaah, I'm always happy to give recs. Oh boy, I'm gonna go in reverse chronological order.
If you've read all of my narilamb fics (have you seriously? I'm impressed, that's probably well over half the 150k+ I've written for this damn fandom. Also, to anyone seeing this from a reblog, my stuff is over at onethirdofimpossible!) then here we go!
You already mentioned it, but The Rehabilitation of Death is excellent so far! This one is by @bamsara who is new to the CotL fandom but apparently not new to fanfic writing; they have a really popular FNAF fic and I assume the well-deserved attention this fic's been getting is a byproduct of the popularity they've already gotten in other fandoms. :D Welcome, bamsara! Many of the fic writers in this fandom are friends with each other already, but we don't bite if you wanna say hi.
Feel No Evil and Language Barrier, both by @payasita. I always love how payasita portrays this duo (in both digital art and writing), with so much sass and repressed loneliness, knowing they're stuck together for eternity and making the best of it. (And maybe falling in love, depending on how dense Narinder keeps being.) What makes these come alive for me is how well thought out the setting is outside the Lamb and Narinder. The descriptions and weight of emotions really pop here.
LITERALLY ANYTHING written by pavi / @i-eat-deodorant. Depending on how spicy you want your fics to be he has even more here. Character analysis, diction, pacing, etc. are consistently 10/10. Top-quality banter between a sassy Lamb and tired old man Narinder. We constantly bounce ideas off each other and inspire each other a lot but I promise I'm not hyping him up just because he's my friend oh my god please just go bless your eyes.
It Was For You, O Death by blueberry-muffin-massacre (if they have a tumblr, let me know so I can tag!). An intriguing alternative ending to the final battle wherein the Lamb chooses a secret third option by refusing to give up the Red Crown and still observing Narinder as the God of Death. So many details are so well thought out and duality their relationship is nicely characterized-- both genuine care for each other and also quite unhealthy. A fine line treaded well!
Confessional by jusmove (again, lmk if they have a tumblr). Been a while since I've read it, but I love how the Lamb chips at Narinder's very carefully built emotional walls. Their personalities are very well fleshed out here, especially Narinder's cognitive dissonance at being able to process love.
Confession by @thewitchoftheweed. I didn't expect a part two to this one, but my god I was so thrilled when it did update. Narinder and Lamb with their unique and parallel loneliness and their fucked-up sense of everything. Their relationship is very rocky here, and I love how they navigate it: with tension and eventual, pained acceptance. Mind the rating.
Of Character Development and Being Dense by @calliecature. A short and sweet narilamb classic. They're both mutually pining and one of them is too emotionally repressed to realize it. Guess who.
Not An Offering, But a Gift by @checkplzjuliet. Small confession fic. I especially love how Narinder's descriptions twist the knife of his situation here, and how Lambert is a total foil for him! There are a lot of good things happening in such a short span, which is impressive.
Also, if you think you've read all my narilamb fics... I do have a secret one out there too. Just so you know.
Happy reading!
I'm already friends with many of the people here, but if any of the writers I've tagged have been kinda wanting to reach out for a while but feel a little anxious... Don't be. I've made my best friends in this fandom by literally just waiting for some of my readers to get over whatever assumption they have that I'm cool and say hi. Or being the more confident one first.
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some habits are hard to break | feat. jungkook
(where you know that jungkook is the last person you should keep running back to, but neither of you can seem to let the other go.)
pairing: jungkook x fem!reader
genre: angst, smut, est. relationship
rating: explicit, minors DNI
word count: ~12.5k
warnings: the relationship isn't healthy (but they're very human), miscommunications, misplaced hope, bad habits, unhealthy coping mechanisms, cheating (reader on unnamed boyfriend), mentions of past trauma (reader), mentions of therapy, mentions of mental health struggles (reader), explicit smut: unprotected sex (don't do this), fingering (f. receiving), oral sex (f. receiving), handjob, semi public sex (behind a closed door at a club), teasing, hair pulling, light choking, i think that's it but let me know if i missed anything
a/n: she is finally here! i did not expect this fic to take me this long, but here we are. thank you to one of my favorite humans @ugh-yoongi for reading this over and assuring me they weren't terrible, just human. this story feels personal to me so that was reassuring.
a/n 2: lauren has asked for a pt 2, so i’ll be writing that after i get through both my collabs due in august 💕
banner/divider credit: my bby @classicscreations who always comes through
tagging: @pjmparadise @axialitae
Every single thought is the same. You know better than to send the text sitting on your phone. You know precisely why it’s wrong. You know that nothing is ever going to change.
Here’s the thing. You’re in a healthy, stable relationship with someone who’s good to you and for you. He’s honest and caring, funny and sweet. Despite all of your baggage, he never makes you feel less than, never makes you feel broken. This is the first time in your life that you’ve been able to lay all your shit on the table and have someone accept it unconditionally. And he always does what he says he’s going to. You’re never up waiting at 2 in the morning, wondering where he is because he hasn’t called or texted.
So, yeah, things with him are good, great even.
But…
And that’s the thing, isn’t it? As soon as there’s a but, it’s like you can’t see all of the good. It’s all just a placeholder before what may be the worst three-letter word in the English language. You wonder if it means there’s just something fundamentally wrong with you. Who looks for the “buts” of every situation? Why can’t you just appreciate all the truly wonderful things in your relationship?
Because you’ve had the one thing you’re missing. You know it exists and it’s hard to forget.
Your boyfriend is great, perfect, even, in almost every way that matters. It’s just, you’re not exactly…satisfied. And you know that you could guide him to be better for you in that way. He just seems a bit sensitive about it at times and you don’t want to make him feel less than since he never does that to you.
This is exactly why you’re staring at your phone. Paralyzed because you both want to send the text and know you really can’t. Your body remembers his, remembers the way the slightest touch sent your heart racing. You try to also remember every word he’s ever uttered to you, too, because he’s always been very clear about who he is.
It’s fucked up that you’re even considering it, beyond wrong that you typed those 5 words out in an empty conversation thread. (Even though you usually keep every conversation, you deleted this one after you got serious about your boyfriend. You say it’s to keep the temptation away, but really, how well is that working now?)
You: what are you up to?
Just like that, your need to fill your desires wins out against every other rational thought you have. Part of you hopes that he doesn’t respond. It’s been months since you last spoke and you know he’s got a short attention span. Maybe he’ll spare you having to make a final decision.
Jungkook: out getting some drinks with friends
He doesn’t. His answer comes in far quicker than you expect it to and you get that same feeling in your stomach. Like anticipation mixed with desire. You’re so fucked.
Jungkook: what are you up to?
Tomorrow you’ll look back and realize this is a chance to bow out, to realize that this is a mistake. That you hadn’t sealed your fate when you sent the first message. You could still just bow out and walk away, leave the message unanswered.
You don’t.
You: nothing, just at home alone
Jungkook: what about the boyfriend?
You: away for work
You know that you should feel bad now. A normal person might realize that this was destructive behavior, that you’re purposely sabotaging your own long-term happiness for instant gratification. At least, that’s what your therapist tells you.
Jungkook: I can be home in 15 minutes, I’m just around the corner
The message is really your last chance, whether you consciously think about it or not. There was no preamble with Jungkook. He assumes you’re texting him so you can come over. And he’s right, isn’t he? You weren’t exactly texting to catch up with someone you weren’t ever friends with anyway. No, you’re both adults and you know what this is. Just like you’ve always known.
You: give me 30 and I’ll be over
Was there really any other outcome? From the moment you opened Jungkook’s contact to start a text, this was the inevitable end. You can pretend that you have control and you were on the fence. But, you know the truth, and so does Jungkook. He knows it from the moment your name appears on his lock screen. This only ends one way, the same way it’s ended countless times before.
Thirty minutes later, after cleaning up and getting dressed, you stand on Jungkook’s doorstep. There’s a moment where you genuinely question if this is smart. Smart is the wrong word, you think. Of course, this is fucking stupid. You could ask 100 people and every single one of them would probably tell you to turn around. So no, this isn’t smart. The real question is if you’re going to do it anyway.
Jungkook opens the door before you even knock and the question dies. There he is, in baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt, like the true fuckboy you know he is, and your body remembers. It remembers every kiss, every touch, every tremble. It starts to react without your permission. By the smirk he’s wearing, you can tell Jungkook remembers too.
“Right on time,” he says, leaning against the door frame like he needs the support.
“Are we gonna have a whole conversation out here?” It’s a challenge and a mistake all rolled into one.
He doesn’t answer, just moves aside so that you can step past him. There’s a moment, as you’re stepping past him and glancing around his apartment, of nerves. Of wondering what the fuck is going on. But his apartment hasn’t changed, not that you expected it to, and neither has he.
“Want anything to drink?” he asks, moving around you to the kitchen. He looks back over his shoulder at you, a confident smirk on his lips. “We could do a couple shots.”
“Trying to get me drunk?” you wonder. Still, you follow him into the kitchen.
“No, definitely not.” His answer is swift and his eyes roam over you, appraising. “You just seem a little on edge.”
“Wonder why that is,” you huff out.
Jungkook leans back against the counter, eyes still trained on you. “If you don’t want to be here…”
“I didn’t say that either,” you respond.
There’s this weird tension settling between the two of you and you’re not really sure what to do about it. Not really sure how to get out of your head for even a second. That’s when you feel Jungkook’s hands on your hips, pulling you back against his body where he still leans against the counter.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured,” he says and dips his head to kiss along your jawline.
“I don’t,” you respond.
“Do you want me to stop?” he whispers against your skin as he continues to kiss down your neck.
The only thing that comes out for a second is a hum when Jungkook lightly sucks at the base of your neck where it meets your collarbone. “No.”
“Are you sure?” He’s pulled back now and looking you directly in the eye.
You take a breath and then another when your heart starts to speed up. The only thoughts are of his lips on yours, his fingers grazing along your body. Slowly your fingers trail up his arms and he doesn’t move at all. Just watches you and waits for you to make your decision. Leaves it all up to you.
So you do the only thing you can, the only thing you were going to do once you sent that text. You let your fingers find purchase in his hair and you press your lips hard against his. He’s turning the two of you around in an instant so it’s you pressed into the counter. The kiss is hard and desperate, like you’ve both been starved and this is the only way to solve that. His hands feel like they’re everywhere and it’s still not enough, not completely what you need. Nobody has ever set your body on fire just from kissing the way Jungkook does. It’s bliss the way your brain goes almost silent except for thoughts of him. And you know he’s just as turned on, can feel it in the way he’s pressing against you.
Jungkook kisses down your neck again and you don’t even bother to hold back the moan. When you feel him lightly sucking into your skin before pulling away, part of you wishes he’d do it harder. Wishes he’d leave a mark. Wishes for something to show what you’re doing here tonight without you having to say it. He doesn’t, though, and you know he wouldn’t even if you asked.
Instead he pulls away, smirks at your whimper from the lack of contact, and reaches for the hem of your shirt. He’s still asking permission, so you give it. Your shirt and bra disappear in record time and his mouth is back on. Softly kissing down the space between your breasts and across the underside of one. It’s too much, the way he knows exactly what you need, the way his lip ring teases you as he moves across your skin, the way he stops to just look at you when he knows he’s driving you crazy.
Well, you think, two can play at that game. Before he even realizes what you’re doing, you’re spitting into your hand and reaching inside his sweats and boxers (since he’s annoyingly still clothed). You’re slowly dragging your hand along his length, moving painfully slowly. He groans when you slide your thumb over his tip and pulls back.
“Fuck,” he says and slowly pulls your hand out.
“What?” you ask, actually confused.
“Come on, I can’t fuck you against this counter but if we don’t get out of here, I’m gonna try,” he says and pulls you along into the bedroom.
Jungkook kisses you hard and lightly pushes you back onto the bed. You prop yourself up to watch him quickly undress. You love watching the way his muscles contract with each movement, love the lean lines of his body, absolutely love everything about him. If he sees you watching him, which you’re sure he does, he doesn’t say anything. Instead he leans over you, kisses you hard again as he pulls your pants and underwear off nearly in one motion.
“Eager,” you taunt.
“You won’t be saying that when you can’t walk tomorrow,” he says.
Before you can answer, Jungkook is flipping you over so that you’re on your hands and knees, pressing down on your back so your ass is in the air. You’re a little surprised, because usually he takes his time with you. Not that you’re complaining. He moves on the bed and then you hear a bottle opening seconds before you feel the cold liquid at your entrance. He may be a lot of things, but he always makes sure you’re taken care of.
Despite his words, he still slides into you slowly and lets you adjust to him. His hands grip your hips tightly as he rolls his hips into you almost carefully, like he’s not sure if you’re adjusted. It’s bordering on painful that he’s so still.
“Fuck Jungkook, move,” you whine.
“What’s that?” he asks.
“Just fuck me, please fuck me,” you beg and you hear the low chuckle.
“Thought you’d never ask,” he says and snaps into you hard.
“Fuckkkkkk,” you draw out.
Removing one hand from your hip, he presses you back down into the mattress. You arch your back further so he has a better angle and let the pillow muffle your moans. It mixes with his own groans and the slap of his skin against yours every time he buries himself fully inside you. There’s something frantic about it and you’re sure this is what you’ve been missing. Sure this is what you need. He removes his hand from your hip again and roughly slaps your ass.
“Oh my god, Jungkook,” you yell.
He slaps your other ass cheek and it makes you scream out again. Yes, this is what you need. Someone to be a little rougher with you. Someone who doesn’t treat you like you’re going to break or worry if you can take it because he knows. He knows exactly what you can take and exactly what you like. Him pulling on your hair is only further proof of that.
And then he’s pulling you to him, so that your back is against his chest. The new angle has him hitting deeper inside you, reaching that spot that nearly has you seeing stars. Jungkook moves his hand out of your hair around your neck, gripping lightly.
“Do you like that, baby?” he whispers roughly in your ear.
“Yes,” you moan out.
“Because I fuck you the best,” he continues.
“Jungkook, fuck, just fucking choke me, please,” you beg, unbothered by how much you’re begging him.
That doesn’t need any answer from him beyond his fingers tightening around your throat. It’s the perfect pressure too, just like every other time he’s choked you while fucking. It makes you feel a little lightheaded but also like everything feels that much more amplified. Every hard thrust into your cunt pushes you closer to the edge. Every breath sounds louder. Everything is just more.
He also knows your body to know when you’re close. You almost whine when he removes his hand from your throat because you felt like you were about to come. And then he rubs a thumb over your clit, continues to make sure you come first, like always.
“Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna come,” you shout.
“Come on baby, I wanna feel you come,” he says into your ear.
It’s the only permission you need as you let go. Somewhere, in the haze of your high, you can tell that he’s coming too, that his release comes just after yours. It’s all you can do not to slump against his body, though. His arms are strong around you as he pulls out so that both of you can lay down on the bed.
A few minutes later, after he’s cleaned you both off and you’re lying together in bed, you wonder how you’re going to extract yourself. You’ve never really felt awkward around him, so you’re not really sure why you do now.
“I should be going,” you say and start to sit up.
Jungkook is quick to pull you back down. He meets your look of confusion with nothing but desire. You think, not for the first time, it’s the kind of look that you drown in. The kind of look that ruins you.
“And just where do you think you’re going?” he asks.
“Home?” you offer.
“Why?” he fires back.
“I don’t know, Jungkook, we already fucked,” you say. Part of you is a little exasperated at having to spell it out.
“Do you really think I’m going to let you leave here when I haven’t even tasted you?” he asks.
Fuck.
(He follows through with exactly what he says. It’s slow and measured, like he wants to pull apart every thread you have one by one. Like he wants to ruin you for anyone that isn’t him. Like he doesn’t know he already has.
The lip ring is new since the last time you fucked him and you’re not sure if you’ll even be able to tell when he’s between your legs. Until you’re praising him so loudly you’re sure his neighbors must hear. Or maybe it’s just because he’s so good at getting you off. Even if tonight, he takes his time, brings you to the edge over and over before finally letting you slip over.
It’s the early hours of the morning by the time you’re both worn out. You offer to call a ride, only to have him insist you stay. It’s much too late to be going anywhere when he’d be worried if you were safe or not. So you stay and it’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in awhile.)
The wait is excruciating. Your boyfriend comes home tonight and it’s terrible timing, you know, but you also know that you have to tell him what happened. It isn’t fair to him to just go on without knowing. He’s one of the kindest people in the world, doesn’t deserve this. He’s not broken like you, something you’ve pointed out since the beginning. Maybe those intrusive thoughts were right and you just aren’t built for healthy relationships.
Although you haven’t told many of your friends what happened, you had to confide in a few. Each of them tells you that you shouldn’t tell him what happened. They say that it’s just one of those things where confessing might make you feel better, but it’ll only make him feel shitty. It’s hard to know how he’ll feel. Shitty is probably fair. But, you think they’re wrong about how you’ll feel. Getting this off your chest will just replace one weight with another. Wanting to come clean isn’t about clearing your own conscience. It’s about honesty and him having the ability to make an informed decision.
It actually goes far better than you thought, somehow. He’s hurt, how could he not be? Despite that, he’s calm in the conversation. Instead of breaking it off there and then, which is what you expect, he suggests taking a step back. It’ll allow the relationship to be less defined and maybe less serious. You can’t really believe it when he says that he’s there to work things out with you and give you the space to figure out what you need. It breaks your heart a little bit more, somehow, to see him so patient with you. You don’t deserve it.
Instead of seeing this as a failure, he wants you to see it for what he sees it as. This is just a slip, a step back. There’s been so much trauma in your life that it’s natural for you to have moments where you slip. He’s hurt, yes, he’ll admit that, but he’s not angry with you. At the end of the day, he genuinely cares for you and he’s willing to do whatever it is the both of you need in order to move forward. You both agree that therapy as a couple might be important. However, he insists that it can wait while you sort through how you’re feeling.
Overall, you think you feel okay about it. Things will look different with him for the time being, but you can actually see past this moment in time. That’s new for you. You’re feeling hopeful for the future and you even let yourself imagine a future with him in it. Maybe this isn’t the end of the world after all. Maybe this is just something you actually needed to close a chapter.
Weeks go by. Therapy is back to being once a week, sometimes twice when the sessions fit into your work schedule, and you do trust this therapist. Really, you do. She listens to everything you say and interjects in meaningful ways. It’s clear that she’s actually listening to you and giving you genuine feedback, rather than some previous therapists that only asked how something made you feel. Sitting in that office has forced you to face a lot of deep-seated issues, everything from your childhood to past relationships to the deepest recesses of your mind. Sometimes you don’t really want to relive those moments, but she’s always done a good job of explaining why you need to do the work.
But…
And there it is, again, that stupid three-letter word that brings everything to a screeching halt.
Despite all your therapist’s work, there’s a part of you that doesn’t see the future anymore. Therapy is wonderful and you’re actually really thankful you found this therapist. You’re sleeping better, you feel lighter, and the world doesn’t feel like it’s going to crush you every day. Maybe she’s a little too good at her job, though, because you’re wondering how to move forward. Your boyfriend is perfect…for someone. And you’re not sure anymore if that someone is you.
It’s been weeks and he’s still just content to take the backseat while you do whatever work you need to do. It’s stupid, you know it’s stupid, but you want him to fight for you. You want to see that he is actually upset over what happened with Jungkook. It’s not healthy, you know that and your therapist reminds you it’s not healthy. You’re doing everything you can to make your brain catch up that it’s not healthy. You can’t shake it, though. All the doubts and insecurities creep back in when he still doesn’t seem bothered.
So you do the only thing you can think of, the thing your therapist disagrees with. Well, disagrees with the reasoning, not with the idea itself. You break off the relationship. He tries to approach it in such a way that leaves the door open for you both to come back to it down the road. You don’t want loose ends, so you lie. It hurts to see his face crumble when you say you just don’t love him and he should find someone that does. It’s cruel. You hate yourself for doing it. But you think it’s easier this way. This is too comfortable and you don’t want to string him along.
Then, you make the second decision your therapist disagrees with and text Jungkook. After seeing she can’t make you see her perspective on the break-up, she suggests spending some time alone to learn more about yourself. That’s terrifying. If she could hear your thoughts, surely she would not suggest leaving you alone with them. They’re intrusive and self-sabotaging and just loud, so loud.
Unsurprisingly, Jungkook is happy to hear from you, happier still to know that you’re unattached again. Not that he minds being discreet, he’s happy to confine things to the four walls of his apartment. It’s just that he also likes to get you dressed up and go out. He’s always liked having someone pretty on his arm, even if he’s just at some local sports bar.
That’s not where you end up tonight, though. Your head is especially loud and you want some quiet. Need to get lost in something other than the potential mess you’re making of your life. When Jungkook suggests a club a friend of his owns, you say yes before he even finishes asking. The place is familiar to you and it’s perfect, in all its noise, low lighting, and crowded spaces. There’s no better way (at least as far as you know) of quieting your brain than going somewhere even louder.
It’s easy to get lost, several drinks in, as you press your back into Jungkook on the dance floor. The tight dress that seemed like such a good idea rides up your thighs now, with a little help from the light sheen of sweat covering your body and a little more help from Jungkook’s hands that grip you tightly.
Everything is familiar. You’ve been here before, to this exact club with Jungkook, more than once. And it’s the kind of easy you’re looking for now. As his hand inches further up your thigh, you press further back into him, looking to erase any space between the two of you. Tonight is just to forget and Jungkook is excellent at that.
Maybe if you were a little less drunk, you would stop his hand. You are in public, after all. As it is, you really don’t care. He likes to tease, gets off knowing someone may see, and you’re not in the mood to put a stop to it. Tonight, he seems even more daring than usual. He lets his thumb graze the thin layer of fabric at your core, likely feeling how much you want him. You shudder as his warm breath tickles your ear.
“There’s a storage closet in the back that might be unlocked,” he says, voice low with desire.
And that’s new because you’re certain that of all the times you’ve fucked Jungkook, none of them have been at the club. It’s been close, getting a little carried away under the table in one of the VIP booths, running his hand up your shirt on the dance floor, but you’ve never fucked him here. You’re also a little too tipsy to register that at the moment when all you want is him.
It’s too loud for you to answer him so you just squeeze his hand and nod. That’s all the permission he needs, anyway. Before you can give it a second thought, he’s pulling you off the dance floor and down a hallway. He looks around like he’s not completely sure where he’s going and then sees a door.
The door opens and you’re both in without another thought. Jungkook crowds your space, pressing you against the closed door and stealing your gasp with his lips on yours. Your hands find purchase in his slightly shaggy hair and one of his hands digs into your hip, holding you firmly in place. Like there’s anywhere else you would rather be in that moment.
From the moment his lips make contact with yours, you remember why you ignored your therapist and walked away from your relationship. It’s just a kiss, granted a pretty heated one, but still. It’s just a kiss and your whole body is alive in a way it hasn’t been since the last time you were with him. As he trails kisses across your jaw and down your neck, you can feel the heat he leaves behind with each touch.
Jungkook also never makes you feel self-conscious about the way your body responds to him. Not that your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend now, ever said anything about your moans, but he was also really quiet in bed. And you stopped reacting as much, because it wasn’t the best part of your relationship. Not that you want to be dwelling on that now. Not as Jungkook is working his way down your body, clearly just as turned on as you, eliciting soft moans as he goes.
When he drops to his knees in front of you, you think you may really be done for. He lifts one of your legs and rests it on his shoulder, your dress hiking up around your hips in the process. You lean back against the door for support as his tongue makes contact through the thin fabric. It’s another tease, a Jungkook specialty, and you find you don’t much care. Thankfully, he quickly moves the fabric to the side. The movements of his tongue, fast and slow and fast again, are perfect. Your brain goes blank, just the kind of blank you need. No thoughts except for his tongue on you and the bliss of it. Even the thud of the bass out in the club dulls to background noise. Every one of your senses is present in this moment in a way you haven’t been lately.
His movements quicken and you knot your hands in his hair both to find purchase and to let him know that you’re close. Not that it’s hard to tell by the increase in your moans. He knows what he’s doing and he knows that he’s got you on the edge. You want to tell him that you want to feel him inside you and can’t make yourself speak the words. A second later it doesn’t matter. He slides one finger in, then quickly adds another and your brain goes fuzzy.
He pushes you over the edge too fast, you want to savor more of this moment, more of him. You register that somewhere in your bliss coming down from the orgasm. You need more of him, more contact, more of whatever it is that makes your brain go quiet. You’re catching your breath and refocusing when you notice his pants down around his ankles. Did he get that hard just from getting you off? He’s already pulling a condom on and you’re almost relieved.
“You didn’t think I was done with you yet, did you?” His confidence drips off of him when he’s like this and you wish you were the kind of girl who had something witty to say back. You wish, at least now, that he didn’t affect you like this.
Instead, all you do is shake your head at him. You don’t trust yourself to speak and he doesn’t seem to mind. In one movement, he puts his hands on the back of your thighs and picks you up, still keeping you pressed against the door. The next second, he’s slowly sliding into you, letting you adjust. It’s the only break he gives you before setting a fast pace. Your legs tighten around him and your nails dig into his back. You’re sure they would leave a mark if he didn’t have a shirt on. Part of you hopes maybe they still will.
One of the best parts about Jungkook is that he doesn’t ever need to ask what you want, he just seems to know. He knows what you like and when you want something faster like this or when to take his time. It’s like he’s mapped your body with the way he’s able to hit just the right spots in just the right way.
Your head rolls back against the door, eyes closed and brain numb. Even then, he manages to bring you back to him, kissing up your neck until you meet his lips. The kiss is messy, capturing each of your moans as they escape. Jungkook’s grip on your thighs is as strong as the pace he’s setting and it isn’t long before you’re falling over the edge again.
A pleasant daze settles over you as you do your best to look presentable so that you can leave the club. (You don’t succeed and you definitely look just fucked, but the club is in full swing and the only people who might be able to tell are the poor workers that have to stay sober).
“Do you want to come back to my apartment?” Jungkook asks the question, one hand gripping yours while the other pulls up Uber on his phone to order a ride home.
And it’s kind of funny, how he asks like he doesn’t know the answer. In the time you’ve known him, Jungkook has been a lot of things, but he’s always been confident above all else. So it catches you off guard that he asks.
“As long as it’s okay with you,” you say and he smiles that easy smile.
“Of course,” he says.
You can’t really place the feeling that settles over you at such a small exchange, everything is crowded with the lingering effects of alcohol and sex. But something feels different and you think you like it. Almost like a part of you is waking up.
The next few weeks pass in somewhat of a blur. You’re happier than you can remember feeling in a while, much more fulfilled in all aspects of your life. Despite some reservations that your therapist has, you agree to start seeing her every other week unless something changes. You’re hoping to drop it back down to once a month but understand her hesitance to make such a big change so quickly. It would be a shame to ruin all that forward progress, after all.
Most of your free time is spent with Jungkook, a fact that your best friends are quick to point out with some version of the same cautionary advice. They want you to be careful, want you to remember your history with him, don’t want you to get ahead of yourself. It seems like they just don’t understand. Yeah, you and Jungkook have been here before, multiple times, but this is different and they just haven’t seen that.
Every other time led up to this. It took a relationship falling apart for you to realize that none of the other times with Jungkook were failures, they were just your “right person, wrong time” moments. Now the timing is right for both of you.
You knock on the door to his apartment, surprise take out in one hand, realizing belatedly that maybe you should have given him a warning of some sort. What if he was busy or had already eaten?
“Oh hey, what a nice surprise,” Jungkook answers with a smile as he steps aside to let you in.
Suddenly, you feel kind of silly for the momentary worry that showing up like this would be too much. Jungkook seems like he meets you at each point, so this shouldn’t be any different. It also helps that you’ve known each other for years and you know the way to his heart (through his stomach with only his favorite foods).
The whole thing feels surprisingly normal in a way you weren’t expecting. Jungkook makes small talk as he gets plates from the kitchen and sets them down for you to eat. He offers you a drink from the fridge, gets one for himself, and it’s just…easy. The whole thing with him is easy and you’re so thankful that you took this chance. As it turns out, he’s exactly what you need. Maybe he’s even the reason your last relationship ended the way it did. Not that you would ever say that. For all his outward strength and his image, Jungkook can be surprisingly sensitive. The last thing you’d want would be him feeling responsible for causing other people pain.
You’re not really sure why you do it, but you mention that your friends have a lot of warnings about the relationship. In what should be typical Jungkook fashion, he brushes it, reassures you that you know what’s happening and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter what your friends think because you’re both happy and living in the moment. You smile at that. This is definitely the best kind of happy.
Once you’ve gotten plates of food, you settle down together and Jungkook pulls up Netflix. He’s got a whole list of movies and shows that you can pick from, all things he wants to see or thinks you’d like, he tells you. And that’s sweet, isn’t it? That he sees something on Netflix and saves it in case you want to watch it together. It makes your heart constrict a little bit. It doesn’t feel like something you do with someone who’s only casual. Surely his thinking about you, when you aren’t around, is a positive sign.
You sigh happily and let him decide what it is he wants to watch. Not that the two of you ever really finish anything. It’s the thought that counts though. And Jungkook seems to be thinking of you. For a second you wonder if this is just the list he’s created for anyone he has over, you haven’t talked about seeing other people. Until you realize that most of them are thrillers. It’s your favorite genre but probably not good for generally inviting girls over. You really need to stop second-guessing everything with him.
Another few weeks go by as easily as breathing and that small part of you that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop gets even quieter. You’re not even thinking that this feels different anymore because it is different. Instead of late-night (or really any odd hour of the day) texts, you’re making actual plans on when you’re going to see each other. It doesn’t feel like a fuck buddy, it feels like someone you’re moving along with in a different way. There’s a lightness to every space of your life now, a lightness that looks a lot like Jungkook.
Of all the things Jungkook is good at, and there’s a lot, because he’s hyper-competitive and doesn’t like losing, cooking is decidedly not one. That suits you just fine, though. Cooking is an absolute favorite of yours and cooking for someone you care about makes it all that much better. It had taken a little more convincing for Jungkook agree to you coming over and cook for him, he didn’t want to be a bother, but you were glad to be here now.
“I know this isn’t really what we do, but I have a family wedding to go to, for my cousin, and I was wondering if you’d come with me? It’s kind of last minute, I know. I just wasn’t expecting to have to go alone,” you say and Jungkook puts down his fork. You’re nervous again and you’re not quite sure why.
“Sure, why not?” Jungkook says easily.
“Really?” The question is out before you can stop it.
“I like spending time with you,” Jungkook says, “we have fun.”
“We do, yeah,” you agree. “It’s just…it’s like 2 hours away, so I got a room. And you’d obviously need a suit.”
“This may come as a surprise, but I have been to a wedding or two before, so I have plenty of suits. And what kind of idiot would I be to turn down an overnight date with you?” Jungkook is smiling as he says this and it puts you at ease.
“It’s in 2 weeks, which is really soon,” you say. Jungkook pulls out his phone.
“Friday or Saturday wedding?” He’s looking through his calendar to see what he’s got going on.
“Saturday,” you say and he puts his phone down.
“That’s fine, I’ve got something going on Friday, but Saturday and Sunday are all yours,” Jungkook says.
Easy. Everything is just easy. You weren’t even really thinking of asking him to come to the wedding when you decided to cook for him. It just seemed like the right timing to ask and your cousin had just texted you that afternoon asking if she should change the seating chart. Although she said it wasn’t a big deal, you know she’s secretly going to be relieved to not change anything.
Not planning things also really is your motto these days. You weren’t planning to stay over at Jungkook’s when you offered to cook. Yet you wake up in his bed the next morning all the same, like it was a foregone conclusion the second you stepped over the threshold.
You figure now that Jungkook is coming with you to a family wedding as your date, that your friends will get off of your back about him. And most of them do. It’s been over two months of seeing him, which makes it feel more stable. Mostly, they’re happy if you’re happy and know you’re enough of an adult to handle your own life. Most days, at least. It’s just one of your closest friends that’s holding out. Not that he doesn’t like Jungkook, because he does, he’s just also been friends with you since you were kids and he’s seen how this has gone.
“It’s different, Jimin,” you say for what feels like the hundredth time.
“Have you had The Talk?” He doesn’t put quotes around it, but you can hear them in his tone anyway.
“No, we haven’t had The Talk,” you say, matching his tone. “We’re both adults, like actual adults, I don’t think it’s necessary.”
“This time around with him started with you cheating on your ex,” Jimin says in a not-so-subtle reminder. If it were anyone else, you would leave.
“Thanks, I remember,” you bite back.
“I love you, you know that. I just want to make absolutely sure you’re not going to get hurt with this. I need to know he’s in this as much as you are,” Jimin says.
“Can you ever really know that?” The question seems valid enough.
“No, everything in relationships is a calculated risk. But it’s on you to make sure you have all the numbers before doing the calculations,” Jimin says.
“Meaning?” You think you know what he means, but it’s best to be sure.
“Meaning,” Jimin says with faux exasperation, “that the talk will let you know where he stands and allow you to be on the same page. He could lie, but then that’s on him if you get hurt. If you get hurt now, when you haven’t had the talk, that’s on you.”
“Little harsh, Jiminie,” you say, using the nickname to try and soften him.
It doesn’t work and he just shrugs. “We’ve done this song and dance a few times, maybe too many times. I just don’t want to see this end badly.”
“Then have a little faith, he is coming to a family wedding,” you say.
“And some of the way the conversation went makes me a little uneasy,” Jimin admits.
“Just have some faith. This time is different, I can feel it,” you say.
There’s a lot more than Jimin wants to say, a lot more he wants you to hear. But he’s also known you for years and seen you through every one of the Jungkook phases. People change all the time, he knows that. As people grow, the things they want or need evolve. Until you have an actual chat with him, though, Jimin is not ready to say this time will be different. It’s silly because he also knows that you’re going to do what you want, you always have. Not in a bad way, you’re just very stubborn when it comes to listening to advice. All he can do is hope for the best and be there if you need a shoulder. He tries not to think when you need a shoulder. As much as he likes being right, he likes you a whole lot more and he wants this to work.
The wedding goes well, great even. Jungkook is a hot topic of conversation, with a number of your family members gushing over how attractive he is and how good you look together. It gives you a small amount of pride to hear it too, even if it shouldn’t. It’s also good to have someone to retreat to when your family gets overwhelming. The added benefit of them not knowing him is that you both can slip out of conversations much easier. He’s never met anyone in your family and they don’t have as many questions for him. You also did an excellent job of establishing that you and him are very early on in the relationship, so questions about getting more serious are off the table.
Staying in a hotel with Jungkook is also a much better experience than you thought. You’ve stayed at each other’s places countless times over the years, but you’ve never gone away somewhere together. Even though it’s only a few hours from home, everything feels different. Everything feels more intimate. And there’s something to be said for hotel sex too. Everything is new and more exciting.
You reach out to Jimin the day after you get back to let him know how things went. And you’re a little surprised by his response. Instead of being excited for you that it’s going so well, he asks again if you’ve talked to Jungkook about where you are and where you’re going. It’s kind of a buzzkill and you’re quick to tell him so. But Jimin is stubborn too.
Jimin: I love you, you’re my best friend in the entire world, but I’m scared you’re going to end up hurt
Jimin: I’ll be here to celebrate once you talk to him and I’ll say sorry when it’s all cleared up, but until then, I can’t fully support it
That hurts. It’s like he doesn’t realize that in not wanting Jungkook to hurt you, he’s hurting you instead. You shake that thought off as quickly as it comes, though. It’s not his intention to hurt you and somewhere deep down, you know he’s making sense. Jimin has been your go-to person for everything in your life since a matter of months into the friendship. The two of you were able to click in a way you haven’t really experienced with anyone else. So yeah, maybe, on some level, you get where he’s coming from and maybe you’ll understand later. Not right now, though. Right now you’re just hurt and a little angry at your best friend for not supporting you the way you want him to.
(Jimin, to his credit, does think he’s supporting you. It may not be in the way you want him to and you may not see it, but it’s the way he needs to support you. There’s a moment where he thinks that he’s the friend you deserve, just not the one you need right now. So he’ll let you be mad at him as long as you need to. Or maybe he’s been watching Dark Knight too much lately.)
This is where you know you’re not always the best at being an adult. Whether Jimin is right or not becomes irrelevant because you’re more concerned with not letting him win. It’s like he tells you something and you have to do the opposite, just because. Which, really, that’s probably something you need to address in therapy. It’s probably not a healthy approach, but it’s where you’re at for now.
Things feel…a little different. Not good different, either. At first, you were positive that it was just the lingering effects of Jimin being Jimin. Even when he’s not speaking to you, since this is not the first time he’s done this, he’s very loud. But days go by and the pit in your stomach only gets deeper. You can’t separate your own thoughts and anxieties to see if anything with Jungkook is actually different.
When you stop to think about it, though, everything with Jungkook should be different. It’s been around three months now. Three months of you spending a truly absurd amount of time together. Three months of movie nights in, dinners out, random trips to the park. Three months of ending up in each other’s bed every time you went over. Three months of you not seeing anyone else. Was he seeing other people, though? Surely not. Would there really even be time?
But…
That nasty word coming up to haunt you again. But, could you really make any assumptions where another person was involved? After all, your ex had no reason to think anything was wrong with you, no reason to think the relationship was coming to a screeching halt. Yet, it did. It did because you stopped talking to him. Well, you didn’t stop talking to him, you said a lot of words. You just didn’t say any of the ones that actually mattered.
It’s impossible to keep the last conversation with Jimin off your mind. You will never tell him he was right, but you’re also constantly wondering if it’s time for that talk. Lately it’s been taking Jungkook longer to do everything. Longer to text you back, longer in between seeing each other, longer to come out of his phone if he checks it while you’re hanging out (something he never used to do).
And, okay, from the outside, you know how any of those things look. It’s just, you’re still really happy and you’re not really looking to give that up. You think that maybe what’s best, for now, is just to take a slight step back, not be the one to reach out to him and make plans. Either he’ll make plans with you or you will have the final push to have a conversation you should have had weeks ago. (Really, you should’ve had this conversation before you blew up your life, but who’s counting?)
Jungkook: hey, things have been kinda crazy with work, but can i see you tonight?
Which answers that, doesn’t it? You ignore your smarter thoughts, most of which are driven by Jimin’s words playing on repeat, and answer quicker than you should. Even though you offer to stop on your way to pick food up, Jungkook says he’s already picking something up and to just meet him at the apartment.
It’s all different now. Before, when things were only happy, you’d be excited that he knew you well enough to pick up takeaway for the both of you. Now, you wonder if he really has been busy with work. There’s something about the text that implies something’s shifted. You hate it and you want to just go back to before. Maybe tonight will be the perfect chance for that.
It’s not.
The silences are awkward and what’s worse is that you can’t tell if Jungkook feels awkward about it as well, or if it’s just you. Actually, what’s worse is you don’t know which you’d prefer. Then there’s this weird space between you while you’re watching a movie. It’s like you’re not really close enough to cuddle and you’re not really far enough away for it to be a normal, friend-sized space between you. It’s just this awkward limbo and you’re trying really hard not to overthink the space being a metaphor for where the two of you are in this weird relationship.
Jungkook is on his phone a lot throughout the movie too, which only worsens the way you feel. He says he’s still got a lot going on at work, that they’re in very real danger of missing deadlines and he’s so sorry. The rational part of you really wants to let it be that. The louder part of you, the one you know is irrational, can’t leave it alone. At least internally. You know you can’t say anything out loud and have it come across right. Your internal monologue is another story, though.
But, that’s the thing, isn’t it? You made a lot of assumptions about where you were with Jungkook, about what the two of you were doing, about it being a relationship. The reality is you’ve been fucking regularly for months now and haven’t bothered to define things. It was perfect at the beginning, when Jungkook insisted that the two of you knew what was happening and what other people thought didn’t matter. It made you feel like it was you against everyone else. Which should’ve been a clue. A relationship should never put you against the people outside of it. A healthy relationship should be able to integrate into your regular life.
You don’t stay over at his place that night. Jungkook offers and even makes it seem like he wants you to. You might even believe him if he didn’t mention getting up early for work and checking his phone. That annoying voice in the back of your head is shouting danger, danger, danger. The ugly thoughts wonder if he actually wants you to stay at all or if he just doesn’t want to be the bad guy for sending you home.
He gives you a kiss in the doorway and you’re on your way out. The last little bit of positivity in the back of your mind is hoping he’ll change his mind, that he’ll come rushing out and say he’s been stupid. Of course he wants you to stay and of course it’s worth it being tired at work tomorrow because he’s missed you, things have been off, and he wants to make sure he fixes them.
But, he doesn’t do any of those things. The doubts firmly take hold of your brain.
The next day, you’re still thinking over what you want to do when you get an unexpected text from him. He’s got a function after work, the kind of thing where you have to go to a bar and pretend you want to be socializing with coworkers off the clock, but it’s okay because the boss usually buys a few rounds. It’s the kind of thing someone might ask their partner to come to, so they’re not so bored.
Jungkook’s message is clear. He wants to see you. After he’s done with the work function, which he warns might not be until later. So he understands if it’s too late for you to come over since it is still during the week and you have to work tomorrow. He seems genuinely excited when you say you’ll definitely still come over and your heart constricts for a second.
You need to set your phone aside, just for a second, just long enough to let your heart settle back down, because you’ve made up your mind. It’s time (past time, honestly) that you have a real conversation with Jungkook. This last exchange proves it. You’re back to being the girl he calls up after a night out at the bar, the booty call for sex. Admittedly, it is the best sex you’ve ever had, but that’s not the point. For a bit, you were the girl that he made plans with. And, yeah, he’s asking you before he goes to the bar if you’ll be there after. But, the fact is, it’s still same day and it’s not really anything more than a hook-up text.
The text from Jungkook letting you know he’s heading home comes and you take a couple shots to give yourself the confidence to go through with The Talk. You weren’t planning on driving anyway. No matter how this goes, you’re not planning to head home afterwards so having your car seems more inconvenient than anything.
Apparently, Jungkook only beats you there by a few minutes, which might’ve bothered you in any other situation. The way he says it sounds accusatory in your mind. All you can see now is talking before you lose the little bit of liquid courage you have.
“Do you want to watch a movie or do you just want to…” Jungkook asks, trailing off suggestively.
That pit in the bottom of your stomach worsens. The unfinished question hangs between you like a glaring sign saying he just wants to fuck you. It all just feels really cheap and like another waste of your time. Just another in a long line of mistakes. Only one way to find out, though, and so you take a deep breath and dive in.
“Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you,” you say and that brings him up short.
“About what?” Jungkook asks.
He seems defensive. It’s all wrong. Something in you had been holding out hope that this would go exactly the way you wanted it to. That hope gets harder to hold onto.
“Just…this, us,” you say, hating how you sound so unsure.
“Us?” Jungkook asks and somehow that makes you angrier. Is he being fucking stupid on purpose?
“Yeah, Jungkook, us,” you say with more bite than you intended. “We’ve been doing this dance for, what, like 3 or 4 months? What are we doing, exactly?”
Jungkook’s confused. He gets this look on his face sometimes, like he’s trying to work out a really complex calculus problem and just can’t make things make sense. It makes him look younger, more innocent. It makes you want to protect him. But you can’t afford to think that way, and he doesn’t need to be protected.
“We’re just, I don’t know, we’re hanging out. We’ve been having fun, you know, everything is just easy, which is nice,” Jungkook says.
“Just hanging out and having fun? What, are we back in college?” Your voice raises an octave because, despite all your planning, you really aren’t ready for this.
“I’m not really sure what’s happening here,” Jungkook admits.
“I’m just confused,” you admit in return. “Like we’re always together, we go out on dates. You came with me to a family wedding for fuck’s sake.”
“Yeah, because I like hanging out with you and the wedding seemed important to you,” Jungkook says.
“It was important but still, what is this?”
Jungkook really still looks helpless and you’re constantly reminding yourself not to take care of him. It’s not what either of you needs. “Why does it have to be something defined? Why does there have to be this big deal?”
“Because we’re grown now, because I can’t keep blowing up my life for…” you start, but cut yourself off, quickly closing your mouth again.
“No, blowing your life up for what? For me?” Jungkook asks and you look away, unable to see him looking at you like that. “I never asked you to blow up your life for me.”
“You didn’t exactly turn me away that night either. You knew I was in a relationship,” you say and he scoffs.
“Yeah, I did know. But last time I checked, it’s not my responsibility to make sure you don’t cheat on your partner. I wasn’t the one in a relationship,” Jungkook says.
“No, because you’re never in a relationship, you’re always just having fun,” you say, voice dripping with disdain.
“And what’s so wrong with that? I’ve never been anything but honest about exactly who I am and what I want,” Jungkook says.
“People change all the time! Excuse me for thinking you’d grow the fuck up and realize actually being with someone isn’t that bad,” you say and Jungkook rolls his eyes again.
“What do you think I’ve been doing? I know being with someone isn’t bad. We’ve been having a great time for months until whatever the fuck this is,” Jungkook says.
“And how many other girls have you been having a good time with at the same time?” The question is out before you can even figure out if you want to ask it.
Opposite you, Jungkook rolls his lips together, like he’s trying to give himself a minute before answering. He can have a short temper at times.
“I’m not really sure why the answer to that question matters,” Jungkook says and you shake your head.
“I should’ve known,” you say.
“None though, for the record. Like I told you, I’ve been busy at work. So, I’m either there, working out, playing video games, or with you,” he says and you come up short.
“What?”
“Don’t take that the wrong way,” Jungkook says quickly. “I haven’t fucked anyone else in months, and I haven’t wanted to either. I’ve been having a great time with you. But, that also doesn’t mean this is something more than it is.”
“Meaning?” The balloon of hope pops just as quickly as it formed and you’re feeling even worse than before.
“Meaning,” Jungkook starts. “I don’t want…this. I don’t want to be fighting with you about some bullshit definition of what we are or where we’re headed. I like you, I do. But my answers to those still haven’t changed from the first time we hooked up 7 years ago. I don’t want that super committed relationship with expectations and check-ins and eventually marriage. I don’t want a house and kids and a white picket fence so the dog doesn’t get out.”
“You make it sound like a death sentence,” you say, completely deflated.
“I don’t mean to, it’s just not for me. It’s not what I’ve ever wanted and I’ve never kept that a secret,” Jungkook says. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe it is like a death sentence for me.”
“It feels like a slap in the face,” you admit and Jungkook bristles at that.
“Why? Because I don’t want the same things as you?”
You struggle to find the right words because that’s not what you meant. “Because you must have known it’s what I wanted and yet we still kept going.”
“I guess I figured you heard me when I said, over and over again, that it wasn’t what I wanted,” Jungkook says. “I figured you heard me and you could make your decisions on what you wanted.”
“It just seemed like…” you start and frown. “We’re always together, it felt like more.”
“So you just assumed that it was something more without even asking me about it?” Jungkook asks and gets a glare in response.
“Okay, that’s a little extreme,” you say.
“Is it? I can see it. You’re mad at me, which I get, kind of,” Jungkook admits. “But also, I don’t get it? Because none of this had to happen. If you’d talked to me instead of building it all up in your head…”
“Wow, that was kind of a dick move,” you retort and he shakes his head.
“Or is it a dick move to create a whole relationship in your head and then make me the bad guy for not being on the same page?”
That brings you up short again. Does he have a point? Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?
“I do actually care about you,” Jungkook says. “I know that may be hard to believe, but I do. It’s also really fucked up to create a whole world in your head and then turn me into the bad guy for not being on the same page. I always said we were having fun, that it didn’t matter what friends thought, that we’re just going a day at a time.”
“Because you knew, Jungkook, you had to,” you say. He furrows his eyebrows at you. “You’ve always said things like that and for what? What reason do you have to constantly remind me what this is if you don’t think there’s confusion?”
“Once again, it is not my job to force a conversation you may want to have. Weren’t you just saying we’re not still in college? That goes both ways,” Jungkook says.
Round and round and round in circles you and Jungkook go. You’re mad at him for something that he may not even be able to control, something that you’ve always known about him. And you’re mad that he’s known you probably weren’t on the same page for a while. He’s mad that you’ve had so many of these conversations in your head or with friends without cluing him in. He’s mad that he feels like the bad guy.
The whole fight feels pointless, honestly. You both are mad at the other and maybe you both have a reason to be annoyed. Maybe he has a point and maybe you need to take a step back to examine some of the decisions that you’ve made too. Maybe he’s not the only one bringing this house of cards crashing to the floor.
And maybe that’s not something you want to deal with tonight.
The rational part of your brain knows you should leave and call an Uber straight to Jimin’s apartment. That same part knows that even if he has someone over, he’ll drop everything to make sure you’re okay. He won’t even start the I told you so until tomorrow. Because Jimin can be a giant pain in the ass when he wants to, but he’s got the biggest heart in the world. Going to Jimin’s is absolutely the right decision.
That’s why you call an Uber and head to the bar.
After a few drinks, the empty seat next to you is taken by a stranger with fluffy hair and an easy smile. Despite your protests, he takes over your tab so that you can keep drinking. It’s a bad idea, you know it’s a bad idea, and you don’t really care. You don’t really have any room for good ideas right now.
For his part, he actually seems like a decent guy, if you were sober and present enough to notice. He tells you his name, his job, about his friends. You think he even mentions movies he likes. Nothing about it feels like the normal situation at a bar. Then again, it’s a Wednesday night, not exactly prime time to be out picking someone up.
The next morning, you wake up in a too bright room in an unfamiliar bed and immediately start piecing things together. The conversation with Jungkook and your subsequent decision to get completely shit-faced come rushing back. A sense of shame washes over you. This is the part where some attractive guy, usually one you somehow know, walks into the bedroom, maybe wearing just a towel, and you realize what you did.
Except this isn’t a movie, thankfully, and somehow you’re actually clothed in the bed. You’re in an oversized t-shirt and gym shorts, but you also still have your bra and underwear on. Likely a sign that nothing happened beyond you getting embarrassingly drunk last night. Actually, looking around the room, it looks more like a guest bedroom than the master. Did you actually manage to find a decent guy when you were hellbent on making bad decisions?
You aren’t really in the mood to figure any of it out. Your clothes are folded up beside the bed and, when you get up, you hear the shower running. It’s the perfect time to leave without having to have an awkward conversation. And since you were at your quota for those, you grab your phone from beside the table and slip out, thankfully unseen.
First up, your text thread with Jimin. Which is a mistake, of course you had texted him and of course it was barely coherent. But bless Jimin, honestly, because you see he had taken care of calling you out of work. Actually, bless him for having all your passwords and being able to sign into your email to send the message. You know part of him calling you out is also so that he can carry out his Jimin-approved therapy, but you’ll take it. You’ll even take him telling you he was right.
In a slightly uncharacteristic move, Jimin is waiting outside your door when the Uber drops you off. He’s already been shopping for the essentials and he’s got his arms open for you to collapse into him before even crossing the threshold into the apartment. There’s nothing on his face except for care and concern, which really isn’t surprising. His beating you to your own apartment may be surprising, but him being the best friend you’ve ever had isn’t.
Everything kind of pours out of you at once when you and Jimin sit down on your couch, the tears, the self-loathing, the anger, the confusion, the pain. So much pain. Pain over your ex, pain over Jungkook, pain over past shit that you really thought you were over. It’s like the past months with Jungkook were just a bandaid, putting off the day you would eventually feel everything. There’s no putting it off anymore though. Now you’re in it and you’re so thankful for a friend like Jimin to hold your hand.
He’s surprisingly quiet throughout the whole thing. He listens to your thoughts, comforts you during the gaps in speaking, makes sure you have snacks and something to drink, keeps music playing quietly in the background because he knows you hate the silence. He asks questions that are gentle, nothing too heavy or accusatory. The only time he gets firm is when you cry about not deserving a friend like him.
“Yeah, you can be an asshole sometimes, but don’t ever let me catch you talking that way about yourself,” Jimin says, unmoving. “You’re human and we all make mistakes. We learn and we move forward. I won’t let you be mean to yourself, though. That’s what you don’t deserve.”
Once you feel like you’ve said everything that you could possibly say, Jimin informs you that you’re taking tomorrow off as well and that he’ll be staying over. Just like when you were in college. The order for the night was trashy TV and junk food and no wine for you because you’re still hungover and no talking about feelings at all. You can pick all that up again tomorrow, but tonight is about giving your brain a break.
It takes much longer than you expect to really come to terms with what happened between you and Jungkook. You haven’t seen him since you walked out the door. In fact, you hadn’t even texted him until reaching out yesterday to see if he was willing to meet up. It wasn’t to work through things, though, as much as it was for you to heal. And hopefully for him to heal as well.
The past few months have been some of the scariest and most rewarding of your life. You’ve never really been alone, separate from a partner. You’ve gone from one relationship to the next for as long as you could remember and ignored anyone suggesting to take time nearly as long. The fight with Jungkook had been a wake-up call, an unwelcome one at the time, but one that you can now see the value in. It forced you to really look at yourself, at your choices, at everything that led you to that moment, to learn what you actually wanted.
And you don’t really know what you want, but you think it’s somewhere between your ex and Jungkook. Yes, you want something stable and comfortable, someone that you know and that you can rely on. At the same time, you want someone that will challenge you, excite you, keep you on your toes. It was unfair of you to put all that onto Jungkook. Whatever mistakes he may have also made, you want to own yours. Part of you knew that he was never going to be what you needed him to be and rushed forward head first anyway.
Everything led you to this point now, where you wait for Jungkook to show up. He had replied quicker than you expected and seemed happy to meet, despite you being clear on needing to talk to him. Maybe there were things he needed to say too.
The tinkling of the bell over the door catches your attention and you watch Jungkook walk through the doors, somehow exactly the same. It’s only been a few months, you remind yourself, not like he could change entirely.
The next part feels awkward, how do you greet him? You stand, considering what to do, when he saves you the trouble and goes in to give you a quick hug. Nothing too serious and also nothing too formal.
“Thanks for meeting me,” you say and he smiles.
“Of course,” he says. “I’ve been thinking about everything that happened too, honestly, so it felt like a good time.”
And just like that, it’s easy to talk. Really talk. Jungkook lets you go first and you lay out everything you’ve learned over the past couple months. He lets you make your apologies and makes his own. You’re able to take ownership of the mistakes you make, because you really understand them after months working through your shit, and feel like he’s forgiven you for how you handled things. You know that you can never fully expect to get closure in life, but this feels close. It feels like you can actually close the door on a chapter to move forward.
Apparently he’s been doing a lot of work on himself too. He admits to knowing that you were in deeper than he was and letting it go on anyway, something he’s not proud of and something he hopes you’ll forgive. He’s not there yet but he’s working on better communication, letting partners know what he can give and what he can’t. He’s trying to figure out what it is he actually wants and what he doesn’t. Even though you don’t need him to say it, he also wants you to know that, as cliche as it sounds, it wasn’t you. Not entirely at least. He got so caught up in how good the physical side of things was that he didn’t consider how you were both hurting each other.
Neither one of you is really sure how to leave things. Part of you, and you can see part of him too, wants to ask if there’s a way to move forward as friends. He’s been part of your life on and off for the past 7 years, since meeting when you were only 18 years old. You take the plunge, though, and say that he’s always going to have a place in your heart. You’re just not sure he can have a place in your life, at least not now. There’s a moment of relief on his face. Like he’s happy you were the one to make the call because he isn’t sure he could. He really does have a lot of work to do, he says.
“Do you know him?” Jungkook asks as the conversation is naturally winding down.
You turn your head to follow his eyes on a man wearing dress pants and a nice shirt. He seems caught up in whatever he’s reading on his laptop, slightly shaggy hair slipping into his eyes. You’re about to say no when he looks up and meets your eyes. There’s something…familiar about him. Like you know him from somewhere that you’ve forgotten. Almost like the memory is hazy and you can’t fully grasp it. He smiles, a really nice smile, and then looks back down at his laptop.
“I don’t think so,” you finally answer.
“He keeps looking over here,” Jungkook comments. You look for any sign of anything negative on his face, but it isn’t there.
“Yeah, I don’t know, if I do know him, I can’t figure out from where,” you admit.
“Maybe you should say hi,” he says and you just smile.
“With you here?” you ask.
Jungkook smiles with a shake of his head. He’s standing up the next second. “I actually have to go to an appointment with my therapist.”
“I’m proud of you,” you say and stand as well to give him another hug. Slightly less awkward this time.
“I’m proud of you too, proud of us, really,” he says.
“Take care, Jungkook,” you say.
“You too,” he answers with a smile.
Just like that, he’s heading out the door. He looks back once to smile at you and you wave. You’re wondering if that’s the last time you’ll see him. Maybe it is and maybe that’s exactly how it should be. Things feel better now, easier. There’s no lingering doubts and even though you know you still have a ways to go, you think that you can really do it this time.
But before you can retreat further into your own head, a voice breaks through your thoughts.
“This seat still taken?”
You look up to find the man that Jungkook asked about moments earlier and that’s when it clicks. Yes, you do know him and you finally remember from where. The world certainly works in mysterious ways.
i hope you liked it, it was definitely a ride writing it <3
#jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#kvanity#bangtantheatrenet#jungkook angst#jungkook x you#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fic#jungkook imagine#jungkook scenarios#bts fic#bts smut#bts x reader#bts x you#bts scenarios#bts imagines
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Forever Mine (Kendall Roy Succession Request)
Pairing: Kendall Roy (Succession) x F! Reader
Rating: Explicit (Breeding Kink/ Jealous Kendall)
Word Count: 2.1k
Request: "Hiii Scarlett!!! I LOVE to read your kendall roy writings💜 can you write something about kendall trying to get you pregnant( bc I LOVED breeding kink) ?? Or having rough sex bc getting jealous of one of his friends' attention to u??"
Author's note: Thank you so much for this excellent request, I kind of combined the two ideas into the below fic for you 🥰💕
Forever Mine
"How can a company that makes more money than really exists in the world still need more investors?" You sighed into your fizzing glass of champagne as you continued to circulate through the crowd, Gerri stifling a laugh at your side.
"How'd you think the rich stay rich? They never use their own money for anything." She feigned a smile as a group of men shuffled past, their metaphorical wallets straining against the fabric of their designer suits as they moved. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go make them all feel important, so I can keep my job." You could see her eyes roll as she plastered on a fake smile and left you stood by the bar, hoping that Kendall would get bored soon enough and call it a night for the both of you. You never minded being his plus one to events like this, the chance to see him in his charming element not one you'd pass up, Ken stealing glances your way all night with a smile on his face that he only wore for you. But after a few hours the conversations always wore a little thin, and you usually found one of the old guard hovering beside you to make sure you weren't doing anything that might get people commenting.
"Are you waiting for a drink?" An strangely familiar voice snapped you back to reality, spinning on your heels to find a tall, well-built man in his fifties smiling at you like a lion spying a gazelle.
"No, I'm all set thank you, just pausing here for a moment." You replied with a courteous smile, taking a small step backwards as if you were blocking the bar that spanned the length of the decadent hall.
"Would you mind if I 'pause' with you for a moment?" It was then that you placed his suave voice in your mind, the man an up-and-coming congressman that couldn't stop appearing on ATN news shows, repeating whatever lines Logan's team had written from him that day. As he leaned over the bar to ask for a whiskey you took the opportunity to glance around for an exit plan, but with groups of investors all deep in conversation on every side of you, you swallowed the acid in your throat and resigned yourself to an uncomfortable conversation with the awful man in front of you.
"Of course, it's a pleasure to meet you congressman." Kendall would've been able to tell your polite tone was entirely fake, but the man in front of you smirked proudly at the title, pleased you knew who he was and hoping to score more than financial backing from you this evening.
"The pleasure's all mine." He stretched out the hand that wasn't holding an ornate crystal glass, taking what should have been a courteous handshake way too far as he leant forward to bring his lips to the top of your hand, still curled in a stomach curdling smirk as they pressed against your skin. "Now tell me, exactly how much would I have to invest in Waystar for you to leave this shindig with me tonight?"
"You might have better luck if you don't hit on the date of the richest man in here." Before you could spit out your own retort, you heard the dark drawl of Kendall appearing beside you, face twisted in stoney discontent as the political pawn tried to save face a little.
"Fair enough, I know when I'm beat." He raised his hands in fake surrender as he backed away, but not before throwing a final uncomfortable wink your way, "You know who I am, if you change your mind." You could feel Kendall's hand fall to your lower back in response, trying to keep you in the palm of his hand, as if this disgusting character could actually pull you away from him. Hoping to lighten the tension between the two men before Kendall pulled some strings and ended this man's career, you let out an uneasy laugh,
"Well you've got my vote." You cringed at the hollow chuckle from Kendall beside you as your politician smiled again and stepped off into the crowd, looking for easier prey, leaving you to try and reassure the embodiment of jealousy beside you.
"Kendall, you know-"
"You ready to get out of here?" He cut you off before you could start, the unsettling smile on his face difficult to read as he threaded his fingers through yours and scouted out the nearest lift to take you out of the events hall and up to the hotel suites the Roy family had booked out for the night.
"Yeah, of course, let's go love." You said the final word extra softly, watching the corners of his mouth twitch slightly, unable to contain his warmth at the affectionate pet name, your love the truest thing he'd known in his complex life.
You felt his hand squeeze yours as he led you through the crowd until finally the two of you were alone, the chirpy elevator music cutting through an otherwise tense silence.
"You know I was trying to be polite Ken." You offered reassuringly, Kendall keeping his gaze fixed to the floor numbers illuminating on the touch screen beside you.
"I know honey, it's not your fault men can't fucking stay away from you." His tone was almost vindicative as the doors finally opened on your floor, a sprawling penthouse for just the two of you, another exquisite home away from home for the night.
The moment the doors behind you slid shut, Kendall was on top of you, his teeth clashing against yours with the sheer force of his passion. The crash of his lips took your breath away as his hands found your hips, gripping them tight enough that the silky fabric of your dress bunched in handfuls as he guided your back to the chaise longue that stood at the opening of the suite, the bedroom far too great a distance to travel.
As your lower back met the antique fabric, Kendall's hands skimmed up your the length of your spine, sending shivers through your body as his lips moved hungrily to your neck, a devouring the soft flesh there enough to leave a trail of deep purple lovebites,
"Why is it so fucking hard for everyone to see that you're mine?" Kendall panted into your neck as he pulled the straps of your dress down your shoulders, handling you with rough, frantic movements, his chest heaving against yours as he worked to free you from the satin that came between you.
"I'm all yours Kendall." You breathed out as your dress hit the floor, relishing in the guttural growl the words drew from the still fully-dressed man, drinking in the sight of you as he cupped your cheek in his hand and drew you in for another hungry kiss.
"I know love, I just think we need to make that more obvious." His tongue danced against yours as his eye fluttered shut, shrugging off his jacket as you pushed it from his shoulders. His lips trailed over your chin and down your throat as he sunk to his knees. He sucked and nipped at your exposed skin, his hands running along your sides as his head sank between your breasts before settling at your stomach, peppering the soft curves with kisses as his fingers tugged your panties down your thighs, helping you step out of them so nothing obstructed his perfect view of your body.
"How are we gonna do that?" You questioned absentmindedly as you let the sensation flooding from his sinking kisses run through your veins, his lips inching closer and closer to your tingling centre. You didn't miss the devilish glint in his eye as he paused and looked up at you, face hovering so close to your entrance you could feel his hot breath against your sensitive skin.
"I can think of two ways." He nuzzled his nose softly against your clit and watched the way your body reacted so desperately to his touch, your hips twitching forward and your chest rising as you gasped at the contact. His tongue darted forward to add to the sensation, lapping at the bundle of nerves while one hand snaked up your inner thigh. The moan you let out as he hummed against you only made him happier as his fingers toyed with your slit, now wet with your slick from the way he'd manhandled you. "It's so easy for me to tell you're all mine when you get this wet for me." His fingers dipped inside your entrance as he spoke, you knees all but buckling at the relief in your throbbing core at the contact, the arm of the sofa behind you the only thing keeping you upright.
"All for you Kendall." His name came out entirely in moan as he plunged two of his fingers into you with a frantic rhythm, wanting to get you more than ready to feel the rest of him deep inside you.
"Maybe I should let everyone know just how much you like my fingers inside you by putting a fucking enormous diamond on yours." He watched, enamoured by the way you eyes shot open at his words before clenching shut as his lips found your clit again, bringing you so close to the edge of your pleasure that all you could do was smile and hum in agreement at his words. As he started to feel the familiar tremble of your thighs he pulled his hand away, groaning at the needy whimper that left your lips as he did.
"Ken?" Your eyes were as pleading as your words as you watched him unbuckle his belt, rubbing your thighs together to try and ease some of the frustration that was pulsing in your centre.
"I think the second way is much more fun though." His eyes were dark with desire as he kicked off his dress pants, letting you see his hard length leaking excitedly as he grabbed your hips and helped you fall backwards onto the long loveseat behind you, quickly following suit, kneeling in between your thighs to keep your legs spread for him. He ran his tip through your dripping folds, watching you whine and flinch at the sensation, trying to drive him into action,
"What's the second way to let people know I'm all yours?" Kendall watched your chest rise and fall as you panted out the words, so sensitive from being brought to the edge that his teasing had you writhing around underneath him. Grinning like a devil he finally lined himself up with your entrance, waiting until he spoke to buck his hips harshly into you.
"To get you pregnant. Fuck!" He cried out as slammed his hips against yours, hitting the spot deep inside you that had you arching your back and crying out in agreement. "You'd like that wouldn't you. For everyone to know how well you take my dick. How full I get you."
"Yes daddy," You moaned, overwhelmed by his relentless pace as he fucked hard and fast into you, his hands running over your stomach until they reach your bouncing chest. His hands cupped your breasts, fingertips teasing your nipples as he stared down at you, completely dominating your body.
"Everyone would be able to see these get bigger, and I bet they'd get so sensitive I could have you in tears just playing with your nipples. We can practice you having my lips on them all day until you've soaked through every set of fucking lingerie I've ever bought you." He could see the wide desperation in your eyes as your pleasure climbed again, every pinch and thrust setting every cell in your body alight.
"I'm so close, please." You cried out, volume almost a scream as you begged for your release, Kendall's own thrusts losing rhythm as he fought to make this moment last forever.
"You want me to cum in you? You want me to fill you up and make you lie here until your carrying my seed? Until it's clear to everyone that you're mine forever?" His questions were all but drowned out by the chanting yeses that spill from your lips as your walls clenched around him and your body started to shake with your release.
"Yes Ken, I'm yours forever." You managed to breathe out as the waves of pleasure washed over you, amplified by the incredibly feeling of him spilling inside you, the warmth deep in your abdomen somehow more intense than usual knowing that Kendall's breeding kink had been fully awakened, and he wouldn't satisfied until he'd filled you with as much of him as you could take.
Leaning forward his elbows settled either side of your head, lips meeting yours for a sweet kiss as he repeated the words, "Mine. Forever."
"All yours love." You echoed softly, the devotion in his eye clear as his lips returned to yours again and again, drinking in the sweet taste of your affections.
"You know we're not leaving this room until you're so full of my cum, it's dripping out of you, right?"
#writing#fanfiction#one shot#requests#kendall roy headcanon#kendall roy succession#kendall roy x reader#kendall roy#kendall roy imagine#kendall roy smut#kendall succession#succession imagine
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status update (?)
it's 2024, my real life is a bit of a mess (pending job change & cross country move), and i need a plan. i keep getting this urge to streamline, instead of bouncing around between fics like a goldfish with no attention span, so i'm going to lean into that and hope to god we get some results.
this is in terms of actively writing and posting. guaranteed i will still be daydreaming and plotting for all fics, but i still want to share some expectations with you all so we are on the same page and so i can hold my self accountable to my own imaginary deadlines.
at this point in time, i am going to post and complete SPRING FEVER first. it is the easiest and quickest to finish (pun intended) by far. and the only reason i haven't done it, is because i'm convinced the majority of you want other updates first. but i need to get it out of my head and off my plate.
after spring fever is completed... give me a few weeks? then THE PATH FROM YOU takes the drivers' seat. we are so close to the climax and conclusion, that it *should* go pretty quick and fast-paced from here. I don't have a timeline for completion but my goal is to post one chapter a month once we get to that point.
here is where i'm going to disappoint some of you. ALREADY GONE is going on hiatus. at least until the path from you is finished. this fic started as a side project, a distraction (read: shitpost), and now I have to rethink some things and potentially even dedicate myself to some mild rewrites. there is just a lot I want to do with it now, that i didn't in the beginning, and i want to be able to dedicate my full headspace to it. because the emotions and conclusion could be so good, but only if i give it time.
for hannah 2.0 and val: MEMORIES FEEL LIKE WEAPONS will get it's day in the sun. i've been taking notes on it for over a year, and i definitely need to work through it and finish it before i even attempt a tpfy sequel. there is so much i want to showcase in this fic outside of ginny's journey, but like with already gone, i need the time and headspace to do it. i will also, almost definitely, rewrite and repost chapter 2 at some point. i have more groundwork i need to lay with a certain slytherin. but that's a discussion for another day.
if this is in anyway a let down for you, i'm sorry. but this is the only way i can stay sane during a total life upheaval. thanks for sticking around if you've read this far and still like me. as always, i will post an changes or updates as soon as i figure them out.
love you all,
hannah <3
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I need to stop making Aus and not do anything with them, but Prince Ballister has a hold of my brain, so have some little ideas.
EDIT: forgot to tag @mvjerbs bcs their art caused this
Bal's adopted by the queen during his "breaking-into-the-Institute-bcs-he-wants-to-be-a-knight" thing, and she goes "free baby" and scoops him up.
He has a generally easier time, even if he's a bit disappointed about not being a knight. It's one thing for even the queen to stray from Gloreth's doctrine and allow a commoner to be a knight.
Like, people don't like a commoner becoming heir to the throne, but that's seen as being up to the queen, and the closer relationship protects Bal from people's scorn.
The Director becomes concerned as Bal gets older and more involved in politics, as he starts suggesting stuff like helping the lower classes or anything that affects the status quo, which could put the city (*ahem* the Director) in danger.
The queen had been a bit sheltered from problems in the realm, but takes Bal's advice seriously and starts looking into ways to help people.
I have a couple of ideas as to how he meets Nimona:
Follow canon, somewhat. They meet after the main plot kicks off with Nimona opening Bal's eyes to how much worse the situation is and how corrupt the Institute is etc.
Or, they actually meet when he's younger, and she gives him far more radical ideas as to how they can help the realm.
For the first one, just Bal suggesting they should allow commoners to become knights would be enough to set the Director off, but in the second scenario, Bal could suggest actually trying to explore beyond the walls.
Not sure if I'd have Bal be framed in the second scenario: I feel like they could announce the intention to take down part of the wall ON the wall, and the Director makes it look like someone from outside attacks the royals.
Bal survives, but loses an arm. Thanks to Nimona, he suspects the Director, who demonises him and makes herself regent.
As for Goldenheart, Bal still wanted to learn how to sword fight, so Ambrosius was assigned to be his sparring partner.
Gloreth's descendents also often become royal bodyguards.
This can involve anything from pining over not being able to be together, to saying "fuck it" and doing so behind closed doors.
In the "Bal has known Nimona for years" scenario, Ambrosius knows about her too and agrees that they should help people and explore beyond the walls.
If nothing else, it does give him the opportunity to do something new as Gloreth's descendent.
He still believes in the Institute and doesn't think the Director would hurt anyone, but he also still believes in Bal's plan and doesn't like how he's being treated after the queen is murdered.
So there's some tension going on there as he tries to figure out what he should do.
Again I have put too much thought into this, and I'm not gonna have the attention span/confidence to write a whole fic, but I needed to get it out of my head lol.
#netflix nimona#prince ballister au#goldenheart#nimona#ballister boldheart#ambrosius goldenloin#queen valerin#the director#also bal in pretty royal outfits makes me happy#but i can't draw 😔
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Picture Me
Summary: Peter Parker's shy in most things, until he's behind the camera. [1.6k words]
T/W: smut [18+ only, minors away!!], exhibitionism, f+m masturbation
A/N: My first Peter fic/smut! Tbh this can be any Peter you want, but I had Andrew's in mind while writing. As a photographer myself, I fell in love with Spider-Man's camera savviness, and clung to it since Tobey. Kinda upset we never saw that part of the character with Tom. Divider by @silkholland.
Tagging @corrodedcorpses for supporting this <3
Peter was different than any person you've ever dated. He was shy, timid, and extra sweet. He second-guessed himself often, even when you assured him he was perfect. The only time he never questioned himself was when he was behind his camera, snapping shot after shot of whatever caught his eye through the little lens. His confidence soared when you complimented the finished photos, boosting his self-esteem beyond comprehension. But when the camera was away, those self-esteem issues crept back in, clouding his brain in self-deprecating thoughts.
The two of you had only been dating a few short months, but your friendship had spanned years. All it took was one drunken night for feelings to be shared, and bodies to be explored, to change everything. Peter was by no means shy in the bedroom, but it was obvious he was holding back. The little things gave him away– the clenched fists during a particularly messy blowjob, or the lip bite when you slowed your bouncing on his cock. You tried everything to push him past that line, but it proved much more difficult than anticipated. He was simply afraid to let that side of him out. That's what caused the genius idea to hit you so hard it had your thighs clenching under the table over dinner.
Peter sat across from you, talking about his woes as a journalism photographer, trying to make ends meet on the bullshit excuse of pay. You're half-listening, half-drowning in the idea of Peter taking you over the table right now, throwing the dishes to the floor or letting them fall off the table with every hard thrust of his hips.
"I want you to photograph me," you interrupt. Peter glances up at you from his plate, pausing his movements.
"I've taken photos of you before," he replied, placing his fork down. He's confused, a bit worried even. You seem serious, and haven't been able to give your full attention to him since you sat down.
"I want you to photograph me... naked." The last word leaves your mouth in almost in a question. You're not sure that's what you even had in mind. But it's the first thing that came out.
Peter's mouth hangs open while you wait for an answer. He's not sure he heard you correctly. This can't be real. You can't be real. This was one of his biggest fantasies, to have your gorgeous body photographed by him, to have you captured on camera in your most intimate way. Of course, this fantasy always ended with a photo of your fucked out face covered in his cum hiding in his wallet. He'd print photos of your pussy swallowing his cock and keep them hidden by his bed for a lonely day. He'll even print a photo of your tits covered in deep purple hickies.
But how could he do that to you? You were delicate, unassuming. You weren't aware of his crime-fighting alter ego and you've never even gotten kinky in the bedroom. He didn't want to lose himself and accidentally reveal he was Spider-Man. You'd be at risk with that knowledge.
"Y/N... I don't know." He folded his hands in his lap and stared down at them, doing everything to avert from looking at you. You were silent, hurt from his answer. Why wouldn't he want this? Wouldn't anyone want the image of their partner naked? Did he not like that part of your relationship? Of you?
You stood from the table, and walked to the bedroom, making a point of grabbing his camera off the living room table on your way. Peter sat there frozen, his brain telling him not to follow, his cock twitching at the thought of you sitting naked next to his camera. His internal battle was halted when your sultry voice called his name from your room. "Peteeeerrrrr." It was almost like a moan and a demand at the same time. Your own personal mating call, just for him.
His legs were carrying him to your room before he even processed the action in his brain. You controlled him now. You sat cross-legged on the edge of your bed, smirking at his frame in the doorway. His camera perched next to you, waiting. He approached slowly, already looking wrecked without anything even happening. The idea was enough to send the man in a fit. You placed the camera in his hand gently, and sat up on your knees. "Direct me, Mr. Photographer." He looked dumbfounded, lost in his thoughts. "Peter... where do you want me?"
"Uh.. o-over here," he pointed half-heartedly to the corner with a chair and a light above. You smiled and reached out a hand to him, which he took to help you off the bed. Sauntering over to the chair, you made a show of wiggling your hips with each step. Peter was practically drooling already.
You sat down and looked up at him with wide eyes. It took a moment, but eventually he understood to start taking pictures. You began unbuttoning your jeans, making sure he got to see the pretty lace of your panties hiding beneath your pants. Sliding the jeans off your legs, you bent over, giving the camera a nice view of your cleavage over your low-cut top. You then moved onto removing your shirt, sliding it over your head so your hair bounced behind you.
Peter fell to his knees, wanting to be on the same level as you. He was snapping away on his camera, not missing a beat. In just your panties and bra, you turned on the chair, sitting on your knees with your back to him, glancing over your shoulder with mischievous eyes. You smiled as your reached around and unclipped your bra, holding the cups to your chest. The strap slipped from your shoulders. Snap. You slid the garment off your arms, covering your chest in one arm, and holding up the discarded bra in your other. Snap. Dropping the bra to the floor, you turn back to face him, still covering your chest. Snap. You drop your arm and lay it on the armrest of the chair, relishing in the confidence you possess. Snap.
A tent is starting to form in Peter's jeans, but he doesn't even notice. Not when a supermodel is stripping right in front of him, for him. You stand up, turning to face the wall so your back is to him. Your fingers play with the lace on your hips. Snap. You spread your legs slightly, bending over. Snap. The lace glides over your ass swiftly, revealing the soft skin beneath. Snap, snap, snap. Peter can smell your arousal with your ass directly in front him, inches from the lens of his camera. Your underwear pools at your feet and you kick it off toward your bra. You sit back on the chair and spread your legs. Snap. Peter's starting to notice the uncomfortable bulge in his jeans, pulling at the fabric for a better placement and immediately focusing his attention back on you.
You lick a long stripe up your palm and slide it between your legs, rubbing slow circles on your clit. Snap. Your other hand pinches your nipple, pulling at it with a hiss. Peter moans behind the camera, losing control over his composure. You place a leg over the armrest and pull your other knee up so your heel rests directly on the edge, spreading yourself out so he has the best view in the house. Your fingers dance lower on your clit, playing with your entrance. Sliding a finger in to the first knuckle, then back out. One glance up to Peter and you instantly melt. He's palming himself over his jeans, his bottom lip pulled tightly under his teeth, and his camera held lazily at his side.
You stop your ministrations, "nah-uh. Keep shooting." He breaks from his trance, putting the camera back to his eye and snapping away. You insert one finger fully, your head falling back from the new sensation. Your other hand leaves your nipple and slides down to your clit, rubbing circles the same speed. The pleasure was good, but it wasn't enough. Inserting another finger, a loud moan leaves you, causing Peter's hand to reach back onto the tent in his jeans. He's still taking pictures one-handed, while palming himself. The visual causes your hands to speed up, throwing you closer to the edge. Peter unbottons his jeans and slides a hand in, his hips bucking at the touch of his fingers. The coil in your belly tightens when you realize how desperately he's watching you. Then you hear it, snap. You're sent over, your body convulsing against the chair, your breathing turned ragged as your eyes hit the back of your skull.
You're floating in that heavenly feeling until Peter's pulling your hands away. Snap. He zooms in on your fluids leaking from you, moaning at the sight. Snap. Then he's looking up at you with a devilish smile. "My turn."
#peter parker#spiderman#peter parker smut#peter parker imagine#peter parker fanfiction#spiderman imagine#spiderman fic#spiderman smut#tasm smut#marvel#marvel fic#marvel fanfiction#spiderman x you#spiderman x reader#peter parker x reader#peter parker x you#parkermunson#mandi writes
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Playlist for my Aeor longfic
I failed to figure out how to do a fancy spotify embed like the kids do but uh. Here's the playlist for Gravity!
I listened to this while planning and writing, and there are even a few shout-outs to the songs in the fic... Songs are arranged chronologically, so you should be able to hear the story happening, hopefully :'D
Further yelling about song choices under the cut!
A Matter of Time - This one is... sort of the fic's opening titles in my head? I wanted to start out with an instrumental, to capture the vibes of the months before the fic opens - Essek and Caleb apart, thinking about the T-Dock, and each other. Wondering. Waiting.
Horse to Water - Essek in Chapter 1, knowing his life as the Shadowhand is ending, waiting for Caleb to come and take him away to whatever comes next. (I'm normally very picky about not putting songs that reference modern day stuff on fantasy playlists but this one's vibes were too perfect)
Dear Fellow Traveller - Two wizards heading into Aeor together.
Conquest of Spaces - A song for Aeor. A dark, beautiful city, the remains of a people who lived by greed and power. (And two wizards in the ruins, trying to draw closer to each other.)
Neptune - This is mostly for Essek's breakdown in chapter 5, as he worries he'll never break out of his Shadowhand manipulation, wanting to be closer to Caleb and not knowing what that would even look like. And it's a little for Caleb in chapter 6, too, grappling with his feelings for Essek and his fears that they'll ultimately be bad for each other.
Please Don't Say You Love Me - ... and as they move past those fears, this song is for them tentatively acknowledging what they might be to each other. Not yet. But maybe soon.
Woodwork - This is for the chapters 6-9 span, as they learn more about Brashaar's plan. The pressure of a crisis has an odd way of making them realise just how deep their trust and care for each other runs.
Two Evils - Since we're at the point where Brashaar shows up, she gets a song now! This is pretty much her internal monologue during her confrontation with the wizards (though she really should have paid attention to 'if you're not careful, you will lose her' in reference to Quaera...)
Winter - Travelling northward, and yearning. Wishing they had more time.
Mind - A song for a young Quaera, slowly forming a personality, wondering about who she is and how her identity forms...
The Tower - ... and having their own breakdown.
What Could Have Been - I love me a good villainous breakdown, and this is a song for Brashaar's. This is how I imagine she feels during the final confrontation, raging against the gods, against Caleb and Essek, against Quaera after they turn from her. Not quite able to let go of what she thinks Aeor could have been. What, in her eyes, the world is meant to be. (As a bonus, I think the second verse sounds a bit like a retort to her from Quaera...)
Everybody Wants to Rule the World - This is such a fun cinematic cover, and I can't tell you how many times I've imagined a mental AMV of the final battle with Brashaar set to it :'D
Ori, Embracing the Light - I wanted an instrumental here too, because... Essek is dead, Caleb is in shutdown, and Essek and Quaera are communing with the Luxon, a being that doesn't really speak with words. Also, 'embracing the light' is exactly what Quaera does at this point.
Would That I - I know we all use this as Caleb's 'learning to live and love again' song... and I am no exception. This is for him after the T-Dock, finally fully acknowledging his grief, and his love for Essek.
First Day of my Life - Just two wizards realising that they have a future, and agreeing to slowly work at what's between them.
Ready to Call This Love - This one speaks for itself, honestly.
Five - Both of the wizards in the final chapter, but especially Essek realising how isolated he's been from the world, and letting it all in so he can feel it. (Also, studying the universe is a love language - )
Gravity - Gravity is a metaphor for love!!!!
#please know that restricting myself to just four sleeping at last songs#is Enormous restraint for me#anyway uh have some songs and rambling#shadowgast#gravity and all that's born within#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#critical role
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* pairings : orpheus de ross x gender neutral reader
* prompt : a novelist is left to write about his feelings for the person who he loves dearly, surely he couldn't struggle doing that, right? (wrong.)
* authors note : i love orphy sososos much <3 first fic,, reqs r open ♡.
ORPHEUS was a man who could express himself better with a pen and paper rather than use his own words. He was more than capable of doing so, but some things tend to leave him tongue tied. And there was someone that he wanted to have them untie it for him.
You were someone who shared unconditional kindnes to Orpheus, at the time, he really didn't think much of it. He appreciated your kind gestures, but never reciprocated. It was until one day, you had written him a good luck note, and given it to him before his games would start within the day.
It wasn't much, but the little gesture left an impact. The next day, he had approached you with a small smile and a letter in hand, an expression that you didn't often see from him. Nevertheless, you smile and give your due thank you.
One letter turned to two, two into three and three to a box-full of little notes and letters that the two of you were exchanging in the span of a few months.
Orpheus had grown fond of you in that time, he'd never admit it, but he'd often miss you dearly, and would read the letters he collected in your voice while you're gone. and those of the manor knew it.
"Confess to them already!" Suggested Emily,
"Man up and tell them before someone else does." said Naib,
"Just take your time and confess when you're ready." Patricia sighed.
None of those ideas he was a fan of, mostly because it involved actually telling you how he felt. Which in truth, he didn't want to do, nor was it any of their business to be snooping on his love life.
But despite believing it was for the best to stay friends, his evergrowing feelings were getting harder to control, as the simple brush against your fingertips made him ever so quietly flustered.
snap snap.
The sound of fingers snapping caught his attention.
"Orpheus?" Alice, his dear friend called out. "You're usually not so lost in thought, do you have something in mind?" She asked, snapping Orpheus back into reality as he now recalled he agreed to meet her for tea. So currently, they were in Alice's room. She sat on her chair, while Orpheus sat on her bed across to her.
"Well, it's more.. someone." He replies, clearing his throat as Alice couldn't help but smile. "Oh? Have you found someone you're interested in?" She teased, but Orpheus remained quiet. His silence speaking much louder than the words he would never admit.
"You have?!"
"You of all people, should have been the last one to know."
Alice was immediately overjoyed, "I thought you would die alone and sad! Oh my gosh, who is it?!" she questioned eagerly. "One, rude. Two.. its (name)." He admitted honestly, not bothering to hide his feelings or anything of the sort.
Alice's eyes practically lit up. "(name)!? I knew it! You two have been spending an awful lot of time together, and the way you couldn't help but cover your mouth after speaking to them was such an obvious sign! You do not simply like them, you are inlove with them!" She accused him of his love crimes, and admittedly, he pleaded guilty. Hanging his head down low as he hid his red cheeks.
"Yes, I may or may not be inlove with them. But I.. I don't know exactly how to tell them. Actually, I'm not even sure if i want to" He puts his cup of tea on her desk. Almost mumbling that entire ramble as Alice puts her index over her lips, as if she was in thought.
"How about you write a letter? You seem to be good at it, and it'll be sweet! Sure, theres a difference using your voice in a confession compared to a letter, but at least they'll be able to keep your words and preserve it forever. It's almost like that the paper is a promise to them! As long as those words are written by you, for however long they last, you promise to stay true to the words you wrote." She suggests with a snap of a finger and a small smile.
Though the idea sounded really corny, Orpheus couldn't deny that it would've been easier. He was always better on paper than in person, and he couldn't deny that he could write a novel long confession for you. Cause thats how you made him feel, with a simple gesture of kindness, you had even the most stoic and calm man stumbling over his words. So surely, it wouldn't be the hardest thing to do.
If only he knew how badly he'd eat those words later. Cue to the fact it's 11pm, Orpheus' usually tidy and organized hair turned to a mess as he pushes it back for the 10th time. Crumpling the 16th paper and dumping it in the trash, usually Orpheus wouldn't mind a Writers Block, but the fact he asked you to meet him in the Dining Room tomorrow made him really stressed.
"Maybe I should call it off.." But even before he could finish that thought, he could already hear Alice's nonestop scolding about being afraid of his own feelings. But maybe he was, maybe he was afraid of his own feelings, very specifically the fear of losing you because of it. He's read it a thousand times in several novels, the guy confesses to the person they love and boom. They lose them. He didn't want that to happen, especially not with you.
However, Orpheus didn't want to be a man filled with regret. So he emptied his mind, grabbed a pen and he focused on one of the very few things that mattered in his life. You.
It's 6AM, the manor was playing classical music on it's exact cue. You sat in one of the Dining Room chairs, humming to yourself while waiting for Orpheus to arrive. While the man himself was having Alice tell him for the 100th time that his hair looked fine, but put his pants on backwards.
"(name)?" He calls out for you from behind, a hand on your seat as you turn around and smile. "Orpheus, good morning." You greet him as usual, his gaze on you is so soft. So warm and welcoming, he pulls the chair to your side and turns it so it can face you properly. "So, I wanted to tell you something." He began, trying to maintan eye contact with you as he avoided the urge to look away.
"(name), for the longest time, I-"
"I like you too, Orpheus."
He's not allowed to get another second in, and you look at him with the most serious expression on your face. "I like you." You repeated. His entire composure that he tried to build up all night melted. You smile a little at his reaction, watching him scramble to cover his mouth as a tint of red glows on his face.
You gently take his hand away from your face, and hold it in your own. "I'm sorry if I ruined the moment." You apologize, squeezing his hand as he's now left to show his entire world his very flustered expression. "No uh, actually I'm glad you did. I spent 5 hours trying to uh.. plan a confession and.. was left thinking of you and nothing else that I forgot to write something." He confessed, laughing to himself as his gaze was originally you and his hand intertwined together, but was pleasantly surprised to see you slightly blush.
"You.. were thinking of me?" You asked, "The question should be, when do I not think about you?" He answered.
There was a comforting silence, before Orpheus lifted your hand up to plant a kiss on your knuckles. Just incase that the lips was something you weren't ready for yet.
"Actually, I think that the question should be.. What now?" He said softly, and you quite literally pull him into a hug. "Take one step at a time. We'll figure things out together, right?"
He smiles, returning the embrace. "Right." He pulls away for a moment, looking you in the eyes and carressing your cheek before you gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Hah.. Thank you. For everything."
Maybe confessing wasn't such a bad idea after all.
#✹ ִֶָ ꐑꐑ entos paw prints#identity v x reader#identity v x you#idv x reader#idv x you#orpheus idv x reader#orpheus x reader#orpheus de ross x reader
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HI <3 Sheith VC anon here back with a very humble request. So I've read TVL and am currently reading QoTD, just finished the Devil's Minion chapter (oH mY gOD my HEART). I'm going through the books a bit slowly bc life stuff, but I have sooooo many thoughts and feelings and feel like I need to read lots of fic to work through it LOL. I would love it if you could rec me some (or tons of!) fics that wouldn't give me (m)any spoilers re: stuff that happens after this point in the series. I realize this might be a kind of hard/maybe impossible request because a lot of those spoilers would be referring to things that chronologically would have taken place prior to DM for instance, but I'm so starved I thought I might ask just in case! I'm not suuuper partial to any specific ships (Lestat/Louis is a bit boring IMO 😭 but I love them so I'll take it) and I don't have any NOTPs, so I'm down to read pretty much anything (esp if it's spicy and/or hurts my heart and/or features Armand lmao). Totally fine if this is too much trouble or if it turns out to be an impossible ask indeed; thank you in advance anyway! AND THANK YOU AGAIN for introducing me to these brain-rotting books lol I spend like half my waking hours thinking about Armand now.
SHGKJALDS I SPEND HALF MY WAKING HOURS THINKING ABOUT ARMAND TOO SINCE LIKE THE YEAR 2000 LMFAO im so glad you see!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GET IT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So babe tbh the reason I started writing Armand/Daniel fic at all is because there really ... isn't that much? And I was like GUESS I GOTTA FUCKIN COOK FOR MYSELF. So tbh I haven't actually read a ton of VC fic at all.
The otp:true filter for them on AO3 (excluding TVverse fics) only has 237 fics hdkjgalds but you can start here LOL.
I think for the most part you'll be able to tell in the tags if it's post-QOTD because people usually will tag like "post canon" or "Prince Lestat Era"; for QOTD fics check for a Devil's Minion/Devil's Minion Era tag. I don't always remember to tag my own fics but my only post-canon D/A fic is called "In the Trials of the Heart" and all my others are Devil's Minion era and shouldn't spoil anything ! Be aware that the TV fandom and book fandom sometimes overlap so there might be stray TV fics in the book tag; it won't spoil anything bc the TV canon is a completely different story, but it might not make sense if you jump in to read it.
So without actual fic recs I'll share some authors that I really trust!! Have a look through their VC fics!!!!!!!
apoptoses (pervert extraordinaire 10/10, all the D/A fics are Devil's Minion era except for Blood Sanation so go nuts!)
covenofthearticulate (this is Ash, she actually writes Loustat & Louis/Armand mostly but she's so smart and I trust her so much!!!!)
Diabolus_Invictus
HekateInHell (writes a lot of Lestat/Armand and also has a human AU called Our House that I'm obsessed with!)
ImhereImQuire
Nothing_But_Paisley
rainandcoffee (if you're sick of all of our doom&gloom you can find fluff and lightness here!)
whisperbird (just one VC fic but I think about it every day of my life I love it)
Whenever I remember I try to post VC fics that I do read, kinda like how Sheith fandom does Wednesday Fics, I try to tag #VCFicFriday so try there too!
Anyway if anyone wants to add to this post and share recs PLEASE DO I actually am not a great fic reader bc my attention span sucks and I'm picky about canon compliant porn LOL! But help our new friend out if you want to share any!!!!!!!!!!!!
#I GET NERVOUS MAKING REC LISTS I DONT WANT TO HUR TANYONE IF I FORGET YOU#PLEASE DONT BE SHY AND ADD YOURSELF IF YOU WANT!
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I asked google bard for fanfic reccomendations and one of your fics turned up lol
You know what's been amusing (horrifying) me about all this AI stuff lately is just how wrong it all is? Which, if it was all just wrong, it would be a funny failed experiment. But it's even worse. On the surface it gets just enough right to lend it some false sort of legitimacy, but I have never once seen any AI answer a question where it gets everything right. There is always one big error or many big errors. And it's one of the scariest things about AI produced "knowledge" because there is nothing here that tells us about it's certainty of the various "facts" it is providing. These answers put solid facts right next to complete misinformation. It places information from peer-reviewed sources right next to internet rumor and group-think conspiracy theories. So what skills do we, the average reading and knowledge seeker, need to be able to engage with technology like this in a way that can counter this harm? Especially because I know this sort of thing isn't going to go anywhere? I'm pretty sure it's here to stay.
Like, let's be real. I couldn't give less of a crap that google bard clearly has no idea what my fic is about. That's not the point. My ego will survive perfectly fine. But what if people start turning to AI for real knowledge that will influence and form truths for people around real issues in the world? What happens if these sites are where people go for knowledge?
Let's look at some silly examples that we can easily fact check, just to get a sense of how wrong all this stuff can be.
I went to chatgpt and asked it "tell me about the fanfiction author Annerb". This is what it spewed out:
"Annerb is a pseudonym used by a fanfiction author known for writing in the Harry Potter fandom. While the author's real name is not publicly known, Annerb has gained a significant following for her imaginative and well-written stories.
Annerb is particularly well-known for her epic fanfiction series, "The Changeling," which follows the character of Harry Potter as he discovers he is actually a changeling - a child of the Fae. The series spans over 1.5 million words and is known for its intricate plot, rich world-building, and well-developed characters.
In addition to "The Changeling," Annerb has written several other popular fanfictions, including "Ghosts of the Past," "The Debt of Time," and "The Sum of Their Parts." Her writing style is often praised for its attention to detail, strong character development, and engaging storytelling.
Annerb has also been involved in the fanfiction community as a beta reader, offering feedback and assistance to other writers. Despite her popularity, Annerb remains relatively private and has not revealed much about her personal life or identity."
It's like that old game two truths and a lie here. Or more like one truth and ten lies and five misunderstandings. Hope all those other hardworking authors don't mind that I've stolen credit for all their fics! (I regenerated it a few times, and it claimed I wrote for fandoms I've never even seen the source material for.)
Or how about this one. I asked it "What is wangxian?" (one of my latest otps.)
"Wangxian is a term that refers to a fictional romantic relationship between two male characters named Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in the novel "Mo Dao Zu Shi" by Chinese author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. The novel was later adapted into a popular Chinese animated series and live-action television series.
The term "wangxian" is a combination of the two characters' names, with "wang" being a part of Lan Wangji's name and "xian" being a part of Wei Wuxian's name. Fans of the series often use the term to refer to the romantic relationship between the two characters.
It is important to note that while the relationship between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian is depicted as romantic in some adaptations of the novel, including the animated series, it is not explicitly stated as such in the original novel."
First two paragraphs? Not so bad. Pretty accurate for the most part. That third paragraph? Really fascinating that it's even there and also completely factually incorrect. While the live-action tv show never explicitly states that it is a romantic relationship thanks to censorship, the original novel includes multiple explicit sex scenes between the two characters and they also end up married? Like, actually married? So why is this "important to note"? Why does the so-called "legitimacy" of the ship even factor in? Is this just a scraped up reflection of discourse? Or at worst, a reflection of larger biases reflected in internet "knowledge"?
I know you probably sent me that screencap just as a fun mention of my fic popping up somewhere, for which I thank you. It was nice of you to think of me.
At the same time, these are the things I just can't help thinking about as truth becomes even harder to see day by day. Walk carefully, my friends.
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Chrissy help how do you keep motivation for such huge writing projects?? I've seen you posting about abot for a long time but I just clicked it and it's got like 360k words. My guy you are incredible and if you've got secrets to share I'd be very interested. Major props to you
(ABoT)
I'm hoping to resurrect Dickinsonian-era "paid by the word" writing gigs and retire off ABoT Kidding! kidding! I make 0 dollars and 0 cents off ABoT do not sue me IP holders.
More genuinely it's a couple things I guess. One big and simple one being just--I really like the story. It's long because there are a lot of parts I like and wanted to tell. Another is spite, because for a long period of time between 2017-2020 I thought I would never be able to come back to the story so it's something of a "fuck you look what I made anyway."
But I really REALLY think the biggest part to this all was the (tough, but doable) process of learning to be okay with this story taking however long it's gonna take, and being however long it's gonna be.
Back in the days when Tumblr was really a hub for fandom, fandom attention was extremely fleeting, and when you had any of it, it felt like it was always moments away from vanishing. Tourmaline, my 80k Steven Universe fic, I wrote in the span of just over 2 months. I had a chapter out roughly every 2-3 days for that entire sprint. I'm proud of pulling that off. But my main motivation for doing that was absolutely the fear of losing people's attention and interest if I dawdled even a little.
Early-days ABoT was like that too. The first 9 or 10 chapters were all posted in intervals of about 2-3 days apart. I was staying up extremely late to do this which wasn't good for me and I was doing it because I was afraid of losing people's interest and I was getting more intimidated the more I realized how long ABoT would likely be. And then for school and life reasons, my update schedule absolutely had to slow. And I was having a bad time because it was like I could feel myself losing readers and losing relevance, and the backlash was growing, and even when I was finding the time to write I'd started burning out hard on my passion for the story. I'd get frustrated with my own plot and characters, and you can't write a good passion project while frustrated with the characters.
And then I kinda quietly admitted defeat because the stress and the backlash were too much to handle and I couldn't wring anymore of this from myself. After a 1 year, 2 years, I was pretty much sure my readership was long gone. I still thought about the story constantly! I still cared. I just figured I'd missed my window and would never be able to come back except to backlash.
Then just shy of 3 years, I said "fuck it, actually" and wrote the next chapter (okay it was a lot more complicated than "fuck it" but that would take too long to explain.) And in FACT, a ton of the readership came back! It was an extremely warm reception! And new readers, too. Just a lot of really warm, positive feedback. Which absolutely blew my mind because it was completely at odds with my feeling that things needed constant updates to cling to relevance. And the idea of "well if they waited 3 years..." has helped me a lot with allowing time and breaks between chapters. I don't burn out on them. I edit them more. My update schedule's been more like 2-6 weeks between chapters, rather than days.
Allowing that down time, letting ABoT be a steady jog instead of an all-out sprint, has been absolutely crucial to getting as far through it as I am. Even right now, it's been pretty long since chapter 45. I dove super deep into putting ch45 together and I kinda needed some time off after to decompress and step away to not risk burn out. Which was very needed and helpful and now I'm back to chugging through ch46.
There was an old comment, I think on Reddit, that I read years ago which has stuck with me ever since. Someone was recounting a conversation with a single mother who was considering going back to college to get her degree, but was hesitant to do so because she would be 40 by the time she graduated. To which the other person responded "You'll be 40 anyway."
And "you'll be 40 anyway" plays in my head a lot. Like, ABoT's been going for almost 6 years. Well 6 years were going to pass anyway. ABoT might not be done for x-many more months. X-many more months are gonna pass anyway. Time's gonna happen anyway. So I'm not worried about whether this thing is still going by then or not. I'm just keeping at it until it's done.
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Hey! I'm curious, pls indulge me: which book or fic that you've read in 2023 has made the most impression and why? x
Hi friend 💐
Okay, I have something rather embarrassing to admit: I have been terrible at reading this year.
I don't know what it is. I keep telling myself it's because I have so many writing projects on the go, one after the other (I'm just about to embark on another big one), but that never really stopped me reading in the past, so, I'm not sure this is a viable excuse.
My attention span is really bad at the moment. That's another thing. I've started books, wonderful books (In Memoriam, A Marvellous Light), but somehow I've got distracted along the way and when that happens, I find it really difficult to pick things back up again, no matter how wonderfully they had me in their grasp before I did the Bad Thing of dropping them for something else.
I hear all the time that as a writer I should read, read, read, and never stop reading, and part of me wonders if that lack of reading has reflected in some of the roadblocks in my own writing process. I'm not sure. According to ao3 I've written 163k words this year so far, and that's not counting any fest work that's yet to be revealed or WIPs in my folders, but I have to say, even though that's a lot of words, not every one has flowed from me easily. I've been constantly asking myself this year if I'm finally starting to run out of ideas (this is probably my biggest fear!), if I'm as mediocre as I tell myself I am when I'm at my lowest/most annoying 😅
I can think of one fic that really stopped me in my tracks this year, though.
@sweet-s0rr0w's entry for Dronarryfest, Silhouttes. Sweet really has this way of writing that draws a reader in from the first line and keeps you in the work's grasp until the very last word. It's an exploration of grief and loneliness and sharing and caretaking, and it also includes one of the most beautiful portraits of the Burrow I've ever read. It also features a Ron I love very much: blunt, gruff, confrontational, possessive, but ultimately loyal and kind and caring. Sweet is also great at incorporating dark British humour and subtle references that make me feel really at home whenever I'm reading her works. So this fic has become a little bit of a comfort read for me, in a sea of me feeling confused and lost over not being able to focus and feeling a bit disconnected from a number of things.
Anyway, this turned out way longer and more navel-gazy than I ever wanted it to turn out, so... I'm very sorry about that! x
#reading#writing#anyone else feel this way sometimes?#I feel like I'm not contributing enough when I think about it#I used to read and rec a lot during my first year or two of fandom#part of me does feel like I've let that side down#drarry#dronarry#fic rec#dronarry rec#drarry rec#dron rec#ronarry rec
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bsfs older brother sukuna asks!
(these are old asks so ik this is about the last chapter)
BUT EEK THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS IS SO SO SWEET. like legit all the characters are all my friends in real life but also they are all me and i LOVE that they feel real bc lowkey I put my own feelings into it 90% of the time so.
THANK U THANK U THANK U I LOVE U SM
will gladly take you up on the offer 💌 but on the real, THANK U SO SO MUCHHHHH
so real of you though bc he gives me hyperfixation too. chapters lately have only been so long or thought out because I think about him 24/7.
I am cooking some INSANE stuff like I need to chill out in the brain. it's giving method acting level "that was so unnecessary you did not need to write that" but here we are.
today I looked at the masterlist and realized the content tag said "light angst".....so I definitely need to go change that LMFAO.
this is also old. BUT APOLOGIES! do hope you loved the sammy arc bc as a girl with a big sister I LIVE FOR THE SAMMY ARC!
correct. they also do that one where you paint each other but y/n paints him really good and he just paints her as the babadook.
oh. my. goodness. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!
first of all, appreciate so bad that you don't comment about chapter updates. i gets lots of asks (both polite but also some that are kind of demanding) about when i post chapters but i appreciate that you just pop out and read when i'm ready to write.
i saw a post today about how people treat fic writers on this app like influencers, how there's an expectation to always be producing that comes with that short attention span content type relationship and i can't stop thinking about it. i do really think that my best work comes out of me being able to sit on it, think about it until i am ready to put it out (and I hope that it shows in the quality of the work that i'm trying to put my best foot forward instead of uploading all the time)
i am also just a girl™️ college is stressful, life is stressful, sometimes there's a lot going on and i disappear for a few weeks so i appreciate you always coming back when i'm ready!
and UGH thank you so much about the comments about the past and overcoming it. i've said this before but a lot of sukuna's past but also y/n's is from stuff that is quite literally me pulling the crazy thoughts out of my brain and putting it out there. even though what's happening in the fic isn't really happening to me, it does somehow make those types of things so much better for me when people send me sweet stuff like this and tell me that it makes them feel seen, or they feel things, because it makes me feel warm that I was somehow able to make all that pain worth it for someone else, even if it is in a silly little fanfiction. IDK im getting emotional tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me starting my silly little blog so im thinking lots of thoughts.
AND I LOVE YOU!
(I ignored all the asks about posting another chapter bc I already posted the new chapter LOL)
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PLEASE NO PROMPTS WITH THE INTENTION OF HAVING ME WRITE THEM! I WILL SHARE IDEAS BUT NOT WRITE FOR THE TIME BEING!
my turn !!
(nqviiez -> brick-a-doodle-do)
[ my ao3 // taglist request // spotify ]
/// i am brick. a very sentient brick. perhaps an ickadodo even. she/her pronouns with no label on my sexuality (prolly aromantic) !! i also write. a lot. but despite this it is very hard for me to be able to finish a full fic. i have a creative mind and a piss-poor attention span and the two do not mix ,,,,,
dream smp is my bitch. love it. and mix it with some g/t and vore? sprinkle it with angst? my cup of tea! if you don't like any of that, you're still welcome here but just be mindful of my interests! i will also write occasionally for ghoulboys (bfu & watcher), oc stuff (my ocs and others), and albert/flamingo !
pretty fluid with the people that interact with me, but if you are a nsfw-specific account dni as i am a minor :) also basic criteria such as people supporting racism, homophobia, etc., please dni!
also fyi please tag me in things you want me to see! my tumblr notifications are off and usually i only go blog-surfing every once in a while and rely on my dash so i don't get notified for a lot of stuff until quite a bit later! :)
NOW, into the funner stuff! (lots under cut)
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big aus !! (my favorites, in no particular order)
tiny workers ;; tagged #tiny workers au
what is it?: an au set in a size-difference themed theme park, where it explores the interactions between the borrower staff members and the surrounding humans
who's in it?: the au focuses around sbi and dtqk most often, but the entirety of the dream smp + other ccs and people are featured!
have i written for this?: yes! chapter one, x, x
any worldbuilding?: yes! so much! the masterpost is here
wilbur chocolate ;; tagged #wilbur chocolate au
what is it?: an au where tommy, a human, is living in new york for the month on vacation and buys a bag of wilbur chocolates. to his surprise, when he opens it, he finds a tiny wilbur!
who's in it?: the au focuses on crimeboys but will eventually introduce emduo!
have i written for this?: yes! part 1, part 2, and part 3
any worldbuilding?: masterpost!
vengeance in the night ;; tagged #vengeance in the night au
what is it?: a g/t batman au with h!techno as batman/bruce, t!phil as alfred, g!tommy as robin/dick and a lot more!
who's in it?: focuses on emduo + tommy most often, but it branches off to more!
have i written for this?: not yet!
any worldbuilding?: yes! masterpost
supersecrets ;; tagged #supersecrets au
what is it?: a non-plot heavy crack au where t!tubbo becomes friends with t!ranboo and h!tommy, who live in an air-bnb for people with superpowers
who's in it?: focuses on benchtrio + sbi! butcher army + niki and some others are also featured!
have i written for this?: nope!
any worldbuilding?: some,,,, x
crashed ;; tagged #crashed au
what is it?: an au where as a child, t!ranboo's plane crashed onto an island. luckily, they survived. but they were the only survivor. a decade later, finally, he's met with t!tubbo and t!tommy as they crash their boat into a rock near the island and are also now trapped
who's in it?: benchtrio centric!
have i written for this?: nope! tis in the works :)
any worldbuilding?: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x
something's brewing ;; tagged #something's brewing au, #curiosity killed the cat
what is it?: an au where an over-curious tommy stumbles into the house of a giant wilbur, who immediately captures him into a jar.
who's in it?: crimeboys centric. that will change.
have i written for this?: yes! i, ii, iii, iv, v, vi (vore) + voreshot
any worldbuilding?: nop!
other aus !!
school floors
pixie dust and mischief
four way street
let me take you out
unnamed horror au
in dreams he came
deliberately accusatory
unnamed crime au
seekers
overprotective tendencies
self sabotage
unnamed terrarium
unnamed botanist au
unnamed flamingo/god au
spy au
unnamed royal au
there beneath
unnamed archeology au
adopted wilbur
company and repairs
connected
a place for me
fics !! (unmentioned ones)
oneshots !
company and repairs i ;; t!tallerduo, g!bedrockbros
company and repairs ii ;; t!tallerduo, g!bedrockbros
ghosts are better than humans ;; t!tommy, g!ghostbur ;; a gift
2022 summer exchange ;; t!george, t!karlnapity, g!dream ;; a gift
spy au: unofficial prologue ;; t!george, g!dream ;; ⚠️ vore
i'll run away and hide with you ;; t!tommy, g!phil
never fucking again ;; t!tommy, g!sapnap
oh george~ ;; t!george, g!dream ;; ⚠️ vore
meeting boo ;; t!tubbo, g!ranboo
don't fall ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; not my au/fanfiction of fanfiction
the act of making noise (i) ;; t!tommy, t!techno, g!ranboo, g!wilbur
heavy is the head that gets no sleep ;; t!tommy, g!dream ;; ⚠️ vore
mere monstrosity ;; t!shane, g!ryan
2022 secret santa ;; t!sam, g/mg!dream ;; a gift
hush ;; sizeshifter!tommy, g!wilbur, implied g!phil
still the wild winds blow ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; ⚠️ vore
we will abide ;; t!karlity, g!sapnap ;; ⚠️ vore
feeble disguise ;; t!clingyduo, g!ranboo ;; ⚠️ vore
would you be so kind? ;; t!tommy, g!ghostbur
joy ride ;; t!wilbur, g!quackity, g!schlatt
off switch ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; not my au!
april prompt ;; t!tommy, no defined g!
shroud, you...savior? ;; t!wilbur, g!tommy ;; rewritten/updated fic
close the windows, lock the doors ;; t!ghostboo, g!tubbo
you live life above me ;; t!sapnap, g!dream ;; short prompt series!
blinded by imperfect form ;; t!tommy, g!techno ;; short prompts series!
i'll be unclean, i'll be obscene ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; short prompt series!
don't talk so much ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; short prompt series! ;; tiny workers au
days of which you can't make me hate ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; tiny workers au
but the smoke clears when you're around ;; t!techno, g!dream
the feeling comes so quickly ;; t!ranboo, g!techno, (brief) g!wilbur
my fingers pressed until they're sore ;; t!dream, g!sapnap ;; short prompt series!
and though it's no improvement ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; ⚠️ vore
agony drips from me ;; t!micheal, t!tubbo, g!ranboo ;; ⚠️ vore
digestion ;; t!george, g!dream ;; short prompt series
every day's a test ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; short prompt series/april prompts
you're stuck in the web ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; ⚠️ vore
submitted through other blogs !
shroud, you...savior? ;; t!wilbur, g!tommy
the little things: written ;; t!tommy, g!wilbur ;; not my au
unnamed ;; t!karl, g!sapnap ;; ⚠️ vore
unnamed ;; t!tubbo, g!ranboo ;; ⚠️ vore
other stuff !!
my art !
tightrope ;; t!wilbur, no defined g!
hamster wheel ;; t!wilbur, implied g!tommy
au hint ;; implied t!george, implied g!dream ;; barely art
paperclips from 1970 doodle ;; t!george, implied g!dream
more pf1970 doodles ;; t!george, implied g!dream
tw!tommy doodle ;; t!tommy
tinies & fruit ;; t!tommy, t!quackity, t!wilbur, implied g!tommy
fic scene ;; t!tommy, implied g!wilbur ;; fic link
broodles ;; implied t!ranboo, unmentioned t!tommy and g!wilbur, personal lore implied g!quackity and t!wilbur
irza attempt ;; not my au!
hittin' a jig ;; t!tommy, implied g!wilbur
sleeping (they hate each other) ;; t!tommy, g!techno
unwilling prey + nomf ;; t!techno, g!dream ;; ⚠️ implied/eventual vore
grabbing ;; t!dream, implied g!wilbur
homemade sweaters ;; t!quackity, t!niki, t!sapnap, t!george, t!ponk, t!tommy, t!sam, t!wilbur, g!dream
logsted painting
fanart ! (if i am missing any PLEASE tell me pspspsps)
company and repairs scene ;; t!tallerduo, g!bedrockbros ;; (@.oh-i-need-a-name)
curiositybur ;; t!wilbur, implied g!tommy ;; (@.local-squishmallow)
fic-turned-comic ;; t!karl, g!sapnap ;; ⚠️ vore ;; (@.local-squishmallow)
close the windows fanart ;; t!ghostboo, g!tubbo ;; (@.justarandomsloth)
more ctwltd fanart ;; t!ghostboo, g!tubbo ;; (@.justarandomsloth)
tiny workers fanart ;; t!tommy, no defined g! (@.justarandomsloth)
c!brick fanart ;; (@.da3dm) ;; + additional accessory
more c!brick fanart ;; (@.beckyu)
pixie dust and mischief fanart ;; t!tommy (@.smiles-for-anon)
my secret santa 2023! ;; g!wilbur, t!tommy (x-monochrome-x)
—–—
,,,,,,,, i also have a family. i remember puzzle (parent), becky (sister? mother i see on weekends?), 3d and orchid (niblings) but i lost track of everyone else. bear with me </3
have a brick for making it to the bottom 🧱
and let's have a memorial for my other two masterposts that i both rage-deleted :D
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i think i just HAVE to get this off my chest but i really, really, REALLY, loved zero-sum game.. i would say i dont read fanfic too much? mainly because the works i find are -- un impactful? or i move on quite soon after reading it but zsg really stuck with me till now.
it was so good!! i'm not good at analyzing and im not sure what exactly i liked.. the plot or maybe the writing style? i feel like each sentence really created an effect/impact that added so much to the paragraph 😭
midway through i realized it was actually pretty long and not just like. 5 paragraphs which im not used to (short attention span) but i didnt care I KEPT READING BC THAT WAS TOP TIER...
i havent been into fics lately so i thought i'd be kinda critical in an almost hateful way (i'm sorry for that. i shouldnt have been judgemental.) BUT I COULDNT FIND IT IN ME TO HATE!!! THE MORE I READ I KEPT THINKING "oh that was GOOD.. oh this was tastefully written, fuck i love this work" and i didnt want it to end
anyways, thank you for listening. i absolutely loved it, i followed instantly, and my only complaint is that now you've got me absolutely down bad for aventurine (carnally, and emotionally obsessed) he might be my fav character a lot more now
have a wonderful day/night !!
hi thank you so much for the very kind feedback on zsg! it genuinely makes me very happy to hear that you enjoyed the execution of the fic so much and was a pleasant surprise for you. I also am glad to hear that I got you down bad for aventurine bc I think everyone should be 😇
that being said, while I believe your ask was written with nothing but good intentions and thank you genuinely for it, I do feel the need to say that this app and other websites are filled with very hard-working and talented writers. I prefer that people don't put down other fanfics in the process of complimenting my writing. I can in fact reassure you that there's fic much more impactful than zsg out there and I hope you'll be able to approach them with an open mind sometime !!
#i hope this doesnt come off as an upsetting ask bc i do think you meant well and appreciate the kind words !#just yk i got a lot of respect for fanfic as a whole thats why i write it in the first place LOL#thank u for reading my reply#yueshuo.asks#asks.anon
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