there’s a rumour that Lewis is driving for Ferrari this year, not 2025, but how is that going to work with Carlos, who is also still contracted to drive for Ferrari this year?? is he just gonna sit out or what 😭
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everytime. everytime i talk abt finding the whole immortality dilemma a lil funny/Personally trite bc i’ve very desperately wished i was immortal since i was like. 12 years old. i’ve gotten ppl trying to explain why immortality is narratively treated as a bad thing that has many downsides actually as if i haven’t heard the argument of “but you’ll outlive everyone you know🥺” before and just straight up don’t care that much abt it 😭
when i was watching iwtv this weekend w my cousin i brought it up bc obviously vampires r always talking abt the gift/curse of immortality n when i rolled my eyes n jokingly was like immortality rocks actually she very stiffly was like “you just say that bc you haven’t lost someone yet” and like yeah i guess that’s true but also i think you severely underestimate how much i fear my human mortality lol
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After Kate hard launches her gnome girlfriend, whats the first thing they do in public together? What's their official release moment?
i dont have my notes open but if i remember correctly im pretty sure kate goes full "idgaf" and basically holds yelena's hand in public the next day. paps have swarmed even harder now that everyone is trying to get pics of them and yelena is still in full "this is my job kate" mode but kate dives head first off the deep end and goes for the hand hold first chance she gets. yelena is all "😮💨youre impossible😮💨"
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genshin gender-related headcanons because they entered my brain and i'm being haunted until i write them down:
- transfem barbara
- bennet is transmasc and kaeya gave him his first binder (up to you where kaeya got it from)
- rosaria is gnc in the way of people use varied pronouns and forms of address and she literally does not care. you cannot gender her in a way that matters
- fischl plays into traditional concepts of femininity to enhance her prinzessin role but when it comes to her actual gender she's indifferent
- if razor knew what gender is he wouldn't care
- albedo is doing a complicated scientific study on gender and hasn't decided if he wants to use any labels for himself yet
- lisa also transfem but like. nonbinary flavor. what's the fuckin word uh demigirl i think. something like that one
- il dottore is cishet. have you SEEN how this man is dressed in the manga, fatui = clowns Real, he needs to be arrested not for the murders and unethical human experimentation but for his crimes against my fucking eyes
- if klee knew what gender was she would try to turn it into an explosive (and knowing her, succeed)
- the kamisato siblings are Both trans. they like to joke that they swapped genders
- diona is transfem bc i care her. she's adorable & i wish her luck in her destructive endeavours
- personally i greatly enjoy transfem eula but genderfluid or otherwise nonbinary eula is also excellent
- amber. u already know what i'm going to say. she's transfem and i love her. she has so many little sister vibes i want to put her in a headlock and noogie her
- diluc knows what gender is and doesn't care
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Welp, didn’t get as much done as I wanted to today so I’m still up at 12:45am uploading files to my drive so that tomorrow morn I can crank out the final edits and get this gallery sent off, so that I can rest on Christmas Day — before cranking another final gallery before January 1st. Holy shit, this workload is kicking me in the ass and tonight I finally cried as I was falling asleep at my computer.
I’m soooooo close!! After the next gallery my slate is clean!!! AND I CAN WRITE AGAIN!!
The downside is time keeps passing and I feel like I’m losing my fire and inspo for all of my WIPs rn 🤧 I think I need to get a one-shot in to get the fire burning again! Maybe I can write right now as I’m waiting for all my files to upload l o l hmm
EDIT: the last of the batch of files are uploading now and -- huzzah -- I have written 1700 words towards a RM one-shot HEHE
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It’s always funny being in a mental health crisis and having someone external be like uuuh have you thought about going to the hospital? And it’s like no, actually. Because hospitals turn everyone away even when they’re at great risk to themselves and others so nothing about the ER comes up in my mind because it’s always a tiresome and humiliating waste of time and they don’t actually ever wanna help. It is not an option I ever think about.
My friend was like but… you haven’t slept in 2 days, likely aren’t going to sleep tonight, and this kind of PTSD flare up has led to psychosis in the past, are you sure they’d turn you away?
And honestly? Not for that lol. When it comes to self harm they absolutely do not give a fuck but if I present saying I haven’t slept in days, this has triggered psychotic symptoms in the past, and this is potentially a problem that can be treated with ~drugs~ instead of actual mental health help, maybe I should consider the hospital 🤔
I just don’t know what to do about work this week and I’m taking it one day at a time bc I have actual children depending on me right now and can’t disappear but if I’m not sleeping still by Monday morning I’m gonna be in no shape to work and I might have to tell my manager regardless of whether I just take time off to sit through this hell on my own or maybe go to the hospital to see if they’ll admit me to experiment on me with drugs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m honestly curious if they could find something that’d work. Nothing in my bedroom pharmacy has done a THING to reduce the agitation.
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Every time I have a crush for someone I have this strong need to harm myself. I need to punish myself. I cannot fucking cope with this feeling I want to fucking die. I only know how to fuck and be friends. Whenever I have a crush on someone it's always someone I admire and they never fucking look my way the way I look at them. Obviously because I haven't ever deserved their attention and I want to fucking cut my body and bruise it for even thinking I had a chance. What the fuck it's such a waste of time. I need to stay in my fucking lane. I am unworthy
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