#i am trying something different with these prompts and i'm. not sure how effective it is slfjdklf i didn't want to make the thoughts like..
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thoughts on... / always accepting / @stygicniron
"Thoughts on” + family for Kido
"Kido," Tulin calls from the dark, trying to be whispery-quiet and failing completely. "Hey, Kido. You awake?"
He is. With how heavy everything feels, he really doesn't wanna be.
"Kido. Hey, Kido. Wake uuuup. Kidooo." A pause. "Kiki, Kiiiikiiii."
Pfft. Okay, maybe he does wanna be awake.
Kido turns over from where he'd been staring out towards the mountains and skies to his front, lifting his head to look at his friend — who's already pushed himself halfway outta his hammock in an attempt to reach across the gap for him. He has to shove his beak into his remiges for a second to stifle the laughter he can't let out lest he wake Mr. Teba or Mrs. Saki, before he's stretching a wing of his own out to playfully nudge the tips of Tulin's.
"Hi," he whispers — actually whispers — and settles back into his hammock without breaking eye contact, "m'awake. What is it?"
Tulin gives him the brightest ever smile. Which isn't saying much, seeing how all his smiles are the brightest ever. Kido's gotta squint in the face of it even here, where the only real light comes from twinkling stars and a round moon. "I was just thinking, 'cause me and the others were talking 'bout you today, right—"
Uh-oh. Tulin and the others were talking about him? Kido feels something hot curl in his belly, a lick of fear amidst the light humour. He hopes they weren't talking about him the way the grownups talk about him when they think he's not around.
"—Since you nest with us a lot — like, a lot-a lot — doesn't that sorta make us nestlings?"
Huh? "Huh?"
Tulin heaves such a put upon sigh, Kido almost feels bad. But no, you can't try to make him feel like he's majorly missed something when you come outta nowhere and say hey, maybe we're nestlings and not just flocklings, Tulin!
"You don't sleep by yourself, right?" Tulin goes on. What a way to say you can't return to an empty aerie and get a wink of rest in the cold of a loneliness you try really hard to not allow to swallow you whole, but yeah, he doesn't sleep by himself, sure. "And you're always eating with us, too."
So what, Kido very firmly holds back on his tongue. Tulin's not saying all of this to be mean, he thinks. "Should I— not do that?"
"Wha— no, it's great, it's so fun, you should, you should!" his friend protests, way too loudly, but it's fine 'cause Mr. Teba and Mrs. Saki somehow don't wake up through that. "What I'm tryna say is you're always with one'a us. You're always with me, or Molli, or Notts and Kotts and everyone else — even Miss Laissa and Miss Bedoli and all the other grownups."
Tulin...
"And, y'know, your dad's not here with you—"
Tulin...
"—So if you can still be nestlings with your dad who's not even here," his friend tilts his head, "don'tcha think you can be nestlings with us?"
( Who are here with you? )
Kido opens his beak. Kido shuts his beak. He looks away, blinking rapidly. His chest suddenly feels fit to burst with— with something that's always been there; something that's always been layered over his heart in these aeries and these nests and this company; something he's never thought any real sense of hard about 'cause he's never had to bounce back twice as much from doubting it as he sometimes — only sometimes — does with Dad.
"I think you should just stick to being a friend," Kido teases when he's sure his voice won't wobble from the intensity of unvoiced emotion, "but I like the sound of Uncle Teba and Auntie Saki."
( And Uncle Nekk, and Uncle Gesane, and Auntie Misa, and Auntie Amali, and all the uncles and aunties he could possibly want—! )
As ever as someone who probably couldn't disappoint if he tried, Tulin squawks right on cue.
"Children," Auntie Saki says, groggy in a way he's never heard her, also right on cue — and Kido ends up laughing after all.
#stygicniron#( OKAY WOW THIS REALLY RAN AWAY FROM ME#i am trying something different with these prompts and i'm. not sure how effective it is slfjdklf i didn't want to make the thoughts like..#too on the nose? but now i'm hoping they're conveyed at all slfkjdlf#tul.in and kido were like. no we won't actually let you get to the point of this post. we're just gonna be cute :)#'nestlings' lit. just means people who share the same aerie. but contextually it can mean...well. yeah. fambly <3#if you wanted the straight concise answer his thoughts are 'it's complicated' and 'i love + have always loved my family who are more#family than my dad was (but i will never let myself actually think this in full words ever)'#to.tk kido's thoughts on fambly....would've been at once more cute and less cute lsfkjldf#thank you hilary for sending this in MWAH )#* plumule / study.#* reprise / ic.#* reprise / answer.#* v / songs of the yonder.#long post cw#* ic / para.
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Just My Type
Title: Just My Type
Pairing: Nanami Kento x Reader
Summary: Itadori helps you get closer to a man who is just your type and your opposite.
Word Count: 2126
Master List
A/N: I'm so sorry! I got a really bad string of migraines and started to sink into a slump. But here is the next prompt! I'll try to keep up, but I won't finish during October I guess. Also, NO SPOILERS PLEASE! I haven't seen season 2.
You tilt your head and study the young boy in front of you. Unsure of the reason, you wonder what sort of reason would lead the more powerful Nanami to leave a teenager in your care.
“Remind me again why I’m in charge.”
“I’m needed elsewhere and can’t leave him alone. He is to be supervised at all times.”
You frown and look over your shoulder at Nanami. He looks as stoic as ever, even getting ready to head out as he talks.
“Well, for being the vessel of the king of curses, he’s awfully adorable. Are they so sure he poses a threat?”
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I am not qualified to speak on that. Just don’t get him killed in the process of whatever you are doing today.”
“You’re being so cold today, Nanami. A thank you wouldn’t hurt, but since you’re my favorite I’ll do you this favor.”
—-
The silence is overwhelming. You aren’t sure how to approach a conversation with Itadori.
“Despite your power level most likely being above mine, I’d like you to stay back when fighting curses today. I know you’d be fine, but if this whole thing with those special curses involves other sorcerers, you need to know more about them.”
It’s almost comical howhe tilts his head in response. “I need to know more about those sorcerers? We don’t even know who they are.”
You push down the urge to ruffle his hair like he’s a dog and shake your head. “You need to know more about other sorcerers in general. Cursed techniques vary between people even if they are similar. The more you see the better you’ll be able to pick up on things.”
You know that’s not one hundred percent true. Some sorcerers are good at keeping their technique hidden while others get benefits for telling their technique. Nanami is open about his technique and you often find yourself a bit jealous of it. The ability to create a weak point on your opponent is amazing.
“Then what’s your technique?”
You wave your hand, attempting to dismiss the question. “It’s nothing as cool as others. It’s not even that powerful.”
Despite you being dismissive, Itadori stares at you expectantly. He’s new to the world of curses, and seems to always be willing to learn a bit more about them. His willingness to put others first is also adorable, and you find it hard to tell him no.
“It’s easier to show than explain. If you want the simple answer, I can turn my cursed energy into flowers. Each does something different,” you say awkwardly. “If you want, there’s rumors about a curse near here. If there is one I’ll show you.”
“Let’s go! No point in waiting!”
—-
You know as soon as you enter the open space that the curse is going to give you trouble. It’s not stronger than you in fact, it's a little weaker. The issue is that you’ve been hiding an injury. That’s what will make it difficult.
“Like I said Itadori, stay back unless I say so. I’ll be able to handle it, it just might take me a bit.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but chooses not to. You’re stubborn and would make sure that he listens even if he protests. Keeping him safe is better than letting him get hurt. The poor kid has already died.
You analyze the area, trying to figure out the best place to start. The curse is too strong to be easily put to sleep with a blanket of lavender, but it would still disorient it. The problem is that you aren’t sure if, as a human, Itadori would be knocked out.
The first step is easy. You reach into a little orange pouch and pull out a few seeds. After imbuing them with your cursed energy, you place them across your side. Within seconds, bright orange blossoms appear and the soothing effect begins.
“Woah, what are those?” Itadori asks and reaches his hand out.
“Calendula blossoms. They’re used in rash and burn treatments but my cursed energy allows them to ease all my pain.”
Thankfully your cursed energy also means that they’re easy to remove. There’s no pain during the removal, the pain from the original injury returns soon after though. It’s something that you’ve never used on another person, but it’s very effective on yourself for pain management.
“If you start to feel tired, back up. The area of effect is larger than I’d like for this space,” you warn before stepping forward.
You hold your hand out, having dozens of fuzzy seeds appear. Pulling a fan out of your satchel, you keep your eyes peeled for the curse. The soft light causes shadows to flicker, and you make sure to glance in each direction to carefully inspect even the smallest of movements.
From above drops a misshapen dark blob. It lands in front of you, and you shield the seeds from the burst of air. Once the air stills again, you blow the seeds towards the curse. Each starts to take root in the curse’s face. The rapid growth of your curse causes the seeds to bloom within a few seconds. Dozens of dandelions pop out of their shells.
The curse howls and tries to pull out one of the flowers. With a massive tug, it pulls out a root at least eight inches long. This leaves a bleeding hole in the curse. As it writhes in pain, the other dandelions close up to turn into the fluffy seeds. The movement will cause them to spread all over the curse, so you tuck away your fan.
You duck and twist through the tentacles of the blob. You’re doing your best to avoid getting smashed as it squirms in pain. There’s no sympathy from you as you leap over it and land on the other side. Taking seeds from a purple pouch, you toss them along the ground.
A blanket of lavender spreads along the ground, engulfing the grimy concrete. As each flower blooms, the soothing scent of lavender hangs in the air and the curse starts to move slower. It won’t be put to sleep by the flowers as weaker curses might, but it will slow it down and relax it. You aren’t fully immune to this yet, and you feel the smell start to relax your body.
This slower reaction time causes you to stumble when the curse swats at you. It sends you flying into the field of lavender. Blood drips down your side as your injury reopens. The pain takes longer to subside this time.
“I need to wrap this up,” you mumble under your breath. “I’m going to make a fool out of myself.”
You pull three seeds out of the red pouch and clutch them in your fist. You set it ablaze with cursed energy, ready to punch through the curse. As you sprint towards it, you try to ignore the growing spot of blood on your side.
You let your body drop into a slide, coming to a stop under the blob. Despite the lack of momentum, you’re able to punch up into its center. You open your hand and deposit the seeds. As they start to poke through, you scramble back.
Three rose bushes burst out of the curse and start to climb up its body. The reddish-orange roses bloom as the thorny vines meld together. It takes no more than a minute or two for the whole curse to be covered in roses. You extend your hand out and light the bushes on fire with cursed energy.
With the large bleeding holes from the pulled dandelions and the spiky web of roses, the curse is exorcized. As it disappears, you let all of the flowers wither. The petals fall from the air, but turn into nothing before hitting the ground. You feel woozy, but suck it up.
“That was surprisingly cool!” Itadori yells as he rushes towards you. “I didn’t think flowers could kill curses.”
You ruffle his hair. “Thanks, I like to think I have some surprises. Be sure to tell Nanami how cool I am. Just don’t tell him I fought while injured, I don’t want it to impact my chances of a promotion.”
“I’ll make sure he thinks you’re cool too!”
—-
You’re staring at the displays in the shop window longfully. You’ve been good at limiting your spending, but the display of the stuffed animal cat is too cute to resist. It might be silly to see an adult fawning over how plush it looks, but you don’t really care.
As you make up your mind to head in, you feel a hand on your shoulder. You spin around and see Nanami. Itadori runs over to join the two of you.
“What are you doing here?” you ask.
“Gojo is coming back today and he agreed to meet in Tokyo! I wanted to look around so I got here early,” Itadori explains as he shows off a few shopping bags. “I think I see him over there!”
With the quickest goodbye you’ve ever heard, the boy rushes off. You’re not surprised by his actions since he acts lively all the time. It’s adorable how excited he is to visit the city.
“Isn’t he adorable? He’s like a puppy or a little brother,” you giggle. “It’s a good thing you’ve also taught him.”
“What makes you say that?”
You start to feel a little nervous. “Well, Gojo doesn’t have to worry about making rash decisions. He can practically fight however he wants with how strong he is. You and I have to make smart choices so we don’t die. Someone needs to teach him that he needs to make smart choices.”
“I suppose you’re correct. It would be a shame if you made a choice that led to your death,” he agrees.
“Not that Gojo can’t teach him important things. He has his own charms and abilities.”
Nanami gets a far-off look in his eyes. “Do you find Gojo charming?���
You’re taken aback. It never crossed your mind to talk about romance with your fellow sorcerers, for various reasons, let alone talk to someone as stoic as Nanami about it. Here he is, mentioning the topic to you.
“Not really. Sure I would complain about having a strong man loving me, but I wouldn’t classify Gojo as my type. If you’re considering me your friend now, I could indulge you by telling you my type,” you say with a cheeky grin. “I’m always down to talk about romance.”
Nanami sighs. “I suppose I can’t stop you.”
You giggle. “You could, but if I’m going to tell you my type, I want to hear yours. What could the type of such a secretive man be? It’s like a romantic mystery.”
He crosses his arms and gives a slight frown. Nothing is said, so you take it as an agreement to your condition.
“Well, my type of guy is someone who’s intelligent and calculating. Being strong isn’t a must, but it would be nice.” You press your lips together as you think. “As much as a man who is sweet would be amazing, I just want him to be nice to me at least, like a gentleman!”
As you list off traits, you realize that you’re describing the things you know about Nanami. However, you don’t share that fact. Why would a man who is so stoic and stern like someone who is emotional and soft?
“You wanted the cat in the window, correct?”
Nanami’s question catches you off guard. You don’t know when he turned to point at it, or how he figured out that you wanted the cat.
“Yeah, how did you know?” you sheepishly respond. “I can’t help but like cute things.”
His jaw is clenched, and you know he’s got something bothering him. Whatever it is, it doesn’t stop him from gently leading you into the shop.
“Since I can’t tell you my type right now, I’ll get you the cat. Consider it a sort of promise to tell you when I can. Besides, Itadori talked a lot about you, so I need to thank you for looking after him."
You feel your face heat up as he pulls one off the shelf. Trying to push the feeling in your chest down, you give him a big smile.
“Don’t worry! I’ll hold you to it,” you exclaim. “Besides, you know I wouldn’t judge you for what your type is. After all, I did sort of describe you.”
You’re too preoccupied with the other stuff in the store to notice that the composed look on Nanami’s face starts to slip.
For anyone curious, the roses are Warm Welcome Roses!
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hi bea 💕 saw your note from a few days about gently pushing a writing prompt in your inbox 💌 if you're still taking them, here's a thought i've let run wild in my brain. hope it helps with your writing rut!
bakugou and kirishima coming home to a non-pro hero!reader after a grueling 2 month stint overseas. it's the first long mission they've gone on since starting this fairly new relationship. it's a little awkward, but everyone underneath is brimming with longing. no one's not sure how to break the ice and settle back into a rhythm. maybe some insecurities come out as dinner is awkwardly made. how do the three of us get back to a safe and vulnerable place?
a lil sweet? a lil angsty? all up in our feels? 👀 is it a soft kiss that breaks the tension? a lingering touch? a massive dam that breaks with clothes haphazardly ripped off down the hall?
i am kissing your brain directly for this one omfg
it doesn't feel like you thought it would.
to have your beloved heroes back home should have filled you with the familiar contentment that only they bring you. the knowledge that katsuki and eijiro are here and safe, back to you like you made them promise, should be a welcome thing.
but the hours that scratched at your loneliness until it bled are between you now. a great divide—one that widens with every touch the two exchange in front of you. you stand on the other side of it alone—an unfortunate voyeur to the very thing you've yearned for but could not have. how odd it is that the very people you have loved bring up a completely different sentiment now.
how strange it is that some part of you wishes they were still gone.
the apartment that felt too big now suffocates you. the mahogany under your fingers seems a far better sight than the alternative. they chat idly about situations you aren't privy to, missions you haven't gone on—you keep your eyes trained on the wood grain to ignore what's looking you straight in the face: you are othered—you are outside of this. you trace a chip in the tabletop and think with some detachment that you could get up unnoticed.
"you tired, babe?" eijiro's head turns to you as you stand. it feels foreign to have his eyes on you. you gather your bowl and utensils in your hands and fight the urge to tell him to look away.
"yeah, no, i just—i'm not hungry."
"oh! do you want to pick a movie to watch?"
you shake your head, looking anywhere but him. your feet take you past him, headed straight for the kitchen or anywhere else but here. "no, that's okay. don't worry about it."
"oi," katsuki's rasp commands a pause in your steps despite intending the opposite, "what's that s'pposed to mean?"
you don't move an inch—it's enough effort to contort your face into something resembling a smile. something to appease. you can't look at either of them—you keep your eyes on the floor and will it to open up and swallow you whole.
you jump when you feel katsuki's warmth in front of you—far too close. he takes the dishes from you, setting them on the table.
"don't worry about what?" he murmurs, reaching up to tip your chin up. forcing you to meet his gaze.
it doesn't take much else to make you crumble.
you whimper as your eyes burn, blinking furiously to fight the way his face blurs in your vision. he keeps you there and it's torture—fighting the wave that won't stop coming when no one has taught you how to swim. full of fear that it might be the thing that washes away everything.
"baby—" eijiro gets to his feet, startled at your outburst.
"sit down, red," katsuki mutters, holding a hand to the side to stop him. it's absentminded at best yet still effective—and the only thing you can notice is the unspoken between them. there is a trust there that existed long before you and has only been strengthened in the months without you. eijiro settles back in his seat. the canyon deepens—you get farther away.
you know that fighting katsuki's grip on you is futile and you try anyway. he lets you get as far as arm's length away before his fingers close around your wrist and drag you back to him. distantly, you can appreciate the metaphor.
the palm that cradles the back of your head and traps you against his chest is a cruel one. heart to heart, something inside yours breaks.
"it hurts," you gasp. god, does it hurt—the wound sears as hands that feel familiar and wrong hold you tighter.
"take a breath,” he says it so gently that you’re not convinced he’s not someone else in this moment, “tell me what’s goin’ on.”
you do as he says—shuddering and staggered, all torn up in his arms. you feel put on display here in front of both of them—an actor who’s been the butt of the joke the whole time, unbeknownst to them until the final act.
"you left and i—" you squeeze your eyes shut, bearing down on the sob that would love nothing more than to punch its way out of you, "y-you had each other and i was alone."
neither one speaks—the silence stretches and waits patiently for you to fill it.
"you left and i was the one to miss you. i—i feel like i missed everything—i don't feel like i have a place in this anymore—"
the grief knocks the wind out of you when you get to the root of it. it was silly of you to believe you could ever have a place in this, really. two heroes at the peak of their careers, and you—a chain around both of their ankles. how could you have ever held on to those that are held just as tightly by a whole nation? would it have ever mattered, with the hold they already have on each other? there could never be enough room.
"do you think we didn't miss you?"
the blatant hurt in eijiro's voice brings you back to the present moment. katsuki moves back just far enough for you to see it etched on to the red head's face in a way you haven't ever. something about it makes you want to step back into katsuki's warmth, as if it could shield you from it. you can't answer him—and the silence is more shameful truth than you're willing to part with.
"baby," eijiro breathes, strained and thick, "i—we—thought about you every single second we were gone. every single second, i thought about how you'd be spending your day, and i was so excited to get to call you to hear about it. at night we would talk about how you were probably burrowed in blankets and our clothes on the couch, and about how badly we wanted to be there with you."
"you are a part of me," he goes on, goring you any way but softly, "you are a part of us. this doesn't work without you. i know you're hurting and i'm so sorry we had to leave—but sweetheart, you are what we come back to."
your knuckles are white as katuski brushes his thumb over them. he brings them to his lips—brushing over each one softly. you shake in his grasp and he doesn't falter.
"i'm tired," you whisper to no one in particular. it's a half truth—the why hangs in the air between you—but the fatigue is bone deep. it hurts.
"alright," katsuki's voice is raw in a way that feels like a knife in your side—stoicism given away to something far too vulnerable for him, "shower first. then we're goin' to bed."
the ritual you had in place before distorts under the weight of the night. the act takes on new meaning as you let him peel the clothes off of you and corral you into the shower. you're only under the spray a short second before he's gathering you in his arms again--warm and damp in the steam as he dips down to press his face into your neck.
"don't you run off on me," katsuki’s lips brush your throat and it only feels melancholic. he whispers his fear against your skin and all at once you realize that it mirrors your own. you feel eijiro's chest at your back, and when he reaches over your head to wrap a palm around the back of katsuki's neck, the pain fizzles out into something like remorse. how blind you'd been to the knowledge that they held the whole time—that you were the thing they'd wrapped themselves around and sworn to protect.
there's nothing left to say, and yet you speak your apology anyway, hoarse over the patter of water against tile. much louder is what you don't say: i love you. i need you and i'm afraid.
katsuki dries you off slowly, like he's trying to commit you to memory, and it makes you ache. you let him preen you in some animal attempt at strengthening the tear in the bond.
but it's only a tear. blood dries and wounds repair themselves just as the connection between you will. when you settle into bed, it gives under the familiar weight of the two halves of your heart. it's almost comical, the way they both wrap themselves around you—nearly swallowing you whole.
it might be to keep you there—but your heart settles under their tangle of limbs and love and for the first time in the months they'd been gone, you sleep through the night.
#bunny this was probably not what you were asking for#and i truly have no explanation for this but uh. i hope you like it heh#like i told you i really wanted to do it justice and i hope i did that. this was an amazing prompt#mha drabble#bnha drabble#bnha hurt comfort#bnha angst#kiribaku x reader#kirishima x bakugou x reader#kirishima eijiro x reader#bakugou katsuki x reader#bea writes ♡#bkg it's the little things#kiri it's the little things
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Broskies, my homies, my guys, fellas, pals, besties, brother in christ, my ride and die, strangers, peeps, my lovelies, ya'll. . . I write fanfic for the fun of it.
For the lil bit that my brain gets hooked on and what's to check out, twist around, make into something a lil different and new. For the source material that just Ahhh I want to enjoy more in dif ways. For the story ideas and tropes and scene ideas that pop up in my head at times where I'm in a rush to write it down or type it out. For the love I have of fanfic written by others.
I'm not a professional, I'm not a genius with words, grammar, rules on how to write stories, and characters, but I try.
I'm just a regular human being who decided to write for fun and share it with other people for the small chance that 'hey maybe someone would enjoy this'
I've got my own problems in life. My own faults and insecurities. I'm not perfect.
So like maybe. . . just be kind.
If you enjoy what I've written, I am super duper to the max ecstatic that you did. Like smiling like a fool and in awe that another person likes something I've made. And if you didn't, then I hope you can find something you do enjoy.
Like I said, I'm not perfect. I have different tastes and a different way of thinking about how I want to handle something in a story or event that happened in the show, etc. I might have made something full of what would be considered mistakes. (You'll probably find a few in this very post)
You might not like it. You might not even understand why I wrote it. You might think it's the stupidest thing someone could have written and that I need to fix it or even just delete it.
You have a right to your opinion.
I know there's fics and prompts and stuff I don't like. But I just keep on looking for something I will like, because I know that a human being made it. Another person out there wanted to write it, and they did and then decided 'hey maybe someone might want to see it' and other people do. Might not have been me, but it was for someone else, so I'll let them enjoy it.
But I didn't go out of my way to tell them I didn't like it. To tell them all the things I thought were wrong or didn't understand. I didn't tell them how I thought they should 'fix it'. I didn't go out of my way to make another person feel bad about something they created for fun and freely shared with others.
I didn't do that because that is not kind and is not the type of person I want to be. Because again, I am a human being.
So look for things you enjoy and make you happy. Be kind to the people who are sharing these things with you. Don't discourage and insult them. Only give criticism if they explicitly asked you to.
You don't know these people. You don't know what going on in their lives. Your words can have huge effects on a person. So make sure that it's a positive one.
Yes, some writing is bad. Yes, some may seem cringy, stupid, nonsensical. But there is no law in the universe that says everything must be perfect. It's OKAY if things are bad, cringy, stupid, nonsensical. Some people are just beginning in writing, some are very young, some may struggle with writing, some may just want to write a dumb fun crazy story. LET THEM.
Let them grow and enjoy what they are doing.
Let them be human!
#i know i dont write perfect and thats fine#but it hurt when ppl go out of their way to bring you down#especially when you already struggle#it can suck the fun and motivation right out of you#just be kind#look for things you enjoy and culitvate that#let others enjoy what they like#fanfic writing#fanfiction#writing fanfiction#vent#im trying really hard to just focus on those who have enjoyed my writing and been supportive#i want to write and actually finish my stories because i like writing them#i want to continue 'liking' to write them plz
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Live Affection
-luvjane on Wattpad requested:
hii can you do :
member: Jihyo
genre:fluff
prompt: jihyo x fem twice tenth member. Reader and jihyo being cute and loving towards each other on vlive. (You can make it a group vlive or just them anyone is ok)
Please and Thank you !!<3
a/n: i haven't been feeling too creative lately but i tried. not sure if much of this made sense but i hope you enjoy!
word count: 548
jihyo x gender neutral reader
fluff
You hit the live button and lay back in your bed, waiting for your fans to join as you flailed your feet under the sheets. The enjoyment of going on live with your fans has never once faded. You've always loved going live, whether by yourself or with your fellow members; this time not being any different. As the viewers on your live increased, your smile stretched further ear to ear as you greeted them and waved.
"Hey Once! How's everyone doing? Is everyone good?"
You get a varied amount of answers, some bad, some good as you begin to go about your day, seeing that someone asked you.
"How am I? Well... not so bad." You say, wiggling your hand in a so-so fashion. "I hung out with the girls and we got to go eat at a new place in our free time. I'd say I'm doing fine."
You stuck your head out more, trying to catch a comment that caught your eye before repeating, "How are you and Jihyo?"
You laughed, "We're good! I think she should be here soon to join me as well!"
More and more comments flooded with your ship name with her and a wave of heart emojis making you smile. You and Jihyo have been practically inseparable since debut and that's always shown through different shows and promotions the group partakes in.
Though you weren't sure if fans could tell there was something more between the two of you. And it's not just some affection you show when told by the company but the kind of affection you show to your girlfriend. The hidden kisses behind the camera, the hand-holding offset, and the sneaky dates you hold away from prying eyes.
You glance away from your phone at the sound of the door creaking open, revealing the girl herself as she smiles and snakes her way into bed with you, waving at your phone.
"Hi Once!"
She nuzzles her head in your neck, mumbling sweet nothings that hopefully the mic couldn't pick up as she laid her arms across your body.
You chuckled nervously as you scrolled through the live chat, "Why do the two of you seem so close?"
"Well..." You start, but she unexpectedly kisses your cheek making you and the chat go crazy as she answers the question for you, effectively cutting you off, "We've known each other for a long time and we've been through the ups and downs together. You could say we're close because of that."
The red haze everyone could see on your cheeks made you worried as you hid under the covers, your eyes peering through. "Okay Once, I think that's it for this live..." You mumbled and waved quickly as you fumbled with your phone, not being able to press the stop button as the phone landed on your nose, a slight wince escaping from your lips.
"Oh... are you okay dear?" Jihyo cups your face in her hands as she kisses your nose, ignoring the phone that was facing her.
Though you notice quickly. "We're still live Ji."
Her eyes widen as she looks at the screen, filled with spam and random chat messages enamored with what just happened, her dropping her hands and quickly turning the phone off. "Crap."
#twice imagines#jihyo imagines#park jihyo x reader#jihyo x reader#park jihyo imagines#twice x reader#twice fluff#jihyo fluff#gg imagines#girl group imagines#girl group scenarios
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Lee!George Week Day 7 - Free Day!
AHHHHH DAY 7 IS FINALLY HERE <33333
firstly I just wanna say thank you to everyone for being patient with me and letting me take my sweet ass time with the second half of these prompts <3 I am so grateful that you're all still interested even when I take a month to do a week's worth of fics lmao
secondly I wanna give a huge huge HUGE shoutout to @mushiewrites for putting together this fantastic event!! and just for being so awesome and cool and supportive in this community as a whole. thank you for letting me post these 3 weeks late babes <333
this is the last part of lee!george week!! you can find the prompts here, and if you want to participate make sure to use the tag "mushie's lee!george week" when you post <3
this is based on this concept post that I made (with help from mush) a little bit ago, if you would like some further background on this fic and see what it's all about lmao
lee!george, ler!karl, 3.8k words
enjoy!
--
"What is that?" George asked, furrowing his eyebrows and tilting his head to the side as he pointed to a huge, oddly-shaped chair in the corner of the living room next to the couch. Karl walked into the room behind him, their shoulders brushing as George looked over at him, waiting for his explanation.
"Oh! It's a massage chair," Karl explained, leaning back and forth so their shoulders would continue brushing repeatedly.
"A massage chair…" George repeated, not even thinking about it.
"Mhm! I was having trouble with my back for a while so I saw a chiropractor, and she gave me a couple different options of things to do, and one of them was looking into getting a massage chair if I had the means to do so. And now I have one!" Karl explained enthusiastically.
"Huh… that's pretty epic," George responded simply, making Karl laugh again.
"Do you wanna try it?"
"Uh…" George scrunched up his nose and paused apprehensively. "I'm not sure, I don't really like massages that much."
"Yeah, but it's a little different. It's not someone digging their knuckles into your spine, it's like… it vibrates and shit."
"I'm not a big fan of when stuff 'vibrates and shit' either," George said, putting air quotes around the words he took from Karl. He giggled as Karl rolled his eyes at him, looking at him judgingly.
"Just sit in the stupid chair, you meathead," Karl teased, and George giggled again and walked over to the chair, turning around in front of it and leaning slightly to sit before pausing.
"Hm…" He hummed in confusion, not entirely sure where or how to sit the most effectively.
"Here, sit on the edge here and scoot into the middle, you'll, like, slide down it." George did exactly that, tensing his arms to his sides and sitting down on the edge slowly, clearly a bit hesitant but still curious to see how it worked. He stayed leaning forward, until Karl put a hand on his shoulder and gently guided him to lean back against the chair. "Yeah, good, then you put your calves in between these things," Karl explained, leaning down and tapping the leg dividers with his fingers. "And then you stick your feet in those things."
"You want me to stick my feet in the holes on this contraption?" George asked, in slight disbelief of what was being asked of him. "It's gonna, like, chop my feet off or something!"
"It's not gonna chop anything, you nutjob, you'll be fine. It's just part of the massage," Karl explained, slipping the remote out of the pouch on the side of the armrest. George groaned and rolled his eyes, resting his feet on top of the foot rest next to the holes and curling his toes nervously.
"This feels weird, Karl," He mumbled. Karl didn't look up at him, too busy fussing with different buttons on the remote.
"You'll be fine, you're just being a baby. Just put them in and relax." George groaned again, more dramatically this time, and stuck his feet in the holes like he was told. "Okay, good, now chill out. Do you wanna recline?"
"Of course, idiot. You gotta go horizontal," George said, making a horizontal line in the air with his hands as he nestled into the surprisingly comfortable chair behind him. Karl giggled and nodded, pressing some buttons and starting George's recline. He ended up decently far back, laying at about a 45 degree angle, and he let his head rest back against the pillow when he noticed the new position strained his neck when he tried to keep looking forward. "That's perfect."
"Awesome. What setting do you want? There's the one that just vibrates and one that also, like… there's moving parts in the back of the chair that physically massage into your back, but that kinda hurts the first time you use it so we can save that for after, if you end up wanting it."
"Gotcha." George rolled his shoulders as Karl continued.
"Do you want the low vibration or the high setting?"
"High setting, obviously. If we're going in, let's go all in."
"Good answer!" Karl giggled. "Alright, I'm starting it."
"Okay…" George straightened his back against the chair and waited a few seconds for it to kick on.
He was very, very unpleasantly surprised when it did.
"Ah!" He yelped, feeling the heavy vibrations immediately send a shock up his spine, making him arch away from the back of the chair and push forward again. "God, that scared me."
"Yeah, it's very sudden. C'mon, lean back," Karl coached, motioning for him to return to his laying position. He did so, leaning back and pressing against the chair again, flinching again when his back felt the vibrations, but somehow being able to stay against it this time. He tried to even out his breathing, but for some reason that he couldn't quite place yet, it felt heavy and labored, like his chest was tight. After a few seconds passed, he started to realize what was actually happening.
The vibrations were heavy, rattling his body continuously and mercilessly, settling against every area of his body– the back of his neck, his shoulder blades, down his spine, the backs of his ribs and sides, even down to the dimples on his lower back. The seat was vibrating against his thighs where he sat firmly against it, and there were other cushions on either side of him, sitting directly against his waist and vibrating over his sides, the lower section of his ribs, and right above his hip bones. Even the leg rests moved as well, catching his knees and calves in the process. And to make matters even more unbearable, his feet were stuck inside what felt like two tiny sealed boxes, the sides pressing in against his ankles to keep him still and several rollers spinning and vibrating against his defenseless soles. The hard vibrations were covering his entire body, every spot he could possibly focus on to distract himself being affected worse than the last.
And it tickled.
It really, really, really fucking tickled.
Once he had that realization, he couldn't seem to stop thinking about it. Every spot he could rattle off in his mind was buzzing, literally. He scrunched his toes, tensed his knees, tried to bring his thighs together or pull them away from the seat, but nothing worked. He shifted his hips, pinned his arms to his sides, bit his lip, tried to slow his breathing, but still, nothing. He was in absolute ticklish agony, and the worst part was that Karl hadn't seemed to notice yet, so he had no good excuse to remove himself from the situation without blowing his own cover.
"How's that feel?" Karl asked, smiling expectantly as he slid the remote back into the pouch. "Feels good, right? Really good if your back is tense."
"Yeah!" He agreed, his voice coming out significantly higher pitched than he intended. He cleared his throat before continuing. "Ye-yeah, it's, um, it– it's really good, Karl." His voice wavered as he spoke, but Karl seemed to chalk it up to the vibrations against his back shaking him.
"Dude, I love it. I've fully slept in this thing before. Not on high, obviously, because that would be a lot of motion to sleep through, but on the lowest and, like, softest setting with the massages going and the Bluetooth speakers that you can hook up to music or a show or something, it's just so–" Karl paused when he heard a strange noise from George, glancing over to see his thighs tensed together and one hand covering his ribs as he leaned towards the other side. As soon as he did, however, he flinched again and leaned back to the other side. Karl watched this happen a few more times before he situated himself, sitting very stiff in the middle of the side cushions, arching forward slightly. "Dude, are you okay?"
"Y-yeah–" George began, but he had to stop before he got any further to bite back a giggle, clamping his mouth shut. He tried to lean forward, or push himself out to the end of the chair, but with the angle the chair was reclined at it was nearly impossible to sit up far enough to get any leverage, especially with how he was quickly growing weaker from the constant tickling. He grabbed the sides, trying to pull himself, but his elbows gave out and he fell right back into the chair, a strained noise leaving his mouth as he arched away again, putting his hands on his own thighs and squeezing the material of his shorts. Karl smirked, and suddenly he knew exactly what was going on.
"Ohhhhh, I see why you're uncomfortable," Karl began, and George looked up at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw, trying to figure out whether he'd been caught yet.
He absolutely had been.
"Y-you doho?" He asked, letting his first giggle slip, holding his breath to keep any more from following.
"Yeah! You gotta lean all the way against it for it to work!" Karl explained, pretending he had no idea what he was doing, but the smirk on his face and the way he giggled proved otherwise. Then, just as cruel as his smirk implied, he reached forward and curled his hands around George's sides, pressing him all the way back into the vibrating chair. George gasped, shaking his head, whining and pushing Karl's wrists away. "There we goooo, see! Isn't that so much better?"
"Karl, nohoho, no, thahat– this is–'' George tried to fight back, pushing at Karl's hands, but Karl didn't budge. Instead, Karl just held his sides more firmly, and rattled him against the chair, shaking and bouncing his upper body against the already incessant vibrating sensation. George curled up immediately after Karl steadied him, leaning forward and pinching his elbows into his sides. He tried to pull his legs up, but he was stopped by his calves and feet still being held hostage in their designated parts of the chair. His giggles had already begun, and suddenly they felt impossible to keep at bay, and he started giggling openly, only getting louder and more boisterous as the maddening tickles went on. "Oh, gohohod, Kahahaharl!"
"Aww, what's-a-matter, George? Is the pretty boy too tickly to handle a little massaging?" Karl teased, his hands still resting on George's sides, vibrating his fingers in as well just to make George squeal and scrunch up more, shaking his head wildly.
"Nahahaha, Kaharl!" George pleaded. He once again tried leaning forward and arching his spine, keeping his back as far away from the tickles as he could (even though his hips and legs were still horribly trapped), and Karl decided that just wouldn't do. So, just to be more cruel, he braced himself on the arm of the chair and hopped up onto George's lap, letting his knees rest on either side of George's thighs and settling himself right on top of his legs. George nearly screamed, immediately followed by an intense blush and him curling in on himself further.
"Yeah, you've got nowhere to run off to now, do you, kitten?" Karl teased, putting one hand on George's chest and pushing him back into the chair.
"KAHARL–" George yelped, biting back more laughter as he tried desperately to push against Karl's hand, but he got nowhere. Then, even though it was entirely unnecessary, Karl placed his other hand on his chest and pushed as well, just to make him feel even more helpless, "KARL, PLEHEHEASE–"
"Please, what?" He asked sarcastically, sliding his hands down George's chest and slipping his fingers under George's arms. The elder tensed immediately, groaning and clamping his arms down to his sides, looking up at Karl with pleading eyes and a wide smile. "Please help even out the tickles by giving some of my own? George, that is just such a good idea, you read my mind!" Karl dug his fingers into George's underarms, making him curl up his shoulders and shake his head wildly. His elbows bent as well, his hands clenched into fists, and all he could think to do was twist his wrists, fidget his fingers, and shake his clenched hands around to get his nerves out. Karl giggled at this, always a fan of when George did that, finding the reaction (that he, Sapnap, and Dream refer to as his "tickle hands") absolutely adorable and endearing.
"Nohohoho, Kahaharl!" George whined, twisting and turning whichever way he could, ending up leaning to the left with his forehead against Karl's upper arm. Karl giggled, sliding out of his armpits and pushing his shoulders to sit him straight back again, making George squeeze his eyes shut and shake his head again. "Whyhyhyhy?!"
"I never told you to move, dummy! Stay where you are."
"I cahahahan't!"
"Well, sucks for you then," Karl finished, bracing his hands on George's thighs as he adjusted himself. This motion only earned him a squeak and a violent flinch, George's legs clearly trying to buck up away from the vibrations underneath them, and Karl only giggled and reached behind him to squeeze at George's knees. George screamed out in laughter, throwing his head back against the chair and squirming wildly, and Karl could feel his knees trying so, so hard to kick or push or move in any way to escape Karl's fingers, to entirely no avail.
He was trapped, and he was trapped well.
"Oh gohohohod, Kahahaharl, pleheHEASE–" He yelled, his laughter increasing in volume at the end when Karl grabbed his thighs again, squeezing them a few times about mid-way up as he actually did adjust himself. He stood up, his legs on either side of George's with his feet planted on the floor, still keeping his body firmly in place but giving himself more room to move now. George looked up, giggling even more nervously when he noticed Karl was now towering over him. "Wh-whahaha– whahahat ahare you doihihihing?"
"Getting better leverage? Duh, stupid," Karl bit with a giggle, quickly ruffling George's hair and then grabbing his sides when he reached up to fix it.
"KARL!" George yelped, grabbing Karl's wrists before falling into more frantic laughter. Karl laughed at him again, squeezing his sides once. "Ihihihit's nohot funnyhyhy!"
"It's so funny, I've said this to you so many times. You get so jumpy when you get tickled, it's the cutest thing ever," Karl said, scrunching up his nose in the middle and making George scrunch his as well, shaking his head.
"Nohohoho!" George protested, squeezing Karl's wrists before sliding his hands off, clenching them into fists and softly resting his fists on Karl's arms.
"Oh, god, and your poor thighs are against the vibrations too, and on the backs too! Wow, Georgie boy, this must be hell for you, you poor thing."
"Shuhuhut uhuhup!"
"Hm… okay! I'll use my mouth somewhere else then," Karl said, suddenly leaning down and pushing the front of George's t-shirt up so he would understand what was happening before getting to make the inappropriate joke that he knew George was thinking of. George gasped, sucking in his tummy and pressing back into the chair, just to flinch back down and keep switching between the two. Karl was right, his tummy really was jumpy– as were his legs and arms, and his heart in his chest and the butterflies in his stomach.
"NO! Kahahaharl, nohoho!" He protested, placing one hand on the back of Karl's head and holding the other one out in the air next to him, unsure what to do with it, fingers tense and twitching as he shook his hand out to try to expel some of his trapped energy. "Kahaharl, plehehease don't, plehease dohohon't, you cahahahan't!"
"I mean, I can. And I'm gonna. If I raspberry your tummy it'll make the vibrations even on both sides of you! Right, my kitten?" Karl teased, giggling when he felt George's legs twitch behind him with the urge to get free. George shook his head wildly, keeping his eyes up so he wouldn't make eye contact with Karl.
"I hahahahate thihihis," George whined, clearly lying, as he made no move to push Karl away even before he began, and made no move to truly sit back up even before he lost a majority of his strength, considering he technically did have free reign to do so. In fact, Karl could've sworn he felt George even pull his head closer when he started getting impatient and antsy.
"Yeah, yeah, you hate this, you hate me, I'm so cruel and mean and horrible to you, yada yada. We've heard it all before, handsome, we know it's not true. Now shut your mouth and laugh more," Karl teased, ignoring George's gasp and attempts to stutter out a response and pushing forward instead, pressing his lips right next to George's belly button and blowing the biggest raspberry he could manage.
"NAHA–!" George squealed, tensing his stomach and tangling his fingers in Karl's hair. He didn't pull, making no indication that he even cared if Karl would stop or not, but Karl knew he must've been exhausted due to the constant tickling sensation he was already suffering through because of the massage chair. He blew another raspberry, this time closer to the front of his ribcage, making him jerk to the side and then jerk back when he hit the vibrating cushion instead. "Plehehehease!" George pleaded, and he squeezed his hand on Karl's head a little tighter, and Karl decided to cut him some slack.
"Okay, okay, I'm done. Relax, you baby." Karl said as he pulled back, standing up straight and crossing his arms, looking down at George with a fond smile as he continued laughing hysterically, his squirming starting up again when he had more room to move.
"Kaharl, plehehehease," George pleaded, curling his arms in again and covering his face with his hands.
"I don't know what you mean," Karl replied, his tone betraying him almost immediately.
"Kahahaharl!" George whined, dropping his hands down to the chair and trying to push himself up one final time, but it was still no use. He dropped down again, grabbing his shorts and arching his back again, unsure of what else to do with himself.
"Oh my god, you're so overdramatic, it cannot be that bad."
"Thehehehen yohou tryhyhy!" George fought back, reaching over to grab the remote to turn the chair off himself, but he squeaked and yanked his arm back when he was cut off by Karl harshly poking his ribs and then grabbing the remote first so George couldn't get it. "Nohoho!"
"Too slow!"
"Kaharl, plehehease, tuhurn it ohohohoff!"
"Hmmmm…" Karl pretended to think, looking up at the ceiling and tapping his cheek, drawing his mouth to one side before clicking his tongue a few times.
"Plehehehease, I cahahahan't tahahake ihit anymohohore!" George pleaded, and Karl knew he was telling the truth. He could tell George was completely tickled out, so he giggled softly and pressed a few buttons, stopping the movement of the chair completely.
"Ugh, fine. If I have to," Karl rolled his eyes softly as the chair went still, chuckling at George's relieved whimper. "Even though I'd love to leave you stuck there forever because you're just that cute, I think you've suffered enough for one day."
"Thahank yohou," George agreed, letting his eyes slip closed as he caught his breath, his smile still plastered to his face and residual giggles still falling from his lips. He recovered relatively quickly, as the tickling wasn't intense and difficult so much as it was resilient and tiresome, and he let out another sigh about a minute later when he felt like he was fully present again. "That was so evil."
"To be fair, I had no idea it would tickle you that much, to be 100% clear," Karl defended, placing the remote back in the side pouch and climbing onto the chair to sit on the arm, putting his feet next to George's thigh and shoving his toes underneath him, making them both laugh at the strange action. "Like I genuinely didn't know it would, I know it tickles a little, because I've used it before and it does give you a little– a little somethin'-somethin', y'know? But it's never been unbearable, usually it just feels nice," Karl explained, making George him in agreement. George glanced up at Karl, before leaning over and pressing his temple against Karl's knee. Karl smiled, reaching down to play with George's hair as he sighed again, softer this time. He continued speaking. "But I guess since you weren't anticipating it, and you've never used it before, it was just worse. Maybe I've just gotten used to it?"
"Mm, maybe. That is quite possible," George agreed, his voice already sounding sleepy.
"Or maybe you're just really ticklish."
"That's– what!?" George complained, whipping his head up to look at Karl and ending up with Karl's hand on the top of his head. Karl chuckled and gently tilted his head back down, carding his hand through his hair again and letting him sulk against his shin. "That's not true."
"No, it's not. Well, it is, you are really, really, really ticklish," Karl said, chuckling and scratching George's scalp lightly when he whined and pushed against his leg more. "But I'm just teasing about that being the reason, I know it's not."
"Good. You'd better," George mumbled, pushing away from Karl's leg and tugging on one of his ankles. "Come down more."
"Like– down with you?"
"Mhm."
"Oh!" Karl smiled, pushing himself down to sit on top of George, perching himself on his lap and crossing his ankles over the arm of the chair. George leaned back against the chair, now pulling Karl's arm so he stayed against his chest. "S'this good?"
"Mhm," George confirmed with a smile, closing his eyes again. The room was silent for a few seconds, before George continued quietly. "Do you– do you think you could try the actual massage part? Without the stupid vibrating part."
"Yeah! Of course, dollface," Karl said, kissing his cheek softly when he gave him a confused look. Karl turned the back massage section on low, letting George feel it out before flicking it to the second level and leaving it there, smiling as he immediately relaxed into it.
They stayed like that for about 5 minutes, until George figured the massage had run its course and had Karl turn it off. Everything seemed peaceful, George finally seemed relaxed, and Karl got to witness George being the cutest person on the planet (in his opinion), and they figured they'd just be able to sit back and cuddle up together while watching something or talking aimlessly.
Until Sapnap came back downstairs from taking a shower, and asked what they'd gotten up to while he was gone. Karl, obviously, was thrilled to explain, having to slap a hand over George's mouth to muffle his screaming and protesting while he did so, and Sapnap was very interested in the information he'd just received.
Needless to say, the room did not stay quiet for long.
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Why is the Roche/Ciri ship always only crap for you all?
Hey, i once read a draco x apple fanfic. I have no room to judge anyone's ship and I don't think I ever did that (outside of private conversations). What i am judging is someone ruining the fandom experience for other people. If you really are as upset and hurt by people hating on your ship as you say, I'm sure you understand why people don't like you hating on their ship. (btw it's hilarious that you sent me hate for rorveth and cirys. Literally the only character included here that i even know is Ciri. If you sent me geraskier hate there would at least be context since i actually ship it, but i have absolutely no opinion on those ships you mentioned. I don't even know them)
You've been told by others why they are annoyed by your asks and obviously it has no effect on you, so i won't bother repeating what they've already said, but i do occasionally love hearing myself talk so i wil still write a far longer response than i should So this isn't a hate response, it's a love letter to fandom. So here's what made being in a fandom so special to me:
The support.
Fandom to me is, at its core, strangers sharing their excitement, inspiring each other and admiring what other people do. When i started writing i was so self conscious, i couldn't sleep after posting a chapter because I was so anxious. And i received so much support even for works that are really not that great. There's something so wonderful about cheering others on and getting cheered on. That sort of open and heartfelt support is not something you experience in real life and it made some hard times much better for me. It's incredible knowing that people across the globe collaborate, send each other prompts or getting really excited about something someone else did.
2. The possibility to just…not engage in conversations i don't want to be in.
It's so freeing to have the option to block people of just not respond. There's always some sort of controversy or just some takes i don't like. How wonderful that i can just not look at those things
3. Getting to be creative and knowing it makes people happier
Your fic or art isn't brilliant? Who cares. It's so freeing to create something out of love, for people who love the same thing. I started writing for the first time since i was a child because of fandom. I dabbled in creating fanart (and realised the medium isn't for me, which is also great to find out), i wrote poetry (which I never wanted to do) and badly recorded songs (which i felt so self conscious about). Was it all good? Ha, absolutely not. But i got zo try it out and i wouldn't have done that without fandom. There is no external pressure to be good (or if there is pressure from other people to create and be good, there are always a ton of others telling you why this pressure is unfair and should be ignored). There are no grades, no deadlines. Just the love and joy of creating and sharing your creation. Or not sharing them, if that's what you want. Both is fine and that's the point
4. Seeing people of all skill levels share their works
And all of their art is beautiful and meaningful, no matter if they qre a master of their craft or someone who pickef up a pen for the first time to try out this medium
5. Seeing different interpretations
I don't like many of them but it's so interesting to see how others are interpreting something. That can be anything from the question of who's a top to some in depth meta analysis. People enjoy different things and it's so cool to see what they focus on
6. The people in general. I pretty much left the witcher fandom months ago (i tried writing for it again but it was so hard that I gave up) but through it, i met incredible people, some of who have become irreplaceable parts of my life and i am so thankful for fandom for bringing us together like this. When i was in the fandom, i got to know people are so talented, unbelievably creative, kind, funny, supportive and so many other wonderful things (even those i never talked to directly. If you left a comment on something i wrote or made my days brighter with your own creations, you are amazing and i appreciate you a lot)
Basically, fandom for me was an experience that brought me joy and a sense of community. It's on you to seek out the fandom experience you want to have. If you want that experience to be one of bitterness and hate, I'm really sorry for you. But more than anything I'm sorry for the people who you drag into this by harrassing them even after they blocked you. If you want to stew in bitterness over shipping a rarepair, that's your decision. But if other people want to enjoy the fandom in a more joyful way, then that should be their decision too and you don't get to take it away from them and ruin their love. Because ultimately that's what fandom is to me and i treasure the memory of that love more than I value the opinion of someone who apparently takes joy in trying (and hopefully failing) to take that love away
#I have a lot more to say but I'll shut up now#Or else I'd still be rambling in an hour#Also just so you know#Some people aren't just annoyed by you#Getting your spam is pretty funny and feel almost like a strange kind of chievement#Look ma! The random internet person noticed me! I made it as a fandom creator :D#Seriously though you're wasting your and everyone else's time#I'm not sure if anyone is taking you seriously at this point#Go eat some grass or something
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Worldbuild the ecology of Thread on Pern pre-colonization and the effects of removing it/preventing it from doing its thing post colonization?
So, canonically, Thread is supposed to have been hitting Pern for like twice as long as the planet's been settled. Personally I find that the coward's way out, especially given what we're told about Thread.
Supposedly, this is a mycorrhizal fungus. As in, a fungus that engages is a symbiotic relationship with plantlife.
Have I mentioned before that I'm pretty sure the McCaffreys just take words and use them without actually looking them up? Because I think they do.
Now, I've done something similar to this before, years ago, but that was working further outside canon than I want to play today. Then I was trying to keep Thread contained to Pern, this time I want to include the Red Star.
For the purposes of this, because we are not cowards on this blog, the Red Star has been in it's orbit for fucking ages. Plenty enough for one of it's native lifeforms and several of Pern's native lifeforms to evolve to work together.
Yes, I am doing a cross-planetary symbiotic relationship!
Thread is one of those species that that has multiple sequential, life cycles? States of being? Phases? I'm sure there's a term but I'm feeling lazy. The way Thread lives on the Red Star is different from how it lives during a Pass is different from how it lives on Pern.
Thread is actually a detritivore on the Red Star- which for the purposes of this has it's own ecology because again I am not a coward. It feeds primarily on decaying animal matter, though you sometimes find it in dung, and it lives generally as detritivorous fungi do. It's chill. You wouldn't want to eat it, but it's chill.
Then the Red Star passed through the oort cloud. Now this is a big trigger for species on the Red Star, because it tells them they're coming up on Pern. This isn't a good thing, coming so close together causes major geological changes on both planets, the Red Star more than Pern. Native species all have a sort of holding phase triggered, wherein they change to different forms or go into long hibernations that allow them to survive the fifty-odd years they'll be dealing with this shit.
Except for Thread. Over the course of a Pass all Thread alive on the Red Star dies off.
The oort cloud triggers a transformation in Thread on the Red Star. You know how some plants disperse their seeds via flinging them away essentially? Thread changes to do that. When the Red Star comes within range, Thread begin essentially rocketing 'spore' pods right out of their atmosphere, where they're eventually picked up by Pern's orbit. That orbit degrades, the pods burn up on entry, and you get Fall.
These aren't really spore pods, these are actually fully grown pieces of Thread which themselves contain spores. When they land on a piece of organic matter- meat, plants, dirt- then they consume as much as possible before dying. This serves multiple purposes, the big ones of which are that they provide an early meal for their spores full of nutrients, and that they prompt the germination of seeds that have evolved to thrive during a Pass, and with whom the next phase has a symbiotic relationship. The spores begin as detrivores, but phase into a mycorrizhal state as their host plants begin to set root and grow.
In this phase the fungus and plants help each other. The fungus takes nutrients and sugars from the plants, while protecting their roots from Threadfall- as Thread doesn't consume itself- and allowing the plants to use it to exchange spare nutrients amongst themselves. Over the course of time the Thread will put up what appear to be fruiting bodies. They aren't, actually, but in fact a method of essentially farming dragonkin.
Firelizards are unique on Pern in that they can teleport and have flight and form psychic bonds and have this whole ranks system, all together. They are not, however, the only species in their evolutionary tree to be capable of teleportation. There's a wide range across the planet and a wide range that are herbivorous or omnivorous. Thread fruit becomes a tempting treat for these creatures, in a period where food can be hard to come by. By producing these fruits, the Thread helps ensure that these animals survive the Pass. A very important thing.
As the Red Star moves away, this changes the geography once again, settling things down, and this triggers yet another response from Thread, as well as from it's hosts. The hosts will flower and go the seed, the seeds themselves will go dormant until opened by Threadfall. The Thread, meanwhile, will produce new fruits, identical to those that came before but for one crucial difference. These one contain spores. Spores that can handle the digestive juices of various dragonkin and dragonkin-adjacent species they target, that exit the digestive system and proceed to grow into the flesh of these creatures.
While things settle down on Pern, and the Thread dies off along with it's hosts, having put their all into the next generation, the fungus travels to the brain, where it turns off fear responses, inputs coordinates, and as things calm prompts the host to Between to the Red Star, where the cycle begins anew.
So, all that said, what is the result of humans showing up and deciding to change things.
Functionally, however, a lot of plants may as well have gone extinct. Many species that can only germinate during a Pass have been left unable to do so. Even a few species of native fungus that evolved to feed off of dead Thread are now dormant for the foreseeable future. In places such as Southern these things haven't been seen for ages, and wouldn't be even if Thread did land there.
Several animal species have also been impacted, especially in the north there's for a long time been a history of dragonkin-adjacent species experiencing population booms after a Pass. The mass Betweening causes a drop in population right before the plants that go dormant during the Pass come back, which is commonly a dietary windfall. This allows the species to not overpopulate at the start of an interval, overall improving health and survivability in the time of plenty. This is actually part of why these species are successful is because for so long they didn't experience these over population events, but since humans arrived they began to. At least while the dormant plants lasted...
Between that and human and dragon encroachment, a lot of species have gone extinct on the Northern Continent. They haven't on the Southern up to now but, it's expected they will at the end of the Ninth Pass. Southern has had the grubs, yes, which has allowed the plant species that evolved to tough out the Pass to thrive, but many species that evolved to go dormant have died off as a result of animals, now without their supplementary food source, overeating them to prevent starvation. And it hasn't necessarily worked. They starve, they gorge, they yo-yo, and now they have humans and dragons on their doorstep.
The Western Continent has more or less been undamaged by all this up to now, but nobody can be sure what effect the loss of the Red Star will have there. It may in fact remain a haven for families that have or can be expected to go extinct on the other two continents. But no matter what happens, without Threadfall there are a great many species that will never be seen on Pern again. And that's even before we hit on the Pern's oceans and waterways. There are long-lived species that rely on the effects on the Red Star's presence to trigger spawning, and Thread as a plentiful and easy food source for young. Thread has also played a large part in keeping Pern's oceans fruitful, the population booms that occur during a Pass have helped offset human fishing and predation by hungry dragons, this now won't be an option.
I could probably go further, but for now I'll leave with one last thing- firelizards are about to overrun Pern. For one thing, taking them in as pets and working animals is allowing for a higher survival rate than firelizards would naturally have. They're safe from predators, they're prevented from engaging in siblicide, they're fed, they are given medical care, and now they are going to be safe from Thread, which was a major population control measure. While Threadfall didn't often kill firelizards outright, it was a common crippler which allowed easier predation by the likes of wherries, fish, tunnelsnakes, and more. But as important if not more, firelizards were a common host for Thread in it's final phase before returning to the Red Star, which guaranteed a population drop proceeding what would have been a boom. Without these factors in play, we're likely to see firelizards end up horribly overpopulated with severe ecological consequences, especially in areas like the interior of the Northern and Southern continents, where they are not native and the local wildlife is not prepared for them.
#achi birth 2023#''but achi the circles-''#the circles make no sense with the worldbuilding we're given and you know it
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5-4-3-2-1 Tag Game!!
Tagged by @alidravana ! Thank you so much for the tag! :D
top 5 works i’m proudest of (not in any particular order):
Since I only have two actual works, I'll just put them both LOL:
Just Us - Keegan and Merrick havea moment after the events of the game
My Bed Is A Pool And The Walls Are On Fire - Keegan being delirious for 1000 Words
top 4 current wips i’m excited about:
Mostly all Whumpuary works since they've got my full attention rn LOL
Woken Up Like An Animal - Fill for the prompt Nightmares. Logan makes friends with Mouse after he accidentally kicks her across a room. Title is a line from Human by Daughter (aka one of the best Logan songs to exist LOL)
Keegan's Hypothermia fic - Prompt fill for Hypothermia and "Stay With Me" - Trying to play into the found family as much as I can because I am a SUCKER for it) Pending title ^^
My Heroes Are Dead (They Died In My Head) - Prompt fill for Betrayal. Bitter stream of consciousness, takes place after Struck Down, from Keegan's perspective (but Ajax's fate will be left ambiguous so he might be dead, might be canon divergence that lets him live) Title is a line from Diluted by Slipknot
I Won't Give Up On You (So Don't Give Up On Me) - Prompt fill for "Don't Do This" and Blurry Vision. Not entirely sure what this will entail but it will probably center around Hesh and Logan :) I love :) Angst :) I'm just hella into the title and the prompts as a combination. Title is a line from The Sadness Will Never End by Bring Me The Horizon
top 3 improvements in my writing:
Actually rewriting drafts. A lot of the time, I don't typically rewrite drafts, but for some of the Ghosts ficxs, I've actually got multiple different versions of fics LOL
Uhh I'd say I've definitely developed a stylised way of writing? Which, is actually pretty much just the way I write normally AHA - a lot pauses in strange places, and of course the angsty internal monologuing. I also like messing with structure when I can (Unfortunate House of Leaves simp over here)
Catching when my tenses slip. I don't know why, it might be due to roleplaying, but I find that I often flip between past and present tense in the middle of writing (where it wouldn't make sense to) But I've been able to catch it, lately. Makes editing fics a bitch LOL
top 2 writing resolutions:
Just posting more honestly. Last fandom I wrote fics for got a grand total of three fics because I didn't get to finish the others LOL, and then I kind of drifted off to other things (it's still some of my best angst work, so hopefully I can bring that energy to the Ghosts. The character I fixated on actually might have some similarities to Logan ssooo 👁 👁)
Maybe trying to branch out more? My two modes of writing are Hurt/No Comfort (hilarious, because I hate reading Hurt/No Comfort) and Whump so maybe I can try smth else? Maybe romance? Definitely not something I'm familiar with writing, but it feels like something I could try. (The real issue is finding ships I wanna write about /hj)
number 1 favourite line:
Hmm, this is hard, so I'm going to make up for all the other ones I can't fill by giving a few LOL
From Just Us, I'm quite fond of this line:
Shame stirs in his stomach, making him nauseous before working its way up, gripping his heart and then balling up to cause a lump in his throat that he tries his best to swallow around. "I miss him." The shame ignites like a gasoline trail, flaring quickly into anger (whether it's at himself or Rorke... it's hard to tell with all the smoke) that only makes him feel more sick. "God damn it, I miss that piece of shit."
From the Nightmares fic I'm working on (almost done with it!):
Her eyes did more than enough talking on that front, strangely expressive for how closed off she otherwise seemed. They told a thousand stories; all indecipherable, written in a language that no one could speak of, but could understand all the same. The mind's exact tales of suffering were locked away, hidden, but their effect still seemed to shine from the soul's very own fractured looking glass. A hint of resignation acted as dust upon the reflection's surface; a house haunted by time more than any other phantom.
and then this giant excerpt from a WIP abt Hesh :)
Occasionally, a glimpse will come to Hesh’s mind. Sometimes it’s intrusive, lightning flashing against a canopy of dark clouds, shaking the foundations of his mind with a deafening roar. Sudden, brief and violent in nature. Other times it’s… slow. Easy and gentle, like ocean waves crawling their way up the beach; soft, hushed. Almost comforting, if not for the deep grief that the tide often brought with it, the wind brushing by carrying the faint echoes of laughter and excited voices.
On days like this, the wind only seems to carry his own distant screams. The tide now feels lonelier than it ever did. That one set of footprints trailing in the sand was just that; a single set. The second set of imprints settled in his own stride now gone.
Instead, the ghost of his shadow is embedded yards away, a trench dug out by desperately grasping hands, reaching for anything. Reaching for him.
It’s still the gentle ease of a memory washing over him, sea foam gathering, swaying and receding slowly, but that’s perhaps what makes it worse. The slowness. The time he has to sit there and dismantle himself from the inside out, while his own head taunts him with things he no longer has, can no longer reach out for. Even the ebb and flow of water can wear down cliffs with enough time, steady and persistent in its movements.
Imagery galore! LOL
tagging... @bubble-dream-inc , @goorehound and @neon-amnesia (If y'all want to, don't feel pressured to! ^^)
Basic Template:
top 5 works i’m proudest of (not in any particular order):
top 4 current wips i’m excited about:
top 3 improvements in my writing:
top 2 writing resolutions:
number 1 favourite line:
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Intimacies, pt 1 (Ash x Piper)
This idea has been bouncing around for a few days now and I figured I'd try to get something out -- especially since it's pride and all, eh?
Also on AO3!
Ashley sprawled across the length of their bed, feet towards the top and head at the bottom. The sheets below were soft and she inhaled deeply, taking in their freshly-laundered scent, huffing a satisfied sigh as a cool breeze swept through from the open window not ten paces away. City noise filtered in, the ever-present thrum of traffic and voices, of life being lived, and though it always took her a few days to acclimate to the constant sound of New Queens she found she didn't mind it as much as she used to, didn't let it keep her up at night, tossing and turning cocooned in the cacophonies outside.
Or maybe I'm just better at getting distracted.
Her smile widened as she turned her head away from the window, gaze falling on the doorway that led to their en suite bathroom. Warm light spilled out from beyond it, and she let her eyes flutter shut, focusing beyond every day noises to fixate instead on the soft humming emanating from just past the doorway.
"What song is that?" she murmured as the humming drew louder, closer, light steps on the hardwood floor and she cracked an eye open as that humming lost its rhythm, replaced with a considering tone instead.
"You know, I'm not actually sure." The bed dipped beside her and she shifted to better look up at Piper as the other woman settled with one leg folded beneath her, the other dangling off the edge of the bed. "Something Shawn kept listening to when he visited last week."
"Is it weird that I'm still thrown off by the fact that Evvy essentially adopted his own clone?"
Piper's lips twitched, eyes glinting. "The fact that it was Evvy makes it decidedly not weird, I think."
Ashley huffed a laugh. "Guess that's true. He did kind of adopt the rest of us, huh?"
"Always was a sucker for sweethearts and lost puppies."
Ashley cocked an eyebrow. "Which am I?"
"Sweetheart," Piper replied without hesitation. She grinned, leaning down to kiss Ash's scrunched nose. "Being tough doesn’t negate how sweet you are, love."
Ashley scrunched her nose further, eyes narrowing, though the overall effect was undermined by the fact that she was trying not to laugh. "And James?"
"Lost puppy who is also a sweetheart."
"That tracks."
"Speaking of," Piper went on, readjusting her position. She dipped out of Ash's immediate view and Ashley resettled her head on her crossed arms, letting loose a soft sigh as Piper straddled her hips. "He should be here by the end of the week."
"He got the approval? Ah…" Ashley instinctively tensed as Piper's fingers found a knot in her back.
"Breathe," the other woman reminded her, slowly working out the knot. "And he did. I'll finally have both of you in one place." This was punctuated by a kiss to the back of Ashley's neck, and she let herself relax fully under Piper's knowing touch. It was hard not to, really, after all these years. Familiarity bred over the time they'd gotten to know one another, a deep friendship blossoming into something more, and maybe their love didn't look the way people expected it to, maybe they expressed their affection a little differently, but Ashley wouldn't have traded it for anything.
"So, wait. What kind of relationship is this?"
"Queer-what? Platonic? So like… you're just really good friends?"
"…you guys don't have sex?"
Questions prompted by the social pressure of knowing, of categorizing, and Ashley had learned early on that she didn't owe anyone a deeper explanation for her and her partners. Felt better trying not to explain, since it inevitably led to frustration and irritation on her part, others' surprise -- or, fuck, even pity -- chafing and belittling something that meant the world to her. As if their way of being together was lesser, somehow.
"I don't worry about it, honestly. I know who I am, and I know what I want. Some things really are that simple." Piper's words lived like a mantra in her heart even all these years later. "So long as you know the answers to those questions, that's all that really matters, right?"
And it wasn't as if Ash hadn't had her fair share of doubts in the beginning.
She'd dated before. Mostly men, a few women, nothing particularly serious given her career choice. Knew what she liked in a partner, and knew Piper and James had all those qualities and then some. Confidence. Kindness. Compassion. Passion. People who gave as good as they got, who stood their ground but weren't so stubborn as to never consider change.
But those were broad categories, really. The sorts of things you put on a dating app profile amidst all the more personal tidbits for added flavor and interest. They were starting points, statistics factored into taking a chance, at opening the door to discover what else lie beneath the surface.
And in Piper and James? Ashley had discovered so much more than she ever could have imagined.
"Ahh, right there…" Piper's fingers sought out a new knot, working it loose and dispersing the tension, running her hands firmly along the expanse of Ash's back. Her hands were some kind of magic -- surprisingly strong for how delicate the other woman appeared, and Ashley had been delighted to discover her girlfriend wouldn't hesitate to go deep when she needed to. Delighted all the more when she'd learned how much the other woman loved touch in general -- back massages expanded to include hands, wrists, feet. Cuddling on the couch with a bottle of wine and some cheesy action flick. Baths and showers and the warm intimacy of washing each other's hair, of drawing soap across one another's skin.
Maybe Piper was disinterested in sex, but that didn't mean she couldn't express her affections through touch all the same. Soft kisses and sweet caresses, a penchant for being the big spoon despite being all of five feet tall -- Ashley's lips twitched at the memory of James's discovery, at the way he'd blinked at her from where he and Piper had already settled into bed, their smaller girlfriend bossing her way behind him and curling around him like a determined koala-- and it wasn't like Piper avoided the topic of sex entirely, though Ashley wouldn't have minded either way.
"You don't have to stay in here if you don't want, you know." An assurance even as Piper brushed sweaty hair from Ash's face, tucking it behind her ear as the other woman came down from her orgasm. A new toy she'd been eager to try out rested on her other side, waiting to be cleaned.
"I know." Simple and steady, a prelude to what Ashley would learn very soon about Piper Shepard: the woman did not do things she did not want to. If she was there, she wanted to be.
"But…"
"Just because I don't want to participate in the main event doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with you in the afterglow." A smile that was equal parts mischief and affection stole Ash's breath away. Piper's fingers carded gently through her hair. "You're beautiful like this, you know."
A disinterest in sex did not equate to a sense of shame for it, and Ashley had been looking at things differently ever since. Considered intimacy in its truest sense, and the myriad ways it could be explored.
"What are you thinking about?" Piper's words a warm whisper against her skin, and she felt the other woman's lips press gossamer kisses along her spine. "You're a million miles away."
"Just thinking," Ashley began after a moment, shaking off the memories in favor of the here and now.
"Yeah?"
"…can you paint on me again?"
She felt the curve of Piper's smile, laughed at the little love tap Piper planted on her ass as she rolled off her, and turned to watch as her girlfriend made her way to the chest of drawers that held the various equipment and toys and accessories they liked to utilize in the bedroom. Out of the top drawer Piper took out a small box containing brushes and body-safe paint, and Ash found herself wiggling into a more comfortable position -- eager to float away under the strokes of Piper's brushes as her partner turned her back into a canvas for yet another work of art. Glanced up at the photos lining a corkboard next to the dresser, smiling at the memories of past works wrought on her and James's backs.
"I was thinking of a new tattoo design," Piper mused as she rejoined her, taking up her place straddling Ash's hips once again.
"Yeah?"
"Something inspired by Sur'Kesh's jungles."
Ashley smiled, letting her eyes fall shut once more. She'd never been to the Salarian homeworld, but she'd heard the place was beautiful.
"Can't wait to see what you come up with, babe," she murmured, and she could feel herself already drifting away into that space that was all affection and sensation. Another kind of intimacy, another way to connect, to explore and relish the trust they found in each other, and with each carefully drawn line of paint Piper applied to her skin, she knew:
She was loved, fully and completely.
#my writing#Ashley Williams#Piper Shepard#Ashley x Piper#Mass Effect#James Vega#Ashley x Piper x James
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7, 9, and 17!
7. What is your deepest joy about writing?
I like just being able to make something entirely with words! Whole worlds, histories, feelings! Just made out of strings of letters. I have always been a person who like making things, so writing is a wonderful way of doing so for me.
9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know
I believe that the energy of living things must be changed in some fundamental way when it leaves the body and I believe that people may not fully understand that process. (I have no fucking clue but sometimes places do be 'spooky' in strange imperceptible ways and I'm open to the possibility that ghosts are the cause.)
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.
I have. NINE current WIPS. Thankfully I can group up a good number of them.
I have a bunch of installments in the Mishap series that I'm working on which while looking like nothing more than PWPs, are actually a fun way of exploring emotional intimacy as much as physical intimacy because one of my favorite things to do is discuss the idea of BDSM as a way of exploring vulnerabilities that it might be uncomfortable or frightening to do in other settings.
There's also Bonded, which I am really struggling with. I started writing the series just because I was having fun playing with a lot of silly ideas, but Shattered is much more serious in tone and while I usually love that, and I have a full outline of Shattered as well as outlines for the next two installments as well, I just haven't found the joy in it that I did in the beginning. I really like how chapter 6 wraps up, and it's been torture trying to move on to chapter 7. I don't know when I'll get over that hump, but it's been 3 months and I still haven't managed it yet.
Tumblr prompts, going well enough. Taking this as an opportunity to just write fast(ish) snippets. I often really want to linger and show how relationships develop thoroughly because (and especially with ShigaDabiHawks) I need a believable progression to show how those character could have possibly ended up together when they're at odds with each other's goals. However, for these I'm just going ham and that's a nice little change of pace.
Stalling out on the original piece (shigadabi with the serial numbers filed off because I wanted to use an original fantasy setting I've used for other OC work). Having trouble balancing how to progress the plot without losing the spark between the two characters after a... disagreement.
The Hanahaki piece is my fucking baby right now. Feeling as good about this one as I did about Honeytrap and Grey Area. It's so achingly tender and I love it to absolute bits. I have one area that I'm still trying to make a decision on and thought that the tumblr prompts would be a good way to step back and give it some breathing room after banging out 27k for it in two days. I'm very excited about this one.
And last but not least, the Time Travel fic! I'm enjoying this one too but I'm thinking about it logistically right now and trying to decide if I'm going to make it a multi-chapter or not. I usually don't like to do that because I write very differently for a multi-chap than I do for a one-shot and I much prefer the style of writing for an insanely long one-shot than a multi-chap (yes this may be why Shattered is fucking me up so badly, also why I really hated Playing Favorites by the end), but I'm not sure if it would be too jarring to go from Hawks' POV to Dabi's after minimum of 12K in Hawks' POV, but I need some scenes to be from Dabi's so eeehhhh. I'll figure it out. I like this one, alternate timelines are always fun to play around with and the butterfly effect here is so fucking strong.
I think I'm going to be finishing the Tumblr prompts before going back to the Hanahaki fic, but we'll see! And this is all dependent on me not starting any more pieces in the meantime. Which. Oof.
Thanks for asking!
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TW: incest (?), depression, SA (I think - somewhat detailed), suicidal thoughts, self hate, ED and intrusive thoughts.
I guess I would like advice and just some overall support.
Hi all! I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself because of this and I feel so gross talking about this right now.
I’m in my early 20s now and my brother is almost 18. I’m not sure how old I was when this happened, maybe 10-12 (definitely not older than this). My brother is 4 1/2 years younger than me.
*TW BELOW*
One night, we were watching a movie and I guess I had some intrusive thoughts and I felt “turned on” (I guess, I don’t quite remember) but then I had an impulsive thought to…try and sleep with my brother. I guess it wasn’t a thought. I don’t think I was actually thinking of anything when this happened (which seems to be a recurring thing for me. Like, the lights are on but no one is home type of thing). But basically I put his penis only on my clit (thankfully I did not know how sex actually worked back then). It stopped after a minute (not even). But I do remember being almost hyper sexual after that point (I felt like I always had to touch myself, but not to any thoughts about my brother) and even seeing the clothes I wore that night made me feel disgusted with myself. I remember distinctly, I saw a movie with my mum in the theatre and a sex scene came on (around the same time this happened) and I had the thought of “oh, I could do that with my brother” and quickly stopped that thought because it was disturbing.
Part of me wonders if it was prompted by something that happened with someone my parents worked with, where he acted inappropriately towards me (did not touch me sexually but it could be viewed that way. He did not touch my genitals or anything like that). But part of me wonders if something else happened to me that I just don’t remember. Because this happened out of nowhere and I feel so disgusting.
This was brought up for me again as I just ended an almost year long relationship with my girlfriend. I behaved in a way during sex that hurt her (emotionally) and I feel so sick. It was not on purpose at all, and I, again had no thought process. It wasn’t assault or anything, I just made her feel like I didn’t love her and she wasn’t important to me at all.
I just feel like I’m a morally bad person, and I’m disgusting. It fuels the depressive and suicidal thoughts I’m having and I’m struggling with an ED. Thinking about this and what happened with my parents friend makes me want to punish myself.
~ 💔
Hi 💔,
I'm sorry about what you've been going through.
Regarding the incident with your brother, I think it's important to remember that while you are responsible for your own actions, you were also a child and had a different sense of judgment than you do now. While your brother may be affected by this, and that's his right, it's also imperative to allow yourself to grow.
It's possible that you may be repressing something that explains your behavior as perpetrators of COCSA tend to be CSA survivors themselves, but it's equally possible that what happened with your brother was a result of your own curiosity about sexuality, rather than being prompted by something else that happened. Regardless of the cause, it's important to seek support from a therapist or other mental health professional to help you work through these feelings and understand them better.
As for your recent relationship, it's important to take responsibility for your actions and apologize to your ex-girlfriend if you haven't already, and if she would be willing to communicate with you. It's also important to seek help to understand why you behaved in that way and how to prevent it from happening in future relationships. A therapist can help you with this as well.
Similar to what i said in this post, you seem to be aware of the effect your behaviors and actions had on those around you, and those it was targeted towards, and you seem to feel guilty about that, which to some degree is a good thing because it can inspire change, as opposed to feeling remorseless for your actions.
I'd also like to show you this page about responses to "irrational ideas", which is a concept from Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. As a response to Irrational Idea No. 3, it says, "Human beings are not perfect. They don’t have total control over all their actions. In the real world, we all make mistakes from time to time and treat others badly because (1) we don’t know any better; (2) we can’t do any better; or (3) we’re too disturbed. That’s just the way we are. Believing that others must do the right thing ignores the real world." Another thing it says is, "We all do lots of things everyday. Some of the things we do are 'bad,' some are 'good,' and some are neither 'good' nor 'bad.' The 'bad' things we do don’t make us 'bad people;' and the 'good; things we do don’t make us 'good people.'”
Like what I said in this post, you are more than your behavior and your past, and you can grow from this. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve to feel happy and healthy, and there are people and resources available to help you get there. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
#mod bun#trauma talks#tw abuse#tw child abuse#tw sa#tw csa#tw incest#tw cocsa#tw sui#trauma details#💔
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I wouldn't assume your thinking about organic content as naive but it also doesn't take into account the reality how companies work. Please pardon my rudeness. Before I say something, let me give a brief introduction so that you can understand where my answer is coming from. I am a fashion person and worked with high profile clients, also own a company.
From what I have observed about bts and taekook in particular, I can clearly say a lot of things are totally fabricated. While companies cannot feed them line by line always, it can also do it in certain cases where they want to create a narrative. Believe me I have seen fashion models working on their lines created by their agents to speak in a natural environment. Some are really great actors.
Also, companies have meetings periodically to discuss which aspect to bring in focus. They work with so much detail, who will be involved in what activity and what narrative should be shown to the clients (public in this case). That is why general public see a lot of inconsistency in the content if narrative is changed or other factors are effecting the narrative. I would try to give an example of BTS only, for better understanding, if the company feels any interaction between members or any interview or scandal about an artist threatens their vision, these artists are part of those meetings and are taught to behave in ways company wants. They have to even if they don't want to. It's cruel but reality. You can see that is why over the time artists understand how camera works and how to change their expressions promptly to stick to what is being told.
You are absolutely right when you say companies take organic interaction and hype it up for marketing but it should be considered 'what is organic' if people are told to act closer or clingly or in a relationship. The way I see things from a company director perspective, it is not a big deal to ask your artist to behave in a certain manner and make money out of it. That is why we are in business and I am unapologetic about it.
I have been following bts from quite some time and can say to have fair share of knowledge about them (garnered from content of course). I went and saw that Run episode one anon mentioned and I genuinely felt it was taught. There is definitely a bond and familiarity between jimin and jungkook but so many moments hinting to a certain narrative when the company is aware will be nitpicked and analysed thoroughly. I also saw a few episodes prior to that episode and couldn't exactly see such explicit bond/hinted at 'romantic or too close to be bros' shown between any other member. Generally we do this when our customers are dissatisfied with something or sometimes to increase recall value and cementing the positioning of the product. I would say they were told to act more closer, give hints to public about their closeness beyond a fellow artist and different from other members. Whether artist has liberty to choose his lines depends on the capability of the artist and the contract between parties. If the artist is a pro and can give hints, companies generally give them a little discretion, but usual prompts are given between shootings if content is not upto satisfaction. I believe jimin was expected to hype things up in this episode. Whether prompt to jungkook's mother's call was his decision or was prompted, i belive we will never know.
Moreover that hickey moment, I am absolutely sure it was scripted. I may not be an actor but have seen enough acting in my life to tell one. I was expecting better from the company. I am not sure what is the cause but I feel the narrative would be changed soon if they donot want to face downfall. This is what I predict.
This is not a clarification, just my observation as a businessperson. I hope I haven't offended you in any way. Have a good day ahead 😌
Oh I'm not offended at all!! Thank you for sharing your perspective! This is all really interesting information and it makes a lot of sense.
I guess I should clarify what I meant when I said that I don't think entire interactions are completely fabricated. I certainly do think that the company has specific narratives that they form, shape, prioritize, and share. I think that's a big part of what you're saying, or at least that was how I took it? Honestly just the fact that they have staff with them when they film things like Run BTS and Bon Voyage whose official titles seem to be "writer," based on some of the subtitles, should tell everyone that crafted narrative plays a role in the content that HYBE puts out for sure.
I guess it's just that for me, I never assumed that this would go so far as to completely create entire conversations/interactions/moments from nothing -- I've always thought of it more as taking what's there and maybe forming it up a bit, as though their natural interactions were a chunk of clay thrown down on the table, and the writers and later editors then rework that clay into something more entertaining to watch. Does that make sense? We'll probably never really know how much of what we see is the natural clay and how much is the sculpting, and it's also probable that it's different depending on the moment -- sometimes more shaping from external factors, sometimes less.
In any case, I'm sure you're right that the members have been and likely still are coached in what kinds of things to say, how to act, that sort of thing. I'm still hesitant to say that I think it's likely that huge swaths of what we see is completely fabricated and pre-planned, but I do think that sometimes the company's hand is pretty heavy. The Taekook ITS conversation, for example, I think had a lot of shaping from the company before it was shared with the public.
Beyond that, while I do recognize that it's possible and even likely to happen pretty often, I think that I'm less familiar and less inclined to look that deeply into other members' interactions, and so it's harder for me to pick out those moments. Maybe the hickey moment was one of them, you could be completely right about that for all I know, but it just seems like a weird thing to do, to me, to plan all of that out. But I'm coming at this from the perspective that Big Hit has a vested interest in hiding a romantic relationship between Taekook and wanting to take advantage of the friendship between Jikook, so I'm sure that also colors my perspective.
One reason I find it less likely that the hickey moment was scripted is that it didn't take place in a show like Run BTS or BV or ITS. It was just the behind the scenes of getting ready for a concert. Obviously it was being filmed with the intention of sharing a movie's worth of footage later, but I don't know, it just seems less likely to me that they would be as concerned with creating narratives in that context, especially one so wrapped up in shipping.
I'm just guessing though! As I said, you could be totally right about all of this, and I do think a lot of your ideas make complete sense. As I said, even if I'm not sold on the concept that some entire interactions are necessarily fabricated, I completely take your point on the fact that the members would be coached to act in certain ways, push certain narratives/ideas, and as I talked about, that there are outside people who also help to shape the content that we see, not just after the fact in the form of editing, but also frequently in the room, prompting things to go certain ways over others, in the name of putting forth the narrative that best suits the company and in order to create more entertaining content.
Thank you again for reaching out with your thoughts and sharing your perspective! This is so interesting and I really appreciate it!
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hihi, i’m a recent writer and i’m not the BEST at writing but i do try, do you have any tips for improving in writing? i wanna make a blog for writing and expand it like you have and receive honest criticism but i’m too nervous about my writing :(
thank you!!
Hello there! :)
Alright, I am not sure if I'm the best person to ask as English is not my native language and I'm not a professional writer at all, but I'll try!
I tried to avoid the very generic "read more and write more", because while yes, it is true, I don't feel like this advice really helps anyone. (Same with "analyse what you read", like, my dude, I have a "snuggling for warmth" headcanon to write, I have no time for your school bullshit.)
It ended up longer than I thought, so here's a TLDR, and more explanations under the read more.
TLDR:
It heavily depends on what you want to write (original vs fandom, short vs long, etc.).
Keep things short at first.
Do a first draft no matter how bad it is, then improve it.
Write what inspires you, there's no point in forcing you to write something you feel meeeeh about in the first place.
Get a habit of writing a little bit every day, but don't force yourself if you really aren't in the mood/have no energy for it.
Don't worry about numbers, yes they can feel good but they don't decide if you're good or bad at writing.
Do prompt/headcanon games if you want more interactions with readers.
Make friends with other writers and talk about your ideas with them.
Getting one beta reader is more effective than asking general feedback from strangers. If possible, find another writer and beta read for each other.
I hope it can help you a little bit! ♥ You're welcome to ask more questions or even to poke me on IM, I don't mind at all! :)
Long version under the read more!
First of all, it all depends on what you want to write! Writing headcanons and writing stories don't involve the same skills, same with writing an original story vs writing for a fandom.
I would suggest to keep things short in the beginning! Headcanons are a great exercise, but also drabbles or ficlets. If you don't have any idea, you can look for prompt lists on Tumblr, there's a lot of them with different themes (angst, fluff, whump, etc.). Find something that inspires you, and write about it.
The first draft doesn't have to be good, it just needs to exist. You can read it again later and improve it, but it needs to exist first. It's alright if you don't like it! But don't delete it. Select a sentence you don't like, a passage maybe, ask yourself why you don't like it, and rewrite it.
If at some point, there's a whole passage you can't seem to write for some reason, just write [this has to happen in this part] and keep going. You can go back to it later, there's no point in staying blocked.
There's nothing wrong with staying in your comfort zone! You have all the time to challenge yourself later, when you're more comfortable with your writing. Write what makes you happy and what you'll enjoy writing.
I don't think there's a point in forcing yourself to write, but I also think writing can be a hard habit to get when you're starting. So at first, maybe try to write every day, even just a couple of sentence about something, or just a list of ideas, or even just the more detailed version of a previous idea.
If you do start a blog, please do not worry too much about numbers (reblogs, likes, followers, all that jazz). Yes, it feels very good to watch them grow. But it's almost like gambling, you put your time and effort in something to maybe get a reward or not. Write because you want to write.
Not really a writing advice, but if you do start a blog, ignore any anon hate. Delete, block and move on. Don't even mention it on your blog. They're not worth it. I won't say "get over it" or "don't let it affect you" because it's not that simple, but don't give them any crumb of attention. You can talk about it privately of course, just don't engage with them. The same way, drama is never worth it. Don't waste your energy.
If you want more interactions with readers, you can try doing events/games. For example, you reblog a list of prompt with a "send me a character and one of those prompts and I'll write a headcanon/drabble about it". People are always happy to read more about their favourite character.
Make writer friends, in the same fandom if possible! Talk to each other about what's your last idea, what you're working on, what are you blocking on! It really helps to stay motivated.
There must be about 1250425 versions of the same prompt on Tumblr. It doesn't matter. Write your own if you want to.
About getting feedbacks: I would not advise asking for criticism to everyone. Some people can be clumsy with words, mistake what they don't like with what's bad, or just be plain mean, so it's very hard to sort what's a good criticism and what is not. I would suggest to rather get a beta reader you can send your works to, or even maybe ask another writer and beta read each other's works. You'll learn how you want to give and receive criticism and you won't have bad surprise like this.
I didn't go very deep in some topics, like if you want to write a long story with several chapters, if you want to write an original story or a fanfic, or headcanons vs drabbles. But I was afraid it would get too long AND IT IS ALREADY WAY TOO LONG.
Congratulations if you read all of this mess, please have a virtual cookie to celebrate!
#angsty ask#writing advice#not a good one though#please feel free to contact me if you want!#I'm always happy to talk to new people :)
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Hi. I'm not entirely sure how to word this, as words are not exactly my forte. I just wanted to say that your fic "parce: cupit periere" is very good and I'm too much of a coward to comment on it or even say this off of anon. You don't have to reply to this or anything, just know that one particular internet user is going insane over your writing
What I would have commented would be something along the lines of how very poetic it reads as, being more of a moment in time that says more about their dynamic than anything longer could have. Not that making it longer would negate the effect, it would just make it a different one. I went back to the fic to pull quotes, but more lines ended up highlighted than not. It's like the opposite of using innuendo in a fight scene, evocative in a way I wouldn't have guessed from reading only the tags. The latin should have tipped me off, I guess.
Beautiful work, though I'm finding that that particular verdict applies to nearly everything I'm reading as I scroll through your fics. Have a lovely day
this comes at a really funny time considering my friends were just making fun of how I skew the results of any "how often do you think about the roman empire" meme stuff. i've done it to the ghiralink fandom as well. you're going to start leaving romanes eunt domus graffiti in my inbox
that aside thank you!!! I read that poem on accident while looking for other Martial stuff in class and went. ghiralink. and then didn't do anything until I remembered while trying and failing to do whumptober again. it really deserves better tags and to not be tied to a prompt challenge (the general fandom consensus is people don't really seem to like those unfortunately and they get judged just by being associated with the challenge) but like what am I supposed to say. it's smut. not really. but yes it is
anyway not at all what you came here for but given the chance I will infodump unprompted!!
here's the statue historians generally think the poem is based on, the Apollo Sauroctonos. It's a widely copied statue in antiquity so the author would have been familiar with it. It's making fun of Apollo, who is generally seen as a masculine hero, diminishing his heroic defeat of Python (massive evil snake inhabiting the best cave for hearing the future) to him defeating a lizard, as well as placing him in a more feminine position that one would typically see of an Aphrodite. So obviously not a boy, like Apollo is a full man and immortal god/hero, but Martial uses boy to diminish him like the statue does much like Ghirahim calls Link boy and sky child! Because it's not! literal!!! I would have used the right translation because "boy" works well in the context of ghiralink but given the inability of the fandom to critically think about any kind of word choice. hero it is.
There's no fucking way Martial could have ever predicted his work would be used this way (although divine sword/heroic mortal sounds a bit greco-roman-y) but I think he would 100% be up for it considering some of his poetry is straight up PORN. enemies to (not)lovers at that. it's unlikely you'll find any good translations of it online because historically they're all censored and fucked over by old white men, but this man did not discriminate. yuri couple, yaoi couple, regular couple, he saw no difference
#ask#anon#'romanes eunt domus' is grammatically incorrect for romans go home from the life of brian#which I haven't actually seen but they play that scene in just about every latin class ever lol#going to be thinking about this for a while because that was one of my favorites to write but not one that's very. popular ig#compared to other things I have written
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Straight From My Heart
Throughout the day, I keep track of any ideas in the notes section on my phone. Today, I wrote so many notes that were meant to be writing prompts for what I am now writing. But the problem is, is that I am sitting in a very comfortable chair, my phone is 3 metres away, and I'm too exhausted to get up.
Given my predicament, I began wondering whether I should just trust my subconscious mind enough to just begin writing without the security of having my notes beside me.
Dream:
I was talking to a transgender person and they needed help with some kind of stuck valve. Beneath the valve, water pressure was building. I had been using a wrench to try and close the valve while the transgender person had been sitting on an open window ledge and leaning into the room on the other side that appeared to be flooding. She was watching the effect of the water as I turned my wrench first clockwise, then counter-clockwise when that didn't work. We were working together to try and get things back under control, but nothing I tried seemed to be working, and the pressure continued to build.
The running water that was in danger of flooding the space was indicative of what is happening in my subconscious mind when I insist on constant distraction or activity. When I don't trust my natural processes and rhythms, I am blocking the flow, causing the pressure to build to dangerously high levels.
By allowing my mind to rest, and allowing my subconscious mind to come through, I am ensuring that constant and steady pressure is moving through me in a sustainable way vs. my usual sudden starts and stops.
Today for some reason, I drew a large red heart on the whiteboard at work...and I never do things like that. But it suddenly occurred to me that I'd been living my life quite literally in survival mode. When my heart is in danger of stopping, I zap it back into action just before it's too late, just before it stops.
This is how I've lived my life. This is what I had thought of as normal. I could never have imagined then that there was a completely different state that one could cultivate - and I want to use the word cultivate vs. attain on purpose because we are all in various stages of cultivation. If I didn't believe that we each have everything we need within ourselves already, I might have used the word attain, as it implies not yet having... Perhaps a better way to put it is not yet knowing.
We are all part of a giant macrocosm of billions of unique talents, skills, fears and insecurities... We can't even be sure that each of us in reality is only one person. When it comes down to it, we all have at least 2 sides to ourselves - and likely many more that are in service to these.
My life has become one giant exploration to discover each and every side of myself. I wish to befriend and understand them all. But a person cannot do this, cannot integrate these parts if the tap is blocked off - if we are neglecting half of our human nature.
We will all need to work together if the tap is to continue flowing sustainably both internally and externally.
I started writing as an experiment to see what would happen if I could let go of my need for certainty and just trust that something would come of its own accord if it were ready to do so.
I have to say that I am pleased with the result, not because I think what I've written is even that good, but because what flowed out of me came straight from my heart... my new measurement of success.
My subconscious is trying to tell me to unplug, to turn off my phone, to go inwards - to be with my breath and trust the process of becoming - to work in tandem with all the various parts within me.
Now when someone asks me how a dream can possibly affect their life in a practical way, I would say that it is exactly moments like these in which lived inner experiences are validated - moments in which I am frantically writing, trying to get my ideas out, but then suddenly remembering that the fruits of labor come through cooperation, not condemnation. I don't have to worry about the well running dry when I honour the distinct needs and natural ebb and flow of my conscious and subconscious minds - when activity is balanced by inactivity, and most importantly mediated by the heart.
If you are new here, welcome! Thanks for joining me as I cultivate a practice of writing from my heart as a way to consciously push through my resistance towards discovering my own true Nature.
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