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spicyspencerreid · 4 years

Text

The Wonderful Benefits Of Physical Touch

A Spencer Reid Imagine

Female!Reader, BAU!Reader// A whole 4939 words

Warnings// Mentions of domestic abuse (not inflicted on reader or involving Spencer), kissing, A SHIT TON OF FLUFF, language, lack of spellcheck, this is just so so so so so soft like- I know it’s long, but it’ll make your heart warm

Summary// Reader’s had trouble sleeping for the past couple of nights and Spencer notices something’s off with her, it comes out when they have to share a hotel room and he helps her fall asleep.

Key// Y/f/n- Your first name, Y/m/n- Your middle name, Y/l/n- Your last name

Not my gif: I hope you guys enjoy, I love this one and spent wayyyyy too much time on it!!

You woke up in a cold sweat, your least favorite way to wake up. You were shivering, but you could feel sweat slowly dripping down your face. You took a second to catch your breath before trying to remember where you were. You noticed the sun, then your light blue curtains, then your alarm clock. 5:00AM. You sighed, having finally fell asleep at 4:30, you hoped you’d get more than a half hour of sleep before you needed to be up at 6:00, but it looks like that wasn’t in the cards for you.

You were exhausted, and there was nothing worse than being exhausted and not being able to sleep. Luckily, coffee had been enough to keep you going for the past couple of weeks. You weren’t exactly sure why you couldn’t sleep. At first you were having nightmares, but they’d gone away.

A month ago, your older sister, Hailee, went missing. A week after she showed up at your doorstep, told you she was running from her abusive husband.

You heard a knock on your door, causing all the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You reached in the drawer of your entry table, pulling out your gun. To be completely honest, you hated guns, probably because you’d blamed them for a good amount of the problems in the world, but as the communications liaison, you were required to have one for your job.

You peered through the peephole of your apartment, dropping the gun on the ground when you saw who it was. You pulled open the door as fast as possible, pulling her into a hug as tears poured out of your eyes.

“Never, ever scare me like that again Hails,” your sister was in charge of public relations for Givenchy in Paris, and every time she visited you she brought you an exclusive portfolio of their latest designs. So when you felt a book up against your chest, you weren’t surprised, and didn’t give it a second thought, “What’s this?” You opened the book to scroll through the pages, only to gasp at what you saw. Broken ribs, broken legs, broken everything.

“My medical records...” you looked up at her to see you hadn’t made eye contact this entire time, meaning you hadn’t noticed the dark purple under her eye. You knew instantly, having seen it too much in your line of work, “I wanna put him in jail, but I had to get out of there first. I checked the calendar you sent me looking for your next day off and booked the quickest flight I could get. I wanted to tell you, I’m so sorry-” You and your sister were closer than ever, and you cursed yourself for not picking up on it when she wasn’t coming to many more family events. She probably knew if you saw her with him in person you’d pick up on it instantly.

“Stop apologizing, we’re gonna put that asshole in jail, okay?” She nodded and you pulled her back into another hug.

“I-I have recordings. Of him yelling at me, do we need them?” She choked out through tears. All your life she’d been your protector since you were kids, but more importantly, she was your best friend, only two years apart from you in age, which is why you knew something was off when she hadn’t called to check up on you in a week like she normally did. Your parents refused to report her missing, not that you tried to get them to or anything, they just assumed she was in between countries and not able to answer her phone. Spencer and JJ could both tell something was up with you at work, but didn’t want to push you. You ended up telling them you could feel something was off with your sister, and you hadn’t slept, but if anyone could work on no sleep, it was you.

“That would be good, go sit down. Does he know you’re gone? I’m gonna get you water.” You went straight into your kitchen, filling up a glass.

“I don’t think so. I told him I had to go on a business trip, even bought a plane ticket to London and everything. I was gonna call mom and dad, but I didn’t know if he could tap into my phone or something.” You handed her the glass.

“I’m gonna make a couple phone calls, you need sleep,” you reached for the blanket on your couch to lay over her.

“Y/n/n,” she grabbed your wrist, “you look like you need sleep,” she wasn’t wrong, you hadn’t slept for more than four hours after the first missed call of hers. You thought you’d covered it up fairly well, but if anyone could tell, it was her.

“I’m fine, you can sleep in my bed if the couch is uncomfortable, but really, get some rest.” You called Hotch, who was in the office, and faxed him copies of Hailee’s medical records, telling him it was an emergency and you needed him to contact the police in Hailee’s county and arrest her husband. He was arrested that day, and pleaded guilty after more and more women started to stand up.

You were thankful Hailee came to you, but since then, you still hadn’t gotten a full night of sleep. Even after he was put in prison, even after everything was settled with your parents, even though you knew Hailee was in bed safe, you still felt off. The nightmares faded, but the bad sleeping habits stayed. And you had no idea why. You’d tried everything, herbal remedies, meditation, ice baths, etc, but none of it worked.

You got in the shower, got dressed, and made yourself breakfast, jamming out to music to try to improve your mood before getting on your way. You arrived at work at 7:00, usually arriving at 7:15, you were hyper-organized, so you always liked to have the case out and ready at 7:20, giving you ten minutes to prep in your head. Since you were early, you turned on your favorite audiobook and closed your eyes for a couple seconds, taking in the calm before going to look at dead bodies. You opened your eyes after a couple minutes, your body realizing you fell asleep. You checked the clock in your car. Shit. It was 7:25. You grabbed your bag and walked into the building, grabbing the file off of your desk and walking as fast as you could into the conference room. Derek and JJ were already sitting in the conference room chatting amongst themselves. You walked in and rapidly started pinning pictures up to the board, you already knew the case, but needed to have everything ready to present.

“Derek I can’t reach that thumbtack can you grab it.” It was barely out of your reach,

“Wow Y/n, no ‘good morning my sweet Derek, how are you on this fine day”?” He was right, you weren’t exactly your chipper self this morning.

“You don’t wanna fuck with me right now Morgan,” you turned to glare at him, earning a laugh from JJ.

“Damn, okay, put those daggers away, I’ll grab the thumbtack...,” Derek handed you the thumbtack and you pinned up your final picture. You closed your eyes and started to go over what you were going to say in your head. You could feel JJ and Derek judging you, now joined by Emily who walked in while your eyes were closed, “A single word and I will hurt all of you, slowly but effectively.” Spencer walked in the room tapping your shoulder and slightly startling you, causing you to jump. He put one hand on your shoulder causing heat to rise to your cheeks. Spencer was your best friend, your adorable, undateable, best friend. You could practically feel JJ giving you a look, you were so undeniably lucky Spencer wasn’t exactly the best at social cues and wasn’t always trying to profile you, because you were the absolute worst at hiding your innocent little crush.

“Woah...I just brought you coffee, I saw your mug was still in the cabinet and assumed you didn’t arrive here at your usual 7:15,” he handed you a cup of coffee, and you took a deep breath.

“Spencer Reid, you are my knight in shining amour,” Spencer smiled and you sipped your coffee, thankful he knew just how you liked it.

“What do we have?” Hotch walked in and you went into formation.

“Three dead in Seattle,” you pointed to the board, reading through their names and ages.

“They’re all the same age, but there’s no specific type here?” JJ asked.

“Yes, about that, their...um...” you swallowed, tripping over your words just a little, “ring fingers are all cut off.”

“Do we know what with?” Emily motioned for the picture and you handed her one of the extra copies.

“M.E. said they’d contact us when we arrive.”

“Alright, wheels up in 30,” everyone head out of the conference room while you took a second to clean up your files. You sat down in one of the empty seats, drinking your coffee and taking a deep breath before heading back out into the bullpen. You sat at your desk and pulled out Pride and Prejudice, deciding to reread it for the fourth time this month. You starting sucking on your lower lip, feeling tears start to well up in your eyes, you body was on override from lack of sleep, and being off schedule was putting you over the edge. It had never been an issue before, but at the moment, you just wanted time to not look at dead bodies, but you didn’t feel like that plane ride to Washington was gonna be long enough. You took a deep breath, knowing you could stop yourself from crying if you tried hard enough. You felt that familiar hand on your shoulder.

“Come with me I wanna show you something,” Spencer lightly pulled your shoulder.

“Spence,” you looked up at him, something was off, “I’m reading,” you smiled at him with furrowed eyebrows, motion to your book. Spencer grabbed the book out of your hand and scrolled through the pages.

“I will literally recite the first ten pages for you later,” he raised his eyebrows at you and you caved, he was lucky he was your one weakness.

“Okay, okay fine, will you at least tell me where we’re going?” You walked with him only to end up in an empty office. An agent had transferred last week leaving an empty office in the back hallway. Spencer pulled you in and closed the blinds, “Am I being held hostage?” you joked, not getting a laugh in response.

“What’s going on with you?” Shit.

“Nothing’s going on with me?” You were good, really good, at masking emotion, even for a team of profilers, but apparently you weren’t good enough today.

“Y/n...” you stared at him, standing your guard, “Okay fine, you’ve started doing that foot-tapping thing again, you forgot your coffee this morning, and you’re blinking more rapidly than average, which means you’re either dehydrated or trying to stop yourself from crying,” you felt your eyes start to water again, “and you're probably the most well-hydrated person I’ve ever met, so what’s going on?” When you didn’t respond with words, but a sniffle and a tear, Spencer wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you up against him. You knew he did this because studies showed skin to skin contact was the easiest way to calm any negative emotion, but your heart still stopped beating for a second as your wrapped your hands around his neck, “I-I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just wanted to know if I could help,” he whispered, as if talking too loud would only make you more upset. Once you calmed down a little, you pulled away, “Do you want to talk about it?” You shook your head, you didn’t really have anything to talk about, you were just so tired.

“Sorry,” you wiped the leftover tears from your face, “I’m just having a bad day, didn’t sleep much last night,” you hadn’t slept much in more than just last night, but you didn’t feel like worrying anyone right now.

“It’s okay,” his voice was still gentle.

“Do I have streaks on my face?” He shook his head, “We should probably go to the jet.” You motioned to the door.

“We have 17 minutes if you need another second...”

“Nope, I am all good, but thank you, seriously Spence,” you reached for his hand and squeezed it, “thank you,” you speed walked back into the bullpen, putting on your best smile. When you got on the jet, Spencer sat across from you. You played chess most of the flight while debating over movies with Emily.

The case went by extremely quick, considering the fact that the Unsub’s maid found a box of fingers with wedding rings on them in the Unsub’s closet. You only had to hold one press conference to get someone to come forward, which was lovely because all you wanted to do was get home.

“Bad news,” Hotch walked into the room you and Emily were sitting in the Police Office, “Jet can’t come in until sunrise, they’re expecting a big storm,” you threw your head back, damnit, “I was able to get four rooms at the hotel, so double up. Oh and Y/n, good work on the press conference, if it wasn’t for you, we’d probably be stuck here a couple more days,” you smiled. A couple seconds later Spencer popped his head into the room.

“Penelope called Morgan, and JJ’s got Emily, so that leaves you and me,” of course it did.

“Sounds good,” you smiled, feeling Emily’s eyes on you as he turned around and left.

“Wow, complimented by Hotch and getting a night alone with Spencer, it’s like all your dreams are coming true at once,” you playfully slapped her arm.

When you got back to your hotel you all split off into your rooms. You argued with Spencer over who got to use the bathroom first, but you eventually won. Won meaning you got to the bathroom before him. You put on a sports bra and shorts, following it up with a loose tee-shirt when you remembered you were sharing a room with Spencer and not Emily and JJ per usual. Usually Penelope didn’t come on trips unless necessary, which in this case she was, so instead of the usual three rooms, Hotch got four. You washed your face with cold water hoping the internet was right and it would help you fall asleep.

“Don’t use up all the hot water,” Spencer yelled in from the bedroom.

“I take morning showers,” you opened the bathroom door and reentered the bedroom.

“Good, Derek takes forty-five minute showers.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Spencer took a pretty quick shower, and you rested yourself in the queen-sized bed, grabbing your copy of Pride and Prejudice and returning to your page. You were pretty into the story when Spencer came back in.

“So...I can take the floor,” you’d totally forgotten once again that these was not your usual sleeping conditions, but you still trusted Spencer enough to share a bed with him, you’d fallen asleep next to him on the couch in his apartment on multiple movie nights, how is that any different?

“Spence, how long have we known each other?”

“209 days,” you giggled, expecting a much less specific answer.

“Okay then I’d assume our 209 day friendship is enough to allow us to share a bed together without it being weird?” You marked your page and closed your book.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable with that?”

“You are quite the gentleman, but yes, I swear. Unless you snore like Emily, then I might kick you out of the room completely,” you pointed finger guns at him. He laughed and laid on the opposite side of the bed, grabbing a book of his own. He finished his book in a couple minutes, closing it and grabbing a manual from the desk.

“I know you are not about to read that microwave manual.”

“What? It’s interesting,” he looked so cute perusing through all of the different manuals spread out on the hotel desk.

“That is a bad, bad idea,” you closed your book shut, “actually, we should both probably try to get some sleep,” you were exhausted, and while you knew you weren’t going to get much sleep, you still wanted darkness and quiet to revel in. He shut off the lights and pulled the covers over his head, whispering a goodnight to you before drifting off into sleep. You were about two hours into your nightly routine of staring at the ceiling when Spencer’s voice brought you back into reality.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” He muttered, you glanced over at him to see his eyes were still closed and decided to pretend you were asleep, “Y/n, I know the length of space between breaths when a human is sleeping, therefore, I know you’re awake.” You turned your head to face him.

“You got me,” you yawned. He sat up against the headboard of the bed, and you did the same.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on now?” You continued to stare at the wall in front of the bed, but you could feel his eyes on you.

“I haven’t been sleeping for a while,” you leaned your head back against the wood.

“I thought that got better?”

“I’ve been trying, but I can’t sleep for more than thirty minutes at a time, I haven’t been able to since Hailee went missing. I thought it would fix itself when I found out she was fine, but nope.”

“You...” he reached out to poke your leg, making you giggle, “should’ve told me sooner, I am very well versed on ways to help sleep.”

“Spence, I’ve literally done everything, it’s hopeless,” you laughed, “but I might take you up on your offer to recite those Pride and Prejudice pages for me.”

“That’ll be our last resort. Have you tried eating bananas, they contain-”

“Tryptophan. Yeah I only drank warm milk and ate bananas and cherries for three days straight, nothing, but is it possible to become lactose intolerant from drinking too much milk?”

“There are many studies on why raw milk doesn’t cause lactose intolerance, but for legal reasons, not much has been studied about processed milk and how the differences relate to lactose intolerance, but really to answer your question, lactose intolerance is caused because of the enzyme lactase which splits the-,” he stopped once he heard your giggling, “...and you were kidding. Y/n, I am trying to help here, what about herbal teas?”

“Tried, didn’t work.”

“Um...meditation?” You nodded, “What about lowering your apartment temperature?”

“I literally can only sleep in the cold,” he was about to interrupt but you already knew what was coming, “...and I already tried the opposite, raising the temperature, which sucked by the way.”

“This might sound a little strange, but what are the colors of your bedroom wall?”

“I already looked into the impact of cool versus warm colors on sleep, my walls are white and I have blue curtains, my lights are led, so they aren’t yellow, and I don’t use any electronics for an hour before I get in bed,”

“Then it’s not physical, it’s mental, you know talking about what’s bothering you helps. Compartmentalizing really doesn’t.”

“I haven’t been compartmentalizing though, I’ve even been journaling and stuff, even though I absolutely hate it.”

“Hmm,” he went quiet for a second, you opened your mouth to ask and he stopped you, “I’m thinking...,” it was like a lightbulb turned on over his head, “I got it what about-” He stopped.

“What?”

“It’s just...”

“What? Spencer? I’d literally try anything at this point.”

“Serotonin.”

“We’re not all super geniuses, please don’t make me ask,” you pleaded.

“Serotonin’s a monoamine neurotransmitter...um it’s a large contributer to feelings of well-being and happiness, but a study I read last week actually talked about how involved it is in the regulation of sleep...um it has sort of a calming effect when activated,” sounded like pure bliss to you.

“And how do I activate it?”

“Yes that’s the um...” he looked over at you before continuing his explanation, “...so the most effective way is through deep touch pressure, which is a form of tactile sensory input. It’s mostly provided by firm holding, firm stroking, hugging, and cuddling.”

“Oh,” it clicked in your head.

“It’s actually really interesting, if you think back to the times you’re most relaxed, or just times that are coined as relaxing in general. Spas have done really well with this in general, with the hot stone massages especially, the heat combined with the cool temperature of the spa, mixed with the weight of the stones, it mimics a beach so well, which also is coined for relaxation considering how the heat acts as a blanket in some pretenses. Being in your mother’s arms, cuddling with a significant other, all good examples of serotonin, which is why weighted blankets are so popular now, they mimic the feeling of being held, they mimic that deep touch pressure...,” you let him ramble on about weighted blankets while you thought about what he was actually talking about. You’d been thinking about the events that would occur if you and Spencer shared a bed for a night, and while you might’ve thought of more explicit things than cuddling, the thought of anything more than a hug with him made your heart race, “Are you still listening?”

“Sorry, I got,” you cleared your throat, “distracted.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“No it’s okay, it’s a good idea,” you stammered, wanting to slap yourself. You sounded way too excited, which you were, but that excitement was coated with nerves. It was silent for a minute before Spencer spoke up again.

“When Hailee first went missing, it had only been three days, so I asked you how you knew something was wrong, and you said you just knew. It’s like with baby cheetahs, baby cheetahs always know when there’s something wrong with their older siblings because they are their protectors, it’s their instinct, just like yours,” He turned to look into your eyes, and brought his voice down into a whisper, “You told me a story about how when you were younger and you’d get nightmares, instead of running into your mother’s room, which is the natural instinct, you’d run into Hailee’s room and she’d hold you instead. When I asked why, you said it was because she was a room closer, but I think it really was because of your independence. No matter how independent you were, you still needed someone, and no matter how independent you are now, you still crave that serotonin, you crave that physical touch. You’re human. It’s just like earlier today, I didn’t want to bring it up because I’m sure you feel embarrassed about crying during work, but it’s completely normal. We aren’t sociopaths like these people we go after, we have empathy, and it’s part of the reason we’re so good at our jobs. No matter how many gruesome cases we see, we aren’t robots, so we all sometimes just need a moment to break down and compose ourselves in an emotional release, it’s just another human necessity. It’s science. And you can replicate it with a weighted blanket when you’re alone, but when you get the opportunity, you really just need more physical touch, that’s all,” he reached over to rub your shoulder, and a tear fell onto your check.

“You’re right,” you sniffled.

“Oh no,” he chuckled, wiping your cheek with his thumb, “I made you cry again.”

“No,” you placed your hand on top of his on your face, “you’re just the sweetest person I’ve ever met.” He didn’t respond, just opened his arms, nodding with his head for you to come closer. You scooted over and nestled your head into his chest. He pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing you tight. His hand slowly made its way to your lower back, peeking under your tee-shirt to draw light circles on your bare skin. You were close to falling asleep when you felt warm lips touch your forehead, causing you to immediately snap back.

“Sorry,” he whispered. He must’ve felt you stiffen in his arms. You tilted your head back and looked up at him, placing your hand on his jawline as you connected your lips with his, softly and slowly. You were hesitant, knowing part of your action was based off of exhaustion, but you were just sick of having to look at his lips everyday and long for them to be on yours without doing anything about it.

“Goodnight Spencer,” you pulled away quickly, returning you head to its spot on your chest.

“Goodnight Y/n,” he whispered back a minute later, and his hand resumed his circular motion, lulling you to a full night of sleep for the first night in many, many days.

You woke up a little lower on the bed then you were when you fell asleep, and your position changed. Spencer was laying on his back, and you were on your side, one of his arms under your waist and resting on your stomach. You were facing the alarm clock and gasped when you saw the time. You sat up out of Spencer’s arm, completely dumbfounded. It was 6:00AM, and the last time you checked the clock it was 11:00, you hadn’t woken up once. You started to get up when you were pulled back onto the bed.

“Spencer it’s 6:00,” you whisper yelled, “I just slept for seven full hours.”

“Mmm, think you can sleep for one more,”he turned onto his side so your back was now pressed into his chest.

“Seven hours, wow, and it’s all thanks to this incredible guy I know. He’s like a super-genius who taught me the wonderful benefits of the magical enzyme called ‘serotonin’, have you heard of it?”

“He sounds like a great guy,” he grumbled into your neck, “I’m so very happy for you,” he pressed his lips to your neck, giving you goosebumps and reminding you of your impulsive decision from the night before, “but shhh.” It had been decided, groggy Spencer was your new favorite Spencer.

“Spence...” you had to talk about this. If you didn’t, the whole team would be able to read you the second you got on the jet.

“No. Sleep.”

“Spencer...”

“Okay, I’ve officially been awoken from my peaceful slumber,” you wiggled so you were now facing him.

“Hi,” you whispered. His eyes opened slowly and he smiled at you, “you have very pretty eyes, they’re like honey.”

“You’re nice when you’re sleepy,” his hands shifted again to your lower back, drifting under your shirt to stroke your skin once again.

“I’m nice all the time,” you pouted.

“You were extra nice last night,” turns out groggy Spencer and confident Spencer were the same person, you rotated your body so you weren’t facing him, “How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you felt this way about me?” This was not a good question for you.

“How many days did you say we’ve known each other?”

“210 counting today.”

“Then 210 days,” you sighed out, you’d liked him since the first day you’d met, it wasn’t love at first sight or anything, but from your first conversation, he’d been giving you butterflies, “I’m really sorry if I ruined things between us.”

“You’re kidding right?” You leaned up, and furrowed your eyebrows at him, “I just thought you didn’t feel that way. If I knew, I would’ve done something about it, or I would’ve gotten weirdly distant until you forced me to tell you what was wrong,” he smiled and your heart melted.

“What’re we gonna do about the team?”

“Derek’s gonna be relentless,” he sighed out and you giggled, “but we’ll figure it out, just not right now, because I’m cold, and I want your body heat.” He pulled you back into him.

“I have to shower,” you mumbled.

“You smell fine,” you gave him a look, “okay, okay, go.” He released you from his tight hold, not before you gave him a quick kiss, and you ran to the bathroom. You took a quick shower, then put on your makeup and got dressed. You both decided to eat on the plane instead of charging the bureau for room service. When you arrived on the plane you said quick hellos to the team and took a seat right across from Derek. You didn’t say anything when you sat down, you just opened your book. You looked up to see Derek’s eyes shifting back and forth between you and Spencer, who was playing chess with Rossi a couple seats away.

“Y/f/n Y/m/n Y/l/n,” you looked up from your book, “Did you get laid last night?”

“Oh my god Derek! I spent the night with Spencer,” you shut your book closed fast.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you look genuinely relaxed in over a month,” he whispered at you, “did you spend the night with pretty boy over there or did you spend the night with him? Because you didn’t hear this from me, but pretty boy’s got it bad for you.”

“Oh really?” He was right, pretty boy did in fact have it bad for you.

—

I was just really in the mood for some more Spencer fluff, if you liked this please check out Making A Move, it’s a lot shorter, but still cute.

Here’s my masterlist

Love you all!!!!!

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer imagine #spencer fic #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds spencer #criminal minds #criminal minds fic

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

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“One cappuccino and chocolate brownie, please” - Chapter 2

Summary: Darcie Angel is thirty years old and owner of the famous cafe “The Coffee Cup” in New York City. She is known for her sweet smile and her amazing customer service. For six months now, John Wick has visited her cafe every day, earning himself a table that is always reserved for him. Darcie can’t stop thinking about him and when he asks her out one day, her dreams are finally coming true. But will it last?

John Wick x OFC Darcie

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: None

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter //

The next day, I’m working in the kitchen, since we’re a little short on staff, since one of the employees had a family emergency. Raye, my other best friend—who is a disaster in the kitchen, yet a miracle with an espresso machine—walks into the kitchen. Her short blonde hairs dance around her face, her arms crossed in front of her chest, all while she has a mischievous grin on her face.

‘Oh my God, what did you do now?’ Jennie asks, looking up from the dishwasher.

‘Well, mister tall, dark and handsome just arrived and he looked really disappointed that a certain Darcie Angel wasn’t behind the register and there was no little puppy Tiki to greet him.’ She leans against the doorframe. ‘You should come out and make him his usual order. One cappuccino and a chocolate brownie. God, he should record audiobooks. I don’t care what he would read, but I’d be turned on.’

‘Enough,’ I interrupt her. I place down the dough and ask: ‘Wouldn’t that be obvious though?’

‘Goodness gracious,’ Raye says, rolling her eyes. ‘He wants you and you want him, that’s what’s obvious here. Please, just go out there, make him your cappuccino and the brownie and say something about how delicious he looks today.’

‘Well, I’m not doing that last part,’ I say ‘but I’ll go out, fine.’ I take off the apron and wash my hands, before I look in the mirror to check my appearance.

‘You look hot, don’t worry,’ Raye says. ‘Now go. If another customer comes in, I’ll take care of it. I’ve got your back, you know that.’

‘You always do.’ I walk past her and hear Tiki walking behind me. From the corners of my eyes, I see John sitting at his regular table and he notices me coming out of the kitchen, but I’m too nervous to wave at him or to even look at him.

After I made a rosetta as latte art, I grab the chocolate brownie and I keep thinking about what I can give him today. I grab one pink macaron and a heart shaped chocolate, with praline filling inside of it. I place it on the tray, write on the small note: to John with a heart and before I can regret that, I walk up to his table, Tiki already running in front of me. She jumps on his lap and licks his face.

‘Hi, pretty girl,’ he says to her, scratching her behind her ears. He holds up a doggy snack and she opens her tiny mouth. He feeds her the snack and laughs.

‘There you go,’ I say placing it in front of him.

‘Darcie,’ he says with a smile, his dark eyes lighting up. ‘You’re working today, I see.’

I nod. ‘Just helping out in the kitchen,’ I say. ‘We’re a little short staffed.’

‘Sucks to hear.’

I hear customers come in, but like Raye promised, she is behind the register to help them out. She winks at me, giving me a little bit of encouragement.

‘You gave me another macaron and some chocolate.’

‘Everything for my favorite customer,’ I say with a smile. ‘And maybe if I give you tiny teasers of every other lovely thing we have around here, you might decide to branch out one day.’

‘That’s really sweet.’

‘Well,’ I say shrugging my shoulders, not knowing how to take his compliment. ‘Enjoy it, John.’

I want to walk away, but I’m stopped when he says: ‘Wait, I have something for you.’

‘Really?’ I ask. ‘For me?’

John nods. ‘Yeah, I thought you might like it. If you don’t, just say so, I don’t mind.’

I take a seat in front of him at the oval table and he gives me a neatly wrapped present. I carefully open the gift, hoping not to tear the wrapping paper, that on its own I love. I see the back of a picture frame and when I turn it around, my eyes nearly roll out of their sockets. ‘Oh my God,’ I say, looking at the vintage poster that is surround by a white picture frame. A basket is filled with very, almost unnatural pink peaches and roses all round it. The grass is bright green and the sky has an orange glow on it.

It fits the aesthetic perfectly of our cafe. ‘This is beautiful, John,’ I say looking up from the poster. ‘Where did you get this?’

‘Flea market.’

‘You go to flea markets?’ I ask. ‘Never pecked you for a guy who strolls through flea markets.’

‘Sometimes, yes,’ he smiles. ‘I usually look for old books, but when I saw this picture, I instantly thought of your cafe. Figured that it would fit.’ He blushes a bit. ‘So… You like it?’

‘Like it? I love it. This fits here perfectly and we have been searching all over internet for poster to hang up. We have like two in the back, but we never hung them up, because it would look ridiculous if we only had those two, but now that we have three, I think we can place them right over there.’ I point to the left side of the cafe, where tiny lights shine on the off white wall. ‘Don’t you think?’

‘I do,’ he says with a smile, after he looks over his shoulder to check out the wall I’m pointing at.

‘Wish I could hang them up right now, but using a drill while people are eating, wouldn’t be so good for our reputation, I suppose.’ I chuckle. ‘So, probably have wait until tonight.’

‘I can help out, if you want,’ he says. ‘I think I can reach it a bit easier than you can.’

‘Are you indirectly insulting me, John?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, Darcie, I would never.’ He feeds Tiki another doggy snack. ‘Only if you want of course.’

‘Well, if it’s not too much trouble. I don’t even know if we have the right equipment, anyways.’

‘I’ll bring something with me from home,’ he says. ‘Really, I would love to help you.’

My cheeks burn. I can’t believe he is offering this and that he would love to help. ‘Well,’ I say. ‘We close at seven and I don’t think it’s too late to start drilling the walls then, do you?’

‘Don’t think so. I’ll be here at seven.’ John smiles, causing me to copy him.

‘I have to get working,’ I say. ‘Really, John, thanks for this poster and thank you for helping me tonight.’

‘Not a problem.’

I lean over the table, to scratch Tiki’s head. ‘Be good to our favorite customer, okay, Tiki?’

She licks my hand in response and I tell John to enjoy his cappuccino and chocolate brownie. I walk to the kitchen, with the wrapping paper and poster in my hand. ‘Oh my God,’ I say to Jennie and Raye, who is still here, while Ellie is helping out the customers. ‘Look what he gave me. For the cafe!’

‘Oh, mister tall, dark and handsome has good taste,’ Raye remarks, while looking at the poster.

‘And tonight he is coming back to hang this one up and the other two.’

Jennie gulps. ‘He is coming back tonight?’ she repeats. ‘Though this is such a bizarre way of flirting, I’m actually digging it. This is insanely cute.’ She looks over Raye’s shoulder at the poster and asks: ‘Where did he buy this?’

‘Flea market. He goes there to buy old books.’

‘But then he saw this and thought: let me buy this for Darcie who works in the cafe that I almost live in?’ Raye snorts and looks at Jennie. ‘He is so into her.’

‘Raye’s right,’ Jennie says. ‘So, I figure you close tonight?’

‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘think that’s for the best.’

⟢⟡⟣

Raye, Jennie and I are best friends since high school. We’ve been through it all. Jennie’s first heartbreak, my college breakdowns, Raye’s STD (that was quite the experience). We were there when Jennie’s parents died in a car accident. We were there when Raye lived in her car after she lost her job and she didn’t tell us. They were there when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, after finding out that he was cheating on me and hid a kid from me, the entire five years we were dating.

So, two minutes before we officially close, they have already cleaned their respective workplaces for the day. ‘Well,’ Raye says, while she stands in front of me, ‘be gorgeous, be funny and please, ask him out on a date if he doesn’t ask you.’ She places her hands on my shoulders and says: ‘You can do it.’

Jennie gives me a tight hug, wishing me luck with whatever is going to happen and the two of them walk out of the cafe, smiles nearly too big for their faces and when they close the door, it’s just me and Tiki.

I pick her up and say: ‘Your favorite customers is coming over in just a couple of minutes. So, be a good girl and be just as sweet as you always are.’ I press kisses on her head, resulting in her licking my face. I giggle, holding her up. ‘Such a cute girl.’

Tiki is about a year old. I got her right after my break up with Eric. I had to move my stuff out of his apartment, so I could move into the apartment my parents bought for me, which was almost a celebratory gift, since they really hated Eric. But the apartment was empty and it scared me a little bit to be alone all the time.

Though Tiki isn’t that dangerous looking, she is a nice companion.

With Tiki resting on my arm, I walk to the door, to turn around the sign from OPEN to CLOSED. When I’m about to turn around, I see John with a toolbox in his hands. He is not wearing a jacket—it’s too hot for that anyways—and I open the door for him.

‘There is my favorite customer,’ I chuckle. ‘Come on in, John.’

‘Thank you, Darcie.’

I close the door behind him and Tiki becomes wild in my arms, desperate to greet John. I put her on the ground and she sprints towards him. Since he was already counting on that, he catches her easily and lets her lick his face. ‘I missed you too, cutie pie,’ he laughs. ‘Yes, I brought snacks for you. Let’s ask your mommy if it’s okay if I give you a snack.’

My heart nearly stops beating after hearing him referring to me as ‘mommy’. I mean, I don’t want to be the type of girl who has a crush on a man and imagines a future wedding, house and kids, but I can’t help it. John is so insanely handsome, that thinking about a future with him, is just way too easy.

The suits he wears give a great glimpse of when he stands at the end of the aisle, waiting for me to arrive. How he is treating my dog is a nice vision of him living in the same house as me. And now he referred to me as ‘mommy’ and I know that when I’m going to sleep tonight, I will dream about us having kids, who hopefully have the same beautiful dark eyes as he has and have his same sweet giggle.

‘Just one snack,’ I say.

John gives Tiki a kiss on top of her head and after he put her down, he shows her a little chew stick. ‘Sit down,’ he tells her and she obeys. ‘Look like a doll.’ She lifts her front paws from the floor, tilting her head. He chuckles. ‘Good girl.’

‘I still can’t believe you managed to teach her “look like a doll” while I had trouble with “sit down”.’

John pats himself on his chest. ‘I think you lack patience.’

‘I don’t lack patience,’ I say to him. ‘She just needs to listen. I was told that these breeds were intelligent, but it took me days before she listened to her own name.’

He chuckles. ‘So, Darcie, tell me, have you thought about where you want the posters?’

‘As a matter of fact, I did.’ I hold up the three posters, the one that he gave me and the two old school posters. One of them shows to people on a date and the other one shows two little kids drinking a Coca Cola. I walk to the wall and stand on one of the stools. ‘This one,’ I say, standing on my tippy toes, ‘needs to be here.’

The two people on a date poster needs to be on the right side of the wall, mostly because there is a weird smudge that isn’t fungus, but also won’t go away and we really need to cover that up.

My calves start to shake, from standing on my toes for too long and John walks up to me. ‘I got it, Darcie,’ he says, holding out his hand. ‘Careful now, we don’t want you to fall flat on your face.’

I smile, hold his hand and step off the stool. ‘You remembered where I want it?’

‘Yes, I do.’ With his index finger, he taps on his temple, causing me to chuckle.

‘This one,’—the Coca Cola one—‘I want here, on the left side.’ I don’t need a stool to show him where I want that one. ‘And the beautiful poster you gave me, needs to be in the middle, so he can stand out. It’s by far the prettiest one.’

‘You think?’ he says with a smile on his face.

‘Mhm, I do.’ I turn to him. ‘You understand my taste exactly. Very impressive.’

‘I’ll start on the first poster,’ John says, walking back to his tool box, leaning over, giving me a very nice view of his bottom. It always surprised me how great his ass looked and left me with lots of dreams, leaving me all hot and bothered.

‘You want something to drink?’ I ask, hoping I take my mind off his ass. ‘I can make you some tea, or coffee, if you want. Water, some soda. I’ve got it all.’

‘Soda sounds good, Darcie.’ He stands up and smirks. ‘You’re blushing,’ he notes.

‘No, just a little warm,’I say quickly. ‘I’ll get you something to drink.’

I walk back to the register, while I crouch down to the small refrigerator, where the staff can get some different drinks than just coffee or tea. I think John would appreciate a coca cola and since I’m really in the mood for some sprite, I grab that glass bottle for myself. I open them and pour the drinks in glasses.

I watch as John sets up the drill and I bite my bottom lip. God, his arms are so toned. He looks delicious. I sigh deeply, taking a sip from the pink straw. ‘You sure you don’t need help?’ I ask.

‘No, I can manage.’

‘You sure? If you fall and break your neck, I lose a very frequent and paying customer.’

‘And here I was thinking I’m your favorite customer.’

‘Well,’ I say, ‘that too. Tiki, baby, come here. We don’t want John to step on you, darling.’

The light brown fluffy dog trots towards me and I lift her up, placing her on the counter. I take another sip of my sprite. John has all the things set up and he places the drill against the wall. ‘You still want those posters there?’

‘Yes, I do.’

The noise is really loud, so I cover my ears, but I see Tiki howling. When the drilling stops, she finishes her howl and then looks at me, before staring at John. ‘I’m sorry, cutie pie,’ he says to her in a high voice, ‘didn’t mean to scare you.’

He grabs a plug and pushes it in the wall. He looks like such an expert hanging up those posters, because within ten minutes, they all hang on the wall. ‘You like?’ John asks, plopping next to me on a chair, that face the wall.

‘I love it,’ I say. ‘I do feel like I need more decoration.’ I hand him his Cola that I set on the table and he nods as a thank you. ‘Thank you for doing this.’

‘No problem,’ he says. ‘I really like it here.’

‘Hence the reason you’re here every single day.’

‘Well, I feel the need to tell you the real reason I’m here every day.’ He looks sideways and says: ‘It’s because of your dog.’

‘And here I was, thinking you really liked my coffee.’

He bumps his knee against mine. ‘Just kidding, Darcie.’

With the way he is sitting, I feel so tiny. Tiki jumps on his lap and when he holds her with one hand, I feel my mind is racing to places it really shouldn’t go right now. ‘How old is Tiki anyways?’ he asks.

‘A little older than a year,’ I say. ‘I think I got her around the same time I got the cafe.’

‘So, I missed her birthday?’

‘You did,’ I say. ‘It was really rough on her, but after a long talk, I convinced her to forgive you.’

John fills the empty cafe with his laughter. ‘You’re crazy, Darcie. Tell me, did you always wanted to have a cafe?’

I shrug. ‘When I was in college, I started working at Starbucks and later on worked in a few smaller cafes. Though it was really nice and I learned a lot, I never felt like a place I really wanted to spend time. So when my boyfriend broke up with me, my parents bought me an apartment, I got myself a dog and I realized that I got a degree in International Business, so I should start a business. I’m really lucky my parents helped me financially, because without them I don’t know if I would’ve made it this far.’

‘Well,’ John says, ‘you made this place feel like a home to lots of people.’

That’s such an endearing compliment.

‘And your ex-boyfriend is a loser,’ he adds.

I chuckle, bringing my hand to my mouth. ‘He was. My parents hated him and somehow let me date him for five years.’

‘Why did they hate him?’

‘He cheated on me,’ I say, ‘basically from the start of our relationship, all the way to the end and he somehow got a kid out of one of those side things he had. He has now “changed” his life and according to his FaceBook he is now a doting father.’

John scoffs, before taking a sip of his Cola. ‘What a fucking idiot,’ he says.

‘Well, I’m better off without him anyways. He was a pain in the ass. I think him breaking up with me was the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, no, my parents helping me buying this place, getting a loan, the boring stuff that happens when you start a business. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.’

‘And getting Tiki,’ John says.

‘Of course.’

We both don’t say anything, just sipping our drinks and stare at the wall. ‘I should clean up,’ I say, when the glass is empty.

‘You need to do a lot?’ he asks.

‘Just vacuuming that part and closing the kitchen.’

‘If you give me a vacuum, I’ll clean up there. You close off the kitchen.’

‘Are you sure? I mean, you are a customer after all.’

‘I don’t mind,’ he says. ‘Is Tiki afraid of vacuums or…?’

‘If you hold her while vacuuming, she don’t mind.’

I roll the vacuum to him and he plugs it in. I quickly clean up the kitchen, going over the spots that Jennie forgot and make sure that everything is all ready for tomorrow. I close off behind me, making sure everything is locked and I hear that John is done.

Before I actually get out of the kitchen, I stop. ‘You are such a cutie,’ I hear him cooing to Tiki. I hide a bit better and hope to hear some more. ‘But that’s obvious when you have an owner like Darcie.’ His voice is deep and low, but I do hear him. I hear him kiss Tiki, but then the talking has stopped, unfortunately.

‘I’m done,’ I say, flicking out the light in the kitchen. ‘You already…’ I try to spot the vacuum, but John has already stowed the vacuum away.

‘I did,’ he says. He picks up Tiki as he stands up and presses more kisses on her head.

‘I can’t believe my tiny labradoodle has a man like you totally whipped for her.’

‘It’s impossible to resist this face,’ John admits, walking over to me. ‘You’re done for today?’

I nod. ‘Just have to take Tiki out for a walk.’

‘You live around here?’

I shake my head. ‘No, I’m thinking about getting a cab. Usually I take the bus, but I’m pretty tired.’

‘I can drive you,’ he says. ‘We could first take Tiki out for a walk and then I drive you home.’

‘I feel like I’ve been taking up a lot of your time. I bet you have something better to do.’

‘I don’t,’ he says. ‘Besides, I suggested it. You’re not taking up my time, I’m enjoying my time with you.’

My palms grow sweaty. He is enjoying his time with me. Apparently I’m pretty entertaining. That causes me to smile. ‘Well, if you insist.’

#keanu reeves x oc #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves #keanu reeves x original character #keanu reeves x ofc #john wick x oc #john wick fanfic #john wick #john wick x original character #john wick x ofc #one cappuccino and a chocolate brownie please

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valentinewheeler · 5 years

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2018 Book Recap!

If you follow me on twitter you saw this already, but here’s my favorites I read this year.

They weren’t all 2018 releases, but they’re what hit my kindle/bookshelf and stood out! In reverse order, basically, of when I read them. Check out the list below - it’s a little eclectic.

The Good Neighbor: The Life and Works of Fred Rogers (Maxwell King) - My toddler is ALL ABOUT Mr. Rogers. Turns out he was just as wonderful in life as he was on TV. If you’ve got a small person in your life who loves him (or you were one), I recommend this deep dive into his life and legacy.

Blackfish City (Sam J. Miller) - This sat on my kindle for months before I opened it, but once I passed the first few chapters and got into the world, I blew through 90% in a day. Beautifully woven storytelling, deep worldbuilding. Infrastructure, plague, and culture clash: three things that win me instantly. PLUS a nonbinary POV character!!

A Conspiracy of Truths (Alex Rowland) - I hate unreliable narrators, and yet, here I am, in love with this book. I finished the audiobook (which is BEAUTIFULLY narrated!!) and actually yelled out loud when there wasn’t any more. WHAT A WORLD. Economics, legal drama, and grumpy characters: three more things I can’t resist in a novel.

A Duke by Default/A Princess in Theory (Alyssa Cole) - I hadn’t read much romance until this year, and I don’t know why because turns out I love it. Or at least, I love Alyssa Cole’s work. Both of these had great heroines and super fun supporting casts. I loved both of them equally. I want the next one immediately.

Witchmark (C.L. Polk) - Everyone said I’d love this. EVERYONE WAS RIGHT. Magic! Bikes! Social class based on a false meritocracy! MURDER! MAGIC-SCIENCE BLEND! REALLY FREAKY PAYOFF! Read it. You’re missing out if you don’t.

Spinning Silver (Naomi Novik) - Now, I’ve loved Naomi Novik’s work for about fifteen years. I knew I’d like this one. What I didn’t expect was to have to lie down for a few hours to contemplate it after reading it in one go. I love a main character who ISN’T traditionally sympathetic but you love anyway. Beautifully woven folklore and feeling.

Legend (and sequels) (Marie Lu) - I love YA dystopias with all my heart. This was such a great one. I loved the characters, I loved the setting, I loved seeing the broader world than is usually seen in a post-apocalyptic setting (how DO other governments handle the end of the old way??) Just a delightful read.

Fuzzy Nation (John Scalzi) - I tried to minimize my white men on my reading list this year, but Scalzi is always an exception. I LOVE the original work, and this is a beautiful update. But then, legal battles in space will always win me over. Love it just as much as HBP’s, which is a pretty high bar to cross.

Forest of a Thousand Lanterns (Julie C Dao) - This took me a while to get through, because it was so, I don’t know, filled with impending doom? This little book had such a dark, blood-soaked voice, and I love a fairytale retelling that DOESN’T go how you expect. Absolutely worth reading. Lush setting, high body count.

The Poet X (Elizabeth Acevedo) - If I had known this was all in verse, I wouldn’t have picked it up. So I’m really glad I didn’t know that. If that turns you off, listen to the audiobook. A phenomenal performance. What an immersive experience this book was. It’s stuck with me for months after reading.

The Book of the Unnamed Midwife (Meg Elison) - I love post-apocalyptic stories. This was a brutal one. Explores how different communities deal in the face of disaster, and not for the weak of stomach. But one of my favorite PA books of the year for sure. Bought the sequel and finished both in one day.

An Extraordinary Union/A Hope Divided (Alyssa Cole) - The other set of her books I devoured this year. The first slavery-era US romance I’ve read that didn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth. The way she builds her characters and their bonds is just SO #goals.

Orientalism (Edward Said) - I’ve been meaning to read this for a while, and I finally made it through this year. A little dated, maybe, but a dense brick of really interesting thinking and history. A classic for a reason!! The audiobook is GREAT.

Americanah (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie) - I love a character who is lying to herself! And I love a book where the backstory is meted out in drips and dabs. A dive into communities I know very little about, some of which are right around the corner from me. Ifemelu is a completely solid character, one that feels ABSOLUTELY real.

Trail of Lightning (Rebecca Roanhorse) - If you’ve read her short fiction, you know she’s a master. This lived up to it. Post-apocalyptic Navajo monsterhunters? Exactly as awesome as promised. The mythology and worldbuilding are perfection.

The Calculating Stars/The Fated Sky (Mary Robinette Kowal) - THESE BOOKS! I love alternate history, I love space, I love characters who confront prejudice within themselves and without! Every character makes SENSE, even when they’re awful! All the science feels absolutely real! I WANT TO GO TO SPACE

The Book of M (Peng Shepherd) - My goodness, I read a lot of post apocalyptic novels this year? This one has one of my personal fears - memory loss that can’t be stopped. Another great blend of science and maybe-magic and spirituality (?) and how humans cope with weird, horrifying, tragic things.

Alexander Hamilton (Ron Chernow) - I figured before seeing Hamilton I needed to read the book, and I’m really glad I did. Super engaging, with just the right blend of anecdote and data. After reading this I definitely annoyed my mother and my spouse during the whole musical by whispering trivia at them.

War Against All Puerto Ricans (Nelson Denis) - I’m ashamed to say I knew very little about the history of Puerto Rico. After reading this book, that really pisses me off. The US really did PR wrong, and continues to do so. A vital read for anyone interested in US history.

Cinder/Scarlet/Winter/Cress (Marissa Meyer) - Apparently people have been into these for years and I’m just hitting them now. Fun YA, a genre I’ve missed (I like all this hard-hitting, serious YA, but sometimes over the top silly is absolutely necessary!). Spouse and I enjoyed pointing out all the absurd fairy tale tropes.

Station Eleven (Emily St. John Mandel) - !!! I’m ALL ABOUT books that weave together multiple stories that you KNOW how to intersect somehow but you don’t know HOW IT WILL HAPPEN! Post apocalyptic, weaving stories over fifteen years, all connecting to the life of one guy as the apocalypse hits. GREAT.

All God’s Children Need Travelling Shoes (Maya Angelou) - Yes, I’m well past missing the boat here. But I’m catching up. My goodness, she’s a beautiful writer. And the period covered in the book is spellbinding and brutal and painful and gorgeous.

Cooking is Terrible (Misha Fletcher) - Okay, do you have like twelve minutes and four dollars to cook dinner every night? THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU. Easy recipes in non-threatening form, with going off-script absolutely encouraged. I read this start to finish and have been referring back FREQUENTLY as I cook.

Front Desk (Kelly Yang) - THE MIDDLE GRADE BOOK I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED. Oh, this was wonderful. I want to give this to every ten year old I know (which is actually none?). Mysteries! Racism! Badass middle schoolers! Intra-community problems! Three-dimensional characters! YES!

Edge of Nowhere (Felicia Davin) - SPACE ROMANCE! Teleportation! Cafe-owning lesbians! Sweet big stoic guy/small angry disaster guy romance (my FAVORITE KIND)! SPACE SPORTS! Space HEIST!!!! Alternate dimensions! YES.

Everything I Never Told You (Celeste Ng) - This one hurt. What real, beautiful, flawed, horrible characters. All their choices made sense in context, all their pain felt real, and I didn’t want to leave them when the book ended. Content warnings for child death. The 1970s have never felt so close.

Little Fires Everywhere (Celeste Ng) - I usually hate books that start at the end, but this one earned it. Disaster rich people are kind of my jam, especially when they have consequences. And again the characters were the stars. I felt like I knew everyone, and I loved them even when they were awful.

Into the Drowning Deep (Mira Grant) - I’m never going in the ocean again. Mermaids have been ruined forever. Terrifying. Great characters, some of whom die horribly. Scary scary unending horrorshow. But oh, what a way to go. Gory fun filled with great representation.

Uprooted (Naomi Novik) - I was so delighted by Spinning Silver I almost forgot that I loved this one NEARLY as much! Scary forest, plenty of fantasy/fairytale tropes turned on their heads. Disaster love interest. Competent, frustrated main character. A+.

The Beauty that Remains - There were a lot of dead friends books this year, and this was my favorite in the not-police-related category of those. Strangers whose lives weave together around the deaths of three people close to them all, and the band that brought them all closer. Gorgeous.

An Indigenous People’s History of the US (Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz) - Another one that’s absolutely vital in filling gaps in the history I’ve learned of this country. Engaging writing and strong voice. Didn’t give me any warm patriotic fuzzies, that is for sure.

Company Town (Madeline Ashby) - Floating future town! Unions! Murder! Loved it.

The Underground Railroad (Colson Whitehead) - I know the boat on this was a couple years ago, but what a chilling, brutal, beautiful book. The slight speculative element was just the perfect touch to give it a flavor of myth, if that makes sense. Steel yourself before reading.

River of Teeth (Sarah Gailey) - HIPPOS! IN THE MISSISSIPPI! This was a DELIGHT from start to finish. Leverage on HIPPOS in the Wild West?! YES PLEASE.

The Wanderers (Meg Howrey) - Astronauts on a simulated mission to Mars basically all break down, as does everyone around them. I adored this book. I loved the thousand POVs because each one was its own distinct voice. I loved the different ways everybody fell apart!

Infomocracy (Malka Older) - WORLDBUILDING!!!!!! Future elections, future political system, future tech, all brilliantly built. I need to read the sequels, but I haven’t managed to work up the brainpower I know they deserve!!! READ THIS if you like scifi political minutiae (I DO)

The Poppy War (RF Kuang) - The first half is Tamora Pierce, the second half is George RR Martin, but better. This was nothing like what I expected. Absolutely staggeringly, brutally beautiful. What a bold novel. Will buy anything else she ever writes sight unseen.

Warcross (Marie Lu) - This is what I wanted Ready Player One to be. Virtual reality gaming with real life consequences. References and fantastic characters. The sequel is just as good.

Zeroboxer (Fonda Lee) - BOXING IN SPACE! Secret science!! MYSTERIES!! All things I love.

Dread Nation (Justina Ireland) - GREAT. Zombies during the Civil War. A heroine who takes no shit and instead takes zombie heads off. COMBAT SCHOOLS. SUPER GREAT.

An Ember in the Ashes (Sabaa Tahir) - I didn’t expect to love this the way I did, but I devoured it, and the two sequels, each in about a day. This felt like all the best parts of old-school fantasy novels, the thick kind you shoved in your backpack in seventh grade, but BETTER. And I love a good Evil Roman!

Space Opera (Catherynne Valente) - Queen meets Hitchhiker’s Guide! This was a JOURNEY from start to finish, a glorious, absurd, delightful meditation on fame and Eurovision and what it means to be worthwhile and human and a person. YES.

The Broken Earth (NK Jemisin) - More like the BROKEN ME after reading these. Periapocalyptic fiction, absolutely 100% deserving every award and more. Content warning for very small child death brutally described, and more horrors. NK Jemisin goes HARD.

American Islamophobia (Khaled A Beydoun) - Could not put this down. I learned an astonishing amount, especially about the historical place of Islam, Muslims, and Islamophobia in the US. A hard read, but worth the work.

All the Birds in the Sky (Charlie Jane Anders) - Okay, I have to admit it, I have no idea what was going on in this book. But that didn’t stop me from loving it!! Witches and technology and animals and weird apocalyptic nonsense! DELIGHTFUL

Anger is a Gift (Mark Oshiro) - Another YA book that pulled no punches. What a phenomenal look into the way kids and communities of color move through the world, and how the world moves against them.

History is All You Left Me (Adam Silvera) - SO MANY DEAD FRIEND BOOKS THIS YEAR. A great use of the start at the middle, work both directions format, it covers both the time before the death of the MC’s ex and the fallout. I wept through most of it.

White Tears (Hari Kunzru) - Horror, and the villain is essentially appropriation. Very satisfying! The author’s love of music comes through. A nerdy, scary, millennial read.

Love, Hate and Other Filters (Samira Ahmed) - Loved this. Melded teen interpersonal drama, family expectations vs. dreams, and confronting the world and the way they see you all at once, woven together in a beautiful way.

A People’s History of the US (Howard Zinn) - Obviously this is great. I listened to the audiobook, narrated by his son. Sobbed through the child labor chapters. Cheered at the union chapters. Loved it.

Thornfruit/Nightvine/Shadebloom (Felicia Davin) - I LOVE WORLDBUILDING. This is a fantasy on a world that doesn’t turn, so night and day are DIRECTIONS, not times. SO COOL. And I adore the main character. Small Angry/Large Shy is the BEST ROMANCE TROPE. The magic and language is beautifully developed.

Tempests and Slaughter (Tamora Pierce) - Look. I’ll read a gonorrhea brochure if Tamora Pierce writes it. So you knew this would be on the list. But it earned its spot! I love Numair in the Daine series, and he’s a tiny ball of feelings in this. I need more.

Unfamiliar Fishes (Sara Vowell) - I’ve always been interested in Hawaiian history, and though this was a little light and memoir-y for my taste, it contained a shocking amount of information that went down easy in her light, friendly style. Absolutely worth the couple hours it’ll take you.

The Only Harmless Great Thing (Brooke Bolander) - Elephants! Memory! What it means to have value! What we owe other beings! Radium! Sharp and dark and deeper than it has any right to be.

#book recs

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fifteensjukebox · 4 years

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50 questions you’ve never been asked.

1) what color is your hairbrush? i don’t brush my hair bc it’s so curly but i have a blue comb and a green one

2) food you never eat? yogurt, just the smell makes me feel sick

3) are you typically too warm or too cold? i used to always be too cold but now i think i’m equally both but hate being too hot more

4) what were you doing 45 minutes ago? biking with my mom and brother!

5) what’s your favorite candy bar? i originally thought chocolate bars when i read the question but karli @dress answered nerds ropes and they’re definitely better than any chocolate bar... i haven’t had them in years tho bc i can’t find them

6) have you ever been to a professional sports event? i have but i don’t like them lmao... the only sport i watch is my brother’s baseball

7) what’s the last thing you said out loud? "cool” when i asked my brother what he was doing and he told me he was editing a video

8) what’s your favorite ice cream? i love ice cream and i’m terrible at picking favourites but probably vanilla bean or dulce de leche

9) what’s the last thing you had to drink? water

10) do you like your wallet? yeah!

11) what was the last thing you had to eat? an omelette with spinach, caramelized onions and parmesan

12) did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no but i almost bought some shoes online

13) last sporting event you watched? my brother’s baseball game at the end of last summer i guess?

14) what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? again i’m terrible at picking favourites but caramel or real butter and salt... sometimes i add honey to the butter and salt too. oh i also love kettle corn idk

15) who was the last person you sent a text to? my mom because i’d read this in a recipe for a hair mask and thought it was funny: “If you are also a victim of electronic styling products, try this super moisturizing DIY shea butter hair conditioner.” like i know they mean dryers and flat irons and stuff but that phrasing killed me

16) ever go camping? no thank you i hate mosquitos and they love me...

17) do you take vitamins? yep every day

18) do you go to church every sunday? no

19) do you have a tan? nope

20) do you prefer chinese food or pizza? i love both so much

21) do you drink soda with a straw? nope

22) what color socks do you usually wear? black but i really want to get some fun socks

23) do you ever drive above the speed limit? yep

24) what terrifies you? the idea of losing my mom (which isn’t a current issue but her mom had early onset alzheimer’s soooo)

25) look to your left, what do you see? my phone wow what a boring answer

26) what chore do you hate? dishes! i have to do them for some of the photographers i assist and i never think to bring gloves so my hands get so dry

27) what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? eliza taylor or this vine https://vine.co/v/i9TYpvWijeF/

28) what’s your favorite soda? ive been a “i drink nothing but diet coke “ person for like 15 years and it’s now been three months since ive had any soda

29) do you go in a fast food place or hit the drive-thru? drive thru usually

30) who’s the last person you talked to? my dad

31) favorite cut of beef? for once i have a very specific favourite, my fav beef dish is short rib pappardelle at cactus club, but i also love any short rib and any pappardelle tbh

32) last song you listened to? in pursuing design by versaemerge - i was listening to all of their music while washing my hair and doing a hair mask and it looped back to the start

33) last book you read? i haven’t read a book in so long ?? if an audiobook counts i listened to tegan and sara’s high school when it came out in september

34) favorite day of the week? saturday

35) can you say the alphabet backwards? i’m leaving karli’s “lmao absolutely not no” because same

36) how do you like your coffee? i don’t... well i guess that might not be true anymore i made a latte with a ridiculous amount of sugar at work a few months ago and kind of liked it? but i usually just have chai lattes or other tea

37) favorite pair of shoes? my most worn are my black keds but i got some clogs that i love but haven’t been able to wear bc it was too cold and now i’m not going places where i’d wear heels

38) what time do you normally go to bed? 10ish usually but lately after 11 because i’m always playing monopoly with my family in the evenings

39) what time do you normally wake up? everyone in the house gets up at 7 when my brother’s going to school and i’m usually up then anyway but lately i’ve been sleeping until 8 or even after 9 which used to literally never happen

40) what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets? i love both!

41) how many blankets are on your bed? just a sheet and one light cotton blanket but i keep a second one around in case i need it

42) describe your kitchen plates? we have a variety but our latest set is a simple charcoal set from ikea

43) do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? i've pretty much only had like... vodka in sprite/7up, ginger ale or cream soda but i’ve always loved virgin daiquiris and virgin caesars (canadian version of a bloody mary) so it’ll probably be one of those

44) do you play cards? yeah a lot with my family

45) what color is your car? sky blue! her name is lulu and i love her! here’s a picture of her in montreal a couple days after i got her https://www.instagram.com/p/BI5phLYB395/

46) can you change a tire? nope but im sure i could figure it out lmao

47) what is your favorite providence? uh my favourite what? ... just saw another person answer this and this question had province instead and uh i live in ontario and i like it but i love french and going to montreal so i’d probably say quebec is my favourite

48) favorite job you ever had? freelance photography!

49) how did you get your biggest scar? my scar with the most surface area is from a hot baking tray when i was making granola bars, and my most dramatic scar (i had to get stitches) is from running in socks and hitting my face on a doorframe lmao

50) what did you do today that made someone else happy? idk maybe making that omelette for me and my mom?

as karli said, <3 im not gonna tag anyone specific, feel free so join in and fill this out if you want!

#qs #vie

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cover2covermom · 7 years

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Goodbye July, and hello August!

I cannot believe how quickly this summer is flying by. One minute my kids are getting out of school for summer break, and the next I am gathering lists for back to school shopping! July was a crazy month for me, but despite all the craziness I did manage to read 9 books & get a good amount of blogging done! Yay for productivity! My biggest news this month is that we bought a new house. Unfortunately this isn’t a simple move… we are completely renovating the house over the next few months before we move in. My husband flips homes for a living, and assures me that he can get this done in 2 months. I’m not holding my breath lol My goal is to move in before Christmas. Please send me good vibes for my sanity throughout this process 🙂

Let’s see what I got accomplished in July, shall we?

*Book titles link to Goodreads

» Schindler’s List by Thomas Keneally

Feelings in a few thoughts: hard to follow at times – possibly due to audiobook format?; love this piece of history; because this is nonfiction it felt cold – would love to read a fictional account; want to see the film adaptation now

» Flame in the Mist by Renee Ahdieh

Feelings in a few thoughts: took a little while to get into; strong female lead – strength drawn from her mind; feminist thoughts; political intrigue; HOT love scenes; confusing fantasy elements; will definitely continue on with this series

» Fortunately, the Milk by Neil Gaiman

Feelings in a few thoughts: felt like a bedtime story; perfect book to read aloud to kids; short & sweet

» Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

*3.5 Stars

Feelings in a few thoughts: bad-ass female lead; example of how to do the hate – love trope well; witty banter; good concept with fantasy elements; wanted more action out of a PIRATE book; solid read but could have been more

» The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt

*3.5 Stars

Feelings in a few thoughts: outside my reading comfort zone; very much a western; play format? didn’t really understand the intermissions; dry humor – which I appreciated; journey where characters must face adversity along the way; enjoyed how everything panned out in the end – but wasn’t the dramatic ending I was anticipating; slower paced; struggled with my rating – possibly a 4 star book; won’t be for everyone

» Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Feelings in a few thoughts: went in with low expectations, but pleasantly surprised; gave me Wizard of Oz vibes; enjoyed the overall plot – darker than anticipating w/ good mystery elements; writing felt forced at times, like the author was trying a little too hard; too much sensory description – particularly smells; wanted a little more visual world building; wonder if I enjoyed this more because I haven’t read The Night Circus yet?

» This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

3.5 Stars

Feelings in a few thoughts: gorgeous writing as per expected with Schwab; what makes someone a “monster”?; liked how Kate was rough around the edges; a few YA tropes & clichés; didn’t connect to the story like I did with Schwab’s Shades of Magic series; definitely think this book is leaps and bounds above many of the YA books out there

» Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

Feelings in a few thoughts: One of my top reads of 2017; completely mesmerized by this story; Lazlo Strange is my new book boyfriend; unique & fantastical; moral questions; what makes someone a hero? a monster?; NOT a fan of the insta-love but this was my only issue with the book; the ending! how will I wait for the second book?!

» Enchanted Islands by Allison Amend

4.5 Stars

Feelings in a few words: this book is a gem – I wish more people would give it a chance; technically WWII historical fiction, but doesn’t go into the war much; fictionalized life of real person, Frances Conway; explores different types of relationships & love; espionage story, but not exactly action packed; more drama than I was anticipating; would make a good book club selection

I am super excited that I *should* be able to hit 100 books this year! This will be my biggest reading year EVER 🙂

Book Reviews:

Book Review: The Wolf Road by Beth Lewis

Kids’ Corner: Diverse Middle Grade Books in Review (July 2017) #DiverseKidLit

Book Review: The Girls in the Garden by Lisa Jewell

Book Review: Before the Fall by Noah Hawley

Book Review: The Roanoke Girls by Amy Engel

Other Posts:

June 2017 Wrap-Up + Book Haul

July 2017 TBR

Book Event: Mary Kubica’s Every Last Lie Book Tour

Top 5 Wednesday: Best Middle Grade Books I’ve Read in 2017 (Thus Far)

Book Tag: Mid-Year Book Freak Out Tag (2017 Edition)

Book Blogger Recs: Bloggers to Follow for Romance Readers #BookBloggers

eBooks:

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» The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

» The Women in the Castle by Jessica Shattuck

» A Piece of the World by Christina Baker Kline

Physical Books:

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» Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (20th Anniversary – Ravenclaw Edition) by J.K. Rowling

» The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

» Fortunately, the Milk by Neil Gaiman

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» The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

» Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

» Euphoria by Lily King

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» We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

» The Luster of Lost Things by Sophie Chen Keller

Which books did you read this month?

Have you read any of the books I read or hauled this month? If so, what did you think?

Did you buy any books? If so, which ones?

Comment below and let me know 🙂

I talk about all the #books I read & share my #bookhaul in my July #wrapup. #BookBlogger Goodbye July, and hello August! I cannot believe how quickly this summer is flying by. One minute my kids are getting out of school for summer break, and the next I am gathering lists for back to school shopping!

#Am Reading #Bibliophile #book blog #book blogger #Book Chat #Book Dragon #Book Haul #Book Nerd #Book Talk #Book Worm #Bookish #Books #Bookworm #July #July Wrap Up #Reading #TBR #Wrap Up

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useyourrwords · 5 years

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Month in Review // The Month From Hell – March

This month has given me more breakdowns than I can count.

So maybe it’s not the single worst month I’ve ever lived but honestly, it’s pretty high up there!

Between a car accident, still going through the mess of changing names, pain, oh so much fucking pain, a new doctor who doesn’t know how to help me, and an altercation I wish to just forget, I’m just about ready to hide under my blankets and never leave my room.

Unfortunately, that’s not an option and so I am sitting at me desk at work writing this instead.

If you would like to buy any of the following books please consider using my Book Depository Affliate link!

Month’s TBR

│The Dream Thieves││

│Skylarks││

│The Surface Breaks││

│The Female of the Species│││

│Sharp Objects││

│Blue Lily, Lily Blue││

│Truly Devious││

│Khutulun│tatterhood│Agnodice│Te Puea Herangi│Moremi Ajasoro│Sybil Ludington│Kurmanjan Datka│Andamana│Mary Seacole│Florence Nightingale│Gráinne “Grace O’Malley” Ni Mháille│Rejected Princesses││

│Empress Xi Ling Shi│Hatsheput│Agnodice│Trung Trӑc & Trung Nhi│Fatima Al-Fihri│Bygone Badass Broads││

Read

│The Surface Breaks│Lousie O’Neill│││││★★★★│Read Mar 13│

This book was so unapologetically feminist, I loved it.

│The Dream Thieves│The Raven Cycle #2│Maggie Stiefvater│││││★★★★★│Read Mar 25│

I think I jumped into this book too quickly after finishing the first so it took me a while to get through it but I got there eventually.

│Truly Devious│Truly Devious #1│Maureen Johnson│││││DNF Mar 22│

I don’t think fiction audiobooks are for me! at least not ones I haven’t already read. I’m switching to Non-Fic/memoirs and I’ll try rereading a fave eventually to see how I go with that.

│I’ve Got This Round│Mamrie hart││││

After realising ficiton audiobooks weren’t for me I needed a win so I returned Truly Devious for this because i love Mamrie and there’s no way I wouldn’t love this. I was right.

│Skylarks│Karen Gregory│││││

I’ve just been super invested in this one. I don’t know if it’s because i wasn’t reading it regularly since I normally read ARCs while I’m exercising…and I’ve not been exercising like at all this month. I don’t know. I’ll give it another go next month if I have time but otherwise it’ll probably be pushed back to May.

│Rad Girls Can│Kate Schatz│││││

I switched to this ARC since it’s only 112 pages and I figured SURELY I can finish this before the month is up. Nope. So April it is!

│Empress Xi Ling Shi│Hatsheput│Agnodice│Trung Trӑc & Trung Nhi│Fatima Al-Fihri│Bygone Badass Broads│Mackenzi Lee│││││

I didn’t do much but at least I got my entries read for both of these!

Book of the Month

│The Female of the Species│Mindy McGinnis││││││★★★★★│Read Mar 31│

Once I realised just how little I read this month and made myself power through this one and omg it was soooo good and worth it. I needed this book this month.

│Average Rating: 4.5★’s│ 5│

Structured TBR Pass or Fail?

│Must Read: 3/5│ 0/1│ 0/0│ 2/2│ 3/3│ 10/10│ 5/5│

│Allowances: 1/1│ 1/1│ 0/0│ 0/0│ 0/1│

Clearly this was a terrible reading month. I got hardly any reading done. I started off relatively strong but then I stopped exercising (for reasons I’ll go into further later in this post) so that was less time spent reading. And then I spent far more time watching TV when I should have been reading because Depression. And the audiobook wasn’t really working out for me so I didn’t get that read either. FUN.

Haul

│Barbed Wire Heart│Tess Sharpe│││

I loved Far From You so when I saw this was available on Netgalley I knew I needed it! And it wasn’t even a request, just one you could immediately download and my international blogger heart is v. v. thankful.

│Vicious│Villains #1│V.E. Schwab││

│Vengeful│Villains #1│V.E. Schwab│││

If you’ve been paying attention to my hauls sections you’re probably thinking “doesn’t Grey already have both of these books and the answer to that is yes absolutely but listen.

I have the paperback copy of Vicious in the old cover art because i bought it years ago…Well my mum bought it for me years ago but same same.

Then it was announced that with the long-awaited release of Vengeful we’d get all new cover art so I knew I’d be re-buying the first no matter what.

And then the collector’s edition came out for Vicious.

So I bought that and then Book Depository listed the hardback for Vengeful as a collector’s edition and so I ordered that as a birthday present to myself.

Only I don’t actually think it is a collector’s edition because it doesn’t say so on the cover or anything but oh well.

So I finally have both books with new covers only I don’t want to read them because if I do, I’ll want to annotate them and I don’t annotate collector’s edition as a rule for myself.

So I had to buy the paperbacks. I just had to. My hands were tied. Did I really have the money to? No, but I’ve had a hard month so fuck it.

Past Grey Reads

Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3

Film & TV

Honestly I barely remember what I did actually watch.

Month’s TBW

│The Bold Type│Season 2││

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││

│I Am The Night│Season 1││

│The Umbrella Academy│Season 1││

│Russian Doll│Season 1││

│Sex Education│Season 1││

Watched

│The Bold Type│Season 2││2017│ Sarah Watson│ Katie Stevens, Aisha Dee, Meghann Fahy│★★★★★│

This show is so fucking good, I’m not not so patiently waiting for the third season to come out next month!

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││2013│ Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur│ Andre Braugher, Andy Samberg, Stephanie Beatriz│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

The episode with the murder in the apartment and the making stupid promises to the mum and Jake slowly going crazy and Rosa with a different hair style every scene??? Iconic!

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││2009│ RuPaul│RuPaul, Michelle Visage│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

Between Miss Vanjie being the narrator of the season (and maybe my fave of all time), her hoemance with Brooke Lyn Heights, Yvie’s take no shit, own your shit attitude and Plastique’s fish???? I am in love with this season.

I could do without Silky’s obnoxious everything and R. Kelly style Untucked breakdowns but whatever.

│Russian Doll│Season 1││2019│ Leslye Headland, Natasha Lyonne, Amy Poehler│ Natasha Lyonne, Charlie Barnett, Greta Lee│★★★★★│

I am in love with Russian Doll and everything about it. It’s short, it’s smart, it’s quality TV and it’s fucking funny.

│Sex Education│Season 1││2019│ Laurie Nunn│ Asa Butterfield, Gillian Anderson, Emma Mackey│★★★★★│

This show is stupid funny but it’s also super intelligent and important. This is such a good show for teens to have easy access to and I can’t wait for the new season.

│Queer Eye│Season 3││2018│ Bobby Berk, Karamo Brown, Tan France │★★★★★│

This season had me crying my eyes out and I loved every second of it.

But my favourite moment is when Jody, on the first episode, comes out for the big reveal and the guys all lose their fucking minds! Especially Karamo’s and Antoni’s reactions. They were absolutely fucking gold.

│Game of Thrones│Season 1││2011│ David Benioff, D.B. Weiss│ Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Kit Harington│★★★★│

I mean, yes I am well aware of the problems Game of Thrones have and I am trash for it anyway. Is it as amazing as I initially thought?? Not at all but I’m in too deep now I can’t just not watch the final season.

So here I am re-watching the entire show with my mum to drag it out just a little longer and hopefully by the time we’re all caught up the final season, in it’s entirety, will be well and truly out.

I just have to try and avoid spoilers until then…which should actually be very easy because of something I’ll announce in my Month Ahead post.

Me after this month.

Music

│YUNGBLUD│11 Minutes + Halsey│Loner│Falling Skies + Charlotte Lawrence│

│Dodie│Burned Out│

│Troye Sivan + Lauv│i’m so tired…│

│Noah Cyrus│Sadness│Good Cry│

│Julia Michaels│Anxiety + Selena Gomez│Happy│

│Steve Aoki│Waste It on Me + BTS│

Past Grey Watches

Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

Use Your Words Highlights

Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3

Top Ten Tuesday // Audible and Overdrive Are My Lords & Saviors – My Audiobook TBR

Blogosphere Highlights

│Laura @ The Book Corps│#UNSOLVEDATHON: A BUZZFEED UNSOLVED READATHON — ANNOUNCEMENT AND SIGN UP!│#UNSOLVEDATHON BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│Why I’m Not Honestly That Excited for Game of Thrones: Season Eight│Eighteen Things I’ve Learned In My First Eighteen Years│

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│True Crime Tuesday: The Moors Murders│

│Jamieson @ Jamishelves│IF YOU LIKE THIS BOOK YOU’LL LIKE THIS TV SHOW !│

│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│Stressed About College? These Book Recs Are For You!│

│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│5 TIPS ON ANNOTATING YOUR BOOKS!│

│Marie @ Drizzle & Hurricane Books│10 YA BOOKS DEALING WITH ANXIETY│

│Avery @ Red Rocket Panda│DOWN THE TBR HOLE | USING THE #KONMARIE METHOD FOR MY PHYSICAL SHELVES│

│Fadwa @ Word Wonders│#DIVERSEBOOKBLOGGERSDISCUSS: THE FANTASY OF HISTORICAL ROMANCE│(SOME) BOOK BLOGGING PRESSURES & HOW TO FIGHT THEM│WORD WONDERS’ TBR EXPANSION: BOOKS WITH EAST AND SOUTH EAST ASIAN MAIN CHARACTERS│MY PRODUCTIVITY TOOLS – OR HOW TO BE A MASTER ORGANIZER!│

│Aurora @ Aurora Librialis│5 Book Quotes for International Women’s Day│

│Swetlana @ The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│6 Reasons To Watch On My Block│

│Qui @ The Black Lit Queen│Diversity vs. Representation|BLQ Quick Guide│

│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│How to Write Scenes that Balance Plot & Character // Scene and Sequel Sequences│

Past Month In Review

Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

Month in Review // I FINALLY CHANGED MY NAME – February

Month’s Goals

Get my mental health plan

Book a therapy session I have to wait until April ahhhhhhhh

Get a massage from mum —I just always forget okay

Try and take a mental health day

Try and take a mental health day later in the month

Keep my shit together —HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Start journaling —I will get to this eventually…

Quit soft drink

Start floor exercises—I keep adding this and never get around to it. —I couldn’t even go for my walks for most of the month so…

Try and read 5 books —I can’t even say I tried.

Don’t waste all my time on The Sims

Go to Writers Week

Considering how shit this month was I count 7/12 goals reached a fucking accomplishment!

My Nightmare Month

So it started well enough. I went to Writers Week on two different days and thoroughly enjoyed myself! but then i got into a car accident on the way to my third day.

Which was stressful and anxiety inducing. It’s been a nightmare to work through all the aftermath. I didn’t know if the accident would be covered by insurance or if I would even hear from the person who hit me. And then when I did get the good news of being covered I basically had to micromanage the insurance company because they did everything slow and I couldn’t afford slow. So that was loads of phone calls which is something that causes me anxiety so YAY.

It’s mostly all sorted out. I still need to take my plates in and get a refund on my rego which I tried to do a couple days ago and got frustrated so that’s a task for another day.

I did get to go to the Fringe Festival and see Daniel Sloss’s new comedy special which was absolutely brilliant! He talked about rape culture and really put the onus on men and how they need to work and go out of their way to think critically of themselves and society and what they can do to dismantle rape culture. I laughed and sobbed. My mum nearly pissed herself laughing and it was a great night out with to die for Sri-Lankan food hot buttered squid will blow your fucking mind! and I discovered that I like to drink Pimms.

Throughout the month I’ve still been sorting out my name change because that is a long and drawn out process of changing my name everywhere and hitting road blocks constantly has be incredibly frustrating but I’m nearly finished!

I have also been doing all of this while in incredible pain because chronic illness.

My March mood

Basically my feet have been very painful, I knew the solution, doctor refused me, mum took me to a doctor who knows our history and I got the solution so I can actually start walking regularly again which will help my mental health loads.

My mum also took me to replace all of my shoes which was both expensive and needed so I have the best shoes for walking and working and running around doing errands and going out!

I was ready to end the month on a positive. Sure the start had rattled me a lot, and I was big depressed because of pain for most of it but I did have a few great experiences and I’d resolved almost all the long running issues.

And then while I was waiting for mum to finish work a couple of days ago, I sat and read in the foodcourt.

A man approached me and invaded my personal space and stared at me, knowing it would make me uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that it distracted me from the fact he was trying to steal my purse.

Thankfully I noticed at the last minute and grabbed it back because I would have been a fucking mess if I had gone to all the trouble replacing everything in my purse with my new name on it, only to have to do it all over again because someone stole my it all.

The man walked off but I would be lying if I said it didn’t terrify me. The way he stared at me was so unnerving and I don’t handle people being in my personal space…like at all. Even people I know and trust have to always ask permission first. I don’t let men I know in my personal space at all because I know what men are capable of. But to have a man I don’t know get in my face with the purpose to make me uncomfortable, especially after the month I’ve had, was enough for me to completely come undone.

I’m thankful for the cleaner for checking up on me, even though I burst into tears, and I’m thankful for the girl who approached me after as well to try and be supportive.

She had fire in her eyes and in that moment I had wished that that was what I looked like instead of the girl I was, not being able to hold back tears and trying to keep calm in the middle of an anxiety attack.

More than anything, I’m thankful for my mum for being so supportive and understanding and being exactly what I needed her to be and for calling out the men who made things worse, while trying to help, when I didn’t have the strength to.

I’ve argued with myself on whether to share this and maybe I might delete it all before it gets published, but I think it’s important for women to share their experiences with how men have preyed upon them, whether sexually or not, and how men continue to use their power to get what they want from us, regardless of the negative impact it has on us.

I just—girls, women, know that if something like this happens to you, if something worse happens to you, it’s not your fault, it’s never your fault. The way you react to it is right because it’s your experience and your emotions. I’m trying to remind myself of that.

And men, know that if you’re not actively trying to stop this shit from happening, aren’t pulling your friends up for those gross comments they make, then you’re part of the fucking problem. I don’t want to hear that you personally would never do this. That shit isn’t enough. It’s never been enough. This all lies at your feet and fuck you for helping to hold up a society that makes us think any of it is our own fault.

And if something like this happens to a girl or woman you know then ask her what she needs, ask her the best way for you to help. Because nine times out of ten the way you react naturally is going to be the complete fucking opposite of what she needs and you might make things worse. And that’s on you, not her.

Past Month Ahead

Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

Month Ahead // Writers Week, Comedy & Too Much To Do – March

Thank fuck March is over.

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

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girl-gainsbourg · 6 years

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Hold on fast to living

New to this (again). I’ve been apprehensive to start a new outlet because my writing and creative skills are slowly diminishing (with age) and my life is pretty mediocre these days. Plus there’s this whole “starting anew/clean slate” feeling that’s terrifying because my obsessive-compulsive mind is too afraid to miss out the smallest detail so I’d rather not document anything esp on my journal since I fear committing mistakes the most and that prevents me from doing anything. Marc Johns once shared that he makes his own journals (as in he binds them himself) so he doesn’t feel regretful of whatever he had written and Emma Watson said someone told her that there’s nothing more intimidating than a blank canvas, which is true. Sometimes that’s what makes me give up writing and/or doing things altogether. On the other hand, not being able to chronicle my thoughts, inspirations, discoveries and misadventures makes me sadder. I don’t remember any of the silly things I laughed at during the Christmas season which was one of the best moments of my life; I’m starting to forget what happened when I threw my boyfriend (I call him Johnny online) his very first prom; I don’t have a list of songs that changed my life in 2016 so I don’t know where to send my thank you notes to. Now (well not exactly now but it has become a recurring thought) I realized that I’m writing for myself, so writing bad entries is ok and shouldn’t feel like homework. That it’s far more important that I remember certain periods, feelings or strange magic (as I, my sister and our homie, Tavi like to call it) rather than worrying whether I sound fancy or intellectual (something I won’t ever be anyway cos I’m always grammatically incorrect). That I should keep writing despite the normality of my life because that's the only way I'll get better at it, plus whoelse is going to log all the times I rewatch Roswell? That I should stop writing as if I’m writing for an audience and just be completely honest with myself because this is my space (not yours, Bethany). That it’s ok to allow myself to write bad, cringey poetry because I can see myself develop from it and at least I have something to look back on and laugh at in the future. I realized that if I didn’t write, or try to, I wouldn’t be able to encapsulate important adulting moments, silly conversations, filmy feelings, sartorial choices, bathroom epiphanies, etc. I realized that in order for me to let go of the perpetual fear/ anxiety of creating/ writing something, I should just describe things as I see them. Less is more and just being sincere and honest about the things I write about often leads to a product of inspiring and inspired writing.

There are so many things I regret not being able to write about because I was either too lazy or too “in the moment and now it’s too late to write about it cos time has passed”. So here’s a list of some 2016-2017 things I can write from memory, just to start this blog off:

- Sitting on the curb outside 7/11 with my sister Hanna after an outdoor movie (it was Matilda), listening to Crowded House’s Don’t Dream It’s Over on loudspeaker

- The electric feel of meeting Johnny for the first time after months of unbearable yearning, like the by way of the green line bus scene on the Royal Tenenbaums. How gawky it was. How unadulterated it was. Thinking about it today, from this gradual mediocrity, still makes me cry.

- Watching Gainsbourg: vie heroïque again after the last time (2011?) and regaining my fondness for Klimt, Baudelaire and Aznavour, knowing the difference between Rimbaud and Molière and how the scene with Yolanda Moreau, underrated French actress btw, made me emotional. I paused the film, listened to Fréhel for a while, and tears started rolling down like end credits. The world, c’est si bon

- Reading Toast on the bus ride home one night and The Hottest State in a local cafe, looking up from time to time in hopes that someone would find me as interesting as Sarah. But there’s always no one there.

- I remember getting on a bus cos I was leaving for school in a town 7 hours away from my home. My dad just got off after helping me get settled and I started crying. A few seconds later, he climbed back up cos I left my hat and he sees me a wreck so he sat beside me for a few minutes, sharing a sad-comfortable silence.

- Discussing ideas and the future with my cousin Lowil over mac n cheese. I told him I just want to make art for a living but I seem to have forgotten how. That when I try to make something, it’s always crap and since I feel like I have a good critical eye and can easily tell good from bad, I figured my feelings about my own work must be true. He then replied that it’s just overwhelming feelings of self-doubt and that I just have to keep practicing and eventually the persistence will pay off.

- Breakfast with my family in our garden, feeling like a scene from Vicky Christina Barcelona or Tortilla Soup or that life pondering conversation lunch scene from Before Midnight. Everything was fresh like a citrus fruit.

- My friendship with Aida leveled up when we started opening up to each other about our depression and finding peace in each other’s consolation

- Virtually watched the Gilmore Girls reboot with Aida and I remembered most of it was disappointment (what was up with that 20-minute musical scene that felt like 14 hours) and the next day, we watched the last episode, Fall, and Reflecting Light started playing and it’s as if Aida’s hand reached out of the screen, grabbing mine and things were better for a while. This is our life, and if everything else crumbles, at least we have this.

- Crying at a club whilst I was dancing with Rosie on her last night in the country because I don’t want this but I’ll miss her

- Dancing to Neil Young’s Harvest Moon with Carlo was bewitching. A lilting reminder that despite the persistent mediocrity, “I’m still in love with you, I wanna see you dance again.”

- My excitement on September and watching Practical Magic almost every day, to welcome October, made me feel immortal

- Going to Hongkong with my sister, Hanna, and all I can remember is catching our breath, sitting in an alley with our egg tarts in Central and laughing at our ludicrous travel decisions

- Sitting in history class and my instructor started to sound like the grownups in Charlie Brown, a lump in my throat and on the verge of crying because I know and I was certain that school isn’t for me and continues to be the bane of my existence

- A wave of depression so intense it made me sit on the floor of my balcony at 3am listening to Crash Into Me

- Throwing a bachelorette (party of four) for my sister, Inky. Her best friend posed as her stripper because we’re too much of a wimp to get a real one and I’ve never seen her laugh as much as she did before. We went out for drinks after and had an intense and honest conversation despite the godawful ambiance and waited for our friends to pick us up. All I remember about it now was the tumble and tangle of limbs but it was one of the best moments of my 2017 tbfh

- Growing closer to my sisters. I don’t know how, I don’t know when BUT HERE WE ARE

- Listening to the entire Dreamin' Wild album by Donnie & Joe Emerson on vinyl. Johnny bought it for me as a Christmas present and I know he saved up for it for a while and that makes my mouth quiver

- Welcoming 2017 with a studio 70s roller disco party and I can never write about this because it was everything

- The first week of January, Johnny so openly talked to me about how much he hates his work and that he doesn’t know what to do with his life anymore and we just sat on the bed sharing an understanding and I played Billy Joel’s James and we started bawling like babies. A week after that, he finally left his job

- When I watched this conversation between RuPaul and Oprah that literally changed my life. It’s like they sat down and recorded a self-help audiobook

- Right now, listening to Paul Simon sing American Tune, muting the people around me, eating the last of my cake. I realize we’re nearing towards the end of February and I’m still not beginning

I promise to try to update this more, whether if it's a bad movie review, the usual list or just a moodboard of inspiration. But I'd forgive myself if I didn't.

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westfallingforchaol · 7 years

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I’m incredibly conscious now of the fact that I start every monthly wrap-up post with a generic line about how the year is flying by so fast, and that I can’t believe it’s X month already, even though it’s always true. So, I refuse to do that from here on out. But then… how do I start these posts? I’m in sort of a sticky situation.

July was a month of ups and downs in my personal life.

It started with a bang – quite literally. For the first time since I moved to the US, I was actually in New York City for July 4th, so my parents and I headed over to Manhattan to the East River to watch the legendary Macy’s fireworks show. Getting there a few hours early just to score a good spot was worth it – the show was absolutely beautiful, and I loved a nice outing with my family. My parents are always so busy with their business, and I’m almost always away for school, we rarely get to spend time together. The occasion was nice, if only for that.

I’m such a lazy person, you have no idea. I can spend days inside the house, watching TV, reading books, listening to music for days without a care in the world, so it’s surprising how many times I actually got off my ass and headed into the city this month. I live quite far away when I’m not dorm-ing for university. I need to take a train for forty-five minutes, then a thirty-minute ferry just to get into the city… then, the Manhattan travel is another story completely. But one day, I set aside everything and headed to the city to hang out with a friend. We saw The Big Sick, I broke my book-buying ban for just a little while and bought four books from the Strand, and then I saw Spiderman: Homecoming at the iMax in Lincoln Square. I honestly thought Spiderman: Homecoming wasn’t worth the hype, but I still enjoyed the film; The Big Sick was wonderful though.

I finally joined the gym, much to the glee of my parents, lol. I’ve been meaning to lose weight for a really long time now, but I hate exercising – especially if it’s the gym. I like to swim, but there aren’t any good pools around me, so the gym is always my last resort. I almost never want to go willingly. But hopefully I’ll start making a change to my lifestyle. It’s needed.

In memory of Chester Bennington

Perhaps the one thing that hit me hardest this summer was the lead singer of Linkin Park, Chester Bennington’s death. When I was nine years old, I had just lost my younger brother to cancer, and my parents and I moved across the world from London to Pakistan to start over, for all intents and purposes. I had suddenly become an only-child, my parents’ relationship was fraying at the edges with more fights than I could handle, and I found myself in a surrounding that was completely foreign to me. At that time, I relied almost entirely on music to get me through the day. And when Linkin Park’s music came into my life, suddenly I felt that there was someone in the world I could relate to.

Ever since, I’ve turned to the band’s music – in its always-evolving creativity – to get me through some of my hardest times. The band wasn’t something that was there for me during my childhood or teenage years – they were there for me now. They were the first celebrities I decided to properly fangirl over, to the point of watching backstage videos of them goofing around, having fun. I sat through hours and hours of concert footage, in complete awe. I’ve cried with them, I’ve laughed with them, I’ve hurt with them… and then, to suddenly get the news that the person who literally saved your life has passed away by taking his own? That broke me for a while.

I spent days mourning Chester. I cried for him, and I’ve never cried over a celebrity death before- it just hit me so deeply in a place that hadn’t hurt for a long time. I spent days beating myself up: 1) I didn’t even know him, so how in the world could this hit me so hard, and 2) if he really did save my life, I strangely felt guilty that I couldn’t do anything to ease the pain he was in. But then I realized a few things – Chester’s music touched me because he was open about what he was going through, and by sharing himself, his heart and soul, he helped a lot of people. This became apparent as millions of people around the world mourned him, and wrote thinkpieces about how much Chester meant to them in their teenage years. And I realized that I wasn’t alone in mourning someone I didn’t know; he wasn’t just a singer, just some celebrity. He was my support system in my darkest of times, and I had come to consider him a friend. For me, losing him was like losing a friend, and it hurt. A lot.

I’ll miss Chester a lot, because for a while there after his death, I felt lost. Back in that nine year-old body. A kid who doesn’t know what to do anymore. How are you supposed to live in a world where the person who saved your life ends up taking his own? But with the support of my friends, the community and Linkin Park and Chester themselves, I’ve learned that it’s okay to hurt. It’s strange, but ever since he passed, I’ve shared more about my insecurities with my friends than I ever had before, and I’m slowly starting to learn that it’s alright to be vulnerable with people. We’re all human beings who hurt and suffer, and it’s so important to tell people what you’re going through. Ultimately, I’ll always be thankful to him, and the band for making me who I am, for staying with me when there wasn’t a light to hold on to. I’ll be… always thankful. And I’ll always remember Chester, both for what he’s done for me, and for the kind, funny, wonderful, brave person he was.

But you’re all here for my reading wrap-up, so enough of this, and let’s get into the books!

I read a lot this month. And by a lot, I mean a LOT.

Back in 2014, there was a time when I was reading an average of one book every two days. Somewhere along the way, I lost my mojo – I blame Netflix and school, but after years, this month was an incredible one. I was reading constantly – in the form of audiobooks, backlist books, ARCs, whatever. I’m on a book-buying ban; I can only buy a new book after I have read five books that I already own, and in an effort to buy a book I’ve been looking forward to reading, I’ve been reading my owned books quicker. Does that make sense? So in total, I read a whopping sixteen books! A bunch of them were great reads – some of them were bad eggs, so here’s the breakdown by the order in which I read them:

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🌟🌟🌟🌟 1/2

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EARTH BOY (SON OF DJINN #2) BY SAMI SHAH // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Earth Boy was an incredible finale to an incredible duology full of djinn, chudails, infused with South Asian and Islamic lore, full to the brim with genuine scares, beautifully constructed writing, dark humor, and complicated social issues. I am so deeply in love with the world Sami Shah has crafted, with the characters in these two books, and the fierce adventures they go on. It’s genuinely dark and delicious with creatures and myths from some of my worst nightmares, but not only that, Sami Shah also ensures that he discusses relevant things like intolerance, poverty and terrorism while he’s telling a fast-paced, action-packed story. I cannot recommend this duology enough. It’s so underrated, so please check it out!

Triggers apply for: Torture, rape, child abuse, terrifying scenes, strong violence.

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LITTLE & LION BY BRANDY COLBERT // 🌟🌟🌟🌟 1/2

Little & Lion was definitely my favorite book of the month. It’s a wholesome contemporary by definition of the concept with a strong focus on one girl’s relationship with her stepbrother, her family, her friends, her two crushes, and herself. It’s a book with a diverse cast of characters, tackling issues of racism, microaggressions, biphobia, mental health stigma, and figuring out who you are at an age where very little makes sense. It’s a book I will recommend for a long, long time. It releases on the 8th of this month, so please jump on it. Here’s my review.

Triggers apply for: Micro-aggressions for racism, biphobia, lesbophobic slurs, mental health stigma, anxiety, bipolar disorder.

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THE GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO VICE & VIRTUE BY MACKENZI LEE // 🌟🌟🌟

This was a book I was highly anticipating, and considering the hype monster around it, I was super excited to get to it. It’s a tome of a book with almost 600 pages with a diverse cast of characters on a road trip in eighteenth century Europe. There’s adventure, humor, romance, sex, scandal and some magic thrown in the mix, resulting in an extremely fast-paced, action-packed book that’s just incredibly fun to read. But despite enjoying it, I couldn’t bring myself to like the main character. He was too frat-boyish to me, and I understand he’s meant to be unlikable in order for the redemption to happen, but he says way too many things and does way too many things for me to be able to forgive him over the course of a hundred or so pages. Moreover, I felt the paranormal aspect fell flat, and the plot could’ve been more cohesive.

Triggers apply for: racism, homophobia, misogyny, ableism.

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THE 57 BUS BY DASHKA SLATER // 🌟🌟

Like most autobiographies/biographies, I’m uncomfortable reviewing this… It zooms in on a hate crime committed against an agender teen named Sasha, who’s skirt was lit on fire by a young black teen one fateful bus ride. Sasha’s story is a real one – they went through the very real physical and emotional trauma of the crime, while Richard – the person who uncharacteristically committed the horrendous crime – underwent the punishment. Dashka Slater, through real interviews, police files, news clippings, etcetera, pieces together a deeply intimate look at the failings of the justice system, how institutionalized and systematic racism is ruining black youth’s lives, putting them at a severe disadvantage. However, Slater – a white woman – uses the N-word several times in the book… and… that word is not for a non-black person to use. To me, while the criminal justice system’s exposé was important, I also felt the book was unbalanced and the emphasis was placed on the person who committed the crime over the person who was the victim. This made me uncomfortable.

Triggers apply for: use of racist and nonbinary-phobic and transphobic slurs, misgendering, hate crime against an agender teen, institutionalized racism.

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🌟1/2

THE COLDEST GIRL IN COLDTOWN BY HOLLY BLACK // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

This was the first Holly Black book I’ve ever read, and it definitely will not be the last. It was perfectly balanced with the right amount of romance, the right amount of action, and the perfect creep-factor. I’m not big on vampire novels, because most of them have already been done already… what’s new to be offered in the genre? But Holly Black makes them sexy and interesting again; I loved the characters, and I enjoyed the main character’s feisty yet compassionate, kind, vulnerable self too. I’m so excited to read other books by Black.

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GOODBYE DAYS BY JEFF ZENTNER // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Goodbye Days was a book that took me by surprise; I became more invested in the characters than I thought I would, and I found myself mourning people that were dead before the book even began. I loved the concept of saying one final goodbye to people who’ve been taken way too soon, and I think Zentner deals with topics of grief, loss and guilt extremely well. I did, however, take issue with some of the unchallenged suicide/self-harm jokes in the book. You can read my full review here.

Triggers apply for: Racist micro-aggressions against a Filipina character, suicide/self-harm jokes, homophobic jokes (mostly challenged), grief, death.

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CARAVAL BY STEPHANIE GARBER // 🌟

The hype monster for Caraval was one of the biggest hype monsters I’ve ever seen in my four years of blogging. And because of this reason, this book was a massive let down. I hated the main characters, the sisterhood bond was nothing short of a joke, serious issues were used as plot devices without exploring potential psychological ramifications, and the writing was inconsistent and seemed try-hard. You can find my full review here.

Triggers apply for: Suicide, physical and emotional abuse by a parent, self-harm.

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THE LOVE INTEREST BY CALE DIETRICH // 🌟 1/2

This was probably one of the most disappointing books I’ve read this year – mainly because I’ve had my eye on it ever since it was announced! It sounded amazing: a satirical take on dystopians with a love triangle where the two dudes fall in love with each other? Bro, that sounds so cool. But the characters were extremely flat, to the point where the satire became laughable on its own. The writing wasn’t special, and it read more like a contemporary than a sci-fi dystopian. I DNF’d at 55%.

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THAT THING WE CALL A HEART BY SHEBA KARIM // 🌟🌟🌟

As a Pakistani Muslim, I barely get any representation in YA lit, so imagine my glee when I found out that this was a book that offered me just that. And while Sheba Karim does a great deal of things right in this book, much of it fell flat. It deals with open, frank discussions about religion, Islamophobia in the West, expectations from hijabis, assigning statuses and labeling people as “representatives” of a certain identity. I adored the main character’s best friend to the point where I wanted the book to be about her, rather than Shabnam, the protagonist. I hated Shabnam, and that was the point but her development and redemption doesn’t come soon enough to save the novel. The romance was cringe-worthy and cheesy too.

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THERE’S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE BY STEPHANIE PERKINS // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

There’s Someone Inside Your House was a delight to read. I read it in a couple of sittings, flying through it with ferocious speed. It was so incredibly fun, reminiscent of slasher flicks set in small towns. Stephanie Perkins is a talented writer, of course, and it shows because she strikes the perfect balance between her trademark cutesy contemporary (because the romance in this is adorable), while also doing justice to the thrill and horror of the serial killer storyline. The cast was diverse as well, and I enjoyed the atmospheric quality of the entire book. It would honestly make a great TV show.

Triggers apply for: some transphobic language was in my ARC, but I know Perkins has since addressed and amended it for the final copy; racist microagressions against the main character who is biracial black/Native Hawaiian; graphic depictions of murder & gore.

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THE EPIC CRUSH OF GENIE LO BY F. C. YEE // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

This was a book everywhere on Twitter, and rightfully so. The Epic Crush of Genie Lo is an incredible urban-fantasy inspired by Chinese lore with a feisty, relatable main character who’s trying to handle her schoolwork, her future plans for college, a separated family, and a bodyshaming yet loving mother… and now you’re throwing demons in the mix?! It was adventurous, fast-paced, action-packed, and at times laugh-out-loud funny, while never losing its charm of being subtly relatable with characters that you grow to adore. My only real complaint was that I would’ve preferred more balance between the action and the slower moments, even if that meant the book had to be fifty or so pages longer.

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SAINTS AND MISFITS BY S. K. ALI // 🌟🌟🌟

I set myself up for disappointment for this book, mainly because perhaps I was expecting a little too much. For one, there is so much this book does right. It’s true that Western media often only promotes Muslim books that fit their own version of what Islam should be like. Saints & Misfits is unapologetically Muslim, with a lovable, wonderful main character who takes pride in her culture, religion and is fully immersed in it, while never being defined by it either. I loved her relationship with her family and friends, and I loved seeing her develop over the course of the novel. But there was virtually very little plot, which will eventually be the downfall of the book for readers who enjoy a more cohesive storyline.

Triggers apply for: sexual assault.

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🌟🌟1/2

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🌟🌟🌟1/2

FINAL GIRLS BY RILEY SAGER // 🌟🌟

After the magic of There’s Someone Inside Your House, I was in a bit of a thriller/slasher kick, so I decided to pick up Final Girls – which was a book I was absolutely certain I was going to enjoy. But I was left severely disappointed. It was exciting and unputdownable, that’s for certain, but the characters were flat, and it was more mystery than thriller or horror. The mental illness representation was awful, and there were so many insensitive remarks thrown towards someone who committed suicide- it made me stomach turn. The ending was cheesy and cartoon villain-y. It was just… a disappointment.

Triggers apply for: Poor mental illness representation, suicide, violent murder.

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THE SERPENT KING BY JEFF ZENTNER // 🌟🌟 1/2

After loving Goodbye Days by the same author earlier in the month, I decided to give his debut novel a go too, but it definitely wasn’t as good as his second. The Serpent King explores the South, religion, guilt and feeling stuck as well as I expected Zentner too, but most of the characters didn’t connect with me. Plus, I felt that Dill’s mental health was glossed over – more emphasis needed to be placed on therapy and recovery. I also didn’t feel a connection between the two people involved in the main romance at all. I’ll avoid saying more for risk of spoilers. There’s also a lot of racism and use of slurs in the book – these aren’t unchallenged, and they’re clearly not Zentner’s views but rather an authentic portrayal of the backwardness of many in the South, but I felt this could’ve been done without the use of slurs.

Triggers apply for: pedophilia, depression, religious intolerance, racism, homophobic slurs, grief, death.

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WHEN I CAST YOUR SHADOW BY SARAH PORTER // 🌟

Listen… I wish I could tell you what this book was, but I genuinely have no clue. It was so… weird and disturbing. For starters, the characters were all one-dimensional, flat and pretentious even when they showed the slightest bit of personality. The book was messed up on so many levels with some incest going on, some statutory rape that is never properly addressed, a dude possessing his own brother and then sleeping with his girlfriend, like… what the fuck was this book, and how was half this stuff greenlit?! It’s safe to say that I despised it, and I honestly cannot believe I made it through the whole thing.

Triggers apply for: vague incest stuff, sexual assault, statutory rape, drug use, death by overdose, suicidal ideations, self-harm.

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NEVER LET ME GO BY KAZUO ISHIGURO // 🌟🌟🌟 1/2

Never Let Me Go had been on my TBR for approximately 4459679456 years, and I finally got around to reading it – and I must say that I enjoyed it more than I thought it would. I couldn’t put it down; it was definitely a page-turner, and I enjoyed the personal way it was written. It felt like Kathy was sitting in front of me, telling me the story as it happened, rather than me reading it from the eyes of someone who lived it. I enjoyed the duplicity and multi-faceted personalities of the characters, and was invested in all their conflicts; however, for a large portion in the middle of the book during their time in the Cottage, I lost interest, and much of that interest never came back. Plus, the ending was super info-dumpey.

Triggers apply for: disturbing thematic content, grief, loss.

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Apart from reading, I watch Netflix and listen to music.

I’ve been re-watching The Office over the summer, and I’m almost done with Season 6 now; if you haven’t looked into watching it, I highly suggest you do. The first season is a little dull, but it gets incredibly funny during the second season. I’ve been meaning to watch a new TV show before the summer officially ends, so if you have any suggestions, let me know.

Also, Game of Thrones is back! I loved the first three episodes, even though parts of them felt very fan-fictiony. I’m just so stoked that these storylines are continuing, and I’m getting to see some of my favorite characters be bad-ass. Just crossing my fingers and hoping for George R. R. Martin to hurry up with the sixth book.

As for music, I’ve decided that instead of individually linking videos like I do every month, I would construct a playlist of what I’ve been listening to for the month. So here’s my Spotify list of great songs you should maybe (definitely) check out, including some pop, some rock, some electronic. All over the place, like it goes.

So that’s it for my July wrap-up. Let me know if you’ve read any of the books mentioned above, and if you did, what’d you think of them? I hope July was a wonderful month for y’all, and I hope August is even better. As always – thanks for stopping by, and happy reading!

Monthly Recap: July ’17 I'm incredibly conscious now of the fact that I start every monthly wrap-up post with a generic line about how the year is flying by so fast, and that I can't believe it's X month already, even though it's always true.

#books #Monthly Recap #reading wrap up

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