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somewhereinthepines · 3 months

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With Valentines day around the corner, what do you think Chris and Ryan might do (GP and ASB) if they could spend the day together? Not both versions spending the day together, but individually. So how GP might spend it and how ASB might. It would be outside of camp time, so ig Ryan might be visiting Chris or something depending on how things are. There wouldn't be any campers or anyone at camp, so I'm assuming they'd basically have the place to themselves? They'd have some privacy, enough of it to spend the day together as they'd like. So, I got to wondering about what they might do, both their GP versions and ASB versions. It can be as simple or a bit fluffy, smutty or mundane as whatever, I'm just curious how it'd go. I was thinking maybe both vers might do something smutty, more so GP vers than ASB.

Speaking of GP, not to rush or preassure you, but how's it going with it? I think I have an idea of what Ryan might do next, I had something of a light bulb moment, haha.

it’s a fun question! esp bc usually i don’t tend to think about my ships doing stuff for ‘special’ days or having a domesticated routine. with this being said, i’ll try to reply to the best of my ability, but it might read idk maybe weird? if so, i do apologise! usually, most of set-ups for ships that i have are kinda idk, just not super normal or smth somewhat normal happens within the universe, that isn’t. anyhow……

but let’s see, let’s see….

in ASB setting, ryan is more active one. and while he technically won’t care about vd, he might think that it’s a good opportunity to kinda trick chris into doing smth ‘romantic’ for that evening. even if bc he’s kinda pinning so hard, that he would cling even to symbolic stuff, despite it holding no significance for him on its own. i feel like chris would be slightly confused why ryan wants to go into town and hang out, and not idk, do what they do everyday. i picture, that ryan won’t be able to stick around for longer, than a week, and he prob used some lame excuse as to why he’s there at all. chris didn’t pry, but it was clear, that ryan most likely wanted to be away from home, esp if it happens during the time, when he and his lil sister still live with their mother. anyhow, i don’t think that they would do smth crazy that day, ryan would just try to score those points, without chris realising what’s going on. they prob would end their ‘secret date’ in a movie theatre. and like ryan would pick the last seats, and chris be there sweating, bc it’s around time, when he understand why ryan insisted on them ‘going out’ lol. i imagine, ryan prob would also do smth cheeky as getting one of those candies with words like ‘you’re the one’ or smth. after all ASB was all about romance being there in the air, but nearly gentle-like, bc chris is so afraid to spoil one of the few good things, that he has. but like ASB ryan does sorta enjoy that he can make chris squirm like this. there is smth funny about 20 smth guy relentlessly teasing a middle aged man in such a form. like where he’s aware, that chris is attracted to him, but clearly he needs more time or whatever. like, ryan won’t just give up lol. and i think, that one of the most hilarious parts of this whole thing is that kaylee would tease chris about finally going on a date for the first time in ages. so it’s basically ‘everyone know what it is, but you’re playing’ moment. if only ASB chris was as weak willed as uh, little hope’s john, things might have progressed way faster. but i feel like him and ryan just having that nice, isolated memory, that is pretty calm and seemingly ‘small’ is part of what made their relationships in ASB feel so….uh centred? even partly bc chris wasn’t dating anyone for years, and ryan prob never went on real dates with anyone before, bc he thought that it’s boring. but it’s not boring with chris.

GP is a different kind of beast tho. also god forbid there be a full moon on that day, like dang. in general, i feel like ryan being alone with that type of chris in isolated camp ground would have a bit more tense feeling to it. there is just smth kinda so off about mister H sometimes, y’know? ryan not scared or anything, but he does feel how chris just kinda ‘shifts’, when he realises that they’re miles away from anyone else, and there is like just two of them and forest. nothing else. GP chris is kinda….well, low-key creepy like that, he might decide to ask ryan if he wants to go hunting with him that day. and ryan be like ‘you do hunt’, bc he didn’t peg chris as someone, who shoots things for sport, but chris seems to be tense, insisting that they’d do smth like that. so yeah, whatever, he guess? ryan naturally has no idea, that chris like really wrestling with his predatory instincts at that moment, he just needs to redirect it all somewhere. ryan does notice a lot of strange things about chris during that time, esp how he seems to just sorta know, where to seek a deer or how he can orient in the forest so oddly well and move without much of a sound. and i guess, in reverse to ASB, they find a deer and chris grips ryan’s hand before he can pull it away from the trigger, so they kill it together. ryan won’t sure how to feel, bc he didn’t want it to die. and he even less sure, when chris offers him to show how to separate fur from meat and all that stuff. for chris, it’s basic knowledge, he doesn’t treat it as smth big, but for city boy like ryan, it’s….odd. but he agrees, bc he doesn’t wanna look like a lil bitch, i guess lol. they spend that evening in blood and ryan is very dizzy and nauseous, when it ends. he was very close to chris during that time tho. they had their hands in animal’s organs together, feels kinda intimate, even if the situation itself is pretty iffy. in the end, chris tells ryan, that since he was the one, who killed it (not really lol), they should put that buck’s horns on some good display. so they do put it inside chris’s office, ryan even helps to pick a place for it. he isn’t sure why, but chris seems pleased and all that he can think of, despite that he kinda wants to shower and stinks like blood still (even if he’s in different clothes), is ‘wow our arms were next to one another, side by side, chris’s hand enveloped mine a few times to help me to move the knife’. If one would picture it in GP’s timeline, esp down the line, it would have made sense, i promise. like how strangely dark and gritty it is. love is a hunt, isn’t it?

either way, this what i meant, that my answer might be strange. i wouldn’t connect them banging to idk some specific date or day or them being more active in that specific area just bc it’s vd. if anything, vd can be a bit symbolic in another sense. it is a day of lovers after all, but ASB and GP address a different side of chris and ryan’s love in itself. it can be somewhat healing and actually good, even if it won’t solve all of chris’s problems, or will automatically make ryan aware about everything like in ASB. but it can also be intense and a tad destructive like in GP. so it’s not about sex at all, i suppose. or more so, i don’t think that they will bang too differently in both setups tbh lol. chris still has a wolf in him either way, and ryan is still like hella horny in both stories as well lol. in ASB ryan tricking chris into doing smth on that specific day is kinda still light and pinning, and more of like extra point. just gives them a bit more context of how they kinda always been together like that, it seems. in GP, i bet that neither chris or ryan are aware, that it’s vd, and it’s smth that ryan learns later on, and be like, ‘oh we did it on that day, huh’. and then be a bit of high school gal about it, haha.

ah, tbh i didn’t touch it at all. i have different hypefixation atm, and most of my freetime pours into doing stuff for my current ship / fav thing. i haven't brushed any of my supermassive wips. i know, it’s not fun to hear, but it is how it is atm. it’s hard to tell, when i will be interested in them again. like in ways, where i would want to rewatch stuff for the game or dwell back into my narratives for their pair. i’d be curious to hear what you think ryan might do tho. this version of him is sure daring and kinda short-sighted lol.

#asks #quarry

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applejongho · 5 months

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anne's crazy form thoughts under the cut! and obviously this is just my opinion and also i havent heard the studio ver yet 🫶

rap parts FLOURISH in this song. i think they were perfect. hj's especially is just CHEF'S KISS but maybe that is bc im a pyeongie. the mic mg holds is SO FUN AND AMAZING I LOVE IT.

chorus was a little bit of a let down for me? theres something missing. the pace? the lyrics? the rhythm? idk. i do like the bass and the lower motif thats also in the beginning during it tho. adds flavor. autotune weirdly works with this song. song overall is very cunty and sassy and i do like that. vocal parts work with the song. raps really elevate it tho. cannot get over hj's rap. literally PERFECT. he gets it.

now this next thing im trying to phrase correctly so it's not taken out of context or it's taken to mean im shitting on the other members somehow. so like, jh is the main vocal. and i get it would be totally out of place to make him sing ballad-y or strong vocal lines in a song like this that is more percussive and loud (kinda like bouncy) just bc hes the main vocal and he can do that. but idk how i feel about him being relegated to just 'high note guy' and his parts dont have a lot of variety to them. i would have liked to see more variety there because he can do the variety. and thats his main position in the group. the same thing happened in bouncy where he was the part right before the chorus and sang a high note and now hes doing it again.

also jh singing an octave above the rest of them right before the dance break at the end was an interesting choice. you have to REALLY be in tune for it to sound good since it's an octave above and it's the same notes. thats a lot of pressure on him to do that live tbh. i'd imagine even extremely experienced vocalists would have trouble with that.

in like a weird way this kinda seems to be bouncy pt 2? or it could just be the fact that atz is going away from answer or inception-like songs and going for a more noise music and percussive sound. i dont think thats a bad thing, just a neutral observation. crazy form does have that dance music factor tho. ig theyre just headed in that direction w their music, just like bouncy was.

overall, not my favorite atz tt, but i do like the song and i think it will grow on me. im excited to hear the studio ver and also obv excited to hear the bsides!! this is reminiscent of the outlaw album for me tbh, where i didnt super love bouncy but i rly rly loved the bsides.

crazy form rating: 6/10

#apple lady words #crazy form spoilers

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marzowo · 10 months

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One more post b4 i sleep

Warning that this au is 1:A beast Au x Original Au mix

So its gonna make like no fucking sense

2:Ive never read or watched Bsd or beast bsd

sorry,im hoping someone will help my au makes sense

3: There are probably so many timeline incorrect things with this au,Aka why i got frustrated and gave up :/

Anyway first is the hc that i have,its a small one

But i hc that atsushis hair was originally black,and it turned white during his days in the orphanage and thats how the orphanage knew he was a monster (they didnt know what he was,but child with 'magic' in a toxic church?) probably a demon

They didnt know he was the tiger until later on

The next hc is a huge one :D

and it has to do with religious trauma,Im not going into detail but basically Atsushi has some severe,like some severe religious trauma,not only was he physically abused, The Orphanage's religion was used as a vice of punishment not only for atsushi but all the Orphanage kids,his was just the most severe(like cult typa shit,maybe ot was actually a cult)

Now for the O!bsd x B!bsd au

,l like to imagine for my ver of the au That theres technically 2 headmasters of the orphanage, The original headmaster and his son, when atsushi was a child he was a teenager Atsushi kills the original headmaster and its the son that gets into a car accident later in the bsd series, or you could switch it to atsushi killing the son and after he dies the father repents bcs he knows it was technically his fault.

[This is when shots starts to go downhill and starts to mention timelines]

Atsushi's orphanage bg is exactly like beast au,up to when mori finds him {i think mori might have gone to retrieve him} (this is as someone who nevee read beast tho,so im not sure if shes there but) atsushi escapes the orphanage instead of being kicked out,he roams the streets for awhile mostly sticking to alleys and he eventually finds himself close to ig one of the many bases that the PM has (idk ive never read or watched bsd or beast bsd) and elise is out running an errand(or something IDK WHAT SHE DOES SMH), we all know ellise knows shit she shouldnt,and she recognizes atsushi (idfk maybe she doesnt recognise him,she just finds his hair pretty.) but she takes him to mori and mori takes care of him for some time bcs why not (idk why i made this but,im now realising it makes no sense...) but mori gives him the decision of the port mafia or the ada (this is after a large timeskip btw,atsushi works in rhe shadows and noone,not even dazai knows he works for the pm,everything is essentially like cannon) and he decides he wants to take a break from the mafia for abit {this sounds like a wattpad fanfic,kill me now

and goes to work for the ada,just not in the usual sense, since noone knows who he is and he still works for mori (Queue Cannon) Atsushi basically is a hella good actor. [fuck this idea,all my homies hate this idea. Atsushi is an actor yes but he actually quits the pm instead and goes i to his found family arc.] he decides to join back the pm after the ada goes down Idk but the (current?) arc with dazai and fyodor passes and the pm somehow ends up unscathed but relocated and dazai goes missing [Last i heard he disappeared down an elevator shaft or sumn]

Idfk where this au has gone anymore

Yea :)))

Heres one more HC/AU thingy based off somone elses AU that i saw

The persons Au! - The tiger has the ability to steal abilities when astushi eats the ability owner.

My Additon to the AU: Now i hc that as WR atsushi ate someone who had the ability to change size and appearance (maybe a notorious criminal who didnt pay off his mafia debts) so when life got too interesting or dangerous for him he'd change age and looks and just start all over again (and bcs of his tigers regeneration ability, just like with deadpool he's essentially immortal)

This is a rant,its going on tumblr

UGH

My brain is too full :/

i didnt mean to make it this long tbh

Anyway im hoping somone will like my HC's and AU's and appreciate me pls thank u

#bungou gay dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs au #bungous stray dogs hc #atsushi headcanons #atsushi supremacy #baby atsushi #twitter #good niiiight

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itsmetheabnormalone · 1 year

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Heya, so I'm juuuuust starting to watch some stuff about F1 after previously having zero interest in the sport (I dislike most sports in general, but thats another discussion). Anyway, the friend who helped spark my interest in it offered some places to start consuming and getting a handle on the sport, Drive to Survive being one of them. I was wondering if there was any advice you'd offer to someone trying to feel out the sport for the first time. Cheers!

p.s. This friend mentioned she follows players more than teams and mentioned Lewis Hamilton bc he seems like a really cool person. I googled him and yeah, he really does and when I saw him on your blog I thought, "Nice! Maybe I should pester this person a bit about advice 😏"

Hey ☺️

Welcome to the circus!

To cut right to your questions: You got good timing coming into the sport 😊 The new season is beginning soon 🥳 Following the team(s) on IG or twitter is a good starting point to get news.

To be honest, I’m kinda divided on DTS. I personally don’t watch nor much like it, because they like to up the drama (not that this sport needs that. there’s been enough drama for centuries the last two years alone lol). Also I dislike the way they portray certain drivers at times. Generally it is a good starting point, but I wouldn’t take all my impressions from the show.

I think the best way to get into it is genuinely just watching a race, preferably with the community 😁 F1blr and F1twt both have huge followings, although Twitter is, as always, more difficult/toxic. Gotta make use of that block button. What I definitely can recommend tho are the TeamLH twitter spaces, often hosted by 7hanos876. Another account I can whole heartedly recommend is Athena (@tarmactorque).

You could also watch some older races if you want to see what F1 can be when the stars all align lol. There’s some strong contenders from the last few years alone, my absolute face as a Lewis fan being Brazil 2021, where he was disqualified in Qualifying and started last on the grid. What’s also always very emotional is first times. Every race won by someone who has never stood on the top step of the podium before is a tearjerker, no matter who it is. I recommend Italy 2020 for that, or Hungary 2021.

One silly goofy race was Spa 2021. It was a very rainy day and they postponed the race start for hours, but continued to broadcast. A lot of memes were born that day lol.

If you decide to start with this year’s Bahrain it might be good to know that there’s tracks with less racing action (which for most fans means less fun) and tracks where the talking is “done on the track”. There are strategy nerds who really enjoy the more tactical races tho. When pit strategy and qualifying position decide the outcome of the race. Bahrain is usually not the MOST exciting, but also not the worst.

Regarding the drivers, it really depends on what is important to you 😄. I’m TeamLH with my whole heart, followed by GR63. I personally don’t support racers who have publicly shown to be bigots. Idk what everyone does behind closed curtains, but if they’re comfortable saying slurs on live radio, they can’t be that great of a person (aka VER who has a long history of… well. All of that.) Personally, I’m kinda neutral towards half the grid, w my two faves and a few ones I really dislike. With interviews, social media and the reactions towards certain things (e.g. BLM kneeling a few years ago, Abu Dhabi 2021) I think its quite easy to see which drivers align with your interests and morals.

I guess I don’t have to explain where one can watch F1 but just to get it out there: Some countries have free streams, so if you have a vpn you can watch it there (swiss for example). Also F1Tv can be tricked by a vpn 😄 I normally would have to subscribe to sky here in Germany, but use nordvpn to be able to watch f1tv for a LOT LESS money.

I think that’s all I wanted to say 😁 Sorry it took me so long to answer, you probably have all that info by now but I still wanted to reply.

Again, welcome to the circus 😊 Enjoy the last few days of emotional stability before the season starts 🥲 also bc it’s practice week rn: never trust practice results 😬

#f1 #formula 1

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hongssami · 2 years

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again

hyunjin hours anyone?? || chan ver, minho ver, changbin ver

// cursing; normalize platonic kissing (on the cheeks lol); kiss kiss fall in love au with hyunjin

fluff, slight angst, childhood friends-to-lovers, humor ig

description: First times aren't always the best, so you'll do it again and again and again until you'll get it right; alternatively, the five times you kissed Hyunjin in your life and the time he kisses you first.

w.c.: 2k (why did i make it like this)

Hyunjin was never huge on skinship. Even back when you two were little, he’d do his very best to avoid any form of unnecessary physical touch as much as his little ass could. It’s not like he was against it or was uncomfortable whenever someone was showing affection by touching him, he just prefers not to be touchy.

It took you a while to understand this, maybe because your sense of reasoning as a child was relatively more clouded than it is now. Yeah, it might have been that and definitely not because you were used to your mother being very touchy and affectionate, therefore instilling into your young bean sprout brain that being touchy equals affection.

What’s worse is that her go-to action was kissing your cheeks – whether to reassure, to apologize, to encourage, whatever! That ultimately translated to you normalizing kissing others cheeks as a sign of friendliness.

Little Hyunjin did not like this one bit. So he’s made a little list for every time you managed to land a smooch on him, accident or not.

one. The “get better soon” kiss.

The first time was unexpected and accidental, but it happened when you were both seven so it technically didn’t count. Hyunjin insists it does though, like he insists until this day that it was entirely your fault.

It happened on the playground where no form of physical affection between playmates should take place lest you want a crowd of children chanting cooties! cooties! which was exactly what ended up happening. That day had the perfect weather for playtime, clouds scattered across the blue summer sky that offered shade from the smiling sun ever so often. Little seven-year-old you had been playing a game of hide-and-seek with the rest of your classmates when you bumped into Hyunjin and he caused a whole scene about it.

“You pushed me! You pushed me!” You remember him whining in front of you as if you hadn’t landed on your butt either. It took a clenching of your small fist and your mother’s reminder to always be kind playing at the back of your head before you had gotten up to check on him.

In your defense, it wouldn’t have been a big deal if he hadn’t started crying right after you apologized and even offered him a small get better soon kiss on the knee he hurt. But he did and that had led your teachers to call your guardians to report the incident to them.

two. an “i’m sorry” kiss.

If your child brain had learned anything about treating wounds, it was to kiss them better – just like how your mother used to do to you when you’d been clumsy and hurt yourself. So naturally, you would apply it at any given chance you would get (it didn’t really work when you did it to yourself, but you’ve only seen your mother kiss others so maybe that’s how it worked). Unfortunately for you, the first person you tried curing with your get-better-soon kiss was a very confused and very upsetHwang Hyunjin.

You don’t really recall much from that day but both your mother and Hyunjin’s mom had an absolute blast watching you two interact. Obviously, you had no bad intentions whatsoever and Hyunjin’s mom only stifled back from laughing at her son’s reaction to affection from a stranger, so things were resolved pretty quickly.

The second kiss you gave Hyunjin was an apology kiss – the same one your mother gives to you when she can’t afford a new toy you’d really wanted. He didn’t take it that well either and had promptly hid himself behind his mother’s skirt as every brave seven-year-old does.

three. an “i missed you” kiss.

Hyunjin’s scraped knee from that day didn’t get better until a few weeks later and for a whole week Hyunjin tried to avoid your get-well-soon kisses to no avail. You’d figured 3 days in that he didn’t particularly like being kissed, so you resorted to sharing sweets and snacks with him instead.

A few weeks with you constantly bugging him with friendship over recess surprisingly paid off and just like that Hwang Hyunjin would not sit with anyone but you, mostly because he’s gotten used to getting food out your lunchbox without permission because you always shared with him anyways. But also, maybe he thinks you’re cooler than the other kids.

By the time you were nine, you’d had sleepovers at each other’s houses and joint family vacations and you could safely say you were pretty close. So when Hyunjin’s mother told you about him falling victim to chickenpox (and what chickenpox was), you were devastated. For a week and a half you had to sit Hyunjinless at recess.

The moment he walked back in your classroom that one Monday morning he was greeted by a big fat ‘I missed you’ kiss on the cheek from you. He kept wiping his cheek whenever you weren’t looking, but he was glad to be back too.

four. a “good luck” kiss.

By middle school, you’d have learned what personal space was and it was all thanks to Hyunjin.

“Don’t you think they’re too close to be friends?” He whispered to you once at lunch, subtly nodding his head towards a new couple sharing food in your class.

You scrunched your eyebrows, looking away before they caught you staring. “Didn’t they only start talking like a week ago?”

“Aren’t you too close to be friends?” Jisung butted in, placing his lunchbox on Hyunjin’s table where you both sat to eat. The way Hyunjin flinched made him laugh, but you could only frown.

He did have a point, but it’s not like you two only met in middle school.

─

The swim meet that Hyunjin had been pissing himself over the past month had finally arrived and it was safe to say he wasn’t feeling any less nervous for it. Of course you made it your duty as his best friend to hype him up and give him pep talks, you even asked his mom for help making an embarrassingly huge banner for him.

Come to think about it, you shouldn’t have been so over the top with it. It was a district meet, not the nationals. Still what’s done is done, and there you stood beside a Hwang Hyunjin in swim trunks looking like he was about to cry for his mom in the locker room.

“Hyunjin.”

The goggles in his hands shook and you’re pretty sure he’s blinking back tears with his head down. It wasn’t helping that he was sitting on the benches and slouching.

“Hyunjin!”

He turned his attention to you, only to see that you’re wearing a stupid shirt with his face on it. “Thanks for the support,” he joked, pointing the goggles to your shirt.

“Oh, you little bastard.” Taking furious steps closer, you nudged his forehead until he was looking up at you. “Thank me later when you have a dumb medal around your neck!”

And in the spur of the moment decision, you kissed his forehead. “For good luck.”

Hyunjin promptly fell over and, to this day, blames you why he only got a bronze in that swim meet.

five. a practice kiss.

“There’s a certain distinctness to it.”

You never imagined that you would be able to say those words to your best friend in this context. And you didn’t really know how to feel about it honestly.

Hyunjin sat curiously on your bed, pouting, and head slightly tilted up to look at your figure looming over him. “Distinctness?” The wrinkle in his forehead creates a mask of innocence to his otherwise very ─ uh, experienced? ─ outward appearance.

You quickly shook your head. “Nevermind. Forget I said that.”

“Well, can you just show me then?” You looked back to see him standing, already tired of watching you pace in front of him.

“I can’t just show you how to kiss someone!”

He grabbed your shoulders, steeling his gaze on you. “So what’s the point of me being here then?”

“It’s just not that simple!” You wanted to explode.

He loosened his grip, stepping back a bit. “I’ll follow your lead.”

Then, slowly, he let his hands stray back to his sides before yours shakily found their place under his jaw. A deep breath and a quick glance at his lips, and you’re kissing Hwang Hyunjin.

You wanted to yell. You wanted to smile in giddiness. Hell, you wanted to pull him closer the second you felt him return the kiss. But instead, you pulled away, patted him on the back, told him he did a great job, and pushed him out of your bedroom.

You hoped he’d never get to kiss his date.

and the first time he kisses you.

Hyunjin was a lot of things: dead honest, passionate, more dramatic than he needs to be, and really good at being unexpected. He was not, however, a little shit.

“If you won’t get down from there, I’ll kiss you!” He called from under the slides, too lazy to lug his ass up to join you above.

Hyunjin was a gigantic piece of shit.

You snort, not at all convinced with his threat, if that was even a threat. “Sure you will.”

You know this because he never does anything crazy to prove a point but would actually scale the old neighborhood’s slide set to get on your nerves.

“Oh, you bet I will.” His tone is playful, smile evident even though your back faces him. “It’s the least I can do.”

“Look, if you came here to make fun of me I suggest you come back in 3 to 5 business days.” You rolled your eyes when he sat beside you, knocking your knees together. “It’s not everyday you get turned down by your best friend.”

He hummed. “I don’t think I can wait that long─”

Then blinked, confused, turning to see what the hell you’re talking about. “Wait, what do you mean I turned you down?”

Was he serious? Now it was your turn to blink unbelievingly at him.

Your silence made him pout. “C’mon, you’re making me look bad here.”

“Hyunjin, since when have you ever looked bad?” You’d have pushed him off then if he wasn’t looking at you like that ─ like he had something more to say.

“Well, remember back in preschool I was absolutely disgusted by the prospect of getting a get well soon kiss from you? That was pretty nasty.” He recalled. “Oh, and that time when you tried to kiss my forehead for good luck but I ended up falling backwards. Yikes.”

“Now you’re just making me look bad for wanting to kiss you.”

“Hey, I never said you looked bad for it!”

Silence again. How do you even respond to that?

Curse his dumb hair and his dumb face and dumb kissable lips. You pushed him off the slides. “Alright, thank you. You can leave me alone now!”

“I wasn’t joking, you know.” He called to you as he slid, standing up to face you as soon as he reached the ground. “If you won’t get down from there, I’m going to have to kiss you.”

Your heart was about to burst. “Go home, asshole.”

“Not without a ‘I-didn’t-mean-to-make-you-think-I-turned-you-down’ kiss I won’t.”

“A what?”

He’s halfway up the slides when you turned to him. Before you know it he’s beside you, holding your shoulders as if he’s afraid that you’d run away again. “I never turned you down, idiot. Stop getting ahead of yourself.”

Hyunjin kissed differently compared to the time he had you teach him. His lips felt unreal, but at the same time familiar. The way he tilted his head to taste you even more sent tingles down your fingertips, almost akin to electricity running through your veins.

It’s eager, yet relaxed. Expected, but so comforting.

“Would it be too much of a stretch if I asked for another one?”

He chuckled. “Again?”

Hyunjin learned that he liked kissing you, just as much as you liked to kiss him. Maybe even more.

#skzwritersclub #districtninewriters #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #hwang hyunjin scenarios #hwang hyunjin imagines #wingkkun writes #help i forgor which networks i'm part of and how to tag them 💀#i already apologized for this i'm not gonna apologize again just tell me it's corny thank you goodnight

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pinkpruneclodwolf · 2 years

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Okay so this has been a brainrot of mine since I've been introduced to the concept of OB!Yuu AU. I might have posted it alr--the concept of it at least on my other blog--but like I need help to flesh out details and stuff.

Essentially Yuu Overblots I won't spoil the details but the OB is the house and its residents/keepers. The keepers are Yuu but like in different stages of their life/portray Yuu in their most crucial points in their life Ig (I'm honestly still debating at some parts but the ones I'm sure about are Yuu around when they're five or four and there's the one who's the pre-canon ver of the current yuu). Each keeper holds power over specific parts of the house--I'm not sure where to put the actual Yuu but I'm thinking somewhere in the attic or basement but who knows.

The OB is more or less a defense mechanism for Yuu to hide away after the stress of it all. Trying to brute force your way results in hurting the actual Yuu. Basically demolishing the house is a sure way to kill them--since the house is their mind and the residents are their heart.

But like what do you think? I alr have the plot for the fic and the first years are the main protagonists (kid Yuu is a way for me to explore and develop Sebek bc if Yana won't then I guess i'll have to do god's work then ig kjdghjdf) but like details details, I need help please.

Do you think the house is like Casita in Encanto where it reacts to dif people being there— say for example, Adeuce step in and the house tries to guide them into solving Yuu's OB.

Is it a manifestation of their home and each room is a family member or sibling, or like you said Yuu's most crucial moments in life (does this include future!Yuu? Where they try to help in the subtlest way possible.)

Does the house take after NRC and there are an abundance of residents/keepers and there's essentially a level or code they have to follow yo progress into another level think of it as Riddle levels pertains to painting over something/covering something up.

Leona's being desperation and trying to break free from a sea of people/residents pushing them back. Azul's being deal making or truth or dare where its one step forward two steps back?

Kid Yuu being the key could also play a key component by being the one to bring the boys into the house and desperately trying to help them navigate but each time they progress Kid Yuu kinda gets held hostage by preteen!yuu, teen!yuu, and even future!yuu to an extent.

The house could represent Yuu's psyche while under the influence of the OB, like it starts of outwardly normal but as soon as you step in you're immediately carted off somewhere—

CHENYA COULD PLAY A ROLE IN DIRECTING THE BOYS!!! THINK ALICE IN WONDERLAND.

Ooh, Sebek being a reluctant caretaker to Kid!Yuu is some good food right there. A feast if you will. Because head probably startle them just by being so loud and scrutinizing, but he learns to quiet down when they come across a room/sequence where sound is very important (something, something auditory and how it affects the mind).

The keepers could also take the form of the boys (idk who you'll choose as the main cast beside Sebek and Kid!Yuu) bc of how they influenced Yuu, good or bad. Basically them battling themselves and having to find a way to exploit their weaknesses while also becoming stronger as a result—you could throw in a headcanon or two about how UM's/twsts magic system works as well.

I def believe Keeper!Grim could take the form of OB!Grim as a manifestation of Yuu's fear of leaving and having Grim destroy the school as a result, causing Grim to confront whether or not he should let Yuu go.

I don't know where the heart of the house could be bc living room straight up sounds insane when you consider how the house shifts about (if it does) or if the house is like those mirror portals that transfer the boys into different sections each time they complete a sequence.

OVERALL MEGA BRAINED AND I VANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR HEADXANON

#twisted wonderland #twst #@hiraya manwari #scream into the void and i'll answer #twst au #twst theory

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twilighthomunculus · 2 years

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How abt Shingo? or Hojo rin?

<3 <3 <3 Hello!!! Thank you <3 <3 <3 <3

my two murder hobos, how I love them so

So Shingo, my stinky rat man. First impressions where honestly the same as everyone else "evil man, evil, I hate. but hey at least that eurobeat intensifies meme comes from his race. and now,,,well,,,,, :)

Favorite moment-Sayuki's snot nosed Shingo comment in the extra stage. Idk if its different subbed but I think about it sometimes

Idea for a story- As some of you hopefully know, prologue mechaAU Night Kids were once a team(more than a team) but broke up after a devastating loss caused a rift in their ideologies. Rn I've been trying to figure out how write or show off them getting through their differences and rediscovering their passion as a certain junker reminds them of what they once were but I don't like to write too often and comics take too long for me to stay interested in finishing them. Will probably do a single page piece, Might just commission a drabble at this point but my ventures in the fanfiction world is limited.

Unpopular opinion-The only opinions I've seen of him are HATE or hehe stinky rat man so idk what to say here

Favorite relationship-I mean Takeshin is otp, but I also really enjoy the idea of He, Mako, and Sayuki all being a chaos trio in high school getting into racing with each other and being that lesbian/pure of heart, dumb of ass dynamic

Favorite headcanon-lets seeeee I mean I've got so many HCs for him, especially AU version, where I could probably pull a WattPad original movie, give him a different name, and make him my own OC but i will not. Some favorites include-He owns pet rats, his wound from his race v Takumi never heals properly, trans shingo, he does graphic art sometimes(designed the team logo and half of his tattoos in AU ver).

Now for Rin, gonna be a little short cause unfortunately there's not as much

First impression- stinky old man(derogatory)

Impression now- stinky old man(affectionate) ah yes the 20 y/o calling the 30 y/o old man, classic

Favorite moment-Shinigami Race(derogatory) dude I laughed out loud with this one because I'm a sick bastard ig, but its the only race I remember from 5th stage, and the only one I feel gives the same amount of characterization to the race as the ones from 1st and 2nd stage i need to read the manga

Idea for a story- Still working on White Comet v Grim Reaper, in which I'm rewriting the backstory to be Rin, Kaori, Ryosuke, and Fumihiro were once a team until a mech designed by Ryosuke failed killing Kaori and damaging Rin to the point where he's an angry cyborg now

Unpopular opinion- hard to have unpopular opinions on the guy when I know only ~4 other people in the english speaking fandom who actively have opinions on him

Favorite relationship- Him being a cursed uncle to Shinji is the best one, him having cartoonishly unbridled hatred for Ryosuke is also fun.

Favorite headcanon(s)- He was kinda a jerk older brother in a Rodrick Hefley kind of way and he's also the one who started the goth/punk boy trend for Gou(and eventually Shinji), he's the embodiment of wrath for a more less light hearted HC

#twi answers #spooky man #rat man owo #initial d

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seoafin · 3 years

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tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be 😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

#honestly I don't have high hopes unfortunately 😭#but who knows I might be...pleasantly surprised #idk I don't have high hopes in manga nowadays so hmmm #anyway as always I enjoy ur thoughts <3 ❤️❤️#hope ur doing well!!!#and getting all those genshin impact goodies #🐱 anon #long post

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fmdtaeyongarchive · 3 years

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q3 2021 update & plot call !!

below the cut, you can find an update on ash’s current life, career (or rather absence of), and development for quarter three, as well as plot and thread ideas! if you see anything that you’d like to plot out or write with him, like this or message me, and we can get to it! i have a lot in mind about where ash is right now, so i might add more and expand later on!

mentions of ash’s continuing struggle with mental illness under the cut in case you don’t wanna read that rn

professionally

ash is on hiatus the whole quarter so... not much going on here.

uhh basically the first two days of july he was still trying to get bc to let him take a break so schedule threads could be set then if they cross paths at the bc building! he’s going to be participating in concert rehearsals for knight to a less intense extent since bc, as of the beginning of his hiatus, fully intends him to participate in the concerts. he’ll miss about the first half of the tour, but in july and august he’ll still be attending knight tour rehearsals some to keep up. schedule threads can also be done then!

(note that he’ll be missing the bc city concert as well — i don’t see him dropping by just to support either tbh, sorry bc ppl. white knight duo ver tho let’s gooooooooooo)

ash will eventually start writing music and finding his love of that again though and that’s pretty much the most work he can do during his hiatus, so it’d be cool to maybe have him write, compose, or produce for a few people that might be releasing later this year or sometime next year if anyone is interested? :) we can see if ash would work for it. there’s also opening for him to ask a few people he’s close to to sing some demos for him when he starts trying to write again!

personally + plot ideas!

explaining how he got to his hiatus would take me all day but he basically forced bc’s hand in letting him take time off (well, he wanted to leave knight and retire ngl but his manager was like... you know that’s not going to happen let’s try a hiatus <3). you can read my badly-written solos for part of it (i still need to write more) but generally, the most other muses might know is that they might have run into him acting kinda moody/down or impulsive/irresponsible lately, he made a very uncharacteristic post on social media that hinted at being unhappy with his life currently and losing passion/excitement for even the things he used to value most highly before his social media was deactivated by bc lmaaooo. the post would have probably conveyed Something was up it it wasn’t like genuinely super triggering-level content i promise !! bc released a statement shortly after stating he’d be going on hiatus without mentioning a definitive end date.

so there’s the possibility a muse might have checked up on him after that post / the hiatus news to see how he was doing?

tbh ash isn’t going to be seeking out meeting new people during his hiatus. he’s taking time to himself and is only going to make any effort to hang out with people he’s comfortable with. those he’s not close to, he’s going to have to interact with by running into unintentionally.

he’s getting a place in jeju in the early-ish part of his hiatus. he’ll be spending a lot of time there at first because he just wants to get away from seoul, so it’d be nice to set some threads there if your muse has the time to hop over to visit him if they have anything resembling a free day. (again a certain level of closeness would be necessary, but i think one good heart to heart conversation beforehand could bring someone closer to him enough for that rn! even over text tbh lmao). chuseok would be a really good time for this !! i imagine catching up over lowkey dinners or heart to hearts under the stars, that found family ash has actively fought having lol

(that place in jeju is also going to be where he starts to want to write music again too, so music based stuff there would be chill?)

heart to hearts in general anywhere would be really good for ash right now so please give me those! they can be in seoul too for sure.

he’ll be moving into a new apartment in seoul eventually, though that will probably be a little later in his hiatus? he had some bad fan/sasaeng run-ins right before his hiatus and having so much time off makes him realize he wants to move. someone can help him house hunt or if someone else is looking for a place, they can talk together about it. i want him to realize he wants to move into a smaller place that can feel more like home

once he does move, muses are free to come over and help him set up / be his one-man housewarming party. that’s a little down the line tho !! so we might not want to plot that as a thread to write right this instant

he may also be getting a pet ! muses can come look with him at a shelter or he can run into people there!

this would be a little later in his hiatus, but it’d be interesting if once he’s doing a little better, he gets the urge to dance and runs into a muse at the dance studio. idk that he’ll ever fall completely back in love with dancing, but he might rediscover some of what he did love about dancing and ash and this muse often run into each other as he visits that dance studio a little more often and they eventually bond over it / do some dancing together.

those who still really have that passion for making music ash has lost, talk to him about it <3 he misses it. he might cry but tbh he’s liable to cry in any thread

he’s cutting his hair short and dying it back to black this month, so it would be possible to run into him at the hair salon!

ash will want to be inside at home mostly at the beginning of his hiatus, but as it goes on, he’ll start to branch out and that will offer some more opportunities to hang out. he’ll try not to go to bars and clubs really, but small music venues or jazz lounges, small indie cinemas, galleries, those kind of things will be up his alley

idk that there’s much plotting to be had around this, but this long hiatus on top of the other hiatuses he’s had and his acting out before this hiatus is going to make some of the bc team realize it might not be super wise to keep pushing him hard as a cf model (and in the long run, just less of pushing him as a major idol star within the company in general tbh) so he’ll be able to get some more tattoos and piercings and will become more comfortable, hopefully, with presenting himself how he wants to be seen / having some development in that good ol’ lack of bodily autonomy aspect ash has always had going on. he’ll be coming out of hiatus living much more of his 2021 jk fc truth with the full sleeve and the eyebrow piercing .

uhhh ? pretty far down the line but i’ll mention it while it’s on my mind :) i think it’d be cool if ash did a collab (mini-)album (or two?) at some point after getting off hiatus. i’d want it to be someone he really clicks with creatively (though they don’t have to be a songwriter — i can see it working as collaborative songwriting or as ash feeling really inspired to write for them) and wants to work with since it’s not going to be something he’s letting bc push him into it at that point, and something that just happens organically. realistically, this would work with a female vocal best by far, maybe a male rapper just based on the songs ash does / i can see him doing. probably wouldn’t want to commit to anything fully rn unless it really clicks but i wanted to throw the idea out there :)

uhmmm?? ig i should also mention ash will be paying attention to his health both mental and physical he’s been neglecting for a while. there isn’t too much to say regarding plotting here because he needs to handle it himself with trying new therapy, medications, understanding there’s some stuff beyond “just” his depression going on. coming to accept nothing’s ever going to be perfect, but that self-awareness and effort can help more than denial can. not super plot potential-y but i’ll mention it since this is all the personal update section

basically, ash is taking time to recover mentally (and physically) and ultimately hopefully leave hiatus in a better place than he started where he can be more comfortable in his career, even if just a little bit, in himself, and in his life. if he can have some good, developing threads during the time, that’d be great!

#&& there's nobody home | ooc #fmdcall #&& queued

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youarewarmth · 4 years

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Trying to mend my broken heart

(a very long post that started off as a letter to myself and others; I wasn’t going to post it, but my therapist said I should try, because it might encourage people to do the same if they’re struggling, so here it is)

So... I’ve been thinking if I should it. Do I have a right? I knew nothing of them – of him – until weeks ago. Can I even speak up? I have to let it out. Will I be scrutinized or listened and understood? I hope it’s the latter.

I knew SHINee was a thing, a band. A Korean band. I think my little sister was into them for a brief moment. I saw the band’s name mentioned on Twitter every now and then, but I never really cared. Just another K-Pop product, as they all are.

I fell into YouTube’s rabbit hole, as we all do sometimes, after I suddenly felt like listening to one of the songs I used to like. “Up next: SHINee – Forever or Never”. I thought “hm, what a coincidence!” and hit “play”.

“Wait… How is this the same song… but better?” I was so confused, but also thrilled. I don’t really like music that much. I have a hard time finding stuff that I really like and once I do, I stick to it until I memorize every note. I liked the version of the song. I really, really did, but I wish I never looked at the comments. That’s where it all started. The spiraling.

“R.I.P Kim Jonghyun you'll be forever in our hearts”

“Rest in Peace, my angel, you did well”

No.

My heart dropped. I looked up one phrase after another. I looked up SHINee, I looked up Jonghyun. Countless videos on YouTube. Of their first performances, of them having fun on stage, music videos, talk shows. Videos of Jonghyun breaking down in tears on stage. Videos of Jonghyung talking about the scrutiny, judgement and – again – breaking down in tears, wanting to be understood and accepted. Of his last show and the pain and emptiness in his eyes. Of how he died. Of his letter. Of them performing without him for the first time. Of “From Now On”. Of “Our Page”.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I’ve been sleep deprived ever since, because my thoughts keep racing and bring tears that I can’t contain. And with tears, immense grief. That’s all I can feel right now.

Why did it hit me so hard? Why him, why now? Maybe because we’re same age and I understand the struggles of getting older in the world where only the youngest can achieve something, though it was much worse for him. Maybe because I know what it feels like to lose a friend so suddenly. Maybe because I know exactly how he felt, even though we had completely different life experience. Or maybe we’re just kindred spirits that experience emotions a little bit too intensely.

You see, I’ve been dealing with depression ever since I was seventeen. That’s when my heart stopped. It was still beating, still keeping me alive, but I felt nothing. Nothingness slowly turned into pain. And hatred. I’ve achieved nothing. I’ve done nothing in my life. I’m a waste of time, waste of space. I was crying for help, but nobody ever listened. I would scream into my pillow every night until I fell asleep, I didn’t want to feel this pain. I wanted it to be gone. _I _wanted to be gone. I can’t count how many times I was minutes, seconds away from the irreversible. I didn’t do it and I felt like a coward. I was too weak to even do this much.

To this day I don’t know how I kept on living despite nobody giving a damn. I wanted to live, but I didn’t. And I think he felt the same. He desperately wanted to live. He was open about his condition, he reached out, looked for help. Except I got the help I needed. He, on the other hand, got scolded by his own “doctor”. He was told that it’s all because of his personality. What personality? A sensitive, compassionate angel? A loving friend? A gentle soul that wanted nothing, but to be an artist? Was it his fault that he was overworked, stressed, judged for every little thing he did? People didn’t really help either. They would ask “is crying the new way of promoting your music?” Or say that SHINee doesn’t need Jonghyun, that he’s the ugly duckling of the group, or that he doesn’t have to pretend to know how to sing. And I’m angry. I’m so angry, because how fucking dare you?

I can't get the images of his last performances out of my head. They override everything good and sweet about him, because good and sweet is not how he felt in his final days. He felt pain and sadness, he felt old and lacking, he felt like he was so much less than he was. And he was so precious, warm and soft. Just like the fluffy blankets he loved so much. Did he feel his Blingers' love when he looked at them this one last time? Was it any comfort to him that he WAS loved by so many, after all? Did he know how far that love goes?

In his last performances he looks like he accepted his fate. And he just looks empty. He knew. He must have known what was going to happen. He was taking everyone and everything in, he was saying his last goodbyes. And it undid me completely. When he was recording the Shinin' video, did he know? Did he already know and sang "always be with you" to us to let us know that he will always be here even when his body is not?

We lost this pure soul to a disease that could’ve been treated. It was preventable. He could’ve still been with us if he got the help he need. And it truly fucks me up, and I can’t hold back tears – yet again – because he wasn’t supposed to be gone. He was supposed to be here and enjoy his life. Hold hands with girls, kiss boys, date like crazy (for the love of god let your idols date!), marry or not, have kids or not. He was supposed to make all the choices we all take for granted. But depression is a bitch that sneaks up on you and eats you alive, eats you whole, until you’re a shell, an emotionless zombie, and the thought that he probably felt like that… My heart aches for him so much I want to tear it out. I want to go back in time and do SOMETHING. I want him to be happy, grow old and depart when the time comes and not a second sooner. Would he be happy in this time line? Could I pass the strength I've gained over the years to him, so he can power through this life like an absolute champion he was?

I was watching old videos of Jonghyun interacting with other band members and I noticed that he was always craving closeness and human touch. He’d always stroke someone’s back or neck, held hands with them, hug, lean on, pat. And they weren’t big gestures, it looks like he did it all without even thinking. He enjoyed these little gestures that spoke volumes. Or how in the Excuse Me Miss video, where he’s introducing all the SHINee members, almost hyping them up, and when he introduces himself it’s in a much calmer, quieter manner. Can’t put my finger on it, but my first thought was the obvious “he’s so humble”.

In this short time he had such a great impact on my life that I miss him immensely, even though I've never met him like you guys did. I feel guilty, because I feel like I have no right to miss him, and yet I do. And I'm so utterly sad that it's hard to get up in the morning and carry on with my day, that's why I'm writing this. Will it get the sadness out of my system? I don't think it will, but I hope my thoughts and feelings will be less chaotic now. That I will be able to accept the painful reality, stop daydreaming, thinking "what if" and blaming myself even more for something I couldn't possibly help.

The last thing I want to say is that – as crazy as it sounds – I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jonghyun, that I couldn’t save you. Even though it was impossible, I’m sorry I didn’t do anything, that I wasn’t aware of your suffering, that I couldn’t be your shoulder to cry on when you needed one. I feel like it’s my fault, somehow, and that I should hop into the Future Gadget 204, 2nd Edition Ver. 2.31 right now and beg you to hold on. I wish I could. I wish it was possible. Because it does get better. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. I don’t want any more people to feel like they’re lacking, like they aren’t enough, like they didn’t do well enough.

So, to whoever reads it and will possibly read this in the future, even if you stumble upon this “letter” a year from now, five hears, ten years; even if you’re not even born yet and it somehow survives, know that I’m here for you and I will always be here for you. If you’re looking for a sign not to do it today – let this be the sign. If you want me to remind you daily that you’re worth more than every star we’ve ever discovered – I’ll do it. I will be your friend, your shoulder to cry on, your safe haven and your protector.

And believe me, Shawols, when I say this - I wouldn't hesitate one bit if I could trade my life for his. This is the point where you go “damn, this woman crazy” and ridicule me to hell, but it won’t change the fact that if I were presented with the opportunity, I’d take it, because I have nothing to lose and there would be so much to gain. I know how many lives he affected and how many people are still hurting, and will be hurting until they meet him again. I don't believe in heaven or hell or afterlife, but thinking that he left this world in pain and there was nothing else waiting for him... I don't want it to be real. I wish he could make you all smile again. With his performances, with his IG Lives, with his wise words that touched so many, with his art, with his beautiful, gentle soul. And I'm selfish, because I want him back even though I know he didn't want to be around.

To you, my dear, dear, Jjong – you were loved. You were SO loved. You still are. You were a kind soul, a light of our eyes, that wasn’t meant for this cruel world. And your people are so proud of you. I truly hope there is life after life and that I will meet you there. And then I will give you the hug I couldn’t give when you were so alone. You will forever live in our hearts, some of which you touched even after your departure, and your legacy will never be forgotten.

I promise I will work hard. I promise to be more kind to people, but also to myself. I know you wouldn't want us to be hurting. You told us many times that we worked hard and we did well, even if they were the smallest things we managed to do at the time.

You were in my dreams the other night. You were sitting at a dining table in what had to be the strangest meet and greet ever and you signed a CD for me. For some reason it was a generic disc that was in one of those flimsy paper CD envelopes, because even in my dreams I have to totally embarrass myself. But you signed the envelope, smiled your beautiful smile and asked me if I'm well. I know it's all my brain's doing, because I've been thinking about you constantly lately, but I like to think that it's because you still very much care about your Blingers and want to check on them. Even on those that came long after you left. Hearing you now hurts, but I know that with time it will feel like warmest homecoming.

You worked hard, Jjong. Very hard. And you did well. And I thank you for that.

#tw: depression #tw: suicide #shinee jjong #jjong #jonghyun #shawol #shinee #kim jonghyun

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pamphletstoinspire · 7 years

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EPISTLE OF ST. PAUL, THE APOSTLE, TO 1 Timothy - From The Latin Vulgate Bible

Chapter 5

PREFACE.

St. Paul passing through Lycaonia, about the year A.D. 51 , some of the brethren at Derbe or Lystra recommended to him a disciple, by name Timothy, who from his infancy had studied the Holy Scriptures. St. Paul took him, making him his companion and fellow-labourer in the gospel: and not to offend the Jews, who could not be ignorant that Timothy's father was a Gentile, he caused him to be circumcised. Afterwards he ordained him bishop of Ephesus.

Chapter 5

He gives him lessons concerning widows; and how he is to behave to his clergy.

1 An ancient man rebuke not, but entreat him as a father; young men, as brethren:

Notes & Commentary:

Ver. 1. An ancient man.[1] Here the word presbyter is not taken as in other places, for a bishop or priest, but for an elderly man, who is otherwise to be dealt with than young men. (Witham) --- We cannot sufficiently admire the tenderness and prudence of all this saint's counsels. Reproof, under any circumstances, is always sufficiently painful, without being accompanied by harsh and unfeeling words and manners. Age, though not exempt from fault, should always be treated with tenderness and respect.

Note 1:

Ver. 1. Seniori, presbutero.

2 Old women, as mothers; young women, as sisters, in all chastity.

Ver. 2. A just medium must be observed in the guidance of the sex, avoiding equally an indiscreet severity or an affection too tender and bordering on sensuality. A just diffidence in self is the best security. --- All chastity refers to the heart, eyes, ears, words, looks, with the precautions of times and places.

3 Honour widows, who are widows indeed.

Ver. 3. Honour widows. To honour, here means to relieve and maintain. (Witham)

4 But if any widow have children, or grandchildren, let her learn first to govern her own house, and to make a return of duty to her parents: for this is acceptable before God.

Ver. 4. Let her[2] learn first, &c. He gives this as a mark to know if widows deserve to be maintained out of the common stock; if they have been careful of their own family, and to assist their parents, if yet alive. In most Greek copies, and in the Syriac, is read, let them learn; i.e. let the children and grandchildren learn to govern their family, and to assist their parents, when they are widows; that, as it is said in ver. 16., the Church may not be burthened with maintaining them. (Witham) --- Let her render to her children the same good services she has received from her parents, that she may also expect from them what is her due as mother. (Theodoret)

Note 2:

Ver. 4. Discat, in most Greek copies, discant, manthanetosan. Yet St. Chrysostom in his commentary, (log. ig.) expounds it of the widow.

5 But she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, let her hope in God, and continue in supplications and prayers night and day.

Ver. 5. She that is a widow indeed, and desolate, (destitute of help, as the Greek word implieth) may be maintained; and then let her be constant in prayers and devotions night and day. (Witham) --- Every Christian soul is a widow of Jesus Christ, who has been forcibly torn from her: and in her communications with heaven she ought to offer up an afflicted and humbled heart---the heart of a widow. It is thus she will avoid the dangers of the world, and secure true life in unchangeable felicity. (Haydock)

6 For she that liveth in pleasures, is dead while she is living.

Ver. 6. For she that liveth in pleasure, (i.e. that seeks to live in ease and plenty) is dead[3] while she is living, by the spiritual death of her soul in sin. See St. Chrysostom with no less eloquence than piety, expounding this riddle, as he terms it, to wit, what it is to be at the same time alive and dead. (Witham)

Note 3:

Ver. 6. St. Chrysostom, (log. ig. p. 301.) touto phusin ainigma, &c.

7 And this give in charge, that they may be blameless.

Ver. 7. No explanation given.

8 But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Ver. 8. He hath denied the faith, (not in words, but in his actions) and is worse than an infidel; nay, even than brutes, that take care of their young ones. (Witham) --- Faith may be renounced either by words or by actions, when our conduct shews that in our hearts we really do not believe what would otherwise influence our lives. (Calmet) --- We have a horror of the name of apostacy, and fear not its works. Is not this to be a Christian in appearance, and an infidel in heart?

9 Let a widow be chosen, not under threescore years of age, who hath been the wife of one husband.

Ver. 9. Not under threescore years of age. Some think he speaks only of such a widow as was placed over all the rest: but the common exposition is of all such widows as were maintained in that manner, who made a vow of chastity, who assisted the ministers of the Church in looking to the poor, and in the administering baptism to women. --- Who hath been the wife of one husband; i.e. hath never been married but once. (Witham)

10 Having testimony for her good works, if she have educated children, if she have exercised hospitality, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have ministered to them that suffer tribulation, if she have diligently followed every good work.

Ver. 10. No explanation given.

11 But the younger widows avoid: For when they have grown wanton in Christ, they will marry:

Ver. 11. As for the younger widows,[4] admit them not into that number; for when they have grown wanton in Christ, which may signify in the Church of Christ, or as others translate, against Christ; when they have been nourished in plenty, indulging their appetite in eating and drinking, in company and conversation, in private familiarities, and even sometimes in sacrilegious fornications against Christ and their vows, they are for marrying again. See St. Jerome. (Witham)

Note 4:

Ver. 11. Cum luxuriatæ fuerint in Christo, otan gar katastreniasosi tou Christou. See Apocalypse xviii. 7, 9. It is a metaphor from horses not to be governed. See St. Jerome, Ep. ad Ageruchiam. tom. iv. part 2. p. 741. tou Christou, i.e. contra Christum, says Erasmus and Arius Montanus. In injuriam viri sui Christi, says St. Jerome.

12 Having damnation, because they have made void their first faith.

Ver. 12. Having, or incurring and making themselves liable to damnation, by a breach of their first faith, their vow or promise, (Witham) by which they had engaged themselves to Christ. (Challoner)

13 And withal being idle, they learn to go about from house to house: not only idle, but tattlers also, and inquisitive, speaking things which they ought not.

Ver. 13. Idle, &c. He shews by what steps they fall. Neglecting their prayers, they give themselves to idleness; they go about visiting from house to house; they are carried away with curiosity to hear what passes, and speak what they ought not of their neighbour's faults. (Witham) --- The young widow that bears a near resemblance with this portrait, is not less to be lamented on her own account than feared and shunned on account of others.

14 I will, therefore, that the younger should marry, bear children, be mistresses of families, give no occasion to the adversary to speak evil.

Ver. 14. The younger[5] (widows) should marry. They who understand this of a command or exhortation to all widows to marry, make St. Paul contradict himself, and the advice he gave to widows 1 Corinthians vii. where he says, (ver. 40.) She (the widow) will be more happy if she so remain according to my counsel; and when it is there said, I would have all to be as myself. [See the notes on those places.] He can therefore only mean such young widows, of whom he is speaking, that are like to do worse. Thus it is expounded by St. Jerome to Sabina:[6] "Let her rather take a husband than the devil." And in another epistle, to Ageruchia: "It is better to take a second husband than many adulterers." St. Chrysostom[7] on this verse: I will, or would have such to marry, because they themselves will do it. See also St. Augustine,[8] de Bono viduitatis, chap. viii. (Witham)

Note 5:

Ver. 14. Volo juniores nubere, boulomai neoteras gamein.

Note 6:

Ver. 14. St. Jerome, (Ep. ad Sabinam, tom. iv. part. 2. p. 669.) maritum potius accipiat quam diabolum. The same author, (Ep. ad Ageruchiam. p. 741.) multo tolerabilius habere secundum virum, quam plures adulteros.

Note 7:

Ver. 14. St. Chrysostom, (log. ie. p. 311.) boulomai, epeide autai boulontai.

Note 8:

Ver. 14. St. Augustine, (de bono viduitatis, chap. viii.) nubant antequam Deo voveant, quod nisi reddant, jure damnantur. And in Psalm lxxv. Quid est primam fidem irritam fecerunt? voverunt et non reddiderunt. And again St. Augustine, Non sitis pigri ad vovendum. Non enim viribus vestris implebitis: deficietes, si de vobis præsumitis, si autem de illo cui vovistis, vovete, securi reddetis.

15 For some are already turned aside after Satan.

Ver. 15. For some are already turned aside after Satan, by breaking the vows they had made. "Yet it does not follow, (says St. Augustine in the same place [de Bono viduitatis, chap. viii.]) that they who abstain not from such sins may marry after their vows. They might indeed marry before they vowed; but this being done, unless they keep them they justly incur damnation." "Why is it, (says he again, on Psalm lxxv.) they made void their first faith? but that they made vows, and kept them not. But let not this (says he) make you abstain from such vows, for you are not to comply with them by your own strength; you will fall, if you presume on yourselves; but if you confide in him to whom you made these vows, you will securely comply with them." How different was the doctrine and practice of the first and chief of the late pretended reformers, who were many of them apostates after such vows? (Witham)

16 If any of the faithful have widows, let him relieve them, and let not the church be burthened: that there may be sufficient for them who are widows indeed.

Ver. 16. No explanation given.

17 Let the priests who rule well, be esteemed worthy of double honour: especially they who labour in the word and doctrine.

18 For the Scripture saith: *Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn. And: The labourer is worthy of his hire.

Ver. 17-18. The priests, or ancient ministers, (i.e. bishops, priests, &c.) deserve a double honour; i.e. to be more liberally supplied and maintained by the flock, especially when they labour in preaching the word. --- Thou shalt not muzzle, &c. See 1 Corinthians ix. 9. (Witham) --- It is the obligation of the faithful to provide a decent maintenance for their pastors, and the duty of pastors to be content with little. Happy the church where there is no further difference found than between the liberality of the former and the disinterestedness of the latter!

19 Against a priest receive not an accusation, but under two or three witnesses.

Ver. 19. Against a priest. The word presbyter[9] is commonly here expounded of bishops and priests; though St. Chrysostom understands it of men advanced in age. --- Receive not an accusation; i.e. do not sit as judge, nor hearken to such information. (Witham)

Note 9:

Ver. 19. Adversus presbyterum, kata presbuterou. And St. Chrysostom, (p. 313.) ten elikian.

20 Them that sin reprove before all: that the rest also may have fear.

Ver. 20. Them that sin, so as to be public criminals, &c. (Witham)

21 I charge thee, before God, and Christ Jesus, and the elect Angels, that thou observe these things without prejudice, doing nothing by declining to either side.

Ver. 21. Without prejudice[10] for or against any one, not declining to either side, holding the scales of justice equally. (Witham)

Note 10:

Ver. 21. Sine præjudicio, choris prokrimatos.

22 Impose not hands lightly upon any man, neither be partaker of other men's sins. Keep thyself chaste.

Ver. 22. Impose not hands lightly upon any man, in promoting him to be a minister of God by the sacrament of orders, unless he be duly qualified. --- Neither in this be partaker of other men's sins, as they make themselves who ordain others rashly. (Witham)

23 Do not still drink water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake, and thy frequent infirmities.

Ver. 23. No explanation given.

24 Some men's sins are manifest, going before to judgment: and some men they follow after.

25 In like manner also good deeds are manifest; and they that are otherwise cannot be hid.

Ver. 24-25. Some men's sins are manifest, &c. These two verses seem connected with the admonition before given, as to ordaining ministers, some men's sins and evil life being so manifest, that they are certain to be rejected. --- And some men they follow after: they appear not till after a trial and examination. --- In like manner also good deeds, and good lives of some men, are so manifest, that they are easily admitted. And such as are otherwise, (that is, when they are desirous to conceal their virtues) they cannot be hidden: by an examination and trial they will appear. (Witham) --- This refers to what he had said before, that he ought not easily to ordain others, but pass his judgment with scrutiny and impartiality. But there are some whom the public voice already condemns; their crimes are manifest: and there are others, though bad, whose crimes cannot be proved without examination. (Calmet) - St. Basil thinks it refers to the general judgment. Many both good and bad actions are at present manifest: others shall not be known till the day of judgment. Hypocrites are reserved to be judged by the Lord, as we cannot pronounce upon their actions. (St. Basil, lib. de Virgin.)

#first epistle of st. paul to timothy

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ghostlyvoiddeer-blog · 7 years

Text

How to set up and install Canon printers?

This is a general post,this is very useful for those who struggle to install Wi-Fi printers without setup CD's on Mac. I just bought Canon Printer, opened it tonight, and unfortunately I realized that my CD reader was not working. So I could not use the setup CD and before going through the installation of Wi-Fi connection after installing everything.Canon Printer Setup & installation . It is that I did it to work.

1- Visit the Canon download page

2- Download driver of printer: Series CUPS printer driver Ver. 10.42.1.0 (Mac OS X 10.5 /10.6) or the latest ones

3- Download Canon IGE Network Tool 3.0.0 (Mac OS X 10.4 / 10.5 / 10.6) - This will help connect printer to the utility network

4- Install 2 packages you just downloaded

5- Go to the "Go" menu at the top of the finder, select "Go to Folder ..." and type: / Libraries / printers / canon / bj printers / utilities This is where you just installed the download printer's utility. you must see it:

6. Double click on "Canon IJ Network Tool", it will scan for printer. Since the printer is not yet connected in the network, so he will not get anything. The goal is to add the printer to your network first, and then on the system preferences in your computer. A dialog box is saying that the printers connected via USB were not found. Just follow the instructions in the dialog box.

6.1- Connect the printer to the computer with the provided USB cable along with the printer. To see how to follow the paper guide, make sure the printer is on and click on "Update" in the "Canon IJ Network Tools" dialog box. If it still is not detected, then close it and on the printer. It may take a few seconds to detect the USB connection. To see if the printer is active, make sure to display the printer's screen "100% A4 Study General Paper" etc. (standard text for printing printer) then click "Update".

6.2- After the printer is detected, follow the instructions in the dialog box:

6.3- A dialog box will inspire you to add a printer. Go to the default tab and if the

"Canon" type is not visible in the Canon printer search box. Once found, select it and add it.Once added, the printer should look like this in your System Preferences> Printers and Fax sections:Try to print, it should work

I hope i am providing best information about setup wireless printer of canon ,then it also helps. I did not get much help on the Internet, the printer could be old or generally people are working CD readers. ..but still, setup software should be on the internet by now, yet I can not find it on Canon's page. What is the Internet and what does the Internet do to free yourself from CDs and all physical but digital stuff?

By the way, the introduction guide was very messy, printers are always so painful to set up, always have a problem, what would be a world where the printers were intelligent and had their problems fixed alone?

We are providing more services related to canon printer .If you are facing any problem related to this printer, then you can contact us by our Toll Free 1-844-400-0523 and our website : http://www.canonprintersupportnumber.com/

#Canon Printer Setup & installation #setup wireless printer of canon

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