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thewingedwolf · 1 year

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i am rewatching shadow & bone bc, once again, i am a parody of myself, and i really am so fond of Mal in the show, i am deeply nervous about how he’ll be written in s2 lol. not as nervous about almost everyone else - i say ALMOST bc i was not impressed with the way Jesper & Nina weren’t shown to be bisexual, like, at all, & while i think it was just clumsy writing & not malice (the same as the clumsy way they wrote Alina’s race), that doesn’t mean it’ll get better lol. also pls understand i spend half my time shitting on the darklng, ben barnes does an excellent job reminding me why i hate that bitch okayyyy

Mal already knows that Alina’s tent with the other cartographers was moved, and knows where it moved. We first see him fighting but seems like he got there, immediately attempted to find Alina, figured out she had been moved and was wandering around, then said fuck it she’ll find me or i’ll find out she got thrown in lock up again, and decided to go beat someone up so he could show off his kruge in front of her lmao

Alina is interested in the grisha. she’s smiling and curious, clearly thinks Zoya looks cool af (she’s right, Zoya is cool af). Mal spends the entire time frowning at them lol. Could be bc a grisha just crashed his party, could be mal’s general dislike of grisha and the upper class. it’s very funny either way that he just Refuses to smile until Alina distracts him

Alina experiencing A Racism but still thinking quick enough so her team can eat makes me emo but also Mal immediately being like “time to commit some crimes” every single time someone is racist to Alina is so great, get u a real man like Mal

Racism is done very messily in the show and i’m hoping it improves bc like - Zoya is insulated from most racism due to her status, but we still get that comment about “YOU from Novokribirsk?” comment from another Grisha, which seemed like a pretty obvious slight at her being Suli. Alina experiences racism everywhere she goes from nearly everyone she meets - random cooks, cartographers, servants, Zoya, and the Darkling himself. Even Genya sort of brushes off the comment about her eyes as like, typical bullying and not something very different & much more insidious. Mal looks uncomfortable at the anti Shu Han propaganda & I think that’s it? Which feels weird bc he doesn’t have the class protection Zoya has, but maybe he doesn’t *look Suli* culturally the way Zoya and Inej clearly do. Or are Mal AND Alina both supposed to be Shu Han? We know from Inej and Nina (and maybe Zoya, idk, i never read king of scars bc i would have to acknowledge Matthias & David’s deaths and I refuse) that the Suli are still mistreated on a legal level in addition to social, but are maybe treated marginally better than the Shu that live in Ravka, bc Ravka is in an active war against Shu Han. Is that the difference in what Mal experienced vs what Alina does? lol or i’m overthinking something that clearly wasn’t thought out very well before they put it in the show. I just like. Do Not think Mal is meant to be a white Ravkan, firstly bc Archie isn’t a white brit, and secondly because - look at him aksjdjd that is not a man that can really pass for white. I hope they handle Alina’s background better, especially since she’ll be interacting with other Shu characters, in s2 but i also want an explanation for Mal’s background!!!

I do think it’s funny that the sickness grisha get if they don’t use their powers is very informed in the show. Mal makes a few comments about Alina being sick all the time but she doesn’t actually look or act sick at any point in the show aksksk

Mal is so strong, like the dude is fuckin ripped, a fucking volcra tries to rip Alina away and he’s just like “yeah i can take this bitch with one hand” aksjsj

I feel bad for that lil blond boy that clearly has a thing for Alina lmao he really tries to stick up for her and she does not even notice a little bit and then he dies bc West Ravka is like “anyways don’t get captured even tho we’re at war with half the world and you have no resources, crew, or family over here” ya, they’re way better than Old Ravka smh (Zlatan is just as big of a bitch as the king and darklng dammit)

Interesting that Zoya only gets shitty with Alina after both the Darklng & Mal clearly choose her over Zoya. Mal she probably doesn’t gaf about, but it definitely stung her pride that she can’t even pull an orphan from Keramzin but Alina can. Before that tho, even if she’s thrown by Alina, she clearly sees Alina as One Of Us. She even looks visibly annoyed when everyone starts laughing at Alina and her “i’m a mapmaker” response & seems to pick up on the implied racism of the “what are you” question. It’s an annoying response that after being rejected, Zoya uses that racism against Alina to put her in her place but like…I guess it’s not wildly ooc? bleh.

Ivan and Fedyor purposefully ignoring the Shu Of It All when talking about power and privilege is 100% why Alina takes so long to trust the grisha, and so easily turns against the Darklng imo. For all they understand the danger of being Grisha, for all Ivan wants to lecture Alina about her privilege at dinner, none of them even bother to understand what it’s like now, right now, for the poor of Ravka. You serve in the army & let the Darklng indoctrinate you with his nonsense, or you flee like the mother in the first episode does, taking your chances with the slavers & the volcra & the Fjerdans. There are no good choices for the grisha, no good choices for the non grisha peasantry, and Alina’s entire existence, from the never ending racism she experiences, to the death and starvation she’s surrounded by, is a constant reminder how few choices that exist no matter if you’re grisha or not.

So like, most of the bad guys have Weird Foreign Accents and I dislike it. All the Ravkans should have Russian accents but it’s only Fedyor & a few mean servants that do. The Fjerdans all have accents. Pekka has an accent. Everyone else is just a brit, including people in Kerch, even tho they don’t even speak the same language as the Ravkans do, they speak Kerch! Why does Kaz not have some country bumpkin accent dammit

“When our closest friend is in trouble, we do foolish things.” Smash cut to Kaz doing the Dumbest shit in an attempt to protect Inej from Heleen l m a o it’s not one whipped bitch in this show it’s two (it’s three actually, Matthias just hasn’t shown up yet lmao)

When Mal & Alina are both envisioning each other & reach out to hold the others’ hand, hundreds of miles away but desperate for comfort, THAT was the moment i fell for them. Archie & Jessie are just so Powerful okay aksjdjd

feels more obvious in retrospect that he’s not trying to train her to do anything but answer to him. he doesn’t even bother preparing her for the king bc he knows he can amplify her powers, so long as she’s not fighting him.

I do not buy Baghra’s insistence that Alina’s feelings for Mal hold her back. She’s able to summon her powers when she’s angry, and Baghra takes that short cut by continuously pissing Alina off. But Alina also uses her powers whenever she thinks of protecting Mal; she protects him on the skiff & when she remembers trying to run away with him for protection, she can summon a bit of her power. It’s Alina’s compassion that gives her abilities, but Baghra has spent so much time nurturing her own bitterness, watching her son nurture his anger, it just never occurs to her that Alina’s strength comes from her desire to protect the people she loves. Alina goes from wanting solely to protect Mal to channeling her power through her anger and rejection & Baghra treats it like a win but it’s just another shortcut that clearly makes her more susceptible to the Darklng whispering in her ear, not less, and if Baghra had any goddamn sense, she would have seen that she was making her son’s job easier. But like, the darklng didn’t just come out of nowhere lmao, and you can clearly see where he gets his defeatist, manipulative, and bleak ass outlook on life from.

As a certified Matthias stan still refusing to acknowledge the end of crooked kingdom, i think it is genuinely so funny that Mal gets chest wound after gut wound after chest wound in s1 and shrugs it off, but Matthias gets shot one (1) time and dies immediately & cannot be saved by the most powerful heartrender that ever lived. leigh PLS

“you are my true north and i can see my way to you now” IM JUST.

Genya has to hurt Alina’s feelings by lying about Mal, then immediately and smoothly changes the subject to something that will make Alina laugh. She knows she has to betray Alina and she tries her hardest to soften the blow, encourages Alina to return to the blue kefta instead of going too hard towards the Darkling so she has the protection of a color and a people, warns her as best as she can to be wary of the Darklng, even while she’s helping isolate Alina from anyone who could help her escape. i’m so depressed about Genya.

Enter David and Genya loses her damn mind ansjsjdjdjd Alina is doing miracle sun summoning and Genya just watches David the whole time, who probably cannot fucking believe his luck that his weird ass boss for ONCE is letting him hang out with the meanest, coolest, smartest person in the palace instead of Ivan & Fedyor, who spend all their time flirting with each other and bullying him

Fjerda is lichrally trying to commit genocide against the grisha & Shu Han does…some jacked up shit to their grisha lol, and i did a whole post about how the Darklng is just more of the same, but so is Baghra. All their talk of looking out for Grisha, but they both treat the peasantry of Ravka as disposable. Nikolai is theeeee only valid ruler specifically bc he does think of the cost to the peasantry & to the grisha before he makes decisions (something his father and his brother also don’t do lol). And both Baghra & Aleksander allow this “us vs them” bs to permeate through their own people - no grisha healers help the first army, and Ivan reads the dead but glosses over the Otkazat'sya deaths to focus on the grisha. but this is on purpose - if you make the grisha other the Otkazat'sya, you can easily turn them against one another. neither baghra nor aleksander ever work towards like, actual freedom for the grisha by building bridges and relationships between the grisha and the Otkazat'sya, they just turn the grisha into weird, insular child soldiers.

Alina realizing she can just swing on the racists now love that for her

Mal tends to deal with his feelings for Alina bubbling to the surface by purposefully breaking the tension; closing his eyes & going to sleep when they’re thrown in the brig, cracking a joke about going to Ketterdam when he steals her food. But their convo in the woods after they’re reunited is the first time he doesn’t try it - you can almost see he wants to, when she says she cheated on the grisha test bc she didn’t want to leave him, his whole brain short circuits at what it could mean, and it’s a moment where he might have purposefully broken the tension but instead he takes a minute to think before he tries to open up abiut his own feelings - only to get derailed & heartbroken by the realization that the stag drawing wasn’t Alina trying to communicate with him, but Aleksander manipulating & isolating her. But he still doesn’t break the tension - he lets Alina hold him, and he holds her in return, & stops running from his feelings for real this time.

I do find it so funny how Aleksander sees David raising his hand to speak, initially starts to tell him to knock it off, and then realizes David will not understand why Ivan and him find it annoying & just decides to choose his battles aksjjdjd.

Also, him going through the five stages of grief when he realizes Mal & Alina are together, and overdramtigcally monologuing about the orphans of Keramzin being reunited to this random dude who has no idea wtf he’s talking about. Perfect, no notes.

Episode 7 is just very well written. All the conversations are tense, all the action is painful, all the acting is amazing. From David half in tears as he helps enslave Alina, all the anger going out of Alina when she realizes the king was raping Genya, Genya’s guilt & shame over her own hand in betraying Alina stopping her from talking even though she’s usually so composed, Mal’s helpless snarl when he says Aleksander will wish he’d killed him, even Aleksander’s inability to look Alina in the eyes because he knows she’s right to hate him it’s just that he thinks she’s a justifiable sacrifice. Meanwhile the Crows are being the most chaotic idiots ALIVE akskdkdk just perfect, excellent writing.

What i think is interesting is that Alina makes the hypocrisy argument to Genya, and it works. Genya appeals to Alina’s compassion when she admits the king has been raping her, but Alina pieces together that Aleksander placed her in front of the king to begin with. Not a soldier, just a pawn. And Genya is so struck by this argument she has no counter; she just leaves in tears. Alina tries this with Aleksander as well, to get him to see the hypocrisy in his actions - of killing the king because the king is a monster, yet using the fold as a weapon. It has the complete opposite effect because whereas Genya is aware on some level that she’s being used, Aleksander is so far removed from his own experiences as a pawn, as a target, he can’t see her point.

“all countries will answer to us. for who would oppose us now?”

means Something to me that Immediately after that nasty comment from that heartrender, Zoya sees another Suli girl (who, if we remember, someone she is friends with just called Suli trash before getting got by said Suli girl) who is about to be killed, witnesses the destruction of her home and what she will find is the death of the only person who ever loved her as a child, and makes the decision to betray the only stability she’s ever known for the glimmer of hope that Alina can offer her.

It’s also exactly what I mean when I say I hope we get an explanation for Mal’s background. In Inej’s chapters we get the sense that the Suli are a people that draw close together, even outside Ravka. Her curse on Bajan clearly hits him hard; even clearly trying to assimilate into Kerch culture, the thought that his Suli ancestors may forsake him for harming a fellow Suli really gets under his skin. So in the show, what I love is we get a small exploration of this bond that exists between all Suli as outsiders in their home countries - Zoya and Inej instinctively working together, Recognizing that bond in each other, with Inej even attempting to stop Zoya from going back to the ruins of the city, of wanting Zoya to stay with them. And Zoya, despite her pained history with her own people, despite her comments about Alina being [redacted], clearly returns those feelings. She’s so much warmer with Inej, and vice verse, then say, Jesper is with Mal (he’s not cold to Mal, he’s just Typical Jesper). The thing is - maybe you could argue Zoya and Mal kind of take a small interest in each other because they recognize the other is Suli, but Inej and Mal don’t really have that connection in the time they know each other, and Zoya and Mal are much more cordial with each other than Zoya and Inej are. OBVIOUSLY there are other factors at play. But. Whereas we get a hint of Zoya’s own complicated past, and Inej is defined by her ties to her culture, Mal doesn’t really show any of this beyond one single uncomfortable look at a Shu Han propaganda poster, and that’s likely more to do with Alina than his own background. I JUST THINK ITS WEIRD AND CLUMSY OKAY.

idek what to say about Alina’s amazing speech besides HELL YEAH THATS MY WIFE. she’s so fucking cool.

Ivan’s lil bitch ass being like “know your place” RIGHT AFTER Alina gives her “you asked WHAT I am” speech and then Jesper being like “i think the fuck not” and tossing him overboard. absolutely perfect i love that man.

Zoya looks so uncomfortable during the whole conversation by the fire. For the first time, she’s the outsider - the lone splash of color against the browns and blacks of the crows and malina. But when Zoya says she has to go back, Inej shoots up to stop her, and even Kaz attempts to dissuade her from what he thinks is no better than a suicide run. Since her childhood, Zoya has seemed alone, but just as her aunt stepped in to save her then, and the crows attempt to console her now, Zoya is never as alone as she feels.

And neither is Alina! Knowing where their stories end up going, i think it is interesting that both Zoya and Alina are very adaptable and very adept at making very loyal friends. Despite all the odds against them, with them being Suli and Shu, with Zoya being a huge bitch (which I love) and Alina constantly struggling with her own self worth, other people see just how amazing the two of them are and are willing to fight for them, with them, to be near them. Sankta Alina and the Grisha Queen. Wonderful.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #rani's liveblogging tag #anti darkling #ben barnes is a magnificent actor who imbues a lot of depth into a character that is a textbook abuser & i love him. aleksander can choke.#i’m in mobile so i can’t put it under a cut i’ll do that later probably #rani attempts meta #there’s a lil meta here so it’s going in that tag #if u want to comment u can. u can even disagree but if ur a bitch about it i will be a bitch back

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cheryawa · 11 months

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This community gets on my nerves with all the limiting beliefs and contradictions but what I'm thinking about now is this:

If you aren't the ego, why do you need to change self? The one desiring is the ego, not awareness. And the ego is doing nothing to make things happen. The desire to change the ego is the ego. Awareness is already perfect.

I want to live in a world where I can think negatively, feel negatively, be mentally free, and still get what I want. So if I am God and not the ego, why would I have to watch my thoughts and feel fulfilled to get what I want?

I just feel like most people repeat what others say without truly understanding or forming their own opinions and it's so frustrating. Most people surely have experienced strongly desiring something they later received. And desiring is part of the human experience. I don't want to lose that.

I just hope I can make people think about whether their beliefs are truly theirs or what they think they're supposed to believe. I don't like people pushing one thing as the objective truth.

Also, yeah the whole point of "manifesting" is to experience it physically. Nothing is wrong with that.

I think about my experience lucid dreaming and instantly making things happen. I didn't fulfill myself. My doubts didn't stop me. My negative thoughts didn't manifest. All I did was want something and it automatically changed to what I wanted, no effort on my part. If reality is a lucid dream, why would you have to do anything?

I think it's dismissive and rude when people say you don't have to do anything without elaborating, though. It's not helpful. I needed to understand everything to let go of my grip on things. The conditioned mind needs to understand the how. That's why I subscribe most to nondualism. It freed me.

I think the most important thing is for people to drop everything and see what resonates for them. But it can be hard when everywhere you look, there are fifty aggressive and contradicting opinions all being treated as fact. It's overwhelming. It drains me on bad days.

I do truly believe nobody really knows what they're talking about, so just believe what you want and do what you want and everything will work out.

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burnwater13 · 1 year

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Grogu was happy that Cara Dune was part of a special group of people helping the New Republic do things. She had always struck him as a person who needed to take action and not just sit around with her feet up on a desk.

He remembered when she was arm wrestling with his dad, the Mandalorian and well… he got a little concerned that she was hurting the bounty hunter. You just can’t do that when Grogu’s there. You can’t. Grogu apologized for the ‘manner in which he used his powers to disrupt her control of Din Djarin’s arm’.

He meant the apology. How was he to know it was game? Just a thing human’s did? He’d never seen anyone do anything like that at the Jedi Temple. The last time he’d seen anything like that it was when the Nikto gang members were doing it to decide who had to do the chores that day. They didn’t think it was a game. Especially not for Loseallthetime Di, because he always lost the battle. (Nitko names seemed very on the nose to him.)

So when Grogu heard the Mandalorian grunt as Cara was bending his arm, in armor even, he took things into his own hands because no one else there was helping Din Djarin. As he reflected on his actions (the Mandalorian made him do that) he realized that the inaction of others could have been a clue that they weren’t worried about the ‘game’.

But to be fair, Grogu had seen a lot of inaction by people and it usually meant that they didn’t want to step up and help with a problem. Either they didn’t want to get involved because they were afraid or they didn’t think anything bad was happening, or they thought that what they were doing was more important or they just didn’t care about anyone else ever.

He had been told as a youngling that if you see something wrong taking place you need to take action.

Which is why he was with the Mandalorian at all. He didn’t have to heal the bounty hunter. He didn’t have to pick up the mud horn with the Force. He didn’t have to hold the flames back… actually, he had to do that. He had also been in harms way. But you get his point. He made a lot of choices that put him at risk on behalf of other people. A lot.

Of course the Mandalorian had done the same thing for him. Many times. So many times. Stopping mean critters from pinching his face (Trask). Stopping mean humans from stealing him (everywhere). Stopping IG-11 from terminating him according to his protocols (Arvala-7). Stopping Peli from calling him a ‘womp-rat’ (just kidding, he never stopped that and neither did she).

It was that helping each other out thing that made them such a good team. Sure Din Djarin had called him a lucky charm or words to that affect when they were on Corvus. He wasn’t wrong, although Grogu didn’t like that any better than being called a womp-rat. When they were together things worked out better. Staying together had been harder than Grogu thought it should be.

There were things that the Mandalorian thought were just too dangerous for Grogu to experience. Grogu supposed that was because Din Djarin just had no idea what Grogu had already experienced. If you can hold back the fire from a flame thrower meant to cook everyone, you’d think people would realize that you can deal with some pretty bad stuff.

Grogu suspected the problem was that he’d never had a good reason to learn to speak Gal Basic. Grogu understood a lot of Gal Basic. He had to. It had been pretty much the de facto language of the Jedi Temple. But he’d never learned to say the words and all that complicated grammar stuff because that hadn’t really been essential when everyone around you could use the Force.

If he’d actually learned how to say the words he could have told his Mandalorian partner that he was good for an adventure like stealing a starship or teaching a bratty gunslinger a lesson about honor or that you can’t hide when you need to use the privy (awful Q9-0 droid). He would have told him that he preferred bone broth to veggies and a whole of host other things as well.

He might even have told Cara Dune he was really sorry for interrupting their game because he didn’t think it looked like fun. All he had actually said to her originally was ‘coo’. Basically, ‘sorry’. He’d meant it then. But sometimes you really had to explain things to her the way Kuiil had.

Which reminded Grogu of his favorite saying in Gal Basic. “I have spoken”. The next time he saw Cara Dune he would apologize again, very nicely and end it with ‘I have spoken’ to underline how important he thought it was to say the apology out loud in a manner she could understand because that’s what people did of action did when they were in the wrong.

#the mandalorian #grogu #din darjin #calendar prompt a day

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jigscw · 2 years

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*cracks knuckles* we’re talking about psychology again and apparently i just can’t be stopped.

okay but maybe unpopular opinion but i don’t think billy has ptsd. he has a shit load of trauma, all of which happened in his childhood, and he DEFINITELY has complex trauma, and i think that’s probably part of the reason that he doesn’t have ptsd from his time in the service. and i think the fact that he doesn’t have ptsd from his service is what makes it infinitely more difficult for him to really understand what people like frank or curtis or anyone else that he served with are going through. but anyway, let me explain:

so depending on how you best understand it / what theory you want to work through, the effects of complex trauma can really manifest in like two major ways: attachment and regulation. in terms of attachment, the fact that billy never got to form solid, healthy attachments with anyone in his childhood ( he was in and out of group homes, foster homes, and everywhere in between ) he doesn’t really know how to sustain relationships, doesn’t know how they’re supposed to be modeled, never properly learns how you’re supposed to properly go through all those human experiences of regulating emotions, which is something we primarily learn from our parents and those who we spend the majority of our most formative years around.

ptsd ( which usually stems from a life or death experience ) diagnoses require you to have explicit triggers that remind you of the trauma, avoidance of things that remind you of the trauma, or nightmares and flashbacks and the sort. and genuinely i think the fact that billy was already so detached from a lot of really triggering and traumatic shit that he experienced as a kid ( and the fact that he never properly learned how to be attached to things in a healthy way ) means that a lot of the stuff that was triggering for the others that he served with ( losing allies, getting physically hurt, being in threatening / life or death situations ) are things that he either already experienced and was used to anticipating.

so it explains a lot of the reasons that he’s able to thrive after coming home. he starts a company. he’s able to easily make the shift to adapt militarized skills to civilian life. that’s not to say he gets out unscathed, kandahar fucked him up in a lot of ways he won’t admit to, but a lot of those reasons can be directly related back to things that are triggering for him because of what he experienced in childhood ( i.e. being used and manipulated for someone else’s personal gain ) and it’s not the “regular” military-esque triggers that are shown to effect him ( he doesn’t care about gun fire or combat noises / reminders, doesn’t exhibit any evidence of trying to avoid that part of his life ) it’s the stuff that stems more from being used, being manipulated, being groomed.

now i WILL say that season two billy definitely has ptsd, but specifically in regards to frank’s attack. because there you get the nightmares, the flashbacks, the avoidance of certain things ( although there it’s more in confronting truths and realizations ), and there you get more of the “typical” trigger responses ( crying, emotional instability, spiraling, recoiling / curling in on himself, gripping the head, etc. ) but from frank’s attack and from the knowledge of what he did. so, in a way, billy doesn’t have ptsd from anything that happened to him, he has ptsd from the things that he did.

#i could have gone on for at least 4 more paragraphs about how childhood trauma also feeds into / explains / causes a bpd diagnosis #but i know no one is going to read this whole thing anyway #and at this point i dont want t oclog dashes #𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗖. / HEADCANON.

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madzxzx · 7 months

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It went along the lines of it really sucks to be broken up with and it be a it's not you its me and nothing was wrong on the relationship side and you can't really see any reason why you couldn't be together again but they just don't reciprocate feelings anymore and that's valid but you can't wrap your head around why that came to be how that can even happen how there isn't even a seedling of anything anymore but you didn't see everything you can't see everything that's how the world works and you can only imagine but you shouldn't imagine and they talked about children and marriage even though maybe most of the time they were joking you don't know you don't know how much was joking and how much was serious or if all of it was a mix you don't really know what you had anymore you second guess because I know there were feelings right but idk where can all of that go just like that I suppose I dove in as soon as I got permission head first it was a penguin dive they're actually really fun to do and there weren't any no diving signs but it was just shallow enough that I cracked my head on the bottom of the pool and there's blood everywhere and everyone has to evacuate because there's blood in the pool and they're like what the heck we wanted to swim in the pool I was too eager no I'm not at fault for wanting to bring myself my all and being hurt won't stop me from doing it again but I was rushed to the ER and they have me waiting for hours because it's the ER I'm not even conscious I'm already in a coma if I was in a coma in real life I want the experience to be a very surrealist horror situation created by my very being made up of my mind my beliefs my thoughts my memories my dreams my hopes my fears my emotions everything that makes envelopes my existence I want to be warped into a terrifying tortuous experience but one that is really beautiful once youve experienced it and it cant touch you anymore if I can survive it i get to live but if i get lost or stuck I die or stay in a coma forever

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akaraboonline · 1 year

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15 awkward first-time experiences with sleeping with a guy

No matter if it's a one-night stand, a casual buddy with benefits relationship, or the beginning of something more serious, the first time you have sex with a new person is awkward as all get-out. Here are 15 awkward first-time experiences with sleeping with a guy How sometimes it’s planned and sometimes it’s not In an ideal world, two people would always agree on every detail of their shared sleeping arrangements, but that doesn't always occur. It can be extremely strange if one person shows up totally desiring it while the other was planning to watch Netflix and truly relax. The panic if you haven’t “prepped” properly Most girls rush to recall whether or which parts of their bodies they shaved that morning when they realize that sex is about to take place. Some men don't care about upkeep, but even if he won't notice, we can't help but want to be attractive everywhere. Wondering if he manscaped It can be equally stressful for those of us who favor clean-shaven lower halves on our men to not know whether or not he did his preparation. What if we get hot and heavy and I'm completely put off by his messy behavior afterwards? The lights on/lights off debate Usually, you haven't discussed how to handle the lamps when hooking up with a new person. Even though you can typically ask and make a joke out of it or just stop making out in the middle and turn the damn thing off, there will always be that awkward moment the first time you sleep together. Praying he has protection if you don’t Ah, the riddle of the condom. However, if you neglect them and he doesn't have any either, you're out of luck. You don't want to appear too easy by bringing a large stack. If he whips out his junk without a condom, it will be even more awkward, and you will have to grasp him by the shoulders and say, "Hell no, dude!" Is foreplay still a thing? It's difficult to tell if he's okay with stopping at other bases when he's trying for the home run. Is he anticipating you to move right along to the main event, or should you take your time making him crazy with that blowjob? Will he pay you any consideration at all before that? (P.S. the answer had better be yes.) Having no clue how long the sex will last You have NO IDEA what to anticipate in terms of duration when you've never had sex with that person before. If you don't know whether you'll be finished in five minutes or two hours, how are you supposed to know whether you should go to the restroom first or perhaps grab some crackers? Being self-conscious about every little thing Sex is so intimate and exposing that it's completely normal to feel extremely self-conscious, even if you've already done "everything but" with someone and are otherwise at ease with them. It can be uncomfortable at first to worry about how your body is moving, how various parts smell, and what he thinks of the moans and spasms you can't control (hint: he adores them). What if I don’t finish? Sex is different with each individual, so what you experienced with one guy might not be the same with another. It's difficult to enter a new scenario not knowing whether or not you'll get to enjoy yourself too, but hopefully the person you're sleeping with cares about your orgasms to help you get there. What if he doesn’t finish? Even though not every guy finishes the sexual act every time, it generally does, and if you're the girl and he doesn't, it can be traumatic for your ego. You will undoubtedly feel extremely uncomfortable if it's your first time meeting someone new and they are unable to attend. Just make sure you discuss it with him so he can tell you that it wasn't anything you did (or didn't do) (so weird, but so worth it)! If he does, WHERE?! It will be a very stressful few seconds as you scramble to make your preferences obvious if you haven't discussed where you want him to cum (inside, chest, stomach, etc.) and you're already halfway through sex. Because everyone is unique, make sure you have a strategy in place. Not knowing what to do afterward When all is said and done, you might not know what comes next. Do you hug? you remain overnight? Do you praise him and congratulate him on a job well done? HELP! Wondering if it’ll happen again When having sex with a new partner becomes routine, it can sometimes become anticipated all the time. Sometimes it's just an extra perk on top of the fun you have already been having. You'll need to have an awkward conversation about what it implies moving forward in either case. Wondering how it changes things Although this isn't always the case, sex is frequently what elevates partnerships. Make sure you and your partner are in agreement at all times. If it was truly awesome, you're in for a lot more fun in the future even if you opt not to try it again. Read the full article

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esgagile · 1 year

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The significance of ESG for investors and companies

We are an ESG Consultant that we created a data-based document on ESG reporting to assist investors, financial institutions, and businesses in better understanding the underlying criteria to implement and report on. Download the form below to get free access to this exceptional ESG resource. ESG is a chance to assess and set objectives that will benefit the environment, enhance the social impact a business has on the people it employs and the community in which it operates, and demonstrate how the company is accomplishing these objectives.

It is a company-initiated approach that emphasizes caring for people and the environment more than just the bottom line. Despite this, more and more research indicates that businesses with high ESG ratings generally have more financial success than those with low or no ESG ratings.

As an expert ESG Consultant that ESG is not merely a reporting framework for financial institutions and investors; it is also something that all stakeholders in the ecosystem, including employees, regulators, and investors, are aware of. Suppose no other reason than that events like the coronavirus pandemic and climate change serve as reminders that we are stewards of nature rather than the planet's masters. In light of recent events, ESG is becoming even more critical.

In our understanding as ESG Consultant which ESG is a catch-all phrase encompassing elements of sustainable and ethical finance. It is a framework for considering financial, environmental, social, and governance considerations and other factors when making investment decisions. ESG reporting is the publication of information outlining a company's impact and added value in three categories: corporate governance, social responsibility, and the environment. It is also a technique to evaluate how well each company performs or scores on the E-S & G variables and decide whether it is a worthwhile investment.

Legally speaking, European legislation is driving a solid application of ESG elements everywhere, including the banking sector. The ESG framework is being promoted inside the EU as a vehicle to support the Green Deal and enable the implementation of a more sustainable economy.

Being an ESG Consultant that the pressure to incorporate ESG in your business can come from various sources. Suppose you are a startup founder, for instance, actively seeking investment. In that case, you will have a greater chance of persuading investors if your business has already implemented ESG rules and does well on these metrics.

It has been shown that businesses that use ESG principles experience higher top-line growth and cost savings, lower volatility, more staff productivity, and fewer legal and regulatory interventions (fines and sanctions). On the other hand, companies with poor ESG scores experienced higher capital costs and greater volatility due to controversies and other events like labor strikes, accounting fraud, and other governance issues. So, if you want to stay caught up, it would be best to board this train now.

#ESGConsultant

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prettyboykatsuki · 3 years

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am i warm enough for you?

➳ tags ;; soulmate au, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst but mostly fluff, some-what canon compliant, bakugo katsuki is bad at feelings, lots of Feelings™, you guys are adults but the end of the fic but the fic is sfw, alcohol, drunk confessions

➳ wc ;; 5.6k..

➳ plot summary ;; you see your soulmate in dreams - sometimes in bits and pieces and other times in full. bakugo is less than inclined to admit he even has a soulmate - and you learn how to cope with it, one day at a time.

bakugo learns that this soulmate shit is no joke. that has to be why he keeps falling for you so helplessly.

➳ a/n ;; i wasn’t even gonna comeback this early but it felt so wrong not to post on my bfs birthday so alas </3 for anyone who cares to know this is @elysianseraph but with my new url. nice to see u all <3

this was originally posted on 4/20 but im reposting cause it didn’t show up in the tags dskjds

It’s hazy.

A cloud of smoke settles over your body, permeating your lung. It smells like sugar, like burning, like smoke and a little like leather. You can feel your toes curl and your hands moving but your body is separate from you in a way you can’t describe. It’s a pleasant kind of warmth that spreads, creeping up from behind your neck till it’s soft and cradling your skull. It’s soft like the touch of a mother, like wool over your ears.

It’s a pleasant feeling, that’s all. Almost cozy but there’s a fading sense of distress that chills in your lungs as you encompass it. Your hands are too small to reach forward, and truthfully the sensation is so powerful that you’re afraid to reach out. You’re 6 years old, so all you know is how it makes you feel. You can’t remember many details, but you feel pleasant. Something about it is soft, but there’s a sharp edge right at the end that has your lungs gasping for air.

It’s a flash of colors. Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red. Orange. Red.

And then it fades into a feeling again. A blurry feeling. You feel conflict, then concern, then inadequacy in heavy waves almost like it’s drowning you. It’s the first time you’ve experienced such a pain, so your wailing and wiping tears away with chubby fingers and saying a name you don’t know and can’t remember.

Ka. You know the sound, Ka. But you don’t know of anything more. It repeats rhythmically in your mind like a knock on the door, rapping with urgency - but it doesn’t do anything to jog your memory. Someone is trying to be let in but you don’t know how to answer them, and you’re still crying. The distress, the inadequacy shakes you and all you feel is frustration in short simple bursts.

Your first encounter with your soulmate is written this way in your memory. A sense of urgency laced with frustration - but they’re not towards you. It’s him, his feelings - you can feel them even deeper then he can. They pierce you in a way that makes it hard to breathe, no matter how you try to escape them it’s an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. The only way to escape the feelings of a dream is either to control them, or to face them and swim through the fog.

Soulmates have an urgency to them, in general. His is different, you can tell as much. Your first soulmate dream leaves the heaviest impression and each one thereafter is like pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes you simply share random dreams, like a split screen in a video game - the two of you witness different parts of the same dreamverse. Other times, and honestly - most times, you’re experiencing their emotions or feelings. You experience their core memories, their life, in flashes and bits and pieces.

It’s not enough to know them or who they are, it’s like know everything about them except the things that matter

Sometimes you meet too. Just barely.

MEETING 1:

The room is white. When you blink, colors flash in order - red, pale yellow, orange, forest green and you know. You blink a few more times, stretching your hands out in front of yourself. Curling your hands into fist then into stretched palms, you lean forward and stretch. You wriggle your toes - notice you're wearing shoes. Clothes from your closet. Strange.

You take a look around the room but there isn't much to see. There’s a wall in front of you with a glass divider and a mirrored empty room. The room across from yours has spiky decor littered against the walls. An orange dresser, plastic grenades and play guns. You know who it is without a second warning - and a foggy part in the back of your head tells you that it’s him, again but with more force. You don’t see anything in your room, but you figure he might. All of it is confusing to you.

Before you can blink, there’s a loud thud coming from the other side of the glass. It’s a silhouette, the outline of a face - but nothing clear. Dream logic dictates you can’t know a face you’ve never seen, yet somehow you know his outline. Spiky, he’s spiky everywhere.

“Hello?,” you call out, overly tentative. The figure pauses, seems to take in whatever they must be seeing. You’re not sure what response you’re expecting, really. There’s no expectations at all.

“...Who the fuck are you?,” says a pitchy, male voice. He sounds like he’s your same age, a highschool boy. His throat is rough, yet not overly deep. It’s almost scratchy.

“Uhm,”

You’re not sure how to reply. You can see him through the glass, but not really. Still, you take note of his shadows like they’re going to tell you anything more. You shove your hands in your pockets, messing around with something inside.

“Uh.. your soulmate, I think,” you reply.

Scratching the back of your neck as an awkward silence settles, you take a few minutes to try and figure what more to say.

“We met when we were kids once too,” you explain awkwardly. He must know, has too - this soulmate thing is a two way thing, but his silence is deafening. You just want to feel this space. Is it always this awkward?

“Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Forest Green,” you repeat, like a mantra. You hear him take in a sharp breath, and freeze. For some reason, you’d like to avoid upsetting him. He doesn’t seem like he’s taking to the information too well.

“I don’t have time for this damn bullshit… whatever quirk you’ve got to mimic this - cut it the fuck out,”

Hostile.

You pause, not sure how to feel. Half of you is offended, the other half is confused - had you done something to upset him? You can feel how he feels - but you don’t understand it. You sit with your mouth agape, like a fish out of water. Unsure of how to proceed, you scoff a little.

“Woah.. this isn’t a quirk thing. We’re.. soulmates? That’s already a thing,”

More silence. You’ve.. he doesn’t seem upset, but you can tell he’s not all that keen to the idea. It’s a bare minimum improvement that you find yourself valuing, without your consent. He breathes again, throat even more hoarse than before. His voice is angry but it doesn’t fit his responses, his feelings - so you don’t pay attention to his madness. Something is off.

“... I’m not supposed to have a soulmate. No fucking way I have a soulmate,” he grits. You step back, stumbling. You didn’t have any expectations.. but this wasn’t what you had been expecting at all. You feel uneasy, sick. It must be a shared feeling if the way he leans against a wall counts for anything.

A beat of silence passes before you open your mouth to speak.

“... I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that,” you admit. He scoffs.

“Nothing you damn extra. Leave me the fuck alone,”

You don’t reply, too stunned. This was your soulmate? This.. asshole? Not that you were a peach entirely either, but this was supposedly the person that the universe had decided for you?

You shake your head. Maybe you’re just being rash? He could be a nice guy behind all the chaos. You try your best to hold onto that, that this was literally someone chosen for you before you gave up all hope. You sigh, cracking your neck.

“You can say whatever you want but.. we’re here, you know? It’s more productive to just go with it.. isn’t it?,”

“Go fuck yourself,”

“After meeting you, I’m not exactly over the fucking moon about it either. It is what is,”

“You’re not my fucking.. soulmate or whatever the fuck. Leave me alone,”

Your heart both aches with anger and sadness. You don’t know what to do. What does this shit-head know about you, anyway? You know he’s been through some shit, same as you - what makes him so entitled? You swallow the lump in your throat. It hurts. It pierces. Stupid soulmate bonds.

“Yeah? Alright. Fuck you too,”

You see him pace around for a longer before he disappears in a cloud of smoke. You didn’t even catch his name, and you’re not sure you wanted too. It must be morning, but at least you're away from him. It feels lonely, but it must just be you.

Your eyes flutter open but your heart is heavy with regret. You don’t know who it belongs to, but you’ve got class in an hour and not enough time to think about it. If he doesn’t want to meet you that’s fine.

It’s fine. Not like you wanted to meet your soulmate anyway.

You don’t have another meeting with your soulmate for months. Lately your dreams have little if anything to do with him or where he is, how he’s been. You have some of those split screen ones, where you know he’s there but neither of you acknowledge each other, even in spirit, like how you did before. When you wake up feeling angsty, you don’t know how to distinguish the feeling but you don’t try.

You wonder idly if he can feel your apathy, if he cares enough too. Maybe he also mistakes it for his own? It seems likely.

It’s a weekday where you’re getting ready for remedial classes at your school. First year advanced courses were no joke, and you find yourself regretting your choice to participate in them.

Still you get dressed anyway, put your uniform on and brush your teeth - wash your face with your eyes half open and look presentable. No one's home in the morning, the house is empty of any life but you. Food becomes a last minute priority, so you make an egg sandwich with cheese and eat it on the way to the train station.

You stare down at your feet as you step outside, music drowning out the noise of your surroundings aptly. The walk to the station is long and the ride is longer, but the streets are packed edge to edge. Musutafu is busy this time of year - the U.A. Sports Festival is taking place today and everything seems to reflect that. You barely manage to squeeze past all the strangers on the subway - clearly on their way to see it.

When you get to school, you're greeted by a mostly empty classroom with a teacher. These classes were straightforward as always, do the work you need to correct, have it approved and leave. It repeats until your finished with all the assignments and you get to be done. You give a respectful nod to your teacher before grabbing your work from your bag.

It goes on and on - occasionally, you hear an excited gasp and quiet chatter from classmates. It’s about the festival, the happenings - but you’re too caught up in completing your work that day and trying to get the fuck out of their as soon as possible.

Shit like that didn’t matter to you, anyways. It’s just a festival.

You leave around the same time the festival seems to have ended, the streets flooded with people - you miss the first station and wander towards an electronics store a block away from your highschool.

It’s the winners on TV. A guy with split hair - Shouto Todoroki, Endeavors son. A guy with a bird head, and a blonde with red eyes - muzzled to the pole.

When you see them, your heart stops. You can feel anger, an unfamiliar rage and humiliation building in your chest. It feels the word has stopped as you watch from afar, through screens. Your soulmate seems upset about something, but you wouldn’t know what.

And that blonde on TV, you wonder if you know him from somewhere.

MEETING 2:

Red.Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red.

You feel him before you even know what’s happening - and it catches you completely off-guard. You haven’t had a proper soulmate dream in two years. Smoke clouds your lungs, the taste of sugar burning your tongue as you cough yourself into awareness. This time, you’re not in a room but it’s a campground. In the middle of the space is a bonfire, burning warmly. This one feels more vivid, more real.

But you know it’s not, your body feel unusually light and your hands can’t hold anything for too long. You know it’s a dream, but you sit in the chair anyway. It feels like you're floating. You feel oddly warm. Dread builds in the pit of your stomach. Even though it’s been so long since you’ve spoken to your soulmate - you can’t forget the terrible first encounter. It sticks to the roof of your mouth - a bitter memory that fills you with unexplainable, irrational resentment.

But it’s not like you hadn’t been seeing him, to an extent. You’ve seen all his memories in bits and pieces - all of them tragic and painful. This time, you see people but they come in the form of small scraps. Spiky Red. Electricity. Tape. Pink with Horns. Music. Green. So much green and red - like Christmas, you’ve called it. You’ve seen disappearances, fear, anguish - so much anguish.

In the weeks after All Might’s fall, you were in so much pain - you couldn’t stop crying for days. It’s been enough time to know what feelings were yours and which were his - and these ones felt so much like him. It went on for nearly a year - you’d almost got accustomed to it. If tears showed up to blot the ink of your lecture notes, you didn’t think twice about it. You tried to keep yourself calm, steady - in hopes you could lend your soothing to him. Even if he hated your guts, you could barely believe so much sadness could exist in one person. You didn’t know what happened but whatever it was - it must’ve been terrible. At the very least, you felt sympathy.

Sympathy was enough to get by for a long time. A neutral, level-headed sympathy that helped soothe some of your own hurt.

All that said, you were hardly expecting to see him again - especially not this soon. You don’t remember the last time you thought about him in anything other than passing - actively. It’s one thing to know what's happening - you’ve felt him passively everyday for damn near two years.

But it’s another thing to see him in front of you, force yourself to acknowledge him as your soulmate even if he insists on not doing the same.

You squirm in your chair, noticing that you’re wearing PJ’s instead of clothes. Just a hoodie and sweats, none of which fit you quite right. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fiddling with the stray strand of thread loose.

“What the fuck is this shit?,”

Your stomach drops. Unsure of what to say, you opt to say nothing at all. Just let him be, sit quietly in your dreams and mind your business. Maybe he’ll wake up soon and it’ll all be over.

You can’t see him from the corner of your vision but you can hear him shuffle. The way he touches things, noticing how they make noise but don’t feel quite right in his hands. How it feels real but doesn’t, how it is real and isn’t. Surely, he’s noticed you by now. The lingering silence makes you squirm.

“...It’s you,”

You flinch, lifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze. His expression is unreadable, but it’s different from before. In a fleeting moment, something occurs to you.

You can see him. What he looks like. Blonde with red eyes, and a sharp chin and thin waist. You know it must mean you’ve seen him before - perhaps you’d even seen each other, but for your life you can’t remember where you’ve seen his face. It’s right there, on the edge of your mind, but you’re stumped.

“Hello?,”

“Oh,” your reply comes short, strained. Your eyes flutter as you press your lips into a flat line. “Uh, hi,”

The blonde sits in the chair, slumping down. His eyes go towards the flickering flames without another word and you decide it’s best not to engage. It stays like that for a while, a beat of silence - not awkward but not comfortable, passing by without another thought. It all feels real, present - not like normal dreams. This must be the special kind of soulmate thing you find yourself feeling resentful towards.

His eyes are heavy. Relief is overwhelming him, with an iron grip and he’s worried you can feel it. If you can, you don’t say a word.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” he admits.

The words sound tender passing through his mouth, unmistakably so - but you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you give him a placating laugh, leaning forward towards the fire and mirroring him.

“I didn’t think so either,”

When it falls silent, it feels comfortable. It’s not like either of you have anything to say to each other right now, with no manual on how this was supposed to go. If he even wanted to go there.

“I can.. see you,” you start. He squints.

“You couldn’t before?,”

This takes you by surprise. You shake your head.

“No..Could you? See me, I mean?,”

Bakugo feels heat rise to his skin. Oh. Huh.

“Yeah,” he replies, a sharp inhale leaving his lungs “I can see you,”

There’s something tense in the air. It’s a strange sensation - to know the deepest and most intimate parts of someone without even knowing their name proper, or where they went to school, or what they normally eat for breakfast. All that connects you are these mutual feelings, shared grief that holds you two to the title of soulmates. This odd bond.

“..d’ya still think I’m a quirk wielding villain?,” you laugh, or try too - you’re doing your best to cut the tension. He can feel your hurt all the way from your sit, so deep in his gut - it’s been haunting him for years. How many nights of sleep he’s lost knowing there are soft and helpless tears coming from these suppressed feelings. He doesn’t know how to say sorry, so he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. He’s changed a lot in two years - but not enough to be good at this.

“No, I don’t,”

“Oh,”

He smiles, just a little. It’s gentle, casts shadow on his face from the light of the fire. It’s warm, everything feels warm and better and invigorating. When you look at him and his uneasy expression - you know he feels it too.

“By the way, uhm - what’s your name? Ka.. something? Right?,”

His eyes shoot up in surprise. He nods a little.

“Katsuki Bakugo,” he replies, expectantly. You seem surprised that he wants to know yours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” comes your reply.

“Nice to meet you,” says him, Bakugo - your soulmate.

“Nice to meet you too,”

Getting to know Bakugo is unusually easy. You get the feeling it wouldn’t be, in the case that you were anything but soulmates - but Bakugo has never known being this intimate with someone other than you. Despite himself, how much he hates himself - you never seem too. Even though you feel and see all the ugliest parts of him - have since he was small enough to still be innocent, you always treat him the same.

Your conversations are short, and shallow. Regardless, he’s not used to talking so much about himself. But you’re always curious, so much so Bakugo doesn’t have the heart to see your countless questions go unanswered.

You keep a little notebook of all of your encounters. You remember them by heart but write them down too, just in case you miss something. You ask about his friends - Spiky Red and Soft Green, referring to them that way even after you’ve known their names. You ask about his work - the life of a dangerous hero, and if he ever gets nervous flying through the air.

Admittedly, he’s mean to you. He teases you so frequently, he’s lost count of all the times you’ve huffed and puffed at his sarcastic remarks. Still, you never turn away from him. You stand with your foot down and your arms crossed over your chest - insistent on making him feel flustered too. And it works, somehow - because you know all too much about Bakugou and always gets him right where he’s most conscious about. You don’t have to tease him about his feelings since you know them like the palms of your hand.

But these shallow conversations always mean a little more to him that he knows how to verbalize, and half the time he doesn’t need to do that at all. You’ve learned the masterful of working around him quietly, making all the parts of that feel too big to love - something small and fragile. Somehow, you’ve made being with him, even as friends - feel like less of an impossible feat but a dream.

Katsuki Bakugo has been in love with you since he was 6 years old. There must be some feelings we cannot share with our soulmates, because he has no idea if you feel it or not. He just knows he does, somewhere deep in the cavern of his heart, he loves you.

You never cross the barrier of romance with him, though. A paralyzing fear seems to settle in your bones when you breach too close to love and intimacy - and Bakugo understands those feelings, even if he doesn’t know exactly why they’re there. It’s not something you’ve decided to tell him yet, but he feels it in the same way he feels your loneliness. You may be kind but you’re more guarded than he is, and not fearless but reckless.

But he still finds himself aching to love and be loved by you, no matter how much he hates it. The yearning still manages to swallow him, even late into the night.

MEETING 3:

It’s been a while since your last meeting with Bakugo but not long. You were 21 now, but your dream visits were frequent. When you weren't speaking or seeing him through dreams - you were watching him on TV. You’d been yet to meet with him in real life but to you, that was okay. Seeing him like this had been more than enough.

Today was different. Normally, that bonfire was always a back-drop to these little encounters but it was a field today - a filed with rolling hills and hundreds of flowers and tall grass that made you feel itchy. The sun was permanently stuck right before it set but it was so warm everywhere. When you get there, there’s a blanket on the top of one of the hills. You sit on it cautiously and watch the wind pass. Everything is tinged orange, and red - you know he’s there with you before he appears.

When he does, he seems different. You glance over at him as he stumbles towards you in a stupor, and when he does finally sit - you get a whiff of alcohol coming from his neck and mouth. It’s strong enough to make a little dizzy. Blinking owlishly, he sits crisscross besides you, staring a little at the surroundings.

“..the fuck?,” he slurs. You can’t help but break out into a laugh. He nearly falls over, body swaying so you bring his head down to your shoulder wordlessly, a furious heat running all over your skin. Even though you can’t feel him, the gesture makes you feel something in your belly.

“Why’re you so drunk?,”

“Birthday,” he mumbles. Your eyes widen in surprise. Bakugo is seemingly unfazed, eyes drooping with tiredness. He’s completely inebriated.

You feel yourself grow tender. You’d have to wake up and remember the days date. Despite all the times you’ve met, you had no clue about his birthday or how he celebrated. You feel your heart ache at the idea you’ve spent the latter half of it together, in your own way.

“Happy Birthday, Bakugo.”

“Bakugo this, Bakugo that,” he growls, a little incoherent “We’re supposed to be fucking soulmates and you still call me by that.. damn name.”

He hiccups a little as you sit there stunned. You blink.

“.. You think of us as soulmates?,”

“Are you some kind of moron?,”

You scowl, flicking his forehead with your thumb and forefinger. He makes a noise of indignance.

“Well, how would I know? When we first met, you didn’t seem enthused about it,”

Bakugo sighs tiredly.

“I was 15 and an asshole - clearly I don’t fuckin’ feel that anymore,”

You seem surprised again.

“..You don’t?,”

Instead of swearing at you, he closes his eyes and gets closer to you. The liquor runs through his system like liquid courage and he nods a little.

“Not at all,”

“What do you..”

“What do you think I mean?,” he barks a laugh. You feel your pulse under your skin, drumming against your chest like a hammer. You can’t even breathe.

You’ve had feelings for Bakugo from the second proper meeting you’d had with him. It was clear as a day that he was your soulmate for good reason, that inexplicable draw that kept your heart from ever belonging to anyone else. You tried to - tried to go on dates and see other opportunities through but he was always so one of a kind.

Yet, you’d given up all hope that it would mean anything to harbor these feelings, convinced that Bakugo simply wasn’t interested in you In doing any of this. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want - so you kept your distance with hope that he’d still be in your life. It was enough, or you’d wanted it to be.

It’d be a lie to say that you hadn’t started thinking about it more and more as the days pass. What it would be like to see him, touch him and love him and be with him for real - these passive daydreams gone vivid. If he could see your dreams, he must know about them. But you didn’t know how to approach it - how to approach love at all.

That’s the thing with soulmates. You’re told that you’ll just have the answers, destiny will do the hard work but that’s far from true. Because even now, with Bakugo leaning on your shoulder with this confession lingering in the air - you don’t know what to do.

“Stop being so nervous,” he mumbles. You stumble a little over yourself.

“Sorry,”

He chuckles.

“You really need me to say it, huh?,” he sighs. He picks himself. If he’s drunk and reckless, then fuck it - he’s gonna take it all the way. He drops his head onto your lap with a tired sigh.

“I think you’re my soulmate, you fuckin’ idiot,” he admits.

And it’s hard to say, because feelings don’t come easy for Bakugo Katsuki - but it’s the least he can do. All Bakugo Katsuki has ever known is to be lonely. It’s a loneliness that he’d forced on himself. Bottling up all the anger and sadness and swallowing it. It’s long since sunk it’s claws into him. That overwhelming, all consuming ugly feeling that lingers underneath that superiority complex.

That no one would ever, could ever love the ugliness that lingers in him. That no one who knew him for what he truly is, could care for him. Deku was the first of many disbeliefs and not much had changed.

Except for when it did. Except for when he met you - in a dream, and you were real and beautiful even at 15. That the universe hadn’t been playing some sick joke on him when he kept seeing you in his dreams, so soothing to his teenage loneliness. You were real and that was so fucking scary.

But you loved him anyway. Looked out for him when he was at his lowest - the soothing beat of your heart in the days after All Mights end . When he cried himself into sleep and dreamed of you. God, how he dreamed of you. Not especially romantic dreams, but dreams of how you made breakfast. How you watched cartoons on Sunday and read manga in your classes instead of the assigned work. How you fell asleep on the train station and always ate icecream after big tests. How you were especially mundane and how he got to be apart of that everyday routine.

After all, you see dreams of each other, but Bakugo has no clue what your dreams of him look like. His have always looked like you though.

When he was worthless and empty and unable to give you anything meaningful, to apologize or put his pride away - you had loved him anyway. Felt for him with clumsy hands and held on, not letting go. Even when he was begging for you to leave him alone, in fear of this all being nothing more than a cruel dream - you held on tightly to him. With your silly notebook questions and dumb names.

Bakugo Katsuki has never known what it means to love someone who isn’t you. Even if you found someone else and there was someone better than you for him, he would grit his teeth and bear it. He wonders if he’ll ever believe he deserves you. He wants to believe you’re his soulmate - to believe you wont ever leave. To believe that he did something right enough that the universe could give him someone like you.

And he wishes he could say all this, but he can’t - he just closes his eyes and hopes you can feel it.

“You’re so mean,”

“Isn’t that why you like me?,” he grins.

And you can feel his sincerity. He should feels yours too.

“I love you, actually,”

He gasps, a sharp breath that stabs his lungs. He feels sober from the confession.

His voice is gravelly when he speaks.

“Yeah, shit - me too,”

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest. The address is correct, it has to be with the way this place looks. Only a hero could live here, with the floors that lead up to skies. He lives on 3rd floor, so you swallow your fear. You give yourself a thumbs up in the glass window pane of the building before entering through the doors.

When you get there, a box sits. You press the button next to his place, bouncing on the balls of your feet until you answer.

“Hello?,”

His voice feels different in real life. You cough.

“Uh, hi,” you greet awkwardly “I’m here,”

“Oh,” he says. You hear something buzz and then him again. “Come on up,”

And you do. The elevator ride feels like it stretches mild, classic piano echoing against the empty walls. You feel yourself feel sick but you’re not sure it’s from the movement. All you can do is fidget and wait.

When the doors open, you peak your head out into the hallway. He’s the first one on the left, just as promised. You can see a welcome mat - forest green, and something in you knows that it’s the right one.

You step up and knock, three times precisely. Your heart is all the way in your ears and everything in you is filled with unease and excitement.

When the door swings open, the world stops. You gape like a fish out of water in disbelief. He’s tall and big like he promised he’d be, but you’re unprepared. His chin is scruffy, eyes full of sleep. Strong chest and arms that seem to crowd your vision, you don’t know what do.

His expression is full to the brim with feelings you’ve never seen. He steps aside with his head ducked down.

“Come in,”

“Ah.. right,”

You take your shoes off and place them in the slippers meant for you - they fit you just right, and it can’t be a coincidence. Your heart swells up a little as you take your coat off, hanging it on the rack. You can feel his eyes as they linger on your silhouette.

“So -,”

Before you can get a word out, you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist. His scruff brushes against the skin of your neck as he holds you tightly too him. The warmth of his breath lingers on your neck - and he hiccups, a sob stored in his rib cages let out with a howl. The tears blur your vision too. You can feel his drip onto your shoulder as you snivel into his neck. Your legs feel weak, but he holds you up at the door - the only thing keeping you standing.

You cling around him tightly, your nails digging into the meat of his shoulders. It’s him, your soulmate, Katsuki Bakugo. He’s real and holding you - and he smells like leather and sugar and a fireplace. He’s warm and strong and overwhelming and your crying into his shoulder with so much feeling you don’t know what to do. You hit him weakly, unsure of what do with yourself and he laughs.

“Damn you, shitty woman - makin’ me fucking cry,” but his voice is strained. It’s like something connected, how you feel each other so intimately in that moment. Not only because you’re soulmates, but because you love each other so deeply. Your heart feels heavy.

When you pull away, you manage to give him a warbly smile.

Your hands cradle his face - so handsome and wonderful. You lean forward, emboldened, and peck him. He melts into your touch like he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. It makes you grin.

Maybe you don’t realize that he had.

He’d been waiting for you all this time.

#bakugou x reader #bakugo x you #bnha x reader #bnha x you #bnha imagines #bakugou imagine #bakugou imagines #PLEASE SHOW UP IM BEGGING

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danggerine · 3 years

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i made the mistake of reading the notes on a lot of trans naoto posts so now y’all get responses to some of the bad takes i keep seeing. buckle the fuck up

• “naoto’s arc is about sexism specific to the japanese workplace and calling her trans erases that to fit it into a western lens!!!”

you guys do know that there are japanese trans people right. like i agree that there are lots of issues with workplace sexism and gender roles in japan, but there’s also lots of issues with transphobia. y’all do know that you do not have to be white and/or live in a western country to be trans, and that queer stories and issues are GLOBAL stories and issues right.

• “naoto isn’t a man, she just pretended to be one to get respect in a male-dominated field, if you say she’s a trans man you’re ruining that whole character arc about accepting your true self!”

here’s the thing! the way that character arc was done was fucking transphobic! the trope of a woman going into disguise as a man for safety/respect/etc is tried and tested, it shows up literally everywhere, and the trope itself is not inherently transphobic. HOWEVER, when persona 4 incorporates Really Obviously Trans elements into that trope, like chest binding and literal gender reassignment surgery, then we have a problem, because now you have a cis character going through a trans narrative in the name of insecurity.

p4 does everything it can to embody the typical narrative of a young transitioning trans guy: binding, changing your name, revising official documents to be known as a man in work and school records, dressing masculine, and forming a shadow literally based on transitional surgery. plus the stuff naoto’s shadow says isn’t about being “a weak little girl” or “no one will ever take you seriously when you’re just a little girl” like you would expect it to be for someone who’s arc is supposed to be about dealing with misogyny, it’s all “you’ll never be a real man,” “you can’t cross the boundary between the sexes,” “no one will ever see you as you are” comments. you know, textbook trans guy insecurity. but the game backtracks on that and says naoto was just insecure about being a female detective and wanted people to take them seriously, and that they should get rid of these feelings and accept their true, female self.

and this is where the problem lies. when you write an obviously trans-coded narrative, but make the character experiencing it an insecure cis person or someone trying to avoid discrimination, you say either 1. trans people are really their assigned gender and are just insecure, but accepting the gender they were given at birth will make them happier and more confident or 2. being a trans man is a way for cis women to escape misogyny. 1 is obviously stupid and has been talked about by plenty of people, but 2 is a BIG problem and a wild assumption to me. being a trans man is seen as an “out” for naoto, or a solution to a problem, as if once they’re a man they’ll face no discrimination whatsoever, when in reality things like getting their gender marker changed in official documents that would allow them to go by “he” and wear the boy’s uniform at school and passing well enough to be seen as a boy in public would be a HUGE ordeal that includes a lot of stress and rejection and danger. realistically, naoto is putting themself in a really precarious position, because if they are exposed as actually afab to the media, to the detective agency, or to the school, they are set for a hell of a lot of ridicule, discrimination, and potential physical danger. but persona 4 doesn’t reflect this at all, because it’s transphobic and thinks that being trans is the easy way out for cis women experiencing misogyny!

• really any argument that boils down to “naoto is a cis woman in canon whose struggle is about sexism, not being trans”

like i already addressed enough of this, i think, but what really gets me is that kanji’s arc is fucked up in a lot of the same ways naoto is and no one is clowning on posts about kanji being gay? his shadow is a very clear (and offensive) gay caricature, and his narrative is very much one about a mlm guy experiencing homophobia from his peers and acting out because of that. and yet the game backtracks to saying “oh no it’s not about liking men, kanji is insecure about his femininity and softer hobbies because of toxic masculinity” and then literally uses naoto to refute his queerness because “look the only guy kanji was ever shown as attracted to was ACTUALLY a woman all along and now that kanji knows she’s a girl he can be openly attracted to her!” in canon, naoto is about as cis as kanji is straight, and yet EVERYONE is on board for portraying kanji as gay in fan works like it’s not even a question, but there has to be a huge debate anytime anyone wants to call naoto trans. legitimately, i think i’ve seen someone argue about kanji being mlm on a post...once? ever? meanwhile every post about naoto being trans has to have a horde of discourse, i’m literally already prepping for the bad notes this post will get because y’all cannot leave this ALONE

in conclusion, i am not saying that everyone has to think naoto is a trans man or forcing anyone to stop liking a character in the way they want or anything like that. i am saying that the naoto’s canon character arc is transphobic and if you’re trying to fight with trans people about how they want to reclaim something that uses a lot of their experiences, don’t.

#this is petty as shit and it’s probably going to get me into sooooo much DiscourseTM but i got frutsrated #really out here writing a fucking dissertation about the opinions people i’ve never met have about a 10+ year old game lmao #gale make a post that isn’t 10 miles long challenge #but i cant HELP it i love naoto so much he is so so trans to me #persona 4 #naoto shirogane #persona #trans naoto #my thoughts

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levi-ships-eruri · 3 years

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Levi Ackerman NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Levi is a cleanliness freak and after a few moments of holding you and making sure that you are okay, he would get up and change the sheets. Means, you have to get up, too. And while you are up, you should go and take a shower. He will join you there and MAYBE this will lead to a second round. However, he will definitely make sure you are alright, clean, and safe. And tbh, there is no better feeling than going back to bed with Levi and cuddle into the fresh sheets.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Levi is quite confident about his body despite his height. On himself, he especially likes his hands and his long, slender, and calloused fingers. They are quite aestethic and he knows how to use them on you, reaching places inside you that your own fingers cannot reach. However, these hands are also shed in blood. Therefore he loves to see that his hands can also be soft and caring on your body, and bring pleasure instead of death.

On you, Levi is definitely an ass and thigh kind of guy. But his favourite body part of you is your face: eyes, lips, nose, jawline... He loves when you glance over to him from the other side of the room, a little smile on your lips. He loves the blush tinting your cheeks. He loves the soft look in your eyes when you tell him that you love him. He loves to see you let loose when you come on him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Levi HATES to make a mess. So when he comes, he comes inside of you. He also thinks this is quite intimate and therefore likes it (plus, secretly thinking he is marking you. Boy sometimes is insecure). When it comes to oral, he wouldn’t force you to swallow. If you wanna spit it out, he would hand you a tissue. Same if something drips out of your mouth because sometimes he comes A LOT.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Levi is pretty vocal about sex and wouldn’t hide something from you, not even the awkward first-time-stories. But there is one thing he is shy talking about... he is not one to share his partner. EXCEPT for the two persons he trusts the most: Hanji and Erwin. Levi caught himself thinking about a threesome with his partner and one of them (or...a foursome...no too much trouble), but he would not dare to bring it up. He would be super embarassed if Erwin turned down the idea and he wouldn’t want Hanji to tell everybody or to brag about it (they would do this, let’s be honest).

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Levi is over 30 years old, so he had gathered some experience. He started in the underworld, not necessarily because of need, but because he thinks it is something he is...supposed to do? Something that was normal for people to do? Later he also had sex when he needed to release some anger, and only later started to really enjoy it and to think about what techniques would please his partner. So, when the two of you start having sex, this guy knows what he does and is willing to learn everything about you and your preferations.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy: He loves to push you down, a hand between your shoulders, your ass up in the air, pounding into you.

Missonary: Levi is a broken man and he loves to hold you close to him and bury his face into the crock of your neck.

Sitting: Both of you sitting, your legs wrapped around him, bodies closely pressed together, hand and lips everywhere they can reach. It is the most intimate position for the really emotional times.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Levi is pretty serious in the bedroom, but he will make cocky remarks and smile a lot (sometimes also cocky, sometimes soft). Sometimes you will break out laughing because he cannot shut his shitmouth and will say something downright ridiculous.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

His hair down there is dark as well and neatly groomed, maybe even completely shaved. He is aware that bodyhair does not have anything to do with bad hygene, but he just feels better shaved or groomed. Levi’s body hair (and facial hair) also takes a lot of time to grow due to his time in the underground, but in this case it is rather beneficial for him.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Levi is super intimate. Not necessarily overly romantic, but intimate. This is something between you and him, something special. So unless it is a quicky during stressful times, he will take his time and make sure that both of you feel good and loved. Often having sex with him is the closest you ever feel to him because Levi can show his affection better by acts than by words. Afterwards you sometimes have the deepest conversations.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Levi’s sex drive is not the highest and he has no problem with not jerking off for a while. When he feels the need to do it, he will do it during his super effective shower sessions because this way it wouldn’t make a mess.

However, when he is in a relationship, his longing gets stronger. If he cannot see you for some time or if the two of you just cannot find any time for the do, he will have a frustrating jack-off session, which only causes his need for you to grow.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Captain Kink: Levi likes to take the dominant part. He likes to hear you call him Heichou in bed, but not too often (he loves his name from your lips even more).

Bondage: Levi loves to tie you up and make you squirm beneath him. Orgasm denial is not a real kink of him, BUT he will do it all the time when you are tied up. When he gives you oral in this state, you can be sure it will take at least AN HOUR before he lets you cum.

Stockings: Since he is a leg guy, he enjoys seeing you wearing stockings. And he wouldn’t admit, but seeing you taking on your boots and gear the next morning is a huge turn on for him. He cannot wait to take them off again in th evening.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His bed or the floor of his room, where he has control over the mess the two of you make.

His desk. It will make much more of a mess and will make a chaos out of his paperwork, but he is a sucker for the view of you sprawled out on his desk.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Levi is actually pretty hard to seduce, which makes flirting with him really hard. He notices the flirting, of course, but is good at ignoring it. As already mentioned, he gets pretty turned on when you get dressed into your boots and gear.

Whenyou spend the day apart from eachother, glancing at each other from a distance, waiting for the night to finally come.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Degrading: Apart from public belief, Levi would NEVER degrade you because he hates being degraded so much. His whole life has been a pain so far, so why should he take this into the bedroom, where he just wants to show his partner his love?

He would also not hurt you. Maybe a few spanks or some very light choking and hair pulling, but he would never ever hurt you in any way. Same reason as above.

Don’t. Call. Him. Daddy. He thinks this is super weird. Just stay with his name or Heichou/Captain.

Anything including piss or feces. Just no.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Levi highly enjoys receiving oral, especially when he is sitting and you on your knees in fron of him. When you blow him, he will finally let loose and you can see his face slightly being tinted red, eyes closed, lips a little apart. His hand will be in your hair all the time and towards the end he cannot hold back and will thrust into your mouth once or twice. His low grunts get a little more high pitched when you run your tongue around his tip.

But Levi is also pretty talented in giving. As mentioned before, he likes to tease you with his mouth, loving the feeling of you squirming beneath him. Be prepared for a lot of edging, cause that little gremlin is a sucker for your desperate moans.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Levi is a little more on the rougher side. His thrusts are deep and strong, his pace rather “average” at the start, but he gets faster in the course of the act. If the two of you have some time, he will vary his rhythm, from slow and sensual to fast and strong, and back again. Quickies will be, as the name suggest, as quick as possible.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Oh, talking about quickies: If you are in a relationship with Levi or anything like this, quickies will happen very often. He is a busy man und you most likely will also be part of the survey corps, so you need to use every little space of time you can get. This often results in steamy sessions in the forest against a tree, or a more private session in his office.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So, semi public sex, like in the forest, is a thing. But he would always make sure to not get caught, especially not by some cadets.

Apart from that, he is pretty open in bed. Tell him what you would like to try and he will most likely agree, as long as it is nothing from his no go list. If he picks up something new (thanks to Hanji most probably) he will also not shy away from bringing it up and ask you about it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Oh boi, we are talking about Levi. When the two of you have a whole night, you have to be the one to stop him at some point - for your own sake. Levi can go for several rounds, even the whole night and this can easily be too much for someone without special power.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

So let’s imagine a more modern setting, because I think there are no sex toys in our common sense on Paradise Island. In a modern world, Levi would definitely get and try out some sex toys, especially vibrators which he could use on his partner. He would also be a little curious to try them out on himself, but he rather uses them for teasing you. He would have like 2 or 3 items, not too much, not too fancy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Ohhh, be prepared for a lot of teasing. Levi enjoys to have a little power over you and your pleasure, and he will make use of it. He is especially unfair when it comes to oral, holding your hips in place while he is taking is sweet time to pleasure you. It drives you mad and this man has a lot of patience.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Levi is not really loud, but his soft little grunts and moans are like music. He only gets a little louder when you tease him while giving him head, but he will also scold you for it. That shitmouth. Otherwise, you will hear him whisper “fuck” and “shit” while he is pounding into you and coming close to his climax.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Levi is quite curious when it comes to new techniques. Soon after joining the squad, he discovers that Hanji has quite an interesting collection of books with...a lot of explanations and images. So one day, he asks them to borrow some of these books to study them. But before, he threatens Hanji with death if they tell anyone.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Have you seen Levi’s season 4 arts? This man is packed, damn. Errected I would say he is between 7′0 and 8′0. So Levi’s dick is pretty average in girth, but long. He knows how to use it as good as he uses his swords.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Levi’s sex drive is pretty low, since he is not a horny teen anymore. Of course, he feels the need from time to time, but he can pretty good control himself. When he is in a relationship, however, his sex drive will grow a lot, since it is one of the ways of showing you how much he loves you. If the two of you have time, you will easily have sex 3 or 4 times a week.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Levi only sleeps 3 hours per night, and this will not change after sex. He often holds you until you are asleep and gets up afterwards, to either sleep at his desk or do some paperworks. He will, however, make sure to be back in bed when you wake up.

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iwantutobehapppier · 3 years

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Uninvited

Pairing: Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader, Bucky x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky end up stranded in a safe house after a mission. Should be fine, except your early heat and Bucky’s secrets.

Warnings: +18 only. Smut, knotting, A/B/O stuff, dubcon

Word Count: 3,401

A/N: Okay this is for the 6th Night of Chanukah. So sorry for the delay. I really hope you guys enjoy and I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. I’ll read it back over later.

Bucky observed your mannerisms from the pilot seat of the Quinjet. Your scent was becoming musty and he knew exactly what that meant. In fact, his whole body knew, the way he would naturally gravitate to you when your scent took on this unique change. The raging hard-ons and the… nocturnal emissions. He felt like a teenage boy when your heat came closer.

He wasn’t sure this mission was a good idea for the two of you. It was an expected smash and grab then lay low but with your oncoming heat, faster than he recalled last time, Bucky wasn’t sure about your safety.

Not from the targets. No, you could hold your own.

Your safety from him.

Bucky wouldn’t call himself feral by any means as an Alpha but to say he was untethered around an omega was putting it lightly. Specifically you. Your smell even without the musky allure of on-coming heat is entrancing to him. He was never sure how to broach the topic of the two of you, after all, he’d have to confess to something Sam playfully jab at him about.

But Steve knew better. Bucky was a one Omega kind of Alpha, as was Steve. That’s how it was ingrained in them and no amount of brainwashing could undo instincts.

Landing the jet you jump out of your seat to get your gear on for the mission.

However, Bucky did have one other issue when it came to talking about any of this with you, your avoidance of him if at all possible one on one.

He assumes it’s his overbearing Alpha presence, in the past Omega’s had commented on his scent which made him stay clear of them. What was worse and unthinkable was your avoidance due to his past with Hydra.

You’d lost everything to them at a young age when your powers came out in their warpath to obtain you.

Shaking the thoughts from his head he clears his head to focus on the task at hand. He knew focusing would be instrumental in the success of this mission, given the thickening of your scent. Setting the autopilot to return the Quinjet he confirms the location of the safe house before exiting the Jet so it can return.

The mission was barely a success, while you and Bucky had been able to take out guards from afar your scent was spreading and alerting the enemy of your arrival. Bucky had taken lead, making you stay farther back. And finally told to go get a car for travel to the safe house

Huffing out in frustration you kicked dirt up making your way towards the already cleared front entrance. The last thing you wanted to show in front of Bucky was weakness, he was a man of duty and efficacy. He was an Alpha you admired and fantasizes about. The last thing you needed to be was a thorn in his side.

After all, you put so much effort into being an exemplary team member, not being in the way, only noticed when doing what needs to be done. Effective and unnoticeable. It was how you lived your life.

Your oncoming heat due to your designation was ruining your first duo mission with Bucky, and honestly, you would rather be shot in the head. To be an inconvenience and deterrent on a mission, to be one to Bucky no less. It made your chest squeeze, your growing heat scent sour.

Locating a quick get-away car you pull out your kit to unlock the door, your mind wandering as you began the task of hotwiring, something you could do in your sleep after years of “borrowing” cars.

What if he was hurt because you didn’t have his back?

Worse, your mind supplied, what if he’s disgusted by your heat?

Oh, that hurt.

Your stupid heat wasn’t supposed to be starting for another two days, let alone pre-heat scent spikes. Though, if you were honest the last couple of heats had been irregular in starting. One even started without any lead-up, just bam you were ruining your clothes and craving a knot like an Omega on her first heat.

It was embarrassing, and thank god Bucky had left the common room well before it started. When Nat found you, you let a comment slip that Bucky was nearby but wasn’t affected by your smell. She simply scoffed mentioning something cryptic about only one Omega for Bucky.

At that moment you thought nothing was as embarrassing as that, well tonight you proved yourself wrong. This was the most embarrassing thing ever. Certainly, after this, you’d be on desk duty for a while until your heats got under control.

The loud explosion signals Bucky’s success in taking down the hideout you wait for him to appear and he does making a brisk jog for you. Once in the car, you take off. The only conversation between the two of you his instructions to the safe house. His hand over his nose was enough to keep you silent and compliant. Clearly, your scent had gotten worse.

You two make it to the small cabin 2 hours later, and you’re sweating even in the cool temp. You tired to air the car out but the open windows only proved to push Bucky’s smell directly in your path and that only made your thighs clench, slipper with your slick. You watching Bucky shift in the seat in what you assumed was uncomfortable at your growing arousal. Missing when his metal hand rubbed on the growing erection trying to soothe his own ache.

You both jump out of the car once parked needing out of the confined space of smells, desperate to put some walls between each other. Yours out of shame, Bucky’s out of necessity.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle this. He’d never been around an Omega in their heat, sure pre and post but never right in the thick of it. He was a faithful man about Omega’s, if he’s with one that’s the one. Wringing his hand he heard you cry out in pain. He may not have experienced an Omega in their heat but he knew you didn’t have anything here to help you go through this. But he did.

He had the thing you needed, and god did he want to give it to you. You whimper out, even with a wall between you two the sound carried as if he was beside you. He was getting restless, the longer your scent permeated the air, the harder it would be for him to keep his distance. Bucky would rather have this conversation now while you were both somewhat coherent before he did something he’d regret later without permission.

With wide steps, he finds himself in front of the door where you laid. Bucky inhales deep and it was a mistake, the voracious growl he can’t stop from smelling you scares him, and the hint of sour in your smell scared you too.

Knocking is the only thing he can manage to do, the doorknob in his metal hand crunching under pressure. When you call for him to enter the knob falls and he pushes the door open. Taking a tentative step in he sees you on the bed.

Curled up, simply in your bra and underwear, skin shining with sweat or slick depending upon where he looked. The smell was better than anything he’d ever smelt.

Smelling Bucky closer, you felt your abdomen spasm and more slick produce from you. Your body readying you for the Alpha who smelled so tantalizing and forbidden. Not bothering lifting your head to see the sexual temptation of this Alpha your voice muffled. “Unless you’re here to help you need to leave now.”

“I,” Bucky pauses, “I want to help but I gotta tell you something first.” Closing your eyes tightly you were dreading his next words. Obviously, it would be just sex for him, what good are you to an Alpha such as Bucky Barnes?

“Go on,” you nod your head trying to hide your rejection before he can speak by keeping your head down in the bed, but he catches the faint sourness in your sent. He won’t let it deter him though.

“You know I’ve never been with an omega,” Bucky shifted awkwardly at his confession. Your head lifted looking at him in barely disguised shock. Never been with an Omega? It seemed unlikely, perhaps he meant since Hydra.

“Even before?” You paused not wanting to elaborate on what before was, doing your best to ignore the growing slick and cramping frequency.

“Yeah, even before. Just beta’s.” His head bobbing up and down, the metal hand running through his short locks a nervous tick you found endearing. But now, with this new knowledge, you were trepidacious.

“So what, am I some kind of uncharted territory for you to conquer?” Bucky’s eyes widen at your words, baffled you would think so little of him but then again what actions has he taken to show otherwise he thought to himself.

“What?! No! I just-” His backpedaling was annoying, you could be just sex, it would be hard to work together afterward but to be a conquest, an experiment that’s just too far.

“The connection between an Alpha and Omega is tantric and pure during a heat, you can’t do this because you just want to see what it’s like,” your ire making the room smell of burnt hair.

“I would never-” He tries once more to take control of the conversation but god you were stubborn.

“Cause Bucky if you just think I’m an object that you carve one minute and-” He cuts you off, voice raised.

“Will you let me talk!?” The boom in his voice making you cower at reflex from a loud Alpha. Your pheromones pushing out a pleasant scent to calm him.

“I’m doin’ this because I care about you,” Bucky looks down while your eyes round at his confession, you sit up on your knees edging towards the end of the bead. “I think about you a lot, and not just cause your smell is everywhere Omega.”

Looking up you’re in front of him, his eyes widen to match yours. He’s never called you by your designation before, your name, and maybe on the rare chance doll but never this. Your scent permeates the air around him.

“If we do this-”

“Okay Alpha,” your voice more confident than it had been since Bucky broached this subject.

He knew he should tell you he’d mate you, that nothing would stop him but he couldn’t find it in him with your consent, and the way you smell he fell. In an instant Bucky is on you, lips colliding, fingers digging into your flesh. You mutter against his lips. He pulls away only a fraction.

“Nest,” you whimper, slick pooling down your legs. “I need a nest.” Nodding his head as Bucky doesn’t trust his voice he kisses you once more only to disappear out the door.

When he returns he has the pillows from the couch, a throw blanket, and even some couch back cushions. Leaving once more he finds the laundry room and grabs all the blankets and sheets he can before dumping them on the bed. You can’t help the laugh that bubbles up when he returns.

He leaves to get more but you call out his name. He turns back to you with a brow raised. “This is enough but clothes, I need clothes. I need your clothes.” You inform pulling your shirt from the ground where you had ripped your clothes of for reprieve from your heat.

“Right,” He rips his jacket, sweater, and undershirt off throwing them in front of you before taking his pants off to do the same.

You’re body humming with giddiness as you build the nest with his scent and yours slowly molding together to give a safe space. Too consumed in your task you miss the shift on the bed, Bucky coming behind your bent form tucking his pants into the intricate weaving you had done with the clothes and sheets.

Rough warm hand and cool sleek metal land only your hips. You whimper at the feeling, falling into the just set nest.

“Oh sweet Omega,” voice enticing against your ear while he leans over you. His chest barely touching your back but you can feel the heat radiating off of him. His arms slip down yours, intertwining your fingers. Suddenly he falls back pulling you with him to hand in his lap.

He’s hot, so hot, or maybe it’s you? You wiggle on his lap, feeling his erection bare against your covered back end. He shimmies you on his lap, the space allowing for his engorged cock to jut out between your legs.

You salivate at the sight of his large cock twitch. “You see that Omega?” a tingle slips down your spine at his rough voice in your ear.

He reaches down with his flesh hand holding your hand he wraps your fingers around the base, feeling the beginning of his knot swelling. It’s just the faintest bulge to the eyes but in your hands, it feels fully formed. You know it’s not, your omega instincts tell you it’s not but you shake your head anyway.

“Too big,” is all you can get out, heat consuming any syntax.

“Oh my sweet omega,” mewling at his endearing words he chuckles. “It’s not even near popped, but it will be.” his hand leaves yours holding him. “Once I’m rooted deep here.” His hand covers your mound, pushing the soaked fabric to the side he slips his fingers between our swollen folds. Twirling fingers along your clit you buck on top of him, crying out.

“I think my Omega is ready,” you writhe against him, moaning in agreement at his words. You were beyond ready, you had been ready the moment you stepped into this cabin but you had to wait. Had to wait for your alpha “Present.”

Your omega instincts move you immediately to your hands and knees. Bucky’s metal hand slides up your spine to between your shoulder blades pushing you down to your elbows and your ass up higher. Satisfied with your position he raises to his knees.

Pulling your underwear down to your bent knees at the same time he takes his red cock weeping cum from the tip. He feels something crawling just below the surface, a sensation he’s never had when fucking a beta.

It had been bubbling at the surface when he began to smell you but now, with you presenting, his cock head slotted at your entrance you rock back pushing his cock head but not entering just yet, needing more force to take such a bulbous tip, something is slipping away.

No, you shouldn’t be trying to take it. He snarls at your movements and you freeze. Satisfied at your response he pushes in, it’s almost impossible, but when he swivels his hips and growls your name he’s in. Then he’s pushing all the way in, your walls suffocating him, struggling to take him. But you will take him. Slick is pouring around him and out of you, your body desperate to take everything he gives.

Blood is rushing in his ears, he can barely make out the sounds you are making. All he can feel is your body beneath his, the way he’s dominating you, how your pheromones release the most exquisite sweet smell when he enters you. Had he known, if he had only known…

“Bucky,” you sigh in relief when he bottoms out, your full, more full than any time you could recall. It was like he was made to reach every part of you. He growls out and you’re quick to correct yourself. “Alpha.”

“Fu-uck,” he gets out, eyes squeezed tight. “I never knew-” he can’t finish his words.

“I know,” you concur, “I know.”

He pulls back and slams into you faster than you’re prepared for. You wail and your arms collapse under you but you turn your head, pushing one side of your face into the mattress that smells like you, like Bucky. Together.

Fingers dig into the sheets, drool pouring out your mouth and your eyes roll back when he pulls back to shove himself back in you, your body jerking forward at the force.

Something wicked is climbing up Bucky’s back with each thrust, the sensation mudding his brain but it’s different from the brainwashing. It’s different from anything else he’s ever felt. It’s part of him but something he’s not familiar with. As he continues to thrust back and forth you move with him.

He holds your hips still, hissing as he slowly pulls back. Punishing you for trying to take control. A pitiful wail falls from your mouth when he eases his hips forward into you. “You are mine Omega,”

You nod your head against the bed, anything to stop this slow pace. “You will submit to your alpha.” You whimper out a scratchy “Yes Alpha.” It’s enough.

He pounds into you, no not pound, pummels. His pace is fast, unforgiving, and more pleasurable than anything you’ve felt before.

Your hair falls in front of you, displaying your mating gland to him. It calls to him, the rush of blood making it swell, preparing for him, for his mark. He just knew it. Never mind it was always inflamed during an omega’s heat.

The wet slap of flesh meeting, his staggered breaths, your moans growing in volume, the taste of your sweat when he licks a trail up your back, the smell of your fluids combined that’s squelching out with each thrust, it’s all a new symphony to his senses.

One that sends him further to the place he’s wanted to be for decades. When he swivels his hips moving in and then out of you you’re crying, gushing out around him, cumming so suddenly you’re gasping for breath.

Your limp but Bucky holds you up by your waist, Your plaint body swaying with his thrusts, never once losing his tempo. He’s chasing something, something a fleeting thought that he may not want to do so but it was too late. Too late and too good.

When you finally regain the sensation of your body he’s never stopped once. For a moment you’re worried but remember Bucky is more than a simple Alpha. He knows you’ve returned to your sense before you can say anything.

He hooks his arms in yours, pulling them back behind you at your elbow joint. Thrusting wildly your breasts bouncing with each thrust.

“Are you ready to take my knot?” He growls, his voice is deeper than anytime you’ve heard before. If it wasn’t for the heat fuzziness overtaking you maybe you’d register the warning sign.

“Yes Alpha, please.” You whine instead, begging for what your body craves, the very reason you’re in this position.

“Are you ready to be marked?” He nuzzles into your neck, licking your mating gland. Something doesn’t feel right about that.

“Alpha?” Your head moves to the side to move him away but Bucky remains steadfast in his attention on your gland.

“Mine forever,” his voice is garbled, you’re fairly certain his smell has taken on a spicier sent. He’s in a rut. The base of his cock is swelling, catching almost in the last thrust. He pushes in all the way and it pops.

“No!” you try to struggle but he has you prone to his desires. “What are you-”

It’s so much at once, his knot is caught and you feel his cum flooding your insides. Nothing slipping out at the pulsing knot keeping you sealed

You cry out when his teeth land on your matting gland piercing with ease. The groan that vibrates from his chest shakes you. There’s a pop and then snap sensation that reverberates through your whole body as the mark takes.

He pulls his teeth back, licking and humping against you, pushing himself further into you though it’s impossible to give you more his instincts demand he is rooted to you. After a few more seconds he is rolling you both to your side, releasing your arms and warping his around you to cocoon you in his sent.

“You’re it for me,” his voice is rough but he sounds like your Bucky. “There’s no choice.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #alpha bucky #omega reader #alpha bucky x omega reader #James bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #smut #18+ only

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wri0thesley · 3 years

Note

hi nat!! i noticed requests were open and remembered “randomlyncrying during/after sex” angst being mentioned and i just👀😳🙏

ive had personal experience with that (mostly bc being vulnerable and intimate is scary yet cathartic for me, its not even necessarily sad crying or happy crying its just Strong Emotions) and i was wondering if u could do some like smut to hurt/comfort kinda with that specific scenario please🤭 maybe with risotto or abba bc i just want to be fucked AND comforted by a big strong goth man!!😩🙏

overwhelming - risotto x reader (2k)

warnings: crying during sex. afab reader. neutral pronouns.

Everything about Risotto is overwhelming. The way he looks at you; the colours of his eyes. The low, gravel voice – the way he speaks only when he thinks he has something worth hearing. The touch of his hot, large hands on your skin – his width, his height, the knowledge of what he could do to you--

It’s even more overwhelming when you are beneath him in bed.

His body caging yours; the scarred, muscled chest and how it seems to heave in and out as he breathes. The scent of him – leather and iron and smoke – wrapping all around you, until he is everywhere. In your nose, in your mouth, his face flashing across your head as you pull him down into another kiss and he worries at your bottom lip, insistent and hot and needy.

Big hands run all over your form; taking his time to enjoy the way you feel, the curves and divots of your figure, the softness of you beneath his own calloused, work-weary hands. You feel like you fit into his grip perfectly – like you were made for him. You inhale sharply as his hands spread your legs apart, exposing the heated, slick valley of your sex to the warm air of the bedroom.

It always seems to be warm when Risotto is around. He kicks out heat merely by existing; and you cling to him in bed for it, grateful to be reminded of his presence.

“You’re so beautiful,” he dips his head to murmur, his voice deep and dark. Whenever he speaks, you feel a rush of desire go through you to pool at the apex of your thighs; there is something about the sonorous bass of his voice that makes your toes curl and that echoes through you, making you feel as though you are the only person in the world. “Look at yourself, tesoro.”

You do not see what he sees – but you do see the worship in his eyes. The hunger as he presses your legs further apart and leans into you, as you feel his hard cock press against your thigh insistently.

He is a careful man, despite his profession, and he knows that what he has between his thighs is too much for many people. He never sheaths himself inside of you straight away; even now, when you are fair pooling slick on his already messy sheets, one of his big hands is cupping your mound.

Calloused thumb rubbing over your clit, coaxing heat and sighs and little rocks of your hips. One large, lone finger – sliding inside of you, rubbing against your walls with the practise of a man who knows your body as intimately as he knows his own. Your head rolls back and you display your neck for him; vulnerable, and needy, and utterly his. He does not leave your neck unmarked – his lips are on you in moments, sucking love-bites, nipping bruises, his finger still pumping in and out of you.

Two fingers. You tangle your own grip into his silvery pale hair and pull his mouth to yours so that you may kiss him – he tastes like iron, always. You do not find it unpleasant; blood is a taste that you have grown to appreciate, because it reminds you of him. Three fingers, and you hear the wet squelch of your arousal, feel it dripping out of you with every rock of his hand. His thumb has stopped teasing your clit, but the rough heel of his hand is now continuing the onslaught of pleasure. With every thrust, it rubs against the swollen bud, and you feel your stomach begin to tie itself in knots.

He pulls them out of you with a slick gush, the hand formerly buried inside of you coming to lift your leg so he can slot his hips in between you. His fingers are dripping wet, but he has eyes for nothing but you beneath him. Rose-red irises meet your own, as if to ask you; ‘is this alright? Do you need me to stop?’

For an assassin – for a man feared around Italy, though they do not know his name – Risotto is never anything but gentlemanly with you. He asks your permission, holds you afterwards, kisses you and soothes you and murmurs your name filled with affection even when you are around the other members of your team.

“Special treatment,” some of them huff, rolling their eyes – but they shoot you sly smirks. They do not begrudge their capo his happiness – not in such a business as theirs.

“Risotto,” you breathe, looking up at him. “Please—”

The please is enough. Your other leg is lifted gently, hitched up so he can press your knees to your chest. You’ve had to experiment with positions plenty, in order to find things that are comfortable with Risotto’s height and his size and your own limitations – but this one always makes him seem to hit you deeper, further. His cock head pushes against the tight ring of your entrance, catching on you--

And his eyes meet yours as he begins to press himself inside of you. There is so much tenderness contained within them that you are almost lost for words. You would not think that eyes like that could make you feel so utterly adored – when you had first met Risotto, they had filled you with fear. Now, though, you look at them and you see all of the things that Risotto is too afraid to say out loud, contained within their multitudes.

He’s slow as he hilts himself, letting you feel the stretch of your walls around him. He’s always slow with you – like he’s afraid you will break. People who see him out and about, you know, never imagine how careful or tender he is.

Your head tips back again, into the pillow, as you see stars. He always fills you up. It’s indescribable, how right that he feels inside of you. You feel like he was made to slot inside of you – every time this happens, you don’t feel quite right until his heavy balls slap against your sex and he has bottomed out, filled you up, and the two of you are as connected as it is possible for two human beings to be.

Your breath catches as he pulls out, as he seeks to find a rhythm that works for both of you. In this position, you cannot quite get purchase on his shoulders – but Risotto sees to that himself, his big hands entangling and entwining with your fingers to press your held hands either side of your head.

The position is intimate, his eyes staying glued to yours even as he slips into a rhythm. His face is softer than you usually see it as he looks down at you; his sculpted lips tilted at the corners in a way that makes your breath feel like it doesn’t fit properly in your lungs.

You adore him so much.

Everything about him makes you feel like you are free-falling through a summer sky. You are, you’re sure, not supposed to be so deliriously happy with anybody, when you’re in a career such as your own. You should not be allowed to love him so freely and deeply – but the world has said you are. The world has dropped Risotto Nero into your lap in all of his occasionally awkward, stoic, handsome glory.

His hips flex in and out. He slides easily, through the slick glide of your sex – stoking up hunger and need, the tight little ball of tension inside of you that signifies your release. You hear the sound of him fucking you, the slap of him bottoming out, and you lose yourself entirely in the sensation of Risotto filling you up.

The world seems to fade into nothing but the place where the two of you are joined; nothing else important, aside from Risotto inside of and above you, his breath unsteady in his chest. The heat that’s gathering low in your belly, as he chases your release along with his own--

After his earlier ministrations, it’s no wonder that yours creeps up on you faster. Your ball of tension is the first one to take too much pressure, to be unable to do anything but explode into pieces – and it does so in a great rush that has you wailing, your mouth opening, as your mind seems to blank out into nothingness at the same time as every feeling in the entire world seems to hit you all in one go.

You’re crying?

You’re sobbing.

Your shoulders are shaking, your lip wobbling, your throat so dry that you can barely gasp air as it feels as though every emotion that you have ever experienced seems to come around to visit you again, the feeling entirely overwhelming. You can’t think. You can’t breathe--

Risotto’s eyes are wide and full of concern, blood and ink gone to uneasiness that this is all his fault. Your eyes are blurry with tears, but you see him open his mouth to speak nonetheless.

“Hey, hey--” his voice is quiet, through the haze of your tears, his hips stilling inside of you. “Tesoro, amore, cara mia--”

The pet names just make your bubbling sob get worse; your breath short. You don’t know what it is! You’re not upset, you’re not angry, you’re not even so happy that you can’t help yourself.

You’re just feeling so, so, so much.

“Risotto,” you breathe out, hiccuping, and your legs are gently dropped from your chest. “Risotto, I’m--”

“Please tell me if something’s wrong,” he murmurs, low and dark. “I’ll stop, I’ll do anything--”

“N-no,” you shake your head, aware that he is still buried inside of you – that your tears are stopping him reaching his full completion. “I-it’s not that—”

He pulls out, carefully, and you miss the feel of him inside of you like a physical ache, even though he is still on top of you. He reaches down and kisses your cheeks, chasing the tears away. A half-laugh bubbles up through the heaving of your chest and the tears clogging up your throat.

“Please tell me,” he repeats, again, all concern. His hands are still entangled with yours, as he leans down and puts his face very close to yours. If you stretched forward, just a little, you could rub your noses together, and the thought makes you smile despite yourself and despite the tear-tracks still drying on your face. “Amore, I promise I won’t be angry at you--”

“It’s just-- s-so much--” You say, eventually – lost for words, because how does one explain quite why they started crying with no real reason to? It had simply felt like everything had washed over you in one go, and your heart had not been able to handle it. Something about your orgasm had pushed forth all of your feelings, whether good or bad, and they had scrambled inside of your chest until all you could do was let tears roll down your face.

“I’m here,” he says, soft and slow. He lets go of your hands. Large arms wrap around you, pulling you up so you’re pressed against the broad expanse of your chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He’s so warm. Your cheek rests against him; hard muscle and scar tissue. You can hear the beating of his heart, and in the end it’s that – steady, constant, true – that makes the tears finally stop leaking down your face. Your breath calms.

A big hand comes up to stroke through your hair, reassuring.

“I’m always here for you,” he says. “Forever. Through anything.”

“I love you,” you say, all in a rush. You two avoid it; it’s hard to deal with constants when you’re in a business like Passione. ‘I love you’ is not in the vernacular of an assassin – but neither is ‘forever’, and Risotto had said it to you as casually as breathing--

“I love you too,” Risotto says. His voice does not quaver. He is certain and sure; as strong as the arms around you, the chest you’re pressed to, as strong as his convictions always are. He means it.

And you are so, so very glad that he does.

#writing #risotto x reader #risotto nero x reader #jjba #not sfw #afab reader #neutral pronouns #risotto nero #Anonymous

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