BONUS for my bostonmew thoughts

HAPPY (NOT) OFTS FINALE DAY

only friends text posts part 11

check out: [part 10]

Humm why am I so quiet well I’m still in shock because Neo Trai is fucking genius fantastic at playing Boston. I can’t stand how in love Boston is with Nick. I talked about yesterday about how Boston is scared and in love with Nick because He NEEDS Nick to stay. And I felt like this was only plus one by this weeks ep. If Boston wiretapped Nick I won’t be surprised it would just be because he’s obsessed.

Neo’s acting makes me want to fall in love and I definitely had sworn off ever doing that again

Some of this discourse has sprung from confusion around tapering off drinking vs. going cold turkey. Although it wasn't said, I assume Ray is tapering off, so him drinking in episode 11 is not inherently troubling. My broader point stands regardless so for simplicity, I don't address Ray drinking/not drinking and instead address being involved/not being involved in a partner's recovery.

I've seen multiple comments that essentially say it's not Sand's responsibility to monitor Ray/Ray's drinking. On the surface, yes, the only person ultimately responsible for Ray and Ray's drinking is Ray.

However, if Sand is choosing to date Ray, then he is choosing to also have Ray's alcoholism in his life. If he's choosing to have Ray's alcoholism in his life, then I'd hope it would impact their mutual relationship to alcohol. It could be as minor as just thinking about it more, but it could mean assisting with Ray's recovery.

I don't mean that Sand should measure out Ray's drinks or track how many he's had. I mean that the person Sand loves is an alcoholic, Sand chose to start dating him at the start of his rehab, and Sand chose to involve himself in the rehab by pushing for, researching, and even taking Ray to it. It is not unreasonable to expect Sand to participate in the recovery that he actively pushed for.

In fact, many rehab programs (in the US) require friends/families to be involved through occasional visits, participating in therapy sessions together, regularly attending Al-Anon/Alateen, etc.

Beyond the rehab context, if my alcoholic family member came over, I wouldn't offer them a drink, and I also probably wouldn't pour myself a drink or leave open bottles out. That's not because I'm responsible for their sobriety or because I'm worried they'll relapse. That's because it's the kind, supportive thing to do.

I'm perplexed that people believe Sand shouldn't consider Ray's drinking when Ray is just starting rehab and Sand wants to be in a relationship with him. How can he not consider Ray's drinking?

Again, Sand does not have to monitor Ray. He is not responsible for Ray or Ray's drinking. Frankly, if he monitored too closely, he could feel like a parent more than a partner and that could cause issues. However, Sand is responsible for himself and his behavior, and he should be responsible for not contributing to his partner's alcoholism. That seems like basic human decency.

THE WAY MY HEART SWOONED OVER HOW BOSTON TELLING NICK HE WANTS TO CALL HIM HIS BOYFRIEND 😭🙏🖤

i want to know y'alls thoughts on this because cheum's reaction did not sit right with me.

he accused someone of r*pe. it's not something you forgive and forget about by simply calling him your 'wicked little brother'. you'd excuse his behaviour just like that? where are your apologies to boston? or is it justified just because it's boston and he's an 'asshole' anyway so he deserves it?

no one:

ray: I'm a boyfriend now.

MY BELOVED MURDER HUSBANDS <3

leave the planning to Nick

Every time I remember First said Ep11 will be sweet, I’m sucker punched by the horrors of Ep7.

Boeing? A flight attendant??

I am stunned. Just stunned. Stunned is the only way I can describe how... stunned I am

I could only sing that song in my head when watching that scene jsdjjsj...

I may not upload anything from the last episode yet because I'm not mentally ready to say goodbye (although I already saw many spoilers)

My problem with the execution of BostonNick's storyline

As happy as BostonNick's scenes make me & as well as NeoMark are performing, I can't help but feel that their story is like a puzzle with missing pieces. And it's always us viewers who have to fill in the gaps because they can't give them enough airtime to flesh out their storyline better.

Their scenes often feel cut short to me especially in the last couple of episodes? I've started to feel some noticeable gaps in the plot between one Boston and Nick scene and the next.

For example, when Nick goes to talk to Boston at the Halloween party in episode 8? We find out that Boston knew it was Nick who tipped Mew off about Gap. That entire segment felt off to me cause why would Nick even do Boston dirty like that after claiming he doesn't want to hurt him? And then why would he go & talk to him all casually after betraying him twice? Plus it would seem as if Boston totally hates Nick's guts now if not for the scene where he's sadly looking at Nick & his photos together. That one SINGULAR moment of him looking at their photos while day-drinking was literally all we had to indicate that Boston liked Nick too.

In episode 10, we jump straight from the repair shop scene to the rooftop scene, which felt so? Abrupt? Like as MUCH as I loved that scene, I felt like it came out of nowhere? One second Nick is flirting with Dan & giving him permission to hit on him, then Boston walks in with The Lockscreen™ & we straight up jump to Nick going over to see Boston at the rooftop. Like WE had to assume that Nick realised he can't stop loving Boston even though he has the option to be with Dan & that's why he decides to go back to him. But if you don't put that together, you'd be confused why Nick went to Ton after the whole speech he gave in the previous ep & after trying to move on with Dan? I just wish they'd SHOWED us a scene of Nick feeling torn between Dan & Ton? I wish there was a scene of him looking at the lockscreen in contemplation when Dan calls him to come see him or something, but Nick decides to ditch him to go see Ton? IDK something to fill in the gaps?

And the way Boston himself approached Nick at the shop hinting that he wants him back with the lockscreen, but the next second at the rooftop, he's asking Nick why he came there? Like? Bro you WANTED him to come? What happened in between for him to suddenly change his demeanor?

And now in the scene with Atom in episode 11, Boston mentioned something about Atom starting an anonymous account to expose Boston — WHICH CAME OUT OF NOWHERE? Like what do you mean Atom started an expose page? Why is nobody talking about this? How come Cheum didn't even get mad at her brother for framing Ton & falsely exposing him on the internet? If there's a rumor like that floating about Ton on the internet, isn't that going to cause problems for him with his dad?

Speaking of dad, what exactly is the issue between Boston & his dad? Like WE assumed Boston's dad might be homophobic but they never actually address this in canon. Why was Boston so scared of his dad finding out about his private life (other than the fact that NOBODY would want their parent to see a sex tape of them). But Boston's dad seemed to know he sleeps around & doesn't get serious with anyone? So what exactly is the issue? Why can't we get more background on Boston? We know his parents are divorced & his dad is a politician but we have no idea how he feels about any of this (except for our own assumptions).

AND NICK for that matter? Like we have no idea why he is so messed up. We know all about Ray's alcoholism & what prompted it. We know all about Sand's financial issues, familial issues, & ex-bf issues. We know about Top's trauma & how it affects him, and we know Mew was betrayed & cheated on which is why he started acting insane. But Nick? He's been insane since DAY 1 & we have noooo clue why? All we know about his past is that he used to have curly hair.

And this is not a jab at any of the other characters cause I'm invested in ALL the storylines. But this show is supposed to have 6 main characters, so why have BostonNick started to feel like a side couple? And with a storyline as complex as theirs, why are their scenes so limited & short? I just wish we didn't have to depend so much on our interpretations to understand BostonNick.

Nick steam up well in the soup.

I had a weird irk watching Nicks parts in episode 11 and I think I understand what’s going on now. Boston being so loving trusting to Nick is a good distraction to the fact that Nick doesn’t believe Boston could ever love him. No one could. I when he tells this to Atom he’s talking about Boston let me translate

“I don’t think you love me.”

“I happened to walk into your life when you were lost and alone without your friends.”

“Don’t fall for me. I’m not worth it. I’m an asshole.”

Nick doesn’t believe Boston can truly love him. He’s not worthy of even being cared about. Boston has been caring about Nick but no.. In nicks head he is still just a useful client for Boston to use. Nick believes Boston is confused. Nick is going to be hurt by Boston and he deserves it this is going ti be the realest thing Nick will ever have. He can’t force himself to love Dan or Sand or Atom and Boston is an untouchable guy. It’s what draws Boston to Nick and what pulls them away.

I hope Boston will use his words and actions to show nick he is worthy of love in episode 12

This is the Ray side of my previous post about the portrayal of his recovery, in part prompted by @quaintrelle17's comment about Thai rehabs (Thank you! I didn't ignore you, I just took forever to respond).

Note: I use "sobriety" as shorthand. Not everyone who abuses alcohol needs to go sober. Some can drink in moderation. Some need to abstain for their whole lives.

I originally only briefly addressed Ray drinking in rehab. So, the two general ways to stop drinking/go sober are:

Cold turkey -- You go from your current alcohol intake to zero, no steps in between.

Tapering off (aka weaning off) -- You decrease your daily alcohol intake over time until you reach zero/a desired amount.

From this tweet and Jojo's comments, I believe Thai outpatient rehab programs follow a harm-reduction model using tapering and deemphasizing abstinence unless deemed necessary.

Tapering off aims to both decrease the severity of and prevent withdrawal symptoms. Chronic alcohol abuse alters your brain chemistry. Tapering off helps your brain adjust to functioning with less and less alcohol and decreases the likelihood of severe withdrawal symptoms such as seizures and delirium tremens, which can cause disability and death.

Issue #1: Lack of Clarity

Ray is a good candidate for tapering. He carries a flask to drink on the go and his hands shake when he doesn't drink, a withdrawal symptom. It makes sense for Ray to drink while he's in rehab.

However, tapering is a systematic process. You don't just slowly drink less. A professional may determine a tapering schedule specific to you, but the general recommendation is to decrease by 2 drinks per day. When tapering, you should track what drink you're on and even measure to ensure you stick to one standard drink each time.

I would not expect to see this level of detail in the show. However, as is, we see Ray enter rehab at the end of episode 10, and then in episode 11, we see no visible change in behavior. He still goes to bars and drinks beers in the bath and has whiskey in the pool in a tense almost-threesome. We're supposed to intuit that he's changing simply because he says he is.

The show could have made it clearer without dedicating much time to it. It's as simple as a lingering shot of a handout from the rehab center or Ray saying, "last drink of the day" in the tub. Responses to Only Friends have highlighted how little the general public knows about addiction. It's unreasonable to expect us to know that people may drink as part of rehab.

This is a "show, don't tell" error. We have been told that Ray is in rehab, but we have not seen behavior indicating that he's in rehab.

Issue #2: Tone and Narrative

I'd be surprised if Ray's support team encouraged him to casually drink with his partner while trying to go sober. I could be wrong; they could be fine with it. A person could maybe healthily drink a beer in the tub with their partner if it aligned with their tapering schedule, but it doesn't feel appropriate tonally or narratively.

We have seen how destructive alcohol has been in Ray's life: his mom's alcoholism ruined his childhood; he blames himself for her alcoholism-related suicide; he nearly lost all his friends and his boyfriend multiple times; he drove drunk, crashed his car, and had to be hospitalized for his injuries; he was charged with a DUI and has to complete social service (legal consequences); and so on.

Tonally, it does not make sense to show Ray drinking casually at this point. It could make sense to show him drinking, but not in the settings shown in episode 11. Drinking should be portrayed as weightier by now, if not for Ray, at least for Sand when he's with Ray (see my original post). Sand has said multiple times that he worries about Ray's drinking, so it feels odd to see them to chat in the bath over beers while Ray is in rehab. Ray may be allowed to drink then and he may be able to drink for pleasure in the future, but week one of rehab is not the time for drinking for pleasure.

Additionally, from a storytelling perspective, it doesn't make sense to include Ray accepting that he needs to go to rehab with two episodes left unless you then show him either improved or struggling. By showing Ray drinking after entering rehab, it suggests to the viewer that Ray's drinking will continue to be a major plot point.

But I don't know if it is because we have one episode left, two other couples' stories to wrap up, Ray's already in rehab, and they just introduced Boeing to Sand and Ray's dynamic. By introducing Boeing this late in the show, with this little time left, it's pretty clear Boeing is Ray and Sand's final conflict, not Ray's recovery.

I'm normally all about nuance, but filmmakers only have so many opportunities to convey information to their audience. Unless they do want to keep Ray's recovery a main conflict, it is more logical, for both tone and storytelling, to simply not show Ray drinking at this point. Is it less realistic? Yes. But is it clearer? Yes.

TL;DR

There are scientific reasons why Ray would drink during rehab; however, most people don't know that and it was never explained in the series itself, so the scenes of him drinking in ep 11 landed poorly for many viewers. This is a problem with how the show told the story of Ray's alcoholism and recovery. The show would have benefited from prioritizing clarity over realism, unless they plan to take the time to explore Ray's recovery in detail.

I'm sorry not sorry but the double standards that some have towards these ships in Only Friends is baffling. Why are people so upset with Boeing inserting himself in the middle of Sand and Ray but didn't care when he did it for Top and Mew? Why do his actions increase the hatred on another person/couple? (Honestly there are a LOT of double stardards there but it requires a separate post). My main point is, if you're going to hate on Top and Mew, don't do it because of Boeing as that's truly a 'nothing' reason. Do you dislike them because you find them boring? I can't relate, but okay, I understand, it's not for everyone. Do you dslike them because you can't forgive Top? Sure, valid, he did a bad thing and some people wouldn't want to be with him even as he's self improving. Do you dislike them because you are frustrated with Mew being unable to make up his mind? I have many things to say about that but I'll hold my tongue because again, because for a lot of people, this is also valid. But don't hate them because of Boeing and especially don't hate them because Boeing might ruin your favourite ship since that has nothing to do with them. He's simply plot device for drama, which is what this show is all about.

Edit: This is just a rant, not an attack on any couple or anyone. I'm one of the people who like all these ships and want them all to get together in the end. I'm simply trying to enjoy my damn drama, lol.

someone should give boeing a good fuck and end this madness

i volunteer as tribute actually.