new moon (part 3)

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No matter what you do, you just can't shake him off, can you, Chūya?

[lyrics: Florence + the Machine | id in alt]

EDIT: I made a whole ass janky animatic to this song, enjoy!

looking at the 'midseason trailer' and seeing roman fighting his siblings, roman shitting on gerri, roman working for fascists, roman walking proudly through ATN like logan did just two days prior... it's not surprising, but it is fucking sad.

logan's death will not free roman. instead, it will reforge the chains he's worn all his life, casting them in iron -- that's what roman deserves for thinking, for the first time in his life, that maybe he wants the chains off. that's what roman deserves for killing his father by not loving him enough, by not loving him correctly or at the right times. logan's death will not free roman at all. if anything, it will imprison him.

(as always, this got very long, so keep reading under the cut!)

this was the worst case scenario for roman. not just logan dying, but the exact way everything played out. he betrayed his siblings, he fired gerri -- for nothing. he could have been on the plane with his father in his last moments -- he refused. his last interaction with his father was leaving logan a voice message that called him a cunt -- the first time roman has ever, ever, questioned or stood up to his father, and also the last. we don't know what killed logan. we probably never will. but god if it won't feel awfully coincidental to roman: the one time he fought back against his father or even showed the slightest hint of doing so, his father died. is it likely that logan heard roman's voice memo and keeled over because he called him a cunt? no. but is it just as possible as anything else? entirely. roman might have killed his dad. roman murdered logan when he could've been on the plane with him holding his hand, if he were a good son. he didn't even tell logan he loved him. not that he needed to, it fucking oozed from his every pore and the desperate nature of that love was one of the reasons logan could never quite stand him -- but that's not the point. roman's one attempt at agency, at setting boundaries, at standing up for himself killed his fucking father.

logan dying would never have been good for roman, at least in his current state, no matter how the actual death came to pass. people often talk about abusive relationships as if the end-all-be-all fixer to abuse is independence, and it's not. independence isn't always enough to heal, especially not when it's forced upon you rather than something you choose. this is especially true for roman, i think. what roman needed was not just to gain his own independence, but to realize that independence and love are not mutually exclusive, that gaining one does not mean losing the other. logan's always hammered in roman's weakness, his wrongness; roman was never someone who deserved to be loved on his own terms. roman's never considered himself to be someone with agency and authority in his relationships -- he's been told over and over again that he isn't a real person, that there's something deeply wrong and unfixable in him, and he believes it. he's never set boundaries with his father or even his siblings because i don't think he really realizes he has the power to do that. he's simply there until people decide they no longer have use for him or want him around, and he'll always come crawling back after a kick because he doesn't realize he's not on a leash -- that he doesn't need to be on a leash. independence has been unreachable all his life, he isn't normal or real enough to be a real normal independent capable person, but if he grovels and shows his use enough, then maybe he can be loved. but his dependence and loyalty is all he's good for. independence means no love, no family, no relationships. and roman desperately wants, needs, those relationships in a way that none of the other characters do (or at least can admit to) -- he wants his father in his life, no matter what; he wants his siblings in his life, no matter what. but independence, being his own person, separating himself from logan's side means he'd lose everything else, everyone else. he's not good for anything anyways. it's not like he has other options.

...until the start of season four. that's why this is all so tragic -- more than anyone else, it seemed like roman was on the road to healing. it seemed like he was finally realizing that independence and love might not be as mutually exclusive as he's been made to think: maybe he could be independent while still having a relationship with his siblings and even his father. maybe he could have his cake and eat it too. he's realized that he's capable, that he has his own worth, and that he can be successful without living under logan's thumb -- and, more importantly, could still text him on his birthday and try to rebuild a relationship, this time outside of business. outside of "that room" in waystar royco. an actual fucking family relationship. that's what escaping the cycle would look like for roman — not complete separation, not a metaphorical killing of his father, but the ability to live alongside him, to have a life outside of him, to love his father without living for him. so simply removing logan from the equation wouldn’t help roman, not when what he needs most is to realize that self-respect is not mutually exclusive with love, that being your own person isn’t a betrayal, that family and love aren’t dependent on how low you can kneel and won’t be whisked away the moment you stand up. and for the first time in his life, it seemed like he was on track to discovering this. maybe he and the siblings could have the hundred, logan could keep going with atn, and in a few years down the line they'd all get together to talk shop and joke around and coexist -- for the first time, he had started to think of himself as enough of a real, okay person to be allowed to coexist with his family, rather than naturally subordinating himself in every interaction.

roman could’ve been his own person, could’ve escaped the cycle, could’ve started a business with his siblings and tried to heal, but now he won’t. he can’t. roman can’t become his own person now, not when his first attempt to do so is exactly what killed logan. it’s his fault. he fucked up and now there’s no dad. he gained his independence, but at what cost? love. that’s the cost. it always has been and always will be. nothing could be more detrimental to roman roy than the exact series of events that occurred in this episode, because just as he started to see a world beyond his father, logan dies -- proving once and for all that the only world beyond logan is one without him in it at all. that’s been roman’s fear all along and why he’s stuck so close to his side: roman loves and loves and loves and is terrified, terrified, of death. of loss. but in a moment of 'weakness,' roman wobbled (he tried to stand up to logan rather than just taking the kicks as he's supposed to, as he always has), and his father paid the ultimate price. there’s no more dad. there’s no reviving him.

…unless, of course, there is. unless roman can undo his error by choosing his father again, and again, and again. becoming logan is the closest roman can get to resurrecting him, after all. and besides, doesn’t he owe it to dad after killing him? after calling him a cunt, choosing not to be with him on that plane he ended up dying on? after forgetting to even say “i love you dad” before the end? roman needs to fix things. needs to make it like dad's still here. needs to make it like he didn't kill his own father by refusing him for the first time in his life. so roman will be the firebreather logan wanted -- he'll do ATN, he'll push for mencken, he'll do whatever it fucking takes to try and make things right. if it's his fault logan's no longer here, then he needs to do everything he possibly can to fulfill his dying wishes, to do what logan would've done, were he alive.

"dad can't die, he's dad." he can't ever die. he's immortal, and his immortality was solidified by the circumstances of his death -- logan will not die. he’ll live on in roman, as roman.

roman will make sure of it.

With no words, with no song

I’m gonna dance the dream

And make the dream come true

I’m gonna dance the dream

And make the dream come true

[part 1]

happy 6 months to me literally being someone’s lawyer. that’s still soooo insane to me. your tumblr mutual shitposting about books is also giving legal advice and going to court

beta lumity..........

uhmmmmmmm

vw roleswap thoughts

WHY ARE YOU SO EVIL!!! /POS. ATTACKING YOU.

Xemnas and Xigbar for 37 if that number hasn't been done? If it has, how about 74?

no puedo pedirle lo eterno a un simple mortal // ay, todo lo que he hecho por ti.

[ID: a mostly black and white drawing with a purple overlay of xigbar and xemnas shown from the hip up on the left side of the image. the background is black and has some diagonal lines with a bit of transparency on the right side. the shadows are harsh, with only a bit of light falling on their faces.

they stand before each other turned to the audience. xigbar, holds the handle and the middle of No Name before him, head tilted down as he looks to the audience. xemnas stands a full head taller behind xigbar, his left hand held some distance below the bladed tip of No Name, his left eye is covered by his fringe.

xemnas visible eye is painted ochre with a white pupil, while xigbar's eye is white and gold. The eyes on no name's handle and the gazing eye on the blade are a vibrant cyan. the caption reads the spanish lyrics "i can't ask a simple mortal for a forever" and "oh, everything i've done for you." /End ID.]

close-up under keep reading.

Hiiiii may I humbly ask you to write a little planymphia excerpt for us? I love your writing and I love this pairing ❤️

Hi bestie I am way ahead of you I already have multiple planymphia things in the works I tried to stay away but I got converted into it 🤭 here’s just a tiny little intro I wrote in my mind on my drive home from work today

~~~~~~

Jane didn’t believe in love at first sight. She didn’t believe in love at second sight either, or third. Honestly, love was never really on her radar. Until she met Nymphia, that is.

Nymphia shouldn’t have been anything special. She was just a girl, like all the rest. Another pretty girl for Jane to bring home from the bar and then never see again.

Sex wasn’t complicated. Hookups weren’t complicated. Jane enjoyed pretty women and they enjoyed her. But emotions were messy, and Jane didn’t do mess.

Nymphia was messy. Everything about her was chaos and impulsion wrapped up in a yellow-haired bow. Jane should have run when she still had the chance.

Comic about realizing after you graduate that you maybe stunted your own creative growth by not realizing sooner that you probably should have just taken a creative writing minor 4 funsies

vodwatching, again, and i was looking in the comments. and idk if someone said it here. but someone pointed out the fact that those briefcases (apparently) cannot be crafted, and the ownership changes the ID of the item. so the fact that phil did that little trust test with forever's (fake) briefcase when he came back to the island, and kept the briefcase, they wouldve not been able to steal forever's briefcase the day they registered the antidote. it wouldve been a whole different story and im losing my fucking mind.

‘how’s studying going’ i got 2 minutes into a video of a guy explaining a concept before realising he was speaking another language. i took notes

today's repostober comes with a lot of words. because if i remember correctly i restrained myself from writing an essay at the time i made these. because look. all of the ut cast but especially papyrus belong in the harvest moon 64 world. i don't care if crossovers are cringe (are they? no don't answer because i really don't care). these are my two favorite video games and they go together like pb and j.

anyway first we have papyrus drinking water after water after water at the bar. this is an incredibly time consuming but free way to get unlimited energy to upgrade all your tools to the max on the first night. hypothetically. if you feel like spending. idk......20 hours or so of your life doing it......(he does) (sans does not). because not only is it free as in, costs no in game currency, time stands still inside the bar and in this game time IS MONEY. also "aren't you the healthy one?" is what the bartender says when you order the glass of water and I've only read it about one hundred million times in my life

a weird exploit exists at the horse races in which you can prepare to place an extravagant bet but withdraw it at the last moment. you pay nothing but the game considers the bet placed all the same. so you bet he will figure that out and take advantage of it!! seriously though, i just love the idea of the situation being a bit switched from the way it was in undertale. sans has a bit of a hard time finding his place in this weird surface world. (and yes i think he would stress about bills. what of it.) papyrus somehow finds his way into the hearts of every single person in the village. he is at the top of his game and everyone loves him!!!!!!!

You know what. I hope, when I open youtube dot com to watch Cat on 26th July that Kazui Mukuhara IS the cat. and we just have another Muu situation except everyone is cats instead of bugs

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