#i desire immediate validation and encouragement
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Finish the story first and then post it Finish the story first and then post it Finish the story first and then post it Finish the story first and then post it Finish the story first and then post it—
#writing woes#ao3#multichapter stories#wips#writer problems#fanfiction#why am i like this#oh wait i know why#i desire immediate validation and encouragement#because my own isn't enough#danny devito#meme#so anyway i started blasting
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I'm not looking to start shit so I'm not linking it or anything, but you may have seen a recent anti-dark-content post circulating with a lot of notes making rounds in the x reader sphere and while I have nothing against people posting their feelings in their own private spaces, every time I see these kinds of posts there's a lot of misinformation that gets regurgitated in the reblogs/replies and I saw what looked like a battlezone in the replies, so.
I know posts like that can be very jarring and affects people like my readers, so to combat misinformation/shaming for anyone who saw it, I'm going to share some of my information on combatting fandom puritanism/misogyny/kinkshaming in its most common forms.
The most important fact, if you read nothing else, is this:
Most women have rape fantasies.
62% to be exact. I think the most pervasive myth on this content is that consumers are "weird" for it, when the numbers don't indicate that. You're in the majority!
The vast majority of people who have rape fantasies do not put them into practice in real life. A variety of factors can determine whether or not they do, particularly specific psychiatric disorders. (X)
To specifically address common harmful and pervasive myths:
the "go to therapy!" line
Generally any academic or professional resource will immediately tell you that consuming and engaging in "dark" fantasies is accepted and encouraged by mainstream psychiatry and part of the professional education for psychiatrists. (This also used to be pretty well-known until like the last 5 years or so, not sure why that changed.)
Here are some particularly insightful resources:
1) This article by Dr. David Wahl, in my opinion, hands-down does the best job of simply and thoroughly explaining why these fantasies occur and why couples practice CNC, as well as the fact that they are both harmless, psychologically beneficial to those with them, and not at all correlated to real-life rape.
2) Dr. Claudia Six has some of the best and most thorough material out there on the subject, specifically explaining why this is taught in mainstream academia psychology and how it is incredibly helpful to rape victims (X).
3) Lisa Diamond is a professional who focuses on this subject a lot, and was featured in the documentary "The Dilemma of Desire," in which she specifically focuses on how these fantasies are not correlated to real-life desires. (X)
4) Dr. Casey Lyle has specifically talked a lot on his socials about how fantasies, even in men/the perspective of the offender, do not correlate to actual risk of offending.
5) This article is not by a professional, but from the perspective of a survivor discussing how it is beneficial to survivors.
the "why would you want that?" line
The idea that fictional tastes = what you want to happen to you in real life is actually of misogynistic origin. I don't want to seek out or add links on this one, but if you're really curious, you can research about how the idea that "women read rape fiction, that means they secretly want rape!" was originally a classic "red pill"/MGTOW/4chan talking point that made its way into mainstream dialogue and thus the public mind in the last 15 years or so due to the incel epidemic popularizing those communities.
the "it's only valid for survivors then!" line
On one hand, yes it's very important to acknowledge that trauma victims use it to cope, however I feel that over-emphasizing that gives the impression that non-victims should be excluded from consumption of dark content, so to clarify, it's a very valid means for all women. Many women who have not personally experienced rape still fantasize about it, and that's fine.
The full explanation as to why this is true for many of them would be lengthy (and addressed in the aforementioned Dilemma of Desire documentary), but in the simplest terms, nonconsensual sex is the only context in which patriarchal society permits women to have sex at all without feeling guilt. For many women, particularly those in more heavily misogynistic or religious cultures, these fantasies are appealing because the idea of consensual sex may give them feelings of shame, guilt, "sin," etc. These fantasies allow them to experience the feeling of being desired without guilt of participation.
No society on earth is free of the psychological grip that cultural misogyny has on women, and shaming women for adapting to the conditions they are forced to exist under is as harmful as the misogyny that causes it itself.
ALL women experience a form of psychological trauma inherent to female childhood and female adolescence in a patriarchal world, and that is just as valid as coping with individual traumatic events.
Good resources on the subject of why women have these fantasies and how they are helpful in general:
(X) (X)
The "what you consume will make you do it in real life!" myth
Although the resources above already address this, it's important to establish why this myth is so prevalent and what its origins are.
The idea that consuming media with dark themes leads to or indicates desires to replicate those acts is a residual element of two major events:
1) Puritan revival culture, popularized in the US and UK in the 90s and 2000s (also known as "Satanic Panic"). A major facet of this movement was TV megachurch preachers making money off of exploiting well-meaning but paranoid parents into believing that your child playing Dungeons and Dragons or Pokemon would make them future serial killers and lure them into satanic cults. (X)
2) at the tail end of this, it was cemented in the public mind as a cultural ripple aftershock of the Columbine shooting, where this sentiment became popularized as the general public blamed violent video games like Doom and "dark" music like Marilyn Manson (whose life was temporarily completely upended by the events and took him years to recover/be safe from) for the 1999 shooting. This event had MASSIVE permanent and global effects in all sorts of ways that the public often underestimates the sheer scope of, notably that it solidified, prolonged, and, in the minds of many, "proved" the paranoias of the preexisting Satanic Panic. (X) This established a precedent, leading to virtually any major horrible event being blamed on the perpetrator's media consumption, including murder and sex crimes.
What this myth ignores in the cases it references (the slenderman stabbings, columbine, sasebo slashing, batman shooting, etc) is two crucial facts: that hundreds of millions of people consume the same media with no negative effects (helpful effects even), and that in every single case cited as "evidence" to the claim, the perpetrator had a preexisting psychiatric condition correlated to acts of violence (which usually went ignored, downplayed and even accelerated/worsened by those around them rather than the help they needed).
Sorry for the wall of text, but I feel an ethical obligation to combat this kind of misinformation, and I hope these resources are helpful for those who may be negatively affected by common misunderstandings.
You are not abnormal or wrong for the fictional content you consume or the fantasies you have!
#im very passionate about this because this sort of thing severely affected younger me#and i dont want that for anyone else!#love yall
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“You illuminate me”
Sun in partners Houses in Synastry
Hi everyone, please note that this is mainly referring to romantic synastry. I can do more posts about platonic or familial synastry in the future, if that’s something that would interest anyone :)
The Sun shows us the area of life we essentially “illuminate” in the life of another person.
Sun in partners 1st house
This is a great overlay in most relationships, as it suggests that there is a common sense of understanding and resonance between the two. The Sun persons ego and identity are in sync with the House persons personality and outward persona. These two can become fast friends, and feel as if they have a lot in common. The Sun person can be drawn to the Ascendant persons physical appearance, and the manner in which they carry themselves. In turn, the house person can often validate the Sun person’s ego and basic identity. They have a profound impact on each others identities and feelings of self-confidence.
Sun in partners 2nd house
The Sun person brings awareness to the house persons values, finances, possessions, and sense of self-worth. The Sun person has the potential to impact the house persons feelings of self-worth (however, this can be negatively or positively depending on how the Sun persons Sun, is aspecting the house persons planets). Nevertheless, in some cases the Sun person can help the house person re-evaluate how they spend money and handle their finances in general. In a romantic context, the house person can at times feel possessive over the Sun person. This is often because they see the Sun person as someone who they “value”. However, if the Sun person is someone who dislikes feeling restricted, they will at times feel overwhelmed by excessive displays of possessiveness. (Please note that this can go either way, it can also be the Sun person feeling possessive of the house person) Despite this, this a helpful overlay when it comes to the acquisition of material items and gifts.
Sun in partners 3rd house
This is a highly communicative and intellectual overlay. The Sun person can encourage the house person to explore matters related to short-distance travels, communication, writing, and mental processing. If words of affirmation are one of your primary love languages, 3rd house overlays are perfect for you. The Sun person often stimulates the house persons desire to communicate, learn, and explore their immediate environment. There can at times be a ‘sibling-like’ bond between the two, as there are likely to be many lively debates and discussions with this overlay.
Sun in partners 4th house
This can often prove to be a very emotionally intimate overlay. The Sun person can encourage the house person to explore their ancestry, heritage, or familial roots in some cases. Alternatively, the house person may feel as if the Sun person is someone who they can truly open up to. There can even be an emotional dependency that forms between the two people. There’s a sense of comfort and familiarity here (as with most overlays on an angle). In a platonic relationship, the Sun person can “feel like family” to the house person. However, in a romantic context, the House person can develop a strong emotional attachment to the Sun person. If there are other factors that support this, the two may even have the desire to live together.
Sun in partners 5th house
This is a very fun, flirty, and light-hearted overlay. These two likely enjoy each other’s company. The Sun person stimulates the house persons desire for fun, romance, and creativity. There can be mutual affection, attraction, and desire between the two. However, it must be noted that 5th house overlays (by themselves) are often not indicative of long-term relationships. However, they do help keep the “spark alive” in most relationships. There can be a great deal of affection and desire that is generated here. The desire is not raw and primal like 8th house overlays, it’s more of a playful or ‘smitten’ type of yearning. Moreover, the 5th house is also the house of children. Thus, children can be a theme here. Lastly, the Sun person can also encourage the house person to be confident in their self-expression. There can also be an emphasis on creativity and shared hobbies with this overlay.
Sun in partners 6th house
This overlay emphasizes routine, service, health, and productivity. The Sun person can make the house person aware of their routines and habits that may be negatively impacting their physical health. There is also a sense of dependability and responsibility that is generated with this overlay. However, planets that fall on the 6th/12th house axis, can also denote that one person tends to give more than they receive. Thus, feelings of resentment can emerge over time. Despite this, the house person often appreciates how helpful the Sun person is. There can also be an emphasis on work, pets, or physical health when they are together. The Sun person can encourage the house person to adopt healthier habits and a productive daily routine.
Sun in partners 7th house
The 7th house is the natural house of partnerships. Thus, when someone’s Sun falls into your 7th house, you may feel as if this person has all the qualities that you desire or look for in a romantic partner. The 7th house is also the house of contracts and business partnerships. Thus, it’s possible that the desire to be business partners can also emerge. Although, 7th house overlays generally yield positive results. The 7th house is also the house of open-enemies. Thus, there can at times be a “love-hate” dynamic between the two. Despite this, you can often feel a very strong ‘pull’ towards someone who has their Sun in your 7th house. Some astrologers assert that 7th house overlays can lead to co-dependency but I think it depends on the individuals involved.
Sun in partners 8th house
This can be an intense but highly transformative overlay. The Sun person often triggers a great deal of transformation within the house person (even if they are unaware of this). The Sun person can illuminate or bring attention to issues that are related to death, transformation, shared resources, taxes, and psychology, in the house persons life. In a romantic relationship, this can cause a great deal of sexual attraction. However, I would also look for 8th house overlays of Mars, Venus, and the Ascendant when it comes to sexual attraction that involves the 8th house. Furthermore, 8th house overlays are rarely ‘easy’ as they often evoke extreme feelings, reactions, and emotions. However, they can be deeply intimate and binding. It can be hard for the 8th house person to let the Sun person go. These two can connect on an exceptionally intimate level (both emotionally and physically). One person may even introduce the other to matters/mediums that are related to the occult or healing.
Sun in partners 9th house
The house person tends to learn a lot from the Sun person with this overlay. They may even idealize them or place them on a pedestal at times. The house persons belief systems and worldly views may change or solidify when they are around the Sun person. This is a very expansive overlay. Topics related to higher education, foreign travel, philosophy, and politics can frequently emerge. Adventure, exploration, education, and travel are key themes here. The Sun person can stimulate the house persons desire for travel and expansion. The world is their oyster. They tend to expand each other’s worldviews and challenge each other’s deeply held beliefs. They can spend a lot of time discussing religion, politics, foreign affairs etc.. (especially if this is accompanied by a 9th house Mercury overlay).
Sun in partners 10th house
This is often a good overlay if two people want to do business together. However, in a romantic context, the Sun person can motivate the house person to achieve all of their career goals and aspirations. In some cases, the Sun person can often show a lot of interest in the house persons career, status, and reputation. The Sun person may even take pride in being associated with the house person. There can be a great deal of admiration and/or respect generated with this overlay. At times, this overlay can have a superficial quality to it, as one or both people may be more concerned about how the other person enhances their reputation or status. However, if both people are exceptionally career or goal-oriented, this can be an overlay that brings them even closer.
Sun in partners 11th house
The 11th house is the house of gains, networks, friendships, worldly aspirations, and communities. With this overlay, a friendship can form between the two people. 11th house overlays tend to produce dynamics in which two people are very tolerant and accepting of each other. These two may eventually integrate their social circles or introduce each other to their respective friends. In some cases, the desire to participate in humanitarian work together can emerge. Although 11th house overlays are not seen as traditionally ‘romantic overlays’ , I actually have observed that they are often present in many long-term relationships (same with 9th house overlays), as the relationship is primarily built on a sense of mutual friendship and camaraderie. Both people are inclined to be tolerant of each other’s quirks and eccentricities with this overlay. The Sun person can introduce the house person to influential groups or networks .
Sun in partners 12th house
12th house overlays are always very interesting in synastry. Their most positive manifestations can denote a highly spiritual, forgiving, and compassionate bond between two people. However if the planet receives many difficult aspects , there may be elements of mistrust, illusions, confusion or even deception. When someone’s Sun falls into another persons 12th house, they can make the house person aware of their personal “blind spots”. One or both people may have to make some personal sacrifices to make the relationship work. In some cases, the Sun person can serve as a spiritual mentor to the house person. Individuals who are very spiritual often remark how 12th house synastry (or a significant transit to the 12th house) triggered their spiritual awakening. Moreover, there can be elements of fantasy or illusion that accompany 12th house overlays. You don’t always see people who have planets in your 12th house clearly. However, you can feel a very deep and ‘otherworldly’ connection to them. If both people are willing to do the work and have made piece with their shadow-sides, 12th house overlays can be incredibly intimate and spiritually healing.
Chart readings are still open for those who are interested! The link is in my bio :)
#synastry#astrology#astrology tumblr#astro thoughts#astrology blog#astrology observations#astro posts#astrologyposts#astro notes#astro tips
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Bound By Desire
Synopsis: Bada surrenders to your desires as you explore her body, igniting a passionate encounter between you both.
A/n:uses nickname of ‘princess’ fluff to smut .The characters and especially Bada and events in this story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life individuals or situations is purely coincidental.A bit rushed
Word count:1.9K
It was on a crisp autumn day, the gentle breeze carrying the scent of fallen leaves. You found yourself in a quaint café, seeking solace in the comforting embrace of a warm cup of coffee. Lost in your thoughts, you sipped your drink, observing the world around you.
As you glanced up, your eyes met Bada's, who stood near the counter, studying the menu. There was an immediate connection, an unspoken understanding that passed between you two. Intrigued by her presence, you gestured towards the empty seat across from you.
"Would you like to join me?" You asked, a gentle smile gracing your lips.
Bada's eyes sparkled with curiosity as she accepted the offer, settling into the chair. You both exchanged pleasantries, engaging in light conversation that gradually deepened. You discovered shared interests, passions, and an appreciation for art, music, and dance.
As the hours flew by, your connection grew stronger. You shared stories, dreams, and fears, gradually peeling back the layers of our souls. It was a slow dance of getting to know one another, each conversation revealing more about your hopes and desires.
Days turned into weeks, and your encounters became more frequent. You embarked on adventures together, exploring the city's hidden gems, visiting art galleries, and immersing ourselves in the beauty of nature. These shared experiences deepened your bond, allowing you to see different facets of each other.
One evening, as you strolled through the park, the setting sun casting a golden glow over everything, Bada turned to you, her eyes filled with a mix of nervousness and anticipation.
"Y/N, I have to confess something," she began, her voice soft yet determined. "I've been feeling a strong connection with you, a connection that I can't ignore. I find myself thinking about you constantly, and I'm drawn to your presence. It's as if we were meant to cross paths."
Her words resonated deep within you, validating the feelings that had been blossoming in your own heart. You reached out, gently taking her hand in yours , your touch conveying a sense of comfort and reassurance.
"Bada," you replied, your voice filled with warmth. "I feel it too. This connection we share is something special, something I've never experienced before. I want to explore it, to see where it leads us. If you're willing, I'd be honored to be your girlfriend."
A smile bloomed on Bada's face, her eyes shining with joy. "Yes, Y/N," she said, her voice filled with a mix of excitement and vulnerability. "I would love for us to be more than just friends.”
From that moment on, your relationship blossomed with a gentle and deliberate pace. You took the time to truly know each other, nurturing an emotional connection as you discovered the intricacies of your thoughts and aspirations. Your physical intimacy, too, grew naturally over time, as you both explored the depths of passion and desire.
Each day brought you closer, deepening your understanding and love for one another. You cherished the simple joys, the laughter, and the shared moments of vulnerability. Your relationship became a tapestry woven with trust, respect, and a genuine appreciation for the unique individuals you were.
As the seasons changed, your love continued to evolve, adapting to the challenges that life presented. You both faced hardships and celebrated triumphs together, providing unwavering support and encouragement. The connection remained steadfast, an anchor in the stormy seas of life.
Looking back, you are grateful for the gradual development of your relationship. It allowed you to build a solid foundation, one rooted in trust, emotional intimacy, and a profound understanding of one another. Your love story continues to unfold, each chapter filled with depth, passion, and a profound appreciation for the journey you embarked upon that fateful autumn day.
— — — — —
You had been away for what felt like an eternity, consumed by the demands of work and the chaos of life. The distance between Bada and you grew, and the ache of longing for her touch intensified with each passing day. But finally, the day had arrived. You stood outside her door, your heart pounding with anticipation.
As you knocked, your mind raced with memories of our passionate encounters, the way her body molded against yours, the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin beneath your fingertips. The door swung open, and there she stood, a vision of beauty and desire, clad in her sweatpants and baggy T-shirt.
Her eyes widened in surprise, a mix of excitement and relief washing over her face. "Y/N," she breathed, her voice filled with longing. "You're finally here."
You couldn't hold back any longer. You surged forward, your lips crashing against hers in a searing, passionate kiss. Your bodies pressed together, and you could feel the heat radiating between the two of you. The taste of her, the familiar scent of her skin, it all flooded your senses, igniting a fire within you that had been dormant for far too long.
As your lips danced, your hands roamed freely, tracing every curve and dip of each other's bodies. The hunger and need for one another were palpable, almost suffocating. You broke the kiss, gasping for air, your eyes locked with hers.
Her lips lingered on your, ascending each step, lost in the fervor of her kiss, guiding you to your shared room.
"Not yet, princess," you whispered against her lips, your voice filled with a mixture of desire and restraint. "I want to savor you."
Bada's lips parted, a soft moan escaping her as she threw her head back against the pillows. The sight of her surrendering to the pleasure you could provide sent a jolt of electricity through you. You trailed kisses along her jawline, nipping at her sensitive skin, before making your way down to the curve of her neck.
Your hands moved with purpose, exploring every inch of her body. You revealed in the softness of her skin, the way it yielded beneath your touch. You could feel her heartbeat quicken against your fingertips, matching the rhythm of your own racing pulse.
Her breathing grew ragged as you made your way lower, your lips and tongue leaving a trail of fire along her collarbone, her chest, her stomach. You dipped your fingers beneath the delicate fabric, feeling her heat radiating against your skin.
Bada's plea was barely a whisper, but it reverberated through the room, fueling the fire that consumed you both. "Y/N, I need you."
You couldn't deny her any longer. You ran a finger through her folds, just to tease her, reveling in the way she arched against your touch. "Oh, princess, I can feel how much you need me," you murmured, your voice filled with a mix of satisfaction and longing.
She begged again, her pouty pink lips forming the most enticing plea. "Please," she whimpered, her voice laced with need.
A wicked smile curled on your lips as you leaned in, your breath warm against her ear. "You look so pretty when you pout, princess," you whispered, your voice a low, seductive murmur. "But I have something better in mind."
With that, you trailed your fingers through her folds again, feeling her growing wetter and wetter in anticipation. Her hips instinctively bucked against your hand, seeking more contact, more friction.
Your own desire burned brightly within you, but you wanted to draw out this moment, to build the tension until it was almost unbearable. You withdrew my hand, leaving Bada panting and needy, her eyes pleading for release.
"Not yet," you said firmly, your voice laced with a hint of dominance. "I want to play with you a little longer."
The frustration and longing danced in her eyes, but she nodded, a mix of anticipation and resignation written across her face. She trusted you completely, knowing that you would lead her to the heights of pleasure.
You continued to tease her, your fingers tracing patterns on her inner thighs, skimming just past where she craved your touch the most. You reveled in the control, in the power you held over her pleasure. Bada's gasps fill the room as you continue to pleasure her, your fingers moving with deliberate precision. Her body arches against your touch, aching for more. You lean in, capturing her lips in a searing kiss, your tongue dancing with hers as you intensify your movements.
A surge of possessiveness courses through you, fueling your desire to claim her completely. You quicken the pace of your fingers, feeling her walls tighten around them. Each stroke brings her closer to the edge, and you can sense her unraveling beneath you.
"You're mine, princess," you growl, your voice dripping with dominance. "No one else can make you feel like this."
Bada's eyes flutter open, the intensity in her gaze mirroring the passion that courses through your veins. "Yes, Y/N," she breathes, her voice laced with submission. "I'm yours, body and soul."
With those words, you feel a surge of power rush through me, emboldening you to push her further. You add a third finger, stretching her, and her moans turn into a symphony of pleasure. Her hips buck against your hand, seeking more friction, more release.
You can feel her approaching the precipice, teetering on the edge of ecstasy. You lean down, capturing one of her pert nipples in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, while your fingers continue their relentless assault.
"Y/N!" she cries out, her voice filled with a mix of pleasure and desperation. "I'm going to come!"
You pull away, denying her release. "Not yet, princess," you whisper, your breath warm against her ear. "I want to taste you first."
Her eyes widen with anticipation as you position myself between her thighs. The scent of her arousal fills the air, intoxicating you. You lower your head, your tongue flicking against her swollen clit, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from Bada.
You tease her, alternating between slow, languid licks and intense, focused sucking. Her hands grip the sheets, her body writhing beneath you as you bring her to the edge of ecstasy over and over again, denying her release until she's begging for it.
"Please, Y/N," she pleads, her voice desperate. "I can't take it anymore. I need to come."
You smile against her sensitive flesh, savoring the taste of her arousal on your lips. "Beg for it, princess," you command, your voice dripping with dominance.
Her eyes lock with yours, her desperation shining through. "Please, Y/N," she pleads, her voice filled with raw need. "Let me come. I'm yours. Only yours."
The sight of her surrendering to you, her vulnerability laid bare, sends a surge of possessiveness through you. You gave her what she craves, your tongue working tirelessly against her clit as you plunge two fingers back inside her, matching the rhythm of your movements with the intensity of your sucking.
Bada's body tenses, her back arching off the bed as a wave of pleasure crashes over her. She cries out your name, her voice a mix of ecstasy and surrender, as her orgasm ripples through her.
You continue to lavish attention on her sensitive core, prolonging her pleasure as she rides the waves of her release. Finally, when she's spent, you ease off, your lips trailing kisses along her inner thighs.
Bada's chest rises and falls rapidly as she tries to catch her breath. She looks at me with a mixture of awe and adoration, her eyes shining with unspoken emotions.
"Y/N," she whispers, her voice filled with love and gratitude. "That was... incredible."
You crawl up the bed, wrapping your arms around her and pulling her close. "You're incredible, princess," you murmur, nuzzling against her neck. "But… I'm just getting started."
#bada lee x reader#swf2#swf2 x reader#bada lee#street woman fighter 2#bebe#bada lee fanfic#bada lee x oc#bada lee x y/n#bada lee smut#bada#bada lee imagines#lee bada#bada fanfic
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(1st off, i am a trans man) personally, it makes me slightly uncomfortable when other trans men center their own experiences. don’t get me wrong, we have a right to talk about our issues, but i can’t help but feel like there’s a victim complex going on when some guys say that TERFs are “just as dangerous” to trans men or that baeddelism is a relevant issue (while brushing the misogyny and toxic masculinity in the ftm community under the rug). the fact that you made a post about trans unity and the first ask you got was about how trans men aren’t supported enough by trans women? but like, is that true? is it not ALSO an issue that trans women aren’t supported enough by trans men?
Okay, I hear you, and I acknowledge that I (unfortunately) have fairly limited experience with trans men but I don't know if I like the idea of discounting what they have to say as "a victim complex."
They just want to be heard. And I think they have a right to be upset, given how little representation trans men are given in media. I never saw any discussions on transmasc issues until I came to Tumblr. Never saw it on YouTube or Reddit. Online leftist circles--and even online trans circles!--don't talk about trans men! So, y'know what? If they're being a little melodramatic about their issues, maybe it'll off-set the lack of any knowledge of their issues in the first place.
And also, I think toxic masculinity and misogyny are sort of part of being a man, right now? Which certainly isn't to say it's inherent to men, but society does encourage it. That's what I think should change about being a man. This goes back to societal misandry, I think. Toxic Masculinity is just a manifestation of societal forces that encourage men to behave in unhuman ways, and I think it would be immature of me to expect trans men to perfectly avoid that, in their pursuit of masculinity.
Gender is a performance. We are all looking for the role that makes us most comfortable, but the baggage attached to the roles isn't something you can side-step so easily. Cis people have an advantage on this front, in that they are capable of proving their masculinity or femininity via means other than pure performance. Society *expects* them to be men or women and that means they can gesticulate towards genitalia whenever they're called into question. (They don't always do that, and it's sort of transphobic when they do, but the ones who are comfortable with themselves might say something like that, all the same)
A trans man will uphold toxic masculinity the same way that a trans woman will submit herself to misogyny: it is in pursuit of the perfect encapsulation of the role. Unless we feel like we adequately perform the role inherently, we are inclined to tolerate--and ergo embody, to an extent--the negativity present in the roles we desire.
I believe that lowering the standards for who can be seen as valid in masculinity will alleviate quite a bit of misogyny, whether that misogyny be among transmascs or cis men. So, in saying that, I hope I also illustrate why I'm quick to jump to their defense while also tacking on my ideas about societal misandry and its toll on men.
On the subject of whether or not transfems actually don't support transmascs...I guess I wouldn't really know. I'm not in trans communities because I don't live in a place where that kind of community could show up. I imagine this problem is being blown out of proportion a little bit, but the ask I think you're talking about did say that it was sort of a Tumblr thing? And internet discourse is just...fuckin...so unbelievably shitty. So I'm not too worried about it.
I mean, I'm not going to immediately assume any transfem I meet is inherently misandristic or otherwise bigoted towards transmascs, but I'm still gonna go to bat for transmascs if they get shit-talked, y'know?
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bunny can i beg for daddy izu crumbs if you have any ? whatever you’re feeling (totally can ignore this <3)
hi starr! no need to beg; i always intend to write some daddy!izu but never get around to it. you’re giving me a valid excuse to indulge that desire and avoid updating my masterlist yet again. gonna go with daddy dom izu & little reader bc that’s where i’m at rn. hope that’s okay. 🖤
here’s a brain dump based loosely off of this drabble. bc i know you’re okay with it: age play themes ahead, mention of caregiver/little (dd/lg), fluff ig?
i hc daddy izu as one that’s pretty soft; like i could definitely see him being as mean as they come, won’t put up with bratting of any kind, etc., but i could also see him being content with being soft and loving almost all of the time.
that doesn’t mean he’s not rough in bed tho; i think with him it’s a 50/50 mix, and he’ll usually adapt to what you need and enjoy it just as much.
he likes to plan his scenes out well ahead of time, but he can also do things on the fly with enough experience under his belt.
daddy izu enjoys orgasm control - delay, denial, overstim, ruined orgasms, the whole bit. he doesn’t do it all the time bc it’s not his top favorite thing to do with you, but he likes the variety it allows. he can be as nice or as mean as he wants at any given point without having to be harsh, and he knows harsh can be very overwhelming when you’re not expecting it. and more importantly, it’s all based around pleasure, which i believe a softer version of izu would be all for.
not much of a sadist outside of spanking and maybe some impact play. he really only does it if he knows you want (or need) it. he’s a fan of maintenance spankings bc they can be used for a variety of purposes - to keep his sweet thing in check, but also give you regular times to enjoy being a bit of a masochist if that’s important to you to name two.
he’s the kind of dom that’s not like… a jack of all trades? but he can adapt to what you want or need pretty easily with a little research, and he doesn’t have a specific area of interest outside of ddlg in this context? if that makes sense? anyway.
daddy izu has always known he likes to take care of people. he’s a hero, after all. it takes him a while to accept how far that actually goes. he struggles with it. it’s only thanks to the internet that he figures himself out while he’s young (early 20s).
by the time you meet him he understands dd/lg dynamics in theory, but he’s never been in one. heck, he’s not even sure if he wants that or can give that to someone with his status as a pro hero.
but that doesn’t stop him from slipping here and there and showing that side of him, especially when he sees how you melt under his care. he’s pretty sure he’s picking up hints that you might indeed be a little, but he’s way too embarrassed to ask.
izuku the kind of person that pulls the little side out of you when you’re too ashamed to show it. he showers you with sweet encouragement and doesn’t mind how needy you get. tells you, “it’s okay, sweetie. i love how much you need me. don’t ever be sorry for it.”
he feels his heart get warm and fluttery the first time he gets a real taste that his inkling might be right. maybe it’s the way you swing your feet so cutely when he “pampers” you by putting on your socks and shoes, or how you sort of melted into him and got shy that one time he carried you from the car to the bed because you were too tired.
or perhaps it was the most obvious moment, when he caught you watching a kids show, coloring on your own to de-stress. izuku had mixed feelings, ones of warm confirmation and others of pain watching you fold into yourself so quickly. he hated the way you immediately turned the tv off, snapped your coloring book shut, and tried to hide it like you had something to be ashamed of.
so izuku did the only thing he could think to do. he sat down next to you, gave you a kiss, and said, “hey, princess. whatcha got there?”
his smile was bright and kind as ever; he was trying to show curiosity rather than overwhelming excitement. but the look on your face told him you were hesitant.
“nothing, i’m just drawing,” you said. “sorry.”
his heart fell as he gave you a curious look. “no need to be sorry. can i see your drawings? i bet they’re very pretty.”
you tucked your head as heat prickled the apples of your cheeks; his tone of voice had shifted, but you couldn’t quite place it. “izuku, it’s dumb, really. don’t worry about it.”
“none of that. show me how well my girl draws, hmm? i want to see what you made,” izuku replied.
you considered it for a moment. then without looking up, you pulled the book of sanrio characters from your chest and opened to the page you had been working on. heat flooded your face. tears pricked the corners of your eyes.
“baby, that’s beautiful! i love it,” he said.
“thanks,” you said softly.
izuku’s enthusiastic response was far from surprising, but what caught you was his tone once again. and it clicked - you’d heard that tone of voice before plenty of times. it was the same one he used when he bent down to talk to small children who ran up to see him. you weren’t sure if you should feel humiliated or if -
“you’re doing such a good job, little one,” he said. “i’m proud of you.”
you froze. you looked to him. though you were on the brink of tears, his smile was still bright, albeit nervous.
“really?” you said.
“yeah! of course i am. do you have another coloring book, sweet pea? i’d love to draw with you.”
you pointed to the black backpack at your feet. izuku pulled out the only hero themed coloring book you had.
“i think this one’s perfect, don’t you?” he asked.
you pulled him in for a tight hug and nodded.
#not sure i like it#but i rly tried#also i will always and forever love the ‘first discovery of something abt your partner’ trope bc it’s soft like me 😤#hope this wasn’t too redundant#bakubunny#midoriya izuku#tw age play#tw daddy kink#💖#🧸
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Hii🌿Can I request Miguel with a bubbly, friendly and chatty reader, who for some reason (whether it's anomaly or smth else) and for a short period of time turned into their younger version, who was very insecure, quiet and anxious? Like, the exact opposite of what they are now.
yes of course lovely <3
🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱
miguel had admired you from a far that you remained you bubbly and friendly self. he admired that no matter what happened in your life you never changed one bit and somewhat envied that. the circumstances in his life made him colder and closed off to the rest of the world but you never did.
as he noticed the shift in your behavior from being bubbly, friendly, and chatty to becoming anxious and insecure, he would immediately become concerned for your well-being. he would approach you with genuine care and a desire to understand what might be causing this change.
with a gentle touch, miguel would take your hand and guide you to a quiet and comfortable space where you could talk openly. he would sit by your side, his eyes filled with genuine concern, and his voice soft and soothing.
“look, i’ve noticed that you've been feeling anxious and insecure lately," miguel would say, his tone filled with empathy. "i want you to know that i’m here for you, and i want to understand what you're going through. you don't have to face this alone."
miguel would encourage you to express your feelings and thoughts openly, assuring you that whatever you share would be met with understanding and love. he would listen attentively, giving you his undivided attention, showing that your emotions and concerns mattered deeply to him.
as you shared your struggles, miguel would offer words of validation and reassurance. he would remind you of your worth, highlighting the qualities he admired about you, and expressing how much he cherished your bubbly, friendly, and chatty nature.
“your vibrant personality drew me to you," miguel would say, his voice filled with sincerity. "your presence lights up a room, and your genuine kindness and friendliness have impacted so many lives, including mine. please don't doubt the wonderful person that you are."
miguel would assure you that feeling anxious and insecure is a normal part of being human, but he would reinforce that those feelings do not define you. he would emphasize the importance of self-care and offer his unwavering support in finding healthy coping mechanisms that work for you.
you couldn’t help but cry in his arms after hearing such words for a man who wasn’t very good at expressing his feelings. throughout your journey, miguel would be alongside you every step of the way, offering a comforting presence and reminding you of your strengths. he would patiently encourage you to seek professional help if necessary, understanding that seeking assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness.
above all, miguel would continue to love and support you unconditionally, reminding you that you are not alone in this battle against anxiety and insecurity. you were happy to have miguel and the rest of the spider society to have your back and help you get back to your old self.
#spiderman atsv#miguel o'hara#spider man: across the spider verse#miguel o’hara x reader#miguel spiderman#atsv x reader#spider person#miguel o’hara x y/n#spidersona#soft miguel#miguel o'hara fluff#🌱 lin writes#sweet asks
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I promised myself I wouldn't get mired in the weird moral chaos that is bg3's fandom, but I have a legitimate question: for a lot of fans, is this the first time playing with Choose Your Own Adventure stories?
The writing seems to be classic CYOA in the epilogues, at least with the evil post-game companions I've experienced. If you roleplay someone happy with your choices, the game generally reflects that those choices were satisfying in the exact way you'd expect. If you roleplay someone who regrets your choices or has doubts, it usually reflects that you should regret those choices. Either way, the "reader" is given a predictable response in order to fulfill their desired narrative.
Don't believe me? Go through the epilogue and try to play a character who both likes and hates every companion or where they ended up. Some changes are subtle while others are more dramatic. A few quick examples, all from a single save:
Playing a character who hates Halsin, though you romanced him, your conversation is short, civil only because Halsin is too mature to rise to your insults, and stilted. He's a distant companion that you've pushed away successfully.
Playing a character who loves Halsin and romanced him, the conversation between you is extraordinarily long and sweet, and you are written as dear to each other. It includes, potentially: sharing stories and teasing him about his more salacious ones, talking about his love of children (and them loving the bear), learning how he's settled into his new life, hearing about him finally finding happiness, being welcomed into his community, welcoming him to share in drinks, and even joyfully adopting an owlbear. This image is just the very beginning of it.
Playing a character who disapproves of Shar but encourages Shadowheart to follow Shar anyway, you get a zealot's lecture about how you're being naive, thinking that Shar's exploiting people, likely confirming your feeling that she's a lost-cause cultist now. The happiness in the conversation is one-sided (from Shadowheart).
Playing a character who is fine with Shar and encourages Shadowheart to follow Shar, you get a short, sincere thank you, and she immediately starts trying to bond with you. The tone of the conversation remains upbeat as she expresses how pleased she is with the church despite its difficulties and how she'd do everything again in a heartbeat.
Playing a character who doesn't like being an immortal consort, but ascended Astarion and agreed to it anyway, gives you an Anne Rice-like fight between bitter eternal lovers. You also get some petulant dragging of your friends.
Playing a character who loves being an immortal consort and ascended Astarion gets you the dark fantasy of all-powerful monsters in love, gleefully ruling and exploiting the world (along with your friends and probably each other) together.
These are all valid endings to the exact same story with very different implications for the future. It's easy to muddy the potential narratives if you try to hold all the unique, mutually exclusive dialog options together.
Remember, at the end of the day, this is written as a linear experience. Everyone's epilogue choices are self-contained in their own story, even if it's possible to reload and choose a different final page. Have fun fishing for unhappy endings if the drama gives the flavor you enjoy, or seek out happy endings if you want to feel fulfilled by your choices. Just know that not everyone will experience or want to experience the same ending for an otherwise identical set of choices in game. That's the cool part of getting to choose your own adventure.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#rant post#I really want to discuss how awesome the writing is for doing this#but I get a headache whenever I try to check out the fandom#i don't care what narratives someone likes#or hates#i just think the fact there are competing narratives that can almost all turn out 'happy' even if they're immoral is so cool#instead of a linear dialog 'tree' where you're supposed to click on every option before continuing and then be good to get a happy end#It's made each playthrough so unique#imo characterization discussions are best when a single playthrough's specific choices are considered parallel universes#because the game responds to what kind of story it thinks your Tav wants#and (mostly) gives you it within the construct of the story it wants to tell
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I just want to say that, while I get where it comes from, responding to the MCU mocking Steve's virginity post-serum and pre-ice with "Well, he and Bucky have been banging since the '30s," unintentionally plays into the wider social issue that drives their ridicule:
The notion that a, now "suddenly" (as said in this post, prior to the serum, Steve's virginity is irrelevant to them because of an ableist desexualisation of disabled people and our bodies), physically desirable and masculine man like Steve Rogers isn't sleeping with every woman he encounters is seen as inherently deficient and less of a man for it, that there is something fundamentally wrong with him.
It's and issue with how virginity in men is viewed by society at large.
While most articles I've found talk about this harm in relation to cisgender, heterosexual manhood (along with the double standards women often face) this is an issue that harms all genders and orientations.
Virgin-Shaming (TV Tropes):
Due to a Double Standard that emphasizes male promiscuity and female chastity, this trope more commonly applies to males than females. Virginity is seen as something silly that men need to get past as soon as possible...
Nature Abhors a Virgin (TV Tropes):
The negative attribute in question is defined very broadly. It can simply mean that they lack self-confidence, experience with women, or that they just aren't real men.
Unexpected Virgin (TV Tropes):
Due to a long-standing Double Standard, men are the most common examples of this trope. In fiction, men past puberty are often expected to have had sex.
Of Course I'm Not a Virgin (TV Tropes):
Everybody Has Lots of Sex is a concept so ubiquitous in modern western media, that the very idea that any character, for any reason, is a virgin is something that comes off as alien and bizarre.
...This trope is most common with characters who, given what other information we know about them, would have logical reasons to be a virgin.
Sex Is Cool (TV Tropes):
In the media, sex is often portrayed as "cool". If you're not having sex, then you're a snivelling misfit and a loser.
Virgin-Shaming: Having Sex Out Of Peer Pressure Robs Us Of Our Right To Choose (shethepeople):
Generally, if a person has not had their first time, they are subjected to offensive jokes about virginity. It is assumed that a person becomes ‘mature’ only when they have had sex. Otherwise, they are seen as the innocent kid of the group...
Virgin-shaming is more common among men. This is because our society defines the masculinity of a man with his sexual prowess. The more sexually experienced a man is, the more masculine he is. Since men do not ‘lose’ anything if they are not a virgin, it is assumed that no rational man would say no to sex. When patriarchy has invested freedom, power and the right to complete pleasure in the hands of men, there is no reason considered valid enough for a man to deny sex, apart from some fault in him.
Sexually active women? Sluts. Virgin men? Losers. (The Strand):
Men, however, are generally far less encouraged to think out their decisions when it comes to when they’ll lose their virginity and to whom. In fact, rarely will you hear anyone refer to having “taken the virginity” of a man. Instead, men are more pressured from their compatriots to find a conquest as soon as possible to shed their virginity in order to seem more manly.
For men, the pressure is quite the opposite. Once puberty hits, men are expected to become machines of sexual activity and to seek out conquests almost immediately... Why do men see the choice to abstain as so unnatural? Why do they feel the need to compare their “body counts,” as if it’s a measure of their manhood? Possibly, because men are taught that they are responsible for convincing women to sleep with them; that they’re the hunters and women are their prey. This message is hammered in by other males, as well as by pop culture.
...The reflex to judge others for not acting as society dictates is ingrained in us from childhood, but when you question those norms, you begin to see how utterly ridiculous it is to force those views on individuals.
Stigmatized Virginity and Masculinity (DigitalCommons at The University of Nebraska - Lincoln):
Virginity status is one way to make meaning of one’s sexual identity, with individuals often viewing virginity as a gift, a stigma, or a stage in the process of growing up (Carpenter, 2001). Viewing virginity as a stigma is congruent with hegemonic masculinity and cultural-level masculine sexual scripts of using heterosexual sex to define manhood (e.g., Humphreys, 2013).
When Having Sex Is A Requirement For Being Considered ‘A Real Man’ (Mel Magazine):
As Fleming explains, virgin-shaming is present in any social space where having sex is an implicit requirement for being considered “a real man.”
...Fleming says the virgin status is ascribed to someone and, when used as an insult, implies a failure of masculinity.
Fleming’s paper tries to illuminate how certain groups subscribe to a dominant form of masculinity requiring men to objectify women and explains that being a virgin in this context means disobeying the rules of masculinity. (After all, you can’t really claim to be objectifying women if they’re not even letting you have sex with them.)
In the recently published study, Fleming and Davis frame virgin shaming as a “manhood act,” one which allows men to be seen as belonging to the more privileged gender. One of the primary manhood acts, he says, is having heterosexual sex — and bragging about it.
More broadly, virgin-shaming has the effect of suppressing alternative forms of masculinity that don’t necessarily place a high value on scoring with chicks; Men who act differently or hold a different kind of masculinity don’t get the opportunity to express that masculinity as much, while the dominant “hegemonic” kind endlessly gets repeated, putting down those competing masculinities. That repeats the cycle of men experiencing stigma for being virgins.
The images we see in the media set the bar for what is normal and desirable. A large part of masculine protagonists in films, for example, portray an almost effortless ability in courting women. These sorts of images very easily become a model of what the pinnacle of manliness looks like, reinforcing the notion that, to be manly, one has to be “scoring” with chicks.
...What virgin-shaming could be used for, besides simply a way to look manly in comparison to someone else, was to actually bring the male virgin into conforming with the norms: essentially, to get him laid so he’s a man like the rest of the gang.
The 'Problem' of Male Virginity (Everyday Feminism):
One of the things that I’ve seen come up over and over again in the aftermath of the UCSB shooting is the number of men... talking about the shame and pain of being a male virgin.
They talk about feeling broken or unworthy, that they’ve missed some sort of open time frame where they could lose their virginity and now they’re (metaphorically) screwed. It feels like everyone knows – like you’ve been branded by a giant V.
One of the reasons why men tend to freak out about the idea of being a virgin – especially being a virgin past college – is that we’ve grown up in the shadow of a cultural narrative that we believe to be law.
The Standard Virginity Loss Narrative tells us that men are supposed to lose their virginity by a certain age – sometimes by age 18, sometimes by 21. The earlier you lose it, the better off you are...
The narrative is fiction.
It’s an idealized, heteronormative, suburban middle class ideal that the vast majority of us don’t live in.
The story turns our sexual development into a performance, just as masculinity is often a performance. And just as traditional masculinity is a fragile thing, any minor deviation from the Virginity Narrative throws the whole thing into disarray.
When men fail to live up to this entirely arbitrary standard, we feel not just as though we’ve failed but that we’re failures. We’re defective. Wrong. And there will be plenty of people eager to reinforce the narrative, to mock us, and tell us that this deviation from the narrative calls our masculinity into question. Just as the gender police are eager to punish people who don’t live up to the traditional definitions of manhood.
It’s not really surprising, to be honest. We fetishize virginity in men and women, just in opposite ends of the spectrum...
But losing his virginity, on the other hand? That’s when the world is supposed to open up for you. The coming of age narrative for men inevitably links losing one’s virginity with becoming a man.
When you cry and moan about how awful it is that you haven’t had sex yet, you contribute to the problem. You’re helping to perpetuate the idea that virgin = defect. Even when those complaints are turned inward and you’re silently castigating yourself, you are continuing to reinforce that there’s something wrong because you haven’t had sex yet.
You have to learn to let go of being defensive about it or feeling embarrassed, to stop responding as though being a virgin means you’ve done something wrong or that there’s something wrong with you. It means you have to consciously reframe your own thought patterns, reminding yourself that not having had sex yet has no bearing on your value as a person no matter your age.
“You’re still a virgin.” “Yes, and?” “Have you ever even seen a woman naked before? “Not yet, so?”
The people who will mock you and try to shame you are of no account; they’re showing themselves to be assholes, and why should you care about the opinions of assholes?
Your value doesn’t come from who you have or haven’t slept with. It doesn’t come from where you fall on the bell-curve of starting sexual activity, whether you were precocious or a late bloomer.
#marvel#mcu#steve rogers#steven grant rogers#sex and sexuality#marvel critical#mcu critical#sexism#long post
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The Waves are Rising and Rising
|Beginning|
Chapter 2
(We're posting every Monday and Friday!)
--//--
They eat breakfast together in Nie Mingjue's private receiving room the next morning. When Jin Guangyao had visited with Lan Xichen before, they'd always shared mealtimes with Nie Huaisang, but… well. Jin Guangyao has no desire to discuss this in front of him.
"I'll do it," he says immediately, as soon as the servant taking away their empty bowls closes the door behind them. It's a little rude perhaps but he wants this conversation over and done with.
Lan Xichen sets down his tea and shoots Jin Guangyao an anxious look. "Are you sure, A-Yao?"
"I won't have you changing your mind later and acting like you were forced," Nie Mingjue says, folding his arms and scowling despite the fact that Jin Guangyao has just agreed to help him with potentially life-saving medical treatment. The nerve of that man. "There's no room for maybe here, it's yes or no."
"Yes, then. But I have some conditions."
"Why does that not surprise me," Nie Mingjue mutters, but Lan Xichen glances sharply at him before flashing Jin Guangyao an encouraging smile.
"What are your conditions, A-Yao?"
Jin Guangyao smooths his robes across his lap, determined to be as businesslike as possible to bury the anxiety gnawing at his stomach and push through the overall weirdness of this whole situation. "Condition one — we do not speak of this to anyone. As far as the rest of the jianghu is concerned, er-ge and I are still just playing Cleansing for da-ge. That’s…" he swallows, resisting the urge to squeeze his hands together, “that’s non-negotiable for me.”
“Huaisang knows,” Nie Mingjue says immediately. Jin Guangyao feels himself freeze up inside, and something about it must be obvious in his posture, because Nie Mingjue shrugs almost apologetically in response. “He was there when the doctor suggested it, there was no avoiding it. But rest assured…” he wrinkles his nose, mouth pursing, “I have no intention of discussing anything more of this with him.”
That’s not difficult to believe. Jin Guangyao tries to imagine talking about this with Jin Zixuan and has to hold back a full-body shudder (the one consolation is that his half-brother would likely be the more embarrassed out of the two of them). He feels the ice inside of him thaw a little; Nie Huaisang is an unrepentant gossip, but he’s the sort of irritant who will take more glee in hiding a juicy secret than revealing it. Even he wouldn’t tarnish his brother’s reputation by spreading something as scandalous as this. He cares too much about Nie Mingjue’s health to put it at risk. And — he cares about Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen too. He can be trusted with the information, as much as anyone can.
Jin Guangyao glances to Lan Xichen, who gives him a wry smile. “As far as I’m concerned, the only people who need to know about what we’re doing are the three of us who are involved and the doctor, so I have no issue with condition one.”
Jin Guangyao didn’t think either of them would have an issue with keeping things quiet, but it still lifts a huge weight off his shoulders to know this is a secret they’re keeping together, and basic privacy won’t be something he has to fight for.
"Condition two — we do not do dual cultivation anywhere other than in Bujing Shi. Jinlintai does not have reliable privacy, and Cloud Recesses… forgive me, er-ge, if I have misjudged, but I feel like the necessary subterfuge that would be required to hide this from your family might cause you some distress?"
Lan Xichen's eyes curve into crescent moons and crinkle at the corners in the very particular way that always makes Jin Guangyao's knees go a bit wobbly. "A-Yao is so thoughtful," he says, as if Jin Guangyao has just poured his tea rather than suggest it might be stressful to sneak around behind his uncle's back like horny teenagers. "And A-Yao makes another valid point, which I agree with."
They both turn to Nie Mingjue who acquiesces with a grunt and a shrug. "No difference to me. You two have always come here to play Cleansing for me anyway, makes sense to keep things happening here if you want it to look like nothing’s changed.”
“Not a bad point,” Jin Guangyao murmurs. Never let it be said he does not give praise where it's due.
“Any other conditions, A-Yao?”
There is one final one, and insisting on it feels like carving out his own heart — but he cannot go ahead with such a huge risk if he cannot keep as much control over it as possible. He has to keep himself safe. A little pain is worth that. A lot of pain is worth that.
"Just one more. It is important that there are no misunderstandings here — that nobody… misconstrues exactly what is going on between us."
Jin Guangyao is many things but he is not and has never been a coward; he looks Lan Xichen in the eye as he speaks, and in his heart he wails I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you are the one person in this world I never wanted to hurt. "We have to all agree that this is just sex, and no one will have any expectations about anything more, or any ideas about what us sleeping together means. It doesn't change anything. We are sworn brothers aiding da-ge in a medical procedure to help mitigate the symptoms of qi-deviation. That's it."
He sees the flash of deep sadness in Lan Xichen's eyes, and he also sees the moment that sadness gets whisked away to be hidden behind a flat diplomatic smile. He forgets sometimes, with how genuine Lan Xichen is with his affection and kindness, how good he is at totally hiding any feeling he deems inappropriate for external visibility. Jin Guangyao desperately wants to clutch at his robes and take it all back, wipe that horrible flat smile away and tell him he doesn’t mean it, it's nothing more than an elaborate smokescreen he is building around himself for protection because things with Nie Mingjue are so dangerously complicated and things with Lan Xichen are so temptingly simple that he cannot trust himself (or either of them) with something as terrifying as possibility.
"Of course, that's totally understandable," Lan Xichen says. His voice is level though not quite natural. "Whatever A-Yao needs to feel comfortable."
His focus on Lan Xichen means that he doesn’t catch Nie Mingjue's immediate reaction, but the man's irritated huff makes Jin Guangyao's eyes snap straight to him.
"Don't flatter yourself," he mutters, flicking his braids over his shoulder as he folds his arms. "You're not doing this for fun, we get it. Anything else?"
Jin Guangyao pushes down his own huff of irritation and runs through the situation in his head, searching for anything else, feeling very much like he ought to be putting up more of a fight (out of principle if nothing else) over this, that there should be more things he can specify to keep as much control over this as he can before it all spirals, but everything he can think of feels either too petty, or else too vulnerable to admit that he doesn’t want. He comes up with nothing.
He tries to play it off casually, an unaffected shrug. “No, that’s the extent of it.”
Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue both nod. And… that seems to be the end of the negotiations.
“So,” Lan Xichen says brightly, lacing his fingers where his hands sit flat on the tea table and smiling at both of them with a tinge of awkwardness, “it seems like we’re all agreed that we’re happy to proceed with this, correct?”
Jin Guangyao wouldn’t exactly use the word happy but — he’ll do it. That’s the important thing. He’s agreeing to do it. He glances at Nie Mingjue, whose eyebrows are furrowed enough that Jin Guangyao suspects they agree over the dubious word choice, but he does nod.
“Good!” Lan Xichen says, his smile increasing in both brightness and awkwardness. “So, ah…”
He trails off. The three of them sit there in tense silence as it fully dawns on Jin Guangyao what exactly Lan Xichen is trying to lead to.
Now they’re all in agreement, there is nothing to stop them… filling out the agreement. The agreement to have sex.
An excruciating silence continues for several more mortifying minutes until Nie Mingjue clears his throat and climbs to his feet.
"Well. No use wasting time."
Lan Xichen stands and follows him, and, feeling somewhat dazed, Jin Guangyao follows them both.
When he and Lan Xichen had been on the run from the Wens, they’d shared a strange kind of intimacy that felt like living in their own tiny world, just spending day by day side by side, working and eating and living as equals. In all of the horror and despair of the war, it had been an oasis, it had been a beautiful, untarnished thing. Despite the palpable yearning in the air, nothing had happened between them, but that hadn’t stopped Meng Yao fantasising during haunting lonely nights in Qishan about what might have happened had Lan Xichen been less concerned about not pushing his boundaries, and had Meng Yao been more open to having his boundaries pushed. There wasn’t any consistent theme about who was doing what to whom, though what was consistent was an ever-present sense of… tenderness, of genuine care. Not necessarily gentleness (he was very open indeed to the prospect of more athletic, vigorous endeavours) it was a sense of being treated like he mattered, like his pleasure and comfort mattered.
Very sad that the peak of his sexual fantasies so far has turned out to be basic respect and kindness, but one thing he learnt from living in the brothel was that people rarely have any choice in what gets them off, so he forces away the mild embarrassment.
All of that to say, it makes walking down the short corridor and into Nie Mingjue’s bedroom with the purpose of having sex as if they’re settling down to a meeting to hash out an inter-sect trade agreement somewhat… jarring. There’s no mood, there’s no buildup — the three of them walk into the room, Nie Mingjue closes the door then makes a sharp gesture at it with his hand to activate the privacy wards, he marches over to the large and thankfully very sturdy-looking wooden bed, and immediately begins to unbuckle his heavy beast-head belt.
Jin Guangyao glances at Lan Xichen, who offers him a smile that he would describe as ‘bemused but willing’, before following Nie Mingjue towards the bed and beginning to unpin his guan.
Well. This is happening then.
He feels like he’s floating outside of his own body as he takes off his hat then begins to unbuckle his leather belt (carefully removing and curling up Hensheng first) and untie his sash. Anxiety buzzes under his skin at the prospect of taking off his clothes in front of two such spectacular specimens of cultivator masculinity; there was no discussion at any point about attraction being a relevant aspect of this agreement, and yet…
He's so bad at being bad at things. If he takes off his clothes and does not see a single spark of interest in their eyes — or worse, if he sees anything like pity or revulsion — then he might just shrivel up entirely out of humiliation.
(He is used to the way the eyes of men tend to linger on him, the appeal of a pretty mouth and a slim waist apparently seem to transcend gender preference, and it has taken years for him to learn how to ignore the way such attention so often makes his skin crawl, but this is different in a way he can’t entirely articulate; he wants their eyes to linger, it’s normal to want someone you want to want you back, isn’t it? It must-)
"A-Yao?"
Jin Guangyao startles out of his spiralling thoughts, half-folded inner robes in his hands, to find-
Oh. Oh.
Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen are both already naked and kneeling on the bed. Jin Guangyao doesn't yelp, but it's a close thing. There's just… so much skin. Instinctively, he wants to look away and apologise, but — that would rather be defeating the point of what they're intending to do.
Which is ‘have sex’. Which he needs to take his clothes off to do.
He swallows heavily and, refusing to think too much about it, he hurriedly steps out of his trousers, hangs them over the privacy screen beside him with the rest of his robes, and walks over to join them on the bed. He can't bring himself to look at their faces, where he knows he'll find out what exactly they think of his scrawny, scarred body, but the alternative is letting his gaze wander elsewhere, and — god, he is not starting this bizarre encounter by staring at their dicks! He has to retain some sort of dignity!
Chests seem a safe enough place to fix his gaze, and so he does. He's seen both of them before so he's entirely prepared for the sight of firm, rippling muscle; Lan Xichen's skin is pearly pale from a lifetime lived on a mountain surrounded by clouds, and his body is broad but lean with no excess, like a true Lan ascetic; Nie Mingjue has lines from various overlapping tans tinting his skin from pale around his belly to gradually browner on his neck and face, and his chest and stomach are covered in a light layer of hair and soft fat that insulates the strength held underneath.
In short, despite their differences, they’re both absolutely gorgeous.
“Is everything alright, A-Yao?” Lan Xichen asks gently, as Jin Guangyao clambers up onto the bed (and it is very much clambering up, as, like most things in Bujing Shi, the bed is built sturdy and tall).
He smiles as, well, normally as he can when he’s trying very hard to keep his gaze fixed upwards and away from the swathes of naked flesh before him, and kneels beside the other two of them, as if they’re sat around an invisible table.
"Everything's fine it's just…” he gives a short self-deprecating laugh, “da-ge and er-ge are very handsome, this A-Yao is a little intimidated.”
It’s a very carefully crafted response, the sort he’s become an expert in weaving; enough of the truth that Lan Xichen is satisfied in his concern, but not so much as to reveal any real vulnerability.
“A-Yao has no reason at all to be intimidated,” Lan Xichen says, reaching out a hand to press against Jin Guangyao’s shoulder (oh, gods, he’s never going to survive this if just the touch of a hand against an entirely innocent part of his body gives him such a rush, but he could never have predicted how incredibly, wildly different it feels without all his layers of robes, how was he supposed to know?) and tilting his head with a wry smile, “he is very handsome too.”
Jin Guangyao can’t help it; Lan Xichen’s lap is in his peripheral vision and there’s no way he can’t look and-
Well. Okay. It seems Lan Xichen was being entirely honest about finding him handsome.
That’s. Ah. That’s good to know.
“Yeah, yeah, everyone’s very handsome, sure, sure,” Nie Mingjue grumbles. “Can we get on with it?” He turns towards Jin Guangyao. “Have you done this before?"
"No," Jin Guangyao responds quickly. Too quickly, damn, he doesn’t want them to think he's lying or being defensive — although a small part of him can’t help but feel oddly touched that he asked rather than assumed. A rare occasion for a son of a whore. "Ah… have either of you?"
Lan Xichen glances at Nie Mingjue, then when he turns back to Jin Guangyao his smile is charmingly mischievous. "When we were teenagers, da-ge and I tried a few things together. We never got as far as this kind of sex, though."
"Not for lack of interest," Nie Mingjue mutters — his tone is irritable, but there's a little smile curling the corner of his mouth, like he’s thinking of a funny memory. Lan Xichen chuckles.
"The only real privacy we were able to get was out on night hunts, and the idea of trying to figure out sex whilst camping in a forest somewhere did not… especially appeal. And then when we both became sect leaders, everything became a lot more complicated.”
Jin Guangyao tries to imagine what they might have been like back then — Lan Xichen, still getting used to his height, coltish and wiry and still on the boyishly pretty side of handsome — and Nie Mingjue, growing taller and wider each day, with the unflattering beginnings of a moustache and a playful cheerfulness that would almost completely disappear after his father’s traumatic death.
And who had Meng Yao been, back then? A poor starving nobody dragged out of childhood too soon to desperately try and provide for his already ailing mother, who’d worked herself to death trying to provide for him. The thought douses all of the warm endearment in his chest and he has to quickly push it away, lest it drag him down.
“So none of us actually know what we’re doing,” Nie Mingjue says, rubbing his forehead exasperatedly with the heel of his hand. “Brilliant. Well, how hard can it be?”
Had anyone else said it Jin Guangyao might have been inclined to agree; not having done anything himself doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how, he’s seen and read his fair share of instructions both practical and more fantastic. It shouldn’t be hard at all, but the flippant irritation in Nie Mingjue’s voice makes it difficult to want to voice his support.
Lan Xichen gives a delicate cough that Jin Guangyao suspects is to hide a laugh, from the way his eyes have creased, and when Nie Mingjue huffs, Lan Xichen quickly clears his throat.
“I’ll, ah… I’ll go first, shall I?” He suggests.
It’s frankly excruciating, sitting in the unfortunate middle zone between entirely personal and purely business whilst being not quite either, and Jin Guangyao has to work hard to suppress the way he wants to cringe. If they were doing this… recreationally, they could start with kissing and foreplay and building up a good mood, and if they were at a brothel, they could dispense with all formality and just do it, but…
How the hell does one begin fucking another man in the ass, for purely medical reasons?
Lan Xichen clearly has an idea of what he wants; he presses a hand to Nie Mingjue’s cheek, leaning forwards to kiss him, softly and almost chastely. Sour jealousy creeps up Jin Guangyao’s throat and he quickly looks away, hands balling into fists where they rest against his thighs. He is abruptly hit with the miserable realisation that he’s not certain he wants to watch this happen, whilst he’s stuck on the outside, the one left out — but he’s already agreed to it all and he’s made his damn bed so now he has to… watch Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen fuck in it, he supposes.
He feels a light touch against his wrist that’s sudden enough to make him jolt a little, and when he looks up he sees Lan Xichen watching him with something horrifyingly close to understanding in his eyes, which is utterly mortifying.
Mortifying right up until Lan Xichen rests his palm (the other hand, not the one that had cupped Nie Mingjue’s face) against Jin Guangyao’s cheek with enough light pressure to tilt his head, and as he leans in towards him, he has just enough time to see the kiss-dazed expression on Nie Mingjue’s face morph into something almost startled and-
When Lan Xichen kisses him, all other thoughts flee and for a few glorious seconds, Jin Guangyao knows nothing but the warmth of the hand on his cheek, the softness of the lips against his. The kiss he receives is also gentle and chaste, and before he can lose control over his willpower and desperately chase something more, Lan Xichen is pulling back.
Technically, kisses ought to be considered more personal than what should be allowed in their strange little arrangement, but… well, Jin Guangyao isn’t complaining, and Nie Mingjue doesn’t seem to have an issue with it either, and it’s fair that there isn’t really a normal way of beginning this. When Lan Xichen sits back on his heels, his eyes dart quickly between the other two of them, and Jin Guangyao’s stomach drops. He can’t really be expecting them to kiss too, surely? Jin Guangyao’s mouth goes dry and he instinctively wets his lips, watching Nie Mingjue’s reaction.
Nie Mingjue shoots Lan Xichen an unimpressed look, and Jin Guangyao barely has a moment to realise the swooping feeling in his gut is disappointment before the man is shifting around to get on his hands and knees and grumbling at Lan Xichen to ‘get on with it’.
Oh gods. It really is happening.
Jin Guangyao looks away again, feeling — well, less like an interloper since Lan Xichen made the point of kissing him too, but still like this is something a little too intimate for him to be watching at such close quarters. It occurs to him (something he’d stupidly not even considered for the whole of his miserable night spent debating himself) that even if he doesn’t look, he’ll be able to hear everything. And probably feel a certain amount too, as Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue are both large men, even on a frankly luxuriously sized bed it’ll be impossible not to feel the way the whole piece of furniture shakes with them… moving.
Gods. Gods. What the hell has he gotten himself into here? He curls his hands into the blanket and tries to marshal his spiralling thoughts.
“Come on, Xichen.”
“Isn’t there…” the somewhat anxious note in Lan Xichen’s tone drags Jin Guangyao’s attention immediately back. He’s kneeling behind Nie Mingjue, sat back on his heels with one hand resting somewhat awkwardly on the other man’s ankle, the other holding a small bottle of what Jin Guangyao assumes (hopes) is oil. “Isn’t there supposed to be some sort of preparation for you, first? It seems a little, ah…”
“I told you, it’s fine,” Nie Mingjue says, neck craning to look back over his shoulder, the scowl visible even from where Jin Guangyao is sitting.
“I don’t want to hurt you, though.”
This at least gets Nie Mingjue to soften his expression a little. “You won’t. It’s fine. Let’s just get this over and done with, alright?”
Lan Xichen looks doubtfully down at the bottle in his hand, shoulders still tense, as he dutifully opens it and pours some of its contents out into his palm, ready to slick himself up.
Jin Guangyao should let them just go ahead — should leave Nie Mingjue to the consequences of his stupid bravado — but he finds himself surging forwards to intervene purely out of principle. He may not have any practical experience himself, but he knows far more than he would ever want to about badly executed penetration. Even aside from whatever unpleasantness Nie Mingjue may suffer, he hates the idea of how much it would upset Lan Xichen when he does, inevitably, hurt him quite a bit.
“No! No, I -” Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue both turn towards him, startled, and he quickly dials down his reaction with the best smile he can manage, pulling his outstretched hands back to himself. “I really wouldn’t recommend skipping the preparation. That’s really not a good idea when you've never done it before.”
Lan Xichen makes a low sound in the back of his throat and fumbles the bottle in his alarm, tipping a little of the oil on to the blanket, and he’s distracted for a few moments as he attempts to blot it. Nie Mingjue rolls onto his side to look at Jin Guangyao with narrowed eyes, frustration writ clear across his features. Jin Guangyao is immediately frustrated back; what underhanded scheming does he really think Jin Guangyao is trying to achieve by insisting on pre-sexual prep? Will the Nie sect crumble around them if Nie Mingjue waits a few moments to get fingered? Is trying to help him avoid unnecessary pain from taking a dick to the ass a manipulative political tactic now? Or is this really just some ridiculous bullheaded macho method of attempting to assert control over the situation? Good gods.
“I promise that this will be a far more pleasant experience for everyone involved if you just let him use his fingers first,” Jin Guangyao says, forcing the frustration down, as much as Nie Mingjue doesn’t deserve his quiet patience. “I am not trying to drag this out and make you uncomfortable, it just seems wrong not to say something when I know what happens if you don’t stretch first.”
“Please, ge,” Lan Xichen says quietly (and something strange happens in Jin Guangyao’s stomach to see the way Nie Mingjue’s eyes go a little darker and his half-hard cock twitches against his thigh at Lan Xichen’s use of the endearment), “can we just try it? If it isn’t helpful we don’t have to do it next time.”
Next time. Jin Guangyao swallows. They haven’t even made it to the fucking and his head is already spinning at the prospect of next time.
“Fine,” Nie Mingjue growls, immediately turning over to return to his previous position on his hands and knees — Jin Guangyao suspects to hide his embarrassment at how quickly he caved to Lan Xichen. It’s an easy embarrassment to empathise with.
Lan Xichen carefully drizzles oil onto his fingers, warming it up between his hands, before resting one hand on Nie Mingjue’s hip to hold him still, rubbing his thumb up and down like he’s trying to soothe a spooked animal.
It hadn’t occurred to Jin Guangyao that some of Nie Mingjue’s snappishness and desire to move quickly might actually be nerves. A burst of reluctant sympathy hits him; it can’t have been easy to ask for this, not only admitting that he requires such extensive help, but also in such an intimate way — in such a taboo way.
Nie Mingjue doesn’t have to be so cranky about it, though.
Jin Guangyao looks away as Lan Xichen slips his fingers between Nie Mingjue’s cheeks, and fights down the heat rushing to his face. It’s ridiculous feeling like he ought to be giving them privacy when he was specifically asked to be here, and yet it feels wrong to watch them too closely. In his peripheral vision he sees Lan Xichen drape himself over Nie Mingjue’s back, one hand busy between them and the other running up and down his side; he can hear Lan Xichen talking softly and he deliberately avoids discerning the words, not wanting to feed the fierce jealousy bubbling in his belly. He can hear the way Nie Mingjue’s breathing has changed, too, not necessarily laboured but definitely deeper and a little erratic.
Nie Mingjue makes a low sound of surprise — clearly entirely involuntary by the way it’s bit off at the end — and the delight in Lan Xichen’s equally surprised, “does that feel good?” is impossible to miss, no matter how much Jin Guangyao is studiously trying to ignore it.
He spends another few minutes staring into the middle distance and definitely not watching the steady pumping of Lan Xichen’s arm, and the way Nie Mingjue’s broad muscular back flexes as he begins to tilt and shift his hips in response, until he feels the bed move with Lan Xichen shuffling back.
“Do you think you’re ready?” Lan Xichen asks, reaching across the bed for the oil that he’d set down earlier. It’s impossible to miss that he’s fully hard now, and Jin Guangyao once again does his best to keep his eyes averted, as ridiculous as it feels.
Nie Mingjue looks back over his shoulder; it’s impossible to miss for him that he’s looking somewhat dazed, face flushed along his cheekbones. “I’m ready. Go for it.”
His voice is a little rougher than usual. Jin Guangyao’s horrible, terrible brain somehow manages to pull his jealousy in two directions at once; how would it feel to have Lan Xichen make him feel that way — or, worse, how would it feel to have been the one to make Nie Mingjue feel that way? He wants both, and also simultaneously for his honoured ancestors to open up a hole in the middle of the bed for him to fall into and get out of this situation immediately before he just combusts.
Bizarrely, Lan Xichen takes a moment to look to him, in all of this; they’ve known each other long enough that Jin Guangyao recognises the familiar quick anxious glance that means Are You Okay?
It’s very kind, and appreciated, but what on earth is he meant to respond to it with? ‘Of course I’m okay, er-ge, please go ahead and fuck da-ge, because that is obviously entirely conditional on how okay I am’? He decides that a reassuring smile will have to do and, thankfully, he seems to come up with something believable enough that Lan Xichen smiles back.
He also reaches out and takes Jin Guangyao’s arm, and very gently tugs him in closer.
Jin Guangyao has always been helpless within Lan Xichen’s orbit, and therefore helplessly shuffles towards Nie Mingjue on his knees until he is sat right at his side, with the kind of view that could only be more vivid if Jin Guangyao were right in the middle of the two of them — which is a mental image that he immediately preemptively bans his brain from conjuring.
“Alright, da-ge,” Lan Xichen murmurs, and Jin Guangyao’s mouth goes dry at the sight of him carefully slicking himself up with the oil. For a wild, ridiculous moment, he actually considers offering to help. “Just try to relax.”
Jin Guangyao swallows heavily as Lan Xichen adjusts his position on his knees, braces Nie Mingjue’s hips with one hand, and guides himself in with his other. From where he’s sat, he sees both the way Nie Mingjue’s eyes widen before scrunching shut, and the way Lan Xichen’s mouth drops open. The slow, careful slide seems to take forever, and Jin Guangyao feels like he’s floating outside of his own body as he watches because… well, there’s no way this can be real. This is the sort of thing that happens in Nie Huaisang’s spring books, sitting next to his sworn brothers as they fuck isn’t something that real people would do, and especially not him, and yet…
Nie Mingjue shudders all over and, without thinking, Jin Guangyao reaches out a hand to press it against his side, stroking lightly up and down the way Lan Xichen had been doing. Nie Mingjue’s eyes immediately snap open and as their gazes meet, Jin Guangyao fights the urge to cringe away. He’s not doing anything wrong. He’s trying to be kind. He pulls his hand back slowly, keeping eye contact, and is gratified in a miserable sort of way when Nie Mingjue looks away first, hiding his face in his folded arms with another shudder.
Finally, Lan Xichen must be fully inside, because his hips stop against Nie Mingjue’s. He exhales heavily, curving over Nie Mingjue’s back, posture uncharacteristically slumped, and stays there, breathing tight, fast little breaths. His eyes are screwed shut.
“Xichen,” Nie Mingjue says, voice muffled. Lan Xichen does not respond, so Nie Mingjue repeats, impatient, “Xichen.”
Lan Xichen makes a rather undignified strangled sound and his hands scrabble to clutch at Nie Mingjue’s hips. “Just- just give me a moment-”
“It’s fine,” Nie Mingjue lifts his head, “I’m fine, just move.”
“I said,” Lan Xichen growls between his teeth, and Jin Guangyao’s pulse jumps at how rough his voice is, “give me a moment.”
“A-Huan,” Nie Mingjue snaps, lifting up a little on his elbows to get leverage to push his hips back, and abruptly Lan Xichen doubles over with a choking, gasping ah sound.
Jin Guangyao stares, mouth hanging open, as Lan Xichen’s eyelids flutter and he pants in the aftermath of his climax, because that was definitely what that just was.
“Shit,” Nie Mingjue says, looking back over his shoulder, “wait, did you just-?”
Lan Xichen catches his breath and kneels up properly, running his hand down his face. His fingers catch a little on the metal cloud of his forehead ribbon, and somehow the fact that he’s still wearing it makes the moment more obscene. “I told you,” he gasps, “to give me a moment, da-ge.”
Nie Mingjue turns back and drops his forehead down onto his crossed arms. “Shit. Ah, shit.”
“It’s alright,” Jin Guangyao says, quickly clearing his throat when he realises how embarrassingly hoarse his voice sounds, “don’t worry, er-ge, we can try again later.”
“It’s not a problem,” Lan Xichen shakes his head, puffs out a breath, then gives them a shaky smile, “I can- I can keep going.”
“Keep going? What-” Nie Mingjue abruptly lifts his head and looks sharply back over his shoulder again. “Wait, are you still-?”
Lan Xichen blinks, eyebrows furrowing as he looks between Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao, “Yes?”
Nie Mingjue turns his head and meets Jin Guangyao’s gaze, and without needing to speak, they share a moment of bemused incredulity. Lans, Nie Mingjue’s wide eyes convey, and Jin Guangyao can do nothing but shrug back. For Lan Xichen, refractory periods are apparently something that happen to other people.
It occurs to Jin Guangyao, as Lan Xichen readjusts himself and gets ready to begin again — after just a few moments of recovery — that he may possibly be getting in over his head here by falling into bed with the most powerful men in the jianghu.
He still feels like he’s having an out of body experience as he watches his sworn brothers… well… get back to business, and realises that…
They’re just not very good at it.
Sex, specifically, and it’s actually a little embarrassing to have to witness. They can’t seem to quite get into a mutual rhythm; despite the fact that both of them are awe-inspiring when it comes to fighting and carrying their bodies in combat, when it comes to the bedroom they struggle to move in-sync, with Lan Xichen often slipping out when they misjudge their timing, and neither of them appearing to be in any sort of coital bliss or even really enjoying themselves much at all. Both of them have to keep pausing to push loose hair from their faces.
People have been having perfectly functional sex for thousands of years, and if brothels are any evidence, most people seem to have a pretty good time doing it. Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen are both obviously attracted to each other, so… what the hell are they doing so wrong? How are they fucking this up so badly?
“So — so how do we do the dual cultivation part?” Nie Mingjue asks. He is, at the very least, a little out of breath.
Lan Xichen stops moving entirely, staring incredulously down at Nie Mingjue’s back. “Did your doctor not explain?”
“Well,” Nie Mingjue coughs, then looks back over his shoulder again, “no, I just- I assumed you’d know, so I didn’t-”
“Why would I know?”
“The Lan library has books on basically everything to do with cultivation, you’re telling me there isn’t one on dual cultivation?”
“There might have been, before the war, but-”
Of all the things Jin Guangyao might have expected from being close by whilst his two sworn brothers had sex, getting a front seat to them bickering wasn’t one of them.
“Da-ge,” he cuts in, trying to force down the frustration building inside of him with a smile that he suspects might be turning a little manic, “did you really ask us to agree to do this without actually knowing what exactly we would need to do?”
As always, Lan Xichen jumps in to try and defuse the tension. "I do know the theory — at its most basic dual cultivation is about syncing up your golden cores and moving the energy through your meridians to promote healthy qi flow."
He pauses to flick some loose hair and one strand of his forehead ribbon back over his bare shoulder, and Jin Guangyao is once again reminded that they are having this whole conversation totally naked, with Lan Xichen still fully inside Nie Mingjue. He wonders if he is perhaps in the midst of a particularly graphic dream, but no, if that were the case he'd likely be actually having a good time.
“I suppose if you apply that to penetrative sex, then that means…” Lan Xichen looks down at where he and Nie Mingjue are joined, expression thoughtful of all things, “Theoretically passing my qi into you via this particular meridian would mean that I can more effectively help your golden core spin, and the movement would help us get our-”
“There’s no point in theorising — let’s just try it, and see what works,” Nie Mingjue cuts in with a huff. “This isn’t exactly comfortable.”
Lan Xichen’s whole posture droops and his expression creases in concern, lips pursing and his hands anxiously withdrawing from their grip on Nie Mingjue’s hips, as if they might be adding to the discomfort. Jin Guangyao has an immediate and violent urge to glower at Nie Mingjue for doing something as utterly unforgivably heinous as upsetting er-ge, and wrestles it down with nothing short of monumental willpower. Of course it’s probably not comfortable, but that’s exactly why he should be sensible and repress his need for comfort and put on a brave face! Because they both love Lan Xichen and don’t want him to feel bad for something he’s been literally asked to do!
Nie Mingjue must sense some of Jin Guangyao’s silent fury, as he sighs and glances back at Lan Xichen with a look that’s almost… soft. “It’s fine, it’s bearable. Let’s just get on with it, yeah?”
They start up with their awkward stilted rhythm again. Jin Guangyao makes the executive decision to move himself further up the bed, away from Nie Mingjue and closer to Lan Xichen — who, at the very least, won’t fucking glare at him for touching him. It feels rather invasive to watch them struggle, yet it would be weirder still to just sit and stare into the distance, so he takes the opportunity to catalogue details about the two men that he couldn’t have learned without the current state of undress; the particular contours of the curve of Lan Xichen’s thigh; the old pale scar on Nie Mingjue’s calf that looks like a crescent moon; the small brownish birthmark that makes a perfectly imperfect blemish on the jade expanse of Lan Xichen’s shoulderblade; the freckles on the back of Nie Mingjue’s neck that are usually hidden by the heavy curtain of his thick hair, exposed now as he hangs his head.
(Small, intimate details that he can collect and squirrel away, things that no one could begrudge him or punish him for taking and keeping all to himself.)
Things to hold tightly to prove that he’s not an outsider here, even as he feels more and more so as they begin speaking in half sentences to discuss their progress.
“I’m passing you my qi, is it-?”
“I can feel it, try a bit faster-”
“You mean-?”
“Both, both.”
“Okay, how about now?”
"Nearly just a bit-"
Jin Guangyao knows the moment they are successful because both of them make low vocalisations of surprise. He looks between their faces, then shoots a quick glance at Nie Mingjue’s lower dantian, just in case there might be anything externally visible at the moment of achieving dual cultivation.
There isn't. It's just flexing abdominal muscles, dark hair, and Nie Mingjue’s cock. He can't be in that much discomfort because he's still at least half hard.
Jin Guangyao quickly looks away. A thought occurs to him that he's glad it'll be him fucking Nie Mingjue today, not the other way around because… gods. That kind of dick should have at least a 24 hour warning.
"I think that's it," Lan Xichen says, hips stilling. "Our qi flow is connected. Do you… feel anything?"
The two of them kneel there on the bed, Lan Xichen upright and Nie Mingjue on all fours, silent and unmoving as they search their spiritual energy for any sort of change.
"Not really," Nie Mingjue admits. Frustration is evident in his voice.
It's… anticlimactic, if Jin Guangyao is honest. Nie Huaisang’s spring books (that Meng Yao definitely absolutely never perused during their arrangement) all painted sexual dual cultivation as the ultimate height of pleasure, capable of making a person come in a way that seventeen year old Meng Yao had privately thought seemed more alarming than titillating.
"Is this all we need to do? Are we done?" Nie Mingjue asks.
"I'm not sure. Maybe it's the sort of treatment where you don't feel the benefit until you've done it multiple times?" Lan Xichen glances at Jin Guangyao, "Perhaps we can take a quick break, and then A-Yao can try, and we can see if there's any sort of compounded effect?"
Nie Mingjue acquiesces, and as Lan Xichen pulls out he rolls onto his side with a groan, but Jin Guangyao hears none of it; his stomach has dropped and there's a rushing in his ears because it's his turn next. In all the weirdness of watching his sworn brothers be pretty terrible at sex, he'd… not exactly forgotten, but it certainly hadn't been at the forefront of his mind that he'd be doing it too. Or trying to do it, anyway.
You'll be fine, he reassures himself frantically. You know the basic logistics, you're a fast learner, and people much less intelligent than you have been managing to have perfectly adequate sex since the dawn of time. You can definitely manage it.
Either he spaces out as his thoughts spiral again, or Nie Mingjue doesn't care about taking much of a break (either scenario is plausible), because it feels like only a few seconds before the man is pushing back up onto his hands and knees expectantly.
"Let’s get this over with," he mutters.
Jin Guangyao swallows. He can't help feeling a sting; he knows he wouldn’t exactly be Nie Mingjue’s first or even second partner choice for medicinal sex, but there's no need to make it so glaringly obvious. At least Jin Guangyao has been polite.
And then, as he kneels up, a slightly more pressing issue than wounded pride occurs to him.
He's not really hard anymore, for the one part of this whole thing when he actually needs to be hard. Shit.
The close proximity of two very naked very attractive men has kept him interested enough to not go fully soft, but the somewhat miserable mood has left him flagging, to say the least. The resulting panic does absolutely nothing to help. Nie Mingjue, thank the gods, is facing away so does not notice, but-
"Here, A-Yao, you'll need the oil," Lan Xichen says. Jin Guangyao turns towards him, ready to be passed the small bottle — and his panicking brain stutters to a screeching halt when what he receives instead is Lan Xichen’s big, warm, oil-slick hand giving him several firm strokes.
He is fully hard fast enough that he feels a little dizzy, and Lan Xichen’s bright, pleased smile does not help one bit. Is he going to be obsessing over how good Lan Xichen's hand felt on his dick for the rest of his life? Maybe so!
"Thanks," Jin Guangyao wheezes.
"You're welcome," Lan Xichen responds, looking somewhat self-satisfied. There's probably a Lan precept against being smug but Jin Guangyao’s head feels like it's full of fluffy clouds, so he has no idea which number it might be, let alone the inclination to reprimand.
He shakes off the horny fog so that he can focus on (and he is aware of the irony in a distant sort of way) the task at hand. At the very least, being so abruptly turned on has helped shake off the worst of his nerves, so kneeling up behind Nie Mingjue is only a little intimidating.
Whenever he’d imagined his first sexual experience he’d always imagined it would be with someone he truly cared about — not because he had any specific ideas of needing to save himself or anything, purely because the life he has lived has proved to him that sex is nothing if not a huge social risk for someone with a fragile reputation. And such risks should not be taken unless they’re really, really worth it. As such, with those preconceptions and expectations in place, as he takes himself in hand and lines up to push inside of Nie Mingjue, there’s a tiny part of him that feels oddly bereft about the lack of intimacy — the lack of closeness and care and romance. He was the one who put the rule in place, of course, and it was entirely necessary to make sure this whole thing doesn’t spiral out of control, but he finds himself yearning to a far greater extent than he expected.
The rest of him is not yearning at all, just entirely focused on ignoring any and all sensation he’s getting from his dick, because unlike Lan Xichen, he won’t be ready to go another round after a moment to catch his breath, and if he lets himself think about how good the tight heat feels then he’s not going to get even close to dual cultivation.
Jin Guangyao has gotten to the point of frantically running through every Lan sect rule he can dredge up from the depths of his mind when he feels his hips press against Nie Mingjue’s ass, and he realises he’s fully inside of him. He swallows heavily and takes a few grounding breaths.
He’s fine. He can do this.
“Alright, da-ge? A-Yao?” Lan Xichen prompts, searching both of their faces somewhat anxiously. Nie Mingjue grunts vaguely from somewhere in front of Jin Guangyao, and Jin Guangyao himself gives Lan Xichen a weak smile.
Alright. So — time for the actual sex part. It’s easier if he compartmentalises everything into simple, clear steps. That’s fine. He leans in a little, resting one palm flat on the small of Nie Mingjue’s back; the man had reacted pretty negatively when Jin Guangyao had attempted to touch him earlier, but it’s going to be difficult to thrust with any sort of precision or speed without bracing himself so Nie Mingjue will just have to deal with it. He tentatively pulls his hips back a little, then pushes back in, testing the movement and trapping a gasp behind his teeth until he’s used to the way the sensation sends sparks up to feed the heat low in his belly. Tentatively he rocks back and forth again, familiarising himself with the rolling movement of his hips, and then he tries a little faster.
It feels… good? Not as mind-blowing as he might have hoped, and somewhat clinical in its awkwardness, but he can feel the beginnings of pleasure building that he could chase, if he were free to abandon himself to hedonism.
He isn't. He has a job here.
“How do we-” he clears his throat, “ah, how do we begin dual cultivation, then?”
“You just have to reach your qi out to join mine,” Nie Mingjue says. He doesn’t sound remotely winded or out of breath or even at all distracted, like he had been with Lan Xichen, which Jin Guangyao can’t help feeling a little put out about. He sounds like he’s discussing sect matters over tea.
“And how do I do that?”
Jin Guangyao realises that was entirely the wrong thing to say when he sees Lan Xichen’s brows furrow in his peripherals, and Nie Mingjue turns to look at him over his shoulder for the first time, expression incredulous. His blood starts to thunder in his ears.
“You don’t know how to-?”
“Da-ge,” Lan Xichen cuts in, the slightest hint of a warning tone enough to stop Nie Mingjue mid-snap and drop his head with an irritated huff. Lan Xichen turns to Jin Guangyao with an awkward, horrible, apologetic expression and he knows what the man is about to say before he even opens his mouth to speak.
“I’m sorry, A-Yao, I had no idea that you didn’t… ah, you see, learning how to extend your qi is a lesson most cultivators are taught quite early on, we just didn’t realise…”
He knows that Lan Xichen is being kind. Most likely this is a lesson that is taught to children. Hot, suffocating humiliation floods through him and sweat prickles all over his body. If he weren’t currently naked and inside of Nie Mingjue, he would flee the room immediately and wallow in his mortification back in his own guest quarters, dual cultivation be damned. For the second time that day, he begs his venerated ancestors to open up a giant sinkhole in the middle of the bed for him to throw himself into.
“I see,” Jin Guangyao says through gritted teeth. His face is probably as red as his vermillion dot.
“I’m sorry,” Lan Xichen presses a hand to his shoulder, expression agonised. “We shouldn’t have assumed, it wasn’t fair — nevermind, it’ll be fine, here, let me — perhaps I can help and act as a sort of conduit?”
“What do you mean?”
Lan Xichen shuffles closer on his knees until he’s right next to them — Nie Mingjue turns his head to watch him, expression now curious — and reaches out both hands. Jin Guangyao watches one disappear under Nie Mingjue’s body, presumably to rest on his stomach, and the other presses flat against Jin Guangyao’s lower dantian, just below his belly button. It’s an intimate enough touch that he has to catch his breath (ridiculous how Lan Xichen’s hand on his stomach can feel somehow more sensual than having his dick inside Nie Mingjue, but the heart — and dick, apparently — wants what it wants).
“Alright, I’m going to try and act like a bridge, to connect your cores,” Lan Xichen says, “Let me know if this works.”
Jin Guangyao barely has a second to prepare himself before he feels a bright, icy cold jolt of qi shooting into his golden core, the sensation something like how he imagines it might feel to be hit by lightning, if a lightning bolt could bestow a sharp blast of pleasure rather than pain, and it’s not until he’s lying on his back, gasping for breath through the ringing in his ears and the spinning of his head that he realises he’s come. Blinking rapidly to try and bring himself back to the world, he turns his head and sees, to his relief, Nie Mingjue also sprawled out looking somewhat concussed flat on his back next to him, and there’s no doubt that he’s come as well.
Well. Thank the gods he wasn’t the only one, at least, Jin Guangyao thinks vaguely and maybe a little hysterically.
Lan Xichen is still kneeling up, staring down at them both, biting his lip against what appears to be a grin. The bastard found it funny, Jin Guangyao realises, but he can’t bring himself to be genuinely annoyed whilst his brain is still floating lazily in a soup of pleasure.
“Ah,” Lan Xichen says. “Sorry. Maybe that was too much.”
“You think?” Nie Mingjue wheezes, slapping a hand against his forehead then running it down over his face. “Maybe… we should call it a day for now. Maybe do some more research and try another time.”
“Good idea,” Jin Guangyao mumbles, levering himself up to a sitting position and wrinkling his nose at the half dried mess of oil and bodily fluids around his crotch. Gross. How did it never occur to him that sex was going to be gross?
“Of course, of course,” Lan Xichen says quickly. “If I head home after lunch then I can search the Lan library and see what we have on the topic of dual cultivation. And then… maybe in a week or two, we could try again?” He glances quickly at Jin Guangyao, “If A-Yao’s busy schedule allows, of course.”
Jin Guangyao nods, “I’m sure I can make that work.”
“Good,” Nie Mingjue says.
“Good,” Jin Guangyao repeats, stupidly.
A somewhat awkward silence grows in the room.
What on earth do they do now? It’s not even midday, and post-coital cuddling is clearly not on the table here. Do they just head off their separate ways, and go about the rest of their day pretending that they haven’t just shared — well — this? As uncomfortable and bizarre and utterly un-sexy as it was, it has still fundamentally changed something between them. And they all now have to interact in society as if they aren’t…
There’s no good word for it. Lovers, he supposes, is accurate, even as the implied romantic aspect of the word makes his heart twinge.
Nie Mingjue rolls off the side of the bed and stands to his feet, staggering just a little. “I need a bath,” he mutters, “I have a meeting later and I’m not talking to Wu-zongzhu with-”
He cuts himself off; apparently even Nie Mingjue with his famous bluntness can't quite bring himself to label the particular bodily fluids and the parts of him where they’re currently residing. Jin Guangyao can’t really blame him.
It’s a dismissal, and a surprisingly indirect one for Nie Mingjue. Lan Xichen is the first to react to it, quickly scooping up his robes from where he must have dropped them in a pile on the floor in his haste to get undressed. Jin Guangyao takes a moment to mourn as he watches the beautiful body disappear under pale silk underrobes before he hops off the bed and goes to retrieve his own from where he’d carefully draped them over a privacy screen. Thankfully, his own personal grossness is quite localised, so as long as he’s able to get back to his rooms quickly he should be able to scrub any transference off the inside of his trousers, and the Koi Tower laundry service will be none the wiser. He’s worked hard to be on good terms with the Jin sect servants, but gossip is gossip, and he hasn’t gotten where he is today without preemptive thinking.
Nie Mingjue has already left through a side door leading to the baths by the time Jin Guangyao is pulling on his socks and boots, and realising it makes the twinge in his chest worse. Sneaking out of the sect leader’s rooms without so much as an acknowledgement or a goodbye makes him feel like a dirty secret, which… well, this is, and he was the one who demanded this be nothing other than medicinal treatment, and yet…
And yet here he is. Tender and raw in a bizarre way, and he wasn’t even the one who got fucked.
Lan Xichen waits for him by the door as he checks his hair in the mirror and sets his hat on his head, and that eases the ache inside of him a little. His er-ge cares, at least.
“Ready?” he asks, with a small encouraging smile. Jin Guangyao reaches out to adjust the lapels of Lan Xichen’s thick outer-robe (a gesture that would have felt far, far too intimate and utterly inappropriate just a few hours ago, but now just makes Jin Guangyao feel slightly daring) so they fall perfectly straight, then — when Lan Xichen’s smile widens to be softer and a little more affectionate — Jin Guangyao takes a deep breath and opens the door.
The world on the other side is still the same. Nothing has changed for anyone else. People barely spare them a second look after giving perfunctory bows and greetings.
They make it to Jin Guangyao’s guest room first, and Lan Xichen pauses at the door, glancing up and down the corridor before setting a hand gently on his elbow. He remembers their conversation the night before, when Lan Xichen had been so kind and understanding, and the urge to curl himself up against the man’s chest and wrap himself in his overrobe grows inside of him.
“I hope our… session today has not put you off,” he says, voice low. “And that your experience was not too unpleasant.”
Oh, er-ge.
Jin Guangyao smiles and presses just a little closer, because there’s no one else around. “This er-ge does not need to worry about his A-Yao. I’m quite alright.”
“I will do as much research as I can,” Lan Xichen promises.
“I do not doubt it.”
“And perhaps,” Lan Xichen’s smile goes a little coy, “the experience will improve with further practise.”
I hope so, Jin Guangyao thinks, as he slips through his door and watches Lan Xichen glide away down the corridor, I really fucking hope so.
|NEXT|
#the untamed fanfic#3zun#The Waves are Rising and Rising#Jin Guangyao#Lan Xichen#Nie Mingjue#Hilariously Bad Sex - The Chapter
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I really love your opinions and posts about toshi, so if i may, do you think toshinori will (or maybe has already) "learn the lesson" that others have been trying to show and tell him, and see worth and meaning in his life beyond All Might the hero?? Obviously it's not a behavior or mentality that one can change just like that, especially after so many years living behind that persona. But with so many characters around him telling him to keep on living, and he still in the end attempts a sacrifice, I can't help but wonder if he truly understands what everyone else has been trying to tell him and really try to live. It sounds like i'm not being fair to him, bc obviously it's an extreme situation of war and at this point, it's normal to act based on 'whatever it takes', but idk, i'm just worried about his character 😭
Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you also like Toshi.
Anyway-- I think you've already brushed against the root of the issue! Rationally speaking, Toshinori does understand that other people want him to live and he's so unbelievably, genuinely grateful each and every time someone encourages him to keep living. He's completely sincere when he says that he wants to live/is going to keep living.
That being said, I don't think it's contradictory for Toshi specifically to talk about wanting to live, fully *mean* that he wants to live, and then immediately try to blow himself up. It can be difficult for people to fully understand the insidious nature of mental illness, I feel, bc they try to rationalize something that simply isn't rational (I don't want to diminish the necessary context behind Toshibomb, either: Toshi was primarily acting out of desperation to protect Izuku from AFO-- and the narrative itself chose not to reward/validate him for this.)
Like, I totally get that some Toshi fans feel betrayed/upset because it feels like Toshi isn't taking other people's feelings seriously, or bc it feels as though he's "undoing" all his character development-- but genuinely, I don't believe his development has been undone in the slightest. Toshinori is genuinely fighting to live and for his right to keep living. Toshinori also attempted to kill himself. Both realities are equally and simultaneously true for this character, even if it seems like they're fundamentally incompatible with each other. "I want to keep living for you!" and "I would die for you without hesitation!" aren't contradictory feelings from Toshinori's perspective.
(side note: I don't want to make assumptions about the experiences and lives of other fans, so I apologize if this comes across that way! I know a lot of other fans also suffer from depression and don't mean to insinuate that they lack perspective, or anything like that.)
Personally, I don’t think Toshi’s arc is remotely finished yet-- primarily because his feelings regarding Tomura remain quite conspicuously unaddressed. Toshi still needs to admit out loud what his essence as a person (i.e. aura!might) shed tears over— that in his heart of hearts, he also wants to save that boy. Izuku, Toshinori, Bakugo, and Aizawa are the characters that Tomura found himself fixating on during Act 1 bc they all represent something that failed him terribly (Heroes - Izuku, Family - Toshinori, Society - Bakugo, His Teacher - Aizawa). So, these four are the key players who will play the biggest role in saving Tomura, I feel-- and all four characters still have some critical development that's needed before they can all be on the same page about what needs to be done, and ultimately "change fate" together:
I also feel that, if there's any lesson that Toshi does still need to learn, is that it's okay to live entirely for his own sake. He's learned that he wants to live, but he ties that desire to other people and other people have unfortunately/unintentionally reinforced this ("Izuku lives for your sake so please don't talk about dying" "You gotta keep living until the day you can hear me say 'I am here!'" "Just you being here is all the push other people need to keep going" "you can only claim the title of a hero by dedicating your life to others")-- and that's where the dissonance kicks in, where Toshi is still willing to kill himself for the sake of others because he's primarily living for the sake of others. Toshi still needs someone to tell him that it's okay to live, just because he wants to, without tying this desire to anyone else.
This is a lesson I feel he can learn through being more honest about his own feelings (which again, heavily ties to him finally processing his feelings about Tomura/Tenko and then finally acting on them!). I also feel like Bakugo and Tomura (two of the most ego-driven characters in the cast) may end up having a role to play in helping Toshinori understand that it's completely okay to live for himself.
Edit: As for Toshinori "learning that he has value outside of being All Might," I feel that he has already learned this! I'm actually writing a post about what Iron Might means for Toshinori as a person & why it's a positive development right now-- So I hope that it will address your concerns, if only a little!
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Rhaenyra did not fight for the Seven Kingdoms, but for her own position as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Her character remains obstinately stuck in a routine, and never left the conception of hereditary royalty; she s the kind of monarch who believes that a country has duties towards its sovereign, but the sovereign has none towards his country. Her character deals only with her personal rights, but never with the public good, how the war impact the smallfolk, or the means of developing commerce, navigation, or the military power of her country. We don’t even know if she encouraged companies, merchants, financiers, before the war broke out, or how she wants to rule the Seven Kingdoms.
*EDITED POST* (10/26/23):
Check this POST and this POST out for additions/changes.
Assuming that we're talking about original!Rhaenyra, I don't see how this marks her as different from most monarchs or heirs? And if we can't find a trait that makes her different (in terms of aristocratic desires) then can you really argue she'd be worse?
A list of monarchs that Rhaenyra wouldn't be too different from: her own father, Aenys, Aegon and all of the greens also show no thought to the smallfolk in any special projects or proposed laws for the public good, as Aegon V did. Even Jaehaerys didn't want to either abolish the right of the first night or to put more attention to giving KL a better water and sewage system. His wife, Alysanne, convinced, insisted, and pressured him on both accounts!
We don't know what the greens planned to do (and I can say with full confidence that they'd be even less likely to even think of all that you list we don't know Rhaenyra would do), the text gives us nothing. But going off of what happened immediately after Rhaenyra died, they didn't appear to plan anything for anyone other than themselves.
With that, she'd be better than the alternative: any of the green children, Aegon (a rapist and can't keep his temper under control unless others make work of convincing him), Aemond (another rapist and genocidal maniac), Helaena (would never be even considered since she female and discouraged/kept from true governing, thus not giving much confidence that she can rule), and Daeron the guy who somehow couldn't stop his men from raping and killing slews of townspeople despite having a dragon and actually ordering another town but here's because he thinks that his nephew's death was all the lady's fault, thus showing more callousness than most fans expect from him. For goodness sake, Aegon (II) gathered people to execute along with the Shepherd despite him already having the Shepherd to just make an example of him!
So why single out Rhaenyra for being similar? Why does she have to "prove" herself more to you, anon, not the lords. To you? Why are you dictating that she must provide a stronger moral character than her already comparatively morally-bankrupt rivals? What do you have against Rhaenyra?
I have said this multiple times:
LINK #1
LINK #2
LINK #3
LINK #4
LINK #5
LINK #6
Some would argue that because Rhaenyra is a woman and she's already in doubt unfairly, that she needs to prove to these doubters that she deserves the throne so that she can actually, "objectively", "earn" the throne. A few things wrong with this idea:
It's actually not objective at all, how these lords and whomever evaluates who should sit on the throne. The very idea of men-only or male primogeniture--along with the reality of patriarchal privileges--comes from ideas about masculinity, womanhood. Little-questioned military control most of the population. And who defines or shapes what is good or evil, for whose interests? The aristocratic men are allowed to have that authority. Since most feudal/monarchial men feel other men can be the only ones to lead forces or direct others and that women are weaker in body and mind, they will always question the validity of a female leader. It is not rational, therefore it can be never be objective. In the story, Rhaenyra is not repudiated because she is a bad ruler or they think she would become one, but because she is a woman. That's all.
with all that energy spent on "earning" or "proving" herself by doing public good (and do more than most male monarchs ever did), Rhaenyra or any woman would not have to work harder to even become and stay a ruler, thus have that much more room to even think about doing "public good" and how. Exactly when would Rhaenyra be even implementing as you suggest after she takes KL, when again she has to concentrate on defeating her usurpers, grieving her 3 dead kids, having no funds because the treasury was stolen, having the greens west and south, and several rioters against her? Even if she had plans? How would she be able to implement them?!
Once again, the greens, even after taking back KL, did nothing to do as you say Rhaenyra should have done. Just create more chaos by trying to go after ALL Rhaenyra supporters and threatening the lives of Aegon (III), Alyn, and Baela, burning people alive, etc.
(if you, as a royal dynasty, want to maintain your semi-absolute power and keep it as absolute as possible) who gets to be heir is and never should have been determined by the lords and make it seem that it was their choice -- this is one of Jaehaerys' many mistakes, and make no mistake HIS goal was to keep absolute power for the Targ dynasty, not to engineer some sort of meritocracy or constitutional monarchy or give power to the people at the cost of the royal family
if you make one person have to "earn" the throne while allowing other heirs be just invested as heir by the monarch's say-so (as is the point), then you have worked to further undermine the word of a monarch AND the heir (again, in the interests of an absolute monarchy who wishes to keep the throne in the family)
If you want a Targ queen for the people, look to Alysanne, Rhaenys I, and Daenerys Stormborn. The last the best of them all, who exclusively thought of rulership as equal to actually protecting EVERY single person under their rule. Funny how I can count only one male monarch who is anything like these women: Aegon V. Even so, why are you so insistent on the women having this responsibility over the men?
But you also must acknowledge that women in general should not be exclusively made into defenders or definers of morality and social conditioning while men are allowed to do willy nilly with their willies and have little-to-no accountability.
Rhaenyra's personality and interests developed from her social circumstances, especially her having to--as I called it in other posts--"self-determine" her rights and value as a person/heir against the repudiaters who repudiate her based on her gender alone. We need to remember this, it is so crucial to understand her character as written or suggested! It is her strength and her flaw, her vulnerability and motivation (aside from that Targ-Andal aristocratic pride that actually buttresses the other part).
Yes she has entitlement and pride. She's a princess who grew up having much more than others and with a heritage of conquerors and dragonriders. Aerea, Saera, Rhaena, Viserra, Alyssa, Alysanne, all these women had that pride but we see them all as very different people nonetheless. Show me who would also not be similar, and does not the human population have psychological variances (personalities) as well as its physical?
Yes that Targ-Andal blood purity is there, but once more how does this make her worse or different from her male counterparts (except Aegon IV, II, Aerys II, she's objectively better than these guys)?
Either way, Rhaenyra wasn't a terrible choice of a leader until she started losing kids and being betrayed.
She doesn't have to be your favorite woman, your favorite Targ, nor even your favorite Targ woman. There are many morally and better written examples, or more deliciously mysterious ones. But I wouldn't make the mistake of thinking she was evil and totally unfit for the throne based on this misplaced take that she had to be the exception on account of her gender or how others would pressure her to be better, therefore she should not have won and ruled.
You fall into the near?-sexist trap that way, where because she is a woman who came into power she needs to prove to those around her that she is "better" than all other paat and present candidates WITHOUT at least acknowledging or addressing the granted & possible realities that made her who she was and came to be. WITHOUT tracking that process of her becoming a tyrant and making as if it came out of nowhere, that she "freaked out" and went "crazy" with no prompt that could affect others in her peace even if not in the same way. WITHOUT considering that those circumstances are not totally unique and share elements of misogyny and misogynist ideology that people should at least acquaint themselves with. If she doesn't excel and be a moral champion, then all her suffering or all that was down against her meant absolutely nothing, means nothing, we should ignore her human development, and she is the actual problem...the only problem.
*EDIT* (8/21/23):
THIS is a great post by @mononijikayu about medieval queens, female rulers, the history of how women in leadership positions were made and seen as threats to the very structure of social "order", and contextualizing Rhaenyra thru Empress Matilda. I didn't even know about Matilda's husband being comparable to Rhaneyra's Daemon! PLZ READ!!!!
Excerpt:
just as much, along with these fictitious portrayals, more lies are depicted. these women are considered vixens that cause havoc to men by shifting them into desires and danger. through the written word, we see how women are cast in roles of villains in men’s lives. it is because by their conclusive thoughts, women are the only creatures that are able to turn ‘good honorable men’ into despicable creatures who do shameful, deplorable acts for the sake of women’s pleasures.
[...]
it is within this narrative that ancient chroniclers declare that women were in fact the doom of men. if they were not able to control the dangers posed by the wiles of women, then the foundations of the mighty society they had built would be up in flames.
[...]
as i mentioned, these factors of community are written down and preserved. and with that, the example of the ancients were the foundations by which medieval society built itself. the same concepts continued to cause the same issue within society and that was the exclusion of women from participating in the bigger picture of community and state, much so with governing states in their own right—without judgment or disapproval.
#asoiaf asks to me#rhaenyra and feminism#rhaenyra's characterization#fire and blood characters#fire and blood comment#fire and blood#a song of ice and fire#asoiaf
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The original JaKi story was quite a bit forced to be honest. Jax was in crusade squad and Kiki was still a Jedi general but they barely interacted and then somehow somehow they're endgame post O66
and I tried to see how i could make it so that Kiki and Jax actually have a connection before they start their relationship after they both escape the GAR/Empire, but it was still feeling forced. I kept skipping over that immediate escape bit because it didn't occur to me that I actually could write through them getting to know one another (inexperienced writer)
and then I realized kiki doesn't need to have reciprocal feelings for Jax. she can be a slowburn/aro type of person 100%. I'd already set up her an Hahkin and her and Bliz in a similar fashion in terms of unreciprocated romantic feelings.
And Jax has his own journey with kiki, though he goes through it by himself: learning not to put her on a pedestal because she's a Jedi + he likes her. The former was what the Kaminoans taught them. That the Jedi are surreal serene gods who can do anything. Kiki is rather outgoing, energetic, blunt, and boisterous. She admits when she can't or doesn't want to do something. She makes mistakes. she gets in her head. Jax had to go from justifying or excusing her mistakes to himself and others to saying "No, she fucked up and if I have to tell her, I'll tell her"
Jax also suffered loads of verbal abuse from a drill sergeant on Kamino, which led to him having anxiety and self esteem/confidence issues. He's been working on it since he graduated if only because Edger has always been a steadfast believer in his capabilities. part of how Jax copes with his own poor view of himself is by believing in and encouraging others. He's patient, gentle, and understanding. He has to learn how to view himself as a person with valid desires and opinions rather than always shoving his own wants/needs aside.
But I also want to make Jax and Kiki friends before they both leave! yes at first Jax is terrified of Kiki, Kiki can sense that he has feelings for her, but she doesn't reciprocate them and she likes Jax's temperament and general personality. There may or may not be a bit of her teasing him just to see him get flushed when she stands next to him. She doesnt torture him though aksjdhfals
But they have really good conversations and quite a few private moments that help Jax to humanize and de-pedestalize Kiki. Times where she's training him with a bo staff or they're just stretching or its after a battle and she's checking up on him. And he, despite his nerves and fluttery feelings, does try more and more to do the same with her. The second she stops having god status in his head and he's able to talk to her like a person is when he fully falls in love with her.
so they're friends! I've got me a lil slow burn friends to lovers romance going on, which I like because it adds variety to how I normally handle my romances. Kiki doesnt really start looking at Jax as a viable partner option until he makes it clear he's also interested in being a father to her baby.
But I want a more concrete journey for Jax that doesn't revolve around his anxiety and his romance with Kiki. I've struggled with this problem for years. For instance, Ridge is one of my richest characters in terms of development + story. He's got a whole other life he keeps secret to cope with both the war + the PTSD he acquired from sexual abuse as a child on Kamino. He has identity issues and doesn't like being a clone because he thinks being a clone is why he was abused. He acts out a lot. And then he has a mirrored relationship with Bliz and they both take out their control issues on each other. But they both are friends with Kiki.
Maybe Jax's more abstract story line works for him? he's not flying toward a specific end point like ridge is. idk.
#ch posts#mod ocs#Jax#Kiki#jaki#ah how they've grown#their relationship in the early stages was so. well.#not good.#ASKJDFHJHDFKLAJFHD#star wars#the clone wars
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getting real depressed about how transphiles say femboy's feelings don't matter and that we and anyone who likes us are just transphobes
i don't know how to explain to them... i want us to get along. i try saying things like "would you like to hear a different perspective?" and i am met with vitriol and shit like "just let trans people exist!!! we are literally killed!!!"
does it have to be this way? will we always be at odds, always be viewed as outdated and bigoted? to have our icons taken away, and to be demonized for being disappointed about it?
...Am I just like a femboy advocate now? I mean, I guess I don't mind answering. You seem pretty lost in this, and I am fairly articulate, I suppose.
I have noticed that a lot of femboys feel pretty... Crestfallen, at the moment, like this. A friend of mine, I mentioned Bridget once, and it tiggered this dysphoric episode in them. Those of us influenced by that culture have a lot of complex emotions we are untangling. I think people are realizing how much a femboy identity means to them, and questioning what it really means to be a femboy.
There's kind of this... Rivalry, I suppose, between the two groups. The circumstances are very strange. And it is... Disheartening, to see a community that should rightly be close supporters to so often antagonize femboys, you know? There is a smugness, this desire to rub your nose in how you lost a femboy icon, among some people. And that hurts. But I can't blame the trans community for that, not really. Trans people are just... People. And some people act like that.
I can't blame them either... trans culture is defensive because that movement have been burned over and over. So, you will have to excuse the defensiveness, yeah? I think they are used to their enemies just... Not wanting them to exist, rather than this complex scenario which is ultimately a view on gender that is simply built upon other traditions than their own.
I think the deeper fundamental issue is that the femboy community is not... Really accepted as a valid identity. At least not as of yet. The whole movement was essentially a niche concept which evolved from reverse-engineering the otokonoko character type seen in anime, and using that influence to encourage self-experimentation within anime culture. For many, it is seen as an interest or hobby. Or something you engage in passively, when watching anime and appreciating certain characters. And, as such? Femboy culture is noncommital and casual; it is something which you don't need to be core to your being. You can be a femboy for a day, or not. You can be one for a fetish. You can purely think anime boys are cute. And the culture encourages this; they make jokes about this, they are okay with fetishization, they understand that it is a silly, anime-derived thing.
And, that is not a bad thing - It is because of this that it attracts people to whom the idea of committing to a trans identity fully and immediately is overbearing or alienating. There are plenty of people who need an outlet to experiment, and sort our their feelings before then. There are plenty of people to whom full transition is not practical, be it from circumstance or from being in a place where they don't feel comfortable giving up a certain part of themselves. And there are plenty of people to whom crossdressing can simply be a hobby, as well, or who are purely cis but to whom the male gender role feels restrictive. It has this approach where it plays with gender identity and presentation heavily, in a safe place where it does not commit to an identity before a person is ready. And it does so by learning from other cultures and influences.
But... To someone looking in, and who is not a part of this subculture? That is noncommital. That is a non-identity. That is kind of ridiculous. To us, this is an important influence and a way to express our own issues with gender; either in presentation or identity. To people concerned with the struggle for trans rights? Why on earth would you ever even care about a cis man's desire to look at an anime boy in a dress? It is simply not understood that this could even BE an identity that is truly important to a person, and so whatever our concerns, it will look ridiculous to people skeptical. I think, a lot of us didn't realize it was a part of their identities, either
But... It's only actually become a proper 'community' with a real name, and not a quirk of the anime fandom, in the past few years. So, from that lens, of course this would be baffling and not understood by others. The community, just evolving into it's own thing, is a fledgling.
It won't always be like this, though, I think... Assuming the community can hold together in the future, and overcome it's challenges. The thing that should be realized is that like, a LOT of trans people emerged from these spaces; I walk that line myself. It is natural that any space that encourages an experimentation with gender would result in a lot of trans people finding themselves, right? From that perspective, the two are linked in a way that is hard to truly untangle. The people that find themselves from the way femboy culture encourages experimentation will remember that, and the femboy community is one that is already a place that welcomes people with different outlooks. I think that will effect things in the future in how the femboy community is understood.
Furthermore, right now, I am seeing so many femboys doing soul searching following the recent events; the whole bridget thing, and the subsequent reaction that dismisses them. I think, given how casual the femboy community always has been, there is a tendency to not act up and to just passively appreciate things. And just... Assume that these things you like will always be there. And, maybe, many people did not realize how much a part of their identity this was, because of how passive the community really is. So hold in there. I think that the femboys, they are... Perhaps realizing the idea as identity now, something that binds them in camaraderie, and not just a hobby they partake in.
Just... Express yourself. Talk about things sometimes, and not just to people you are trying to convince; express your feelings on gender identity. Do not exclude others. The femboy community is remarkably accepting, specifically because of how casual it really is; there's no barrier to entry or a need for deep thought. Right now, mainstream cultures as a whole are questioning gender deeply; new traditions will emerge and gain respect. And if femboy culture continues to develop? I think it will grow into an identity that people understand, and will eventually appreciate. It... Just may take a while. That's how we save our femboys, haha
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Rebranded - 15.3 - Help Arrives
Once again, I warn that these next few segments discuss some pretty heavy stuff.
Thankfully, Ayala accepted the peanut butter milk mixture without much of a fuss.
Really, the only issue was in getting her to stay in bed. Given her disoriented state, they couldn’t force her to lay down and drink. It would have been a choking hazard had they tried. So they had to let her up.
Of course, she attempted to get out of bed as soon as Moon gave her the chance to sit up. There followed a short, half-hearted scuffle as the animatronics attempted to find a way to keep her in bed without harming her. She didn’t make it easy. Her squirming and incomprehensible protests made her difficult to work with. But they eventually figured out how to reclaim control over the situation. It just took a bit of awkward squirming.
By the end of this scuffle, Moon had curled up on the bed with one of his arms wrapped around her.
Under better circumstances, it might have been cute. His overall posture was similar to a child cuddling with a stuffed animal. But the uneasy tension of the situation made the scenario anything but cute.
Moon was still not comfortable with physical contact with people. The entire reason that he had stepped out of his comfort zone was because Ayala genuinely needed his help. Before the rebuilt Pizza Plex had been abandoned, he would never have turned away if there was someone in need of immediate care. His desire to care for small, frail things was not gone, it was just repressed by more immediate concerns. Concerns that were now being pushed aside in favor of tending to this helpless, delirious woman.
Thanks to his larger, animatronic body, the woman could make no valid attempts at escaping the confines of her bed.
Once that problem was dealt with, getting her to consume her drink was surprisingly easy. On some level, she must have been aware of the situation she was in.
She drank the beverage slowly.
Her nausea did not subside as she drank, which was disheartening. Whatever it was that had triggered this extreme emotional response, her body was not responding well to it.
This was all a downward spiral of self-destructive behavior brought on by some sort of trauma. That much they could recognize. They were just lost on how to be of help.
So they did what they could. Sun encouraged Ayala to drink the milk he had given her. Moon remained mostly curled up on the bed, using his body as a means of assuring she could try to get up.
The three of them remained like that until they detected Logan’s approach. At which point, Sun made his way downstairs to let the man in.
However, he soon made an interesting discovery.
Logan already had a key to the house. This was revealed when he had started to let himself in before Sun could even reach the bottom step. By the time he had made it to the kitchen counter, the man had already let himself in. Rather assertively, at that.
Logan effectively stormed into the building, slamming the door behind him as he did so. The animatronic’s sensors did not need to verify how the man was feeling. The expression on his face made it perfectly clear that he was upset.
Still, Sun detected everything. Symptoms of heightened anger, fear, and panic were established all at once.
This proved rather concerning. The only help that the bots could think to contact also seemed to be on the brink of a mental breakdown. The one comfort that his presence brought was that he appeared to have come prepared. This was noted by the bag of supplies he held in one hand.
“She upstairs?” Logan inquired, getting straight to the subject of the matter. The daytime attendant offered an affirmative not, shifting to motion for the other to head upstairs.
“Moon is keeping her in bed. I’ve managed to get her to drink some peanut butter and milk.” Sun replied, giving the man a brief update on the situation.
Logan gave him a somewhat peculiar look in response. The concept of peanut butter milk must have confused him. But if he had any questions, he clearly opted not to voice them. Instead, he started for the stairs.
The two made their way up to Ayala’s room. She was now idly swirling the remains of her beverage about in her cup, clearly in a bit of a daze.
Logan made his way over to her. He sat on the edge of the bed, putting the bag down in front of him. After taking a moment to rummage through it, he pulled some sort of medication out.
Moon was instinctively suspicious of the unknown drug. That suspicion became obvious almost as soon as he saw it.
“What is that?” Moon inquired, eyeing the unfamiliar medicine with a cautious gaze.
Logan opted to ignore the animatronic. His focus was on getting the pills out of their packaging. He tore two of them free of their protective seals, before holding them out to Ayala.
Only then did she appear to take notice of his presence.
“... Logan?” Ayala muttered, her voice a very quiet whisper as she turned ever so slightly to look at him. Her unfocused gaze settled on his face. While she knew he was there, she seemed to be struggling to recognize him.
Which was normal, given how long she had gone without sleep. Going that long without rest came with a whole concoction of negative mental repercussions. Her short term memory would absolutely suffer pertaining to this event.
The man responded by gently shaking the pills that he held in his hand.
Moon, not appreciating the fact that he had been ignored, and not trusting these unknown drugs, reached out to assertively push the man’s hand down.
“What are these for?” Moon inquired, his voice now rather stern. He was following care protocols in order to assure Ayala was kept safe.
In her disoriented state, she was incredibly vulnerable. While he knew that this man was her friend and that they were there to help her, that did not mean that he would easily trust unknown medications. Until he knew the purpose of these pills, he would not authorize their use.
“They’re prescription sleep aids, for her.” Logan responded, an equally stern and bitter tone in his voice as he responded to Moon’s inquiry. He obviously wasn’t thrilled about having his help efforts impeded by a security bot.
“We keep them at my house, in a safe, to prevent incidents. Now kindly fuck off and let me handle this.” He added, earning a quiet growl from the nighttime attendant in response.
Sun could only stand on the sidelines and anxiously fidget. He did not want for them to be butting heads. There were more important matters to attend to.
Thankfully, Moon appeared to be satisfied with this response For the time being, at least. He withdrew his hand, allowing Logan to resume what they were doing.
“Ayala. Hey! Focus. Look at me. Focus!” Logan began trying to get the woman’s attention. He spoke using short, stern statements as he addressed her. With his free hand, he snapped his fingers to draw her attention to him with the additional movement and sound. As he did so, he brought the pills back up to hold them in her line of sight.
At first, Ayala seemed to struggle to process what he was saying. Then, rather abruptly, she seemed to have a moment of clarity.
The stress that she had been struggling to keep repressed suddenly bubbled over. Tears that she had previously succeeded in keeping at bay began to spill from her eyes. The sudden spike in her emotional response was quite jarring to the animatronics.
Moon flinched, having been caught off guard by her abrupt mental snap. She tried to speak through her sudden onslaught of tears, but the words couldn’t come out.
Logan responded by bringing the pills to her lips.
She did not fight him as he pushed the tablets into her mouth, though she lightly gagged at their taste. The last of the peanut butter milk mixture was used to help her wash down the foul tasting medicine.
At which point the next struggle became trying to get her to let go of the glass.
When the dam finally broke, she began to squeeze the glass with as much force as her little hands could muster. Unfortunately, that was enough force to actually crack the glass. So it was a bit of a tense race against the clock to get her to let go of her cup before she hurt herself.
Logan, again, established how prepared he was to handle this situation. He reached back into the bag to pull out a small, plush rabbit.
The difficult part was getting Ayala to loosen her grip enough to allow him to slip the stuffed animal into her fingers. He had to coax her into relaxing her grip on the cracked cup. Bit by bit. Until he succeeded in making the exchange.
He set the glass aside on the nearby nightstand, at which point there followed a long period of uneasy silence. Not that silence was the best description. Neither the animatronics or Logan made any attempts to speak as Ayala sat there crying.
For as many tears as there were to shed, she was surprisingly quiet. The only noises that came from her being abrupt hiccups and quiet groans. It was obvious when the effects of the medicine began to set in, as was noted by how her body began to sort of sway in place. Even now, despite her exhaustion and the drugs in her system, she was still fighting the need for rest.
She was genuinely terrified of the nightmares that would be there to greet her when she slept. But thanks to the medicine, rest became inevitable.
She swayed for a while, not wanting to let her body succumb to the embrace of sleep.
Moon, sensing that she would be unable to actually put up a valid fight, moved away. Without his body there to support her, she inevitably fell onto the mattress, though he still made sure to support her along the way. He used his hand to support her head, assuring that she could properly lay down to rest.
Logan physically made her close her eyes, careful not to accidentally harm her in the process. Sleep overtook her quickly at that point, leaving Logan and the animatronics to tend to whatever needed to happen next.
#rebranded au#rebranded#rebranded storyline#moondrop#sundrop#fnaf au#fnaf#daycare attendant#fnaf:sb#moon#sun#Ayala#Logan
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Daemon
WHY DID HE DO IT?
Disclaimer: I do not condone domestic violence or support it. Daemon has done terrible things, (Lady Rhea Royce comes to mind), but I still want to understand why this happened from a character development perspective.
There are a lot of emotions at play here. Let’s unpack them.
When the episode begins, Daemon has just learned that his brother and only living relative from his immediate family has died. The last time he saw Viserys, he was near death. However, it has only been a day or two at most since he saw him and for Aegon to be crowned so quickly, it seems that his death was not of natural causes. With that in mind, Daemon is not only grieving, but also angry and wanting vengeance. Then his infant daughter dies due to Rhaenyra going into an early labor. More grief, more anger, more desire for vengeance.
When Otto comes to Dragonstone with terms, it’s further insult to injury. Not simply against Rhaenyra, but against Daemon as well. From his perspective, Otto is the snake that drove a wedge between him and his brother, encouraged his exile and Rhaenyra’s succession as heir, preyed upon Viserys, weakened him with poisoned teas, sucked his life force with leeches, caused him to wither and die, and caused the death his daughter. Wether direct or indirect it’s all cause and effect for Daemon and he’s no longer angry.
He’s enraged. He doesn’t want peace. He wants blood. He wants vengeance for everything the Hightowers have taken from him.
However, Rhaenyra is standing in his way.
Although he cares for her, she’s putting the realm ahead of their anger and pain and his need for vengeance. He’s baffled that she’s even considering allowing the Hightowers to take anything else from them, including their sons. Her lack of action infuriates him and they clash. When Rhaenyra explains her inaction for war and brings up the Song of Ice & Fire, Daemon snaps. He’s already grieving, already enraged, already wants vengeance, and now he learns that he’s been betrayed by Viserys.
Viserys sharing the prophecy with Rhaenyra and not Daemon is a reminder that it’s not Otto who is to blame for everything he’s suffered and lost, but the brother he loved. Viserys forced him to remain in a marriage with a woman he didn’t love, kept him at arms length, chose Otto as Hand over him, exiled him, chose Rhaenyra as heir, let the Hightowers divide their family, and never loved or trusted him enough to let him help keep them safe when that’s all Daemon ever wanted.
With Viserys dead, he can’t curse at him, fight him, or hurt him. He also can’t hurt Otto because Rhaenyra, his queen, hasn’t declared war. So who can he hurt? Who can also right the wrongs that have been done to them? Who can prevent more wrongs being done? His wife, Rhaenyra.
FECKLESS
adjective
lacking initiative or strength of character; irresponsible.
Synonyms
useless, worthless, incompetent, good-for-nothing.
That is what Daemon calls Viserys’ reign, a reign that also symbolizes his role as a husband, father, and brother.
In this moment it appears that Daemon isn’t just lashing out, but also telling Rhaenyra not to be feckless (lack initiative, be incompetent, be weak) which is juxtaposed with his hand around Rhaenyra’s neck.
He also refers to Viserys as a slave to his omens and portents. The prophecy being one of her reasons for not going to war to claim what is hers, and get vengeance over what has been taken from both of them, is a sign to Daemon that she will be weak like Viserys, allow the Hightowers to take what’s left, and that she’s choosing everyone else but herself, her family... and him.
This isn’t a justification post. Just my two cents as I delve into a complicated character. I give smoke to the greens all the time. I have no problem looking at the blacks and acknowledging their wrongs. Daemon’s feelings may have been valid, but his action was wrong.
As the disclaimer reads: I do not condone domestic violence or support it.
#daemon targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#house of the dragon#keep your hands to yourself#daemyra#I can talk about this without justifying dv#domestic abuse is not okay#no one has forgotten lady rhea royce#she didn't deserve what happened to her either
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