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boxedforyourdemise · 2 years

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Made a new friend but I infodump and occasionally traumadump because I get stimmed and go straight to their DMs cuz they're always so nice and understanding and supportive. Open minded, good at listening. Closer to my age than any of my other internet friends excepting ones I also consider irl friends bc we know where each person lives and their jobs and personal struggles and just. Talk n act like friends who meet up every week to chill do. + Planned meetups (like international or interstate travel) when time and circumstances and finances allow

But like @geeseinatrenchcoat was the gem I was looking for in the wreckage of my last friend group. And honestly I feel bad for spamming and talking all the time about so many things for so long and blowing up their DMs but also I love them and default to them when I think of who to turn to in times of need or boredom outside of my fiancée.

Like uhhhhhhhh send them love cuz they are truly the best system friend we have ever made. And it was completely accidental. Just cuz I was making that server and needed help and they just so happened to know it was wanted by at least a few systems. And they liked doing the technical work while I handled aesthetic and small details.

And we put it together in three days and it went up a day ahead of schedule.

I've not clicked with somebody so fucking fast in so long and it's scary and I'm worried some part of me or opinion or secret or action will turn them away or that they'll turn against me or hurt.me or start some petty unhinged crazy shit on me but then

Then I say the things and they respond with support, even if we disagree we still accept that people disagree sometimes and it's often not a great reason to bail on a relationship. Especially a new one with lots of strength and potential.

Lol not trying to make y'all uncomfy. I just felt like expressing love and appreciation for the people I view as important to me.

I may not know much about you guys but I look forward to every nugget of knowledge I glean from our interactions.

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avvocarlo · 7 months

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inner south brisbane bogans are something else man I'll tell you

#there's a good chunk of em that are super tweaky and unpredictable #mooost will leave you alone but in saying that i am a large and tall white bloke so

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wyrddogs · 7 months

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Specialty day! Zaku got second place out of two puppies in the Puppy Sweepstakes (we won $7.50!) and 6 to 9 Months.

His back is still a bit tweaky so he wasn't gaiting his best, but he did great for his stand for exam. Didn't balk at either the female or male judge checking his testicles, and that is a major win. He was super relaxed and outgoing while waiting our turn, and generally had a great time.

He also stood out in the ring. XD He is definitely not what is winning in the AKC ring-- course head, heavier bone, wide-set ears; he looked like a bear next to his competition. XD But that's fine. Supporting the club and having fun were our goals, and we accomplished both. We'll stick to UKC, where he actually has a chance.

So I am very proud of babydog!

#zaku terv #belgian tervuren #conformation #the other puppy was REALLY pretty

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inkyray · 10 days

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.https://www.tumblr.com/inkyray/750137755093303296/going-to-see-travis-july-11might-tweaki?source=share

IDK THE SETLIST BUT Im so gassed for

fein

nightcrawler

goosebumps

butterfly effect

astrothunder

90210

maria im drunk

telekinesis

i know

my eyes

modern jam

lost forever

sicko mode

skeletons

AJSJJAJA I doubt he'll perform half of those but iM GONN PE MYSELF IM SO SIFHJKAWHJKDADSHJKHJKDAS ...Tenks... 🤫❤️

BRO MY EYES LIVE SOUNDS HEAVENLY. im so stoked 4 u inshallah you'll have a wonderful time and i am unapologetically jealous so sleep with one eye open

#inkyray #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo

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analogwriting · 2 months

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Why am I crying in the middle of the night?!!!! How dare you, ambroseee! 😭 and I loveeeee "stellina" 🥺❤️ if I'm not mistaken that's little star right? Anywaysssss, I love thissss as always ! I have no more words to say ahahahaha I am speechless with how your mind works to give us stories like theseee. And also, I always read your replies to my asks sometimes I just can't respond anymore or just like now, I am trying to reply to that while also praising you for the new chapter you posted ahahahaha. Atleast you know I always read it, I acknowledge it all the time if I am able to go online here. And to end this ask, I must say you have such a cute emotional support. Hahaha ♥️ will patiently wait for the next chapter. 🤗

-💙

cjdkcks I was cryin' too while typing it fr 😭😭

yes! I forgot to put translations up lmao I'll do that when I get home. but yes, 'stellina' is little star and 'angelo' is angel. both italian. (thats what the websites I looked at said anyway 😭)

lmaooo you're good. you ain't always got to reply, life is crazy and hectic, I get that. (trust me, mines a whole shit show rn ✋💀) i just always try to reply to all comments and asks bc idk my brain be like that 😭 (maybe it's a tism thing who knows fjdjf)

and thank yooooou! his name is tweakothy, or tweaky for short. he was originally my friends cat but she wasn't able to keep him so he's my son now 😤😤 love him so much 🥹 even if he does wake me up at 530 in the morning screaming for no reason 🥲

as always, im glad you enjoyed it and your asks make my day fr 🥰

#tweaky is my official editor #he agrees with me that he enjoys your asks too #esp now that youve complimented him #am answers

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mademoisellesarcasme · 1 year

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whining and self pity

my left hand (dominant) is feeling bad, like some of the fingertips are occasionally numb and the elbow is tweaky and i am so sure some of this is overwork and i am trying not to be irrational about it before i go and see someone but i am nervous about insurance and shit like that and I hate everything about this

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tussive · 1 year

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Something stupid about me is I just kind of inherently respect people who have insane levels of dedications to things. I think probably because I've never been that dedicated to anything and I do envy it in a way.

But I'm reading this thread of Bluelight and I don't want to go into too much detail about the drug information/chemistry involved, because it's not really important, I do want to kind of explain because I think the level to which he's dedicating himself to achieve what he's achieving kind of helps make my point that I'm stupid, lmao. So in its pure HCl form, MDPV is a white powder. When it first came onto the RC, this is how it was available. At some point however someone came out with a tan MDPV, which produced significantly different effects. The white MDPV is prone to causing paranoia, hallucinations, is very tweaky and compulsive and has a terrible comedown. The tan MDPV is a smooth, euphoric ride that is apparently so hypersexual many people would refer to it as "perv powder." Nobody is actually sure what the difference is, however part of the process involves freebasing it. But that isn't the whole process, it is also necessary to leave the resulting oil in water for extended periods of time, during which people assume the MDPV degrades and some impurity results which is the actual source of the desired effects. This man is fucking dedicated to understanding how to produce the tan MDPV. He has done countless experiments on doing so and at one point details the various ways that he has been harmed even in doing these experiments.

"Now---- I haven't tasted this stuff. Over the past two years I have played with mdpv using ether, tuloene, xylene, baking soda, galacial acetate, vinegar, water, ethanol and dirt from my garden(the bacterial connection). I have precipitated, heated, frozen, incubated, dissolved, evaporated, combined and separated every possible combination of precipitate, solution and oil. In the process I have come up with substances that were less than enjoyable to ingest. I am my only test subject for these experiments. I temporarily blinded myself for three hours after drying and ingesting a brown goo that appeared after five days of incubating an odd gray precipitate after an ether/acetate experiment with pv. I once ended up with a dark brown substance that looked similar to the darker tan pv versions. It gave me an incapacitating headache that lasted 4 days. I had overheated the pv oil during precipitation and created something horrible. I got PV oil on my skin and didn't sleep for 72 hours, during which time hellish visual and auditory hallucinations had me locked in the bathroom where I hid in the bathtub for 30 hours. My first hit of the acetate salt that I created from the tan had me hallucinating again for a few days. I had not considered that the salt version of the tan freebase might have dosages measured in micrograms. I should have guessed from the huge residual slush left over from the Acetic Acid wash. But I didn't. I bumped 3 milligrams. 300 micrograms is a large dose.

What I'm saying is that my body is barely being held together, and what little cohesion is left is the result of vitamins and pure will power. So I just don't have the courage to go down the acetate road. The HCL road has used me up."

(He is essentially explaining that when converted into acetate salt of MDPV, the result is extremely promising for the desired effects, however he has had so many horrible side effects just from experimenting with the HCl he no longer has it in him to attempt new experiments with the acetate. That may be obvious from the quote but I feel like out of context it may not be entirely clear.)

Now, he's gone to such extreme efforts and put himself through so much suffering and for what? He only uses drugs to enhance sex. He's doing this just so he can fucking goon for hours and jack his stupid dick and it's all just kind of pathetic through that lens, raelly. In terms of motivations I have absolutely zero respect for him or his efforts.

But when I read that quote about the things he has put himself through to achieve his goals, I can't help but feel like he's kind of cool. Even though he very much is not.

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crushedestiny · 2 years

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all the furniture in my room is from when i was a kid, it’s just all painted black. i still have the prayer my sister wrote taped to the mirror, untouched. the walls remain deep purple. my brothers drum sets are still stored on my shelf and have been the last 3 years. the fan is tweaky but it’ll do for now. i burn the same incense that i did as a teen and i am wondering why i still feel small and inadequate in life. i am surrounded by memories and i am still hard in them.

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grimesapologist · 2 months

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despite the abject murky sadness and tweaky panic of today seeing their smile for just 1 second was a beam of sunshine I can still feel so I am grateful

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gothicdicordia · 4 months

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I hate Energy Coffee in those little cans that look like double shot protein BUT ARE NOT.

I am all tweaky now. Had an annoying day. It makes me feel so dehydrated and like all my energy is drained when it wears off. Mentally I feel extra anxious and paranoid.

I just wanted to be awake today. Didn't want to die in ice. Someone stole my gas from my car during the storm. So I had 45 miles left, stopped at gas station, got breakfast pizza, and donuts for the gang..grabbed coffees. Smashed the donuts slightly.

By the time I reached the car I had two coffees and I felt the donuts were now too sad to share.

By the end of the day, met my team, my admin assistant gives us notice, and I'm staring down being short 3 staff.

And I am tweaked. So I wrote two emails. I set them to arrive tomorrow morning. And went home.

#goth #adhd #adult adhd

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thepassivewitness · 1 year

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Another year ....

I sat on the steps, working to let my body catch its breath and recover before making it return to moving again, pushing a lawn mower in order to desperately try and shed the tens of pounds of pure disgusting fat that have expanded my shape to, as I once heard my father describe himself, that of ‘a beached whale’ ... on two stubs (my add-on).

That’s when it occurred to me .... 24 years. Almost a quarter of a century and the loss is still there.

Some are lifelong ... some eternal.

The one benefit is that, perhaps ... maybe ... I might be able to be with you again once this life is done.

The time of losses is quickly coming ... I can feel it. My father ... my mother ... friends ...

.. time .. and the world around us are becoming a clear and ever more present adversary to my existence.

We are coming more and more into a world that has no respect for those who have built it for the generations to come, rather we are despised and our removal from existence is becoming more and more a focused need in order to stop be ‘a drain’ on the rest of society.

I know my body is not what it once was.

I went to start, for several times, running again .. only to find that my muscles are tearing and ripping far more quicky.

As you know, and I have felt you visit at times, I am in a pretty spacious one bedroom cabin near the forest, a dugout full of water right out the front door and upper balcony, fields on two sides, trees on the other two ... and blessed silence and peace.

I have been going through almost 3 coming into 4 months of no work, and the job that was supposed to be a retirement disappeared. Just a sure sign that I am becoming more and more unemployable, my name and reputation becoming less and less valuable, and a future more and more uncertain.

Abi is, as always, failing time and time again, and mechanics are eagerly willing to put their hands out to take as much money as they can before glibly sending me on my way and shrugging their shoulders when the repairs made fail, yet again.

And the fat that has packed onto my body is so bad I could not even fit into my dress uniform. I tried to work it off in anticipation of this day ... I was starting to lose the weight .. 8 pounds off ... staring to work back toward a return to the place I want and need to be .. and one day of a couple of crepes .. voila ... not only 8 pounds back, but 10. And the struggle has continued from there.

The lawn mowing around the cabin is the only saving grace where I am out daily for an hour pushing that thing around. I can feel some of the muscles in my legs getting tweaky, but not so bad as to force me to stop, so I am glad for that at least.

But the fact that I couldn’t get the uniform on, that funds are so limited that I try NOT to do ANYTHING that will cost ANY money if I can avoid it, and my worry was so strong that you would not be able to find me this year.

I am not where I am supposed to be. I am not at the cenotaph ... even the candles that I would normally get for you, I had to settle for almost miniature ones rather than the robust ones that should have been.

As I searched the town I am closest to, I could only find two ... and three quarters (so sort of three) ... but not four .... and I was not willing to leave any one of you behind or out of this day of remembrance.

I didn’t even find or get you your roses to lay at the cenotaph or at home this year, rather just keeping the ones that were at the window, dried and preserved, instead with the candles lit beside.

I feel like I am failing you yet again .. even now.

There are times when I can almost feel you ... have almost felt you physically this past year ... felt your head nestled into my shoulder and the hair of your head so close I could feel and even smell you again.

I miss you so much at times ... so much that it more than hurts, which of course tends to mean you are visiting, and as always, I am so thankful for that time when you are that close to me. I have said it before ... I will gladly take as much pain as comes to be able to be close to you again.

I just had the thought, and I pray deeply, that as much as it hurts me to be that close to you and I want it .. I hope and pray you don’t hurt at the same time.

The idea of causing you more pain ... to add to my failure .... it makes my heart break yet again into another small set of pieces.

I am becoming more and more aware that my time is starting to close in to my end point. My reflections of all my failure .. of every last small thing that I failed or hurt others with, is relived in vivid reality, exponential in the impact of the living of that failure time and time again.

Be it the time I was up on stage with three others at a festival and failed to remember my part in the Nylons rendition of ‘Hey Hey Goodbye’ to when I was all of but 10 years old pretending to fire a bazooka with a childhood friend behind me - shoving the PVC pipe back hard and fast to mimic the recoil only to send the pipe direct into his face causing him lacerations so deep as to likely need stitches ... there are so many other examples that haunt me .. and return to haunt me time and time again.

Failing you four ... those have to be my greatest failures of all.

I am trying to forgive myself for failing you. I truly am trying. I am just not succeeding. But I continue to struggle to get to a place where I can do that.

I miss you and love you so, SO deeply .... you are, have been, and always will be the core of my heart, soul, and spirit.

Aidan, I remember the last time I was able to see and be with you ... your bones cracking at the joints when I picked you up to carry you up the hill because it was just a tad too much, only to (as was so typical of you) have you look at me at the top of the hill (or after carrying you across an entire field after you chased and terrorized dairy cows, almost getting yourself shot and killed, embarrassing me and the RCMP at the same instant ... at the top of the hill or when I put you down by the car by the field, suddenly you looking at me with a smile and energy and jump like nothing was wrong in the first place and you just managed to get a free carry ride. And yes, I am shaking my head with a smile on my face.

Shilo ... I can still hear your howl and grumble as I brushed you, the static driving you insane while at the same time the removal of the undercoat feeling sooooo good ...

.. and Aislynn ... ... the pure wonder you always had. The playfulness, the energy, the hope, the delight.

And of course ... Shodn.

Your howl as we were singing / howling together driving down a highway, or how quick you were to come to my side ... or just today remembering the day we were training early in our years together .. you tracking after a volunteer in dense forest, me so turned around I had NO idea where we were and I could have sworn you were taking me around and around in circles .. me saying to you ‘I think you are full of shit and I am calling bullshit, but I will follow you and see where you take us’ only to have you take us right to where the person was all along ... you being the one to really and truly know what was going on.

You always knew. You were, without a doubt, the wisest, kindest, most patient and loving soul I have ever known ... likely will ever know.

You completed me in so many ways. You were part of me throughout and in every last thing I did ... and even now, in the things I do you are still felt ... still thought of ... still considered.

All of you saved my life so many times over. Not just figuratively, but literally.

I remember one time when I was seriously considering ending my life ... just driving the truck over the edge of a cliff .. and that would be it .. and the things that stopped me from doing that ... was you.

You gave me purpose. You forced me to move and not just stay in one spot, but to keep from stopping and dying inside and out.

I owe you so much.

I have failed you even in the aftermath. Your grace not being continued and shared on with those around me, but rather my anger and darknesses growing and spilling onto those around me in the here and now.

The only thing I have found the need to do more and more nowadays is retreat and recoil.

I find the communities I once treasured are now toxic. The job I am doing even moreso now, and protections against a persecutorial, let alone prosecutorial mindset, are almost non existent.

I remember the nights of settling into bed to feel you beside me, either one on one .. or three on one .. and no complaints.

I remember sleeping in the truck with the back window unable to roll all the way up to find you, Shilo, sleeping on top of me ... and had it not been for you I would have been so cold ... you kept me warm .. and safe ... and whole.

Sho, I remember the day I was having to get moving for work and you - out of the blue - snuggled into my arm and rested your head on my shoulder .. and that was it .. I was done. I wasn’t moving, work or not ...

I realized recently that in times of past the lifespan of a human was less than 30 years ... so the lifespan of a pup ... that would have been so much more in tune with arrivals and departures.

I know I have said it before ... but I will say it again .. and again .. and again ...

...

.... I ...

..... .... MISS .... ....

....................... YOU!!!

I remember some of my past relationships upset because they were jealous of us ... and I make no apologies for that .. at all.

The bond we had was labeled as unhealthy .. and I failed Casper when I let him go instead of keeping him close and protected.

Your own pups I dread how they turned out. I think Casper found a good home ultimately .. Dakota .. I don’t know .. the other pups ... I don’t know.

I coil up into the fetal position at times when I think back on one of your pups and the man who wanted to have him as a guard dog ... and how I should have stopped that from happening.

I failed you that day ... all of you.

Like I said, my failures are more and more present .. and the reliving of them concentrated to a consistency far more intense than that of the moment or moments that were lived when they happened.

I think that is probably a just thing. I think that is penance ... payment for the failure .. my soul being hurt in kind for the hurt I failed to stop or the hurt I caused.

I am SO SORRY for failing all of you in so many ways.

And I thank you for your constant unceasing love, grace, kindness, and giving of yourselves.

For today .. for this moment ... I am glad work is not existing.

This day belongs to you .. this day is yours .. exclusively.

I will spend the rest of my existence in debt to you and ever remembering you.

No others have been giving what you gave, though I admit that the original Casper, Titche, and Ilimar were very much part of my heart and soul as well when I was a child.

They paved the way for you to be in my life and for the wonder of the gift you gave ... and give ... then .... and now ...

... and always ... and in all ways.

I love you.

Always, and Forever yours,

@}~,~’~

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ghostlyplacetobe · 1 year

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Ow. Tweakie stop beating me up :( that’s not very nice :( -Kenny

YOU DESERVE IT AND IM NOT EVEN SMACKING YOU HARD -Tweak

Only I am allowed to sexualize my wife bitch -pico

#ask #carnival-of-carnage

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goodnightmemes · 2 years

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BEING HUMAN US SEASON TWO SENTENCE STARTERS (PART ONE)

Lines taken from episodes s02e01 - s02e07 of the series Being Human US. Feel free to change as needed. Here is part two.

❛ You gotta step up and make this right. ❜

❛ Some people think it's exhilarating not having your future mapped out. Others start to drown in all that nothing. ❜

❛ Freedom is just that moment of calm before the dread sets in. ❜

❛ So, there were an unusual amount of tweaky-looking vampires scuffling around the doorstep last night. ❜

❛ It's like going to your own funeral, only way better. ❜

❛ You know the version of me that I wanted you to know. And now, unfortunately, you know the rest. ❜

❛ Am I supposed to be clutching my pearls in shock? 'Cause I'm not shocked. ❜

❛ Hi! I have news for you. We're dead. ❜

❛ When I died, for my last split-second. I was thinking: Thank God! I can finally just relax! ❜

❛ The reason that I want to be here for you, is that I don't want you to feel alone in this. ❜

❛ Now, seriously, please get as far away from me as possible. ❜

❛ Were there this many ghosts here before and I just couldn't see them? ❜

❛ I'm sorry. I get nervous around bad news. I have to eject it as quickly as possible. ❜

❛ Why are there ghosts punching each other in the balls? ❜

❛ I think this is the best thing for me right now, working. Makes me feel almost normal. ❜

❛ Two werewolves at a cocktail party. Sounds sexy. ❜

❛ You've got a hardcore emo thing going on, you know that? ❜

❛ I woke up naked in a pile of leaf litter this morning with a squirrel in my mouth, so I'm gonna need a little bit more wine. ❜

❛ I think it's better to know what you're capable of. Then you understand what you're dealing with. ❜

❛ One thing monsters and humans have in common is the fact that they're both capable of destruction. ❜

❛ The hardest thing about knowing you're capable of inflicting pain, death even, is constantly trying to avoid doing such a thing, especially when every fiber of your being wants to hurt and consume everyone it comes into contact with. ❜

❛ When you say "enjoying each other's company," that's code for "tapping that ass," yes, to be clear? ❜

❛ You keep condoms in the kitchen? That's just inefficient. ❜

❛ Please don't make this any more awkward and awful for me. ❜

❛ I ran away. And I wish I had an explanation that you would believe, but believe me when I say it was for the best. ❜

❛ I've been seeing things lately. There's something after me. ❜

❛ Am I gonna come home and find bodies stacked like firewood? ❜

❛ You're a killer. I watched you tear someone to shreds. ❜

❛ You have no idea the danger you put us in. ❜

❛ Too bad you're already dead or we'd put it on your tombstone. ❜

❛ In the end, the only person your lie ever fools is you. ❜

❛ Yeah, I don't even really know how to respond to that. I mean, I can see that you're speaking English. I know your lips are moving, but– ❜

❛ If I promise no death talk, you want to, uh, go haunt the kitchen? ❜

❛ There is nothing else in the world that feels better than giving in to your inner monster. ❜

❛ Or I could just stay naked, if you like me better like that. ❜

❛ I thought we were all far too tortured to have fun. ❜

❛ You know you're an epic buzz kill, right? ❜

❛ I feel more myself in this bed with you than I have in years. ❜

❛ Well, I usually clean up the floor after you're done spilling all the blood all over it. ❜

❛ How could you even let him near you after what he did? ❜

❛ The guy goes hat in hand for one 2-minute conversation and you've forgiven him for landing you in a hospital bed? ❜

❛ I know something's coming for me. Something dark. And it all started here. ❜

❛ No, we can't just do whatever we want because it feels good, OK? ❜

❛ So you've managed to avoid jail time, in spite of your best efforts. ❜

❛ I'll never forget what it felt like to be that helpless. ❜

❛ I will never forgive you for this! ❜

❛ I thought we'd all be so much older when this happened. ❜

❛ She had a good life. And that makes things better on the other side, trust me. ❜

❛ Do you even know the woman you're supposedly in love with? ❜

❛ Mr. Holier-Than-Thou turned out to be the most ruthless one of us all, didn't he? ❜

❛ It's not who I am. It's not what I want. ❜

❛ What exactly do you think it is you're gonna find here? ❜

❛ Drink up. It's best if these things happen in a blur. ❜

❛ Is that a cat wearing a catcher's mask? ❜

❛ That’s cute. [name], you’re cute! ❜

❛ You can't make this one thing go away just for me? ❜

❛ This is cute what you're doing. ❜

❛ That’s because I’m cute! ❜

❛ I'm the guy with an antique rifle loaded with silver, werewolf-killing bullets under my bed. ❜

❛ Great. So I'll just see you at work, barring my imminent arrest. ❜

❛ Do you have any idea how much I missed you? ❜

❛ Why would a ghost ring a doorbell? ❜

❛ Why am I yet again cooking dinner for people who don't eat? ❜

❛ Please tell me the place isn't the cemetery, 'cause that's gross and weird. ❜

❛ I failed you even when you were alive. How can I help you now? ❜

❛ My blood, my name will be on that throne of power. And I'll use your head for a footstool. ❜

❛ All these years, wondering if you were dead or alive, wishing that I'd killed you! And then missing you. I can't do this anymore. ❜

❛ They weren't mine to save. You are. ❜

❛ A father can never kill the son. Why work so hard to create something only to destroy it? ❜

❛ I've never been so scared for you as I am now. ❜

❛ This is the proudest moment in your life, protecting your own. But it'll be a moment that will haunt you forever. ❜

❛ Once you choose which side you're on, can you live with the consequences? ❜

❛ Why is the mirror calling me a whore? ❜

❛ So there's this extremely lame Poltergeist homage going on in the kitchen right now. ❜

❛ Why does everyone just assume that it's my fault? ❜

❛ I feel crappy enough without you judging me. ❜

❛ Can you really comprehend what you did? How much you hurt me too? ❜

❛ It was an accident and it happened months ago and you can't keep punishing yourself like this. ❜

❛ Do you even realize the level of hypocrisy you are operating under? ❜

❛ I was protecting [name]. If that makes me a monster, so be it. ❜

❛ I think [name] sent a reaper to kill me. ❜

❛ OK, I just-- I need a version of this story that starts with a beginning. ❜

❛ Side note: you no longer have a working microwave. ❜

❛ Where's the line? Or do you just make it up as you go? ❜

❛ You know, the funny thing about you is you keep talking and talking, but I know the more you talk, the more scared you really are. ❜

❛ We gotta trust each other if we're gonna survive the night. ❜

❛ The chaos of the afterlife needs to be contained every day. ❜

❛ All I've ever done...all I've ever wanted to do is protect you. ❜

❛ And that's the difference between us. You wanna be human...and I don't think I do. ❜

#sentence starters #rp meme #rp prompts #inbox meme #askbox meme #ask meme #rp memes #*tv #*being human #*mine

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actionsurges · 3 years

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alrighty so here’s a wonderful breakdown of my favorite things on the very dysfunctional character sheet of my woefully unoptimized new eldritch knight

• alignment is listed as “neutral good (& grumpy about it) • her spell save dc is only 10 • once again i am playing a character without darkvision even though i’m constantly salty about not being able to see when i need to bonk things as a variant human, i took the great weapon master feat. if she uses her great weapon master ability, she only has a +1 to hit.

i previously had her take war caster instead of her fourth level ASI before deciding maybe a +0 to hit with GWM was not as funny as i thought it was.

• i gave her the limp condition from the lingering wounds table which i’m keeping through magical healing regardless so her speed is 25 and every time i dash i need to make a DC: 10 DEX Save or fall prone.

• at the bottom of her character sheet i have a Changelog to keep track of what homebrew/tweaky bullshit my DM has let me get away with. it reads as followed:

Rolled Stats: 16, 15, 16, 13, 12, 8

Background: Urban Bounty Hunter (Reflavored), Insight & Stealth

Ancestry: Variant Human, Great Weapon Master, Sleight of Hand

4th Level ASI: +2 Strength

Class: Eldritch Knight Fighter (Athletics and Perception)

Find Familiar can be a Border Collie & Fox, can change forms for free as an action. Familiar acts on my turn.

Changes to Starting Equipment: Studded Leather, War Pick, Heavy Crossbow, and Burglar's kit instead of all that other crap (also threw in thieves' tools)

Gave her Zephyr Strike (as a treat)

Nerfed with Limp lingering injury, cannot be magically healed

Intimidation uses Strength

#i don't think giving her a physical disability is what makes her 'dysfunctional and woefully unoptimized' by the way #i am moreso poking fun at the combination of my bad stats and Choices in Optimization within the Fighter Class #she is just a Grouchy lesbian with a warpick <3 who is Not a Hero but Can't Help but Do Good Things when Shit Hits the Fan

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miserybegins · 4 years

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What's the Eliza tea? Is that blonde girl in the picture Eliza?

yes the blonde girl is eliza....strap yourselves in.

a little backstory first:

eliza (known on the internet as eliza cuts cause she did hair and that was her scene name sdfhskd) was gerard’s girlfriend/fiance. no one really knows how long they were together but i believe they got together sometime during revenge. she did gerards hair and makeup sometimes. in lotms when he’s gettin his eyeliner done and the girl says something like stop your eye from getting tweaky and hes like “deal with it” thats eliza.

i’m not positive but she was good friends with alicia, mikey’s first wife, and i think he may have met her through alicia. they were in a group of friends referred to as the “world’s most hated crew”. here’s a video of them at pinkberry with jeffree star and heychris lmao.

this is her:

anyway they dated and then they got engaged. there’s rumors that she proposed and pretended to be pregnant to get him to say yes but those are just rumors and i have no idea if they are true or not.

a lot of people don’t know that gerard was engaged before lynz but he was and he was engaged to eliza up until sometime during the summer of 2007, same summer that he married lynz.

in may of 2007 he was asked about the ring that he was wearing and said that he found someone very special in this interview at around 1:58 and this is just a clip of an interview that i don’t think exists in full on the internet anymore but he says that he confirmed he was engaged and that was in june of 2007.

basically eliza was like big on myspace and the internet but also was known to hang around on mcr forums and see what was being said about her and possibly even posting under an alias. mcr fans were NOT big fans of her.

on june 4th 2007 someone claiming to be close to the band posted on imnotokay.net (which was the biggest mcr forum on the internet) and addressed the eliza situation. they said:

"HiI felt I had to write to you guys to allay some of your fears regarding the rumours and speculation surrounding Gerard and Eliza and the future of the band.This is the only time I will ever post. I will not be able to respond to your comments or enter into discussion or debate on what I'm about to say.We are aware that this is one of the most popular message boards for MCR fans and we know you guys are the most dedicated and loyal fans in the world. It saddens me to see such division amongst the fans over one woman. If it's any consolation, you guys are not the only ones affected. She is merely tolerated by both band and crew. Believe me, nothing anyone can say will change his mind. She's been the cause of numerous conflicts and while we dont have to like it, we have to accept it, at least for the forseeable future.From day one this woman has had a hidden agenda - her manipulation knows no bounds. Some of you may find this difficult to believe but I assure you I have personally witnessed the two sides of this woman. Her so-called 'good deeds' are nothing more than PR exercises for his benefit. But he does not see what goes on behind closed doors.We have tried to draw his attention to her blatant self-promotion and diva demands. This is a prime example of love being blind. His feelings for her do run very deep. Her feelings for him, however, are questionable at best. Many people believe, including myself, that he is being used as nothing more than a stepping stone. It's disheartening to see someone you care about and have worked with for a very long time change as a person, becoming more detached and causing the group dynamic to change as a result.There have been conflicts and differences of opinions and compromises have had to be made She does not accompany the band on the European legs of the tour. Since being on this current European leg, he seems much happier which suggest she doesnt make him as happy as he thinks.Despite being asked more than once to remain discreet, she blatantly disregards his wish to keep his personal life private by continually fuelling the internet hype. The band has always been about the music and the fans. This will not change. MCR have never endorsed any type of clique as it encourages and promotes the kind of high school mentality that MCR have always fought against.Your continued support is appreciated and rest assured this woman will have no adverse affect on the band and the music. For obvious reasons I am remaining anonymous.Eliza, we know you trawl these message boards and you probably know who I am - but I'd like to see you try and prove it!!!"

theres a lot of speculation on who could have been. possibly brian, someone else close to the band, etc, but my favorite theory is that it was frank who posted it. i think the last line sounds exactly like him. but that’s speculation.

anyway at some point during that summer gerard broke off the engagement.

this is my favorite part and the craziest part. she went on to write a fanfiction about their relationship. seriously. she renamed herself emma and gerard, paul who was in a band called The Black Pajama Party......i couldn’t make this up if i tried. she posted it on her myspace which doesn’t exist anymore but it’s been transcribed here if you want to read it. tw for mention of self harm.

anyway that was basically the end of it. she auditioned for american idol one year but didn’t make it lol. i ended up facebook friends with her at some point i’m not even sure how???

and now she’s an insta baddie/”influencer” lmao....every time i see her on insta i can’t even imagine what it would be like now if they had actually gotten married and stayed together....

#gerard way #my chemical romance #anonymous #answered

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