apologies to everyone who has to interact with me today or tomorrow because i just CANNOT be normal about hamlet and i WILL be doing this inside my head

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

dear everyone,

a while ago, i hit 1.5k followers on this blog.... i didn't want to get too sappy but i really wanted to write something, so:

the fact that over one and a half thousand individuals follow me is truly insane and too much for my little brain to grasp. i want you to know that i'm so extremely thankful for each and every single one of you and this makes me so so so happy. this is way more than i ever had expected when creating this blog.

i made this account back in june purely for my own enjoyment; i created it mainly because i was disappointed in myself for having stopped writing, since writing has been such a big part of my life since forever. ever since i stopped writing about kpop, i had barely written anything at all... i made this account just for fun with no pressure and no expectations, and before i knew it, this blog turned into something so special for me. the blog, all of the people i've met through it and all of the moments we've shared, all mean the world to me.

honestly, i'm not sure what i would do right now if i didn't have this blog and this community. these last few months have been pretty rough for me, but i've always been able to come back on here and gain a smile or some laughter. you've all helped me so much, even if unintentionally – every single interaction helps me push forward. i'm eternally grateful for every single like, comment, reblog and ask i've received on here, and your kind words really do mean the world to me. i don't know where i would be without you.

i hit 1k a while ago but didn't celebrate it properly, so i decided to make an 1k/1.5k-celly that i will be releasing soon (when i have more time to actually write)(hopefully at the start of december). please stay tuned!

and once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so so so much. you truly are the best. 🧡🧡

<3

doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...

practicing gratitude about this past year tonight and it IS actually helping?? a lot????????? unbelievable

Immensely disappointed to find there are no wangxian podfics at 20+ hours. What am I supposed to do, record one mysel— *forcefully dragged away*

i miss wren farvo btw do you have like . any lore about him before nature/nurture happened? like what was he like when he was a kid and where did he live and how was his relationship with samirah and who was his buire, etc etc i wanna know 👀

OLLYYYYYYY if there's anyone i can trust to be a wren farvo enjoyer ik it's you fr fr. funnily enough there actually used to be a wren-centric nurture chapter that like, explored exactly his lore lmao. the chapter involved themes I wasn't ready to write about however (like, I realised I wasn't the right person/didnt have enough experience with them) so I scrapped that chapter in the end. i can give you the lore aspects though! (cut off because, long as fuck)

(also this will make sense in the further context of the post, but I didn't feel comfortable putting these links under the readmore lmao)

palestine masterlist by palipunk

fundraiser for Yousef, a photojournalist in Gaza

esims!! they need those!! help them out

basically though the rundown was that; wren was adopted by his buir at a young age, after the Purge (young enough that he doesn't remember his previous life, not that he particularly cares to look). also, Wren doesn't remember this, but he was actually adopted first before Samirah (Samirah was older, and thus ended being the older sister anyway) (Samirah also doesn't bother reminding Wren about this, if only to avoid his gloating)

the two only had the one parent, the sole survivor of the Farvo clan after the Purge. It, obviously, left their parent in...a state. i never went around to properly naming their parent, since in the chapter Wren only ever called them 'Buir'. then again given the fact that they were living with a covert back then, the atriarch of clan Farvo probably didn't give their name out anyway.

oh yeah okay so; in the nature/nurture verse, after the Purge, Din's covert wasn't the only covert out there. survivors splintered off into many, many small coverts, most of them isolated from one another and thinking they were the only ones. at most, one covert would be aware of one other covert that survived (and usually, to the best of their ability, try to merge coverts to reassemble their numbers). each covert had a different approach to making through the galaxy, particularly Wren's covert not instilling the 'dont take your helmet off' rule

the themes that i mentioned the chapter having was basically; what it'd be like, growing up as a child of a dead people, and what it'd be like when your parent is a survivor of a genocide. how that'd affect them, and affect you and your family, and how hard it'd be to connect to a culture and a community that was ripped brutally out of your hands before you could even speak. wren farvo, essentially, grew up in a graveyard, with his parent haunted by the ghosts of a family he never got to meet, mourning for a home he never got to see. that Wren was essentially a genocide survivor himself, and how he'd struggle to come to terms with his identity as a Mandalorian when it seems the entire galaxy wants him dead

then I started writing the chapter, realised how similar it was to the very real Palestinian genocide going on right now, and proper realised the depth and weight and importance of how I was going to convey this story. i tried my best for a couple passages, but eventually though i realised that, as of now, it's better if I just...don't. not yet, at the very least. regrettably Im not the best person to write about this, i just don't know enough, and i wasn't going to take a bite out of something i couldn't chew so, whoops! into the deleted scenes doc they go. maybe one day I'll pick it up again

back to Wren Farvo lore however !! his parent passed in the way many mandalorians pass during those times, having caught off guard and alone by a group of one too many beskar-hungry thieves. it was a pretty dark and awful time for the Farvo clan, but they thankfully had the rest of the covert to keep them going. Samirah became matriarch of the Farvos, and Wren became the lighthearted grounding force that balanced out her seriousness. they kept each other in check, one from sinking into the burdens of responsibility and duty, and the other from a recklessness that would eventually kill him. when Samirah adopted Jeliaya, it only brought them closer together, jeliaya basically being a promise for the clan's continued existence

as this is all happening, wren's covert had managed to meet with Din's old covert (Din himself not being around, still searching for the kid). together, and with Bo-Katan's crew after a while, they banded and started searching for more survivors. the heads of the coverts (+ bo) eventually realised how easily dwarf planets flew under nearly every radar. then they found the dwarf planet where they settled and struck peace with the locals. for about a decade they settled in, digging tunnels of their own and carving out spaces for themselves in the planet itself. Wren stayed close with his sister and his niece the entire time, having no reason to be anywhere else

but being able to live on that dwarf planet, though - being able to walk out in the sun in relative peace definitely did wonders for everyone's mental health. for the first time they had a planet again, however small. Samirah's work thrived, especially when she started communicating with the local doctors. Jeliaya grew healthy and at peace, her safety mostly assured. Wren did...Wren things, helping out everywhere he could

a lot of that involved him being part of the force that stood against the Dark Troopers; Wren was one of the first few that devised defensive plans, figured out their weaknesses, convincing the Armourer(s) that beskar weapons were, against this enemy, quite necessary since it's one of the few materials that can tear through the Dark Trooper's armour (which is why she never made Din melt down his spear in this 'verse. that, and also I'm a beskar-spear enjoyer at heart). one such mission brought him and his sister to this Imperial fort, where they met Din for the first time!!

meeting Din, Wren's first immediate thought is 'woah, this guy's fucked' and after learning that he's still looking for the kid he lost about 7-8 years ago, came up with the nickname "Or'trikar". for the grief that he exuded like a physical aura, and for the tightness of Wren's own chest whenever he so much as looked at him. Wren and Din grew closer, mostly due to Wren being...Wren and generally clingy to the people he's trying to impress. it works on Din, who ended up viewing Wren as a younger brother

Din definitely wouldn't think so, but to the Farvos it's obvious that for that time, Din was practically one of them. An honourary Farvo, if nothing else. he was practically Jeliaya's second uncle, and he came around to the Farvo residence pretty often, thanks to Wren refusing to let the guy stew in his own room and his own or'trikar

about two years pass, and Wren and Din get paired together to find the source of all those Dark Troopers, and to scout out how to cut the production off at its root. they find the biggest, freshest clue they've had in all their years and Wren, antsy and excited, decided to go on a solo hunt to burn off steam instead of going home. Din pointed him in the direction of where he last left the Razor Crest, and Wren found it (neglected, dusty, but still usable; something something, nothing grand, just a means to an end) and used it to fly around for a bit

unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it) the tracker that Gideon put on that ship was still there, and still active. Wren ends up being captured and thrown into an Imperial prison, where he meets this strange kid through the vents who insists on calling himself Asset

and then the rest is history

and i know its said a lot but im soooo serious when i say trans women who are musicians are so fucking good. go listen to pigeon pits three albums in a row and experiencing her journey in discovering herself and the evolutions of her relationship then come back to me

.

It's dead af at work. We got through our four reservations and have had no walk ins, and my manager won't cut me because he hates doing my job (and we're friends and he knows I need the money) and tbh I don't want to be cut (can't really afford to be) but I'm actually going insane from sitting on my stool, going through Tumblr, Insta, Kindle, then standing up and going through those apps again, then sitting down and going through those apps again, etc. it's nice to get paid to do nothing, because tbh if I was cut then I'd just be doing this but in my bed, but I'm getting so fucking restless.

Liv hi ily your p+p posting reminded me i have this brick of a collection that has been sitting on my shelf since last year and i'm super intimidated by it but hey i took it out and put it on my nightstand so thats progress! The sleeve is v pretty look it

MY BELOVED GAY WHEAT BREAD HI HELLO 💜 i have only actually read pride and prejudice all the way through maybe i'll join you on this journey also yes that sleeve is very pretty 💜

class was Basically cancelled today so im looking at the next two sabu ttm movies i wanted to watch and i stg sabu really does love putting ttm in bad situations <- this is a good thing

im just saying i wont be reblogging donation posts all the time. please dont ask me to signal boost.

Id like to let you know that I recently lost my annotated and very well-loved copy of Fragile Things in the San Diego Airport.

Rather, I lent it to a goth kid who'd been sitting next to me and wanted to know if I had an Android charger. I did. She plugged her phone in, and a pinhole light on the screen blinked into life. We both looked at the otherwise dead screen for a moment, and I asked her where she was flying to. New York, she said.

Then she asked me what book I was reading - Fragile Things, I told her, by the same guy who wrote Coraline. What's it *about*, though, she asked again.

Im at best a mediocre writer, so I rather gave her the book than trying to explain things myself. I figure some folks get Hugos for writing stories, and I should let 'em do it.

She didnt seem to mind my scribbles in the margins, and it was fun, watching a painted face that looked so somber and serious just a few minutes ago smile. A Study in Emerald had its surprising share of humour. After a while, I stopped paying attention and scrolled absentmindedly through my phone.

Then I hear my flight called - San Diego to Philadelphia, the boarding now, group C, C as in Coconut. I grab my bag, my phone, my ticket, pat my pockets down for my passport, my overstuffed backpack, precariously balanced on my carryon luggage, my headphone wires tangled in the strap of my purse and jerked out of my ears. I trot hastily over to the gate check - a smile, a beep, and I'm shuffled down the gangway and into the plane. My things stowed, and myself cozy against the window.

This was when I went to reach for my book, and realised that it was missing - still nestled comfortably in the hands of a 15-odd goth.

I miss my book. It had many memories in it, beyond the stories told there. My grandfather was still alive when i first read Fragile Things, and he was the one who gave it to me. But I hope that the kid who has it now will also love the stories you wrote. I hope maybe she will remember me and our little story, that we now share. Maybe she will also keep other memories of her own in there.

It seems an oddly fitting way for me to part with this book. It was an old fragile thing, given to me by a fragile man, and left to a child with whom i had only a fragile, tenuous connection.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into things, i don't know.

At any rate, if you read all this rambling, thank you mister Gaiman.

I hope it was the book she needed.

Everything I found in Szarr's palace, for all your fanfiction-writting needs. I haven't found any other post like this one, so i hope i m not copying anyone. Posting it here, because editing the official wiki feels intimidating. Feel welcome to add anything I missed.

Astarion's siblings (the other spawn):

Petras - one of the two you meet in the Flophouse.

Dalyria - the other one from the two you meet in the flophouse. Her diary can be found in the "guest room". Before Cazador turned her, she was a doctor, a "Physician General to the Parliament of Baldur's Gate". She thinks vampirism is a disease and plans on curing herself of it by drinking blood of someone young and healthy - other spawn's daughter, Victoria.

Leon Onufrio - before Cazador turned him, Leon was a sorcerer. He is the one whose daughter's (Victoria's) body is found, cursed, in the room where with the Kozakuran dictionary.

Leon put a protective counter-curse on her, to discourage other spawns from attacking her. Despite his efforts, Dalyria bit her, hoping it'd cure her vampirism. Needless to say, it didn't and Victoria died @easterlingwanderer found out that if you use "speak with the dead" on the body, it turns out that it was a random urchin and Leon did get Victoria out of the city on time. After removing the curse inflicting you with necrotic demage, you can loot a letter of her body from her father instructing Victoria to read said dictionary, so she can freely move around the castle.

In the favoured spawn room, you can learn that Leon was the one usualy occupying it (along with his daughter). His diary reveals that he put extra effort to be Cazador's best hunter, so he can keep Victoria away from others and that he came up with a plan with Figaro to disguise and sneak Victoria out of the palace.

He also notes that he doesnt like the way Violet looks at Victoria and Cazador's wicked smile, when Leon asked him what his master was planning to do with his daughter.

Violet - you can find her Diary in the Dormitory of Spawn. She notes that she put garlic in Yousen bed as a prank.

Aurelia - a tiefling

Yousen - @neophytepagan noticed he is a gnome

Other:

The chamberlain of Cazador was Antwun Dufay. In his diary, which can be found under his bed in his room after a successful passive perception check, it says that he had a lover Lurianna (a werewolf, who can be found dead by walking through fake north wall of chamberlain's office, or through another fake wall in Chamberlain's private room). He knew about Cazador's Black Mass enough to fake his death in order to avoid the threat of taking Astarion's place. Unfortunately for him, it seems he confused the actual death potion and fake death potion, and really died. His lover drank the other potion, which melted her guts. The actual fake-death elixir can be found in his desk, which puts the player in 10-turn coma. He ordered the elixir from Bonecloaks', where he also ordered most of the things the palace needed to function (like bloodstain remover, candles and food for "guests").

Godey - Cazador's right hand. Astarion says that while Cazador was the master of the palace, the kennels (the room where the spawn d be tortured, when they did something Cazador didnt approve of) was the domain of Godey. Godey tortured the spawn when Cazador didnt feel like it. Cazador trusted Godey with the key to the sealed ballroom for the duration of the ritual.

Through the palace, fanatic-servants cleaning the palace: Syrin - human, Greenfern - wood half-elf, Vilhelm - human, Varderola - also human. All of them are servants, who Astarion said are devoted to Cazador and came to the palace of their own will, beggining Cazador to turn them into vampires. Vilhelm is most noteable, as you can talk to him and he asks Astarion why isn't he downstairs, that he is late and the ballroom is already locked. If pressed, he informs that Godey has a key and that the Cazador is going to punish Astarion for missing the ritual (and from his expression, he seems to quite like the thought).

Chamberlain Dufay wrote a blooddonnors ledger, instructing the Spawn to favourite the lower class as prey, as too many missing patriars may drow too much attention.

The language Cazador uses is Kozakuran, from a distant land of Kara-Tur. Astarion notes that they were strictly forbidden from learning it. From Cazador's Journal you can learn that Astarion was not an unreliable narrator when he said Cazador liked torturing him the most: Cazador paid the most attention to him in the journal.

In the favoured spawn room, there is a ledger with the list of spawns who have been favoured (its only Leon and one time Violet).

Amanita Szarr - on her 13th birthsday, invited by her Uncle Cazador. She was invited to the ballroom. She became a vampire, but was not happy about it. She rejected her family name Szarr and named herself Lady Incognita. She claims she stays in the attic and writes stories. One of the books written by her can be found on Cazador's desk.

Mrel Alkam - vampire mastress from Athkatla that Cazador wrote a letter to.