#i cant believe ive lost again
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aw man now i gotta go edit my wips and snippets now that i know Sally calls Howdy "Howardson". i've been having her call him "Howdell"
#which isnt technically a name but my tiny poppyseed brain could not fathom any alternative#cant wait to edit Again once we find out what she calls barnaby!#ive been putting in 'barnabello'!#also i just realized sally calls poppy 'poppy' instead of a lengthened version. lesbianisms....#absolutely unprompted#speaking of lesbianisms what about the laughingstock crumbs we got in this update huh fellas-#im trying to be neutral and canon compliant but man. i am Continuing To Suspect Howdy Of Extreme Fruitiness#the parallel of howdy going 'omg barnaby!' and eddie going 'omg franks jello mold!' is Not lost on me#am i insane? yes. am i delusional? also yes. do i believe my own suspicion? not really! im not to be trusted!
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#tag rambles#to be clear i'm 1000% here for aro positivity and excitement‚ i love that for us#but also! kinda fucking hate being arospec most of the time!!#just frustrating every goddam day#I want to like people! I so‚ badly want to fall in love again! I just. can't#I wish so badly that I could do casual‚ it would make my life so much easier‚ but I just cant fucking do it#“tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all” and all that. but#is it better to know that it /can/ happen but never does than to just believe it was never possible to begin with#i know bitching about love life on the internet is kind of a lame shitty move#especially when people i've hit on etc. are still around here#hi. I'm sorry#ive ruined a lot of friendships for no reason by being desperate to feel literally anything#im still desperate but at least there's no one left around to ruin#anyways. i dont know where i was going with this#i deleted my old vent blog so i don't really whine about things as much anymore
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sometimes I think about how I was legitimately the most hated and bullied kid in my entire class, and probably entire school. I knew this as a fact. there was nothing I could do about it. not just by the kids either, but the teachers/staff as well. all because I was autistic and unable to speak and they didn't want to treat me decently. and I ask why. (rhetorically of course, because I know all the excuses given as answers)
being an autistic kid and knowing damn well this is true, that you're the most hated person in the entire building with not a single person on your side, knowing you're the main target for everyone's aggression every day, is....truly something. you know. like carrying the weight of everyone's hatred and negativity on your back alone, being their punching bag, internalizing their hatred for then. from ages 4 to 18. nonstop. never getting better. never knowing why. not being able to stop it. never getting any help. on your own and alone. blamed for it all.
yet i'm simply told to "get over it/stop caring" and get blamed for it fucking me up and having a lasting effect. lmao ok. let me just forget more than half my life existed at this point and magically get better! thanks!
#those assholes are lucky I didn't have the heartless soul to take revenge on them or something.#instead it just became internalized trauma 🙃#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#school trauma#what would they have done if i lost my shit and lashed out at them????#the most i was ever able to do was take a plastic knife and stab an apple at lunch while glaring at a table of the kids#that scared them enough to leave me alone for a few days. then theh forgot and back at it again#why is it always the victim's fault and the bullies win? even years after the fact. why cant my brain “get over it” like people tell me :/#and yes i was able to get a therapist. no it hasnt helped yet. i do all the coping stuff she suggests already#basically distractions and whatnot. no it hasnt cured me.#she always tells me i have good coping mechanisms. im doing a good job. i deal with things reallt well. ok why am i still a mess 🙃#its almost as if theres no cure and only pretending#what am i rambling about. this sounds like an emotional rant but i genuinely feel nothingness atm. just reminiscing how fucked up it all was#why were things like that allowed to be put onto one single child and why did they never get any help or justice and are blamed#s i g h s#also ive always felt like no one believed me when i said i was the most hated and bullied kid at school. it is 100% true lmao unfortunately
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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adam panic shaking emma’s head when she’s bleeding out from the neck vs emma nearly crashing her fucking car at the admission he does like being around her
#ur honour theyre so fucking stupid (fond)#cant believe ive fallen into wayhaven again this hard im justtttttt so excited for book 3#i NEED the blorbos to lose their shit in new and exciting ways <3#tunes talks wayhaven#BLOCK THE TAG BESTIES IM LOST IN THE SAUCE <3#oc: emma langford
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prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............
#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt#and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts#as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough#genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man#i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there.#esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly#in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels#but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value#and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that#even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship.#shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again#bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks#and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life#blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now#god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long#.diaries
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never felt exactly like this before
#so used to failing lately the idea of trying again feels like something that will be laughed at if i bring it up#quietly reapplying to school to go into stem field#i just feel like this is stupid and im gonna waste money and fail again no matter how much i want this#i feel like IM stupid#im having a little bit of a moment feeling excruciatingly stupid#yes almost everyone in my life will go on at length about how smart they think i am but i am HAUNTED violently so by the times#that ive been told i seem like i would drop out or im not focused or im just stupid and fixated on shit and im trying not to cry about it#i know im not dumb but im tired of wasting money and feeling like a waste as a person#i cant believe i screwed up my academics for men year after year so FUCKING stupid so so fucking stupid#the self confidence is fake here yall im less self confident than i was ten years ago i question every little thing now#i am so so lost in life and that makes me feel so so fragile#trying not to sink into the feeling of dead ends and dread because well#dread triggers my narcolepsy lmao and i cant afford to sleep the rest of the day rn#i both feel like i could do this and get it done and be quiet about it but then i also feel like#i could lay here and rot until i die and that sounds equally as tempting#i feel so childishly stupid when i think about my life like i expected something other than reality and reality is a little defeating honest#but thats life isnt it
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#tater rambles#its been a fucking rollercoaster of a day man#god i cant believe its been a year#i remember when the video first came out i couldnt watch it#i still cant watch it#but watching tommys video well i didnt sob this time so thats a win ig#but god that all hit me like a gut punch all over again#ive lost so much since a year ago today and it started with him#but theres something thats like just like if i keep talking and seeing and watching him#its still there right? just like everything else i lost#whats that one quote?#be sad that its gone but be so fucking happy that it happened that you'll never be able to forget about it#and dont you dare forget about it#thinking about where i was last year is so weird everythings so different but the same its so hard
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Remembering the pause between me and another coworker (BOTH OF US RAILTHIN MIND YOU) after he said there were so many carbs in my lunch. Like bro wanted to give us Both disordered eating habits. Look around bro you work retail you need this carboload
#carbs arent evil food isnt evil but i am. say that shit 2 me again and I'll dissect u alive#tw mention of eating disorders#I'm getting better and gaining back weight i lost in the transition of moving out but ugh i cant believe a 30+ something old man said that#like bro... seek help#ive seen his portion sizes btw 🤨 concerning but i dont care about him so im not concerned#sorry if that makes me insensitive... but its tru#esp after he said that to me
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restarted my meds soon ill be unstoppable
#ive lost weight on the depo shot because periods = no appetite whatsoever and its honestly making me feel like shit but my sleeping meds+#are also used to help people gain weight bc they up your appetite a BUNCH and im really glad to be able to eat/be hungry again without+#feeling super nauseous (the period nausea is finally wearing off too so its double good) AND w my prozac ill have the drive to actually+#cook again so ill be able to make food for myself and my family and like. honeslty im so happy to have it back#i hate being so reliant like ik its okay its not that at all. itd just when i cant get them im a shell of a human. BUT NO MORE NEGATIVE RN#things will be easier from here. i believe that wholeheartedly#i restart my first dose of antidepressant in the morning!!!#weight ment
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#thoughts#its been a while#since ive made a post like this#uhhh maybe a couple years??? i think im finally spiraling again lol#graduated college last year and lost ALL ambition all movitation all desire to move foward in life#its been a fucking struggle trying to care about my future because i'd be wrong of me to say that my what i do next isnt important#to the people around me especially my family#and it sucks because theres so much fucking pressure on my shoulders#and at the same time i could care less#and its kind of scary for me to think like that because i need to do something VERY fucking soon#but i#ugh i cant believe im feeling like this again#but i literally have no desire to be alive#i have no will to live#nothing#i dont know what to do#hahaha what if i go fucking crazy and do all the shit a twenty something year old is supposed to do and then just off myself lol#live life as they say and then no more
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i can do it with a broken heart - f1 grid
parings: gn!driver!reader x platonic!f1!grid x ex!jacob elordi
summary: after yn and their ex break up, they carry on as best they can and no one had any idea how bad they were struggling
type: social media au (smau)
notes: george is in this but he does not drive for mercedes, yn does. i also used a mixture of fem and masc pictures because i couldnt decide and thought you could just imagine whatever you wish!!
notes 2: probably the longest fic ive done so far but im pretty proud of it. the time stamps above each section are semi important so i would keep an eye on them!! also i know ive been gone for so long but i do not promise ill be back. alsoooo i know i only included a bit of the grid but i kept getting distracted and then couldn’t figure out how to include everyone!!
masterlist
march 2024
twitter
charles oh my god i cant believe my cat is finally the pfp
i have been waiting for YEARS
max yes well you better enjoy it because it’ll change soon and you’ll be back to waiting again.
lando jesus max do you have to use punctuation???
alex be glad he doesnt use captials
oscar one thing at a time lando, we dont want to scare him
max ???
lando anyway
yn mate you ok?
yourname im fine? ur scaring me you never ask how i am
lando yeah but usually your not single
lewis oh no! you and jacob split?
yourname yeah, wasnt working anymore
charles ah im sorry, that must suck😣
yourname i mean it does but its been coming for a long time so its not surprising
fernando hello! yn what is wrong? you always use emotes!
yourname theyre emojis nando, and im fine just a bit lost
fernando do not worry, i will come and find you!
yourname no, i dont mean literally just..we were together for so long i dont really know what to do now you know?
lando i get it, you wanna play tarkov with me???
yourname cheers ill get on now
george let us know if you need anything!
may 2024
yourusername
liked by mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton and 814,583 others
p✌️ was just what we needed this weekend!
thank you to everyone who came out and supported myself and the team and huge thank you to the team for working so hard all weekend⭐️
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mercedesamgf1 mega job this weekend yn👊 *liked by author*
landonorris nice to share the podium with you mate
yourusername same time next race?
user33 loved seeing you back on the podium
user2 absolutely smashing it this season
user21 more podiums please🤲 *liked by author*
user3 fourth podium of the year first p✌️*liked by author*
twitter
*pretend it says after march i changed dates around last min*
august 2024
yourusername
liked by lukehemmings, charles_leclerc and 1,124,642 others
did some reading, painting and writing
baked some good food and spent time with some good people, also got a cat…not bad for summer break☀️
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user66 AHHHHHH
yourusername ahhhhhhh
user26 cats name plsplspls
yourusername norman🐱
lukehemmings nice music👍
yourusername woah arent you the guy who wrote mum?!
mercedesamgf1 ready to see you back on the podium
yourusername always!!!!
user74 have you had funnnn??
yourusername yesss!! ive been doing lots of things i enjoy, basically treating every day as my birthday😋
twitter
*was supposed to write them instead of her sorry!! was doing two stories at once and kept getting mixed up😅*
october 2024
yourusername
liked by mercedesamgf1, gracieabrams and 1,291,638 others
p☝️ for the 3rd time this season, very very pleased
huuuuuge thank you to the team, every single one of you who worked tirelessly over the summer break and every moment since then, these have been for you⭐️
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user55 what a good season to be a yn fan *liked by author*
user6 these races have been incredible to watch, so proud
yourusername ⭐️⭐️
gracieabrams woop woop!!!!
yourusername 😝😝
user2 gracie??
user41 why have we not had any personal photo dumps yet😕😕
user88 right we miss seeing you yn!!
yourusername sorry guys😣ive been suuuper busy working on something i just honestly forgot
user41 NEW PROJECT?? WHEN?? (also pls dont feel bad we love u)
yourusername soon!! (and i love u guys too)
twitter
november 2024
yourusername
liked by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 3,689,921 others
tagged: taylorswift
i cannot believe i get to say this, but my new friend taylor just released a new album and i was able to write a song on the album
im honestly not sure how this came about but i had so much fun writing this and expressing all my thoughts and feelings in a way ive never done before
i poured my life and soul into this song and im so glad taylor is the one who is singing it and really bought it to life
send some love to my friend and go and stream THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT (most importantly i can do it with a broken heart😉)
comments have been limited
taylorswift thank you for trusting me with this song, so much love🤍
yourusername NO THANK YOU!!! i will be forever grateful⭐️⭐️
twitter
yourusername added to their story
seen by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 729,282 others
charles i feel completely betrayed yn
fernando oh no😟! what did yn do?
charles THEY DIDNT TELL ME THEY WERE WRITING A SONG??
AND WITH TAYLOR SWIFT HOW COULD YOU☹️☹️
yourname sorry charles, surprise?!
charles ill forgive you because its a good song
yourname thank you my life just got infinitely better!
yuki very good song yn! has been on repeat☺️
yourname thanks yuki, glad you like it!!
lando I LOVE IT TOO
but seriously are you ok?!
yourname yeahhh im better now
was just a lot to navigate
lewis glad you found an outlet! but remember you can always talk to any of us
yourname i know and i appreciate it, i really do
alex yn was that twitter thread right?
yourname mate youre going to have to elaborate
alex user56tweetlink
yourname oh pretty much yeah
some things were changed with taylor but not much
fernando just listened to the song yn! very nice👍well done!
yourname thank uu
max good song yn!
now
lando can you please tell me what you meant on your twitch stream!
oscar max is kind of scary
max dont make me talk about that interview next oscar!
#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 smau#f1 social media au#social media au#formula 1 insta au#formula 1 social media au#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#f1 drabble#f1 x male reader#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 fanfic
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finishing high school this year is so fucked like are you kidding me. this is my third high school year affected by covid-19, then there's a category 5 hurricane that rips my town to absolute shreds and i live with family for 6 months and go absolutely insane, move to a rental, and now this is my last week of highschool. still can't fucking drive, and now i only talk to one person because im too scared to talk to the rest of the people i used to be really close with because i literally had an episode that lasted probably a month in total. and now im just, supposed to be done? im supposed to be normal about this? are you kidding me?
#DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS POST IF YOU ARE NOT A MUTUAL ISTG#like i cant fucking believe that this is just happening like this. what the fuck#if you told 11th grade me all this i wouldve died on the spot. i would have genuinely lost all hope for myself hearing#about me leavinf the discord server because i was afraid i was losing my value and thought i was genuinely the worst fucking person#anyways i guess im fucking? done with high school.#im scraping through the last few days and then my AP english exam and then i graduate#i wish i could talk to my friends about this. i miss them. i miss them being excited for me and feeling like i was loved.#i know my mom loves me i know my family loves me but thats whos 'supposed' to love you its different with friendships#i dont want to ask directly im too scared that i wont be let back in or when i get back in im going to fuck up again#i just. i hate that i fucked up so badly. i hate myself for it. ive been basically grieveing the fact that i will never be as stable#as i truly want to be for long enough to feel like im slipping through life without reason#idk. gonna do my homework and maybe listen to music and sleep#vent
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an encounter
bassist!remus x fem!reader
wc- 1.1k
warnings- alcohol, jealousy, sirius being a twat
a/n- i was listeing to t1975 and m.o.n.e.y played and the line "and i cant believe that were talking about him" played and inspired something in my brain. also writing last night motivated me again a bit. buttttt once again this is not the long chapter (their love confession) that ive been working on. this is just a silly pre- together fic of them being stupid. love u all and i appreciate every one of u.
Remus’ glare was burning into your spine. For once though, you didn’t seem to notice him. You were leaning on the local bar’s counter talking to the new bartender. You had been sent to get the next round and what had started as a friendly conversation had turned quickly into flirting.
You all had been studying for your upcoming exams and decided a much needed break was appropriate. How you ended up at the pub was not in your control, you’d suggested a quick coffee run. But you’d lost the last round of pool and were therefore sent to get refills.
The bartender was cute. Not exactly your type, seeing as your type was currently sending dirty looks to the guy. Remus was oblivious to your feelings for him and you rarely let yourself talk to other guys because you were so focused on him. When the guy across from you sent the first flirty remark your immediate reaction was to shoot him down, but for once you acted on your second instinct and decided to flirt back.
Flirting wasn’t exactly a skill you had mastered, but it was fun to banter with the guy and you were honestly into it at this point. He had placed your drinks on the bartop but continued his conversation with you while there were no customers. He was talking about some crazy order he had to make earlier in the night and you were laughing along.
Remus had witnessed the whole encounter. You were shit at pool so it was no surprise you had been the one to get the next round, he was just curious when it was taking twice as long. He didn’t mean to shoot daggers at the guy, but when he saw your face heat up and your laugh grow louder he couldn’t help it.
Sirius noticed his irritation right away and huffed a laugh as he leaned closer to him, “Are you gonna do something?”
Sirius noticed his irritation right away and huffed a laugh as he leaned closer to him, “Are you gonna do something?”
“What?” Remus shot back.
“Are you going to do something?” Sirius reiterated.
“About what?”
“Jesus. That.” He waved his finger between you and the bartender.
“Why would I do something?” Remus tried to play his obvious discomfort off, but Sirius saw right through him.
“Because you’re quite literally in love with her.”
“Shut up.”
“See. No denial.”
Remus lightly shoved Sirius and shook his head, “What would I even say? ‘Oh hi can you please stop flirting with the girl I have no right to get jealous over’?”
“You should add ‘because I’m too pussy to ask her out even though she clearly returns my feelings.’” He smiled and Remus gave him a blank look, “Piss off. For fucks sake.”
“No, I'm serious. She never shuts the fuck about you. Just go over there and offer to help her with the drinks or something. I want my beer anyway.” He pointed at you again and nudged his head in your direction.
“Fine.” Remus sighed, placing his pool stick down and moving towards the bar.
His steps were quick and when he glanced back at Sirius he made a shooing motion. Remus itched the back of his neck as you got closer and closer. He made his way to your figure and your laugh quickly made him regret his decision. Who was he to stop you from flirting? But you spotted him and turned towards him, touching his arm.
You smiled and turned back to the bartender, “This is Remus.”
“Ah, nice to meet you.” The guy nodded at him.
“Uh, yeah. Hi.” Remus awkwardly smiled.
“Rem this is Liam. He just started here this week.” You raised your brows, making conversation. You left your hand on Remus’ upper arm and neither of you acknowledged it, even though the touch was sending similar butterflies up your spines.
“Oh nice,” Remus replied, “Like it?”
“Yeah, so far it’s alright.” Liam smiled at you when he said that and Remus had to restrain from visibly cringing. You returned the smile and giggled. You actually giggled. He looked between you and Liam tried to let it go, but couldn’t.
“Right. Well Sirius wants his beer so,” He tried to end the conversation and was scared you would tell him to just take the drinks, but luckily you went along with him.
“Right ‘course.” You laughed and moved your hand to reach for a few drinks.
“Thanks Liam.” You sent him a small smile as you spun around. Remus sent him a tight lipped smile and followed you.
Sirius was smirking as you approached and patted Remus on the back when he handed him his drink. Remus glared but couldn’t help but laugh at the whole situation.
Lily rushed over to you and as you handed her the drink she ordered, she spoke, “That guy was so into you. He stared at your ass the whole time you walked back over here.”
You grimanced, “Lovely.”
“No, no. That’s a good thing. You could get your mind off you know who.”
“Lily, kindly shut the fuck up.”
She put her hands up in false surrender and you turned, giving James his drink. You heard her whisper again though, “Remus was so jealous though, it was hysterical.”
“He was?” You spoke too quickly.
“Yes, badly. He was squinting so hard his eyebrows were literally touching.” She motioned between her own brows, laughing.
You glanced back at him and he caught your eye, blushing. You smiled and turned away.
“He was actually jealous?”
“Yes, love. Very,” Lily smiled, “You two are the most oblivious people in the world I swear.”
You huffed and rolled your eyes.
James and Peter started the next game of pool and while you were waiting you stood next to Sirius. “The bartender was cute.” He said. Remus was on the other side of you and spun his head towards Sirius at his words.
You nodded, “Yeah he was alright.”
“I think he’s really into you.” As he spoke he looked at Remus and smirked knowingly.
“Really?” You asked. “I don’t know, maybe he’s just being friendly.”
Remus cleared his throat, “Probably. Didn’t he just start working here? Just making friends with the customers, ya know.”
“I don’t know Moony, that looked pretty flirty to me. Y/n/n?”
“I- I’m not good at gauging these things- I mean flirting is not my thing so I wouldn’t know.” You looked between the two boys shaking your head, oblivious to Sirius’ instigating.
Remus mouthed Fuck off when your head was turned and Sirius laughed. It was his turn to go and you spoke to Remus as Sirius played, “He’s not my type anyway.” You glanced up at him and he nodded his head. “That’s good.” He answered.
His response made you shy. ‘That’s good’ is it? You turned, hiding your smile and flush. God you two were idiots, he was jealous. And you were secretly glad he was.
#bassist!remus x reader#bassist!remus universe#bassist!remus#band!marauders#band!au#marauders band au#band au#remus x reader#remus x you#remus lupin#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x reader#sirius black#lily evans#james potter#my fics#do not copy
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What bothers me after all this drama is that those users that made the posts calling out the type of fics they were bothered with, didnt actually include like a list of those fics (probably to avoid an entire purge and hatred), and everyone in the comments of those posts just suddenly at a flip of a switch, all could only think about one. single. story...and that was the 2 part fic from the now deactivated account.
So for a fic which diverges from canon by having Aventurine NOT go through the entire rollercoaster of drama and be given a chance at a normal life, everyone and their mother jumped to bully the writer. Please, gimme a break, he could've still become the same charismatic gambler we all know and love, just he would've had an oh idk- a little support system given by the person that got him out of a much crappy life? Seriously, how many fics AREN'T out there which diverge at one point from canon?! Or, even better, ignore the canon completely and they are their own thing! HOW MANY- A LOT OF THEM ARE!
It's like they were bothered that there can be a "what if Aventurine was saved before he went through the rest of that hell?", as if his canon story is the only thing that matters and shouldn't be changed at all - THE MAN IS IN SHAMBLES. HE WANTED TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM LIFE. And I cant be the only one who doesnt believe that him, as he grow up, didn't wish for someone to come to his aid, to take him out of there, but the more time passed, the more hope he lost and he just "well, guess I'll do this on my own". He. Has. No. One. To. Talk. To. Without. Him. Hidding. Behind. The. Persona. He. Created. No one.
Anon you have said exactly everything that I wanted to hear ‼️
(They all started this mess so I’m not gonna stop till I get my point straight across their faces)
These people CANNOT tell me that Aventurine didn’t want to be saved. They CANNOT tell me he didn’t hope for a helping hand throughout this whole hell.
The IPC had failed him and his race from the very beginning when they failed to protect Sigonia IV and the Avgins from the Katicans, and yet I still see people saying that creating a fic where he was saved is disregarding his effort in surviving like pls- my girl… he wanted to DIE to be with his family again and he’s literally in the clutches of the very same company that FAILED him and his kind. His life is literally in their hands and NO ONE would ever want to be at the mercy of the very same people who failed you.
He’s tired. He thinks so lowly of himself. He thinks he has no worth. He has no self-esteem.
All of that could’ve been avoided if someone had helped him, way before his neck was branded by the slave mark, or even during the time he was enslaved.
Like you said, there are already tons of fics that diverts from the canon story of the character into something that is almost disregarding it, so why is that an issue now?
We all love him the way he is, but don’t you think it’s also insensitive to say that when he himself hated the process or events that transpired to become what he is now?
I give him credit for his hardwork and efforts for staying alive and getting past the hell, but that cost him EVERYTHING. He survived, but he thinks so lowly of himself. He still think he’s only worth 60 tanbas. He didn’t refute Ratio and Sparkle’s insult. He throws his own body on every gamble because he thinks that’s his only worth… and now a simple harmless fic that aimed to provide him a normal life free from that tragedy was frowned upon by everyone just because the reader “bought him as a slave”.
#aventurine x reader#aventurine#hsr aventurine#shame on those people who bullied that author#this is just unreasonable#y’all talk about morals then bullies the heck out of people
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Do you have recommendations for shows/books/whatever with canon/basically canon polyamory?
ok the only media w officially canon polyam i personally consumed are Iron Widow and Hades.
Iron Widow is a mecha scifi/chinese fantasy book, it has pacific rim mechanics, so it takes 2 ppl to pilot the mecha but its more dystopian in that the pilot (male) usually drains the life force of his concubine (female). the mc has a guy shes interested in from the start but she pushes him aside to seek her goals to become a concubine pilot (theres a very good reason for this but i dont wanna give too much away) ends up being forced to work w the most dangerous pilot (spoilers hes actually a misunderstood sweetheart and i love him), her first love somehow finds his way back into her life so he can be their ally and its very clear from the first time he meets the other guy that this bitch is bi af. At one point he literslly saves their lives and i wont elaborate on that cause again spoilers but someone mentioned it in a propaganda ask. They canonically fall in live w each other and start dating. Please look up the trigger warnings first cause theres some heavy subjects addressed in this book. The book itself has trigger warnings listed at the start so if u find it at a book store u can check them this was too.
Hades is a roguelike videogame w dating sim mechanics (ish) -you give gifts to characters to learn more about them, and theres two romance options but you can romance both at once, they're both aware of and okay with it, hinting that they mightve had a past even before zagreus was born (its greek gods one is death incarnate the other is one of the furies, they've basically existed since forever)
From the submissions I got:
ive been told Leverage is like the korrasami of polyam, as in they were as polyam as they could be in a show from 2010, so it sounds like its canon but not explicit because they couldnt get away with that.
The girls from Amphibia are apparently in a similar situation, heavily implied canon, someone told me it was confirmed by people who worked on the show, but i dont think its explicitly stated.
The Kane Chronicles apparently also has canon polyam, although its 2 bodies, cause I think one of them has a god in him or something? I never read the books, but I was told Sadie (i think thats her name? The girl) is in love w both of them, and kinda dating both too i think?
I dont know if Singing in the Rain is canon but theres that kiss gif that got prrtty popular on tumblr where kathy kisses one of the guys then the other, so it looks canon? or at least implied canon?
Sense8 as some people have mentioned has 1 officially confirmed to be canon throuple, 1 that has a lot of hints to confirm but a lot of ppl see it as a gay couple w a very supportive friend ig and someone else said in general because of the plot u could kind of see the 8 of them as a big polycule, although that one isnt canon
HoneyWorks/Heroine Tarumono is one of those songs turned novel turned anime. i dont think its confirmed canon but theres a lot of stuff pointing to the possibility, you mightve see @non-fantasy telling me about them in a few asks. im obsessed and ive yet to watch anything
Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel has Rilla/Sir Damien/Lord Arum, i also haven't listened to this one but a lot of people told me rilla and damien were in a pre-established relstionship, both got crushed on lord arum separately, talked about it and worked things out to now be a canon polycule
im She-Ra (netflix) theres a trio that is implied to be a polycule at the end, a lot of ppl called them canon in the notes but i dont personally ember it being confirmed? i am very forgetful tho. It's Rogelio/Kyle/Lonnie, unfortunately they lost the prelim round
I believe people submitted some others that were canon but im very forgetful so i cant remember right now
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