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hedgehog-moss · 4 months

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Look, friends.

Do you think this is a post about my adorable baby succulents? No. Look harder.

It's about the GIANT HOLE IN MY FENCE that I had to patch up with cardboard.

I can't blame Pampérigouste for this one; the brutish nature of the damage is not consistent with her usual modus operandi. Pampe outsmarts locks like Arsène Lupin; she doesn't charge at fences like a bull who saw a red cloth. This is Pampe Pondering A Fence Problem:

No, the damage to my fence looked a lot more mindless this time. Boorish. Boar-ish. I'm blaming a boar. A deer would have destroyed the whole thing rather than just the lower half. Note that there is not a single tuft of llama wool on the damaged wire mesh.

(Note no.2: the boar's smile was originally meant to be a tusk but it really just looks like a sardonic smile)

I brought some chicken wire to patch up the hole—but there wasn't enough of it. Then it started raining and I felt persecuted and decided to just cover the hole with cardboard and go have my morning coffee and get back to this later.

This is not an Innocent Pampe post; there is no such thing. My temporary cardboard solution lasted 8 to 10 minutes. I'm not sure exactly when she got out, but by the time I went back outside to repair the fence there was a Pampe-shaped hole in the cardboard.

(Not really; she just kind of lifted or ate a corner then wormed her way through the very small opening. I think.) (See, this is how you recognise a Pampe escape: you're not entirely clear on what went down, you just know there was a llama inside and now there is a llama outside.)

It was still raining and I didn't feel like going after her, plus it felt pointless to bring her back in her pasture before the fence was repaired, so I went in the barn to look for my tools and rummage through leftover pieces of previously-destroyed fences, hoping to find something the right size.

Then I heard Pampelune's hyena shriek, aka the llama alarm call. It was followed by:

horrified chicken screams and frantic feather noises; the soundtrack of a violent fox attack

infuriated barking from Pandolf

very loud panicked braying from Pirlouit

basically, chaos.

I ran outside just in time to see Pampe emerging from the woods at a full gallop, pursued by a bear. I didn't immediately identify the animal that was chasing her as the giant dog that he was, because he was running with a weird gait, with his legs going everywhere like he was frolicking at top speed (I now know that this dog is a puppy that has learnt to run just a few months ago, but that didn't occur to me at the time because this puppy is the size of a calf.)

Pampe was running towards the cardboard through which she had escaped and she managed to squeeze through her small corner hole again (I assume—there were trees blocking my line of sight and I only saw her again once she was in the pasture, running for her life along with the other 2 llamas + donkey.) Meanwhile, the dog didn't see the corner hole and tried to power through the cardboard much like a boar, or was carried away by his momentum and didn't brake in time; I don't know. In any case, when I reached him, he was stuck.

My large piece of cardboard was tied to the fence posts and still holding strong, but the middle was a bit soggy with rain and not too solid, so the dog's head went right through it. The rest of his body didn't.

He could have probably finished breaking the cardboard quite easily, but for some reason he instantly gave up. On life. By the time I got there the dog was half-in and half-out of the pasture and he looked defeated. Which made my piece of cardboard look like a mediaeval beheading apparatus with just a hole for the head.

I went to lock an angry Pandolf in the barn and checked on the chickens along the way (ruffled & offended but fine); I was hoping the dog would figure out how to extricate his head from the cardboard in the meantime. He did not. I tried to call him in a friendly tone (from behind) to encourage him to free his head by stepping back, but the concept of taking a couple of steps backwards in order to extract his head from the hole might as well have been advanced engineering. He clearly had no idea where his head was, where his body was, how to make the two a coherent whole again, and he started whining pitifully.

I untied the rope I had used to attach the cardboard to the fence posts, then wriggled the piece of cardboard a bit to try and free the dog's head. The dog was alarmed by the wriggling and took several steps back—but I didn't manage to hold on to the cardboard so it just moved with the dog. He clumsily ran away, taking the cardboard with him, wearing it around his neck like the world's largest cone of shame.

He immediately got stuck between two trees.

I was starting to find the situation hilarious, but the poor dog did not—he lay down and started making sad broken noises like a malfunctioning dog-robot. He didn't look very threatening but he was still a very big (and stressed) dog so I felt a bit wary of touching his head to help him, and decided to run home to get a box cutter. I figured I could easily rid him of most of the cardboard and leave him with just a soggy cardboard collar that would soon fall apart. I heard my landline phone ringing from afar and ran faster, and it was one of my nearest neighbours, the retired lady who lives on the plateau.

"I've been trying to reach you!! I saw your llama in my garden earlier, I was going to give her a little treat—" (she loves Pampe, for some reason) "—but then my dog saw her too."

I know this woman's dog—he's a tiny thing with fragile nerves who thinks the whole world is out to get him, so I asked anxiously, "Did Pampe scare your dog?" and she said "Oh no! Domino is here with me; but I have a new dog. His name is Texas."

I thought of the gigantic puppy currently sobbing in my woods, held prisoner by two trees, a self-inflicted cone of shame and his total lack of reasoning skills.

"Yes", I said. "I've met Texas."

The old lady asked worriedly if he'd scared Pampe ("Il est un peu zinzin" she said—he's a bit crazy. "I wanted to call him Rex, but then I met him and thought—Texas!!") I told her I was pleased with her dog for scaring Pampe, because she needs to learn that her pasture is her only hope for safety in this cold uncaring world and as soon as she steps out of it she returns to her lowly status as a prey animal. Then I ended the phone call because I was worried both about Texas and about the large hole in my fence. Thankfully all my animals were still terrified and hiding far, far away from Texas.

Texas actually managed to free himself before I attempted to cut the cardboard, but he still thought of me as his saviour and was very happy to follow me through the woods back to his owner's place. Before we left I propped up the cardboard against the damaged fence, and despite the hole in the middle no llamas escaped in my absence; I think the whole area still smelled like Texas and fear.

I'll admit I was initially tempted to leave Texas with his head stuck in the cardboard in a more permanent capacity in order to patch the hole in my fence with this amazing anti-Pampe Cerberus. Like this

(I know this artistic rendering makes my llamas look like frightened carrots and my donkey like a bunny but I will not be taking constructive criticism at this time)

#crawling along #llama drama #i spent an hour at his owner's place eating biscuits and being told all the reasons why texas is ''a bit zinzin''#for example he runs away to the nearest farm to steal the cow feed (pellets) at feeding time #he was caught red-pawed by the farmer and just. stole the entire plastic tub that contained the pellets #and ran back home. holding this very large tub in his mouth and sprinkling cow feed everywhere along the way #this time around his owner must have feared he would come home dragging a bag with pampe inside or something

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just-posting-kalone · 20 days

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I'm rocking it, huh?

#persona 4 #persona 4 golden #tohru adachi #more adachi yippieee #also he's holding a biedronka plastic bag #polska gurom

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s4ndg3m · 2 months

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@sp0ngeysp0nge now imagine the gradient slimed up and coated in that sludge...

the second one was suppsoed to be both of ours slimed but i got. carried away. so.

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

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lighting & color practice with the Fluffy Fruits <3

#apologies if this is low quality! i scribbled them Small!#they make me insaaaaane Insaaaaane~#me @ howdy: why is your waist so small? so that other men can hold it???#the answer is Yes #listen listen okay LISTEN-#yknow whenever i draw laughingstock #it feels like im just knocking two barbies together. full speed. little pieces of plastic are flying everywhere #AND ITS SO FUN <3 #they are in looooooove in love in love #yk in my mind theyre That Couple that never leaves the honeymoon phase #they delight in each other's company too much....#In. My. Mind.#laughingstock #scribble salad #howdy x barnaby #barnaby x howdy #GAHHHHHH RAH RAH RAH THESE FUCKIN SILLY LITTLE PUPPETS THAT WILL NEVER BE CANON #AGH AGH AGH #you see getting into wh is good for me bc its bringing me down several pegs #i Needed to get obsessed with a rarepair.#i got too greedy w/ pairings like timkon and sasunaru and aziracrow and nandermo etc etc #which all have at the very least Lots Of Subtext and Basis and Creations To Enjoy #this is good for me. im in my corner having a good somewhat solitary time #me and the like. two other laughingstock artists are parallel playing thankyew <3 #anyway laughingstock makes for a Good Warmup #scribble a few of these and im ready to work on Big Stuff! comms and the like!#they provide such a service to me emotionally and artistically <3 #they make the 'tism go Waaahhhhhh!!!!

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ghouljams · 4 months

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Cyberpunk AU, Imagine if somehow Mech-Pilot!König was able to hide his “connection” with his mech from his handler tho…

König on his bed kicking his feet watching his little medic fuss over him his mech saying things like: “There we go big guy, all better!” Or “Woah there big boy, stay still for me, please.” Or even his favourite: “Aaand we’re done! Good boy!”

Like, I feel like his handler would be more formal and stoic with him as it’s what they’re trained to do but the humanisation of his mech comes out in the “privacy” of the repair dock. It’s there that König can see his handler in a much friendlier light. They’re always so tense when he’s around them, and while that’s definitely cute in it’s own way, seeing them happily humming along to a song they have playing in the background while they are in their element, making repairs and coding is just as charming. It really gives him a taste of domestic life. They look so small and fragile in “his” hands… smiling up at “him” so sweetly… it’s almost dysphoric being with them in his human body.

GOD I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME

The dysphoria mech pilots must go through being connected to a being so much bigger than them, living at such great heights and then being made to fit back into their human bodies. König is a big guy but even he feels out of place. He reaches for things too far away, looks too far down to talk to people, feels the cavernous walls of the hanger closing in on him. He looks for circuits and ports in his skin, forgets to eat, forgets to sleep, he needs to recharge, needs a tune up, he forgets he's mostly human.

He slips between the mech and himself. Feels the mechanics like his first skin not his second. The implants he's been given to better mesh with the mech make it easy for him to keep communications open, make it easy for him to forget that its cameras aren't his eyes. Make it easy for him to trip when he's too focused on the way you tighten bolts along his joints.

At first it was just whispers, words that filtered through his perception, a voice he considered going to psych to have checked out. Soft praises that felt so alien he almost couldn't believe he was hallucinating them. No one coos at König, calls him a good boy, tells him how brave his is or what a good job he's doing, but it still makes him warm, makes something in is chest light up pleasantly. Then there are the phantom pains, the jerk in his shoulder, something being tightened suddenly before it melts into a gentle ache. Then comes the vision switches, the cameras clicking and focusing on your work, on the soldering iron in your hand as you fix tiny cracks along his fingers.

Mech pilots have a reputation for being strange, for caring too much about their machines, for seeming out of place in their own skin, for being too attached to their handlers. König is a trial run, his neural net is made to fully integrate with his mech. He gets lost sometimes in between his two halves. He gets lost around you, his handler, his keeper. (his mechanic, his doctor, his coder, his everything and anything)

It's strange interacting with you as a colonel. Bot Docs have their own reputation but the formality you afford him is startling when he knows how you treat his mechanical half. Is he really so different? He doesn't feel different. In fact König and the mech seem to hold the same feelings towards you, the same desires. It's just that holding their bodies and well being in your capable hands is only beneficial as long as König is controllable. And he's never been able to help pulling on his leash.

#ghoul speaks #könig x reader #könig cod #könig mw2 #könig call of duty #mech pilot!König #cyberpunk au #I want to talk about robots and König not being fully human anymore #I wanna talk about the nature of humanity and the plasticity of our brains #I want to talk about mechs as tools the way prosthetics are tools #and I want to talk about König being big enough to hold two minds in his head

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canisalbus · 7 months

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Your art tastes like aged paper, sugar, and chocolate to me, with a hint of salt every so often

Machete looks like white chocolate, and Vasco's like buttery caramel

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#aw #that sounds nice #anonymous #answered #I was wondering what the aged paper is doing there but it reminded me of something #so I'm going to share a weird personal detail totally unprompted #I think I used to have pica disorder when I was a kid I would gnaw on and eat a lot of small inedible objects #pieces of cardboard rubber bands and blu tack #the plastic animal figurines I had had bitemarks on them and were often missing bodyparts like if a dog had gotten to them #also a ton of uncooked pasta #I think it wasn't a flavor thing I had obsessions for specific textures that weren't found in actual foods #I particularly craved those candy wrappers that are made of waxed paper #(finns might be familiar with pihlaja or marianne wrappers for example or those translucent inner wrappers in lehmäkarkki/ cow cream fudge)#can't say for sure when it stopped but one day I realized that hey hold on this probably isn't normal human behavior #I think I was over 10 but under 15 #and I had forgotten the whole thing but got such a vivid flashback from that line it was actually kind of alarming

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sssssecret · 2 days

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I want to be tied up on a chair and left alone and forced to piss myself all day

You'd be watching on the cameras as at first, I try to hold it, but my arms and legs are tied so I can't close them

I'd be grinding into the chair, wearing jeans. The feeling of them tight against me would make it harder to hold. I'd start leaking, and it would be incredibly obvious while I kept trying to hold it. Eventually, I'd start wetting myself, piss pouring out of me as I slump down.

It would be hours before you'd come and collect me. You'd take off my jeans and underwear and clean me up, but not untie me. You'd put me in new underwear and a skirt, and untie just my arms, so you can see when I leak in my skirt.

You'd refill me with water and sit and watch as I lose control. Maybe you'd watch shit on your phone, playing river noises or people pissing themselves. It would be too hard for me to hold, and I'd start leaking, pushing my skirt between my legs. The wet patch would be so obvious, but it would also be my breaking point, wetting myself all over again.

At night, you'd tie me up on a plastic potty, saying I can go whenever I want, but I can't fill the potty till it overflows. You gag me with a dildo that has a little hole and hook me up to water so I can drink through the night to stay full.

You'd go to bed, but I would be up all night, squirming to not piss in the potty and wait until morning to use the big potty. I wouldn't be able to, and I'd piss in the plastic potty. Maybe I would be able to keep it from overflowing, maybe I'd overflow it because there would be so much in my bladder.

#omorashi #piss kink #bladder holding #bd/sm kink #bladder torture #ftm nsft #bladder control #bursting bladder #plastic potty

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b4kuch1n · 9 months

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one string is all that I need

#Hatsune Miku #VOCALOID #or rather #piapro characters #Hatsune Miku Single String Ver.#<- yep that's the fan module I made for fun last year #the thing is. only half a month to go until it's mid autumn. and every year I try to draw something for the occasion #I just. started early this year... for some reason......#well I mostly just wanna draw Her lmao. because the pokemon/miku voltage stuff is still being released and Im feelin the effect #and this year's magical miral design is so fuckign good.... thank u to miku artists. especially LAM and rella #as is always the case with this module the instrument/weapon (lol) she uses is a heavily stylized đàn bầu!#and I just realized while drawing this and looking at the ref sheets that I never detailed the pluck lmao #to be fair. usually its just like a piece of. anything #commonly bamboo or bone or plastic. shaped into a longish fingernail shape. its really the way u hold it that matters iirc #but yeah I spruced up the OG design for the instrument in this one lol. this is actually like my original vision I think #I really wanted to make that thing beast shaped. but I Just figured out how to properly stylize it when I designed the module #and! I did say this on stream but I am genuinely very proud of that design! that was genuinely big brain of me! so #future instrument variants will still probably base heavily on that general shape and principles lol. I'm playin in this space its MY muck #also I switched the number on her coat from 39 to 01 bc it's more on theme thats really it. nothin else to remark on there lol #and! once again based the dragon head on the lý dynasty dragon rather than later iterations. thats why the nose fin and no whiskers #and the metal nozzle is kinda supposed to call to mind a temple bell. not super sure i got that across well #but the rim design IS historical! I thiiiink early lê dynasty. just on ceramics instead of on bronze lmao #anyways thats it. I had fun colorin this one! kicked my ass a bit but I think I hashed it out mostly okay #have a good night lads! thank u mid autumn moon cakes for being bad to eat and sponsoring my late night drawin. and remember:#u only need one. but never say having more doesn't make it easier

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koifrog · 2 months

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can we see tango pwease :3?

ABSOLUTELY YOU CAN!!

His first gotcha day was at the end of February this year 💚

#ask #talk #tango #he’s a little jerk I love him so much #also the toy he’s playing with here is literally a sock stuffed with plastic bags and he’s been obsessed with it since day 1 #he beats the shit out of it until it is ragged and full of holes and I have to replace it #he’s on iteration like. 5 at this point #the most recent ones been holding up really well for some reason

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savealifekillacop · 4 months

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if I could be who you wanted

all the time

#mine #me #mirror #cozycore #soft #pls just hold me lol #i need to touch some grass #or lay down in some moss and decompose to become one with the forest #anyways here's my butt lol #radiohead fake plastic trees

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skeilig · 1 month

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the whole backlash that's like "you know, reusable shopping bags aren't better for the environment.. you'd have to use them FIFTY times to make it better than a single use plastic bag!" bro... you aren't using your reusable bags more than 50 times... be so for real...

#i go shopping usually more than once a week. and sure i have like 6 reusable bags. but i usually use 2 at once...#they hold as much as like 2-3 plastic bags per reusable bag so...#and i use them for other things like packing for trips #like i get that most people probably forget the bags in their car or at home or whatever but leave ME out of it

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official-lucifers-child · 13 days

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when only one song by a band you like is really popular, you can play it and then other songs by the band for your friends and it’s like tricking them into liking the band too. the old bait and keep baiting. the bait and trap.

#crowded house my beloved #don’t dream it’s over is a good song but hold in the river? italian plastic? chocolate cake? hhhrjejskdksk

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tj-crochets · 5 months

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I felt like doing some hand sewing today and still had a few of those “some assembly required” mini embroidered plushie kits, so here’s a little starry rainbow cat!

I did not do the embroidery, I’ll add the link to the etsy shop I got it from in a minute once I find it again

#sewing #handmade #plushie #sometimes you just want to spend you lunch break watching taskmaster and assembling a tiny cat #I got to lean out a window and tear a fake shutter off a wall today!#because the top of the shutter came loose from the wall #and with the storm it was kinda flopping around and could fall and hit someone #but it was too windy for ladders #I didn’t really tear it I used wire cutters on the weird plastic tie thing holding it #but it was very much enrichment for my enclosure #I got to use tools! and essentially throw a large object out a window to crash onto the concrete! (it did no damage to itself or the ground)#(we just couldn’t leave it dangling to potentially fall on someone later)

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bamsara · 8 months

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hi Bam! So I might’ve sent you something the other day…it said it was supposedly delivered Saturday, did it ever come? Hope I’m not bothering you! Just majorly anxious over postal mishaps 😅

WREN BELOVED YES I GOT IT

I SHARED IT TO SOME DISCORDS AND SPAMMED IT TO PEOPLE SLDKGHLDSKKLDSHG I was literally yelling at @vurelly about them today and we were yelling together because, you know :D

The only pictures I have of them currently are with my very messy room in the background so I'm waiting to get somewhere I can have some classy nice lighting to give them the proper justice htey need and KLSDNGLKHDSGKLHGLKSDG

#I AM #GOGN CRAZY #god they are so well made #ngl i was having a very stressful week and october has been a bundle of stress so it was like straight dopemin to the brain #alos SORRY i havent been online as much as i need to be ive been hella busy but I am #holding them #so gently #I honestly to get a monitor shelf thing like those plastic racks and have them sit on top i think #also i have to hunt dow n a kofi for you soon

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forget-me-not-automaton · 11 months

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Ya ever just look at someone’s oc and not say or comment anything but in your head you just-

I love this fucking thing. oh my god mother of character design???? I want to ruffle up their hair and give them hugs and smooches!!! How is there only one “would” comment??? This is asinine they are the ABSOLUTE source of carnal need,, They scare me to death but in the hot way I want to waltz with them in a fancy ass ballroom and feed them soup when they’re sick and-

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shower-phantom-ideas · 9 months

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Yall Danny pretends to be a dead mermaid just to fuck with people who don’t know anything about ghosts

People seeing his ghostly trail and calling it a tail. Maybe some dudebroblondechick asks “so do we all loose our legs when we die?” And hes just shocked for a moment before realising the gold he has struck. “I am a dead mermaid whos tail was stuck in trash floating the in ocean.” Maybe hes really acting it up “I couldnt escape and died” as he wipes a nonexistent tear.

Well enough people have asked about it that it’s a whole thing on the web. People claiming no hes not a mermaid look heres a photo with legs and then people saying that the leg photos are doctored by the government to hide the mermaids from the public. The mermaids we are clearly at war with because why else would our government keep letting us pollute like this. It’s clearly a war tactic to basically enlist people without having them know but having them consume so much plastics.

The attempt to remove plastic straws? Clearly a cry for help from the mermaids reaching out to humanity on California duh.

Sam loves it because now more people are becoming aware of their own part in polluting the world. But she also hates it because most of the crap going around is borderline flat earth esk theories. “Why did it take the illusion of having a big naturals mermaid bf to get people to start cleaning up the oceans”

Anyway long story short the most popular theory is that Phantom has both legs and a tail and is actually a catboy alien ghost cover up.

#danny phantom #uhhhhh how do I ship this #crack?#plastic bad #someone give me tags to use im confused and so very tired #I was readying blackbutler fics like two seconds go cause I have been playing phasmophobia and we keep getting demon #thats right baby I was halfway thru a fic and though holy shit danny is a mermaid before coming to tumblr and fighting a war #TUMBLR WILL NOT STOP ME #I WILL NOT BE CONTROLED BY THE MAN #my arms hurt so much from holding me phone for like three hours #still sad about the fnaf post #there I poured my heart out in the tags I think I got it #almost bed time three more hours

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