Last Twilight, episode 11: reflections

Okie-dokes. Just finished this now-infamous episode and my thoughts are rolling, especially with what I've seen posted throughout today. I think this is going to be more of a musing than a concrete Big Meta, because I am ultimately not going to be surprised if a lot of what was left on the table here will be addressed in episode 12.

One theme that I think an episode 12 will NOT be able to address, is the sudden change of Mhon from episode 10 to episode 11 in regards to her accepting Mhok. As we recall, episode 10 started off REALLY HEAVY. Mhon IS the reason why Mhok leaves as a caretaker in episode 10 and has to find a new job -- that's a fact.

Last night, I reblogged some important and interesting commentary on Mhon from prior to today's episode, especially in terms of examining her actions from an Asian/non-Western lens. I think this commentary was super important to understand her mindset as a work-first single mom up to today's episode. I think an Asian lens absolutely contextualizes her actions up to episode 10, 4/4. But I don't think today's episode helps to offer further context of her actions from a non-Western lens.

Mhon states in episode 11 that she doesn't want to be a "silly mom" who keeps her son from dating; when, unfortunately, she was depicted as doing exactly that in episode 10, to the point that Mhok was in fear between episodes that she'd break them up after seeing them at Christmas dinner.

This a bad plot hole -- and her words, her past, anything, could have been used to save that inconsistency.

I think her sudden acceptance of Mhok in today's episode came off as soapy. And her doubts about Mhok being able to take care of Day without the family's help were a touch condescending. I don't think this episode does enough to place Mhon's last monologue in a place of accurately relating to others. It was clunky and not good.

Aof Noppharnach, I feel, knows how to bridge Mhon's changes better. If episode 12 DOES address these changes -- please, let it be with context and grace. I don't want soapy tropes here, especially because we know that Noppharnach shows have done parenting so much better than this.

Here's one bit that I think the episode did well. While I see a lot of the internet protesting the break-up: in my opinion, I think Day made the right decision for himself at this moment in his life.

Day's life paradigm in 2/4 is repeating itself: as his past caretaker in his mom was the same, his current caretaker is a chef who works morning to night, and Day is alone in his room, eating by himself.

However, Day revels in being in a relationship, finally, where someone isn't taking pity on him, and he can be seen as a potentially self-determining person.

Day's recognizing that he has a path of self-advocacy and self-sufficiency to work on here, as he gets himself out of his hotel room with the use of the cane, and ends up playing with children. Yes, this is happening while Mhok is battling his fears about caring for Day while leaving him alone during work -- which, we learn, is something Mhok cannot ultimately bear if they're together.

A lot of the discontent I'm seeing about the episode on my dash is about Day's not empathizing with Mhok in the moment of the break-up. But Mhok doesn't previously reveal to Day his panic attacks -- the car accident, the search for Day before finding him on the hotel grounds. Mhok only explains to Day his panic reactions regarding Rung at the moment of the break-up. Bro. Communication is a dance for two in a relationship.

What motivates Mhok to be near Day now? Number one: the caretaking, which was a job. Number two: the current nearness, which should now be a relationship, but Mhok's motivation isn't quite the relationship alone, as we learn with his story about Rung. In my opinion, vis à vis Mhok, I think that's a touch disingenuous for Mhok to only be talking about this now to Day, on the cusp of a break-up. This is heavy!

Mhok's motivation is ALSO, now, his being consumed with his perceived economic need to support Day, along with the reality that while Mhok works, Day will be alone... which is something Mhok clearly will have difficulty handling anyway. I'm not sure what the difference is here, between Mhok working a hell of a job in Thailand vs. in Hawaii. Day will still have to learn to be self-sufficient in a relationship with Mhok. Day says this himself.

Day calls Mhok out on exactly this, and breaks up with him. I would argue here, for Day's perceived path to learn to be self-sufficient, that dumping Mhok was the right thing for him. Day is seeing a cycle repeat itself -- someone who is going to "sacrifice" their life for him, and keep Day in a stasis. Day only needs an equal partner to live a blossoming, broader, and independent life -- as we see happening between Aon and Pla. I did not appreciate Mhok's lying, and I agree with @bengiyo's Stray Thoughts on this very much (in which he says this FAR more succinctly than me, ha).

While I think Day made the right decision... I think the execution of all of this was just so clunky. We can do better than this, the tropes, the lying, everything. Imagine an episode of Mhon reflecting on her past, with her monologue reflecting on lessons she's learned by caring for her boys while figuring out the vagaries of an adult needing to be loved in the context of life's complications. Imagine Mhok telling Day about Hawaii right away -- as an equal partner who doesn't PITY his partner would do. Imagine Mhok telling Day about Mhok's panic attacks as they're happening -- and Day, as an equal partner, helping Mhok through that pain.

At least between Mhok and Day, those are growth patterns that can certainly be explained in the long-term course of a relationship. Not everything gets solved in love right away.

But. BUT. We did NOT see this side of Mhok in previous episodes. In previous episodes, Mhok WAS Day's strong and equal partner. In previous episodes, Mhon WAS struggling with her demons. What happened to all of that?

This episode 11 threw too much new and non-contextualized... stuff in the pot, to reach a climatic episode 12. This is heavy family and love stuff that I know past Noppharnach shows have handled deftly, and I'm just a little deflated by it....

...ESPECIALLY because Day's self-advocacy journey is a hell of a storyline that doesn't need scripted curveballs thrown at it by the need for a drama to be "dramatic."

Random assortment of doodles tiem (⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

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Was gonna gather my thoughts and write a post tmr on the general mood in the ofts space after the finale bc I feel like a whole bunch of people overthink the amount of editing that was supposedly the result of "promo couple fans complaining too much" but I literally cannot sleep before I get this off my chest so here goes nothing:

Do you guys not understand how tv show productions work....

The script was written, reworked, and then finalized before they even began filming. Yes they might have changed some stuff between the initial scrips draft they had before the mock trailer and the true beginning of production this year but considering that they booked two at the time new but well received promo couples (remember that this show was already in planning at a time when Enchené and The Eclipse were still very very fresh), TopMew and SandRay were always gonna be endgame. It's especially obvious now that the full series is out bc if you go back and watch the mock trailer, all the same storybeats are there. This is how the story was supposed to go from the beginning. They most likely cast two promo couples on purpose because of the added bonus of pre-established compatibility and chemistry needed for endgame couples in such a messy series.

Then they filmed stuff. They finished filming I believe the day that episode 3 aired, so they could not have changed any of the ending based on audience reactions (as I have seen multiple people suggest), since we were barely a few epiaodes into the story. The book based on the series was also already finished and in the last stages of preparing to be released. The only thing they actually did was edit out parts of scenes or full scenes that they found did not add anything at this point in the story (like the sandray garage scene) or would actively harm what we, the audience, are supposed to be understanding and feeling right now (like the Mew smashing shit scene and Top attempting to sleep with someone else, which both were explained to have been cut because audiences were reacting strongly negative to Top even a few episodes into his redemption arc, when we were clearly supposed to start being on his side). They might also have moved some scenes around to aid the story flow but I am unsure of that one (I suspect the scene where Ray and Mew finally solve their shit out was supposed to be directly before the SandRay donut scene bc of obvious clothing reasons, bc they either fucked up hardcore with clothing continuity or moved the first SandRay rehab discussion to after the RayMew talk because it made more sense that way when seeing it played out on screen. If that was the case I am glad for it bc it would have felt a bit weird the other way around idk...).

All of this is however not new. It happens all the time in film and broadcasting production (also in book publishing....this is why editors and alpha/beta readers exist. I mean Brandon Sanderson's books famously go through four (?) stages of feedback before they get published...). Some scenes just get dropped in editing because when you see it on screen it feels redundant or not quite right, so it gets taken out before it changes what they want the audience to take away from other scenes. Movies and tv shows that have months between filming and airing dates usually solve this issue with test screening audiences and several runs of editing. There have been instances of Movies having test screenings at cinemas and then having their release date scrapped because they have to be re-edited completely as a result of unexpected audience feedback. GmmTV series being on smaller budgets and timeframes results in this time window falling away and relying on observing audience reactions to already aired episodes closely and then editing the next episode close to its release is one strategy to still ensure that you bring across what you wanted to (Kdramas also do this very frequently). It might not be ideal but it's not unusual and it certainly does not mean that anything substantial from the story was changed. All the storybeats as well as the character and relationship development remained the same because they already had everything filmed. They did not do reshoots or we'd know it. The story was planned this way. It was in the script. If you did not like it, then you did not like it. But don't accuse the directors of "bending to the will of fans" bc that's just plain wrong.

I too have my issues with some of the writing and some of the characterizations. But let's keep the criticism where it is actually deserved ok?

Edit: I have also seen quite a few people over here and also on Twitter say how disappointed they are in the "editing based on audience reaction" and that they should release a "directors cut" with all the scenes but like....this IS the directors cut. THEY decided how to edit this because the original intent is not always what arrives in the brains of the audience. Storytelling is a two-way street and if a massive chunk of your audience interprets a part of your story so differently to how you intended it to be understood, edits are necessary. Because that means that your intent is not communicated well enough.

Sand & Ep11

I keep remembering this ask I got a while back, and I think it's important now more than ever.

If I was Sand, I personally would not give Boeing the time of day for what he did to me. I would be livid. I would never speak to him again.

But Sand is not me. Sand is more forgiving than is probably healthy for him. Even though it is something I hope he works on for his own benefit, it doesn't change the fact that for the moment, that is who he is. That's his flaw just as much as it his strength.

Caring for people is generally regarded as a positive trait because it is, but there's a such thing as caring too much for people who do not show that same care back to you. That is the position Sand seems to find himself in continuously. I believe Ray does care about Sand, but it took so long for that to be communicated to Sand in the way he deserves. The reason their relationship has lasted is because Sand does not demand that reassurance the way many people would, even though he might want it. Words of affirmation are not at the top of Sand's love language list.

Abandonment

I don't want to prescribe any definitive long-term childhood response to Sand from what little information we have, but given the emphasis on Sand's absent father, I think it's safe to say that Sand faces some abandonment issues. Growing up, he only ever had his mom; of course he was bound to cling to her very tightly. That is where I imagine his caring behavior has stemmed from most. Additionally, having so few people on his life that he could rely on, he learned to be a support system for others and learn not to complain for what he has.

I think Sand is in a position where he objectively understands that he is mistreated. He admits as much to both Ray and Nick. But he can’t break out of this cycle because there’s a deep-seated fear in him. A fear of being alone? A fear of being abandoned? A fear of not being good enough or “special” to anyone?

I have been wrestling with myself over the past day about Sand’s behavior in Ep11. And I’ve realized that a reason why I feel so ambivalent about it—a reason I don’t like to admit—is because it’s related to Boeing, not Ray.

Sand has received the same criticism he’s facing in Ep11 in past episodes: i.e., “He needs to know his worth and tell off Ray for what he’s doing to him.” A very similar situation has now arisen with Boeing. Sand is once again trapped in the cycle. He is nice to Boeing because even after what Boeing does to him, he cannot handle the thought of banishing him from his life for good—not when Boeing is still here and willing to engage with him. Again, we see the conflict between what he knows he should do and what he defaults to.

I empathize with Sand’s plight here, and I understand that it is difficult for him to react to Boeing and Ray. Where my frustrations arise are in the way he reacts to Ray’s reaction.

Ray is insanely passive aggressive at the end of Ep11. Sand has seen this all before; Ray lingers at the bar after being told to go home, he invites Boeing over without really wanting to invite him over, and he invites Sand to get naked in the pool with them. Each time, Boeing eggs him on by agreeing, playing up the guise of “we’re all friends here!” while simultaneously making both pointed and subtle jabs at his previous relationship with Sand (the most obvious being the “we’ve already seen every part of each other” line).

I’m of the belief that Sand is very aware of how Ray feels, especially in that ending shot when he looks between Ray and Boeing. But he does not ever confront Boeing or disengage from the situation. He’s playing into Boeing’s guise, and both he and Ray know it.

In virtually every part of Part 4, we see Sand caught in this same perpetual cycle where he lets people walk all over him. While I empathize with his struggles, as I said, there's a part of me that believes his boyfriend’s discomfort with the situation should supersede that. He committed to Ray, not Boeing, and this situation with Boeing is posing a threat to that.

This is not me saying that Sand needs to scream at Boeing and cuss him out for what he did to him. But I do think Sand needs to acknowledge much more firmly that he is Ray’s boyfriend. Sand can be nice to Boeing and offer him friendship, but he cannot allow Boeing to make advances on him and hang around with them when Boeing so clearly has other intentions. (There’s an argument that maybe Boeing does genuinely want a friendship with Sand, but after the way he talks with Sand and how he handled the TopMew situation, I don’t believe that for a second).

This isn’t easy for Sand, but when Ray is right there, he has to be more direct. Boeing was his past but Ray is his present. Much like how Sand encouraged Ray to go to rehab, I think Ray will encourage Sand to stand up for himself against Boeing.

Not a single day goes by where I don't think about Kaz accidentally saying Jordie instead of Jesper in the fight in Crooked Kingdom.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5SD3RBr2it/?igsh=NmViYTZiaGZmaGUy in case you still haven't seen :D

Thank you!! I hadn’t seen the full thing this is wonderful <3 posting this so everybody else who might’ve missed it can see!

(Also leaving my personal opinions in the tags just to clarify where I stand because I’m so tired of everybody being weird about Damien specifically throughout this whole thing)

ray needing so desperately to be loved and needed and sand so promptly ready to care for this stranger throwing up in his toilet and make exceptions for him yeah im going to need a minute

Ray is the worst character on this show and I hate this man like he poisoned my water supply and burned my crops. I don't even care.

This man is looking right in Sand's sad eyes and saying "but you make me happy" while still pretending Mew wants him and stringing Sand along as a backup option. He’s the worst kind of person you fall for in your early adult years because they don’t love anyone but themselves, but can fool you just enough that you fall for it every time, then hate yourself for falling for the obvious bullshit.

He really was out here trying to have Sand do his mandatory community service. I know he said he’d be there, but he wouldn’t be the one teaching the kids, which he even admitted. He’d just be sitting there watching Sand, probably after pregaming before, with doe eyes because he’s never actually worked a day in his life. He doesn’t respect Sand or his time in any way at all. He’s a spoiled brat that uses his daddy’s money, or whatever and whoever he can, to get his way.

I want to sit him down and tell him “Mew doesn’t want to fuck you. He’s only entertaining you because he’s heartbroken over Top. You pretending he wants to be with you because he’s constantly drunk and doing lines with you, when you know he has a problem with your drinking and the fact that you even do coke, is absolutely pathetic. And imagine doing all that, having Mew blackout drunk and high, and him still not wanting to fuck you? Embarrassing. He only even kissed you because he wanted to hurt Top and your stupid ass thought you won something. It would be sad if it wasn't so pathetic.” 

And if you thought this man couldn’t get worse, Mew’s been drunk for weeks (maybe? Ray's arm is fine and he's already been convicted of his DUI) at this point, is high for the first time, and puking in the sink, and where the fuck is Ray, who always so loudly and self righteously proclaims he’s the only person that really loves Mew, to take care of him? Forcing himself onto Sand and wrecking his shit because he’s an adult toddler that wants all his toys to only belong to him. And remember kids, he didn’t just cockblock Sand and forcibly kiss him while Sand struggled to push him away, he also called him a whore for the FOURTH time. I fucking hate him. Though I’m proud Sand FINALLY stood up for himself, even just a little bit, because Ray isn’t worth ANY of this sadness and drama. He’s not that cute, his hair is uneven, and he looks dusty.

Ray’s selfish actions, in having coke at all, being so fucking sloppy he's strung out on a couch at a party, and stringing Sand along for months, almost got Sand arrested. I hope everyone that wants this relationship to happen acknowledges that because god knows Sand, and the show, won’t. If Top didn’t bribe the cop, they both would have been arrested and we all know Sand has no money for any type of lawyer or bribe. So slow clap it out for Ray's complete selfishness. And what did Sand get after all that? Ray passed out alone, happily hugging a pillow.

Everyone calls him a burden because he is. He refuses to do a damn thing to change because he doesn’t actually hate his life all that much. And why would he? He’s a spoiled pampered young man that drags everyone (Sand, Mew, Cheum) down with him. And then he sobers up the next day and does it all over again. His daddy’s money always keeps him protected from any real consequences, because that DUI sentence was a slap on the wrist. Hell, even Top’s money protected him because he should have been arrested. And we all know if the tables were flipped, he would have let Top get carted off without a second thought for how that would hurt Mew. Because he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. 

In conclusion:

i sound like the youngest boomer on earth whenever i say this but it really was a mistake for baby gays to learn about the term fruit. idk what it is about the internet that makes kids see a derogatory term for a marginalized group they’re part of, or even just adjacent to, which they’ve never been targeted with and decide it’s just their new Special Inside Joke Swear Word. some 16 y/o online calling a picture of a celebrity wearing a gaudy sweater fruity or faggy isn’t “reclamation” it’s just parroting homophobia and not funny in the slightest.

speaking among onesself or close friends is one thing but when it gets to the point (and it has) where people are calling real life people they barely (or don’t) know homophobic terms, it doesn’t matter if the person saying it is gay or not.

hiii

HI RAY!

sometimes you need to go back and listen to the music you liked when you were 13 because it's good for you. and no im not talking about like emo nostalgia in this case we have enough posts about that. im talking about dad rock. actually im just talking about barenaked ladies

Is it just me or do some Bylers reach way too hard to defend Mike for things he was objectively wrong for? Like the rink o mania thing is a perfect example, Will was not being bitchy (onscreen) at all to Mike until the argument where Mike was the one who started it by blaming Will for not telling him about El’s problems. Mike was being a huge asshole there, which even he noticed and said Will didn’t deserve the way Mike treated him. He then apologized and Will accepted it because Will knows that Mike was genuinely remorseful and that he wanted to be best friends again. I hate to say this bc 99% of the time it is deeper than it looks but for this I just don’t get how you can watch and think Will was actually in the wrong.

i do enjoy a good reach and i get not wanting one character to be 100% in the right and one character to be 100% in the wrong in an argument and i don't even think mike was 100% in the wrong at rink o mania but when you back up a bit...what did will do wrong exactly lol.

do we agree with mike that he was a douche for...not telling him that el was being bullied? nonsensical. he didn't even know she was lying to him before the airport.

was he wrong for barely talking and basically sabotaging the whole day? a day el said was supposed to be about the two of them, making will third wheel and feel like shit just like in the beginning of season 3 and for months before that? right...because that makes sense.

was will in the wrong for not calling mike and for making it sound like it was his fault they didn't keep in touch? this one i can get behind but he would have let that go (the painting being a welcome gift doesn't scream resentful) had mike not made it clear that he wasn't interested in anything he had to say by...rejecting his hug, agreeing to the whole day being about him and el, ignoring him save for the vomit green joke, And not calling for months. if the first three hadn't occurred maybe will wouldn't have felt the need to defend himself when mike started a fight because he didn't tell him his gf was being bullied like he's their couples counselor or something

it's like you said mike literally starts the fight and then deflects (twice) and Then he apologizes...idk!

long-winded answer but how exactly was will being a dick lol. i know he apologizes for being mean to him and for pushing him away in the van scene but when exactly on march 22, 1986 was will mean to mike. i can see the pushing him away because he didn't call but he said he deserved the fight and admitted to being a jerk to el (literally HOW. when) and wouldn't let lucas apologize to him in season 3 so i'm not taking his self-deprecating martyr word for it SORRY

it's especially funny when you remember that mike trying to call will is a THEORY

Poppy Playtime chapter 3 was rlly somthing omg

The first two chapters were great and fun to play but chapter 3 is genuinely terrifying. Miss delight- hated her, daydog- I got chills seeing him in the prison cell, CatNap- really interesting but scary

And don't even get me started on the Hour of Joy and the big bodies initiative. Like the first 2 chapters made it seem like it just be another mascot scary game, but no it took such a dark turn and I'm lovinggg it.

I'm still so mad that we got all those parallels and callbacks and yet no tedbecca. It was all for nothing. THEY WERE IN LOVE DAMMIT!!!!

Hi!

First, I hope all is well with you.

And this gif sums up my feels on that season of that one show:

🍻

am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

anyway scars by the crane wives is so insane it's like. there's something really wrong with me and it's ruining you, it's ruining both of us, and i know what it is but i don't know where it came from and i don't know how to fix it. there's nothing that made me this way, i just am. i think i've always been like this and i just didn't see it at first. i don't think there was ever any chance that i could've been anything better than this. this was always what i was going to become. this was always who i was going to be. and then they just PLAYED that at their concert with no warning and said hope u guys like our new song! ❤️