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p0rchc0ll4ps3 · 29 days

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JEAN THOUGHTS (LONG) (3K WORDS LONG) (PUTTING HALF OF IT UNDER A CUT) this is an extremely unstructured jeanessay really. a lot of thoughts i just piled in that have been in my brain that i wanted to get down.

THIS IS ALL LIKE. me coming up with shit btw. like. i try to keep things game canon and i shift stuff when i find out about it. but i am not immune to coming up with backstories and issues and personalities for these characters HELP

cw for mentions of drug and alcohol abuse, toxic partnerships, suicide attempts and suicidal ideation. also obviously this talks about fictional cops so

He and harry had worked on a few cases before harry’s encountered him

Jean’s old partner was a junior officer who graduated and went to work in searchlight (not jean’s receipt cop shit. Jean was happy to be on his horse and patrol the streets and hand out fines), and harry snatched jean up right after that. jean's good with teens i think. he sometimes looks after minot's kids (who are 14 and 16 respectively in my hcs)

Harry’s a guy who’s always drunk to avoid his problems. He used to go out drinking a lot with his friends when he was a teen (the 15th indotribe). Slowly all of them have died off, gone to prison, gotten shot, killed by the gang, suicide, drug overdose. Harry’s the only one left

He and his old cop partner used to get drunk and bitch at each other a lot. The old partner couldn’t handle harry’s depression. They were a negative feedback loop, feeding off each other’s negativity, seriously dragging each other down

Harry blew off the old cop when dora left bc harry was sick of the old cop’s bitterness and hopelessness and despair (but at the same time, said old cop had no patience for harry’s bitterness and hopelessness and despair)

So now harry’s been scanning for a new partner, just subconsciously because he thinks he’s fine to go it alone but I think something happens, like he almost gets killed or whatever and Pryce is like you’re a REALLY good cop. Get a partner or I’ll assign one to you. Can’t lose you

And then there’s jean. Who’s just lost his junior officer to searchlight. Who’s depressed but okay for now (he has a really “supportive” girlfriend (or so he thinks))

Harry grabs him. For the first year shit’s great. They mutually benefit each other. Jean pulls harry up, harry teaches jean how to be a really good cop (coz jean goes from patrol officer or sergeant to lieutenant; he’s SUPER unprepared for it and it’s extremely overwhelming, but jean’s smart and he manages (but it’s still drowning him)). They start to scheme something, a major crimes unit task force. “We’ll change the world, jean. We’ll shift the tides, we’ll raise revachol out of the ashes”

Both of them strongly believe in this

Then jean’s girlfriend leaves him. His girlfriend of six years. And it all starts to go downhill. Harry is like oh yeah I know how to deal with this. I can teach you how to cope.

(cont. below cut coz this is long af and SUPER unstructured)

Harry’s coping methods are awful. He’s like. Pour yourself into your work and ignore your issues. when you can’t work, get drunk. And jean, being ten years younger and lower in rank, is like oh yeah harry knows what he’s doing why else would he be such a good cop. Fully trusts his opinion. And as a result jean becomes a drunk and starts to spiral down with harry.

Harry pulls him down. But it’s jean’s idea to try drugs. And it just gets worse and worse and worse from there. Another negative feedback loop. But this one’s like. They’re there for each other. There to help the other up. there when the comedown comes and knocks the wind out of them. there for all the messy messy shit that comes from drug and alcohol abuse. there to save the other from suicide. They're tight as fuck. They tear each other apart. They’d die for each other. And jean, ever the impressionable type, gets SUPER attached to harry, super emotionally dependent on him. And vice versa tbh!!!! Codependent as fuck, super toxic partnership (bc they’re so drunk and high all the time it starts to get abusive from both ends), overworking themselves to death, in such a hell of their own making

In the depths of it, when it’s at the very bottom of the barrel, when it’s really awful, they’re the type of guys who’ll give up together and say fuck it, mutual suicide. if we go out, we go out together, yeah?

After jean almost dies of overdose I think, the fear of god gets put into him and he realizes he’s drowning and how bad this is. Realizes this has all gone to hell. Realizes he wants to live and realizes shit needs to get better. remembers their old pact, to save revachol, to make the world better. This isn’t it. Doing this will do nothing for them but kill them, and after almost dying himself, jean realizes he doesn’t want to die. They have to try harder. They can’t keep doing this. He knows how harry is when he’s not tearing himself apart. There have been times where everything quiets and calms down and it’s like the first year again and hope comes back and revachol comes back and the future comes back. Times where jean realizes what it COULD be. That’s the thing. He’s SO aware of what it COULD be. That every time he gives up hope, and the hope comes back, jean is like shit man. You know. Things CAN be ok. Please. Let’s fix this. i don’t like seeing us like this. I don’t like all that brilliant genius you have gone to waste. Let’s get better. jamrock needs us. Revachol needs us.

But harry refuses and refuses and refuses and refuses. He does NOT want to get better. He NEVER wants to get better, he wants to drown and he wants jean to be there with him and when jean refuses to drown with him, refuses the mutual suicide pact, harry leaves him. Fine jean, I don’t need your help, I don’t need ANYONE’s help

And when harry comes back and it’s someone else that’s pulled him out of the water of despair, jean’s SO FUCKING PISSED because he’s been trying SO GODDAMNED HARD and it just shows that he’s not good enough, that he wasn’t the right one, that only someone else could’ve helped harry, that no matter how hard he tried, jean would never have been enough. he's more fixated on this than on the fact that finally harry's getting better, and one has to kinda' realize oh. jean just wanted to feel needed. jean just wanted to be someone's personal savior. jean's been doing this for harry, yes, but he's also been doing it for himself.

I dont know how that gets resolved yet. After hitting rock bottom and realizing the only way he has to go is up, jean tries to get better and get help for himself and for harry. He is, as I like to call him, a consummate professional. He tries to shrug off the addictions and the alcohol and tries to pour himself into his work, and as a result the precinct is kinda’ scared of him because he’s so damn tough and pushy about it. Like the coping goes from getting high and drunk to pushing other people around and micromanaging everything. Like he was a good cop before, even when he was just on receipts. Now he’s an even better cop because of harry and despite everything

Kim’s gonna’ show up and rock the balance of it all entirely.

A. Harry’s better because of Kim, who’s only known him for a week. After all jean’s done for harry, after being there for him, it takes some guy who doesn’t even fucking KNOW him to make harry hopeful again

B. Kim’s method of leadership is different from jean’s. Jean micromanages Everything and trusts no one to his job for him. The only person who’s good for the job is himself. The only person he can trust is himself. No one can let him down if it’s just him, and he’s promised himself not to let himself down. Meanwhile, Kim puts his trust in people to do their assigned jobs, and when they break his trust, he throws his authority into it and pulls them back in line. Kim may not be as good a detective as jean (or harry for that matter) because he doesn’t keep his mind open to options Off the beaten path (such as how when in the game harry was like. This door in the whirling is important. And Kim’s like. It’s just a door harry, it doesn’t matter. And then completely blocked off that option as a possibility), but he’s a damned good leader. What he lacks in detecting, he makes up for by relying on other people he’s working with and working as a team. We all have our faults but we also all bring everything to the table. So Kim gets in there and he’s like, trying to work with everyone and totally getting in jean’s way because jean is being authoritarian as fuck whereas Kim is calmly taking it authoritative style.

C. Jean is very concerned about his professional image. C-Wing has become a joke to everyone in the precinct. Jean also knows that he and Harry themselves have become a joke in the precinct. Jean has made up for it by putting on this very strong, controlling front, putting the fear of god into everyone and getting them to respect him as a cop. But now here’s this kitsuragi guy and he operates DIFFERENTLY and jean is having a VERY hard time trying not to crack in front of him. Trying to keep up his professional front. Except that Kim has caught onto this and Kim likes competition, and he’s got it in his head he has to find a way to get jean to respect him and a way for jean to respect harry again because Kim absolutely HATES how jean treats harry now: no respect, completely hopeless that harry will get better and resentful of Kim for being the one there for harry when it should’ve been jean. Jean treats Kim with some begrudging respect and admiration because he’s trying to keep this professional front up. He respects Kim as a cop, and some part of him is thankful that SOMETHING got harry out of his deep dark hole. But jean hates to admit that it wasn’t him that could help harry. Hates to admit to himself that he just wasn’t right for him. hates to admit that he wanted to see harry better out of some selfish reasoning, and hates to admit that some other part of him liked seeing harry broken because it proved to jean that everything is indeed hopeless.

Jean is scared to be hopeful again.

But there’s harry. And he’s smiling. And he’s trucking through it. And he’s trying to come clean. And he’s trying to be there. For revachol. For Kim. He has a reason to live again.

And in some stubborn part of jean’s heart, it’s making him hopeful again, too. But he’s been burned SO many times he’s scared to let that back in. Scared that as soon as he’ll start hoping again, harry will plummet back into the dark, and he’ll finally lose him forever.

So in the meanwhile he hates on Kim. Tries to be professional and keep it together and all that but goddamn. Fuck this guy. Fuck him. He doesn’t know that harry won’t get better. He doesn’t know SHIT. He wasn’t there for him. There’s no way he’ll help.

And Kim has picked up on that! But he’s also picked up on the very small hint of hope that jean’s got in there. And the very small hint of gratitude jean’s got in there. And Kim, being Kim, liking competition, being petty, not liking how jean is being such an ass outwardly when he doesnt have to be, not liking how jean refuses to trust ANYONE, decides that he has to pry that hope and gratitude out of jean. He knows jean’s a good cop. He knows he’s a team player. He knows if he gets jean out here, and if jean and harry are truly friends again, C-wing will finally be worth its mettle again. And if harry really wants to “change the world” as he’s been talking about, Kim knows jean is crucial to that. So.

Kim hassles jean. A lot. Constantly testing him. Constantly pushing him. Teasing him. Questioning his authority. Trying to pull it out of him, to get on the same level, to get him to trust everyone, and respect them all again.

And that above EVERYTHING is the thing that’ll make jean crack. Because he’s trying soooo hard to keep up his face and then here’s Kim prying him open again.

Like he learned it from someone.

i think it's basically a big trust issue haha. kim trusts jean because he knows jean is an officer of the rcm and a good one at that, but he doesn't like jean's lack of respect towards him. jean trusts kim for the same reasons (bc kim's an officer of the rcm and a good one at that), but he doesn't Want to bc he's jealous. harry trusts kim with his life (if kim says jump, harry Will jump), and harry also trusts jean with his life, though he doesn't know it. however, jean doesn't trust harry anymore. he wants to because he used to be able to but now harry's gone down the drain so much he can't and he hates seeing how much kim does trust harry and how much kim trusts him (jean himself). harry doesn't understand why jean doesn't trust him. we were partners right? for four years? haven't we been there for each other? and jean just doesn't want to come to terms with any of that

meanwhile in all of this there's judit. and she came from a-wing where she made the mistake of babying all the men there and got treated like shit for it, so now she's on a strict I Am Not Taking Care of Any of These Men and Their Issues regime. she is also a Consummate Professional, and lower rank than all of them (tho when harry gets partnered with kim, and jean gets promoted to lieutenant, she'll become the satellite officer lieutenant). jean Tries to ask her for opinions bc oh woman, woman may not be good at police work but woman is smart with emotional issues (a very incorrect opinion judit Always makes sure to call jean out on his bullshit for) and judit always just says 'just do your job, officer' but internally she thinks to herself maybe if they all you know just fucked and made up it would be better (coz there's Sexual Tension there for sure) but she keeps this opinion to herself and VERY buried. she does NOT like office drama. she would prefer it if nobody fucking dealt with that and everyone could do their jobs thank you very much. shit's hard let's get on with it, just trust the guy bc he's a fellow officer of the rcm and let's move on, okay? at this rate, she's convinced they're gonna' get themselves shot and killed for all this bullshit.

honestly it's just jean who's the issue here hahaha. kim's chill, he's okay with everyone, the 41st is loads better than the 57th (less racist, by a margin, for one). harry's struggling, but he's got support and he feels hopeful he can make it. jean on the other hand is the only guy sitting there and victim-blaming and rotting away and coming up with bullshit and being a complete jackass about everything. he's BURYING it, that's for sure. but internally it's tearing him apart. and it definitely bleeds over in how he treats kim and harry. come on, jean. get your shit together. do your fucking job. nobody wants to hurt you. i know mommy and daddy yelled at you a lot when you were a kid, but none of these people want you dead. not even kim. he's just messing with you to get you to lighten up and get on the same page as everyone. come on man. stop your moping. they love you, too, i promise

so yeah that's my extremely long unstructured jeanthoughts essay that'll probably become more solidified the more i write him and jean himself tells me what's up but yeah. i like the guy. he's so. fucked.

good for him 🥰